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1
00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:30,099
D'oh!
2
00:00:48,119 --> 00:00:50,887
Dad, we're four episodes early.
3
00:00:50,922 --> 00:00:52,055
D'oh!
4
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:01,998
Here it is, Myra...
the key to the trophy case.
5
00:01:02,033 --> 00:01:03,766
If we'd ever won a trophy,
6
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:05,435
I would've turned the heck out of it.
7
00:01:05,470 --> 00:01:06,504
Mm.
8
00:01:06,504 --> 00:01:08,838
I can't believe you're retiring, sir.
9
00:01:10,308 --> 00:01:13,843
Martin, I must ask you to keep
secret what you just heard...
10
00:01:13,879 --> 00:01:16,112
the shocking news that I'm retiring.
11
00:01:16,147 --> 00:01:19,182
Sir, you are addressing
a student safety monitor.
12
00:01:19,217 --> 00:01:22,819
With diagonal belt comes
great responsibility.
13
00:01:22,854 --> 00:01:25,555
I've got a secret! Firsties!
14
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,398
What?!
15
00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,700
Skinner's quitting! I won the pool!
16
00:01:37,736 --> 00:01:40,303
Guess who's renting two
songs from iTunes!
17
00:01:40,338 --> 00:01:42,372
Skinner's retiring! Bombardment!
18
00:01:42,407 --> 00:01:44,073
He will be missed! Bombardment!
19
00:01:44,109 --> 00:01:46,709
He stood up for me when they
tried to ban bombardment!
20
00:01:46,745 --> 00:01:48,077
Bombardment!
21
00:01:49,414 --> 00:01:51,381
My fellow Americans, and Uter:
22
00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:52,882
the rumors... are true.
23
00:01:52,918 --> 00:01:54,450
I'm resigning the principality
24
00:01:54,486 --> 00:01:56,152
effective Taco Tuesday.
25
00:01:57,422 --> 00:01:59,622
Seymour, you will be missed.
26
00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:06,529
And now, the flyover by the
Permission Slip Angels.
27
00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:11,768
Ow! My distance-vision eye.
28
00:02:11,803 --> 00:02:14,704
Skinner leaving. One last
chance to honor him.
29
00:02:14,739 --> 00:02:16,973
With a shot to the head.
30
00:02:21,446 --> 00:02:24,414
Oh. Move it.
31
00:02:24,449 --> 00:02:27,116
Come on, Bart! Take the shot!
32
00:02:27,152 --> 00:02:29,185
I don't have the damn shot!
33
00:02:29,220 --> 00:02:31,554
Now, in honor of our
principal's retirement,
34
00:02:31,589 --> 00:02:33,890
we'll have a performance
from a super talent
35
00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:36,225
who's gonna wrap up our feelings.
36
00:02:36,261 --> 00:02:38,394
♪ I can't ♪
♪ believe this is good-bye ♪
37
00:02:38,430 --> 00:02:40,663
♪ You were like a mommy ♪
♪ who wears a tie ♪
38
00:02:40,699 --> 00:02:43,099
♪ You once called men ♪
♪ who put me in a net ♪
39
00:02:43,134 --> 00:02:45,368
♪ You always told me when I was wet ♪
40
00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:48,204
♪ They said I had to wait ♪
♪ two years to do karate ♪
41
00:02:48,239 --> 00:02:51,307
♪ Even though my friend who is ♪
♪ the same age is in the class ♪
42
00:02:51,343 --> 00:02:52,710
♪ Karate! ♪
43
00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,310
There's a certain lack of elegance
44
00:02:54,346 --> 00:02:55,812
in rhyming karate with karate.
45
00:02:55,847 --> 00:02:57,046
Karate!
46
00:02:57,082 --> 00:02:58,614
Now, I'll share a fond farewell
47
00:02:58,650 --> 00:03:01,617
with one student chosen at
random to represent you all.
48
00:03:03,088 --> 00:03:05,374
Oh! Bart Simpson.
