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♪♪
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*THE MICK*
Season 02 Episode 09
Title: "The Divorce"
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Thank you all for coming.
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00:00:07,321 --> 00:00:10,043
Your father and I
have some big news
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that we thought
you should hear in person.
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Right, yeah.
Can we just take a second
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and discuss Christopher's teeth?
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Oh, you noticed those.
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Courtesy of the great state
of Connecticut.
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They're really nice, Dad.
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Uh-huh.
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- Let's get back on track.
- Yes.
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Um, Christopher,
would you like to start?
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No, you go ahead.
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I really think
you should tell them.
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Wait, are you guys having
another baby?
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Oh. Ew. No. No, just...
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We're getting a divorce.
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- What?!
- Okay. -Why?
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Ugh. Well, I mean, not that
you'd ever understand this,
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but marriage is very difficult.
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No, I mean why now?
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You live in separate prisons.
Seems like a lot of paperwork.
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Mm, but we're a family. You're
just gonna throw this all away?
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Well, I'm afraid
there's more news.
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Is it bad?
I can't handle more bad.
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It's about you, Chip.
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Oh, God. I don't feel so good.
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Poodle, floor is yours.
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Really? I have to give
both pieces of news?
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Well, considering
the circumstances,
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I think you should
take this one.
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Just frickin' lay it on me!
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Fine.
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Chip, um, we just thought
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that you should know
that your father...
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is not your father.
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What? Who's his real dad?
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Some scumbag dick
named Howard Buckley.
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All right, look, the point is
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this doesn't change anything,
sweetie.
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Are you serious?
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- Kind of changes everything.
- Okay.
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Can we all just show a little
sensitivity here, please?
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Poor kid just found out
he's a bastard.
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How you doing, Chip? You okay?
47
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Ch-Chip?
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Hello?
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Are you happy?
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Damn. That is heavy.
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Mm-hmm. -Yeah, poor kid.
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It was more bad news than his
little tiny brain could handle.
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Mm-mm-mm-mm.
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Hey, pal. How you holding up?
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Just filling my bastard glass
with some bastard juice.
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You know, maybe you should reach
out to this Howard Buckley guy.
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No way. I'm not talking
to that home-wrecker.
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00:02:02,582 --> 00:02:04,255
Chip, when I was a little girl,
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I told my father
that I hated him
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because he would not
buy me a mango pop.
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And the next day,
he was murdered. By a bus.
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Alba, what does this story
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have to do with me in any way?
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My dad didn't die.
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I have an extra dad.
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If anything,
I have the opposite problem.
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Now if you'll excuse me,
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I'll be in my bastard room
doing bastard things.
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- Yeah.
- Mm.
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Messy.
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Your parents really let
their screwed up relationship
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bone the whole family, huh?
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W-Well, yeah, but I mean,
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you're not exactly an expert
on healthy relationships. -Hey.
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- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on, you and Jimmy
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00:02:37,152 --> 00:02:38,767
are the most dysfunctional
couple I've ever seen.
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You fight constantly,
you're never affectionate.
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You burned his ass off.
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Yeah, those are, uh,
th-those are ups and downs.
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Every relationship
has them, but...
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You won't even call him
your boyfriend.
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He's not my boyfriend,
that's why.
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He's my, he's my guy.
Uh, look.
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I don't want to
explain it to you.
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I don't need to
explain it to you.
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Because Jimmy and I understand
each other, and we're fine.
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Well, hon, it's been a while
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since you two
have been intimate.
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Damn it, Alba!
You got to stop
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spying on us, okay.
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I am not.
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00:03:02,731 --> 00:03:04,509
You guys mind your business,
all right.
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Jimmy and I are not the ones
dragging everybody
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through their messy divorce.
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What's divorce?
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00:03:11,206 --> 00:03:14,199
Uh... Mick, you want to
take this one?
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Damn it.
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00:03:24,069 --> 00:03:27,238
Chip. W-What are you doing?
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00:03:28,049 --> 00:03:29,218
Nothing much.
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00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,509
- Just burning some lies.
- Wha...?
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00:03:31,701 --> 00:03:33,768
You're burning
your baseball glove?
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00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:36,609
I used to play catch with my dad
all the time, but...
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00:03:36,956 --> 00:03:39,584
since I no longer have a dad,
there's no point.
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Ah...
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Okay, oh.
You need to see this.
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I googled your real father
and it turns out
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he's a pretty decent guy.
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You know, h-he's a widower,
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00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:52,655
and he just
finished fourth in a 10k
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00:03:52,713 --> 00:03:54,628
to raise awareness for lymphoma.
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00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,952
I think you should know him.
