Original subtitles

Henry VIII a fat fierce and famous for

his way with women

he was 200 pounds of dynamite and a

2-inch views six wives

Henry dick has got this unbelievable

reputation for being this great lothario

five thousand calories a day it'd be

lifted up and downstairs by some great

pulley systems at one tragic accident

there's an interesting argument that

this damaged his brain welcome to the

secret life of Henry d8

[Music]

thirty-eight ruled England from 1509 to

15,000 during that time he pissed off

the Pope gained over a hundred and fifty

pounds and married six women their fates

immortalized by this handy schoolyard

rhyme if the tabloid press had existed

back then they would have had a field

day the popular perception of Henry the

eighth he's a really horrible tyrannical

cruel man who most people think kills

all of his wives to look at him and say

oh fat old woman is just too simplistic

and simply not true

today's Royal peanut boys have nothing

on Henry he's the tantalizing tutor the

sexiest man alive

the handsomest sovereign in Christendom

writes the Venetian ambassador there is

fiery power in his eyes gushes Sir

Thomas More he was described as the

best-dressed sovereign in the world the

most attractive King had ever lived

[Music]

he was six foot two when most men would

have come up to about here the average

height was five foot seven and a half

he had a fine head of red hair that was

thought to be very attractive he had a

chest measuring 42 inches and a waist of

35 and let's not forget his magnificent

cars a sign of a good-looking man in the

16th century was their shapely leg

fashion at the time wasn't showing off

women's legs it was all about men's legs

and what was between them part of the

reason that Henry's club pieces is

emphasized so much is because he hasn't

produced the children that everybody was

expecting as the source of

overcompensation it's all about virility

and it's to say I'm such a man look at

me look at my broad shoulders look at my

huge keys

Henri's codpieces may have been

exaggerated but his physical prowess was

not in his prime he wore out six horses

a day filled elevator at his first

tennis courts and was an accomplished

wrestler and Archer and help was no dumb

jock he was also known for his poetry

his music

and legendary charm he was the perfect

Renaissance Prince but he wasn't the

only one Francis the first king of

France was also young buff and rich and

these two royal rivals became obsessed

with each other they grew beards at the

same time they compared their calves

they wrestled together and in 15-20 they

staged the biggest royal pissing match

the world has ever seen

officially the field of cloth of gold is

a superpower peace summit in reality

love the bling with Hank and Frank vying

to see who has the biggest codpiece for

anybody who was anybody in England and

France it would have been the equivalent

of a ticket to the Academy Awards or

something like that absolutely the

must-see show in town that particular

summer this magnificent oil painting is

the only visual record we have of the

event it clearly shows this Battle of

the pavilions Henry's a pleasure palace

in front were two fountains one poured

wine the other poured beer the brick

base of the palace was eight feet high

above that was 30 feet of canvas held up

by timber and painted to look like stone

this astonishing feat of Tudor

engineering was built for only two weeks

Frances dry sand equivalent sort of

thing away what he does is build a

massive massive trillion of tents so

large that it has to be held up by two

ships masts and the winner is on the

sheer physical ostentatious side I think

Henry probably comes out a bit better

[Music]

[Applause]

Henry may have been the king of bling

but which of these Renaissance rivals

ruled between the sheets hint the one

with a royal pace of the clap Henry Duke

has got this unbelievable reputation for

being a straight lothario but the guy

who's really getting dirty is Francis we

can see clearly that he gets infected

with syphilis and he is treated for

syphilis horrible horrible treatments

this involves a cycle of mercury

injections administered to an extremely

sensitive area and there's been a lot of

speculation about whether Henry himself

was infected it could have explained

some of his reproductive problems I

believe not when treatment for syphilis

required an immediate withdrawal from

public view much like celebrity we have

today but no point does Henry disappear

from public life which would have been

the standards six-week mercury

treatments for syphilis false is the

first of faults he does do this he

disappears

Francis was the horndog he's the

authority of not Henry the Eighth but

despite this Francis successfully

performs his official duties not one but

two spares Henry has no such luck

certainly the suggestion is that he was

200 pounds of dynamite and a 2-inch fuse

perhaps he really didn't have what it

took in the bedroom and we just don't

know but what we do know is this he

married almost as many times as Liz

Taylor

Henry had six wives but he would have

preferred not to I believe he had quite

a romantic view of love his ideal

situation was to be with just one woman

and for it to be a marriage of minds and

bodies and for 24 years that's exactly

what he had with Catherine of Aragon he

loves

Efrain the only thing that she couldn't

do and it wasn't her fault was provide

him with a healthy male heir

that's what's tragic about her story

[Music]