49
00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:08,791
There is a God, and his
name is the Devil.
50
00:03:08,827 --> 00:03:11,866
Bart, come forward.
51
00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:15,398
In the words of the late
David Bowie, né Jones:
52
00:03:15,433 --> 00:03:17,066
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes."
53
00:03:17,102 --> 00:03:19,502
All rights reserved, Ziggy
Stardust Publishing.
54
00:03:19,537 --> 00:03:21,304
Gotcha!
55
00:03:22,073 --> 00:03:23,573
Aah!
56
00:03:23,608 --> 00:03:25,074
No. Got you!
57
00:03:25,110 --> 00:03:26,542
Now, Willie! The honey!
58
00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:38,788
Simpson, I'm not retiring.
59
00:03:38,823 --> 00:03:41,324
This was all just a prank on you.
60
00:03:42,627 --> 00:03:45,028
Leave him alone!
61
00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:51,768
Where do I go? How do I live this down?
62
00:03:51,803 --> 00:03:55,038
Mom, my humiliation
bath is getting cold.
63
00:03:55,073 --> 00:03:57,840
Hold still. You've got
honey in your pits.
64
00:03:59,644 --> 00:04:01,677
Oh. Mm, sticky.
65
00:04:02,914 --> 00:04:05,048
Bombardment!
66
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:07,116
Haw-haw!
67
00:04:07,152 --> 00:04:09,285
Oh, Nelsoned by Largo.
68
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,721
I'll get them back.
I'll get them all back.
69
00:04:11,756 --> 00:04:14,190
And that'll be the end of it forever.
70
00:04:14,225 --> 00:04:17,060
Not good enough!
71
00:04:19,864 --> 00:04:22,498
What are you gonna do, Bart?
Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me.
72
00:04:22,534 --> 00:04:24,067
I'll have nightmares,
73
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:26,865
like the one where I'm wearing
my pajamas during the daytime.
74
00:04:26,865 --> 00:04:28,671
You are wearing your pajamas.
75
00:04:28,706 --> 00:04:31,474
Some day I want to be a racecar driver.
76
00:04:31,509 --> 00:04:33,709
Do you know how many get killed?
77
00:04:33,745 --> 00:04:37,113
They don't show
that on the pajamas!
78
00:04:51,196 --> 00:04:53,996
Ugh.
79
00:04:57,735 --> 00:05:00,075
Pranking Bart was my "Sergeant Peppers,"
80
00:05:00,107 --> 00:05:02,346
after a lifetime of
"Back Off Boogaloos."
81
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:05,041
What the...? Simpson!
82
00:05:07,008 --> 00:05:08,044
Ugh!
83
00:05:08,079 --> 00:05:10,446
My skin!
84
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,287
Hey, Brandine.
85
00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:21,724
These woods is filled
with scary white people.
86
00:05:21,759 --> 00:05:23,126
What else is new?
87
00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:24,460
Bait the traps.
88
00:05:24,496 --> 00:05:26,808
Mama needs a new people coat.
89
00:05:27,132 --> 00:05:29,732
Thanks to one vengeful
prankster, clowns...
90
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,802
once a source of delight...
have now become more twisted
91
00:05:32,837 --> 00:05:36,239
than the balloon animals they
wrap their creepy hands around.
92
00:05:36,274 --> 00:05:38,541
We only hope that by showing it on TV,
93
00:05:38,576 --> 00:05:40,109
no one goes out and copies it.
94
00:05:40,145 --> 00:05:41,811
Now, let's tell you how it's done.
95
00:05:41,846 --> 00:05:43,412
Send your copycat videos
96
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:47,316
to "Kent's Krazy Klown
Karnival of Kartoon Karnage."
97
00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:09,939
♪ Upside down and inside out, ♪
♪ and you can feel it... ♪
98
00:06:17,015 --> 00:06:20,249
Oh, no. No. Now people have
to judge us by our music.
99
00:06:20,285 --> 00:06:21,651
We're doomed.
