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Mark Gungor The Tale of Two Brains 1/2
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Hello and welcome to "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage".
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I am so glad you are here.
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This is the marriage seminar for people who hate marriage seminars!
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I've got a kick out of watching the couples when they first come in on Friday night.
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The girls are all lit up and just...
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"I got him here! I got him here! I got him here!"
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And the guys are going: "Oh, man, I can't believe" you know "I got here!"
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But it's cool, guys. You can relax. You're gonna love it.
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This is not one of those "Let's beat up on the men for not being women" seminars.
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Yes! That's what I'm talking about!
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What is it with that anyway?
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Man, you know, you ask a lot of women to describe their ideal man and they'll describe another woman.
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What's up with that?
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So, we're not gonna do that. We're going to just going with this thing in a normal healthy way.
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We are men. Men are men. We are not sick, we're not perverted, we're not twisted.
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Well, you know, we're not broken. We are men!
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Alright? And God... Yeah... !
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And God made us the way we are for a reason.
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And I'm gonna show you, girls, what that reason is.
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OK? And I'm gonna try to explain to you the world of men a little bit through this thing.
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We will also discuss the women's side of things as well.
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But I really want you to understand this men thing. Women are much more complicated than men.
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Men are very simple. Simple. S-E-X simple. Alright? So...
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That's what I'm talking about! OK?
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So, we're gonna have... We should have a really really great time.
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Now, tonight we're gonna do a session called "The Tale of Two Brains".
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Hence, the two brains.
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And we're going to be discussing how men and women think very differently from each other.
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Why is that important? Because men and women are very quick to make into heart problems
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what are essentially head problems.
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A woman acts a certain way, a guy feels she doesn't care about him.
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He says: "There's something wrong with your heart. You don't care about me." No, no.
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It's the way she processes information.
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And the same with the guy. A man thinks in a certain way.
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And the woman thinks there's something wrong with his heart. No, it's his head. OK?
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So, I'm gonna try and explain to you what that's all about.
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Then tomorrow morning we're gonna do a session called: "Why does he do that?"
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"Why does she do that?"
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OK? So, you see, one thing is to understand men and women in general.
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It's another one to understand the one you got stuck with, OK?
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So I'm gonna show you how you can discover specifically what makes your spouse tick.
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And it's powerful information that will absolutely revolutionize your relationship.
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Alright? Then we're gonna do what I call: "The Yo Mama session".
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And it's called: "The No.1 Key to Incredible Sex"
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And boys, if you'll miss that, there's just something wrong with you! OK?
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So, you gotta check it out. And then we're gonna end with:
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"How to stay married and not kill anybody." OK?
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All very deep emotional stuff.
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Now lot of people say: "Well, what's your background, what's your deal"?
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Well, my background is that I'm a minister. Now, if you're not much of a church-goer, don't let that make you nervous.
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Some of my biggest fans are heathens. Alright?
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And this isn't one of those things where we sneak you and then beat you over the head with the Bible. Alright?
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But I do have a Bible verse I need to show you, OK?
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Because I found a Bible verse that if you follow the advice from this one Bible verse,
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you will never ever ever have a problem in marriage.
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How many of you think that's worth seeing?
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You follow the advice of this one verse, you'll never have a problem in marriage.
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"It is good for a man not to marry."
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It says: "It's good for a man not to marry."
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Alright? "Why would he say that? That's such a terrible thing to say."
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Because, he goes on to explain: "He who marries will have trouble in this life."
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You know, people come up to me: "Pastor Mark! Pastor Mark! Something's wrong! Something's wrong!"
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I say: "What is it?" "We've got trouble in our marriage."
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I go: "No, that's about right."
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There ain't nothing wrong! That's pretty normal.
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Now, you don't hear these verses read at weddings very often.
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We kinda downplay that.
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You don't see those on hallmark cards.
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You don't see 'em on cakes with pretty calligraphy:
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"He who marries will have trouble... "
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"...but it's too late for you!"
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You see, if that's the case, you know, why you can't marry, because marriage is absolutely wonderful.
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It's great! It's fantastic!
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But it's not that's without trouble.
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And I want to show one other verse to you. Now, you do not have the deep theological training that I have
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so you might have a hard time understanding this verse
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but I'll try to explain it to you. This one's found in Proverbs
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and it goes like this: "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean."
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Let me explain that to you, OK?
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What does that mean? Well, it means if you're gonna have an ox,
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you're going to have ox poo, alright?
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Now, if you don't like poo, and most of us are not real big fans of poo,
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if you don't like poo, the temptation is - get rid of ox!
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"You're preaching, brother!"
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I don't want to get rid of the ox, alright?
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So why would you keep the ox around? Because, it goes, the second half of the verse, it says:
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"But much increase comes by the strength of the ox."
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Well, now, there's the Catch 22: on the one hand we all love the benefit of the ox,
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but nobody likes the poo.
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And what it's trying to tell us here is you cannot have one without the other.
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There is no such thing as a poo-free marriage.
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It just doesn't exist!
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Unless you shoot the ox!
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But that leads to other problems.
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So this weekend is not about attaining a state of perfection in your life, alright?
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It's about getting a proper positive to poo ratio in your life.
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You see, because if all you get is poo, then you've got one sick ox.
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Are you hearin' me? Alright?
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So, there's no such thing as a poo-free marriage.
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For those of you who are having hard times grasping this, I have a mathematical version of it.
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It goes: Ox = poo / positive
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Some would say positive / poo, but anyway, it's the ratio that we wanna get going here, OK?
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Now, marriage is a wonderful institution.
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Statistically speaking, we know that married people are healthier than single people,
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they are actually happier than single people, assuming you are doing this right.
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You can be profoundly unhappy.
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They actually make more money than single people and I'll mention a little bit later why that's true, OK?
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They have better sex than single people. Now, you don't see that in our culture.
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You know, in all the movies and shows, you know, it's the single people all having a really great sex. And the married people...
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You know, someone says: "How's your sex life?" "Are you kidding? I'm married. "
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And it's not true. It's a bunch of baloney, OK!?
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Married people have great sex compared to single... Single people don't even know what they're doing, for crying out loud!
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And statistically speaking, married people live longer than single people.
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It's particularly true for men.
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Statistically speaking, one of the most dangerous things
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a man can do in America today is to remain single.
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It is the equivalent of smoking two and half packets of cigarettes a day.
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It's true. They've found out that if you take someone who has two and half packets a day,
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and health problems, and the shortness of life and all these difficulties,
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and a single guy, it's pretty much the same.
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I guess the worst would be a single guy who smokes two and half packets of cigarettes a day.
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Alright? Marriage is wonderful, it's great, it rocks! I love it! OK?
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If you do it right. Now, the problem here is, so many people don't do it right.
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And it's not that they don't wanna do it, it's that they don't know what to do.
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We live in a culture today that seems, somehow in a relationship area to be completely clueless.
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We seriously do not know what to do. This weekend, what I want to do is show you specific things you can do
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that will absolutely energize and transform your married life.
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How many of you think that's worth hearing?
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So...
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Now I want to talk to you about what I call "the laws of relational physics".
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You see, the laws of physics affect everybody, whether you believe them or not.
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If I step off the stage, I'm probably in all likelihood going to go down.
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If I start floating around you might gonna freak out and run.
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Why? 'Cause the laws of physics... "Well, I don't believe that!"
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...no matter what I believe! I'm going down! Right?
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It doesn't matter if I'm a born-again Christian, it doesn't matter if I'm a heathen, I'm goin... 'cause it affects everybody!
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Well, just like that there are the laws of relational physics.
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And they affect everybody, whether you believe them or not.
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And this might come as a little bit of a shock to those of you who are church people,
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especially hearing that from a minister.
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But the truth is you don't have to be a Christian to have a great marriage.
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I know a lot of heathens who have wonderful marriages.
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I know a lot of born-again Christians who have horrible marriages.
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Why is that? They're breaking all the rules.
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And they assume that somehow the rules don't apply to them. But they do.
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Here's an example: if you're driving a car at 80 mph around a curve that says only 40,
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and you keep going 80, chances are you're gonna get hurt
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even if you're listening to a Christian radio station.
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Even if you have a statue of Jesus on the... He might be going: "Aaaaaaa!"
