Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,807 --> 00:00:04,837
Are you gonna pour peanuts down
your throat the whole way?
2
00:00:04,861 --> 00:00:07,284
I think we both know the
answer to that question.
3
00:00:07,534 --> 00:00:08,951
I'm so excited we're doing this.
4
00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:10,713
We always say that we
wanna be the kind of people
5
00:00:10,737 --> 00:00:13,396
that just jump in a car and
go to Vermont for the weekend.
6
00:00:13,420 --> 00:00:14,918
Well, now we're those people.
7
00:00:14,942 --> 00:00:16,079
Yup.
8
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,601
Who knows where this could lead?
9
00:00:17,625 --> 00:00:20,324
Ooh, we could become spring ski people.
10
00:00:20,348 --> 00:00:21,605
We're gonna be fun.
11
00:00:21,629 --> 00:00:23,848
Grace, that's the ex...
you missed the exit.
12
00:00:23,872 --> 00:00:25,970
Grace, that was the exit.
What are... Grace?
13
00:00:25,994 --> 00:00:27,737
Here's the thing. There's no Vermont.
14
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,824
There's no skiing.
We're going to Schenectady.
15
00:00:29,999 --> 00:00:31,977
Schenectady?
16
00:00:32,001 --> 00:00:34,379
But that's where your family lives.
17
00:00:34,403 --> 00:00:36,902
We are going there
to celebrate my mom's birthday.
18
00:00:36,926 --> 00:00:38,469
It was her dying wish.
19
00:00:38,493 --> 00:00:41,250
I thought her dying wish was
for you to get breast implants.
20
00:00:42,652 --> 00:00:44,631
She had a lot of dying wishes.
21
00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:46,993
So, we are going to sing happy birthday
22
00:00:47,017 --> 00:00:49,476
with my emotionally distant dad
and my horrible sisters
23
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,318
and it's gonna be awful
and I need you there
24
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:53,120
to have my back and
agree with everything I say.
25
00:00:53,144 --> 00:00:55,122
It's your one job.
26
00:00:55,146 --> 00:00:56,564
All right.
27
00:00:56,588 --> 00:00:58,886
That's the way it has to be.
28
00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:01,519
You're not going anywhere, Lady Bird.
29
00:01:01,543 --> 00:01:07,028
[UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC]
30
00:01:07,053 --> 00:01:15,083
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,466
- Hi, Daddy.
- Shh, shh, shh.
32
00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:18,086
Jordan Spieth is putting.
33
00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,030
You can't talk while they're putting.
34
00:01:20,054 --> 00:01:21,551
They can't hear us.
35
00:01:21,575 --> 00:01:24,395
You see, he missed! You see what you did?
36
00:01:24,419 --> 00:01:25,556
Hi, Grace. Hi, Will.
37
00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,438
- Hey, Martin.
- Hi.
38
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:28,759
Joyce and Janet here?
39
00:01:28,783 --> 00:01:30,241
Yeah, they're already mad at you.
40
00:01:30,265 --> 00:01:33,164
- Why?
- Who knows with those two?
41
00:01:33,188 --> 00:01:34,606
Come on, Will.
42
00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:36,568
Will doesn't wanna deal
with those yentas. Will.
43
00:01:36,592 --> 00:01:37,890
Come here, watch golf with me.
44
00:01:37,914 --> 00:01:41,173
It's the Phoenix Waste Management Open.
45
00:01:41,197 --> 00:01:43,856
So many good choices.
46
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,219
It's okay, Will.
47
00:01:46,243 --> 00:01:49,102
Uh-uh, that's Bobbi's chair.
48
00:01:49,126 --> 00:01:52,025
Um... [CLEARS THROAT]
49
00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:54,908
My dad always wanted me
to watch golf with him.
50
00:01:54,932 --> 00:01:56,070
Took me out a few times.
51
00:01:56,094 --> 00:01:58,072
Yeah? What's your handicap?
52
00:01:58,096 --> 00:01:59,193
That I hate golf.
53
00:01:59,217 --> 00:02:00,835
[LAUGHS]
54
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,717
You're funny, you know?
I forgot that, you're funny.
55
00:02:02,741 --> 00:02:04,519
[CHUCKLES] Wanna hear a funny story?
56
00:02:04,543 --> 00:02:05,760
We were on the first tee...
57
00:02:05,784 --> 00:02:08,243
That doesn't mean I want a monologue.
58
00:02:08,267 --> 00:02:11,767
♪ ♪
59
00:02:11,791 --> 00:02:14,410
Come on, keep it moving, keep it moving.
60
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:16,652
Keep it... there's nothing
to see here, all right?
