Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,343
Previously on
"Mom"...
2
00:00:01,358 --> 00:00:02,627
I was thinking I could stay
3
00:00:02,695 --> 00:00:04,455
an extra night
for the express purpose of
4
00:00:04,523 --> 00:00:05,596
taking you out.
5
00:00:05,664 --> 00:00:07,127
- I'd really like that.
- Oh, great.
6
00:00:07,195 --> 00:00:09,897
Are you kidding me?
You can't go out with Adam's brother.
7
00:00:10,041 --> 00:00:12,860
And yet I've got my good bra on
and I'm headed out the door.
8
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:15,149
Yeah, but I actually
have to get back home tomorrow.
9
00:00:15,408 --> 00:00:16,862
I'm gonna miss you.
10
00:00:17,221 --> 00:00:20,026
You think we should try
the long-distance thing?
11
00:00:20,172 --> 00:00:21,776
I'm game.
12
00:00:23,393 --> 00:00:25,862
But while I've got you here...
(chuckles)
13
00:00:30,670 --> 00:00:32,252
You ready for
your coffee, babe?
14
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,314
No, thanks.
15
00:00:33,382 --> 00:00:35,622
Starting today,
I am giving it up.
16
00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:36,838
Seriously?
17
00:00:36,986 --> 00:00:39,166
Coffee is your only
source of water.
18
00:00:39,768 --> 00:00:41,962
When did water
become such a big thing?
19
00:00:42,030 --> 00:00:44,737
Isn't it enough
that I bathe in it?
20
00:00:45,439 --> 00:00:46,854
Where did all this come from?
21
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:47,980
I read it on Facebook.
22
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,217
"Five Things You Should Give Up
for a Happier Life."
23
00:00:50,343 --> 00:00:52,596
Was number one Facebook?
24
00:00:53,526 --> 00:00:56,752
(groans) Hey, how come you guys
didn't wake me up for school?
25
00:00:56,820 --> 00:00:58,526
'Cause you're not seven.
26
00:00:59,174 --> 00:01:02,057
I wish I was.
I liked living alone.
27
00:01:02,424 --> 00:01:03,635
You want a bagel?
28
00:01:03,791 --> 00:01:05,533
Thanks, but all I need
is coffee.
29
00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:09,237
How sad to be so dependent.
I remember those days.
30
00:01:10,192 --> 00:01:12,557
She gave up coffee
30 seconds ago.
31
00:01:12,986 --> 00:01:14,028
Good for you.
32
00:01:14,306 --> 00:01:15,822
You're a dead man.
33
00:01:16,588 --> 00:01:18,072
(chuckles):
She's just kidding.
34
00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:19,306
Help me.
35
00:01:19,759 --> 00:01:21,143
(phone chimes)
36
00:01:21,275 --> 00:01:22,429
Oh, damn.
37
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,618
I just missed another
phone call from Patrick.
38
00:01:24,705 --> 00:01:27,416
How does this happen?
I was holding my phone in my hand.
39
00:01:27,835 --> 00:01:29,666
Why do you hate love?
40
00:01:30,064 --> 00:01:31,738
Why don't you stop
playing phone tag
41
00:01:31,806 --> 00:01:33,814
and just drive down
to Santa Cruz to see him?
42
00:01:33,896 --> 00:01:37,225
When? We have
totally opposite schedules.
43
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,002
Relationships are torture.
44
00:01:39,106 --> 00:01:41,268
Like waterboarding with sex.
45
00:01:42,088 --> 00:01:44,672
That's the sort of comment
that used to bother me
46
00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:47,541
when I was under the thumb
of the brown God.
47
00:01:50,838 --> 00:01:54,705
This long-distance thing
is just so frustrating.
48
00:01:55,525 --> 00:01:58,127
I'm not sure Patrick and
I can make it work.
49
00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:00,986
For what it's worth,
I hope you guys figure it out.
