All language subtitles for A Feast at Midnight (1994) 1080p_track5_eng

[ Bird squawking ]

[ Doves cooing ]

[ Banging,
projectile whistling ]

[ Whistling continues ]

[ Crowd applauding ]

Yes. Sir, that was
a jolly good six, sir.
Wasn't it, sir?

Ah, is that Bathurst?
Well played, sir.

I suppose that means
we've lost the ball again.

There's another
£4.95 down the drain.

Really, Headmaster,
could you not wait
until after the innings?

The way, er, Bathurst's
playing, we shall
all miss our tea.

[ Clears throat ]
Still, I suppose
it's impressive...

For the prospective
parents.

Pretty sure we got
those Abu Dhabi twins
this afternoon.

I'm not sure that
that isn't another
£9,000 a year...

Coming up the drive now.

Um, what's his name?

Gove.

Tavallali, you and Green Minor
look as if you could do
with some exercise.

Come with me, please.

[ Bat cracks ]
[ Boy ]
It's your turn!

Dr. Gove, I presume.

Well, actually,
it's Magnus Gove.

Yes, 'course.

I'm the headmaster.
Your mother telephoned
to say she was very sorry...

she couldn't Meet you
at Heathrow.

She's been delayed
in Monte Carlo,
apparently.

Some sort of shoot
or other.

Shame. Shame.

[ Bell clanging ]
[ Headmaster ]
Never mind. Here you are.

Now, these are--
[ Indistinct ]
[ Boys chattering, shouting ]

[ Chattering,
shouting continues ]

[ Shouting continues ]

[ Gulps ]

Ah, Gove. Blending in nicely.

I see you've met Bathurst.
Bathurst, you've had rather
a good day. Well done, you.

Now, why don't you be
Gove's nurse for the next
couple of weeks?

Just think of him
as a sort of, uh,
elder brother.

All right? Good, good.

Ah, Simpleton,
let me borrow you...

for a moment or two.

[ Boys chattering ]
Any good at cricket?

- No. I've never played.
- Well, you'll have to learn.
What about tennis?

'Fraid not.

Well, what do you play?

- I like to cook.
- Cook? Girls cook.

[ Bell ringing ]

[ Praying in Latin ]

Amen.

[ Chattering resumes ]

Silence!

You don't need to talk
as you're sitting down.

Thank you.

- Excuse me.
Is there any more butter?
- No,

but there's marg.

It's polyunsaturated,
44 calories less
per serving.

Headman says
it's good for us.

Why don't you go
and get some more?

[ Chuckles ]

No, no, no, no!
No boys allowed in here.

It's a fire hazard,
health hazard--
just a-- just a hazard.

- What do you want,
anyway?
- Some more margarine.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Don't come in. Don't come in.
Don't come in.

Beryl, where's
the "I Can't Believe
It's Not Butter"?

Mm-hmm. There you are.
Now go. Go, go, go,

go, go, go.

Gone.

- [ Gasps ]
- [ Boys laughing ]

Silence, please!

[ Yelling ]

[ All yelling ]

[ Grunting ]

- Ooh! Ooh!
- [ Grunting ]

Ooh! Ooh!

- Oh!
- [ Grunting continues ]

Stop it! Now!

Stop it! Stop it!

I'll report you
to Major Longfellow.

Raptor's not here.

[ Boys chanting ]
Raptor's not here.

Raptor's not here.

[ Grunting continues ]
Bloody well stop it!

[ Girl sneezes ]

Pwang!

Pwang!

- Pwang!
- [ Boys ] Pwang! Pwang!

Pwang!
Pwang!
Pwang!

Small boys!

[ Boy chattering
indistinctly ]

Small boys.

Thank you.

- Settling in all right,
are we?
- Y-yes, thank you.

Splendid. Probably
a livelier bunch than you're
used to at home, huh?

[ Boys chattering, laughing ]

[ Boy ]
That's my pillow!
Good night. Lights out.

[ Boys snoring ]

[ Snoring continues ]

[ Clears throat ]

Lamp post!

- Why do you come so late?
- Why are you upside down?
- How tall are you?

- Why are you such a spaz?
- How come you're so weedy?

What's the square root
of 112?

[ All ]
Shut up, Goof!

- Have you had a bath, yet?
[ Boy ]
- Cave! Cave! Raptor!

[ Boy #2 ]
Yeah, right! Raptor won't
be back for ages!

[ Boy ]
Yeah!
[ Man clears throat ]

[ Light clicks on ]

Ah. The new boy.

[ Clears throat ]

Don't be wet, Gove.
It'll put hairs
on your chest.

Ah, Chef. Um,
what exactly is this?

Tofu lasagna,
Major Longfellow.

Yes. Very healthy.

Is there any truth
to the rumor that there's
cheese to follow?

Yes, yes, yes.
As a lovely Greek feta,
semi-skimmed.

Oh.

- Sir! Sir!
Have I got two, sir?
- All in good time.

All in good... time.
Have I got two, sir?

Sir?
Sir, have I got two?
Sir?

- Sir? Sir?
- You're lucky. You got two.

Oh.
Nothing for you, Gove,
I'm afraid.

[ Birds chirping, squawking ]

Where did you
get that?

- I saved it from tuck.
- Can I have some?

No. Wait 'til tuck on Sunday.

When you've
quite finished snacking,

I expect to see you
up front with Bathurst.

- W-why, sir?
- Why?

Why? For the same reason
that you learn Latin.

Now close ranks.

Gove!
[ Puffs ]

[ Inhales ]

Are you feeling
a bit better now?

Are you sure?

Okay, then. Off to bed.

Have you ever been to France?

We can see that
from my father's window.

- Can you really?
- You can come and stay,
if you like, in the holidays.

[ Chuckles ]
Don't be so silly.

I'm not. My father needs
a nurse like you.

Why? What's wrong with him?

He's having an operation,
but he's going to get better.

Enough idol chatter,
Miss Charlotte!

Have you finished
those name tapes?

