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1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,660
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:06,664 --> 00:00:08,875
Seriously? Why are you doing this now?
3
00:00:08,899 --> 00:00:10,010
I have to finish an invoice.
4
00:00:10,034 --> 00:00:11,979
This is not like homework.
I have to do this.
5
00:00:12,003 --> 00:00:14,281
[SIGHS] We're down to
two forks and a cup,
6
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:17,451
so I am scouring the house
for dirty dishes.
7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,219
Last night, I ate macaroni and cheese
8
00:00:19,243 --> 00:00:20,554
off an old record album.
9
00:00:20,578 --> 00:00:22,845
If I don't do this, I have to
break out the wedding china.
10
00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:26,715
- What's this?
- I dunno.
11
00:00:29,553 --> 00:00:32,432
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Norwood,
thank you for the wallet.
12
00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:33,455
I really..."
13
00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,204
"Dear Mrs. Purdy, thank you
14
00:00:37,228 --> 00:00:40,273
for writing a recommendation for..."
15
00:00:40,297 --> 00:00:41,797
For what, Axl? You didn't finish it.
16
00:00:44,635 --> 00:00:46,179
Oh, my God.
17
00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:49,282
There's millions of
thank-you notes in here!
18
00:00:49,306 --> 00:00:51,618
Are you telling me
you didn't send these out?!
19
00:00:51,642 --> 00:00:53,286
I didn't know where they were.
20
00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:55,922
If you'd rake more often,
this wouldn't be a problem.
21
00:00:55,946 --> 00:00:57,824
I don't believe this.
22
00:00:57,848 --> 00:01:00,293
This is for your
high school graduation...
23
00:01:00,317 --> 00:01:02,462
money for your birthday...
24
00:01:02,486 --> 00:01:04,898
What?! This is from when you were 5!
25
00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:06,066
I'm sorry, but you always said
26
00:01:06,090 --> 00:01:07,834
thank-you notes got to be
more than one sentence,
27
00:01:07,858 --> 00:01:09,169
and two sentences is hard.
28
00:01:09,193 --> 00:01:11,705
One of them is "Thank you."
How hard could that be?
29
00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:12,773
And look at this...
30
00:01:12,797 --> 00:01:14,708
I even addressed the envelopes for you
31
00:01:14,732 --> 00:01:16,476
and put a stamp on them!
32
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,845
Oh, my God, Mom! You're making
way too big a deal out of this.
33
00:01:18,869 --> 00:01:20,614
All I'm saying is that
when people take the time
34
00:01:20,638 --> 00:01:21,748
to give you something,
35
00:01:21,772 --> 00:01:23,617
you should take the time
to say "Thank you."
36
00:01:23,641 --> 00:01:24,885
It's just what people do.
37
00:01:24,909 --> 00:01:26,186
Nobody cares about things
38
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,954
as much as you care about things.
39
00:01:27,978 --> 00:01:29,256
Well, you should care!
40
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:30,624
Now, you are gonna send out
these thank-you notes,
41
00:01:30,648 --> 00:01:32,059
even if they're eight years too late.
42
00:01:32,083 --> 00:01:34,795
And if anybody asks you, you
tell them that this is on you,
43
00:01:34,819 --> 00:01:36,229
because I did my job.
44
00:01:36,253 --> 00:01:38,098
I will take the hit
for sporadic flushing,
45
00:01:38,122 --> 00:01:39,933
but I am not a bad parent.
46
00:01:39,957 --> 00:01:42,335
The school called.
They want us to come down.
47
00:01:42,359 --> 00:01:43,770
Seems like there's a problem with Brick.
48
00:01:43,794 --> 00:01:46,540
[SIGHS] You couldn't have
told me that outside?
49
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:54,181
♪
50
00:01:54,205 --> 00:01:55,449
Oh, I can't eat the bottom.
51
00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,451
But I can't bring myself
to eat the head, either.
52
00:01:57,475 --> 00:01:58,852
That's too sad.
53
00:01:58,876 --> 00:02:00,620
Alright, I'll start at the bottom.
54
00:02:00,644 --> 00:02:02,456
Oh, no. 'Cause then they see
themselves without a body.
55
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,690
That's worse.
56
00:02:03,714 --> 00:02:05,659
Oh. I almost forgot...
guess who I ran into yesterday.
57
00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:07,561
Never mind. I'll just
tell you... Sean Donahue!
58
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:08,829
Is he back from spring break?
59
00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:10,097
He must be, 'cause I saw him in the quad.
60
00:02:10,121 --> 00:02:11,264
And he says "Hi."
61
00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:14,701
Hold on. Did he say, "Hi,"
or did he say, "Hi"?
62
00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:15,836
Somewhere in between the two.
63
00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:16,937
He was also slightly annoyed
64
00:02:16,961 --> 00:02:18,371
'cause I ran up and jumped on his back,
65
00:02:18,395 --> 00:02:20,140
put my hands over his eyes,
and said, "Guess who."
66
00:02:20,164 --> 00:02:21,708
I thought we were
jump-on-the-back friends,
67
00:02:21,732 --> 00:02:23,210
but I guess we're not there yet.
68
00:02:23,234 --> 00:02:24,845
Aw.
69
00:02:24,869 --> 00:02:27,013
Okay, listen, uh...
70
00:02:27,037 --> 00:02:28,815
there's something
I've been thinking about.
71
00:02:28,839 --> 00:02:30,717
I told my mom, and she said
it was a good idea,
72
00:02:30,741 --> 00:02:31,818
but I wanted to run it by you.
