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1
00:00:04,218 --> 00:00:06,226
*THE MICK*
Season 02 Episode 13
Title: "The Dump"
2
00:00:09,155 --> 00:00:10,815
[Pigeons cooing]
3
00:00:10,821 --> 00:00:13,546
Damn it, Chip! You forgot
to bring him in last night.
4
00:00:13,945 --> 00:00:16,030
- Shoo! Get out of here!
- Be gone! Be gone!
5
00:00:16,098 --> 00:00:17,288
- Shoo!
- Go.
6
00:00:17,455 --> 00:00:19,064
You're the one
who wheeled him out here.
7
00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:20,968
Yeah, well, I can't
have him watching me eat.
8
00:00:21,084 --> 00:00:23,199
His skin looks like oatmeal.
It's disgusting.
9
00:00:23,449 --> 00:00:25,099
What the hell'd you guys
do the colonel?
10
00:00:25,167 --> 00:00:26,495
Chip left him outside
all night.
11
00:00:26,588 --> 00:00:28,566
Don't put this on me!
I'm not his frickin' nurse.
12
00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,237
No, you're his family.
13
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,127
You two are unbelievable.
14
00:00:32,221 --> 00:00:34,177
This poor bastard
opens up his home to us,
15
00:00:34,245 --> 00:00:35,481
and this is how
you repay him?
16
00:00:35,549 --> 00:00:37,283
You're lucky that
he's still kind of alive.
17
00:00:37,367 --> 00:00:39,130
Oh, please.
If he still had his vocal cords,
18
00:00:39,198 --> 00:00:41,268
he'd tell you to get your
lazy ass out of his house.
19
00:00:41,336 --> 00:00:42,487
Hey! When I was your age,
20
00:00:42,555 --> 00:00:44,137
I shared a room
with my grandfather,
21
00:00:44,205 --> 00:00:45,871
and he used to have
nightmares about the war,
22
00:00:45,939 --> 00:00:47,687
and try and ride me
around like his horse.
23
00:00:47,755 --> 00:00:49,877
The least you can do is
take this guy to the groomer.
24
00:00:49,945 --> 00:00:51,312
- Long hair is in again.
- Yeah.
25
00:00:51,379 --> 00:00:52,971
If you love him so much,
you take him.
26
00:00:53,039 --> 00:00:54,805
Can't.
I got plans.
27
00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:57,250
Oh, really?
What plans?
28
00:00:58,219 --> 00:01:00,916
Important plans...
that are none of your business.
29
00:01:00,984 --> 00:01:02,210
Yeah, well,
I got plans, too.
30
00:01:02,277 --> 00:01:03,779
The new Kevin Durants are
dropping today.
31
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:06,104
I got to get in line.
They're coke white. So sick.
32
00:01:06,175 --> 00:01:08,448
They make Yeezy Red Octobers
look like Stan Smiths.
33
00:01:08,523 --> 00:01:09,559
You hear that, Colonel?
34
00:01:09,626 --> 00:01:12,433
Your grandson's leaving
you for footwear. Excuse me.
35
00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:15,942
[Sabrina sighs heavily]
I don't know. Maybe he's right.
36
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,343
I mean,
we can't leave him like this.
37
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,972
The man looks like a melted candle.
38
00:01:19,528 --> 00:01:20,662
All right, well, tonight,
39
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:22,099
we'll shave him
and hose him down.
40
00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,097
Chip, we got to do
something now.
41
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,964
- But what about my kicks?
- Too bad!
42
00:01:26,058 --> 00:01:28,380
- I can't lug him around by myself.
- He's got wheels.
43
00:01:28,448 --> 00:01:31,355
Great, so you can wheel him to the car,
and I'll get the keys.
44
00:01:35,318 --> 00:01:36,620
Nah.
45
00:01:37,512 --> 00:01:41,548
[Children laughing]
46
00:01:44,552 --> 00:01:46,771
[SCREAMS]
What?! No!
47
00:01:46,847 --> 00:01:49,693
No! Who threw this?!
No...
48
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:52,466
- So help me, God, I...
- [Mickey sighs, Children giggle]
49
00:01:52,637 --> 00:01:54,213
I got to get off this bus
before I lose it.
50
00:01:54,290 --> 00:01:56,247
Oh. The sanitation center
was not nearly
51
00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:57,365
as awesome as
you promised.
52
00:01:57,432 --> 00:01:59,995
- Yeah, so I lied to you. Get over it.
- I loved it!
53
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,440
The floor was all gooey, and
my shoes made a noise like...
54
00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:03,691
- [Makes squishing sounds]
- Ugh.
55
00:02:03,758 --> 00:02:05,878
Can you guys come on
every field trip from now on?
56
00:02:05,955 --> 00:02:06,966
No.
57
00:02:07,034 --> 00:02:09,778
Who learns anything at the dump?
It's outrageous.
58
00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:11,958
You have any idea how much
money we give this school?
59
00:02:12,026 --> 00:02:13,666
- How much?
- What?
60
00:02:13,874 --> 00:02:14,882
Money.
61
00:02:14,971 --> 00:02:16,869
Oh, I don't know,
but I'm guessing it's a lot.
62
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,340
If I wanted to work in a dump,
I would get in a time machine
63
00:02:19,408 --> 00:02:20,981
and go back
to the worse summer of my life
64
00:02:21,049 --> 00:02:22,182
where I worked in a dump.