- I was just going to
do them now, Miss Plunder.
- Hmm.

I think you're going to be
the winner of the two packets
of maltesers very soon.

Yes, well, we do actually roll
our sleeves down after we've
been to the toilet, please.

Thank you. Oh, there you go.
Try and make those last
for the week,

and no sweet papers
to be left around.

Ha-ha!

Do we put our jacket on,
or do we come
as Rob Roy MacGregor?

Would you get out?
Out!

- Pay your tariff, Maggot.
- What tariff?

- You can't do that.
- Just have.

And what are you
gonna do about it?

[ Throat clearing ]
Settle down. Settle down.

Carry on with your letters.
At least two pages.

And in English, please,
Tavallali and Oberoi.

- Gove, are you deaf?
- No, sir.

- What are you waiting for?
- They stole my tuck, sir.

- Who did?
- Bathurst and Mee, sir.

- Is this true, Bathurst?
- No, sir.

It's not just me.
They took everybody's.

You two,
open up your desks.

- Yours?
- Yes, sir.

- Yours?
- Yes, sir.

Tavallali,
open up your desk.

Already half eaten,
I see.

I will not tolerate
bullying in my form,

nor will I tolerate
false accusations.

Gove, you will apologize
to Bathurst and to Mee.

Get on
with your letter.

Sneak! Sneak! Sneak!

[ All ]
Sneak! Sneak! Sneak!

Sneak! Sneak! Sneak!

[ Boy ]
Sneak! Sneak! Sneak!

You are a most
inconsiderate boy, Gove.

The whole school has been
looking for you.

Now, get in.

[ Clears throat ]

Running away
is not a solution
to anything, Gove.

[ Thunder rumbles ]
In fact, it is
downright cowardice.

Three-A is a model
for the whole school,

and I will not allow
your childish shenanigans...

to turn me
into the laughing stock
of Dryden Park!

Ah, Major Longfellow.

Uh... Headmaster.

I am happy to report
that we have--

we have found the boy.

Good. Do come in, please.
Here. He's in here.

Mama.

Mon cheri. Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Where have you been,
cheri?

- What's the matter?
- I want to go home.

[ Thunder rumbling ]

Now, mon petit,
you must be brave.

We all must.

He's a good man,
your headmaster.

You must listen to him.

Okay?
Now, this is for you.

[ Ignition starts ]

Now, what do you say
to our finding ourselves...

A really nice,
hot cup of tea, eh?

[ Headmaster ]
How about
a low-calorie rice cake?

Hmm?
I'm not hungry, thank you.

Oh.
[ Thunder rumbling ]

Well--

well, perhaps you'd prefer--

[ Thunder rumbling ]

Ah. Fresh from the bakery
this afternoon.

I happened to be passing.

Not for me,
of course, but, uh,

we all need a--
a little reward
from time to time.

You see, al-- although
this can never be...

home,

we are a family.

Oh, yes.

A sort of, uh,
home from home, if you like.

You need to earn
your place, though--

make friends,
earn their trust...

One by one if needs be.

- How's the eclair?
- Jolly good,
thank you, sir.

Do you know, I always
used to think that...

the unsweetened cream
brought out the flavor
of the chocolate.

You sound just like
my father, sir.

I thought you said
your mother wasn't around.

She's not,
most of the time.

I lived with my father
until he--

until he went to hospital.

My mum died
when I was your age.
She--

God, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so stupid.

I-- I didn't mean it
like that.

I'm sorry. It's just I--

- I think I know how you feel.
[ Longfellow ]
- Charlotte?

What could possibly have
possessed you to believe...

that these are mine?

It's not much to ask,
for heaven's sake.

I'm sorry, father.
I'll sort it out
in a minute.

I need them now.

Hmm.

[ Clearing throat ]

You're not the only one
that wants to run away.

Tavallali.

Green Minor.

And the last one--

the last one's for you,
Gove.

[ Father's voice ]
My dear boy, I can't tell you
what a delight it was...

to receive your eagerly
awaited letter,

but oh, what horror to learn
of your bumpy landing
at the old place.

[ Shouting, jeering ]
Spastic!

If it's any consolation,

I, too, was not
an immediate success.

[ Father ]
While our respective
institutions keep us apart,

you and I must practice
the art of survival.

[ Cricket bat cracks ]
As T.S. Eliot wrote once,

[ Crowd applauding ]
"We all put on faces
to meet other faces."

So brush your hair,
polish your teeth...

and fix your smile,

and that is the face
that the world
will want to know...

and love as I do.

I and Paris eagerly await
the exeat.

Until then, I remain, as ever,
Your Devoted Papa.

P.S., Although we're
now deprived
of our dinners together,

we should not allow
our scrapbook to go
unattended this week.

I therefore enclose
one of the very first recipes...

that Scoffier was kind enough
to share with me:

Tarte tatin.

[ Boys chattering ]

Mmm. Excellent soup.

[ Boys laughing ]

[ Laughter continues ]

Can I get some more
water, please, sir?

En francais, s'il vous plais.
Alors?

[ Bathurst ]
Um, je-- puis je... pain,
Monsieur?

[ Instructor speaking French ]

Non? Monsieur Gove.

- Don't your parents
live in Paris?
- Y-yes, but--

En Francais.

C'est mon pere qui
habite a Paris.

Mais nous parlons
anglais chez nous.

[ Speaking French ]
[ Boy ]
Oh, that's enough!

[ Boy #2 ]
- That's disgusting.
[ Boy #3 ]- Oh, soggy.

I am not pleased.

I am not at all pleased.

Three-A is supposed
to be the fast stream.

This is the most appalling
Thursday test...

it has ever been
my misfortune to mark,

with, uh,
one or two exceptions.

Bottom, two out of 20,
Oberoi.

No surprises there,
you lazy creature.

Five out of 20, eleventh,
Tavallali.

Eighth, equal with seven
out of 20,

Luerrsen Major,

Cubitt,

Williams.

Green Minor,

seventh, nine out of 20.

Fifth, equal with 11
out of 20,

Pears... and Mee.

