Original subtitles

>> beth: So, dad, guess what tomorrow is. >> rick: Martin luther king

Tomorrow is. >> rick: Martin luther king jr.'s birthday.

>> rick: Martin luther king jr.'s birthday. >> beth: No.

Jr.'s birthday. >> beth: No. Well, it...Might be.

>> beth: No. Well, it...Might be. >> rick: It is.

Well, it...Might be. >> rick: It is. >> beth: Fine.

>> rick: It is. >> beth: Fine. But also, tomorrow is your

>> beth: Fine. But also, tomorrow is your one-year anniversary back in our

But also, tomorrow is your one-year anniversary back in our lives.

One-year anniversary back in our lives. I'm gonna make you

Lives. I'm gonna make you flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.

I'm gonna make you flying-saucer-shaped pancakes. >> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need

Flying-saucer-shaped pancakes. >> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need to do that, beth.

>> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need to do that, beth. Regular pancakes are fine.

To do that, beth. Regular pancakes are fine. [ loud warble ]

[ all scream ] >> morty: [ groans ] >> jerry: Oh, my god!

>> morty: [ groans ] >> jerry: Oh, my god! Oh, what is happening?!

>> beth: Happy anniversary, dad. >> rick: Oh, I get it. Regular pancakes are already

>> rick: Oh, I get it. Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers.

Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers. Mmm.

Shaped like flying saucers. Mmm. I-I should be making you

Mmm. I-I should be making you breakfast for putting up with

I-I should be making you breakfast for putting up with me.

Breakfast for putting up with me. >> jerry: You should be making

Me. >> jerry: You should be making us a whole restaurant.

>> jerry: You should be making us a whole restaurant. >> beth: Nonsense.

Us a whole restaurant. >> beth: Nonsense. We couldn't be happier to have

>> beth: Nonsense. We couldn't be happier to have you around.

We couldn't be happier to have you around. I just wish I got to see more of

You around. I just wish I got to see more of you.

I just wish I got to see more of you. [ loud warble ]

You. [ loud warble ] >> rick sanchez of earth

[ loud warble ] >> rick sanchez of earth dimension c-137, you are under

>> rick sanchez of earth dimension c-137, you are under arrest for crimes against

Dimension c-137, you are under arrest for crimes against alternate ricks by the authority

Arrest for crimes against alternate ricks by the authority of the trans-dimensional council

Alternate ricks by the authority of the trans-dimensional council of ricks.

Of the trans-dimensional council of ricks. >> jerry: Hey! What the heck?!

Of ricks. >> jerry: Hey! What the heck?! >> neutralize the jerry.

>> jerry: Hey! What the heck?! >> neutralize the jerry. >> jerry: Wait! No! I'll --

>> neutralize the jerry. >> jerry: Wait! No! I'll -- >> summer: Dad!

>> jerry: Wait! No! I'll -- >> summer: Dad! >> beth: Dad!

>> summer: Dad! >> beth: Dad! >> morty: Rick!

>> beth: Dad! >> morty: Rick! >> rick: Everybody, relax.

>> morty: Rick! >> rick: Everybody, relax. If I know these a-holes, and I

>> rick: Everybody, relax. If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just

If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just want to haul me to their stupid

Am these a-holes, they just want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with

Want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions.

Clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions. Let's get it over with.

A bunch of questions. Let's get it over with. >> bring his [burps] morty.

Let's get it over with. >> bring his [burps] morty. >> morty: Oh, man.

>> bring his [burps] morty. >> morty: Oh, man. >> rick: Leave my [burps] morty

>> morty: Oh, man. >> rick: Leave my [burps] morty out of this.

>> rick: Leave my [burps] morty out of this. >> you lost the right to have a

Out of this. >> you lost the right to have a say in these things when you

>> you lost the right to have a say in these things when you refused to j-- [burps] join the

Say in these things when you refused to j-- [burps] join the council.

Refused to j-- [burps] join the council. >> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry?

Council. >> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry? >> rick: Will you at least

>> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry? >> rick: Will you at least unfreeze my daughter's idiot?

>> rick: Will you at least unfreeze my daughter's idiot? >> jerry: ...Give you anything!

Unfreeze my daughter's idiot? >> jerry: ...Give you anything! I have a rare antique-coin

>> jerry: ...Give you anything! I have a rare antique-coin collection!

I have a rare antique-coin collection! Just don't hurt me!

Okay, maybe not antique, but it was a limited minting. They have little r2-d2s instead

Was a limited minting. They have little r2-d2s instead of george washington.

They have little r2-d2s instead of george washington. >> beth: Our son's been

Of george washington. >> beth: Our son's been abducted!

>> beth: Our son's been abducted! >> jerry: You hate me for buying

Abducted! >> jerry: You hate me for buying those coins!

>> morty: Geez, rick, w-what is this place? >> rick: The citadel of ricks.

This place? >> rick: The citadel of ricks. It's the secret headquarters for

>> rick: The citadel of ricks. It's the secret headquarters for the council of ricks.

It's the secret headquarters for the council of ricks. >> morty: Council of ricks?

The council of ricks. >> morty: Council of ricks? >> rick: As you know, morty,

>> morty: Council of ricks? >> rick: As you know, morty, I've got a lot of enemies in the

>> rick: As you know, morty, I've got a lot of enemies in the universe that consider my genius

I've got a lot of enemies in the universe that consider my genius a threat -- galactic terrorists,

Universe that consider my genius a threat -- galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators,

A threat -- galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic

A few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic government.

Most of the entire intergalactic government. W-w-wherever you find people

Government. W-w-wherever you find people with heads up their asses,

W-w-wherever you find people with heads up their asses, someone wants a piece of your

With heads up their asses, someone wants a piece of your grandpa, and a lot of versions

Someone wants a piece of your grandpa, and a lot of versions of me on different timelines had

Grandpa, and a lot of versions of me on different timelines had the same problem, so a few

Of me on different timelines had the same problem, so a few thousand versions of me had the

The same problem, so a few thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding

Thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle

Ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those

Together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on

Or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on yahoo! Answers.

People who answer questions on yahoo! Answers. >> morty: Hey! What do you know?

Yahoo! Answers. >> morty: Hey! What do you know? It's a cowboy version of me.

>> morty: Hey! What do you know? It's a cowboy version of me. >> rick: Geez, you're easy to

It's a cowboy version of me. >> rick: Geez, you're easy to impress.

>> rick: Geez, you're easy to impress. Yeah, most timelines have a

Impress. Yeah, most timelines have a rick, and most ricks have a

Yeah, most timelines have a rick, and most ricks have a morty.