65
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,502
If Gibbons ever tries
to force me
66
00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:24,623
into something like this again,
67
00:02:24,690 --> 00:02:26,880
I will snatch his ass
right out of his pants.
68
00:02:26,948 --> 00:02:28,402
You forced me to come.
69
00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:29,932
I didn't force you into anything.
70
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,835
Oh, you said if I don't come,
I will be your enemy.
71
00:02:33,416 --> 00:02:34,713
It's a figure of speech.
72
00:02:34,885 --> 00:02:36,440
You don't treat me
like an equal.
73
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,526
Oh, shut up, dummy.
I treat you fine.
74
00:02:43,787 --> 00:02:45,454
No, no, no, no, no!
Sit down! Sit down!
75
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:46,742
Got to do a quick head count.
76
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,250
Two, four, six, eight,
ten, 12, four... Sit down!
77
00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:50,664
[Muttering]
78
00:02:50,774 --> 00:02:52,828
- 21?
- Yeah, that's what I got.
79
00:02:52,980 --> 00:02:54,213
Two, four, six, eight,
80
00:02:54,281 --> 00:02:55,844
ten, 12... [MUTTERING]
81
00:02:55,984 --> 00:02:57,823
- 21.
- Yeah, 21.
82
00:02:57,891 --> 00:02:58,588
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
83
00:02:58,655 --> 00:03:00,168
How's that possible?
We left the dump with 20.
84
00:03:00,235 --> 00:03:01,884
- What?
- What, did we pick up an extra kid?
85
00:03:01,951 --> 00:03:02,956
No.
86
00:03:03,024 --> 00:03:05,102
All right, raise your
hand if you go to Lockwood.
87
00:03:08,142 --> 00:03:09,627
You...
what's your name?
88
00:03:09,712 --> 00:03:11,990
Hey, Benny, you know this kid?
89
00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,498
- I've never seen him.
- What?
90
00:03:14,615 --> 00:03:16,858
Boy,
did you come from the dump?
91
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,803
Hello? Speak to me.
92
00:03:19,889 --> 00:03:21,045
ŸHablas español?
93
00:03:21,561 --> 00:03:22,929
Welcome back.
94
00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:24,680
Did we have fun?
95
00:03:24,748 --> 00:03:26,990
Oh, gosh, what a dump.
What a dump.
96
00:03:27,303 --> 00:03:29,998
Nice work. Looks like
everyone made it back alive.
97
00:03:30,671 --> 00:03:32,475
Yeah, and then some.
98
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:40,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
99
00:03:45,254 --> 00:03:47,113
Hey, Chip,
think you forgot something.
100
00:03:47,285 --> 00:03:49,756
Sabrina. Sabrina, wait.
No, you can't leave him here.
101
00:03:49,824 --> 00:03:52,707
Hey, hey!
Take him back. Go. [GROANS]
102
00:03:52,864 --> 00:03:54,105
Chip!
103
00:03:56,272 --> 00:03:58,192
Why do you want to look
like these idiots anyway?
104
00:03:58,315 --> 00:04:00,293
This dude's wearing
tights and a tunic.
105
00:04:00,418 --> 00:04:03,188
Sabrina,
you know nothing about culture.
106
00:04:03,256 --> 00:04:04,527
[Chip groans]
107
00:04:04,595 --> 00:04:06,652
- Get him out of here!
- No!
108
00:04:09,144 --> 00:04:10,707
Dude, you took my spot.
109
00:04:12,638 --> 00:04:13,717
Damn it, Sabrina.
110
00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:15,317
Now I have to go all the
way to the back of the line.
111
00:04:15,384 --> 00:04:16,412
You've ruined my life!
112
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:17,765
Chip, you don't even
play basketball.
113
00:04:17,832 --> 00:04:19,898
You're four foot two and
you have the legs of a bird.
114
00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:21,498
They're not for basketball.
115
00:04:21,566 --> 00:04:24,059
They're on his lifestyle line.
God, I hate you!
116
00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:26,613
Yo, little man,
go ahead and
117
00:04:26,681 --> 00:04:29,081
grab yourself a pair of Durants
so you can help your grandpa.
118
00:04:29,473 --> 00:04:30,918
- Seriously?
- Most def.
119
00:04:30,986 --> 00:04:33,426
You shouldn't have to choose
between sneakers and family.
120
00:04:35,452 --> 00:04:37,053
My man! [LAUGHS]
121
00:04:37,635 --> 00:04:39,511
BEN: ♪ We're going back to the dump ♪
122
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,676
- ♪ Dump, dump, dump, we're going... ♪
- Okay, relax.
123
00:04:41,744 --> 00:04:43,070
We're just dropping off
your friend,
124
00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:44,584
and then we're going
straight home.
125
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,509
It's okay that
we're doing this, right?
126
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,473
Of course.
We didn't do anything wrong.
127
00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:50,499
If anything, we'll be
celebrated for returning him.
128
00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:52,271
This whole thing is a big
misunderstanding.
129
00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:53,517
Cops, cops. Drive, drive.
130
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,872
- Drive, drive, drive. Drive.
- Why? What?
131
00:04:54,939 --> 00:04:56,606
- Go, go, go, go, go. Keep driving.
- Okay, okay.