61
00:02:16,676 --> 00:02:18,494
Just a piano pushed from a rooftop
62
00:02:18,518 --> 00:02:20,657
onto a man dressed like a robot.
63
00:02:20,681 --> 00:02:22,018
That is all.
64
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,380
Come on, keep it moving.
65
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,702
- Hi, lover!
- Hi.
66
00:02:25,726 --> 00:02:27,785
I hate to bother you
while you're working but...
67
00:02:27,809 --> 00:02:28,906
ooh, a piano.
68
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:31,268
- Oh, Jack, no, uh...
- Oh, my God.
69
00:02:31,292 --> 00:02:33,671
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
70
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,899
[CHOPIN'S "FUNERAL MARCH" PLAYING]
71
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:40,559
Did someone kill a robot?
72
00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:42,000
It was a street performer.
73
00:02:42,024 --> 00:02:43,642
Painted himself silver.
When you gave him money,
74
00:02:43,666 --> 00:02:46,205
he did, like, a little robot dance.
75
00:02:46,229 --> 00:02:47,286
Oh, you mean like this?
76
00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:49,649
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
77
00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:51,050
[LAUGHS] Yes, yes!
78
00:02:51,074 --> 00:02:52,132
He just did that.
79
00:02:52,156 --> 00:02:53,653
[LAUGHS]
80
00:02:53,677 --> 00:02:55,175
- Hey, show some respect!
- This is a crime scene!
81
00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:56,416
Show some respect!
82
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,320
Please, this is a crime scene.
83
00:03:00,244 --> 00:03:01,422
Sometimes.
84
00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:03,544
Drew... [EXHALES]
85
00:03:03,568 --> 00:03:05,987
I wanna talk to you about something.
86
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,509
God, I'm so nervous.
87
00:03:07,533 --> 00:03:09,190
You know Karen, and you know
how I feel about her.
88
00:03:09,214 --> 00:03:10,472
- Mm-hmm.
- Well,
89
00:03:10,496 --> 00:03:11,953
she's having a big romantic weekend
90
00:03:11,977 --> 00:03:14,156
at a hotel with her husband, Stan.
91
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:15,517
All of a sudden, it hit me.
92
00:03:15,541 --> 00:03:17,079
My favorite gal in the whole world
93
00:03:17,103 --> 00:03:19,362
has been with the same man for 100 years,
94
00:03:19,386 --> 00:03:22,525
and it's still so exciting and romantic,
95
00:03:22,549 --> 00:03:24,607
and occasionally degrading.
96
00:03:24,631 --> 00:03:27,491
And I thought, that's what I want too.
97
00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:30,134
I don't need to be afraid
of monogamy anymore.
98
00:03:30,158 --> 00:03:32,656
If she could be happy
with one giant walrus
99
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,578
for the rest of her life,
100
00:03:34,602 --> 00:03:37,284
I can be happy with my little piggy.
101
00:03:38,607 --> 00:03:40,345
[MIMICS PIG SNORTING]
102
00:03:40,369 --> 00:03:42,187
Drew, I love you.
103
00:03:42,211 --> 00:03:44,082
Would you move in with me?
104
00:03:46,736 --> 00:03:48,554
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Uh...
105
00:03:48,578 --> 00:03:49,995
Listen, uh, Jack.
106
00:03:50,019 --> 00:03:51,477
I care about you a lot.
107
00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:53,028
You know that, but,
108
00:03:53,052 --> 00:03:55,161
I just... I'm not ready.
109
00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:57,203
In fact, I was thinking that, um,
110
00:03:57,227 --> 00:03:59,286
maybe we should see other people.
111
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:01,266
Other people?
112
00:04:02,073 --> 00:04:03,250
What do you mean?
113
00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:05,573
I just came out, you know?
114
00:04:05,597 --> 00:04:06,934
You were my first.
115
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:09,057
And it was amazing,
but I just, I don't know,
116
00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:11,499
I think I need to get out there
and experience life
117
00:04:11,523 --> 00:04:13,982
as a gay guy before I settle down.
118
00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:16,585
No, you don't.
119
00:04:16,609 --> 00:04:18,427
If you add how many guys you've been with
120
00:04:18,451 --> 00:04:20,029
and how many guys I've been with,
121
00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:21,710
and divide it by two,
we have both been with way,
122
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:22,912
way, way more than enough guys
123
00:04:22,936 --> 00:04:24,754
to know that this is what we want.
124
00:04:24,778 --> 00:04:27,677
I don't think it's what I want.
125
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:30,320
I can't believe this.
126
00:04:30,344 --> 00:04:31,409
[SIGHS]
127
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:34,004
Nobody has been as crushed
as I am right now.