73
00:02:31,842 --> 00:02:33,487
Oh. Go.
74
00:02:33,511 --> 00:02:35,055
Well...
75
00:02:35,079 --> 00:02:37,891
I have decided
to give Sean my snow globe.
76
00:02:37,915 --> 00:02:40,127
You know, 'cause he always calls
me his special snowflake.
77
00:02:40,151 --> 00:02:43,296
So I figured I would just do it
and tell him how I feel
78
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,465
and that I liked the kiss.
79
00:02:45,489 --> 00:02:47,000
I liked it a lot.
80
00:02:47,024 --> 00:02:48,435
[INHALES DEEPLY] What do you think?
81
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:49,736
I think it's a great idea.
82
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,872
I'm so happy with Luke,
and I want you to be happy
83
00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:54,808
so I don't have to subvert my
happiness when I'm around you.
84
00:02:54,832 --> 00:02:56,309
Alright, let's leave it to the fates.
85
00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:59,513
If the next jellybean I pick is
green, then I'll go for it.
86
00:02:59,537 --> 00:03:02,082
[SQUEALS]
87
00:03:02,106 --> 00:03:03,383
Yellow. I said "yellow," right?
88
00:03:03,407 --> 00:03:05,174
- I heard "yellow."
- Yeah.
89
00:03:07,144 --> 00:03:09,156
Well, I'd like to
thank you both for coming down.
90
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:11,224
And... And let me just start by saying...
91
00:03:11,248 --> 00:03:12,959
this is not my favorite thing to do.
92
00:03:12,983 --> 00:03:15,162
This is uncomfortable for everyone.
93
00:03:15,186 --> 00:03:17,297
Look, this isn't our first rodeo,
94
00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:20,333
so just tell us how weird,
how inappropriate...
95
00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:22,002
And how much it's gonna cost.
96
00:03:22,026 --> 00:03:23,637
Here's the thing... um...
97
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,740
seems he's been incessantly...
98
00:03:26,764 --> 00:03:28,997
making out... all over school.
99
00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:32,065
W-With a person?
100
00:03:32,092 --> 00:03:33,079
What?
101
00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,514
Not with a locker?
102
00:03:34,538 --> 00:03:35,649
No.
103
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,584
Brick and this girlfriend
of his, they, uh...
104
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,578
well, they just go at it all the time.
105
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,523
Mike! [SCOFFS]
106
00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:45,959
And based on Brick's
previous social interactions
107
00:03:45,983 --> 00:03:47,427
and the fact that
he now has a girlfriend,
108
00:03:47,451 --> 00:03:49,763
it just... well,
just how far he's come...
109
00:03:49,787 --> 00:03:52,866
you know, n-normally, I would let it go,
110
00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:55,569
but I had my ass handed to me
by the principal.
111
00:03:55,593 --> 00:03:58,238
Apparently, all the work
we've done together has, uh,
112
00:03:58,262 --> 00:04:00,340
emboldened Brick and his girlfriend
113
00:04:00,364 --> 00:04:02,742
to make out
in... in inappropriate places.
114
00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:05,679
He... He can't be the only one
making out in the hallway.
115
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,214
No, but he is the only one making out
116
00:04:07,238 --> 00:04:08,437
during a prayer vigil.
117
00:04:09,673 --> 00:04:11,585
So far, the administration
has been lenient,
118
00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:14,855
but if it happens again, well,
there will be consequences.
119
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,857
For him or for us?
120
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:18,692
Three-day at-home suspension.
121
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,060
Then for us.
122
00:04:20,084 --> 00:04:22,362
And I don't want to see Brick hurt.
123
00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:24,397
Truth is, of all the students
who've come through my office,
124
00:04:24,421 --> 00:04:26,099
he's the one I'll remember the most.
125
00:04:26,123 --> 00:04:27,601
You know, I even like to think
126
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:30,170
that we're somewhat similar, you know.
127
00:04:30,194 --> 00:04:33,807
I was not always the heppest cat
in school. [CHUCKLES]
128
00:04:33,831 --> 00:04:37,244
But I think it's nice that Brick
has found someone in Cindy,
129
00:04:37,268 --> 00:04:39,246
just as I, myself, have reconnected
130
00:04:39,270 --> 00:04:41,436
with the love of my life... Shelley.
131
00:04:42,773 --> 00:04:45,452
Don't let anyone tell you
that stalking doesn't work.
132
00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:46,820
[CHUCKLES]
133
00:04:46,844 --> 00:04:49,522
Well, thank you. Uh, thank you so much.
134
00:04:49,546 --> 00:04:52,025
And we take this very seriously.
135
00:04:52,049 --> 00:04:53,960
I mean, this is troubling
to both of us...
136
00:04:53,984 --> 00:04:56,897
mostly Mike, 'cause
he's in charge of the boys.
137
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,799
♪
138
00:04:59,823 --> 00:05:01,397
- You got the snow globe?
- Got the globe.
139
00:05:01,421 --> 00:05:02,490
You know what you're gonna say?
140
00:05:02,514 --> 00:05:03,517
I know what I'm gonna say.
141
00:05:03,541 --> 00:05:04,923
Uh, but I don't want to say it right now
142
00:05:04,947 --> 00:05:06,506
because I've practiced it
in the mirror a thousand times,
143
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,541
and I don't want it
to sound over-rehearsed.
144
00:05:08,565 --> 00:05:10,644
- Okay, teeth check.
- You're good.
145
00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:12,178
- Booger check.
- Clean.