Rick, and most ricks have a morty. This place is a real who's who

Morty. This place is a real who's who of who's you and me.

This place is a real who's who of who's you and me. >> turn your boring, old morty

Of who's you and me. >> turn your boring, old morty into a f-- hot fashion statement

>> turn your boring, old morty into a f-- hot fashion statement with some morty dazzlers.

Into a f-- hot fashion statement with some morty dazzlers. >> hey, check this out.

With some morty dazzlers. >> hey, check this out. >> show me the morty.

>> hey, check this out. >> show me the morty. >> rick: Dumb.

>> show me the morty. >> rick: Dumb. >> excuse me, sir, is your morty

>> rick: Dumb. >> excuse me, sir, is your morty insured?

>> excuse me, sir, is your morty insured? You know, every year, hundreds

Insured? You know, every year, hundreds of mortys are injured --

You know, every year, hundreds of mortys are injured -- >> rick: Back off!

Of mortys are injured -- >> rick: Back off! Not my cup of tea, this place.

>> rick: Back off! Not my cup of tea, this place. I say the point of being a rick

Not my cup of tea, this place. I say the point of being a rick is being a rick.

I say the point of being a rick is being a rick. >> save your anti-rick speech

Is being a rick. >> save your anti-rick speech for the council of ricks,

>> save your anti-rick speech for the council of ricks, terror-rick.

For the council of ricks, terror-rick. >> rick: Hey, save your rick

Terror-rick. >> rick: Hey, save your rick rules for the [burps]

>> rick: Hey, save your rick rules for the [burps] sheep-ricks, rick-pig.

Rules for the [burps] sheep-ricks, rick-pig. >> [bleep] me, pal.

Sheep-ricks, rick-pig. >> [bleep] me, pal. >> rick: [bleep] you?

>> [bleep] me, pal. >> rick: [bleep] you? No, no, no, no, no.

>> rick: [bleep] you? No, no, no, no, no. [bleep] me.

>> bring up the holograms. 27 ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines -- an

27 ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines -- an unprecedented rick-icidal

Their own timelines -- an unprecedented rick-icidal epidemic.

Unprecedented rick-icidal epidemic. What say you, earth rick c-137?

Epidemic. What say you, earth rick c-137? >> rick: You think I did this?

What say you, earth rick c-137? >> rick: You think I did this? Why am I the first rick you pull

>> rick: You think I did this? Why am I the first rick you pull in every time a rick stubs his

Why am I the first rick you pull in every time a rick stubs his toe?

In every time a rick stubs his toe? >> you [burps] have a history of

Toe? >> you [burps] have a history of non-cooperation with the

>> you [burps] have a history of non-cooperation with the council.

Non-cooperation with the council. >> rick: Yeah, so does the

Council. >> rick: Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as

>> rick: Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as rick.

Scientist formerly known as rick. W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in

Rick. W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in handcuffs?

W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in handcuffs? >> because he's dead, too!

Handcuffs? >> because he's dead, too! [ crowd gasping, groaning ]

>> because he's dead, too! [ crowd gasping, groaning ] who else would you have us

[ crowd gasping, groaning ] who else would you have us question?

Who else would you have us question? You fit the profile.

Question? You fit the profile. Of all the ricks in the central

You fit the profile. Of all the ricks in the central finite curve, you're the

Of all the ricks in the central finite curve, you're the malcontent, the rogue.

Finite curve, you're the malcontent, the rogue. >> rick: I'm the rick, and so

Malcontent, the rogue. >> rick: I'm the rick, and so were the rest of you before you

>> rick: I'm the rick, and so were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance.

Were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the

Formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the government, so you became a

You wanted to be safe from the government, so you became a stupid government.

Government, so you became a stupid government. That makes every rick here less

Stupid government. That makes every rick here less rick than me.

That makes every rick here less rick than me. [ crowd grumbling ]

Rick than me. [ crowd grumbling ] yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.

[ crowd grumbling ] yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've

Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them.

Got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them. They're about to hit that

Syrup on top of them. They're about to hit that critical point of syrup

They're about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes

Critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste, and I hate

Absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste, and I hate to get all andy rooney about it,

Into a gross paste, and I hate to get all andy rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy

To get all andy rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy disks of cake with syrup on top,

But I think we all like fluffy disks of cake with syrup on top, and I think we also like to be

Disks of cake with syrup on top, and I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's

And I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's evidence!

Accused of crimes when there's evidence! So, as they say in canada,

Evidence! So, as they say in canada, peace oot!

So, as they say in canada, peace oot! >> evidence! Good idea.

Peace oot! >> evidence! Good idea. Scan his portal gun!

>> evidence! Good idea. Scan his portal gun! >> rick: Oh, come on.

Scan his portal gun! >> rick: Oh, come on. Don't look at another man's

>> rick: Oh, come on. Don't look at another man's portal-gun history.

Don't look at another man's portal-gun history. We -- we all go to weird places.

Portal-gun history. We -- we all go to weird places. >> yes, but it appears you alone

We -- we all go to weird places. >> yes, but it appears you alone have been going to the exact

>> yes, but it appears you alone have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which

Have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which the murders occurred.

Timelines and locations in which the murders occurred. [ crowd grumbling ]

The murders occurred. [ crowd grumbling ] >> rick: What?!

[ crowd grumbling ] >> rick: What?! That's rick-diculous!

>> rick: What?! That's rick-diculous! I'm obviously being set up.

That's rick-diculous! I'm obviously being set up. >> earth rick c-137, the council

I'm obviously being set up. >> earth rick c-137, the council of ricks sentences you to the

>> earth rick c-137, the council of ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom,

Of ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and

Machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering

Which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while

Unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes

Your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp.

Everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp. Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs

Impossible to grasp. Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs your balls.

Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs your balls. >> rick: I've heard enough.

Your balls. >> rick: I've heard enough. [ burps ]

>> rick: I've heard enough. [ burps ] run, morty!

[ burps ] run, morty! >> morty: [ panting ]

Run, morty! >> morty: [ panting ] >> unh-unh. Not you.

>> morty: [ panting ] >> unh-unh. Not you. >> morty: [ panting ]

>> unh-unh. Not you. >> morty: [ panting ] aaaah!

>> [ screams ] >> [ screams ]

[ loud farting ] [ steady farting in distance ]

>> morty: Oh! Oh!

[ dialing ] >> yeah, I'd like to order one large person with extra people,

>> yeah, I'd like to order one large person with extra people, please.

Large person with extra people, please. >> white people.

Please. >> white people. No, no, no, no. Black people.

