All language subtitles for will and grace.s09e16.hdtv.x264

"Will & Grace" is recorded

in front of a live studio audience.

Where's NBC on your TV?

In Schenectady, it's
13, where it should be.

Martin, in New York, NBC's channel 4.

That's stupid.

I'm going to kill you for
asking him to stay with us.

Oh, he can't hear us.

I promise you, he's in a TV trance.

He's your father.

Think of it as an opportunity to connect.

Gosh... I never thought of it that way.

It is an opportunity.

I really should be thanking you

for inviting Master Sits
and Farts into our home.

You're being sarcastic,
but I think I did a good thing.

You did. I just wish there was some way

that I could do a good thing for you.

Oh, wait, there is.

I forgot.

What is this?

I believe it's opportunity knocking.

Mom!

Oh...

Oh, hello, darling.

Hi, Grace.

Oh, hello, Martin. I
didn't know you were here.

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Okay, babies, say hello to your brother.

- Oh!
- You're welcome.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

Well, I went for a jog through the park,

took in a very disappointing
matinee of "Kinky Boots."

My point is, I've given you
some time to think.

Is it Stan or me?

I've made my decision.

I'm keeping things exactly the same.

Karen, I can't go on like this.

I'm tired of being your side-piece,

your goomad, your down-low ho.

I'm not the blistered cherry tomatoes.

I'm the branzino, damn it!

Okay, okay...

I say... we stay out of it

and let Lord Hung Donkey and
Lady Snatcherly work it out.

Until you choose me, I'm withholding sex.

Huh...

Are you sure?

Gah!

I am.

Are you?

"Just get over it"?

That's your advice, Mother?
Just get over it?

I loved Drew!

If you had any understanding
of the human heart,

or Bieber and Selena,

you'd know that people don't
just get over people, Judith!

Why do you think I'm in Ibiza?

I had to fly halfway across the wor...

You know, I can see that
radish parked in your cheek.

Either chew it, swallow
it, or spit it out.

My heart is shattered.
Do you understand, Mother?

It's shatter...

"Jello."

I'm never gonna find love.

I will be alone
for the rest of my enti...

I gotta go, Mom. Bye.

Is this chaise lounge taken?

Are you?

His name is...

No, Mom, you can't say the name.

I'm not gonna say his name.

- Uh, he was "The Godfather"...
- Mm.

But not Marlon Brando.
The other one, Al Pacino.

- Al Pacino!
- Yes!

Oh, you're so good at this. Next one.

Oh..."Shey, Shweetheart.

It's me, Humphrey Bogart."

- Humphrey Bogart!
- Yes!

- Oh, you're wonderful.
- I love this game.

Time... to stick my head in the oven.

Kitchen.

- Mom, another?
- Oh, no, I shouldn't.

- But you will?
- Don't make me ask.

Anything, Dad?

Uh, no, I don't wanna
be "pishing" all night.

"Pishing"? That's a funny word.

It's not so funny
at 2:00 in the morning...

or 4:00 or 6:00 or 6:30.

Oh, Martin, I don't
think I "pish" enough.

It is amazing

how your mother doesn't
listen to a word you say.

I'm surprised your father
hasn't gone on "Shark Tank"

to patent his signature burp-and-blow.

He has esophageal hysteria, you monster.

And they're not even gonna
give us grandchildren.

Did we do something wrong?

- Ha! Possibly.
- Yeah.

You know, I miss having someone

to complain about my children with.

Oh, I miss it too.

I talk to the beagles,
but they don't know.

They don't have children.

That's funny, Marilyn.

Really? Oh, thank you.

You know, George always said
I was only funny by accident.

- Mom?
- Oh, another?

Oh, I shouldn't really,
but you made it, so...

Uh, kids, we were wondering,

what did we do wrong?

Wait, what... what do you mean?

Ah, you two, you're so enmeshed.

You're not married,
you're not dating anyone.

Yeah, I mean,
it's practically incestuous.

Well, I'd agree with that,
except that we're not related

and we don't have sex.

Oh, you... you know what she means.

You live together, you work together.

You work together?
Did... did you quit the firm?

- Oh, you didn't tell me that.
- I did,

the day before I left, the day I left,

- the day after I left.
- William, you did not tell me!

I did! You just don't listen.

- You've never listened to me.
- Will, it's your mother.

Show a little...

Show a little respect!

God, Dad!

You do realize that you're
doing that in front of people?

- What can I do? I'm musical.
- Play something else!

Grace, it's not feminine
to talk that loud...

Or to use your arms to stand up.

You know, I don't remember
you whispering at dinner,

when you were going on
about Roger's butthole.

You know what, I didn't
take the train into the city

with my hip and my wrist to be insulted.

