Original subtitles

- Come on kids, make it big now.

You can do better than that!

Groove out, move out, kids!

* Tell me when will you be mine *

* Tell me when will I feel fine, yeah *

* Please make sure I will be fine *

* Please don't make me wait again *

* When will you say yes to me

* Tell me when why not why not why *

- Yes, sir, what can I get for you?

- France and I'd like to try whatever he's drinking.

* Every moment's a dream

* Every day since a lifetime

* Wonder why though

* Don't be quiet, no

* Wonder why though

* Don't be quiet, no

* Wonder why though

* Don't be quiet, no

- Nothing at all.

- I've seen mortuaries with more going on.

- Is that a Strauss Waltz I hear, kids?

- I gotta dance to something, let's make it.

* Wonder why though

* Tell me why though

* Tell me when, when you'll be mine *

* Wonder why though

* Tell me when you're, when you're mine *

* We can shoot all of the time

* Wonder why though

Would you like to?

How about it?

- Love to.

- I hear my name.

* When will you be mine

* Tell me when you're, when you're mine *

- No, that one.

- A real doll.

- Sure, great.

- Thanks, pal.

* Wonder why though

* Tell me why though

- Hey, I could use a sit down.

- Okay.

I simply can't stand these jealousy seeds anymore.

* Wonder why though

* Don't be quiet though

* Wonder why though

* Don't be quiet though

* Wonder why though

* Don't be quiet though

Now, the reason I've called you all

for this meeting tonight.

Am I the greatest thing since Bojangles Robinson or not?

- Stop, you out of your mind, rolling a joint now?

I just sat on the package, that's all.

- I mean, just because he doesn't know how to dance.

Moving like some damn fool.

- I wish someone--

- Now, I have seen this lighter before.

- I wonder whose it is.

- Gianni. - Gianni!

- Gianni! - Gianni!

- Oh, boy, I remember you said you don't dance,

you bragged about it.

- And flashing lights, you hate, huh?

- And you hate places filled with small things like that.

You're really something.

- Look, kids, I'm just here keeping a friend company.

- You're kidding.

I don't believe it, who is it?

Yeah and where is, uh--

- Him!

Him?

- Yeah, me.

We're good buddies by now.

Two weeks running he's been in

and been sitting alone every night.

Two weeks?

- I believe you owe your friends an explanation.

- Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

- I don't believe it!

- Never knew it! - Little lost lamb.

Is he living?

Ah, he's got his eye on Ilona, that's it.

- Ah, of course, our little mole is madly in love.

* You won't kiss me

* You ain't got the nerve

* Don't upset me or you'll get what you deserve *

- Come on, Gianni, we gotta get

the two of you introduced right away.

- Oh, no, no way! - Yeah!

- Forget it.

No, kids, come on.

I don't know how to dance!

Leave me alone!

Look, I just want to go sit down.

Forget it, I don't want to do it!

No.

- Whoa!

That's it, just dance, dance!

Get on your feet.

Come on, Gianni.

- I'm really sorry, very sorry, miss, honest.

* Shot me

* I do the voodo

* Shot me, shot me

* So nice

- My name is Mr. Raoul, not Ms. Raoul.

You're not gonna break one of my girls

every time you get here, are you?

- Don't worry about it, please.

The next time I won't come at all.

- Fine, fine.

- Boy, I wanna tell you, there's nothing like having

really good friends to help you through life.

- Come on, Gianni, dance with me.

- You gotta hand it to old Gianni,

he sure has a way with women.

- Poor little mole, his love story is going caput.

- I imagine he thought when you fell for a girl,

you're supposed to fall all over her.

- And you thought that Ilona would give you a tango?

- Well, you can be sure of one thing.

You broke the ice.

- Come on, you've broken my ass!

I've had it!

At least as far as Ilona's concerned.

- Oh, come on, Gianni, that's not true.

You might have made a great impression on her, Gianni.

You don't know what a mysterious thing

the soul of a woman is.

- That's true, I never even understand

what my mother tries to tell me.

- The poor little lovesick mole needs one important thing

right now, his rest!

- Whenever you're ready, your majesty, come on!

Come on, come on!

- If you don't hurry, I'll leave you high and dry,

I swear it.

I don't want to come.

You guys go along without me.

* It's ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go *

- Room service.

Come in.

- Your coffee's here, would you sign for it, please?

- Would you mind pouring it for me?

- Look, mister, if you don't keep your hand still,

I'll end up cutting a nail off!

- Sorry, miss, it's not very easy to do.

Quit that, would you please?

Stop it!

- And now, a marvelous little massage, your lordship.

As I was telling you, I'm not in the slightest bit feminist.

I say everyone in his right place.

Ladies with ladies and gentlemen with gentlemen.

And in such matters, I think I may say

I'm a bit of connoisseur.

Will you stop that?

- And now what are we going to put on that pretty face?

Smooth and

so fine you can't stand it.

Oh, the things we have to go through for business.

Are you ready, my lord?

What's happening?

S.O.S.

Red says we must help Gianni, yeah, yeah.

- Marvelous, pretty letters, fine colors,

but you're not too good as a type setter.

Should be Lilian, not Ilona.

- Morning, sir, you're here early.

The window display needed changing, huh?

- No, but I should change my sales girl.

You know what you did last night?

You locked me in the store as you went home!

- Oh, no.

- When you go away from here, you're in too big a hurry.

- Yes, but I didn't do it on purpose, you know.

- Oh, my, that's some consolation.

