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1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,135
How we doin'?
2
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:05,304
It's the most stressful day of the year
3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,672
for Claire...
4
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:07,740
our anniversary.
5
00:00:07,809 --> 00:00:10,242
She tends to leave her gift shopping
till the last minute,
6
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,877
and the pressure can really get to her.
7
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:13,445
I'm great.
8
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,882
Huh.
9
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:19,018
- Oh, did you forget it's our...
- No.
10
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,519
Happy Anniversary.
11
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:22,655
You're strangely calm.
12
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,590
Is this the legendary
realm beyond madness?
13
00:00:24,659 --> 00:00:26,659
I already got your gift.
14
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,194
And I nailed it.
15
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,595
I even stayed below the $100 limit.
16
00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:32,198
- You?
- Oh, you'll be quite pleased.
17
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,999
Once I find something.
18
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,635
This time I left my shopping
till the last minute,
19
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,038
maybe just to give Claire
a chance at our competition.
20
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,739
Am I too competitive?
21
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,908
I mean, she does often say,
22
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,212
"Phil, do you always
have to finish first?"
23
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,848
Joe, I'm coming for you.
24
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,150
Hey, have you guys seen Joe?
25
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,052
Aw, man!
26
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,387
You found me so easy.
27
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,156
But that was for fun.
28
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,557
Hide and seek?
29
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,025
What am I, 4?
30
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,229
I'm here because Luke has
the new zombie video game
31
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,064
that my mom would never let me play.
32
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:08,133
So... what else? What else?
33
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,069
Hey, didn't you get a new video game?
34
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,804
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!
35
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:13,606
- Did you see her yesterday?
- No, why?
36
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,074
That's what she says when she realizes
37
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,508
she just slept through an entire day.
38
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,943
So, my boss went away for the weekend,
39
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:19,511
and I realized I left my phone
at her house.
40
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,680
There's a doggy door,
but then I would have to find a dog,
41
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,083
somehow learn how train it
to go inside, and then find it.
42
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:26,118
- And I don't know where to get a...
- Honey...
43
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,493
Oh my God, duh. [CHUCKLES]
44
00:01:28,528 --> 00:01:31,123
Joe, you have a dog.
45
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,858
Come on. [CHUCKLES]
46
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,360
[SIGHS]
47
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:45,434
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:47,476 --> 00:01:49,342
[BOTH LAUGH]
49
00:01:49,411 --> 00:01:51,877
Now see, this is when
entertainment was classy.
50
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,479
Max Feldman wore a tux,
51
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,281
the audience smoked cigars.
52
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:58,217
And his act is as fresh today
as it was in the '70s.
53
00:01:58,286 --> 00:01:59,685
MAX FELDMAN: What are you, an Eskimo?
54
00:01:59,754 --> 00:02:01,020
You got 50 words for "snow,"
55
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,489
but apparently none for "toothbrush."
56
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:04,857
[BOTH LAUGHING]
57
00:02:04,926 --> 00:02:07,993
I don't understand
why you guys like that man.
58
00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:09,062
He's a bully.
59
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,297
See, this is why we're not bringing you
to his show tonight.
60
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,531
You don't get the jokes,
61
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,933
you ask questions the whole time...
62
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,301
It ruins the experience.
63
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,835
I understand funny jokes.
64
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,737
This is not funny. This is mean.
65
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,072
He just told that guy
66
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:22,942
that he looked like
a beef jerky wearing a tuxedo.
67
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,511
And that guy was Ronald Reagan
and he loved it!
68
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,346
I hope Feldman zetzes me tonight.
69
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,648
- Is that why you're wearing that shirt?
- Huh? No.
70
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,884
Anyways, I'm gonna go
and run some errands.
71
00:02:31,953 --> 00:02:33,619
If Jorge arrives before I'm back,
72
00:02:33,688 --> 00:02:35,587
please don't bore him with this stuff.
73
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,557
Jorge was this steamy Latin musician
your mother used to date.
74
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,759
Apparently she feels
she has to invite him here,
75
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,394
instead of just thinking about him
76
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,430
while she pages through
a high-school yearbook
77
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,232
on her third Scotch
like a normal person.
78
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,600
Jay, don't be jealous.
79
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,969
It was 20 years ago,
80
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,271
and I only dated him for six months.
81
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,573
And we never had what you and I have.
82
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,591
Well, that's nice to hear.
83
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,709
It was only physical.
84
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,679
Manny...
85
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,548
you're gonna learn something today.
86
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,249
I try to learn something every day.
87
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,919
It keeps me young,
or nuori, as they say in Finnish.
88
00:03:06,988 --> 00:03:08,988
Assuming you stop
saying stuff like that,
89
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,489
one day you will be married,
90
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,291
and eventually the ex will show up
91
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,459
sniffing around,
92
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,728
puffing out his pretty-boy chest,
93
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,596
which is your cue to go alpha.
94
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:18,998
Don't you think Mom will get annoyed
95
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,699
when she sees you being rude
to an old friend?
96
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:21,800
Not at all.
97
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,502
Deep down, she wants to see me vanquish
98
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:24,636
all who came before.
99
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,238
It's basic animal stuff.
100
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,906
Oh, I get it.
101
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,009
My girlfriend Karen
was pretty frisky the other night
102
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,677
after her ex showed up,
and I bested him
103
00:03:31,746 --> 00:03:33,645
in a chocolate-souffl� bake-off.
104
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,913
I don't need to tell you
105
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,815
my souffl� wasn't
the only sweet brown dish
106
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,150
she devoured that night.
107
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,886
- Because...?
- I also made molasses cookies.
