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1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,400
- Cynthia...
- Oh, my God! No, no...
2
00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:08,205
- I told you!
- Hold on...
3
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:09,799
Will you please...
4
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,187
Not marry me?
I choose Veronica.
5
00:00:12,188 --> 00:00:13,121
- What?
- Yes!
6
00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:15,290
- Called it.
- Why would he choose Veronica?
7
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,805
Because he loves her.
8
00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:18,344
Well... if it's any
consolation, Summer,
9
00:00:18,345 --> 00:00:20,592
none of it mattered, and
the entire show is stupid.
10
00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:22,055
Okay, I've got an idea, Rick.
11
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,222
You show us your
concept of "good TV",
12
00:00:24,248 --> 00:00:25,889
and we'll crap all over that.
13
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,232
I thought you'd never ask.
14
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,233
Hey!
15
00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:31,584
Oh, cool! Is that
crystallized Zanthonite?
16
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,531
It conducts electrons
across dimensions.
17
00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:36,090
Twenty percent accurate,
as usual, Morty.
18
00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:38,048
The important thing
being I just upgraded
19
00:00:38,049 --> 00:00:41,248
our cable package with programming
from every conceivable reality.
20
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,912
Wait, does that mean we get
Showtime Extreme?
21
00:00:42,913 --> 00:00:45,984
How about Showtime Extreme in a
world where man evolved from corn.
22
00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:47,975
We're not so different.
We're both corn of action.
23
00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:51,178
Yeah. But one of us is...
dead corn!
24
00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,208
- Boring.
- Summer,
25
00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,426
you just spent three months,
watching a man choose a fake wife.
26
00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:58,169
So what? It'd be better if
the people were corn?
27
00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:00,596
Jerry, you don't get it.
This is infinite TV,
28
00:01:00,597 --> 00:01:02,669
from infinite universes.
Look.
29
00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:04,681
This shit is delicious.
30
00:01:04,682 --> 00:01:06,169
A movie about a
guy eating shit.
31
00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:09,199
A violent Antiques Show...
32
00:01:10,463 --> 00:01:12,778
- It's a pleasure to have you.
- The pleasure's all mine.
33
00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:15,204
Letterman from a
time line where Jerry's famous...
34
00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,803
- Wait!
- What in the hell?
35
00:01:16,804 --> 00:01:18,187
I agree.
Where is this going?
36
00:01:18,188 --> 00:01:19,843
No, the other thing!
Go back!
37
00:01:19,844 --> 00:01:21,358
Really?
All right, fine.
38
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:24,726
Glenn, this is a court order.
It says you can't eat shit anymore.
39
00:01:25,601 --> 00:01:28,905
All right, Jerry, when you're right,
you're right. Now I'm hooked.
40
00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:31,961
Rick and Morty S01E08
"Rixty Minutes"
41
00:01:31,962 --> 00:01:36,963
Translated back from Portuguese
by paulo loppes
42
00:01:36,988 --> 00:01:42,988
Corrections by TPBfan
Tweaking by XhmikosR
43
00:01:43,013 --> 00:01:49,013
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:04,430
Coming up next on "Shmloo's the
Shmloss", Shmlony has a nightmare.
45
00:02:04,431 --> 00:02:06,287
Shmlantha, Schmlona!
46
00:02:06,288 --> 00:02:09,749
Amazing. A dimension where all
proper nouns begin with "Schmla".
47
00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:13,764
Schmlove,
Schmlandula, Schmlonathan...
48
00:02:13,765 --> 00:02:16,165
All right, that got... that
actually got old pretty quick.
49
00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:20,636
Rick, would you please
go back to me on David Letterman?
50
00:02:20,637 --> 00:02:23,469
Infinity's a big number, Jerry.
I don't remember the channel.
51
00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,270
- Go back, go back!
- Jeez...
52
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,849
You speak da tru-tru.
53
00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,631
Oh my God!
Dad's in Cloud Atlas!
54
00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:32,241
I'm in Cloud Atlas!
What's Cloud Atlas?
55
00:02:32,242 --> 00:02:36,442
Sometimes small tru-tru
different than da big tru-tru.
56
00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,723
How is this possible?
57
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,801
Infinite time lines,
infinite possibilities.