>> white people. No, no, no, no. Black people. And hispanic on half.

No, no, no, no. Black people. And hispanic on half. >> morty: [ panting ]

[ dialing ] >> yes, I'd like to order one large sofa chair with extra

>> yes, I'd like to order one large sofa chair with extra chair, please.

Large sofa chair with extra chair, please. >> high chair.

Chair, please. >> high chair. No, no, no, no. Recliner.

>> high chair. No, no, no, no. Recliner. And wheelchair on half.

No, no, no, no. Recliner. And wheelchair on half. >> morty: [ panting ]

And wheelchair on half. >> morty: [ panting ] [ all speaking gibberish ]

>> they could have gone into any one of these. >> [ groans ]

One of these. >> [ groans ] son of a...

>> [ groans ] son of a... >> oh, geez.

Son of a... >> oh, geez. >> oh, man!

>> oh, geez. >> oh, man! >> we lost 'em.

>> oh, man! >> we lost 'em. >> yeah, I'd like to order one

>> we lost 'em. >> yeah, I'd like to order one large phone with extra phones,

>> yeah, I'd like to order one large phone with extra phones, please.

Large phone with extra phones, please. >> cellphone.

Please. >> cellphone. No, no, no, no. Rotary.

>> cellphone. No, no, no, no. Rotary. And pay phone on half.

No, no, no, no. Rotary. And pay phone on half. >> rick: That'll keep 'em

And pay phone on half. >> rick: That'll keep 'em [burps] busy for a while.

>> morty: Those guys were wrong, right? Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill

Right? Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill yourself -- y-y-yourselves.

Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill yourself -- y-y-yourselves. >> rick: Of course not, morty.

Yourself -- y-y-yourselves. >> rick: Of course not, morty. How could that profit me?

>> rick: Of course not, morty. How could that profit me? But someone out there is killing

How could that profit me? But someone out there is killing ricks, and the council ain't

But someone out there is killing ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me

Ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names --

Gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names -- by finding the real rick-killer.

Until we clear our names -- by finding the real rick-killer. >> morty: I'm scared, rick.

By finding the real rick-killer. >> morty: I'm scared, rick. Maybe we should go home and

>> morty: I'm scared, rick. Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons, like that

Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons, like that show "doomsday preppers."

Stockpile weapons, like that show "doomsday preppers." >> rick: Not really my style,

Show "doomsday preppers." >> rick: Not really my style, morty.

>> rick: Not really my style, morty. Besides, your home is most

Morty. Besides, your home is most likely swarming with ricks by

Besides, your home is most likely swarming with ricks by now.

>> all right, listen, jerry. If rick calls, this device is gonna trace his location.

If rick calls, this device is gonna trace his location. You just got to keep him on the

Gonna trace his location. You just got to keep him on the phone for 30 seconds or longer.

You just got to keep him on the phone for 30 seconds or longer. >> beth: Who wants lemonade?

Phone for 30 seconds or longer. >> beth: Who wants lemonade? >> oh, yeah.

>> beth: Who wants lemonade? >> oh, yeah. Mmm!

>> oh, yeah. Mmm! Oh! Delicious!

Mmm! Oh! Delicious! >> beth [belches] you're a

Oh! Delicious! >> beth [belches] you're a treasure.

>> beth [belches] you're a treasure. >> I have a beth just like you

Treasure. >> I have a beth just like you in my [belches] reality, except

>> I have a beth just like you in my [belches] reality, except you know what?

In my [belches] reality, except you know what? She's not as brilliant or

You know what? She's not as brilliant or [belches] attractive.

She's not as brilliant or [belches] attractive. >> beth: Aw.

[belches] attractive. >> beth: Aw. Th[belches]ank you.

>> beth: Aw. Th[belches]ank you. [ laughter ]

Th[belches]ank you. [ laughter ] >> oh! She did! She did it!

[ laughter ] >> oh! She did! She did it! [ telephone rings ]

>> jerry: H-hello? >> rick: Hey, jerry, it's rick. >> jerry: Rick! Hey.

>> rick: Hey, jerry, it's rick. >> jerry: Rick! Hey. [ laughs nervously ]

>> jerry: Rick! Hey. [ laughs nervously ] what's -- what's up?

[ laughs nervously ] what's -- what's up? >> rick: So, listen, the heat's

What's -- what's up? >> rick: So, listen, the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to

>> rick: So, listen, the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to turn, so morty and I are just

On, and there's nowhere left to turn, so morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a

Turn, so morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole.

Gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole. >> jerry: What?!

Black hole. >> jerry: What?! >> rick: Is that cool with you,

>> jerry: What?! >> rick: Is that cool with you, dawg?

>> rick: Is that cool with you, dawg? >> jerry: Rick, no!

Dawg? >> jerry: Rick, no! Morty!!

>> jerry: Rick, no! Morty!! >> we got it.

Morty!! >> we got it. The call's coming from...

>> we got it. The call's coming from... ♪ inside the house

The call's coming from... ♪ inside the house >> look at his face!

♪ inside the house >> look at his face! >> you dummy!

>> look at his face! >> you dummy! >> ugh.

>> you dummy! >> ugh. Can't believe our daughter

>> ugh. Can't believe our daughter married you.

Can't believe our daughter married you. >> too easy!

Married you. >> too easy! [ laughter ]

>> too easy! [ laughter ] >> rick: The ricks are probably

[ laughter ] >> rick: The ricks are probably gonna waste some time messing

>> rick: The ricks are probably gonna waste some time messing with jerry.

Gonna waste some time messing with jerry. They won't be able to help

With jerry. They won't be able to help themselves.

They won't be able to help themselves. But as soon as they get bored,

Themselves. But as soon as they get bored, they'll be onto us.

But as soon as they get bored, they'll be onto us. >> phones à la clams and

They'll be onto us. >> phones à la clams and phonesghetti with phone balls.

>> phones à la clams and phonesghetti with phone balls. Anything else?

Phonesghetti with phone balls. Anything else? >> rick: Yeah, more phone

Anything else? >> rick: Yeah, more phone sticks, please.

>> rick: Yeah, more phone sticks, please. >> right away, sir.

Sticks, please. >> right away, sir. >> morty: You know, rick, when I

>> right away, sir. >> morty: You know, rick, when I first saw all those ricks and

>> morty: You know, rick, when I first saw all those ricks and mortys, I thought, "gee, that

First saw all those ricks and mortys, I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond."

Mortys, I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond." but then I realized it just

Kind of devalues our bond." but then I realized it just means that our relationship must

But then I realized it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over

Means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines.