146
00:05:12,202 --> 00:05:15,215
Okay, this is it, Brad.
This is really it.
147
00:05:15,239 --> 00:05:16,583
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
148
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:21,454
♪
149
00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:22,622
Who's that?
150
00:05:22,646 --> 00:05:24,313
Oh, then you see her, too?
151
00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:26,526
It's probably nothing.
152
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:28,595
I mean, she looks older... like 24.
153
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:29,963
Sean's 24.
154
00:05:29,987 --> 00:05:32,365
Yeah, but she doesn't even look
like a college student.
155
00:05:32,389 --> 00:05:34,935
Sean's not in college, either.
He's in medical school.
156
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:36,536
Well, maybe it was purely a medical hug,
157
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,538
like, uh, like a front Heimlich
or something.
158
00:05:38,562 --> 00:05:41,875
I didn't see any food
shooting out of her mouth.
159
00:05:41,899 --> 00:05:45,278
Oh, my God. Brad, how am I
supposed to compete with that?
160
00:05:45,302 --> 00:05:48,348
Okay, maybe she's older
and more mature and womanly,
161
00:05:48,372 --> 00:05:52,185
but you've got this... whole
panda thing working for you.
162
00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:57,012
♪
163
00:06:00,065 --> 00:06:03,411
I still can't believe Brick
making out all over school.
164
00:06:03,435 --> 00:06:05,033
- Mike!
- What?
165
00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:06,614
I can't be happy my kid's
getting a little action?
166
00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,149
No, it doesn't work that way.
167
00:06:08,173 --> 00:06:09,884
Look, if you're a football player
168
00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:12,287
and a cheerleader making out
at school, it's cool.
169
00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:14,022
If you're president of the Font Club
170
00:06:14,046 --> 00:06:16,391
making out with a girl that's 9 feet tall
171
00:06:16,415 --> 00:06:19,627
wearing a safari hat,
it's just a freak show.
172
00:06:19,651 --> 00:06:21,129
I-I mean, you know Brick.
173
00:06:21,153 --> 00:06:23,298
You know he has issues with social cues.
174
00:06:23,322 --> 00:06:25,333
Oh, come on. We've had so many issues.
175
00:06:25,357 --> 00:06:27,035
Can't we be done?
176
00:06:27,059 --> 00:06:28,470
When are we out of this thing?
177
00:06:28,494 --> 00:06:31,239
Well, we had kids, so never.
178
00:06:31,263 --> 00:06:32,774
Look, you're gonna have to talk to Brick.
179
00:06:32,798 --> 00:06:34,742
What? Why me? Why do I
got to talk to him?
180
00:06:34,766 --> 00:06:37,011
'Cause a guy needs to hear
this kind of thing from his dad.
181
00:06:37,035 --> 00:06:39,614
You know, all that stuff
about how to treat a lady
182
00:06:39,638 --> 00:06:42,016
and what's appropriate and PDA.
183
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,387
Did you cover any of this
when you gave him the sex talk?
184
00:06:46,044 --> 00:06:47,455
You didn't give him the sex talk?
185
00:06:47,479 --> 00:06:48,756
I didn't think we'd have to!
186
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:50,458
Well, you have to, Mike. You have to.
187
00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:52,048
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
188
00:06:54,119 --> 00:06:58,032
♪
189
00:06:58,056 --> 00:07:00,835
Really? You sent out
a group thank-you text?
190
00:07:00,859 --> 00:07:01,951
What?
191
00:07:01,975 --> 00:07:03,538
I just got a text from Nancy
192
00:07:03,562 --> 00:07:06,908
saying she got a cute text
thanking her and 25 other people
193
00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:10,011
for gifts or services
they may have given in the past.
194
00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,546
Oh, good. I'm glad she liked it.
195
00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:13,481
By the way, Mom,
it took, like, one second.
196
00:07:13,505 --> 00:07:15,416
Yeah, I know it "took, like, one second,"
197
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:16,518
'cause it shows!
198
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,686
You didn't even spell out "Thank you."
199
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:22,357
You texted "THX," the number 4,
and the gift emoji.
200
00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:24,425
You... You literally phoned it in!
201
00:07:24,449 --> 00:07:25,827
Times have changed, lady!
202
00:07:25,851 --> 00:07:27,929
I'm not being lazy.
It's called "being efficient."
203
00:07:27,953 --> 00:07:29,898
You're just mad 'cause you got to
use the biggest font on your phone
204
00:07:29,922 --> 00:07:31,466
and you still have to squint to see it.
205
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,600
Ha ha. I'm old.
206
00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:35,136
Okay, look, here's how
it's gonna go down.
207
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,772
As long as you are living here rent-free
208
00:07:37,796 --> 00:07:40,742
and I am busting my hump
to pay for your cereal
209
00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:43,111
and your fancy shaving cream with aloe,
210
00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:46,114
you are gonna write
those thank-you notes on paper,
211
00:07:46,138 --> 00:07:48,850
with your own hand,
and it's got to fill the page!
212
00:07:48,874 --> 00:07:49,884
Are we clear?!
213
00:07:49,908 --> 00:07:51,486
[MUFFLED] Okay! Fine!
214
00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:53,187
[SIGHING] Oh, my God.
215
00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:54,556
Axl, I just raked under there!
216
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:55,990
[GROWLS] Go away!
217
00:07:56,014 --> 00:07:58,860
♪
218
00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:01,918
[SPORTING EVENT PLAYING ON TELEVISION]
219
00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:06,568
[SIGHS]
220
00:08:06,592 --> 00:08:08,469
[TELEVISION SHUTS OFF]
221
00:08:08,493 --> 00:08:09,737
What's wrong?