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But...
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Why is that? Because the laws of physics still affect you. But for some miracle you're going to get hurt.
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Same true with relational physics. And I wanna explain that to you, I will take a look at that.
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Now, this weekend I'm gonna be speaking to you in basic stereotypes.
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In other words: "Women generally tend to be a certain way..." "Men generally tend to be a certain way..."
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But they're not all that way, I get it!
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Some of the people just have a cow: "That's not true for all....!"
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I'm admitting, it's not! Alright?
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Just generally speaking. We don't have time to get into all the shades of grey.
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But generally speaking, men are certain way, women are certain way.
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If I start describing something that's not you, don't have a cow, just interpolate for your relationships.
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In Debbie's and I relationship there are areas where we are completely opposite of a typical man and woman.
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I remember when I was first studying this stuff, I thougt: "Oh, man! I'm a woman!"
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So just interpolate. I will say this: that if you tend to be one way in a certain relationship
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your wife generally will be the other way. I don't think I've run across the couple yet, and I'm sure there are out there,
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that act the exact same way.
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So if you break the rules, chances are your spouse's breaking them right with you. And you'll just flip on the steel.
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OK? For example, a typical stereotype: "Men are more interested in sex than their wives."
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Why would you say that? Because, generally, it's true.
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But it's not always true. There are lot of relationships where there wife is much more interested in sex than her husband.
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And if you're here tonight, and your wife is much more interested in sex than you are
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I think I speak for all the men here when I say that we hate you!
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Please don't tell us who you are.
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We will hurt you, alright? So...
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So just go with the flow, it'll be cool. We'll have a great time discussing this thing about marriage.
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I believe marriage is a life-giving institution.
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We live in a culture today that believes marriage is a life-sucking institution.
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"It will suck the life out of you!"
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And that's why we say: "Make sure you're old enough, make sure you have enough money,"
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"Make sure you have enough education, make sure you've been dating for 37 years first... "
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"Make sure, you know, get all the stuff. Why?! You've gotta get everything together and ready, so when you say 'I do' you can withstand it."
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But it's not that way. It'll give you life, if you'll do it right.
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If you do this right, marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth.
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If you do it wrong...
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Well, you fill in the blanks, OK? So now,
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we're gonna start discussing men's brains - women's brains.
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and how they're very different from each other.
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Now, I wanna start with men's brains.
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Alright? Now, men's brains are very unique. Men's brains are made up of little boxes.
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And we have a box for everything.
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We've got a box for the car, we've got a box for the money, we've got a box for the job, we've got a box for you,
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we've got a box for the kids, we've got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement.
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We've got boxes everywhere!
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And the rule is: The boxes don't touch.
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When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box,
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we pull that box out, we open the box,
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we discuss only what is in that box!
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Alright?
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And then we close the box and put it away
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being very very careful not to touch any other boxes.
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Sorry, my Catholic upbringing I didn't ever meant it, but...
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I'm not a Catholic, but I went to Catholic school when I was little.
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I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there. I mean, I'll never forget it.
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It did me good, actually. It was a good thing.
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Now, women's brains are very very different from men's brains.
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Women's brains are made up of a big ball of wire.
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And everything is connected to everything.
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Money is connect the car, car is connected to your job,
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and your kids are connected to your mother... ...and everything is connected to everything.
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It's like the Internet superhighway.
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And it's all driven by energy that we call emotion.
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It's one of the reasons why women tend to remember everything.
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Because, if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, it burns in your memory
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and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men, it just doesn't happen very often,
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because, quite frankly, we don't care.
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Women tend to care about everything!
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And she just loves it.
218
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:45,791
Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of.
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00:19:45,991 --> 00:19:49,608
This particular box has nothing in it.
220
00:20:01,105 --> 00:20:03,818
It is true.
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00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:10,634
In fact, we call it "the nothing box".
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00:20:11,192 --> 00:20:15,094
And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,
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the nothing box is our favourite box.
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00:20:24,494 --> 00:20:29,963
If a man has a chance he'll go to his nothing box every time.
225
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:36,103
That's why a man can do something seemingly completely braindead for hours on in.
226
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You know, like fishing.
227
00:20:57,183 --> 00:21:01,676
And we love it. That's why a guy can sit in front of the TV and go...
228
00:21:19,828 --> 00:21:22,477
"You're close!"
229
00:21:22,807 --> 00:21:27,366
Of course, that drives our wives nuts because they'd come and say: "Stop that!"
230
00:21:27,762 --> 00:21:31,414
"How can't possibly be watching anything?"
231
00:21:40,185 --> 00:21:42,445
"I'm not."
232
00:21:51,741 --> 00:21:54,041
"Go away!"
233
00:22:00,451 --> 00:22:04,442
Now, they've actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study
234
00:22:04,642 --> 00:22:11,773
and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.
235
00:22:13,403 --> 00:22:19,160
You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that and watched their brain activity and all of a sudden....
236
00:22:20,954 --> 00:22:22,948
"I think he's dead!" "Ha?"
237
00:22:27,425 --> 00:22:31,543
Women can't do it. They can't do it. Their mind never stops.
238
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And they don't understand the nothing box! And it drives 'em crazy!
239
00:22:41,298 --> 00:22:45,825
Because nothing drives a woman more crazy or makes you feel more irritated
240
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than to witness a man doing nothing!
241
00:23:02,657 --> 00:23:06,089
Now one of the biggest revelations I get out of women, is that whole nothing box issue. They are just...
242
00:23:07,295 --> 00:23:10,552
Everything's starting to make sense.
243
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:17,198
And I've had women say: "Oh, it's nothing? Can I go in his nothing box with him?"
244
00:23:19,038 --> 00:23:21,066
No!
245
00:23:22,922 --> 00:23:24,247
"Why not?"
246
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:27,607
Because then it's something!
247
00:23:28,390 --> 00:23:31,111
Besides, you'll walk in there and go...
248
00:23:34,729 --> 00:23:38,290
"You know, this place could really use some pictures..."
249
00:23:39,691 --> 00:23:44,230
"A nice little table over here, some flowers..." "No!"
250
00:23:44,449 --> 00:23:47,056
"Nothing! Get out! We do want nothing."
251
00:23:53,077 --> 00:23:57,295
Now this handles the way men and women handle stress.
252
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:03,794
When a man is stressed out all he wants to do is run to his nothing box.
253
00:24:04,042 --> 00:24:08,823
This is how we unwind. The last thing we wanna do when we're stressed out is talk about it.
254
00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:12,207
We don't wanna talk about it, we just wanna...
255
00:24:16,617 --> 00:24:19,454
'Cause it just drives her nuts, you know.
256
00:24:19,654 --> 00:24:23,497
A woman will see a man in that "vegetative" state, she'll come up and go:
257
00:24:28,826 --> 00:24:31,442
"What are you thinking about?"
258
00:24:54,173 --> 00:24:56,554
"Nothing."
259
00:24:57,881 --> 00:25:01,455
"You've gotta be thinking about something!"
260
00:25:03,842 --> 00:25:07,182
"No, I think about nothing."
261
00:25:07,585 --> 00:25:11,000
"...till you showed up."
262
00:25:11,751 --> 00:25:13,700
"Go away!"
263
00:25:13,905 --> 00:25:16,490
'Cause that's how he handles stress, he just...
264
00:25:20,146 --> 00:25:26,166
Now, when a woman is stressed out, she has to talk about it.
265
00:25:26,398 --> 00:25:32,108
If she doesn't talk about it, her brain will literally explode.
266
00:25:34,872 --> 00:25:38,441
So she has to start just: "I don't know, maybe..."
267
00:25:38,641 --> 00:25:41,816
"then, you know, I never thought about this. My brother would say..."
268
00:25:43,654 --> 00:25:47,924
I know men who run from their wives when they do this.
269
00:25:48,476 --> 00:25:50,867
I say: "Why do you run from her?"
270
00:25:51,067 --> 00:25:53,979
He says: "Because I don't know what to tell her!"
271
00:25:54,267 --> 00:25:57,868
I say: "Dear God, man, who told you to tell her anything?"
