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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:33,208 [Olivia] You know that moment when you finally understand life? 2 00:00:34,875 --> 00:00:36,000 You just get it? 3 00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:41,750 Well, this was my moment. 4 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:45,917 I got it. Everything and everyone in my life fit into a neat, little box. 5 00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:48,917 Here are the individualist hipster clones... 6 00:00:49,709 --> 00:00:51,583 and the better-than-you bankers. 7 00:00:51,583 --> 00:00:53,875 [scoffs] See? 8 00:00:55,542 --> 00:00:58,208 I knew exactly what was what, who was who and most importantly who I am. 9 00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:00,834 Aw, the yummy mummies. 10 00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:01,959 [indistinct chatter] 11 00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:03,709 [Olivia] Look, we all do it. 12 00:01:03,709 --> 00:01:06,875 We give ourselves labels to feel we belong. 13 00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:10,542 Silly, really. Because waking up to yourself is about letting go 14 00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:12,458 of who you imagine yourself to be. 15 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,709 Of course, I had yet to learn that. 16 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:20,917 Yep. No. I'm up. I'm gonna take on the world. 17 00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:23,625 [water bubbling] 18 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,375 [urinating] 19 00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:28,417 Oh! 20 00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:37,250 ["Do You Wanna Dance" playing] 21 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:14,417 Fuck! 22 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,000 [grunts] 23 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,291 Look smart, everyone! She's almost here. 24 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:46,375 -Could I get that deposition, Charles? -Yes, yes. 25 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,500 Could I get a smile too for Sophie's last day? 26 00:02:51,125 --> 00:02:53,458 Terrifying as usual. Thank you. 27 00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:06,709 [sighs] 28 00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:23,208 [all] Surprise! 29 00:03:23,458 --> 00:03:28,166 You do not do that to someone! Oh! [laughs] 30 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:33,208 I'll be sad to leave the firm. 31 00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:35,000 Glad to see the back of you lot, of course. 32 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:35,500 -[laughing] -Yay! 33 00:03:37,208 --> 00:03:40,583 Yes, Olivia, thank you for the surprise. I can tell you were the one behind it. 34 00:03:40,583 --> 00:03:41,375 [laughs] 35 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,792 [heavy breathing] 36 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,875 [Sophie] And now for another surprise... 37 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:57,542 I'm gonna be a mum. That's right. I'm having a baby. 38 00:03:58,208 --> 00:04:01,417 -[applause] -Thank you. 39 00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:04,500 [squealing] 40 00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:15,375 [snorts] 41 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:21,417 Yay! 42 00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:32,041 Shoo! Go on. Shoo! Go on! Fuck off! Go get the mouse that's... 43 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,458 -not this one. -[cat meows] 44 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:37,959 That was rather embarrassing, wasn't it? 45 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:40,125 -Excruciating stuff. -Yes. 46 00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:43,458 Thank you. Much better adjective. 47 00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:49,458 -It is possible, you know. -Yeah! Sure, yes. I mean... 48 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,041 that was always the plan. Um... 49 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,208 but then you wake up after yet another pointless relationship 50 00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:00,291 and you realize... 51 00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:04,208 the only thing you ever truly wanted, you left up to fate. 52 00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:05,625 And now it's too late. 53 00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:10,625 -No chance with the current? -She's barely 12. 54 00:05:11,709 --> 00:05:16,458 Unfortunately, I am completely obsessed with her. 55 00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:20,625 -Finally happy. -You don't look very happy. 56 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:24,500 So... 57 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,375 who's the man then? 58 00:05:28,917 --> 00:05:29,959 No man. 59 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:33,166 A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle and all that. 60 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:38,667 -Yes, but who's like a man? -We are, quite literally, two women. 61 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:44,959 Yes, but top or bottom sort of thing. I mean, how does it fit together? 62 00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:50,083 Charles, please. Stop doing that. 63 00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:55,417 -What do you call this piece? -Dot. 64 00:05:56,125 --> 00:05:57,667 -Do you know what it represents? -What? 65 00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:00,875 -Fuck all! -Don't say that. 66 00:06:00,875 --> 00:06:03,625 I literally spent all day, creating a full stop. 67 00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:06,375 But this what being a struggling artist is all about. 68 00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:08,166 Yeah, but when do you stop saying "struggling" 69 00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:11,166 -and just realize that you are not one. -Never. 70 00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:13,041 If I'm all right with it, you can be too, you know. 71 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,750 Alex, that's not who you are. 72 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:19,542 [sighs] How was your day? 73 00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:24,709 Lovely, thank you. 74 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:28,542 Um... I did get us a new pet. 75 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,542 Her name's Maureen. 76 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:35,458 There are ways to address procrastination, as we discussed. 77 00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:35,542 Are there? 78 00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:39,333 Are there? 79 00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:44,500 [music plays] 80 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,709 -[screams] -[giggling] 81 00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:18,250 -I know... -You do? 82 00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,917 I need to get up and face the world. 83 00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:29,625 Actually, um... 84 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:33,709 I was going to ask you to marry me. 85 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,792 -Have you got a ring? -Yes! No, I don't. It... 86 00:07:43,291 --> 00:07:47,875 -More of an "in theory" situation. -You just proposed to me in theory? 87 00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:51,834 I mean, do you think we should? Because, then we'll be as close as... 88 00:07:53,291 --> 00:07:56,166 you know, family and we could... 89 00:07:59,417 --> 00:08:00,959 All those lovely tax benefits. 90 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:03,667 -You've not proposed before, have you? -Is it too soon? 91 00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:08,041 It is too soon. Yep. It probably... 92 00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:12,458 Ignore me. I've had a lot of coffee. 93 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,625 And now you're literally taking your proposal back? 94 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:16,583 Got me divorce papers through, this morning. 95 00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:21,458 -John! -Most people just say good morning, John! 96 00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:23,500 As long as she gives me my signed football back, I'm happy. 97 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:26,250 [Olivia] Oh, I'm sure she will. 98 00:08:26,583 --> 00:08:28,959 -So, you're a single man, now? -Yeah! 99 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:31,208 Gosh! You can party, date and... 100 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,667 -[stuttering] ...travel the world. -Grow my hair a bit. 101 00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,166 -[Olivia] And that. -Have a divorce party. 102 00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:39,291 Oh, that's classy. 103 00:08:39,291 --> 00:08:40,792 -Thank you! -[Alex] Goodbye, John! 104 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:42,792 [John] What you doin'? 105 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,917 Are you two doing stuff? 106 00:08:49,291 --> 00:08:50,250 [mouths] 107 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,917 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 108 00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:57,417 ["Been Invited to a Party" playing] 109 00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:22,709 [panting] 110 00:09:24,458 --> 00:09:27,709 [Olivia] Look at him. Mr. Family Man. 111 00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,834 If we were still kids, I'd go over there and give him a wedgie. 112 00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:32,875 Those trousers are doing the job for you. 113 00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:40,333 -Do you ever think about that? -You brother's ass. Daily, yeah. 114 00:09:40,917 --> 00:09:42,166 I wish I had the courage to be different, 115 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:46,208 to stand alone and accept that I have feelings for men. 116 00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:50,000 -I just can't deal with the stigma. -Just 'cause, lately I've been-- 117 00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:56,000 I've just been thinking, I don't know, what a great mum you'd make. 118 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:02,542 So that's what it was about. 119 00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:05,917 -What? -The anti-proposal. 120 00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:10,458 -No. -That's why you had no ring. 121 00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:13,959 Look, were we-- You know, I don't-- We haven't broached that, have we? 122 00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:19,667 -The kid thing? Have we covered that? -Uh, yeah. Date two. 123 00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:23,917 You asked me, and I said maybe, but like, not for years. 124 00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,458 Okay. 125 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:30,291 [people chatting] 126 00:10:30,625 --> 00:10:32,208 Well, you didn't shut it down. 127 00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,750 -Did you? -That was ten months ago. 128 00:10:36,125 --> 00:10:37,458 [Ben] Get ready, people! 129 00:10:37,792 --> 00:10:39,208 [people cheering] 130 00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,625 You've seen my bank balance, huh? I don't know if I'm ready. If I'm ever... 131 00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:45,959 -gonna be ready. -Yeah. Yes. 132 00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:48,208 -Ah! Ah! Ah! -[people laughing] 133 00:10:50,709 --> 00:10:50,834 Are those tears? 134 00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:02,333 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 135 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:04,250 Um... 136 00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:07,917 I'm sorry. I know you're not ready. 137 00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:12,875 But Alex, I'm almost 40. 138 00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:16,792 The shop is closing. 139 00:11:18,291 --> 00:11:21,542 I know that's not terribly Gloria Steinem of me but it's true. 140 00:11:23,041 --> 00:11:23,875 [sighs] 141 00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:27,834 This is a thing, isn't it? 142 00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:29,959 I should have been more honest. 143 00:11:30,667 --> 00:11:32,667 How long have you wanted this? 144 00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:35,834 Only since I was five. 145 00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:37,834 You should have been more honest. 