58
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,108
Including a time line where
Jerry's a movie star.
59
00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:45,328
Look, you guys are getting excited
about the wrong aspect of this device.
60
00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:46,728
Wa... Look at this.
61
00:02:46,729 --> 00:02:49,469
And now, another
Quick Mystery.
62
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:53,046
I just want to know who could've done
something like this. It's a travesty!
63
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:56,190
I did. See this knife and all the blood
on it? Here's my fingerprints.
64
00:02:56,191 --> 00:02:58,071
Guilty! I sentence you
to life in prison.
65
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,962
- Here's another Quick Mystery.
- My mother's dead!
66
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:03,008
And I killed her.
Here's the weapon.
67
00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,887
And cuff me, thank
you very much.
68
00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,551
Guilty!
Sentenced to murder.
69
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,474
- Here's another.
- I'm the killer!
70
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,639
Wow, that one was really
quick, wasn't it?
71
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,491
Now who wants to watch random, crazy
TV shows from different dimensions...
72
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:20,711
and then who wants to narcissistically
obsess about their alternate self?
73
00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,912
- I want to obsess about myself.
- The narcisstic stuff.
74
00:03:23,394 --> 00:03:26,924
Here. These scan your retinas,
and let you view parallel time lines
75
00:03:26,925 --> 00:03:28,956
through genetically matching
versions of your eyes.
76
00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:29,984
Go fetch!
77
00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,505
- Yes! This is so cool!
- Ladies First!
78
00:03:32,061 --> 00:03:33,230
I'm proud of you, Morty.
79
00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:35,291
Hey man, I don't give a
crap about myself, Rick.
80
00:03:35,317 --> 00:03:36,746
Let's watch some
crazy stuff, yo!
81
00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:38,345
I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson,
82
00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:40,486
Here at Ants-in-My-Eyes
Johnson's Electronics.
83
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,585
I mean, there's so
many ants in my eyes!
84
00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:45,769
And there's so many TVs,
microwaves, radios...
85
00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:48,939
I think, I can't... I'm not 100%
sure what we have here in stock,
86
00:03:48,965 --> 00:03:50,839
because I can't see anything.
87
00:03:50,844 --> 00:03:53,459
Our prices I
hope aren't too low!
88
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:56,074
Check out this refrigerator!
Only $200!
89
00:03:56,075 --> 00:03:59,451
What about this microwave?
Only $100! That's fair!
90
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,104
I'm Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson!
91
00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:03,581
Everything's black, I
can't see a thing!
92
00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:06,332
And also I can't feel anything
either, did I mention that?
93
00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:09,285
But that's not as catchy
as having ants in your eyes.
94
00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:11,955
So that always goes, you know,
off by the wayside.
95
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,144
I can't feel.
It's a very rare disease.
96
00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:18,598
All my... All my nerves, they don't
allow for the sensation of touch.
97
00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:21,889
So I never know what's going on.
Am I standing? Sitting? I don't know.
98
00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:24,811
Are we sure we want to do this?
Look at our own alternate lives?
99
00:04:24,812 --> 00:04:28,112
You're right. Maybe we should
just play Yahtzee. Give me those!
100
00:04:29,063 --> 00:04:33,297
- What do you see?
- Whiteness. Pure whiteness.
101
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,310
You're my best friend, Jerry Smith.
I love doing cocaine with you.
102
00:04:38,315 --> 00:04:41,953
Whoa... I love doing cocaine
with you too, Johnny Depp!
103
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:43,993
Haven't we spent enough
time on you?
104
00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:47,282
I'm performing surgery...
105
00:04:47,283 --> 00:04:49,637
but not on a horse,
on a human!
106
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:53,077
That's great, Beth! You always wanted to
be a real surgeon.
107
00:04:53,244 --> 00:04:55,484
I am a real surgeon.
108
00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:57,659
- Ahh... uh... Summer's turn!
- Finally!
109
00:04:59,356 --> 00:05:00,396
I don't see anything.
110
00:05:00,397 --> 00:05:02,409
Well, you should select a
different timeline,
111
00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,357
I mean, if your father and I
achieved our dreams,
112
00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:05,872
there's a chance
you weren't even born.
113
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,008
That came out wrong.
That came out very wrong.