You flew away from here like a greased pig.

You didn't even give me time to scream or holler.

- Mr. Merrio, I truly do apologize.

I hope you're not going to tell me

you've been awake all night,

you did get some sleep, didn't you?

- So you will kindly have a care in the future,

I'm not a dummy in a window.

I spent the whole night sluffing through various materials.

I tried organza, I tried polyester,

I tried any damn thing I could get my hands on,

but not one thing was the least bit comfy at all.

- In my opinion, you're too fussy, boss.

You'd better learn to take life as it is

or you'll be sorry!

- Is that dress for 112 ready yet?

- What's with Gianni, how are things going?

- I'm giving lessons, all women are an open book to me.

- How to win your women instantly.

- Look, we can't just leave Gianni alone

at this point in his career.

- You must have seen that movie 20 times, at least.

- I'll be seeing John Travolta films

for the rest of my life.

He's mine, mine, mine!

- Hey, you're really going out of your gourd.

- Yeah. - You'll have his picture

tattooed on you next.

Maybe not.

But this?

- I don't believe it, she is off her nut.

- Great God almighty.

You know, it looks like he might have

gained a little weight.

- Haha.

- He's puffy, I don't know.

A massage is the ticket.

- Hands off!

- Young lady, this time you've gone too far!

- It's an obsession! - We're green with jealousy.

- Come on, let's go.

Well, you all set for tonight?

- I'm not coming.

- You've got no choice.

Old boy, you're gonna make a big impression on her.

- You just don't know girls, Gianni.

Didn't you see how she was looking at you?

- You guys go.

- After all, she did fall into your arms.

- Yeah.

I'm not coming, count me out.

- Let the buyer beware.

- Yeah and if you break it you pay for it.

- Sure, but then the pieces belong to you, don't they?

- I won't be there.

- I'm even willing to give up my fever.

- When I say no, it's no.

I will not be there.

I've got the tickets.

- Come on! - Let's go!

Ilona!

- Guess who we brought to see you tonight, eh?

He's come to beg your pardon.

Go on up there, Gianni, do we have to show you everything?

- All right, Gianni, now go on.

Go on. - Go!

- First introduce yourself, then the rest will be easy.

Yeah, go.

Come on.

- Hi.

It's my pleasure to--

- I don't believe it.

What a klutz!

- Children, I like people to have a good time in here,

but not when they get too carried away.

- Hey, don't make such a big deal.

It's just a glass after all. - Yeah, yeah.

- Come on, man.

- And you're the happiest one of all, aren't you, kid?

Come here.

If I see you in here again,

I'll make you eat your eyeglasses, get it?

All right, go on, get.

You happy now?

- Nah, we'll think of something.

He can't treat you like-- - I told you

I didn't want to come here.

- Oh, I don't know. - Listen.

I'm gonna get a hold of him.

You know what I'm gonna do to him?

I knew I shouldn't have come.

You're all morons!

- Come on, it's not all that bad.

- Well, what do you know about it?

- There's just one thing that works

on a man who's depressed.

Watch this!

Let's go, kids!

Hey!

There's a flying saucer!

- And I've got an idea that's even fabulouser than yours.

Why don't you all go mind your own business, huh?

- Hey.

- No, sir, your majesty.

We haven't got 500 doubles either, I'm sorry.

You better try a youth hostel somewhere.

Bye.

He'll hear you.

- Oh, but he's out of it.

- Watch it.

Easy.

Okay, now, shh, bye.

You plugged in right?

- I'll go check this out.

- Yeah, go on.

Telephone.

Telephone.

Telephone!

- Hello, sir.

This is the lady in room 226.

I cannot seem to get my door shut and

I cannot leave it all open all night.

- Course not.

- I can only sleep completely nude, sir.

- Ah, well, don't get dressed.

I mean, don't worry about it.

I'll have it right up.

- Thank you, sir.

- If I ever catch those kids, I'll kill 'em then and there.

- Yeah, I've always liked maple soles.

Ah, Mrs. Merrio, how are you?

No, your husband hasn't arrived, no.

He wasn't there last night, you say?

No, not that I know.

Blonde, no.

But he might have been in his car and had an awful accident.

I'd be delighted.

The minute I see him, I'll have him call.

Oh, no!

Hello.

Something the matter?

- Room service.

Come in.

- Good friend.

Madame, your coffee is here.

Shall I pour it?

- I'd like that.

- Third floor, here we are.

All right, hey.

Travolta, look and learn, hey.

Hilton, travel agency?

You can give me the reservation, no trouble, sir.

Six apartments?

Double beds only.

Ten singles also.

How many? Half a floor, I should think.

Your name, please, spell it out.

T for towel, Rome, yes, A as in Al,

V, I got that, O as in O, L as in Liver,

T for tall, A as in Al.

That'll be okay, Mr. Travolta.

Travolta?

- Scalpel!

- You could give us a hand, you know?

- There he is.

Better get to it.

Huh?

Is that a work of art or is it?

He's coming!

Oh, he's coming here!

- Oh, come on. - This hotel,

I can't believe it, I can't believe it!

John Travolta right here.

John Travolta's coming to this hotel!

- Calm down, calm down! - It's too much!

I'll never live through this!

I spoke to him, I took the reservation, it's too much!

- Listen, you better try to calm down.

If you're like this now, what are you gonna be like

when you see the guy?

Nothing matters anymore.

I'm not gonna leave that switchboard for one second

in case he calls again.

I gotta be there!

What is it?