108
00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:43,455
I've learned to ask the second question.
109
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,791
I don't even remember
what the fight was about.
110
00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:48,160
Uh-huh. Then why does your teacher
want to have a chat with us?
111
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,895
- Maybe she has trouble meeting people.
- Ah.
112
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,096
Hey.
113
00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:52,631
Oh, that is a... that's bold.
114
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,966
- It's too young, isn't it?
- No!
115
00:03:54,035 --> 00:03:55,267
[ALARM BEEPING]
116
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,368
Oh god, these things
have lie detectors now.
117
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,536
Sir, please give me your bag.
118
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,438
Oh...we... well, the cashier probably
119
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,740
just forgot to take
a security tag off of the...
120
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,043
Where did that come from?
121
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,611
Possible 488.
122
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,479
No. I wouldn't steal a bra!
123
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,214
I don't wear bras!
124
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:10,649
Oh. Well, maybe once.
125
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,684
Our friend Pepper had
a "Turning 50 is a Drag" party.
126
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,219
[CHUCKLING] Yeah,
he's had five of those.
127
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,354
- So...
- Sir, please come with me.
128
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,589
No... No, no, no, no, no.
Mitchell, call a lawyer!
129
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:18,658
I'm a lawyer.
130
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,793
Yeah, but you've lost more suits
than a Men's Wearhouse in a tornado.
131
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,227
April Fool's!
132
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,962
They thought you were a shoplifter!
133
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,065
Burn!
134
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,067
A fight at school,
and now a shoplifting prank?
135
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,435
If you wanted to rebel,
136
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,370
why don't you just put
a pink streak in your hair?
137
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:32,638
I told you, I don't want one.
138
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:33,872
But you would look so cute.
139
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,127
Okay, well, whatever this phase is,
I'm not a fan.
140
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:38,022
I blame us.
We've been far too permissive.
141
00:04:38,047 --> 00:04:40,813
Agreed. You are grounded
for one month, Missy!
142
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,214
[HUSHED VOICE] We got
the Cirque du Soleil tickets.
143
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,549
- Except for Cirque du Soleil!
- And the Disneyland trip.
144
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,906
And for Disneyland!
But you are not going to
145
00:04:45,931 --> 00:04:47,701
Christina's slumber party tonight
no matter how much...
146
00:04:47,726 --> 00:04:49,588
- We have reservations at Cactus.
- Okay, Christina's slumber party
147
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:50,823
is the last one for a while.
148
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,391
[NORMAL VOICE] Right. That's right.
149
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,594
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
150
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,496
[CHUCKLING]
151
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:58,964
PHIL: Scented candles.
152
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:00,466
[LAUGHS]
153
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,501
The simpleton's choice.
154
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:06,205
The perfect gift has three elements...
not something you'd buy for yourself,
155
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:09,408
takes you on an emotional journey,
that journey is on a ship...
156
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,243
A showmanship.
157
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,811
Mm.
158
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,680
I mean, finding a gift
that has all three is challenging,
159
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,182
but here's the thing.
Bad ideas aren't your enemy.
160
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,118
In fact, sometimes if you free-associate
161
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,653
from the bad ideas,
you discover great ones.
162
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,288
Let's try it.
163
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,324
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Sir, would you like a bonsai tree?
164
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:26,458
Novelty key chain.
165
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,993
First thing that popped into the noodle.
166
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:30,229
It's terrible.
Let's see what that key unlocks.
167
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:33,232
Novelty key chain. Novelty lock.
168
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,434
Loch Ness Monster. Monster bike.
169
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,504
Bike lock. Padlock.
Mouse pad. Novelty mouse pad!
170
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,640
Novelty key chain!
What... just... happened?
171
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,543
It was like my muse just disappeared.
172
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,111
And she wasn't coming back.
173
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,447
Soap?! She's not your grandma, Phil!
174
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,716
If I don't care that it
mops, dusts, squeegees,
175
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:51,850
and lights up,
176
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,385
would I care that Stacey Keach says
177
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,220
it's the last cleaning tool
you'll ever need?
178
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,558
Box of chocolates.
179
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,660
Count Chocula.
180
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:04,830
Chaka Khan, conman, Isle of Man.
181
00:06:04,899 --> 00:06:06,698
"I Love Lucy," Lucy Liu.
182
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,901
Lululemon, lemon peel.
183
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,602
"Key & Peele," key chain!
184
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,004
Novelty key chain?!
185
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,506
No! No!
186
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:19,249
- JOE: Laundry, right?
- Oh, it never ends.
187
00:06:19,318 --> 00:06:20,817
I heard that.
188
00:06:20,886 --> 00:06:23,353
- Happy Anniversary, by the way.
- Thank you.
189
00:06:23,422 --> 00:06:25,088
Did you get anything special for Phil?
190
00:06:25,157 --> 00:06:26,556
Kid's smooth like butter.
191
00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:28,225
Just like I coached him.
192
00:06:28,293 --> 00:06:30,127
I am very excited
about the present I got for Phil.
193
00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:31,394
Come on over here. Come on closer.
194
00:06:31,463 --> 00:06:32,596
But you have to promise
195
00:06:32,664 --> 00:06:34,297
that you are not gonna tell anybody.
196
00:06:34,366 --> 00:06:35,565
Talk to papa.
197
00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:38,702
I don't want anybody else
to hear what it is.
198
00:06:38,771 --> 00:06:40,437
It's a really good secret.
199
00:06:40,506 --> 00:06:41,805
And the present is...
200
00:06:41,874 --> 00:06:42,973
- [AIR HORN BLOWS]
- Ow!
201
00:06:43,041 --> 00:06:44,741
Why would you do that?!