114
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:12,178
Fine, I'll find a world
where you bothered to have me.
115
00:05:15,555 --> 00:05:17,126
We're playing Yahtzee.
116
00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:20,643
- Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee.
- It's a fun game for fun families!
117
00:05:20,644 --> 00:05:22,800
Hey, could I get those
goggles back for a second?
118
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:26,094
It's a 45 horsepower
with anti-lock brakes,
119
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,387
and it's the official car of
Mr. Sneezy 3D.
120
00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,531
It's the brand-new...
Sneezy XL.
121
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,614
The horn when you honk it
makes a sneeze noise.
122
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:40,266
It's polite, it's right,
and it's Sneezy...
123
00:05:40,292 --> 00:05:43,354
Deezy... Mc... Deluxe.
124
00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:45,455
Oh, I'm Mr. Sneezy!
Achoo!
125
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,476
Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions
has a somewhat looser feel to it.
126
00:05:49,477 --> 00:05:52,295
Yeah, it's got an almost
improvisational tone.
127
00:05:52,296 --> 00:05:54,705
It's in theaters now!
Coming this summer:
128
00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:58,854
Two brothers. In a van.
And then a meteor hit.
129
00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:03,166
And they ran as fast as they could...
from giant cat monsters.
130
00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:05,760
And then a giant
tornado came...
131
00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:09,792
and that's when things got
knocked into 12th gear.
132
00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:13,269
A Mexican armada shows up.
133
00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:15,980
With weapons made
from To-...tomatoes.
134
00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:18,828
And you better bet
your bottom dollar...
135
00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,078
that these two brothers know
how to handle business.
136
00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:28,291
In: Alien Invasion Tomato
Monster Mexican Armada Brothers,
137
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:33,492
Who Are Just Regular Brothers, Running
In a van from an Asteroid...
138
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:36,300
and All Sorts of Things... THE MOVIE!
139
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,050
Hold on, there's more!
140
00:06:38,051 --> 00:06:42,038
Old women are coming, and they're also
in the movie, and they're gonna come,
141
00:06:42,039 --> 00:06:45,411
and cross... attack...
these two brothers.
142
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:47,727
But let's get back to
the brothers, because
143
00:06:47,753 --> 00:06:49,739
they're... they
have a strong bond.
144
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:53,435
You don't want to know about it here,
but I'll tell you one thing: The moon...
145
00:06:53,436 --> 00:06:56,182
...it comes crashing into Earth.
And what do you do then?
146
00:06:56,183 --> 00:07:00,076
It's two brothers and...
and th-they're... It's called...
147
00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:03,743
Two brothers... Two brothers!
It's just called Two Brothers.
148
00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:06,341
Holy crap, I am
winning a Nobel Prize.
149
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,025
Come on!
Time's up!
150
00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,098
I'm taming a lion!
151
00:07:10,099 --> 00:07:14,712
No, wait, uh... there are film cameras.
I might be a lion-tamer in a movie.
152
00:07:14,713 --> 00:07:16,583
You get the idea.
I work with lions.
153
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:23,128
Ooh, we're not playing Yahtzee,
we're playing Chutes and Ladders.
154
00:07:23,129 --> 00:07:24,851
It seems like when I exist,
155
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,685
life gets a little more,
I don't know... predictable?
156
00:07:27,686 --> 00:07:30,120
When two people
create a life together,
157
00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:33,120
they set aside their
previous lives as individuals.
158
00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:37,121
Gimme a break! We're not heroes for
having unprotected sex on prom night.
159
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:40,329
Oh, I get it. Now that you know
you could have had it better,
160
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:43,467
you resent me
for holding you back.
161
00:07:43,468 --> 00:07:45,659
Now that we know you think
the tables are turning,
162
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,875
we know you thought
there were unturned tables!
163
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,604
- What are you talking about?
- All this time, you've been thinking,
164
00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:53,475
"What if that loser Jerry hadn't
talked me out of the abortion?"
165
00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,700
Well now you know,
you'd be a doctor.
166
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:56,632
Whoop-dee-doo.
167
00:07:56,638 --> 00:08:00,481
You'd also be drinking wine, alone
in a house full of exotic birds.
168
00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:04,155
And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht,
banging Kristen Stewart!