[ Boys together ]
- You, sir?
- Be quiet.

Fourth, Merriman.

Third, Burkhart,
13 out of 20.

And now we're getting
quite close at the top.

Gove...

and Bathurst.

First, equal,
17 out of 20.

Nothing like a little bit
of healthy competition,

eh, Bathurst?

[ Longfellow clears throat ]

[ Longfellow clears throat ]

[ Bell tolls in distance ]

[ Bathurst ]
Oi, Maggot, come and have
a look at these.

Cor, look at these,
Maggot.

P.B.S. Cor!
P.B.S.

Quick, Mee. Leg it. P.B.S.

P.B.S.

- [ Bathurst ]
Have a good look, Maggot.
- [ Water splashing ]

♪♪ [ Humming ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Wow! That was excellent!

Do you think she'll sneak?

No way. She's too wet.
Did you see her P.B.?

- What's that?
- Oh, Maggot, what do you think
it is? It's so obvious.

Pointy breasts, of course.

Oh. Of course.
[ Boy snoring ]

Hey, Bathurst,

I can hear Tava snoring.

So can I.

[ Snoring continues ]

Come on, Maggot.

- What do we do now?
- We wait.

[ Chattering in disgust ]
Ohh! Tava!

- Lamp post!
- Aah! No! No!

[ Yells ]
No! Stop!

[ Door lock jiggles ]
Cave. Raptor!

[ Tavallali yelling ]
[ Longfellow clears throat ]

[ Tavallali moaning ]

[ Tavallali moans ]

[ Moans ]
That's all right,
Tavallali.

- You're a cruel
little boy, Gove.
- But, sir, it wasn't m--

Two hundred lines
this weekend.

- Here.
- But I'm going to see my father
for the exeat.

You should have
thought of that before.

[ Cars approaching,
boys chattering ]

You're just as bad
as the rest.

[ Father ]
My dear boy,
I'm devastated by the news...

that you will not be coming
to visit this weekend.

I was very much hoping that with
your help, we would have been
able to enjoy a little feast.

A particularly charming
mademoiselle here...

was good enough to smuggle in
some petit fours
with my medication.

Alas, without company,
they are merely sustenance.

Never underestimate
the value of your allies.

That's amazing.

Sorry about the prank.

[ Father ]
For allegiance is hard won,
yet all too easily lost.

♪♪

God, that was
really brill.

- You're just saying that.
- No, I'm not.

- You're a whiz.
- I can't play
when there are people around.

I know they're
laughing at me.

Well, I'm not.

Hey, when are
your parents coming?

They're not,
'cause my dad's away...

on a really important
mission.

Wow. Is he
a secret agent?

Sort of. Yeah.

He's gone to Hong Kong.
He's an estate agent.

What I'd like right now
is a giant ice cream cone.

- Yeah.
- With vanilla, strawberry
and chocolate on the top.

Yeah. Yeah.
And chocolate chip.

- And four flakes.
- Yeah. And whipped cream
and nuts...

and a cherry on top.

[ Green Minor ]
My mum always
puts a cherry on top.

There might be some
in the kitchen.

Yeah, likely.

- Let's go and look.
- What?

Ice cream. In the kitchen.

[ Sighs ]
There isn't any ice cream
for miles.

Well, how do you know?

No, no, no, no, no.
No boys allowed
in the kitchen.

[ Whispering ] Okay,
we've seen enough. I'm sure
there's no ice cream in here.

[ Whispering ]
Fire hazard, health hazard,
fire hazard-- just a hazard.

- Why are you whispering?
- Shh!
- Shh!

Ah, dumplings. My favorite.

- How did you know that,
Miss Plunder?
- [ Chuckling ]

It-- I-it's nothing fancy,
you understand,
Major Longfellow.

Thank goodness for that.
I've never been one for
those skinny little meals...

that leave you
feeling empty all day.

[ Chuckles ]
You're absolutely right.

- I just never
feel truly filled.
- Hmm.

Told you so. There's
nothing yummy in here.

What about some pancakes?

- Where? Where?
- Where? Where?

Here, here and here.

[ Yells ]
[ Yells ]
Fire hazard!

Health hazard!
Fire hazard!
Health hazard!

Shh!

A spot of honey.

Do you have any,
Miss Plunder?

Um,

I'll just have a look
in my box.

[ Clears throat ]

I can't seem to find any.

Do you know--
I don't remember when I last
had any, Major Longfellow.

Oh, no matter.
No matter.

Oh, I'll just go down
and fetch some for you,
if you like.

If it wouldn't be
too much trouble.

- Honey on spotted dick
is absolutely splendid.
- Oh.

Quick! Someone's coming!
Cave!

- [ Rumbling ]
- I can't hear anything.

[ Louder rumbling ]

- [ All scream ]
- Aah! We're all going
to be terminated!

- I knew we shouldn't
have been in here!
- Quick! Hide!

[ Rumbling continues ]
Where? Where?

[ Rumbling continues ]

- Quick!
- Where? Where?

[ Rumbling continues ]

In there! In there!

[ Rumbling continues ]

[ All sigh ]
[ Door opens ]

[ Sighs ]

Ah, a veritable feast,
Miss Plunder.

[ Laughing ]
Ahh, there's nothing like
good old-fashioned dumplings.

[ Laughing ]
I'm sure it's not up to
Mrs. Longfellow's standards.

Oh, no, you're too modest.
[ Chuckles ]

Unfortunately,
Charlotte was too young
to learn from her,

and there's precious little
that I can teach her.

Nonsense,
Major Longfellow!

She is most fortunate
to have a father like you.

That's very kind of you
to say so.

Well, it's true.

I know that we have
never really...

talked over
the last 25 years, but...

I have been watching you,
Major Longfellow,

and I know that you are
a most considerate man.

- [ Clearing throat ]
- Oh!

[ Clock chiming ]

I'm so sorry,
Major Longfellow.

I think I'd better
go and...

check on the boys.