100
00:06:21,686 --> 00:06:23,452
MAN: 20 seconds to air.
101
00:06:23,488 --> 00:06:26,088
How many times have I
told you not to wake me
102
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,957
till it's two seconds to air?
103
00:06:27,992 --> 00:06:29,145
Krusty, I have to warn you.
104
00:06:29,145 --> 00:06:32,128
People's attitudes have changed about...
105
00:06:32,163 --> 00:06:34,797
Hey-hey, kids!
106
00:06:36,234 --> 00:06:38,267
Calm down, children. I'm here.
107
00:06:38,303 --> 00:06:41,037
The shirtless man with the
bone through his skull
108
00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:44,607
and a grass skirt with
nothing down under.
109
00:06:46,878 --> 00:06:49,045
I tried to warn you.
110
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,680
People hate clowns now.
111
00:06:50,715 --> 00:06:52,615
And the advertisers
want to meet with you.
112
00:07:00,199 --> 00:07:01,999
What is it with Bart and these pranks?
113
00:07:02,034 --> 00:07:03,801
- I don't get it.
- I don't know.
114
00:07:03,836 --> 00:07:05,235
Boys will be boys.
115
00:07:05,271 --> 00:07:06,770
That's another thing I don't get.
116
00:07:06,806 --> 00:07:08,973
What does that mean?
Spoons will be spoons.
117
00:07:09,008 --> 00:07:11,075
But they don't make you
go to juvenile court
118
00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:12,643
at 8:00 in the morning.
119
00:07:12,678 --> 00:07:14,645
Yo. If we hurry, we can get
those breakfast burritos
120
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,014
- they serve at the courthouse.
- Those are good, Marge.
121
00:07:17,049 --> 00:07:18,649
BAILIFF: Children's Court of Springfield
122
00:07:18,684 --> 00:07:20,184
is now in session.
123
00:07:20,219 --> 00:07:22,519
Apologies. Divorced dad, no sitter.
124
00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:24,655
That must be really tough, Judge.
125
00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:26,790
I raised a turtle by myself. Pure hell.
126
00:07:26,826 --> 00:07:29,259
Milhouse said he'd help,
and he just walked away.
127
00:07:29,295 --> 00:07:30,694
Let me look at your file, son.
128
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,496
Your Honor, I can save you some time.
129
00:07:32,531 --> 00:07:35,299
I've done it all: juvie,
state juvie, groovy juvie,
130
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:38,135
the Montessori prison,
Outward and Inward Bound.
131
00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:40,604
So you're down to fry me or free me.
132
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,807
What can I say? I'm a widdle dickens.
133
00:07:48,314 --> 00:07:51,515
Well, Bart, based on the
ancient judicial principle
134
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,584
"boys will be boys..."
135
00:07:53,619 --> 00:07:56,220
Mm-hmm.
136
00:07:56,255 --> 00:07:59,189
- I'm going to hand down a suspended...
- No!
137
00:07:59,225 --> 00:08:02,070
Marge, for once, let us
get rich people justice.
138
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:06,330
No. Judge, I love my son, but
he's got a real problem.
139
00:08:06,365 --> 00:08:09,086
He needs to learn the
meaning of consequences.
140
00:08:09,086 --> 00:08:10,157
Huh?
141
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:14,004
Bart, I sentence you to 28 days
142
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,574
at the Tomorrow's New Horizons
Addiction Rehab Center
143
00:08:17,610 --> 00:08:20,244
and General Rotten Time Ranch.
144
00:08:22,348 --> 00:08:24,481
Mom, how could you do that to me?
145
00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:28,252
- Yeah, Mom.
- Because I love you, Bart.
146
00:08:28,287 --> 00:08:30,220
And a mother's toughest job is saying
147
00:08:30,256 --> 00:08:33,023
"Help me. My kid has a problem."
148
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:36,093
I do not! All I ask is,
Dad, while I'm gone,
149
00:08:36,128 --> 00:08:38,228
will you hold onto my
can of peanut brittle?
