All language subtitles for Space.Chicken.2018.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO-HI

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[hands clapping]

[narrator]
Okay, everyone, here we go.

The movie's about to start.

Centuries ago, our galaxy
was brought to its knees

by an alien race
of unparalleled ruthlessness.

No, not these guys,
these guys.

See? Mean, right?

The invaders possessed
an amulet of unlimited power

known as,
"The Amulet of Unlimited Power."

With it, the aliens conquered
and enslaved every race

on every planet
they encountered,

including our own.

But what the aliens
didn't count on

was the existence
of another creature

who lived amongst the humans,

"The Featherless Condor."

Well, uh, mostly featherless.

The Condor took the amulet
from the invaders,

forcing them to flee into
the far reaches of space.

And there was much rejoicing
and also cake.

Fearing that the aliens might
one day return for the amulet,

The Condor decided to hide it
deep within the earth.

Braving untold dangers,
he reached a secret location

where he knew the amulet
could never be found.

[elevator dings]

[narrator] And so,
the galaxy was liberated.

As one generation
succeeded another,

and another, and another,

the descendants
of The Featherless Condor

forgot about the aliens.

But the aliens did not forget.

They swore that one day
they would take back

that which they had lost,
and then,

they would wreak
their vengeance upon us all.

[rock music playing]

[announcer] And welcome back
to Pelotillehue Stadium

for this exciting game

brought to you by My Eyes,
My Eyes Tear Gas.

It's the 2,606th match

between Pelotillehue
and Buenas Peras.

And this time, it's personal.

And look at Condorito go,

weaving past
the defenders like a rat

in a bony chicken's kitchen.

Kiss my feathers.

Go, Condorito, go!

[dramatic music playing]

Condorito!

I got to do more cardio.

Ignorancio, mark him up.

Huh?

Oh, right away, coach.

Yeah.

Yes, go Tio!

[announcer]
Condorito with a perfect pass

to Iron Throat and...

it seems Egghead has once again

been mistaken for the ball.

But there's Condorito
with the steal.

Oh, wait, what's this,

Pepe Cortisona
has just stolen the ball

from his own teammate.

[chuckles]

[announcer]
And look at this, yes,

it's the patented
Pepe pec juggle.

And could it be?

Yeah, he's incorporated
some ass into it.

Oh, what a game we have here
today, ladies and gentlemen,

and now it appears
that Pepe is making googly eyes

at a member of the audience.

[laughter]

My knee, my knee, oh, my knee!

My knee!

[grunts]

[gasping]

He's a murderer.

I can't feel my beak.

[whistles]

Huh?

[growls]

Use your eyes, fool.

Can't you see that bird brain
is just faking?

Farewell, I'm going
into the light.

[whistles]

[announcer] And it looks like
the referee has ejected

Pepe for diving.

Papa, is that you?

[announcer] But of course
the real drama here

right now is Condorito.

[defibrillator zapping]

[indistinct] I'm okay.

I'm okay.

[announcer] Never have I seen

such a miraculous recovery.

Hallelujah,
what a moment to be alive,

and with just seconds
left on the clock,

Pelotillehue has the ball.

[groans]

[whistles]

Hmm?

[announcer] Goal...

Condorito!

[cheering]

And the referee whistles,

it's over,
1-0 for Pelotillehue!

Victory, victory, victory!

Free drinks for everyone
at El Tupos.

Huh?

[thud]

Well, at least they got their
priorities straight.

Tio, that was your best
death scene ever.

Thank you, Chickie.

[all] Condorito!

[Condorito] Oh, wait, kids.

I just don't understand what
it is you see in that fool?

[laughing]

Did someone say the orphanage
needs a new ball?

Mm-hmm.

[cheering]

My love, for you.

[groans]

[Condorito]
I had one eye on the clock.

Come on, kids,
it's getting late,

time to get back
on the bus.

[indistinct chatter]

It looked like
the Buenas players

were all going after you.

Well, I guess that's
the price you pay

for being this attractivo.

[laughter]

And to who do you dedicate
this victory?

I dedicate this victory
to world peace.

- Oh.
- Aww.

Uh, rainforests.

Aww.

And, of course,
to all the puppies of the world.

[screaming]

[chuckles]

No more questions.

Do you always have to flirt
with those...

...those bimbos
after every single game?

Huh? No, I do that
for the ratings.

- [scoffs]
- Oh, please, my darling,

you know my heart beats
only for you.

Yayita, Yayita.

You see?

And look,
I have a surprise. Ta-da!

I got us tickets
to the boxing match tonight.

Bruiser versus
Midget Avenger,

it's gonna be the fight
of the century.

Are you kidding?

Did you forget it's
my mom's birthday tonight?

Hmm.

[chuckles]

I didn't forget,
uh, I repressed.

- Huh?
- [gasps]

[slurps]

[upbeat music playing]

[horn honks]

[man singing in Spanish]

Tremebunda, my dear.

Please accept this present
for this felicitous occasion.

Oh, a gift card for the spa?
Thank you.

To preserve your untouched
beauty's perfection.

Her beauty is untouched

because nobody would touch her.

Huh?

[sighs]

Oh, Pepe,
how considerate of you.

Oh, I keep praying
for my daughter

to come to her senses
and find someone like you.

Perhaps she already has.

May I give you a ride home?

[gasps]

Oh, my car!

[nervous laughter]

But Yayita, we were going to go
celebrate at El Tulfo.

You just better
not be late tonight.

What do you mean late?

Is there something
going on tonight?

[upbeat music playing]

[sighs]

[Iron Throat]
A toast for the winners.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

And one for losers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

And for the winners, yeah.

