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1
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:04,439
I'd just like to say thank you all
for being here for our first year,
2
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,079
all of our lovely residents,
all looking so smart,
3
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:13,660
and for choosing us here at Lark Hall,
and for having a bit of faith in us.
4
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,719
And Merry Christmas!
5
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,820
Merry Christmas!
6
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,180
Merry Christmas.
7
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,799
Cheers.
8
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,580
And a Happy New Year.
9
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:43,039
When a man grows old
10
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,159
and his balls grow cold,
11
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,940
and the tip of his prick turns blue...
12
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:55,599
when it bends in the middle
like a one-stringed fiddle,
13
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,860
he can tell us a tale or two.
14
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,839
What did Father Christmas bring?
15
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,340
I don't believe in him.
16
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,740
I shan't see another Christmas.
17
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:15,759
Mind you, if I was like her,
I'd shove my head in the gas oven.
18
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,620
Uhhh...
19
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,100
Mummy!
20
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,119
Mum!
21
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,740
What? I'm busy!
22
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,199
Eugh!
23
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,100
Arnold's dead.
24
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,940
Try and be careful!
25
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,999
Can I have my room back
now Arnold's dead?
26
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,159
No. But you can get in this sleeping bag
when he's finished with it.
27
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,020
Can we have a bit of respect, please?
28
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,900
Don't go in that room, Eddie!
29
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,359
No, you bloody lift him,
you idle monkey!
30
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:44,239
- I'm not Daley shitting Thompson!
- All right, Father, keep your hair on!
31
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,100
Set?
32
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,919
I read it in The Daily Express.
33
00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:02,119
90% of small businesses go down
the tubes, apparently, in the first year.
34
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,599
I should stop you reading that paper.
35
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,799
Bloke in Scarborough hung himself
in his sporting goods shop.
36
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,879
Yeah, but people don't need
sporting goods.
37
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,079
They're always going to get old,
aren't they?
38
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,060
It's just teething troubles, Steve.
39
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,660
Kiss-kiss.
40
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,999
What do you think you're playing at?
41
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,359
I could have killed you!
42
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,180
Oi! Come here!
43
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,919
And on Boxing Day, we went to the top
of Skidby Windmill and I got badge.
44
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,460
No, you got "a" badge.
45
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,260
Edward?
46
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:32,119
On Christmas Day, Arnold Doughty, 90,
went blue and died.
47
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,980
So far, there has been
no communication from him.
48
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,519
I think I've made a mistake, all right?
49
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,159
- Just give it a day. Please.
- No, I'm fine, thank you.
50
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,559
But we've just moved all that in.
51
00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:01,119
I'm moving it back out again.
All right? It's my things, isn't it?
52
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,159
Who is he?
53
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:07,820
Some gaga old fart Social Services
have sent. Lost his wife.
54
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,839
Lives in a camper van. Like Popeye.
55
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:15,959
Clarence! We can get your stuff just how
you like. Take as long as you want.
56
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,239
- That's not a word.
- Yes, it is.
57
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,999
- "Taxi".
- You're not playing properly.
58
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,559
Remember your first day at school?
It's a bit like that.
59
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,119
- It is a bit like that.
- The first night's the worst.
60
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,239
- Oh!
- I went as mad as her, first few nights.
61
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,239
Be quiet!
Otherwise the war will start again.
62
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:40,919
A lot of jabbering simpletons
rushing about, wetting themselves.
63
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,119
People you don't know
telling you what to do.
64
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,180
- I'm off.
- Hey!
65
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,660
Just give it a go.
66
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,740
This is temporary.
67
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,140
This is only temporary.
68
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,999
OK.
69
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,879
Why doesn't she let him go
if he wants to go?
70
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,599
She should do.
Then I can move back into my old room.
71
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,300
You can move back if you can pay us
50 quid a week.
72
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,439
Tonight, haunted houses, ghost-hunting
73
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,119
and the search for life after death.
74
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,319
The most famous ghost-hunters
and their most famous cases.
75
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,319
Lilian!
76
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:42,799
- Your daughter is on the phone.
- Mavis? Really?
77
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,999
Mavis, oh!
78
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:49,079
Did a ghost leave these chilling
messages asking for prayers.
79
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,839
What do you think of their chances?
Who's going to win?
80
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,860
I wouldn't like to predict that, Phil.
81
00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:02,020
What do you want ringing wastefully from
Canada? A stamp costs hardly nothing!
82
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,639
Mum! I want to watch "Arthur C. Clarke"!
Mum!
83
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,039
What do you want doing with those?
84
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,799
Clarence wants to watch
"One Man And His Dog". He's paying.
85
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,719
- You're a naughty girl.
- It's about ghosts!
86
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,879
We're all naughty girls.
87
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,239
Oh, ball-bearings!
88
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,679
Wouldn't mind being alone with that one
in a long, dark railway tunnel.