272
00:25:58,583 --> 00:26:05,744
She doesn't want you to tell her anything. You see, a lot of guys they feel obligated when you start explaining all your stress,
273
00:26:06,008 --> 00:26:08,937
they feel obligated to fix you.
274
00:26:09,136 --> 00:26:16,752
'Cause that's what a man does. A man only tells his troubles to another man in hopes that that man will help fix it, OK?
275
00:26:17,722 --> 00:26:23,278
But she's not a man. And you try and fix her, she'll gonna kill you.
276
00:26:26,690 --> 00:26:32,587
She doesn't want your advice, she doesn't want your help, she wants you to shut up and listen!
277
00:26:34,428 --> 00:26:39,299
And a couple of ladies: "That's right! You tell him! Tell him to shut up!"
278
00:26:45,785 --> 00:26:48,235
They like that!
279
00:26:48,546 --> 00:26:51,542
Now, I had one guy who told me: "Man, if she just tell me how she feels!"
280
00:26:51,741 --> 00:26:53,461
I said: "She doesn't know yet!"
281
00:26:53,662 --> 00:26:56,208
He goes: "What do you mean?" "That's how she figures out how she feels"
282
00:26:56,429 --> 00:26:59,141
"by connecting this wire to that wire and so on..."
283
00:26:59,940 --> 00:27:09,776
Now, because they love each other, they offer to each other their answer. Their solution.
284
00:27:09,982 --> 00:27:15,441
A man senses his wife is stressed out, he loves the girl,
285
00:27:15,644 --> 00:27:20,652
he offers to the girl his best and finest solution.
286
00:27:22,684 --> 00:27:25,801
"Well, just quit talking about it."
287
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,406
"Just quit thinking about it."
288
00:27:42,650 --> 00:27:47,614
And that's when she starts reaching for the knives and stuff and she's gonna stab you if you keep it up, OK?
289
00:27:47,814 --> 00:27:51,575
Now, a woman, she senses her husband is all stressed out.
290
00:27:51,788 --> 00:27:59,248
She loves him, therefore she offers to him her best and finest solution.
291
00:28:02,367 --> 00:28:05,444
"Talk to me!"
292
00:28:08,032 --> 00:28:25,076
"Why don't you talk to me?"
293
00:28:25,605 --> 00:28:27,461
17 seconds :)
294
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,339
"Go away!"
295
00:28:38,916 --> 00:28:42,968
He doesn't wanna talk to you! Leave him alone!
296
00:28:43,674 --> 00:28:48,794
I will not die! He's not a woman!
297
00:28:50,193 --> 00:28:56,705
I know you've got to talk it through, you've gotta be twisted inside! He's not like that!
298
00:28:56,905 --> 00:29:02,187
Leave the boy alone, you tell he's stressed out? Just let him go to his nothing box.
299
00:29:02,532 --> 00:29:05,340
Just stay away. Stay away.
300
00:29:05,546 --> 00:29:11,168
And it's hard for us to understand it because we think so differently from each other.
301
00:29:11,367 --> 00:29:15,206
Now, not only does this affect the way that we're responding to stress and stuff,
302
00:29:15,406 --> 00:29:20,226
the way our brains are wired, it also affects the way we use words, OK?
303
00:29:21,455 --> 00:29:25,916
Men tend to use less words than women.
304
00:29:26,116 --> 00:29:29,111
That's because the women have all the wires that are trying to connect
305
00:29:29,311 --> 00:29:33,608
and they've gotta explain each and every connection!
306
00:29:35,493 --> 00:29:40,711
They say that if a man needs to speak 10,000 words in a day
307
00:29:40,911 --> 00:29:43,846
a woman needs to speak 20,000.
308
00:29:44,047 --> 00:29:48,890
My wife says: "That's cause we've gotta repeat everything we say!"
309
00:29:57,659 --> 00:30:00,916
To which I responded: "Ha?"
310
00:30:04,117 --> 00:30:07,040
Where is my darling redhead? Is she around?
311
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,325
Come up, I want you to meet my wife, Debbie, come on up here...
312
00:30:23,817 --> 00:30:26,444
People say to me: "Doesn't she talk, too?"
313
00:30:27,064 --> 00:30:29,047
Nope!
314
00:30:30,810 --> 00:30:33,312
Not to you anyway, she talks to me.
315
00:30:33,512 --> 00:30:37,505
But she won't talk to you, because she doesn't wanna talk to you.
316
00:30:38,387 --> 00:30:42,953
Where's my tablet? I wanna show you something about the whole words' thing.
317
00:30:43,153 --> 00:30:47,501
You know, they've actually measured this. They went in and studied children and babies.
318
00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:53,238
And they've found out... They've actually took cameras and put them in nurseries and analyzed the pictures later.
319
00:30:53,455 --> 00:30:59,824
And they've noticed the pictures of the little girls right from the get-go their mouths were just going.
320
00:31:03,266 --> 00:31:06,480
It's true! And then they analyzed the pictures of little boys.
321
00:31:06,681 --> 00:31:09,017
And they were just...
322
00:31:12,201 --> 00:31:16,471
And still thinking: "What was that?"
323
00:31:16,693 --> 00:31:19,297
"I wanna go back, I don't get it."
324
00:31:20,969 --> 00:31:26,710
Then they went and recorded conversations of little boys and girls on playgrounds and then went back and analyzed them.
325
00:31:26,992 --> 00:31:30,671
And they discovered that little girls loved to talk.
326
00:31:30,871 --> 00:31:34,374
They were very articulate, loved to use full sentences, just loved to talk.
327
00:31:34,607 --> 00:31:39,288
And if they didn't have anybody to talk to, they were perfectly content to talk to nobody.
328
00:31:40,386 --> 00:31:44,606
And they were just: "Lalalalalaa". Just complete sentences.
329
00:31:44,827 --> 00:31:47,846
Then they analyzed the conversations of the little boys.
330
00:31:48,047 --> 00:31:52,206
And only about 55% of it was intelligible.
331
00:31:53,641 --> 00:31:55,602
They couldn't tell what they were sayin'! You know, just...
332
00:32:02,873 --> 00:32:06,021
That's conversation to a man, OK?
333
00:32:08,146 --> 00:32:13,012
Not only do we use different amounts of words, words can mean different things to men and women.
334
00:32:14,367 --> 00:32:17,368
For example...
335
00:32:18,768 --> 00:32:21,410
5 minutes
336
00:32:29,241 --> 00:32:33,978
Now, to most men, five minutes means five minutes.
337
00:32:34,636 --> 00:32:39,317
To a lot of women it can be an indefinite period of time.
338
00:32:41,217 --> 00:32:46,305
"Are you ready yet?" "Five more minutes!"
339
00:32:57,246 --> 00:33:02,008
As we discussed, men understand "nothing".
340
00:33:02,208 --> 00:33:05,729
Women don't understand the significance of "nothing".
341
00:33:05,936 --> 00:33:09,814
If a woman says: "Nothing", look out, it's something!
342
00:33:14,637 --> 00:33:17,625
"Oh, dude, man, I don't know what happened." "Why, why? What happened?"
343
00:33:17,825 --> 00:33:21,886
"I don't know, I asked my wife what she was upset about..." "What did she say?"
344
00:33:22,086 --> 00:33:26,728
"Well, she said nothing." "Get out of the house, man! Run now! Get out!"
345
00:33:38,445 --> 00:33:42,326
Now, this is not a word, it's vocalization. It's a sigh.
346
00:33:44,653 --> 00:33:49,564
Now, when a man sighs, it means: Everything is good with life.
347
00:33:52,500 --> 00:33:56,709
When a woman sighs it means: "You are an idiot."
348
00:34:11,621 --> 00:34:14,507
"Go ahead."
349
00:34:17,893 --> 00:34:21,238
When a man says: "Go ahead", he's being polite.
350
00:34:21,438 --> 00:34:27,533
When a woman says: "Go ahead", she's giving you the opportunity to explain whatever stupid thing it was you just did.
351
00:34:29,664 --> 00:34:32,081
But you need to be very careful in the explanation
352
00:34:32,282 --> 00:34:36,528
because it is very likely to be followed by a sigh,
353
00:34:41,992 --> 00:34:46,356
which will lead to an argument over nothing,
354
00:34:50,431 --> 00:34:55,128
and then you ain't gonna have sex again for at least five minutes.
