All language subtitles for The Fastest Guitar Alive (1967) BR Eng

[Roy Orbison singing
"The Fastest Guitar Alive"]

? Hey here I go ?

? A lucky so and so ?

? Happy 'cause I know ?

? I've got my fast guitar ?

? Singing pretty songs ?

? Knowing I belong ?

? I am first and last ?

? And always a fast guitar ?

? The fastest guitar alive ?

? Rattling strings
like a gatling gun ?

? Shaped like a lovely woman ?

? Stay right where you are ?

? My guitar is a fast guitar ?

? The fastest guitar ?

? Alive ?

? I'm rolling on ?

? Like a rolling stone ?

? Gathering no moss ?

? I play a boss guitar ?

[tribal chanting]

You have honor in helping me
with masterpiece.

I do?

Watch closely.

[chanting continues]

Now, roll me
across painting.

You're going to be
one big, messy Chief.

I say roll me.

Alright.

[chanting continues]

[drums beating]

Now.

[crowd cheering]

Chief.

Never have I seen
such a fine war-paint job.

It is new impressionist school.

Someday, when I get through
painting on me

I will paint on canvas.

You look good enough right now,
to hang in museum.

Wagons.

? The fastest guitar.. ?

'Me hear foreign music.'

You mustn't get shot, Chief.
It would ruin the whole effect.

What are you?
Warrior or art critic?

Put me on my horse.

Wrong way. Turn me round.

We give 'em big scare.
No hurt him. Right, Chief?

? ...A lucky so and so ?

? Happy 'cause I know ?

? I've got my fast guitar ?

[dramatic music]

Indians!

Johnny, Steve, Indians!

Johnny, Indians. Indians.

Indians.

They sure don't look like
they're selling blankets.

Hyaa!

[women screaming]

[Indians hooting]

[music continues]

Hyaa.

[hooting continues]

Bullseye.

They shot my best pants.

Be glad you weren't in them.

Hyaa.

Tell them we just want to
get to San Francisco.

I'd rather send them a postcard
when we get there.

Hyaa.

Hyaa.

Don't just sit there,
Johnny. Do something.

Hyaa.

[gunshots]

- Hey, Steve. I got his spear.
- Good shootin'.

[Chief yelling]

Hyaa.

White man's medicine
shoot spear.

Hey, Steve. They quit.

Good thing, 'cause you never hit
anybody with that contraption.

Maybe not, but it sure
scared them to death.

[upbeat music]

(male #1)
'All you errant
guzzling sinners.'

'Come forward on your knees
and hear what the Lord says'

about the sin
in San Francisco.

'Cause right here
in San Francisco

in the year
of our Lord, 1865..

...while men are being
consumed by the flames

of a mighty civil war

you men have joined
the army of the devil.

[crowd groaning]

'Now listen to me.'

'The sins of the Barbary Coast
have claimed ya'.'

[Can-Can music]

? I want to ?

? Be ?

? As snuggle as a buggle
in a ruggle ?

? When my sweetie doesn't
snuggle-wuggle with me ?

? When I want a kiss
I know he won't miss ?

? 'Cause I'm being hugged
and as close as can be ?

? I want the ?

? Wedding ringle on my fingle
'cause I'm single ?

? And my sweetie doesn't
snuggle-wuggle with me ?

? When we're man and wife
you bet your life ?

? I'm gonna do the snuggle ?

? That good old snuggle-wuggle ?

? I'm gonna do
the snuggle-wuggle with you.. ?

Come close, everybody.
I want you to see this.

Nothing up my sleeves,
nothing under my hat.

[crowd laughing]

Well, now, if you think
that was magic

I want you to try a bottle
of Dr. Long's Elixir.

See what his magic
can do for you. Step right up.

'One dollar, don't crowd.
There's enough for everybody.'

What do you say? Ah, my
first customer of the evening.

Marshal Max Cooper.

- Where's your partner?
- He's giving a guitar lesson.

He's got a new pupil.

No law against us
picking up an honest dollar

here and there,
is there, Marshal?

Who is this new pupil?

How do I know?
I've never seen him.

I'm talking about a her.

Colonel Baskem's daughter.

Seems like this wild-eyed
daughter of his

has taken a sudden interest
in the guitar

and the Colonel
wants to know about it.

Look, Marshal, selling
Dr. Ludwig Long's Magic Elixir

I don't get to meet
colonel's daughters.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll have a look
around for myself, anyway.

Oh, wait.
Maybe I can find him.

Don't bother.

'Hey, bud, what do you
think you're doing?'

'You think you can steal
that right in front of my nose?'

[indistinct clamor]

Alright, you guys.
Clear out, you understand?

- Have you seen Johnny?
- No. What's the trouble?

- Plenty. Where's Charlie?
- Over there, at his table.

- What's going on?
- I'll tell you later.

You left the wagon alone?

Everybody out there's gonna
be busy for a few minutes.

- Where's Johnny?
- I don't know.

I haven't seen him
around tonight.

I don't know if it means
anything, Charlie.

The Marshal's looking for him
and the Baskem girl.

Now, look, if Johnny
let something slip..

Just do what I tell you. Try to
warn him and tip off the girls.

