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1
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Gentlemen...
2
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Gentlemen, I bid you welcome,
3
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and beg at the very outset to be allowed
to express my extreme gratitude...
4
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:06,763
That you have seen fit
to grace this noble room
5
00:03:06,813 --> 00:03:10,408
with your presence this afternoon.
6
00:03:10,453 --> 00:03:13,445
I... I have here to hand
7
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:18,851
a document of high concern
and vast importance...
8
00:03:20,373 --> 00:03:23,286
Vast importance
9
00:03:23,334 --> 00:03:26,451
to each and every one of you.
10
00:03:26,494 --> 00:03:31,090
This document, gentlemen, sets forth
the rules regulating an agreement
11
00:03:31,134 --> 00:03:34,570
to enter upon a venture known as a tontine.
12
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,013
"... tontine."
13
00:03:36,054 --> 00:03:41,003
A tontine is, in point of fact, a lottery,
14
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,172
a lottery, plain and simple, gentlemen.
15
00:03:44,215 --> 00:03:45,614
"... simple."
16
00:03:45,655 --> 00:03:49,967
Into this tontine each
parent - or guardian -
17
00:03:50,015 --> 00:03:53,246
has placed for each of you and in your name
18
00:03:53,295 --> 00:03:57,447
the sum of £1,000 sterling.
19
00:03:57,495 --> 00:04:01,044
The sum so constituted
is to be administered
20
00:04:01,095 --> 00:04:03,849
by a self-perpetuating board
21
00:04:03,896 --> 00:04:08,731
and held in trust by them
for whomsoever survives.
22
00:04:08,776 --> 00:04:10,129
"... survives."
23
00:04:10,176 --> 00:04:15,011
This £20,000 will grow and grow,
24
00:04:15,056 --> 00:04:21,086
under astute management,
who will charge but a nominal fee,
25
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:24,049
and this by then great sum
26
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,895
will be handed to the one amongst you
27
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:30,691
who is the last surviving
member of the tontine.
28
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:34,013
It is as plain and as simple as that.
29
00:04:34,057 --> 00:04:38,972
Therefore, allow me to say, in conclusion,
long life to all.
30
00:04:39,977 --> 00:04:44,654
But since no other shall be present
when the winner has won...
31
00:04:44,698 --> 00:04:46,973
"... has won..."
32
00:04:47,018 --> 00:04:49,213
...let us cheer him now.
33
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He whom fate sees fit to favour.
34
00:04:55,138 --> 00:04:57,572
Oh. Hip-hip.
35
00:04:57,618 --> 00:04:59,131
Hooray!
36
00:04:59,178 --> 00:05:01,647
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!
37
00:05:01,699 --> 00:05:05,328
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!
38
00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:22,768
- Cannon reloaded?
- Cannon reloaded, sir.
39
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:24,731
- Then fire.
- But sir...
40
00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:26,771
You heard me, man. Fire!
41
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:38,730
Never fear, ladies. He knows his prey.
42
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Ah, see, yonder.
43
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Kill!
44
00:06:13,942 --> 00:06:16,695
In the name of the Queen...
45
00:06:22,823 --> 00:06:27,260
And so it gives me great pleasure
to name this ship Repulsion.
46
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God bless all who sail in her.
47
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You swine!
48
00:06:48,704 --> 00:06:53,016
They're disorganised! Victory must
soon be ours. Sound the charge!
49
00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:56,181
- Sound the what, sir?
- Give that to me, you fool.
50
00:07:09,985 --> 00:07:15,821
Now, then, my good men, what's all this
poppycock about the mine not being safe, eh?
51
00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:18,379
Speak up. What's wrong with it?
52
00:07:24,826 --> 00:07:29,058
Not yet, Tumba.
You must learn the white man's code.
53
00:07:29,106 --> 00:07:32,382
It is not sporting, it is not done,
54
00:07:32,426 --> 00:07:35,145
to fire at rhino until
he's actually charging.
55
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:20,468
When I die, my son...
56
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...all this will be yours.
57
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,500
Yes, Father.
58
00:08:53,670 --> 00:09:00,668
In recognition of your many and
varied services to the Crown...
59
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:08,742
...I dub thee...
60
00:09:14,111 --> 00:09:15,703
Oh.
61
00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:20,471
We are frightfully sorry, Sir Robert.
62
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- Michael...
- Yes...
63
00:10:02,594 --> 00:10:04,903
Yes, Grandfather?
64
00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:07,707
The time has come...
65
00:10:08,394 --> 00:10:10,066
Yes.
66
00:10:10,114 --> 00:10:13,948
Yes, I really believe the time has come.
67
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:20,954
At last. At last.
68
00:10:36,795 --> 00:10:40,266
Not so fast, sir! You're a very quick man
with the sheet, Michael.
69
00:10:40,316 --> 00:10:43,228
Oh, yes, yes. You see, sir, I thought...
70
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,473
I know what you thought, sir.
But let me tell you something.
71
00:10:46,516 --> 00:10:50,304
Death cannot be assumed simply because
signs of life are not present.
72
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,836
Hasn't medical school taught you
how to take a pulse?
73
00:10:53,876 --> 00:10:56,026
Oh, we have touched on it, sir.
74
00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:58,226
But mostly, we cut up things.
75
00:10:58,276 --> 00:11:00,268
Hmm.
76
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:04,433
- Do you know what this is?
- No, sir. I gave it to you unopened.
77
00:11:04,477 --> 00:11:06,945
- Hackett is dead.
- Hackett, sir?
78
00:11:06,997 --> 00:11:09,909
Mm-hm. Ebenezer Hackett.
I went to school with him.
79
00:11:09,957 --> 00:11:13,233
An unpleasant name for a dirty little boy
and an even dirtier old man.
80
00:11:13,277 --> 00:11:15,029
Died of the pox, no doubt.
81
00:11:15,077 --> 00:11:21,187
Now, the point is, sir, it only leaves
my brother Joseph and me in the tontine.
82
00:11:21,238 --> 00:11:23,149
- Oh, yes, I see, sir.
- Do you, sir? Do you?
83
00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:27,077
I doubt it. I doubt it. But we're
not concerned with you, are we, eh?
84
00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:29,837
We're concerned with me -
my thoughts and feelings.
85
00:11:29,878 --> 00:11:31,709
- That's right, sir.
- Yes.
86
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:34,636
Now, you're to go and get Joseph
and tell him I want to see him.
87
00:11:34,678 --> 00:11:35,906
Yes, sir.
88
00:11:37,638 --> 00:11:41,268
- Won't that upset you, sir?
- Upset me? But of course it'll upset me.
89
00:11:41,319 --> 00:11:44,072
But nothing will upset me more
than not winning the tontine
90
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:47,031
and leaving you with a mountain of debts
and a doubtful future
91
00:11:47,079 --> 00:11:50,151
as an idiot
in a profession of rogues and charlatans.
92
00:11:50,199 --> 00:11:51,837
So, get him and tell him I'm dying.
93
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,758
Thank you, Peacock.
94
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,677
Privilege, sir.
95
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,359
How's your grandfather this morning?
96
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,234
- He says he's dying, Peacock.
- Oh, they always say that, sir.
97
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,955
But Peacock,
he wants to see his brother Joseph.
98
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,991
- Master Joseph?
- Yes.
99
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,235
But they haven't even spoken to each other
for 40 years.
100
00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:23,590
Yes, I know, Peacock.
101
00:12:23,641 --> 00:12:26,030
He must be dying!
102
00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:28,595
Yes. Goodbye, Peacock.
103
00:12:29,321 --> 00:12:31,630
Good day...
104
00:12:31,681 --> 00:12:33,273
Michael.
105
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:38,676
There's too much excitement in this house.
106
00:12:56,922 --> 00:12:59,117
Yes? Who is that?
107
00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:02,559
Oh, er... yes.
108
00:13:02,603 --> 00:13:05,834
Er... is Joseph Finsbury at home?
109
00:13:06,963 --> 00:13:09,682
I can't hear you. Could
you speak a little lower?
110
00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:17,514
Is Joseph Finsbury at home?
111
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,555
Lower.
112
00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:26,601
Is Joseph...
113
00:13:32,084 --> 00:13:34,075
Oh, er...
114
00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:39,118
Joseph Finsbury. Is he at home?
115
00:13:39,164 --> 00:13:41,201
- No, he is not.
- Oh.
116
00:13:43,205 --> 00:13:46,083
Could you tell me, then,
when he is expected?
117
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,434
Who, may I ask, is enquiring?
118
00:13:48,485 --> 00:13:50,362
Oh, allow me...
119
00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:53,158
Allow me to introduce myself.
120
00:13:53,205 --> 00:13:56,720
I am Michael Finsbury, of the same name.
121
00:13:56,765 --> 00:13:58,756
Oh...
122
00:14:01,926 --> 00:14:04,156
Oh, I'm sorry to seem so inhospitable,
123
00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:09,041
but in the past 12 months alone,
over 320 girls in the Greater London area
124
00:14:09,086 --> 00:14:13,443
have been attacked by persons unknown,
and many of them unnecessarily mutilated.
125
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,602
- Do come in.
- Oh, yes.
126
00:14:16,446 --> 00:14:18,437
Thank you.
127
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:24,165
They do say
it's something to do with the weather.
128
00:14:25,127 --> 00:14:27,402
Oh... yes.
129
00:14:28,807 --> 00:14:31,605
So, you're Michael Finsbury?
130
00:14:31,647 --> 00:14:33,205
Yes.
131
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,922
Actually, Michael Hubert Gregory Finsbury.
132
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:39,357
And I am your cousin Julia.
133
00:14:39,408 --> 00:14:41,399
Yes, I know.
134
00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:47,397
- Do come in.
- Thank you.
135
00:15:01,849 --> 00:15:03,805
Oh, yes...
136
00:15:03,849 --> 00:15:06,409
Er... do you er...
137
00:15:08,049 --> 00:15:10,882
- Do you breed birds?
- Oh, no.
138
00:15:10,929 --> 00:15:14,001
Cousin Morris is an
ardent collector of eggs.
139
00:15:14,049 --> 00:15:16,961
He has spent most of his adult life
in the pursuit of them.
140
00:15:17,009 --> 00:15:20,082
- Most commendable.
- Oh, do you think so?
141
00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:23,122
I find them... obscene.
142
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:26,367
Well, yes, yes, of course.
They are obscene.
143
00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:30,688
I suddenly see now how obscene they are.
144
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,041
He doesn't pursue birds, I take it?
145
00:15:39,091 --> 00:15:40,968
No. Only eggs.
146
00:15:41,011 --> 00:15:44,242
Well, I'm glad,
because that would be even more obscene.
147
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:47,601
Oh, I can see you are a
deep thinker, like me.
148
00:15:47,651 --> 00:15:50,211
What is your particular interest?
149
00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:54,290
My consuming interest is the human body.
150
00:15:54,331 --> 00:15:56,208
Oh...
151
00:15:56,251 --> 00:15:59,722
Oh, I am studying to be
a surgeon at St Mary's.
152
00:15:59,772 --> 00:16:03,811
Oh, I see. So, that's where you go
every morning. I see you often...
153
00:16:03,852 --> 00:16:05,922
er... through the window.
154
00:16:05,972 --> 00:16:10,250
Oh, what an extraordinary coincidence!
I look at you through the window.
155
00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:14,968
And I've often had a burning desire...
to nod.
156
00:16:15,012 --> 00:16:17,731
But my grandfather
does not approve of such things.
157
00:16:18,693 --> 00:16:20,684
Nor does my Uncle Joseph.
158
00:16:24,493 --> 00:16:26,484
Yes.
159
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:29,604
Well...
160
00:16:31,293 --> 00:16:33,284
There it is, then.
161
00:16:34,973 --> 00:16:37,123
Is he at home, your Uncle Joseph?
162
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:42,202
Oh, no. He is in Bournemouth, taking the
sun, with Cousin Morris and Cousin John.
163
00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:44,370
Oh.
164
00:16:44,414 --> 00:16:47,326
Might I enquire why you are enquiring?
165
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,649
- Well, my grandfather is dying.
- Oh...
166
00:16:49,694 --> 00:16:52,891
Oh, it's nothing serious.
He's been dying for years.
167
00:16:52,934 --> 00:16:55,573
But now he seems
to have taken a turn for the worse,
168
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:59,893
and he wants desperately to see his
brother, before it is too late.
169
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:03,769
Well, you...
you could send Uncle Joseph a telegraph.
170
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:07,444
They say the telegraphic service
has much to commend it.
171
00:17:07,495 --> 00:17:10,134
Yes. I've heard them say that.
172
00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:13,684
What an excellent idea!
173
00:17:13,735 --> 00:17:16,090
I've never sent one.
174
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,696
One should always broaden one's horizons.
175
00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:20,727
Oh, yes...
176
00:17:22,216 --> 00:17:24,207
Yes.
177
00:17:25,896 --> 00:17:27,727
Well...
178
00:17:27,776 --> 00:17:29,767
That's what I'll do, then.
179
00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:34,649
Oh, thank you for pointing out to me
180
00:17:34,696 --> 00:17:37,130
how obscene eggs are.
181
00:17:37,176 --> 00:17:40,453
It was a most... Excuse me.
182
00:17:40,497 --> 00:17:42,772
It was a most illuminating observation.
183
00:17:44,737 --> 00:17:47,171
Oh...
184
00:17:47,217 --> 00:17:49,526
It was superb of you to call.
185
00:17:49,577 --> 00:17:52,614
Oh, not at all. I hope I shall
see a great deal more of you.
186
00:17:54,337 --> 00:17:57,090
Well... off to St Mary's.
187
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:59,936
Oh, yes, I'm... I'm...
188
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,412
I'm sure they have need of you there.