355
00:35:04,610 --> 00:35:08,978
Women's brains come with lots of extra RAM.
356
00:35:12,304 --> 00:35:18,683
So they can remember the details of everything.
357
00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:29,947
Men's brains come with only the minimum basic requirements,
358
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:36,123
to keep us breathing and eating.
359
00:35:37,445 --> 00:35:43,012
That's why a lot of men... We don't hang on to lots of details, they don't stick with us.
360
00:35:43,324 --> 00:35:49,131
When an event happens, we just categorize it as "an event".
361
00:35:49,661 --> 00:35:55,317
Alright? Whereas women, it's not just the event, it's all the details connected with an event.
362
00:35:55,516 --> 00:35:56,998
And you run into this
363
00:35:57,099 --> 00:36:02,152
when a friend of your family or something will call and you know, she just had a baby.
364
00:36:02,387 --> 00:36:06,519
And then you tell your wife: "Oh, so and so has called, they had a baby."
365
00:36:06,755 --> 00:36:12,301
And she'll say: "What was it?" And he says: "Well, it was a baby."
366
00:36:13,530 --> 00:36:16,094
"What kind of baby?" "I do not know! It's a baby!"
367
00:36:16,293 --> 00:36:19,282
"What difference does it make?"
368
00:36:20,208 --> 00:36:24,057
"Oh, how long was it? "I do not know!"
369
00:36:24,664 --> 00:36:30,784
"How long, how tall, how much did it weigh? "I do not know! Under 20 pounds!"
370
00:36:34,090 --> 00:36:36,992
But it's detail, detail, detail...
371
00:36:37,429 --> 00:36:41,016
A woman would come to a guy and say: "How was your day?"
372
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,757
And then we go to the RAM and all it's there is that it was a day.
373
00:36:47,304 --> 00:36:51,312
And we say: "It was fine."
374
00:36:53,949 --> 00:36:57,416
And she'll say: "Well, what happened?"
375
00:36:57,956 --> 00:37:02,219
And we go to the RAM and there's nothing there.
376
00:37:04,483 --> 00:37:09,599
And we panic and we go: "Nothing!"
377
00:37:11,425 --> 00:37:14,007
Women, they've got all this... you know...
378
00:37:15,793 --> 00:37:21,200
That's why when a guy retells a story it's usually pretty much a some bottom line kind of thing. What happened?
379
00:37:21,355 --> 00:37:24,163
"This happened, that happened, we're done."
380
00:37:24,362 --> 00:37:30,855
When a lot of women share what happened, they relive the event,
381
00:37:31,858 --> 00:37:39,280
in excrutiatingly painful details. I mean - you are there.
382
00:37:42,916 --> 00:37:46,190
And, you know, couples can really fight over this.
383
00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:50,328
My wife and I we still fight over this one, you know, this is, this just drives us crazy.
384
00:37:50,547 --> 00:37:54,585
Sweetheart, when your husband asked the question: "What did the plumber say?",
385
00:37:54,784 --> 00:37:58,063
he really doesn't wanna know, what he said.
386
00:37:58,594 --> 00:38:00,239
Well I said: "How're you doin'?" He said he's fine.
387
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,108
I said: "Pretty nice day we're havin'" He said: "Yes".
388
00:38:02,110 --> 00:38:06,103
"You've got any kids?" No! What did he say? Bottom line.
389
00:38:09,047 --> 00:38:12,343
Details...
390
00:38:14,039 --> 00:38:21,427
Men's brains - women's brains. It also affects, not only the words we use and stuff, but also it affects how we listen.
391
00:38:21,626 --> 00:38:23,878
You know, yeah...
392
00:38:24,224 --> 00:38:27,802
Women listen. But, we listen too, we're just different.
393
00:38:27,882 --> 00:38:31,900
A lot of women say, you know, men's problem is they've got selective listening. You know what that is, right?
394
00:38:32,402 --> 00:38:35,480
That's when the wife will say something like: "Honey, go to the store,"
395
00:38:35,679 --> 00:38:39,362
"lay down the mulch, wash and wax the car, get the kids at school,"
396
00:38:39,563 --> 00:38:42,298
"rent some videos and finish the rest of the dishes."
397
00:38:42,498 --> 00:38:46,001
And then he runs that through his selective filter...
398
00:39:04,206 --> 00:39:08,894
And all he hears is: "Honey, go, lay down and get some rest," OK?
399
00:39:09,094 --> 00:39:11,196
But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm really talking about is
400
00:39:11,396 --> 00:39:16,534
the difference between single-tasking and multi-tasking.
401
00:39:16,750 --> 00:39:20,760
By and large... Again, interpolate for your relationships.
402
00:39:20,762 --> 00:39:25,813
Again, not everybody is the same way, but, by and large, men are single-taskers.
403
00:39:26,097 --> 00:39:29,362
We do one thing and we do it pretty well.
404
00:39:29,561 --> 00:39:32,500
Women can handle lots of things. Guys aren't wired that way.
405
00:39:32,699 --> 00:39:37,917
That's why it's not a good idea to put a man in charge of more than one kid at a time.
406
00:39:39,655 --> 00:39:42,525
You know, we can handle the one.
407
00:39:43,099 --> 00:39:50,000
"Sweetheart, you're doing such a good job with Johnny, wow! But where are the rest of the kids?"
408
00:39:53,396 --> 00:39:56,094
"We've got other kids?"
409
00:39:58,306 --> 00:39:59,664
But men we're just...
410
00:40:01,989 --> 00:40:07,021
I am a classic single-tasker. I'm so bad, I'll be going long and I'll forget the one thing I was doing.
411
00:40:07,222 --> 00:40:10,711
I'm completely lost. I need to reboot my brain.
412
00:40:11,019 --> 00:40:13,528
"Wow, where am I?"
413
00:40:13,728 --> 00:40:16,881
But men, generally speaking... we do it. Now, what we do, we do very well.
414
00:40:17,081 --> 00:40:20,116
One of the reasons that men are so good in what they do,
415
00:40:20,317 --> 00:40:23,907
is because of this ability to completely focus on just one task.
416
00:40:24,192 --> 00:40:28,815
Men usually will rise to the top of any profession, even those dominated sometimes by women.
417
00:40:29,016 --> 00:40:33,800
The best hair-designers in the world a lot of times are men, best cooks in the world - men.
418
00:40:33,887 --> 00:40:38,358
Why is that? Because we have this unique ability to focus on just one thing
419
00:40:38,559 --> 00:40:41,100
and do it extremely well, OK?
420
00:40:41,146 --> 00:40:44,168
Women are wired differently. You know, they just...
421
00:40:46,617 --> 00:40:51,384
My wife can be, you know, in the living room, watching TV,
422
00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:56,914
reading a book, making knick-knacks and talking on the phone all at the same time.
423
00:40:57,447 --> 00:41:02,295
It's just amazing to me. Of course, I come in and I'll assume she's not watching TV.
424
00:41:08,295 --> 00:41:10,799
"Hey!"
425
00:41:12,159 --> 00:41:15,320
"What?" "I was watching that!"
426
00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:21,627
"How can you be watching that? You're making knick-knacks and such..." "Put it back!"
427
00:41:29,052 --> 00:41:31,702
Now this affects the way we listen.
428
00:41:31,907 --> 00:41:40,987
Because, when a man is doing something, he generally cannot hear anything.
429
00:41:41,610 --> 00:41:43,476
It's just true. Women are not...
430
00:41:43,677 --> 00:41:48,152
Women can be doing lots of things and holding three different conversations.
431
00:41:49,166 --> 00:41:53,691
You know, she'll walk into a room and she'll see her husband reading the newspaper.
432
00:41:53,891 --> 00:42:00,344
And she assumes: "I multi-task, therefore, he must multi-task."
433
00:42:01,233 --> 00:42:06,508
But he's running the newspaper-reading program. And he can only run one program at a time.
434
00:42:07,284 --> 00:42:10,280
He's not hearing a jack!
435
00:42:12,987 --> 00:42:18,358
And this makes women very angry. But you just need to come over and you gotta close the newspaper-reading program,
436
00:42:18,559 --> 00:42:22,573
you've gotta load the Listen-to-me program.