146 00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:40,625 [people chatting] 147 00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:43,083 I just didn't want to lose you. 148 00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:45,291 You have me. 149 00:11:46,834 --> 00:11:47,000 This is it. I'm done. 150 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,417 -I want us to be a family. -[cheering] 151 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,583 I need time... 152 00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:07,583 -time to think. -Sure. Oh, absolutely, yeah. Cool. 153 00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:09,250 No pressure. 154 00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,500 Happy New Year. 155 00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:16,667 Happy New Year. 156 00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:39,417 [Alfie] So, you dumped her? 157 00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:42,333 No, Alf. She asked for a baby. Not a kidney. 158 00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:43,834 That would be way less hassle. 159 00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:46,959 -I said I'd think about it. -Who would have it? 160 00:12:47,458 --> 00:12:48,542 You? 161 00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:52,542 You'll never have sex again. Pregnancy fucks with your vagina, man. 162 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,875 She wants to do it. There's no way I'm shitting out a kid. 163 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,041 -How many of these we've had? -Like... 164 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:03,125 three... each. 165 00:13:03,709 --> 00:13:07,542 -The guy said just have a half. -It'll be mellow. It's always mellow. 166 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:08,917 [screaming] 167 00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:11,750 [Alfie] What is happening? 168 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,250 It just won't stop. 169 00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:15,333 [Alex] We're all gonna die. 170 00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:20,959 -[panting] -[screaming] 171 00:13:23,041 --> 00:13:24,583 [police siren fading out] 172 00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:33,208 -[indistinct chatter] -[music playing] 173 00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:48,125 -[John] Hey! You made it. -Of course, we did. 174 00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,625 We needed the alcohol. 175 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,041 Well, I'm just glad you didn't feel intimidated. 176 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,834 [Olivia] Happy divorce. 177 00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:58,000 Thank you very much, Olivia. I'm heartbroken, you know? 178 00:13:58,417 --> 00:14:00,458 -Hang on in there. -[John] Thank you, Alex. 179 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,041 Just BTW, I can see right through that top. 180 00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:07,709 Oh, oh! Mojitos are up! 181 00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:12,792 Come on! [chanting] 182 00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:16,709 [indistinct chatter] 183 00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:20,875 [Alex] Babe. 184 00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:23,125 -I'm still not talking to you, okay? -I'm sorry. 185 00:14:25,709 --> 00:14:28,333 Those brownies were stronger than expected and to be fair... 186 00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,458 that ride cannot be safe for kids. 187 00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:33,625 -Alex, this is not the way to behave. -I know. 188 00:14:33,625 --> 00:14:35,667 I just got bored of not getting anything done 189 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,000 -and wanted to have some fun, I am trying. -Well, just hurry up! 190 00:14:38,709 --> 00:14:40,709 -Hurry up! -Yes! 191 00:14:40,709 --> 00:14:41,709 Girls? Really? 192 00:14:42,166 --> 00:14:44,834 Isn't this something about MTV in the 90's? 193 00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,875 I think those two will fancy you whatever. 194 00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,750 Alex, I need you to be the person that you plan to be sooner. 195 00:14:52,041 --> 00:14:53,083 Why? 196 00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:56,250 Becau-- because you're going to be a mother. 197 00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:02,500 I've started already... 198 00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:08,041 the insemination program. 199 00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:11,875 [Alex sighs] 200 00:15:12,417 --> 00:15:14,250 Surprise. [sighing] 201 00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:15,208 Yay. 202 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,500 How could you do this? 203 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,208 Huh? 204 00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,667 You promised me time to think. 205 00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:26,333 I just thought I'd give it a shot and see. 206 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:29,250 -[scoffs] This is our life. -Alex, I couldn't wait. 207 00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:34,041 Not any longer. 208 00:15:35,792 --> 00:15:38,000 This was never about me. 209 00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:41,417 [sighs] 210 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,875 You'll be a great mother-- 211 00:15:44,875 --> 00:15:46,417 Stop telling me what I'm fucking great at. 212 00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:47,417 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 213 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:49,583 I'm going to go back to our house and give us both time to cool off. 214 00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:51,625 I don't wanna see you. 215 00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:56,125 -Fine. I'll go to my parents. -Fine. 216 00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:58,291 Fuck! 217 00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:10,291 -Ah-ha! Where's Olivia? -Huh! I've been left behind. 218 00:16:10,792 --> 00:16:11,834 You okay? 219 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:15,458 [sighs] "I make so many beginnings, there will never be an end." 220 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:17,458 -I'm not quite following. -Mm. 221 00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:21,291 Little Women . You should read it, John. 222 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:23,667 In the meantime... 223 00:16:23,959 --> 00:16:25,959 do you fancy forgetting who the fuck we are for a bit? 224 00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:29,542 -Oh! Most definitely. -Fantastic! 225 00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:35,000 [birds chirping] 226 00:16:35,709 --> 00:16:38,458 -[Sue] Green juice, darling? -No, thanks, Mummy. 227 00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:42,333 -Nice to have our princess home. -Just the damn best. 228 00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:45,291 Wish you had an argument with your flatmate every week. 229 00:16:45,291 --> 00:16:48,333 -Girlfriend. -Life partner, darling. 230 00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:51,500 Well, we'll be here when it doesn't work out, won't we, love? 231 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,709 [Sue] Absolutely! 232 00:16:58,208 --> 00:16:59,333 [snoring] 233 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:04,166 Good morning, Alex. 234 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:06,917 [gasping] 235 00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:13,125 Do you wanna go again? 236 00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:14,333 Oh, my God. 237 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,041 -Oh, thank God! -[sobbing] 238 00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:31,250 Oh, Alex, I can't believe I did that without telling you. 239 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,291 -I'm so sorry. -I'm so sorry. 240 00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:35,291 -I'm so sorry. -So sorry. 241 00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:35,375 So sorry? 242 00:17:37,917 --> 00:17:40,667 Let's just have a baby. Huh? Let's do whatever you want. 243 00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:41,208 Whatever it takes. 244 00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:46,792 -Really? -Let's mess up your VJ, good and proper. 245 00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:49,625 That's a yes. 246 00:17:51,542 --> 00:17:53,458 Yay! 247 00:17:54,041 --> 00:17:56,667 [sobbing] 248 00:17:57,542 --> 00:18:00,917 Thank you! Because, Alex... 249 00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:04,291 this is about you. 250 00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:08,875 I can't do this without you being part of it, you know? 251 00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:12,083 -It'll be easy, right? -Yes! 252 00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:15,250 Having a baby is just like having a mate around who's always pissed. 253 00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:18,625 They just need propping up now and again, and given fluids. 254 00:18:19,458 --> 00:18:21,166 -Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. -Sweet! 255 00:18:30,417 --> 00:18:33,291 [Olivia] So I would ask you to find him accountable for what he did. 256 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:36,500 In summation, clause 14 states that-- [burps] 257 00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:40,500 That's not what it states. 258 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,250 Clause 14-- [heaves] 259 00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:44,792 [heaves] 260 00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:47,208 [judge] Are you able to continue, Miss Miller? 261 00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:48,875 [heaves] 262 00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:50,667 [jury murmuring] 263 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:57,333 Um... 264 00:18:58,125 --> 00:19:00,208 no, actually. 265 00:19:01,458 --> 00:19:04,417 My colleague will tell you about that clause. 266 00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:07,333 If you will please excuse me, I have to vomit. 267 00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:24,542 There's more out here if you need 'em babe. 268 00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:28,417 Say a prayer to the god of fertility. 269 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,458 That's not gonna happen. Go! 270 00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,375 [lighter clicks] 271 00:19:46,959 --> 00:19:47,959 [chokes] 272 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,750 -[footsteps approaching] -It's positive! 273 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,250 I'm pregnant! [heavy breathing] 274 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,625 Snap. I'm pregnant. 275 00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:18,208 No, I am. I am pregnant. 276 00:20:19,542 --> 00:20:20,417 [heavy breathing] 277 00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:22,375 What? 278 00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:31,709 -I don't understand what happened. -Oh, poor you. You're all confused. 279 00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:36,417 Meanwhile, you have just put my entire life in a salad spinner of fuck! 280 00:20:36,959 --> 00:20:39,125 I was so drunk. 281 00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:42,208 And you went behind my back and that really hurt. 282 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:44,542 So, you thought you'd sleep with a man you nicknamed scrotum pole? 283 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,458 I don't remember anything. 284 00:20:47,709 --> 00:20:50,375 [Olivia] You remembered how to fuck, obviously! 285 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:55,917 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 286 00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:58,125 Look how much you're fucking making me swear! 287 00:20:58,750 --> 00:21:00,875 [gasping] 288 00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:04,792 I just don't understand why you keep messing everything up for yourself. 289 00:21:04,792 --> 00:21:06,375 [gasping] 290 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,792 -Oh, what's this? -Bag. 291 00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:12,750 -What? -Bag. Paper bag. 292 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:13,959 [gasping continues] 293 00:21:24,542 --> 00:21:25,375 Just-- 294 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,750 -We were so good together. -I know. 295 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,417 -I know -[gasping continues] 296 00:21:42,458 --> 00:21:45,000 You can't be the one to comfort me over you. 297 00:21:48,458 --> 00:21:51,375 ["Run" playing] 298 00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:17,417 Oh, yes! 299 00:22:18,834 --> 00:22:20,667 Olivia, look. 300 00:22:22,458 --> 00:22:26,500 -She gave me my ball back. -That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you. 301 00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:30,458 Let's have a look. 302 00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:38,333 Okay. 303 00:22:41,250 --> 00:22:42,625 Can I have my ball back now? 304 00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:47,041 So just go romcom on her arse. 305 00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:48,500 'Scuse me? 306 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,667 The big romantic gesture. Richard Gere, roses, 307 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,166 so she no longer feels like a hooker. 