222
00:08:09,761 --> 00:08:10,939
What do you mean?
223
00:08:10,963 --> 00:08:13,474
You turned off the TV
when a basketball game is on.
224
00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:14,525
Is Mom dead?
225
00:08:14,549 --> 00:08:15,725
Why would you say that?
226
00:08:15,749 --> 00:08:17,078
Well, the last time you turned off the TV
227
00:08:17,102 --> 00:08:19,614
when a game was on, Aunt Edie died.
228
00:08:19,638 --> 00:08:21,449
Look, nobody's dead, okay?
229
00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:23,217
The school called me and your mom down
230
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,353
to talk to Dr. Fulton.
231
00:08:25,377 --> 00:08:26,654
Word is, you and Cindy
232
00:08:26,678 --> 00:08:29,090
are getting a little frisky at school.
233
00:08:29,114 --> 00:08:30,959
Oh, yeah, when I was
making out with Cindy,
234
00:08:30,983 --> 00:08:33,227
I saw him lurking around
out of the corner of my eye.
235
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:34,429
He was trying to talk to me.
236
00:08:34,453 --> 00:08:36,197
Who talks during a prayer vigil?
237
00:08:36,221 --> 00:08:39,434
[SIGHS] Well, the can
got kicked down the road to me,
238
00:08:39,458 --> 00:08:42,192
so I think it's time
for a little father/son chat.
239
00:08:44,329 --> 00:08:46,140
I, uh...
240
00:08:46,164 --> 00:08:48,676
I assume that Axl has told you about sex?
241
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:49,944
Yeah, I'm up to speed.
242
00:08:49,968 --> 00:08:52,180
I had a little mix-up on a health quiz.
243
00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:54,282
Turns out there are no outside ovaries.
244
00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:55,617
Let me save you some embarrassment.
245
00:08:55,641 --> 00:08:57,352
We don't have them.
246
00:08:57,376 --> 00:08:58,786
I'm aware.
247
00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:02,056
But there's some stuff
that maybe Axl didn't tell you.
248
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,793
For example, you should always
have respect for women,
249
00:09:05,817 --> 00:09:08,329
and make sure that you ask consent.
250
00:09:08,353 --> 00:09:11,065
You know, you got to ask
permission before you...
251
00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:12,934
Touch her ears?
252
00:09:12,958 --> 00:09:14,035
Uh...
253
00:09:14,059 --> 00:09:16,337
Y... sure. Yeah.
254
00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:19,407
But my point is, whether
it's ears or anything else...
255
00:09:19,431 --> 00:09:21,542
- I'd stick to ears...
- Mm-hmm.
256
00:09:21,566 --> 00:09:22,732
"No" means "No."
257
00:09:23,835 --> 00:09:24,946
- Got it?
- Got it.
258
00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:25,980
Okay.
259
00:09:26,004 --> 00:09:27,448
Oh, plus, there seems to be this issue
260
00:09:27,472 --> 00:09:30,251
where you're... making out a lot.
261
00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:31,886
But making out's so enjoyable.
262
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,255
It took me and Cindy
a while to figure it out...
263
00:09:34,279 --> 00:09:36,257
watching couples in the park helped...
264
00:09:36,281 --> 00:09:38,026
but now I know what I'm doing.
265
00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,494
We move our lips now.
266
00:09:39,518 --> 00:09:40,662
Congratulations on that,
267
00:09:40,686 --> 00:09:42,597
but you know how
every time I kiss your mom,
268
00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:44,432
you guys say, "Ugh! That's disgusting!"?
269
00:09:44,456 --> 00:09:45,733
Yeah.
270
00:09:45,757 --> 00:09:48,169
Well, that's might be
how other people feel about you.
271
00:09:48,193 --> 00:09:50,038
So, out of respect for other people,
272
00:09:50,062 --> 00:09:52,006
no kissing in front of them at school.
273
00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:53,174
Or at home.
274
00:09:53,198 --> 00:09:55,009
The woods is good.
275
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:57,445
Or, uh, any alley, behind a Dumpster.
276
00:09:57,469 --> 00:09:59,480
You should feel a sense of shame.
277
00:09:59,504 --> 00:10:00,948
That's how you know
you're doing it right.
278
00:10:00,972 --> 00:10:02,016
[CLICKS TONGUE]
279
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,851
♪
280
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,253
[SIGHS]
281
00:10:05,277 --> 00:10:08,389
♪
282
00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,024
There must be something in here
283
00:10:10,048 --> 00:10:11,793
that makes me look more mature.
284
00:10:11,817 --> 00:10:13,394
What about this?
285
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:16,464
We all love ice cream,
but we don't have to wear it.
286
00:10:16,488 --> 00:10:17,620
Ohh, yeah.
287
00:10:19,091 --> 00:10:21,035
Look, are you sure we're not
jumping to conclusions?
288
00:10:21,059 --> 00:10:22,770
I mean, we don't even know
who this woman is.
289
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:24,505
Maybe, but it made me realize...
290
00:10:24,529 --> 00:10:26,874
Sean's only gonna see me
as Axl's little sister
291
00:10:26,898 --> 00:10:30,111
because I'm still dressing
like Axl's little sister.
292
00:10:30,135 --> 00:10:31,813
You know, I'm 21 now.
293
00:10:31,837 --> 00:10:33,881
I need to start dressing
in a way that shows
294
00:10:33,905 --> 00:10:36,661
I am a capable and confident woman.