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00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:59,557
You know, when my father
was on his deathbed,
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it took all the strength he had
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00:04:01,526 --> 00:04:04,745
to open his eyes,
and-and he looked up at me,
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00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:08,079
- and he said, "I'm...
- Damn! My dad's rich as balls!
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00:04:08,253 --> 00:04:10,155
He owns an outdoor
recreation company,
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00:04:10,213 --> 00:04:11,448
and he's worth half a billy?
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I'm back, baby!
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00:04:12,854 --> 00:04:15,198
Their headquarters are in
Stamford; it's ten minutes away.
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00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,063
Well, I guess it couldn't hurt
to take a look at the guy.
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Okay. Let's go. I will drive.
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00:04:18,635 --> 00:04:19,995
- Okay.
- Yeah.
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00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:23,561
- Hey, Jimmy,
listen, we need to talk...
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00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:27,160
What you doing?
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00:04:27,221 --> 00:04:29,726
Nothing. You know,
I was just reading the news.
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00:04:29,784 --> 00:04:31,112
- Oh, you're reading the news...
- Uh-huh.
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00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:32,890
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
- Yeah.
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00:04:32,948 --> 00:04:34,518
What's going on in the news?
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00:04:34,576 --> 00:04:36,916
Well, uh, you know,
I don't know, for starters:
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00:04:36,974 --> 00:04:38,214
the whole world's going to hell.
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00:04:38,271 --> 00:04:39,718
- You know, so there's that.
- Oh, yeah.
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00:04:39,775 --> 00:04:40,870
Yeah.
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00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:42,861
What?
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00:04:42,979 --> 00:04:44,123
Oh.
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00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,057
Yeah. You think I was...
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00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,187
- Yeah...
- Yeah, well,
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00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:48,663
that's funny that
you think that. But I wasn't
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00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,945
Okay. Um...
can I borrow your computer?
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00:04:51,003 --> 00:04:52,211
'Cause I got to check my e-mail.
140
00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:54,010
No, I, see, I know
what you're doing, okay?
141
00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:55,749
- Come on.
- And just so you know,
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00:04:55,807 --> 00:04:57,238
I don't use a computer
to do that, so...
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00:04:57,295 --> 00:04:58,362
Right. Right.
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00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:00,315
Why would I use a computer
when I can just
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00:05:00,378 --> 00:05:01,965
- think about you?
- Oh, my God.
146
00:05:02,032 --> 00:05:03,434
- No, that's true. I do.
- Eh.
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00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:05,791
I think about you, all right?
I do. Okay?
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00:05:05,849 --> 00:05:07,101
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
149
00:05:07,159 --> 00:05:08,594
Maybe sometimes
there are other people there.
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00:05:08,651 --> 00:05:10,475
Mm. -Well,
I'm just saying, you know,
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00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:13,807
make my mind...
it's like this gym.
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00:05:14,042 --> 00:05:16,327
- Eh, um, sorry, a gym?
- Yeah.
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00:05:16,385 --> 00:05:18,202
And you're there.
You're-you're running
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00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,686
around the track on the outside.
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00:05:19,744 --> 00:05:21,305
I mean, sure, yeah,
there are other people there.
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00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,636
And they're-they're
using the machines,
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00:05:22,693 --> 00:05:24,561
and maybe I check them out
for a sec, you know?
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00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:26,640
Hmm, see what kind of exercises
they're doing.
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00:05:26,698 --> 00:05:29,794
But sure enough, you always come
running back around.
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00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:32,062
And then I'm looking at you.
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00:05:32,362 --> 00:05:33,760
And I'm in the middle.
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Tugging on it?
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00:05:36,987 --> 00:05:38,536
No. I, uh, what...
You're putting...
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00:05:38,690 --> 00:05:40,401
- What're you doing, all right?
- Yeah.
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00:05:40,459 --> 00:05:42,237
'Cause you're coming in here
like the NSA!
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00:05:42,323 --> 00:05:43,604
You're demanding my hard drive!
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00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,039
And now, you're sticking things
in my mouth.
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00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:46,143
Why are you yelling at me?
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00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:47,608
Because I don't want you
in here!
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00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:48,956
I didn't come in here
to fight with you.
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00:05:49,013 --> 00:05:51,252
I actually came in 'cause
I wanted to talk about us,
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00:05:51,369 --> 00:05:53,104
but I've... yeah,
th-the mood has passed,
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00:05:53,213 --> 00:05:54,710
and I don't anymore, all right.
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00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:57,087
Enjoy...
your, uh, the news.
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00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:05,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
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00:06:07,886 --> 00:06:09,260
Daddy?
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00:06:09,508 --> 00:06:12,410
Excuse me? Can I help you?
178
00:06:12,626 --> 00:06:14,094
Uh, no.