Cheers.

Uh, Condorito,
are you okay?

Huh, why do you ask?

Oh, it's Pepe,
that bucktooth lead sack

is trying to steal my Yayita
from me with his money.

If it's with money,
then it's not stealing.

The rich think they can
just do whatever they want.

Well, no more,
I tell you, no more.

[Egghead]
What are you going to do?

[Condorito] I'm going to get
Pepe out of my way

once and for all.

After this, Pepe Cortisona

will no longer be a problem.

Get rid of Pepe?

Just what are you
planning to do?

[dramatic music playing]

- Huh?
- Oh.

Do you have it?

[coyote howls]

Condorito, are you sure
you wanna go through with this?

There's no other way.

To save Yayita from Pepe,

I must commit the most heinous
sin a man can do.

[whimpering]

[screams]

Propose marriage.

[all gasping]

[clock bell chimes]

But he was so young.

My friend, you always said
you'd give up your life

before you gave up
your bachelorhood.

Yayita is my life.

Without her, I have nothing.

[grunts]

Well, if that's
how you feel,

then we have to stand
beside you.

This calls for a drink.

To Condorito.

[All] To Condorito.

Are you loco?!

[all gasping]

I've got to go!

[Egghead] Right behind you!

[groans]

[dogs barking]

[gasps]

How dare you even think
of marrying

my precious Yayita?

But she and I are meant
to be together.

She is meant for a prince,

not some unemployed, ugly,

ignorant, penniless, smelly,

dimwitted,
bird brain like you!

Get this through your thick
excuse for a skull!

As long as I walk this earth,

you will never,
never marry my daughter!

[dramatic music playing]

[barking]

Not now, Washington.

[video game sounds]

[grunts]

Tio, I hooked us up
to the power line,

hacked into
the neighbor's Wi-Fi,

and put the cockroaches
in the bed

to eat all the bed bugs.

[sighs]
That's good.

Did you have another fight
with Yayita?

It's not Yayita.

It's her mother.

That hairy ogre won't stop

until she breaks us up.

[gasps]

[sighs]
Is there anything for dinner?

Not just anything.

I made your favorite,

pizza with French fries
and ketchup.

Ah, Chickie, you're the best.

It's nothing.

Huh?

That's a weird number.

Hmm, probably
some spam thing.

[chimes]

Ha, nice costume.

[alien] Featherless Condor,

we have searched for you
for many space years.

And now, I wish to make you
an offer.

Let me guess,
you have a wireless plan

that is out of this world?

[laughing]

Huh? I'm not a sale rep
for a cell phone provider.

Bring me the amulet
of unlimited power

and I shall give you
anything that you desire.

Shouldn't you say,

"Amulet you bring me.
Anything you desire I give."

[both laugh]

That's a stereotype.

We're still waiting.

Amulet you bring me.

Anything you desire I give.

[both laugh]

Anything I desire, huh?

Take Tremebunda to your planet.

Then we have ourselves a deal.

[clears throat] I mean,

ourselves a deal we have.

[both laugh]

[dramatic music playing]

[coyote howls]

[Yayita]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear mother ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

I know I asked you to only use
one candle.

Relax, woman.

You'll think different once
I light this baby up.

[gasps]
Dad, do something.

[sighs]

It's okay, Mom.

There now. All good.

Time to open presents.

Ooh, it's that new perfume
we saw at the mall, isn't it?

Even better.

[Tremabunda] Uh, an electric
razor for women?

It's industrial-strength.

Why, you can shave a bear
with this thing.

Could this night get any worse?

[doorbell ringing]

[grunts]

Did somebody order a son-in-law?

Treme.

Why, you don't look
a day over 65.

Mwah.

Well, I'm only 59.

Ah, preparing for the future.

Very clever.

I take it the boxing match
ended early?

My love, please.

Forgive me.

And of course,
I've brought something

for the queen of the day.

Ta-dah.

Uh... I kept the receipt.

Do you all just see
some sort of hairy animal

when you look at me?!

Mom, please, calm down.

Sometimes,
I wish someone would just come

and take me away
from this living hell!

[sobbing]

Huh?

[rumbling]

[whimpering]

[screams]

[screams]

[suspenseful music playing]

[gasps]

[shrieks]

Tremebunda. Tremebunda.

[sighs]

[screams]

No, Mom!

No!

Treme!

[screaming]

[indistinct]

Featherless Condor, as agreed,

I have taken Tremebunda.

Now and per our arrangement,

you must bring
the amulet to me.

Um, I didn't literally
mean take her.

Please let her go.

It's all just
a misunderstanding.

Hmm, I see.

Well, in that case,

you have just 24 hours

to bring the amulet to me.

Or you will never see
Tremebunda ever again.

[evil laugh]

[sighs]

Ha, he peed his pants, right?

Can someone confirm peepee?

Huh? What do you mean
we're still on?

[sobbing]

[sighs]

[police sirens wailing]

[sobbing]

Yayita. Yayita.

[screams]

[gasps]

[crowd chatter]

Excuse me...

My love,
can we talk for a second?

No.

I'm done
with your excuses.

It's over between us,
Condorito.

Over? But why?

Okay, I guess I know why.

But you got to believe me.

I thought he was trying
to sell me

a new wireless plan.

I never dreamed your mother
would actually

be kidnapped by aliens.

You've been dreaming
about it for years.

Yeah.

But I'm gonna get her back.

I swear.

Sure, you swear.

My mother was right all along.

If only I'd listened to her

before you destroyed all
our lives.

Goodbye, Condorito.

Don't go. Yayita.