202
00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:47,210
My ears are still developing!
203
00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,012
- CLAIRE: Nice try, Phil.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
204
00:06:49,081 --> 00:06:50,280
That's so funny!
205
00:06:50,349 --> 00:06:51,882
Oh. Hey, honey. How are you?
206
00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:53,216
- [CELL PHONE RINGING]
- I'm so sorry. I have to take this.
207
00:06:53,285 --> 00:06:54,951
- Oh, boy.
- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]
208
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,653
Hello, Robert...
209
00:06:56,722 --> 00:06:58,388
Not too much. How are you?
210
00:06:58,457 --> 00:07:00,791
There are a lot of ways
you can establish status
211
00:07:00,859 --> 00:07:02,526
over another man, like Jorge.
212
00:07:02,594 --> 00:07:03,794
A firm handshake...
213
00:07:05,063 --> 00:07:06,930
...displays of wealth...
214
00:07:06,999 --> 00:07:08,865
and feats of strength.
215
00:07:08,934 --> 00:07:10,600
[GRUNTS]
216
00:07:10,669 --> 00:07:12,836
Interesting. Moving that rug
217
00:07:12,905 --> 00:07:14,004
was the hardest thing
in the world for you
218
00:07:14,072 --> 00:07:15,272
when I needed to practice tap dancing.
219
00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,808
There are also more subtle moves,
220
00:07:17,876 --> 00:07:20,177
what I call micro-aggressions.
221
00:07:20,245 --> 00:07:21,444
Call him by the wrong name.
222
00:07:21,513 --> 00:07:22,646
[DOORBELL RINGS]
223
00:07:22,714 --> 00:07:24,648
Throws him off the moment he meets you.
224
00:07:24,716 --> 00:07:26,583
You must be Huevos!
225
00:07:26,652 --> 00:07:28,385
Jay! Pleasure.
226
00:07:28,453 --> 00:07:29,553
Jorge de la Selva.
227
00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:30,754
In English, it's George of the Jungle,
228
00:07:30,823 --> 00:07:32,422
so I stick with Spanish.
229
00:07:32,491 --> 00:07:34,658
- Hey, who's got the great taste?
- That would be me!
230
00:07:34,726 --> 00:07:35,926
[CHUCKLES] Nice!
231
00:07:35,994 --> 00:07:37,594
Uh, hello...
232
00:07:37,663 --> 00:07:41,398
So, you and Gloria... you used to, uh...
233
00:07:41,466 --> 00:07:42,899
Yep.
234
00:07:42,968 --> 00:07:44,467
[EXHALES]
235
00:07:44,536 --> 00:07:46,937
Hey, so he was a little more handsome
236
00:07:47,005 --> 00:07:48,238
than you were expecting,
237
00:07:48,307 --> 00:07:50,440
but pull yourself together, man.
238
00:07:50,509 --> 00:07:53,376
Now, fights are very common
at Lily's age.
239
00:07:53,445 --> 00:07:54,744
I mean, so many parents ask me,
240
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:56,379
"What happened to my sweet little kid,"
241
00:07:56,448 --> 00:07:58,248
and I say, "that's puberty."
242
00:07:58,317 --> 00:07:59,516
Puberty?
243
00:07:59,585 --> 00:08:00,750
Well, Lily's a little young
for that, so...
244
00:08:00,819 --> 00:08:03,220
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What is this? The inner ear?
245
00:08:03,288 --> 00:08:05,455
That is the female reproductive system.
246
00:08:05,524 --> 00:08:06,623
- Oh.
- Cam.
247
00:08:06,692 --> 00:08:08,592
Oops. Heh. I dropped the, uh...
248
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:09,993
I want to say egg chute,
249
00:08:10,062 --> 00:08:12,195
but I know it's probably
something more Latin-y.
250
00:08:12,264 --> 00:08:13,496
It can be a challenge
251
00:08:13,565 --> 00:08:15,632
when a child enters into adolescence,
252
00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:16,800
so I was thinking...
253
00:08:16,869 --> 00:08:18,235
does Lily have any aunts
254
00:08:18,303 --> 00:08:20,503
or any other female figures in her life?
255
00:08:20,572 --> 00:08:21,605
Yes, why?
256
00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:22,873
Well, she might want to talk to a woman
257
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:23,907
about what she's going through.
258
00:08:23,976 --> 00:08:26,076
Okay. I see.
So meaning, as a gay couple,
259
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:28,678
we're not up to the task
of raising a daughter on our own.
260
00:08:28,747 --> 00:08:29,779
- No...
- Okay.
261
00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:30,947
[WHISPERING] Mitchell, I'm stuck.
262
00:08:31,016 --> 00:08:33,183
I'm just saying that
Lily may be self-conscious
263
00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:35,151
talking to men... even her dads...
264
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:38,188
about certain female body issues.
265
00:08:39,658 --> 00:08:41,424
Did she tell you
what the fight was about?
266
00:08:41,493 --> 00:08:44,361
- Yes. Obviously.
- Yes, we are a very open family.
267
00:08:44,429 --> 00:08:46,963
It's not like we wouldn't
just not follow up.
268
00:08:47,032 --> 00:08:48,064
And what did she tell you?
269
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:50,033
- Uh, that... a boy..?
- A...
270
00:08:50,102 --> 00:08:51,102
- No.
- Girl.
271
00:08:51,169 --> 00:08:52,402
A girl tried to snap Lily's...
272
00:08:52,471 --> 00:08:53,870
- Finger!
- Bra.
273
00:08:53,939 --> 00:08:56,006
- But Lily doesn't have a bra.
