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1
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,151
Come here.
2
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,034
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
3
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,496
Don't forget the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkie.
4
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:43,459
You can count on me, you dirty young man.
5
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,297
Good-bye.
6
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:52,510
Bye-bye. Good-bye. Bye.
7
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,346
Bye-bye. Old buzzard.
8
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:16,784
Hold me. Touch me.
9
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:28,712
Darling.
10
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,507
Hold me. Touch me.
11
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,300
Not in the hall.
12
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:48,440
I know she's in here.
I wonder where she's hiding.
13
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,650
Where are you?
14
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,945
Where are you, devil woman?
15
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,703
"Finders keepers"
16
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:06,458
Here I come, ready or not.
17
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,553
There you are, you little flirt.
18
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,125
What's the matter?
19
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:51,170
Papa no want to play with baby?
20
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,799
- I think Papa's neck is broken.
- What a sissy.
21
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:03,682
Meow.
22
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:08,395
I wonder where old Tom is tonight?
23
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,898
Oy.
24
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,827
Bialy. Bialy, darling, did I hurt you?
25
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:10,040
- It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop.
- Don't worry, darling.
26
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,216
I'll kiss it and make it well.
27
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,428
Mr. Bialystock.
28
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,472
Mr. Bialystock? How do you do?
29
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,933
My God. I mean...
30
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,023
...excuse me.
31
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:38,444
You mean, "oops," don't you?
Just say, "oops," and get out!
32
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,947
Not...
33
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,824
- "Oops!"
- Oops.
34
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:50,247
I can't abide a peeping Tom.
35
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:55,669
One in the apartment
just opposite my bedroom window.
36
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,797
I swear, that man never takes his...
37
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:02,342
...field glasses off me, not for a minute.
38
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:06,555
- Feeling better?
- Yes.
39
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,598
Good.
40
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,270
Let's fool around.
41
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:35,667
Now I'll be the innocent little milkmaid...
42
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,670
...and you be the naughty stable boy.
43
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:44,134
This milk is so heavy.
44
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,553
I'll never reach the house.
45
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,933
Help me. Will someone help me?
46
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,059
Wait!
47
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,062
We can't play today.
I have too many appointments.
48
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,313
We can't play today?
49
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,857
Thursday! We'll play on Thursday.
50
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,819
We'll play "The Contessa and The Chauffeur."
51
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:46,697
- The best one!
- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia.
52
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,032
Contessa mia.
53
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:53,871
No, darling, please, just a little.
54
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,708
Money. I need money.
55
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:01,128
All right.
56
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,380
The Contessa and the Chauffeur.
57
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,970
So the Count hired you this morning, Rudolfo?
58
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,389
Watch the road.
59
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:16,268
I can't take my eyes off you.
How can I drive when you drive me mad?
60
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,563
- Mad!
- Rudolfo, you dirty pig.
61
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:21,773
Pull over.
62
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,468
That's enough. Good.
63
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,802
We'll do the rest on Thursday.
64
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,306
Now, that's a good girl. I'll get you your purse...
65
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,307
...and your gloves.
66
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:59,478
Thursday.
67
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,272
Until Thursday, then, you bawdy wench.
68
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,860
- Hold me. Touch me.
- Thursday.
69
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,905
And then we'll finish playing
the Contessa and Rudolfo?
70
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,782
First thing on Thursday.
71
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,242
And after that...
72
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:17,746
...we'll play "The Abduction
and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia"...
73
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,122
...and I'll be Lucretia.
74
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,793
And I'll be Rape. On Thursday. That's wonderful.
75
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:28,131
Lucretia, you forgot the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkie.
76
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,135
I had it with me all the time.
77
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,808
Is it okay? I made it out to "cash."
You didn't say the play's name.
78
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:41,645
Fine. Good. Thursday.
79
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:45,857
Good-bye, my powder pigeon. Bye-bye.
80
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,276
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
81
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,070
Good-bye.
82
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,824
He who signs the lease, must pay rent.
83
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,492
That's the law.
84
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:56,827
Why, you're a thief.
85
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,663
How can you take the last penny
out of a poor man's pocket?
86
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:00,956
I have to.
87
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,833
I'm a landlord.
88
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,919
Lord, hear my plea. Destroy him.
89
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:10,257
- He maketh a blight on the land.
- Don't listen to him. He's crazy.
90
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,802
That hurt. I must make another call.
91
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:35,866
Oops?
92
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,412
Who are you? What do you want?
Why are you loitering in my hallway?
93
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,997
Speak, dummy! Speak!
94
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,042
- Why don't you speak?
- Scared. Can't talk.
95
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,878
All right.
96
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,589
Get a hold of yourself.
97
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,466
Take a deep breath.
98
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:54,801
Let it out slowly...
99
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,220
And tell me, who are you?
100
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:02,225
I'm Leo Bloom. I am an accountant.
I'm from Whitehall and Marx.
101
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:05,103
I was sent here to do your books,
and I'm terribly sorry...
102
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,938
...I caught you with the old lady.
103
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,274
"Caught you with the old lady"?
104
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,985
Come in, Mr. Tact.
105
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,797
- So, you're an accountant?
- Yes, I am.
106
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,964
Then account for yourself!
107
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,925
Do you believe in God? Or gold?
108
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,885
Why are you looking up old ladies' dresses?
109
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:37,844
Bit of a pervert, eh?
110
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,056
Never mind. Do the books.
111
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,934
They're over there in that desk. Top drawer.
112
00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,645
I'll take your coat.
113
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,897
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
114
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,033
How dare you condemn me
without knowing all the facts!
115
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:00,992
Mr. Bialystock...
116
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,037
Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!
117
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,123
How humiliating.
118
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,999
Max Bialystock.
119
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,882
You know who I used to be?
120
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,679
Max Bialystock, King of Broadway!
Six shows running at once!
121
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,890
Lunch at Delmonico's.
122
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,851
$200 suits.
123
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,147
You see this?
124
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:35,193
This once held a pearl as big as your eye!
Look at me now. Look at me now!
125
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,406
I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
126
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,792
I used to have thousands of investors begging...
127
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:54,838
...pleading to put their money
in a Max Bialystock production.
128
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,716
Look at my investors now.
129
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,262
Voilà.
130
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:07,184
Hundreds of little old ladies
stopping off at Max Bialystock's office...
131
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,271
...to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery.
132
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:26,203
You have exactly 10 seconds
to change that look of disgusting pity...
133
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,663
...into one of enormous respect.
134
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,082
One, two...
135
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,710
Do the books.
136
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,339
I appreciate that, sir.
137
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,020
Window's so filthy,
can't tell whether it's day or night out there.
138
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,077
That's it, baby! When you got it, flaunt it!
139
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,245
Flaunt it!
140
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,333
Cough.
141
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,210
Cough!
142
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:24,552
I assume you're making those cartoon noises
to attract my attention.
143
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,766
Am I correct in my assumption,
you fish-faced enemy of the people?
144
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,185
I hurt your feelings.
145
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:36,064
- Good! What is it?
- May I speak to you for a minute?
146
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,694
Go. You have 58 seconds.
147
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:45,573
- In glancing at your books, I noticed that...
- You have 48 seconds left. Hurry.
148
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:49,661
- I glanced at your books, I noticed...
- 28 seconds. You're running out of time.
149
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,497
- Tick tock, tick tock...
- Mr. Bialystock...
150
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,749
...I cannot function under these conditions!
151
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,210
You're making me extremely nervous!
152
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,714
- What is that, a handkerchief?
- What? Nothing. That's nothing.
153
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,258
If it's nothing, why can't I see it?
154
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,721
My blanket! My blue blanket!
Give me my blue blanket!
155
00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,098
You... No! You...
156
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,935
Here.
157
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,312
Don't panic.
158
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,737
I'm sorry.
159
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,323
I don't like people touching my blue blanket.
160
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,994
It's not important. It's a minor compulsion.
I can deal with it if I want to.
161
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,331
It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby...
162
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,708
...and I find it very comforting.
163
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,801
They come here. They all come here.
164
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:50,013
- How do they find me?
- May I speak to you?
165
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,973
Yes, Prince Mishkin.
166
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:56,144
- What can we do for you?
- This is hardly a time for levity.
167
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,897
I've discovered a serious error...
168
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,566
...in the accounts of your last play.
- Where? What?
169
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,235
According to the backers list, you raised $60,000.
170
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,946
But the play that you produced only cost $58,000.
171
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,740
That's $2,000 unaccounted for.
172
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,452
I went to a Turkish bath.
Who cares? The play was a flop!
173
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,330
- What difference does it make?
- What difference does it make?
174
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,249
That's fraud!
If they found out, you could go to prison.
175
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,419
Who's gonna find out? It's only $2,000.
Bloom, do me a favor.
176
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,089
Move a few decimal points around.
You're an accountant.
177
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:28,051
You're in a noble profession.
The word "count" is part of your title.
178
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,302
That's cheating.
179
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:32,347
It's not cheating. It's charity.
180
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,265
Bloom, look at me.
181
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,309
Look at me!
182
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,978
I'm drowning.
183
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:44,317
Other men sail through life.
Bialystock has struck a reef.
184
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,655
I'm going under.
185
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,617
I'm being sunk
by a society that demands success...
186
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,285
...when all I can offer is failure.
187
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,414
Bloom, I'm reaching out to you.
188
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,667
Don't send me to prison.
189
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,628
Help!
190
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:10,301
Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me.
191
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,722
I'll do it!
192
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,017
- Thank you. I knew I could con you.
- That's all right. What?
193
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,103
Nothing. Do it.
194
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,772
Right. Let's see. $2,000.
195
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,816
$2,000.
196
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:29,195
That isn't much.
I'm sure I can hide it somewhere.
197
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:33,867
After all, the Internal Revenue Service
isn't interested in a flop.
198
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,703
Yes, right. Good thinking. You figure it out.
199
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:40,665
I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap.
Wake me if there's a fire.