169
00:08:04,156 --> 00:08:05,615
You thought about
getting an abortion?
170
00:08:05,616 --> 00:08:06,838
Everyone thinks about it.
171
00:08:06,864 --> 00:08:09,429
Obviously, I'm the version
of me that didn't do it.
172
00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:12,290
- So... you're welcome.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
173
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,914
Yeah, thank you guys so much. It's
a real treat to be raised by parents
174
00:08:15,915 --> 00:08:19,242
that force themselves to be together
instead of being happy.
175
00:08:19,243 --> 00:08:20,791
Hey, do we have any
wafer cookies?
176
00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:26,391
Oh, boy. Looks like you guys have been
checking out alternate lives and realizing
177
00:08:26,392 --> 00:08:28,345
you don't have it as good, huh?
That's too bad.
178
00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:30,095
You know, me and Morty
are having a blast,
179
00:08:30,096 --> 00:08:32,425
We just discovered a show
called "Ball Fondlers".
180
00:08:32,426 --> 00:08:34,549
I mean, I don't want to rub
it in or anything,
181
00:08:34,575 --> 00:08:36,738
but you guys clearly backed the
wrong conceptual horse.
182
00:08:49,514 --> 00:08:52,154
- I'm in heaven right now.
- This might be the best day of my life.
183
00:08:52,307 --> 00:08:53,566
So now what do we do?
184
00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:56,036
That show "Ball Fondlers"
sounded kind of interesting.
185
00:08:56,037 --> 00:08:57,306
- Dad!
- What?
186
00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:59,940
They're having fun in there!
What do you guys want from me?
187
00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:03,530
Every family on this block has to
wonder if they're together by choice.
188
00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:05,886
Our family just has
inter-dimensional goggles
189
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,831
to show us for a
fact that we're not.
190
00:09:07,835 --> 00:09:10,515
- We'll I'm leaving!
- You can't leave, you're 17!
191
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,266
Yeah, and I'm not pregnant.
192
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:15,011
I'm gonna have better judgment
than you guys had at my age.
193
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,672
I'm gonna... move to
the southwest and...
194
00:09:17,698 --> 00:09:20,420
I don't know, do something
with turquoise.
195
00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:24,427
It's Saturday Night Live!
196
00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:25,641
Starring...
197
00:09:25,642 --> 00:09:29,772
...a piece of toast!
Two guys, with handle-bar mustaches!
198
00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:32,587
A man painted silver who
makes robot noises!
199
00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:34,454
Gar Manarnar!
200
00:09:34,455 --> 00:09:39,147
Three... uh... uh, uh, uh,
I'll get back to that one...
201
00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:43,048
A hole in the wall, where
the men can see it all...
202
00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:51,055
and returning, for his 25th
consecutive year: Bobby Moynihan!
203
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:54,926
Interesting fun fact, uh, Moynihan
and piece of toast hate each other.
204
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,484
Apparently they've got some real
creative differences.
205
00:09:57,719 --> 00:10:00,992
Hey, are you tired of real doors,
cluttering up your house,
206
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,098
where you open 'em, and
they actually go somewhere?
207
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,219
And you go in another room?
208
00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:05,854
Get on down to
"Real Fake Doors"!
209
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,866
That's us. Fill a whole
room up with 'em.
210
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:11,611
See? Watch, check this out!
Won't open. Won't open.
211
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:15,098
Not this one, not this one.
None of 'em open!
212
00:10:15,124 --> 00:10:16,935
FakeDoors.com is our website,
213
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:22,655
so check it out for a lot of really
great deals on fake doooooooors!
214
00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:32,469
Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
I thought this was a commercial.
215
00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:34,288
- What's going on? I mean...
- Relax, Morty.
216
00:10:34,313 --> 00:10:36,875
Don't worry about it... Let's just...
just see where this goes.
217
00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:40,437
Step on it,
we all got places to be!
218
00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,099
Son of a bitch!
219
00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:47,139
See, that must be where
he lives... OK.
220
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,930
Huh. Making himself a
sandwich now...
221
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,243
Hey everybody!
So this is my house,
222
00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:58,522
I just made a sandwich,
peanut butter and jelly,
223
00:10:58,523 --> 00:11:00,923
still here,
still selling fake doors!