[ Chiming continues ]

[ Owl hooting ]
Mmm.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

- Top tuck. Mmm.
- What else can you make?

- Oh, lots of things.
- Like what?

With the stuff in there,
we could make some...
biscuits?

[ Both ]
Biscuits!

[ Watch beeping ]
Cripes!

Lights out!
[ Owl hooting ]

Ahh.

There you all are.

[ All ]
Yes, sir. Here, sir.

Lights out.

- We should do this again.
- What?

- Have feasts.
- It's too risky
during term time.

- We'll get caught.
- Chef'll go bonkers.
"Out. Out. Out, out, out."

We just need to be careful.
We could do it after lights out,
the three of us.

What, like a secret
feasting club?

- I could be treasurer.
- I don't care what I am,

I just wanna scoff.

Exactly. Scoffing.

That's what
this is all about.

We're... scoffers.
What do you reckon?

- Oh, I don't know.
It's too dangerous.
[ Tavallali ]- Yeah.

It would be another reason
for Bathurst to bully us.

That's exactly
why we should do it.

We're not on the teams
for rugger and cricket,

but we're still a team.

We're...

the Scoffers?

The Scoffers.

[ Bathurst ]
Come on, dad.
It was just a fluke.

Not according
to Major Longfellow, it wasn't.

He tells me this Gove boy
is going to take
your scholarship.

[ Bathurst ]
It was just one test.

It had better be.
I won't have you letting down
the family name of Dryden...

after your grandfather and me
and Richard and Henry.

Up to no good
this weekend, eh, Gove?

Mmm, yes, sir.
I mean no, sir.

- Why, sir?
- Well, I didn't
see you around.

- I'm very, very glad
you've made some friends.
- Headmaster!

Yes, Chef, Chef.
I trust you've had
a happy weekend.

Absolutely, Headmaster,
until I come back
and find...

That there have been boys
in my kitchen.

In my kitchen!

That's a very serious
accusation, Chef.

- Are you quite sure
of your facts?
- Look! Look! Look!

Y-yes. These do work.
[ Chuckles ]

- What am I looking for?
- Evidence. Evidence.
Peanut butter.

You don't allow
peanut butter.
It's too unhealthy.

Am I right?
Am I right?

Yes, Chef, of course.
Absolutely.

I shall look into it
immediately.

[ Headmaster ]
They won't bite,
Victor.

For heaven's sake,
Headmaster, what happened
to the chocolate digestives?

Never did anybody any harm.
Look at me.

Health foods, Victor.
That's what the mothers want.
That's what they pay for.

Can't afford to ignore
the mothers nowadays.

Thank you. They want
their little treasures
to eat healthily.

Poppycock. An army
marches on its stomach.

Empires were not built
on rabbit food.

Well, we don't have
an empire anymore.

And besides, the school
needs good karma.

And after all, you know,
we are what we eat,
are we not, Raptor?

I mean Victor.
[ Clears throat ]

[ Gulps ]

[ Teakettle whistling ]
Why do they call you
Raptor?

You know perfectly well,
Headmaster.

[ Teakettle stops ]
I don--

Oh, yes. You mean
the film, the dinosaur.

[ Chuckling ]

Yes.

Ghastly Hollywood rot.

Yeah.

[ Cubitt shouting ]

Quack! Quack! Quack!
[ Duck quacking ]

Quack! That was pathetic!

[ Boys shouting
in distance ]

[ Oberoi grunts ]

[ Toilet flushes ]

[ Chattering quietly ]

[ Moans ]
Okay.

Your treatment's
in the evenings.
What do you want?

Well, I wanted
to give you something.

What's this?

Nasty, inky ants?

Evil spiders?

Or something else
just as horrid?

You think I'm really
stupid, don't you?

[ Beeping ]

We'll need to get supplies.

But the village
is out of bounds.

And it's
a 40-minute walk,

then we've got
a cross-country run
this afternoon...

and double Raptor.

And we don't have
any money.

- Then we'll have
to sell something.
- Like what?

- No! No! You can't!
- But it's for the scoffers.

Oh. Okay.

I've got four more anyway.

But what about the run?

Yeah, what about the run?

So what is the boiling point
of methanol?

[ Headmaster ]
Hello!

"Sixty-five point five
degrees C, sir."

Yes!
Absolutely right, Mee.

Thank you.
And what does "C" stand for...

besides centigrade?

"Celsius!"
Yes. My goodness, you're
all very quick this morning.

- This is never
going to work.
- Yes, it is.

This is how
we get in tonight.

But how are we going
to skive off the run?

- Just let me think.
- Can I have
my calc back, then?

No.
We can't give up yet.

[ Headmaster chattering
indistinctly ]

♪♪ [ Whistling ]
[ Magnus ] Does the milkman
come every day?

- [ Tavallali ]
Yeah, why?
- What time, exactly?

- I don't know everything.
- [ Headmaster ]
Alcohol, I'm sure you're aware--

Green Minor, you have something
to say about this experiment?

- Uh, no, sir.
- No?

Dumbfounded
at its magnificence, are we?

I see.

I see.

I see.

[ Magnus' father ]
During my own sentence
at Dryden...

All those years ago,
I spent many an afternoon
popping off to Mr. Hill's...

in the High Street.

He must be long gone now,
I fear. His blackberry jam
was a true delight,

and I therefore enclose
as this week's installment...

tarte aux myrtilles.

[ All panting ]

Remember, you've
only got 45 minutes...

'til double Raptor.

I've se--
I've set the timer for you.

- Come on.
- Okay.

♪♪ [ Rock music on headset ]

Ha! I've had pheasants
with broken wings.

I've had bust-up badgers.

I've even had a deer
with a torn winkie,

but I have never had
a toff from Dryden House
in the back of my cart.

You're a cheeky bugger.
You wouldn't be tryin'
to run away, mind, would you?

'Cause you'll get me
into all sorts of bother.

I off-load my skimmed milk
to that tight headmaster
of yours.

I don't know why he bothers so.
I mean, you're all loaded,
aren't you?