200
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:44,836
Let's see if we add these we get, 10...
201
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,337
...four...
202
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,885
Amazing.
203
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,137
It's absolutely amazing.
204
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,389
Under the right circumstances...
205
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,683
...a producer could make
more money with a flop...
206
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,018
...than he could with a hit.
207
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,481
Yes, it's quite possible.
208
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:07,984
If he were certain that the show would fail,
a man could make a fortune!
209
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,985
Yes?
210
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,030
- Yes what?
- What you were saying? Keep talking.
211
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,114
What was I saying?
212
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,200
That under the right circumstances...
213
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,494
...a producer could make
more money with a flop...
214
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,037
...than he could with a hit.
215
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,955
Yes, it's quite possible.
216
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,875
You keep saying that, but you don't tell me how.
217
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,211
How can a producer
make more money with a flop...
218
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,504
...than he could with a hit?
219
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:30,381
It's simply a matter of creative accounting.
220
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,885
Let's assume, just for the moment,
that you are a dishonest man.
221
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,595
- Assume away.
- It's very easy.
222
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,889
You simply raise
more money than you really need.
223
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,973
What do you mean?
224
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,809
You did it yourself,
only you did it on a very small scale.
225
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:42,727
What'd I do?
226
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:46,022
You raised $2,000 more than you needed
to produce your last play.
227
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,566
So? What did it get me?
I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
228
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,486
That's where you made your mistake.
You didn't go all the way.
229
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:55,365
You see, if you were really a bold criminal,
you could have raised $1 million.
230
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,909
But the play only cost me $60,000 to produce.
231
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,952
And how long did it run?
232
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,286
- One night.
- You see?
233
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,829
Do you see what I'm trying to say?
234
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,541
You could have raised $1 million,
put on a $60,000 flop...
235
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,833
...and kept the rest.
236
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,503
- But what if the play was a hit?
- Then you'd go to jail.
237
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,964
Once the play's a hit,
you have to pay the backers...
238
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:14,842
...and with so many, there could never be
enough profits to go around. Get it?
239
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,847
So in order for this scheme to work...
240
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,350
...we'd have to find a sure-fire flop.
241
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,561
- What scheme?
- "What scheme?"
242
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,146
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
243
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,815
I meant no scheme.
244
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,192
I merely posed a little
academic accounting theory.
245
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,527
It was just a thought.
246
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:36,447
Worlds are turned on such thoughts.
247
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,869
Don't you see, Bloom?
Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
248
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:42,996
It's so simple.
249
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:45,123
Step one, we find the worst play in the world.
250
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,124
A sure-fire flop.
251
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,794
Step two, I raise $1 million.
There's a lot of old ladies in the world.
252
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,629
Step three, you work on the books...
253
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,257
...phony list of backers for the government.
254
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,677
You can do it, Bloom. You're a wizard.
Step four, we open on Broadway.
255
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,680
And before you can say "step five,"
we close on Broadway.
256
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,809
Step six, we take our $1 million,
we fly to Rio de Janeiro!
257
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,852
"Rio
258
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,354
- "Rio by the sea-o"
- Mr. Bialystock, wait a minute.
259
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,233
You're holding me too tight.
260
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,613
I'm an honest man. You don't understand.
261
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,991
No, you don't understand!
This is fate! This is destiny!
262
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,452
This is kismet! There's no avoiding it.
263
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,747
Not more than five minutes ago,
I doctored your books!
264
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,583
That, sir, is the ultimate extent of my criminal life!
265
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,755
I want that money!
266
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,758
I fell on my keys.
267
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:41,596
You miserable, cowardly,
wretched, little caterpillar.
268
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,681
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
269
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:47,518
Don't you want to spread your wings
and flap your way to glory?
270
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,354
You're gonna jump on me.
271
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,690
You're gonna jump on me!
I know you're gonna jump on me!
272
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,485
- Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.
- Who?
273
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:58,321
Poppaea! She was his wife.
She was unfaithful to him...
274
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,866
...so he got mad and jumped on her
up and down, up and down...
275
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,993
...until he squashed her like a bug!
276
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:07,330
- Please don't jump on me!
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
277
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,498
I'm not gonna jump on you!
278
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,169
- Will you get a hold of yourself?
- Don't touch me!
279
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,424
I'm not gonna hurt you.
What's the matter with you?
280
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:22,011
I'm hysterical!
I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical.
281
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,848
I can't stop when I get like this.
I can't stop. I'm hysterical.
282
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,814
I'm wet!
283
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,316
I'm hysterical, and I'm wet!
284
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,860
I'm in pain!
285
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,821
And I'm wet!
286
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:44,158
And I'm still hysterical!
No, don't hit. It doesn't help.
287
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:47,870
- It only increases my sense of danger.
- What can I do?
288
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:51,290
- You're getting me hysterical.
- Go away. You frighten me.
289
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,126
- Where shall I go?
- Sit over there.
290
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:57,922
Okay.
291
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,925
I'm over here. This better?
292
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,928
That's better. But you still look angry.
293
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,223
How's this?
294
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:09,642
Good.
295
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,310
That's good.
296
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,730
That's very nice.
297
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,233
I think I'm coming out of it now.
298
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:19,902
Yes.
299
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,155
I'm definitely coming out of it.
300
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,452
Thank you for smiling. That helped a great deal.
301
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,328
You know what they say:
302
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:31,914
"Smile and the world smiles with you."
303
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,294
This man should be in a straitjacket.
304
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,628
Feeling better?
305
00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:41,174
Much, thank you, but I am a little lightheaded.
306
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,259
Maybe I should eat something.
307
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,969
Hysterical attacks have a way...
308
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,472
...of severely depleting
one's blood sugar, you know.
309
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,932
They certainly do.
310
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:52,602
Come. Let me take you to lunch.
311
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,988
You know, it's very nice
of you to take me to lunch, Mr. Bialystock.
312
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,366
Call me Max. You know I don't
let everybody call me Max.
313
00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:11,120
- It's only those people I like.
- Okay, Max.
314
00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:14,373
- And you can call me Leo.
- I already have.
315
00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:18,294
Where shall we go for lunch?
316
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:23,257
Max, I don't know, Max. What do you think, Max?
317
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:26,511
Leo, it's such a beautiful day...
318
00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:28,971
...why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant?
319
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,932
Let's dine al fresco.
320
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,393
- This is al fresco?
- The finest. Thank you.
321
00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:39,690
Excellent.
Please tender our compliments to the chef.
322
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:43,152
- Please tender half a buck.
- Of course. Here you are, my good man.
323
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:46,531
I'm not your good man.
I happen to own this establishment.
324
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:47,824
Give me the change.
325
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,953
Everybody's a big shot.
326
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:56,541
Leo, what say we promenade through the park?
327
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,125
I'd love to, but it's nearly 2:00.
328
00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,211
I should get back to Whitehall and Marx.
329
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,755
Nonsense.
As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned...
330
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:04,924
...you're working with Max Bialystock, right?
331
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:08,094
- Right.
- Then stick with Bialystock.
332
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,948
Lovely out here, isn't it?
333
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,410
I wish I could enjoy it. I'm so nervous.
334
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,912
What if someone from the office should see me?
335
00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:37,915
Then you'd see them,
and why aren't they at the office?
336
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:41,878
That's right.
337
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,755
That's it, Leo. You're learning.
338
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:47,425
Having a good time?
339
00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:50,261
I don't know. I feel so strange.
340
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:52,763
Maybe you're happy.
341
00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:55,057
That's it. I'm happy.
342
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,438
What do you know about that?
343
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:05,067
I'm happy!
344
00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:13,284
There it is, Bloom.
The most exciting city in the world.
345
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:16,203
Thrills, adventure, romance.
346
00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:19,999
Everything you ever dreamed of is down there.
347
00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:24,670
Big black limousines. Gold cigarette cases.
348
00:24:24,671 --> 00:24:27,590
Elegant ladies with long legs.
349
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,551
All you need is money.
350
00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:35,014
Money is honey.
351
00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:37,934
Leo, he who hesitates is poor.
352
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,938
Don't let me influence you.
353
00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:46,192
- It's your decision.
- But if we get caught, we'll go to prison.
354
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:50,446
You think you're not in prison now?
Living in a gray, little room?
355
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:55,618
Going to a gray, little job?
Leading a gray, little life?
356
00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:57,203
That's right.
357
00:24:57,788 --> 00:24:59,080
I'm a nothing.
358
00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:03,167
I spend my life counting other people's money.
359
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,586
People I'm smarter than.
360
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,296
Better than.
361
00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,341
Where's my share?
362
00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,302
Where's Leo Bloom's share?
363
00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:17,807
I want...
364
00:25:18,642 --> 00:25:21,477
I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!
365
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:23,312
Leo, say you'll join me!
366
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,398
I'll do it!
367
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:29,860
My God, I'll do it!
368
00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:31,153
I'll do it!
369
00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:35,950
I'm Leo Bloom!
370
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,494
I'm me!
371
00:25:39,246 --> 00:25:40,997
I can do whatever I want!
372
00:25:41,415 --> 00:25:42,790
It doesn't matter!
373
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,750
I'm Leo Bloom!
374
00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:12,028
Max, let's call it a night. It's 2:00 in the morning.
375
00:26:12,029 --> 00:26:15,072
- I don't know what I'm reading anymore.
- Read.
376
00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:17,575
We've got to find the worst play ever written.
377
00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:24,874
"Gregor Samsa woke one morning...
378
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:28,586
"...to discover that he had been transformed..."
379
00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:30,504
"...into a giant cockroach."
380
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,882
It's too good.
381
00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:41,015
Wait a minute.
382
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:43,684
I've read this play.
383
00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:47,313
I'm reading plays I read this morning.
384
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:50,066
I can't go on.
385
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,609
It's too much.
386
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:56,113
Max, let's face it, we'll never find it.
387
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:03,579
"We'll never find it."