- I could have sworn I left that door closed.

- A mustache.

No, not a mustache, not a mustache, not a mustache!

And I know who did it, too.

In a day or two, you'll have the original!

He'll really be hard to take, my lord.

- I'll tell you.

- So what do you care about that poster?

- Lame brain, do you realize what you've done,

the three of you?

I was gonna have him autograph that thing for me

and now what?

- Easy, once he gets here, you just ask him

very nicely if he wouldn't mind being so kind

as to grow a little mustache.

- Har har.

- It'll even give him a more masculine air.

Look how much Sylvia thinks him like so.

- Right.

- I just can't think.

He looks like somebody else.

Who could it be, though?

Like Travolta with a mustache.

- No, I agree with Sylvia.

Looks like somebody we know.

- Nah, nah.

- Well, you really ruined him with that mustache, poor John.

John.

Gianni.

- Right.

- Get the pen you used.

Who's got a pen around here?

- Hand it over or I'll rip out yours.

Your mustache, that is.

- My pleasure.

- Thank you.

Well, morons?

- But, but it's--

Gianni!

- Hey, chef! - Hi, friend!

- Hi, hi, Gianni!

Guess who-- - You guys again.

Why don't you leave me alone for a change?

- Hey, Gianni.

We got quite a surprise for you.

- Look, I got no time.

If this stuff gets cold, it loses all its flavor.

- And there you are!

- What an idiot. - But it's Travolta,

you meathead, it's John Travolta!

- You guys are really out of it.

Travolta doesn't have a mustache or glasses.

- You're such a dumb meathead.

This was a poster of Travolta.

Now it's you, you're twins, Gianni.

This is the best thing that ever happened to you.

- I don't see it.

- It's success, you're a celebrity!

- You'll be able to have any girl on the planet!

- Mad for you, darling!

- You merely have to cut off mustache,

sideburns, and take off your glasses.

- If I take off my glasses, I'm blind as a bat.

Now, one side varlets or I'll ring you through.

- So long. - What a dork.

- But.

- Man, I think that actor's terrific.

We ought to sign him up.

I think it's a great idea.

- We mustn't waste any time,

you know what I'm talking about?

- Yes.

Ilona.

- Look who's with us again, will you?

The funny boy from the club.

- Like the Mark of Zorro.

Looking for his adventures at night

and during office hours as a cook.

- And you're nut just a funny guy.

You're a lamebrain too.

Could you let the grownups handle it.

That's better.

Now when can I take delivery?

- Dammit I know why he got on his high horse that day.

- It's not as though we called him a bad name.

- Well maybe he's upset about the poster some.

Anyway, let's beat it.

The girls are waiting for us.

- Hey.

- Well, well.

- Is it true this Travolta character looks like me?

Hmmm.

- Seven tickets please.

- Only one.

- One.

- I'm press.

- Photographer.

- Photographer.

- Military.

- Well, honey mark.

* Ha ha ha ha ha

* Haha

* Ha ha ha ha ha

* Haha

* Haha

* Haha

- I'm not sure.

It's true there's a resemblance between me and him

and I could be a woman's drinking glass

or a lot better.

But it's made of class.

If it's flesh and blood spilled on a drinking glass.

Or a lot better yet, but really I'm not a glass.

So if she puts her lips to the glass,

what about me?

Right on.

I think it could be done.

- Oh.

Are you blind or something, look at him?

- Well that's easy enough to say now.

But he's in closeup, look there.

What's the matter with you, you love blind or something?

- Shh.

- Don't shut up.

- Look, if you don't like it then go sit somewhere else.

I say we need to shorten his sideburns

by an inch and a half.

Well I say you're nuts.

- All right, watch carefully now.

He's gonna do a whole turn around.

Get him in focus and get the framing right.

Very near, if you don't - Shh.

- Mister, if you really don't like it

there are plenty of empty seats around.

- Look, we got a job to do here.

We're not just goofing off.

Done in front.

- Okay watch how he does this.

- Oh no, like this.

- Out with the hand.

- Shh.

- There are plenty of seats around.

Use any two.

There, there you see what I mean?

It's a one, two three move.

- Oof, son of a bitch!

- The fever.

- The fever, the bronchitis, the cold.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, so long.

- Yeah, see ya.

- There, the poster.

- Hey, come on fellas.

Let's have some action.

The old man will be here in a second.

- 42, 30, 37.

Oh boy, that's a big mustache.

- Hmm, size 13.

Enough leather for a saddle.

- In my opinion the subject needs a bit of color as well.

- Green is nice.

Hey there bubbles, isn't the size written anywhere

on this shirt you're wearing?

I can't find it?

- Inside the back collar, dummy.

Men and ladies both, you all ready for your tasks?

Mhmm.

- All right, let's synchronize watches.

Up your patooty.

- All right, up my patooty.

- Hey kids, my feet are frozen.

- Back over there.

Attack at last.

Alvin, dear.

Oh it's you.

Well, what is it?

- Look, you gotta do us a great favor.

- But it has to be late tonight.

- No, my wife would have a hatchet raised.

Couldn't we make it tomorrow during the daytime?

That is very appealing, you know.

- Oh you don't get the picture.

- We're not talking about us.

- It's Gianni, you know, the cook.

- Oh no.

I'm only a faggot when I'm working in the shop.

I don't have to tell you that.

- I guess we better tell him the truth.

You see,

- No!

I'm not at all interested in faggots

not even faggots who can cook.

No!

- You got some kind of problem, boy?