- I better get back outside.
- Alright.

? Come all you girls ?

? Be snuggle as a buggle
in a ruggle ?

? Make your sweetie do
the snuggle-wuggle with you ?

? When you're man and wife
you bet your life ?

? I'm gonna do the snuggle ?

? That good old snuggle-wuggle ?

? I'm gonna do
the snuggle-wuggle with you ?

[audience applauds]

Flo. Sue.

Come on.

- What's happening?
- I can't find Johnny.

Where is he?

Where would I hide anybody
in this outfit?

What did Steve want?

The Marshal's snooping around
looking for Johnny.

Something about a girl
and those guitar lessons.

If my Johnny is with
another girl..

Hold it. Here's
the Marshal now.

Hurry up. You girls
change your costumes.

Go on. You kids get out there
and keep the show going.

I'll try to hold him
out front. Come on.

[applause]

Hi ya', Max.

Come to look our girls
over again tonight?

Tonight, I'm
a music lover, Charlie.

In fact, I'm thinking
of taking guitar lessons.

[guitar strumming]

[guitar strumming]

[strumming continues]

[strumming continues]

[gunshot]

- I've seen gall in my day.
- Sue.

'What are you two doing
in my dressing room?'

- We--
- Never mind. Don't answer that.

I didn't expect you
back so soon.

'Well, that's obvious.'

Maybe it's just as well
or you would've been playing

the 1812 Overture.

Sue, listen. I was just
giving a guitar lesson.

Oh, my..

This is Colonel
Baskem's daughter.

Colonel Baskem?

The Colonel Baskem?

You shouldn't have
told her who I am.

You don't have to worry.
Sue is very understanding.

Oh, sure, Miss Baskem.

It's just that
I was taken by surprise.

My father'll kill me if he knew
I came to the Barbary Coast.

Oh, well, of course. It's
no place for a decent girl.

- 'I didn't mean--'
- I know what you meant.

Don't forget the veil
when you go out.

- Will I see you soon?
- Sure. In a few days.

Haven't you forgotten something?

It took Steve months
to set that up

and you almost ruined it.

Why did he set it up with you?

Why didn't he set
her up for himself?

Can I help it if she likes
my guitar lessons?

- Oh Johnny, someday I'm gonna--
- Honey.

Would I have used your dressing
room if I didn't love you?

Wait a minute. I need time
to figure that one out.

We don't have any time.
I've gotta see Steve right away.

But I..

Steve. The Colonel's daughter
said it would be tonight.

- Tonight?
- That's what she said.

Take the wagon over to
the stable and hurry back.

We'll meet in Flo's
dressing room.

Yeah.

[knock on door]

- Who is it?
- 'Steve.'

- Not even a hello kiss?
- This is it, Flo.

- It has to be tonight.
- You have the information?

Johnny got it out
of the Baskem girl.

Steve, maybe you
shouldn't try this.

After all these months of work?
What are you talking about?

You're a soldier. What you're
about to do isn't war.

In a battle, you could
defend yourself. But this way?

It is part of the war, Flo.
We're all doing what we have to.

And we have to remember that.

All of us.

I just don't want
you to be hurt.

You expect me
to argue with that?

No, Lieutenant Menlow.

A gentleman always
agrees with a lady.

[knock on door]

Yes.

'It's Johnny.
Sue and Charlie are with me.'

Come on in. I want you
to see this.

I know we've been over this
many times before.

But this is the time
that counts.

Tonight, is at 11 o'clock,
the gold reaches the Mayor.

'As soon as the guards
get into the mint counting roof'

'Johnny will blast a hole
right through this wall.'

- You're sure it's tonight?
- Yeah. Johnny found out.

The Colonel's bringing the gold
in with a military escort.

You see?
You balled me out.

And Jefferson Davis will
probably give me a medal.

You didn't have to enjoy
your work so much.

Remember. If Johnny and I fail,
there can't be a second try.

I want all of you to get out--

[knock on door]

Flo.

- Who is it?
- 'Marshal Cooper.'

Relax, your nerves are showing.
Let him in, Flo.

Well..

Are you all taking
guitar lessons from him?

What about it, Marshal?
The party's now getting started.

Charlie here was just
going out for the liquor.

I suppose it's silly of me
even to ask, but..

...do you know a girl
named Maira Baskem?

Baskem, uh..

Baskem, let's see. Uh..

That would be under "B".

Unless I made a mistake
and put it under uh..

- What was her first name again?
- Maira.

Just forget it.

I know lots of other girls,
Marshal. Would any of them do?

The Marshal's very happily
married, Johnny.

That's more than
I can say for me.

Well, someday,
I'll ask you.

- I don't wanna hear about it.
- Doesn't wanna hear about it.

- He only wants to hear about--
- Would you both please shut up?

We haven't broken any laws.

We don't get around in the same
circles as Colonel's daughters.

Alright, alright.

Maybe Colonel Baskem should
let the army handle this anyhow.

- The army?
- Yeah.

Yes, wait a minute.

I know how you two
guys could earn $500.

$500? That'd buy a lot
of Elixir, Chief.

Yes, you get around town pretty
good in that wagon of yours.