Roger, Paprika,

Dr. Silly, come.

If you'll excuse us...

You know what?

That was not nice.

That was rude.

I'm gonna go check on your mother.

I'd like to thank you again
for inviting my dad.

My pleasure. And thank you
for inviting my mom.

Yeah.

I thought when I did it,
"Oh, that'll show him."

- I forgot that I live here too.
- Mm.

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A "K."

You really know how to romance a dame.

Incredible.

You even remembered the silent "L."

You're torturing me. Oh, I want you.

- I want you too.
- Then touch me.

No, you know the deal:

no touching until you choose me, Karen.

Well, if you're not gonna touch me,

then I'm not going to touch you.

- Fine with me.
- Me too.

So, you're gonna be okay
if I never do this again?

Ah... ho.

Oh...

Oh!

Mmm!

All right, and here is something

I will not be doing to you.

- Ha-ha!
- Oh, God!

Here's something else

I will no longer be doing to you.

Ha-kah! Ah-ha!

Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Oh...

So cold, and yet, so hot.

Ooh?

Ha-lah, ooh.

Ooh, oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

- Oh?
- No, Karen...

Mm.

Karen, you know I don't like that.

I was wrong!

I love it, oh, Karen!

- Oh, Malcolm!
- Oh, Karen!

- Oh, Malcolm!
- Oh, Karen!

Oh, Mal... ♪ Colm ♪

I'm back. Do I look different?

You look like Batman's
least threatening nemesis,

Gay Face.

Aww, thanks, Catty Woman.

I'm in love!

His name is Estefan,
and he's a flight attendant.

He served me warm nuts,
and then put me in the

upright-and-locked position.

Did I give you enough time
to prepare them for me?

- He's here?
- Yes.

Estefan, come in, come in, come in.

Estefan, Will and Grace.
Will, Grace, Estefan.

So, this is Will.

Look at him with his square jaw
and his wild mane of red hair.

What? No, I'm not... I'm not Will.

I'm obviously a woman.

Well, maybe you are not
the one to say what is obvious.

He's got you there, Grace.

Sir, could I get, like, a soft drink?

Maybe something like a ginger ale?

And please... leave the can.

- I'll give it a look.
- You lied to me.

No, no, no, I didn't lie.

Will's not attractive.

I have a diet ginger ale.

Oh, then I'll just have fresh coffee.

Will...

I understand now, you're in great pain,

because "Yack" shares his bed
with me and not with you.

Ah, I'd rather share my bed
with an actual yak.

Please, let me finish.
I believe, in time,

with my heart, we can find a connection,

and we can build a great friendship.

You both hate the idea of Meryl Streep

- on "Big Little Lies."
- It's too stunty.

- It pulls you out.
- Exactly.

See? And connection made.

Oh, our cookies are ready.

This guy has a sweet teeth,
but we must wait to eating,

as they will be hot to the touch.

Sorry, none for you.

First class only.

Well, that'll be entertaining.

He thought I was a man.

Can we talk about that?

It's late. Let's drive past it.

All right, I'll get
the blankets and pillows.

I'll take the TV room,
you take the couch?

Yep.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Wh... what did you...

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my... your father is
having sex with my mother!

You can't get on top
if you're not on board.

Oh!

And, Will, there was something else,

something that looked...

wrong.

- There's a beagle on the bed.
- Oh, thank God.

That's what was wagging.

Pour me another one, Smitty.

I've got the toughest decision
I've ever had to make.

Have you made your choice?

Oh, darling...

you make me feel so wonderful,

and I cherish every moment
that we spend together.

- It's Stan, isn't it?
- It is.

I adore you, Malcolm.

You're the perfect vacation,

but Stan is my home...

and the surrounding properties.

I can't say that I'm not hurt,

but may I kiss you good-bye?

I don't think that would be a good idea.

How about I kiss Smitty

and then you kiss Smitty,

and by the transitive property,

you and I would've shared one last kiss?

Why, what a fabulous idea.

You know, I hear that's
how Mike Pence and his wife

have sex through his trainer.

What do you say, Smitty?

Well, um... um...

I... I guess.

I'm really going to miss those...

gorgeous lips of yours.

You're the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

And you're the sexiest man
I've ever known.

#MeToo.

Sorry, Smitty, but, uh,

buns of steel.

Titanium.

I sat on a rusty nail,

and I lost my buttocks to tetanus.

Smitty, you're divine.

Karen... I'm gonna miss you.

Me too.

I guess... no more
"same time, next year."

How 'bout same time, next lifetime?

I'd like that.

- I haven't slept at all.
- Me neither.

That's the worst thing I've ever seen,

and I've watched you eat lobster.