189
00:18:03,818 --> 00:18:09,097
Along with everything else, Uncle Joseph
says there are 124 tropical diseases
190
00:18:09,138 --> 00:18:11,698
that can be contracted here in England.
191
00:18:11,738 --> 00:18:14,810
Mainly from fresh fruit,
returning travellers and...
192
00:18:17,018 --> 00:18:19,453
...hand towels in public places.
193
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:26,256
- 124?
- Yes.
194
00:18:26,299 --> 00:18:28,290
Really?
195
00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:32,048
I must make a note of that. Goodbye.
196
00:18:32,099 --> 00:18:33,134
Goodbye.
197
00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:47,135
Oh! Oh!
198
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:50,818
Listen to me, all you eggs. I met him!
199
00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:53,169
I've finally met him!
200
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,932
Oh...
201
00:18:59,021 --> 00:19:02,093
- Yes?
- It's Michael Finsbury again.
202
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:07,454
Oh... we mustn't make a habit of this.
People will begin to talk.
203
00:19:07,501 --> 00:19:09,890
Oh, I fully agree.
204
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:13,217
It's just that...
I don't know where to send the telegraph.
205
00:19:13,261 --> 00:19:16,856
Oh. Mrs Goodge's Boarding House...
206
00:19:16,901 --> 00:19:19,462
Mrs Goodge's Boarding House...
207
00:19:19,502 --> 00:19:22,062
...Flodden Road...
...Flodden Road...
208
00:19:22,102 --> 00:19:24,491
...Bournemouth...
...Bournemouth...
209
00:19:26,022 --> 00:19:29,173
- ...Hants.
...Hants.
210
00:19:46,343 --> 00:19:47,696
Funny.
211
00:19:53,143 --> 00:19:57,580
John! What are you doing? You're supposed
to be looking after Uncle Joseph.
212
00:19:57,623 --> 00:20:02,140
Ah! Uncle Joseph. I knew there was somebody
I was supposed to be looking after.
213
00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:05,256
Erm... I merely threw my body
across this young lady,
214
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:07,613
to protect her from the falling... thing.
215
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:10,701
You realise you made me drop my grebe?
216
00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:13,979
Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Morris.
217
00:20:14,024 --> 00:20:16,538
Come outside.
218
00:20:16,584 --> 00:20:19,577
Oh, Mr John,
do you think he'll get me my notice?
219
00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:24,176
Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of Mrs Goodge.
Tonight, then, at eight, behind the bandstand.
220
00:20:24,225 --> 00:20:25,977
Oh, you insatiable creature!
221
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,414
John, I'm waiting!
222
00:20:29,905 --> 00:20:34,535
You must control this obsession you have for
chambermaids and other girls of that class.
223
00:20:34,585 --> 00:20:36,382
I try. Night and day, I try.
224
00:20:36,425 --> 00:20:38,735
Oh, there you are, boys.
225
00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:41,903
I was just about to take this telegraph
to your uncle.
226
00:20:41,946 --> 00:20:43,902
Telegraph? From whom?
227
00:20:43,946 --> 00:20:47,097
I don't know, Mr Morris.
Private matters are private with me.
228
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,137
I'll take it.
229
00:20:51,706 --> 00:20:54,061
We must relive our madness tonight.
230
00:20:54,106 --> 00:20:56,939
Ten o'clock, under the pier.
231
00:20:59,747 --> 00:21:01,863
I'm coming, Cousin.
232
00:21:03,347 --> 00:21:05,907
- What is it, Cousin?
- Look at that.
233
00:21:08,947 --> 00:21:11,620
We're going to win!
234
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:15,376
We're going to win!
We're going to win! We're going to win!
235
00:21:15,427 --> 00:21:22,582
We're going to win! We're going to win!
236
00:21:23,588 --> 00:21:26,580
Later. Later. No time for celebration now.
237
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,420
Uncle!
238
00:21:29,468 --> 00:21:32,619
Have you been smoking again, Uncle?
239
00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:35,136
And you're in a draught. The window's open.
240
00:21:35,188 --> 00:21:37,099
Well, shut it, and get his coat and things.
241
00:21:37,148 --> 00:21:39,140
Uncle, dear, you're going out.
242
00:21:39,189 --> 00:21:40,986
Going out? Well, that'll be jolly.
243
00:21:41,029 --> 00:21:42,985
Yes, you're going to London.
244
00:21:43,029 --> 00:21:45,099
London? Yes.
245
00:21:45,149 --> 00:21:48,107
Now, where did I put it? Where is it?
246
00:21:49,149 --> 00:21:51,344
Ah, here it is. Now, London.
247
00:21:51,389 --> 00:21:54,142
Now, if you ascribe a number
to each letter of the alphabet,
248
00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:58,502
beginning with A as one and B as two,
culminating with the letter Z as 26,
249
00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:02,907
then the letters that compose
the word London add up to 74,
250
00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:05,464
which, coincidentally, is my age.
251
00:22:05,510 --> 00:22:08,229
- Lovely, Uncle. Now, read this.
- Yes. Get into your coat.
252
00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:10,545
Why... Why this unseemly haste?
253
00:22:10,590 --> 00:22:13,741
- Your brother is dying.
- What did you say?
254
00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:19,343
What? Masterman? Masterman dying? This
must be the effect of the nutmeg tarts.
255
00:22:19,391 --> 00:22:20,983
Nutmeg tarts!
256
00:22:21,031 --> 00:22:23,067
At Harrow he lived on little else.
257
00:22:23,111 --> 00:22:25,022
- Where are your gloves?
- I don't know.
258
00:22:25,071 --> 00:22:28,700
I have for some time
been compiling exhaustive notes
259
00:22:28,751 --> 00:22:32,187
on the peculiarities
of spices and herbs in common use,
260
00:22:32,231 --> 00:22:35,860
and I have discovered
that it can be authoritatively proved
261
00:22:35,911 --> 00:22:38,472
that the excessive indulgence in nutmeg
262
00:22:38,512 --> 00:22:42,425
leads to hallucination and
general debilitation.
263
00:22:42,472 --> 00:22:45,942
Pepper, on the other hand, in any form
or variety, passes through the body
264
00:22:45,992 --> 00:22:48,301
without any effect on the organs.
265
00:22:48,352 --> 00:22:51,469
It has absolutely no value,
nutritive or otherwise.
266
00:22:51,512 --> 00:22:53,946
But, in the case of cinnamon or cloves...
267
00:22:53,992 --> 00:22:55,744
- Uncle...
- Yes? You have a question?
268
00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:57,590
Read your paper.
269
00:22:58,513 --> 00:23:01,266
- Tontine!
- Lovely word!
270
00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:04,623
- Tontine!
- A derivation from the name Lorenzo Tonti,
271
00:23:04,673 --> 00:23:06,504
a banker of Neapolitan persuasion.
272
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,589
Read your paper, Uncle.
273
00:23:08,633 --> 00:23:12,103
Morris, have you any idea
how much it's worth?
274
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,309
Well over £100,000.
275
00:23:17,754 --> 00:23:19,949
And we've earned every penny of it.
276
00:23:19,994 --> 00:23:23,145
True, Cousin. True.
We've devoted our lives to him.
277
00:23:23,194 --> 00:23:26,982
We were two little orphans.
We waited on him hand and foot.
278
00:23:27,034 --> 00:23:29,309
It wasn't easy, keeping him alive.
279
00:23:29,354 --> 00:23:31,663
Yes, it was difficult.
280
00:23:32,634 --> 00:23:34,431
We kept him from the draughts.
281
00:23:34,474 --> 00:23:36,704
We warmed his shoes before we put them on.
282
00:23:36,754 --> 00:23:39,792
- We tucked him up in bed at night.
- Fed him every sort of tonic.
283
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:43,510
- Never thinking of ourselves.
- First in our hearts, first in our minds.
284
00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:46,433
And now, after all these years...
285
00:23:46,475 --> 00:23:48,067
he's gone.
286
00:23:48,115 --> 00:23:49,594
He's gone?
287
00:23:52,475 --> 00:23:54,466
You go that way.
288
00:23:55,515 --> 00:23:58,030
- Excuse me, sir.
- Excuse you, sir?
289
00:23:58,076 --> 00:24:00,465
Mannerless young pup!
Ought to be in the Army.
290
00:24:08,756 --> 00:24:12,305
I beg your pardon, sir.
I take it these seats are not reserved.
291
00:24:15,356 --> 00:24:18,986
I see you are proficient
in the ancient and noble art of knitting.
292
00:24:19,037 --> 00:24:23,315
I'm sure you know that examples of
knitting, much like your afghan there,
293
00:24:23,357 --> 00:24:25,393
date back to the mainstream
294
00:24:25,437 --> 00:24:27,746
of the Egyptian civilisation.
295
00:24:27,797 --> 00:24:31,346
Ah, the avocational activities of man
are many and varied.
296
00:24:31,397 --> 00:24:34,275
Some demand skill - yours, for instance.
297
00:24:34,317 --> 00:24:39,517
Carpentry, or the playing of games
with balls of various sizes.
298
00:24:43,038 --> 00:24:44,630
- Have you found him?
- No.
299
00:24:44,678 --> 00:24:46,316
Come on, then. This way.
300
00:24:46,358 --> 00:24:48,474
Some demand inspiration -
301
00:24:48,518 --> 00:24:51,112
oil painting or the writing of epitaphs.
302
00:24:51,158 --> 00:24:54,230
The rest of us, an uninspired
lot, collect things.
303
00:24:54,278 --> 00:24:56,269
My nephew, for instance...
304
00:24:57,079 --> 00:25:00,992
...with whom I'm travelling...
collects birds' eggs.
305
00:25:01,039 --> 00:25:05,430
And I, for the last 63 years,
have been collecting facts.
306
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,956
- He seems safe enough.
- Yes.
307
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,676
What a joy it is to indulge in convivial
conversation with a fellow being, a kindred spirit.
308
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,598
This will prove the most amiable journey -
309
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,554
you pursuing your hobby and me mine.
310
00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:45,195
"Bournemouth strangler escapes.
Large-scale murder hunt in three counties."
311
00:25:45,241 --> 00:25:47,801
Ah, murder and murderers.
312
00:25:47,841 --> 00:25:50,958
I once gave an informal
lecture on the subject.
313
00:25:51,001 --> 00:25:53,196
I wonder if you're aware, sir, of the fact
314
00:25:53,241 --> 00:25:57,918
that there is an increasing number
of unsolved murders every year.
315
00:25:57,962 --> 00:26:00,157
Now, this fact I gleaned from a pamphlet
316
00:26:00,202 --> 00:26:02,557
by the noted criminologist
Sir Henry Stanhope -
317
00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:06,356
whose own murder, I might add,
was never solved.
318
00:26:08,002 --> 00:26:11,153
My word, sir, I perceive we are
travelling at a goodish rate.
319
00:26:16,883 --> 00:26:20,273
You realise, sir, I state
only facts, no opinions,
320
00:26:20,323 --> 00:26:23,281
and this fascinates everyone I meet.
321
00:26:24,003 --> 00:26:26,597
Oh, don't be alarmed.
322
00:26:26,643 --> 00:26:30,636
I shall continue, but for the moment,
I must take my leave.
323
00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,236
Next stop: Basingstoke!
324
00:27:05,125 --> 00:27:07,355
Basingstoke, next stop!
325
00:27:26,086 --> 00:27:30,602
Er... Morris,
I may or may not be back in a moment.
326
00:27:36,207 --> 00:27:39,643
Uncle, where are you going? Uncle!
327
00:27:47,567 --> 00:27:51,196
- How dare you?
- My apologies. I'm looking for my uncle.
328
00:27:51,247 --> 00:27:54,876
- Well, do I look like anybody's uncle?
- No, no. I'm terribly sorry.
329
00:28:11,608 --> 00:28:14,202
- What do you make that out to be?
- What's that?
330
00:28:26,849 --> 00:28:29,602
- 'Tain't, is it?
- It is, you know.
331
00:28:29,649 --> 00:28:32,163
It's the 4.40 out of London!
332
00:28:32,209 --> 00:28:34,484
It's the 4.50 out of Bournemouth!
333
00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:23,967
Help me! Help me, somebody!
I think there's been an accident.
334
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:25,525
Fred...
335
00:29:25,572 --> 00:29:27,563
- Yeah?
- We haven't heard the last of this.
336
00:29:27,612 --> 00:29:30,285
Drag them out of the cab!
337
00:29:30,332 --> 00:29:33,165
What's going on here, sir?
Control yourself.
338
00:29:33,212 --> 00:29:35,203
Look here! Stop all this damn rioting.
339
00:29:35,252 --> 00:29:38,211
Now, look here, you men.
Dowse that fire in the baggage van.
340
00:29:38,253 --> 00:29:42,405
Now, the children will arrange themselves by
height, and the women in alphabetical order.
341
00:29:42,453 --> 00:29:45,365
Now, I want a couple of volunteers.
You and you. Now, follow me.
342
00:29:53,973 --> 00:29:56,852
Get those bags down. Form a human chain.
343
00:30:04,814 --> 00:30:09,649
Sir... I didn't lose my right eye in the
Indian Mutiny to have my left eye offended
344
00:30:09,694 --> 00:30:12,686
by the youth of England
standing with their arses hanging out.
345
00:30:12,734 --> 00:30:14,611
Dress yourself, sir. Dress yourself.
346
00:30:14,654 --> 00:30:18,284
One of the most disgusting sights
I've ever seen. Dress yourself, sir.
347
00:30:18,335 --> 00:30:22,044
You are, I suppose, aware of the fact
that accidents occur with more frequency
348
00:30:22,095 --> 00:30:24,404
on standard-gauge railways?
349
00:30:24,455 --> 00:30:28,653
Abigail? Abigail? Abigail?
350
00:30:28,695 --> 00:30:31,812
Has anyone seen Abigail?