You draw a crowd. You get to see
a lot of things that go on.

Some.

Army headquarters is offering
a $500 reward for information

about some Confederate spies
operating right here in town.

What makes you think
we could spot a spy?

For $500, you could learn.

And you might meet a lot
of interesting women.

Think of all the guitar
lessons you could give.

Hey, the job even has
fringe benefits.

You've got too many
fringes already.

Well..

- Charlie.
- Yeah.

I thought you told me
you didn't allow guys

in girls' dressing rooms.

Uh, oh, well,
I don't, Max.

That's the reason
for the party, Marshal.

Charlie's gonna give Johnny
a chance to be an entertainer.

This could be the beginning
of Johnny's whole career.

That's right, and if Dr. Long's
Magic Elixir can do that for me

think of what it can do for you.

In that case, I'll stick around,
have a listen or two.

After all, you wouldn't want
anybody to give you

a party for nothing.

And if your protege
fails as an entertainer

remember, that $500
reward is waiting.

Oh, goodnight.

Steve, he knows something.

Your trouble is,
you don't trust northerners.

Well, they don't
trust us either.

Yeah. I guess that's
what makes wars.

Steve, I'm scared stiff.

It'll all be over after tonight.
One way or the other.

So you hold yourself
together till then.

Do you mind if
I tremble a little?

Sure. Go ahead.
Have a good shake.

Twenty to 10:00.

The latest we can hit
the mint is 11:15.

Right now, that Marshal's
waiting out front for you

to start entertaining.

We'll be cutting it close.
You girls change.

Come on, Johnny. We better
make this show look good

till we're ready
to pull out of here.

[guitar strumming]

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Where do you ride ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? You ride alone tonight ?

? One of brothers
five one day ?

? Vowed to try to make his way ?

? Joined the cattle drive ?

? To Mexico ?

? Threw in with some banditos ?

? Here he learned the lingo ?

? Killed a man
they call him Pistolero ?

? Five thousand pesos
they put on your head ?

? Five thousand pesos
to get you alive or dead ?

? Ride on ride hard in vaquero ?

? Fast as you can to her side ?

? Ah, but por mucho dinero ?

? El noveno por nada ?

? Have died ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Where do you roam ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? On your way home ?

? Every night a candle burns ?

? Waiting there
for your return ?

? The candle is out ?

? Pistolero ?

? I see the cabin down below ?

? Pistolero let her go ?

? Tonight you're mine
Pistolero ?

? Five thousand pesos
they put on your head ?

? Five thousand pesos
to get you alive or dead ?

? Ah Pistolero Look around you ?

? Your sun has set in the sky ?

? Oh Pistolero I found you ?

? Kiss Maria ?

? Tell Maria ?

? Goodbye ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Lay your head down ?

? Pistolero Pistolero ?

? Six feet underground ?

[audience applauds]

Hey, Steve, I didn't know
Johnny could sing that good.

Sure. He gives
guitar lessons, too.

Hey, how about that,
they're applauding.

Yeah, yeah, I heard 'em. You're
the best singing spy ever.

Steve, I just saw Charlie
out there with the Marshal.

Well, I don't like them
being so friendly.

Charlie is a civilian agent.

He's not gonna stick his neck in
the noose if he doesn't have to.

Two minutes of 10:00, that
gives us little over an hour.

Johnny, what if the Marshal
wonders where you are?

You're supposed to be here
to sing again.

If I'm still breathing by 11:30,
I'll do my encore then.

If we're not back by 11:30,
Flo, It'll be up to you.

You'll notify General Winthrop
in Texas that..

...the mission has failed.

That's all there is to that.

'That's all there may be
to the rest of the war.'

Takes gold to fight battles,
and only the north has it.

Maybe the San Francisco men
can finance the south, too.

Hurry, Johnny.

Men are so stupid.

When a woman wants
something from a man

she makes love to him.

When a man wants something from
a man, he goes to a war for it.

Jesus, I wish I could think
of things to say like that.

How you doing, Mr. Shermer?

I'm glad, after tonight, there
won't be anymore Mr. Shermer.

This is the last time
you're wearing that getup.

So be careful.

'Alright.'

At least, this way, I'll make
a fine looking corpse.

All set.

[knocking]

[knocking]

(male #2)
'Alright, alright.
I'm coming.'

What? Oh-oh, it's you,
Mr. Shermer.

Ah, you're a very careful,
Watchman Elmer.

That's what I like. Then I know
my office is protected.

- Ain't it kinda late for you?
- Much, much too late.

But I have to get
some papers from my safe.

I'll open the door for you,
Mr. Shermer.

Alright.

- I'll hold the lamp for you.
- Oh, thank you.

[dramatic music]

Charlie, when's that new singer
of yours gonna sing again, huh?

What's the rush? A little
of him goes a long way.

I'll admit, he's not
as pretty as the girls

but he sounded mighty fine.

You know, those Chesnutt sisters
with their girls gone to Frisco

two months ago, same time as
Steve Menlo and Johnny Banner.

Well, girls are working
for some tinhorn in Phoenix.

Ran out on him.

Kids were stranded and..

Well, Madison Show guys
helped 'em get here.

Glad to see you
telling the truth.