224
00:11:00,924 --> 00:11:03,195
- What?
- Oh, my God! It's still the commercial!
225
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,318
We have fake doors...
like you wouldn't believe!
226
00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,659
What are you worried about?
Come get fake doors.
227
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,986
Call us up, and order some
fake doors today.
228
00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:12,837
Don't even hesitate,
Don't even worry and don't even...
229
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,955
- All right, I'm bored. Change it.
- Wait wait, Rick! Hold on.
230
00:11:14,956 --> 00:11:16,722
Even give it a second thought.
That's our slogan.
231
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,950
See it on the bottom of the screen,
below our name.
232
00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:21,550
Here's another slogan,
right below that one.
233
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,866
What are you worried about?
Come get fake doors
234
00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:26,201
Get in here quick,
get out quicker,
235
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,002
with an arm of fake
doors in you arms.
236
00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,396
Okay, okay, you can change it.
237
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,797
Don't even worry about it...
238
00:11:31,532 --> 00:11:33,488
I hate Mumunmunundsdays.
239
00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:36,083
And I really could go
for some enchiladas.
240
00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:37,927
Hey Rick, that's pretty cool!
241
00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:40,720
It's just like Garfield, only
instead, it's Gazorpazorpfield.
242
00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:42,464
Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp
where uh...
243
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,655
where those Sex robots
came from, remember?
244
00:11:44,656 --> 00:11:45,706
That whole thing?
245
00:11:45,732 --> 00:11:48,856
Yeah... hey, that's pretty, pretty...
that's true.
246
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:49,675
That's right!
247
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:52,119
Yeah. Let's watch some
more Gazorpazorpfield!
248
00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:54,091
Hey Jon, it's me,
Gazorpazorpfield.
249
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:58,398
Boy. [BLEEP] you, Jon.
You [BLEEP] dumb, stupid, idiot.
250
00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,202
Come on, Gazorpazorpfield,
go easy on me, huh?
251
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:08,203
You dumb, stupid, weak,
pathetic, white, white... uh, uh...
252
00:12:08,536 --> 00:12:14,161
...guilt, white guilt,
milquetoast piece of human garbage.
253
00:12:14,162 --> 00:12:16,121
Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield,
thats, you know...
254
00:12:16,122 --> 00:12:18,197
you're pretty mean to me,
but that takes the cake.
255
00:12:18,198 --> 00:12:22,111
I don't give a [BLEEP]!
I'm Gazorpazorp-[BLEEP]-field, bitch!
256
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,405
Now give me my
[BLEEP] enchiladas!
257
00:12:24,406 --> 00:12:26,942
Hey, Rick, you know, did they
use Bill Murray for this?
258
00:12:26,968 --> 00:12:28,346
Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
259
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,886
No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music.
In this reality, he's still alive.
260
00:12:31,887 --> 00:12:33,581
Oh, okay, was his
name Lorenzo Music?
261
00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:34,593
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
262
00:12:34,619 --> 00:12:37,047
He also did that voice of that
one guy from Ghostbusters.
263
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,257
Which is really strange,
because it's the same character
264
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:40,703
Bill Murray played
in the movie.
265
00:12:40,704 --> 00:12:41,754
But then, when they
made the movie...
266
00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:45,002
Bill Murray did the voice of
Gazorpazorp... or Garfield, I mean.
267
00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,682
Yeah, that's pretty cool, Rick. So all
that happened in this reality too?
268
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:50,439
I don't know. Just making
conversation with you, Morty.
269
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,640
What do you think? I-I-I-I
know everything about everything?
270
00:12:54,157 --> 00:12:56,522
Did you really talk me
out of the abortion?
271
00:12:56,523 --> 00:12:59,181
Well, we... we blew a tire
on the way to the clinic.
272
00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:03,029
I think, in my head,
I was doing it all for the kids.
273
00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:07,174
And now the first kid is going to
do something with turquoise.
274
00:13:07,175 --> 00:13:10,050
What is either code for crystal meth,
or a gateway to it.
275
00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:12,045
So we didn't do the kids
any favors.
276
00:13:12,046 --> 00:13:17,335
So, we should stay together for each
other and ourselves, or...
277
00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:18,761
Or?
278
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,283
Man. Woman.
And now trunk men?