They're the best, man.

- Yeah.

- Petition, is this,

- No, Mennifer, I'm sorry, out of order.

You'll have to take the other one.

No, hold on, hold on young lady.

What floor did you want to go to?

- To the third.

- To the third, perfect.

- Fine, I'll do the job.

Oh!

- Ooh.

- We'd better begin.

* Ha ha ha haha

* Haha

* Ha ha ha haha

* Haha

- Might say yes or no.

- I know you're a fake and it's not important.

I don't care.

I've waited for this.

I've waited for this moment all my life.

That should tell it all.

- Suppose that she's mistaken though?

- He's right, we could be preconditioned now.

- What we oughta do is try him out with someone else.

We have to find someone who knows him

but who doesn't recognize him.

- I wonder who it could be.

- Someone who'd know him from a million others.

- Hey you guys,

* Ha ha ha haha

* Haha

* Ha ha ha haha

* Haha

* Haha

* Haha

- Oh, oh, oh!

Mr. Travolta, you're here!

Oh what a pleasure.

It's you, it's really you in person.

I'll get your bag and check it in, right away, sir.

Front!

Hello, hey, hey!

Get the manager.

- Let's get out of here!

- What is this, I just saw him here.

Where could he have gone off to?

Where did he go?

This is crazy.

He was right here.

He can't have disappeared into thin air.

Where is he? - Caruso.

Excuse me, just where is Mr. Travolta?

- I don't know sir.

Honestly he was right here but I don't see him anymore.

- You woke up and he disappeared?

- No, no, what do you mean woke up?

I never slept in my life.

There isn't even a bed in my house.

- Well we happen to have beds.

- You better go back to them.

Terribly sorry about all this.

Caruso.

You need to have a look taken at you, it's important.

- Yes sir, immediately, here I am sir.

How do I strike you?

- Don't play the idiot any more than you have to.

You need to have a psychiatrist examine

what's left of your brain, Caruso, and right now.

- Hey, you gotta be somebody new.

- Not at all.

I'm Gianni.

It's my mustache is gone.

I cut myself with the razor.

- As far as I'm concerned you come off better.

With that mustache, you looked too much like Clark Gable.

- Pss, pss, pss, pss, pss.

At noon.

At noontime, an urgent meeting on the clan.

A terrible thing has happened.

- They're gonna fire us all, you know that?

All right, what the hell's up?

- Look here, Gianni.

I'm afraid you're just gonna have to forget about Ilona.

- What a shame.

We went all this work for nothing.

- Come on, please!

You could at least explain.

- We were stupid not to have thought of it

right off the bat.

- Oh, come on, what is this, 20 questions?

- You don't know how to dance.

- Gianni, what kind of Travolta can't dance?

Come on, who's gonna believe it?

He dances when he's asleep.

- But he does look like me.

- I'm sorry Gianni but it's just not enough.

You gotta be able to dance if you're Travolta.

- Yeah, but I still got two days.

You can teach me, huh?

I mean I'm sure I,

You can do what, learn to dance

like John Travolta in two days?

- For 48 hours, I won't stop dancing.

Come on, guys.

- Yeah sure. - Yeah.

He's right, it'll work.

I'll be his Pygmalion and he'll be my fair lady.

- He's not much of a lady.

- It will work.

It's fabulous.

- Sorry, they may look alike

but they don't sound alike.

- Supposing this Travolta had himself

a bad case of laryngitis or something, huh?

- That's good.

There'll be his manager there to do all this talking, right?

- Hey, that's right.

All the big stars have their managers along with them.

The point is of course, who are we gonna get

to be his manager?

- In my imagination I see

an extremely particular type.

- You can stop talking, I get the picture already.

You need someone who's a little particular,

is that the idea?

Well there's one type of particularity

that I do very well indeed if I do wanna say.

- Shame talking that way in front of the children.

- You should be ashamed at yourselves

laughing at my wife.

What do you want, out!

Father orders, you obey.

- Is he gonna grow up to be a boy?

- No, no, come on, watch.

Look at me.

Try to do the steps I'm doing.

- My feet keep getting underfoot.

- Okay, hold on, hold on.

Let's try it again from the beginning.

Now.

Keep going.

Now the left, okay?

Now let's start over, come on.

Now front back, front, back.

Hey Gianni, put some life into it.

Don't dance like a corpse.

Come on now.

No, no, come on.

Come here, now look at me.

Now watch carefully.

Now front, side back.

Oh, Lord, it can't be true.

- Gloria.

- Oh I really do think it's hopeless.

- It's not going too well.

- No.

No.

- Okay, the two of you.

Up out there and run home.

It's getting late, hop to it.

- Hey Gloria please, let's try it once again

with the glasses.

At least this way I'll see where my feet are going.

I'll try harder this time, really.

- Yeah go on, try again.

Seeing any other miracles.

- One of those wouldn't hurt at all.

Come on, watch carefully now.

One, two, three, mm, mmh.

Oh, oh!

- Thank god you put on your glasses.

- No one's born perfect, help me learn.

Don't just stand around looking idiotic.

- Doesn't ask much.

- Hey.

I think I might just have an idea.

As his manager I could say

Mr. Travolta cannot dance.

It would be in violation of his contract.

- And tomorrow's the big day.

We present John Travolta!

- The thing is to get the timing right.

- Let's synchronize our watches!

Up your patooty.

- Now ladies and gentlemen please

we must be serious.

Early to bed tonight and no tricks on Caruso.