it's 1525 and after 24 years of marriage

Henry the Eighth Falls for one of the

ladies-in-waiting judging by the

portrait ambolyn well she was definitely

no Angelina so what was the attraction

she was just very sophisticated worldly

glamorous she'd been at the French Court

she was just a bit exhausted Henry's

totally besotted you can't wait to get

into her knickers but she holds out and

she won't allow him what he wants to

have her until they're pretty well on

the way to being lawfully legally

married so for now it's a lot of dry

humping on the Royal City we have a

letter from Henry to Anne saying that he

trusted that he would be able to kiss

her pretty duckies that's the Tudor

slang for boobs and that he was looking

forward to it immensely so we know that

they were up to something they become

the duckies that changed the world

Henry dumps his wives breaks with the

Pope starts his own church and marries

and now he needs a bigger place to party

so he orders the massive renovation of

Hampton Court it was built for them to

entertain people to control them and to

influence them by giving them all sorts

of different kinds of sort of pleasure

and entertainment it's Club Med and the

Playboy Mansion rolled into 155 kitchens

to feed a thousand people a day

twenty-eight toilets all in a row they

call it the great house of easement and

the PS de resistance is the Great Hall

three or four times a year Henry is

gathering his entire court and guests

from all over Europe together here in

the Great Hall so you have to imagine

ranks of tables on either side with

hundreds of coaches and they're all

being continually served course after

course of meal and whilst all that's

happening you've got this entire

performance and entertainment whilst

you're eating and dining the Venetian

ambassador basically says that it was

like going to heaven you have to imagine

that Hampton Court is it's not just a

home for Henry in a few it is sort of

closest companion is it somewhere where

hundreds of people are being entertained

and if you're going to party you need to

look good the stylish and the Lynne

brings French culture to the dowdy

English Court out with the dog house

shaped acts that covered the hair and in

with the ultra glam French hood and

spent a vast amount of money on clothes

but then that wasn't unknown her husband

of the king was spending a fortune

he would buy crimson velvet gowns that

would have embroidery and damask gold

and pearls all over them he had 120

pairs of shoes made in one year that's

one pair every three days

royal Koecher is multi-layered elaborate

and when Henry's in the mood takes an

awfully long time to get out of go

there's a lot to get off you see 30

seconds so far another fight he's still

got his hat on she's struggling with his

pointing he's struggling with the lacing

and we're out of minutes he's invested

Cheers or you could take the shortcut

but here's the dirty little secret under

all those layers of luxury they wear

pieces of fur to draw the bugs away from

their skin Henry and Ana human fleabags

but so is everybody else

in lieu of indoor plumbing beds of reeds

and rushes have to do the job and after

several weeks the great hall start to

stink they fill up with all the detritus

that a thousand people living in one

space might so it's a bit like going to

a sort of a large open-air concert then

it becomes muddy and whole vault and

disgusting and I was using sort of

portable toilet and that's very much

what the Tudor quarters like you just

can't maintain people living in a palace

of the size of Hampton Court for more

than a couple of months so off the wall

you need just to clear everybody out tie

this up clean it get it ready to be

reoccupied but no worries if you're King

Henry just move on to the next palace he

has 60 to choose from and in the

never-ending rock show that is Tudor

Court life Gauss ting is the main

attraction and Henry

star you can tell if you're jousting

against someone and they're letting you

win Henry wouldn't have allowed that at

all when King started they gestured for

real it's no sport for sissies

the object is to strike your opponent

with a 15-foot Lance while charging at

speeds of 50 per hour

can you feel if I do this no course not

it's made of steel are you all right Oh

something bigger oh thanks you like

already go for it this time come in I

think it's hot

we're going to see a real live jazz now

you can rip the pieces of armor off

smash fields to pieces those launches

will go straight through those shields

and they're an inch and a half or so fit

you've seen us joust now I think what

we'd like to do is give you a little

taste of it yourself so a bit further

out the yard we've prepared something

for you so we're gonna give you a chance

to have a go at suggesting yourself

coming me Iconia

we've got you an arming cap on which two

will cover your head the minute you feel

that it's too heavy you shout fence

you can barely see yeah I can do

anything

I can see why he did it if there was fun

there's an example from 1559 of the

french king dying as a result of a

jousting accident it was not safe it was

very dangerous

he was beautiful

he was buff he was sexy in 1536 life was

good Anne Boleyn was pregnant his

chasing skills were legendary but then

calamity on the 24th of January 1536

Henry was just II don't know against

whom it was all covered up afterwards

but what we do know is this fell from

his horse and was unconscious for two

hours there's theories that perhaps he

bruised his cerebral cortex and and that

helped change his personality there all

these counts of American football

players who've hit their head and that

they've seen a character change as a

result when Anne Boleyn hears the news

she collapses and five days later she

has a miscarriage Henry is not only

seriously injured but he still has no

male everything just seems to come to a

crisis after this accident so I'm really

attracted to the idea that it was due to

just a simple blow to the head changed

his personality from promising young

Prince to the 16th century Stalin he

never just it again and that's one of

the reasons why he put on so much weight

because he basically stopped doing

exercise he ran to seed and he made up

for all those emotional blows by eating

a lot 5,000 calories a day in fact Lucy

Worsley hits the market with a list of

the groceries needed to feed Henry

a single week

[Music]