50
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,127
(phone chimes)
51
00:02:02,243 --> 00:02:05,049
Oh, my God,
I just missed his call again!
52
00:02:05,419 --> 00:02:07,200
How, how, how?!
53
00:02:07,655 --> 00:02:08,877
(Groans)
54
00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:10,259
I'll see ya later.
55
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,590
Boy, I do not miss dating,
you know what I mean?
56
00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:15,963
Take a sip of your coffee
and kiss me.
57
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:24,213
Hey, Patrick, sorry I missed
your call, yet again.
58
00:02:24,427 --> 00:02:26,009
I dropped my phone
in the fountain
59
00:02:26,077 --> 00:02:27,244
in front of the library.
60
00:02:27,312 --> 00:02:28,473
I was making a wish.
61
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,877
Actually, I was wishing
you would call me.
62
00:02:31,092 --> 00:02:32,273
Ironic, right?
63
00:02:32,783 --> 00:02:33,908
Is it ironic?
64
00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:35,871
That's a word I should
probably stay away from
65
00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:37,916
until I figure out
what it really means.
66
00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:41,509
Anyway, my phone
still works, so...
67
00:02:41,974 --> 00:02:44,595
hit me back, as the kids say.
68
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:46,338
Yikes.
69
00:02:46,406 --> 00:02:49,041
Oh, by the way, this is Christy.
70
00:02:49,529 --> 00:02:52,830
(groans) Who should've stopped
at "Sorry I missed your call."
71
00:02:53,502 --> 00:02:54,838
Excuse me.
72
00:02:55,549 --> 00:02:58,119
Don't I know you from
that time we slept together?
73
00:02:58,333 --> 00:02:59,560
Hi, Cooper.
74
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,615
Sorry, I've been meaning
to catch up with you.
75
00:03:01,702 --> 00:03:04,220
Oh, now's your chance.
You mind if I sit?
76
00:03:04,502 --> 00:03:07,221
Kind of a bad time;
I-I really got to study.
77
00:03:07,486 --> 00:03:10,463
Got it. I won't say a word.
78
00:03:10,702 --> 00:03:12,504
(clears throat)
79
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:15,759
Mm.
80
00:03:16,451 --> 00:03:18,064
Mm.
81
00:03:24,793 --> 00:03:26,291
(French accent):
"Bonjour.
82
00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:31,595
You are the hottest girl
in the student center."
83
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,533
Cooper, seriously?
84
00:03:34,658 --> 00:03:36,793
(normal voice): It's not me.
He has a mind of his own.
85
00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:39,087
(French accent): "And I cannot
get you off of it."
86
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:40,701
Very funny.
87
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,832
"I am not trying to be funny,
I am trying to be sexy.
88
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,326
(chuckles):
Hon, hon, hon."
89
00:03:45,413 --> 00:03:46,931
By being lame?
90
00:03:47,047 --> 00:03:48,347
"Oh, that depends.
91
00:03:48,415 --> 00:03:50,684
Is it working,
mon petit ketchup packet?"
92
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,916
(panting)
93
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,369
"That was fantastique."
94
00:03:57,601 --> 00:03:59,791
It worked; knock it off.
95
00:04:01,196 --> 00:04:04,463
♪♪
96
00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:08,151
♪♪
97
00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:11,797
♪♪
*MOM*
Season 05 Episode 10
Title: "A Bear and a Bladder Infection"
98
00:04:12,031 --> 00:04:14,453
♪♪
Synchronized by srjanapala
99
00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:17,851
♪♪
100
00:04:25,836 --> 00:04:27,150
Hey.
101
00:04:27,429 --> 00:04:29,406
Oh, geez,
you scared me!
102
00:04:29,976 --> 00:04:31,617
I thought you gave up coffee.
103
00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:34,010
My head is pounding,
my colon's in gridlock,
104
00:04:34,078 --> 00:04:37,781
and I winged a butter plate at
Adam, so I'm back on the bean.