150
00:08:38,264 --> 00:08:40,898
Anything for you, son.
151
00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:42,266
Snakes!
152
00:08:42,301 --> 00:08:44,268
Gotcha!
153
00:08:44,303 --> 00:08:45,869
Why you little...!
154
00:08:47,573 --> 00:08:51,075
Oh. The snakes ate
all the peanut brittle.
155
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,910
I don't know.
156
00:08:52,945 --> 00:08:55,112
I don't know if I did the right thing.
157
00:08:55,147 --> 00:08:56,714
Comfort me.
158
00:08:56,749 --> 00:08:59,917
Oh, Marge, part of being
a parent is doing things
159
00:08:59,952 --> 00:09:02,553
that'll make your child
never speak to you again.
160
00:09:04,156 --> 00:09:06,256
Oh, no, honey, I didn't mean "never."
161
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:08,025
Definitely on his deathbed.
162
00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:11,228
When he's dying.
163
00:09:11,263 --> 00:09:12,963
Oh!
164
00:09:12,998 --> 00:09:15,933
I had to do it. I had to do it.
165
00:09:15,968 --> 00:09:18,669
He was out of control.
Look what he did to Krusty.
166
00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:23,474
I feel terrible for his writers.
167
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:25,976
I beat you
168
00:09:26,011 --> 00:09:27,144
if you don't flip sign.
169
00:09:27,179 --> 00:09:29,446
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip!
170
00:09:33,252 --> 00:09:36,887
What are you here for? To laugh at me?
171
00:09:36,922 --> 00:09:39,156
- No.
- Please laugh at me!
172
00:09:39,191 --> 00:09:41,291
I don't exist unless you laugh at me!
173
00:09:43,329 --> 00:09:45,329
Look what you've done to me!
174
00:09:49,602 --> 00:09:51,468
He looks just like me!
175
00:09:51,504 --> 00:09:53,237
And Maggie looks just like Lisa.
176
00:09:53,272 --> 00:09:55,973
And Milhouse's mother looks
just like Milhouse's father.
177
00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:58,275
Why is this universe so lazy?
178
00:09:58,310 --> 00:09:59,676
Never mind that.
179
00:09:59,712 --> 00:10:01,578
Krusty, our son's prank caused this.
180
00:10:01,614 --> 00:10:02,713
We're gonna help you.
181
00:10:02,748 --> 00:10:04,414
Ah, forget it. I'm finished.
182
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:05,983
Oh!
183
00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:07,851
- Wait, wait.
- KRUSTY: What?
184
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:09,019
You can still work.
185
00:10:09,054 --> 00:10:10,287
What if you gave up comedy,
186
00:10:10,322 --> 00:10:12,623
and transitioned to serious acting?
187
00:10:12,658 --> 00:10:14,158
Eh, impossible.
188
00:10:14,193 --> 00:10:16,360
I've never shown genuine
emotion in my life.
189
00:10:16,395 --> 00:10:18,529
I'm even reading this off a card.
190
00:10:19,899 --> 00:10:22,633
Okay, next card.
191
00:10:22,668 --> 00:10:24,535
But seriously, I gotta speak from the...
192
00:10:24,570 --> 00:10:26,370
next card... heart.
193
00:10:26,405 --> 00:10:28,138
I can't be a dramatic actor.
194
00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:30,674
I have all the depth of a foot bath.
195
00:10:30,709 --> 00:10:33,277
Next card. Skip that one. Next card.
196
00:10:33,312 --> 00:10:35,879
A lot of funny actors have
transitioned to drama:
197
00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:37,848
Tom Hanks, Albert Brooks.
198
00:10:37,883 --> 00:10:39,316
I'm not convinced.
199
00:10:39,351 --> 00:10:40,884
- Michael Keaton.
- I'm in.
200
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,686
- Zach Braff.
- Now I'm not so sure.
201
00:10:42,721 --> 00:10:45,689
- Bryan Cranston.
- I'm in. And hopeful.