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00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:18,541
Just, uh, got to use the
restroom.
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00:06:24,532 --> 00:06:26,434
That's a pretty big fish.
181
00:06:26,605 --> 00:06:27,651
Excuse me?
182
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,830
The picture of you out front.
So cool.
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00:06:30,113 --> 00:06:32,421
Oh, the marlin. Right.
184
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,046
You an intern or something?
185
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:38,578
Uh, yeah, uh,
I-I'm an intern.
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00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:40,414
I'm here working for free, so...
187
00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,437
What are you, like, 14?
188
00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:44,837
Uh, I'm exactly 14.
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00:06:44,895 --> 00:06:46,730
What are you,
a frickin' psychic?
190
00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:48,479
I got a daughter your age.
191
00:06:48,655 --> 00:06:51,123
Wish someone could instill
that work ethic in her.
192
00:06:52,641 --> 00:06:54,554
Well, I'm big into ethics.
193
00:06:54,660 --> 00:06:57,596
At school,
they call me "Kid Ethics."
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00:06:57,654 --> 00:06:59,418
Right. Well, I'm done draining.
See you around.
195
00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:00,562
Uh-huh.
196
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:04,876
Didn't even wash his hands.
197
00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:06,203
Such a badass.
198
00:07:06,263 --> 00:07:08,578
So Mom and Dad still love us,
199
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,304
they just don't want
to be married anymore?
200
00:07:10,361 --> 00:07:11,796
Yeah, you got it. Nice job, bud.
201
00:07:12,036 --> 00:07:13,767
Hey, uh, have you guys
seen Mickey?
202
00:07:13,825 --> 00:07:14,618
I need to talk to her.
203
00:07:14,686 --> 00:07:16,187
Are you getting a divorce?
204
00:07:16,254 --> 00:07:17,355
What? No.
205
00:07:17,422 --> 00:07:18,890
Why would you ask me that?
206
00:07:18,957 --> 00:07:20,001
Because I heard you fighting
207
00:07:20,058 --> 00:07:21,470
and Sabrina said
if you fight too much,
208
00:07:21,527 --> 00:07:22,894
you're gonna get divorced.
209
00:07:22,961 --> 00:07:24,629
You know what, Ben?
With all due respect,
210
00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,564
what Mickey and I have
works for us,
211
00:07:26,631 --> 00:07:28,600
and we don't need
to explain ourselves to you,
212
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:29,768
or any other little kid.
213
00:07:29,835 --> 00:07:31,102
Why are you fighting?
214
00:07:31,169 --> 00:07:32,904
Because your aunt
just walked in on me
215
00:07:32,971 --> 00:07:34,839
in the middle
of r-reading the news.
216
00:07:34,906 --> 00:07:36,407
She caught you masturbating?
217
00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:37,709
- Gross.
- No.
218
00:07:37,776 --> 00:07:39,033
What's that?
219
00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:42,739
- Have fun with that one.
- No, I don't want to.
220
00:07:42,846 --> 00:07:44,704
Please tell me. I have to know.
221
00:07:44,783 --> 00:07:46,646
What are the rules?
Who's the master?
222
00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:48,064
Can I be the master?
223
00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:49,840
Teach me everything.
224
00:07:51,895 --> 00:07:53,214
Mick, I'm sorry I...
225
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,572
Oh.
226
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,294
What the hell is going on?
227
00:07:57,650 --> 00:07:59,689
- I'm masturbating.
- And don't you dare
228
00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:01,186
tell me that you were
reading the news,
229
00:08:01,243 --> 00:08:02,734
because we both know
that's not true.
230
00:08:02,801 --> 00:08:04,245
No, I just told you,
I'm masturbating.
231
00:08:04,302 --> 00:08:06,604
Aha! So you admit it?
232
00:08:06,671 --> 00:08:08,639
Yes, I've admitted it
multiple times,
233
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,284
and I was actually kind of
ramping up to something,
234
00:08:10,341 --> 00:08:12,253
so if we could circle back
to this in a couple minutes...
235
00:08:12,310 --> 00:08:13,755
I don't know
who you are anymore, Mick.
236
00:08:13,812 --> 00:08:15,849
You're being so weird
about all of this.
237
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:16,940
It's not a big deal.
238
00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:18,517
It's betrayal, is what it is.
239
00:08:18,593 --> 00:08:21,294
I just walked in on you
doing the exact same thing.
240
00:08:21,352 --> 00:08:23,387
First, you didn't grow up
like I did.
241
00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:25,089
And guys do it
because they're different.
242
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,258
- How?
- I'm a man, and I need it.
243
00:08:27,325 --> 00:08:29,357
You're a hypocrite,
is what you are.
244
00:08:29,512 --> 00:08:31,037
At least I'm not a cheater.