279
00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:25,722
We know science has created
men that have a trunk
280
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,604
that allows them to have sex with
both male and female partners.
281
00:13:28,605 --> 00:13:31,547
But we don't like the idea
of these people getting married.
282
00:13:31,548 --> 00:13:33,999
Put a line in the sand
everybody--, people!
283
00:13:34,025 --> 00:13:36,113
Vote no on proposition XW2.
284
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:37,932
The act that says
that gay... uh... trunk
285
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,864
people can get married.
Who needs it?
286
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:40,995
Not on my watch!
287
00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:43,762
Paid for by Michael Dennys
and The Denny Singers.
288
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,448
Hi, I'm a trunk person.
And I want...
289
00:13:47,474 --> 00:13:50,115
I-I feel love in my heart, too,
just like you.
290
00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:53,563
I want to be able to express
that love, with both a man and a woman.
291
00:13:53,564 --> 00:13:55,129
And I won't be able to...
292
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,611
If Denny and The Denny Singers
get their way.
293
00:13:57,612 --> 00:14:00,211
Hey, let the trunk people
have sex and get married, huh?
294
00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:02,219
Paid for by...
Trunk People.
295
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,100
Oh, I love me
Strawberry Smiggles!
296
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,930
Ooh, I hope nobody ever
gets my hands on me,
297
00:14:07,956 --> 00:14:10,369
and tries to steal my
Strawberry Smiggles.
298
00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:12,451
I'm going to eat every last
one of them, because...
299
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,852
and then they'll
be in my stomach,
300
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,766
and nobody will ever be able
to eat them.
301
00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,804
Except for me, because they're
going to be all inside my stomach.
302
00:14:19,047 --> 00:14:22,949
I'm... my name is Mister...
Top Hat Jones,
303
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:26,799
and God forbid anyone ever take
my sniggy, little pig-dul... smiggles.
304
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,645
I'm keeping 'em all for me.
305
00:14:29,714 --> 00:14:31,129
Last bite.
306
00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:34,498
Oh, now they are all resting
comfortably in my stomach.
307
00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:35,600
Ooh, am I feeling good.
308
00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,072
No!
Get away from me!
309
00:14:37,073 --> 00:14:39,762
Get away from me and
my Strawberry Smiggles! No!
310
00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:44,163
Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ!
311
00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:46,210
It hurts!
My entrails are out!
312
00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:48,236
Why would you even
want to eat these?
313
00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:50,477
They're soaked with
my stomach acid!
314
00:14:50,503 --> 00:14:53,989
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Lord and savior and spirit!
315
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:56,024
Save me!
Take me to the light!
316
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:59,475
Oh, my God, I see Demons!
I see demons are coming!
317
00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:01,201
Jeez, Rick. Oh my god!
318
00:15:01,226 --> 00:15:04,260
That's some pretty hardcore stuff,
you know, for a cereal commercial.
319
00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:07,037
Well, you know, Morty, I mean,
you want to sell boxes of cereal,
320
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,296
you gotta, you gotta,
pump the gas a little.
321
00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:10,696
Pedal to the metal, Morty.
322
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:15,576
In a world, where muscular mannies,
are coming, and they're coming strong,
323
00:15:15,577 --> 00:15:19,545
there's only three...
unmuscular... Michaels.
324
00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,404
Get down!
Hurry, run!
325
00:15:23,347 --> 00:15:28,133
And that's when real
turbulent juice is coming,
326
00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:30,034
and you gotta take care of it.
327
00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:33,051
With turbulent juice,
Turmulent tables.
328
00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:38,136
No room is safe from the
turbulent power of turbulent juice.
329
00:15:38,778 --> 00:15:41,258
- What in the hell?
- Sex sells, Morty.
330
00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:45,507
Sex sells what? Was that a movie,
or like, does it clean stuff?
331
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,891
Hey, Dad.
W-w-what's going on?
332
00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:50,726
Oh, your mother and I are going to
be spending some time apart, Morty.
333
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:53,550
And your sister found out
she was an unwanted pregnancy.
334
00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:54,422
W-w-w-what?
335
00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:59,373
Speaking of "w-w-what", Morty...
W-w-what should we watch next?
336
00:15:59,399 --> 00:16:01,199
What about this?