- Exactly.
274
00:08:56,074 --> 00:08:57,474
And now she's getting teased,
275
00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,709
because unlike the other girls,
she doesn't have a...
276
00:08:59,778 --> 00:09:02,412
- Oh, just say it. A mom.
- A bra.
277
00:09:02,481 --> 00:09:03,513
- Oh.
- Okay, so...
278
00:09:03,581 --> 00:09:06,082
Oh, that wasn't a joke when she
stuffed that bra in your bag.
279
00:09:06,151 --> 00:09:08,218
She wants one. She's just...
280
00:09:08,287 --> 00:09:09,586
she was too embarrassed
to ask for it.
281
00:09:09,655 --> 00:09:10,687
[EXHALES]
282
00:09:10,696 --> 00:09:11,855
Oh, boy.
283
00:09:11,924 --> 00:09:13,323
You don't think this is gon...
gonna come up
284
00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:14,858
at the slumber party, do you?
285
00:09:14,927 --> 00:09:16,559
Not Christina S's slumber party?
286
00:09:16,628 --> 00:09:17,861
- Yes.
- Oh, God.
287
00:09:17,930 --> 00:09:21,031
She single handedly sent
our lunch lady back to rehab.
288
00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:22,966
I would strongly consider
bringing Lily...
289
00:09:23,035 --> 00:09:24,334
Thank you, we got it.
290
00:09:24,403 --> 00:09:25,568
Mm.
291
00:09:25,637 --> 00:09:26,770
Obviously you were gonna say
292
00:09:26,838 --> 00:09:29,673
we should bring Lily... home?
293
00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:32,175
Actually, I was going to say
bring Lily a training...bra.
294
00:09:32,244 --> 00:09:34,010
- Training bra!
- A train set! Bra.
295
00:09:34,079 --> 00:09:36,212
See? We all said training bra
at the same time.
296
00:09:39,151 --> 00:09:41,418
Oh, wow. This crema is incredible.
297
00:09:41,486 --> 00:09:43,787
The secret is Amore beans
from Guatemala.
298
00:09:43,855 --> 00:09:45,155
Low-acid, shade-grown,
299
00:09:45,223 --> 00:09:47,891
individually massaged
by an order of hill nuns.
300
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,427
Oh, I'm very familiar
with the Amore bean.
301
00:09:50,495 --> 00:09:51,528
[HUSHED VOICE]
I get why you have trouble
302
00:09:51,595 --> 00:09:52,595
vanquishing this guy.
303
00:09:52,664 --> 00:09:55,065
He's perfect. So, Jorge, um,
304
00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:57,901
you were Gloria's boyfriend
right before Javier?
305
00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:59,602
Yeah, and a little during, you know?
306
00:09:59,671 --> 00:10:01,204
She kinda bounced around
between the two of us.
307
00:10:01,273 --> 00:10:03,239
Um, where is she anyway?
308
00:10:03,308 --> 00:10:04,774
I got to be at a Dodger game in an hour.
309
00:10:04,843 --> 00:10:06,309
Oh, you like sports?
310
00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:07,811
That's fantastic!
311
00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:10,380
I tried to get this one into baseball.
No go.
312
00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:12,349
Actually, I hate baseball.
313
00:10:12,417 --> 00:10:13,783
I'm here to sing the national anthem.
314
00:10:13,852 --> 00:10:15,418
I'm an opera singer.
315
00:10:15,487 --> 00:10:17,087
I just finished two months at La Scala.
316
00:10:17,155 --> 00:10:19,289
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- The house that Toscanini built?!
317
00:10:19,358 --> 00:10:20,790
Yeah, well, it's been rebuilt
a few times.
318
00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:22,892
You know, a bunch of opera
singers prancing around.
319
00:10:22,961 --> 00:10:24,627
It, uh, takes its toll
on the foundation.
320
00:10:24,696 --> 00:10:26,196
- Yeah.
- ALEX: Hey.
321
00:10:26,264 --> 00:10:28,231
I'm here to pick up Mom's old boombox
from storage?
322
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,666
She needs it for...
323
00:10:31,303 --> 00:10:33,269
How many Mannys do you see
through these things?
324
00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:35,205
JAY: That's Gloria's ex-boyfriend.
325
00:10:35,273 --> 00:10:36,706
Wait, how far ex?
326
00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:39,242
Roughly 20 years.
327
00:10:39,311 --> 00:10:40,510
Oh, my God.
328
00:10:40,579 --> 00:10:42,012
Is... Is it possible?
What does Gloria say?
329
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,313
She hasn't even seen him yet.
330
00:10:43,382 --> 00:10:44,481
The odd bit is,
331
00:10:44,549 --> 00:10:46,116
these two clones
don't see the resemblance.
332
00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:48,618
Maybe she won't either?
I'm not gonna force it on her.
333
00:10:48,687 --> 00:10:50,053
I mean, it's no easy thing to say
334
00:10:50,122 --> 00:10:51,588
"Is there a chance you're so dumb
335
00:10:51,656 --> 00:10:53,356
you don't even know
who the father of your baby is?"
336
00:10:53,425 --> 00:10:56,760
We could do a DNA test.
I could do one at the lab at school.
337
00:10:56,828 --> 00:10:58,495
And then you would have
a definitive answer.
338
00:10:58,563 --> 00:10:59,729
If it comes back negative,
339
00:10:59,798 --> 00:11:01,364
mm, you don't even really
have to tell Gloria.
340
00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:02,699
Well, what do you need, saliva?
341
00:11:02,768 --> 00:11:04,200
We take these two down to the Sizzler,
342
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:06,302
and you squeegee what you need
off the salad-bar window?