Be pretty special to span over all those different timelines. >> rick: Yeah, it's got to be

All those different timelines. >> rick: Yeah, it's got to be that way.

>> rick: Yeah, it's got to be that way. You're a camouflage.

That way. You're a camouflage. >> morty: Camouflage?

You're a camouflage. >> morty: Camouflage? W-w-w-what are you talking

>> morty: Camouflage? W-w-w-what are you talking about, rick?

W-w-w-what are you talking about, rick? >> rick: Ricks have a very

About, rick? >> rick: Ricks have a very distinctive and traceable

>> rick: Ricks have a very distinctive and traceable brain wave due to our genius.

Distinctive and traceable brain wave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an

Brain wave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near

The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary

Enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves that make ours

Someone with complementary brain waves that make ours invisible.

Brain waves that make ours invisible. See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with

Invisible. See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with a morty, the genius waves get

See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with a morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the, uh...

A morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the, uh... [ clears throat ]

Canceled out by the, uh... [ clears throat ] ...Morty waves.

[ clears throat ] ...Morty waves. >> morty: Um...Because o-our

...Morty waves. >> morty: Um...Because o-our personalities are so different?

>> morty: Um...Because o-our personalities are so different? [ portal gun beeping ]

Personalities are so different? [ portal gun beeping ] >> rick: Oh, shit, dawg.

[ portal gun beeping ] >> rick: Oh, shit, dawg. My portal gun was hacked

>> rick: Oh, shit, dawg. My portal gun was hacked remotely, morty -- obviously by

My portal gun was hacked remotely, morty -- obviously by the real killer, to frame me.

Remotely, morty -- obviously by the real killer, to frame me. But I was able to trace the

The real killer, to frame me. But I was able to trace the signal.

But I was able to trace the signal. Come on. Let's go.

Signal. Come on. Let's go. [ door bursts open ]

Come on. Let's go. [ door bursts open ] uh-oh.

[ door bursts open ] uh-oh. >> excuse me.

Uh-oh. >> excuse me. We've tracked a pair of

>> excuse me. We've tracked a pair of dangerous criminals to this

We've tracked a pair of dangerous criminals to this exact location.

Dangerous criminals to this exact location. They look exactly like us, so

Exact location. They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, I'm

They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, I'm gonna mark us each with a red

In order to avoid confusion, I'm gonna mark us each with a red "x" right now.

Gonna mark us each with a red "x" right now. That way, if someone has a gun

"x" right now. That way, if someone has a gun and we both tell you to shoot

That way, if someone has a gun and we both tell you to shoot the other one because they're

And we both tell you to shoot the other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's

The other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's lying.

The evil one, you'll know who's lying. >> hey, check it out.

Lying. >> hey, check it out. >> damn it!

>> hey, you didn't pay your bill! >> t-the red "x"! Red "x"!

Bill! >> t-the red "x"! Red "x"! >> rick: Hey, it's a good thing

>> t-the red "x"! Red "x"! >> rick: Hey, it's a good thing that space outlet had lab coats

>> rick: Hey, it's a good thing that space outlet had lab coats and your favorite kind of shirt

That space outlet had lab coats and your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, morty?

And your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, morty? >> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard

In stock, huh, morty? >> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard you the first time.

>> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard you the first time. You don't have to keep saying it

You the first time. You don't have to keep saying it over and over.

You don't have to keep saying it over and over. >> rick: Man, this place is way

Over and over. >> rick: Man, this place is way off the grid.

>> rick: Man, this place is way off the grid. This guy does not want to be

Off the grid. This guy does not want to be found.

This guy does not want to be found. >> morty: Well, if he's a rick,

Found. >> morty: Well, if he's a rick, doesn't he just have to stand by

>> morty: Well, if he's a rick, doesn't he just have to stand by a morty to hide?

Doesn't he just have to stand by a morty to hide? I mean, isn't that what mortys

A morty to hide? I mean, isn't that what mortys are -- human cloaking devices?

I mean, isn't that what mortys are -- human cloaking devices? >> rick: Morty, you're making a

Are -- human cloaking devices? >> rick: Morty, you're making a bigger deal out of this than it

>> rick: Morty, you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is.

Bigger deal out of this than it is. [ groaning in distance ]

Is. [ groaning in distance ] >> morty: Oh, my god, rick,

[ groaning in distance ] >> morty: Oh, my god, rick, look!

>> morty: Oh, my god, rick, look! There's a bunch of people

Look! There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building!

There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building! >> rick: Not people, morty --

Strapped all over that building! >> rick: Not people, morty -- mortys.

>> rick: Not people, morty -- mortys. [ all groaning, screaming ]

>> morty: Oh, god! W-w-why would somebody do this? It's horrible!

W-w-why would somebody do this? It's horrible! >> rick: Well, one morty's

It's horrible! >> rick: Well, one morty's enough to hide from the

>> rick: Well, one morty's enough to hide from the bureaucrats, but you get -- you

Enough to hide from the bureaucrats, but you get -- you get a whole matrix of mortys and

Bureaucrats, but you get -- you get a whole matrix of mortys and put them in agonizing pain, that

Get a whole matrix of mortys and put them in agonizing pain, that creates a pattern that can hide

Put them in agonizing pain, that creates a pattern that can hide even from other ricks [bleep]

Creates a pattern that can hide even from other ricks [bleep] I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept

Even from other ricks [bleep] I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept like this once.

I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept like this once. On paper, morty. On paper.

Like this once. On paper, morty. On paper. I wouldn't do this.

On paper, morty. On paper. I wouldn't do this. It's barbaric overkill.

I wouldn't do this. It's barbaric overkill. I mean, you could accomplish the

It's barbaric overkill. I mean, you could accomplish the same result with, like, five

I mean, you could accomplish the same result with, like, five mortys and a jumper cable.

Which I also wouldn't do! I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship.

I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship. >> beth: Coffee time!

Craftsmanship. >> beth: Coffee time! >> yeah!

>> beth: Coffee time! >> yeah! >> yo, yo, yo, yo!

>> yeah! >> yo, yo, yo, yo! >> that's what I like to hear!

>> yo, yo, yo, yo! >> that's what I like to hear! >> jerry: [ groans ]

>> that's what I like to hear! >> jerry: [ groans ] >> hi, jerry.

>> jerry: [ groans ] >> hi, jerry. >> jerry: Leave me alone.

>> hi, jerry. >> jerry: Leave me alone. I'm working.

>> jerry: Leave me alone. I'm working. >> oh, you are?

I'm working. >> oh, you are? W-w-w-what do you do?