132
00:04:56,673 --> 00:04:57,842
[Engine revving]
133
00:04:57,909 --> 00:04:59,658
My Aunt Mickey hates cops.
134
00:05:01,119 --> 00:05:02,940
Okay,
Ben here's some snacks.
135
00:05:03,007 --> 00:05:04,072
Why don't you take Dump
136
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,924
- and go show him your room?
- Come on, Dump, this way.
137
00:05:09,129 --> 00:05:12,340
- His name is Dump now?
- We had to call him something.
138
00:05:12,454 --> 00:05:14,031
Well, can't we do better than Dump?
139
00:05:14,099 --> 00:05:15,580
Sure, Alba.
What do you want to call him?
140
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,762
- Ignacio, after my great...
- Cool, sounds good.
141
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:19,780
- What the hell are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
142
00:05:19,848 --> 00:05:21,471
You're the one that made me
drive away.
143
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:22,960
Cops make me nervous.
144
00:05:23,069 --> 00:05:24,874
But I do know that
we just need to stay calm
145
00:05:24,942 --> 00:05:26,490
because we did not do
anything wrong.
146
00:05:26,707 --> 00:05:28,046
Well, except we brought him home.
147
00:05:28,114 --> 00:05:29,775
Yeah, yeah, we did that.
148
00:05:29,843 --> 00:05:32,814
Okay, but maybe the cops were
looking for something else.
149
00:05:32,882 --> 00:05:34,109
- You know, it's a dump!
- Mm.
150
00:05:34,177 --> 00:05:36,007
People dispose of all kinds of
shady stuff.
151
00:05:36,075 --> 00:05:37,923
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so, we go back,
152
00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:39,600
and we talk to them,
and we sort it all out.
153
00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:42,087
What are you, nuts?
Nah, they-they go poking around
154
00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:43,304
into our business,
and before you know it,
155
00:05:43,371 --> 00:05:44,891
I'm doing hard time,
and you're deported.
156
00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:47,398
- Well, I'm a citizen.
- They don't care anymore!
157
00:05:48,152 --> 00:05:50,207
- Well... Oh, that is true.
- But
158
00:05:50,297 --> 00:05:52,675
we could call the cops and
find out what they know.
159
00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:54,187
I just said that.
160
00:05:54,255 --> 00:05:56,097
You said talk to them,
which is absurd.
161
00:05:56,165 --> 00:05:57,931
I said call them.
Much smarter.
162
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,908
Okay, okay, fine, we call them.
163
00:05:59,976 --> 00:06:02,275
What? Are you insane?!
Not from our phone.
164
00:06:02,343 --> 00:06:03,539
Are you trying to get us arrested?
165
00:06:03,606 --> 00:06:05,023
Well, you said we were innocent.
166
00:06:05,091 --> 00:06:07,590
Ah, we are. Will you just
please listen to me, all right?
167
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,523
Go grab Ben and Ignacio
and meet me in the car.
168
00:06:09,591 --> 00:06:11,484
- Okay.
- And do you know what? I got to say,
169
00:06:11,552 --> 00:06:13,438
after hearing it on its feet,
we're going back to "Dump."
170
00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:15,964
- I don't like "Ignacio." It's stupid.
- [Alba Scoffs]
171
00:06:20,404 --> 00:06:21,861
I can't believe
they let you cut the line.
172
00:06:21,928 --> 00:06:23,363
This guy's like a celebrity.
173
00:06:23,693 --> 00:06:25,626
And they gave us free kicks.
174
00:06:25,790 --> 00:06:28,371
These are straight fire
and impossible to get.
175
00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:30,871
Kids... they're getting
stomped on over these.
176
00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:33,254
I'm gonna be straight
dunking on fools.
177
00:06:33,756 --> 00:06:34,816
Kobe!
178
00:06:35,718 --> 00:06:37,480
Thought they were
a lifestyle shoe.
179
00:06:37,738 --> 00:06:39,405
They are,
but you can still hoop in 'em.
180
00:06:39,473 --> 00:06:40,794
God, you're so ignorant.
181
00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:44,197
Do you think everybody would
treat the colonel like that?
182
00:06:44,265 --> 00:06:46,255
Probably.
When I said he was a war hero,
183
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,519
- they all looked like they were gonna cry.
- Ah.
184
00:06:48,714 --> 00:06:50,581
Oh, what sweet children.
185
00:06:50,825 --> 00:06:52,401
Those are
some dope kicks, Gramps.
186
00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:54,779
Wow. People are really suckers
for old men in wheelchairs.
187
00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:56,912
Yo, am I a horrible
person for thinking, like,
188
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,248
what else
we could we get out of him?
189
00:06:58,315 --> 00:07:00,862
No. This is way better than
getting crapped on by birds.
190
00:07:01,326 --> 00:07:03,466
Yeah, he's out here,
he's getting fresh air,
191
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:04,702
getting the respect
he deserves.
192
00:07:04,769 --> 00:07:06,082
Yeah, we're not doing
anything wrong.
193
00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:08,270
I mean, last I checked,
this was a free country.
194
00:07:08,338 --> 00:07:09,901
[Scoffs] Yeah, thanks to him.
195
00:07:09,969 --> 00:07:11,956
Exactly. This is what he fought for.
196
00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:15,151
You know what? I have an idea.
Let's get him cleaned up.
197
00:07:22,284 --> 00:07:24,847
Hey, wake up.