343
00:11:06,371 --> 00:11:07,904
They use hairs now!
344
00:11:10,032 --> 00:11:13,098
"But we hanged Wichita Willy
yesterday," said the sheriff.
345
00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:15,300
"Could he be back for revenge?"
346
00:11:15,368 --> 00:11:16,701
That's when they looked up
347
00:11:16,769 --> 00:11:18,870
and there was Wichita Willy,
348
00:11:18,938 --> 00:11:20,738
the noose still dangling from his neck.
349
00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:22,106
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
350
00:11:22,175 --> 00:11:26,711
[GIRLS SCREAMING]
351
00:11:26,779 --> 00:11:28,446
Hey, sweetie. What you guys doing?
352
00:11:28,515 --> 00:11:30,014
Have you heard of Twice Hung Willy?
353
00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,450
Um, yes, I'm familiar
with his films, but...
354
00:11:32,519 --> 00:11:33,651
What are you doing here?
355
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:34,785
There's something
we forgot to pack for you.
356
00:11:34,854 --> 00:11:35,987
Can... can I talk to you for a second?
357
00:11:36,055 --> 00:11:38,689
- No. It's girls only.
- Yeah, no, but you're gonna love it.
358
00:11:38,758 --> 00:11:39,991
What is it?
359
00:11:40,059 --> 00:11:41,893
Oh, it's not for you, Christina.
360
00:11:41,961 --> 00:11:43,094
- Uh...
- Oh, God.
361
00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:44,795
EMMA: Lily...?
362
00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:46,998
Why does your dad have a fallopian tube?
363
00:11:47,066 --> 00:11:48,399
- [SNAPS FINGERS] That's what it is.
- Oh.
364
00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:49,734
What's wrong with you?!
365
00:11:49,802 --> 00:11:51,669
Calm down, okay?
Your father was fiddling
366
00:11:51,738 --> 00:11:53,037
with your teacher's reproductive organ.
367
00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:54,739
BOTH: Oh, my God! Ms. Wolfe?!
368
00:11:54,807 --> 00:11:56,307
No, ju... the model on her desk.
369
00:11:56,376 --> 00:11:57,942
And then he put his finger into it,
370
00:11:58,011 --> 00:11:59,343
and then he couldn't...
371
00:11:59,412 --> 00:12:00,745
- Well, now mine's stuck!
- Okay, let me...
372
00:12:00,813 --> 00:12:01,946
- Okay, this is tight.
- Push your finger through.
373
00:12:02,015 --> 00:12:03,381
Oh, no.
374
00:12:03,449 --> 00:12:04,649
- Are they like this in real life?
- I don't think so.
375
00:12:04,717 --> 00:12:06,150
This is gross!
376
00:12:06,219 --> 00:12:07,351
No. It's not gross, okay?
377
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:09,020
Nothing about your body is gross to us.
378
00:12:09,088 --> 00:12:10,988
Yes. Not your cycles, not your fluids...
379
00:12:11,057 --> 00:12:14,492
Oh my God, just stop talking forever.
Just go!
380
00:12:15,595 --> 00:12:18,162
Oh, well, that was a disaster.
381
00:12:18,231 --> 00:12:20,131
You know, maybe it's just time
we start to admit
382
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:21,532
that straight couples have strengths
383
00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:23,267
that we don't, you know?
384
00:12:23,336 --> 00:12:26,304
And maybe moms know
more about girls than we do.
385
00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:27,972
Is it time to start
farming some of this girl stuff out?
386
00:12:28,041 --> 00:12:30,541
Yeah, but to who?
Claire's an over-sharer.
387
00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:32,710
Gloria... is her body even human?
388
00:12:32,779 --> 00:12:34,579
Haley knows less than Lily.
389
00:12:34,647 --> 00:12:36,581
- So who do we go to? Alex?
- I guess.
390
00:12:36,649 --> 00:12:38,816
I mean, it'll be dull,
but it'll be right.
391
00:12:38,885 --> 00:12:41,485
- Let's prank call Milo again.
- You totally like him.
392
00:12:41,554 --> 00:12:43,888
I do not! I just want to torture him.
393
00:12:43,957 --> 00:12:45,556
Okay...so, see, are we supposed to hear
something like that
394
00:12:45,625 --> 00:12:46,791
- and say nothing?
- Yes, we are.
395
00:12:46,859 --> 00:12:47,925
- Come on.
- Okay, hi.
396
00:12:47,994 --> 00:12:49,327
If you want to get a boy's attention,
397
00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:51,862
you know, a prank call
is probably not the move.
398
00:12:51,931 --> 00:12:52,964
Dad!
399
00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:54,865
Cam, this is not our place.
But, he's not wrong.
400
00:12:54,934 --> 00:12:56,233
I just like to make him mad!
401
00:12:56,302 --> 00:12:57,602
Yeah, well,
we just thought you liked him
402
00:12:57,670 --> 00:12:59,704
and you wanted to know
the best way to get his attention,
403
00:12:59,772 --> 00:13:02,179
but apparently not.
So good night.
404
00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:03,758
ALL: Wait!
405
00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:06,584
Okay. Okay, so,
who's Milo's best friend?
406
00:13:06,609 --> 00:13:08,321
- Barrett.
- Okay, you're gonna text Milo,
407
00:13:08,346 --> 00:13:11,816
"You're hilarious! Crying-laughing face,
and winky face emoji."
408
00:13:11,884 --> 00:13:14,185
Then wait a beat.
Then you're gonna text back,
409
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:15,686
"Oops, sorry. That was for Barrett.