- No, I'm not!
- Oh, do me a favor.

No, really. See?
No money.

Well, you're not
gonna get very far
without any cashola.

Listen,
I'm going to sell this.
Do you want to buy it?

What would I do with that?
I do all my sums in the head.

What's 24 times 36?
Thousand and eight.

Mind you, give you a fiver
for that purse thingy
of yours.

Fifteen!
It's worth 50!

Fifty? Fifty? Ha!

[ Milkman laughing manically ]

[ Laughter continues ]

[ Bell rings ]

You're not a local lad.

Are you from Dryden?
Does Major Longfellow
know you're here?

I think
I should report you.

[ Dialing phone ]
Excusez-moi, Monsieur.

[ French accent ]
My English is not so good.

Mon papa-- my father--
waits in the car.

We are on holiday.

We have come from Paris
to take some
of your famous jam.

- You heard of my jam
all the way in France?
- [ Bell tolling in distance ]

Hmm. Well, it--

it is quite well known,
I know. Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Longfellow
clears throat ]

[ Horn honking ]

[ Speaking German ]

[ Speaking German ]

Good afternoon,
Major Longfellow.

Good afternoon,
Miss Plunder.

- Ohh!
- [ Brakes screech ]
- [ Crash ]

[ Shouting in German ]

- Burkhart.
- Here, sir.

Green Minor.

I beg your pardon, sir?

"I beg your pardon"?

I'm sorry, sir. I thought
you called out my name.

I did, you silly, silly boy.

Green Minor.

[ Bell tolling ]

[ Tolling continues ]
Here, sir,
and very much so, sir.

I hope we're doing
gerunds today, sir.

I-I'm really looking
forward to it, sir.

Be quiet.

Gove.

[ Tolling continues ]
Here, sir.

[ Owl hooting ]

[ Camera clicks ]

It's 9:45 and they're
still not here.

I'll bet Raptor's got them.

Why don't we just
scoff the lot?

Five more minutes,
okay?

[ Grunts ]
In here.

Well, what are
we doing here?

Raptor will blow us up
if he finds out.
[ Grunts ]

- Is there any more?
- You're so greedy, Cubitt.

There's enough seconds
for everyone.

Hooray!
Hooray!

Shh!

Oh.
That was a top idea, Gove.

I wasn't gonna come,
but I'm really glad I did it.

It wasn't just me.
It was Sukri
and Alistair too.

You should tell Bathurst
about this.

Well, we could,

but we probably
shouldn't.

Not just yet, anyway.

Why not?

Well, wouldn't it
be more fun
to keep it a secret?

Yeah, like a secret society.

Exactly.
And only Scoffers
know other Scoffers.

But how are we going
to be able to tell, then?

Oh, I know.
We need a-- a signal.

Mmm, something like--
something like
a secret handshake.

My dad has one of those...

In his society.

I-It's-- it's like this.

But-- but we need
something different.

How-- how about--
what about
picking your nose?

- No.
- No.
- That's disgusting.

- No, no, no, no.
- Uh, no.

Come on. How about--
how about this one?

- How about this one?
- What about this?

- That's a good one.
- [ Oberoi ]
Yeah, that's good. Scoffers.

What are you doing?
[ Screams ]

It's no good hiding!
Come out of there now!

I said come out now.

And turn that off.
You could have burned
the whole school down.

Come on, out!

We're done for.

- P.B.'s gonna drop us
right in it.
- I knew I shouldn't have come.

Thanks a lot, Gove.

Bathurst would
never have got us
into trouble like this.

Okay, listen. I'm going
to go and talk to her.

♪♪ [ Humming ]

[ Knocking at door ]

Come in.

What is it now?

I thought I told you
to go back to bed.

My father, Major Longfellow,
will want to see you all
in the morning.

- I know you've got
to tell him.
- I will.

You should.

I don't understand.
Anyway, there's no point
in explaining it to me.

No. I want to.

Do you really think we were
doing anything wrong?

- Ask Major Longfellow.
- I'm going to.

What do you think?

Lighting the bunsen burner,

that was dangerous,

but otherwise we weren't
doing any harm.

Well,
what were you doing?

Eating.

Eating what?

A blackberry tart
with whipped cream
on the side.

A blackberry tart
with whipped cream
on the side?

And I suppose you
just baked that up
in the kitchen, did you?

Well, yes.
As a matter of fact--

Go away and leave me alone!
I'm not stupid, okay?

- What did she say?
- I don't think
she was very pleased.

[ Tavallali ]
Raptor's gonna kill us.

Raptor's gonna kill us.

[ Together ]
Raptor's gonna kill us.

Wow.

Naughty.

[ Clears throat ]

I am not pleased,

and I think you know why.

I have been informed
by more than one member
of the staff...

that you three are...

Simply not
pulling your weight...

in the games department.

Green Minor and Tavallali,

you have been consistently
last or second last...

In every cross-country run
this term.

And as for you, Gove,
you don't even seem...

to have finished yesterday's.

The reputation of Three-A
is built...

not only on academic
excellence,

but also on performance...

on the sports field.

Everybody knows
that The Battle of Waterloo...

was won on the playing fields
of Dryden.

[ Fly buzzing ]

So what was going on
last night, Cubitt?

- I think we're
in big trouble, because--
- Cubitt.

- It's a secret, remember?
- What sort of secret?

Oh, I didn't realize.

Then if it's a secret,
you shouldn't tell us.

In fact, I don't
think we should
talk to you at all.

It's not really a secret.
I mean, there are five of us.

[ Whispers ]
P.B. didn't sneak on us.

Sorry, Bathurst.

[ Fly buzzes ]

No, I couldn't.

- You'd all
just laugh at me.
- No, we won't.

You'd be our guest of honor.

That Bathurst
would laugh, all right.

No, he won't.
It's not for people like him.

Look,
it's tomorrow night,

9:30 in the pavilion.

Ple-ease come.

We can't go
into the village again,

so we'll have to use
what we can find here.

- More pancakes!
- No. Got to be
different every time.