I checked out
that Phoenix story.

Hate to drink a man mans beer

and then, have him
shot at sunrise.

[horses galloping]

- Howdy, Garth.
- Howdy.

How come the army's given us
an escort, Colonel Baskem?

Let's just say that
the northern gold is looking

better and better
all the time to the south.

You think the rebs are crazy
enough to try anything here?

The confederacy is desperate
enough to try anything.

'Make sure you guys
are on the alert.'

'Sure will.'

Colonel Baskem,
we're alright now, thanks.

[explosion]

'Phil, I've been blinded.'

I can't see.

Oh, gee, thanks. I thought
everything looked hairy.

You better stick
to your singing.

You don't have much future
in the spy business.

Come one, give me a hand.

If they're on schedule

they should be getting
to the gold now.

Well, what if they aren't?

Oh, sis, I don't think
I can stand it.

If that crazy Johnny's
gonna get killed

well, I wanna be
the one to do it.

Boy, I'd hate to carry this
kinda loose change in my wallet.

You better tell the girls to get
busy and entertain the audience

before we have that marshal
breathing down our necks.

You tie the line around the
cases, I'll go get the wagon.

Hey, Charlie, you ought to
give that stuff up.

Looks like
you're getting fits.

Yeah , I know. Here,
have a couple of fits on me.

You said that Madison Show guy
was gonna sing another song.

Max, why don't you be like
other guys and watch girls?

Maybe I'm interested
in Johnny Banner's future.

Look, I can't
force him to sing.

I'm not even payin' him.

He'll sing again,
just...hang around.

I will, as long as
the free liquor holds out.

[dramatic music]

Let's get outta here.

- Hurry up, Johnny.
- Alright, alright.

[knock on door]

Who is it?

- What guy were you expecting?
- Steve!

You were supposed to
be here six minutes ago.

It seems more like
six million years.

Believe me,
I know what you mean.

- Johnny, is he..
- He's in one piece.

We're gettin' out of
San Francisco tonight.

Tonight? But we'd be
the first ones they'd suspect.

Johnny's gonna give 'em
something else to think about.

You know, Charlie, I've had all
the free liquor I can handle.

I think I'll look around for
that vanishing guitar player.

Now wait a minute, Max.
I told you, he'll be back.

You don't have to
leave now--

[instrumental music]

[audience applauds]

[Roy Orbison singing
"Good Time Party"]

? Come on now have some fun
a good time party ?

? Livin' lovin' everyone
good time party time ?

? Grab that girl and hold
her tight, good time party ?

? Don't you know tonight's the
night, good time party time ?

? Have a good time party
dance the night away ?

? Have a good time party
It's time to laugh and play ?

? Good time party ?

? Good time party ?

? It's good time party time ?

[all clapping]

? Everybody come along,
good time party ?

? Time for women, wine and song
good time party time ?

? Have a good time party,
dance the night away ?

? Have a good time party,
It's time to laugh and play ?

? Good time party ?

? Good time party ?

? Everybody come along
good time party ?

? Time for women, wine and song
good time party time ?

? Good time party ?

? Good time party ?

? It's good time party time ?

[audience applauds]

Quiet.

'Quiet, everybody. Quiet.'

We've got some news we wanna
pass down to the whole world.

You men have been so
nice to us tonight.

We wanted you to be
the first to know.

Sue and I got married today.

[applause]

Married?
They didn't have time..

...to.

Honey, what are you talking
about? Are you crazy?

And we're leaving San Francisco
tonight on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon!

Yes. Steve Menlo and
the dancing bar maids and

the Chesnutt sisters and I are
going into business together.

If you think I'm gonna let you
get away with this--

[audience applauds]

Still think it's
such a bad idea?

If Johnny ever let's go
of her, she'll kill him.

How do you like
that Madison Show guy?

Knifin' me in the back
by takin' my girls away.

Charlie, you ought
to be more like me.

- Huh?
- Don't trust anybody.

'Hey! Hey!.'

Here it comes.

All hells broken loose.
The mint's been robbed.

[indistinct clamor]

[dramatic music]

So, now I'm a married woman,
without benefit of clergy.

Sue, you're acting like a girl.

Well, my mother didn't
bring me up to be a spy.

Steve, would you tell her
this was your idea?

We gonna leave Frisco together,
we had to have some excuse.

- This wasn't our plan.
- Neither was Maira Baskem.

What if she gets suspicious
and tells her father?

'And that's another thing.'

Why don't we take Maira Baskem
along on our honeymoon?

Why don't you tell her you'll
marry her and keep her quiet?

Marry her? Are you crazy? I can
only fight one war at a time.

- 'Oh, you--'
- Cut that out, both of you.

None of us are free
till that gold's safe

in General Wingate's hands
in El Paso.

Tell the girls they have 15
minutes to get packed. Come on.

You know, sis,
General Sherman was right.

War is hell.

[dramatic music]

[mellow music]

Country like this sure makes it
easy to forget there's a war on.

Yeah, if the law
ever catches up with us,

they'll help us
remember it in a hurry.

Can't you ever get your
mind off from business?

Even a phony husband's
better that none.

Why don't you sit
upfront with Johnny?