308 00:22:54,417 --> 00:22:57,375 Then I'm literally gonna be a mum to two kids. Just like that. 309 00:22:57,875 --> 00:22:59,625 -You're already having one. -Not without her, I'm not. 310 00:23:02,375 --> 00:23:04,959 Does that make me a shitty person? 311 00:23:05,208 --> 00:23:08,291 It's not a story I'd tell them at their graduation but no... 312 00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:10,166 you're all right. 313 00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:11,500 I don't know what to do. 314 00:23:13,959 --> 00:23:15,000 Can you be without her? 315 00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:18,291 -No. -Not a chance? 316 00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,333 -Not one. -There you go then. 317 00:23:23,166 --> 00:23:24,458 And now... 318 00:23:25,709 --> 00:23:26,542 to celebrate. 319 00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:31,792 -I'm gonna have a baby, Alf. -Yeah, I know. I sympathize. 320 00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:33,583 This'll make you feel better. 321 00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:37,500 Yep. 322 00:23:47,083 --> 00:23:49,208 [door slams shut] 323 00:23:52,917 --> 00:23:54,750 Whoa! 324 00:23:56,417 --> 00:23:58,000 That is so not cool. 325 00:24:15,458 --> 00:24:18,333 I can't sell a single painting. 326 00:24:18,834 --> 00:24:20,583 Not even the one with me tits out. 327 00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:25,625 So, I sold all those cool art supplies and I got you this. 328 00:24:26,792 --> 00:24:30,667 I can't do this on me own. And I don't think you can, either. 329 00:24:32,333 --> 00:24:34,959 [birds chirping] 330 00:24:42,375 --> 00:24:43,792 Have you smelled this thing? 331 00:24:45,291 --> 00:24:47,417 It's vintage, isn't it? 332 00:24:50,417 --> 00:24:52,625 [keys jingling] 333 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:04,417 [door slams shut] 334 00:25:05,875 --> 00:25:07,500 And why exactly do you think I wouldn't be able to do this on my own? 335 00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:11,375 I have support. Friends, my family, friends. 336 00:25:11,667 --> 00:25:12,875 -Which friends? -Friends. 337 00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:14,625 Maureen? 338 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,542 Well what do you bring, Alex? 339 00:25:17,542 --> 00:25:19,417 And you need to get that fucking mouse out of my house. 340 00:25:20,709 --> 00:25:20,834 I'm home all day. 341 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,125 Got a thing for Pixar. 342 00:25:24,625 --> 00:25:25,792 To be honest, I hadn't thought beyond the pram. 343 00:25:27,959 --> 00:25:30,667 I just know that if you were ever able to forgive me, 344 00:25:30,667 --> 00:25:34,208 then I would love to be the mum that you think I can be. 345 00:25:35,834 --> 00:25:39,709 So, I'd like to call today, "Lez be having some babies!" 346 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,250 -No jokes. -Understood. Not a laughing matter. 347 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,542 -Alex. -Present. 348 00:25:45,208 --> 00:25:49,083 Yep. We've established that. My sister has asked me to do this 349 00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:53,375 quite heinous bit of mediation today, so you can both be sure you're entering 350 00:25:53,375 --> 00:25:55,041 -into this agreement-- -Family. Family. 351 00:25:55,667 --> 00:25:59,041 Bit of a stretch but anyway... with clarity and closure. 352 00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:00,583 Yeah, fine. I'll agree to anything. 353 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:04,041 How romantic. Now here are the hard and fast rules. 354 00:26:04,333 --> 00:26:07,083 Never again shall either of you mention that Alex slept with someone else. 355 00:26:07,375 --> 00:26:09,625 -[Alex] Fine. -You have to meet each other's parents. 356 00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:12,959 -Fine. -And you have to tell John about the baby. 357 00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:15,500 -No fucking way! -He's the father. 358 00:26:16,166 --> 00:26:19,333 We're talking about the man who thought LGBT was just a really big sandwich. 359 00:26:19,333 --> 00:26:21,166 You slept with him. 360 00:26:22,333 --> 00:26:23,208 Oh! I think we agreed no more mention of the S word. 361 00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:25,291 -Shut up, Ben! -That's mature. 362 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:28,250 Why would you want him involved? He almost ruined us. 363 00:26:28,667 --> 00:26:32,542 How else are we going to afford two children on one salary? 364 00:26:32,542 --> 00:26:35,291 Well, we don't need childcare. I'll look after them. 365 00:26:35,291 --> 00:26:36,792 No Alex, you're an artist. 366 00:26:38,583 --> 00:26:40,375 You can't give up your dream. 367 00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:44,667 You are my dream. 368 00:26:44,917 --> 00:26:45,792 -[Ben scoffs] -Shut up, Ben. 369 00:26:45,792 --> 00:26:47,917 You two are perfect for each other. 370 00:26:49,083 --> 00:26:53,417 I want to do this properly. One has to do the right thing. 371 00:26:54,125 --> 00:26:55,583 You've started talking like the Queen. 372 00:26:56,792 --> 00:26:56,917 Must be serious. 373 00:26:58,792 --> 00:27:00,291 That's her serious face, too. 374 00:27:00,709 --> 00:27:01,834 Or she's having a stroke. 375 00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:04,875 -Shut up! -Okay, why am I here? 376 00:27:08,125 --> 00:27:09,959 [women chatting] 377 00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:17,834 -Hey, John. -Oh, hey! 378 00:27:18,125 --> 00:27:20,834 -I'm so glad you're talking to me again. -[seductively] Who's the daddy? 379 00:27:21,250 --> 00:27:23,333 -You what? -[seductively] Who's the daddy? 380 00:27:24,458 --> 00:27:25,500 Huh? 381 00:27:28,625 --> 00:27:32,166 Who. Is. The. Daddy? 382 00:27:33,291 --> 00:27:35,750 I am the daddy. 383 00:27:36,917 --> 00:27:39,458 -Yes, you are. -Excuse me? 384 00:27:39,709 --> 00:27:42,208 She's pregnant. You are going to be a daddy. 385 00:27:42,667 --> 00:27:44,959 And we're gonna need shitloads of money. 386 00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:47,583 [chuckles] 387 00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:50,834 -Well, I did it. -Yes, you did. 388 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:51,875 Mm-hmm. 389 00:27:55,375 --> 00:27:58,583 -Why can we never do that? -[doorbell rings] 390 00:27:59,709 --> 00:28:01,500 [knocking at door] 391 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,542 -I thought you meant sexually. -No, she didn't. That was our joke. 392 00:28:07,083 --> 00:28:07,834 You did not mean sexually? 393 00:28:08,333 --> 00:28:10,583 I had sex with that. 394 00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:13,875 And now there's a baby gonna be coming out of that. 395 00:28:13,875 --> 00:28:17,959 Yes, thank you for the biology lecture. Come in before you throw up on that. 396 00:28:22,417 --> 00:28:25,208 Look, mate... I don't expect anything. 397 00:28:25,208 --> 00:28:26,959 -[Olivia clears her throat] -Maybe money. 398 00:28:27,667 --> 00:28:30,000 -You work in banking, right? -No, not anymore. 399 00:28:31,834 --> 00:28:34,083 No. I own and run a site called Mannism. 400 00:28:34,875 --> 00:28:35,000 It's um... 401 00:28:36,375 --> 00:28:40,000 It's a-- It's a-- A place where alpha males can connect and... 402 00:28:42,625 --> 00:28:44,375 share the message of the ancient Greek word, " Arete". 403 00:28:45,041 --> 00:28:48,291 -"Be the best you can be." -So, money's out then. 404 00:28:48,959 --> 00:28:50,041 [sniffs] Well... 405 00:28:51,208 --> 00:28:51,917 you keep doing that. 406 00:28:53,166 --> 00:28:55,083 Because, I'm perfectly cool raising this baby with Olivia. 407 00:28:57,125 --> 00:28:58,250 -I'm also having a baby. -Bollocks. 408 00:28:58,667 --> 00:29:00,542 Actually, it's certain. 409 00:29:02,125 --> 00:29:05,417 No, not that. Congrats or whatever. Bollocks to me not playing a part. 410 00:29:05,417 --> 00:29:08,083 I am the father! That little one needs a dad. 411 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,500 Please. Please let me be the dad. Plus, I live right next door. 412 00:29:14,208 --> 00:29:15,041 I have a complex vocabulary. 413 00:29:18,875 --> 00:29:22,458 You can't drive. I can drive you! If you want. 414 00:29:22,458 --> 00:29:26,375 [Olivia whispering] Get him out of this house, now! 415 00:29:26,375 --> 00:29:28,875 -I've heard enough. He knows now. -Yes. 416 00:29:29,166 --> 00:29:30,041 Off you go, John. 417 00:29:31,625 --> 00:29:34,625 -I cannot believe that is the man who-- -Turned your girlfriend straight? 418 00:29:34,625 --> 00:29:36,458 -Oh, my God! -That's what she said. 419 00:29:36,458 --> 00:29:37,875 Sorry, that was right there. 420 00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:41,583 I am so incredibly sorry for the pain that I have caused you. 421 00:29:41,583 --> 00:29:44,917 If I could go back in time and change what happened, I would. But... 422 00:29:47,375 --> 00:29:48,583 I'm a great guy. 423 00:29:48,917 --> 00:29:53,250 Let me take you out to lunch, clear the air, get to know me better. 424 00:29:53,542 --> 00:29:55,125 Yeah? I want to be a part of this. 425 00:29:57,583 --> 00:29:58,667 This is... 426 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:00,500 kind of all I've got. 427 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:03,125 -Aside from Mannism? -Hail to the Alpha. 428 00:30:03,417 --> 00:30:05,917 -[sighs] -Give me a chance? 429 00:30:06,667 --> 00:30:10,083 Go on. Give me a chance. 430 00:30:11,333 --> 00:30:13,375 [Olivia] Aw. 431 00:30:14,625 --> 00:30:16,959 Is it supposed to look like an underwater alien? 432 00:30:16,959 --> 00:30:18,959 Yes. It is quite revolting, isn't it? 433 00:30:18,959 --> 00:30:22,041 So, Alex, that membrane which is protecting the fetus 434 00:30:22,041 --> 00:30:23,834 is known as the amniotic sac. 435 00:30:24,291 --> 00:30:26,792 -That's mingin'. Stop it. -Yes. Please stop. 436 00:30:29,166 --> 00:30:31,083 -So, you're pregnant too? -I am. 437 00:30:31,875 --> 00:30:34,250 -And you're both together? -We are. 438 00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:35,333 -Yes. -And both pregnant with... 439 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:37,000 some other people's children? 440 00:30:38,667 --> 00:30:42,458 Well, it's not quite that random. I was artificially inseminated by a donor. 441 00:30:42,458 --> 00:30:47,709 Oh, yes. Thank you. No need to elaborate. Very feminist, I'm sure. 442 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,834 Okay, well. Thank you very much. 443 00:30:55,667 --> 00:30:56,417 Are you wearing an underwire bra? 444 00:30:57,208 --> 00:31:00,208 -Sorry? -You should stop during pregnancy. 445 00:31:00,208 --> 00:31:02,959 It restricts the growth of milk glands in your-- 446 00:31:04,667 --> 00:31:06,750 -Breasts. -Hmm. 447 00:31:08,375 --> 00:31:10,458 [clears throat] You need to know these things. You can't ignore pregnancy. 448 00:31:10,458 --> 00:31:12,166 Sadly. 449 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,041 Um, if my waters break while I'm out and about, 450 00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:18,375 uh, will it look like I've just pissed myself? 451 00:31:19,333 --> 00:31:23,083 It's more of a trickle than a-- Oh, dear God-- Gush. 452 00:31:23,083 --> 00:31:27,542 And um, during labor, is it correct that... 453 00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:30,125 -one can crap oneself? -I'll give you some leaflets, okay? 454 00:31:31,041 --> 00:31:34,875 Did you know, I have a painting of my vulva 455 00:31:34,875 --> 00:31:37,709 that would look absolutely gorgeous in here? 456 00:31:37,709 --> 00:31:40,166 -No, thank you. Goodbye. Toodle-oo. -Okay, buh-bye. Bye. 457 00:31:44,542 --> 00:31:48,500 [Olivia] How'd we manage to find the one obstetrician who's weird about vaginas? 458 00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:51,375 [both laughing hysterically] 459 00:31:52,083 --> 00:31:52,166 [snorts] 460 00:32:11,250 --> 00:32:16,000 Saturdays at 11:00 a.m. Got it. Thank you. Bye. 461 00:32:17,417 --> 00:32:18,875 -Hello! -Hello there! 462 00:32:21,709 --> 00:32:23,333 I'm really pleased we got to do this. 463 00:32:23,667 --> 00:32:25,792 -I'm pleased we could do this, too. -Yeah. 464 00:32:26,709 --> 00:32:29,500 I appreciated your apology. 465 00:32:30,542 --> 00:32:32,834 Well, I appreciate you saying that. 466 00:32:34,250 --> 00:32:37,333 -Great! I am starving. -Sandwiches. 467 00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,875 -Oh. This is stilton? -Yeah. 468 00:32:40,875 --> 00:32:42,250 I don't think I can have it. 469 00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:44,834 Alex was just going on about this yesterday. 470 00:32:45,333 --> 00:32:47,291 -What, 'cause of the-- -Yeah. 471 00:32:47,291 --> 00:32:50,208 -Oh, I'm so sorry. -That's okay. I can still have the bread. 472 00:32:50,208 --> 00:32:51,917 I'll just take this. 473 00:33:07,542 --> 00:33:09,375 Yes, um... 474 00:33:11,041 --> 00:33:15,792 -Alex is become quite the pregnancy major. -That girl's hilarious. Never serious. 