351
00:30:37,256 --> 00:30:41,568
John! Come out of there at once.
Where's Uncle Joseph? Where is he?
352
00:30:41,616 --> 00:30:44,084
Er... I... was just having
a look for him in there.
353
00:30:44,136 --> 00:30:46,570
- Come along.
- Morris...
354
00:30:46,616 --> 00:30:49,369
Do you realise
it's a criminal offence to wear that coat?
355
00:30:49,416 --> 00:30:51,532
I'm not wearing any trousers.
356
00:30:52,496 --> 00:30:55,728
But... but that too is a criminal affair.
357
00:30:55,777 --> 00:30:57,927
Uncle Joseph?
358
00:30:57,977 --> 00:31:02,493
- I hope you don't mind if I take my leave.
- Oh, would you, sir?
359
00:31:03,577 --> 00:31:05,568
Uncle Joseph?
360
00:31:08,577 --> 00:31:10,568
Uncle Joseph?
361
00:31:11,977 --> 00:31:13,968
Uncle Joseph?
362
00:31:17,538 --> 00:31:19,335
Cousin!
363
00:31:20,298 --> 00:31:22,573
Oh... oh, no.
364
00:31:22,618 --> 00:31:25,212
Oh, don't tell me. I can't bear it.
Is it him?
365
00:31:25,258 --> 00:31:27,726
- Of course it's him!
- Well, how do you know?
366
00:31:27,778 --> 00:31:30,497
Well, look at his coat. It's his coat.
367
00:31:30,538 --> 00:31:32,529
Is he dead?
368
00:31:34,218 --> 00:31:36,335
What's left of him is very dead indeed.
369
00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:40,055
Are you going to say a prayer or something?
370
00:31:40,099 --> 00:31:41,930
Not at a time like this.
371
00:31:41,979 --> 00:31:45,938
Now, you listen to me, Uncle Joseph.
You may be dead, but you listen to me.
372
00:31:45,979 --> 00:31:49,335
You're a nasty, mean,
spiteful, vindictive old man,
373
00:31:49,379 --> 00:31:51,210
to do this to two little orphans.
374
00:31:51,259 --> 00:31:54,251
Your brother's on his deathbed.
Couldn't you have waited a day?
375
00:31:54,299 --> 00:31:55,938
You stupid oaf!
376
00:31:56,980 --> 00:31:59,448
- Look, I'll get some help.
- What's the use?
377
00:32:01,540 --> 00:32:03,531
Wait. Let me think.
378
00:32:05,740 --> 00:32:09,130
- Into the woods.
- Oh. Right. Yes.
379
00:32:10,100 --> 00:32:11,852
- With him!
- Who?
380
00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:14,972
- Uncle Joseph.
- Into the woods with Uncle Joseph?
381
00:32:15,020 --> 00:32:17,535
Don't stand there.
The tontine - we may still win it.
382
00:32:17,581 --> 00:32:21,256
- But he's dead.
- He's not dead until I say he's dead.
383
00:32:26,581 --> 00:32:27,581
Hey!
384
00:32:28,981 --> 00:32:30,573
Hey, sir!
385
00:32:30,621 --> 00:32:35,058
Ah. I wonder, sir, if you and your fine
bay gelding are heading for London.
386
00:32:35,101 --> 00:32:37,741
- I am, sir.
- And what would you ask a passenger?
387
00:32:37,782 --> 00:32:40,854
- Your company would be payment enough, sir.
- Oh...
388
00:32:40,902 --> 00:32:43,177
Well, thank you.
389
00:32:45,062 --> 00:32:47,178
Hey.
390
00:32:47,222 --> 00:32:53,013
Well, I wonder if you realise how many times
the word "whip" occurs in the Old Testament.
391
00:32:53,062 --> 00:32:54,939
174 times.
392
00:32:54,982 --> 00:32:58,532
Oh, I see you are impressed.
But that figure is infinitesimal,
393
00:32:58,583 --> 00:33:01,017
when you consider that the Bible contains
394
00:33:01,063 --> 00:33:06,262
774,176 words altogether.
395
00:33:06,303 --> 00:33:08,533
And it is a remarkable fact...
396
00:33:16,304 --> 00:33:18,420
Do get on, or we'll be here all night.
397
00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:21,024
Well, a penknife's not
the ideal tool, is it?
398
00:33:21,064 --> 00:33:25,057
Anyway, I don't think we ought to do this.
I don't want to go to prison.
399
00:33:25,104 --> 00:33:27,698
Don't start snivelling
in that revolting way.
400
00:33:27,744 --> 00:33:31,373
If you can't dig a hole for him, cover
him in leaves or something. Cover him.
401
00:33:31,424 --> 00:33:33,984
But why do I always have
to do the dirty work?
402
00:33:34,024 --> 00:33:38,382
Because you are remarkably stupid.
403
00:33:38,425 --> 00:33:40,302
Yes, I forgot that. Sorry.
404
00:33:40,345 --> 00:33:42,222
In any case, I have to look after my hands.
405
00:33:42,265 --> 00:33:46,577
Petal-soft hands are the mark of a great
ornithologist. Now, get on with it!
406
00:33:47,785 --> 00:33:50,094
Morris, I beg of you -
let's have done with this.
407
00:33:51,465 --> 00:33:55,584
Let's get an undertaker. He won't be too
expensive and he'll do a professional job.
408
00:33:55,626 --> 00:33:58,015
- We're not burying him.
- We're not?
409
00:33:58,066 --> 00:34:00,182
We're merely hiding him.
410
00:34:00,226 --> 00:34:02,786
- Merely hiding him.
- What we need is a venal doctor.
411
00:34:02,826 --> 00:34:05,181
But uncle Joseph's dead! It's too late.
412
00:34:05,226 --> 00:34:08,775
Not for him, for us. Now, you remember
that chamber maid you got into erm?
413
00:34:09,706 --> 00:34:12,539
- Thing.
- Thing. Who was the doctor who did the er?
414
00:34:12,586 --> 00:34:15,465
Thing. Er Pratt. Dr Pratt.
415
00:34:15,507 --> 00:34:17,463
Was he venal?
416
00:34:17,507 --> 00:34:19,065
I didn't like to ask.
417
00:34:19,107 --> 00:34:20,938
- Well, did he do the?
- Thing. Yes.
418
00:34:20,987 --> 00:34:22,898
- Good.
- But what's he got to do with it?
419
00:34:22,947 --> 00:34:24,983
He's part of the plan.
420
00:34:25,027 --> 00:34:29,623
Now, you and I are the only two people in the
world who know that Uncle Joseph is erm...
421
00:34:29,667 --> 00:34:32,181
- Thing.
- Dead. And we won't tell anyone.
422
00:34:32,227 --> 00:34:34,422
But people are bound to
find out sooner or later.
423
00:34:34,467 --> 00:34:35,947
Not quite yet.
424
00:34:35,988 --> 00:34:40,300
Now, Uncle Masterman, at best,
has only two or three days to live.
425
00:34:40,348 --> 00:34:46,617
When he goes, I'll announce that Uncle
Joseph has died of a heart attack
426
00:34:46,668 --> 00:34:49,057
on hearing the tragic news
of his brother's death.
427
00:34:49,108 --> 00:34:52,145
I then go along to your
accommodating Dr er...
428
00:34:52,188 --> 00:34:53,860
- Pratt.
- Thing.
429
00:34:53,908 --> 00:34:57,299
He provides me with a blank death
certificate for Uncle Joseph.
430
00:34:57,349 --> 00:34:59,704
I fill in the date and the tontine is mine.
431
00:34:59,749 --> 00:35:02,900
- Ours.
- We'll go into that later.
432
00:35:02,949 --> 00:35:07,340
There come moments in life, cousin,
when every man must find moral courage.
433
00:35:07,389 --> 00:35:09,266
Your moment is about to come.
434
00:35:09,309 --> 00:35:10,708
- It is?
- It is.
435
00:35:10,749 --> 00:35:15,062
I'll go to London, tell everybody that
you and Uncle Joseph have been delayed.
436
00:35:15,110 --> 00:35:18,500
You go back to Bournemouth
and remain there till I send for you.
437
00:35:18,550 --> 00:35:21,906
I see, but erm... what about him?
438
00:35:21,950 --> 00:35:23,747
I'm coming to that.
439
00:35:23,790 --> 00:35:28,466
You must find a suitable box or container,
crate him up and send him back to London.
440
00:35:28,510 --> 00:35:30,978
We shall, after all,
need him at the funeral.
441
00:35:31,030 --> 00:35:33,749
Crate him in a box? What sort of box?
442
00:35:33,790 --> 00:35:37,181
Something of suitable size and robustness
for a man in that condition.
443
00:35:41,151 --> 00:35:42,982
If you'll allow me, sir.
444
00:35:44,391 --> 00:35:47,463
I will take charge of the
rest of the packing.
445
00:35:47,511 --> 00:35:49,467
All right, Peacock.
446
00:35:49,511 --> 00:35:52,583
But don't lean too far in the barrel.
447
00:36:02,592 --> 00:36:06,107
I say! We've received a telegraph.
It must be from Uncle.
448
00:36:06,152 --> 00:36:08,108
Oh, drat.
449
00:36:09,232 --> 00:36:11,621
No. It's from Lady Pitman.
450
00:36:12,432 --> 00:36:15,231
She's sending back that statue we sent her,
says it's a fraud.
451
00:36:16,393 --> 00:36:19,305
"I am having it crated
and sent back to you at once."
452
00:36:20,473 --> 00:36:22,145
Was it a fraud, Peacock?
453
00:36:22,193 --> 00:36:25,708
Life is a fraud, Master Michael.
454
00:36:25,753 --> 00:36:27,550
Yes, Peacock.
455
00:36:27,593 --> 00:36:31,142
Well, this is all right, isn't it? This
should fetch a good price at Sotheby's.
456
00:36:31,193 --> 00:36:34,709
Well, if it arrives in one piece, sir.
457
00:36:34,754 --> 00:36:36,665
Well, there's nothing else to sell.
458
00:36:36,714 --> 00:36:38,352
Except the piano.
459
00:36:38,394 --> 00:36:41,830
It's all right, Peacock, I'll answer it.
460
00:36:47,274 --> 00:36:49,265
Michael Finsbury, do I presume?
461
00:36:49,314 --> 00:36:52,386
- Yes?
- I'm your cousin, Morris Finsbury.
462
00:36:52,434 --> 00:36:54,232
- Oh, do come in.
- Thank you.
463
00:36:54,275 --> 00:36:56,630
- Isn't Uncle Joseph with you?
- Alas, no.
464
00:36:56,675 --> 00:37:02,193
My dear uncle, like your beloved grandfather,
is of advancing years and declining health.
465
00:37:02,235 --> 00:37:04,874
Grandfather will be disappointed.
May I take your coat?
466
00:37:04,915 --> 00:37:06,826
No, thank you. No, thank you.
467
00:37:07,835 --> 00:37:14,184
Uncle Joseph is naturally deeply concerned
with his brother's death - I mean, illness.
468
00:37:14,236 --> 00:37:16,909
- Or is he already?
- Oh, no, no, not yet.
469
00:37:16,956 --> 00:37:18,787
What a relief to us all.
470
00:37:18,836 --> 00:37:21,589
I know you are a medical student, cousin,
471
00:37:21,636 --> 00:37:25,185
so I need hardly remind you
that blood is thicker than water.
472
00:37:25,236 --> 00:37:27,113
Yes, five times, as I believe.
473
00:37:27,156 --> 00:37:30,944
Uncle Joseph is valiantly gathering
what remains of his strength
474
00:37:30,996 --> 00:37:33,430
in order to come to London
in the next day or two
475
00:37:33,476 --> 00:37:36,594
to be with his dear brother... at the end.
476
00:37:36,637 --> 00:37:38,514
I do hope he will be in time.
477
00:37:38,557 --> 00:37:40,627
Uncle Masterman is that low?
478
00:37:40,677 --> 00:37:42,269
Yes.
479
00:37:42,317 --> 00:37:45,866
Oh, I am filled with an immense grief...
480
00:37:45,917 --> 00:37:49,307
that that proud and lovely man should...
481
00:37:49,357 --> 00:37:51,746
Oh, my God.
482
00:37:51,797 --> 00:37:53,628
Sir...
483
00:37:53,677 --> 00:37:57,432
Sir, it's me - Maurice.
484
00:37:57,478 --> 00:38:03,314
Oh, look at that noble face ravaged
by time, those eyes filled with pain.
485
00:38:03,358 --> 00:38:06,589
Oh, I should never have forgiven myself,
if I hadn't seen you before.
486
00:38:06,638 --> 00:38:08,754
- Cousin...
- But you shouldn't be out of bed.
487
00:38:08,798 --> 00:38:11,517
- Cousin, this is our butler.
- No need to call him.
488
00:38:11,558 --> 00:38:13,833
I can assist my own flesh and blood.
489
00:38:15,479 --> 00:38:17,595
Who's the butler?
490
00:38:17,639 --> 00:38:19,516
I have that honour, sir.
491
00:38:19,559 --> 00:38:21,197
How dare you embrace me!
492
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,195
Grandfather is upstairs, sleeping.
493
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,628
All right, Peacock, you may go.
494
00:38:25,679 --> 00:38:28,637
Thank you, Master Michael, sir.
495
00:38:31,479 --> 00:38:33,515
Thank you, too, Colonel.
496
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:40,237
I, too, must be on my way, cousin.
I have some urgent, pressing business.
497
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,748
You will let us know
the moment Uncle Joseph arrives.
498
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,156
As soon as I've got the date.
That is, immediately.
499
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:51,149
A great pity, cousin, that grief is the
agent responsible for bringing us together
500
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,191
after all these years.