What, with Steve up there?
Now what good is that?

Steve's a magician.
Tell him to disappear.

[tribal chant]

Ha! Ha!

Here you are, Chief.

Best popcorn I ever eat.

This is the one secret
we don't give white man.

Wagon.

It is wagon, with magic gun.

Put me on my horse.

No backwards this time.

Woah.

Look, we're getting some
great advance notices.

That's show business.

Yeah, well, I won't breathe easy
again till we reach El Paso

and put that gold right in
General Wingate's hands.

Why did I volunteer for this?

Lieutenants never volunteer
for anything.

[horses galloping]

Oh, don't those guys
ever give up?

I knew we should've
sent 'em a postcard.

Hey, they're surrounding us.

Somebody's been
giving them lessons.

We're gonna have to fight 'em.
Girls, take cover.

Get under the wagon.
Come on, Johnny.

Keep your heads down, girls.

[dramatic music]

How long we supposed
to do this?

What's the matter?
You getting dizzy?

For God's sake,
what are you doing?

They're not getting a second
chance at my pants.

This time, I've got 'em on.
Emily, hand me that valise.

Get down.
You wanna be killed?

That make-up salesman was right.

He said, with this stuff,
you could always get your man.

- Hand me some more ammunition.
- Here.

This time, try
to hit somebody.

Don't worry, I will.

He's got a guitar.

[strumming]

[yelling]

[yelling]

Hey, that crazy Indian
was trying to copy my act.

I don't know why, that's the
second time he's walked out.

- Back in the wagons, girls.
- Get outta here.

Where you get this medicine?

One of these days,
you're gonna get me killed.

[speaking in a tribal language]

Hyaa! Hyaa!

- Morning, Marshal.
- Morning.

Anything new on
the mint robbery?

The same routine stuff
that's been coming in

for the last couple of weeks.

Got a message from the
sheriff at Walkersville, Nevada.

Now, nothings gone through his
area, but a medicine show wagon.

- Heading south.
- South?

- Will that mean anything?
- Depends on how far south.

Listen, you get
a message off to

Sheriff Joe Steadman
in Prescott, Arizona.

I want him to let me know
if that medicine wagon

comes into his territory,
just that, nothing more.

Yes, sir.

Frank.

Look, I'm gonna be gone
for a few weeks.

While I'm away, you're
in charge, you understand?

If you need to get
in touch with me

you can reach me
through Stella Dewitt.

At the Grand Palace Theater
in Prescott, Arizona.

[upbeat music]

Murph said
you wanted to see me.

That's right, Rink.

Max Cooper sent us a wire
from San Francisco.

Wants us to be on
the lookout for some kind

of a travelling medicine show,
maybe heading our way.

What did they do, Joe? Kill
somebody with their medicine?

The wire didn't say.

So we gotta look for somebody
and Max Cooper don't say why.

That's the size of it.

Now, take enough supplies
so you can scout

as far north
as the Moapa river.

The Moapa, that'll
keep me out for a week.

You're drawing a deputy's salary
unless you'd like to quit.

Deputy's salary
will do just fine..

...for now.

If you see the medicine wagon,
come back and tell me.

That's all you have to do.

Shouldn't lather
you up too much.

I'll see you
in about a week.

[Roy Orbison singing "River"]

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Roly-oly on your way ?

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Wash my cares away ?

? River so wide and so deep ?

? Wake the sandman
from his sleep ?

? River remind him ?

? He has a promise to keep ?

? Roll on, mighty river ?

? Running wild and free ?

? Get along now river ?

? Bring a dream to me ?

? Hey now river ?

? Go down river ?

? Don't slow down river ?

? Bring a dream to me ?

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Roly-oly on your way ?

? Roly-oly on now river ?

? Take my troubles away ?

? Roll on mighty river ?

? Running wild and free ?

? Get along now river ?

? And bring a dream to me ?

? Hey now river ?

? Go down river ?

? Don't slow down river ?

? Bring that dream to me ?

[mellow music]

Hey, kids, how about this?
Fish for dinner.

Oh, great. Charming.

They're wonderful.

Here it comes.

- See you back at the wagon.
- Alright.

[Flo moaning]

Oh, that's cold.

'That's enough.
That's all, I've had enough.'

'Your turn.'

Ahh!

Well, what do you know?

I've been riding
these plains for years

I've never seen
anything like it.

Look, buster, if you didn't buy
a ticket, the shows over.

Oh, now, you don't have
to be bashful in front of me.

No, you don't.
No, you don't.

'Steve!'

'Steve.'

Stay here, girls.

I always did like
nice, clean girls.

Johnny.

[gunshot]

Don't move, fella'.

'In case you're interested,
I can kill you with this.'

And play your funeral march
at the same time.

So, just drop the gun.

Over there.

[gunshot]

Don't Johnny, you're likely
to hit everybody

but the right one
with that thing.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Nice work, Steve.

I don't think I'm cut out
for this kind of work.

- You were wonderful.
- You sure taught him a lesson.

That darn old
peeping Tom.

You're a mess.
How can I kiss a face like that?

You can't.

That guy knocked
the pucker outta me.

Is the brawl over?