475 00:33:16,417 --> 00:33:17,250 She can be quite serious, though. 476 00:33:17,792 --> 00:33:22,458 No. I think even when she's serious, it's a little un-serious. 477 00:33:22,458 --> 00:33:24,458 Well, maybe you don't take what she's saying seriously. 478 00:33:24,458 --> 00:33:26,417 I'm pretty certain she's just being fun and not serious. 479 00:33:26,417 --> 00:33:29,166 -Well, she does laugh a lot. -Yeah. 480 00:33:30,458 --> 00:33:33,917 -Like a little squeaky mouse. -It's quite a big laugh actually, I'd say. 481 00:33:34,291 --> 00:33:36,875 It's big for her, but pretty small, generally. 482 00:33:36,875 --> 00:33:39,291 I'd say if it's big for her, it's big for anyone. 483 00:33:39,291 --> 00:33:40,166 -Really? -Yeah. 484 00:33:41,583 --> 00:33:43,250 I think, it's more like... [high-pitched laugh] Something like that. 485 00:33:43,250 --> 00:33:46,792 Obviously, I've been making her laugh a lot. But it's nothing like that. 486 00:33:46,792 --> 00:33:49,542 No, I hear it quite a lot like... [high-pitched laugh] 487 00:33:49,542 --> 00:33:52,959 -It's more of a-- It's, uh, lower. -No. 488 00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:57,834 Guttural, sort of... [low-pitched laugh] 489 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,333 -That sort of... -No, it's... [high-pitched laugh] 490 00:34:00,333 --> 00:34:01,500 It's not like that. 491 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:05,125 [both feign laughter] 492 00:34:12,041 --> 00:34:15,125 [laughter becomes amorous moaning] 493 00:34:16,834 --> 00:34:18,208 No, I'm thinking of something else. 494 00:34:28,417 --> 00:34:33,125 So... how was he then? Big fella? Nice moves? 495 00:34:33,875 --> 00:34:37,250 -Mum, you're kind of missing the point. -Best news I've heard all year. 496 00:34:38,458 --> 00:34:41,208 -That's great to hear. -You shagged a bloke. 497 00:34:41,208 --> 00:34:42,417 You're back to yourself again. 498 00:34:42,750 --> 00:34:44,875 What are talking about? I've never been into blokes. 499 00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:46,667 Oh! What about Turner's son? 500 00:34:46,667 --> 00:34:50,417 I was five. He taught me how to piss in the sea discretely. 501 00:34:50,417 --> 00:34:53,250 It was hardly a grand romance. It was more of a very useful life tool. 502 00:34:53,250 --> 00:34:56,709 Well... I just think we've turned a corner, that's all. 503 00:34:57,542 --> 00:35:00,041 So... are you getting it dealt with? 504 00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:05,041 No. I'm having it and raising it with Olivia. 505 00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:09,458 Listen. Listen to me. 506 00:35:10,333 --> 00:35:12,500 Now you know I love you, don't you? 507 00:35:13,083 --> 00:35:15,291 And I will support any decision you ever make. 508 00:35:16,125 --> 00:35:19,375 I just think two women raising a child together is fucking disgusting. 509 00:35:19,875 --> 00:35:20,875 And we're back. 510 00:35:22,083 --> 00:35:23,083 I mean what're you gonna do when it asks where its daddy is? 511 00:35:23,792 --> 00:35:25,250 John is going to be a part of their life. 512 00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:28,792 -Oh, so he's still skulking around, is he? -No. Not like that. 513 00:35:28,792 --> 00:35:32,458 All I'm saying is don't close off all your options. 514 00:35:33,625 --> 00:35:35,750 Sort yourself out, concentrate on your career 515 00:35:36,291 --> 00:35:39,083 and see if you can have a proper baby one day. 516 00:35:53,750 --> 00:35:54,875 [Alex] What am I gonna teach a kid? 517 00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:57,291 I'm gonna be a mum before I've been anything else. 518 00:35:57,291 --> 00:35:58,250 [Olivia] Oh, that's not true. 519 00:35:59,083 --> 00:36:01,625 You were a stoner for a while. 520 00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:02,458 [chuckling] 521 00:36:03,667 --> 00:36:05,750 Ah, see, John was definitely not impersonating your laugh. 522 00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:11,166 Sorry. Are you gonna finish that? 523 00:36:11,667 --> 00:36:13,291 No. Knock yourself out. 524 00:36:14,750 --> 00:36:16,667 I'm only craving rabbit food at the moment. 525 00:36:18,333 --> 00:36:19,291 [mumbling] I hate you. 526 00:36:23,041 --> 00:36:24,166 [Olivia groans] 527 00:36:25,333 --> 00:36:27,333 That just makes me pee myself. 528 00:36:27,959 --> 00:36:32,166 -That can scientifically not be true. -Well, something is making me pee myself. 529 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,125 You know... 530 00:36:37,041 --> 00:36:39,083 I actually don't have any sympathy for you. 531 00:36:40,834 --> 00:36:42,291 You're gonna have this baby... 532 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,709 your body will snap back and then you got the kid box ticked. 533 00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:49,625 Do you have any idea how many thirty-something women 534 00:36:49,625 --> 00:36:51,792 are on horrendous dates right now? 535 00:36:52,542 --> 00:36:56,166 One eye on the clock and one eye on some dull bloke sitting opposite them thinking, 536 00:36:56,166 --> 00:36:58,875 "Oh, crap. He'll have to do." 537 00:36:59,709 --> 00:37:02,750 Or lesbians frantically googling, "Sperm donors with Oxbridge degrees". 538 00:37:02,750 --> 00:37:04,583 Exactly. 539 00:37:06,709 --> 00:37:08,625 [siren wailing in the distance] 540 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,375 -Do you know her? -No, but she's pregnant. 541 00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:12,792 So? 542 00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:15,542 That's what you do when you're pregnant, you wave at each other, like cabbies. 543 00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:18,417 Hmm. 544 00:37:19,709 --> 00:37:23,333 "Labor". Yeah. Even the word makes us feel tense. 545 00:37:24,417 --> 00:37:27,208 This course is gonna equip you with all the tools and techniques 546 00:37:27,208 --> 00:37:29,959 that you need to challenge the contemporary over-medicalized, 547 00:37:29,959 --> 00:37:31,750 fear-based, birthing culture 548 00:37:31,750 --> 00:37:34,583 and to remind your body to let it all go, guys. 549 00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:36,917 Now, no questions till the end Please remember the rules. 550 00:37:36,917 --> 00:37:40,250 So, some of you are sitting here in like a refrigerator of terror 551 00:37:41,083 --> 00:37:42,250 and some of you will be sitting here, doubting, 552 00:37:42,625 --> 00:37:46,041 whether hypnobirthing works at all. Well... 553 00:37:47,750 --> 00:37:48,625 it-- It does. 554 00:37:50,166 --> 00:37:52,500 It does. Let's start with the introductions, Alex. 555 00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:53,917 -This is Alex. -Hi. 556 00:37:54,333 --> 00:37:58,583 And this is Alex's female life partner, Olivia. 557 00:37:58,583 --> 00:37:59,417 Huh! 558 00:38:00,667 --> 00:38:02,250 I'm just so happy and humbled to have you in my group, guys. 559 00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:03,375 Oh! Thank you. 560 00:38:04,750 --> 00:38:08,458 Oh, and this is Mike and Maya, Morgan and Amanda, and Allison... 561 00:38:10,458 --> 00:38:13,041 -Dave. -and Dave. I know that. 562 00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:14,667 I know that. Right. 563 00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:17,875 Let's talk about pain. 564 00:38:18,458 --> 00:38:19,500 "Pain". What is pain? 565 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:22,875 It's a rhetorical question. 566 00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:25,000 Pain is being judged by the color of your skin, 567 00:38:25,792 --> 00:38:29,333 pain is not being allowed to have a relationship with someone 568 00:38:29,333 --> 00:38:31,000 because they are the wrong gender. Am I right? 569 00:38:32,291 --> 00:38:34,083 You go, girl. [laughs] 570 00:38:34,417 --> 00:38:37,083 Pain is being fisted by a 300-pound rich white guy 571 00:38:37,083 --> 00:38:38,875 because you haven't got enough money to pay the rent. 572 00:38:39,458 --> 00:38:39,625 What pain is not... 573 00:38:40,792 --> 00:38:42,625 is labor. 574 00:38:43,125 --> 00:38:44,375 -Sweet. -Right. 575 00:38:44,667 --> 00:38:45,583 -[John] Wait. -Okay. 576 00:38:46,709 --> 00:38:48,125 [Amy] Excuse me. Can I be of some assistance to you? 577 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:50,583 -Don't start without me. -What are you doing here? 578 00:38:51,166 --> 00:38:53,208 I have every right to be here. I'm the father of Alex's baby. 579 00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:55,291 I should be part of the process. 580 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:57,709 You looked at my planner. 581 00:38:58,834 --> 00:39:00,000 Okay, okay, relax. 582 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,750 You never seen a poly-amorous relationship before? 583 00:39:02,750 --> 00:39:04,458 -No. -Yeah. well simmer down. 584 00:39:06,166 --> 00:39:06,834 Welcome, John. 585 00:39:07,208 --> 00:39:09,000 -You are welcome, one and all. -Yeah, sorry. 586 00:39:09,500 --> 00:39:13,583 Amy, can I just say that we're not wha-- 587 00:39:13,583 --> 00:39:14,834 -what you just said we are. -Yes. 588 00:39:14,834 --> 00:39:18,875 But, John is the real father and he's very much welcome. 589 00:39:19,875 --> 00:39:23,041 -Thanks, Alex. -Is he your sperm donor, too? 590 00:39:23,041 --> 00:39:24,375 Allison, that is enough judgement. 591 00:39:25,041 --> 00:39:27,083 They're lesbians. They don't wanna talk about sperms. 592 00:39:27,083 --> 00:39:28,458 Right-O! Sorry. 593 00:39:29,959 --> 00:39:32,000 I'd like you to take your partner's hand, and put it on the baby's head. 594 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,250 Now, if you're seven months or under, that's gonna be up here, 595 00:39:35,250 --> 00:39:37,166 under your breastal balcony. 596 00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:41,250 And if you're further along, it might be down in your minge. 597 00:39:41,250 --> 00:39:42,875 Right. I don't-- What am I supposed to do? 598 00:39:42,875 --> 00:39:44,125 -I don't have a partner. -[Amy] Oh, I want a part of this. 599 00:39:44,792 --> 00:39:47,917 -I'll be your partner. -Well, she's my partner, so. 600 00:39:47,917 --> 00:39:49,375 [Amy] I'd like to be your partner. Where are you? You up or down? 601 00:39:49,375 --> 00:39:52,250 -I'm up. Yup. -Here. Right. 602 00:39:52,875 --> 00:39:54,500 -And if you put your hand on my hand... -Okay. 603 00:39:54,792 --> 00:39:58,750 ...feeling that lovely little bonce there. That feels nice, right? 604 00:39:58,750 --> 00:39:59,917 Yup. 605 00:40:00,375 --> 00:40:01,750 Loving that. 606 00:40:03,542 --> 00:40:06,750 -Olivia, wait. -Nice breathing today, Alex. 607 00:40:06,750 --> 00:40:09,208 -Yeah. Cheers, John. -You're looking great, too. 608 00:40:10,083 --> 00:40:13,208 Body's really acknowledging the pregnancy. It's beautiful. 609 00:40:13,208 --> 00:40:17,667 Olivia, wait. Look, he's harmless. Like you said he has the right. 610 00:40:17,667 --> 00:40:21,208 I was wrong. He deserves no rights. He deserves impotency. 611 00:40:21,709 --> 00:40:24,417 You have my word. This is as close as John will get. 612 00:40:24,709 --> 00:40:28,583 John? Not Skeletor-Mr. String Theory- Fuck-face-Leaning Tower of Piss? 613 00:40:29,375 --> 00:40:31,959 No? Or The Man Evolution Forgot? 614 00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:34,750 -Just John. -Just John? Okay. 615 00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:36,834 Got it. Just so now, thanks. 616 00:40:37,709 --> 00:40:38,542 [sighs] 617 00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:42,583 [sighs] 618 00:40:47,792 --> 00:40:50,875 Oh, I did have a couple of questions... concerns. 619 00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:52,709 Fine. 620 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,417 Extremely burnt toast. Can't get enough of the stuff. Healthy? 621 00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:57,667 Perfectly normal to have cravings. 622 00:40:57,959 --> 00:41:01,709 -Also-- -I have tons of energy. Is that normal? 623 00:41:02,875 --> 00:41:05,583 Perhaps, it's 'cause you haven't been sober this long since you were 12. 624 00:41:06,458 --> 00:41:06,583 Hey, hormones. 625 00:41:08,458 --> 00:41:09,542 Oh, sorry. 626 00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:12,125 It's just that your... 627 00:41:13,125 --> 00:41:16,959 spring-has-sprung pregnancy is fucking annoying. 628 00:41:17,250 --> 00:41:18,333 Language. 629 00:41:19,291 --> 00:41:20,375 What? 630 00:41:20,792 --> 00:41:21,792 I don't know, 631 00:41:22,083 --> 00:41:23,125 Amy said something about... 632 00:41:23,542 --> 00:41:25,625 baby feeling the meaning of everything that it hears. 633 00:41:25,625 --> 00:41:25,875 Is that right, Dr. Parks? 634 00:41:26,458 --> 00:41:29,291 Just medical questions, please. 635 00:41:29,625 --> 00:41:34,792 I'm not, uh, singing at crystals or waving my arms about dancing in a field. 636 00:41:35,041 --> 00:41:37,166 Also, nose bleeds. I've had millions of them. 637 00:41:37,667 --> 00:41:40,959 In court, debating a case, no idea I looked like the final scene of Carrie. 638 00:41:40,959 --> 00:41:43,500 The increase in blood supply puts more pressure on the vessels, 639 00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:46,792 causing them to... easily erupt. 640 00:41:47,834 --> 00:41:48,959 [sighs] 641 00:41:48,959 --> 00:41:51,583 -You still don't want to know? -No, no thank you. 642 00:41:51,583 --> 00:41:54,083 I guess we don't get many surprises in life anymore, 643 00:41:54,083 --> 00:41:56,458 -so I thought, why find out. -How fascinating. 