245
00:08:32,535 --> 00:08:33,641
What's that?
246
00:08:33,794 --> 00:08:36,357
Sorry, it's just really hard
to hear you.
247
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,389
Shut the door.
248
00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:47,092
That is not fair. You promised!
249
00:08:47,171 --> 00:08:48,589
You're 14 years old.
250
00:08:48,647 --> 00:08:50,100
You're not going to a concert
alone.
251
00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:51,316
Okay, that makes sense.
252
00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:53,785
I get punished because Lindsay
got food poisoning?
253
00:08:53,852 --> 00:08:56,888
God, you are such
a spineless dick!
254
00:08:58,657 --> 00:09:00,925
Urinal kid?
What are you doing here?
255
00:09:00,992 --> 00:09:02,913
So sorry. Wrong office.
I-I got to...
256
00:09:02,971 --> 00:09:04,913
Wait. Come here.
257
00:09:09,475 --> 00:09:10,663
What are you up to tonight?
258
00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,030
Me? Nothing.
259
00:09:13,225 --> 00:09:14,730
I-I mean, like, I'm super busy.
260
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,589
I got a ton of stuff,
but it can all move.
261
00:09:16,647 --> 00:09:18,475
You want to take my daughter
to a concert?
262
00:09:18,764 --> 00:09:20,678
She's much nicer than that,
I promise.
263
00:09:20,753 --> 00:09:22,488
What do you say? My treat.
264
00:09:22,547 --> 00:09:24,458
I don't know. I don't think
that's such a good idea.
265
00:09:24,515 --> 00:09:26,186
- R-Really.
- Come on. You'd be doing me
266
00:09:26,272 --> 00:09:28,233
a really big favor, son.
267
00:09:30,053 --> 00:09:31,573
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
268
00:09:31,631 --> 00:09:33,722
Let me try to understand this.
269
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:36,967
So, instead of telling your dad
that you are his son,
270
00:09:37,163 --> 00:09:39,569
you asked your sister
out on a date?
271
00:09:39,749 --> 00:09:41,899
- Ugh.
- No. He asked me.
272
00:09:41,966 --> 00:09:43,889
Chip, listen, I know
you haven't had much luck
273
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,983
with the ladies,
but this is not the answer.
274
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:48,116
You're just jealous because
my new sister's hotter than you.
275
00:09:48,173 --> 00:09:49,340
Oh, you think I'm hot?
276
00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:51,030
N... That's not what I said.
277
00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:54,553
No, you said I'm hot,
she's hotter,
278
00:09:54,686 --> 00:09:56,499
and we're both
your sister, so....
279
00:09:56,557 --> 00:09:57,608
Mm
280
00:09:57,733 --> 00:09:59,150
You Buckleys
are pretty creepy, huh?
281
00:09:59,217 --> 00:10:01,714
Shut up. At least we build
companies and earn our money.
282
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:04,124
We don't inherit and steal
like your jailbird dad.
283
00:10:04,241 --> 00:10:05,444
Alba, let's go.
284
00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:06,999
- Okay, let me just finish.
- Alba!
285
00:10:07,057 --> 00:10:08,120
I got to go!
286
00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:10,028
Okay! Okay. Ugh.
287
00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:12,697
Mmm. Ah.
288
00:10:13,194 --> 00:10:14,387
Don't worry.
289
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:17,546
I will not let this night
be tarnished by incest.
290
00:10:17,795 --> 00:10:19,329
What's incest?
291
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:21,573
Okay. Ben?
292
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,952
How about this: tonight,
293
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,788
I'll answer
all the questions you've got.
294
00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:27,241
After that, never again. Deal?
295
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,639
Deal. Now, tell me
all about incest.
296
00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:31,233
Is it about bugs?
297
00:10:31,358 --> 00:10:32,788
I wish, buddy.
298
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,277
What?
299
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,831
It's me. Can I come in?
300
00:10:36,889 --> 00:10:38,157
Fine.
301
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:41,327
I'm opening the door, slowly.
302
00:10:47,142 --> 00:10:48,709
Hey.
303
00:10:50,561 --> 00:10:52,380
What's going on with us?
304
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:54,348
I don't know, man.
305
00:10:54,406 --> 00:10:55,881
We've been in this rut
for a while,
306
00:10:55,939 --> 00:10:58,749
and then Sabrina and Alba start
chirping in my ear.
307
00:10:58,857 --> 00:11:01,053
Yeah, little Ben
really spun me out, too.
308
00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:02,436
- Did he?
- Yeah.
309
00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:04,311
You know what, who cares?
Why are we listening to them?
310
00:11:04,368 --> 00:11:05,506
- I don't know.
- They don't get us.