105
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,611
Yeah, yeah, good for you.
106
00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:42,018
I had sex with Cooper.
107
00:04:43,327 --> 00:04:44,638
I'm sorry, what?
108
00:04:44,792 --> 00:04:46,794
I know. I feel so guilty.
109
00:04:46,909 --> 00:04:48,018
Why?
110
00:04:48,086 --> 00:04:49,515
Because I'm seeing someone.
111
00:04:49,648 --> 00:04:52,617
Patrick? Oh, come on,
you haven't even slept with him.
112
00:04:52,687 --> 00:04:54,166
Believe me, I want to,
113
00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:56,773
but our genitals are never
in the same ZIP Code.
114
00:04:57,211 --> 00:04:59,377
And that's not gonna change
anytime soon,
115
00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:01,343
so you're free to do
whatever you want.
116
00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:04,648
It's like prison.
Nobody's married, nobody's gay.
117
00:05:07,343 --> 00:05:09,225
Whoa, Mom.
118
00:05:09,578 --> 00:05:11,369
You actually made me
feel better.
119
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:12,447
Thank you.
120
00:05:12,515 --> 00:05:14,150
You act like it's the first...
121
00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:15,812
You're welcome.
122
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,885
Ugh, please
don't tell Adam.
123
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,025
Why would I tell him
you're cheating on his brother?
124
00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:24,734
He would see it that way.
I don't. Keep hugging.
125
00:05:29,232 --> 00:05:31,915
(sighs):
Ah...
126
00:05:32,289 --> 00:05:35,851
You never know how much you love
something until you give it up.
127
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:39,453
You realize you're talking
to a table full of addicts?
128
00:05:39,836 --> 00:05:41,718
I don't see the connection.
129
00:05:42,765 --> 00:05:44,293
So, Christy,
I'm confused.
130
00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:46,742
At your age,
it's only gonna get worse.
131
00:05:48,343 --> 00:05:50,424
Are you and Cooper dating again?
132
00:05:50,492 --> 00:05:53,398
No. It was just
a one-time thing.
133
00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:56,328
Well, a two-time thing.
134
00:05:56,569 --> 00:05:58,401
I swung by on the way over here.
135
00:05:58,593 --> 00:06:00,734
Oh, look at you having it all.
136
00:06:00,851 --> 00:06:03,789
If you get a bladder infection,
I'm gonna be so proud.
137
00:06:05,068 --> 00:06:06,682
So you like this boy.
138
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,643
No, I like Patrick.
139
00:06:08,711 --> 00:06:11,078
I'm just having fun with Cooper.
140
00:06:11,226 --> 00:06:14,156
Be careful, with your bladder
and your heart.
141
00:06:14,349 --> 00:06:15,945
(blows raspberries)
142
00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:19,128
I'm fine.
143
00:06:19,215 --> 00:06:21,918
Guys do this stuff all the time.
Why can't I?
144
00:06:22,005 --> 00:06:25,328
Because you can't be intimate
without getting attached.
145
00:06:25,508 --> 00:06:26,828
Just 'cause I'm sober?
146
00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,869
No, because you're you.
147
00:06:28,937 --> 00:06:30,660
I can do it, Bonnie can do it...
148
00:06:30,773 --> 00:06:34,078
Can do it blindfolded, and have.
149
00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:36,289
I'm doing it right now.
150
00:06:36,476 --> 00:06:39,304
He's an anesthesiologist.
I feel nothing.
151
00:06:39,765 --> 00:06:41,828
I'm sure
he doesn't either.
152
00:06:44,207 --> 00:06:46,133
(TV playing quietly)
153
00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:48,457
(turns off TV)
154
00:06:48,631 --> 00:06:50,927
Where you headed?
Cooper's.
155
00:06:51,014 --> 00:06:52,265
Dressed like that?