- [ Green Minor ] Oh? Why?
- Because the Scoffers
have proper feasts,

and they've got
to be different.

[ Miss Plunder clearing throat ]

Uh-oh. Dive! Dive!

You can come out
by yourselves,

or I can come in
and get you!

[ Magnus' father ]
My dear boy,

how wonderful that you are
enjoying the society
of so many nice friends.

I accept with the greatest
pleasure your committee's
kind nomination...

as honorary chairman
of the Scoffers.

The great Scoffier himself
would have been tickled pink...

to lend his name
to such an enterprise.

The almighty
and the surgeons permitting,

I look forward to chairing
one of your meetings
in person,

especially if Miss Longfellow
is to attend.

While her father sounds
perfectly ghastly--

I have a slight suspicion
he may even have taught me--

she sounds
a most fragrant ally.

In the courtship
of a lady, Magnus,

always remember that the way
to a woman's heart
is through her stomach.

Is it my turn now?

[ Magnus ]
It's not just yet, Al.

We're saving
the best 'til last.

Sorry.
What's the matter?

Ca-- Cave.
Rapt-- Raptor's coming.
[ Gasps ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Bell tolling in distance ]

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.
[ Tolling continues ]

[ Boys ]
Mmm.

[ Tolling continues ]

Please, come in.

Are you sure it's okay?

Of course.

Scoffers, a chair
for our guest of honor.

[ Magnus ]
We hope you like it.

Mmm.

[ Magnus ]
Seconds, anyone?

[ All ]
Mmm!

[ All laughing ]

Enough.

Enough.

Enough.

Enough.

[ Doves cooing,
crowd applauding ]

[ Bicycle bell ringing ]
Hup!

[ Ball whistles by ]

- [ Boys shouting ]
- Mais non!

[ Crowd applauding ]

[ Speaking French ]

Out for another canard,
eh, Valery?

Bloody silly rosbif game.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughing ]

It's time for another feast.

This time,
it's gonna be really ace.

- What?
- What's it gonna be?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, the only thing is,

we're gonna need
an awful lot of chocolate.

[ Crowd applauding ]

Middle and leg, please,
Headmaster.

- That's exactly where you were
before, Major Longfellow.
- Thank you.

Think they're far enough
back, Bathurst?

Well, Mee, hope you're
feeling quick today.

Ohh! Ooh! Ooh!

[ Boys laughing ]

- Oh, my giddy--
- [ Laughing ]

[ Laughter continues ]

Stay there! I'm coming!
I'm coming!
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Major Longfellow,
whatever made you come out
without protection?

[ Laughter continues ]

[ Moans ]
Never mind. Never mind.

I'll have you up in no time.
Gather 'round, boys.
Gather 'round.

Now turn around.
[ Moans ]

[ Unzips ]
Oh, Major Longfellow!

Even if we put together
all our tuck,

we'd still
only have seven ounces
of pure melting chocolate.

Well, let's just use
less chocolate.

Never! The recipe
is quite clear.

Fourteen ounces is what
the Charlotte wants,

and 14 ounces
is what she'll get.

All right?

- [ Magnus ]
No.
- I beg your pardon?

- No.
- I don't think I heard you
correctly, Maggot.

Hand it over now!

I see. And what about
the rest of you?

- They're not gonna pay either.
- I've had enough of this.

What do you think makes you
so special, Maggot?

We need to teach you
a lesson.

[ Grunting ]

We're not going to pay.

Look. We've done
really well so far.

- There's more to get.
- What else now?

Half a teaspoon
of poire williams.

- What's that?
- It's a pong.
Poire, Williams!

[ Boys laughing ]

It's a liqueur, a drink.

You know, alcohol?
[ Bell ringing ]

[ Clears throat ]

The following will report
to Miss Plunder after lunch
for weighing:

Fenner, Rowley, Tavallali.

This will not excuse you
from games, Tavallali.

[ Door opens ]
Oh, yes, and Chef has...

a few words he would
like to say to you.

Thank you.
Look at this sign.

Look! Look!
What does it say?
What does it say?

"Out of bounds
to all boys."

Some person or persons
has or have been
trespassing...

in my kitchen,
and I won't have it.

[ Boys giggling ]

And I don't want to have
to repeat myself, do I?
[ Boys laughing ]

- [ Laughter continues ]
- Mee, you're such a yob!

- What did you call me?
[ Grunts ]
- You stinking yob! J--

[ grunting ]
[ Boys chanting ]
A fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

[ Boys continue chanting ]

[ Grunts ]
[ Grunts ]

That's it!
I've had enough!

You can collect
your own snotty tuck
from now on!

[ Green Minor ]
Fractional distillation.

After 60 degrees c
you must stop,

because then you get alcohol,

and I'm sure you all know...

that is very bad for you.

Exactly, Al.
That's why you're in charge.

Now, Sukri will
get you the pears,
and we'll go in tonight.

[ Magnus ]
Nothing's coming out,
Al.

Of course not.
It's only--

oh, 119 degrees.

Watch it, Al. We don't
want to do a Headmaster.

I think I've done
something wrong.

Come on. Let me do it.

Mm-hmm.

[ Valve squeaks ]

Uh-huh.

There she goes.

- [ Liquid trickling ]
- Poire Mee.

Yeah! Cool!
Excellent!
Excellent!

[ Both laughing ]

[ Magnus' father ]
My dear boy,

I had hoped by now
that the news from the front...

might have been
somewhat better than it is.

Please don't alarm yourself.

I've always treated you
as an equal...

and thought it only right
to keep you fully appraised.

I've never, myself,
liked surprises.

Better, one thinks,
to fear the worst
and hope for the best.

Then one is very rarely
disappointed.

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

Is there gonna be
another feast soon?

I don't think so.
They're too dangerous.

- But you were the one who--
- I know. I know.
But Chef's got all woozy,

and anyway we're out
of tuck.

- Well, I could go and get some
from the village.
- No, we're out of money too.

- I've got some pocket money.
- No, it's just too dangerous,
the whole thing.