I've got my shopping list here Europe

charlie I will read them we need 157

sheep

oh my good girl you've got to remember

there are 600 people at cool yeah I need

myself how many of these do you sell oh

wait you said about 14 a week and we're

quite busy yes oh yeah

we need 44 dear yeah 35 picks with 23

oxen 14 cars and one wild boar just run

in there just well no just look

can you help me out with apples here

they like their apples got 1200 up this

to me

1,200 apples up to the palace I'm going

to near 1,400 gallons of wine

so we've calculated that we need seven

thousand three hundred and thirty three

bottles for one week any didn't really

go in a big way for vegetables he wasn't

a fiver day man and that's partly cause

of status this is peasant food

maybe half of their calories were coming

from me and you've got to think well

what does this mean for that digestive

systems it means constipation clearly

Henry's private time was not that

private very rarely was he on his own

even and this is very surprising to us

when he goes to the toilets in many ways

the most intimate most important

servants a court is the groom of the

stool whose job it is to look after the

equipment and to make sure that the the

cloth was there the King tube wipers

bottom and to accompany the king at all

times

constipated from his diet in pain from

his accident

Henry grows increasingly paranoid and

suspicious of everyone around him

eventually charging even his beloved

queen with infidelity and treason and

had told her brother that Henry was not

skillful in copulating with a woman and

had neither figure nor potency

it was a huge humiliation for Henry his

impotency had been exposed before

everybody who was important in England

at that time and everyone had laughed

behind his back the verdict guilty the

sentence off with her head

Henry moves on to his next wife and

damage control for his manly image

marries Jane Seymour ten days after

Ann's execution and he has pictures

painted that show himself with one of

the largest cut pieces in the world the

picture that we have by Holbein it's to

be seen by the very people who'd heard

him accused of impotency I'm really

convinced that Henry is doing a

propaganda campaign on the corpse to try

and whitewash the whole thing and say

you never heard this it's not true the

transformation of Henry from hunk to

horrid is complete he's fat smelly

miserable and likely to send anybody who

crosses him to the tower the only bright

spot is Jane Seymour who gives him his

line for son and heir task done Jane

succeeds and that's why if he remembers

her say warmly and and fondly also she

does something very clever for her

future reputation she dies very soon

afterwards giving birth to Edward and

immediately Henry is back in the market

for a wife one male heir is not enough

and we see that Edward does die and miss

teens he doesn't live to adulthood and

Kings need an heir and despair bring on

wife number four German noblewoman Anne

of Cleves she's a mail-order bride he's

never seen her because he can't ask

women to come and be interviewed for the

job basically going by the painting she

is a stunner but when he gets her in the

Royal bedchamber he sees something

rather different he describes her as you

know having saggy breasts it was English

she's probably not a maid you know she's

not a virgin says she's smelly but could

it be that Henry was projecting at this

point the weeping ulcers on his calves

gave off a stench that was hard to

ignore and his own chest and belly were

fat and sagging

he needed a really good shrink and a

really good doctor someone who could

have made him better needless to say

there was no action in bed the reason we

know a loss abouts and and Henry's

non-physical relationship is that Henry

wanted to get the marriage annulled on

the grounds of non-consummation now

there are fresh whispers about the royal

manhood he gets his doctor to put it

around the court this he's had wet

dreams in the night so clearly the king

is still there it's just Anna Cleaves us

for problem he dumps her problem soul

and moves on to wife number five

Catherine Howard she's 30 years younger

and the ultimate trophy wife but at this

point 50-year old Henry is definitely no

prize he had to be lifted up and

downstairs by some great pulley system

by this point he walked if he walked at

all with a stick he had very poor

eyesight he walked glasses he was a

complete wreck of a man not surprisingly

Catherine's eye starts to wander rumors

of infidelity swirl and turn out to be

true the day after he has a prayers said

to thank God for giving him this great

marriage a letter is left on his chair

in the chapel by his Archbishop Thomas

Cranmer telling him all about the fact

that Catherine Howard has been having an

affair with someone else naturally it's

off with her head and on to wife number

six Catherine Parr who serves the King

faithfully for the last four years of

his life in 1547 Henry dies in Hampton

Court of an aneurism he is 57 years old

there's a story that during the night

the coffin burst open that it exploded

and that part of the juice from his

corpse fell onto the floor was licked up

by dogs some might consider it a

suitable end for a murderous old tyrant

others see it as a tragic close to a

rain that began with great glamour and

promise almost half a millennium after

his death

he continues to excite controversy I

think Henry is a genuinely complex

person I think he's a mysterious figure

and that's why he's endlessly

fascinating the more I study him me the

more I feel sympathy for him and the

more terrified I am of him

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