311
00:11:05,563 --> 00:11:07,853
No, they don't. Because what
we have is different.
312
00:11:07,911 --> 00:11:09,661
That's what I keep saying.
It's different.
313
00:11:09,719 --> 00:11:10,821
Yeah, it is.
314
00:11:10,942 --> 00:11:12,509
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
315
00:11:13,476 --> 00:11:14,997
Yeah.
316
00:11:18,091 --> 00:11:19,863
Look, I can never
unburn your ass.
317
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:22,216
- I know that.
- What do you say we start over?
318
00:11:24,411 --> 00:11:25,919
Okay.
319
00:11:26,181 --> 00:11:27,825
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
320
00:11:28,049 --> 00:11:29,731
I'm Jimmy.
321
00:11:30,051 --> 00:11:33,271
And if you're not doing anything
later, I'd like to take you out.
322
00:11:33,364 --> 00:11:35,030
I would like that.
323
00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:37,392
What's... what's that?
324
00:11:37,694 --> 00:11:38,761
It was a...
325
00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:40,102
Yeah, it's like a weird,
old-timey...
326
00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:41,297
- You...
- thing. I don't like it.
327
00:11:41,354 --> 00:11:42,991
- Bad move.
- Yeah. It's okay.
328
00:11:43,213 --> 00:11:44,827
- Okay.
- Okay.
329
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:52,822
- Stuff on the walls.
- Man, when was the last time you
330
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,804
had a patty mel... What's up?
331
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,655
What... no, sorry. Um, what?
332
00:11:57,713 --> 00:11:59,547
No, you were
talking about walls?
333
00:11:59,605 --> 00:12:02,142
Yeah, well, they got just
an old hockey stick over there.
334
00:12:02,308 --> 00:12:04,576
Looks like it's seen
a lot of games.
335
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,326
- Yeah. I see it.
- Yeah.
336
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,804
- Neat.
- Right?
337
00:12:07,862 --> 00:12:09,697
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
338
00:12:09,755 --> 00:12:11,523
- So, uh, what's going on?
- Hmm?
339
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:13,515
- What's new?
- Mm...
340
00:12:13,573 --> 00:12:15,664
Um, ooh! There was something
I was gonna remember to tell you.
341
00:12:15,721 --> 00:12:17,898
- Yeah? Like a dream you had?
- Oh, no, it wasn't a dream.
342
00:12:17,955 --> 00:12:19,790
- Oh, like, a YouTube video?
- No.
343
00:12:19,857 --> 00:12:21,168
- A show? You guys watching shows?
- It's actually...
344
00:12:21,225 --> 00:12:22,736
Thank you. It's not helpful
when you talk, though.
345
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:23,961
- Okay.
- Because... No, just with the...
346
00:12:24,018 --> 00:12:25,246
it's hard for me to think of it.
Right.
347
00:12:25,303 --> 00:12:27,037
I can't remember.
348
00:12:28,141 --> 00:12:30,710
- Well, they have a deep fryer...
- Oh, they got croquet mallets.
349
00:12:30,768 --> 00:12:33,241
It's... oh, another wall thing to look at?
Yeah.
350
00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:34,866
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
351
00:12:34,944 --> 00:12:37,094
- This is weird, right? Why are we so off?
- Yeah.
352
00:12:37,493 --> 00:12:39,578
Maybe we should get some drinks.
353
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,160
Of course we need drinks.
354
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,661
- What are we doing without drinks?
- Yeah. I don't know.
355
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:44,935
Hey, can we get a couple beers
over here, please?
356
00:12:44,982 --> 00:12:46,072
- Yeah, a couple shots, too.
- Yeah,
357
00:12:46,129 --> 00:12:47,493
and I'll take the wine list.
358
00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:49,422
- Yeah, ooh.
- Yeah, right?
359
00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:56,226
Urinal kid, come on in.
360
00:12:56,293 --> 00:12:58,162
Good to see you.
Kelly will be right down.
361
00:12:58,229 --> 00:12:59,485
Ah, tell her to take her time.
362
00:12:59,543 --> 00:13:01,145
Happy to hang here with you.
363
00:13:01,332 --> 00:13:03,934
Name's Chip, by the way,
not "urinal kid."
364
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:06,352
Chip. Might want to change that
365
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,141
to a man's name
when puberty hits.
366
00:13:08,238 --> 00:13:10,618
Oh, yeah, totally.
Hate my name, always have.
367
00:13:10,711 --> 00:13:12,242
Even before just now.
368
00:13:12,309 --> 00:13:14,321
I'm just messing with you.
It's a fine name.
369
00:13:14,422 --> 00:13:16,113
Ah! I'm just messing
with you, back.
370
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:18,248
- What a fun exchange.