Oh.

I see.
[ Sighs ]

[ Magnus' father ]
However, one must never
be governed by fear.

Only by risking disappointment
can we truly succeed,

and only by being surprised
do we truly live.

I fully hope
to surprise you yet.

And on the subject
of surprises,

your plan sounds a delight.

As Chairman of the Scoffers,

I wish you all every success.

Well, Charlotte,
happy birthday.

[ Clears throat ]

For heaven's sake,
you're not dressed.

- Don't you ever knock?
- What?

- What do you want?
- Don't you talk to me in that
tone of voice, young lady.

- Sorry, father.
- I don't know
what's got into you.

That stunt you pulled
the other day,

riding your bicycle
across the cricket pitch.

Honestly, it's disrespectful
to the school, and it's
disrespectful to me.

Do you understand what
I'm saying, Charlotte?

Are you deliberately
attempting to defy me?

Yes, father.
I mean no, father.

[ Grunts ]

Three bags full, dad.

Miss Plunder!

Did you ever have
any children?

No. No, Major Longfellow.
You know that I didn't.

Wise. Very wise.

[ Beeps ]

[ Longfellow clears throat ]

I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it!

Why are you doing
this to me?
Why? Why? Why?

- We're not!
- You're not what?
What? What? What?

- What is that?
- It's a Chocolate Charlotte.

- With pears?
- Yes.

- The Scoffier recipe?
- To the letter.

- Where did you get it?
- We've just made it.

It hasn't set yet.
That's why we want
to put it in your fridge.

- May I?
- Be our guest.

Mmm.

Oh, so wonderfully
unhealthy.

Put it in the fridge.
Now! Now! Now!
Now!

Forty minutes,
at least.

Look at all this mess.
Look at it. Look!
Look! Look! Look!

We were going to clean up
while the Charlotte was setting.

- We always clean up afterwards.
- You're lying. It's lies.
Lies.

What-- what about
the peanut butter?

- That was the headmaster.
- The headmaster. I see.
The headmaster.

We saw him.

The headmaster?
Now I see.

- What were you all doing
in here spying on him?
- Baking. Uh, biscuits.

Or was it the, um--
creme caramel aux fraises?

Not with wild strawberries?

Not bad. Yes.

Not bad at all.
Whoops.

There you are.
Now run away quickly.

Go on. Run. Run.

Run, run, run.

Go and be naughty
elsewhere, you little--

little... chefs.

- Miss Charlotte!
Miss Charlotte!
- What? What is it?

- There's been
an accident in the pool.
- At the pool?

- Well, let me go and get
Miss Plunder.
- No, there's not enough time!

Okay. Okay.

[ Bell tolling in distance ]

[ Tolling continues ]

Here.

This is silly.
I can't see anything.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

[ Tolling continues ]

[ Light switch clicks ]

[ Tolling continues ]

[ Boys ]
♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday
dear Charlotte ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[ All cheering ]

[ Cheering continues ]
[ All ]
Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

[ All cheering ]

[ Boys gasp, moan ]
Pwang!

- Shh!
- [ Boy ]
Oh, really.

♪♪
[ Shouting, chattering ]

♪ Midnight is falling
it's the witching hour ♪

♪ Leave all your worries
and your cares behind ♪

♪ You've got a problem
we can work it out ♪

♪ I'll show you something
that'll change your mind ♪

♪ Ooh, feast at midnight

♪ Let's keep together
and we'll all be stronger ♪

♪ There's no need to feel
you're on your own ♪

♪ We've got a party
that will last forever ♪

♪ We got a feeling that is--

Oh, thank you, Magnus.
It's the best birthday
I've ever had!

I feel really woozy.

Wow!

♪ You're sittin'
in a well-worn groove ♪

♪ Ohh

- ♪ You've gotta change
that attitude ♪
- [ Laughing ]

♪ So throw away
that shabby dress ♪

♪ and come around
and come around ♪

♪ We're gonna make a mess

[ Laughing, splashing ]

♪ You're sittin'
in a well-worn groove ♪

♪ Ohh, you've gotta
change that attitude ♪

♪ So throw away
that shabby dress ♪

♪ And come around
and come around ♪
[ Clears throat ]

♪ We're gonna make a mess ♪

Cave! Raptor's coming!

[ All shouting ]

What on earth is--

[ Boys shouting ]

Charlotte, what are you
doing here?

You know you aren't
allowed to be here.

- Come here! Come here!
- Why don't you
come and get me?

What is this?
What sort of game
are you playing at?

I'm having a swim--
a very nice swim, in fact.

You know perfectly well
that the swimming pool
is out of bounds!

I'm not one of your pupils.
Come to think of it,
I'm not even a boy.

Sorry, dad. By the way, did you
know it was my birthday today?

Yes, of course I did.

So I thought
I'd have a party.

Isn't that what
you're supposed to do
on your birthday?

Bit of music, lovely cake.
Here, try some.

Gove is behind all this,
isn't he?

That boy is a terrible
influence on this school.

Be careful!
Those things are priceless!

For God's sake,
just listen to yourself!

Why does everything
have to be
so simple with you?

You and your rules!
You and your stupid
system!

You have to be good
at Latin, good at cricket,

good at rugby,
good for the school, otherwise
you're not worth talking to!

- That's not true, Charlotte!
- Yes, it bloody well is!

I've had enough!
I've had enough!

Be careful!
For goodness' sake, be careful!

It's a bit late
to start caring now.

Charlotte!

Charlotte! Charlotte!

Charlotte.
[ Sputtering ]

[ Softly ]
Charlotte.

[ Bell tolling in distance ]

[ Sniffing ]

Oh, Major Longfellow.
You-- you're still up.

Yes.

Is that for me?

Oh, I-- I'm afraid not.
It's, uh-- it's evidence of--

the boys have been up
to no good, I'm afraid.

I see.

Uh, I have just
put the kettle on.

Would you like to come in
and tell me all about it?

Oh, no. I really couldn't,
you know. I-I-I--
I shouldn't.