337
00:16:01,275 --> 00:16:03,296
Baby Legs,
you're a good detective...
338
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,999
but not good enough,
because of your baby legs.
339
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,613
So I'm partnering you up
with Regular Legs.
340
00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:10,334
- Hey there.
- Detective, I'm...
341
00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:12,751
this is upsetting to
me, because I feel
342
00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,503
like I don't need no
regular-leg partner.
343
00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:16,338
Baby Legs,
don't talk back to me.
344
00:16:16,339 --> 00:16:18,597
Good luck you two, there's
a criminal to kill.
345
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,798
Wow, you sure found
this guy quick!
346
00:16:21,799 --> 00:16:23,913
Uh, yeah, because I'm
a good detective.
347
00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:25,591
Look, Baby Legs,
it's the criminal!
348
00:16:25,592 --> 00:16:28,156
[BLEEP], I'm the killer.
I'm running, running real quick...
349
00:16:28,157 --> 00:16:30,929
Baby Legs, here we go!
350
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,684
That's the sound I make,
when I'm trying to run fast.
351
00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:38,420
All right, I'm not
going to get him.
352
00:16:38,446 --> 00:16:40,511
I'm, I-I just learned a
real valuable lesson.
353
00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:43,914
I'm coming, Baby Legs!
I'm... Regular Legs!
354
00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:47,156
- We got him!
- Hey, that was good team work.
355
00:16:47,157 --> 00:16:48,995
Baby Legs, and Regular Legs,
356
00:16:49,021 --> 00:16:51,701
I'm proud of you two for working
together, and Baby Legs,
357
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:55,218
I know it was hard for you to come to
the conclusion that you need a partner.
358
00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:58,056
- But I'm proud of you that you did it.
- Hey thanks, chief!
359
00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,566
Now get the [BLEEP] out of here!
360
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,667
Pretty cool, huh, Morty?
Oh.
361
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,056
Uh, I thought it was cool.
362
00:17:03,057 --> 00:17:05,307
I don't give a [BLEEP]
what you think, Jerry.
363
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,553
Hey, uh...
Y-Y-Y-You doin' okay?
364
00:17:13,754 --> 00:17:15,167
I-I-I kind of know how
you feel, Summer.
365
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,004
No, you don't.
You're the little brother.
366
00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:18,796
You're not the cause of
your parents' misery.
367
00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:19,950
You're just a symptom of it.
368
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,449
- Can I show you something?
- Morty, no offense,
369
00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:25,317
but a drawing of me you made
when you were 8
370
00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:27,132
isn't gonna make make me feel
like less of an accident.
371
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:30,093
That, out there?
That's my grave.
372
00:17:30,738 --> 00:17:31,906
Wait, what?
373
00:17:31,907 --> 00:17:35,922
On one of our adventures, Rick and I
basically destroyed the whole world.
374
00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:38,706
So we bailed on that reality,
and we came to this one.
375
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:41,185
Because in this one, the
world wasn't destroyed.
376
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,011
And in this one, we were dead.
377
00:17:43,012 --> 00:17:46,923
So we came here, a-a-and we buried
ourselves, and we took their place.
378
00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:50,002
And every morning, Summer,
I eat breakfast,
379
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,944
20 yards away from my
own rotting corpse.
380
00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:55,122
So, you're not my brother?
381
00:17:55,123 --> 00:17:57,677
I'm better than your brother.
I'm a version of your brother
382
00:17:57,678 --> 00:17:59,771
you can trust when he says,
"Don't run".
383
00:17:59,772 --> 00:18:03,237
Nobody exists on purpose,
nobody belongs anywhere...
384
00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:06,538
...everybody's gonna die.
Come watch TV.
385
00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:13,529
Mrs. Sullivan always planned
to leave everything to her cats.
386
00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:17,014
But sometimes, plans need
a helping paw.
387
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,320
What are the kitties to do, but
buckle together and work as a team.
388
00:18:23,321 --> 00:18:26,233
Mrs. Sullivan, I, uh... please
forgive me for being forward.
389
00:18:26,234 --> 00:18:28,292
But your eyes are so beautiful!
390
00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:31,273
Wait, this is an actual movie?
391
00:18:31,274 --> 00:18:34,097
This fall... sparks will fly!