Yes, it's all over.
Hold the guitar.

You see this badge
around here?

'That means, I'm
the law around here.'

I just might put it in my report
that you were resisting arrest.

Yeah, you do that.

And maybe, we'll make out
a report, too.

You take your horse
and get outta here.

Can I keep my gun?

You'll have to get along
without a gun

till you get
where you're going.

I'm going back
to Prescott.

Prescott, Arizona?

'Yeah.'

I got some unfriendly
advice for you

if you're thinking
of going there.

Don't you do it.

I got a good memory,
I'll remember this.

We have to go through Prescott
to get to General Wingate.

He'll give us
trouble, Steve.

Let's just hope he can't think
up more than we can handle.

You know what time it is?

- It's after midnight.
- Why aren't you sleeping?

You're the one who got
all the exercise today.

You ought to be
getting some rest.

I must've been crazy to
get talked into this detail.

The sheriff hit you
too hired or something?

Maybe he knocked
some sense into me.

Girls should never have been
a part of this detail.

Oh.

The responsibility of that goal
is enough without a..

...a flock of females
to worry about.

I thought we've
been some help.

Alright, alright.
You've helped.

It's just that..

Well, men and women don't belong
together on a job like this.

It makes complications.

Sometimes, complications
can be interesting.

Look, Flo, do you know
why we need that gold?

Because the south
is...bankrupt.

And even if we win the war,
the south will still be broke.

Plantations are ruined, harbors
have been shelled and burned.

Almost every cotton broker
is out of business.

It would be years
before a man could..

...earn enough money
to get married and..

Look, I fell in love with you

with nothing but that
idiotic wagon to call a home.

Hey, maybe we could
paint it and carpet it

add a couple of bedrooms
for the children.

Maybe, I can laugh
at that tomorrow, Flo.

- Not tonight.
- Okay.

Do you mind if I just sit here
for a while and dream?

Hey, bridegroom.

- Are you lost or something?
- Shh, shh.

Now, it can't be both ways.
Either I'm married or I'm not.

And I've
made up my mind.

Good. Now, we can
get back to sleep.

And since not being married
doesn't have much of a future

I've decided to see a preacher
when we get to Prescott.

The sun's
got to you.

It's the moon.

What's with moons?

When you've seen one,
you've seen them all.

Oh, stop fighting me.

I've decided
you love me.

I'm glad you told me.

And you know
how I know?

It's...well, it's like
eating peanuts.

What's like
eating peanuts?

Ever since that kiss
on the stage in San Francisco..

...I've wanted more.

Well, for your information,
peanuts give me heartburn.

After we see the preacher,
we'll have a real honeymoon.

Just you, me
and the guitar...

and the marriage license.

Look, cut-cut that out.

If you're hungry,
get a sandwich.

Oh, stop changing
the subject.

Ah, really, the way things are,
I could be killed.

And you'd be
nothing but a widow.

My mother always said

"It's better to have
had peanuts and lost

than never to have
had peanuts at all."

Will you stop going on
about peanuts?

You know how
to shut me up.

You're sure that's
the kind of peanuts

your mother was
talking about?

Now, you stop
going on about peanuts.

You know something?

War is not bad...
once you get used to it.

Rink, see that?

Richmond's been evacuated.

- General Lee's on the run.
- Yeah? Where's he gonna run to?

Joe.

- What happened to you?
- Nothing.

Face looked better than that
when you left here.

Well, why didn't you tell me
there'd be girls

with that medicine show?

- You saw 'em?
- Um. Real good.

I wasn't talking
about the girl.

Oh, they're just a bunch
of cheap tramps.

Man wouldn't
look at 'em twice.

Well, in your case, I expect
once was just about enough.

I got some more information
on that outfit after you left.

Over there.

Mint robbery? It's right there,
I could have taken them.

Our orders
weren't to take them

but to report if
they were in our area.

Yeah, that's what
I'm doing, isn't it?

I'm reporting.
Now, look.

Those tin horns were following
the Moapa river south.

If they keep going the way
they were headed

they're gonna be paying us
a visit right here.

I lost mine.

Alright, Rink.

You earned your salary.

Well, you gonna notify
Max Cooper?

Thinking about
that 5000 reward?

No. I'm just thinking.

I bet, you didn't think
I could do that.

Hmm. South on the Moapa.

That'd put them in Prescott and
if they went on a straight line

they'd end up in El Paso.

George, that confederate
General Wingate

you know if
he's still in El Paso?

Well, the last
I heard, he was.

Well, I kinda hate
to break in on a honeymoon.

We could have Sheriff Steadman
hold 'em for questioning.

Yeah, presuming
they've got the gold.

Well, aren't you?

No, I'm presuming that

if they took the gold, they've
got it safely hid by now.

And if Sheriff Joe Steadman
starts nosing around

we may never see
that pretty gold again.

And you know the US mint.

They don't like
to do business like that.

You going after him?

My nose is longer
than Joe Steadman's.

And maybe just long enough

to smell out the gold
a little better.

- Well, I'll see you, George.
- Good luck, Marshal.

[Roy Orbison singing
"Whirlwind"]

? You're the figure
of a woman ?

? You're the mind of a child ?