388
00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:08,292
"We'll never find it"?
389
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:09,627
"Rio
390
00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:11,420
"Rio by the sea-o
391
00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:12,922
"Bialystock and Leo"
392
00:27:12,923 --> 00:27:14,840
"Oh, me-o, Oh, my-o"
393
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:16,592
Leo...
394
00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:18,886
Smell it.
395
00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:21,180
See it? Touch it.
396
00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:23,015
- What is it?
- "What is it?"
397
00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:24,141
We've struck gold.
398
00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:26,185
Not fool's gold, but real gold.
399
00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:28,229
The mother lode.
400
00:27:29,272 --> 00:27:30,689
The mother of them all.
401
00:27:31,191 --> 00:27:32,775
Kiss it, kiss it.
402
00:27:33,110 --> 00:27:34,485
You found a flop.
403
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:37,029
"A flop." That's putting it mildly.
404
00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:39,490
We've found a disaster,
a catastrophe, an outrage!
405
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:43,160
- A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty.
- Let's see it.
406
00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:46,455
This is freedom from want forever.
This is a house in the country.
407
00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:48,332
This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley.
408
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:51,335
This is wine, women, and song and women.
409
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:54,046
"Springtime for Hitler."
410
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:58,217
"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva
at Berchtesgaden."
411
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,848
It's practically a love letter to Hitler.
412
00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:06,976
- This won't run a week.
- A week? Are you kidding?
413
00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:11,188
- This play has got to close on page four.
- Who wrote it?
414
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:13,941
Who? Read, right there, read.
415
00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:15,067
- "Franz..."
- Franz.
416
00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:16,527
- "...Liebkind."
- Liebkind.
417
00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:17,695
- "100..."
- 100.
418
00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:18,863
- "...West..."
- West.
419
00:28:18,864 --> 00:28:20,281
- "...Jane street."
- Jane street.
420
00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:21,574
Franz Liebkind.
421
00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:23,659
100 West Jane Street.
422
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:35,754
- Who do you want?
- I beg your pardon?
423
00:28:35,755 --> 00:28:36,755
Who do you want?
424
00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:40,009
No one gets in the building
unless I know who they want.
425
00:28:40,010 --> 00:28:41,427
I'm the concierge.
426
00:28:41,761 --> 00:28:45,014
My husband used to be the concierge,
but he's dead.
427
00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:47,099
Now I'm the concierge.
428
00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:50,936
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
429
00:28:51,354 --> 00:28:52,813
The kraut.
430
00:28:53,148 --> 00:28:55,900
He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
431
00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:57,860
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
432
00:28:57,861 --> 00:28:59,862
But you won't find him there.
433
00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:02,198
He's up on the roof with his birds.
434
00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:04,491
He keeps birds.
435
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:08,579
Dirty, disgusting, filthy...
436
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:10,539
...lice-ridden birds.
437
00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:14,919
You used to be able to sit out
on the stoop like a person.
438
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,880
Not anymore. No, sir.
439
00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:20,049
Birds.
440
00:29:20,634 --> 00:29:23,344
- You get my drift?
- We get it.
441
00:29:23,345 --> 00:29:26,138
We get your drift. Thank you, madam.
442
00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:30,100
I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge!
443
00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:41,904
He's wearing a German helmet.
444
00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:46,533
Don't say anything to offend him.
We need that play.
445
00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:01,006
- Franz Liebkind?
- I was never a member of the Nazi party!
446
00:30:01,007 --> 00:30:04,218
I'm not responsible! I only followed orders!
447
00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:06,971
Who are you? Why do you persecute me?
448
00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:10,766
My papers are in order.
I love my adopted country.
449
00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:19,608
What do you want?
450
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:23,195
Relax, Mr. Liebkind.
We're not from the government.
451
00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:25,990
- We came here to talk about your play.
- My play?
452
00:30:26,449 --> 00:30:30,035
- You mean Springtime for You-know-who?
- Yes.
453
00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:31,537
What about it?
454
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:35,457
We love it. We think it's a masterpiece.
That's why we're here.
455
00:30:35,458 --> 00:30:37,126
We wish to produce it on Broadway.
456
00:30:38,586 --> 00:30:39,795
Broadway.
457
00:30:41,298 --> 00:30:43,007
Oh, joy of joys.
458
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,968
Oh, dream of dreams.
459
00:30:45,969 --> 00:30:47,469
I can't believe it.
460
00:30:47,887 --> 00:30:50,973
I must tell the birds. Birds!
461
00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:52,266
Birds, do you hear?
462
00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:54,643
Otto! Berthe! Hans!
463
00:30:55,770 --> 00:30:59,857
Do you hear?
We are going to clear the Führer's name.
464
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:13,996
Mr. Liebkind, please. People can hear.
465
00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:23,339
This is not a place to talk.
Come, we'll go to my flat.
466
00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:25,382
An occasion like this...
467
00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:26,925
...calls for schnapps!
468
00:31:43,818 --> 00:31:46,403
You know, not many people knew it...
469
00:31:47,530 --> 00:31:50,616
...but the Führer was a terrific dancer.
470
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:55,746
Really? I never dreamed that...
471
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:58,665
That is because that you were taken in...
472
00:31:59,209 --> 00:32:01,752
...by that verdammte Allied propaganda!
473
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,046
Such filthy lies! They told lies!
474
00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:08,801
But nobody ever said a bad word
about Winston Churchill, did they?
475
00:32:08,802 --> 00:32:10,719
No! "Win with Winnie!"
476
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,224
Churchill!
477
00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:18,977
With his cigars. With his brandy.
478
00:32:18,978 --> 00:32:23,357
And his rotten painting, rotten!
Hitler, there was a painter.
479
00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:27,069
He could paint an entire apartment
in one afternoon! Two coats!
480
00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:32,825
Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi."
481
00:32:32,826 --> 00:32:36,787
He would say, "Noses. Noses."
482
00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:37,871
It wasn't Noses!
483
00:32:37,872 --> 00:32:39,415
It was Nazis!
484
00:32:43,670 --> 00:32:44,962
Churchill!
485
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:49,007
- Exactly why...
- Let me tell you this!
486
00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:52,970
And you're hearing this straight from the horse!
487
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:57,850
Hitler was better looking than Churchill.
He was a better dresser than Churchill.
488
00:32:57,851 --> 00:33:00,811
He had more hair! He told funnier jokes!
489
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:03,647
And he could dance the pants off of Churchill!
490
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,733
- Exactly why...
- Churchill!
491
00:33:06,734 --> 00:33:09,445
Yes. Churchill!
492
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,823
That's exactly why we want to produce this play...
493
00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:17,119
...to show the world the true Hitler,
the Hitler you loved...
494
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,206
...the Hitler you knew,
the Hitler with a song in his heart.
495
00:33:42,353 --> 00:33:44,563
Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here...
496
00:33:44,898 --> 00:33:47,483
...and make your dream a reality.
497
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,026
Here it is!
498
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:52,613
Springtime for Hitler,
signed, sealed, and delivered.
499
00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:55,407
- What's the matter?
- I'm not wearing this armband.
500
00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,743
I don't care how big the deal is.
501
00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,995
Okay. Take it off.
502
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:09,213
Taxi!
503
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:12,174
The Blue Gypsy.
504
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,551
Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy?
505
00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:17,346
We are not going to the Blue Gypsy.
506
00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:19,765
I am going to the Blue Gypsy.
507
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:22,184
I have a rendezvous with a lady of some means.
508
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:30,776
You see, my dear Bloom, phase one is complete.
509
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:33,946
The play is ours.
We are now entering phase two...
510
00:34:33,947 --> 00:34:35,781
...the raising of the money.
511
00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:38,575
In the days to come,
you will see very little of me...
512
00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:42,913
...for Max Bialystock is launching himself
into little-old-lady land.
513
00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:45,082
Adieu. Avanti!
514
00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:59,096
You're incorrigible, Bialy.
515
00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:03,725
- Here's to the success of your new play.
- Our new play, my love.
516
00:35:05,687 --> 00:35:08,188
Bialy, I'm so sorry.
517
00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:11,608
- Did I wet you?
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
518
00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:14,570
A mere trifle.
519
00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:16,655
Did you bring the checkie?
520
00:35:16,990 --> 00:35:19,741
Yes, I have it right here in my purse.
521
00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:24,705
And I made it out just like you told me.
To "cash."
522
00:35:24,706 --> 00:35:26,915
That's a funny name for a play.
523
00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,501
Think nothing of it, my dear.
524
00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:12,878
- Thank you, my dear.
- Say it again, Bialy.
525
00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:16,465
And I swear to you on my life,
you don't look a day over 65.
526
00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:20,135
There you are.
527
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:24,389
- I love you.
- What?
528
00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:26,642
I love you.
529
00:36:26,976 --> 00:36:28,101
What?
530
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:30,103
I love you!
531
00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:41,365
Go, Bialy-baby, go!
532
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,125
Who is it?
533
00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:54,461
It's Max Bialystock.
534
00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:58,465
Good. I thought it was a burglar.
535
00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:00,926
Wait. I'll let you in.
536
00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:42,551
Mrs. Sarah Cathcart.
537
00:37:42,969 --> 00:37:45,053
She owns 50 percent of the profits.
538
00:37:46,597 --> 00:37:48,390
Mrs. Virginia Resnick.
539
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,393
She also owns 50 percent of the profits.
540
00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:55,230
Mrs. Eleanor Biddlecomb.
541
00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:58,024
She also owns 50 percent of the profits.
542
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,944
Mrs. Alma Wentworth.
543
00:38:01,529 --> 00:38:03,613
She owns 100 percent of the profits.
544
00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:07,617
Leo, how much percentage of a play
can there be altogether?
545
00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:10,203
You can only sell 100 percent of anything.
546
00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:14,082
And how much
of Springtime for Hitler have we sold?
547
00:38:14,667 --> 00:38:20,130
25,000 percent.