202
00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:53,030
Greetings! I am your director,
Llewellyn Sinclair,
203
00:10:53,065 --> 00:10:55,532
and you are the Barbies and Kens
204
00:10:55,568 --> 00:10:57,134
whom I shall pose
205
00:10:57,169 --> 00:11:00,070
in my Malibu beach house
of thespic triumph.
206
00:11:00,105 --> 00:11:02,372
My choice for our play
is Arthur Miller's
207
00:11:02,408 --> 00:11:04,241
Death of a Salesman.
208
00:11:05,544 --> 00:11:07,477
However, the rights cost too much,
209
00:11:07,513 --> 00:11:10,781
so we'll be doing this knockoff
version, The Salesman's Bad Day.
210
00:11:12,284 --> 00:11:14,384
Don't worry, the text is just Play-Doh
211
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,320
to be extruded through the Fun Factory
212
00:11:16,355 --> 00:11:18,755
of my Tony Award-watching genius.
213
00:11:18,791 --> 00:11:22,059
To play Willie Salesman, please
welcome the man who's taking
214
00:11:22,094 --> 00:11:25,462
a bold leap into
intentional unfunniness,
215
00:11:25,497 --> 00:11:27,898
and giving me a ride home tonight,
216
00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:30,601
and maybe more, hmm?
217
00:11:30,636 --> 00:11:32,870
Mr. Herschel Krustofsky.
218
00:11:32,905 --> 00:11:35,505
Hey-hey. Let me see the script.
219
00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:37,741
My line. My line. Garbage.
220
00:11:37,776 --> 00:11:39,109
Garbage. My line.
221
00:11:39,144 --> 00:11:40,510
I don't know.
222
00:11:40,546 --> 00:11:42,112
Should I really be doing this?
223
00:11:42,147 --> 00:11:43,680
I'm an out-of-work has-been
224
00:11:43,716 --> 00:11:46,383
whose next logical step
is to take his own life.
225
00:11:46,418 --> 00:11:49,586
And that's exactly what
Death of a Salesman is about.
226
00:11:49,622 --> 00:11:51,955
I thought this was The
Salesman's Bad Day.
227
00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:53,457
And that's exactly what I said.
228
00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:55,425
Anyone hear different? I thought not!
229
00:11:55,461 --> 00:11:57,527
But Krusty, the part of Willie Loman,
230
00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:59,696
I mean "Salesman," is perfect for you.
231
00:11:59,732 --> 00:12:01,198
You'll just be playing yourself.
232
00:12:01,233 --> 00:12:03,634
- Can I play someone I like?
- No.
233
00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:11,642
I know he can't see me, but
can he still feel my love?
234
00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:14,378
I'm afraid the glass blocks that, too.
235
00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:15,879
Oh.
236
00:12:15,915 --> 00:12:19,216
Marge, I promise I will
make your boy whole.
237
00:12:19,251 --> 00:12:21,952
I want to believe that so much.
238
00:12:21,987 --> 00:12:24,054
I'll never forget how peaceful he was
239
00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:27,624
in those moments before he
took his very first breath.
240
00:12:36,368 --> 00:12:39,269
Bart, you act like you
don't have a problem,
241
00:12:39,305 --> 00:12:41,638
but deep down, you know you need help.
242
00:12:41,674 --> 00:12:43,774
No way. I am awesome.
243
00:12:43,809 --> 00:12:47,411
Sit down and I'll elaborate.
244
00:12:47,446 --> 00:12:49,813
Um, I think I'll need some help.
245
00:12:49,848 --> 00:12:52,416
Uh, Marge, could you come in here?
246
00:12:52,451 --> 00:12:54,818
Please, take my seat.
247
00:13:07,032 --> 00:13:09,433
We need to get to the bottom of this.
248
00:13:09,468 --> 00:13:11,268
Right to the point.
249
00:13:11,303 --> 00:13:12,636
No, no, no!
250
00:13:12,671 --> 00:13:15,005
Oh, well, maybe I should try
a different tack.