? A pretty whirlwind ?

? You don't know
just what you're doing ?

? When you lure me
with your smile ?

? A lovely whirlwind ?

? A whirlwind of warm desire ?

? Whirlwind in burning fire ?

? Woman realize ?

? That the devil in disguise ?

? Is a whirlwind ?

? Born to be running
wild and free ?

? Whirlwind ?

? Born to make fools
of guys like me ?

? You pick me up
like a whirlwind ?

? You put me down
like a whirlwind ?

? Each time you touch me
I'm trouble-bound ?

? Whirl whirl whirlwind
whirl whirl whirlwind ?

? Whirl whirl whirlwind ?

? Whirl whirl whirlwind ?

? Whirlwind ?

You're sure singing that
romantic stuff like you mean it.

I think I've been eating
too many peanuts.

Hey, look.

Wow.

Prescott,
just around the corner.

The last hurdle.
Then, El Paso.

Prescott and our friend
with the deputy badge.

[bell ringing]

Aren't those usually
saved for Sunday?

Sometimes, they ring them

when somebody important
is gonna be buried.

Yeah, well,
let's just hope

that it isn't us
they consider important.

Hyaa!

[orchestral music]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

Hey, pal,
what's going on here?

Where you been, mister?
The war is over.

- The war?
- General Lee surrendered.

The whole shooting match
is finished.

Oh...it's over!

No more fighting!

South lost,
there's nothing left.

We're left.

[gunshots]

Yo...something out here
you ought to see.

Come on, ladies,
we're celebrating.

Those are the girls
you wouldn't look twice at, huh?

Well, I might change my mind.

They're looking better
all the time.

You stay away
from them.

Max Cooper gets here,
they're none of our business.

Hey, hold it a second,
boys, hold it.

Come on, everybody,
finish up your celebration

at the Palace Grand.

'Your gold ain't no good today.
Drinks are on you old pal.'

Stella de Whiz!

- The gold?
- Gosh, the gold.

We're stuck with it.

No war, no General Windgate,
no El Paso.

- Where does that leave us?
- I'm not sure.

Oh, Miss. Can you direct us
to the best hotel?

There's only one,
Stella de Whiz's place.

It's just down the street.

Hyaa!

[music continues]

So, it gets down
to one thing.

We're no longer members
of the confederate army.

Yeah, if we get caught
with the gold now

we could be thrown
in prison as outlaw.

Now, why don't we give
the money to charity?

Something like the society
for travelling showgirls.

All of us would like
to keep the gold, Sue

but I don't think
we're the types.

We wouldn't want to start
our lives over that way.

But with the war over,
who can we trust?

'Who can we return the gold to?'

The law? Guys like that
gun crazy Deputy?

[knock on door]

- Who is it?
- 'Open up, honey.'

'It's everybody's pal,
Stella de Whiz.'

Something we can do for you?

Oh, now, nobody leaves
everybody's pal out in the hall.

Well, are you folks
just passing through

or you gonna stay and enjoy the
wonders of Prescott for a while?

- We're pulling out tomorrow.
- 'Tomorrow?'

'We have business
to take care of.'

Now, you're telling me that
phony medicine show of yours

makes you a living?

- We're satisfied.
- Ah, that's too bad.

I could sure use
a new show at my place.

Pay a lot more than that
side coil you're peddling.

Thanks but, uh..

Oh, Steve, we've been on
the trail such a long time.

We could sleep in beds again.

We might need
a little time, Steve.

Alright, Stella,
we'll stay a bit

but I'm not saying how long.

Good deal, handsome.
You start tonight.

Oh, and uh, whatever you kids
have got, show it, huh?

- You don't like the idea?
- It's the gold, Flo.

You know what our lives
would be worth

if the wrong people
started getting ideas.

This will give us time to locate
the right authorities.

And then,
we'll get rid of it.

Alright, Johnny, but till we do
we'll spell each other

watching that wagon.
Show or no show.

- Hi, baby.
- Hi.

Oh, you didn't get here
any too soon, sweetie.

Oh, what's the matter?

They're getting ready
to leave Prescott tomorrow.

Oh, no!

Don't worry.
Old Stella changed their minds.

How?

They start working
my show tonight.

Well, if that gold
is still in their wagon

one night
is all we'll need.

Of course, if it isn't,
then we're gonna have to find

where they did put it.

Well, the war ended just
in time, didn't it, sweetie?

To good old General Grant.

[playing drums]

? Dae-dae-dae-dum
do-du-dae ?

? Dae-dae-dae-dum
do-du-dae-oo-aye ?

? I'll bring you the talon
from an eagle ?

? A big black pearl
from the sea ?

? I'll bring one
and twenty ponies ?

? If you'll bring
Wildflower to me ?

? Medicine man
make your magic mine ?

? Turn Wildflower
to a clinging vine ?

? Medicine man
won't you please help me ?

? Don't leave me down
in misery ?

? Rattle them bones,
then roll them stones ?

? And make Wildflower mine ?

? Medicine Man,
help me if you can ?

? Write a secret message
in the sand ?

? Medicine man,
please let her know ?

? Tell Wildflower
that I love her so ?

? Medicine man,
medicine man ?