- Well group, off to bed.

- No, doctor.

It wasn't a dream at all.

I saw him there in front of me in the flesh.

- You are a coward.

- Yes.

- A craven wreck like all the others.

Because you suffer these visions to exist

instead of standing up to them, striking them!

Next time you must seize him by his neck,

knock his head hard violently.

Just gaze in his eye and say

I'm not scared of you, mister, go away, fathead.

- No need to get personal, doctor.

So what if I am a fathead, hmm?

- The hallucination, not you.

Now that's enough.

Grab him by the neck again.

You spit in his eye.

And you hold him very still

and with all your force

you hit him in the other eye.

- Oh my god.

Oh lord, the pain.

What'll the manager say when I come to work

with a black eye?

Is the session over?

- Yes.

And I'll see you again.

- You better look at these, they're the new reservation.

- No problem, I'll take care of it.

- Caruso, did you see the psychiatrist this morning

as you were supposed to?

- You may fire me if you wish but I'm not going back to him.

* Ha ha ha haha ha

* Ha ha ha haha ha

* Haha

* Haha

- Oh, Mr. Travolta, what a great honor.

Please, please come in.

It's a great pleasure to welcome you here.

Front, front please.

The formalities will only take a second.

We'll show you up to your suites.

Front, front, where are you?

Front, is there anyone here?

Please, please come this way.

We have been expecting you, you know.

After all, how many times in the life of an hotel

does this happen?

Around here.

* Ha ha ha haha

* Haha

* Haha

* Haha

Hey you.

Mr. Travolta's room key.

- It's the nightmare!

All that banging his head against the gong,

it's no wonder he's got a bat or two in his belfry.

- Poor old Caruso.

I hope they don't fire him.

- Nah, they won't.

- Marvelous.

Anybody got a tranquilizer?

- Thank god he's feeling good.

- This evening I feel like Cinderella.

Like someone who's about to realize a dream.

- Dream, hell.

It's becoming a nightmare.

- Well, you have to be a cook

to get yourself into that kind of stew.

- It's so ridiculous, come on.

Imagine falling in love with someone you never met.

It's mad.

- Look who's speaking.

- So men, we all agree.

Gloria will keep in touch with apartment Travolta.

She'll notify us to start the operation.

Okay, boss.

- Now, synchronize your watches.

- I haven't got one, you know.

Up your patooty.

- Keep things quiet, boys.

Johnny wants to sleep till tomorrow.

- Okay, boss.

This is the executive suite.

Mr. Travolta does not want to be disturbed

till tomorrow morning.

- Right, sir, I'll take care of it.

I'll put a block on incoming calls till the morning.

Hurry!

- Here I am, I'm ready.

- This way, we gotta move fast.

- Oh this is an interesting time.

- I know, we've got to keep cool.

The plan calls for us to get Alvin first, then Gianni.

- Alvin, Deborah, hurry!

See you tomorrow.

- Hey, you can't go off and leave me like this.

It's all the rage now.

- I'll murder you, honest.

- Shh.

- I could be wrong.

I thought you cut yourself on the other side.

- It's a question of perspective.

- Hey come here, hurry!

- Sorry, sir.

- Shh.

Remember your origins.

Here we go, hold still, don't move.

- Remember, those are the only lenses we have..

- Look, I'm known as the Barnard of the barbershop.

All I need is for you to keep still.

Open your eye, that's it.

- Let me speak with Mr. Travolta.

- How am I gonna let him know

I'm the greatest fan he's ever had?

So let me in, huh?

I got to get back to the desk now.

But I'll see him sometime when you're not around.

You try and we kill you, you little fag.

- Yes of course.

It's a family advice, oh excuse me!

- Please kids, this is not the time for party games.

- Dr. Barney's hand slipped a bit.

- Tell the silly idiot not to squirm about.

I wish I had a picture of you right now.

- Marvelous, fine.

- Hi there, Cinderello.

- Don't worry about a thing, you're perfect now.

- No, we are missing one detail.

- Children, we're about to start Operation Travolta.

The countdown is beginning.

- Honest, I'd marry you if I didn't know the truth.

- Well, how about it Gianni.

How do you feel?

- Like a lion.

- When I give you the word, action.

- Listen kids, I don't really care anything about Ilona.

You liar!

- Shh.

- All right.

Operation Travolta.

You first, Alvin.

Go on, take your place.

- Here I go.

Wait a minute.

Come back here!

- Hey come on, get a move on, will you?

- Yeah, if he can get over his stage fright.

- Gianni, you still have time.

If you wanna back out now you can still do it.

But now, not 10 seconds from now.

- Let's do it. - Great.

- No, no it's broken, it doesn't work.

You see the sign?

It doesn't.

- I'm not all that keen on Ilona.

- You've had your chance, boy, move.

Go!

- Oh no, it's him!

No doubt about it.

Mr. Travolta, Mr. Travolta!

Oh, Mr. Travolta.

I'm so terribly sorry about what happened yesterday.

Isn't there anything I can do to make up for it?

Please sir, please.

Just any little thing at all.

Just name it.

Mr. Travolta, I beg of you.

Any little favor I can do for you.

I'd be so grateful if you just let me

be of service to you.

Please, Mr. Travolta.

And thank you, oh thank you.

Oh what a sweet little snookums.

Issum's gonna miss his master

while he's away tonight, right?

Why you little sawed-off pipsqueak.

I'll teach you to steal other people's property.

I didn't want to, I didn't mean to.