251
00:13:19,378 --> 00:13:21,878
Mom, don't sit down!
I don't want to hurt you.
252
00:13:21,914 --> 00:13:25,649
Okay, you just completed
step one: learning empathy.
253
00:13:25,684 --> 00:13:28,685
Ow!
254
00:13:28,721 --> 00:13:29,853
Pop, look.
255
00:13:29,888 --> 00:13:32,022
I am losing the weight.
256
00:13:32,057 --> 00:13:34,124
Come on, Krusty!
257
00:13:34,159 --> 00:13:36,626
There's raw emotion just
beneath your surface.
258
00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:37,961
Frack it!
259
00:13:37,997 --> 00:13:39,629
Oh, I don't know, I'm scared.
260
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:41,531
The theater is not for cowards.
261
00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:43,667
All I ask for is integrity and honesty
262
00:13:43,702 --> 00:13:45,202
in The Salesman's Bad Day.
263
00:13:45,237 --> 00:13:46,803
Title may change.
264
00:13:46,839 --> 00:13:49,473
Now, Herschel, summon
that talent you've hidden
265
00:13:49,508 --> 00:13:52,376
from the entire world for 60 years.
266
00:13:52,411 --> 00:13:55,078
I can't!
267
00:13:58,450 --> 00:14:01,351
Hershel, my son, listen
to me and listen good.
268
00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:04,087
You are a once-in-a-generation
performer.
269
00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:05,489
You think so?
270
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:07,657
No! I was faking it.
271
00:14:07,693 --> 00:14:09,559
And if I can do it, so can you.
272
00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:11,828
And now, become a great actor.
273
00:14:11,864 --> 00:14:14,164
And now, sense memory.
274
00:14:14,199 --> 00:14:15,499
And now, be present.
275
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:16,700
And articulate!
276
00:14:16,735 --> 00:14:18,235
- And we breathe.
- Oh, okay.
277
00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:20,670
And great actor.
278
00:14:20,706 --> 00:14:21,905
I'm sorry, my sons.
279
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,206
Clench butt.
280
00:14:23,242 --> 00:14:24,708
I'm finished as a salesman.
281
00:14:24,743 --> 00:14:26,343
Clenchier.
282
00:14:26,378 --> 00:14:28,879
The only thing I have left
worth anything is...
283
00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:30,847
Transport me to another plane.
284
00:14:30,883 --> 00:14:32,582
my life insurance.
285
00:14:32,618 --> 00:14:35,252
But, Pop, that only
pays off if you're...
286
00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:36,620
Big pause.
287
00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:40,223
Dead.
288
00:14:40,259 --> 00:14:42,359
Your pop is gonna go out
on his route, boys.
289
00:14:42,394 --> 00:14:44,027
One last time.
290
00:14:44,063 --> 00:14:45,796
No, Pop. No.
291
00:14:45,831 --> 00:14:48,532
Tell your mother I'm sorry
about the woman in Boston!
292
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:51,868
Also, my death is a metaphor
for American industry!
293
00:14:55,307 --> 00:14:57,040
I'm doing it. I'm doing it!
294
00:14:57,076 --> 00:15:00,477
And I'll be fine, unless I get
those voices in my head.
295
00:15:00,512 --> 00:15:02,946
You can't act.
296
00:15:02,981 --> 00:15:04,714
Uh-oh.
297
00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:07,317
You're a clown, and that's
all you'll ever be.
298
00:15:07,352 --> 00:15:09,553
And when you die,
they'll be playing this:
299
00:15:09,588 --> 00:15:11,121
No.
300
00:15:11,156 --> 00:15:12,722
No. Stop it.
301
00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:14,825
No! No! No!
302
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:16,426
Ugh. Ah!
303
00:15:16,462 --> 00:15:18,495
Anything wrong, Krusty?
304
00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:20,730
Only what's tormented me my entire life.
305
00:15:20,766 --> 00:15:22,799
Very good. See you tomorrow.