[man singing in Spanish]

Yayita.

There's no need
to worry, buddy.

I'm sure the authorities
will be able

to take care of it.

Uh-huh.

[beeps]

It's a message from the alien.

"The amulet is located
in Condortihuacan,

in a place called The Catacomb
of Certain Luck."

Really?
Well, that sounds easy.

Hang on. No, oops.

Actually, it's The Catacomb
of Certain Death.

[beeping]

[gulps]

What do I do?

Yayita will never forgive me

if I don't save her mother.

[Pepe] Please, we ask you
to show some respect

for what's left of our family

in this time of crisis.

That conniving
buck-toothed lead sack.

Chickie, pack up your things,

we're going on an adventure.

Can I borrow some money?

We still don't
have enough.

- You could go gambling.
- Good idea.

But I don't think we have
enough time to...

[women giggling]

Hmm.

[woman singing in Spanish]

[Chickie] Whoa.

It's an adventure.

Here you go.
This young lady will help,

if there's anything
you need.

- Won't you, my dear?
- Ugh.

In my time, parents
would never even think

of letting kids travel
by themselves.

Yeah, but that's because
back in your time,

there was only one continent.

[laughs]

[boy] Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Are we there
yet? Are we there yet?

Oh, how about we find you
something to play with.

Ah, what do we have here?

Oh yeah, it's one of those
inflatable travel pillows.

Now we'll just give it
a little twist here.

And do this.

[grunting]

[air blowing]

Here you go.

[air whooshing]

[screams]

You have a pleasant flight.

You're a good boy.

It's such a shame that your
parents don't love you.

You're skin and bones.

Don't tell me
they don't feed you.

Actually, I live
with my uncle,

but I do all the cooking
in our place.

- [dinging]
- Oh.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you please
put this up for me?

But of course, madam.

Huh? Skis?

Who brings skis
to Condortihuacan?

[pilot] Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.

We've reached our cruising
altitude of 37,000 feet

- and we expect...
- Did he do your laundry?

Clean out your ears?

Take you to the dentist?

Is there anything
he does do for you?

Oh, sure, tons of things.

He showed me how to make
[indistinct] and football.

He should take care of you.

Being an adult
is a great responsibility.

He's responsible.

[pilot] We hope you have
pleasant flight to Alaska.

Huh?

[pilot] Because that's where
this plane is going.

[whimpers]

What do you mean
this flight

isn't going
to Condortihuacan?

I said it's not landing
in Condortihuacan.

But we still are.

Look there.

That's Condortihuacan.

But that's
thousands of feet below.

Whoa!

Have faith, Chickie.

This is all part
of a plan.

Whoa!

Okay, that wasn't part
of the plan.

[both screaming]

It's the only way to fly.

What did I tell you?

Absolutely nothing
to worry about.

Something to worry about,
something to worry about.

[screams]

But I'm too young to die!

Aw, don't be like that.

A little twist.

Here, have an elephant.

[both screaming]

[dramatic music playing]

Soon I will have that power.

But first,
it's my lunch time.

[beeps]

Prepare to be devoured,

lasagna.

Where,
where's my lunchbox?

Computer,
where is my lunchbox?

[female computer voice]
I don't know, Your Majesty.

Did you check under your seat?

[Molosco]
It's not under my seat.

[laughs]

[laughter]

Come on, guys.

I know we talked about this.

We'll never manage
to re-enslave the universe

unless we...?

[machine beeping]

Unless we acknowledge
and respect

the chain of command.

So, let's just try to be
respectful of that, okay?

Huh?

[grunts]

[female computer voice]
Emperor Molosco,

the captive has been secured
in the abduction chamber.

I'm coming.

[dramatic music playing]

[laughing]

Where's my lunchbox?
Where's my lunchbox?

[laughter]

Where's my lunchbox?

[laughter]

[giggles] Huh?

[dramatic music playing]

[gasps]

Oh, my gods.

She's incredible.

This specimen's
gigantic.

She's like a living,
breathing planet.

I kind of just want
to orbit her.

Keep your tentacles
away from me,

you intergalactic pervert!

[gasps]

I'm a lady,
not a specimen!

[woman singing in Spanish]

Wow.

[grunting]

- What do we do?
- Lower the force field.

[screams]

Hey, hey!

I demand that you
let me out of here at once!

[panting]

[woman singing in Spanish]

We've lost the chicken.

I repeat,
we've lost the chicken.

- Ma'am, what do we do?
- We're going in there.

[birds chirping]

You see?
Now that wasn't so bad.

Oh, oh. Ugh.

- Reflauta.
- Ow.

[grunting]

You okay?

Tio, how come
you didn't check

where the plane was going?

I guess I thought
you were on that.

But forget it.

Come on.

We're running out of time.

[beeping]

To additional adventure.

[dramatic music playing]

Poor Condorito.

Why couldn't they have just
taken my wife instead?

All I can say is

I hope he has
health insurance

for The Catacombs
of Certain Death.

Condorito
can take care of himself.

It's him we have to worry about.

That donkey is going
to seduce Yayita

while Condorito is away.

- It's Pepe's car.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

It's irresistible.

Ladies.

Aww.

[sighs] Ow.

So, it's his car, eh?

Well then,
it's time for us

to level the playing field.

- Yes, Coach.
- Yes, Coach.

Yes, Coach.

[grunting]

Let me tell you,

if you even think about doing
any experiments on me...

Actually
I was just wondering

if you would be
my guest for dinner

- tonight.
- Oh?

[Molosco]
If you have no other plans.

Huh?

[gasps]

Sweet baby Jupiter.

Whoa.

[whirring]

Welcome, my dear.