295
00:10:37,342 --> 00:10:40,121
Then we should probably get rid
of the bumblebee sweater.
296
00:10:40,145 --> 00:10:42,356
But it's the only thing that
goes with my bumblebee pants.
297
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,691
Yeah, about those...
298
00:10:43,715 --> 00:10:46,094
Oh, yeah. I know. I know.
299
00:10:46,118 --> 00:10:48,930
It's just... I don't know.
I like being a little different.
300
00:10:48,954 --> 00:10:50,431
And I like that my outsides
301
00:10:50,455 --> 00:10:52,333
reflect the way I feel on the inside.
302
00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:54,736
No one's saying
you have to lose your Sue-ness.
303
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,003
Polka dots are good.
304
00:10:56,027 --> 00:10:58,806
Just not "Put Me in the Zoo" polka dots.
305
00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,775
[SIGHS] You know, it's a blessing
306
00:11:00,799 --> 00:11:02,643
I didn't get to tell Sean how I feel.
307
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,644
I'm not ready.
308
00:11:03,668 --> 00:11:05,813
I need to be more sophisticated.
309
00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:08,316
Now let's pretend we're at the end
of a shopping montage and I'm fixed.
310
00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:10,284
- How did you get me there?
- Okay.
311
00:11:10,308 --> 00:11:13,488
Well... I'm seeing you
as a Jessica Chastain type
312
00:11:13,512 --> 00:11:15,590
with a touch of Emma Stone...
but with hats.
313
00:11:15,614 --> 00:11:17,125
[GASPS] I love hats!
314
00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:18,281
[CHUCKLES]
315
00:11:20,685 --> 00:11:22,530
BRICK: No.
316
00:11:22,554 --> 00:11:23,998
Sorry. Just cutting through.
317
00:11:24,022 --> 00:11:25,933
Brad's teaching me how to dress.
318
00:11:25,957 --> 00:11:28,102
Hmm. Dad's teaching me
how to kiss girls in the woods.
319
00:11:28,126 --> 00:11:29,303
Ohhh.
320
00:11:29,327 --> 00:11:31,272
♪
321
00:11:31,296 --> 00:11:32,796
[SIGHS]
322
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,678
Hey, Brick. What do you think of this?
323
00:11:37,702 --> 00:11:40,381
"Dear Uncle Ralph, thank you
for the Spider-man lunch box.
324
00:11:40,405 --> 00:11:42,817
I found it quite useful
in transporting my sandwich
325
00:11:42,841 --> 00:11:44,085
to my place of education.
326
00:11:44,109 --> 00:11:45,887
The thermos was especially useful
327
00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:47,622
in keeping my liquids chilled."
328
00:11:47,646 --> 00:11:48,689
How does that sound?
329
00:11:48,713 --> 00:11:50,291
I think you know the answer to that.
330
00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:52,059
Urgh! I'm trying to use a lot of words
331
00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:53,961
'cause Mom says
I have to "fill the page."
332
00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:55,229
Well, Axl, it's not that hard.
333
00:11:55,253 --> 00:11:56,798
Just write the way you talk.
334
00:11:56,822 --> 00:11:59,100
Okay. Here's how I talk... this sucks!
335
00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:02,036
I didn't ask for any of these
stupid presents. They just came.
336
00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:04,438
Did baby Jesus have to write
thank-you notes to the Wise Men?
337
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:07,275
Was Mary all on him like,
"Oh, thank you for the myrrh.
338
00:12:07,299 --> 00:12:09,844
I'll be sure to use it
next time I put myrrh on stuff."
339
00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:12,180
Actually, Jesus did
the ultimate thank-you.
340
00:12:12,204 --> 00:12:14,103
Yes, but he didn't
have to write anything.
341
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,040
[SIGHS]
342
00:12:18,465 --> 00:12:20,804
FRANKIE: Having gotten the sex
talk with Brick out of the way,
343
00:12:20,829 --> 00:12:23,222
Mike went back to doing
what was really important...
344
00:12:23,249 --> 00:12:25,894
trying to get another
1,000 miles out of his car.
345
00:12:25,918 --> 00:12:27,150
[SIGHS]
346
00:12:29,288 --> 00:12:31,032
Did you tell Brick to stop kissing me?
347
00:12:31,056 --> 00:12:33,201
W-Well... yeah.
348
00:12:33,225 --> 00:12:35,003
No. Not in so many words.
349
00:12:35,027 --> 00:12:36,671
How many words did you use?
350
00:12:36,695 --> 00:12:38,173
Look, the school has a policy...
351
00:12:38,197 --> 00:12:40,108
So you're trying
to pin this on the school?
352
00:12:40,132 --> 00:12:42,544
Since your little interference,
Brick's grown distant.
353
00:12:42,568 --> 00:12:43,878
He won't make out before school,
354
00:12:43,902 --> 00:12:45,247
he won't make out in science class
355
00:12:45,271 --> 00:12:46,348
when we dissect the frog.
356
00:12:46,372 --> 00:12:48,216
We always make out over the frog.
357
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,417
Okay, see, that right there...
358
00:12:49,441 --> 00:12:50,652
I know what you're doing here.
359
00:12:50,676 --> 00:12:52,420
Just because the love has died
in your marriage
360
00:12:52,444 --> 00:12:53,755
doesn't mean you have to kill ours.
361
00:12:53,779 --> 00:12:54,714
What?
362
00:12:54,738 --> 00:12:56,280
I've heard the stories...