Have... have you ever
walked in on that before?

Oh, yeah.

My dad is so cheap that every vacation,

we would all stay in one room,

and he would say,
"Are the kids asleep, Bobbi?"

We weren't asleep, Will.

- We were never asleep.
- Oh...

Okay, okay, here's
what we have going for us:

my mother is the most
repressed woman in the world;

your... your father is
almost clinically deaf.

So they may not even know
that we saw them?

Yeah, and even if they did,

they'll... they'll never bring it up.

Okay.

- Good morning, everybody.
- Hi.

I have a big announcement to make.

My sister called,

and Aunt Honey will not lose her foot.

- Great news.
- And we made love last night.

Oh, God.

First time with a Jewish man.

He was surprisingly Gentile.

- But that was his joke.
- That was my joke.

Can we please not talk about this?

What? It's about time someone had

heterosexual sex in this apartment.

I've had sex with a man
in this apartment.

Uh, Grace, please,
I don't wanna hear that.

So...

Jack, you know, we're going through

something kinda personal at the moment.

Who are these old people?

That's Will and Grace.
You met them yesterday.

No, the older ones, who look
like they just had sex.

Oh... good for you.

No! Not good for them.

Why? It's about time somebody besides me

had sex in this apartment.

I've had sex in this apartment.

No one wants to hear that.

But let's talk about
something more pleasant.

I have decided to move into the city

to be closer to Martin.

What? No, no, no, no,
you love Connecticut.

It's... it's where 90% of the 1% live.

We wanna see where this goes.

And... and we feel we wanna be
more involved in your lives,

be... because, you know, clearly,

pfft, they've gone off the rails.

You know what, Marilyn,
they have, they really have.

Oh, by the way, this is
my boyfriend, Estefan.

- Oh!
- The pleasure is mine.

It's so nice to meet
a woman in this apartment

who actually looks like a woman.

- Ah, tell me about it.
- Daddy!

Well, it was a compliment
for my wonderful girlfriend.

- Girlfriend? This is crazy.
- Love is crazy!

Love? You think you're in love

after spending one night in bed together?

We fell in love after one afternoon

of standing up together,
but it's not a contest.

- But did we win?
- Yes, dear.

Oh, you see, honey?

You're using them as an example?

That just proves how crazy this is.

You're rushing into things,
like teenagers.

Okay, I get it. It's scary to be alone.

I mean, I lost my relationship with Leo;

he lost his relationship with Vince.

You didn't lose them. They ran away.

The point is...

that if we've learned anything
from moving back in together,

it's that the fear of
never finding "the one"

- can lead to bad decisions.
- Yeah, ex... exactly.

Look, I... I know you think
we're a little incestuous,

with the living together
and the working together,

but it works for us.

And whether or not
we ever find true love,

whatever the hell that is,

I... I know I will always
have my best friend,

and... and... and... and
if that's all I ever have,

I'd still be a happy man.

Me too...

but I'll be a happy woman.

I am a woman.

- Does that... make sense?
- It does.

Marilyn, I don't wanna end up
like Will and Grace.

What?

Will, I wanna ask permission
to marry your mother.

You are not getting it.

Eh! I don't need it!

Marilyn, life is short,
love is precious...

- Mm.
- So what are we waiting for?

- Sweetheart, will you marry me?
- She absolutely won't.

- Yes, I will!
- This is a nightmare.

No, no, you wake up from nightmares.

I don't wanna be like
Will and Grace, either.

I just met them and I
don't want to be like them.

Martin's right.

Love is precious, and life is short.

Jack, what are you saying?

Estefan, I love you.

I knew it the moment I met you...

- Oh...
- Yesterday.

Oh, will you make me
the happiest man in the world

and propose to me?

Oh, no, no, no.

Of course, mi amor.

"Yack"...will you marry me?

What? Really?

Oh, my God, sí, sí, A thousand times sí!

Oh, my...

Oh, God, it's a contagion.

Congratulations to the two of you.

Oh, and congratulations
to the two of you.

Should we do a double wedding?

No.

This calls for a celebration.
Where's your champagne?

Um, Will and I will go get some.

- Where?
- France.

Do you realize what's going on
in there right now?

All the people who know us the best

are making life choices based on the fact

that they do not want to be like us.

Well, not all of them.

You two.

Oh, the day I've had.

Had to make a decision between
my lover and my husband,

and I chose my husband

because I didn't wanna end up
like the two of you.

See?

Grace, there is nothing wrong with us.

We are good.

We're not enmeshed,
and we're not too close,

and our relationship is... is...
is certainly not incestuous.

You know what I just realized?

When your parents get married,

the two of you will be
brother and sister.

We gotta make some changes.

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