All language subtitles for mom.s05e08.hdtv.x264

Hi. Christy, alcoholic.

Hi, Christy.

I can't help thinking

where I was Christmas five years ago.

I mean, I-I've really
thought about it and...

I literally don't know where I was.

But if any of you were
there, maybe you could help me

piece it together or my deepest apology,

whichever applies. Thanks.

Hi, I'm Marjorie and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Marjorie.

This is a difficult holiday
with Victor being sick,

and, uh,

I know I need to focus on him,

so I'm sad to say

that I won't be able to host my
annual Christmas cookie party.

Aw. Of course I'm disappointed...

Good thing we're in a meeting
so we can manage our grief.

- Shh.
- Yeah, shh.

I love this meeting.

You ladies have really carried
me through the last few weeks,

so, to show my gratitude, next week

I am bringing my famous nutty fruit log.

Yay.

Would anyone else like to share?

- Mary, alcoholic.
- Hi, Mary.

I'm afraid Mary isn't
very merry this year.

It was recently brought to my attention

that my holiday letter
was a bit of a bummer.

- I don't think we got one.
- We did.

That's why the table
doesn't wobble anymore.

I understand telling everyone
that my daughter was in jail,

that my brother got evicted,
and that my pink eye came back,

was not exactly holiday
cheer, but it is what happened,

and I did make it rhyme.

Thanks for letting me share.
I know you all care.

Okay. Okay, my turn.

- Bonnie, alcoholic.
- Hi, Bonnie.

Everybody always shares
about how hard it is

around the Christmas holiday.

And to them I say, Ba-bam!

That's all I got. Merry Christmas.

... Synced and corrected by ChrisKe ...
... www.addic7ed.com ...

Ugh. Wow.

Look what happy people
do for the holidays.

Please. They're obviously
overcompensating.

You see Christmas cheer,
I see a miserable couple

on the brink of divorce.

You get all that from the front door?

And I read their mail.

Did you leave the light on?

Oh, my God, we've been robbed.

Of what?

We don't have anything.

My laptop.

Oh, damn it, I left my
watch on the nightstand.

- Oh.
- Ah.

- Was that you?
- No. I was in back.

Oh, my God! That means
they were still in here.

Get out, get out, get out!

That means they're out here now.

Get in, get in, get in!

Looks like he got in
through the bedroom window.

He? It could've been a woman.

Sure.

You might want to get that window fixed.

I'll tell the building manager.

I'm sure she'll get
to it in a few months.

Is now really the time?

Here is a list of the missing items.

Hmm.

Is there any chance you're
gonna find our stuff?

You want hope or the truth?

I've never had either.
I just want my laptop.

Sure.

- Thanks, officers.
- Yeah.

I don't get the feeling
we're the cold case those two

are gonna carry to their graves.

I had a term paper on that computer

and it's my entire grade.

Did you back it up?

If I had backed it up, would
I be freaking out right now?

Maybe. You run pretty hot.

Now I'm gonna fail that class, and then

I won't graduate, and then
I won't get into law school

and all this hard work
will have been for nothing,

and I might as well just
stick my head in the oven.

Well, if that's the plan,
kitchen's over there.

That's it?

You're not gonna talk me down?

Excuse me, but there
are two victims here.

That worthless punk stole my watch.

Oop, no.

Here it is.

Hmm. Looks like they
didn't touch Roscoe's stuff.

Baseball cards, paintball gun.

Hey, maybe we should
consider getting a real gun.

Are you serious?

Yeah, we're adults. We know what to...

Ow!

I'm sorry. It was an accident.

It was not an accident!

- Oh, come on, why would I shoot you?
- Why wouldn't you shoot me?

Go get a towel.

Ow!

Still want to get a real gun?

Are you planning on
sleeping with the lights on?

I don't plan on sleeping at all.

It just creeps me out some
stranger was in our home.

Yeah.

I mean, for all we know,
he could have come up here

and rubbed his ugly
naked butt on your pillow.

- Why would you say that?
- Oh, come on, we're both thinkin' it.

- No, I really wasn't.
- You are now.

Hey!

What was that?

Sounds like the water heater.

How could it be the water heater?

The water heater doesn't work.

Maybe the burglar broke
in and he's fixing it.

Well, at least somebody is.

I told you, it's on my list.

- I'm waiting for parts.
- I'm waiting for parts. Well, I am.

Just turn off the light and go to bed.

Hmm?

I broke into a house once.

What?

Yep.

I needed money for drugs.

I cased a couple of houses.