363
00:12:56,305 --> 00:12:58,149
floating anniversaries, no flowers,
364
00:12:58,173 --> 00:12:59,451
sleeping in separate bedrooms.
365
00:12:59,475 --> 00:13:00,685
Hang on.
366
00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:03,755
That's right. I know you've been
sleeping in Sue's room.
367
00:13:03,779 --> 00:13:06,691
That was just for a couple
a nights when Frankie's mom...
368
00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:09,327
Hey, I don't have to
explain myself to you.
369
00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:11,362
Fine. You're happily married.
370
00:13:11,386 --> 00:13:12,886
When's the last time
you kissed your wife?
371
00:13:14,256 --> 00:13:15,300
That's what I thought.
372
00:13:15,324 --> 00:13:16,768
Now, can I put you down for a popcorn tin
373
00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:18,024
for the Woman's Leadership Club?
374
00:13:19,595 --> 00:13:20,371
Sure.
375
00:13:20,395 --> 00:13:25,543
♪
376
00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:27,612
Mm-hmm.
377
00:13:27,636 --> 00:13:28,680
Uh-huh.
378
00:13:28,704 --> 00:13:30,315
Okay, if you want to be more adult,
379
00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:32,283
it's not just about
your clothes and makeup.
380
00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:35,153
It's also about how you conduct
yourself in conversation.
381
00:13:35,177 --> 00:13:37,088
Okay. So, I'm gonna say key words
382
00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:38,656
and see how you react to them.
383
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,158
- Dolphins.
- [GASPS] I love dolphins!
384
00:13:40,182 --> 00:13:41,893
[SIGHS] We all love dolphins, Sue,
385
00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:43,895
but instead of gasping,
you might talk about
386
00:13:43,919 --> 00:13:47,198
how they're endangered because
they get caught in drift nets.
387
00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:48,733
Now let's try another one.
388
00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:49,768
Double rainbows.
389
00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:52,137
[GASPS] I love double rainbows!
390
00:13:52,161 --> 00:13:53,471
That is not fair.
391
00:13:53,495 --> 00:13:55,640
Even a single rainbow,
I would get excited about.
392
00:13:55,664 --> 00:13:58,243
Some people say they're God's sneezes.
393
00:13:58,267 --> 00:14:00,111
Or... you might say,
394
00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:02,180
"Rainbows are lovely,
and we're lucky to enjoy them.
395
00:14:02,204 --> 00:14:04,215
And I also appreciate
they stand for gay rights."
396
00:14:04,239 --> 00:14:06,050
Now one more.
397
00:14:06,074 --> 00:14:07,018
Glitter.
398
00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:08,253
[STIFLED GASP]
399
00:14:08,277 --> 00:14:09,888
[SQUEAKS]
400
00:14:09,912 --> 00:14:13,792
[STRAINED] It... just
gets everywhere, doesn't it?
401
00:14:13,816 --> 00:14:15,994
[CHUCKLES] Better.
402
00:14:16,018 --> 00:14:17,796
[SIGHING] Ohh.
403
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:19,297
Whew. [CLEARS THROAT]
404
00:14:19,321 --> 00:14:23,001
♪
405
00:14:23,025 --> 00:14:24,155
Hmm.
406
00:14:25,661 --> 00:14:28,273
[TAPPING]
407
00:14:28,297 --> 00:14:30,775
Axl, how much longer is it gonna
take you to finish those?
408
00:14:30,799 --> 00:14:32,777
Turns out I'm not
a woods or alley kind of guy.
409
00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:34,512
I need a private place to bring Cindy
410
00:14:34,536 --> 00:14:37,348
now that the school won't
allow us to make out anymore.
411
00:14:37,372 --> 00:14:39,117
Thinkin' I'll be done
by the end of the day.
412
00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:40,418
[SIGHS] Great.
413
00:14:40,442 --> 00:14:41,553
With the first one.
414
00:14:41,577 --> 00:14:43,288
What?! That'll take forever!
415
00:14:43,312 --> 00:14:45,824
Mm. Gonna let you in
on a little secret here, Brick.
416
00:14:45,848 --> 00:14:48,159
Your brother, which you
look up to like a god,
417
00:14:48,183 --> 00:14:51,095
has got one weakness...
writin' things good.
418
00:14:51,119 --> 00:14:53,898
Oh, boo-hoo. You're bad at one thing?
419
00:14:53,922 --> 00:14:55,400
I'm bad at a million things.
420
00:14:55,424 --> 00:14:58,102
But I have one girl in the
universe who wants to kiss me,
421
00:14:58,126 --> 00:15:00,705
and I can't, because you can't
write a thank-you note
422
00:15:00,729 --> 00:15:01,940
from when you were 8 years old?
423
00:15:01,964 --> 00:15:03,541
Eh.
424
00:15:03,565 --> 00:15:04,642
Here. Give them to me.
425
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:06,044
Really? Oh, yes!
426
00:15:06,068 --> 00:15:07,745
[CHUCKLES]
427
00:15:07,769 --> 00:15:09,769
Yeah. Eh!
428
00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:15,567
Well, at least, here's one you
don't have to worry about...
429
00:15:15,591 --> 00:15:16,969
handkerchiefs from Aunt Edie.
430
00:15:16,993 --> 00:15:18,537
You're about three years too late.
431
00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:21,674
It's too bad. She would've
appreciated it, too.
432
00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:23,475
Oh, well.
433
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:25,411
♪
434
00:15:25,435 --> 00:15:33,919
♪
435
00:15:33,943 --> 00:15:35,087
You know what, Brick?