501
00:39:14,082 --> 00:39:16,835
Cousin Morris had no trousers on, Peacock.
502
00:39:16,882 --> 00:39:19,077
If you say so, sir.
503
00:39:37,363 --> 00:39:39,081
For heaven's sake, Julia.
504
00:39:39,123 --> 00:39:42,832
Oh, it's you, Morris. I thought it was
the Bournemouth strangler.
505
00:39:42,883 --> 00:39:45,113
It says in the papers
he might be in London.
506
00:39:45,163 --> 00:39:48,121
Do I look like the Bournemouth Strangler?
507
00:39:48,163 --> 00:39:51,519
Well... yes, you could be, Morris.
508
00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:54,915
Why are you wearing that strange coat?
509
00:39:54,964 --> 00:39:56,795
Because it suits me to wear it.
510
00:39:56,844 --> 00:40:00,041
I think you should have it shortened.
511
00:40:00,084 --> 00:40:01,836
Isn't Uncle Joseph with you?
512
00:40:01,884 --> 00:40:03,954
Er... no, erm...
513
00:40:04,004 --> 00:40:07,599
the news in The Telegraph came
as a great shock to him.
514
00:40:07,644 --> 00:40:10,602
He is remaining in Bournemouth
with Cousin John.
515
00:40:10,644 --> 00:40:12,839
And now I must bid you good night.
516
00:40:12,884 --> 00:40:14,955
Good night, cousin.
517
00:40:15,005 --> 00:40:18,793
You won't always wear that coat, will you?
It's very frightening.
518
00:40:24,685 --> 00:40:28,394
It could easily have been
the Bournemouth Strangler instead of you.
519
00:40:28,445 --> 00:40:34,078
I might have been stalked by him and, in
fleeing, been trampled by a runaway horse.
520
00:40:35,086 --> 00:40:41,844
Perhaps a large hole in my head, my brains
spilling out all over Shaftesbury Avenue.
521
00:40:41,886 --> 00:40:44,446
Oh, wouldn't that have been
a homecoming for you,
522
00:40:44,486 --> 00:40:49,355
going to the mortuary to identify my poor,
crushed body?
523
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,874
Body? What body?
524
00:40:52,926 --> 00:40:56,158
No body, Morris. I was just thinking aloud.
525
00:40:56,207 --> 00:40:59,119
You mustn't use that word.
It isn't becoming.
526
00:40:59,167 --> 00:41:01,556
Oh, I meant a dead body, Morris.
527
00:41:02,807 --> 00:41:05,116
Not what is under a person's clothing.
528
00:41:05,167 --> 00:41:06,885
Julia.
529
00:41:09,527 --> 00:41:13,362
Now, why... did I say that?
530
00:41:17,208 --> 00:41:19,881
See that it gets on the
first available train.
531
00:41:37,369 --> 00:41:40,088
If I could help you with your baggage.
It's rather heavy.
532
00:41:52,129 --> 00:41:56,362
There have, of course, been many editions
of the Bible, some famous, some infamous.
533
00:41:56,410 --> 00:41:58,321
For instance, there is the Wicked Bible,
534
00:41:58,370 --> 00:42:01,965
so called because the word "not"
is omitted from the seventh commandment,
535
00:42:02,010 --> 00:42:04,570
making it read: "Thou
shalt commit adultery."
536
00:42:04,610 --> 00:42:07,727
A small error which could encourage certain
sections of the populace
537
00:42:07,770 --> 00:42:11,524
to a frenzy of immorality unknown
since first-century Rome.
538
00:42:11,570 --> 00:42:15,041
Speaking of which, have you heard
that the Emperor Heliogabalus?
539
00:42:15,091 --> 00:42:17,002
I'm afraid, sir, that
this is as far as I go.
540
00:42:17,051 --> 00:42:22,125
What? Oh, splendid. Excellent, excellent.
Many, many thanks.
541
00:42:22,171 --> 00:42:25,049
13 hours seemed but so many minutes.
542
00:42:25,091 --> 00:42:28,606
Well, perhaps you might care to know
who your fellow traveller was.
543
00:42:28,651 --> 00:42:32,564
Non other than Joseph Finsbury,
scholar extraordinary, lecturer,
544
00:42:32,611 --> 00:42:36,287
and one of the two Englishmen living
who can speak pure Swahili.
545
00:42:36,332 --> 00:42:40,723
Well, said, sir.
546
00:42:40,772 --> 00:42:45,129
Well, well, who knows,
perhaps our paths may cross again?
547
00:42:45,172 --> 00:42:47,288
- God save us.
- Ah!
548
00:43:27,214 --> 00:43:29,489
Oh! Good.
549
00:43:29,534 --> 00:43:31,843
Good, yes. Thank you, Peacock.
550
00:43:33,215 --> 00:43:34,887
It is Peacock, isn't it?
551
00:43:34,935 --> 00:43:36,368
It is, sir.
552
00:43:36,415 --> 00:43:38,451
Ah! How long has it been?
553
00:43:38,495 --> 00:43:41,009
I came as quick as I could.
554
00:43:41,055 --> 00:43:44,525
It's Master Joseph, Peacock.
555
00:43:45,655 --> 00:43:48,089
Master Joseph!
556
00:43:48,135 --> 00:43:51,491
Oh! Forgive me, sir.
557
00:43:51,535 --> 00:43:54,289
It must be all of 40 years.
558
00:43:54,336 --> 00:43:56,054
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.
559
00:43:56,096 --> 00:43:59,406
I remember clearly the last time I saw you.
560
00:43:59,456 --> 00:44:03,813
On that very day, the American, Colonel
Colt, inventor of the Colt revolver,
561
00:44:03,856 --> 00:44:07,292
used electricity to detonate a torpedo,
562
00:44:07,336 --> 00:44:12,855
thereby destroying a brig in full sail
upon the Potomac in Washington DC.
563
00:44:12,897 --> 00:44:18,688
The present, not the former capital of the
United States, New York City, being the first...
564
00:44:18,737 --> 00:44:21,331
I take it my brother is upstairs?
565
00:44:21,377 --> 00:44:23,049
Yes, sir.
566
00:44:23,097 --> 00:44:26,806
- May I announce you, sir?
- No, no. I will announce myself.
567
00:44:26,857 --> 00:44:29,610
You might perhaps bring me a cup of tea.
I am a trifle piqued.
568
00:44:29,657 --> 00:44:31,215
With pleasure, sir.
569
00:44:31,257 --> 00:44:34,967
China, of course. You'll remember,
I developed a taste for it in Turkey
570
00:44:35,018 --> 00:44:37,816
during the 23rd revolution there.
571
00:44:38,938 --> 00:44:40,690
Oh, ha ha, yes.
572
00:44:47,338 --> 00:44:49,294
Masterman?
573
00:44:56,059 --> 00:44:57,697
Masterman?
574
00:44:59,299 --> 00:45:01,096
Is that you, Mother?
575
00:45:01,139 --> 00:45:03,175
It is I - Joseph.
576
00:45:03,219 --> 00:45:05,210
Joseph?
577
00:45:07,459 --> 00:45:09,336
Brother Joseph.
578
00:45:10,979 --> 00:45:14,609
What unexpected joy.
579
00:45:14,660 --> 00:45:16,332
Don't tax yourself, brother.
580
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:20,339
I am raised in spirits already.
581
00:45:20,380 --> 00:45:22,894
Doesn't raise mine to find you so,
582
00:45:22,940 --> 00:45:26,649
lying in the very bed
in which our dear papa passed from us.
583
00:45:26,700 --> 00:45:30,249
I am soon to follow his example, I fear.
584
00:45:30,300 --> 00:45:31,779
Never say it.
585
00:45:31,820 --> 00:45:33,777
But I do say it.
586
00:45:33,821 --> 00:45:36,460
Last week old Hackett.
587
00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:39,811
Next week, or even before...
588
00:45:40,821 --> 00:45:42,379
...old Masterman.
589
00:45:42,421 --> 00:45:44,696
Ah, yes. Poor Hackett.
590
00:45:44,741 --> 00:45:46,891
I must somehow attend his funeral.
591
00:45:48,261 --> 00:45:51,298
Our generation, brother,
is on its way to Valhalla.
592
00:45:51,341 --> 00:45:55,893
Or, as the Red Indians so aptly put it,
the happy hunting ground.
593
00:45:57,302 --> 00:46:01,978
Let me... give you a
glass of good cheer. Hm?
594
00:46:02,022 --> 00:46:04,172
It will seal the occasion...
595
00:46:04,222 --> 00:46:07,259
and revive your spirits.
596
00:46:07,302 --> 00:46:09,862
Oh, no, thanks. I've asked for some tea.
597
00:46:09,902 --> 00:46:11,460
Oh.
598
00:46:14,183 --> 00:46:16,333
Ah... Ah...
599
00:46:16,383 --> 00:46:18,339
Oh, what... What is it, brother?
600
00:46:19,383 --> 00:46:20,782
Shall I send for a physician?
601
00:46:20,823 --> 00:46:23,542
Oh, no, no. No, send for no-one.
602
00:46:23,583 --> 00:46:25,778
I only want you.
603
00:46:26,783 --> 00:46:29,581
- Jo-jo.
- Oh... oh, Jo-jo.
604
00:46:29,623 --> 00:46:32,775
Jo-jo. Oh, those boyhood names.
605
00:46:32,824 --> 00:46:36,499
Oh! What fond memories they recall.
606
00:46:37,984 --> 00:46:38,984
Argh!
607
00:46:40,304 --> 00:46:42,260
My goodness! My gracious!
608
00:46:42,304 --> 00:46:45,102
What... What is it?
609
00:46:45,144 --> 00:46:46,941
Are you hurt?
610
00:46:46,984 --> 00:46:49,896
No, no, no. I needed some air.
611
00:46:49,944 --> 00:46:51,980
I must... I must have air.
612
00:46:52,025 --> 00:46:53,617
Open the window, Joseph.
613
00:46:53,665 --> 00:46:56,099
Yes. Yes. Yes.
614
00:47:05,105 --> 00:47:07,335
Oh. Bless my soul.
615
00:47:07,385 --> 00:47:08,898
You're down again.
616
00:47:08,945 --> 00:47:10,697
Here. Let me...
617
00:47:10,745 --> 00:47:12,338
Come on. Oh.
618
00:47:12,386 --> 00:47:18,336
Yes, now, you lie here...
and let me open the window.
619
00:47:25,266 --> 00:47:26,665
What was that? What was that?
620
00:47:27,546 --> 00:47:30,458
Surely... Surely the populace
are not demonstrating?
621
00:47:31,626 --> 00:47:34,744
Yesterday, do you know,
I had the narrowest of escapes.
622
00:47:34,787 --> 00:47:38,496
- Upon my soul, I could have been killed.
- Killed?
623
00:47:38,547 --> 00:47:41,459
I was in the water closet
of the Bournemouth Express,
624
00:47:41,507 --> 00:47:43,702
when it quite unaccountably exploded,
625
00:47:43,747 --> 00:47:46,466
thereby extensively damaging
the rest of the train.
626
00:47:47,467 --> 00:47:51,699
I can't really think that I was to blame,
although at the time I was smoking.
627
00:47:51,747 --> 00:47:54,785
But it didn't... damage you?
628
00:47:54,828 --> 00:47:56,227
No, no, no.
629
00:47:56,268 --> 00:47:57,986
Thanks for the thought.
630
00:47:58,028 --> 00:48:00,258
I confess, I am a trifle ruffled.
631
00:48:01,268 --> 00:48:06,388
Yes... I think I'll lie low
at the club a few days.
632
00:48:06,428 --> 00:48:09,500
My nephews have been most annoying of late.
633
00:48:09,548 --> 00:48:12,541
Oh, brother, no, no. Don't test yourself.
634
00:48:12,589 --> 00:48:16,184
Sit down. It's you who should sit up here.
635
00:48:16,229 --> 00:48:18,618
You may have a nutmeg poisoning.
636
00:48:19,869 --> 00:48:22,667
Take a sip of your glass of good cheer,
dear old chap.
637
00:48:22,709 --> 00:48:24,540
It may prove effective.
638
00:48:24,589 --> 00:48:27,023
Do you know, it's the
most astonishing thing,
639
00:48:27,069 --> 00:48:31,426
there is a tribe of aborigines
in Southwest Tasmania
640
00:48:31,469 --> 00:48:34,826
who distil the chewed
bark of the banyan tree.
641
00:48:34,870 --> 00:48:39,421
Enough, you pedantic, boring old poop!
642
00:48:39,470 --> 00:48:42,223
A pedantic, boring, old...
643
00:48:42,270 --> 00:48:45,740
- Poop!
- I shall leave you... brother.
644
00:48:45,790 --> 00:48:47,940
You've lost your reason.
645
00:48:47,990 --> 00:48:50,220
Reason? Reason, yes.
646
00:48:50,270 --> 00:48:53,388
But not... not the tontine!
647
00:48:57,871 --> 00:48:59,862
Here it is!
648
00:49:00,951 --> 00:49:02,782
Too late to apologise.
649
00:49:09,271 --> 00:49:11,068
- Name of Finsbury, sir?
- Yes?
650
00:49:11,111 --> 00:49:12,704
Sign here, please, sir.
651
00:49:14,632 --> 00:49:16,190
Where do you want it, sir?
652
00:49:16,232 --> 00:49:18,268
Anywhere, my good man, anywhere.
653
00:49:21,872 --> 00:49:24,625
Er... thank you for the tea and cakes.
654
00:49:24,672 --> 00:49:27,311
I shall taste them all
through my dissection class.
655
00:49:27,352 --> 00:49:32,586
Would you say your work
is in the nature of a vocation?
656
00:49:32,633 --> 00:49:35,830
No, no, not quite. My
grandfather wished it.