548
00:38:21,090 --> 00:38:22,924
Give me that blue thing.
549
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:30,724
Where are you going?
We haven't finished signing the contracts.
550
00:38:30,725 --> 00:38:32,476
I have to see that money.
551
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,945
Hello, boys.
552
00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:47,449
If you only knew what I went through for you.
553
00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:54,122
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna buy myself a toy.
554
00:38:54,123 --> 00:38:57,167
I worked very, very hard,
and I think I deserve a toy.
555
00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:58,126
A toy?
556
00:38:58,377 --> 00:38:59,503
A toy.
557
00:39:02,423 --> 00:39:03,840
That's a toy?
558
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:08,970
She happens to be our new receptionist.
She goes with our new surroundings.
559
00:39:09,472 --> 00:39:15,644
Ulla.
560
00:39:16,103 --> 00:39:18,647
Ulla, I want you to meet
my associate and partner...
561
00:39:18,648 --> 00:39:19,856
...Mr. Leo Bloom.
562
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:22,484
I beg your pardon?
563
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:31,117
Have you gone mad?
A receptionist that can't speak English?
564
00:39:31,118 --> 00:39:32,702
What will people say?
565
00:39:32,703 --> 00:39:36,414
They'll say...
566
00:39:36,415 --> 00:39:37,999
What is she going to do here?
567
00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:40,544
I'll show you.
568
00:39:40,545 --> 00:39:41,545
Ulla...
569
00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,839
...go to work.
570
00:39:44,298 --> 00:39:46,007
Go to work.
571
00:40:12,285 --> 00:40:14,995
Ulla, okay. Okay, Ulla.
572
00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:16,705
Cream puff...
573
00:40:17,164 --> 00:40:20,125
...sweetie pie, pussycat, okay.
574
00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:21,668
Ulla!
575
00:40:22,587 --> 00:40:23,879
Stop work!
576
00:40:30,511 --> 00:40:33,805
Would you believe it?
I met her at the public library.
577
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,183
Ulla.
578
00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:41,897
Go to desk. Answer telephone...
579
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:45,317
..."Bialystock and Bloom."
580
00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:57,954
Nice girl.
581
00:40:59,123 --> 00:41:00,415
Bloom.
582
00:41:00,791 --> 00:41:04,419
- Take a cigar.
- Max, maybe we should both...
583
00:41:04,879 --> 00:41:07,631
- What's that?
- Nothing. Go on.
584
00:41:17,850 --> 00:41:19,434
Smart as a whip.
585
00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:34,115
No.
586
00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:39,496
You Swedish tease.
587
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,875
You'll bury me.
588
00:41:52,301 --> 00:41:53,927
Leo, what were you saying?
589
00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:56,388
What? Max...
590
00:41:56,764 --> 00:41:59,307
Maybe we should
go a little easier on the spending.
591
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:03,561
- I mean, these offices and all.
- Why? Take it when you can get it.
592
00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:05,480
Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!
593
00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:07,357
But if something should go wrong...
594
00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,359
...we could give back some of the money.
595
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,488
- I mean, it would look better in court.
- Stop talking like that, you white mouse.
596
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:15,782
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
597
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,743
As a matter of fact, today,
I have taken steps to make sure...
598
00:42:18,744 --> 00:42:21,496
...that Springtime for Hitler
will be a total disaster.
599
00:42:22,164 --> 00:42:26,209
At 2:00, we have an appointment
with none other than Roger de Bris.
600
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:27,502
Roger de Bris?
601
00:42:28,004 --> 00:42:30,839
What? Oh, the director. Is he good?
602
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,049
- I mean, is he bad?
- He stinks.
603
00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:36,302
He's perhaps the worst director that ever lived.
604
00:42:36,303 --> 00:42:40,432
He's the only director whose plays close
on the first day of rehearsal.
605
00:42:40,433 --> 00:42:44,477
- Do you think he'll take the job?
- Only if we ask him.
606
00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,689
It's late. I'll get the car.
607
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:51,526
Ja?
608
00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:54,904
Call chauffeur. Get car.
609
00:42:54,905 --> 00:42:57,240
Good. We go to motel?
610
00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:58,992
No. We go.
611
00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:02,996
You and Mr. Bloom go to motel?
612
00:43:03,205 --> 00:43:05,248
No. No motel.
613
00:43:05,541 --> 00:43:07,125
Get car.
614
00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:12,380
"Get car."
615
00:43:26,187 --> 00:43:27,896
Thank you, Rudolfo.
616
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:36,279
Now, don't let anything he says or does
upset you.
617
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,074
- He's a little peculiar.
- What do you mean?
618
00:43:39,366 --> 00:43:40,617
Yes?
619
00:43:43,329 --> 00:43:46,915
I am Max Bialystock.
This is my associate, Mr. Bloom.
620
00:43:47,083 --> 00:43:49,459
We have an appointment with Mr. De Bris.
621
00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:52,712
Yes, you are expected. Please do come in.
622
00:44:03,516 --> 00:44:04,641
How do you do?
623
00:44:04,642 --> 00:44:07,811
I am Carmen Giya,
Monsieur de Bris' private secretary.
624
00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:09,604
Would you please remove your shoes?
625
00:44:13,150 --> 00:44:15,777
White, white, white is the color of our carpet.
626
00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:21,282
Will you please follow me?
627
00:45:14,962 --> 00:45:16,129
Please.
628
00:45:25,681 --> 00:45:27,223
We're not alone!
629
00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:30,143
Please sit down.
630
00:45:31,061 --> 00:45:32,187
Roger?
631
00:45:34,190 --> 00:45:36,858
Messieurs Bialystock and Bloom, I presume?
632
00:45:37,776 --> 00:45:38,818
Forgive the pun.
633
00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:43,281
- What pun?
- Shut up. He thinks he's witty.
634
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,117
Good to see you again, Roger.
635
00:45:46,118 --> 00:45:48,912
Did you get a chance to read
Springtime for Hitler?
636
00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:51,748
Remarkable. Remarkable.
637
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:55,543
A stunning piece of work.
638
00:45:56,795 --> 00:45:59,172
Max, he's wearing a dress.
639
00:46:00,257 --> 00:46:01,591
No kidding.
640
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:05,845
I, for one, think it is a very important play.
641
00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:11,976
Do you know,
I never realized that the Third Reich...
642
00:46:11,977 --> 00:46:13,269
...meant Germany?
643
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:16,940
I mean, it's drenched
with historical goodies like that.
644
00:46:19,109 --> 00:46:20,318
Oh, dear.
645
00:46:20,945 --> 00:46:22,612
You're staring at my dress.
646
00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:24,614
I should explain.
647
00:46:24,949 --> 00:46:27,367
I'm going to the choreographer's ball tonight.
648
00:46:27,576 --> 00:46:31,329
- There is a prize for the best costume.
- And we always win.
649
00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:33,623
I'm not so sure about tonight.
650
00:46:33,624 --> 00:46:36,417
I'm supposed to be
the Grand Duchess Anastasia...
651
00:46:36,919 --> 00:46:39,212
...but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie.
652
00:46:39,213 --> 00:46:40,338
- What do you think?
- I...
653
00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:41,339
Now, be cruel.
654
00:46:41,507 --> 00:46:43,758
Be brutal. Be brutal!
655
00:46:44,301 --> 00:46:46,594
Because, heaven knows, they will.
656
00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:49,764
Well? What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
657
00:46:54,061 --> 00:46:58,106
- Where do you keep your wallet?
- It's gorgeous.
658
00:46:58,107 --> 00:47:01,401
You couldn't have picked a better color.
It brings out your eyes.
659
00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:04,612
Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you.
660
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:09,575
- Do you really think it brings out my eyes?
- We can't tell a thing without your wig.
661
00:47:09,576 --> 00:47:12,620
As far as I'm concerned, you're only half-dressed.
662
00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:17,333
If you're so worried about the wig,
get it, O Wicked Witch of the West.
663
00:47:19,128 --> 00:47:21,504
Quick, light his cigarette.
664
00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:23,756
- He likes you.
- I don't want to...
665
00:47:40,232 --> 00:47:42,859
Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?
666
00:47:48,157 --> 00:47:50,491
I've never been on a summer cruise.
667
00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,411
Quel dommage.
668
00:47:55,748 --> 00:47:58,166
I see we're getting acquainted.
669
00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,502
How would you like to
go back to teasing hair, big mouth?
670
00:48:01,879 --> 00:48:03,296
Temper, Roger.
671
00:48:03,672 --> 00:48:07,091
Roger, do you mind if we talk a little business?
672
00:48:07,092 --> 00:48:11,179
Please. That is what we are here for.
673
00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:15,516
I think this would be
a marvelous opportunity for you.
674
00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:17,477
Be careful. That hurt!
675
00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:21,105
Up to now, you've always
been associated with musicals.
676
00:48:21,106 --> 00:48:24,567
Yes. Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns.
677
00:48:24,568 --> 00:48:27,278
"Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn!"
678
00:48:27,863 --> 00:48:29,572
It's enough to make you puke.
679
00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,531
Roger.
680
00:48:30,824 --> 00:48:34,535
But now, at last, a chance to do straight drama.
681
00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:38,206
Roger de Bris presents history.
682
00:48:39,416 --> 00:48:43,211
Of course, I think we should add a little music...
683
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:46,214
...and that whole third act has got to go.
684
00:48:46,799 --> 00:48:50,176
They're losing the war. It's too depressing.
685
00:48:51,762 --> 00:48:54,389
We shall have to put something in there.
686
00:48:56,683 --> 00:48:59,435
- What?
- I see it! I see it!
687
00:48:59,436 --> 00:49:03,648
A line of beautiful girls
dressed as storm troopers...
688
00:49:03,649 --> 00:49:07,276
- ...black patent leather boots, S-M.
- Love it.
689
00:49:07,277 --> 00:49:09,320
All marching together!
690
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:12,115
"Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn..."
691
00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:13,533
It will work!