>> oh, you are? W-w-w-what do you do? >> jerry: [ scoffs ]

W-w-w-what do you do? >> jerry: [ scoffs ] I-I'm -- I'm in between

>> jerry: [ scoffs ] I-I'm -- I'm in between advertising jobs.

I-I'm -- I'm in between advertising jobs. >> advertising? Wow!

Advertising jobs. >> advertising? Wow! So, people need help figuring

>> advertising? Wow! So, people need help figuring out what to buy, and then

So, people need help figuring out what to buy, and then y-y-you help 'em?

Out what to buy, and then y-y-you help 'em? >> jerry: [ laughing ] well,

Y-y-you help 'em? >> jerry: [ laughing ] well, it's a little more complicated

>> jerry: [ laughing ] well, it's a little more complicated than that.

It's a little more complicated than that. >> well, I mean, you do it, and

Than that. >> well, I mean, you do it, and you seem like a guy who really

>> well, I mean, you do it, and you seem like a guy who really has it all together.

>> jerry: Dude, are you -- w-- you're being a dick, right? >> oh, gosh, I-I hope not.

You're being a dick, right? >> oh, gosh, I-I hope not. I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to

>> oh, gosh, I-I hope not. I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to offend you in any way.

I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to offend you in any way. >> jerry: You're really a rick?

Offend you in any way. >> jerry: You're really a rick? >> [ laughs ]

>> jerry: You're really a rick? >> [ laughs ] y-- of course I am -- just as

>> [ laughs ] y-- of course I am -- just as much as my morty's a morty.

Y-- of course I am -- just as much as my morty's a morty. >> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot

Much as my morty's a morty. >> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot like eric stoltz from the movie

>> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot like eric stoltz from the movie "mask."

Like eric stoltz from the movie "mask." you know, the one with cher in

"mask." you know, the one with cher in it?

You know, the one with cher in it? >> that's right, jerry!

It? >> that's right, jerry! He -- he's from a reality where

>> that's right, jerry! He -- he's from a reality where everyone is eric stoltz "mask"

He -- he's from a reality where everyone is eric stoltz "mask" people.

Everyone is eric stoltz "mask" people. He's eric stoltz mask morty.

People. He's eric stoltz mask morty. They assigned him to me because

He's eric stoltz mask morty. They assigned him to me because I never had any kids of my own.

They assigned him to me because I never had any kids of my own. But if I did, boy, I'd love them

I never had any kids of my own. But if I did, boy, I'd love them if they were as smart and as

But if I did, boy, I'd love them if they were as smart and as successful as you are, jerry.

If they were as smart and as successful as you are, jerry. >> hey, get a load of this.

Successful as you are, jerry. >> hey, get a load of this. Jerry's hanging out with

>> hey, get a load of this. Jerry's hanging out with doofus rick.

Jerry's hanging out with doofus rick. >> [ laughs ] this is perfect.

Doofus rick. >> [ laughs ] this is perfect. >> I'm not doofus rick!

>> [ laughs ] this is perfect. >> I'm not doofus rick! I'm rick j19-zeta-7!

>> I'm not doofus rick! I'm rick j19-zeta-7! >> oh, is that the timeline

I'm rick j19-zeta-7! >> oh, is that the timeline where everybody eats poop?

>> oh, is that the timeline where everybody eats poop? Jerry, you know this guy eats

Where everybody eats poop? Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right?

Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right? >> hey, I don't eat poop!

Poop, right? >> hey, I don't eat poop! Y-you guys are always so mean to

>> hey, I don't eat poop! Y-you guys are always so mean to me.

Y-you guys are always so mean to me. [ both laugh ]

Me. [ both laugh ] >> [ sobbing ]

[ both laugh ] >> [ sobbing ] I guess it's only fair to tell

>> [ sobbing ] I guess it's only fair to tell you now, jerry.

I guess it's only fair to tell you now, jerry. I'm the worst rick of them all.

You now, jerry. I'm the worst rick of them all. >> jerry: According to who --

I'm the worst rick of them all. >> jerry: According to who -- other versions of you?

>> jerry: According to who -- other versions of you? If I've learned one thing, it's

Other versions of you? If I've learned one thing, it's that before you get anywhere in

If I've learned one thing, it's that before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening

That before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening to yourself.

Life, you got to stop listening to yourself. >> wow.

To yourself. >> wow. You really are wise, jerry.

>> wow. You really are wise, jerry. I-I-I guess that's why you work

You really are wise, jerry. I-I-I guess that's why you work in advertising.

I-I-I guess that's why you work in advertising. >> jerry: The fact that you feel

In advertising. >> jerry: The fact that you feel that way makes you the best rick

>> jerry: The fact that you feel that way makes you the best rick of them all.

That way makes you the best rick of them all. >> morty: You don't care about

Of them all. >> morty: You don't care about me at all!

>> morty: You don't care about me at all! I'm no different than that

Me at all! I'm no different than that jacket you've got on!

I'm no different than that jacket you've got on! Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal

Jacket you've got on! Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal gun!

Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal gun! I'm just a tool!

Gun! I'm just a tool! I-I-I'm just an object!

I'm just a tool! I-I-I'm just an object! >> rick: Hey, it's your choice

I-I-I'm just an object! >> rick: Hey, it's your choice to take it personally, morty.

>> rick: Hey, it's your choice to take it personally, morty. Now, for the love of god, be

To take it personally, morty. Now, for the love of god, be quiet.

Now, for the love of god, be quiet. The point of this is to get the

Quiet. The point of this is to get the drop on the guy.

The point of this is to get the drop on the guy. >> morty: You know what, rick?

Drop on the guy. >> morty: You know what, rick? I'll tell you something!

>> morty: You know what, rick? I'll tell you something! I'm more than a human shield!

I'll tell you something! I'm more than a human shield! >> rick: Yeah, that's right.

I'm more than a human shield! >> rick: Yeah, that's right. You are.

>> rick: Yeah, that's right. You are. You're a perfect, impenetrable

You are. You're a perfect, impenetrable suit of human armor, morty,

You're a perfect, impenetrable suit of human armor, morty, because you're as dumb as I am

Suit of human armor, morty, because you're as dumb as I am smart, which is why when I say

Because you're as dumb as I am smart, which is why when I say [burps] "shut up," it's really

Smart, which is why when I say [burps] "shut up," it's really good advice.

[burps] "shut up," it's really good advice. [ whirring ]

Good advice. [ whirring ] great. Nice work, morty.

[ groans ] [ hands clap slowly ] >> ooh. Look at you, c-137.

[ hands clap slowly ] >> ooh. Look at you, c-137. You -- aren't you a tough

>> ooh. Look at you, c-137. You -- aren't you a tough customer.