- That wasn't very smart of you now,

was it, pal?

I ought to report you for assault and battery.

- John's Fever, please.

So whenever anyone asks you,

just say a few words in a hoarse voice.

You've got laryngitis, right?

I'll take care of most of the talking.

And above all, you mustn't let them talk you into dancing.

The contract, remember?

- Yeah sure, I got it.

- Yeah instead of making that sound, maybe you should dance.

- Land ho!

Everyone out, children!

If we pull this one off, we'll be famous!

- I don't think there's gonna be a single hitch.

- Off we go, okay!

- One.

Two in!

Three in.

Four out.

Five!

Six!

- Now don't forget you've got a terrible case of laryngitis.

Don't speak more than three whole words at a time.

And above all, you can't dance.

It's impossible, you must not dance.

- I just realized, I mean somehow

about Ilona, she just doesn't turn me on.

- Listen Angel, if it turns you off,

imagine my reaction, push.

- Hey kids, it's incredible.

John Travolta's here.

Yeah, I'm telling you, he's here.

I saw him with my own eyes, he's right out here.

- I'm telling you I can't believe it!

John Travolta's here.

- It's true, he's supposed to be in town.

I read it yesterday.

- It's John, it's Travolta!

- We love him!

- There's John Travolta!

There he is!

- Here he comes, he's coming right now!

- Hello.

Thank you.

Please now, let's not crowd around too much ,huh.

- Nice to see you.

Give him some air, would you?

- Hi.

Careful, now you're crashing.

Thank you.

Stand back please, stand back a little, eh?

Oh, hello there.

No crowding too much now please, thank you.

- Mr. Travolta, won't you dance for us?

- I'd like that, but.

- No! No!

- No, no, I'm sorry

but if he dances he's in violation of his contract.

- Well sure I want to, but,

- I'm sorry, he can't dance.

He's sick, he's got a fever.

He's got laryngitis!

Gianni, no, don't do it!

- No, I beg of you, don't!

Travolta! Travolta!

Travolta! Travolta! Travolta! Travolta!

Travolta! Travolta! Travolta! Travolta!

- Please.

Please dance.

- And yet it moves.

* Wherever and ever more

* No matter what or who you are *

* You wanna be a star

* Shining you're near and far

* So dance

* Like never before all you go

- He's not bad.

* To happiness is to be bold

* Here come you go

* There come they go

* On and on

* You start to learn and it's new everyday *

* Your troubles will go away

- Caruso, I just went upstairs.

Mr. Travolta is still sleeping

and is not to be disturbed.

So don't forget now, no one at all,

not even Napoleon.

I saw him go out the door with my own two eyes.

Are you back to your hallucinations?

I'm willing to put up with nearly anything.

He's nuts though.

Yes sir?

- 542 please.

- 542, yes sir.

Hallucinations.

I mean really, he's the one who should be going

to the to the pissaliatrist.

Here's your,

oh my god, where'd he go.

Could it be true about the halluc,

oh boy, oh boy.

Yes sir?

- Room 542.

- Right away.

Now where, the key to 542 isn't here, sir.

- What do you mean it isn't there?

- Oh my god, oh my god.

- Great!

* You start to see how these all began *

* The troubles are not yet then *

* There's no one a couple and then *

* Forever and ever more

* No matter what or who you are *

* You're gonna be a star

* Shining to be a star

* So when whenever you go for a star *

* You think it's a

- Let him finish what he's doing then

bring him in. - Right, boss.

- John Travolta.

- That's right.

- No, no thanks, I don't smoke.

- Forgive me if I had you brought into my office

but with someone of your importance,

the least I could do is to see you in person.

- That's very nice of you.

I understand it's your first time over here.

- Enjoying it a lot.

- Well I'd like to thank you.

You come around honoring us,

our humble little place of business.

- It's a nice club.

- Oh that's pretty kind of you.

Although I must say that I was surprised to see

that as a dancer, you're a very good cook.

!

Explain yourself.

Don't get mad.

I said I'm very grateful.

- Glad to hear it.

- What's the secret of that marvelous quail you cook?

- I don't know how to cook at all.

- Oh please, that's enough.

I'd recognize you, you're Zorro.

- Oh look, there must be some mistake.

My name is Gianni.

- Gianni, Zorro, whatever.

You're still the cook at the hotel, my friend.

- Wow, you're a pretty sharp guy, you know.

Well I'll be going.

- Ah ah, wait a minute.

Did you bring your glasses along?

- Well sure.

You mean?

- Now I told you I'd make you eat them, didn't I?

- Now come on please, it was just a little joke.

It didn't hurt anyone.

- What do you mean a little joke?

This is the biggest thing in the last 40 years.

I'll not only forgive you but I'll hire you.

If 200 sounds okay, sign here.

Come on, the hotel pays me double that.

- You bonehead.

I'm talking about 200 every evening.

Come on, sign it, go on!

Are you?

- Look, you could make millions.

All you gotta do is look like Travolta

which you do without trying.

That's enough of that.

I don't know where your friend is and why don't you go home?

- I'm terribly sorry but I'm not interested.

- I know you've been coming around here

all this time.

For Ilona.

- Mhmm.

Well, if you want,

you can do your numbers together.

- Yeah.

Of course that's only to begin with, you realize.

Well, one thing will naturally lead to another thing.

- To what you're thinking.

You deal with Raoul, Raoul's a buddy

and he'll bring it to you

on a silver platter, Gianni.

- But what if she doesn't want that?