692
00:49:13,742 --> 00:49:16,285
That is genius! Genius!
693
00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:18,621
I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself...
694
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:20,998
...when I say you're the only man in the world...
695
00:49:20,999 --> 00:49:23,292
...who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler.
696
00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:26,045
Wait a minute. This is a very big decision.
697
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:28,965
It might affect the course of my entire life.
698
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:31,092
I shall have to think about it.
699
00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:34,512
- I'll do it.
- Congratulations and thank you.
700
00:49:34,513 --> 00:49:37,181
Get on the phone! Send out a casting call!
701
00:49:37,182 --> 00:49:41,686
Call every agent in town!
I want to see everybody, everybody!
702
00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:58,119
Heil!
703
00:50:12,384 --> 00:50:14,927
This is bedlam!
704
00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:17,805
We must have some order!
705
00:50:22,769 --> 00:50:26,314
Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings?
706
00:50:26,482 --> 00:50:28,524
We are only seeing singing Hitlers.
707
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:39,160
Arthur Picard.
708
00:50:43,665 --> 00:50:46,501
Hello, Arthur. Tell us something about yourself.
709
00:50:46,502 --> 00:50:50,796
I was the lead tenor
of the Albuquerque Opera Company...
710
00:50:50,797 --> 00:50:52,465
...for the last two seasons.
711
00:50:52,466 --> 00:50:56,886
I just finished the road tour of Lilac Time,
and last season...
712
00:50:56,887 --> 00:51:00,056
...I was up for the lead
in the Broadway production...
713
00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:01,891
...of The Gypsy Lover.
714
00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:02,850
What happened?
715
00:51:03,101 --> 00:51:04,644
I didn't get it.
716
00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:07,188
Arthur, what are you going to sing for us?
717
00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:11,275
I would like to sing A Wandering Minstrel, I.
718
00:51:11,902 --> 00:51:13,194
Very well.
719
00:51:24,373 --> 00:51:25,706
Thank you!
720
00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:28,709
Next, please!
721
00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:31,337
Jason Green. Please.
722
00:51:34,967 --> 00:51:37,510
Jason, and what have you been up to lately?
723
00:51:37,511 --> 00:51:41,597
For the last 16 years,
I have been touring with the USO.
724
00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:47,937
- And what are you going to sing for us?
- Have You Ever Heard The German Band?
725
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:48,896
No.
726
00:51:49,356 --> 00:51:52,650
That's the name of the song I am going to sing.
727
00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,572
You will play it!
728
00:52:21,972 --> 00:52:23,055
Thank you!
729
00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:29,729
The Little Wooden Boy.
730
00:52:34,568 --> 00:52:42,742
Thank you!
731
00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:47,163
- Does that mean that I don't get...
- I'm sorry.
732
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:48,581
You're sorry?
733
00:52:51,793 --> 00:52:53,085
Thank you!
734
00:53:01,094 --> 00:53:02,637
That's it.
735
00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:11,228
- Hey, man.
- I beg your pardon?
736
00:53:12,105 --> 00:53:15,399
Is this where they're auditioning
Boomerang, baby?
737
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,194
I'm afraid you wandered into the wrong theater.
738
00:53:20,113 --> 00:53:23,282
Man, not again. Freak out.
739
00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:28,204
Wait! Wait!
This is Boomerang. This is Boomerang.
740
00:53:28,205 --> 00:53:31,415
- What are you saying?
- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose?
741
00:53:31,416 --> 00:53:32,875
All right.
742
00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:34,001
Young man...
743
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:36,587
...what is your name?
744
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,675
Man. My name?
745
00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:47,306
Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby.
746
00:53:47,599 --> 00:53:51,560
Lorenzo St. Dubois, but my friends call me LSD.
747
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:55,189
- And what have you done, LSD?
- Man, about six months...
748
00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:57,316
...but I'm on probation, and I'm cool, man.
749
00:53:57,317 --> 00:54:02,279
- I mean, what do you do best?
- Man, I can't do that here.
750
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,073
That's why they put me away, baby.
751
00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,242
Sing, sing.
752
00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:09,078
Thank you. Thank you so very much.
We're gonna sing.
753
00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:12,498
If I may, I'd like to call on my group.
They kind of help me a little.
754
00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:16,711
Group! Come on, fellas.
I would like to, sing this song.
755
00:54:17,087 --> 00:54:18,713
It's about love...
756
00:54:19,423 --> 00:54:20,589
And hate.
757
00:54:20,590 --> 00:54:24,301
Psychedelically speaking,
I am talking about "the power."
758
00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:36,772
"Love power
759
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:39,650
"I'm talkin' 'bout
760
00:54:39,651 --> 00:54:41,235
"Love power
761
00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:45,740
"The power of a sweet flower
762
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:49,410
"Is gonna rule the earth"
763
00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:53,581
"And there'll be a great rebirth"
764
00:54:56,835 --> 00:54:59,837
"Love is the flower that is mine
765
00:55:01,256 --> 00:55:03,299
"When I'm walkin' with my darlin'
766
00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:05,551
"And we're holdin' hands
767
00:55:06,011 --> 00:55:07,762
"And life is fine
768
00:55:08,096 --> 00:55:10,097
"'cause she understands
769
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,726
"Walkin' down the sunny street
770
00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:16,896
"Givin' pretty flowers
771
00:55:16,897 --> 00:55:19,940
"To the people that we meet"
772
00:55:23,278 --> 00:55:27,865
"And I give a flower to the big, fat cop
773
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:32,328
"He takes his club, and he beats me up
774
00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:36,707
"I give a flower to the garbage man
775
00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:41,003
"He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
776
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:45,257
"And I give it to
the landlord when the rent comes 'round
777
00:55:45,258 --> 00:55:47,343
"He throws it in a toilet
778
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,512
"And he flush it down
779
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:51,597
"It goes into the sewer
780
00:55:51,598 --> 00:55:53,516
"With the yuck runnin' through her
781
00:55:53,517 --> 00:55:56,602
"And it runs into the river that we drink
782
00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:58,729
"World, you stink
783
00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:01,065
"Man
784
00:56:01,066 --> 00:56:03,275
"It's later than you think"
785
00:56:04,820 --> 00:56:08,072
"So you got just one more chance"
786
00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:11,992
"Come on, baby, while I dance"
787
00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:24,588
"Love, love power
788
00:56:25,090 --> 00:56:26,882
"I'm talkin' 'bout
789
00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:28,467
"Love power
790
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:33,097
"The power of a little flower"
791
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:37,101
"You don't think about those little flowers
792
00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:39,270
"No. All you think about is guns
793
00:56:39,271 --> 00:56:41,063
"If everybody in the world today
794
00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:42,731
"Had a flower instead of a gun
795
00:56:42,732 --> 00:56:44,149
"There would be no wars
796
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:46,527
"There would be one big smell-in"
797
00:56:48,446 --> 00:56:49,905
"Just a flower!"
798
00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:53,534
Man...
799
00:56:56,413 --> 00:56:57,621
...my flower.
800
00:56:59,416 --> 00:57:01,542
What'd you do to my flower, man?
801
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:05,212
You hurt it. Like everything else.
802
00:57:06,923 --> 00:57:10,009
Everything else. No flower.
803
00:57:16,391 --> 00:57:18,225
That's our Hitler!
804
00:57:54,346 --> 00:57:55,804
Your Highness.
805
00:58:01,686 --> 00:58:03,896
There's the Times' drama critic.
806
00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:09,234
Watch closely as Max Bialystock
puts the last nail into the coffin.
807
00:58:09,611 --> 00:58:11,028
Good evening.
808
00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:12,529
Good evening, sir.
809
00:58:12,530 --> 00:58:15,908
Always delighted to greet
the gentlemen of the press.
810
00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:17,076
Here you are, sir.
811
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:20,162
Two on the aisle,
compliments of the management.
812
00:58:21,831 --> 00:58:25,417
Wait... Wait a moment.
There seems to be some mistake.
813
00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:28,379
There's a $100-bill wrapped around these tickets.
814
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:30,381
That's no mistake.
815
00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:32,508
Enjoy the show.
816
00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:36,178
Mr. Bialystock,
just what do you think you're doing?
817
00:58:36,846 --> 00:58:38,389
I'm bribing you.
818
00:58:38,974 --> 00:58:42,518
Just play ball,
there's a lot more where that came from.
819
00:59:07,752 --> 00:59:09,420
Keep this buttoned.
820
00:59:10,255 --> 00:59:12,923
Straight! Up! Up! Always up!
821
00:59:17,095 --> 00:59:20,723
Gentlemen, it is magic time. Good luck.
822
00:59:21,433 --> 00:59:22,725
Good luck.
823
00:59:25,437 --> 00:59:27,646
Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow...
824
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,153
So much for Nazi failure.
825
00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:44,830
He'll kill us.
826
00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:48,584
Max, come on, the overture's started.
827
00:59:55,717 --> 00:59:57,092
Max...
828
01:00:00,055 --> 01:00:01,805
This is it!
829
01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:03,807
Sorry. I'm a little nervous.
830
01:00:03,808 --> 01:00:06,769
Relax. In two hours, our worries will be over.
831
01:00:11,483 --> 01:00:13,025
"Germany was having trouble
832
01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:15,027
"What a sad, sad story
833
01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:16,487
"Needed a new leader
834
01:00:16,488 --> 01:00:18,447
"To restore its former glory
835
01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:20,449
"Where, where was he?
836
01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:22,993
"Where could that man be?
837
01:00:22,994 --> 01:00:25,579
"We looked around and then we found
838
01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:28,957
"The man for you and me
839
01:00:29,375 --> 01:00:32,377
"And now it's...