657
00:49:35,873 --> 00:49:38,751
He believes that if one cannot join
the ruling classes,
658
00:49:38,793 --> 00:49:40,704
one must do one's best to deplete them.
659
00:49:41,753 --> 00:49:43,744
Well...
660
00:49:54,194 --> 00:49:55,707
Who is it?
661
00:49:57,914 --> 00:50:00,144
Finsbury? Name of Finsbury, ma'am?
662
00:50:00,194 --> 00:50:02,424
- Yes?
- There's a shipment for you, ma'am.
663
00:50:11,395 --> 00:50:14,273
Cousin Morris must have excelled himself.
664
00:50:14,315 --> 00:50:17,990
We're always having shipments of eggs,
but never anything like this before.
665
00:50:18,035 --> 00:50:22,426
A little assistance would not be refused,
ma'am. If the staff were available.
666
00:50:22,475 --> 00:50:24,670
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, allow me to help.
667
00:50:24,715 --> 00:50:27,434
Oh, won't you miss your class?
668
00:50:27,475 --> 00:50:31,024
Oh, that's of no consequence.
I doubt if my class will miss me.
669
00:50:32,516 --> 00:50:34,711
- Would you hold my coat?
- Oh...
670
00:51:17,918 --> 00:51:19,397
Dr Pratt?
671
00:51:20,718 --> 00:51:22,754
Dr Pratt?
672
00:51:29,238 --> 00:51:30,671
Dr Pratt?
673
00:51:33,279 --> 00:51:34,997
Are you Dr Pratt?
674
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:39,877
What? What?
675
00:51:39,919 --> 00:51:41,910
Are you Dr Pratt?
676
00:51:41,959 --> 00:51:43,551
Are you?
677
00:51:43,599 --> 00:51:46,352
Are you from the police?
678
00:51:46,399 --> 00:51:49,709
- No.
- Then I am Dr Pratt, yes.
679
00:51:49,759 --> 00:51:55,232
I was referred to you by a slight
acquaintance... for professional advice.
680
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,032
Oh, yes, yes.
681
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:58,798
Yes, mm.
682
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,229
Is it? Is it night or day?
683
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:03,713
Day.
684
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,115
Did you have an appointment to see me, sir?
685
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:07,673
I'm afraid not.
686
00:52:07,720 --> 00:52:10,473
Then I will give you
a day appointment immediately.
687
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:12,557
Thank you very much.
688
00:52:12,601 --> 00:52:14,592
Sit in that chair.
689
00:52:15,641 --> 00:52:18,519
Don't sit on that moggy, sir.
690
00:52:18,561 --> 00:52:20,756
She's the finest ratter in the East End.
691
00:52:20,801 --> 00:52:22,871
- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right.
692
00:52:22,921 --> 00:52:24,912
Quiet, Tiger.
693
00:52:24,961 --> 00:52:28,840
Now, then, take off your clothes, sir...
and cough.
694
00:52:28,881 --> 00:52:30,998
Doctor, it's not me.
695
00:52:31,042 --> 00:52:33,715
It's certainly not me, sir.
It's probably one of my cats.
696
00:52:33,762 --> 00:52:36,151
- Doctor!
- Come in!
697
00:52:37,402 --> 00:52:39,199
- Come in!
- Doctor!
698
00:52:39,242 --> 00:52:43,360
I am not here
on a matter of my personal health.
699
00:52:45,042 --> 00:52:48,591
Would you be so good, sir,
as to er... say that again?
700
00:52:48,642 --> 00:52:52,477
I did not come here
for reasons of my personal health.
701
00:52:53,483 --> 00:52:55,280
What is the young lady's name?
702
00:52:55,323 --> 00:52:58,474
- It is not that, Doctor.
- No, no, it isn't, no.
703
00:52:58,523 --> 00:53:02,960
- I wanted to make a somewhat unusual request.
- Yes, yes.
704
00:53:03,003 --> 00:53:09,317
I was wondering... do you by any chance...
happen to have any...
705
00:53:10,403 --> 00:53:12,122
...death certificates?
706
00:53:13,404 --> 00:53:15,634
Do I happen to have any death certificates?
707
00:53:15,684 --> 00:53:17,402
What a monstrous thing, sir.
708
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:20,481
What a monstrous thing to say to a member
of the medical profession!
709
00:53:20,524 --> 00:53:22,913
You realise the enormity
of what you have just said?
710
00:53:22,964 --> 00:53:24,602
Yes.
711
00:53:24,644 --> 00:53:26,714
Do you have any death certificates?
712
00:53:26,764 --> 00:53:30,804
- How may do you want?
- Just the one would be sufficient.
713
00:53:30,845 --> 00:53:31,755
Ah.
714
00:53:31,805 --> 00:53:37,323
And if you'd be so good as to simply sign
your name and leave the remainder blank...
715
00:53:37,365 --> 00:53:38,844
It'll cost you five shillings.
716
00:53:38,885 --> 00:53:40,238
Price is no object.
717
00:53:40,285 --> 00:53:42,594
Right, ten shillings,
then, payable in advance.
718
00:53:42,645 --> 00:53:45,603
Stay there, I'll just get my medical pen.
719
00:53:48,005 --> 00:53:49,484
Sorry, Button.
720
00:53:51,006 --> 00:53:52,917
I keep them here. Yes.
721
00:53:52,966 --> 00:53:56,003
Oh! Would you like to buy a moggy?
722
00:53:56,046 --> 00:53:57,923
No, thank you, Doctor.
723
00:53:57,966 --> 00:53:59,763
They make lovely pets.
724
00:53:59,806 --> 00:54:01,922
You'd like to have a moggy in the home.
725
00:54:01,966 --> 00:54:03,763
I collect eggs, Doctor.
726
00:54:03,806 --> 00:54:05,797
Eggs? Oh, yes, I enjoy an egg myself.
727
00:54:05,846 --> 00:54:08,121
Yes, they don't make god pets, though.
728
00:54:08,166 --> 00:54:11,921
You can never get 'em in at night.
They're too quiet. Yes.
729
00:54:11,967 --> 00:54:15,039
All I want is a death certificate, Doctor.
730
00:54:15,087 --> 00:54:17,521
Don't we all? Yes, yes.
731
00:54:17,567 --> 00:54:18,966
Yes, indeed.
732
00:54:19,007 --> 00:54:22,636
Erm... you may return for it this evening.
733
00:54:22,687 --> 00:54:27,238
I will have one of my staff collect it
from the place of its origin.
734
00:54:27,287 --> 00:54:29,596
Meanwhile, keep taking the pills.
735
00:54:29,647 --> 00:54:31,400
This evening, Doctor.
736
00:54:31,448 --> 00:54:34,485
Take them this evening
it's as good a time as any, yes.
737
00:54:35,488 --> 00:54:36,887
That's better.
738
00:54:36,928 --> 00:54:41,683
Of course, I was not
always as you see me now.
739
00:54:41,728 --> 00:54:43,605
I am sure you weren't, Doctor.
740
00:54:43,648 --> 00:54:47,436
No, I had a magnificent practice
in the fair confines of Camden Town.
741
00:54:47,488 --> 00:54:48,887
A charming area.
742
00:54:48,928 --> 00:54:52,604
The sick and groggy travelled from all
over the world to queue at my door.
743
00:54:52,649 --> 00:54:54,048
Wonderful work.
744
00:54:54,089 --> 00:54:57,445
I specialised, you see, in rare,
malign diseases of the spleen.
745
00:54:57,489 --> 00:54:58,922
How very interesting.
746
00:54:58,969 --> 00:55:01,767
The accolade itself was
not beyond my grasp.
747
00:55:01,809 --> 00:55:03,527
- Within it, I'm sure.
- Yes.
748
00:55:03,569 --> 00:55:06,879
Until that unfortunate episode
with the Lord Mayor's wife.
749
00:55:06,929 --> 00:55:08,362
Goodbye, Doctor.
750
00:55:08,409 --> 00:55:10,970
Come in. Come in.
751
00:57:39,217 --> 00:57:41,492
We are both old enough
to know what kisses lead to.
752
00:57:41,537 --> 00:57:44,051
- Oh, yes.
- And if I may be blunt,
753
00:57:44,097 --> 00:57:45,974
our children would be idiots.
754
00:57:46,017 --> 00:57:48,087
Why? Is there insanity in your family?
755
00:57:48,137 --> 00:57:49,856
What? Oh, no, no.
756
00:57:49,898 --> 00:57:53,777
What I mean is, it is a proved medical fact
that marriage between cousins...
757
00:57:53,818 --> 00:57:55,217
Oh, but we're not cousins.
758
00:57:55,258 --> 00:57:57,374
Uncle Joseph is just my guardian.
759
00:57:57,418 --> 00:57:59,090
I am an orphan.
760
00:57:59,138 --> 00:58:00,856
- An orphan?
- Yes.
761
00:58:00,898 --> 00:58:04,891
Oh, me, too. I never knew my parents.
They were killed in a balloon ascension.
762
00:58:04,938 --> 00:58:08,248
I only knew mine vaguely.
My father was a missionary.
763
00:58:08,298 --> 00:58:10,096
He was eaten by his Bible class.
764
00:58:10,139 --> 00:58:11,811
- And your mother?
- She too.
765
00:58:11,859 --> 00:58:13,736
They never eat one without the other.
766
00:58:13,779 --> 00:58:15,735
Oh, it's... it's destiny!
767
00:58:15,779 --> 00:58:16,973
Oh.
768
00:58:18,539 --> 00:58:21,571
Stop!
769
00:58:26,819 --> 00:58:29,174
Have you just made a delivery to number 11?
770
00:58:29,219 --> 00:58:30,733
That's right, sir. Yeah.
771
00:58:30,780 --> 00:58:32,532
Thank you.
772
00:58:36,780 --> 00:58:39,977
Ah, cousin.
How is your dear grandfather this morning?
773
00:58:40,020 --> 00:58:41,772
- Oh, she's well.
- What?
774
00:58:41,820 --> 00:58:44,812
That is to say, he's just the same -
my grandfather, of course.
775
00:58:44,860 --> 00:58:46,691
Well, I must be off to my Bible class.
776
00:58:46,740 --> 00:58:50,256
Cousin... I mean, Julia.
777
00:58:50,301 --> 00:58:53,134
Master Michael, sir, come quickly!
778
00:58:53,181 --> 00:58:55,775
Your granddad! Come quickly!
779
00:59:02,421 --> 00:59:04,651
Oh... Dr Slattery.
780
00:59:06,181 --> 00:59:09,777
- Am I too late?
- No, no, no. I've just given him a sedative.
781
00:59:12,142 --> 00:59:13,575
Is it anything serious?
782
00:59:13,622 --> 00:59:17,695
As you know, I'm a medical student and I
would understand a more detailed diagnosis.
783
00:59:17,742 --> 00:59:22,770
I see. Well, in that case, what I
think he had... to the nearest guess,
784
00:59:22,822 --> 00:59:26,531
technically speaking, that is,
was a conniption fit.
785
00:59:26,582 --> 00:59:28,891
Oh... yes.
786
00:59:28,942 --> 00:59:31,537
Yes, well, don't worry about it.
787
00:59:31,583 --> 00:59:34,734
Oh, what are you blubbing for, boy? Hm?
788
00:59:34,783 --> 00:59:36,535
Such a good man.
789
00:59:36,583 --> 00:59:39,143
Such a gentle soul to be taken from us.
790
00:59:39,183 --> 00:59:42,175
- What are you talking about?
- My dear departed Uncle Masterman.
791
00:59:42,223 --> 00:59:43,861
He's no more departed than you are,
792
00:59:43,903 --> 00:59:46,781
probably less so, judging from
the last time you consulted me.
793
00:59:46,823 --> 00:59:49,178
How are the boils, by the way, hm?
Disappeared?
794
00:59:49,224 --> 00:59:50,816
Miss Julia.
795
00:59:50,864 --> 00:59:52,502
Excuse me.
796
00:59:53,664 --> 00:59:57,100
Come, Julia. Good day, cousin.
797
00:59:58,424 --> 00:59:59,823
Julia?
798
01:00:15,145 --> 01:00:16,737
Peacock?
799
01:00:19,505 --> 01:00:21,575
What is this? I thought they'd all gone.
800
01:00:23,025 --> 01:00:27,974
I took it to be Lady Pitman's
goods returned, sir.
801
01:00:28,025 --> 01:00:29,618
Oh, dear.
802
01:00:30,666 --> 01:00:32,338
A perfect day ruined.
803
01:00:56,267 --> 01:00:57,746
Dead.
804
01:01:17,388 --> 01:01:18,980
Peacock!
805
01:01:20,708 --> 01:01:22,699
Peacock...
806
01:01:23,748 --> 01:01:27,661
- Uncle Joseph...
- Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you.
807
01:01:27,708 --> 01:01:29,700
He came and went.
808
01:01:29,749 --> 01:01:32,058
- Came and went?
- Yes.
809
01:01:32,109 --> 01:01:33,827
It was terrible, sir.
810
01:01:33,869 --> 01:01:37,384
- Oh, terrible, it was.
- What was?
811
01:01:37,429 --> 01:01:39,340
The altercation between them.
812
01:01:39,389 --> 01:01:41,857
- Altercation?
- Yes, terrible.
813
01:01:41,909 --> 01:01:43,865
Things flying around.
814
01:01:43,909 --> 01:01:46,423
Words, angry words.
815
01:01:46,469 --> 01:01:48,141
And objects.
816
01:01:48,189 --> 01:01:49,703
Objects?
817
01:01:56,910 --> 01:01:58,502
Peacock...
818
01:02:00,870 --> 01:02:03,782
...Grandfather has murdered Uncle Joseph...
819
01:02:05,150 --> 01:02:07,425
And then suffered a conniption fit.