Sorry, gotta use this phone.
198
00:07:24,915 --> 00:07:26,552
I'm sure you know it's
kinda the last pay phone
199
00:07:26,619 --> 00:07:28,519
in the world, so move it...
Hyah.
200
00:07:29,275 --> 00:07:32,037
- Ah! Ew! God, why is it so wet?
- Ugh.
201
00:07:32,237 --> 00:07:33,722
- Here.
- What? Why do I have to call?
202
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,602
Because I've done
literally everything else.
203
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,608
You want to be equals,
start pulling your weight.
204
00:07:37,676 --> 00:07:38,856
[Groans]
205
00:07:40,073 --> 00:07:41,244
OPERATOR: 911 emergency.
206
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:44,446
Yo, yo, you jive-ass turkey.
207
00:07:44,514 --> 00:07:46,673
What's the skinny on the
po-po down at the dump?
208
00:07:46,741 --> 00:07:47,665
OPERATOR: I'm sorry?
209
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:50,321
The coppers down at
Fairfield county sanitation,
210
00:07:50,488 --> 00:07:51,854
you mark-ass trick.
211
00:07:51,921 --> 00:07:53,291
OPERATOR: Are you
calling to report a crime?
212
00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:56,310
You tell me, Jack.
Five-O be buggin' me out!
213
00:07:56,378 --> 00:07:58,619
OPERATOR: I'll patch you through
to the detective on the case.
214
00:07:58,686 --> 00:07:59,851
What are you doing?
215
00:07:59,919 --> 00:08:01,888
I disguise my voice to protect my identity.
216
00:08:02,042 --> 00:08:03,667
Yeah. Yeah, I got that part.
217
00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:05,187
Did you have to be so racist?
218
00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:07,120
Is that how you think
black people talk?
219
00:08:07,188 --> 00:08:10,181
No! Who said anything about
talking like a black person?
220
00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:11,908
That was
a cool white lady.
221
00:08:12,330 --> 00:08:16,022
Oh, no, you're a racist for
thinking that was a black voice.
222
00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:19,493
Huh. Okay.
223
00:08:19,935 --> 00:08:21,188
DETECTIVE HURLEY: Hello? Hello?
224
00:08:21,256 --> 00:08:23,571
- Yeah?
- This is Detective Hurley.
225
00:08:23,696 --> 00:08:25,847
- Who am I talking to?
- Shut your mouth, bacon,
226
00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:28,342
- before I fry your greasy ass.
- All right.
227
00:08:28,411 --> 00:08:30,611
HURLEY: Okay. Do you have information
228
00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:32,430
regarding the kidnapping?
229
00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:34,972
Kidnapping?
No! No, no, no, no kidnapping.
230
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,212
We took him by accident.
231
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,653
- What?
- HURLEY: So you do have the boy.
232
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,287
- Dah!
- What did... What did you do?
233
00:08:40,356 --> 00:08:42,150
Well, he said we kidnapped
him, but we didn't.
234
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:44,839
Well, now they think we did!
Ah! You blew it!
235
00:08:44,907 --> 00:08:46,384
Oh, no. You know what?
I call back,
236
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:48,152
and I go,
"Yo, yo, it's just a prank, yo."
237
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,079
It's not a prank!
There's a child missing.
238
00:08:50,147 --> 00:08:52,021
And now they probably
already traced the call.
239
00:08:52,089 --> 00:08:53,496
- We gotta move.
- Yeah, yeah.
240
00:08:58,147 --> 00:08:59,797
MAN: I'm gonna have to see some ID.
241
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:02,798
No, of course it's not for me,
it's for my dear grandfather.
242
00:09:03,792 --> 00:09:05,452
Yeah, he's a freaking war vet.
243
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:06,731
He's killed, like, a ton of Germans,
244
00:09:06,798 --> 00:09:09,027
and he does not like waiting,
so hurry up.
245
00:09:09,141 --> 00:09:10,800
Unless you hate freedom.
246
00:09:11,005 --> 00:09:12,722
Okay, one lemon drop, coming up.
247
00:09:13,918 --> 00:09:15,355
Holy crap, it actually worked.
248
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:19,207
People are so stupid.
Or patriotic, I guess.
249
00:09:19,368 --> 00:09:22,569
Excuse me, I noticed that your
grandfather has a purple heart.
250
00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:25,979
I served in Iraq, and I'd like
to pay for the officer's drink.
251
00:09:26,101 --> 00:09:28,034
Aw, be my guest, soldier.
252
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:32,589
You know, he mentioned wanting
to try the ahi tostada as well.
253
00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:39,339
He'd salute you back,
but his arms are paralyzed
254
00:09:39,407 --> 00:09:41,436
from punching so many Nazis
in the dong.
255
00:09:45,616 --> 00:09:46,917
The colonel frickin' rules.
256
00:09:46,992 --> 00:09:48,892
I don't even find him
that disgusting anymore.
257
00:09:48,991 --> 00:09:51,218
For someone so ancient,
he's a pretty legit guy.
258
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:52,410
Mm-hmm.
259
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,691
Oh. Sweet.
And you can keep 'em coming.
260
00:09:55,783 --> 00:09:56,911
He might seem like a lightweight,
261
00:09:56,978 --> 00:09:58,793
but those Navy men can
really put 'em back.