- Mmm, you know.

I got a lot of influence on her.

I think you're better off signing.

- Well.

Okay.

- Marvelous.

Now to show you that my heart's in the right place

I'll have Ilona leave early this evening.

So you're gonna be waiting for her, huh?

- Okay Romeo, you got it all down?

- Hey kids, I'm really scared.

- Just don't forget, you're John Travolta.

- You kiss her when we blink with the headlights, remember.

- Oh yeah.

- Here we go, everybody down!

Hey wait kids, Deborah, is that your heel?

Yes.

Do you mind very much taking that

out of my left eye?

Shh.

- Go, moron, go!

- Did you see, she smiled at you!

- No, I'm sorry she didn't.

Her mouth just turns up at the corners.

- That sounds a lot like a smile to me.

Okay Johnny, this is your moment, go do it.

- Hi.

Now what kind of joke was that to play

on a nice girl like me.

- I'm glad you don't seem to be angry about it.

- Oh of course not.

Actually I enjoy jokes.

- I'm glad you like them.

- Ah, I was thinking, I'm so used to

seeing you look so beautiful on the stage up there

I can't begin to believe I'm standing next to you.

- I'm two different girls, you know.

In the discotheque I have to put on a certain act.

But in my private life, I'm just another girl.

- Ah, I mean you must have a home somewhere, right?

- Yes, I do.

I mean I don't live in a treehouse after all.

- No ,no.

But I don't know about showbusiness.

I heard you people are different.

I haven't got a car.

But I could take you in a taxi if you like.

- You don't have to bother at all.

Really, don't worry.

- I did have the Rolls but the driver's gone back.

- You surely don't expect that joke to work

more than once a night, do you?

- No, you're right.

- Try it again tomorrow night.

Strangely enough, it's just a two minute walk to my house.

- Well then, I'll walk you home, okay?

Fine.

- How long have you been working at the discotheque?

- Hmm let's see, almost two years now.

- Well you do meet the most interesting people.

- Oh by the way did Raoul tell you?

- That he's hired me.

We'll be dancing together.

- That's right.

We'll do two sets a night he said.

- Oh, what a marvelous idea.

Is there something wrong?

- No, no nothing.

Well why are you looking like that?

- Hmph, and I explained it to the pig.

- He's got to kiss her to the script!

- It's rotten to be so timid.

- Thanks for walking me home, Johnny.

Be seeing you.

Tomorrow night at the club.

- Mm, he could have been the real Travolta.

- Could have also been one of us.

Shh!

- But how about us going up together?

We might have some drinks, huh?

- No, no I've just got one small room.

And you've got one too many messmates.

* Look in the mirror

* Now I am nearer

* Looking at reality

- Hmm.

Gentlemen, if this goes on,

we found the goose that lays the golden eggs.

* This or never

* How can I tell her

* Tell her I love her and I do

* My heaven is here now she's here *

* Get it together now there's nothing to fear *

* We are on the fore

* Show me my best

* Now that I'm ready for all

* Look in the mirror

- I just hope everyone wonders the same thing I do.

- He's probably been studying dancing

for a million years or more.

- World championship class.

- You know, he's taken every one of you for a ride.

- He never danced a step of had a laugh.

Never smoked a puff.

- He never went to bed.

- He forgave me for blacking his eye.

He invited me here himself.

- I told you, that's Gianni.

- Oh you're really nuts.

What do you mean Gianni?

You think I can't tell the difference

between a cook and a Travolta?

* Show me my best in me

* Now that I'm ready for all

- Wonderful!

Mr. Travolta's really wonderful, isn't he?

- Gianni!

I keep telling you it's Gianni!

- Hey Gianni!

Hey, that was great.

- Okay, okay.

Look kids, I'm dead tired, I wanna flake out.

- Oh come on, just do one number with us, okay?

- I guess if I want to take a shower

you're gonna get in the stall along with me, huh?

Nothing, nothing at all.

- But we thought a celebration was in order.

- Come on, it's not New Year's.

Who gives a damn?

- Yeah right, let's dance!

* When my Jesus washing

* He took my shoes away

* Yeah happy day

- Of course, it's your dressing room too.

By the way, where did you learn to dance so well?

- I think it's just being near you that inspires me.

Usually I dance like a hippo.

- Listen Gianni, that joke has had its day.

It's dead.

- I swear it's the truth

and I wanted to thank you.

My biggest success always comes

in our number together.

- Ah, so our number together is your big success,

not mine or ours.

- It was a joke and you know it.

But really, my life has completely changed.

Because of you, Ilona.

Well what do I have to do with it?

- You see, if a man follows a dream for a long time

and then one day all of a sudden finds that dream

in his hands, what's he going to do?

- Nothing at all.

There's one thing about a dream.

You can never touch it.

- Yes but,

if a dream meets another one too, then what?

- You're not a dream and you know it too.

You just look like someone who is, that's all.

It's different.

- What do you mean it's different?

The only reason I did this is because of you.

- Now listen Gianni.

What you see in this mirror is the Ilona that you imagine.

Now look there.

The reflection you see in that mirror

is the star, the dream.

Now I'll try to move the two mirrors closer.

The two dreams have disappeared.

Now let's see what we have.

A long haired girl and a good cook

who barely know each other.

It's a dream, Gianni, just a dream.

And you've got to wake up and face it.

- You're right, Ilona.

I was an idiot.

Well at least I didn't go along with him, with Raoul.

What does he have to do with it?

- He told me he would help me with you

if I wanted.