128
00:04:34,028 --> 00:04:37,128
No offense.
129
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,929
Well...
130
00:04:40,035 --> 00:04:41,973
I'm not gonna cry.
131
00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:47,058
- I'm not gonna...
- [PIANO CREAKS]
132
00:04:47,082 --> 00:04:50,342
Give you the satisfaction
of seeing me, uh...
133
00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:51,904
[GASPS]
134
00:04:51,928 --> 00:04:54,186
Why?
135
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,213
♪ ♪
136
00:04:56,953 --> 00:04:58,731
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
137
00:04:58,755 --> 00:05:02,023
Anything else for you or Mr. Walker?
138
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,628
No, thank you, Smitty.
139
00:05:03,652 --> 00:05:05,310
He'll be in the bathroom for a while.
140
00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:07,952
He's using what he calls the bidet,
141
00:05:07,976 --> 00:05:10,460
and we call the bathtub.
142
00:05:12,221 --> 00:05:15,761
Smitty, have you always had that limp?
143
00:05:15,785 --> 00:05:18,284
I didn't realize that you were handica...
144
00:05:18,308 --> 00:05:20,406
Oh. Ho-ho.
145
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:22,408
Uh-uh, no, no, no, no.
146
00:05:22,432 --> 00:05:24,571
Almost said it.
147
00:05:24,595 --> 00:05:26,810
Differently gimpy.
148
00:05:27,959 --> 00:05:31,098
When I was a boy, I danced
on the street for money,
149
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,700
and people would cheer.
150
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,061
So loud,
151
00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:36,624
I didn't hear the street car coming.
152
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:39,211
Sheared the leg clean off.
153
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:47,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
154
00:05:50,824 --> 00:05:53,378
[LAUGHING] Oh, Smitty.
155
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:57,567
How you haven't had
your own Netflix special yet
156
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,468
is beyond me.
157
00:06:01,756 --> 00:06:04,495
Okay, darling, you can come out now.
158
00:06:04,519 --> 00:06:06,177
It's funny...
159
00:06:06,201 --> 00:06:09,060
I know your face so well and yet,
160
00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:13,209
I feel as if I'm about to
see it for the very first time.
161
00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:18,374
I thought he'd never leave.
162
00:06:21,338 --> 00:06:24,077
♪ ♪
163
00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:25,879
All right, fold your arms in.
164
00:06:25,903 --> 00:06:27,120
Now, bend over.
165
00:06:27,144 --> 00:06:29,205
Shouldn't you buy me dinner first?
166
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,446
I don't do those kind of jokes.
167
00:06:32,470 --> 00:06:34,088
Okay.
168
00:06:34,112 --> 00:06:36,130
He is still so hot.
169
00:06:36,154 --> 00:06:39,132
And still so gay.
170
00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:42,737
Well, maybe he just needs to spend time
171
00:06:42,761 --> 00:06:44,779
with a desirable woman, Smudge.
172
00:06:44,803 --> 00:06:46,101
Don't call me Smudge.
173
00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:47,142
Why? It's better than Skidmark.
174
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:48,944
I sat on a Hershey bar.
175
00:06:48,968 --> 00:06:50,145
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah,
176
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:52,788
right after you crapped yourself.
177
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,430
I did not!
178
00:06:54,454 --> 00:06:56,512
Okay, look, look, can we please just
179
00:06:56,536 --> 00:06:58,234
all get along tonight for one night?
180
00:06:58,258 --> 00:07:00,557
Like, we're here to
celebrate Mom's birthday.
181
00:07:00,581 --> 00:07:02,479
That's not the only reason you're here.
182
00:07:02,503 --> 00:07:04,321
We're gonna get Daddy to sell the house.
183
00:07:04,345 --> 00:07:06,604
What? No, I love this house.
184
00:07:06,628 --> 00:07:08,165
That's because you're not
the one taking care of it,
185
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:10,648
or him. Do you know why I drink?
186
00:07:10,672 --> 00:07:12,290
'Cause you're an alcoholic.
187
00:07:13,035 --> 00:07:14,332
And look, I need the listing.
188
00:07:14,356 --> 00:07:15,814
I've had my real estate
license for a year,
189
00:07:15,838 --> 00:07:18,016
and it's just, like, not going so great.
190
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,217
She hasn't sold one house.
191
00:07:19,241 --> 00:07:20,619
She screams at the buyers.
192
00:07:20,643 --> 00:07:21,820
Oh, so it's my fault that
193
00:07:21,844 --> 00:07:23,502
everyone in Schenectady is an a-hole?
194
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,024
No, no.
195
00:07:25,048 --> 00:07:26,666
Look, I don't want
other people living here.