437
00:42:22,838 --> 00:42:27,083
But you've gotta wait a minute. He needs a reboot.
438
00:42:34,356 --> 00:42:37,003
"I did not know you was here."
439
00:42:40,028 --> 00:42:46,615
You laugh, but I'm serious, girls. If you see a man doing something, unless he's wired differently,
440
00:42:46,818 --> 00:42:51,528
do not be giving him vital information.
441
00:42:54,168 --> 00:42:57,996
'Cause this is a trainwreck waiting to happen.
442
00:42:58,210 --> 00:43:04,042
You'll have this conversation again. When you swear he told you
443
00:43:04,242 --> 00:43:07,110
he swears you never told him.
444
00:43:07,311 --> 00:43:13,403
You know you told him, but in his brain you never said jack to him.
445
00:43:24,041 --> 00:43:30,612
The problem here is, guys, we get ourselves in trouble, because we have... Men have this natural defence mechanism
446
00:43:30,835 --> 00:43:35,272
that at all costs do not stop doing what you're doing.
447
00:43:35,472 --> 00:43:39,614
So, when someone starts talking to you, we automatically have this defence mechanism that goes:
448
00:43:39,650 --> 00:43:45,068
"Mmhmm... Yep... Mmhmm"
449
00:43:45,268 --> 00:43:48,931
And we keep doing what we're doing and we're not... And she thinks you're listening to her.
450
00:43:49,570 --> 00:43:55,293
But you're not listening. You need to stop what you're doing, you're a big boy, stop what you're doing
451
00:43:55,514 --> 00:43:58,347
turn to the girl and pay attention to her.
452
00:43:58,547 --> 00:44:04,807
So it's not all on the ladies. You're big boys, when she starts talking, stop! Listen to the girl
453
00:44:05,007 --> 00:44:08,643
and then let him go back to what he was doing.
454
00:44:08,842 --> 00:44:11,301
Sounds fair, right?
455
00:44:16,695 --> 00:44:20,000
When I started doing this, then I thought: "This is great, I'm doing a lot better..."
456
00:44:20,027 --> 00:44:28,500
You know, I'm watching the single-tasking. "Yeah? OK, what, what?" And then I'll say: "I didn't hear that." I make her back-up and she'll give me the info and I got it... OK.
457
00:44:28,512 --> 00:44:33,869
And I thought I was doing a lot better but still I was getting myself in trouble.
458
00:44:34,617 --> 00:44:38,313
You know, she'll walk up and say: "It's 6 o'clock, are you ready?"
459
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,436
"For what?"
460
00:44:44,016 --> 00:44:47,195
You know, that happened to the half of you, guys, tonight, right?
461
00:44:47,961 --> 00:44:49,788
"We're doing what?"
462
00:44:50,003 --> 00:44:51,569
"I told you!" "No, you didn't!"
463
00:44:51,769 --> 00:44:54,820
"Yes, I did!" And after the races we would go.
464
00:44:55,021 --> 00:44:59,893
But I thought: "Man, what, it doesn't work, I'm watching the single-tasking, I don't remember her saying anything."
465
00:45:00,092 --> 00:45:03,341
And I thought I was losing my hearing.
466
00:45:03,733 --> 00:45:07,737
So I went to a doctor. True story!
467
00:45:08,023 --> 00:45:10,289
I went to the doctor and I walked in,
468
00:45:10,489 --> 00:45:12,000
he'll say: "Hi, how are you doing? I said: "OK."
469
00:45:12,083 --> 00:45:13,489
"What seems to be the problem?"
470
00:45:13,494 --> 00:45:16,545
I said: "Well, I think losing my hearing."
471
00:45:17,695 --> 00:45:20,626
And he says: "Well, you know, you're getting up there an age, you know."
472
00:45:22,108 --> 00:45:25,097
"Ears are one of the first thing to go."
473
00:45:25,297 --> 00:45:29,891
And I said: "If that's one of the first, I can handle that."
474
00:45:34,635 --> 00:45:38,552
We will talk more about that tomorrow. But...
475
00:45:39,141 --> 00:45:42,451
So he said: "Well, go on to the nurse Crachett, she'll test your ears."
476
00:45:42,775 --> 00:45:47,746
So I followed the lady, and I walked into this room and they got this cheap box on a table
477
00:45:47,947 --> 00:45:50,072
with some real chancy headphones.
478
00:45:50,271 --> 00:45:55,282
And she says: "Alright, now, put on the headphones, when you hear the beep, raise your hand."
479
00:45:55,485 --> 00:45:58,411
"If you don't hear the beep, don't raise your hand."
480
00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:02,143
OK?
481
00:46:05,824 --> 00:46:09,541
Apparently, I looked really stupid. So, anyway,
482
00:46:10,248 --> 00:46:12,381
I turned around and we began.
483
00:46:16,813 --> 00:46:20,856
Pretty soon she goes: "Really, you can hear all that?"
484
00:46:21,056 --> 00:46:23,960
I turned around and said: "Yes, why?" She is hitting the box.
485
00:46:25,885 --> 00:46:29,010
"I don't know, piece of junk, what's the matter with this thing?" I said: "What's the problem?"
486
00:46:29,210 --> 00:46:34,147
"According to this, you can hear what cats and dogs can hear. I don't know."
487
00:46:35,050 --> 00:46:37,550
She is hitting the box.
488
00:46:40,012 --> 00:46:42,389
She says: "I'm gonna send you to a specialist."
489
00:46:42,603 --> 00:46:48,799
You ever been to the specialist? You know, they've got this yo-mama soundproof room, you know, the thick door, you know.
490
00:46:50,793 --> 00:46:52,507
Help mee!
491
00:46:53,793 --> 00:46:57,253
You know, they've got the person sitting behind the glass.
492
00:46:57,485 --> 00:47:01,248
You feel like you're in a people aquarium.
493
00:47:03,552 --> 00:47:05,819
"Sir, just sit down!"
494
00:47:06,704 --> 00:47:09,295
Anyway, so at the time we lived in Greenbay, Wisconsin.
495
00:47:09,659 --> 00:47:13,083
And right downtown Greenbay there was a place called: "Eye and Ear Associates"
496
00:47:13,282 --> 00:47:15,973
I've never heard of them before. I had no reason to hear from them.
497
00:47:16,224 --> 00:47:19,586
But she said: "I'm gonna send you to these people, they have all this fancy equipment.
498
00:47:19,786 --> 00:47:25,299
And so she takes a doctor's pad and she writes: "Eye, ear," and she abbreviates "Associates" and hands it to me.
499
00:47:25,327 --> 00:47:35,365
(Eye Ear Ass.)
500
00:47:48,003 --> 00:47:50,339
I said:
501
00:47:51,576 --> 00:47:55,123
"What kind of doctor is this?"
502
00:47:56,628 --> 00:47:58,755
It's true story.
503
00:47:59,342 --> 00:48:01,387
She says: "What do you mean?"
504
00:48:02,144 --> 00:48:05,864
I said: "I heard 'eye, ear and throat',"
505
00:48:07,809 --> 00:48:10,786
"I never heard of this."
506
00:48:11,353 --> 00:48:15,012
She said: "Let me see that! Oh, I'm so embarrased, I'm so embarrased!"
507
00:48:18,150 --> 00:48:20,746
She wrote out: "Associates".
508
00:48:24,092 --> 00:48:29,612
Otherwise it was gotta be for a very uncomfortable test there for me.
509
00:48:33,711 --> 00:48:37,288
So I go to the "Eye, ear and you know" doctor and...
510
00:48:38,585 --> 00:48:43,022
I get in there and I sit down and she's behind the glass and she has to push the button to talk:
511
00:48:43,222 --> 00:48:46,608
"OK, now put on the headphones. When you hear the beep... "
512
00:48:49,742 --> 00:48:51,750
I spin around and we began.
513
00:48:55,228 --> 00:48:57,555
I kid you, now she goes:
514
00:48:58,429 --> 00:49:00,865
"Really, you can hear all that?"
515
00:49:03,590 --> 00:49:06,483
I felt like a moron, alright?
516
00:49:06,684 --> 00:49:09,848
I take the printout to the specialist. He goes: "What are you doing here?"