840
01:00:32,378 --> 01:00:36,048
"Springtime for Hitler
841
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:38,592
"And Germany
842
01:00:39,886 --> 01:00:44,723
"Deutschland is happy and gay"
843
01:00:46,851 --> 01:00:51,647
"We're marching to a faster pace"
844
01:00:53,608 --> 01:00:56,193
"Look out, here comes
845
01:00:56,194 --> 01:00:58,987
"The master race
846
01:01:00,406 --> 01:01:03,075
"Springtime for Hitler
847
01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:05,828
"And Germany"
848
01:01:07,330 --> 01:01:12,126
"Winter for Poland and France"
849
01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:17,131
"Springtime for Hitler
850
01:01:17,132 --> 01:01:19,967
"And Germany
851
01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:22,219
"Come on, Germans
852
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:24,972
"Go into your dance"
853
01:01:29,853 --> 01:01:31,854
"I was born in Düsseldorf"
854
01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:33,272
"And that is why they call me Rolf"
855
01:01:36,151 --> 01:01:38,193
"Don't be stupid, be a smarty"
856
01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:39,528
"Come and join the Nazi party!"
857
01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:26,241
"Springtime for Hitler
858
01:02:26,242 --> 01:02:28,660
"And Germany"
859
01:02:30,538 --> 01:02:31,914
"Goose step's
860
01:02:31,915 --> 01:02:34,666
"The new step today"
861
01:02:37,795 --> 01:02:39,463
"Bombs falling
862
01:02:39,631 --> 01:02:42,674
"From the skies again"
863
01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:50,057
"Deutschland is on the rise again"
864
01:02:52,310 --> 01:02:55,270
"Springtime for Hitler
865
01:02:55,271 --> 01:02:57,856
"And Germany"
866
01:02:59,484 --> 01:03:02,277
"U-boats are sailing
867
01:03:02,278 --> 01:03:03,362
"Once more"
868
01:03:03,363 --> 01:03:04,446
Well!
869
01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:06,907
Talk about bad taste!
870
01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:10,369
"Springtime for Hitler
871
01:03:10,370 --> 01:03:13,372
"And Germany
872
01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:16,667
"Means that
873
01:03:16,668 --> 01:03:18,502
"Soon we'll be going
874
01:03:18,503 --> 01:03:20,254
"We've got to be going
875
01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:24,132
"You know we'll be going"
876
01:03:24,133 --> 01:03:28,971
"To war"
877
01:03:45,989 --> 01:03:48,156
Let us repair to the bar across the street.
878
01:03:48,157 --> 01:03:50,242
We don't want to be here during intermission.
879
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:51,910
They'll stone us to death.
880
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:11,847
"Man...
881
01:04:12,724 --> 01:04:15,642
"I lieb you. I lieb you, baby. I lieb you!"
882
01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:17,686
"Now lieb me alone."
883
01:04:20,523 --> 01:04:22,107
Harry, he's funny.
884
01:04:22,108 --> 01:04:24,192
- Come on!
- Come on!
885
01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:29,323
"If you need me so much...
886
01:04:29,324 --> 01:04:31,241
"...why don't you pay attention to me..."
887
01:04:31,242 --> 01:04:32,868
"...you big dictator?"
888
01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,244
"You chicks!
889
01:04:34,245 --> 01:04:36,538
"You chicks! You all alike!
890
01:04:36,539 --> 01:04:37,581
"All you think about is...
891
01:04:37,582 --> 01:04:39,416
"...lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben!
892
01:04:39,959 --> 01:04:42,044
"Don't you forget, baby, I took an oath."
893
01:04:42,587 --> 01:04:44,588
"Deutschland über alles!"
894
01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:49,384
"So, cool it, while I map out my campaign."
895
01:04:53,931 --> 01:04:55,599
"Gonna crush Poland"
896
01:04:57,226 --> 01:04:59,811
"And I'm gonna take over France"
897
01:05:02,607 --> 01:05:03,899
"Sieg heil, sieg heil!"
898
01:05:04,776 --> 01:05:08,070
"Then we're gonna take over Poland
899
01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:10,614
"And then I'm a-gonna crush France
900
01:05:11,491 --> 01:05:15,202
"Baby, don't you know, mama
901
01:05:15,203 --> 01:05:17,954
"Then I'm gonna cross that English Channel
902
01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:21,124
"And then I'm gonna kick them cats"
903
01:05:21,125 --> 01:05:22,918
"In the pants, pow!"
904
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,974
Did you see the look on that woman's face?
905
01:05:37,975 --> 01:05:39,935
When the guy started to sing...
906
01:05:39,936 --> 01:05:41,686
"Springtime
907
01:05:41,687 --> 01:05:43,522
"For Hitler"
908
01:05:43,523 --> 01:05:45,023
"And Germany"
909
01:05:49,278 --> 01:05:53,657
Here's to the one and only performance
of Springtime for Hitler.
910
01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,784
May it rest in peace.
911
01:06:01,332 --> 01:06:05,043
Innkeeper! Innkeeper!
Another round of drinks here.
912
01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:07,546
As a matter of fact...
913
01:06:07,547 --> 01:06:10,465
...a round of drinks for everybody in the place.
914
01:06:14,429 --> 01:06:16,054
Just think...
915
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:19,558
...yesterday,
I was a meaningless little accountant...
916
01:06:19,559 --> 01:06:22,978
...and today I'm the producer of a Broadway flop!
917
01:06:24,939 --> 01:06:27,190
Here's to failure.
918
01:06:27,191 --> 01:06:31,820
- To failure.
- Thank you. It's very kind of you.
919
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:45,625
"Bitte schön, mein Führer."
920
01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:49,171
"Man, you're a German!"
921
01:06:50,673 --> 01:06:52,299
"We're all Germans!"
922
01:06:53,885 --> 01:06:55,135
"That's right!"
923
01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:58,805
"That means we cannot attack Germany."
924
01:07:02,101 --> 01:07:04,519
"I mean, I got all my friends here, you know?"
925
01:07:06,189 --> 01:07:07,814
"And what about me?
926
01:07:08,399 --> 01:07:10,275
"And then there's the country club...
927
01:07:10,276 --> 01:07:11,943
"...and the laughs every night.
928
01:07:12,278 --> 01:07:13,570
"We got to do something.
929
01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:14,821
"I got it!"
930
01:07:15,072 --> 01:07:18,200
"I've got it!"
931
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:19,409
"What have you got?"
932
01:07:19,410 --> 01:07:21,953
"A medal. It fell down my pants, man.
933
01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:23,872
"Get it out, baby."
934
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,166
"Danke schön, baby."
935
01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:29,044
"Baby."
936
01:07:29,629 --> 01:07:31,421
Why does he say this "baby"?
937
01:07:31,422 --> 01:07:34,841
The Führer has never said "baby."
I did not write "baby."
938
01:07:34,842 --> 01:07:36,760
What is it with this "baby"?
939
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:38,887
Will you please shut up?
940
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:41,515
You shut up. You are the audience.
941
01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:44,309
I am the author. I outrank you!
942
01:07:45,811 --> 01:07:48,855
Barkeep! Another drink for myself...
943
01:07:49,732 --> 01:07:51,441
...my associate, Mr. Bloom...
944
01:07:54,820 --> 01:07:58,657
And don't forget
our good-natured inebriate over here.
945
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:08,917
Eternally grateful.
946
01:08:11,587 --> 01:08:13,505
- A toast!
- A toast!
947
01:08:13,506 --> 01:08:14,714
A toast!
948
01:08:15,383 --> 01:08:16,591
To what?
949
01:08:16,926 --> 01:08:17,968
To...
950
01:08:20,471 --> 01:08:22,973
To toast. I love toast.
951
01:08:22,974 --> 01:08:25,433
- To toast.
- To toast.
952
01:08:31,983 --> 01:08:32,816
Now...
953
01:08:33,568 --> 01:08:35,569
I'll take the lead...
954
01:08:35,570 --> 01:08:38,363
...and I want you right behind me all the way!
955
01:09:04,015 --> 01:09:05,265
Sing out!
956
01:09:10,271 --> 01:09:12,439
All right, Piaf!
957
01:09:26,537 --> 01:09:28,496
It's intermission! Quick!
958
01:09:28,664 --> 01:09:31,166
Hide your faces. They'll tear us to pieces.
959
01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:38,006
- Give us a couple of Manhattans.
- I'll have a Manhattan.
960
01:09:38,466 --> 01:09:40,925
- Here you go, Frank.
- You getting it? Okay.
961
01:09:40,926 --> 01:09:42,302
Two whiskey sours, please.
962
01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:47,098
So far, that's about one of the funniest things
I've ever seen on Broadway.
963
01:09:47,099 --> 01:09:50,685
- I never laughed so much in my life.
- Absolutely hysterical!
964
01:09:50,686 --> 01:09:53,021
I thought I'd split my sides!
965
01:09:54,815 --> 01:09:56,983
Take it easy. Don't panic.
966
01:09:56,984 --> 01:09:58,860
There are a lot of plays on this street.
967
01:09:58,861 --> 01:10:01,905
They aren't necessarily talking about
Springtime for Hitler.
968
01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:04,574
Would you ever believe
you'd love a show called...
969
01:10:04,575 --> 01:10:05,992
...Springtime for Hitler?
970
01:10:08,245 --> 01:10:09,704
Come on, let's get back!
971
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:13,083
If the second act is like the first,
this'll run for five years!
972
01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:15,043
"Springtime for Hitler"
973
01:10:15,044 --> 01:10:16,711
"And Germany"
974
01:10:19,256 --> 01:10:22,509
Gotta think.
975
01:10:22,510 --> 01:10:24,803
Mrs. Cathcart, 50 percent.
976
01:10:25,596 --> 01:10:27,389
Mrs. Resnick, 50 percent.
977
01:10:28,015 --> 01:10:29,599
Gotta think.
978
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:31,184
Mrs. Biddlecomb, 50 percent.
979
01:10:32,937 --> 01:10:34,896
Mrs. Wentworth, 100 percent.
980
01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:41,069
- Leo.
- No way out.
981
01:10:43,489 --> 01:10:44,781
- Leo.
- No way...