196
00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:29,028
I mean, remember that time
we came back from vacation
197
00:07:29,052 --> 00:07:31,151
and found that drifter staying here?
198
00:07:31,175 --> 00:07:33,473
That drifter was kinda hot.
199
00:07:33,497 --> 00:07:36,557
Selling this house is
like selling our childhood.
200
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,119
It is not gonna happen.
I am putting my foot down.
201
00:07:39,143 --> 00:07:41,522
Who cares about you and your big feet?
202
00:07:41,546 --> 00:07:42,924
It's two against one,
203
00:07:42,948 --> 00:07:44,005
and you're telling him tonight at dinner.
204
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:45,046
Me? Why?
205
00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:46,448
Because you're the favorite.
206
00:07:46,472 --> 00:07:49,491
[SCOFFS] He never says
anything nice to me.
207
00:07:49,515 --> 00:07:52,374
Uh, he actively says un-nice stuff to us.
208
00:07:52,398 --> 00:07:53,696
He calls me Pancake,
209
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,835
'cause "The first one
is always a mistake."
210
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,702
If you don't do it, remember,
211
00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,064
we've got secrets on you.
212
00:08:01,088 --> 00:08:02,545
I've got secrets on you too.
213
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,332
Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.
214
00:08:11,019 --> 00:08:13,021
♪ ♪
215
00:08:13,417 --> 00:08:16,250
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
216
00:08:16,277 --> 00:08:17,655
My God, I've never had a woman
217
00:08:17,679 --> 00:08:19,337
- make me feel that way before.
- Hmm.
218
00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:20,658
And I was once the filling in a
219
00:08:20,682 --> 00:08:23,141
Katarina Witt-Angela Merkel strudel.
220
00:08:23,165 --> 00:08:25,143
Ah, German,
221
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,266
the language of love.
222
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,268
Ready for round zwei?
223
00:08:29,292 --> 00:08:31,510
Get over here, Frau Beaverhausen.
224
00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:33,352
- [PERSISTENT KNOCKING]
- Karen!
225
00:08:33,376 --> 00:08:35,275
Karen! Let me in!
226
00:08:35,299 --> 00:08:37,117
Honey, it's Jack.
Quick, hide in the bathroom.
227
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,239
Not to worry, I always match my pajamas
228
00:08:39,263 --> 00:08:41,561
to the hotel drapes
for situations like this.
229
00:08:41,585 --> 00:08:44,340
It's a little trick I picked
up from my homey, Comey.
230
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:47,488
Malcolm,
231
00:08:47,512 --> 00:08:50,555
do you really think you can
camouflage yourself with...
232
00:08:52,878 --> 00:08:54,816
Malcolm?
233
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,738
- I'm right here.
- Oh.
234
00:08:56,762 --> 00:08:58,220
Uncanny.
235
00:08:58,244 --> 00:09:01,441
Ah, you really do blend into the...
236
00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:04,026
Malcolm?
237
00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:05,388
- [KNOCKING]
- Karen!
238
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,111
Uh, coming, Jackie.
239
00:09:08,135 --> 00:09:09,753
Hi, Poodle, what is it? Not a great time.
240
00:09:09,777 --> 00:09:11,234
I asked Drew to move in with me,
241
00:09:11,258 --> 00:09:12,355
and then he broke up with me.
242
00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:14,278
Oh no, that's terrible, bye.
243
00:09:14,302 --> 00:09:15,599
- No, no, no.
- Ooh.
244
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,041
- Okay.
- I can't be alone right now.
245
00:09:17,065 --> 00:09:18,602
[GASPING] I don't know what to do.
246
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:21,005
I hid a key inside my body
and he broke my heart
247
00:09:21,029 --> 00:09:23,728
right as I was about
to poop the question.
248
00:09:23,752 --> 00:09:25,330
I'm falling apart, Karen.
249
00:09:25,354 --> 00:09:27,292
There's more air outside.
Why don't you go there?
250
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,854
No, I wanna open a window.
251
00:09:28,878 --> 00:09:31,080
[SHRIEKS] No!
252
00:09:33,803 --> 00:09:36,222
I got a city view instead of a park view.
253
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:38,184
I'm so ashamed.
254
00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:40,146
I don't care about the view.
255
00:09:42,573 --> 00:09:45,416
Oh, gross, that is a city view.
256
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:50,638
Wait a minute.
257
00:09:50,662 --> 00:09:52,867
Was that Yoko Ono?
258
00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:59,512
Oh, it's just a beret stuck in a tree.
259
00:10:03,196 --> 00:10:05,414
Hang on... [SNIFFS]
260
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,416
What's that smell?