I saw one where the mail was stacked up.

I went around back and broke a window.

Wow.

That's a straight-up felony.

Only if you get caught.

It was the one time I really,

you know, crossed the line.

The one time?

I mean, I did what normal people do.

You know, go to a party,
raid the medicine cabinet,

rifle through the jackets on the bed,

take an outfit out of
the closet, wear it home.

Who does that?

You might not want to hear this,

but that's what you were
doing Christmas five years ago.

I can't believe you broke
into somebody's house.

Me neither. God...

I never thought about what I put
those people through until now.

Just curious, what'd you steal?

Mmm. Cash, jewelry, an EpiPen.

I hope the kid didn't
eat peanuts the next day.

That's what those are for?

Oh. It just made me run fast.

Sounds awful.

I'm sorry you went through that.

Yeah. I'm still pretty shaken up.

You should get a dog.

No, thanks. My mom's barely housebroken.

How about a cat?

A security cat?

Mine freak out when a
stranger comes to the door.

You should see my mailman's ankles.

Well, I did put up some cheap web-cams.

Check it out.

- Living room... kitchen.
- Mm-hmm.

Yep. There's Bonnie.

Look at her.

I live with Homer Simpson.

Wait, why is she going
through my laundry?

Better question, why is she
taking off her sweatpants?

That's my underwear.

She's putting on my underwear.

Oh, my God. That's why all
my thongs are stretched out.

Strange butts in my underwear,

strange butts on my pillow.

Will this nightmare never end?

Hold on. Christy, I think

- I found your laptop.
- What?

Someone just posted it on Craigslist,

and it has that lame "Follow
your dreams" sticker on it.

Oh, my God. This is it.

Ha.

How did you know to look there?

A lot of people sell
stolen stuff online.

Or so I've heard.

Unbelievable. They want $300 for it.

The "Z" doesn't even work.

You wrote an entire
term paper without a "Z"?

That's amazing.

No. That's astonishing,

incredible or jaw-dropping.

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Why so squirmy?

It's almost like your
underwear is the wrong size.

What's it to you?

I saw you take mine on the spy-cam.

That is such a violation of my privacy.

You can't say that in my panties.

I hate to interrupt,

but I think that's the building.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

What? Four middle-aged women
waltzing into a crime scene?

What are we supposed to do?

The cops won't even
return my phone calls.

Well, in their defense, you
left super long messages.

Well, screw them.

I'm gonna go get my laptop back.

I'm not sure... this is a
pretty dicey part of town.

Oh, come on. We've all been in
worse neighborhoods than this

to buy drugs.

Or to sell drugs.

Or just hoping to meet someone.

Come on, ladies, let's hit the bricks!

Why is no one hittin' the bricks?

Really, Mom?

I have a diamond ring to protect now.

But your kid, your kid you can lose?

I'm sorry, what?

Did this guy sound
dangerous on the phone?

We only e-mailed,

just the time and place.

Okay, someone's got to go in first.

Who's the most expendable?

Are you all staring at
me so I'll say Wendy?

Just knock.

What if he lured us here
so he can rob us again?

Well, you wanted to meet somebody.

Oh, hello, girls.

What are you all doing here?

Uh...

♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen ♪

♪ Let nothing you dismay ♪

Oh... ♪ Remember Christ our Savior ♪

♪ Was born on Christmas Day... ♪

♪ Two turtle doves, and a
partridge in a pear tree. ♪

What a treat!

Oh, thank you for coming and
bringing some Christmas cheer.

How about if I make us
all a cup of hot cocoa?

That'd be great, Mare.

That bitch stole our stuff.

This doesn't make any sense...
It couldn't have been her.

Is it just me, or did we
sound really good caroling?

Will you focus?

We're dealing with a
criminal mastermind.

Tiny marshmallows all around?

- Lovely.
- Mary, wait a minute.

Actually, we're here because
of a very strange situation.

Christy and Bonnie got robbed.

Oh, no.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Actually, there might be.

We tracked down my stolen
laptop to this address.

I don't understand.

- Where you hiding the loot, old woman?
- Mom.

I'm sorry, did you want to be bad cop?

Of course we don't think it's you.

Uh... does anyone else live here?

Oh, just my grandson, Todd.

On Law & Order, this is when we
would exchange a knowing look.

Oh, no, not my Todd.

He's always been a good boy.

I'm sure he has. Can
some of us comfort you

- while the rest of us search his room?
- No!

He would never steal.

He's studying to be an electrician.

All I know is that someone
gave me this address

to come over and buy my computer back.