410
00:13:15,755 --> 00:13:17,855
Neutral-face emoji
with straight-line mouth."
411
00:13:17,924 --> 00:13:20,758
Oh my God. Genius.
412
00:13:20,827 --> 00:13:22,627
Wow, I've never seen her smile.
413
00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:23,894
[CELL PHONE DINGS] Dudes!
414
00:13:23,963 --> 00:13:25,196
Milo just texted me back.
415
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:26,430
Okay, what'd he say?
416
00:13:26,499 --> 00:13:29,333
"You're a jerk. Winky eye face
with the tongue hanging out."
417
00:13:29,402 --> 00:13:31,335
- Oh, you're in. You're in.
- Oh! Yeah.
418
00:13:31,404 --> 00:13:33,304
Do not text him back, okay?
419
00:13:33,373 --> 00:13:34,672
But when you see him on Monday,
420
00:13:34,741 --> 00:13:36,440
walk right past him
and throw him a quick...
421
00:13:36,509 --> 00:13:37,575
"Hey."
422
00:13:37,644 --> 00:13:39,543
- ALL: Hey.
- Yes!
423
00:13:39,612 --> 00:13:40,745
All right, you girls got it from here.
424
00:13:40,813 --> 00:13:41,879
We have a dinner reservation.
425
00:13:41,948 --> 00:13:43,814
Hey, I saw what you put in the bag.
426
00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:44,949
Thanks.
427
00:13:45,018 --> 00:13:46,684
You're welcome, sweetie.
And we love you.
428
00:13:46,753 --> 00:13:48,619
Are you gonna be this cool
when I like a boy?
429
00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:50,688
- Oh, no. No.
- No. Not a chance.
430
00:13:55,161 --> 00:13:58,229
- [HUSHED VOICE] Good, you're home.
- One second.
431
00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:00,231
Papi, you look great
in that new shirt!
432
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:03,467
- So handsome!
- [CHUCKLING] Gloria!
433
00:14:03,536 --> 00:14:05,736
Oh. I thought you were Manny.
434
00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:07,538
Good. You're caught up now.
435
00:14:07,607 --> 00:14:08,873
I know I put on a few,
436
00:14:08,941 --> 00:14:10,641
but they don't take you
seriously as an opera singer
437
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:12,143
when you're too skinny.
438
00:14:12,211 --> 00:14:14,445
Do you know what happens
when the thin lady sings?
439
00:14:14,514 --> 00:14:15,880
The show just keeps going.
440
00:14:15,948 --> 00:14:18,315
It's so wonderful to see you.
441
00:14:18,384 --> 00:14:20,918
I'm gonna go and open a bottle of wine.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
442
00:14:24,691 --> 00:14:27,692
Do you think that Jorge could be...?
443
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,193
Jorge mentioned you bounced around
444
00:14:29,262 --> 00:14:30,327
between him and Javier.
445
00:14:30,396 --> 00:14:32,963
How much bouncing did you do?
446
00:14:33,032 --> 00:14:35,466
Technically, it's possible.
447
00:14:35,535 --> 00:14:36,734
Oh, my God.
448
00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:39,336
- How is Manny going to handle this?
- Not great.
449
00:14:39,405 --> 00:14:41,605
You know he doesn't respond well
to surprises.
450
00:14:41,674 --> 00:14:42,807
Remember how upset he got
451
00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:44,208
when he found out those mashed potatoes
452
00:14:44,277 --> 00:14:45,743
were really just whipped cauliflower?
453
00:14:45,812 --> 00:14:48,245
- What are we going to do?
- [DOOR OPENS]
454
00:14:48,314 --> 00:14:50,915
ALEX: Okay, Grandpa, I got...
Oh, Gloria, you're here.
455
00:14:50,983 --> 00:14:53,584
What do you bring with you,
besides that guilty look?
456
00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:56,287
Okay, in order to get
a definitive answer,
457
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:59,090
I had Alex perform a DNA test.
458
00:14:59,158 --> 00:15:00,758
You got them both to spit?
459
00:15:00,827 --> 00:15:02,727
- They use hair now.
- Eugh.
460
00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:04,995
Hey, lotion's on the sink, Jorge.
461
00:15:05,064 --> 00:15:06,330
Hey, turns out I'm not the only one
462
00:15:06,399 --> 00:15:09,133
who suffers from dry naval.
463
00:15:09,202 --> 00:15:11,736
Uh, Alex, why do you have a medical form
with my name on it?
464
00:15:13,339 --> 00:15:16,040
I don't think I should be
the one to explain this.
465
00:15:19,078 --> 00:15:20,811
Manny... as you know,
466
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,681
your mother and Jorge
had a relationship.
467
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:24,882
You're a lot alike,
468
00:15:24,951 --> 00:15:27,251
and it made us curious as to whether...
469
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,487
Uh, are... are you saying...
470
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,055
This is a DNA test.
471
00:15:31,124 --> 00:15:33,557
Your mom didn't even find out
until today.
472
00:15:33,626 --> 00:15:36,293
[SCOFFS] So... I...
473
00:15:36,362 --> 00:15:39,029
I... I don't even know how to react.
474
00:15:39,098 --> 00:15:41,799
So my whole childhood was a lie?
475
00:15:41,868 --> 00:15:43,300
I thought Javier was my dad.
476
00:15:43,369 --> 00:15:45,402
Now he's just some stranger
who gave me baths?
477
00:15:45,471 --> 00:15:46,971
Listen, buddy.
478
00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:48,839
It's not who brings you into the world.
479
00:15:48,908 --> 00:15:50,441
It's what you do when you're there.
480
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:51,776
You're not Javier.