[grunts]

I bet you must
be starving.

I had my chef

prepare something special

for a carnivore
such as you.

Ta-dum,

he cooked himself for you.

Go on.

Dig in and devour
Garbaggio.

[gags]

[roaring]

Um, we also have empanadas.

[dramatic music playing]

[gags]

[grunts]

I hope you'll excuse me.

It's been a while since
someone's taken me to dinner.

Huh? How can that be

for a beauty such as you?

Surely you must
dine out often

with your human male beau.

Do you mean Cuasi?

[scoffs]
For our anniversary dinner,

he took me to a drive-thru

and forgot me.

Ugh. Your male thing,

I believe I may have seen him
on our Earth cam.

[woman] Cuasi, but
you promised me an exclusive.

[woman] But why would he
want to go with you

when he can have me?

[woman] I know, why don't we
all interview him together?

Not a bad idea.

[Tremebunda grunting]

I just don't get it.

Why does your male thing
get aroused by those

sickly, bony females?

Well, because he's an ape.
That's why.

But they're nothing
but skeletons.

How can one
respect a female

who is not even respected
by the force of gravity?

[sighs]

On my planet,

the more gravity
you have,

the less respect
you get.

A big woman can't go
even a single day

without being the butt
of some stupid joke,

even on my own birthday.

[sniffles]

I understand what
it's like to be mocked.

My ancestors ruled
the entire universe.

But me,

I don't even rule
the mini fridge

on my own spaceship,
nothing.

But one day soon

when I get my hands
on the amulet,

I'll put them all
in their place

and once again
the iron tentacle shall rule.

Then I'll only need one thing
to make my life complete.

And what's that?

The most important thing
of all,

a queen.

[dramatic music playing]

[Cone] Molosco says that
only The Featherless Condor

can enter the catacombs.

Once inside,

he'll fight
a terrifying guardian.

Eh, I don't buy it.

Just look at this place,

nothing but
an old pile of rocks.

It's not waiting for...

the Great Featherless Condor.

Whoever built this place

did not have
a happy childhood.

[screams]

Maybe the guardian
bit the dust, too.

I bet he's dead.

Oh, he's dead all right.

[dramatic music playing]

[Cone] According to the message,

the guardian's job
is to protect the amulet.

Whenever someone sets foot
in the dungeon,

he rises from the dead
to fight them

and fulfill
his sacred duty.

Huh. The guy must be
some kind of loser

to keep working
after death.

Grandpa Rito?

[screaming]

[dramatic music playing]

Oops.

Reflauta.

Oh, no.

[screaming]

Over there.

[roars]

[Condorito] He's coming.

[roars]

[grunting]

Faster, faster.

Slower, slower.

In your face,
great-grandpa.

What the?

[grunts]

[Cone screams]

[whimpering]

[grunting]

This is very confusing.

Look.

Now that's just
unnecessary.

Hold on tight.

[both screaming]

Uh-oh.

[both screaming]

[brakes squeal]

Oh. And this is why
I hate family reunions.

[grunting]

Uh, Tio?

[birds chirping]

[dramatic music playing]

[sighs] No, we haven't
received any word yet.

I guess we just have
to be patient.

- [knock on door]
- [boy] Come in.

[girl laughs]

[boy] It's Uncle Pepe.

We wanna play with you.

No.

[suspenseful music playing]

[children laughing]

Yayita,
so good to see you.

Sorry,
it's not a good time.

The boiler broke,

the toilets are all clogged.

Condorito
was supposed to help,

but now he's gone.

[barking]

[meowing]

[hooting]

[Coach] Hey, Ignorancio.

- Huh?
- The car.

Oh, aye, aye.

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, Coach, it's done.

Excellent.

Wait. Oh, no,

that's my car.

Well, at least the roof
isn't falling down on our heads.

[gasps]

[gasps]

Looks like only an angel
could save us now.

Oh.

[chuckles]

Thank you. Thank you.

And now I'd like to unveil

the Cortisona Orphanage.

[all] Wow.

It's completely
state-of-the-art

including an
[indistinct] pool,

a display
for perspective parents,

a gym, and of course

an on-site dental hygienist

for that perfect
Cortisona smile.

I can't believe it.

That jerk's
doing charity now?

How low can he go?

Now, many of you
must be wondering,

Pepe Cortisona,

why are you throwing
your money away

on something as worthless
as needy children?

All I can really say is

when I looked at these
beautiful kids' faces,

well, they touched me.

[gasps]

They touched me!

[clears throat]

As I was saying,

I also must give credit

to the splendiferous
headmistress

of this wonderful
establishment.

[chuckles] She showed me
that generosity

is about more than getting
your name on a plaque,

even my name.

Well, my friends,

I'm afraid it's over.

[crow cawing]

Oh.

[zombies growling]

That must be
the Amulet of Unlimited Power.

Run, Chickie, run.

[zombie growling]

[Condorito] Hurry.

[screams]

[grunts]

Tio, over there.

[panting]

[screams]

[camera shutter sounds]

Huh?

There.

Feel my unlimited power.

[grunts]

[cries]

My power still feels
fairly limited.

I know, it must be
laser vision.

[zombies growling]

Huh?

My power is flight.

Come on, guys,
can't we be friends?

Okay.

Now, I need
some space, guys.

Ah, that's it.
That's what it does.

The Amulet gives you the power
to control minds.

Oh, time to have
some fun now.

[man singing in Spanish]

[gasps]

Tio.

[man] [evil laugh]

Hey, you know,
I think you're actually

less pale
than regular Egghead.

[Cone] Tio,

look at this.