You -- aren't you a tough customer. >> rick: The slow clap? Really?

Customer. >> rick: The slow clap? Really? Kind of played out, dude.

>> rick: The slow clap? Really? Kind of played out, dude. >> not in this dimension, it

Kind of played out, dude. >> not in this dimension, it isn't.

>> not in this dimension, it isn't. In fact [chuckles] I invented

Isn't. In fact [chuckles] I invented it.

In fact [chuckles] I invented it. Nobody else has ever even done

It. Nobody else has ever even done it here before.

Nobody else has ever even done it here before. >> rick: Well, la-di-da.

It here before. >> rick: Well, la-di-da. >> hey, that's mine!

>> rick: I don't like the look of that rick, morty. We got to escape.

Of that rick, morty. We got to escape. >> morty: I'm not gonna help

We got to escape. >> morty: I'm not gonna help you, rick.

>> morty: I'm not gonna help you, rick. Y-you're a monster.

You, rick. Y-you're a monster. >> rick: Don't be rick-diculous,

Y-you're a monster. >> rick: Don't be rick-diculous, morty.

>> rick: Don't be rick-diculous, morty. >> morty: Will you -- will you

Morty. >> morty: Will you -- will you stop saying that?

>> morty: Will you -- will you stop saying that? It's stupid.

Stop saying that? It's stupid. >> take his morty away.

It's stupid. >> take his morty away. >> come with me.

>> take his morty away. >> come with me. >> morty: Yeah, gladly.

>> come with me. >> morty: Yeah, gladly. Geez, man. Ricks, huh?

>> morty: Yeah, gladly. Geez, man. Ricks, huh? Hey, man, you seem to know how

Geez, man. Ricks, huh? Hey, man, you seem to know how this place works.

Hey, man, you seem to know how this place works. Is there any way we could shut

This place works. Is there any way we could shut down that grid and rescue all

Is there any way we could shut down that grid and rescue all those mortys outside?

Down that grid and rescue all those mortys outside? >> it would be pointless.

Those mortys outside? >> it would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of

>> it would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of defeating a rick.

Mortys have no chance of defeating a rick. In here.

Defeating a rick. In here. [ mortys sobbing ]

>> [ farts ] >> ah. Isn't it beautiful? >> rick: Yeah, yeah.

>> ah. Isn't it beautiful? >> rick: Yeah, yeah. Looks like payday at

>> rick: Yeah, yeah. Looks like payday at neverland ranch in here.

Looks like payday at neverland ranch in here. Zing!

Neverland ranch in here. Zing! >> [ chuckles ]

Zing! >> [ chuckles ] >> rick: That guy got it.

>> [ chuckles ] >> rick: That guy got it. >> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet.

>> rick: That guy got it. >> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet. You're missing my symphony.

>> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet. You're missing my symphony. [ mortys groaning, screaming]

You're missing my symphony. [ mortys groaning, screaming] >> rick: Hey, I'll take it over

[ mortys groaning, screaming] >> rick: Hey, I'll take it over mumford & sons.

>> rick: Hey, I'll take it over mumford & sons. Zip!

Mumford & sons. Zip! >> [ laughs ]

Zip! >> [ laughs ] >> rick: This guy is on it!

>> [ laughs ] >> rick: This guy is on it! >> he's not laughing at your

>> rick: This guy is on it! >> he's not laughing at your dumb jokes, rick.

>> he's not laughing at your dumb jokes, rick. That's just a random noise it

Dumb jokes, rick. That's just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds.

That's just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds. >> [ laughs ]

Makes every 10 seconds. >> [ laughs ] >> rick: [ groans ]

>> [ laughs ] >> rick: [ groans ] >> you see, rick, you're not as

>> rick: [ groans ] >> you see, rick, you're not as clever as you think you are.

>> you see, rick, you're not as clever as you think you are. I wantedyou to find me.

Clever as you think you are. I wantedyou to find me. We're not so [burps] different,

I wantedyou to find me. We're not so [burps] different, you and I.

We're not so [burps] different, you and I. >> rick: Yeah, duh!

You and I. >> rick: Yeah, duh! >> see this right here, rick?

>> rick: Yeah, duh! >> see this right here, rick? I crunched the numbers.

>> see this right here, rick? I crunched the numbers. I created a spectrum of all the

I crunched the numbers. I created a spectrum of all the ricks.

I created a spectrum of all the ricks. I listed them out from most evil

Ricks. I listed them out from most evil to least evil.

I listed them out from most evil to least evil. Here's where I am.

To least evil. Here's where I am. And lookit -- right here's where

Here's where I am. And lookit -- right here's where you are, rick.

And lookit -- right here's where you are, rick. This guy right here --

You are, rick. This guy right here -- super-weird.

This guy right here -- super-weird. >> rick: I get it.

Super-weird. >> rick: I get it. So you want me to team up with

>> rick: I get it. So you want me to team up with you to take down the council of

So you want me to team up with you to take down the council of ricks, right?

You to take down the council of ricks, right? Is that where you're going with

Ricks, right? Is that where you're going with this?

Is that where you're going with this? 'cause that's where I'd be

This? 'cause that's where I'd be going.

'cause that's where I'd be going. >> please.

Going. >> please. I think I'm doing pretty good on

>> please. I think I'm doing pretty good on my own.

I think I'm doing pretty good on my own. I'm simply gonna download the

My own. I'm simply gonna download the contents of your brain and then

I'm simply gonna download the contents of your brain and then kill you.

Contents of your brain and then kill you. >> okay, if we add a little more

Kill you. >> okay, if we add a little more titanium nitrate and just a tad

>> okay, if we add a little more titanium nitrate and just a tad of chlorified tartrate...

Titanium nitrate and just a tad of chlorified tartrate... [ mixture gurgles ]

Of chlorified tartrate... [ mixture gurgles ] ...Ovenless brownies!

[ mixture gurgles ] ...Ovenless brownies! >> jerry: Mmm. Mmm!

...Ovenless brownies! >> jerry: Mmm. Mmm! It's incredible what a gifted

>> jerry: Mmm. Mmm! It's incredible what a gifted mind can accomplish when

It's incredible what a gifted mind can accomplish when priorities are in order.

Mind can accomplish when priorities are in order. >> well, come on.

Priorities are in order. >> well, come on. I can't take all the credit,

>> well, come on. I can't take all the credit, jerry.

I can't take all the credit, jerry. It was your idea.

Jerry. It was your idea. Come here, jerry!

It was your idea. Come here, jerry! [ both laugh ]

Come here, jerry! [ both laugh ] >> jerry: Hey, uh, come here.