436
00:15:35,111 --> 00:15:36,889
Let me take another shot at those.
437
00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:38,957
Really? Okay, but pick up the pace.
438
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,726
I'm dating a tall wall
that needs a Brick.
439
00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:46,387
♪
440
00:15:48,391 --> 00:15:49,201
Aah!
441
00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:50,703
Owww! What the hell?!
442
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,037
Well, you scared me!
443
00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:54,173
Aah. Wow. Did you
take a class or something?
444
00:15:54,197 --> 00:15:55,507
What were you doing?
445
00:15:55,531 --> 00:15:56,542
I was gonna kiss you.
446
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,010
Why?
447
00:15:58,034 --> 00:16:00,212
'Cause I realized it's been a... while,
448
00:16:00,236 --> 00:16:01,547
and I was trying to be romantic.
449
00:16:01,571 --> 00:16:02,848
You're the one who's always harping on me
450
00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:04,116
to be more romantic.
451
00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:06,618
Fine, but don't be lurking
behind me, like a serial killer.
452
00:16:06,642 --> 00:16:07,986
Used to be you'd send me some signals.
453
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,955
You'd put on that song,
you'd light a scented candle.
454
00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:12,691
I knew where things were going.
I had time to shave stuff.
455
00:16:12,715 --> 00:16:13,926
Forget it.
456
00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:16,261
Hey, it was only an hour ago
you told me my pee smelled.
457
00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:18,564
Sorry if I'm not in a romantic mood.
458
00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:20,399
Never mind. Moment passed.
459
00:16:20,423 --> 00:16:23,469
♪
460
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:25,204
[SIGHS]
461
00:16:25,228 --> 00:16:27,406
You know what, Brick? Have at it.
462
00:16:27,430 --> 00:16:29,308
Kiss Cindy wherever
and whenever you want to.
463
00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:32,111
You're gonna be old before you know it.
It goes by fast.
464
00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:34,969
And if they give you any trouble
at school, I got your back.
465
00:16:37,473 --> 00:16:38,417
Hm.
466
00:16:38,441 --> 00:16:40,052
And what you may not know is,
467
00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:42,721
the symbol of the unicorn
has greatly impacted cultures
468
00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:43,889
throughout history.
469
00:16:43,913 --> 00:16:46,458
Obviously, we all know they're not real.
470
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,627
Even if a little girl on cold medicine
471
00:16:48,651 --> 00:16:50,929
once thought she saw one out her window,
472
00:16:50,953 --> 00:16:51,952
she did not.
473
00:16:53,089 --> 00:16:54,166
Excellent.
474
00:16:54,190 --> 00:16:55,634
But just to be super picky,
475
00:16:55,658 --> 00:16:57,703
you were playing with your hair
the whole time.
476
00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,371
Ugh. Seriously?
477
00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:01,507
Ugh! I didn't even realize
I was doing it.
478
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:02,708
Okay, um...
479
00:17:02,732 --> 00:17:04,943
Maybe if I keep my hands
in my back pockets.
480
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,512
No. Or under my armpits?
481
00:17:06,536 --> 00:17:08,781
Okay, this is crazy. [SIGHS]
482
00:17:08,805 --> 00:17:11,984
Sean either likes me
for who I am or he doesn't,
483
00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:13,641
and if he doesn't, it's not meant to be.
484
00:17:14,877 --> 00:17:16,054
There.
485
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,057
You have just become
Jessica Chastain before my eyes.
486
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,159
Just one little thing...
487
00:17:20,183 --> 00:17:22,027
I did some light snooping
on your competition.
488
00:17:22,051 --> 00:17:23,529
Her name is Kelly Marie Dannemiller,
489
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,130
and she was Oklahoma's Junior Miss,
490
00:17:25,154 --> 00:17:26,999
second runner-up
to America's Junior Miss.
491
00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:28,934
She spoke out against human
trafficking, and she yodels.
492
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,068
Did you want to know that?
493
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,004
I don't even care. It doesn't matter!
494
00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:34,306
I am taking the snow globe over to Sean,
495
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,441
and I am telling him how I feel.
496
00:17:36,465 --> 00:17:37,976
No more chickening out.
497
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,378
Okay. Good.
498
00:17:39,402 --> 00:17:40,746
Then I'm not even gonna tell you
499
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,047
she's self-taught on the ukulele.
500
00:17:42,071 --> 00:17:43,070
Good for her.
501
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,039
Mm!
502
00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,787
Hey-oh! Booyah!
503
00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:49,822
Ba-bam.
504
00:17:49,846 --> 00:17:50,823
I crushed it.
505
00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:52,491
I was funny, I was heartfelt,
506
00:17:52,515 --> 00:17:54,226
I acted like I knew these people.
507
00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:56,862
See, doesn't that feel good,
that sense of accomplishment?
508
00:17:56,886 --> 00:17:57,729
So good.
509
00:17:57,753 --> 00:17:59,765
Signed, sealed, you deliver.
510
00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:01,200
What do you want me to do with them?
511
00:18:01,224 --> 00:18:02,501
You got to take them to the thing...
512
00:18:02,525 --> 00:18:03,836
you know, where you take things?
513
00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:06,605
The post office? You don't know
what the post office is?
514
00:18:06,629 --> 00:18:09,241
I've heard of them.
Do they still have those?
515
00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:10,409
[SCOFFS]
516
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,611
Never mind. Just give me
the address. I'll Waze it.