[tablet beeping]

We have to call the Octopus.

No. Uh, uh...

[upbeat music playing]

[tablet beeping]

Yes.

Wait.

Huh? What are you doing?

If we get the Amulet
to Molosco,

he'll use it to enslave

every planet in the galaxy.

Huh? What are you
talking about?

That's why the guardian
hid it here,

to stop the Moloscosians.

But I promised Yayita.

This is the only way
to bring her mother back.

Think about it.
This is the most powerful

weapon in the universe.

Molosco could even use it
here to conquer Earth.

Whoa.

Look, it's Earth, right?

If he goes alphabetically
there's A, B, C, and D.

It could take centuries
before they get here.

Tio, if you do this,

then billions of creatures
will suffer.

Protecting them
is our responsibility,

right?

[sighs]

Yeah.

We'll find another way.

[tablet beeps]

[dings]

[gasps]

[growling]

[tablet beeps]

Don't remember any of this.

[dramatic music playing]

No, Tio, don't do it.

Now, you give me back
my She-Shrek.

No, can do I'm afraid.

Treme will be returning
for the foreseeable future.

But I made a deal with you.

The Amulet for Tremebunda.

Well, then I guess
it sucks to be you

or should I say,

you to be it sucks?

Bye-bye.

Come back.

You can't do this.

I'll sue. Wait.

No!

[sighs]

Yeah, they're back.

Huh? Whoa.

I demand an explanation!

[clears throat]

May I please
have your attention?

[laughter]

For centuries
our people have... oh.

[laughter]

Hey.

[laughter]

Okay. Will you please

shut up?!

Now, that's more like it.

That's right.

I don't even wanna hear
you breathing, understood?

[gasps]

As I was saying,
for centuries

we've dreamt of
reestablishing our dominion.

Today, we have regained

the Amulet of Unlimited Power,

otherwise known as the Amulet

of Unlimited Power.

[growls]

With it,
we shall enslave

every single planet

in the entire galaxy,

and we'll go

in alphabetical order.

Navigator,

establish a course

for the first planet,

A.

All hail the Moloscosians.

[laughing]

[electronic sound]

[scanning sound]

[Molosco] [clears throat]

I have some good news

and I thought we could
celebrate together.

Yes, of course.

Let me just go freshen up.

Get the Navigator.

Uh, Your Highness...

If your partner harbors
feelings for an ex,

the best course of action

is to enslave him

and every other sentient being
on his planet,

don't you agree, Cosmo?

We will return for you later,

Planet A.

- [Condorito] [makes sound]
- [man] You will obey my command.

If this is about stealing

the neighbor's Wi-Fi,
I can totally explain.

- Huh?
- [man] Terminated unexpectedly?

I'll show you terminated
unexpectedly.

Where are we?

[woman] This is the secret
headquarters

of the International
Space Invaders Defense Program.

Does anybody
have a blank floppy?

Ah,

I think it's a museum.

We, um, had a couple
of budget cuts.

For years,
our unit has been tasked

with secretly defending Earth

from alien attacks.

With what?
Pointy sticks?

- [chuckles]
- [groans]

[woman] We've faced threats

from every corner

of the Universe,

but none as great
as the Moloscosians.

- [gasps]
- They were the cruelest tyrants

in the galaxy.

And now,
they want their title back.

[dramatic music playing]

Hmm?

Luckily, we were prepared.

Our operation
will vanquish the aliens

and, of course,
rescue Tremebunda.

The important thing
is that we found you

before you gave Molosco
the Amulet.

Otherwise,
your Treme,

along with every other being
in the Universe,

would be totally

and utterly doomed.

[clears throat]

What?

Argh! He gave
the Amulet to Molosco.

- He what?
- I had no choice.

I had to do it in order
to bring Treme back

to my girlfriend
or else she'd marry Pepe.

[crowd chatter]

I-I didn't know.

[sighs]

I thought
he was a wireless carrier.

Have you any idea
what you've done?

Well, if they go
in alphabetical order,

we'll be all right.

[scanning sound]

[metal clinks]

[scanning sound]

It's the aliens.

We have their trajectory.

And they're headed for...

[printing sound]

[printer beeps]

Uh, for Earth!

[alarm blaring]

Excuse me.

[indistinct chatter]

[woman] No,
this is not a good...

[thuds]

[sighs]
Why do these things

always seem to happen to me?

[grunts]

Huh?

[Chickie]
They don't just happen to you,

you made them happen.

- [Condorito] Huh?
- [Chickie] You never cook,

you never do the laundry,

and you never clean my ears.

- [screams]
- And now,

you put the whole planet
in danger.

You're such a nitwit.

Chickie, that is no way

- to talk to your...
- My what?

Were you gonna say elder?

I'm more elder than you.

Do you know why he always
wears those flip-flops?

It's because he doesn't know

how to tie shoelaces.

[chuckles] Shh, shh,

that was supposed
to be our secret.

I thought you were so cool,

my uncle,
the town hero.

But real heroes?

They go on adventures
to save others.

The only person
you ever worry about

is you.

I guess you really
are just a birdbrain,

aren't you?

I'm going to my room.

I know.

It's the other way.

Captain Kotori-san,

the Sotorions are using
the stolen [indistinct] crystal

to power the robotic
armadillo death ray.

Fear not,
square tooth,

now that I have vowed
my inner strength

by living up
to my responsibilities,

I am confident

that no enemy will be able

to withstand my attack.

By the power of friendship.

[dramatic music playing]

Our only hope
is to destroy

the alien mother ship

before it reaches Earth.

I've designed a virus

that will cause the core

of the mother ship
to overheat.