[ both laugh ] >> jerry: Hey, uh, come here. I-I want to show you something.

>> jerry: Hey, uh, come here. I-I want to show you something. Okay, look, everybody makes fun

I-I want to show you something. Okay, look, everybody makes fun of me for getting these, but

Okay, look, everybody makes fun of me for getting these, but you're a genius scientist.

Of me for getting these, but you're a genius scientist. What do you think?

You're a genius scientist. What do you think? See?

What do you think? See? There's little r2-d2s where the

See? There's little r2-d2s where the george washingtons should be.

There's little r2-d2s where the george washingtons should be. >> you know, jerry, I'm not

George washingtons should be. >> you know, jerry, I'm not gonna tell you that these will

>> you know, jerry, I'm not gonna tell you that these will increase in value or even hold

Gonna tell you that these will increase in value or even hold their current value.

Increase in value or even hold their current value. The truth is, you bought them

Their current value. The truth is, you bought them because you like them.

The truth is, you bought them because you like them. They have value to you.

Because you like them. They have value to you. That's what matters.

>> jerry: [ voice breaking ] how long are you staying? >> until we find your rick.

Long are you staying? >> until we find your rick. >> jerry: I found mine.

>> until we find your rick. >> jerry: I found mine. I found mine.

>> morty: Help! >> there is no escape, my son. We will find our peace in the

>> there is no escape, my son. We will find our peace in the next world.

We will find our peace in the next world. >> morty: So, what --

Next world. >> morty: So, what -- y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give

>> morty: So, what -- y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give up?

Y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give up? >> we're giving in -- to the

Up? >> we're giving in -- to the power of the one true morty.

>> we're giving in -- to the power of the one true morty. One day, he will return.

Power of the one true morty. One day, he will return. >> together: Praise the one true

One day, he will return. >> together: Praise the one true morty.

>> together: Praise the one true morty. >> morty: Ugh.

Morty. >> morty: Ugh. All right, mortys, listen up.

>> morty: Ugh. All right, mortys, listen up. My name is morty smith, from

All right, mortys, listen up. My name is morty smith, from earth dimension c-137.

My name is morty smith, from earth dimension c-137. I know you're scared, because

Earth dimension c-137. I know you're scared, because I'm scared.

I know you're scared, because I'm scared. But that's no reason to accept

I'm scared. But that's no reason to accept our fate!

But that's no reason to accept our fate! We're mortys!

Our fate! We're mortys! We're not defined by our

We're mortys! We're not defined by our relationships to rick!

We're not defined by our relationships to rick! Our destiny is our own!

Relationships to rick! Our destiny is our own! >> this sounds like something

Our destiny is our own! >> this sounds like something the one true morty might say.

>> this sounds like something the one true morty might say. I'm sick of being a human

The one true morty might say. I'm sick of being a human shield.

I'm sick of being a human shield. I-I-I w-- I want to be a

Shield. I-I-I w-- I want to be a gardener!

I-I-I w-- I want to be a gardener! >> I want to write really crazy,

Gardener! >> I want to write really crazy, intense action novels!

>> I want to write really crazy, intense action novels! >> I'm more than just a hammer!

Intense action novels! >> I'm more than just a hammer! >> he is the one true morty!

>> I'm more than just a hammer! >> he is the one true morty! >> hooray!

>> he is the one true morty! >> hooray! >> the one true morty!

>> hooray! >> the one true morty! >> hey, keep it down!

>> the one true morty! >> hey, keep it down! [ mortys shouting ]

>> you've lived quite a life, rick. It's a real shame you're not

Rick. It's a real shame you're not gonna be around to see it

It's a real shame you're not gonna be around to see it through.

You're crying? Over a morty? >> rick: No, I'm just allergic

Over a morty? >> rick: No, I'm just allergic to dipshits.

>> rick: No, I'm just allergic to dipshits. >> ugh. Pathetic.

To dipshits. >> ugh. Pathetic. We both know that if there's any

>> ugh. Pathetic. We both know that if there's any truth in the universe, it's that

We both know that if there's any truth in the universe, it's that ricks don't care about mortys.

Truth in the universe, it's that ricks don't care about mortys. [ mortys shouting ]

Ricks don't care about mortys. [ mortys shouting ] do your worst, you little

[ mortys shouting ] do your worst, you little bastards!

Do your worst, you little bastards! Kill me! Do it!

Bastards! Kill me! Do it! Do I-I-I-I-it!

Kill me! Do it! Do I-I-I-I-it! >> rick: Morty! Thank god!

Do I-I-I-I-it! >> rick: Morty! Thank god! Get me out of this.

>> rick: Morty! Thank god! Get me out of this. Come on!

Get me out of this. Come on! >> morty: You're lucky I'm not a

Come on! >> morty: You're lucky I'm not a rick.

>> morty: You're lucky I'm not a rick. >> rick: Point taken, but this

Rick. >> rick: Point taken, but this is [burps] no time for arcs.

>> rick: Point taken, but this is [burps] no time for arcs. [ energy powering down ]

Is [burps] no time for arcs. [ energy powering down ] >> oh!

[ energy powering down ] >> oh! >> [ laughs ]

>> oh! >> [ laughs ] >> thank god!

>> [ laughs ] >> thank god! [ dialing ]

>> thank god! [ dialing ] [ ringing ]

[ dialing ] [ ringing ] [ telephone rings ]

[ ringing ] [ telephone rings ] >> yeah, hello.

[ telephone rings ] >> yeah, hello. >> rick: Hey, what do me and

>> yeah, hello. >> rick: Hey, what do me and o.J. Not have in common?

>> rick: Hey, what do me and o.J. Not have in common? >> huh? W-who is this?

O.J. Not have in common? >> huh? W-who is this? >> rick: I found the real

>> huh? W-who is this? >> rick: I found the real killer, bitch!

>> rick: I found the real killer, bitch! Get over here!

>> yo, ding-dong, we're done here. Time to go.

Here. Time to go. >> well, jerry [belches]

Time to go. >> well, jerry [belches] I guess this means goodbye.

>> well, jerry [belches] I guess this means goodbye. >> jerry: W-w-well, does it have

I guess this means goodbye. >> jerry: W-w-well, does it have to?

>> jerry: W-w-well, does it have to? I mean, you -- you look just

To? I mean, you -- you look just like rick.

I mean, you -- you look just like rick. We could maybe, you know, get

Like rick. We could maybe, you know, get rid of him.

We could maybe, you know, get rid of him. I'm not saying kill him,

Rid of him. I'm not saying kill him, necessarily.