306
00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:34,049
Reverend, I'm here for my last step:
307
00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:36,617
to make amends for the
rotten things I've done.
308
00:15:36,652 --> 00:15:37,751
Oh, fine.
309
00:15:37,786 --> 00:15:40,754
Let me get into uniform.
310
00:15:40,789 --> 00:15:42,956
I'm sorry I cut all the
Bible ribbons short
311
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:44,491
so no one could mark their place.
312
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,792
Why you son of a...
313
00:15:51,255 --> 00:15:53,722
Willie, I'm sorry I shaved your beard.
314
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:56,125
I've had to wear a merkin on me face.
315
00:15:57,829 --> 00:16:00,062
I also had the blades removed
from your lawnmower.
316
00:16:00,097 --> 00:16:01,730
You've just been riding around.
317
00:16:01,766 --> 00:16:03,833
No one interferes with me mowing!
318
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:06,135
And I'm sorry I used
your baseball chalker
319
00:16:06,170 --> 00:16:07,870
to write "Skinner Sucks."
320
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:10,472
I'll show you who su...
Wait, you can do that?
321
00:16:10,508 --> 00:16:12,074
Please don't encourage me.
322
00:16:14,078 --> 00:16:15,711
Thank you for encouraging me.
323
00:16:15,746 --> 00:16:17,580
Ugh, we're out of chalk.
324
00:16:17,615 --> 00:16:21,217
You know, I had
just completed rehab.
325
00:16:21,252 --> 00:16:23,252
Well, me, too.
326
00:16:26,591 --> 00:16:28,157
America loves a lot of things,
327
00:16:28,192 --> 00:16:30,426
but I never dreamed a
comeback was one of them.
328
00:16:30,461 --> 00:16:31,627
- Tell me, Krusty.
- No, no.
329
00:16:31,662 --> 00:16:32,895
No more of the "K" word.
330
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,296
I'm a serious actor now.
331
00:16:34,332 --> 00:16:36,232
If only my father could see me.
332
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:39,668
Oh, I see you. Son, you
used to be a putz.
333
00:16:39,704 --> 00:16:41,737
Now you're a putz trying
to be a schmendrick,
334
00:16:41,772 --> 00:16:43,439
which makes you a schmeckle.
335
00:16:43,474 --> 00:16:45,441
Get out of my head!
336
00:16:46,644 --> 00:16:49,645
Yet another puff piece
that ends in madness.
337
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,581
I know you lost the love
of Linda Ellerbee
338
00:16:52,617 --> 00:16:54,483
while we were launching the luge
339
00:16:54,518 --> 00:16:55,985
at the Olympics in Lillehammer.
340
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,686
B-B-B-Brokaw.
341
00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:03,525
Bart Simpson cured of pranking?
342
00:17:03,561 --> 00:17:05,261
I never thought I'd see it.
343
00:17:05,296 --> 00:17:07,162
And you haven't. Look up there.
344
00:17:07,198 --> 00:17:08,864
Water balloons, ready to drop.
345
00:17:10,668 --> 00:17:13,969
It's times like this I'm
glad I have eyebrows.
346
00:17:17,742 --> 00:17:20,376
Sweetie, I've never been prouder of you.
347
00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:25,147
I knew my little bad seed
could bloom into a flower.
348
00:17:25,182 --> 00:17:27,483
You're proud of me?
349
00:17:32,156 --> 00:17:34,356
That's right. Now go give that speech
350
00:17:34,392 --> 00:17:37,493
and know that sitting in that
audience will be your mother,
351
00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:40,362
who's always believed in you.
352
00:17:46,504 --> 00:17:48,737
Nothing can rain on my parade today.
353
00:17:50,207 --> 00:17:53,542
I... I... I... Run!
354
00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:01,183
Simpson!
355
00:18:02,553 --> 00:18:04,553
Motherhood sucks.
356
00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:10,492
Boys will be boys.
357
00:18:12,229 --> 00:18:13,595
Ah!