261
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,540
It's a combination
of Irish whiskey, man sweat,
262
00:10:10,564 --> 00:10:13,783
and American Crew high shine,
high hold grooming cream.
263
00:10:13,807 --> 00:10:16,266
And I'm allergic to
American Crew high shine,
264
00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:17,668
high hold grooming cream.
265
00:10:17,692 --> 00:10:18,669
[SNEEZES]
266
00:10:18,693 --> 00:10:20,228
Gesundheit.
267
00:10:22,137 --> 00:10:24,023
Malcolm!
268
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,557
I'm too polite.
269
00:10:26,581 --> 00:10:28,653
Damn those nuns at Loyola.
270
00:10:29,905 --> 00:10:32,404
[MELLOW PIANO MUSIC]
271
00:10:32,428 --> 00:10:34,617
You know, about the house...
272
00:10:35,671 --> 00:10:37,329
Your dad's got
a lot of life left to live.
273
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:39,131
Are you sure it wouldn't
be better if he just moved on?
274
00:10:39,155 --> 00:10:42,335
Not only am I sure of it,
but you're sure of it too,
275
00:10:42,359 --> 00:10:46,540
because that's why you're here,
to take my side no matter what.
276
00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:49,767
I'm Khaleesi and you're one of
those soldiers with no balls.
277
00:10:53,571 --> 00:10:56,097
That is disturbingly accurate.
278
00:10:59,338 --> 00:11:00,635
Hello, Will.
279
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,637
Oh, hi, Joyce.
280
00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:03,999
Wow, you're tan.
281
00:11:04,023 --> 00:11:05,690
Like Moana.
282
00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:09,685
But thin, like Pocahontas.
283
00:11:09,709 --> 00:11:11,905
I wish I could fly away like Aladdin.
284
00:11:13,353 --> 00:11:15,575
Well, you've never had a friend like me.
285
00:11:17,438 --> 00:11:20,016
I wonder, is this corn beef or pastrami?
286
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,099
Oh...
287
00:11:22,123 --> 00:11:23,580
[MOANING]
288
00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:25,422
[MUFFLED] What are we doing?
289
00:11:25,446 --> 00:11:27,462
[MUFFLED] I'm not doing anything.
290
00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:31,069
[COUGHS] Let's start
this thing, all right?
291
00:11:31,093 --> 00:11:34,218
Everyone put on your party hats.
292
00:11:35,417 --> 00:11:36,795
Your mother asked me to...
293
00:11:36,819 --> 00:11:38,877
[COUGHING]
294
00:11:38,901 --> 00:11:42,682
Your mother asked me to
read this on her birthday.
295
00:11:42,706 --> 00:11:46,272
"Hi, everybody, I'm Bobbi Adler.
296
00:11:47,231 --> 00:11:49,289
"Why is my voice coming out of an old man
297
00:11:49,313 --> 00:11:51,986
"wearing that sweater I don't like?
298
00:11:53,477 --> 00:11:55,175
"Because I'm dead and couldn't tell him
299
00:11:55,199 --> 00:11:57,298
"to change before dinner.
300
00:11:57,322 --> 00:12:00,341
"But I joke. That's what I do...
301
00:12:00,365 --> 00:12:02,121
"Or did.
302
00:12:02,768 --> 00:12:04,426
"Thank you for coming
to what would've been
303
00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:05,947
my 55th birthday."
304
00:12:05,971 --> 00:12:07,749
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
305
00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:08,710
Fifty-five.
306
00:12:08,734 --> 00:12:11,593
"Grace, no cracks about my age.
307
00:12:11,617 --> 00:12:13,676
"Janet, stop slouching.
308
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,903
And Joyce, would it kill you
to put on a bra?"
309
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:22,526
Oy.
310
00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:24,247
"I am proud that we have always had
311
00:12:24,271 --> 00:12:26,410
such a warm and loving house."
312
00:12:26,434 --> 00:12:27,932
Speaking of the house,
313
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,653
Smudge has something to say.
314
00:12:29,677 --> 00:12:31,656
Yeah, get up, Smudge, and say it.
315
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,778
I do have something to say.
316
00:12:33,802 --> 00:12:36,741
Daddy, this is a wonderful way
to celebrate Mom.
317
00:12:36,765 --> 00:12:39,624
And I am looking forward
to doing this every year
318
00:12:39,648 --> 00:12:42,508
in this house. End of discussion.
319
00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:44,430
- Back to the letter.
- Okay, we warned you.
320
00:12:44,454 --> 00:12:46,432
Grace slept with Vice Principal Gordon.
321
00:12:46,456 --> 00:12:48,594
- Ew.
- I was 22.
322
00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:50,036
I played poker with that man.