I'm not saying kill him, necessarily. I -- I'm also not saying

Necessarily. I -- I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but --

I -- I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but -- >> jerry, w-we both know it

Necessarily not kill him, but -- >> jerry, w-we both know it wouldn't work.

>> jerry, w-we both know it wouldn't work. It's time to go back to our

Wouldn't work. It's time to go back to our lives.

It's time to go back to our lives. I love you, jerry.

Lives. I love you, jerry. I love you.

I love you, jerry. I love you. >> jerry: [ sighs ]

[ whimpers ]

>> together: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

>> morty: W-what -- w-what's gonna happen to all these mortys?

Gonna happen to all these mortys? >> they'll go back to their

Mortys? >> they'll go back to their families, attend school

>> they'll go back to their families, attend school regularly, play video games,

Families, attend school regularly, play video games, date girls.

Regularly, play video games, date girls. Poor little rickless bastards.

Date girls. Poor little rickless bastards. >> earth rick c-137, the council

Poor little rickless bastards. >> earth rick c-137, the council apologizes for its false

>> earth rick c-137, the council apologizes for its false accusation, and in the way of

Apologizes for its false accusation, and in the way of reparations [belches] for our

Accusation, and in the way of reparations [belches] for our terrible mistake, we would like

Reparations [belches] for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this

Terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement

To compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement morty in the event that

Voucher for a free replacement morty in the event that y[belches]our current [belches]

Morty in the event that y[belches]our current [belches] morty should --

Y[belches]our current [belches] morty should -- >> rick: Uh, guys, not a good

Morty should -- >> rick: Uh, guys, not a good time.

>> rick: Uh, guys, not a good time. Come on, morty. Let's hit it.

>> morty: Is it time for arcs yet, rick? I did a pretty good job back

Yet, rick? I did a pretty good job back there for a human cloaking

I did a pretty good job back there for a human cloaking device.

There for a human cloaking device. Saved your ass.

Device. Saved your ass. >> rick: All right, morty.

Saved your ass. >> rick: All right, morty. Don't break an arm jerking

>> rick: All right, morty. Don't break an arm jerking yourself off.

Don't break an arm jerking yourself off. >> morty: Man, I can't believe

Yourself off. >> morty: Man, I can't believe you, rick.

>> morty: Man, I can't believe you, rick. That right there, that w-- that

You, rick. That right there, that w-- that was a great opportunity to show

That right there, that w-- that was a great opportunity to show a little humanity, you know?

Was a great opportunity to show a little humanity, you know? To connect with me a little.

A little humanity, you know? To connect with me a little. >> rick: Hey, morty, you want

To connect with me a little. >> rick: Hey, morty, you want connection, go be part of some

>> rick: Hey, morty, you want connection, go be part of some stupid club, like all those dumb

Connection, go be part of some stupid club, like all those dumb ricks.

Stupid club, like all those dumb ricks. You know, maybe I don't connect

Ricks. You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the rickest rick

You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the rickest rick there is.

Because I'm the rickest rick there is. And, you know, it would

There is. And, you know, it would g-- [belches] go without saying

And, you know, it would g-- [belches] go without saying that the rickest rick would have

G-- [belches] go without saying that the rickest rick would have the mortyest morty.

That the rickest rick would have the mortyest morty. >> morty: It would go without

The mortyest morty. >> morty: It would go without saying, huh?

>> morty: It would go without saying, huh? >> rick: Yeah, it would.

Saying, huh? >> rick: Yeah, it would. Did you hear me say it?

>> rick: Yeah, it would. Did you hear me say it? >> morty: Nah.

Did you hear me say it? >> morty: Nah. The mortyest morty.

>> morty: Nah. The mortyest morty. >> rick: Just don't get too big

The mortyest morty. >> rick: Just don't get too big for your loafers, buster brown.

>> rick: Just don't get too big for your loafers, buster brown. A cocky morty can lead to some

For your loafers, buster brown. A cocky morty can lead to some big problems.

A cocky morty can lead to some big problems. It can be a real bad thing for

Big problems. It can be a real bad thing for everybody.

It can be a real bad thing for everybody. >> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that?

Everybody. >> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that? >> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when

>> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that? >> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when you're older.

>> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when you're older. [ camera shutter clicks ]

You're older. [ camera shutter clicks ] >> what a mess.

[ camera shutter clicks ] >> what a mess. >> pride cometh before the fall.

>> what a mess. >> pride cometh before the fall. I guess he got what he deserved.

>> pride cometh before the fall. I guess he got what he deserved. >> what is that?

I guess he got what he deserved. >> what is that? [ electricity crackles ]

>> what is that? [ electricity crackles ] >> hand me the laser

[ electricity crackles ] >> hand me the laser difibulator.

>> hand me the laser difibulator. >> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?

Difibulator. >> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help? >> no! Go clean the toilets.

>> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help? >> no! Go clean the toilets. Maybe you'll make friends with

>> no! Go clean the toilets. Maybe you'll make friends with some turds.

Maybe you'll make friends with some turds. >> you make us ashamed to be

Some turds. >> you make us ashamed to be ourselves!

My god. I've seen this technology before.

I've seen this technology before. [ device beeping ]

Before. [ device beeping ] >> this rick was being

[ device beeping ] >> this rick was being controlled remotely --

>> this rick was being controlled remotely -- puppeteered by somebody else.

Controlled remotely -- puppeteered by somebody else. This is the receiver.

Puppeteered by somebody else. This is the receiver. >> yeah, but where's the

This is the receiver. >> yeah, but where's the transmitter?

>> yeah, but where's the transmitter? [ beeping continues ]

>> rick: Wubba dubba dub dub! Oh. Hey, jerry. W-w-w-what are you doing in my

Oh. Hey, jerry. W-w-w-what are you doing in my room, buddy?

W-w-w-what are you doing in my room, buddy? >> jerry: Nothing.

Room, buddy? >> jerry: Nothing. [ shakily ] I was just, um,

>> jerry: Nothing. [ shakily ] I was just, um, [sniffles] checking the smoke

[ shakily ] I was just, um, [sniffles] checking the smoke detectors.

[sniffles] checking the smoke detectors. >> rick: All right.

Detectors. >> rick: All right. Okay, get out.

What's that dipshit doing out there? Are you friends with him?

There? Are you friends with him? You know he eats his own shit,

Are you friends with him? You know he eats his own shit, right?

You know he eats his own shit, right? [ laughing ] oh, my god, this is

Right? [ laughing ] oh, my god, this is rich!

[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is rich! I've got like [belches] 10 ricks

Rich! I've got like [belches] 10 ricks to call right now.

www.tvsubtitles.net