156
00:06:52,468 --> 00:06:53,950
That's the beauty
of this thing.
157
00:06:54,037 --> 00:06:56,898
It requires
virtually no effort.
158
00:06:57,301 --> 00:06:59,003
I text two words:
"You up?"
159
00:06:59,071 --> 00:07:00,966
And bam, it's on.
160
00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:05,859
One time it auto-corrected to
"Soup?" but it still happened.
161
00:07:07,703 --> 00:07:09,258
Hey, where you off to?
162
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,148
Uh... to the store.
163
00:07:12,476 --> 00:07:15,320
Not the close one, the one
across town with the olive bar.
164
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,429
God, I love olives.
165
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:20,234
Anyway, I might be a while.
166
00:07:20,359 --> 00:07:22,172
Would you mind
picking up some coffee?
167
00:07:22,265 --> 00:07:25,054
Your mom's blowing through
a bag a day.
168
00:07:27,202 --> 00:07:28,765
- Sure.
- BONNIE: Well, as long as
169
00:07:28,833 --> 00:07:31,640
you're going... to the store...
170
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,922
could you pick up some soup?
171
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:41,593
Everybody loves
a nice, hot, sexy bowl of soup.
172
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,799
Yeah, soup would be great.
173
00:07:46,337 --> 00:07:47,408
Got it.
174
00:07:47,503 --> 00:07:49,424
Coffee and soup.
175
00:07:50,526 --> 00:07:51,598
She's the best.
176
00:07:51,666 --> 00:07:53,726
My brother does
not deserve her.
177
00:07:53,731 --> 00:07:54,737
Aw, that's sweet.
178
00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:57,119
You should've told her that
before she left.
179
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:03,643
(both panting)
180
00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:05,658
Oh, my God, it gets better
every time.
181
00:08:05,822 --> 00:08:08,104
(sighs) Sure does.
182
00:08:08,191 --> 00:08:09,392
I got to go.
183
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,940
Wait. Wait.
184
00:08:11,072 --> 00:08:13,721
Why are you always in
such a hurry to leave?
185
00:08:13,963 --> 00:08:16,643
Well, I'm busy, you're busy.
186
00:08:16,711 --> 00:08:17,938
Busy, busy, busy.
187
00:08:18,006 --> 00:08:21,072
Yeah, but this is
working, right?
188
00:08:21,822 --> 00:08:23,072
Works for me.
189
00:08:23,251 --> 00:08:24,536
I'm free Tuesday at 5:00,
190
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,786
as long as I'm back
in my car by 20 after.
191
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,510
Christy, come on.
192
00:08:28,916 --> 00:08:31,314
This isn't just
hooking up anymore.
193
00:08:32,291 --> 00:08:33,421
It isn't?
194
00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:34,684
No.
195
00:08:34,752 --> 00:08:38,154
I am totally
falling in love with you.
196
00:08:45,979 --> 00:08:47,533
Yup.
197
00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:51,705
♪ Falling in
love with you. ♪
198
00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:55,487
But you're
a 24-year-old guy.
199
00:08:55,858 --> 00:08:58,572
24-year-old guys
don't fall in love.
200
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,835
My mom says
I'm an old soul.
201
00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:05,019
Well, I am
a much older soul.
202
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:07,651
And I have a lot of baggage.
203
00:09:07,719 --> 00:09:09,454
Lots and lots of baggage.
204
00:09:09,764 --> 00:09:12,313
Then let me help
you carry it.
205
00:09:12,954 --> 00:09:14,729
Holy cow.
206
00:09:16,851 --> 00:09:22,056
Cooper, look, I just don't have
the same feelings for you.
207
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,272
Oh.
208
00:09:25,385 --> 00:09:26,862
Well, now I'm a
little embarrassed.
209
00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:29,612
I booped your nose
and everything.
210
00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:32,780
I thought we were just
gonna keep it casual,
211
00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:34,627
you know,
having a good time.