262
00:09:58,883 --> 00:10:01,324
- Alcohol helps with his PTSD.
- Mm-hmm.
263
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,076
Where is he?
264
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:04,602
He's right over...
265
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,245
- What the hell?
- Where'd he go?
266
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:08,810
- Colonel?
- Wha...
267
00:10:08,878 --> 00:10:09,893
Colonel?
268
00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:12,525
Colonel?
269
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,842
We just gotta figure
out where the kid lives
270
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,194
you know,
so we can just drop him off
271
00:10:16,261 --> 00:10:17,684
and wash our hands
of this whole mess.
272
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,560
- Oh, check his wallet.
- He's seven.
273
00:10:19,628 --> 00:10:21,582
- He doesn't carry a wallet.
- Well, look in his pockets.
274
00:10:21,649 --> 00:10:22,730
I'm not rooting around in
275
00:10:22,798 --> 00:10:24,528
some little boy's pants,
all right?
276
00:10:24,745 --> 00:10:26,736
Look, he obviously knows
more than he's telling us.
277
00:10:26,803 --> 00:10:27,942
We just gotta dig it out of him.
278
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:29,042
Yeah, okay.
279
00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:31,542
- I will be bad cop. Yeah.
- No, no cops.
280
00:10:31,644 --> 00:10:33,379
I-I don't, I don't like
where you're headed with that.
281
00:10:33,446 --> 00:10:34,489
Let's not do cop thing.
282
00:10:34,557 --> 00:10:36,710
We'll just talk to him,
have a casual conversation.
283
00:10:38,399 --> 00:10:39,816
[Gunfire from video game]
284
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:40,961
Okay, guys,
285
00:10:41,029 --> 00:10:42,231
we're going to take
a little break from
286
00:10:42,298 --> 00:10:44,506
- the video games for a second.
- Hey, I was playing that.
287
00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:46,909
Dump, listen, I'm gonna
ask you some questions,
288
00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:50,071
and if you answer
those questions, uh...
289
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,511
you get to take
all the video games home.
290
00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:53,675
Those are mine.
291
00:10:53,743 --> 00:10:57,284
You like golf, Dump?
I don't. Never have.
292
00:10:57,513 --> 00:11:00,388
It's too slow.
And I don't like slow things.
293
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:03,277
Maybe because I've never
been a very patient person.
294
00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:06,880
Do you think you two could
just be quiet for a second
295
00:11:06,948 --> 00:11:08,641
and let me ask the questions?
296
00:11:08,893 --> 00:11:10,912
- It's all yours.
- Yeah, wouldn't that be cool?
297
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:12,722
- Everyone's cool.
- Does that sound nice?
298
00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,817
- We're all gonna be cool.
- Okay, you ready for this one?
299
00:11:14,884 --> 00:11:16,751
Uh, where do you live?
300
00:11:21,691 --> 00:11:23,105
What are you doing?
301
00:11:23,253 --> 00:11:25,417
What? You said he could have
the games if he answered.
302
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,839
Well, I didn't say smash
everything to pieces if he didn't.
303
00:11:27,907 --> 00:11:29,550
Well, you didn't have to,
it was implied.
304
00:11:29,618 --> 00:11:31,906
No, it wasn't implied.
Stop it.
305
00:11:32,086 --> 00:11:34,223
What is wrong with us?
He's a little kid.
306
00:11:34,290 --> 00:11:35,494
We should be able to figure this out.
307
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:36,666
Okay, okay.
308
00:11:36,734 --> 00:11:38,375
Yeah.
Maybe we don't feed him.
309
00:11:38,619 --> 00:11:39,662
No.
310
00:11:39,737 --> 00:11:41,094
Okay, maybe we overfeed him.
311
00:11:41,162 --> 00:11:43,008
No torture.
That's what kidnappers do,
312
00:11:43,076 --> 00:11:44,672
and we're not kidnappers.
313
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,446
Well, we kinda are.
314
00:11:46,514 --> 00:11:47,602
I mean, we took him.
315
00:11:47,670 --> 00:11:49,594
We established communication
with the police.
316
00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:51,495
We brought him
to a second location.
317
00:11:51,614 --> 00:11:53,624
All right, well, when you
list it all out like that,
318
00:11:53,691 --> 00:11:55,243
it sure doesn't sound good.
319
00:11:55,311 --> 00:11:56,789
Mickey,
what are we going to do?
320
00:11:56,857 --> 00:11:57,945
I don't know!
321
00:11:58,013 --> 00:11:59,996
- Mickey!
- I don't know what we're gonna do
322
00:12:00,064 --> 00:12:01,747
Mickey, stop!
323
00:12:05,248 --> 00:12:08,677
You know what, I got an idea.
Let's go find a new pay phone.
324
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:10,443
All right.
325
00:12:16,141 --> 00:12:19,309
Ooh! Wow. This one smells
like someone gave birth.
326
00:12:19,377 --> 00:12:20,474
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
327
00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:22,388
Maybe we don't push our
luck with the police.
328
00:12:22,518 --> 00:12:25,349
Why can't we leave Dump
here? No body, no crime.
329
00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:27,668
No, that's a murderer thing...
We're kidnappers now.
330
00:12:27,899 --> 00:12:29,796
Now, here's the plan.
We're gonna call the police
331
00:12:29,863 --> 00:12:31,885
and give 'em a drop point...