- I don't believe that.

Come on, you're kidding.

- No, I'm not.

He said I could have you on a silver platter

just for the asking.

Honestly, I'm not joking, it's the truth.

- But Raoul and I have been together

almost a year now.

- I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know.

- Kids, if it keeps going on like this

we'll make more money than we can handle.

- Good, that way you can deliver me on a golden platter

instead of a silver one, is that right, Raoul darling?

- Nothing at all.

He just let me see that you're a monster.

Well I've had it, you pig.

I'm getting out of here now!

- I've got news for you.

- Let go!

- You're not going anywhere.

- Get your hands off her!

- You keep out of this.

And now if you don't mind get the hell out there and dance!

- I'm not gonna dance for you.

Not even a bullet could get me out there, no!

The hell you say, you little.

- The fact is that we are going to dance.

- No I won't no!

Come on!

- The son of a,

* Look in the mirror

* Now I am nearer

* Nearer to reality

* Thinking what I wanna be

* Be what I am and maybe then I'll be free *

- Would you mind trying to explain

why you made me dance?

* It's now or never

* I've gotta tell her

- Well you're going to see how a dream ends.

Just wait.

* My heaven is here when she's near *

- Stop!

I've got an announcement to make to you.

The show is over.

The show is over?

- Travolta's gone mad.

- I don't know how Travolta is

but Gianni's coming back to his senses.

- We won't be dancing for you tonight,

tomorrow night or any other time either.

- No!

- I'm sure he has the best of reasons

for what he's doing.

- He's great!

- Gianni.

- Good for you.

- Good job Gianni, you're our guy.

That's the greatest thing you ever did.

- He's one of us.

- Hey kids, look out.

Here we go, kids!

Let's see how you can dance, come on, make it great!

Give it everything you've got!

Make this a night nobody'll forget!

* Now the show's over

* Now the show's over

* Forever forever let if pass

* Then let's go live in the love *

- Nice kids, come on, come on, dance!

Here!

* Now the show's over

* Forever forever let it pass

* The masquerading is over

* It was a joke let us all have a good time *

- Hey, you.

- Oh my.

Oh I feel faint.

- Yes, it hurts.

- Sorry, excuse me.

Travolta!

It's great to be here!

- What do you think you're doing?

- I'm just looking.

I'm looking for an earring.

- Ooh, we can look together.

I'm sure we'll find it.

You look there and I'll look here.

- That'll teach you to mind your manners.

Don't worry your little head about me,

I'm all right. - My hero!

- Hey.

- Come on kids, dance.

There's nothing to worry about, dance!

- We better get out of here

or we can wind up in trouble, Mr. Travolta.

It's better we go out this way.

I still think we better go this way.

You're always there.

- I found your earring, you dear little thing.

- Well thanks.

- Oh no.

You have to give me a little kiss first.

- Close your eyes though 'cause I'm shy.

- Mr. Travolta, Mr. Travolta!

- Very nice indeed.

- Thank you, thank you.

Here you go you big hulk.

- Very nice, very nice.

- You're looking good.

- Here we go.

- Don't do it.

Let's talk this over.

The first tenet of Aristotle.

- Hey you!

- I'm John Travolta, now look, remember?

John Travolta.

Watch, one, two, see.

- Ooh, I can try, eh, Mr. Travolta?

- That's not quite right.

One, two.

Three!

Come on.

- Rapport between the imminent and the transrejection

in Aristotle's early commentaries, right?

Mr. Travolta, where are you, sir?

Always following me.

Travolta!

- No! Let go of me!

- Hey you, turn around!

- Of course, Mr. Travolta, I remember like this.

One, two, three!

- No it's not quite right, watch.

One, two, three!

Come on, let's get out of here.

- So what exactly is the myth of the character of Plato

when it cut the mirror of human consciousness,

there are in fact incorporated

a degree of human consciousness

and therefore to be precise are the grades

of the consciousness of the demure.

Why, listen I better go now.

See you next time.

- Step right this way.

Mr. Travolta it's really a pleasure to be here

with you sir.

Why do you keep following me?

Iodine, bandages, ointment.

Come get them, there's enough for everyone.

Yeah, horse liniment too, everything.

When they hear I fought alongside John Travolta,

no one will believe it.

- It's Gianni.

- Who would ever have imagined

it would end up like this?

- But it was fun, you know.

- Well the important thing is

old Gianni's come back to us.

- I think we ought to find another discotheque

and try it once more.

- If only all this had been to some use.

- Look over there.

My opinion is that it was of great use.

- Oh sorry.

You're better looking, a much more handsome type

of man like this.

- Well in one way or another he got what he was after.

Then it's all been worthwhile.

Yeah, Gianni's a good kid,

he deserves the best.

- Amazing.

Almost incredible.

Look at that.

- Hey, Mr. Caruso, you guys notice something?

- Good lord.

With those glasses on you look just like a cook

in our hotel, Mr. Travolta.

* Now the show is over

* Now the show is over

* Forever forever get around

* Now the show is over

* Now the show is over

* Forever forever let it burn

* The masquerade in the bar

* It was a joke let us all have a good laugh *

* Now the show is over

* Now the show is over

* Come with us forever get around *

* Now the show is over

* Now the show is over

* Come with us forever let it found *

* The masquerade in the back

* It was a joke let us all have a good laugh *

* Now the show is over

* Now the show is over

* Come with us forever get around *

* Now the show is over

* Now the show is over

* Come with us forever let it find *