644 00:41:58,291 --> 00:42:00,333 -You ready? -Yes, yes. Let's find out. 645 00:42:00,333 --> 00:42:00,959 -You will be having... -Yep. 646 00:42:01,417 --> 00:42:03,583 ...a little baby... 647 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:05,875 -boy. -[sighs] 648 00:42:06,458 --> 00:42:09,291 -Aw. -[chuckles] 649 00:42:09,959 --> 00:42:12,041 Baby boy. 650 00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:16,667 -I have a penis inside of me. -First time for everything. Hey! Hey! 651 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,041 Okay. 652 00:42:26,583 --> 00:42:29,041 [high pitched] That's something I wanted to feel, I wanted to feel the... 653 00:42:29,041 --> 00:42:31,166 [indistinct chatter] 654 00:42:46,792 --> 00:42:47,667 Hello, Charles. 655 00:42:52,625 --> 00:42:54,041 -What's wrong with your face? -Oh! 656 00:42:54,667 --> 00:42:59,333 -Ah! Pigmentation thingamajig. -Yes. Yeah. 657 00:42:59,667 --> 00:43:01,667 Same thing happened to my wife when she was pregnant. 658 00:43:02,709 --> 00:43:06,083 Yes. Turns out I've got every possible pregnancy ailment going. 659 00:43:06,458 --> 00:43:08,125 I'm actually terribly depressed. 660 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:14,583 My wife picked up some fake tan, smothered it all over her face. 661 00:43:14,583 --> 00:43:15,667 Evened it out. 662 00:43:16,750 --> 00:43:18,250 That's actually not a bad idea. 663 00:43:18,750 --> 00:43:20,959 She looked like an entirely different person. 664 00:43:20,959 --> 00:43:24,125 -Hmm. -Like I was having a naughty affair. 665 00:43:24,125 --> 00:43:25,208 [sniffs] 666 00:43:29,417 --> 00:43:30,959 I just pissed myself, Charles. 667 00:43:32,875 --> 00:43:33,709 Again. 668 00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:44,792 I've missed this. Just hanging out with someone. 669 00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:48,250 What? Your wife? 670 00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:51,000 I thought you hated her guts. 671 00:43:51,625 --> 00:43:52,917 Actually, she hated mine. 672 00:43:54,709 --> 00:43:54,792 Oh! 673 00:43:56,291 --> 00:43:56,959 -Sorry. -Yeah. 674 00:44:00,083 --> 00:44:04,083 I guess I just had to make a decision between being a pioneer and a husband. 675 00:44:04,959 --> 00:44:05,792 Huh? 676 00:44:06,917 --> 00:44:09,709 -I'm sure Steve Jobs had the same problem. -[sighs] 677 00:44:11,625 --> 00:44:12,792 Or maybe, I wasn't the perfect husband. 678 00:44:13,625 --> 00:44:15,959 And what's the perfect husband? 679 00:44:16,792 --> 00:44:19,000 Uh, not a total dick? 680 00:44:19,792 --> 00:44:19,917 That's better. 681 00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:23,917 "Be worthy love and love will come." 682 00:44:25,959 --> 00:44:26,750 Wait. 683 00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:29,792 Are you quoting my favorite book? 684 00:44:30,166 --> 00:44:32,000 Little Women . Yeah, you were absolutely right. 685 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,834 I read it cover to cover and I cried! 686 00:44:35,875 --> 00:44:37,959 Good! And who am I? Joe? 687 00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:41,875 You can be whoever you wanna be. 688 00:44:45,667 --> 00:44:48,083 You are lovely underneath it all. 689 00:44:50,625 --> 00:44:53,291 -You're lovely everywhere. -Huh? 690 00:44:53,291 --> 00:44:54,417 So, how're you feeling, anyway? 691 00:44:55,792 --> 00:44:56,875 The bump gets in the way of everything. Even shaving my legs. 692 00:44:57,959 --> 00:45:00,959 Uh, I need to pee. But it's a phantom pee. 693 00:45:01,417 --> 00:45:04,834 I go to pee. No pee comes out. You know, like when you're on drugs. 694 00:45:04,834 --> 00:45:07,125 -What about the constipation? -You what? 695 00:45:07,792 --> 00:45:10,291 Haven't you got nuts bowels? I have. 696 00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:13,667 I hate to break it to you, John, but you're not pregnant. 697 00:45:13,667 --> 00:45:16,875 I have couvade syndrome. Sympathy pains for the partner. 698 00:45:16,875 --> 00:45:17,542 -Of course you have, darling. -I do. 699 00:45:17,542 --> 00:45:19,500 [laughs] Yeah, right. 700 00:45:19,500 --> 00:45:20,583 [door slams] 701 00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:23,250 John was just going. 702 00:45:24,667 --> 00:45:26,583 Was he brushing your hair? 703 00:45:27,041 --> 00:45:29,792 It's getting so thick and I just needed someone to brush it out for me. 704 00:45:31,375 --> 00:45:35,083 -Mine's not getting any thicker. -The ones on your chin are. Boom! 705 00:45:35,542 --> 00:45:37,709 [laughs] 706 00:45:37,709 --> 00:45:41,000 I'm sorry. Sorry! I'm constipated. 707 00:45:43,375 --> 00:45:45,625 -Fake tan. -Yeah. 708 00:45:46,208 --> 00:45:47,417 Yeah. 709 00:45:47,417 --> 00:45:49,917 For my blotchy and apparently hairy face. 710 00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:57,500 -Why? Why? Why the fuck is he here? -Shh. 711 00:45:59,792 --> 00:46:02,667 I'm sorry. Did I swear? Oh, I'm sorry. 712 00:46:03,208 --> 00:46:05,875 You know I'll fall for you. But you know what else is really awful? 713 00:46:06,375 --> 00:46:08,750 [breathes deeply] 714 00:46:10,417 --> 00:46:13,458 Trying to get Mr. Chapman convicted of tax evasion whilst you repeatedly fart 715 00:46:13,458 --> 00:46:20,166 throughout your closing statement. Mr. Chapman is roaring with laughter. 716 00:46:21,750 --> 00:46:21,875 What do I do? 717 00:46:23,625 --> 00:46:24,709 Nothing. 718 00:46:25,291 --> 00:46:26,917 Just keep on farting. 719 00:46:27,834 --> 00:46:31,041 All I want is to come home for a snuggle with my girlfriend. 720 00:46:31,417 --> 00:46:33,333 -But she's-- -Oh! 721 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:36,583 -Oh! -Oh, God! I'm sorry. 722 00:46:36,959 --> 00:46:38,875 -What did I do? -I think it kicked. 723 00:46:39,959 --> 00:46:42,709 [chuckles] Oh! 724 00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:45,000 Oh! Oh! 725 00:46:45,834 --> 00:46:46,875 -Can I feel? -Yep. 726 00:46:47,208 --> 00:46:48,583 -There? -I can't feel anything. 727 00:46:48,583 --> 00:46:49,709 Wait, wait, wait. 728 00:46:51,792 --> 00:46:53,125 -Still can't-- -Just wait. 729 00:46:55,750 --> 00:46:57,291 -I missed it kick. -No, shh. 730 00:46:57,583 --> 00:46:58,333 -Babe. No, babe. -I can't believe. 731 00:46:59,083 --> 00:47:02,125 -I missed the baby kicking. -No. Shush, shush. 732 00:47:02,625 --> 00:47:05,166 -I'm sorry, I'm so useless. -Babe, this is gonna have to stop. 733 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,125 -The baby kicked. -Aw. 734 00:47:11,125 --> 00:47:13,083 -Felt like wind. -Perhaps, it was wind? 735 00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:15,750 It's entirely possible. 736 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,125 -[toilet flushes] -We're going out. 737 00:47:19,625 --> 00:47:22,250 -Do you want me to go? -Uh, finish your food. 738 00:47:24,500 --> 00:47:25,625 It was nice. 739 00:47:27,834 --> 00:47:31,709 Aw! Bugger me! These boobs, man. 740 00:47:32,667 --> 00:47:35,041 [sighs] They're so big and tender. 741 00:47:35,041 --> 00:47:36,458 -[Olivia] We ready? -[Alex] Yep. 742 00:47:37,792 --> 00:47:39,792 -What's wrong? -Boobs. They kill. 743 00:47:39,792 --> 00:47:42,125 Aw. Poor darling. 744 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,000 -Yeah. -Oh! 745 00:47:44,333 --> 00:47:45,166 -[Olivia] Yeah? -[Alex] That's nice. 746 00:47:45,166 --> 00:47:46,834 -[Olivia] Yeah? -[Alex] Mm-hmm. 747 00:47:46,834 --> 00:47:48,625 [Alex] Oh, yeah. Mm. 748 00:47:49,166 --> 00:47:52,041 Oh, that's better. [sighs] Bye, John. 749 00:47:54,834 --> 00:47:54,959 [door opens] 750 00:48:00,041 --> 00:48:00,083 [door shuts] 751 00:48:06,083 --> 00:48:07,417 [Amy] So, you're in your safe space 752 00:48:07,417 --> 00:48:11,750 and you can feel the warm water lapping against your ankles. 753 00:48:11,750 --> 00:48:14,208 -[Amy] And your digestive system... -Alex, I need to show you something. 754 00:48:14,208 --> 00:48:16,750 -[Alex] What? -My-- My penis. 755 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,709 -Yeah, I'm set. Thanks. -Wait, wait. 756 00:48:19,709 --> 00:48:20,625 Please, it'll take two minutes. 757 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,750 Your membranes give away. You're dealing with the-- Hi, guys! 758 00:48:23,750 --> 00:48:26,458 -[Allison] Hello. How're you? All right? -[Amy] Hi, Olivia. 759 00:48:28,583 --> 00:48:32,250 [chuckles] Yeah, you're a tiny bit late, Allison. 760 00:48:32,667 --> 00:48:34,208 I'm really worried. Be a friend. 761 00:48:34,208 --> 00:48:36,667 -[Amy] You can feel yourself moving... -C'mon! 762 00:48:36,667 --> 00:48:39,333 -I did my 96er on you. -I don't wanna remember anything, okay? 763 00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:41,291 All my best moves wasted on a lezza. 764 00:48:42,792 --> 00:48:44,792 -[Amy] Throughout history... -All right, two minutes. C'mon. 765 00:48:45,250 --> 00:48:49,834 ...give birth. You feel your vagina give way. 766 00:48:50,250 --> 00:48:52,583 You can feel that baby weighing down on your perineum. 767 00:48:53,291 --> 00:48:56,250 And the urge to shit it out is now overwhelming you. 768 00:49:00,834 --> 00:49:03,083 -It's orange. -Am I gonna die? 769 00:49:03,750 --> 00:49:08,041 So, we're gonna do some exercises now to stretch the internal abdominal muscles. 770 00:49:08,041 --> 00:49:10,917 But it's quite absorbing. I don't really want to be interrupted. 771 00:49:10,917 --> 00:49:16,417 -Do you know where your "people" are? -Oh, yes, yes. Sorry. I'll just check. 772 00:49:19,291 --> 00:49:20,417 [Amy] Leave that there. 773 00:49:24,125 --> 00:49:25,458 [Alex] And how does that feel? Does it feel good? 774 00:49:26,125 --> 00:49:28,166 [John] Oh, it's definitely swollen. 775 00:49:28,792 --> 00:49:30,959 [indistinct conversation] 776 00:49:30,959 --> 00:49:32,583 [yelps] 777 00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:35,166 -Oh! -Oh, God! No, no, no. 778 00:49:35,166 --> 00:49:38,291 -Oh. -Now, it's John's John. 779 00:49:40,291 --> 00:49:41,875 -Just look at it, babe. -What? 780 00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:44,458 Can cancer be orange? 781 00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:49,333 Oh! 782 00:49:51,625 --> 00:49:52,667 Oh! 783 00:50:03,709 --> 00:50:05,208 Is that fake tan? 784 00:50:07,417 --> 00:50:08,625 Oh! 785 00:50:08,625 --> 00:50:09,834 -[door latch rattles] -[Amy] Sorry to interrupt. 786 00:50:10,667 --> 00:50:13,917 I've gotta say, you guys, I am starting to wonder whether this... 787 00:50:15,083 --> 00:50:19,667 arrangement situation... life choice thing is altogether healthy. 788 00:50:19,667 --> 00:50:22,583 Amy... so sorry. Please ignore us. 789 00:50:22,583 --> 00:50:27,500 I promise you. We are all perfectly normal and healthy. 790 00:50:30,625 --> 00:50:32,917 -Is it bleeding? Am I bleeding? -You are. 791 00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:36,583 Take that and get out. 792 00:50:37,583 --> 00:50:38,709 [Amy] Please. 793 00:50:39,333 --> 00:50:41,583 Yeah, all of you. Thanks. 794 00:50:49,417 --> 00:50:50,250 Olivia. 795 00:50:50,917 --> 00:50:51,959 Yes? 796 00:50:52,709 --> 00:50:53,166 I'll make this up to you. I promise. 797 00:50:55,250 --> 00:50:57,333 Just don't masturbate in our house again. 798 00:50:58,250 --> 00:50:59,166 -That's all I ask. -Yep. 799 00:51:01,041 --> 00:51:02,834 I most definitely probably won't. 800 00:51:12,417 --> 00:51:15,208 ["Before I Fall To Pieces" playing] 801 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:25,375 Surprise! I bought you a yoga teacher. 802 00:51:27,041 --> 00:51:29,417 -Just for an hour. -Or two. 803 00:51:29,417 --> 00:51:30,250 Maybe. 804 00:51:30,875 --> 00:51:31,959 Cheers, John. 805 00:51:51,750 --> 00:51:55,375 -[crunching] -[exhaling deeply] 806 00:51:58,917 --> 00:52:00,583 [laughing] 807 00:52:10,291 --> 00:52:10,417 [Olivia snores] 808 00:52:20,834 --> 00:52:22,709 [door opens] 809 00:52:23,625 --> 00:52:24,458 [John] Alex! 810 00:52:31,125 --> 00:52:31,458 Cheers, John. 811 00:53:30,166 --> 00:53:32,333 [Ben] Well, it's jolly nice to meet you. 812 00:53:32,667 --> 00:53:35,542 -I love Alex like a sister. -Have you ever been with a man? 813 00:53:36,208 --> 00:53:38,166 [scoffs] Why'd you ask that? 814 00:53:38,166 --> 00:53:42,000 I just thought it might run in the family. I had a small bet with myself, actually. 815 00:53:42,375 --> 00:53:45,333 Oh, right. I see. Well, I take it one of you lost? 816 00:53:45,959 --> 00:53:47,834 Jury's still out. 817 00:53:51,625 --> 00:53:53,333 It was Alex's idea. Get mad at her. 818 00:53:53,709 --> 00:53:55,583 She wants you to spend more time with her bestie. 819 00:53:56,166 --> 00:53:57,834 She did not call you her bestie. 820 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,417 Isn't pregnancy making her nicer? 821 00:54:01,792 --> 00:54:03,875 Did you call John your bestie? 822 00:54:04,375 --> 00:54:06,792 Huh? I can't hear you. Talk to John. 823 00:54:09,625 --> 00:54:13,750 I do hope, Olivia and he'll get on today. He's a sweet guy underneath. 824 00:54:14,375 --> 00:54:16,166 Underneath what? His trousers? 825 00:54:16,709 --> 00:54:20,750 -Michael, really? -No. That's cool. It is kinda confusing. 826 00:54:20,750 --> 00:54:26,875 -Oh, is it? So, you're confused? -No, I mean, to the outside. 827 00:54:27,917 --> 00:54:32,208 Someone once said that, sexual orientation goes beyond the act of sex and-- 828 00:54:32,583 --> 00:54:36,166 Well, I think that makes sense for what happened with me and John. 829 00:54:36,166 --> 00:54:39,583 So you're-- You're really straight underneath. 830 00:54:39,583 --> 00:54:44,333 No, I'm gay. I just did something that wasn't necessarily about my sexuality. 