323
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,437
He's eaten in this house.
324
00:12:51,461 --> 00:12:52,479
Not just in the kitchen.
325
00:12:52,503 --> 00:12:53,800
Oh, my God.
326
00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:55,482
Grace smoked pot at my bat mitzvah.
327
00:12:55,506 --> 00:12:56,883
- Janet sold it to me.
- [GASPS]
328
00:12:56,907 --> 00:12:58,605
Grace doesn't fast on Yom Kippur.
329
00:12:58,629 --> 00:13:00,287
- Neither does Janet.
- Neither does Joyce.
330
00:13:00,311 --> 00:13:01,769
Will and I are having an affair!
331
00:13:01,793 --> 00:13:04,172
No, we're not.
332
00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:06,174
Janet kissed the drifter.
333
00:13:06,198 --> 00:13:07,695
That drifter had a name!
334
00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:10,819
[HAND SLAMS] And it was Jebediah.
335
00:13:10,843 --> 00:13:13,141
All right, we're not gonna...
enough already, all right?
336
00:13:13,165 --> 00:13:14,983
Everyone sit down here.
337
00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:17,822
Let's go on with
your dead mother's birthday.
338
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:19,789
- Sorry, Daddy.
- Yes, Daddy.
339
00:13:19,813 --> 00:13:22,191
- Grace started it.
- Oh, my God.
340
00:13:22,215 --> 00:13:23,793
Now I got floaters. I can't...
341
00:13:23,817 --> 00:13:25,747
Will, get up and read this.
342
00:13:28,022 --> 00:13:29,399
Uh...
343
00:13:29,423 --> 00:13:30,721
"I am proud that we have always had
344
00:13:30,745 --> 00:13:32,042
"such a warm and loving house.
345
00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:34,285
"Even Vice Principal Gordon would say
346
00:13:34,309 --> 00:13:36,299
"how much he loved coming here.
347
00:13:39,595 --> 00:13:42,814
"Martin, you know how I feel about you,
348
00:13:42,838 --> 00:13:46,458
"and, girls, I love you more
than I can ever express
349
00:13:46,482 --> 00:13:47,860
"in my own words.
350
00:13:47,884 --> 00:13:50,863
"So instead, I'll use
those of the song I sang
351
00:13:50,887 --> 00:13:52,825
"at all of your birthday parties.
352
00:13:52,849 --> 00:13:54,347
"You won't do it as well as me,
353
00:13:54,371 --> 00:13:57,014
but, darlings, who could?"
354
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:02,540
[SOFT LAUGH]
355
00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:08,483
WOMEN: ♪ All I do is dream of you ♪
356
00:14:08,507 --> 00:14:10,833
♪ The whole night through ♪
357
00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:15,170
♪ With the dawn I still go on ♪
358
00:14:15,194 --> 00:14:17,933
♪ Dreaming of you ♪
359
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:21,457
♪ You're every thought
you're everything ♪
360
00:14:21,481 --> 00:14:24,821
♪ You're every song I ever sing ♪
361
00:14:24,845 --> 00:14:27,664
♪ Summer, winter ♪
362
00:14:27,688 --> 00:14:31,051
♪ Autumn and spring ♪
363
00:14:33,494 --> 00:14:35,152
I miss her so much.
364
00:14:35,176 --> 00:14:36,153
Me too.
365
00:14:36,177 --> 00:14:37,395
I'm so sorry.
366
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,597
Sorry? What are you talking about?
367
00:14:39,621 --> 00:14:41,079
Daddy, we got into a fight.
368
00:14:41,103 --> 00:14:42,400
Um...
369
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,482
Joyce and Janet
want you to sell the house,
370
00:14:44,506 --> 00:14:46,404
but I don't want you to,
371
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,206
and... and Will agrees with me.
372
00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:49,368
Right, Will?
373
00:14:49,392 --> 00:14:51,250
[SNIFFS]
374
00:14:51,274 --> 00:14:52,731
Um...
375
00:14:52,755 --> 00:14:54,333
Well, on, you know, on one hand,
376
00:14:54,357 --> 00:14:57,497
there's Grace, and... and, uh,
377
00:14:57,521 --> 00:15:00,180
on the other hand, there's you.
378
00:15:00,204 --> 00:15:02,422
And on the other hand, there's them.
379
00:15:02,446 --> 00:15:04,304
That's three hands.
380
00:15:04,328 --> 00:15:06,707
You can't have three hands.
381
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:09,058
Will, just say you agree with me.
382
00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:14,235
Martin, you hate it here. You told me so.
383
00:15:14,259 --> 00:15:16,638
And I don't think it
would be such a bad idea
384
00:15:16,662 --> 00:15:19,361
for you to get on with your life.