However, someone
has to go up there

to install it manually.

- Not it.
- Not it.

Oh, man.

[sighs]

The problem is the amulet
will alert Molosco

to any approaching
foreign intelligence,

even yours.

Only someone with a nearly
undetectable IQ

could sneak into that ship,

a complete birdbrain,
if you will,

but where to find
such an idiot?

Boss, I'm your idiot.

[grunts]

The Featherless Condor

is immune to the amulet.

How do you know that?

I, uh...

I tried it on my nephew.

I know I said idiot,

but this is too much, no?

Wait, please.

I can do it.

I do have an iguana

that's quite gifted.

Okay, Condor.

Yeah, take me to my shuttle.

Take me to my house.

She may not look like much,

but boy, can she fly.

[woman]
The shuttle is equipped

with an automatic pilot

that will handle both
the takeoff and landing.

Huh?

Autopilot,
restrain the Captain.

[female computer voice]
Activating restraining system.

Once you've completed
your mission,

all you have to do is say
the code word, "Bingo"

and the autopilot
will take you to Earth.

Say it, Bingo.

[gagging]

Uh, bingo.

Autopilot, release the Captain.

[female computer voice]
Deactivating restraint.

[breathes heavily]

What's troubling you?

I'm worried
that I might, uh...

Screw things up?

Unfortunately,
that is my claim to fame.

Here's a tip,

to make things easier,

don't think about
saving the world,

it's too big,

think about saving
those who you love.

Keep them in your heart.

They'll guide you home.

Did someone say the orphanage

- needs a new ball?
- Mm-hmm.

[all] To Condorito!

[laughter]

Yayita.

Yayita. You see?

[woman] But you'll
probably die anyway.

Ground crew,

prepare for lift off.

[dramatic music playing]

[Yayita] Wow,

the kids are going
to be so happy here.

I'd do anything
for those sweet little angels.

Yayita, there's something

I've been meaning to ask you.

These last few days together

have made me feel things

that I've never felt before.

Gratitude, empathy.

Why, today,

I even tried reading a book.

I know there's nothing

you can't handle on your own,

but still I'd do
anything for you.

[chuckles]

Pepe, I'm speechless.

It's what your mother
would have wanted.

No!

Oh, God, no, my baby,

please say you're not scratched,

say you're not scratched.

[nervous laughter]

[grunts]

- [car horn honks]
- Huh?

You get your hands off her,

because your Uncle Pepe
needs a hug.

[growls]

- Huh?
- [alarm blares]

[man] This just in.

An alien warship
is approaching Earth.

Sources say the invaders

have an entire armada.

Apparently,
they are the same aliens

who had previously
abducted Tremebunda,

and now they intend
to put an end

to our civilization.

- Treme.
- Officials tell us Earth forces

are preparing a mission

to stop the aliens,

a mission being led by...
[gasps]

by Pelotillehue midfielder,

- Condorito?
- Huh?

Huh?

Well, it looks
like we're toast.

We take you now live
to the launch site.

[indistinct radio chatter]

[female computer voice]
Ten...

nine...

eight...

seven...

six...

five...

five...

five...

five...

Lift off.

[engine revving]

Yeah, it worked!

Stop all this shaking,

please, autopilot.

Stop, autopilot.

[female computer voice]
Stopping autopilot.

Manual controls activated.

No.

What's he doing?

[indistinct]

[alarm beeping]

Autopilot,

which one's the autopilot?

- Oh.
- [Chickie] It's the big red one.

Huh?

[female computer voice]
Activated.

Thank you.

Chickie?

What are you doing here?

I couldn't let you do
this all alone.

But it's too dangerous for you.

I know I've been selfish,

but there's nothing
more important to me

than protecting you.

Can you forgive me?

[indistinct]

What did you say?

[dramatic music playing]

Now let's have an adventure.

[dramatic music playing]

We're getting close.

We're coming up on the...

mama mia.

Yay.

Just how are we supposed

to get into that thing?

Through there.

[dramatic music playing]

[beeping]

Eww.

[dramatic music playing]

[whirring]

[Chickie] Tio,

the core of the mother ship

should be somewhere
beneath you.

[Condorito] Copy that.

This is one small step
for man.

[grunts]

[screaming]

I think I found the core.

[Chickie] Great.
Can you install the virus?

[Condorito] I don't know.

I've never seen
anything like this.

Huh?

[machine beeps]

So I guess these things
really are universal.

Okay. I'm activating the virus.

[Chickie] Wait, don't,

first we have to save Treme.

The virus will overheat
the core in minutes.

If we activate it now,

we will explode along
with the ship.

Okay. In that case,

let's go find her.

I'll just get off this thing.

[grunting]

Can you guide me to Molosco?

That slime ball
will know where she is.

Uh, I think so.

That shaft connects
to everywhere.

You mean something like
a ventilation shaft?

Well, not exactly.

[slow music playing]

- [Condorito] Wrong exit.
- [Chickie] Sorry,

take a left
at the next junction.

Keep going.

[upbeat music playing]

- [Condorito] Now where?
- [Chickie] Left.

[grunts]

- Go up.
- [Condorito] What do you mean?

[grunting]

[machine whirring]

No, thank you.

[gasps]

Poor Treme,

he's conducting
an alien experiment on her.

[laughs]

[slow music playing]

[Tremebunda] A massage?

Oh.

There's nothing too good

- for you, my queen.
- Oh,

right there, Molly.

- Ooh.
- Back in college,

I was known as...

Mr. Magic Puckers.

Somebody save me.

[Chickie]
Tio, what's going on?

I think he must be
controlling her mind

with the amulet.