831 00:54:45,041 --> 00:54:47,417 Do you mind if I use that excuse sometime, love? 832 00:54:48,250 --> 00:54:50,792 My friends say I'm like a gay man trapped in a woman's body. 833 00:54:51,917 --> 00:54:54,583 We should go shopping sometime. We'd have a right laugh. 834 00:54:54,917 --> 00:54:58,625 Yes, I'm sure we would have a laugh, but not 'cause I'm gay. I'm straight. 835 00:54:58,625 --> 00:55:00,583 Oh, yeah. I'm not making any insinuation, 836 00:55:00,583 --> 00:55:02,291 I'm just saying if you did happen to be gay. 837 00:55:02,917 --> 00:55:05,959 And you are short of a diva. I do know all the moves to "Vogue." 838 00:55:05,959 --> 00:55:09,166 -I have a wife. And kids. -And a bit of a lisp. 839 00:55:10,625 --> 00:55:11,458 I'm just saying. 840 00:55:12,709 --> 00:55:13,792 So, did we bond? 841 00:55:15,166 --> 00:55:17,500 You're not going to go that angry puce shade whenever I'm needed? 842 00:55:17,500 --> 00:55:20,625 Aw, says the man with the tango penis. 843 00:55:22,959 --> 00:55:24,458 You've done enough. Thanks. 844 00:55:25,625 --> 00:55:28,500 -What do you mean? -Maybe, you need to give Alex some space. 845 00:55:30,458 --> 00:55:31,583 Is that what Alex wants? 846 00:55:33,166 --> 00:55:34,250 Yeah. 847 00:55:35,458 --> 00:55:37,792 I think she's being kind because she thinks you're lonely. 848 00:55:38,125 --> 00:55:39,500 -She said that? -Yeah. 849 00:55:42,166 --> 00:55:44,458 Why am I asking you, I'll ask her. Hey, Al. [grunts] 850 00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:49,500 -[John yells] -[Olivia] Oh, no. 851 00:55:50,500 --> 00:55:52,959 -What was that for? -It was an accident. 852 00:55:52,959 --> 00:55:54,083 -[grunts] -Oh, no. 853 00:55:54,750 --> 00:55:57,625 God, poor chap. He's soaked. 854 00:55:58,959 --> 00:56:00,083 Does that turn you on? 855 00:56:13,667 --> 00:56:17,834 Hello, you two. Where did you come from? 856 00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:18,667 Where's your mommy? 857 00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:22,959 Where's your mum-- What? 858 00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:25,959 Would you like some chocolate? 859 00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:29,917 Now since you're both so sweet... 860 00:56:32,166 --> 00:56:33,500 I'm going to give one to you... 861 00:56:34,917 --> 00:56:38,667 and one to you. There you go! Is that nice? 862 00:56:39,333 --> 00:56:41,875 [kids laughing] 863 00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:48,709 Okay. Um, you both stop. Stop it. 864 00:56:49,625 --> 00:56:50,875 Um, do you want to put that-- Put the cucumber back. 865 00:56:51,208 --> 00:56:53,083 [Olivia stammers] 866 00:56:53,875 --> 00:56:57,208 -Could you stop that? Do you want-- -[kids shouting] 867 00:56:57,208 --> 00:57:00,166 Maybe just-- I don't-- I don't know. Where's your mum-- 868 00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:01,625 -Okay, stop that. -[Lily] Sam! 869 00:57:01,625 --> 00:57:02,625 Stop that! 870 00:57:02,625 --> 00:57:04,583 -[Lily stammering] -[children yelling] 871 00:57:04,917 --> 00:57:07,834 -[children yelling] -[Lily] Pick this up. 872 00:57:08,083 --> 00:57:12,041 What? I know! I'm a terrible mother. You-- Oh, my God! 873 00:57:13,208 --> 00:57:16,083 -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. -[children laughing] 874 00:57:16,583 --> 00:57:21,750 I just-- I gave him some chocolate and then he, um, but then I ran out. 875 00:57:21,750 --> 00:57:23,458 God! He's gonna be up for days. Fuck! 876 00:57:23,875 --> 00:57:26,709 Okay, she's squashing the mush-- stamping on the mushrooms there. 877 00:57:26,709 --> 00:57:29,667 Right. I'll pay for this. Don't worry. So sorry. 878 00:57:29,667 --> 00:57:34,250 -My fault. Um, they're lovely. -What're you having? 879 00:57:35,458 --> 00:57:39,667 Hope it's a girl. Because girls never turn psycho and shoot up schools. 880 00:57:40,542 --> 00:57:42,291 And you know little boys, they pee on your face... 881 00:57:42,625 --> 00:57:45,125 every time you change their nappy. 882 00:57:45,458 --> 00:57:48,542 And we've demonized any kind of light spanking 883 00:57:48,542 --> 00:57:50,250 so that playing card's off the table. 884 00:57:51,458 --> 00:57:53,625 You know, I thought some-- The last month of pregnancy, 885 00:57:53,625 --> 00:57:56,125 when my pelvis was splitting open, 886 00:57:56,125 --> 00:57:59,750 and I was hobbling around on crutches. It was hell. But um... 887 00:58:00,291 --> 00:58:02,250 But then I had Sam. 888 00:58:03,166 --> 00:58:04,625 -[children giggling] -I'm having a boy. 889 00:58:06,291 --> 00:58:07,750 -Bugger. -Thank you. 890 00:58:09,458 --> 00:58:12,875 -Well. At least, you're young. -I'm 40. 891 00:58:13,291 --> 00:58:14,667 [inhales deeply] I'd say I'm sorry, but, um... 892 00:58:16,500 --> 00:58:18,083 you've actually made me feel less alone. 893 00:58:20,917 --> 00:58:22,750 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 894 00:58:25,291 --> 00:58:25,792 I used to be pretty like you. 895 00:58:27,166 --> 00:58:28,917 Great. Okay. 896 00:58:29,709 --> 00:58:31,583 -Good luck. -C'mon, Sam! 897 00:58:32,667 --> 00:58:34,917 C'mon, darling, let's get your brother. Sam! 898 00:58:37,375 --> 00:58:38,500 [yelling] Sam! 899 00:58:41,417 --> 00:58:43,458 ["You and I" playing] 900 00:59:09,417 --> 00:59:11,875 -You into sports? -Yes! 901 00:59:11,875 --> 00:59:12,834 -Great! -Chess! 902 00:59:20,625 --> 00:59:21,667 I know why I'm here. 903 00:59:23,250 --> 00:59:27,083 Oh, um, yes. Olivia thought we might get on. 904 00:59:27,375 --> 00:59:28,709 And she wants to stop me trying to steal her girlfriend. 905 00:59:30,333 --> 00:59:34,333 -That's it exactly, actually, yeah. -I'm even throwing her a baby shower. 906 00:59:34,333 --> 00:59:36,375 Maybe you should throw yourself a cold shower. 907 00:59:36,375 --> 00:59:37,458 [laughing] 908 00:59:39,625 --> 00:59:42,417 How about we ease this situation by getting hammered? 909 00:59:43,041 --> 00:59:44,875 -Fuck, yes. -[chuckles] 910 00:59:49,917 --> 00:59:51,875 [crowd cheering] 911 00:59:57,125 --> 00:59:58,959 [screams] 912 00:59:59,458 --> 01:00:02,333 Alex, they need boundaries or they will destroy everything. 913 01:00:02,333 --> 01:00:04,917 -They're just a couple of kids. -Okay, so don't-- Please. Sorry. 914 01:00:07,417 --> 01:00:11,417 Should we-- should we just agree to disagree about the whole... 915 01:00:11,750 --> 01:00:12,917 -Parenting bit? -[chuckles] 916 01:00:14,333 --> 01:00:15,667 We've got plenty of time. 917 01:00:16,333 --> 01:00:19,583 We'll be fine. Besides, we're not gonna be alone. 918 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:20,917 We've got John. 919 01:00:32,792 --> 01:00:34,875 -God, you're sexy. -Yeah. 920 01:00:34,875 --> 01:00:37,417 No wonder you turned a gay woman straight. 921 01:00:40,208 --> 01:00:42,792 I wonder if my wife's being gay somewhere. 922 01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:52,125 -Hey! What's up, man? -She left me. 923 01:00:53,625 --> 01:00:55,208 Age-- ages ago. 924 01:00:55,959 --> 01:01:00,959 No reason. Just that I dry her entire being up like a prune. 925 01:01:00,959 --> 01:01:06,792 No! They just do it to annoy you. Ha-ha! We're in our little girly club, 926 01:01:06,792 --> 01:01:10,792 and you can't join because of your stupid penis. 927 01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:16,500 Well, my penis is not stupid. 928 01:01:16,834 --> 01:01:21,333 I used to pound her steak just the way she liked it till it was extra thin. 929 01:01:21,667 --> 01:01:22,000 And in return she... 930 01:01:24,041 --> 01:01:25,959 pounded my heart till it disappeared. 931 01:01:27,375 --> 01:01:29,625 My penis is not stupid. 932 01:01:38,083 --> 01:01:41,500 -Oh, God. Sorry, sorry. -It's okay. 933 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,083 -Hang on! -Okay. 934 01:01:44,500 --> 01:01:46,291 Okay, okay. 935 01:01:46,291 --> 01:01:47,417 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 936 01:01:47,417 --> 01:01:49,166 -What happened? Oh, gosh! -Oh, gosh! 937 01:01:49,709 --> 01:01:52,750 All right. Let's just-- Let's just leave it, babe. 938 01:01:53,625 --> 01:01:55,083 I need to go for a piss, okay? 939 01:01:55,083 --> 01:01:55,917 -Really? -Yeah. 940 01:01:56,834 --> 01:01:56,917 [sighs] 941 01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:18,500 -[indistinct chatter] -[laughing] 942 01:02:26,333 --> 01:02:28,458 Isn't it a bit late in the day for a shower? 943 01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:31,125 The baby waiters had a month's waiting list. 944 01:02:31,542 --> 01:02:33,875 I know this because the shower planner told me. 945 01:02:34,166 --> 01:02:35,083 I shit you not. The shower planner. 946 01:02:38,750 --> 01:02:41,834 -[groans] -Are you about to be sick? 947 01:02:41,834 --> 01:02:43,667 I literally haven't slept in three days, 948 01:02:43,667 --> 01:02:45,834 so I don't know if I'm gonna puke or pass out. 949 01:02:46,667 --> 01:02:47,917 -[grunts] -I'd go for the former. 950 01:02:47,917 --> 01:02:50,458 -These floors look pretty solid. -Got it! 951 01:02:56,917 --> 01:03:00,625 Well, hello. [chuckles] Fancy finding you here. 952 01:03:03,291 --> 01:03:07,250 No! No, this isn't-- We're not-- I'm just standing here. 953 01:03:07,750 --> 01:03:10,625 I meant Alex's baby shower. 954 01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:15,917 -The girl you love like a sister. -Yes. Yeah, I know. I just-- 955 01:03:16,709 --> 01:03:18,333 I was just making conversation. 956 01:03:22,625 --> 01:03:27,125 -Oh, my gosh! You're pregnant, too. Aw. -Oh, my gosh! 957 01:03:28,625 --> 01:03:30,000 How did you guess? 958 01:03:30,583 --> 01:03:32,875 You've got a little bit of sick in your hair. 959 01:03:32,875 --> 01:03:33,875 I know. 960 01:03:34,417 --> 01:03:35,625 -I know. I put it in there. -Oh! 961 01:03:35,625 --> 01:03:37,583 'Cause it's good for the natural protein fiber oils. 962 01:03:37,583 --> 01:03:39,458 -[Carol] Oh! -Yeah. 963 01:03:39,750 --> 01:03:41,917 John and Alex have such fascinating friends. 964 01:03:41,917 --> 01:03:43,333 -[both chuckle] -What did you call them? 965 01:03:43,625 --> 01:03:44,625 John and Alex. 966 01:03:45,125 --> 01:03:46,959 It's not John and Alex. It is John... 967 01:03:47,291 --> 01:03:49,125 and... 968 01:03:54,041 --> 01:03:55,959 -Alex. -That's what I said. 969 01:03:56,208 --> 01:03:58,000 -John and Alex-- -No, you didn't. 970 01:03:58,375 --> 01:03:59,000 'Cause you're saying it like they're together, 971 01:04:00,667 --> 01:04:02,583 putting them in a sentence together. They don't belong in a sentence together. 972 01:04:02,834 --> 01:04:03,917 I'm sorry. 973 01:04:03,917 --> 01:04:04,834 -It's okay. -I'm sorry, who are you? 974 01:04:04,834 --> 01:04:06,959 -Olivia! I'm Olivia. -Ah! Yeah. 975 01:04:09,709 --> 01:04:10,834 Olivia and Alex. 976 01:04:12,750 --> 01:04:14,792 -Al and Ol? -We're just so used to... 977 01:04:15,667 --> 01:04:17,166 -John and Alex. [chuckles] -Yeah. 978 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,000 -Who are you? -Uh, Luke Hammond. 979 01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:25,709 -Oh! -CEO of Mannism. Hail to the Alpha. 980 01:04:26,125 --> 01:04:27,041 [chuckles] 981 01:04:29,458 --> 01:04:31,834 I'm gonna need to pop back in for another puke. 982 01:04:32,166 --> 01:04:33,792 -Sure. -[door hinges creak] 983 01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:36,792 -Mother. -There you go. 984 01:04:37,667 --> 01:04:38,750 Right. 985 01:04:39,875 --> 01:04:44,709 Condoms. A massive box of condoms. 986 01:04:45,041 --> 01:04:48,041 Well, I never make the same mistake twice. 987 01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:50,542 I make it five or six times just to be sure... 988 01:04:50,542 --> 01:04:52,375 [laughing] 989 01:04:53,375 --> 01:04:54,417 Moving on. 990 01:04:55,542 --> 01:04:56,458 [John] All right, let's have another family present. 991 01:04:57,208 --> 01:04:59,583 -Here's mine. -Thank you, John-O. 992 01:05:00,041 --> 01:05:02,542 Oh! 993 01:05:02,542 --> 01:05:03,625 Oh! 994 01:05:06,208 --> 01:05:07,208 [sighs] John. 995 01:05:08,333 --> 01:05:09,875 [John] It's a first edition. 996 01:05:11,709 --> 01:05:16,375 I know that our baby is going to open my eyes to the world, 997 01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:20,417 in as many varied and wonderful ways as you have. 998 01:05:20,417 --> 01:05:22,500 [all] Aw. 999 01:05:23,709 --> 01:05:26,583 -Thanks. -To John and Alex. 1000 01:05:27,291 --> 01:05:30,959 -[all] To John and Alex. -Thank you from both of us. 1001 01:05:31,458 --> 01:05:33,125 -It's very kind. -Sorry, John? 1002 01:05:34,875 --> 01:05:37,125 -What was that? -It's very kind of everyone. 1003 01:05:37,125 --> 01:05:37,250 No, before. 1004 01:05:38,333 --> 01:05:40,959 -What you said before? -Thank you from both of us. 1005 01:05:41,417 --> 01:05:43,542 Since when do you speak on Alex's behalf? 1006 01:05:44,375 --> 01:05:45,875 -Uh, okay, Olivia. -[Olivia] Huh? 1007 01:05:46,333 --> 01:05:49,417 I just asked a question. It's a very simple question. 1008 01:05:49,417 --> 01:05:53,709 I just wanna know, when I am conversing with my girlfriend, 1009 01:05:54,250 --> 01:05:57,208 -if I should be addressing you? -[clears throat] 1010 01:05:58,083 --> 01:06:00,583 Hello! I'm still here. Remember me? 1011 01:06:01,375 --> 01:06:04,750 You enjoying your fetus shaped cookies? 