385
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,643
Get on with my life?
386
00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:23,646
I have no life.
387
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:27,113
She was my life, and now
you've ruined her birthday.
388
00:15:31,678 --> 00:15:33,833
You had one job.
389
00:15:35,242 --> 00:15:37,141
Hey, Will.
390
00:15:37,165 --> 00:15:40,024
Looks like somebody could use a hug.
391
00:15:40,048 --> 00:15:42,106
Come on.
392
00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:43,628
Sure.
393
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:46,391
I could give you one job.
394
00:15:46,415 --> 00:15:49,138
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
395
00:15:50,191 --> 00:15:52,478
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
396
00:15:52,511 --> 00:15:53,889
First Drew dumps me,
397
00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:56,492
and now I find out
you're cheating on Stan?
398
00:15:56,516 --> 00:15:57,733
I'm so disillusioned.
399
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:59,535
Poodle, it's complicated.
400
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,657
Jack, have you ever seen the
movie, "Same Time, Next Year"?
401
00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:05,156
I have a VHS copy of
"Same Time, Next Rear."
402
00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,465
Well, I'm guessing they're very similar.
403
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,948
Every day a man wakes up
and relives the exact same
404
00:16:10,972 --> 00:16:12,509
sexual escapade over and over again?
405
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:14,512
No, that sounds like
the plot of "Groundhog Day."
406
00:16:14,536 --> 00:16:17,395
I have a copy of "Poundhog Day."
407
00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:18,956
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
408
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:20,358
But that's about a couple who meets
409
00:16:20,382 --> 00:16:23,049
on the same weekend every year for sex.
410
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,366
Oh wait, is that what this is?
411
00:16:27,390 --> 00:16:29,368
- Jack, I can expla...
- Karen,
412
00:16:29,392 --> 00:16:33,533
you and Stan have always been
the example of true love to me.
413
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,214
Jackie, I do love Stan.
414
00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:37,857
But marriage is complicated,
415
00:16:37,881 --> 00:16:41,221
and long marriages are
even more complicated.
416
00:16:41,245 --> 00:16:42,863
Does Stan know about this?
417
00:16:42,887 --> 00:16:45,586
No, honey, but believe me,
418
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,469
he reaps the benefits
when I come back to him.
419
00:16:48,493 --> 00:16:51,452
You don't have to explain, Karen, I...
420
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:53,595
I was naive to think that
421
00:16:53,619 --> 00:16:56,874
there was such a thing
as happily ever after.
422
00:16:58,024 --> 00:17:00,482
I think it's time
I stop being so childish
423
00:17:00,506 --> 00:17:02,589
and grow up.
424
00:17:15,923 --> 00:17:19,063
The blue is lava, so you can't touch it.
425
00:17:21,329 --> 00:17:23,748
When you get to the door,
426
00:17:23,772 --> 00:17:25,569
you're safe.
427
00:17:27,216 --> 00:17:28,754
We've gotta grow up too, Karen.
428
00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:30,115
What we're doing is wrong.
429
00:17:30,139 --> 00:17:31,557
You've got to leave Stan and be with me.
430
00:17:31,581 --> 00:17:33,559
Darling, you know I can't do that.
431
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:35,921
If you love me as much
as I love you, you could.
432
00:17:35,945 --> 00:17:38,124
You've gotta decide... me or Stan.
433
00:17:38,148 --> 00:17:39,646
Take all the time you need.
434
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:42,044
Just pretend I'm not here.
435
00:17:43,834 --> 00:17:45,292
Malcolm, that's ridiculous.
436
00:17:45,316 --> 00:17:46,854
How can I pretend you're not here
437
00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:49,260
when you're standing right ne...
438
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,605
Malcolm?
439
00:17:58,330 --> 00:17:59,708
I can't talk to you yet.
440
00:17:59,732 --> 00:18:00,789
- Okay.
- Get back here.
441
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,523
I could still yell at you.
442
00:18:03,976 --> 00:18:06,235
How could you?
443
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:09,599
You totally betrayed me.
444
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:12,482
Do you know how many memories
are in this house?
445
00:18:12,506 --> 00:18:13,923
I mean, look where you're standing.
446
00:18:13,947 --> 00:18:15,365
You're standing on the exact spot
447
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,487
where you told me you were gay
and broke my heart.
448
00:18:17,511 --> 00:18:19,289
Well, there were clues, Grace.
449
00:18:19,313 --> 00:18:20,771
I mean, freshman year, I hosted
450
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,377
"Wednesday like Dynasty" parties.
451
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,461
But I'll... I'll move
to a less triggering spot.