820
01:02:07,470 --> 01:02:09,860
No, never say...
821
01:02:09,911 --> 01:02:13,540
And he did it because he wanted me
to have the tontine.
822
01:02:13,591 --> 01:02:15,388
Mercy on us.
823
01:02:15,431 --> 01:02:17,149
See for yourself, Peacock.
824
01:02:18,831 --> 01:02:20,628
See for yourself.
825
01:02:22,791 --> 01:02:24,429
No.
826
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:33,102
What shall we do, Master Michael?
827
01:02:34,232 --> 01:02:36,382
What shall we do?
828
01:02:36,432 --> 01:02:38,821
There's only one thing to do, Peacock.
829
01:02:39,992 --> 01:02:41,744
We must inform the police.
830
01:02:42,912 --> 01:02:45,506
But your grandfather's good name, sir?
831
01:02:45,552 --> 01:02:47,224
I shall say I did it.
832
01:02:47,272 --> 01:02:49,628
No. I am an old man.
833
01:02:49,673 --> 01:02:52,062
Let me say I did it.
834
01:02:52,113 --> 01:02:55,150
- What was your motive?
- Money.
835
01:02:55,193 --> 01:02:57,753
- They'd never believe you.
- Why not, sir?
836
01:02:57,793 --> 01:03:01,183
After all, I haven't been
paid for seven years.
837
01:03:01,233 --> 01:03:03,269
Begging your pardon, sir.
838
01:03:03,313 --> 01:03:05,065
No, Peacock.
839
01:03:05,113 --> 01:03:07,263
It's a noble gesture...
840
01:03:07,313 --> 01:03:09,544
but I shall plead guilty to the crime.
841
01:03:09,594 --> 01:03:11,312
But think of your career, sir.
842
01:03:11,354 --> 01:03:13,629
You have your whole life before you.
843
01:03:13,674 --> 01:03:15,585
Yes, there is that, of course.
844
01:03:15,634 --> 01:03:18,228
Well, we must think of
something else, then.
845
01:03:19,714 --> 01:03:21,113
Who is it?
846
01:03:21,154 --> 01:03:23,588
I don't know, sir. Shall I ask?
847
01:03:23,634 --> 01:03:25,386
I don't know.
848
01:03:25,434 --> 01:03:27,425
Could it be the police already?
849
01:03:27,474 --> 01:03:30,387
- I don't know. Do they work that fast?
- I don't know.
850
01:03:30,435 --> 01:03:32,153
Hello?
851
01:03:32,195 --> 01:03:34,106
Oh, it's Miss Julia.
852
01:03:36,035 --> 01:03:37,912
Listen, listen, listen.
853
01:03:38,955 --> 01:03:41,310
Take your time getting to the door.
854
01:03:43,835 --> 01:03:45,314
Coming!
855
01:03:50,476 --> 01:03:52,592
I'll slow it down a bit.
856
01:04:06,036 --> 01:04:07,435
Thank you.
857
01:04:08,437 --> 01:04:11,031
I've brought some broth
for Uncle Masterman.
858
01:04:11,077 --> 01:04:14,069
My Uncle Joseph says it has
strong recuperative qualities.
859
01:04:15,677 --> 01:04:16,871
Oh.
860
01:04:18,917 --> 01:04:20,191
Hello.
861
01:04:20,237 --> 01:04:22,228
Oh...
862
01:04:22,277 --> 01:04:25,906
Oh, I've brought a little sustenance
for your dear grandfather.
863
01:04:25,957 --> 01:04:27,595
I thought that...
864
01:04:27,637 --> 01:04:29,230
Oh.
865
01:04:29,278 --> 01:04:30,996
What is it?
866
01:04:31,038 --> 01:04:32,596
Oh.
867
01:04:34,998 --> 01:04:36,875
You haven't any furniture.
868
01:04:36,918 --> 01:04:39,512
- What?
- Oh, how sad.
869
01:04:40,518 --> 01:04:45,194
I always knew you were poor,
but I never imagined anything like this.
870
01:04:45,238 --> 01:04:48,071
- Oh, really?
- Would you mind if I looked around?
871
01:04:48,119 --> 01:04:52,158
- Would you like to look around the hallway?
- I've always wanted an empty room of my own.
872
01:04:52,199 --> 01:04:53,598
Ours is so cluttered.
873
01:04:53,639 --> 01:04:56,437
We have lots of empty rooms.
Would you like to see another one?
874
01:04:56,479 --> 01:04:57,912
Oh!
875
01:04:57,959 --> 01:05:00,792
Oh, how sad.
876
01:05:00,839 --> 01:05:03,592
All you've got left is your piano.
877
01:05:05,239 --> 01:05:07,833
- I learned the pianoforte as I child, but...
- Oh, yes?
878
01:05:07,879 --> 01:05:09,472
...I can never practise.
- No.
879
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:12,353
Cousin Morris will not a permit
an instrument in the house.
880
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:14,868
He says the vibrations
might shatter his eggs.
881
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:16,319
Yes, of course.
882
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:18,715
I think you'll find the
piano's rather out of tune.
883
01:05:18,760 --> 01:05:20,591
Oh, I'm sure not.
884
01:05:28,161 --> 01:05:30,470
My repertoire is somewhat
limited, I'm afraid.
885
01:05:30,521 --> 01:05:32,671
I think I hear my grandfather calling me.
886
01:05:33,761 --> 01:05:35,433
No, I don't think so.
887
01:05:38,001 --> 01:05:40,640
I'm terribly sorry.
It must be cousin Morris calling you.
888
01:05:40,681 --> 01:05:42,273
Yes, that must be it.
889
01:05:42,321 --> 01:05:44,039
In either case, it's one or the other.
890
01:05:44,081 --> 01:05:47,756
And I think we ought see which one of them
wants to see which one of us.
891
01:05:47,801 --> 01:05:49,520
- Goodbye.
- Oh!
892
01:05:54,162 --> 01:05:55,561
Oh.
893
01:05:57,122 --> 01:05:58,760
Forgive me!
894
01:06:00,962 --> 01:06:03,715
What to do, Peacock?
What to do? That's the question.
895
01:06:03,762 --> 01:06:06,834
If I may be allowed to say, sir.
896
01:06:06,882 --> 01:06:09,113
Anything, Peacock, anything.
897
01:06:09,163 --> 01:06:15,875
I have heard that there are, in certain
sectors of this great city, men...
898
01:06:16,923 --> 01:06:18,675
...unscrupulous men, sir,
899
01:06:18,723 --> 01:06:25,162
who, for a price,
will perform the most unsavoury tasks.
900
01:06:30,604 --> 01:06:32,595
Dr Pratt?
901
01:06:32,644 --> 01:06:35,317
Rouse yourself, Dr Pratt.
902
01:06:36,964 --> 01:06:41,037
I assure you, the lady was already dead,
when I arrived, Constable.
903
01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:43,439
- Dr Pratt.
- Come in. Hm?
904
01:06:43,484 --> 01:06:47,033
I was here earlier. You asked me to return.
905
01:06:47,084 --> 01:06:48,518
What?
906
01:06:48,565 --> 01:06:51,443
Oh, yes. Yes, yes. I remember.
907
01:06:51,485 --> 01:06:53,919
- I've got what you wanted.
- Thank you, Doctor.
908
01:06:53,965 --> 01:06:57,844
Blackcurrant jelly.
It contains 12 grains of arsenic.
909
01:06:57,885 --> 01:07:00,274
Just spread it on your
mother's bread and butter.
910
01:07:00,325 --> 01:07:02,475
Doctor, I wanted a death certificate!
911
01:07:04,045 --> 01:07:06,275
Oh, you've done her in already, have you?
912
01:07:06,325 --> 01:07:08,521
- What's this? Is that it?
- Mm? What?
913
01:07:08,566 --> 01:07:11,126
- What's that?
- Oh, yes, this is...
914
01:07:11,166 --> 01:07:13,600
- This is a death certificate.
- Yes.
915
01:07:13,646 --> 01:07:17,161
- I've signed a lot of these in my time.
- Could you sign this one?
916
01:07:17,206 --> 01:07:19,515
Yes, yes, I'll sign this one.
917
01:07:21,086 --> 01:07:24,158
- Give me a hand.
- Up you get, Doctor.
918
01:07:24,206 --> 01:07:26,197
Yes. Yes.
919
01:07:26,766 --> 01:07:30,077
Oh, yes. Before I sign this,
920
01:07:30,127 --> 01:07:36,362
I must do my ablutions according to the
sterile principles laid down by Lord Lister:
921
01:07:36,407 --> 01:07:40,366
"Cleanliness in all things,
even the humblest of tasks."
922
01:07:45,727 --> 01:07:47,764
Oh, that's better.
923
01:07:49,888 --> 01:07:51,879
Now, then.
924
01:07:51,928 --> 01:07:55,716
Oh, look at that. Look at that!
Scarcely human.
925
01:07:56,648 --> 01:07:59,003
- I'll have to see a vet about it.
- Doctor...
926
01:07:59,048 --> 01:08:01,039
- Come in.
- Come on!
927
01:08:02,048 --> 01:08:04,437
Keep taking the pills. You'll be all right.
928
01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:13,758
- Are you all right, Doctor?
- Yes, I'm all right. It's just a fur ball.
929
01:08:13,809 --> 01:08:15,288
It's nothing.
930
01:08:15,329 --> 01:08:18,560
Strange. I haven't had fur for a fortnight.
931
01:08:19,609 --> 01:08:21,964
Now, let's see...
932
01:08:22,009 --> 01:08:25,319
Now... Yes. Er... That's it.
933
01:08:28,690 --> 01:08:30,681
There they are.
934
01:08:30,730 --> 01:08:32,721
- Doctor...
- Mm?
935
01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:36,802
Oh, you want it signed in two places? Yes.
936
01:08:37,650 --> 01:08:39,641
Yes.
937
01:08:40,610 --> 01:08:42,601
P.
938
01:08:44,050 --> 01:08:45,927
- P, Doctor. P.
- Oh, yes.
939
01:08:45,970 --> 01:08:47,768
- P.
- R.
940
01:08:47,811 --> 01:08:52,566
- R...
...A-T-T.
941
01:08:54,851 --> 01:08:56,842
Oh.
942
01:08:57,771 --> 01:09:00,001
MD.
943
01:09:01,011 --> 01:09:03,366
"Pratt MD". Is that your name, as well?
944
01:09:04,691 --> 01:09:07,650
Oh, I've gone and blotted it, now.
It's a small world.
945
01:09:09,052 --> 01:09:12,408
You'd never think that there were
two Pratts in one room, would you?
946
01:09:16,212 --> 01:09:18,248
There we are.
947
01:09:18,292 --> 01:09:21,125
- Thank you, Doctor. Good night.
- Yes. Come in.
948
01:09:23,132 --> 01:09:25,123
Of course, you know...
949
01:09:26,292 --> 01:09:28,488
...I was not always as you see me now.
950
01:09:29,493 --> 01:09:31,848
Was I, Mervin, eh?
951
01:09:31,893 --> 01:09:33,884
Oh, no, you are too young to remember.
952
01:09:36,053 --> 01:09:38,044
Stay away, lad. It's not good for you.
953
01:09:50,934 --> 01:09:52,925
Julia!
954
01:09:52,974 --> 01:09:55,249
Are you mad?
955
01:09:55,294 --> 01:09:58,172
A scream like that
might have shattered my eggs.
956
01:09:58,214 --> 01:10:02,765
Oh, but I was dreaming I was an egg, Morris,
and that an eagle was trying to hatch me.
957
01:10:02,814 --> 01:10:06,204
- Please cover yourself.
- Oh...
958
01:10:06,814 --> 01:10:08,806
What erm...
959
01:10:10,415 --> 01:10:12,975
What news of next door?
960
01:10:13,015 --> 01:10:16,007
Oh, well, very peculiar, Morris.
961
01:10:16,055 --> 01:10:18,250
I took Uncle Masterman some broth
962
01:10:18,295 --> 01:10:21,048
and Michael... Well, he seemed to...
963
01:10:21,095 --> 01:10:25,008
How shall I say it? I...
I think he threw me out.
964
01:10:26,455 --> 01:10:30,654
- Threw you out?
- Yes! What do you think it means, Morris?
965
01:10:30,696 --> 01:10:32,687
Well, it means that erm...
966
01:10:33,536 --> 01:10:35,527
What it means is that erm...
967
01:10:37,096 --> 01:10:39,371
I... don't know what it means.
968
01:10:40,456 --> 01:10:43,334
Morris, am I pretty?
969
01:10:43,376 --> 01:10:45,367
Let me think.
970
01:10:46,296 --> 01:10:48,606
Oh... Never mind.
971
01:10:51,417 --> 01:10:53,408
He's up to something.
972
01:10:54,097 --> 01:10:56,736
It's happened. I know it's happened.
973
01:10:57,617 --> 01:10:59,767
And Michael's trying to cheat us.
974
01:10:59,817 --> 01:11:02,047
Trying to cheat two orphans
out of the tontine.
975
01:11:03,257 --> 01:11:05,248
That must be it!
976
01:11:12,538 --> 01:11:15,894
Peacock? Peacock!
977
01:11:17,978 --> 01:11:20,538
Where is the old fool?
978
01:11:23,458 --> 01:11:26,052
The house is full of fools!
979
01:11:26,098 --> 01:11:29,136
I'm coming, blast you!
980
01:11:46,900 --> 01:11:50,654
I'm coming! I'm coming!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
981
01:11:51,500 --> 01:11:54,856
I'm... Oh! Aagh! Oh!
982
01:12:01,220 --> 01:12:03,575
I'll turn the cart round and stand guard.
983
01:12:16,301 --> 01:12:18,292
Hey...
984
01:12:24,301 --> 01:12:26,371
- Funny.