212
00:09:35,065 --> 00:09:36,697
You mean just sex?
213
00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:38,487
Exactly.
214
00:09:38,685 --> 00:09:41,487
I assumed we were
on the same page.
215
00:09:42,221 --> 00:09:44,362
Well, we were not.
216
00:09:49,233 --> 00:09:54,283
So, just to be clear,
Tuesday at 5:00 not happening?
217
00:09:58,493 --> 00:10:00,661
Bonnie, Bonnie,
wake up. Bonnie.
218
00:10:01,408 --> 00:10:02,409
It's sleepy time.
219
00:10:02,496 --> 00:10:04,338
I'll throw you one
in the morning.
220
00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:06,299
Bonnie. Bonnie.
221
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:09,690
Okay, fine, but it's not
gonna be the Fourth of July.
222
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,197
I don't want to have sex.
223
00:10:11,265 --> 00:10:13,326
Why not?
What's wrong with me?
224
00:10:13,507 --> 00:10:16,110
I'm worried about Christy;
she never came home from the store.
225
00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:17,354
Oh.
226
00:10:17,422 --> 00:10:18,440
Yeah.
227
00:10:19,478 --> 00:10:21,307
Well, she takes forever.
228
00:10:21,452 --> 00:10:25,283
She walks down every aisle,
she talks to people,
229
00:10:25,351 --> 00:10:26,877
then she has to find
someone tall
230
00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:29,612
to get stuff off the top shelf.
It's a circus.
231
00:10:30,084 --> 00:10:32,478
Why am I more worried
about your kid than you are?
232
00:10:32,546 --> 00:10:35,690
God, now you sound like
the lady from Child Services.
233
00:10:36,497 --> 00:10:39,051
What if she got in an accident?
I think you're overreacting.
234
00:10:39,119 --> 00:10:41,058
I think you're underreacting.
I'm gonna call the police.
235
00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:42,487
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
236
00:10:42,631 --> 00:10:45,877
Plunkett family rule number one:
no cops, ever.
237
00:10:46,290 --> 00:10:47,783
What is wrong with you?
238
00:10:48,009 --> 00:10:50,044
You know what? You're right.
239
00:10:50,112 --> 00:10:51,572
I'm gonna text her.
240
00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:54,799
Oh. (chuckles)
She actually texted me.
241
00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,635
Uh, "Ran into Wendy.
She's having a crisis.
242
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,510
What else is new?
Be home late."
243
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,681
Huh. Well, that made me horny.
How 'bout you?
244
00:11:07,094 --> 00:11:09,196
(sportscast playing over TV)
245
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,791
Oh, hey, you're still up.
246
00:11:14,947 --> 00:11:16,904
Yeah. How's Wendy?
(turns TV off)
247
00:11:16,991 --> 00:11:18,057
Wendy?
248
00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:20,463
Yeah, your mom said
she was having a crisis.
249
00:11:21,065 --> 00:11:23,577
Oh, yes. Wendy's crisis.
250
00:11:23,664 --> 00:11:25,549
(sighs) So bad.
251
00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:29,252
We ate your soup
and drank your coffee.
252
00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,435
Sorry to hear that.
What's wrong?
253
00:11:35,522 --> 00:11:37,805
Ugh, I can't really
talk about it.
254
00:11:38,049 --> 00:11:40,010
It's an A.A. thing.
It's a lady thing.
255
00:11:40,084 --> 00:11:41,932
It's an A.A. lady thing.
256
00:11:42,183 --> 00:11:43,291
Got it.
257
00:11:43,583 --> 00:11:45,627
Well, glad you
made it home safe.
258
00:11:45,695 --> 00:11:47,041
I was a little worried.
259
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,307
Oh.
260
00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:50,994
Thanks.
261
00:11:51,337 --> 00:11:52,631
Night.
262
00:11:52,728 --> 00:11:53,842
Night.