- Come on, let's go.
371
00:13:18,315 --> 00:13:19,939
Uh, you sure? No rush.
372
00:13:19,997 --> 00:13:22,432
I'm happy to keep talking
to Dad... y-your dad.
373
00:13:22,538 --> 00:13:23,689
You guys have fun.
374
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:25,095
Back by midnight, okay?
375
00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:26,442
I'm serious.
376
00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:30,494
So, uh, who's playing tonight?
377
00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:31,795
I frickin' love music.
378
00:13:31,862 --> 00:13:33,726
Oh, no, we're not going
to the concert.
379
00:13:33,784 --> 00:13:36,386
This guy I like has a house to
himself, and he invited me over.
380
00:13:36,444 --> 00:13:38,694
So you can just drop me there
or whatever.
381
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:41,046
- But, I-I promised your dad...
- I don't care.
382
00:13:41,163 --> 00:13:42,707
And if you say anything
to my dad,
383
00:13:42,765 --> 00:13:44,084
I will tell him
you whipped it out.
384
00:13:44,141 --> 00:13:46,496
Whoa, whoa! What?
No, calm down.
385
00:13:46,554 --> 00:13:48,616
Nobody's whipping anything out.
386
00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:51,128
Driver, we need to change
our drop-off.
387
00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:52,482
Uh, yeah, but, sir,
388
00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:55,054
uh, shouldn't you stick to the
original plan for the evening?
389
00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:57,171
Wait, w-why is our Uber driver
talking to us?
390
00:13:57,624 --> 00:13:59,156
Yeah, butt out, lady,
391
00:13:59,223 --> 00:14:01,265
or I'll hit you
with a frickin' one star.
392
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,554
Huh.
393
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,983
You did not see
the Beatles in concert.
394
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:11,792
- I did. It was a secret show.
- So stupid.
395
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,238
Oh, what... hey, can we get
another round, please?
396
00:14:14,305 --> 00:14:17,038
Why don't you just focus
on this round for now?
397
00:14:17,511 --> 00:14:18,880
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh...
398
00:14:19,010 --> 00:14:20,566
I smell a challenge.
399
00:14:20,624 --> 00:14:21,922
- Is that what it was?
- Yeah.
400
00:14:21,979 --> 00:14:23,313
Oh, guess what?
401
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,814
Challenge accepted.
402
00:14:29,653 --> 00:14:31,314
All right, that's it.
403
00:14:31,372 --> 00:14:32,520
Time to close out.
404
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:33,756
Why?
405
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:35,129
What? Why?
406
00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:37,009
You just puked in your glass.
407
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,204
No, I didn't.
408
00:14:38,262 --> 00:14:40,630
I was just taking
a break from finishing it.
409
00:14:40,697 --> 00:14:41,831
I watched you.
410
00:14:41,913 --> 00:14:44,793
Oh, I don't think
I like your tone.
411
00:14:44,895 --> 00:14:47,536
If the lady says she didn't
vomit, she didn't vomit.
412
00:14:47,594 --> 00:14:49,012
I'm just telling you what I saw.
413
00:14:49,086 --> 00:14:51,126
Yeah, well, maybe you need
to get your eyes checked,
414
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:55,045
because what I see
is a nice, crisp beer.
415
00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:56,423
- Dude, don't.
- Jimmy, I really wouldn't.
416
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,149
Why? If I'm thirsty,
why wouldn't I drink a beer?
417
00:14:59,285 --> 00:15:00,686
I would...
418
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,090
That's good.
419
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,079
It was a little hoppy,
but I think somebody
420
00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:10,794
owes the lady an apology.
421
00:15:12,462 --> 00:15:14,264
Ugh...
422
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,778
Whoa, whoa, hey, uh, whoa.
423
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,768
You come back again,
and I'm calling the cops.
424
00:15:17,905 --> 00:15:20,324
- Oh, ooh.
- Would we want to come back?
425
00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:22,639
Your bar smells like puke.
426
00:15:24,496 --> 00:15:27,641
- He doesn't get us.
- Nobody gets us.
427
00:15:28,012 --> 00:15:29,630
Thanks for that, by the way.
428
00:15:29,809 --> 00:15:32,052
- Oh, you like that, do you?
- No, it was gross.
429
00:15:32,114 --> 00:15:34,784
I don't like it. I don't want...
Ever want you to do it again.
430
00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:36,380
But for a second there,
you know,
431
00:15:36,481 --> 00:15:37,954
when you were dressing
that guy down?
432
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,089
I like that.
433
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:40,666
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
434
00:15:40,724 --> 00:15:43,293
Well, what do you say
we head back to the house and...
435
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:45,099
read the news?
436
00:15:45,188 --> 00:15:46,823
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
437
00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:49,283
Why do we need a house?