? Let it be known
throughout the land ?

? Medicine man,
medicine man ?

? I have to have the hand
of Wildflower ?

? Take this piece of calico ?

? Make a dress
with a pretty bow ?

? Tie it with a thread of lace ?

? Take it to your secret place
go into your sacred dance ?

? Say a prayer for our romance ?

? And make Wildflower mine ?

? Dae-dae-dae-dum
do-du-dae ?

? Dae-dae-dae-dum
do-du-dae-oo-aye ?

[applause]

Keep them entertained
till I get back.

[dramatic music]

[horse neighing]

[music continues]

Charlie.

If you want to dance, why don't
you get yourself a girl?

What are you trying to do?
Make me grey?

It's Charlie, I caught him
sneaking into the wagon.

That'd be Charlie, alright.

Old friend probably would have
killed us to get the gold.

Vultures are starting
to gather around.

What do we do
with him?

Don't know, depends on whether
he's on this alone or not.

Come on,
give me a hand.

[music continues]

As soon as I'm finished
at the theater, I'll be back.

I'll warn the girls
we have to get out of here.

Introduction to "Rolling on."

[Roy Orbison singing
"Rolling On"]

? Wagons loaded full up
ain't got time to pull up ?

? On my way to Frisco
back to San Francisco ?

? Rolling on ?

? Rolling on
to San Francisco ?

? Rolling on to Frisco bay ?

? Rolling on and lady luck
is getting bolder ?

? The high sheriff man
looking over my shoulder yeah ?

? Rolling on, rolling on,
rolling on ?

? Kicking up the hot dust
San Francisco or bust ?

? Don't want to delay now
hey I'm on my way now ?

? Rolling on ?

? Rolling on
to San Francisco ?

? Rolling on to Frisco bay ?

? Rolling on and lady luck
is getting bolder ?

? The high sheriff man
looking over my shoulder yeah ?

? Rolling on, rolling on,
rolling on ?

? Born a loser not me
ain't no troubles got me ?

? Can't afford to be late
San Francisco won't wait ?

? Rolling on ?

? Rolling on ?

[applause]

- We got your message.
- What should we do now?

Go and do your routine,
then get ready to travel.

[dramatic music]

[horse neighing]

Isn't it getting
crowded in here?

I just caught
another vulture.

Good work, he's one vulture
who could've caught us.

You think he was
working with Charlie?

Hm-um.

He says no.

Then Rink was just guessing
about the gold.

I don't like the
way he guesses.

He broke into our property
without a warrant.

That could land him in jail
long enough for us to get out.

How about making that
something fancy, like a noose?

Come on, help me tie him up.

We've to turn both of them
over to the sheriff.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

It's the sheriff, trying to get
his hot little hands on the loot

just like the rest of them.

'There's nobody
we can trust around here.'

Yeah, at least,
we are honest crooks.

Meanwhile, we are stuck
with the gold.

All my life, I wanted
to be stuck like that.

We'll have to forget the
Conestoga. It will slow us down.

Where are we going that fast?

Fort Marshall
outside San Francisco

If General Lee could surrender
to Union Army, so can we.

There is an alley way running
in back of the buildings.

Maybe we can get close
enough to the palace

to pick up the girls
without bring spotted.

I'll wait here,
you get the girls.

And hurry.

[music continues]

[muffled grunting]

Oh, what happened?

[mumbling]

Boy, you really
mess things up.

We can still stop that wagon
before it gets out of town.

You won't have a chance
against Steve and Johnny.

That is why we are gonna cut
them in. We need their help.

'Come on get me
out of this mess.'

Come on, come on,
our luck can't last forever.

[dramatic music]

Alright, let's go.

[music continues]

[screaming]

Alright, you two,
that's as far as you are gone.

Steve.

Indians?
Out of the way.

Fairface, come this way.
This way.

Hyaa!

[music continues]

How do we
get out of this one?

Woah.

Look, pal, this is no time
for your games.

We make one good deal.
Almost wholesale.

We stop pale faces
from chasing you.

You give me the powerful
medicine that talks like gun.

Not the guitar.

You got yourself a deal.

Wa-hoo, there'll be hot time
at Wigwam tonight.

That guitar was like
a baby to me.

Are you kidding?
I can do better than that.

They haven't got any guns.
Come on, let's go for the gold.

Chief..

- White man's medicine.
- Big white man's medicine.

[strumming]

[gunshot]

That would be great
for shooting ducks.

Every man for himself.

[yelling]

[music continues]

Johnny and I'll
hitch up to Conestoga.

You girls get
the rest of your things together

and we'll return that gold
to Fort Marshall.

Glad to hear that.

- Hi.
- Marshal Max Cooper.

Glad to hear you're taking
the gold back to the fort.

- Do you mind if I ride along?
- Are we under arrest?

Oh, let's just call it
temporary protective custody.

Hey, we're free.

- Ah, free.
- Oh, it's over.

Yes, yes, it's over.

You're the last of the
confederate army to surrender.

? Hey here I go ?

? A lucky so and so ?

? Happy 'cause I know
I've got my fast guitar ?

? The fastest guitar
the fastest guitar ?

? The fastest guitar alive ?