- No one's judging you, Mary.
- Of course not.

We're judging your
thief/electrician grandson.

I think that you should leave.

Just her, or all of us?

Mare, maybe he lost his way a little.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Just get out.

Okay, ladies, let's go.

Wait. We're just leaving?

Yes, you're leaving.

Fine. But we'll be back.

Probably. I mean, we haven't
talked about a plan yet...

Um, Mary, if you do find the computer,

could you please print out my paper?!

Do you think Mary'll show up tonight?

Well, if she doesn't, I hope
she finds another meeting,

because the most important thing

is that she works the program
so she can maintain her sobriety.

Let me ask you something...
And this is 100% sincere.

Have you ever put yourself to
sleep while you were talking?

Hey. Turns out we weren't
the only ones who got hit.

Laura was robbed while
she was at a meeting, too.

How weird is that?

It's not weird at all.

This kid hangs around his
grandmother's meetings,

so he can follow people home,

so he can rob them the
next time they're here.

That's awful.

It's also pretty smart.

But mainly awful.

Christy?

Oh, good. You came.

I didn't want to believe you, but...

I went into Todd's room.

I hope this is everything.

My computer.

Thank you, Mary.

Are you gonna call the police?

That wouldn't help anyone.

Wait. Mary, aren't you
staying for the meeting?

Not today.

But we'll see you next week?

Maybe.

Uh, what should we do?

I don't know.

Maybe just give her some time.

Boy, it's just so sad.

I know. Poor Mary.

No. I mean, everything we
own that's worth stealing

fits in one bag.

This is a Christmas miracle.

Your paper's still there?

Yeah.

I remember my opening paragraph
being a little snappier.

You think there's a chance
that kid might have...

Stolen your computer,
broken into your documents

and rewrote your homework?

So you're not ruling it out?

Huh. What's this?

Gold earrings.

He must have stolen
these from someone else.

No, those are ours.

- They are not.
- Yes, they are.

After how bad we felt getting robbed,

you want to do the same thing?

You're unbelievable. I feel
ashamed that I know you.

They're my Christmas present to you.

Oh, my God, Mom, they're so nice!

Why didn't you stop me from
saying all that? I feel terrible.

And that's my Christmas
present from you.

Mary? It's Christy.

What about me?

Let's let you be a delightful surprise.

Please go away.

Come on, Mary, open the door.

What do you want?

We were worried about you.

We haven't seen you in a week.

What happened to your Christmas tree?

I didn't feel like
celebrating this year.

How are things with your grandson?

Not good. He took off.

I'm really worried about him.

Todd was always my little shining star.

I know this is hard,

but you can't stop coming to meetings.

Oh. I'm too embarrassed.

In front of us?

Have you listened to our shares?

- We're all train wrecks.
- Speak for yourself... I have a fiancé.

I'm not sure what the point is anymore.

Mary... you didn't get
sober for your grandson.

You got sober for yourself.

And you can't help him
unless you stay that way.

Don't write the kid off.

Sometimes disappointing children
grow up and surprise you.

I'd take a shot back, but
I really love my earrings.

How about we have a meeting right now?

- I'd like that.
- You want to start?

Hi. I'm Mary.

And I'm an alcoholic.

- Hi, Mary.
- Hi, Mary.

- Excuse me.
- Yes?

You don't know me, but...
do you have a minute?

Sorry, I already picked my God,
and I've got enough magazines.

Both good guesses, but not why I'm here.

Did you live here nine years ago?

Yes. Why?

Okay, here goes. Um...

I kind of...

broke into your house and robbed you.

What? That was you?

Yeah. I-I...

came to make an amends to you.

An amends?

See, back when I robbed you, I
was a drunk and a drug addict.

And I-I know that's not
an excuse, but it is,

sort of, my excuse.

What I did was terrible, and
I'm sorry if I made you feel

you weren't safe in your own home.

My kids couldn't sleep for weeks.

I know I can't make up for what I did,

but I'd be happy to write a check

for whatever you feel
covers what I took.

Okay, $1,200.

$1,200? Really? Isn't that kind of high?

Do you want to make this right, or not?

- I only have $900 in my bank account.
- Okay, give me that.

Wow. I was kind of hoping

we were gonna end up just
hugging this thing out,

but... okay.

Do you need a pen?

I got one.

Did you steal it?

I did not.

Last chance to say $500.

Okay.

I'm just gonna write
"Merry Christmas" in the memo.

... Synced and corrected by ChrisKe ...
... www.addic7ed.com ...

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