It's kidnapping lingo...
332
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,920
And then when they're
off on a wild goose chase,
333
00:12:33,988 --> 00:12:36,134
we will safely unload Dump
on the other side of town.
334
00:12:36,202 --> 00:12:38,923
- Okay. Do you think this will work?
- We don't have much of a choice,
335
00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:40,149
do we, Huggy Bear?
336
00:12:41,536 --> 00:12:42,768
OPERATOR: 911 emergency.
337
00:12:42,836 --> 00:12:45,778
Uh, yah, I kidnap-a
from a sanitation center.
338
00:12:45,846 --> 00:12:47,653
I demand speak with most
339
00:12:47,721 --> 00:12:50,310
honorable policeman.
Shh.
340
00:12:52,311 --> 00:12:54,511
HURLEY: This is Detective
Hurley. Who am I talking to?
341
00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:57,663
Oh, you talk to yourself,
you don't shut your mouth.
342
00:12:57,848 --> 00:13:00,638
You listen to me. I have boy you seek.
343
00:13:00,824 --> 00:13:02,560
HURLEY: Is the child unharmed?
344
00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:03,466
Yes, child fine!
345
00:13:03,593 --> 00:13:05,559
HURLEY: Look, the boy is hearing-impaired,
346
00:13:05,628 --> 00:13:07,938
- and his parents are very worried.
- Can't hear.
347
00:13:08,005 --> 00:13:09,883
HURLEY: They're prepared to
comply with all of your demands,
348
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:11,489
they just want him back safely.
349
00:13:11,761 --> 00:13:15,564
Oh, you greedy Americans
think everything about money.
350
00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:17,013
Well, I have no demand.
351
00:13:17,167 --> 00:13:19,847
No, I seek a peaceful resolution.
352
00:13:19,915 --> 00:13:21,115
- No, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
353
00:13:21,331 --> 00:13:23,479
Isn't a kidnapper without demands
354
00:13:23,547 --> 00:13:24,813
just a child molester?
355
00:13:27,151 --> 00:13:29,303
Oh, sorry, no, no, no.
356
00:13:29,371 --> 00:13:32,339
I... I have demand. Big demand.
357
00:13:32,582 --> 00:13:35,583
I-I ask one million American dollar.
358
00:13:35,652 --> 00:13:39,048
Uh, Greenwich Park one
hour. Arigato.
359
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:43,232
Wha... Ah, Mickey, that was very offensive.
360
00:13:43,309 --> 00:13:45,768
Wh-What are you talking about?
That's what you did.
361
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,747
I picked an accent and
disguised my voice.
362
00:13:47,842 --> 00:13:49,295
An Asian accent?
363
00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:51,927
Oh! Oh, you...
364
00:13:52,028 --> 00:13:54,278
Oh, Alba,
who's racist now, huh?
365
00:13:54,346 --> 00:13:55,630
You thought that was Asian?
366
00:13:55,715 --> 00:13:57,448
- Mm-hmm.
- You said "arigato."
367
00:13:57,591 --> 00:14:00,036
Y-Yeah, I mean, for authenticity.
368
00:14:00,104 --> 00:14:02,038
And with the
u-utmost respect.
369
00:14:02,106 --> 00:14:04,340
There is no one more ancient
or mystic than the Chinese.
370
00:14:04,461 --> 00:14:06,052
"Arigato" is Japanese.
371
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:08,559
Okay... [STAMMERS]
372
00:14:08,628 --> 00:14:11,114
uh, how do you say
"good-bye" in Chinese? "Chow."
373
00:14:11,182 --> 00:14:13,341
- And that is Italian.
- Okay, I'm sorry, all right?
374
00:14:13,409 --> 00:14:15,701
I-I'm... I don't know, I'm doing
my best here. Okay? I'm sorry.
375
00:14:15,768 --> 00:14:17,364
I'm uneducated and I'm ignorant.
376
00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:19,749
Excuse me if nobody bothered
to-to teach me stuff.
377
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,070
You kn... t-this is your fault.
378
00:14:21,138 --> 00:14:22,313
- What? Ooh.
- This is all your fault.
379
00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:24,360
I could have figured this out
if you had just left me alone,
380
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:27,036
I could have figured it out,
but no, you insist on being equals.
381
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:29,213
And before I know it,
I-I'm a racist kidnapper
382
00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:30,639
with a child
being molested in the...
383
00:14:30,706 --> 00:14:32,029
Oh, where'd they go?
384
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,251
- Uh, Ben?
- But...
385
00:14:33,318 --> 00:14:34,318
What?
386
00:14:36,322 --> 00:14:37,509
They left a note.
387
00:14:37,578 --> 00:14:39,876
"You can't take my new best friend.
388
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,248
"We are going to the
coolest place in the world
389
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,516
where you will never find us."
390
00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:44,896
Oh. [MOANS]
391
00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:47,949
Those sons of bitches
went back to the dump.
392
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,017
Ugh.
393
00:14:53,271 --> 00:14:54,597
And what'd he look like?
394
00:14:54,917 --> 00:14:56,864
He's, like, 80 pounds,
395
00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:59,643
three and a half feet tall,
at least a hundred years old.
396
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:02,144
He's like a human statue
on wheels, dressed like JAG.
397
00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:04,908
Nope, I haven't seen
anyone like that.
398
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:06,878
Maybe he decided to go home.