Hold on, Treme,

I'm coming.

[Tremebunda] You're amazing.

[Molosco]
I'm just getting started.

My eyes, my eyes.

[vomiting]

I have to get amulet.

[Molosco] Your skin,

ooh, it's as smooth

as that of a chicken?

- I am not a chicken.
- Condorito?

Since when are you an astronaut?

Since when do you have a job?

Come on, Treme,

- you're free.
- I'm free?

- Free from what?
- The octopus,

he can't control
your mind anymore.

He's not controlling my mind.

What are you talking about?

[Condorito] But? But?

Hah, security,

security!

We're, uh,
watching the game.

[chuckles]

Arrest this condor.

[dramatic music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Treme, you really
wanna stay here?

She belongs here.

She's finally the queen
she was destined to be.

What about your family,

Cuasi, Yayita?

This crazy lunatic,

he's planning to...[screams]

Feel the iron
tentacles' power.

[Molosco laughs]

[screaming]

Tio? Tio?

Answer me.

[laughing]

Now, now,
come on, fellas,

there's really no need

for violence.

Psst, psst,

take the prisoner
down to the chamber

of violent incineration.

[machine whirring]

What will you do to him?

Oh, we'll just send him
back to Earth.

Why don't you wait
right here?

Be back in a jiffy.

[female computer voice]
Emperor Molosco,

approaching your destination.

Enslavement protocol
commencing.

- [indistinct chatter]
- [vehicles honking]

I really should have
gotten her the perfume.

[TV reporter] With no updates
from Condorito,

it appears that the world
as we know it

will soon be coming
to an end.

In other news,

the football season
has been cancelled.

[all gasp]

[crying]

Don't worry, dear.

Condorito
is the smartest chicken

that I've ever met.

I bet that even now

he's kicking their alien asses

into the next galaxy.

TV Reporter: ...civilization.
Officials tell us Earth will...

[grunts]

Hey, hey,

hey, hey,

hey!

Featherless condor,

you are hereby charged with

first degree interruption

- of a massage.
- That's not a thing,

you slimy invertebrate.

[grunting]

[laughs]

It's not over,
you hear me?

It's not over.

Actually, bird,
it is over.

Time to say adieu.

Now, prepare
to be incinerated.

You, too.

[beeps]

Turn up the barbeque!

[dings]

Chickie.

Come in, Chickie.

Tio, where are you?

[Condorito] Chickie,
you need to get out

of the mother ship.

[Chickie] Hold on,
I've got your signal.

On my way.

Let's go!

No, there isn't enough time.

I activated the virus.

The whole ship
is going to explode.

Just turn around and go home.

Please, save yourself
while you can.

But I can rescue you.

[exhales]

Chickie, listen to me,

in my whole life,

I never sacrificed anything

for the people I love,

you,

Yayita,

everyone.

Maybe this is my opportunity

to make up for all that.

But what about you?

[exhales]

Bingo.

[female computer voice]
Auto return sequence initiated.

What's going on?

[Condorito] It's all right.

- You'll be safe now.
- Tio.

No.

Tell Yayita...

I love her.

Tio.

[Condorito] Hey,
have some adventures for me.

[dramatic music playing]

[laughing]

Anyone want some fries

with their condor nuggets?

[laughing]

[grunting]

Hold all my calls.

I'm going to celebrate

with my empress.

But my Lord, the invasion starts
in 20 minutes.

That's all right.

I'm only going to need four.

[dramatic music playing]

Huh?

Take me home.

So where's your ship?

I sent it back to earth.

Wait.

- What?
- Chickie was on it.

That was the only way
to make sure he got home safe.

Chickie?

Well, then exactly

how are we supposed
to get home?

Uh, Uber?

[Tremebunda] How about
the escape pods?

- Where are they?
- Top floor.

[beeps]

[panting]

Hurry up.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

What's your problem?

Oh, right.
I forgot to tell you.

Promise you won't get mad?

Mi amor,

come and get your emperor.

Huh?

[purrs]

[gasps]

I'll be back soon.

Why don't you just wait
right here for me,

winky smoochy face.

Oh, mamacita!

This whole ship's gonna blow?!

You promised you
wouldn't get mad!

♪ Where, where's my lunchbox? ♪

♪ Lunch, lunchbox,
where's my, my lunchbox ♪

♪ Where's my lunch,
lunch, lunchbox? ♪

♪ Where's my lunch, computer? ♪

♪ Where's my lunch,
lunch, lunchbox? ♪

♪ Computer, lunchbox? ♪

[laughter]

Huh?

Your Majesty.

[Condorito imitates
hydraulic valve's hiss]

[alien] [speaks gibberish]

[Condorito] The escape pods.

We just need to get to them
without causing a panic.

[female computer voice]
Panic, panic,

floor overheating.

Total devastation
in five minutes.

[all gasp]

[Condorito]
This is just a drill.

[female computer voice]
This is not a drill.

[Condorito] Well, at least

there are plenty
of escape pods.

[female computer voice]
No, there aren't.

Run, birdbrain, run!

[dramatic music playing]

That robot is a chicken!

[romantic music playing]

[passes gas]

Ahh.

[sniffs]

Ooh.

[clears throat] Why yes,

I have been working out.

[whimpering]

How dare you barge in on me?

But my Lord, I didn't mean to.

[Molosco] Slap yourself
in the face at once.

My Lord, it's...
[grunting]

an emergency!

- Ow!
- Huh?

[suspenseful music playing]

Majesty, step away
from the chicken

- or we will shoot!
- Get us out of here!

Here goes nothing!