481
00:15:51,844 --> 00:15:53,210
You're not this guy. You're you.
482
00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:54,645
And what you are is amazing.
483
00:15:54,714 --> 00:15:57,481
And for the record,
I've been your dad since you were 10,
484
00:15:57,550 --> 00:16:00,584
and I'm gonna be your dad
until I'm gone.
485
00:16:00,653 --> 00:16:03,187
[VOICE BREAKING] I love you,
and I always will.
486
00:16:03,256 --> 00:16:04,488
[VOICE BREAKING] I love you too, Jay.
487
00:16:04,557 --> 00:16:10,628
[LAUGHING]
488
00:16:10,696 --> 00:16:13,497
Ha! April Fool's!
489
00:16:13,566 --> 00:16:16,700
Now who doesn't understand a joke?!
490
00:16:16,769 --> 00:16:17,835
What?
491
00:16:17,904 --> 00:16:20,204
I never dated Jorge!
492
00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:22,306
He's the butcher at the grocery store!
493
00:16:22,375 --> 00:16:24,642
I just thought
that he looked like Manny!
494
00:16:24,710 --> 00:16:26,944
[LAUGHS] Why would you do that?
495
00:16:27,013 --> 00:16:30,281
Because you said
that I didn't understand funny.
496
00:16:30,349 --> 00:16:32,216
I didn't know you were going
to take the prank this far.
497
00:16:32,285 --> 00:16:33,651
You made Grandpa cry.
498
00:16:33,719 --> 00:16:35,719
I know! He was like,
499
00:16:35,788 --> 00:16:38,956
"I love you and I always will."
500
00:16:39,025 --> 00:16:41,659
[LAUGHS]
501
00:16:41,727 --> 00:16:42,927
Okay, look, I'm out.
502
00:16:42,995 --> 00:16:44,395
Uh, I used to raise veal,
503
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:46,564
and this has to be the cruelest thing
504
00:16:46,632 --> 00:16:47,665
I've ever been a part of.
505
00:16:47,733 --> 00:16:50,401
[LAUGHING]
506
00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:52,136
Okay, almost there... almost there...
507
00:16:52,205 --> 00:16:53,237
Hang on. One second.
508
00:16:53,306 --> 00:16:55,739
Claire's gift involved a blindfold
509
00:16:55,808 --> 00:16:57,107
and a second location...
510
00:16:57,176 --> 00:16:58,676
showmanship of the highest order.
511
00:16:58,744 --> 00:17:01,359
To make things worse,
the clock ran out on me.
512
00:17:01,394 --> 00:17:02,447
My gift...
513
00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:04,381
I settled...
514
00:17:05,685 --> 00:17:07,051
I can't even say it out loud.
515
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,220
And...
516
00:17:09,288 --> 00:17:10,387
Ta-da!
517
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:11,422
PHIL: Oh, my God.
518
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,828
- [SQUEALS]
- Our old apartment.
519
00:17:13,863 --> 00:17:17,394
I know. I was noodling around
on Airbnb a couple of weeks ago
520
00:17:17,463 --> 00:17:19,430
and it was just right there listed.
521
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,532
Unbelievable.
522
00:17:21,601 --> 00:17:23,467
It's $85 for the night,
523
00:17:23,536 --> 00:17:25,669
$6 for our old favorite
Arizona fish sticks,
524
00:17:25,738 --> 00:17:28,305
which you will smell
warming right now...
525
00:17:28,374 --> 00:17:31,342
...$3 for the "Forget Paris" rental.
526
00:17:31,410 --> 00:17:34,712
Aw, you even found cans of
the wine we used to like.
527
00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:36,547
You completely nailed it.
528
00:17:36,616 --> 00:17:39,049
I know. I really did! I did! I did!
529
00:17:39,118 --> 00:17:41,151
And it was the first time ever.
530
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:42,519
And... [SIGHS]
531
00:17:42,588 --> 00:17:44,054
I really want this feeling to last.
532
00:17:44,123 --> 00:17:45,289
Would it be weird if I asked you
533
00:17:45,358 --> 00:17:46,790
not to give me your gift until tomorrow?
534
00:17:46,859 --> 00:17:48,525
- You got it.
- Yes!
535
00:17:48,594 --> 00:17:49,927
In fact, I might, uh...
536
00:17:49,996 --> 00:17:51,929
I might sneak off and trade this in
537
00:17:51,998 --> 00:17:53,364
for something really terrible
538
00:17:53,432 --> 00:17:54,765
just to seal your victory.
539
00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:56,066
All right.
540
00:17:56,135 --> 00:17:57,968
Now let's get this party started.
541
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:00,271
- No.
- Mm.
542
00:18:00,339 --> 00:18:02,172
- The old mixtape I made you?
- Mm-hmm.
543
00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:05,342
Oh, yeah. "Songs in the key of Phil."
544
00:18:05,411 --> 00:18:07,044
- Oh, no!
- Oh. Oh.
545
00:18:07,113 --> 00:18:08,879
Aw, no. Wait, hang out.
546
00:18:08,948 --> 00:18:10,681
- It's not going back in.
- You know what?
547
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,416
Sometimes it's nice to not have music.
548
00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:14,451
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE]
549
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,420
Well, I'm not listening to that
all night.
550
00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:17,688
Oh.
551
00:18:17,757 --> 00:18:21,358
I wonder if the old
intercom system still works.
552
00:18:21,427 --> 00:18:22,960
Oh, yeah!
553
00:18:23,029 --> 00:18:24,962
- Yeah.
- Give it to 'em.
554
00:18:25,031 --> 00:18:27,398
- Tell 'em how I feel.