263
00:11:55,072 --> 00:11:56,523
(turns TV on)
264
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,245
(whispers):
Oh, damn it.
265
00:11:58,332 --> 00:12:00,510
(turns TV off)
266
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,972
Adam, I lied.
267
00:12:05,439 --> 00:12:07,307
I wasn't with Wendy.
268
00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:09,238
I was with a guy.
269
00:12:09,885 --> 00:12:11,138
A guy?
270
00:12:11,572 --> 00:12:13,928
A guy who isn't your brother.
271
00:12:14,846 --> 00:12:16,276
Oh.
272
00:12:18,615 --> 00:12:21,026
Yeah, I've been seeing Patrick,
273
00:12:21,122 --> 00:12:24,854
but I've also been
doing this other thing, and...
274
00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:29,911
I guess
I'm kind of embarrassed.
275
00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:32,127
Okay.
276
00:12:33,204 --> 00:12:37,049
Well, um, not proud of it,
but...
277
00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:40,737
there's a part of me that's...
278
00:12:41,223 --> 00:12:44,119
kind of laughing at my brother
right now.
279
00:12:44,991 --> 00:12:48,330
Tempted to call him up
and rub his nose in it. (laughs)
280
00:12:48,749 --> 00:12:49,838
You can't.
281
00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:51,090
I won't. I-I won't.
282
00:12:51,263 --> 00:12:53,578
Good, 'cause I really like him.
283
00:12:54,447 --> 00:12:55,862
(sighs)
284
00:12:56,791 --> 00:12:58,318
I made a mess, didn't I?
285
00:12:58,405 --> 00:13:01,088
Like a dog after he ate
a can of chili.
286
00:13:01,494 --> 00:13:03,057
My dog did that once.
287
00:13:03,144 --> 00:13:05,119
We had to burn
the carpet...
288
00:13:09,838 --> 00:13:11,885
I hope you don't think
less of me.
289
00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:17,054
Christy, your life is your life,
but I got to tell you,
290
00:13:17,142 --> 00:13:19,947
all this lying and
sneaking around,
291
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,244
it doesn't
sound like you.
292
00:13:21,312 --> 00:13:22,479
Sounds more
like your mom.
293
00:13:22,705 --> 00:13:25,924
Oh, my God, that's the
worst thing you could say.
294
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:30,010
I'm sorry. I just mean
you're better than she is.
295
00:13:31,236 --> 00:13:33,377
She knows. I told her.
296
00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:36,590
So...
297
00:13:37,236 --> 00:13:39,932
who is this guy
who's not my brother?
298
00:13:41,369 --> 00:13:43,174
Just someone
from school.
299
00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,736
It was supposed
to be casual.
300
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,940
My attempt
at being a dude.
301
00:13:48,155 --> 00:13:51,260
But then he went and screwed it
up by having feelings for me.
302
00:13:51,479 --> 00:13:53,768
Hold on. Did you set
up the ground rules?
303
00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:56,363
No, I just assumed
we were on the same page.
304
00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:57,731
Ooh, rookie mistake.
305
00:13:59,252 --> 00:14:01,080
Listen, if you're
gonna act like a dude,
306
00:14:01,158 --> 00:14:02,185
you got to set
up the rules.
307
00:14:02,252 --> 00:14:05,385
You got to say things like
"I'm not looking for a relationship,
308
00:14:05,472 --> 00:14:06,979
"I'm not built for
a relationship,
309
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:10,213
I'm not a relationship kind of
guy," that type of nonsense.
310
00:14:10,986 --> 00:14:13,210
Oh, you're right.
311
00:14:13,342 --> 00:14:15,390
Guys do say that.
312
00:14:15,744 --> 00:14:17,769
Guess I never really heard it
because at that point
313
00:14:17,837 --> 00:14:19,637
I'm always thinking,
"I can change you,
314
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:21,174
I can change you,
I can change you."