517
00:49:10,063 --> 00:49:12,036
"You've got better ears than me!"
518
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:17,716
I said: "I don't know, man, she says, you know: 'Are you ready? It's six o'clock...'"
519
00:49:22,934 --> 00:49:27,108
So I go home and I walk in the door, she says: "Well, what the doctors say?"
520
00:49:27,353 --> 00:49:30,050
She doesn't sound like that, by the way.
521
00:49:34,295 --> 00:49:38,460
I say that, because people used to come up to me and say: "You know, she doesn't have a voice like that!"
522
00:49:39,550 --> 00:49:43,782
I do it for effect. By the way, we've been married for 32 years.
523
00:49:54,507 --> 00:49:58,867
We have two grandsons... Very cool.
524
00:50:00,862 --> 00:50:06,490
Beatiful boys! One is 10 months old, the other one's eight and they are just such a delight.
525
00:50:06,862 --> 00:50:11,557
I love grandchildren, 'cause now it's payback!
526
00:50:13,753 --> 00:50:17,921
"Come here! You want some more sugar?"
527
00:50:18,121 --> 00:50:20,557
"OK. Bye!"
528
00:50:28,956 --> 00:50:32,192
My son, Philip's here with us. He's running the audio...
529
00:50:32,644 --> 00:50:36,092
...and on our 30th wedding-anniversary Phil gives me a call-up and he says:
530
00:50:36,297 --> 00:50:40,746
"Hey, dad! 30 years. That's really something!"
531
00:50:41,411 --> 00:50:43,076
I said: "Well, thank you, Sir!"
532
00:50:43,275 --> 00:50:48,203
I said: "But you know, truthfully, Phil," I said, "It only feels like ten minutes."
533
00:50:48,998 --> 00:50:51,021
He goes: "Really?"
534
00:50:51,221 --> 00:50:55,967
I said: "Yeah. Ten minutes... under water."
535
00:50:58,643 --> 00:51:01,170
All lighten up!
536
00:51:01,369 --> 00:51:05,929
All the girls: "Oh, I can't believe he said that! What is she gonna think?"
537
00:51:09,597 --> 00:51:13,778
It's just a joke box, alright? It's just a joke.
538
00:51:16,722 --> 00:51:19,180
So I come back from my ear specialist and, "Well, what they say?"
539
00:51:19,380 --> 00:51:21,434
"Well, they said, I can hear what cats and dogs can hear."
540
00:51:21,635 --> 00:51:25,502
She says: "That's not your problem. Your problem's you just don't pay attention!"
541
00:51:25,702 --> 00:51:29,725
I thought: "But I've been paying attention, I was watching the single-tasking thing and..."
542
00:51:30,186 --> 00:51:32,795
So I thought I'm gonna do a test.
543
00:51:33,074 --> 00:51:37,284
I wanna see how far she gets away before I can hear her.
544
00:51:37,487 --> 00:51:43,000
So the next day we were sitting in the kitchen and she comes up and she's talking to me: "La la la la laa..."
545
00:51:43,385 --> 00:51:46,630
And I go: "Mmhmm." And then she walks a little bit further away. She says: "La la la la la laa..."
546
00:51:48,298 --> 00:51:51,059
OK, I can hear that. She goes a little further away. "La la la la la laa"
547
00:51:52,434 --> 00:51:58,536
You know, just doing multi-tasking thing. Then she goes into the living room. "La la la la laa..." And now she goes into another room.
548
00:51:58,757 --> 00:52:04,117
And she's now on the other side of the house still talking to me!
549
00:52:17,625 --> 00:52:23,719
I said "Hey!" She yells back: "What?"
550
00:52:23,918 --> 00:52:29,262
I said: "I'm on the other side of the house!" She goes: "Oh, you don't listen anyway!"
551
00:52:38,576 --> 00:52:43,427
The next day, I caught her, this time she goes upstairs!
552
00:52:43,728 --> 00:52:50,447
She's on another floor still giving me vital information!
553
00:52:52,338 --> 00:52:56,453
That's when it started dawning on me: "Wait a minute!"
554
00:52:57,295 --> 00:53:01,206
We might single-task, but these women so multi-task...
555
00:53:01,407 --> 00:53:06,210
...they just keep do what they're doing and whether or not you're in the same area code
556
00:53:06,409 --> 00:53:09,982
is irrelevant! Irrelevant! That's the word.
557
00:53:12,378 --> 00:53:14,831
I had a guy, the other day, he says: "You know, my wife's like that,"
558
00:53:15,030 --> 00:53:20,382
"she'll just, she'd be talking to me, she's by the dryer. And she'll be telling something important. 'La la la la laa'"
559
00:53:21,134 --> 00:53:23,224
"She'll stick her head in the dryer..."
560
00:53:26,128 --> 00:53:28,432
"And you'd better do that..."
561
00:53:32,023 --> 00:53:34,928
"...or you're gonna be in a big trouble!"
562
00:53:39,166 --> 00:53:43,362
She still does that to me. She'll... ...we'll be like on a real busy highway
563
00:53:43,583 --> 00:53:47,297
...all kinds of noise. And she'll be talking: "You know, something that's really import..."
564
00:53:49,181 --> 00:53:53,068
"So you'd better be careful about it!" "What? I didn't hear what you've said!"
565
00:53:54,583 --> 00:53:58,434
Laws of physics, girls, it applies to you!
566
00:53:58,981 --> 00:54:03,985
It would help if your husband was in the same area code, OK?!
567
00:54:06,092 --> 00:54:08,902
Now, I first shared this story at men's conference I was speaking at.
568
00:54:09,101 --> 00:54:13,701
And I thought that was just a funny story that happened to me. But it's, I'm sure that all these men were goin'...
569
00:54:16,438 --> 00:54:23,195
And one guy come up to me after and he says: "You know, pastor, I'll be in the bathroom,"
570
00:54:25,931 --> 00:54:28,284
"The door is closed,"
571
00:54:36,952 --> 00:54:40,902
"The fan is on."
572
00:54:47,432 --> 00:54:52,547
"There's tile everywhere, so sound just bounces around in there."
573
00:54:52,746 --> 00:55:00,226
"I'm standing there. All I can hear is the sound of rushing water."
574
00:55:01,902 --> 00:55:05,773
"And she's still talking to me!"
575
00:55:10,394 --> 00:55:14,384
You know, I figured out that's why we miss sometimes, girls.
576
00:55:16,130 --> 00:55:17,673
What?
577
00:55:18,925 --> 00:55:20,827
What?
578
00:55:33,652 --> 00:55:36,662
Another mystery solved!
579
00:55:38,516 --> 00:55:41,211
Girls, don't be so multi-tasking
580
00:55:41,411 --> 00:55:45,556
that you're doing a gazillion things giving him vital information! Alright?
581
00:55:45,789 --> 00:55:47,736
Especially if he's doing something.
582
00:55:47,936 --> 00:55:54,054
This simple thing that I'm talking to you creates more arguments and more frustrations in marriages
583
00:55:54,177 --> 00:55:57,211
and we're fighting over nothing!
584
00:55:59,501 --> 00:56:03,195
But you know you really are married to a multi-tasker,
585
00:56:03,394 --> 00:56:07,458
when during a moment of intimate passion
586
00:56:14,869 --> 00:56:21,545
she suddenly brokes out: "Oh, by the way, the plumber said our toilets are broken."
587
00:56:25,179 --> 00:56:27,707
Toilets?
588
00:56:30,413 --> 00:56:33,713
Focus, woman, focus!
589
00:56:43,556 --> 00:56:47,897
Man, she can make love to you, plan next-week's dinner, you know,
590
00:56:48,958 --> 00:56:52,047
think about the toilets... It's all the same there.
591
00:56:56,106 --> 00:56:58,551
I need my tablet back up here. I wanna show you something.
592
00:56:58,751 --> 00:57:04,089
In no other area men's brains and women's brains, do men and women think more differently
593
00:57:04,289 --> 00:57:10,684
than in this area of sex. And we'll get into a lot more detail tomorrow.
594
00:57:10,884 --> 00:57:16,898
But I wanna show something here that I think will be of great interest to you.
595
00:57:17,099 --> 00:57:20,767
Give my lovely assistant a hand.