- [CHUCKLES]
555
00:18:27,466 --> 00:18:29,566
- [PIPE CLANGING]
- Hey!
556
00:18:29,635 --> 00:18:30,901
[CLANGING CONTINUES]
557
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:31,912
- [LAUGHS]
- Hey! Ahh!
558
00:18:31,971 --> 00:18:33,170
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, oh, oh!
559
00:18:33,239 --> 00:18:35,539
It's okay! Okay. No need to be alarmed.
560
00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:36,874
[FIRE ALARM SOUNDS]
561
00:18:36,943 --> 00:18:38,976
- Oh, no, not the fish sticks!
- Okay...
562
00:18:39,045 --> 00:18:40,544
[ALARM CONTINUES]
563
00:18:40,613 --> 00:18:42,513
Oh, oh, Phil?
564
00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:44,348
Open the window,
and it'll stop the alarm!
565
00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:46,600
[ALARM CONTINUES]
566
00:18:46,619 --> 00:18:47,651
- Oh, God!
- Whoa!
567
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,819
- Oh, God!
- Oh, it's okay!
568
00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:50,688
- Phil! Phil!
- Oh! I got you!
569
00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:52,289
- Okay...
- I got you!
570
00:18:52,358 --> 00:18:53,457
- Oh, God.
- [GRUNTS]
571
00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:56,160
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
572
00:18:56,228 --> 00:18:58,395
- Waah!
- Wine is flammable?!
573
00:18:58,464 --> 00:18:59,863
No! But that is!
574
00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:00,965
- [GROANS]
- Oh, God.
575
00:19:01,033 --> 00:19:02,833
Ahh... Ohh...
576
00:19:02,902 --> 00:19:04,468
[RACCOONS CHITTERING]
577
00:19:04,537 --> 00:19:05,869
Raccoons!
578
00:19:05,938 --> 00:19:07,705
Oh, for God's sake, Phil,
just swear like an adult.
579
00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:08,973
No!
580
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:12,076
Part of me always knew
this is how I was gonna go out.
581
00:19:12,144 --> 00:19:14,511
In a wine fire surrounded by raccoons?
582
00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:15,612
Wait.
583
00:19:15,681 --> 00:19:19,850
[ALARM CONTINUES]
584
00:19:20,319 --> 00:19:21,651
What is that?
585
00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:24,088
[WATER SPRAYS LIGHTLY]
586
00:19:24,556 --> 00:19:26,523
Oh, my goodness. Oh, yes.
587
00:19:27,159 --> 00:19:29,093
What... what is this?
588
00:19:29,161 --> 00:19:30,361
[ALARM CONTINUES]
589
00:19:30,429 --> 00:19:31,495
Ohh...
590
00:19:32,531 --> 00:19:34,832
Ahh! Oh, yes!
591
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,534
Yeh-ha! Yah! Yah! Yah!
592
00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:39,636
- Yeah! Get out!
- You shut your mouth!
593
00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:41,505
- [ALARM STOPS]
- Oh, yeah!
594
00:19:41,574 --> 00:19:43,774
And since the neighbors
can't take a hint...
595
00:19:44,343 --> 00:19:45,442
Oh!
596
00:19:45,511 --> 00:19:47,444
That was amazing.
597
00:19:47,513 --> 00:19:51,582
My dear, Nothing but the best for you...
598
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:52,683
[WHIRS]
599
00:19:52,752 --> 00:19:54,351
...on our anniversary.
600
00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:56,388
- [WHIRRING STOPS]
- Now...
601
00:19:57,723 --> 00:19:59,056
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]
- ...where were we?
602
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:00,257
Okay.
603
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:01,992
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
604
00:20:02,061 --> 00:20:04,428
Oh.
605
00:20:04,497 --> 00:20:05,529
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
606
00:20:05,598 --> 00:20:07,364
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
607
00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:09,199
May I have this dance?
608
00:20:09,268 --> 00:20:10,734
Yes.
609
00:20:10,803 --> 00:20:12,669
Oh...
610
00:20:12,738 --> 00:20:14,938
I am the luckiest girl in the world.
611
00:20:15,007 --> 00:20:16,206
- Shh.
- Mm.
612
00:20:16,275 --> 00:20:19,905
- Did you get me a mop for our...?
- Shh.
613
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:22,146
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
614
00:20:24,344 --> 00:20:26,076
Come on.
615
00:20:26,145 --> 00:20:27,410
Honey, what happened?
616
00:20:27,479 --> 00:20:28,678
I spilled some milk.
617
00:20:28,747 --> 00:20:31,148
Apparently the only thing
this mop can't do is mop.
618
00:20:31,216 --> 00:20:33,150
Well, there's no use crying over it.
619
00:20:33,218 --> 00:20:34,417
Just call them and complain.
620
00:20:34,486 --> 00:20:35,684
Oh, you're right.
621
00:20:36,459 --> 00:20:39,046
This is your emergency moperator,
how can I help?
622
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,848
The mop function on my mop
isn't working.
623
00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:46,449
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm gonna
go ahead and do a remote reset,
624
00:20:46,474 --> 00:20:48,603
so you may notice your mop
gets extremely hot.
625
00:20:48,628 --> 00:20:51,368
- Oh... Should I...
- I'm kidding.
626
00:20:51,403 --> 00:20:54,065
- [CHUCKLES]
- Good one, moperator.
627
00:20:54,090 --> 00:20:57,756
- You should have seen his face!
- I did! You're and adorable couple.
628
00:20:57,781 --> 00:20:59,072
Get rid of it.
629
00:20:59,097 --> 00:21:00,497
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
45330
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