[ Chuckles ]
Well, maybe just a quick one.

Oh. Why don't you
bring that in?

We can keep an eye on it.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Miss Plunder ]
Mmm.
[ Chuckling ]

- May I?
- [ Longfellow ]
Oh, be my guest.

[ Clears throat ]
Ohh!

Mmm, Major Longfellow.

♪♪ [ Choir singing
indistinctly ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪ [ Stops ]

Amen.

[ Clears throat ]

Now, I have some very bad
news this morning.

To cut a long story very short,

there have been boys
at the pool after lights out...

eating.

And not for the first time.

Now, you know who you are,

so we can resolve this
very quickly.

All those who were there,

could we have a show
of hands, please?

[ Whispering ]
Don't do anything.
She can't have sneaked.

They don't know anything.

I see.

Well, we will do it
the hard way,

if that's what you want.

We will wait.

[ Whispers ]
It won't be that serious.

We'll wait as long
as we have to,

right through half term
if necessary.

[ Boys moaning ]

There's one.
What about the others?

There were no others, sir.
It was just me.

I find that rather hard
to believe,

since there was
a grand piano involved.

Aha. That's more like it.

[ Headmaster ]
This is very much more serious
than I had originally thought.

Major Longfellow hardly
needed to tell me...

that this cake has been
laced with an enormous
amount of alcohol!

It was only
half a teaspoon, sir.

Be quiet, Gove. You're
in enough trouble already.

Lying will only
make matters worse.

- I'm not lying, sir.
- Will you be quiet?

You all deserve to be expelled,
every last one of you!

Supplying alcohol
to minors...

is not only against the rules
of Dryden Park, it is
against the law of the land!

- [ Clearing throat ]
Headmaster.
- What?

Yes.

Thank you.

However...

Midnight feasts
are one thing.

I've had them myself
in the past.

And on this occasion,
I'm going to allow
Major Longfellow...

to deal with you
in his own fashion.

Now you may go.

[ Headmaster ]
Uh, Gove, you will stay.

[ Door closes ]

- And that one.
- No, get off! Get off!

- Hey, get off!
Mee, get off! Get off!
- Give us that.

Mee, get off that.
Hey, get off. No, get off!

[ Bathurst ]
You wanna know something?

Nobody ever really
liked you here, Maggot.
Bye-bye.

- I still don't get it.
- Nor do I.

But it was only five cc's
of alcohol, and--

Mee's the only one
who knows anything about it.

But it doesn't matter now.

[ Bell ringing ]

- It's lunch.
- Liver and cabbage.

You'd better go now.

Bye, Sukri. Bye, Al.

- Bye, Magnus.
- Bye, Magnus.

[ Door closes ]

Can't see what you're
all whingeing about. Gove
deserved it. Didn't he, Mee?

- Did he, Mee?
- 'Course he did.

Don't you agree, sir?

What?

Oh, well, you're playing
Hawtreys today, aren't you?

Yes, well, they'll give you
a run for your money, Bathurst.

Mee? Where do you
think you're going?

Mee!
[ Door closes ]

My dear boy.

They given you
any lunch yet?

Oh. In you get.

Mee, what's that?

- Mee, you little yob.
- Tavallali!

- Luerssen! Cu-- Williams!
- Give it here!

- Burkhart! Cubitt!
- Give it here!

Merriman! Oberoi!
Pears!

- Oberoi, give me that!
Give me that!
- Give it here!

Green Minor, give me that!
Green Minor!

- Give it!
- Bathurst!

Sit down!

[ Sniffs ]

Sir? Sir? Please, sir.

Sir, come on. It--
it was just a joke.

Bathurst, be quiet.

[ Boy ]
Food fight!

[ Boys ]
Food fight!

[ All shouting ]

You know, Magnus, there's--

there's a charmingly
converted old mill house
near here.

They do an awfully good
treacle tart, I remember.

I'm sure they're still there.

And this evening--

oh, boy--

I've got something
very special in mind for us.

[ Headmaster ]
There are a number
of farewells to be said today.

First off, Magnus Gove
of Three-A, who left
the school yesterday,

is looking forward to a--

a stint at the Scoffier School
in Paris,

and our undermatron
Miss Charlotte...

has left us for...
more exotic climes.

Lucky her.
[ Chuckling ]

[ Longfellow ]
My dear girl,

a little something
to help you on your way.

With love,

your... dad.

[ Cow moos ]

And last,
but by no means least,

I'm sure you'd
like to join with me
in bidding farewell...

to Major Longfellow
and to Miss Plunder...

after many years of dedicated
service to the school.

They will be sadly missed.

And I'd also like to say
that congratulations
are in order...

on their forthcoming marriage.

[ Boy ]
Pwang!

[ Clears throat ]
Three cheers for Major
and Mrs. Longfellow.

- Hip, hip!
- [ All ]
Hooray!

Hip, hip! Hip, hip!
Hooray!

- Hooray!
- [ All ]
Pwang! Pwang!

- Pwang! Pwang!
- [ Headmaster ]
And that's...

quite enough of that,
thank you.

[ Headmaster ]
Now, uh, finally,
Mr. Jourdren...

has asked me
to let you know that...

until the rodent exterminator
gives us the all-clear,

wind band practices
will take place in the gym.

Closed-captioned by
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles

♪ Midnight is falling
it's the witching hour ♪

♪ Leave all your worries
and your cares behind ♪

♪ You've got a problem
we can work it out ♪

♪ I'll show you somethin'
that'll change your mind ♪

♪ Ooh

♪ Feast at midnight

♪ You're sittin'
in a well-worn groove ♪

♪ Ohh, you've gotta
change that attitude ♪

♪ So throw away
that shabby dress ♪

♪ And come around
and come around ♪

♪ We're gonna make a mess

♪ You're sittin'
in a well-worn groove ♪

♪ Ohh, you've gotta change
that attitude ♪

♪ So throw away
that shabby dress ♪

♪ And come around
and come around ♪

♪ We're gonna make a mess ♪