392
00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,918
Mrs... Oh... Sullivan...
393
00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,568
Between one guy, who
can't get a break...
394
00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:42,915
There's something about you,
Mrs. Sullivan.
395
00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:45,959
...and 9 cats who
break all the rules.
396
00:18:47,021 --> 00:18:51,202
Last Will and Testa-meow:
Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House 2.
397
00:18:51,203 --> 00:18:53,357
Well, somebody in Hollywood
just lost their job.
398
00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,926
Written and
directed by Jerry Smith.
399
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,273
I wrote and directed that?
What am I, nuts?
400
00:18:58,274 --> 00:19:01,816
Hey Morty, you just missed a preview
for your Dad's "Citizen Kane".
401
00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:02,829
Doesn't matter.
402
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,706
Hey, if your, uh, mother
and I had to split custody...
403
00:19:05,707 --> 00:19:07,998
- ...who would you guys choose?
- Doesn't matter.
404
00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:11,147
Breaking News: Academy
Award-winning actor Jerry Smith
405
00:19:11,173 --> 00:19:13,636
is leading police
on a slow-speed pursuit
406
00:19:13,637 --> 00:19:16,106
after suffering an
apparent breakdown.
407
00:19:16,107 --> 00:19:18,045
- Don't even think about it.
- Come on, Jer-
408
00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:19,294
Are you kidding me, Jerry?
409
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,263
It's just a bunch of
dumb tabloid crap.
410
00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:23,669
It's my life,
and we're watching it.
411
00:19:25,246 --> 00:19:28,791
You did it, Beth.
You really nailed it.
412
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:33,433
You're a surgeon.
A human surgeon.
413
00:19:33,459 --> 00:19:35,431
Yay... you win.
414
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,805
Where the hell am I going?
415
00:19:38,298 --> 00:19:40,109
What are you asking
me for Jerry?
416
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,134
I'm sitting here
trying to figure out
417
00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:44,075
why the cops don't
just take you out.
418
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:45,913
They got a clear
shot to your head.
419
00:19:45,914 --> 00:19:48,278
I can't believe our tax
dollars pay for this.
420
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,224
Jerry?
Jerry Smith?
421
00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:03,214
Beth Sanchez, I have been
in love with you since high school.
422
00:20:03,215 --> 00:20:06,520
I hate acting, I hate cocaine,
I hate Kristen Stewart.
423
00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:08,265
I wish you hadn't gotten
that abortion,
424
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:11,067
and I never stopped thinking
about what might've been.
425
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,052
Hey, Ball Fondlers?
Huh? Ball Fondlers?
426
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:43,813
- Yeah, I could go for some Ball Fondlers.
- Yeah, Ball Fondlers.
427
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,113
Ha-ha, Hamster-in-Butt-World
Weather is done,
428
00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:22,569
and now it's sports time,
coming up.
429
00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,452
- Oh, hello there!
- Good day to you, Miss.
430
00:21:24,453 --> 00:21:27,583
So the hamsters live inside
the rectums of those people?
431
00:21:27,584 --> 00:21:29,581
Yeah, sweetie, that's
where they live.
432
00:21:29,607 --> 00:21:31,118
Well, how does that work?
433
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,319
I mean, do the butts look like little
apartments inside?
434
00:21:33,342 --> 00:21:36,158
Yeah! And can they like, leave the butt,
and walk around on their own?
435
00:21:36,159 --> 00:21:38,815
Look, I don't know! I'm watching
the same thing you guys are.
436
00:21:38,816 --> 00:21:42,195
Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt,
and the person wanders off...
437
00:21:42,196 --> 00:21:44,246
How would they find their butt
person again?
438
00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:46,525
I don't know, Summer! I can't even
hear the TV!
439
00:21:46,526 --> 00:21:48,210
All right, that's it. We're
just gonna go there,
440
00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:50,626
so you idiots can ask your
stupid questions all day.
441
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,832
Ooh! Family vacation!
442
00:21:56,757 --> 00:22:01,758
Translated back from Portuguese
by paulo loppes
443
00:22:01,783 --> 00:22:07,783
Corrections by TPBfan
Tweaking by XhmikosR
444
00:22:07,808 --> 00:22:13,808
www.addic7ed.com
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