982
01:10:44,782 --> 01:10:45,782
Leo.
983
01:10:46,951 --> 01:10:47,992
No way...
984
01:10:48,327 --> 01:10:50,620
Listen, let's go to the theater...
985
01:10:50,621 --> 01:10:52,205
...and see what's really happening.
986
01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:55,917
After all, we only heard from
a small portion of the audience.
987
01:10:56,460 --> 01:10:58,920
Let's hear what the majority thinks.
988
01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:01,381
- The majority?
- The majority.
989
01:11:03,342 --> 01:11:05,510
Let's hear from the majority.
990
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:07,554
- Where's the majority?
- Majority.
991
01:11:07,555 --> 01:11:10,140
- Let's hear the majority.
- The majority.
992
01:11:10,141 --> 01:11:13,435
- See the majority? Where's the majority?
- The majority.
993
01:11:29,493 --> 01:11:31,035
"One and one is two
994
01:11:31,036 --> 01:11:32,579
"Two and two is four"
995
01:11:32,580 --> 01:11:35,373
"I feel so bad 'cause I'm losing the war"
996
01:11:40,421 --> 01:11:42,422
Excuse me. Excuse me.
997
01:11:42,423 --> 01:11:44,340
The play here is in progress!
998
01:11:44,341 --> 01:11:47,135
You must be quiet! Swine!
999
01:11:52,391 --> 01:11:55,477
"Man, we're losing everything! Everything!
1000
01:11:55,478 --> 01:11:58,188
"Where's my Goebbels?"
1001
01:11:58,189 --> 01:11:59,981
"Get me my little Joe!"
1002
01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:01,524
"Send for Goebbels!"
1003
01:12:01,525 --> 01:12:06,029
- "Send for Goebbels!"
- "Send for Goebbels!"
1004
01:12:11,494 --> 01:12:12,535
"Heil, baby!"
1005
01:12:12,536 --> 01:12:14,788
"Baby! What's happening?"
1006
01:12:14,789 --> 01:12:17,791
"I just laid the morning propaganda
programs on the people."
1007
01:12:17,792 --> 01:12:20,335
"You're putting me on! What did they say?"
1008
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:22,879
"I told the people we invaded England!"
1009
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:25,924
"That's a groove, daddy! How did we come out?"
1010
01:12:25,925 --> 01:12:27,801
"We beat 'em, baby!"
1011
01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:30,136
"Groovy! That's my Joe! That's my little Joe.
1012
01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:31,596
"I love my little Joe.
1013
01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:33,973
"Joseph..."
1014
01:12:33,974 --> 01:12:36,559
"...you are smoking
in the presence of the Führer."
1015
01:12:36,977 --> 01:12:38,520
"I'm sorry, big daddy."
1016
01:12:41,649 --> 01:12:42,857
"They try."
1017
01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:45,276
"Man, how they try."
1018
01:12:46,403 --> 01:12:47,487
Ja!
1019
01:12:47,488 --> 01:12:51,407
- What can I do for you?
- You will please be unconscious.
1020
01:12:51,951 --> 01:12:56,746
This is an outrage. It must stop.
It makes me so mad what they do.
1021
01:12:56,747 --> 01:12:58,581
Curtain must go down! Down!
1022
01:12:59,416 --> 01:13:00,750
What's happening?
1023
01:13:06,674 --> 01:13:11,094
I am the author of this play!
You are the victims of a hoax!
1024
01:13:11,095 --> 01:13:15,098
These are not my words!
The Führer has never said this "baby"!
1025
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:19,811
The Führer was sweet!
The Führer was kind! The Führer was good!
1026
01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:24,566
He loved me! Often, he would say to me:
1027
01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:25,650
"Franz..."
1028
01:13:57,141 --> 01:14:00,184
Boo-boo?
1029
01:14:02,813 --> 01:14:05,315
- Yeah?
- We make love?
1030
01:14:06,233 --> 01:14:08,943
No. We don't make love.
1031
01:14:09,486 --> 01:14:10,778
Go to work.
1032
01:14:37,056 --> 01:14:38,640
"Congratulations."
1033
01:14:39,224 --> 01:14:41,476
"It's the biggest hit on Broadway."
1034
01:14:43,270 --> 01:14:45,188
"Congratulations."
1035
01:14:45,189 --> 01:14:47,148
"Hitler will run forever."
1036
01:14:49,026 --> 01:14:50,568
"Congratulations."
1037
01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:58,242
Congratulations!
1038
01:14:58,243 --> 01:15:02,997
Have you seen the lines at the box office?
It's a torrent! It's an avalanche!
1039
01:15:02,998 --> 01:15:05,375
It's the biggest hit on Broadway!
1040
01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:08,127
You lousy fruit! You ruined me!
1041
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:13,341
You're crazy! He's gonna kill me! Call the police!
1042
01:15:13,342 --> 01:15:16,052
Help! Murder! Rape!
1043
01:15:20,224 --> 01:15:23,559
Don't let anybody in. Got to think.
1044
01:15:24,395 --> 01:15:25,687
I got to think.
1045
01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:31,776
How could this happen?
1046
01:15:33,112 --> 01:15:36,364
I was so careful. I picked the wrong play...
1047
01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:39,826
...the wrong director, the wrong cast.
1048
01:15:40,619 --> 01:15:42,370
Where did I go right?
1049
01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:49,627
What are you doing?
1050
01:15:49,628 --> 01:15:51,754
Don't try to stop me. I've made up my mind.
1051
01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:55,591
- What are you doing with the books?
- I'm turning myself in. It's the only way.
1052
01:15:55,592 --> 01:15:57,051
I'll cooperate with the police.
1053
01:15:57,052 --> 01:15:59,762
They'll reduce my sentence,
time off for good behavior.
1054
01:15:59,763 --> 01:16:02,515
Maybe I'll get a job in the prison library. So long.
1055
01:16:02,516 --> 01:16:03,725
Leo!
1056
01:16:06,103 --> 01:16:10,523
Take it easy. Relax. You're overwrought.
You don't know what you're doing.
1057
01:16:10,524 --> 01:16:13,234
You're acting out of panic. Give me those books!
1058
01:16:13,235 --> 01:16:17,280
- I never should have listened to you!
- I never should have listened to you!
1059
01:16:17,281 --> 01:16:20,283
- How I hate you!
- Double, double, double!
1060
01:16:28,292 --> 01:16:30,251
Fat! Fat!
1061
01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:33,671
You fatty!
1062
01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:36,466
Give me those books, you fat walrus!
1063
01:16:36,467 --> 01:16:39,010
- Never!
- Give 'em quick!
1064
01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:42,764
- You fat fatty, give me those fat books!
- No!
1065
01:16:46,101 --> 01:16:49,604
You have broken the sacred oath! You must die!
1066
01:16:57,738 --> 01:16:59,572
This is not good here.
1067
01:17:00,032 --> 01:17:01,783
I am not killing you.
1068
01:17:02,076 --> 01:17:04,911
Don't you understand? You must die.
1069
01:17:05,287 --> 01:17:06,829
Will you cooperate?
1070
01:17:07,998 --> 01:17:09,540
- Come in!
- Come in!
1071
01:17:10,709 --> 01:17:12,960
I hear noise. You call?
1072
01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:15,088
Where are...
1073
01:17:17,674 --> 01:17:18,633
Boo!
1074
01:17:19,343 --> 01:17:20,635
I see you.
1075
01:17:21,345 --> 01:17:23,471
You like something? Coffee?
1076
01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:25,139
Coffee.
1077
01:17:25,891 --> 01:17:28,017
Yes! Good idea.
1078
01:17:28,602 --> 01:17:30,978
Ask the gentleman with the gun...
1079
01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:36,818
...the gentleman who is shooting at us
and trying to kill us...
1080
01:17:37,152 --> 01:17:38,653
...what he will have.
1081
01:17:41,698 --> 01:17:43,533
You like coffee?
1082
01:17:44,743 --> 01:17:47,578
Kaffee? Ja. Black, two sugars.
1083
01:17:48,163 --> 01:17:51,874
Two regular, one black, two sugar.
1084
01:18:00,384 --> 01:18:03,886
- Champagne?
- No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee.
1085
01:18:08,642 --> 01:18:11,811
Are you coming out
from behind this desk or not?
1086
01:18:11,812 --> 01:18:14,021
- Not!
- Cowards!
1087
01:18:14,273 --> 01:18:16,732
Miserable, cringing cowards!
1088
01:18:17,568 --> 01:18:20,236
Clinging to life! Watch!
1089
01:18:21,071 --> 01:18:22,780
Watch and remember!
1090
01:18:23,407 --> 01:18:26,659
Franz Liebkind
will show you how to die like a man!
1091
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:36,210
Please, sing.
1092
01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:40,423
Soon I will be with mein Führer.
1093
01:18:40,591 --> 01:18:42,884
And Göring! And Goebbels!
1094
01:18:43,343 --> 01:18:44,927
And Himmler!
1095
01:18:44,928 --> 01:18:47,430
I'm coming, boys!
1096
01:18:51,268 --> 01:18:53,895
Boy, when things go wrong...
1097
01:18:59,276 --> 01:19:03,696
Wasted a whole day
playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut!
1098
01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:10,077
- There, there.
- Where? Where?
1099
01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:13,915
You crazy lunatic,
what are you shooting at us for?
1100
01:19:13,916 --> 01:19:16,167
Why don't you use this where it'll do some good?
1101
01:19:16,168 --> 01:19:18,127
Why don't you shoot at the actors?
1102
01:19:21,548 --> 01:19:22,757
Franz...
1103
01:19:23,383 --> 01:19:25,301
Have I ever steered you wrong?
1104
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:28,763
- Always.
- Never mind. Listen.
1105
01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:33,351
Every night, people are laughing
at your beloved Führer. Why?
1106
01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:36,354
It is that LSD.
1107
01:19:36,813 --> 01:19:38,856
Und his verdammte "babies"!