358
00:18:13,631 --> 00:18:15,397
You can't come in here.
359
00:18:15,433 --> 00:18:17,499
This is the "boys will be boys" room.
360
00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:24,740
Tonight, you will make
theatrical history.
361
00:18:24,775 --> 00:18:26,709
You'll take a play that has been seen
362
00:18:26,744 --> 00:18:30,512
all over the world more
times than man can count,
363
00:18:30,548 --> 00:18:32,748
and you will do the best version ever.
364
00:18:32,783 --> 00:18:35,751
How do I know? Because I
just took six Valiums.
365
00:18:35,786 --> 00:18:38,220
See you outside.
366
00:18:40,091 --> 00:18:42,424
You'll never get rid of me.
367
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:45,094
You'll always be a self-hating clown.
368
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:52,034
When I was 17, I walked into the Amazon.
369
00:18:52,069 --> 00:18:54,269
The company, not the river.
370
00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:57,039
And when I was 21, I walked out.
371
00:18:57,074 --> 00:19:00,976
And, man, was I loaded.
372
00:19:01,012 --> 00:19:03,579
Thank you, Jeff Bezos.
373
00:19:03,614 --> 00:19:05,114
Listen to your uncle, boys.
374
00:19:05,149 --> 00:19:06,815
He's a great man.
375
00:19:06,851 --> 00:19:08,884
The audience is quiet.
That means you're bombing.
376
00:19:08,919 --> 00:19:10,552
Quick, you got to get a laugh.
377
00:19:10,588 --> 00:19:12,121
Drop your pants, show your fanny.
378
00:19:12,156 --> 00:19:13,622
You know, your "A" material.
379
00:19:13,657 --> 00:19:15,290
Get out of my head.
380
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:17,159
I... am...
381
00:19:17,194 --> 00:19:18,761
a serious actor!
382
00:19:21,332 --> 00:19:23,432
Laughs? I'm getting laughs.
383
00:19:23,467 --> 00:19:25,834
- And not from a machine.
- Go with it.
384
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:27,336
♪ I'm a salesman ♪
385
00:19:27,371 --> 00:19:28,971
♪ A dying salesman ♪
386
00:19:29,006 --> 00:19:30,439
♪ I'm Willie Loman ♪
387
00:19:30,474 --> 00:19:31,907
♪ Just watch me go, man ♪
388
00:19:31,942 --> 00:19:33,342
♪ I'm gonna suck ♪
389
00:19:33,377 --> 00:19:35,511
♪ That old gas pipe ♪
390
00:19:35,546 --> 00:19:37,312
♪ Pipe, pipe. ♪
391
00:19:39,116 --> 00:19:41,950
Whatever doesn't kill me makes
the play longer.
392
00:19:46,557 --> 00:19:48,490
This play will run forever.
393
00:19:48,526 --> 00:19:50,659
Okay, but now that I'm big again,
394
00:19:50,694 --> 00:19:53,095
I can't work Tuesdays, Thursdays,
395
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:56,629
the month of July, or Toronto
Raptors' home games.
396
00:19:56,660 --> 00:19:58,296
I'm the Spike Lee of that team.
397
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:00,566
Ah, standard exemptions. I love it.
398
00:20:02,884 --> 00:20:05,179
♪ He fails at everything he can ♪
399
00:20:05,179 --> 00:20:07,306
♪ His sons can't stand their old man ♪
400
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,664
♪ It's sell, sell, sell ♪
401
00:20:08,664 --> 00:20:11,590
♪ Till he dies, dies, dies ♪
402
00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:14,715
♪ In a car crash. ♪
403
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,993
All's well that ends well.
404
00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:19,604
How did it end well?
He's ruining my play.
405
00:20:19,604 --> 00:20:22,369
Well, don't worry. You've got
plenty of other good plays.
406
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,192
Oh, wait. You don't.
407
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,685
Hey, I'm America's greatest playwright.
408
00:20:26,732 --> 00:20:28,537
Exactly.
29194
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