1012 01:06:04,750 --> 01:06:07,959 -Just calm down, will ya? -Oh, calm down. [laughs] 1013 01:06:07,959 --> 01:06:09,125 No, John. No. 1014 01:06:11,625 --> 01:06:13,875 You don't tell me to calm down. 1015 01:06:13,875 --> 01:06:17,500 -Easy. -Shut. The fuck. Up! 1016 01:06:17,792 --> 01:06:18,959 [Alex] Babe? 1017 01:06:19,458 --> 01:06:22,458 -Not now, babe. -If not now, then when? When? 1018 01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:28,625 Can I tell this mindless human being to back off? 1019 01:06:28,959 --> 01:06:30,083 [John chuckles] 1020 01:06:30,917 --> 01:06:33,709 How about when we realize that our child 1021 01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:39,291 is being raised on the misogynistic values of Mannism? 1022 01:06:39,291 --> 01:06:44,208 Or, what about when we-- Mm-hmm. When I have to buy a bigger house 1023 01:06:44,625 --> 01:06:46,709 because John wants to move in. 1024 01:06:47,333 --> 01:06:50,000 Um, we should let him because he's lonely and divorced. 1025 01:06:50,834 --> 01:06:56,375 -And after all, he's the real father. -Stop it, Olivia. He's trying. 1026 01:06:56,792 --> 01:06:59,750 Am I just supposed to forget that he's the one you cheated with. 1027 01:07:00,500 --> 01:07:01,375 C'mon! She didn't. 1028 01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:05,667 What is this? Alex? 1029 01:07:06,208 --> 01:07:09,458 You're gay. But then you're straight. Then you're gay again. 1030 01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,709 Oh, and apparently, you're pregnant woman of the year! 1031 01:07:12,792 --> 01:07:14,083 I'm ti-- I just can't keep up. 1032 01:07:14,333 --> 01:07:19,500 I really can't. At some point, you have to choose. 1033 01:07:20,083 --> 01:07:21,917 No, I don't. 1034 01:07:22,834 --> 01:07:25,166 You are supposed to love all of it. 1035 01:07:27,792 --> 01:07:29,375 I'm sorry I don't fit into your tight knit plans. 1036 01:07:31,417 --> 01:07:33,709 Those plans were always about you. 1037 01:07:34,417 --> 01:07:37,709 All I ever wanted was to give you a proper family. 1038 01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:41,750 Yeah. The perfect family, yeah? Like Ben's? 1039 01:07:42,417 --> 01:07:44,667 Ben, who is getting divorced. 1040 01:07:48,583 --> 01:07:50,417 What? 1041 01:07:51,667 --> 01:07:53,417 Hello. Yes. 1042 01:07:54,291 --> 01:07:55,333 I'm the one with a failed marriage. 1043 01:07:55,333 --> 01:07:59,458 -Glad everyone's been made aware. -Shocker. 1044 01:08:00,458 --> 01:08:02,583 Everyone's got their shit, Olivia, right? 1045 01:08:04,166 --> 01:08:06,291 -Alex, what is it? -I think you should leave, Olivia. 1046 01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:08,583 -She doesn't have to leave. -Okay, so I misjudged that. 1047 01:08:09,250 --> 01:08:12,709 -Oh! I think I'm having a contraction. -Okay, it's fine. She's too early. 1048 01:08:12,709 --> 01:08:15,041 -She's not having a contraction. -I'm sure it's a contraction. 1049 01:08:15,041 --> 01:08:16,583 -[grunts] -It's not gonna be a contraction. 1050 01:08:16,583 --> 01:08:18,959 -Fuck! -We could, of course, be wrong. 1051 01:08:21,959 --> 01:08:23,083 Doctor Parks. 1052 01:08:24,417 --> 01:08:25,458 Oh hey, doc. We got a lot of snot coming out of this one's hoo-ha. 1053 01:08:26,291 --> 01:08:28,083 I wanted to be a concert pianist. 1054 01:08:29,083 --> 01:08:30,750 All right. We'll get the nurse to set you up. 1055 01:08:30,750 --> 01:08:31,834 -Who's coming? -I am. 1056 01:08:31,834 --> 01:08:34,250 -Right take that! -Yep, yep. All right, be careful. 1057 01:08:35,125 --> 01:08:35,208 Oh! 1058 01:08:38,417 --> 01:08:40,041 Okay, I'll just-- I'll be here. 1059 01:08:44,333 --> 01:08:45,208 [both chuckle] 1060 01:08:45,750 --> 01:08:46,875 [Paul] Right then. 1061 01:08:51,959 --> 01:08:53,000 Oh! 1062 01:08:54,208 --> 01:08:57,458 Baby's very low down in your pelvis. Which is good. 1063 01:08:57,750 --> 01:08:59,458 I'm just gonna have a little listen. 1064 01:09:08,125 --> 01:09:09,291 [Paul] I can't find... 1065 01:09:13,709 --> 01:09:15,542 Well, let me just get Doctor Parks. 1066 01:09:16,625 --> 01:09:19,291 It's all fine. It's going to be fine. 1067 01:09:20,125 --> 01:09:22,041 -Just let him out there know, okay? -Okay. 1068 01:09:22,041 --> 01:09:23,291 -You all right? -Mm-hmm. 1069 01:09:23,291 --> 01:09:23,458 -You sure? -Mm-hmm. 1070 01:09:26,959 --> 01:09:28,458 [sighs deeply] 1071 01:09:29,250 --> 01:09:31,083 -[Olivia] John. -What's happening? 1072 01:09:31,083 --> 01:09:33,333 We don't know. They've gone to get the doctor. 1073 01:09:33,333 --> 01:09:34,333 Why, what's wrong? 1074 01:09:34,917 --> 01:09:36,375 -Should I speak to someone? -I think... 1075 01:09:36,375 --> 01:09:38,166 it was trouble finding the heartbeat but it's already quite far down. 1076 01:09:38,667 --> 01:09:42,125 -There's contractions, so-- -So, you wouldn't be able to find it. 1077 01:09:42,125 --> 01:09:42,333 -Right. -Okay. 1078 01:09:45,166 --> 01:09:46,250 She will be fine. 1079 01:09:47,375 --> 01:09:47,458 Yeah. 1080 01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:51,375 Um, okay. 1081 01:09:56,166 --> 01:09:58,458 -[Dr. Parks] Miss Jones? -Hi. 1082 01:10:18,041 --> 01:10:19,083 Oh! 1083 01:10:52,041 --> 01:10:52,417 I'm so sorry. 1084 01:10:55,709 --> 01:10:57,583 There's no heartbeat. I'm so sorry. 1085 01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,417 What? Wait, wait. 1086 01:11:04,417 --> 01:11:08,417 -Are you sure? Could you try it again? -No heartbeat was detected. I'm certain. 1087 01:11:08,834 --> 01:11:11,875 How are you certain? Maybe, you made a mistake. 1088 01:11:12,750 --> 01:11:14,583 Most-- 1089 01:11:15,917 --> 01:11:18,583 Most commonly, an infection has occurred. We'll do further tests. 1090 01:11:20,709 --> 01:11:21,917 I know this is hard. 1091 01:11:22,917 --> 01:11:24,917 But I'm afraid we have to think of Miss Jones' safety. 1092 01:11:25,417 --> 01:11:28,750 Now, and the safest step now is to deliver this baby. 1093 01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:35,083 Plea-- Please could you-- could you just do it one more time for us? 1094 01:11:35,083 --> 01:11:35,542 Just one more time again. 1095 01:11:36,041 --> 01:11:38,041 I'm so sorry. 1096 01:11:39,291 --> 01:11:39,417 She's gone. 1097 01:11:41,291 --> 01:11:42,375 She? 1098 01:11:45,083 --> 01:11:46,291 Could you give us a minute? 1099 01:12:15,208 --> 01:12:16,625 -[Alex] Babe? -[Olivia] Yes, I'm here. 1100 01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:19,500 I don't want you here. [panting] 1101 01:12:20,625 --> 01:12:23,000 I don't want this in anyone's memory. I just want to get it done. 1102 01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,375 [grunting] 1103 01:12:26,375 --> 01:12:27,625 -Are you sure? -Please. 1104 01:12:57,542 --> 01:13:02,542 [John] "Seldom, except in books, do the dying utter memorable words, 1105 01:13:03,417 --> 01:13:06,709 see visions, or depart with beatified countenances... 1106 01:13:08,709 --> 01:13:11,500 and those who have sped many parting souls know 1107 01:13:11,917 --> 01:13:17,750 that to most the end comes as naturally and simply as sleep. 1108 01:13:19,291 --> 01:13:22,500 As Beth had hoped, the tide went out easily... 1109 01:13:26,125 --> 01:13:28,333 and in the dark hour before the dawn... 1110 01:13:29,417 --> 01:13:31,959 on the bosom where she had drawn her first breath... 1111 01:13:33,500 --> 01:13:35,250 she quietly drew her last. 1112 01:13:36,709 --> 01:13:39,375 With no farewell but one loving look... 1113 01:13:41,208 --> 01:13:41,667 one little sigh." 1114 01:15:18,166 --> 01:15:21,208 Look, I know you're probably gonna wanna talk about it... 1115 01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:24,083 about her. 1116 01:15:25,792 --> 01:15:26,875 But you see, I can't. 1117 01:15:28,458 --> 01:15:29,875 I don't know if I'll ever be able to. 1118 01:15:33,625 --> 01:15:34,625 I was so looking forward to being something. 1119 01:15:37,500 --> 01:15:38,583 Anything. 1120 01:15:42,458 --> 01:15:43,667 [glass bottles rattle] 1121 01:15:43,667 --> 01:15:45,709 -Is John okay? -Uh... 1122 01:15:48,417 --> 01:15:49,542 When he cries... 1123 01:15:50,709 --> 01:15:52,750 his entire body crumples up like a little old lady's. 1124 01:15:55,542 --> 01:15:55,667 That's funny. 1125 01:15:57,250 --> 01:15:59,500 -It's not. -No. 1126 01:16:02,792 --> 01:16:04,750 I actually saw him this morning. 1127 01:16:06,375 --> 01:16:08,625 I can't help waddling... 1128 01:16:09,500 --> 01:16:12,709 about, reminding him-- Sorry. 1129 01:16:14,208 --> 01:16:17,083 Maybe, it's best if you keep your distance from him a bit. 1130 01:16:20,709 --> 01:16:20,834 Right. Okay. 1131 01:16:24,166 --> 01:16:24,709 We could go to my parents', I suppose. 1132 01:16:27,125 --> 01:16:28,458 Or you can go if you want. 1133 01:16:30,750 --> 01:16:31,834 [Sue] Darling! 1134 01:16:32,583 --> 01:16:34,583 -We're going to have such fun. -[Olivia] Oh! 1135 01:16:34,583 --> 01:16:37,917 Daddy's birthday party's coming up. I've invited that Biggles Tilsbury. 1136 01:16:38,250 --> 01:16:42,583 -I've got such a girl crush on her. -You can just say crush, Mummy. 1137 01:16:43,542 --> 01:16:46,834 -Anyway, I shouldn't be here for long. -You can stay here as long as you like. 1138 01:16:46,834 --> 01:16:48,000 We really are fine. 1139 01:16:49,625 --> 01:16:52,166 I think it's time you started thinking about this baby other than that girl. 1140 01:16:52,166 --> 01:16:53,959 Don't you? 1141 01:16:58,375 --> 01:17:02,041 [indistinct chatter] 1142 01:17:16,041 --> 01:17:17,125 Hello! 1143 01:17:18,458 --> 01:17:23,125 Oh, look. John's sporting a man bun, the final tosser frontier. 1144 01:17:23,417 --> 01:17:24,709 He's a handsome devil. 1145 01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:25,959 Sorry, darling. 1146 01:17:27,625 --> 01:17:32,166 Oh, look! Biggles Tilsbury just got here. You two would make a lovely couple. 1147 01:17:32,625 --> 01:17:34,917 Thanks, Mummy. I still have a girlfriend. 1148 01:17:36,959 --> 01:17:41,542 -[Alfie chuckling] -Where's Magda and the girls then? 1149 01:17:42,583 --> 01:17:46,458 Oh, um, she took the kids on a weekend away. 1150 01:17:46,458 --> 01:17:49,417 Isn't that a bit odd, going on holiday without your husband? 1151 01:17:49,750 --> 01:17:53,917 -Um... -Not at all, actually. No, um... 1152 01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:57,667 -Trudy leaves Sting behind all the time. -Does she now? 1153 01:17:58,333 --> 01:18:00,041 -Bully for her. -Hmm. 1154 01:18:00,542 --> 01:18:01,458 [mouths] 1155 01:18:02,458 --> 01:18:06,667 This is organic Hereford blackcurrant vodka. 1156 01:18:06,667 --> 01:18:07,792 [pops bottles open] 1157 01:18:09,083 --> 01:18:11,750 And this is the coolest old person party I have ever seen. 1158 01:18:13,709 --> 01:18:13,834 I better not. 1159 01:18:15,166 --> 01:18:19,625 Alex, an international playboy once said, "To drink is to live". 1160 01:18:20,375 --> 01:18:23,417 And that international playboy was me! 1161 01:18:23,709 --> 01:18:24,000 [laughing] 1162 01:18:26,667 --> 01:18:27,834 Yeah, Alex. What you got to lose? 1163 01:18:30,875 --> 01:18:31,000 Just one shot. 1164 01:18:34,375 --> 01:18:36,458 -Hmm. -[indistinct chatter] 1165 01:18:37,375 --> 01:18:39,208 -[Olivia] Very nice to see you. -Whatto! 1166 01:18:39,208 --> 01:18:41,208 Oh! Sorry. 1167 01:18:41,792 --> 01:18:46,208 -Biggles, how are you? Very long time. -Very long time, yeah. 1168 01:18:46,208 --> 01:18:49,875 The last thing I remember was running around your garden naked. 1169 01:18:50,166 --> 01:18:51,500 -Oh! -[laughs] 1170 01:18:51,917 --> 01:18:54,709 -So, last week then? -No, no. We were five. 1171 01:18:55,125 --> 01:18:56,208 Yes, no. I was joking. 1172 01:18:57,500 --> 01:19:01,583 Oh, right. Yeah, I know, 'cause wouldn't have been last week. 1173 01:19:01,583 --> 01:19:03,333 -No. -Wouldn't have been naked. 1174 01:19:04,458 --> 01:19:06,166 Aren't you a bit old to be having a baby? 1175 01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:10,834 -Uh, I guess not. -Ah! Well, I do hope it's normal. 1176 01:19:12,375 --> 01:19:14,208 Thank you. 1177 01:19:14,709 --> 01:19:17,083 Most kind. Ben. 1178 01:19:18,375 --> 01:19:21,291 Come over. Biggles, do you remember Ben? This is my brother. 1179 01:19:21,583 --> 01:19:25,917 -Uh, vaguely. -You babysat me through childhood. 1180 01:19:25,917 --> 01:19:28,834 -Oh! -We went to the same school 1181 01:19:29,500 --> 01:19:30,625 and then university. 1182 01:19:31,667 --> 01:19:33,083 Ben? Whose wife is a rampant shagger? 1183 01:19:36,041 --> 01:19:37,500 Yep. That Ben. 1184 01:19:38,417 --> 01:19:40,250 You used to wet the bed, didn't you? 1185 01:19:42,250 --> 01:19:44,583 [laughing] 1186 01:19:45,000 --> 01:19:46,291 -[John] Get up! -[Alfie screams] 1187 01:19:46,792 --> 01:19:49,917 [John screaming] 1188 01:19:59,542 --> 01:20:01,125 [John and Alfie screaming] 1189 01:20:05,291 --> 01:20:08,542 [soft song playing] 1190 01:20:22,291 --> 01:20:24,166 Hi! 1191 01:20:24,667 --> 01:20:25,792 Alex. 1192 01:20:28,125 --> 01:20:28,417 Hey. 1193 01:20:29,125 --> 01:20:31,250 You weren't just going to leave, were you? 1194 01:20:31,542 --> 01:20:34,208 No. I just needed a moment away from it all. 1195 01:20:35,291 --> 01:20:36,208 You've been drinking. 1196 01:20:37,834 --> 01:20:41,166 -Yeah! I'm allowed now, remember? -I know. I-- 1197 01:20:43,458 --> 01:20:45,458 I wasn't saying... 1198 01:20:52,458 --> 01:20:54,041 -Did you not get the invite? -Yeah. I'm... 1199 01:20:56,250 --> 01:20:57,667 stood right here. [chuckles] 1200 01:20:57,667 --> 01:21:00,250 Well, what part of "garden chic" do hot pants fit under? 1201 01:21:01,333 --> 01:21:04,625 I don't know. Is there a I-don't-give-a-fuck option? 1202 01:21:04,625 --> 01:21:05,750 Yeah, okay. 1203 01:21:07,500 --> 01:21:08,500 [sighs] 1204 01:21:09,291 --> 01:21:12,375 Alex, can we try and get back to normal? Please? 1205 01:21:13,750 --> 01:21:17,417 Maybe, less of the swearing, smoking, boozing? 