517
00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:14,146
Nobody knows the address
of the post office.
518
00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:15,380
We just know where it is.
519
00:18:15,404 --> 00:18:16,548
And what is Waze?
520
00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:17,850
[GROANING] Oh, my God.
521
00:18:17,874 --> 00:18:20,207
♪
522
00:18:21,388 --> 00:18:24,508
♪♪
523
00:18:24,509 --> 00:18:25,853
Hey, you got mail on the counter.
524
00:18:25,877 --> 00:18:27,855
Oh, yeah? What's it say?
525
00:18:27,879 --> 00:18:29,690
How would I know? It's addressed to you.
526
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:30,880
Mm.
527
00:18:33,551 --> 00:18:35,963
Ooh.
528
00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:39,399
"Dear Axl, so nice to hear from
you after all of these years.
529
00:18:39,423 --> 00:18:41,902
Your thank-you note
brightened my day with laughter.
530
00:18:41,926 --> 00:18:43,770
You always were a charming fellow."
531
00:18:43,794 --> 00:18:44,872
[CHUCKLES]
532
00:18:44,896 --> 00:18:47,541
"Here's $2. Treat yourself to a video.
533
00:18:47,565 --> 00:18:48,675
Uncle Ralph."
534
00:18:48,699 --> 00:18:50,911
Aww. Uncle Ralph's a great guy.
535
00:18:50,935 --> 00:18:53,313
Don't forget to write him
a thank-you note for that money.
536
00:18:53,337 --> 00:18:56,750
♪
537
00:18:56,774 --> 00:18:58,510
- [WHIMPERING] Noooooo!
- Unfortunately for Axl,
538
00:18:58,535 --> 00:18:59,887
he got 10 more responses,
539
00:18:59,911 --> 00:19:03,524
totaling $8... all requiring thank-yous.
540
00:19:03,548 --> 00:19:07,628
Well, it's like they say...
"No good deed goes unpunished."
541
00:19:07,652 --> 00:19:13,767
♪
542
00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,235
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
543
00:19:15,259 --> 00:19:20,140
♪
544
00:19:20,164 --> 00:19:22,342
Hey, Suzy Q! I'm so glad to see you!
545
00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:23,777
- Y-You are?
- Oh, my God.
546
00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:25,779
You're not gonna believe this.
I literally just got it.
547
00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:27,214
This second... the e-mail. I'm in.
548
00:19:27,238 --> 00:19:29,316
I got accepted to the Delman Fellowship.
549
00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:31,618
- What?!
- In Ghana!
550
00:19:31,642 --> 00:19:33,120
- What?
- Yeah!
551
00:19:33,144 --> 00:19:34,955
I applied for it so long ago,
I practically forgot.
552
00:19:34,979 --> 00:19:36,823
I didn't think I'd get in.
I got to call my friend Kelly.
553
00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:38,559
She's the one who told me
about it in the first place.
554
00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:40,127
Her husband did it a couple years ago...
555
00:19:40,151 --> 00:19:42,629
said it changed his life,
made him a better doctor.
556
00:19:42,653 --> 00:19:43,630
Ohhhhh.
557
00:19:43,654 --> 00:19:45,499
So... I'm leaving in a month,
558
00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:47,734
and I'm gonna be gone all summer.
559
00:19:47,758 --> 00:19:48,902
[SINGSONG VOICE] I'm going to Ghana!
560
00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:50,103
[CHUCKLES]
561
00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:52,539
Well, if you got into Ghana,
you gotta go to Ghana.
562
00:19:52,563 --> 00:19:54,608
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
563
00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:56,210
- Ahhh!
- [LAUGHS]
564
00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:57,357
- [CLANK]
- Oh! Oh!
565
00:19:57,381 --> 00:19:58,545
Whatcha got in there?
566
00:19:58,569 --> 00:20:00,547
'Cause if it's a bottle of
champagne, break that puppy out.
567
00:20:00,571 --> 00:20:02,316
Oh, no. No. Not champagne.
568
00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:04,073
No. No.
569
00:20:05,243 --> 00:20:07,154
But Ghana! Wow!
570
00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:09,556
I know. I'm so pumped.
It's such a great program.
571
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,658
And they do a lot of charity work, too.
572
00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:12,826
So...
573
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:15,262
♪
574
00:20:15,286 --> 00:20:17,164
I guess when it comes to young love,
575
00:20:17,188 --> 00:20:19,121
timing is everything.
576
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:22,903
But when it comes to old love,
577
00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:25,672
it's really about putting in the effort.
578
00:20:25,696 --> 00:20:27,741
[GLEN CAMPBELL'S "WICHITA LINEMAN" PLAYS]
579
00:20:27,765 --> 00:20:30,577
♪ I am a lineman for the county ♪
580
00:20:30,601 --> 00:20:31,778
MIKE: Frankie!
581
00:20:31,802 --> 00:20:33,814
One second!
582
00:20:33,838 --> 00:20:38,852
♪ And I drive the main road ♪
583
00:20:38,876 --> 00:20:42,089
♪ Searching in the sun for another... ♪
584
00:20:42,113 --> 00:20:43,190
[GRUNTS]
585
00:20:43,214 --> 00:20:46,615
♪ ...overload ♪
586
00:20:47,785 --> 00:20:51,031
♪ I hear you singin' in the wire ♪
587
00:20:51,055 --> 00:20:53,867
Be right there!
588
00:20:53,891 --> 00:20:57,615
- ♪ I can hear you through the whine ♪
- [SINGSONG VOICE] Almost ready!
43044
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