- Funny, Daddy.
985
01:12:26,421 --> 01:12:28,697
What's all this malarkey
about a piano, then?
986
01:12:29,702 --> 01:12:32,853
Still, he must be the one. Can't be two
in the same house, can there?
987
01:12:32,902 --> 01:12:34,972
Come on, let's get him wrapped up now.
988
01:12:35,022 --> 01:12:37,820
Here, you take his legs,
I'll take his shoulders.
989
01:12:52,743 --> 01:12:55,940
Right, well, thanks for the business, sir.
Good night.
990
01:13:17,584 --> 01:13:19,495
You, there!
991
01:13:19,544 --> 01:13:22,820
- Where are you going with that?
- Er... Chelsea Undertakers, sir.
992
01:13:22,864 --> 01:13:25,253
We have a dead person
what has just deceased.
993
01:13:25,944 --> 01:13:30,939
I see. Well, be about your sacred business.
994
01:13:30,985 --> 01:13:33,818
Thank you, sir.
The compliments of the night to you, sir.
995
01:13:50,706 --> 01:13:56,463
And so, gentlemen, the great tontine
has been won after 63 years
996
01:13:56,506 --> 01:14:00,784
by your uncle erm... Joseph of Finsbury.
997
01:14:00,826 --> 01:14:03,215
Yes, we've telegraphed him in Bournemouth.
998
01:14:03,266 --> 01:14:07,260
He will erm... arrive shortly.
999
01:14:07,307 --> 01:14:12,142
- A most magnificent sum!
- Erm... could we ask... just how magnificent?
1000
01:14:12,187 --> 01:14:14,382
Oh, yes. Well,
1001
01:14:14,427 --> 01:14:20,582
it's the magnificent total of
£111,000 three shillings and thruppence.
1002
01:14:22,627 --> 01:14:24,777
We could continue to administer the fund.
1003
01:14:24,827 --> 01:14:29,219
No, no, no, no, no. Erm... my uncle
gave quite explicit instructions.
1004
01:14:29,268 --> 01:14:32,385
He wants the entire amount
handed over to him.
1005
01:14:32,428 --> 01:14:33,827
- Oh?
- In cash.
1006
01:14:34,468 --> 01:14:37,858
- Immediately.
- Oh. That is most unusual.
1007
01:14:38,948 --> 01:14:40,267
Oh, well. However...
1008
01:14:40,308 --> 01:14:41,787
Well, in that case...
1009
01:14:43,508 --> 01:14:47,468
...would it be convenient for you
to return, say, at three o'clock?
1010
01:14:47,509 --> 01:14:51,502
Ah! We were thinking
more immediately than that.
1011
01:14:51,549 --> 01:14:55,667
Erm... Unless, of course, our new legal
friend could bring it to the house.
1012
01:14:55,709 --> 01:15:00,385
Yes, that would suit. You see, this is sure
to prove a trying day for our dear uncle.
1013
01:15:00,429 --> 01:15:02,863
Mm! The shock of losing a brother, you see.
1014
01:15:02,909 --> 01:15:05,025
Plus the shock of winning the tontine
1015
01:15:05,069 --> 01:15:08,858
- might prove too much for his... weak...
- Terribly weak.
1016
01:15:08,910 --> 01:15:11,470
...heart.
- Mm!
1017
01:15:11,510 --> 01:15:13,899
That's no good. Here! Give it to me.
1018
01:15:13,950 --> 01:15:17,829
Leave it, leave it, leave it! Give it
to me. Now, this time. This time, pull!
1019
01:15:17,870 --> 01:15:20,907
- Pull!
- You know what that is?
1020
01:15:21,830 --> 01:15:25,584
That is stuck. That is what that is.
1021
01:15:26,751 --> 01:15:28,946
Is this the Finsbury residence?
1022
01:15:29,911 --> 01:15:32,300
- Who asks?
- Kindly address me as "Major".
1023
01:15:33,071 --> 01:15:37,826
- Are you a member of this household?
- The butler, Major.
1024
01:15:37,871 --> 01:15:41,181
Does your employer answer to the name
of Masterman Finsbury?
1025
01:15:41,231 --> 01:15:43,825
That was the case, Major.
1026
01:15:43,871 --> 01:15:46,511
Then he is delivered up
and safely returned.
1027
01:15:46,552 --> 01:15:50,989
This poor, misguided man attempted to
take his own immortal life last night.
1028
01:15:51,952 --> 01:15:54,261
- We fished him out of the river.
- Mercy!
1029
01:15:55,152 --> 01:15:57,143
Yes? Did somebody call?
1030
01:15:57,912 --> 01:16:01,951
Later, Mercy. Later! First things first.
Pass him through.
1031
01:16:01,992 --> 01:16:03,983
Come along! Come along!
1032
01:16:07,433 --> 01:16:09,424
Now, you two, give a hand. Come along!
1033
01:16:13,513 --> 01:16:16,391
Get the piano out of the way!
Come on, get moving! Get moving!
1034
01:16:24,753 --> 01:16:27,222
- Where is he usually kept?
- First door.
1035
01:16:27,274 --> 01:16:29,265
Forward, the Army!
1036
01:16:36,274 --> 01:16:38,265
Take him upstairs.
1037
01:16:41,354 --> 01:16:44,426
You ought to count yourself lucky
we were on our toes last night.
1038
01:16:44,474 --> 01:16:46,670
The Lord moves in mysterious ways
1039
01:16:46,715 --> 01:16:49,024
when He is raising money for our cause.
1040
01:16:49,075 --> 01:16:51,953
He will have to move very mysteriously...
1041
01:16:53,395 --> 01:16:55,386
...to raise any boodle here.
1042
01:16:55,995 --> 01:16:58,270
Boodle? What do you mean?
1043
01:16:58,315 --> 01:17:00,875
I am not in charge of the finances.
1044
01:17:02,115 --> 01:17:04,754
You have to wait till
Master Michael returns.
1045
01:17:05,796 --> 01:17:07,787
We can wait.
1046
01:17:08,716 --> 01:17:13,665
- Agh, Master Michael! Oh, poor!
- Ha!
1047
01:17:16,556 --> 01:17:18,547
Here, that boy!
1048
01:17:20,036 --> 01:17:22,596
- Do you want to earn a penny?
- Yeah.
1049
01:17:23,556 --> 01:17:25,912
Here, go to St Mary's hospital.
1050
01:17:25,957 --> 01:17:29,666
- Ask for Mr Michael Finsbury.
- Michael Finsbury?
1051
01:17:53,838 --> 01:17:55,191
Good morning.
1052
01:17:55,238 --> 01:17:57,229
May I be of service in your hour of need?
1053
01:17:57,278 --> 01:18:00,429
Oh... Oh, yes, I've come
to pay my respects.
1054
01:18:01,118 --> 01:18:03,427
Who, may I ask, do you
suffer the sad loss of?
1055
01:18:03,478 --> 01:18:05,709
My uncle, Masterman Finsbury.
1056
01:18:06,679 --> 01:18:08,829
Finsbury?
1057
01:18:08,879 --> 01:18:10,870
"Finsbury" as in "Park"?
1058
01:18:12,239 --> 01:18:14,230
No, the only soul reposing here
1059
01:18:14,279 --> 01:18:17,874
belongs and answers to the name
Wilfred Ebenezer Hackett.
1060
01:18:17,919 --> 01:18:21,958
Oh. Well, Uncle was called many names,
1061
01:18:21,999 --> 01:18:24,229
but that was never one of them.
1062
01:18:24,279 --> 01:18:26,635
- When did your uncle die?
- Late last night.
1063
01:18:27,840 --> 01:18:30,274
In that case,
allow me to present you with my card.
1064
01:18:31,200 --> 01:18:33,475
Er... Er...
1065
01:18:33,520 --> 01:18:37,877
Oh, I appear to have run out.
Business is so brisk these days!
1066
01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:41,993
It is quite obvious, my dear young lady, that
you are in need of my entire organisation.
1067
01:18:42,040 --> 01:18:46,637
When you leave me at the undertakers',
go back to the house, unpack Uncle
1068
01:18:46,681 --> 01:18:50,799
and place him in the hallway,
so that it appears he fell down the stairs.
1069
01:18:50,841 --> 01:18:53,514
Why do I always have the packing
and unpacking to do?
1070
01:18:53,561 --> 01:18:57,793
You're quite right. I can't trust you with
the simplest task. I'd better handle it.
1071
01:18:57,841 --> 01:18:59,832
We haven't got much time.
1072
01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:02,511
Here we are. Get out!
1073
01:19:04,761 --> 01:19:08,232
Tell the undertakers, a simple coffin.
Nothing expensive!
1074
01:19:10,922 --> 01:19:12,913
♪
1075
01:19:41,803 --> 01:19:44,078
Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Finsbury.
1076
01:19:48,684 --> 01:19:50,675
♪
1077
01:20:35,486 --> 01:20:38,478
Brothers and sisters,
our prayers were for nought.
1078
01:20:38,526 --> 01:20:40,835
Hymn 231.
1079
01:20:40,886 --> 01:20:44,481
♪ Onward Christian soldiers
1080
01:20:44,526 --> 01:20:46,438
♪ Marching as to...
1081
01:20:46,487 --> 01:20:48,478
♪
1082
01:20:52,287 --> 01:20:54,278
Most unusual.
1083
01:20:56,647 --> 01:20:58,638
Most unusual!
1084
01:21:00,607 --> 01:21:03,599
I think we'd better pay a call on...
1085
01:21:08,128 --> 01:21:10,119
...on...
1086
01:21:13,088 --> 01:21:15,966
Hm... Yes!
1087
01:21:18,248 --> 01:21:22,036
I think we'll pay a call on...
1088
01:21:24,288 --> 01:21:26,678
- Michael Finsbury, sir?
- I know, I know!
1089
01:21:27,649 --> 01:21:29,640
Michael Finsbury, naturally.
1090
01:21:30,849 --> 01:21:33,044
♪
1091
01:21:45,130 --> 01:21:47,439
- Bring that down, will you?
- Right, sir.
1092
01:22:51,213 --> 01:22:53,204
Mr Patience.
1093
01:22:55,493 --> 01:22:57,848
- What means this?
- Our dead uncle.
1094
01:22:58,133 --> 01:23:01,523
My cousin should never have broken
the glad news at the top of the stairs.
1095
01:23:01,573 --> 01:23:04,372
- Why? What happened?
- Well, the poor old chap...
1096
01:23:05,294 --> 01:23:09,492
...broke his noodle.
- I see. You mean it... it proved fatal?
1097
01:23:09,534 --> 01:23:12,128
Oh, totally. Excuse me.
1098
01:23:12,174 --> 01:23:14,165
Allow me.
1099
01:23:27,735 --> 01:23:30,772
Er...
1100
01:23:33,615 --> 01:23:35,094
Morris?
1101
01:23:39,695 --> 01:23:41,447
Morris!
1102
01:23:44,976 --> 01:23:47,729
Morris?
1103
01:23:50,176 --> 01:23:52,167
Excuse me.
1104
01:23:53,296 --> 01:23:55,491
Morris!
1105
01:23:56,536 --> 01:23:58,527
Morris!
1106
01:23:58,576 --> 01:24:02,046
Patience is here with the boodle.
Where is Uncle Joseph?
1107
01:24:02,096 --> 01:24:06,693
- I say, she's a bit of all right!
- "Where is Uncle Joseph," indeed, you cretin!
1108
01:24:06,737 --> 01:24:09,649
- I sent him to you in a barrel!
- Oh? What's this?
1109
01:24:09,697 --> 01:24:13,326
- You realise we're ruined?
- I think I know what's happened.
1110
01:24:14,497 --> 01:24:18,012
- There's been a mix-up.
- You imbecile!
1111
01:24:18,057 --> 01:24:19,570
Let go of me!
1112
01:24:19,617 --> 01:24:22,689
♪ Leads against the foe
1113
01:24:23,377 --> 01:24:26,575
♪ Forward into battle
1114
01:24:26,618 --> 01:24:29,371
♪ See His banners...
1115
01:24:30,458 --> 01:24:32,289
- Oh, help him up!
- Are you all right?
1116
01:24:32,338 --> 01:24:35,410
- Are you all right? Get him on his feet.
- Yes.
1117
01:24:35,458 --> 01:24:37,449
And that, sir, is that.
1118
01:24:37,498 --> 01:24:40,296
The doctor left this death certificate.
1119
01:24:43,418 --> 01:24:45,410
One moment!
1120
01:24:46,979 --> 01:24:51,370
Pray, what is going on? Hmm?
1121
01:24:56,299 --> 01:24:59,496
Ah! Erm... Thank you.
1122
01:24:59,539 --> 01:25:01,530
Well, what... what is this?
1123
01:25:01,579 --> 01:25:05,289
- What's what?
- Well, today's the 12th. This is dated the 13th.
1124
01:25:05,340 --> 01:25:08,412
Well, here today and gone tomorrow.
1125
01:25:08,460 --> 01:25:10,769
Surely a mere formality, sir?
1126
01:25:10,820 --> 01:25:15,052
You have our words as English gentlemen
that our uncle is... no longer with us.
1127
01:25:16,660 --> 01:25:21,097
I wonder... I wonder if you could give us
a few more moments alone with him
1128
01:25:21,140 --> 01:25:25,054
- before you remove his mortal remains.
- Of course, sir.
1129
01:25:25,101 --> 01:25:28,298
- Please indulge yourself.
- Thank you.
1130
01:25:28,341 --> 01:25:32,778
Well, in that case, perhaps it'd be as well if I
returned another day for the transfer of the...
1131
01:25:32,821 --> 01:25:34,220
Oh, no, no.
1132
01:25:34,261 --> 01:25:37,856
- What must be done... must be done.
- Er... yes.