438
00:15:56,013 --> 00:15:57,147
It's almost midnight.
439
00:15:57,205 --> 00:15:58,774
What the frick
is going on in there?
440
00:15:58,897 --> 00:16:01,298
Aw, Chip, come on, buddy.
441
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:03,680
I'm gonna go scope it out.
442
00:16:13,255 --> 00:16:15,559
Hey, Jenna, what's up, babe?
443
00:16:16,315 --> 00:16:18,145
No, I'm not busy.
444
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:20,730
Cool, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just give me a few minutes to,
445
00:16:20,797 --> 00:16:22,833
uh, take out the trash.
446
00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:24,734
See you soon, gorgeous.
447
00:16:32,247 --> 00:16:34,111
- Hey, what took you so long?
- Ah...
448
00:16:34,178 --> 00:16:36,346
That was my mom.
She's gonna be home pretty soon.
449
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,791
Oh. Okay.
450
00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:39,182
- I'll call a car.
- No, no, no.
451
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,189
I-I didn't mean...
We can still, you know.
452
00:16:41,247 --> 00:16:42,419
We just got to be quick.
453
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,009
Oh, okay.
454
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:46,056
Liar! He is a liar.
455
00:16:46,123 --> 00:16:47,334
- He's a...
- Who the hell are you?
456
00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:48,891
What the hell
are you doing in here?
457
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:50,204
That wasn't his mom
on the phone.
458
00:16:50,261 --> 00:16:51,895
It was Jenna.
She's on her way now.
459
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:54,398
You're kicking me out for Jenna?
460
00:16:54,465 --> 00:16:56,033
Ah, God.
461
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,068
Whatever. It's not like
we're dating, anyways.
462
00:16:58,135 --> 00:17:00,177
You said you liked me, you ass.
463
00:17:00,575 --> 00:17:02,974
All right,
if you're gonna be a bitch,
464
00:17:03,145 --> 00:17:04,207
then you should just go.
465
00:17:04,317 --> 00:17:06,247
Whoa. You want
to disrespect me? Fine.
466
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:07,728
But you will not disrespect her,
467
00:17:07,786 --> 00:17:08,955
and you will certainly
not disrespect
468
00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:10,980
Howard frickin' Buckley!
469
00:17:13,217 --> 00:17:15,078
He didn't have
to disrespect me like that.
470
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,706
Oh, forget that jerk.
471
00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:20,948
Um, thank you for, uh,
having my back.
472
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,070
You're sweet.
473
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:25,028
Yeah, I'll always
have your back.
474
00:17:25,346 --> 00:17:26,863
No matter what.
475
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:28,429
You shouldn't be
wasting your time
476
00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:30,346
on a creep like that anyways.
477
00:17:30,589 --> 00:17:33,306
I mean, you're... you're pretty,
478
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:36,565
you're smart,
super frickin' chill...
479
00:17:38,846 --> 00:17:40,413
No, no, no. It's...
480
00:17:40,786 --> 00:17:42,355
We can't. I-It's not...
481
00:17:42,446 --> 00:17:44,013
it's not... it's not you.
482
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,667
- I just... I want...
- Okay, okay. Hey, Chip. Chip.
483
00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:47,010
Relax.
484
00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:48,505
It'll be worth it.
485
00:17:48,728 --> 00:17:50,029
I promise.
486
00:17:53,368 --> 00:17:54,969
What the hell.
487
00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:58,863
Chip! No!
488
00:17:58,962 --> 00:18:01,402
- No, we can't. It's not right.
- Okay, okay. Wh-What's wrong?
489
00:18:01,465 --> 00:18:03,326
I-I got to tell you something,
something crazy.
490
00:18:03,438 --> 00:18:05,806
All right. What is it?
491
00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:09,927
14 years ago,
492
00:18:10,348 --> 00:18:12,568
my mom had an affair
with your dad.
493
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,646
I am the bastard love child
of that affair.
494
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:18,586
What are you talking about?
495
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:20,917
Kelly, I'm your brother.
496
00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:22,510
- What?
- Look, I know
497
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,221
- it sounds crazy... Aah!
- No!
498
00:18:24,288 --> 00:18:26,652
No, I... I don't know
what you're talking about,
499
00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,109
b-but you're psycho, and just
stay away from me, weirdo!
500
00:18:31,291 --> 00:18:33,406
- Ow! Ah, no, the pipes.
- You all right? You okay?
501
00:18:33,464 --> 00:18:34,618
You know what, how about this,
how about this:
502
00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:35,892
- you just put your head down,
- Okay.
503
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,023
- Okay?
- Ow!
504
00:18:37,081 --> 00:18:38,082
- You okay?