399
00:15:06,961 --> 00:15:09,300
He can't decide anything,
his brain's a wasteland.
400
00:15:09,378 --> 00:15:11,386
His mind's working overtime
just to blink.
401
00:15:11,548 --> 00:15:12,580
You know what?
Forget it.
402
00:15:12,648 --> 00:15:13,972
This is useless.
403
00:15:14,407 --> 00:15:16,401
[SIGHS] I hope he's okay.
404
00:15:17,691 --> 00:15:19,651
Maybe Jimmy was right
about us.
405
00:15:19,739 --> 00:15:21,823
Screw Jimmy. None of
this would have happened
406
00:15:21,891 --> 00:15:23,326
it if he hadn't forced us
to hang out
407
00:15:23,393 --> 00:15:24,833
with the Colonel
in the first place.
408
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,339
I mean, we shouldn't have to
do anything we don't want to do.
409
00:15:27,421 --> 00:15:28,875
Duh.
This is a free country.
410
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,612
Once again, thanks to him.
411
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,247
He basically fought for our freedom
412
00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:33,608
to not have to hang out
with him.
413
00:15:33,675 --> 00:15:35,474
Yeah, plus,
we shouldn't be trusted
414
00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:36,848
with this kind of responsibility.
415
00:15:36,915 --> 00:15:38,377
- We're just kids.
- [Scoffs]
416
00:15:38,445 --> 00:15:40,178
[Gunshot sounds]
417
00:15:40,492 --> 00:15:42,044
[Phone ringing]
418
00:15:42,143 --> 00:15:44,104
[GROANS] What?
419
00:15:44,573 --> 00:15:46,597
- Where are you?
- What's that noise?
420
00:15:46,665 --> 00:15:48,825
Chip, I'm in the middle of
something, what do you want?
421
00:15:49,175 --> 00:15:50,971
All right, we need your
help. We lost the colonel.
422
00:15:51,038 --> 00:15:52,245
How the hell did you do that?
423
00:15:52,313 --> 00:15:53,768
I don't know, he just escaped.
424
00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:55,285
Doesn't he have, like,
a microchip in him
425
00:15:55,352 --> 00:15:56,975
- or something you can track?
- No.
426
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,315
There's not a microchip in him.
He is not a dog.
427
00:15:59,383 --> 00:16:01,262
He's a helpless old man.
He's probably out there
428
00:16:01,329 --> 00:16:02,502
getting mugged or raped
429
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:05,018
or turned into some
kind of sex doll... uh...
430
00:16:05,478 --> 00:16:06,823
You there?
431
00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:09,143
ARCADE GAME: Reload.
432
00:16:10,809 --> 00:16:11,971
You got it.
433
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,039
Why'd you hang up?
434
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:15,560
He doesn't have a chip,
but I left my phone in his chair.
435
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:16,817
We can track that.
436
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,042
[Shouts]
437
00:16:20,272 --> 00:16:21,413
[Gasps]
438
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,643
Oh...
439
00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:28,589
I hate this place so much.
440
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:32,810
Are you okay?
441
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,886
Oof.
442
00:16:35,611 --> 00:16:37,472
- Oh, shh, shh.
- [Dog growling]
443
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,101
Just... big dog.
444
00:16:39,429 --> 00:16:41,877
- Okay. Ooh...
- [Dog growling]
445
00:16:41,945 --> 00:16:43,136
Okay.
446
00:16:43,256 --> 00:16:44,463
Just stay calm.
447
00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:46,599
If we just relax,
he'll leave us alone.
448
00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:48,310
Just go.
449
00:16:49,229 --> 00:16:50,628
What?
450
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,084
[Barks]
451
00:16:52,341 --> 00:16:53,632
I will take care of the dog.
452
00:16:53,926 --> 00:16:55,859
- Okay.
- And if I do this, we are equals?
453
00:16:56,093 --> 00:16:58,189
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
454
00:16:58,465 --> 00:17:00,096
Okay, doggie.
455
00:17:01,558 --> 00:17:02,904
Okay, I'm ready for you.
456
00:17:02,973 --> 00:17:04,606
- [Barks]
- [screams]
457
00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:05,890
Ben!
458
00:17:05,971 --> 00:17:07,037
[Sighs]
459
00:17:07,425 --> 00:17:08,730
Ben!
460
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,180
[Whimpers]
461
00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:15,805
Come on, Ben, let's go home.
462
00:17:15,898 --> 00:17:17,031
BEN: I am home.
463
00:17:17,243 --> 00:17:19,471
Dump and I are gonna live here forever,
464
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,266
and you can't take him away.
465
00:17:22,323 --> 00:17:24,670
Buddy, his parents are
very worried about him.
466
00:17:24,738 --> 00:17:26,181
But he's my friend.
467
00:17:26,249 --> 00:17:27,477
I'm your friend, too.
468
00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:29,469
No, you're not, you hate Trash,
469
00:17:29,571 --> 00:17:30,784
and you said you'd never go
470
00:17:30,852 --> 00:17:32,727
on another field trip with me again.
471
00:17:34,060 --> 00:17:35,516
All right, I'm sorry.
472
00:17:35,584 --> 00:17:37,854
I see that that was very selfish,
okay?
473
00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:39,258
And I'll make it up to you.
474
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,282
Whatever you want,
just name it.