1108
01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,526
Here!
1109
01:19:43,403 --> 01:19:44,779
Buy bullets.
1110
01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:46,739
Go. Kill.
1111
01:19:47,407 --> 01:19:49,909
- Kill the actors.
- What?
1112
01:19:49,910 --> 01:19:52,495
- Shut up!
- The actors.
1113
01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:54,622
I must destroy the actors.
1114
01:19:55,832 --> 01:19:58,793
Stop! This is insanity! Have you lost your mind?
1115
01:19:58,794 --> 01:20:01,545
How can you kill the actors? What do you mean?
1116
01:20:01,546 --> 01:20:03,756
Actors are not animals. They're human beings.
1117
01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:07,718
They are? Have you ever eaten with one?
Go! Go, kill! Forward!
1118
01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:11,472
- No!
- Make up your minds!
1119
01:20:12,224 --> 01:20:15,351
What are you doing? We're trapped!
It's either the show or us!
1120
01:20:15,352 --> 01:20:19,021
There's no way out!
What can we do, blow up the theater?
1121
01:20:35,247 --> 01:20:38,249
Dynamite.
1122
01:20:43,130 --> 01:20:45,298
- Fuse.
- Fuse.
1123
01:20:54,099 --> 01:20:56,600
And now for the master connection.
1124
01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,937
Don't shoot! It's the dynamite.
1125
01:21:41,938 --> 01:21:45,524
If you shoot it,
it will get mad at us and blow us all up.
1126
01:21:45,942 --> 01:21:50,029
That is good thinking.
I will put this dynamite back.
1127
01:21:50,030 --> 01:21:51,072
Good.
1128
01:21:52,824 --> 01:21:55,910
Next time I produce a play, no author.
1129
01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:02,625
- Max?
- What is it?
1130
01:22:03,293 --> 01:22:05,169
- Max?
- What?
1131
01:22:05,170 --> 01:22:08,089
Remember yesterday
in the office when we were fighting?
1132
01:22:08,090 --> 01:22:09,090
So?
1133
01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:12,843
I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat."
1134
01:22:20,685 --> 01:22:22,228
Gentlemen.
1135
01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:26,023
We have here a technical problem.
1136
01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:31,028
I do not know whether this little devil here
is the quick fuse...
1137
01:22:31,029 --> 01:22:32,613
...or the slow fuse.
1138
01:22:33,031 --> 01:22:35,116
I must find this out.
1139
01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:48,546
This is critical.
1140
01:23:00,392 --> 01:23:01,976
Ja, ja. You see this?
1141
01:23:01,977 --> 01:23:04,937
You see this? Hear what I have told you?
1142
01:23:04,938 --> 01:23:08,190
Ja. This is an example of smartness here.
1143
01:23:08,191 --> 01:23:12,736
I have said that this is the quick fuse,
and this is the quick fuse.
1144
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,030
The quick fuse!
1145
01:23:34,259 --> 01:23:35,968
Has the jury reached a verdict?
1146
01:23:37,554 --> 01:23:40,055
- We have, your honor.
- How does the jury find?
1147
01:23:40,891 --> 01:23:43,851
We find the defendants incredibly guilty.
1148
01:23:44,102 --> 01:23:47,062
Do the defendants
have anything to say in their behalf...
1149
01:23:47,063 --> 01:23:49,356
...before the court pronounces sentence?
1150
01:23:50,859 --> 01:23:53,569
I would like to say something, your honor.
1151
01:23:53,570 --> 01:23:57,323
Not on my behalf, but in reference
to my partner, Mr. Bialystock.
1152
01:23:58,074 --> 01:23:59,283
Proceed.
1153
01:23:59,618 --> 01:24:01,035
Your honor...
1154
01:24:01,745 --> 01:24:03,871
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
1155
01:24:05,290 --> 01:24:08,876
Max Bialystock is the most...
1156
01:24:10,754 --> 01:24:14,048
...selfish man I ever met in my life.
1157
01:24:14,591 --> 01:24:16,050
Don't help me.
1158
01:24:16,259 --> 01:24:18,219
Not only is he a liar...
1159
01:24:19,304 --> 01:24:20,763
...and a cheat...
1160
01:24:22,140 --> 01:24:25,267
...and a scoundrel and a crook...
1161
01:24:25,936 --> 01:24:29,063
...who has taken money from little old ladies...
1162
01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:33,108
...but he's also talked people into doing things...
1163
01:24:33,109 --> 01:24:34,610
...especially me...
1164
01:24:35,820 --> 01:24:39,949
...that they would never in a thousand years
have dreamed of doing.
1165
01:24:41,409 --> 01:24:43,035
But, your honor...
1166
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:45,871
...as I understand it...
1167
01:24:47,040 --> 01:24:49,583
...the law was created...
1168
01:24:50,460 --> 01:24:53,963
...to protect people from being wronged.
1169
01:24:56,132 --> 01:24:57,591
Your honor...
1170
01:24:58,510 --> 01:25:02,513
...whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
1171
01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:04,348
I mean...
1172
01:25:04,975 --> 01:25:06,934
...whom has he really hurt?
1173
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,938
Not me.
1174
01:25:11,314 --> 01:25:12,523
I was...
1175
01:25:15,026 --> 01:25:16,360
This man...
1176
01:25:19,155 --> 01:25:21,448
No one ever called me Leo before.
1177
01:25:22,325 --> 01:25:24,451
I know it's not a big legal point...
1178
01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:28,664
...but even in kindergarten,
they used to call me Bloom.
1179
01:25:29,583 --> 01:25:31,417
I never sang a song before.
1180
01:25:31,418 --> 01:25:32,585
I mean with someone else.
1181
01:25:32,586 --> 01:25:34,795
I never sang a song with someone else before.
1182
01:25:35,839 --> 01:25:39,967
This man...
1183
01:25:41,177 --> 01:25:43,137
This is a wonderful man.
1184
01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:46,974
He made me what I am today.
1185
01:25:48,101 --> 01:25:49,268
He did.
1186
01:25:51,980 --> 01:25:53,814
And what of the dear ladies?
1187
01:25:55,025 --> 01:25:58,527
What would their lives have been
without Max Bialystock?
1188
01:26:00,113 --> 01:26:01,697
Max Bialystock...
1189
01:26:02,907 --> 01:26:05,492
...who made them feel young...
1190
01:26:06,661 --> 01:26:08,579
...and attractive...
1191
01:26:09,539 --> 01:26:11,165
...and wanted again?
1192
01:26:15,253 --> 01:26:17,421
That's all that I have to say.
1193
01:26:22,802 --> 01:26:24,219
Order. Order.
1194
01:26:28,266 --> 01:26:32,269
And may I humbly add, your honor,
that we've learned our lesson...
1195
01:26:32,270 --> 01:26:34,355
...and that we'll never do it again.
1196
01:26:42,864 --> 01:26:45,115
"Prisoners of love
1197
01:26:45,116 --> 01:26:46,867
"Blue skies above"
1198
01:26:47,243 --> 01:26:50,037
"Can't keep our hearts in jail"
1199
01:26:56,878 --> 01:26:58,712
No!
1200
01:26:59,464 --> 01:27:02,132
Now, come on, guys, let's put a little life in it.
1201
01:27:04,969 --> 01:27:06,595
"Prisoners of love
1202
01:27:07,180 --> 01:27:09,098
"Blue skies above
1203
01:27:09,557 --> 01:27:13,310
"Can't keep our hearts in jail"
1204
01:27:13,978 --> 01:27:15,938
"Prisoners of love..."
1205
01:27:17,232 --> 01:27:19,942
You now own 20 percent of Prisoners of Love.
1206
01:27:19,943 --> 01:27:21,402
Congratulations. Yes, sir?
1207
01:27:27,951 --> 01:27:30,160
You now own 30 percent of Prisoners of Love.
1208
01:27:30,161 --> 01:27:32,121
Congratulations. Yes, sir?
1209
01:27:33,832 --> 01:27:35,624
The warden would like to make...
1210
01:27:35,625 --> 01:27:38,252
...a little investment in your production.
1211
01:27:43,967 --> 01:27:46,218
Tell him he owns 50 percent of the show.
1212
01:27:46,219 --> 01:27:47,970
- Thanks!
- My pleasure.
1213
01:27:47,971 --> 01:27:49,763
From the top, Franz, once more.
1214
01:27:53,059 --> 01:27:55,227
"Prisoners of love
1215
01:27:55,228 --> 01:27:57,104
"Blue skies above
1216
01:27:57,480 --> 01:27:59,648
"Can't keep our hearts in jail"
1217
01:27:59,649 --> 01:28:01,358
Sing it out, men!
1218
01:28:01,901 --> 01:28:03,277
"Prisoners of love"
1219
01:28:03,278 --> 01:28:05,612
Higher, you animals, higher!
1220
01:28:05,613 --> 01:28:08,365
We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
1221
01:28:09,576 --> 01:28:12,035
"You can lock us up
1222
01:28:12,036 --> 01:28:13,871
"And lose the key
1223
01:28:14,205 --> 01:28:18,000
"But hearts in love are always free
1224
01:28:18,960 --> 01:28:21,003
"Prisoners of love
1225
01:28:21,004 --> 01:28:22,921
"Blue skies above
1226
01:28:22,922 --> 01:28:26,341
"'cause we're still prisoners of love
1227
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,763
"You can lock us up and lose the key
1228
01:28:30,764 --> 01:28:33,015
"But hearts in love
1229
01:28:33,016 --> 01:28:34,725
"Will always be"
1230
01:28:38,062 --> 01:28:40,481
"Prisoners of love"
1231
01:28:43,735 --> 01:28:45,986
"Blue skies above
1232
01:28:46,196 --> 01:28:48,405
"'cause we're still prisoners
1233
01:28:48,406 --> 01:28:50,324
"We're still prisoners"
1234
01:28:50,325 --> 01:28:55,245
"We're still prisoners of love..."
89059
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