452
00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:33,145
Oh, and now you are right
where my mom held my hair
453
00:18:33,169 --> 00:18:34,626
when I threw up after the prom.
454
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,869
And then she got
grossed out and threw up,
455
00:18:36,893 --> 00:18:39,059
and I had to hold her wig.
456
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,931
Uh, here?
457
00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:45,639
That's where she told me
that I could get VD
458
00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:48,110
if I let a boy go up my sweater.
459
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,764
How about over here?
460
00:18:50,788 --> 00:18:52,366
Oh.
461
00:18:52,390 --> 00:18:53,928
My gosh, I mean, that's...
462
00:18:53,952 --> 00:18:55,529
that's where my mother told my dad
463
00:18:55,553 --> 00:18:58,204
that she was pregnant with Joyce.
464
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,290
And they were both so happy.
465
00:19:02,121 --> 00:19:04,139
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
466
00:19:04,163 --> 00:19:06,021
My poor dad.
467
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,424
Have you not... I'm just thinking of him.
468
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:11,667
Are you, Grace?
Or are you thinking about you?
469
00:19:11,691 --> 00:19:13,469
'Cause as long as your dad is here,
470
00:19:13,493 --> 00:19:16,152
you can imagine that your mom's with him
471
00:19:16,176 --> 00:19:18,178
and nothing's changed.
472
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:24,345
You're so annoying.
473
00:19:27,148 --> 00:19:28,943
Am I wrong?
474
00:19:30,552 --> 00:19:33,739
No, that's what's annoying.
475
00:19:37,199 --> 00:19:39,738
This is my one job.
476
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,060
[SIGHS]
477
00:19:41,084 --> 00:19:43,462
He's right, Gracie.
478
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,543
What are we holding onto?
479
00:19:46,209 --> 00:19:48,838
It's a house. It's not her.
480
00:19:50,254 --> 00:19:52,072
I miss her.
481
00:19:52,096 --> 00:19:54,579
We have to let her go.
482
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:58,759
Where will you live?
483
00:19:58,783 --> 00:20:00,401
I'll figure it out.
484
00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:02,283
So, Will, you gonna keep up
with the golf?
485
00:20:02,307 --> 00:20:04,566
I... no, I think I... I think I might.
486
00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:07,769
Martin, look, today with you was...
487
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:10,572
Was great and I...
I just, I kept thinking,
488
00:20:10,596 --> 00:20:13,456
you know, my dad always
wanted to watch golf with me,
489
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,339
and... and... why couldn't
I just give him that?
490
00:20:16,363 --> 00:20:17,820
You know? Why didn't I just say,
491
00:20:17,844 --> 00:20:19,983
"Hey, come into the city
and stay with me," you know?
492
00:20:20,007 --> 00:20:22,265
"We'll play golf, we'll hang out."
493
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:23,907
I'll do it.
494
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,629
What? What?
495
00:20:25,653 --> 00:20:28,032
Will's idea'll settle all our problems.
496
00:20:28,056 --> 00:20:29,513
I'll move out,
497
00:20:29,537 --> 00:20:31,475
I'll stay with you
until I find my own place.
498
00:20:31,499 --> 00:20:33,558
[LAUGHING] Oh, that wasn't my idea.
499
00:20:33,582 --> 00:20:34,759
That, that...
500
00:20:34,783 --> 00:20:36,281
This kid is so modest.
501
00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,347
You okay with this, Grace?
502
00:20:44,113 --> 00:20:45,811
Why wouldn't I be?
503
00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:47,133
[SOFT LAUGH]
504
00:20:47,157 --> 00:20:49,495
My father moving in with me...
505
00:20:49,519 --> 00:20:51,698
it's like I'm dreaming.
506
00:20:51,722 --> 00:20:53,444
Wake me up.
507
00:20:55,085 --> 00:20:56,663
This is great. I'm gonna go pack.
508
00:20:56,687 --> 00:20:58,145
What's the weather like there?
509
00:20:58,169 --> 00:21:00,507
Eh, I'll bring a sweater.
510
00:21:00,531 --> 00:21:04,152
Um, I-I didn't, I mean,
I certainly wouldn't have...
511
00:21:04,176 --> 00:21:05,593
[LAUGHS] You know what?
512
00:21:05,617 --> 00:21:07,515
One day, we are gonna look back on this
513
00:21:07,539 --> 00:21:09,918
and laugh.
514
00:21:09,942 --> 00:21:11,760
[CLEARS THROAT]
515
00:21:11,784 --> 00:21:14,387
♪ ♪
516
00:21:14,797 --> 00:21:20,813
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
516
00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:27,832
Please rate this subtitle at %url%
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
36086
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