596
00:57:28,557 --> 00:57:34,041
Now sex is a pretty big issue, particularly for men.
597
00:57:34,242 --> 00:57:38,746
For us, our sexual interest peaks at about age 18
598
00:57:38,945 --> 00:57:43,799
and then goes down from there, so if you're to chart it out, it would look like something like this.
599
00:57:43,885 --> 00:57:48,715
It peaks at about age 18 and then goes down.
600
00:58:14,063 --> 00:58:16,912
And then you're dead.
601
00:58:29,601 --> 00:58:31,695
Now, some things are important for women to understand.
602
00:58:31,898 --> 00:58:36,764
When it comes to this area, we're no longer driven so much by our brains or by our hearts
603
00:58:36,983 --> 00:58:40,411
but it's by a chemical. It's called testosterone.
604
00:58:40,653 --> 00:58:43,594
And it runs to our blood...
605
00:58:48,164 --> 00:58:52,460
It runs to our blood and it drives us crazy!
606
00:58:55,795 --> 00:59:01,382
If you, girls, knew how much this drove us crazy, you'd be more disgusted with us than you are right now.
607
00:59:04,130 --> 00:59:06,931
We downplay it, man!
608
00:59:08,315 --> 00:59:14,660
And, it's, I'm telling you, as funny as this little chart is, and it is true as it is for so many men.
609
00:59:14,942 --> 00:59:18,688
If for some reason as a man ages his testosterone levels begin to decline,
610
00:59:18,887 --> 00:59:21,161
his interest in sex will start to decline.
611
00:59:21,409 --> 00:59:25,068
And if his testosterone level drops dramatically, his interest will go way down.
612
00:59:25,268 --> 00:59:31,549
Same head, same heart, same guy, and now he's not interested in sex.
613
00:59:31,773 --> 00:59:36,099
You treat that man and it's very easy to do, with testosterone supplements,
614
00:59:36,175 --> 00:59:40,208
and "boom", he's the same wild man you married.
615
00:59:40,407 --> 00:59:44,953
Same head, same heart, same guy, now he's...
616
00:59:45,449 --> 00:59:47,654
"Come here, baby!"
617
00:59:47,855 --> 00:59:48,971
Alright?
618
00:59:51,277 --> 00:59:56,163
So, this is not because we're sickoes, this is not because we're perverts, it's not 'cause we're broken.
619
00:59:56,172 --> 00:59:59,347
God wired us this way. And he did it on purpose.
620
00:59:59,563 --> 01:00:02,385
You know: "What was that purpose?"
621
01:00:05,583 --> 01:00:08,304
I'm gonna show you in a minute, but you need to really understand this.
622
01:00:08,505 --> 01:00:13,646
And the truth is, when we get this rush of testosterone, it just messes with us.
623
01:00:13,884 --> 01:00:16,989
Now, for the love of God, don't raise your hands, but...
624
01:00:22,887 --> 01:00:27,360
...most men will admit that we usually receive a testosterone rush
625
01:00:27,581 --> 01:00:29,855
usually very early in the morning.
626
01:00:30,092 --> 01:00:33,121
And for no reason at all.
627
01:00:50,728 --> 01:00:53,521
And it just wakes us up, it just...
628
01:00:55,248 --> 01:00:59,230
And we're not thinking about anything!
629
01:01:00,896 --> 01:01:02,012
Alright?
630
01:01:02,213 --> 01:01:05,024
And that's usually when a man reaches over and whispers those
631
01:01:05,224 --> 01:01:07,620
three words every woman loves to hear:
632
01:01:07,820 --> 01:01:09,983
"Hey, you're awake?"
633
01:01:25,394 --> 01:01:29,021
We'll be taling more about that tomorrow, OK?
634
01:01:29,222 --> 01:01:33,076
So, why does God wire men this way, OK?
635
01:01:33,275 --> 01:01:36,240
Now, to explain this, I need to do an anatomy lesson.
636
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:38,036
You're all OK?
637
01:01:38,237 --> 01:01:41,050
"Hang on, Marvin, he's gonna draw picures!"
638
01:01:42,469 --> 01:01:46,151
It'll be OK. We'll keep it clean, OK?
639
01:01:46,780 --> 01:01:50,068
Now, we'll call this the girl's heart.
640
01:01:52,407 --> 01:02:01,415
And in the interest of keeping everything at least PG13, we will refer to this as "the place of happiness".
641
01:02:29,990 --> 01:02:32,190
I had a lady come up to me recently and she goes:
642
01:02:32,405 --> 01:02:37,240
"Man, I can't even go to Wallmart anymore, smiley faces all over the place!"
643
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:58,164
Now, at some fundamental level, this is every man's basic interest in a woman.
644
01:03:01,409 --> 01:03:02,637
It's true.
645
01:03:02,838 --> 01:03:06,663
Now, women say: "That's terrible! Pastor, it shouldn't be about that."
646
01:03:06,884 --> 01:03:11,784
"It should be about companionship and fellowship and sharing."
647
01:03:12,077 --> 01:03:17,795
Girls, if your husband was interested in companionship, fellowship and sharing,
648
01:03:17,994 --> 01:03:21,391
he would got a golden retriever.
649
01:03:30,842 --> 01:03:35,490
He is interested in this and he's supposed to be. That's the way God wired men.
650
01:03:35,690 --> 01:03:41,674
But men fail to understand is the key to this is this.
651
01:03:42,735 --> 01:03:48,958
And if a man successfully touches this, she give him the green light, and now he can touch this.
652
01:04:04,867 --> 01:04:10,837
So, this sex drive, guys, is God's way of constantly reminding a man
653
01:04:11,038 --> 01:04:13,947
and it keeps coming back like it never stops.
654
01:04:15,523 --> 01:04:21,449
On average, a man will feel the need for sexual release on about every 72 hours. That's every three days.
655
01:04:21,684 --> 01:04:23,708
Some more, some less.
656
01:04:23,907 --> 01:04:27,322
"My husband's every 72 minutes!"
657
01:04:28,646 --> 01:04:31,267
That's your problem. But, anyway...
658
01:04:33,637 --> 01:04:37,849
But seriously, the reason that keeps coming back is to motivate the man
659
01:04:37,893 --> 01:04:40,264
"Be nice to the girl!"
660
01:04:40,934 --> 01:04:46,447
It's not so you can just go: "Hey, you're awake?"
661
01:04:47,525 --> 01:04:51,204
Are you hearig me? A lot of guys do this. As soon as they feel the buzz, they just reach for the girl.
662
01:04:51,436 --> 01:04:53,817
"Come here, baby! Come here!"
663
01:04:54,931 --> 01:04:58,707
Do not be a moron! She won't wanna come here!
664
01:04:58,907 --> 01:05:04,230
The reason that buzz hits you again, remember: "Be nice to the girl!"
665
01:05:04,496 --> 01:05:07,759
"Be nice to the girl! Be nice to the girl!"
666
01:05:08,019 --> 01:05:09,976
"I gotta be nice to the girl!"
667
01:05:10,347 --> 01:05:15,764
And this is what motivates me. I try to be nice to my wife.
668
01:05:16,210 --> 01:05:18,968
And I spend time with her and I take her to lunch every day...
669
01:05:19,168 --> 01:05:20,518
...and I'll take her shopping...
670
01:05:20,733 --> 01:05:22,409
"Well, pastor Mark, do you like going shopping?"
671
01:05:22,623 --> 01:05:24,711
No! I hate it!
672
01:05:24,925 --> 01:05:31,152
Then she drops me off on the bench with all the old guys and I sleep with them, you know, we just...
673
01:05:32,646 --> 01:05:35,536
Then she comes to pick me up, drops me off at another bench.
674
01:05:37,956 --> 01:05:41,000
You say: "If you don't like it, then why do you do it?"
675
01:05:41,030 --> 01:05:44,877
I'll tell you why. Because I want some of this!
676
01:05:50,338 --> 01:05:52,477
I'm no idiot!
677
01:05:53,304 --> 01:05:56,850
You gotta be nice to the girl! You gotta be attached to the girl!