315
00:14:21,585 --> 00:14:25,486
When will women learn
they can't change men?
316
00:14:26,807 --> 00:14:29,543
Says the man who put a ring
on my mom's finger
317
00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:31,807
and now listens to Adele.
318
00:14:33,861 --> 00:14:35,502
Son of a bitch.
319
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,682
Okay, how does
this sound?
320
00:14:41,104 --> 00:14:42,209
"Dear Cooper..."
321
00:14:42,296 --> 00:14:43,390
BONNIE:
Bad.
322
00:14:43,477 --> 00:14:45,979
It's a text,
not a letter from camp.
323
00:14:46,951 --> 00:14:48,346
Don't send anything.
324
00:14:48,876 --> 00:14:50,624
But I need him to forgive me.
325
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:53,018
How many times have
you apologized?
326
00:14:53,541 --> 00:14:54,823
Four...
327
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:56,604
teen.
328
00:14:57,292 --> 00:14:59,227
Did you try an
Edible Arrangement?
329
00:14:59,295 --> 00:15:02,790
She's apologizing for
an "edible arrangement."
330
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,517
I am wasted
on all of you.
331
00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:10,684
It's horrible.
332
00:15:10,775 --> 00:15:12,586
I can't eat, can't sleep.
333
00:15:12,728 --> 00:15:14,509
This is what I was
worried about.
334
00:15:14,577 --> 00:15:16,059
You developed feelings.
335
00:15:16,297 --> 00:15:17,626
WENDY:
Oh, I get it.
336
00:15:17,741 --> 00:15:19,759
"Edible."
337
00:15:20,743 --> 00:15:23,478
Cooper developed
the stupid feelings.
338
00:15:23,546 --> 00:15:24,595
I was the dude.
339
00:15:24,663 --> 00:15:26,504
If you were really the dude,
you wouldn't care.
340
00:15:26,572 --> 00:15:27,784
You would ride off
on your motorcycle
341
00:15:27,851 --> 00:15:29,704
and go shoot pool,
maybe a bear.
342
00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:33,214
I'm not even listening
to her anymore.
343
00:15:33,344 --> 00:15:35,345
Honey, you're just gonna
have to live with the fact
344
00:15:35,416 --> 00:15:37,664
that there's somebody out there
who doesn't like you.
345
00:15:37,751 --> 00:15:39,853
"Doesn't like you"?
He hates her guts.
346
00:15:39,921 --> 00:15:41,322
And FYI, he's not alone.
347
00:15:42,572 --> 00:15:43,939
MARJORIE:
I'm just saying
348
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,431
that it's not fair for you
to continue hurting him
349
00:15:46,499 --> 00:15:48,611
just to make yourself
feel better.
350
00:15:49,356 --> 00:15:50,938
She's so wise.
351
00:15:51,112 --> 00:15:53,547
And yet she thought
a purple velour tracksuit
352
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:54,908
was a good idea.
353
00:15:56,462 --> 00:15:57,462
Fine.
354
00:15:57,743 --> 00:15:59,120
I'll leave Cooper alone.
355
00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:00,234
Good.
356
00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,502
Now, who else hates me?
357
00:16:02,589 --> 00:16:04,458
Greg at
the Thursday night meeting.
358
00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,706
Who's Greg?
359
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,475
The guy you always call Scott.
360
00:16:09,663 --> 00:16:12,217
Oh, my God, Scott hates me?
361
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:20,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
362
00:16:35,774 --> 00:16:37,156
Hi.
363
00:16:37,671 --> 00:16:39,952
Oh, God, when do you graduate?
364
00:16:41,639 --> 00:16:44,969
Look, I know I already said
I was sorry,
365
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:49,187
but I just need you to know
that I'm really, really sorry.
366
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:51,954
I just don't get it, Christy.
367
00:16:52,022 --> 00:16:54,272
I mean, it would be one thing
if there was another guy.
368
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:55,835
Ooh, there is!