[suspenseful music playing]

[both grunt]

[Condorito] Kiss my feathers.

Kiss my feathers.

[gunshot]

Well, I didn't see that coming.

[laughs]

[laughs]

[grunting]

[alarm beeping]

Any other ideas?

I do have one.

Nice.

Now let's get out of here.

Computer,
where's our escape pod?

[beeps]

Son of a...

[Tremebunda grunts]

[Condorito]
That tickles,

I'm stuck in something.

Inhale.

[inhales]

[both gasp]

It's all my fault.

I should've left

when you first said to leave.

No, you're here
because of me.

It's my fault.

[both sigh]

[both] I'm sorry.

[explosion]

[sniffs]

Did you throw up in here?

Ugh.

- What's that?
- [Chickie] Hey,

anybody need a ride?

[Condorito] Chickie?

But how?

I ejected the pilot.

[Tremebunda] Chickie,
you have to rescue us.

The mother ship
is going to explode.

[Chickie] Already on it.

[Condorito] Now tell me
that's not

the most beautiful sight ever.

- Huh?
- [Molosco] Do not put your faith

in beauty...

because beauty lies.

Let go of us.

I would've given you everything.

Believe me, I would rather die

than be with a monster like you.

[Molosco] Then here's your wish.

[grunts]

[Condorito] Chickie.

Chickie, are you all right?

Yeah. [coughing]

Just a little dizzy.

[Condorito] You twisted maniac.

- [grunts]
- [laughs]

[Molosco]
You're wasting your time.

[grunting]

[Condorito] Nice shot.

[screaming]

[Tremebunda]
Now let's finish this.

[grunts]

[Condorito] Whoa.

[grunting]

Stop, just wait.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[Condorito]
Huh, now you're really twisted.

Enough, Tremebunda,

remove your helmet now.

[Condorito] No, don't do it.

Don't listen to him.

[grunting]

Get off of me, bird boy.

Tell Treme to stop.

No, Treme.

Give it up, kid.

My security code is unbreakable.

Is it circle, triangle,

squiggle face, spider?

- How did you know that?
- [Chickie] There's a post-it.

[Molosco] No, no, no, no, no,

no, Mommy.

[screams]

[grunting]

Oh.

Huh?

- What happened?
- It's no biggie.

You just tried to kill us

but it's all good.

[Molosco breathes heavily]

You both are already dead.

Good luck outrunning that,

birdbrain.

[dramatic music playing]

What are you looking
at me for?

No. This is an executive pod.

You're getting
space [indistinct] everywhere.

Hmm.

- [cracks]
- [gasps]

Huh?

Tio, I'm scared.

It's gonna be all right.

Look, it's Pelotillehue.

Our inertial dampeners

are down to two percent.

Can you land this thing?

Maybe, but where?

[Pepe] I want you to cancel
the orphanage

and get me a first-class ticket
to Mars now!

- Huh?
- [sirens wailing]

Amigos!

- Look over here!
- [Pepe] No!

Not the car!

No!

My baby! Please!

- [crashes]
- [Pepe coughing]

Ha! You missed me!

[chickens clucking]

- [Pepe crying]
- [sirens wailing]

[Condorito coughing]

- Yeah!
- [crowd cheering]

We can now officially
confirm that Earth

and with it,
the rest of the football season

has been saved!

My darling,

I thought I lost you forever.

You should be so lucky.

Oh, Mom.

- [boy] Condorito!
- [grunts]

[girl] You're back!

- Hey, guys.
- Did you get us anything?

Of course I did.

Who wants to play with
an alien artifact?

[screams]

[man] It's confirmed, ma'am.

The mothership has been
completely destroyed.

And the amulet?

There's no trace of it
on the scan.

- [man] Professor?
- Yay!

Finally, a real alien
to dissect!

Dissect?!

These tentacles are fascinating.

- Hmm.
- [gasps]

That one isn't a tentacle.

[laughter]

Where you going?

You were right.

Yayita deserves a prince,

not a birdbrain.

Yes, but sometimes

even a birdbrain

can be a prince.

Go to her,

you nitwit.

Yayita,

I just wanted to say

if it wasn't for you,

I wouldn't have made it back.

You were the light
that guided me home.

Aww.

I know I don't
have much, but...

Yayita...

will you marry me?

Aww.

- No.
- Aww. Huh?

Condorito,

you know how much you mean to me

but it's just too soon

for us to get married.

I'm not ready.

So that means
there's no wedding?

[gasps] [indistinct]

The only thing I want from you

is right here.

You are the most amazing woman

in the universe!

[crowd cheering]

Woo-hoo!

[dramatic music playing]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd] Pepe! Pepe! Pepe! Pepe!

Thank you, thank you.

Now, many of you
must be wondering,

Pepe Cortisona,

why are you throwing
your money away

on something as worthless
as needy children?

Well, all I can say is...

I have the butt of a donkey.

[laughter]

Uh, excuse me.

What I meant to say is...

[imitates donkey sounds]

Honey, don't you think

you've punished Pepe enough?

[screams]

Not really.

[gasps]

[whistles]

[speaking gibberish]

[sighs] Here you go.

[speaking gibberish]

Yes, yes, don't worry.

I'll add you on WhatsApp.

[gasps]

What's going on?

Oh, no. No,

no, no. Oh, please.

Tell me I did not pay
for all of this.

Lead Sack,
you've been very generous.

And in return,
the kids have done

something for you.
They all worked together

to repair...

your beloved...

automobile.

[springs creak]

Whee, whee.

Uh, I guess it's now

more of an auto-immobile.

[upbeat music playing]

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[woman singing in Spanish]

[upbeat music playing]