1206 01:21:18,792 --> 01:21:20,750 More of the early nights, yoga? 1207 01:21:23,250 --> 01:21:27,333 So, I can be a good mum to my non-existent child, is that it? 1208 01:21:27,792 --> 01:21:31,500 No. So you can be a good mother to mine. For ours. 1209 01:21:34,417 --> 01:21:38,041 -I need more time. -We don't have any more time, Alex. 1210 01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:41,208 Please. 1211 01:21:43,542 --> 01:21:45,417 We need you. 1212 01:21:48,875 --> 01:21:53,083 I can't be everything you want me to be right now. I'm so sorry. 1213 01:22:03,750 --> 01:22:05,417 This feels like something has broken. 1214 01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:07,500 -It's just changed. -No. 1215 01:22:10,583 --> 01:22:15,083 I shouldn't feel so lost when I'm where I always wanted to be. 1216 01:22:15,917 --> 01:22:16,208 [Sue] Olivia! 1217 01:22:21,250 --> 01:22:22,083 Should I go? 1218 01:22:26,375 --> 01:22:28,208 Olivia? 1219 01:22:33,000 --> 01:22:33,083 [sighing] 1220 01:22:46,542 --> 01:22:48,917 [door opens] 1221 01:22:53,625 --> 01:22:54,709 Wow! 1222 01:22:59,375 --> 01:23:01,792 -Has she even seen this? -No. 1223 01:23:08,959 --> 01:23:10,750 Why is it yellow? She's having a boy. 1224 01:23:12,333 --> 01:23:13,625 And what if it was a boy that wanted to be a girl, Jonathan? 1225 01:23:13,625 --> 01:23:15,500 Yeah, all right. 1226 01:23:16,959 --> 01:23:18,500 All right. I'm a middle class, straight, white guy and I suck, sorry. 1227 01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:26,000 To teach is to learn yourself. It's a noble and inspiring profession. 1228 01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:27,500 Good. 1229 01:23:27,959 --> 01:23:30,291 -And Miss Jones? -What? 1230 01:23:34,625 --> 01:23:35,709 Um... 1231 01:23:37,000 --> 01:23:40,291 I guess if I'm a teacher then I won't be some wired artist, 1232 01:23:40,291 --> 01:23:41,208 desperate for her next joint. 1233 01:23:42,959 --> 01:23:45,208 I'll be normal. Be part of the race. 1234 01:23:46,917 --> 01:23:48,333 That sounds quite nice, now. 1235 01:23:53,500 --> 01:23:54,625 And yeah, what she said. 1236 01:23:58,291 --> 01:23:59,291 [doorbell ringing] 1237 01:24:02,834 --> 01:24:05,458 -Whatto. -Hello, Biggles. 1238 01:24:05,709 --> 01:24:09,208 Bought the backgammon. Bit of competition should help get that baby out. 1239 01:24:09,542 --> 01:24:11,000 Oh, yay! 1240 01:24:12,041 --> 01:24:16,875 -John, what on earth are you doing here? -Hold the door. I have to talk to you. 1241 01:24:17,917 --> 01:24:20,542 -Who's this? -Biggles Tilsbury. How do you do? 1242 01:24:21,959 --> 01:24:23,250 That is such a stupid name. 1243 01:24:23,250 --> 01:24:26,750 No offence. You should be a dog in a handbag, in like, 2001. 1244 01:24:27,792 --> 01:24:29,500 -Goodbye, John. -I have to talk to you. 1245 01:24:29,875 --> 01:24:31,417 -We're busy. -It's Alex. 1246 01:24:34,000 --> 01:24:35,333 -What's wrong with Alex? -Do you like my bun? 1247 01:24:38,542 --> 01:24:41,291 -I don't have time for this, John. -No. But, yet, you never have time. 1248 01:24:41,583 --> 01:24:44,333 I've lost the love of my life, I'm 40 and I live with my parents 1249 01:24:44,333 --> 01:24:46,542 and I'm about to shit out another human being. 1250 01:24:46,542 --> 01:24:49,250 [wailing] 1251 01:24:50,875 --> 01:24:54,542 Have you got a point in this conversation? 1252 01:24:54,542 --> 01:24:55,000 Or in life? 1253 01:24:55,000 --> 01:24:57,250 Boo-fucking-hoo! 1254 01:24:59,750 --> 01:25:02,083 You know what you may not know, Olivia? 1255 01:25:03,375 --> 01:25:05,083 I was born with scoliosis. 1256 01:25:06,166 --> 01:25:06,834 [clicks tongue] I had a back brace 1257 01:25:07,417 --> 01:25:10,000 right through school to straighten things out. 1258 01:25:10,417 --> 01:25:11,166 -Okay. -I know. 1259 01:25:11,792 --> 01:25:16,125 You're thinking, "But how he's so tall and Greek-God like? 1260 01:25:16,125 --> 01:25:18,375 Well, that was not the case back then. I was twisted like a pretzel. 1261 01:25:19,959 --> 01:25:24,333 The other boys used to hang me by my brace from the football goal net 1262 01:25:24,750 --> 01:25:26,959 and then kick balls at my head. 1263 01:25:27,250 --> 01:25:28,709 -Oh! -Right at my head. 1264 01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:31,792 -Gosh! -Yup. And these were Scottish boys, not... 1265 01:25:32,917 --> 01:25:37,375 ya Harry Potter, posh, wee, skinny things. These are real proper men, 1266 01:25:37,792 --> 01:25:40,125 kicking balls, right at my head. 1267 01:25:41,792 --> 01:25:42,750 And then, they'd leave me there. 1268 01:25:43,458 --> 01:25:46,917 All night, sometimes. I just-- I'd swing about a bit. 1269 01:25:47,625 --> 01:25:51,041 Come crashing down. Mess up my back some more. 1270 01:25:53,291 --> 01:25:54,417 -Sounds painful. -Oh, yep. 1271 01:25:56,625 --> 01:25:57,500 Oh, yeah. [sniffs] 1272 01:25:59,667 --> 01:26:03,166 Then now... I'm the one causing the pain. 1273 01:26:04,417 --> 01:26:07,667 Breaking the ladies' heart. Left, right, center, So... 1274 01:26:09,291 --> 01:26:10,417 I can get anyone I want. 1275 01:26:12,875 --> 01:26:13,917 You know who I couldn't get? 1276 01:26:16,250 --> 01:26:16,834 Okay, well... 1277 01:26:17,208 --> 01:26:19,625 Technically, you did get Alex, 1278 01:26:19,625 --> 01:26:21,542 so I don't know if this little story is really working. 1279 01:26:22,125 --> 01:26:24,250 No, all I got Alex was blind drunk. 1280 01:26:26,125 --> 01:26:28,792 I've loved her since I first saw her. 1281 01:26:30,125 --> 01:26:33,166 Since she shouted at me for directing the Jehovah's witness' to your door. 1282 01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:37,500 To me, she was it. 1283 01:26:40,208 --> 01:26:40,291 And it... 1284 01:26:43,250 --> 01:26:43,375 loves only you. 1285 01:26:48,750 --> 01:26:50,667 Alex is... 1286 01:26:51,667 --> 01:26:55,625 100% bona fide carpet muncher... 1287 01:26:58,667 --> 01:26:59,542 and your carpet... 1288 01:27:00,709 --> 01:27:01,583 is the only one... 1289 01:27:03,208 --> 01:27:03,333 she wants to munch. 1290 01:27:05,625 --> 01:27:07,959 That was very sweet for about a second. 1291 01:27:09,125 --> 01:27:11,208 You know, she redecorated the spare room... 1292 01:27:12,208 --> 01:27:12,417 for the baby. 1293 01:27:16,500 --> 01:27:18,000 I didn't know that. 1294 01:27:20,834 --> 01:27:21,917 [sighs] 1295 01:27:29,125 --> 01:27:32,542 -I was just so scared. -I know you were. I was too. 1296 01:27:36,041 --> 01:27:37,417 I really wanted to be a dad. 1297 01:27:44,208 --> 01:27:45,542 Could you settle for uncle? 1298 01:27:52,750 --> 01:27:54,083 -C'mon. -John, wait. 1299 01:27:54,083 --> 01:27:57,792 Wait, John. John, John, John, John, John. I'm not just-- 1300 01:27:57,792 --> 01:27:58,542 John, please. I can feel your beard. 1301 01:28:00,834 --> 01:28:04,208 -Darling, where you're going? -I'm going home. 1302 01:28:05,083 --> 01:28:05,750 -Are you trying to run? -Yeah. 1303 01:28:06,417 --> 01:28:09,625 -[Olivia] That is the general idea. -Why? 1304 01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:13,625 It just feels like a... running kind of moment. 1305 01:28:13,917 --> 01:28:16,792 She's going to get the love of her, and my life. 1306 01:28:16,792 --> 01:28:17,834 -[Sue] Really? -Sounds complicated. 1307 01:28:18,583 --> 01:28:22,208 That tummy rather kills romance doesn't it, darling? 1308 01:28:22,208 --> 01:28:23,709 Ah! Yes. 1309 01:28:24,709 --> 01:28:26,792 It does. It does. 1310 01:28:27,792 --> 01:28:28,625 Thank you, Mummy. 1311 01:28:29,792 --> 01:28:32,291 -Cup of tea before you go? -I mean, we probably have time. 1312 01:28:32,291 --> 01:28:33,375 John! 1313 01:28:39,125 --> 01:28:40,250 [door shuts] 1314 01:28:41,375 --> 01:28:44,000 [panting] 1315 01:28:48,125 --> 01:28:50,333 It is a toe ring but I'm gonna get you a proper ring. 1316 01:28:50,625 --> 01:28:51,500 Alex... 1317 01:28:52,458 --> 01:28:53,709 I want to marry you. 1318 01:28:54,792 --> 01:28:56,458 Because I do love it all. 1319 01:28:57,083 --> 01:28:59,709 If you're a stoner, or an artist or... 1320 01:29:01,041 --> 01:29:03,750 a bloody astronaut. I don't care. You're you. 1321 01:29:05,166 --> 01:29:09,500 You're so kind, and so great, and just... Just... 1322 01:29:12,709 --> 01:29:15,625 You're just a great person, Alex and obviously, 1323 01:29:15,625 --> 01:29:17,000 by the way, you're so much better than an astronaut. 1324 01:29:17,000 --> 01:29:19,959 And-- But actually, you're better than anyone I can think of, 1325 01:29:19,959 --> 01:29:24,417 so I'm going to stop waffling and beg you. Alex... 1326 01:29:25,917 --> 01:29:26,458 please be with me forever. 1327 01:29:35,750 --> 01:29:39,125 -"You're better than an astronaut?" -[chuckles] 1328 01:29:40,375 --> 01:29:43,125 I'm still not that great at proposing or... 1329 01:29:44,792 --> 01:29:48,291 -to be fair, that great at any of it. -I don't think either of us are. 1330 01:29:56,291 --> 01:29:58,709 -What? -I think I've just burst. 1331 01:29:59,000 --> 01:30:00,083 [sighs] 1332 01:30:02,041 --> 01:30:03,583 -[screams] John! -He's in the car. 1333 01:30:04,834 --> 01:30:06,000 'Course, he is. 1334 01:30:06,333 --> 01:30:08,709 -Go slow, go slow, go slow. -Breathe. 1335 01:30:30,417 --> 01:30:30,542 I'll just be here. 1336 01:30:33,166 --> 01:30:33,542 You don't have to come. 1337 01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:36,834 I know. 1338 01:30:42,375 --> 01:30:47,583 Right, Miss Miller, let's prove geriatrics can still have kids, okay? 1339 01:30:48,000 --> 01:30:50,417 -[laughs] That's my joke. -[heavy breathing] 1340 01:30:50,417 --> 01:30:54,500 Right. I do not want to be down here for too long so c'mon now, push! 1341 01:30:54,500 --> 01:30:56,125 [Olivia yelling] 1342 01:31:08,709 --> 01:31:10,834 [baby crying] 1343 01:31:17,125 --> 01:31:21,959 [indistinct chatter] 1344 01:31:29,959 --> 01:31:34,792 -Cake, you two? -We've already had a ton of cake. 1345 01:31:35,291 --> 01:31:37,000 [Olivia] Right. This one is without the hash. 1346 01:31:37,291 --> 01:31:39,542 [giggles] 1347 01:31:41,291 --> 01:31:42,250 Cake? 1348 01:31:42,834 --> 01:31:45,250 -No, thank you. -Beats the office, eh, Charles? 1349 01:31:45,625 --> 01:31:48,417 -Too bloody hot in here. -Or not. 1350 01:31:49,917 --> 01:31:53,125 Ben, will you please have some of our mother's cake? 1351 01:31:53,125 --> 01:31:56,417 I actually think masculinity is overrated, personally. Thank you. 1352 01:31:56,417 --> 01:31:57,458 Thank you. 1353 01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:00,959 Hello, my sweet boy. 1354 01:32:01,375 --> 01:32:03,000 Upsy-daisy. 1355 01:32:06,041 --> 01:32:07,709 [Olivia] Some days, I'm a good mother. 1356 01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:11,542 Some days, I'm a bit of a crap one. 1357 01:32:11,542 --> 01:32:12,834 ["Bitch" playing] 1358 01:32:28,125 --> 01:32:30,000 [John] How was your first Christmas, eh? 1359 01:32:30,667 --> 01:32:31,750 [Olivia] Alex and I never did get married. 1360 01:32:34,709 --> 01:32:38,166 After everything that had happened, it didn't seem important. 1361 01:32:39,125 --> 01:32:41,291 It's no longer about all those labels. 1362 01:32:42,709 --> 01:32:45,834 I'm simply about you, me and him. 1363 01:35:51,583 --> 01:35:53,875 Your mammalian roots... 1364 01:35:54,208 --> 01:35:56,500 okay? Just have some respect for those. 1365 01:35:56,500 --> 01:35:57,458 Has anyone ever seen an elephant give birth? 1366 01:35:58,125 --> 01:36:01,959 No? Oh, you have to see that, that's amazing. 1367 01:36:01,959 --> 01:36:04,083 Has anyone seen a chimpanzee give birth? 1368 01:36:04,709 --> 01:36:07,250 No? Has anyone seen, like, a family pet? 1369 01:36:07,750 --> 01:36:09,333 -Or... -Yeah. 1370 01:36:09,750 --> 01:36:11,208 Uh, gerbil. 1371 01:36:11,667 --> 01:36:13,667 John? Seriously, John? 1372 01:36:13,667 --> 01:36:15,291 This is part of the problem. We are so disconnected 1373 01:36:15,709 --> 01:36:18,583 from our natural history. 1374 01:36:18,583 --> 01:36:21,583 That we believe that birth is not for us but you know everybody, 1375 01:36:22,291 --> 01:36:23,875 everybody eats, everybody shits... 1376 01:36:25,250 --> 01:36:27,667 [laughing] 1377 01:36:28,250 --> 01:36:30,750 -What was that for? -It was an accident. 1378 01:36:30,750 --> 01:36:30,959 -[screams] -Oh, no. 1379 01:36:32,625 --> 01:36:37,417 Oh, no. The baby. The baby. The baby. The baby. The baby. The baby. The baby. 1380 01:36:37,417 --> 01:36:40,959 The baby. The baby. The baby. The baby. No! No! 1381 01:36:41,750 --> 01:36:44,291 Bit of a handful, I'd imagine. 1382 01:36:45,166 --> 01:36:49,000 -Would you consider divorce or... -[clears throat] Um... 1383 01:36:50,333 --> 01:36:52,875 Yeah, probably don't wanna talk about it... 1384 01:36:53,125 --> 01:36:55,041 like here... with you... 1385 01:36:55,041 --> 01:36:57,875 One of those open relationships, is it? 1386 01:36:57,875 --> 01:36:58,959 [sighing] 1387 01:37:00,250 --> 01:37:03,041 -So nice to catch up. -It really is. What a-- What a treat. 1388 01:37:03,333 --> 01:37:05,333 To see you and it-- Just you... 1389 01:37:06,083 --> 01:37:07,166 Um, just-- 1390 01:37:07,166 --> 01:37:08,417 I think I've got a ladybird in my ear. 1391 01:37:08,792 --> 01:37:11,625 -That's it. Um. Um, yeah, yeah. -Oh! 1392 01:37:11,625 --> 01:37:13,667 -[woman] Cut! -Sorry. 1393 01:37:15,291 --> 01:37:19,417 I actively hope that baby's not mine. I will punch you right in the boob. 1394 01:37:21,333 --> 01:37:22,709 You make me sick. 1395 01:37:26,500 --> 01:37:29,000 [laughs] Please say cut! 1396 01:37:30,125 --> 01:37:31,500 [muffled scream] 1397 01:37:31,500 --> 01:37:32,125 [Alex] Look, babe! 1398 01:37:34,083 --> 01:37:36,166 [exhaling heavily] 1399 01:37:36,583 --> 01:37:38,625 [Alex] Look! 1400 01:37:42,000 --> 01:37:43,709 [hysterically laughing] 1401 01:37:47,417 --> 01:37:48,792 I'm sorry to interrupt. 1402 01:37:50,166 --> 01:37:54,333 What's happening? I want a part of this. This looks like fun. 107104