- Hold still.
505
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:39,395
- You hold still.
- Ow!
506
00:18:39,453 --> 00:18:40,953
- Whoa!
- Hey!
507
00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:43,633
- What's going on?
- Hey, mind your own business, pal.
508
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:44,941
Hey, get off of her!
509
00:18:45,008 --> 00:18:47,377
- Yeah, you like assaulting women?
- No, no, no. No!
510
00:18:47,444 --> 00:18:49,518
Oh! Oh!
511
00:18:49,576 --> 00:18:50,978
Aah! Oh!
512
00:18:51,036 --> 00:18:54,257
- Yeah, man! We got you.
- Guys, stop! No! Oh!
513
00:18:54,315 --> 00:18:56,292
No, no, wait, wait, wait!
It was consensual!
514
00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:58,386
- Son of a bitch!
- Oh!
515
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:05,994
Chip!
516
00:19:06,052 --> 00:19:09,924
At this point, no good
can come from knowing this man!
517
00:19:10,255 --> 00:19:12,122
- I'm sorry, I'm so sor...
- I can explain.
518
00:19:12,179 --> 00:19:13,813
You whipped it out
in front of my daughter?
519
00:19:13,870 --> 00:19:15,679
- Whoa, what? No!
- You're fired.
520
00:19:15,858 --> 00:19:18,094
Well, I never...
really worked there.
521
00:19:18,152 --> 00:19:19,540
I was just kind of saying that
to meet you.
522
00:19:19,597 --> 00:19:20,609
See? I told you.
523
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:22,999
- This kid is a freak!
- Get the hell out of my house.
524
00:19:23,065 --> 00:19:24,617
Pamela Pemberton.
525
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,843
- What?
- 14 years ago, you...
526
00:19:27,023 --> 00:19:29,293
you slept with a woman
named Pamela Pemberton.
527
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,215
- Poodle?
- Th-That's my mom.
528
00:19:32,273 --> 00:19:34,341
I'm... your son.
529
00:19:37,651 --> 00:19:40,121
Stay the hell away
from me and my family.
530
00:19:44,053 --> 00:19:45,584
Alba, you blew it!
531
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:48,100
- So, what did we learn?
- That brothers and sisters
532
00:19:48,158 --> 00:19:50,522
shouldn't kiss,
because it's icky and gross.
533
00:19:50,716 --> 00:19:52,957
And their babies would have
all sorts of health problems.
534
00:19:53,145 --> 00:19:54,553
Where do babies come from?
535
00:19:54,749 --> 00:19:56,694
Huh. Kind of feels like
536
00:19:56,752 --> 00:19:57,842
we should've
covered that earlier.
537
00:19:57,899 --> 00:19:59,919
Where do babies live
before they're babies?
538
00:20:00,077 --> 00:20:01,845
How old's the oldest baby?
539
00:20:01,997 --> 00:20:03,998
It's gonna be really fun
to see how you turn out.
540
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:07,951
- So he's your boyfriend?
- He... no, I, see, he...
541
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,388
It's complicated.
542
00:20:09,483 --> 00:20:11,385
So what happened was consensual?
543
00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:13,346
Yes. It was my idea.
544
00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:16,261
Do you need a place
to stay tonight?
545
00:20:16,319 --> 00:20:18,889
- We can take you to a shelter.
- I don't want to go to a shel...
546
00:20:19,109 --> 00:20:21,694
I will have you know
I live in a mansion, okay?
547
00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:24,424
It doesn't...
Can you just please uncuff him?
548
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:25,959
Thank you.
549
00:20:31,451 --> 00:20:33,533
Be a little smarter next time.
550
00:20:48,945 --> 00:20:50,950
How did we get here?
551
00:20:51,906 --> 00:20:53,277
Oh, I don't know.
552
00:20:53,523 --> 00:20:55,266
I mean, I remember driving,
but I don't know
553
00:20:55,336 --> 00:20:57,075
- where I parked, so...
- No. No, I mean,
554
00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:58,438
I'm talking
about our relationship.
555
00:20:58,495 --> 00:21:00,397
It's just not healthy.
556
00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:02,443
I know.
557
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,465
You know, we keep saying that...
558
00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:08,301
nobody gets us, but...
559
00:21:09,016 --> 00:21:11,039
maybe we don't get us.
560
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:16,039
♪♪
561
00:21:18,593 --> 00:21:20,495
We had a good run, Mick.
562
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:24,036
Yeah, we did.
563
00:21:29,141 --> 00:21:31,433
Like the Patriots
in the early 2000s.
564
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:35,430
Can we just sit and... enjoy
the silence for a little bit?
565
00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:38,272
You got it, Mick.
565
00:21:39,305 --> 00:21:45,303
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