678
01:05:57,050 --> 01:06:01,101
And really, single women... I don't know how many single women are watching this,
679
01:06:01,300 --> 01:06:05,395
but inevitably there's single women here and that's great, and a lot will be watching this,
680
01:06:05,786 --> 01:06:11,338
but, you know, when a woman gives a man this before marriage
681
01:06:11,539 --> 01:06:16,663
she is a nitwit of astronomical proportions.
682
01:06:16,862 --> 01:06:22,945
You would never build a house and pay the contractor in advance.
683
01:06:23,175 --> 01:06:27,599
Are you hearing me? If you wanna build a $250,000-house,
684
01:06:27,800 --> 01:06:31,776
which here in Phoenix would get you a one bedroom with nothing...
685
01:06:36,983 --> 01:06:41,266
Man, I had a huge condo at lake in Wisconsin for $250,000, man, I'm telling you! You've got nothing!
686
01:06:41,465 --> 01:06:47,391
But anyway, you wouldn't pay the guy in advance: "Here's $250,000"
687
01:06:47,596 --> 01:06:50,518
Do you know why? The house would never get done on time.
688
01:06:50,719 --> 01:06:54,923
He'll never do what he promised to do. Why? 'Cause it's just the nature of human beings.
689
01:06:55,159 --> 01:06:57,794
You pay him as they hit certain marks.
690
01:06:57,994 --> 01:07:03,900
Certain things are accomplished, you finish it... You wait 'till everything's right and the you close.
691
01:07:03,981 --> 01:07:05,701
Why? Because that's how people are wired.
692
01:07:05,927 --> 01:07:09,602
If you were just to give it to him, you would be a nitwit! A moron!
693
01:07:10,244 --> 01:07:14,848
That's what women are doing today. They're coughing this upfront.
694
01:07:15,125 --> 01:07:18,193
Which is every man's basic fundamental interest in a woman.
695
01:07:18,393 --> 01:07:21,099
You've already given him everything he wants.
696
01:07:21,465 --> 01:07:26,123
And then you sit around and say: "Aren't you gonna marry me?"
697
01:07:26,570 --> 01:07:30,514
"Aren't you gonna spend more time with me? Aren't you gonna...?"
698
01:07:32,889 --> 01:07:35,753
No, he's not! "Pastor, why not?"
699
01:07:35,952 --> 01:07:39,329
Because you're an idiot, that's why! Don't do that!
700
01:07:39,532 --> 01:07:42,916
Give him that thing?! Make that boy earn it!
701
01:07:54,164 --> 01:07:58,871
Ain't no ring, you ain't get anything! This is what you need to tell him!
702
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:04,992
No, seriously, girls... I don't know what. There's something really happened in the female culture.
703
01:08:05,208 --> 01:08:09,494
I think it's because the women's lib thing: "Well, now we can go out and we can be as sexual as men."
704
01:08:09,713 --> 01:08:12,476
But they're fighting against their own interests.
705
01:08:12,679 --> 01:08:17,810
There are milions of women in America today that are so frustrated they can never get this.
706
01:08:18,015 --> 01:08:20,606
You know why? 'Cause they're dumb!
707
01:08:20,835 --> 01:08:23,561
I'm serious. I don't mean it in a mean way, but they're doing a dumb thing.
708
01:08:23,761 --> 01:08:26,490
Just coughing this up to every guy that comes along.
709
01:08:26,692 --> 01:08:30,082
It doesn't work that way.
710
01:08:30,283 --> 01:08:36,179
Now, every woman's basic interest in a man is this.
711
01:08:36,573 --> 01:08:42,499
What a lot of women fail to recognize is that the key to this is this.
712
01:08:50,282 --> 01:08:54,590
And if you touch that, he gives you the green light and you can touch this.
713
01:08:57,551 --> 01:09:00,764
So, then you said we weren't supposed to do that.
714
01:09:00,988 --> 01:09:04,000
Outside of marriage. Inside of marriage you've got to work this way.
715
01:09:04,234 --> 01:09:05,505
Outside marriage you defeat yourself.
716
01:09:05,706 --> 01:09:09,681
Inside of marriage you have to realize this is a very important deal.
717
01:09:10,490 --> 01:09:12,623
It is! It's huge!
718
01:09:25,690 --> 01:09:28,407
A lot of woman treat this like a side issue.
719
01:09:28,608 --> 01:09:32,952
It is not a side issue in marriage. It is the central issue.
720
01:09:33,152 --> 01:09:36,699
It truly is! And I'm gonna re-explain this in greater detail tomorrow.
721
01:09:36,712 --> 01:09:39,438
You get this right, things will flow a lot better in your life.
722
01:09:39,637 --> 01:09:42,998
You're trying discard it: "That shouldn't be about that! You shouldn't be interested in sex!"
723
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:45,451
"You're just a pig!"
724
01:09:46,935 --> 01:09:50,473
You are fighting now against your own interest doing it that way.
725
01:09:51,712 --> 01:09:54,090
You've gotta be smart about this, girls!
726
01:09:54,310 --> 01:09:55,605
The key to this boy's heart.
727
01:09:55,837 --> 01:10:03,542
You know, they used to say, when I was growing up that a key to a man's heart was his stomach. But they were about 6 inches too high.
728
01:10:15,074 --> 01:10:16,488
And this is important.
729
01:10:16,500 --> 01:10:21,469
And I gotta tell you, girls, if it weren't for this, we probably really wouldn't deal with you!
730
01:10:25,108 --> 01:10:30,503
I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just telling you like it is!
731
01:10:31,408 --> 01:10:36,090
You know, you take that out, I don't think we'd go through the trouble, honestly.
732
01:10:42,655 --> 01:10:45,506
This is a game, you gotta let him know, he can win with you.
733
01:10:45,707 --> 01:10:48,800
And we'll talk about this more in detail tomorrow. But the crazy thing about this...
734
01:10:48,872 --> 01:10:51,722
The key to what you want, here's the door.
735
01:10:52,016 --> 01:10:54,599
And for the guys, for what you want, here's the door.
736
01:10:54,719 --> 01:10:57,159
And it is the perfect stand off!
737
01:10:58,387 --> 01:11:00,654
It is the ultimate stand off!
738
01:11:00,854 --> 01:11:05,267
People say: "What was God thinking?" People say it to me all the time: "What was God..."
739
01:11:05,467 --> 01:11:07,780
This is exactly what God was thinking.
740
01:11:07,980 --> 01:11:13,666
The key to you getting what you want is to give your spouse what they want.
741
01:11:15,225 --> 01:11:19,250
Now, it's not easy. And sometimes you'll mess up, sometimes, you know,
742
01:11:19,309 --> 01:11:20,744
but you gotta constantly work for this.
743
01:11:20,944 --> 01:11:23,303
You can't all of a sudden disregard this.
744
01:11:23,502 --> 01:11:27,557
Some guys, they never pay attention to the girl. They're never nice to the girl.
745
01:11:27,757 --> 01:11:30,150
And wonder how come they don't get any sex.
746
01:11:30,350 --> 01:11:34,774
"Oh, I don't get any sex. How come?" Because you're an idiot!
747
01:11:37,789 --> 01:11:40,804
I mean, for crying out loud! Be nice to the girl!
748
01:11:41,003 --> 01:11:42,998
You've gotta touch her heart! That's your key!
749
01:11:43,006 --> 01:11:47,653
But a lot of guys say: "I told you I loved you once."
750
01:11:49,625 --> 01:11:52,976
"If anything changes I'll let you know!"
751
01:12:00,235 --> 01:12:03,322
"I wonder how come I don't get any sex?"
752
01:12:03,577 --> 01:12:05,997
Because you're just blowing it!
753
01:12:06,207 --> 01:12:08,445
You're blowing it. Girls, the same thing with you.
754
01:12:08,645 --> 01:12:12,527
The key to this is this area here. Don't dismiss this.
755
01:12:12,728 --> 01:12:16,234
If you guys will flow in this thing
756
01:12:16,474 --> 01:12:19,550
it works and it's great. It's extremely powerful.
757
01:12:19,630 --> 01:12:24,309
It is the most powerful thing God ever designed to connect two people.
758
01:12:24,509 --> 01:12:28,127
We will get into a lot more detail tomorrow.
759
01:12:28,127 --> 01:12:30,127
71230
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