369
00:16:56,128 --> 00:16:57,829
There's totally another guy.
370
00:16:59,174 --> 00:17:00,174
Does that help?
371
00:17:00,268 --> 00:17:02,460
(clicks tongue)
Not as much as I hoped.
372
00:17:03,186 --> 00:17:06,460
What I mean is if I was
able to actually see him,
373
00:17:06,528 --> 00:17:08,303
I wouldn't have needed you.
374
00:17:09,515 --> 00:17:11,288
Oops, that came out
a little harsh.
375
00:17:11,445 --> 00:17:14,092
Everything you say
comes out a little harsh.
376
00:17:14,741 --> 00:17:17,411
I just mean that
it's a long-distance thing,
377
00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:20,117
and I was frustrated
because it was so complicated
378
00:17:20,185 --> 00:17:21,281
and you were so easy.
379
00:17:21,427 --> 00:17:24,052
Your apology is making me
want to kill myself.
380
00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:26,705
That's not what I want.
381
00:17:26,773 --> 00:17:28,842
Okay, then what do you want?
382
00:17:30,911 --> 00:17:32,810
I guess I want to be
with the other guy.
383
00:17:32,878 --> 00:17:34,075
Then go.
384
00:17:37,138 --> 00:17:40,482
(French accent): "Okay. Well,
perhaps you will take comfort
385
00:17:40,607 --> 00:17:43,482
"in the fact that I will die
long before you.
386
00:17:45,288 --> 00:17:47,154
Au revoir."
387
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,952
Marjorie said moderation is key,
388
00:17:59,039 --> 00:18:02,469
so I'm just gonna have
one cup of coffee a day.
389
00:18:03,179 --> 00:18:04,794
I can live with that.
390
00:18:06,281 --> 00:18:08,015
You must have been a fun drunk.
391
00:18:08,266 --> 00:18:11,359
I had a small but fervent
cult following.
392
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:14,901
(phone chimes)
393
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,516
(sighs)
394
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:20,080
Wow. Christy's driving down
to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.
395
00:18:20,148 --> 00:18:23,229
She said she's either gonna make
it work or get her heart broken.
396
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,620
I can't believe she's that
crazy about my brother.
397
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:26,893
He's kind of a tool.
398
00:18:27,711 --> 00:18:29,690
We are so lucky
to have each other.
399
00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:31,823
Yeah, we are.
And, hey, you don't ever
400
00:18:31,891 --> 00:18:33,563
have to worry about
me cheating on you.
401
00:18:33,648 --> 00:18:35,289
I wasn't, but go on.
402
00:18:35,797 --> 00:18:37,223
I mean, juggling girlfriends,
403
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:40,198
trying to remember which lie
you told who, sneaking around.
404
00:18:40,266 --> 00:18:42,164
Being with you is
so much less trouble.
405
00:18:42,453 --> 00:18:44,611
Look at you,
writing your vows already.
406
00:18:45,430 --> 00:18:46,955
No, no, you know
what I meant.
407
00:18:47,023 --> 00:18:49,102
I do. And you know
if you ever did cheat on me,
408
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,415
I would take the wheels
off your chair
409
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:52,023
and leave you in the woods.
410
00:18:52,156 --> 00:18:53,570
I do.
411
00:18:56,739 --> 00:18:58,888
It's just kind of wonderful
that Christy's racing
412
00:18:58,956 --> 00:19:02,786
down the highway, wind in her hair,
all in the name of love.
413
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:05,911
♪ I'm so excited ♪
414
00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:08,880
♪ And I just can't hide it ♪
415
00:19:08,957 --> 00:19:10,013
(Horns honking)
416
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:12,661
♪ I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know ♪
417
00:19:12,747 --> 00:19:15,041
♪ I want you, I want you.
417
00:19:16,305 --> 00:19:22,389
Please rate this subtitle at %url%
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
29684
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