475
00:17:42,585 --> 00:17:45,719
I want you to come on every
field trip with me from now on.
476
00:17:45,841 --> 00:17:47,696
Oh, man, that's not gonna happen.
477
00:17:47,764 --> 00:17:49,289
Then I'm not coming down.
478
00:17:51,109 --> 00:17:52,460
Okay, how about this?
479
00:17:52,528 --> 00:17:54,836
I will go on one more
field trip with you, okay?
480
00:17:55,303 --> 00:17:58,127
Every field trip
for the next ten years.
481
00:17:58,312 --> 00:17:59,874
What? Have you lost...
482
00:18:00,594 --> 00:18:01,715
All right.
483
00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:03,159
I got a great idea.
484
00:18:03,303 --> 00:18:04,684
'Cause you drive
such a hard bargain.
485
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,930
I will go on one field trip
with you
486
00:18:07,064 --> 00:18:09,875
every other year
for a hundred years.
487
00:18:10,041 --> 00:18:11,552
100 years?
488
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:13,286
Yep, a cool century.
489
00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:16,063
- Deal.
- Yes! Come on.
490
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:19,110
All right, you guys okay?
491
00:18:19,884 --> 00:18:21,994
Oh, dear God.
492
00:18:24,112 --> 00:18:25,704
It's taken care of.
493
00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:31,744
Where the hell are we?
494
00:18:31,812 --> 00:18:34,314
- This place looks like Detroit.
- Shh. Quiet.
495
00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:36,931
You're gonna get us jumped.
It says that he's over there.
496
00:18:37,068 --> 00:18:38,447
SABRINA AND CHIP: Grandpa!
497
00:18:38,642 --> 00:18:40,258
CHIP: No! They took his Durants!
498
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,559
Oh, my God.
499
00:18:41,628 --> 00:18:44,011
Thank God,
everything's still here.
500
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,361
Except his Durants.
501
00:18:45,845 --> 00:18:48,525
Savages! I told you,
people are going nuts for these.
502
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,066
I'm so sorry, Grandpa.
503
00:18:50,203 --> 00:18:52,123
Dude, I'm not even sure
he felt them on his feet.
504
00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:53,668
Of course he did,
they're Durants.
505
00:18:53,814 --> 00:18:55,595
Then give him yours.
They're the same size.
506
00:18:55,663 --> 00:18:57,303
No frickin' way,
I already 'grammed them.
507
00:18:57,405 --> 00:18:59,619
People are gonna be expecting
me to rock them tomorrow.
508
00:18:59,704 --> 00:19:02,079
Whatever,
let's just bring him home, okay?
509
00:19:03,256 --> 00:19:05,892
Uh, well, we had a great
day with you, Grandpa.
510
00:19:05,994 --> 00:19:08,176
- You're the best.
- A genuine American hero.
511
00:19:08,244 --> 00:19:10,129
Now I understand
when they call you guys
512
00:19:10,197 --> 00:19:11,522
the greatest generation.
513
00:19:11,590 --> 00:19:13,623
You're an all-around
chill-ass guy.
514
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,521
Good?
515
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,248
[Strains]
516
00:19:17,488 --> 00:19:18,931
Come on, Grandpa.
517
00:19:20,528 --> 00:19:21,853
- I got it.
- [CHUCKLES]
518
00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,736
SABRINA: Great day.
519
00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:26,911
He's over here!
520
00:19:27,669 --> 00:19:29,602
[Indistinct police radio transmission]
521
00:19:39,581 --> 00:19:41,547
OFFICER 2: Is he okay?
522
00:19:44,379 --> 00:19:47,806
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
523
00:19:50,926 --> 00:19:52,346
Ugh!
524
00:19:53,018 --> 00:19:54,728
Get any more on my jeans,
and me and you
525
00:19:54,796 --> 00:19:56,643
are gonna have words,
understand?
526
00:19:57,284 --> 00:20:00,346
Aunt Mickey, what did you
think of the mustard factory?
527
00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:02,726
It was, uh, not my favorite.
528
00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:04,947
Honestly, that school
needs to fully reimagine
529
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,463
its entire field trip program.
530
00:20:06,586 --> 00:20:08,338
Like, what happened to the classics?
531
00:20:08,479 --> 00:20:10,197
Your zoos,
your botanical gardens?
532
00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:11,900
Your-your
old-timey villages?
533
00:20:11,968 --> 00:20:13,791
Well, speak for yourself.
[Chuckles]
534
00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:15,153
That place delivered.
535
00:20:15,221 --> 00:20:16,595
Yeah, mustard rules.
536
00:20:16,662 --> 00:20:18,286
I can't wait to go back.
537
00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:19,422
[Sighs]
538
00:20:19,684 --> 00:20:21,182
[Grunts, shouts]
539
00:20:21,364 --> 00:20:22,559
That's it!
540
00:20:22,627 --> 00:20:24,520
The next person
who throws anything at me
541
00:20:24,588 --> 00:20:26,697
is getting drowned
in a vat of mustard!
542
00:20:26,885 --> 00:20:28,371
CHILDREN: Yay!
543
00:20:28,466 --> 00:20:30,143
No! No, no...
544
00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:32,270
That's a punishment,
not a reward.
545
00:20:32,338 --> 00:20:34,596
What is the matter
with you maniacs?
546
00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:39,033
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop!
546
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:46,301
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