1133
01:25:37,901 --> 01:25:41,132
- We must...
- Curb our natural grief.
1134
01:25:42,141 --> 01:25:44,133
- Exactly.
- Yes.
1135
01:25:44,182 --> 01:25:50,576
♪ With the cross of Jesus going on before
1136
01:25:51,702 --> 01:25:55,297
♪ Onward Christian soldiers
1137
01:25:59,142 --> 01:26:04,979
♪ With the cross of Jesus going on before
1138
01:26:05,023 --> 01:26:06,422
No...
1139
01:26:10,103 --> 01:26:13,015
Brothers and sisters,
our prayers have been answered!
1140
01:26:13,063 --> 01:26:15,179
Hymn 224!
1141
01:26:15,223 --> 01:26:19,262
♪ All things bright and beautiful
1142
01:26:20,143 --> 01:26:24,342
You were too keen to get me buried, sir!
The point is... The point is,
1143
01:26:24,384 --> 01:26:28,263
I did not kill my brother Joseph!
I tried to, but I failed.
1144
01:26:28,304 --> 01:26:31,660
Grandfather... - Stop your
spluttering and allow me to speak!
1145
01:26:31,704 --> 01:26:34,377
The point is, the tontine is ours!
1146
01:26:34,424 --> 01:26:37,257
Well, it certainly isn't yours
and it must be returned!
1147
01:26:37,904 --> 01:26:40,657
- It must be returned at once!
- You can't!
1148
01:26:40,704 --> 01:26:43,264
You can't ask that of two
innocent little orphans!
1149
01:26:43,304 --> 01:26:46,581
You couldn't take it back now!
You gave it to us. It's ours!
1150
01:26:46,625 --> 01:26:50,777
I put it to you, gentlemen, that Masterman
Finsbury is alive and your uncle dead.
1151
01:26:50,825 --> 01:26:54,295
- I have his death certificate!
- It's a mistake! It says he died tomorrow!
1152
01:26:54,345 --> 01:26:56,142
- Relinquish that dresser.
- Never!
1153
01:26:56,185 --> 01:26:58,574
And please do not touch me!
1154
01:26:58,625 --> 01:27:02,140
Ooh! You touched me!
1155
01:27:03,266 --> 01:27:05,734
- Er... you may remove the body now.
- Certainly, sir.
1156
01:27:09,866 --> 01:27:11,902
Stop them! Stop them! They have the money.
1157
01:27:13,266 --> 01:27:15,416
Get this...
1158
01:27:16,426 --> 01:27:17,495
Stop!
1159
01:27:19,706 --> 01:27:21,697
Come on!
1160
01:27:22,706 --> 01:27:24,698
Stop them!
1161
01:27:24,747 --> 01:27:26,977
- Stop them, they've got the tontine!
- Julia!
1162
01:27:32,267 --> 01:27:33,859
Stop!
1163
01:27:43,668 --> 01:27:46,580
Stop them! They've got the tontine!
Stop them!
1164
01:27:53,428 --> 01:27:56,500
Could you tell me
where I could find Michael Finsbury?
1165
01:27:56,548 --> 01:28:00,780
It's Morris Finsbury you want!
He's just made off with £100,000!
1166
01:28:00,828 --> 01:28:02,819
- What? Where?
- That way!
1167
01:28:02,868 --> 01:28:04,860
In a hearse!
1168
01:28:05,629 --> 01:28:08,860
This man was a witness.
1169
01:28:14,949 --> 01:28:16,382
Seize him.
1170
01:28:21,629 --> 01:28:23,700
It's obvious we are not needed here.
1171
01:28:23,750 --> 01:28:26,139
We brought the Gospel,
but they would not listen.
1172
01:28:27,070 --> 01:28:28,298
Damn them all!
1173
01:28:28,350 --> 01:28:30,341
♪ Triumphant march
1174
01:28:54,511 --> 01:28:56,467
Come on. Come on. Hey!
1175
01:28:56,511 --> 01:29:00,265
Halt! In the name of the law...
1176
01:29:00,311 --> 01:29:04,988
...follow those hearses!
- Stop! Wait for me!
1177
01:29:05,872 --> 01:29:07,863
♪ Upbeat march
1178
01:29:23,833 --> 01:29:25,824
♪ Solemn funeral march
1179
01:29:57,794 --> 01:29:59,785
♪ Solemn funeral march
1180
01:30:15,195 --> 01:30:16,310
Giddy-up! Giddy-up!
1181
01:30:37,076 --> 01:30:39,306
♪ Upbeat march
1182
01:30:43,517 --> 01:30:46,475
♪ Lively trumpet solo
1183
01:31:55,440 --> 01:31:57,556
It is, as you know, a statistical fact
1184
01:31:57,600 --> 01:32:00,717
that in London one person dies
every 25 seconds,
1185
01:32:01,280 --> 01:32:03,715
which means it is extremely probable
that one of us
1186
01:32:03,761 --> 01:32:06,594
may not even live to
arrive at the cemetery.
1187
01:32:18,841 --> 01:32:21,480
Morris, I think there's
been another mix-up.
1188
01:32:21,521 --> 01:32:23,797
- We've got a body instead of the boodle.
- What?
1189
01:32:25,442 --> 01:32:27,433
We must go to the cemetery!
1190
01:32:54,883 --> 01:32:57,397
Quick. Get the flag. They'll never notice.
1191
01:32:57,443 --> 01:32:59,718
I will recall, Mrs Hackett,
1192
01:32:59,763 --> 01:33:03,313
that your late husband showed me
another kindness on February 3rd.
1193
01:33:03,364 --> 01:33:08,802
- No, February 4th. Another kindness, by...
- And it was kind of him to pass on, wasn't it?
1194
01:33:08,844 --> 01:33:14,282
Wasn't it? Gave you a better chance
of the tontine! Hypocrite! You hypocrite!
1195
01:33:14,324 --> 01:33:17,839
Don't touch me!
1196
01:33:19,364 --> 01:33:22,721
Now, come, Mrs Hackett.
You mustn't spoil this beautiful occasion.
1197
01:33:22,765 --> 01:33:26,838
Perfidious! How dare...
1198
01:33:37,965 --> 01:33:40,001
What have you done with Mr Hackett?
1199
01:33:40,045 --> 01:33:42,082
Look at the size of that coffin!
1200
01:33:42,126 --> 01:33:45,835
That's only part of him!
He weighed 15 stone.
1201
01:33:45,886 --> 01:33:48,320
And look at that ridiculous flag!
1202
01:33:48,366 --> 01:33:52,200
He hated England!
1203
01:34:04,807 --> 01:34:08,117
Excuse me, you have our body.
Erm... our Yorkshire terrier.
1204
01:34:08,167 --> 01:34:09,725
He would have been 14 tomorrow.
1205
01:34:09,767 --> 01:34:12,361
Poor little beggar.
1206
01:34:14,647 --> 01:34:16,319
Hey! Get back!
1207
01:34:20,527 --> 01:34:23,281
Excuse... Excuse me!
1208
01:34:23,328 --> 01:34:25,888
Stop! Thief! Stop! Thief!
1209
01:34:29,528 --> 01:34:32,361
Let us remember where we are!
1210
01:34:37,168 --> 01:34:39,159
- Aaah!
- Aargh!
1211
01:34:44,529 --> 01:34:46,485
- Oh!
Oh, my!
1212
01:34:54,449 --> 01:34:56,440
Uncle...
1213
01:35:00,369 --> 01:35:02,361
That's him.
1214
01:35:04,490 --> 01:35:07,288
Please. May we begin?
1215
01:35:08,690 --> 01:35:12,285
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
together in the sight of God
1216
01:35:12,330 --> 01:35:16,767
and in the face of this congregation
to join this man and this woman...
1217
01:35:18,250 --> 01:35:21,162
No, no - that's not it. Er... Er...
1218
01:35:21,210 --> 01:35:23,520
- Aah!
- Ugh!
1219
01:35:23,571 --> 01:35:27,803
I must have quiet! I demand the silence
due this solemn occasion!
1220
01:35:30,011 --> 01:35:31,922
Uncle Joseph!
1221
01:35:38,491 --> 01:35:41,564
- Just where you belong, Jo-jo.
- Oh!
1222
01:35:41,612 --> 01:35:43,921
Please! I beg of you, sir!
1223
01:35:43,972 --> 01:35:48,284
- Get off him, all of you!
- Ladies! Gentlemen!
1224
01:35:48,332 --> 01:35:51,244
I beg of you to conduct
your business elsewhere.
1225
01:35:51,292 --> 01:35:55,410
- What do you mean, elsewhere?
- Not you, of course, Mrs Hackett.
1226
01:35:58,532 --> 01:36:00,523
Uncle Joseph.
1227
01:36:01,533 --> 01:36:02,886
Let us begin...
1228
01:36:03,813 --> 01:36:07,852
Man that is born of a woman
hath but a short time to live
1229
01:36:07,893 --> 01:36:09,565
and is full of misery.
1230
01:36:09,613 --> 01:36:13,242
He cometh up and is cut down like a flower.
1231
01:36:13,293 --> 01:36:16,091
He fleeth as it were a shadow
1232
01:36:16,133 --> 01:36:19,091
and never continueth in one stay.
1233
01:36:19,133 --> 01:36:21,728
In the midst of life, we are in death.
1234
01:36:21,774 --> 01:36:25,926
- Of whom may we seek for succour...
- Stop! Stop this funeral.
1235
01:36:26,894 --> 01:36:31,012
I demand the money to be returned.
The tontine has yet to be won.
1236
01:36:31,054 --> 01:36:33,363
If fate names me the winner,
1237
01:36:33,414 --> 01:36:36,133
the entire amount goes to my ward, Julia.
1238
01:36:39,054 --> 01:36:42,047
Julia, my darling, I've always loved you.
Be mine tonight.
1239
01:36:42,095 --> 01:36:44,086
Better still, be mine.
1240
01:36:44,135 --> 01:36:49,129
Let us begin. Man that is born of woman
hath but a short time to live
1241
01:36:49,175 --> 01:36:51,735
and is full of misery.
1242
01:36:53,055 --> 01:36:55,250
What's going on? What is it? Come on.
1243
01:36:55,295 --> 01:36:57,490
Please, sir, I beg of you.
There's a dead man here.
1244
01:36:57,535 --> 01:36:58,854
All right, no-one move!
1245
01:37:07,496 --> 01:37:09,407
- Finsbury?
Yes?
1246
01:37:12,416 --> 01:37:14,930
- Morris Finsbury?
- Yes.
1247
01:37:14,976 --> 01:37:18,366
Morris Finsbury, I arrest you
for stealing £100,000.
1248
01:37:18,416 --> 01:37:21,295
- But the money has been returned, sir.
- And who are you, sir?
1249
01:37:21,337 --> 01:37:24,966
- Some sort of accomplice?
- Certainly not! I am his solicitor.
1250
01:37:25,017 --> 01:37:27,247
You've brought a solicitor
with you, have you?
1251
01:37:27,297 --> 01:37:30,607
- I've met your type before.
- No, I'm the administrator of the tontine!
1252
01:37:30,657 --> 01:37:33,569
- "Tontine"?
- Named after Lorenzo Tonti,
1253
01:37:33,617 --> 01:37:36,973
- a Neapolitan banker.
- And who are you, sir?
1254
01:37:37,017 --> 01:37:39,690
- I...
- He's nobody. He's my young brother.
1255
01:37:39,737 --> 01:37:41,808
- And who are you, sir?
- None of your business.
1256
01:37:42,458 --> 01:37:44,813
I shall have you arrested
for indecent exposure!
1257
01:37:45,618 --> 01:37:47,813
My grandfather was recently buried, sir.
1258
01:37:47,858 --> 01:37:49,655
And who are you, sir?
1259
01:37:49,698 --> 01:37:51,689
He is Michael Finsbury.
1260
01:37:51,738 --> 01:37:53,091
And who are you, madam?
1261
01:37:53,138 --> 01:37:56,653
She is Julia Finsbury, shortly to become...
1262
01:37:57,618 --> 01:37:59,176
...Julia Finsbury.
1263
01:37:59,218 --> 01:38:02,052
Young man, did you know
there was a body in the piano?
1264
01:38:04,339 --> 01:38:06,330
I did it.
1265
01:38:09,459 --> 01:38:11,654
- Who is he?
- He is the butler, sir.
1266
01:38:11,699 --> 01:38:14,657
- The butler did it?
- No, sir.
1267
01:38:15,579 --> 01:38:17,729
- I put the body there.
- Is this true?
1268
01:38:17,779 --> 01:38:21,659
- Yes, sir.
- Then you are entitled to a reward of £1,000.
1269
01:38:21,700 --> 01:38:25,898
You are responsible for bringing
the Bournemouth Strangler to his just end.
1270
01:38:25,940 --> 01:38:28,215
£1,000?
1271
01:38:29,340 --> 01:38:31,729
Oh, but I... I don't deserve it.
1272
01:38:31,780 --> 01:38:34,692
- The body just arrived in a barrel.
- I sent it.
1273
01:38:34,740 --> 01:38:38,494
- And who are you, sir?
- He is of diminished responsibility, Officer.
1274
01:38:38,540 --> 01:38:43,376
It was all my doing. If there's any justice
in this naughty world, the reward is mine.
1275
01:38:43,421 --> 01:38:45,173
And who are you?
1276
01:38:45,221 --> 01:38:47,496
You remember me. Morris Finsbury.
1277
01:38:47,541 --> 01:38:50,658
I was falsely accused of stealing £100,000,
1278
01:38:50,701 --> 01:38:52,532
whereas, in fact, it was me and me alone
1279
01:38:52,581 --> 01:38:56,620
who was responsible for bringing the
Bournemouth Strangler to his just deserts.
98504
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