89
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,919
- Can I get my wages, Kath?
- Sorry, yeah.
90
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,279
It's very important.
It's about recording ghosts!
91
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:35,119
He's saying what he does
when he wants to hunt them.
92
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,919
Steve, come here!
93
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:42,279
You want to say, "Would you mind
coming here if you're not too busy?"
94
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,079
That's what I said.
Watch the TV upstairs.
95
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:49,079
- You ordered me to come in there.
- The TV upstairs is haunted!
96
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:53,279
Why don't you do it then?
Please, darling!
97
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,359
Because I came in there last time,
dearest.
98
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,159
- You didn't come over here last time.
- I did.
99
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,799
Why don't you listen?
100
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,279
Sorry, love.
Will you sort out the TV for him?
101
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,559
Ena, you've pinched
the knives and forks again!
102
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,500
Yes, sir.
103
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,039
Arnold's ghost must have got into it
when he died.
104
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:19,479
Arnold's ghost has better things to do
than hanging around in a telly.
105
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,999
There, ghosts! Are you happy?
106
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,239
Thermometers to detect
sudden fluctuations in temperature.
107
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,439
And strange as it might seem,
108
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,319
one might consider bringing
a dog or a cat
109
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:35,759
as animals seem to react
to supernatural activity.
110
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,119
Animals also provide
much-needed company.
111
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,519
Price's methods were thorough
and no nonsense.
112
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:47,719
Like many scientists of his generation,
he believed it was a matter of time.
113
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,180
What do you think happens
when you die, Dad?
114
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,559
Can't imagine it's all that different.
115
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,599
A dog or cat allowed to roam freely.
116
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:05,279
But most of all, it's imperative that the
entire building be cleared of inhabitants
117
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,479
to allow the ghost-hunter to work
118
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,959
in controlled conditions
without interruptions.
119
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,700
Bastards.
120
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,460
Hello, pigeon.
121
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,780
Are you a magician?
122
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:38,959
No.
123
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,660
I'm a retired flasher.
124
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,479
This used to be my room until Arnold came.
125
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,759
Who's he when he's at home?
126
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,900
He's not anybody now. He's dead.
He died in that bed.
127
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:59,759
If you see anything supernatural,
do you think you can inform me?
128
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,980
Do you think you can bugger off?
129
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:15,660
Quack-quack!
130
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,940
Ah, ah!
131
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,519
Wuh. Wuh-wuh-wuh...
132
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,919
- What?
- One out!
133
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,020
Give me my ball back!
134
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,820
Wuh-wuh-wuh...
135
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,660
Come here!
136
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,759
Come here while I kick you!
137
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,399
You think they sent me here to be abused?
138
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,140
Get stuffed!
139
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,380
This is my house!
140
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:48,780
Big hand's at six,
little hand's at eight, Eddie!
141
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,580
Get out! Clear off!
142
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,599
Come here, you lot!
143
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:19,140
Come here, come on!
Never mind making a bid for freedom!
144
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,159
It's all clear. False alarm.
145
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:45,199
They are real people, not toys! They were
little boys and girls as well once!
146
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:50,660
I don't want to live here! I want things
to be like they were. I want my room back!
147
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:57,199
Mark my words! By the time he's 13,
he'll be sniffing glue out of a plastic bag!
148
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,599
Thanks, Lilian.
149
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:04,020
What did you want to say, Edward?
What do you want to say?
150
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:26,020
Oh, where are you off to with a grump on?
Go on, get yourself off to school.
151
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,660
Tell Mr Kelly
you had to go to the dentist.
152
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,239
Idiots!
153
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,180
Cow!
154
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,959
Wankerer!
155
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,799
Mummy!
156
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,020
Dad!
157
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,860
Easy way out. Coward's way out.
158
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,820
Just, you know, a cry for help.
That's all. Classic.
159
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,119
- A what?
- Never mind, big ears.
160
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:32,039
Don't say, "That's all," Steve.
How could we let him get to that?
Poor fella.
161
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,300
We're going to have
to cheer this place up a bit.
162
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,180
I'm very sorry for smacking you.
163
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,820
Are you all right?
164
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,980
Come here.
165
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,900
You're very fortunate, you know.
166
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,780
I never met my grandparents.
167
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,620
And my mummy and daddy -
too far away for us to see them much.
168
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:44,940
You've got all these old people around
with all these amazing stories.
169
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,300
It's a privilege.
170
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,319
At least I think it is.
171
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,940
Do you...?
172
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,100
Don't be scared of death, love.
173
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,140
It's all right to be sad.
174
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,799
There's no point being scared.
175
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:07,100
I'm not scared.
I just want to know what happens.
176
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:28,260
- Nurse!
- I thought you might want your stuff.
177
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,260
Draw that curtain round.
178
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,820
And give me my left shoe.
179
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,239
- Did you want one?
- No...
180
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,220
Ta.
181
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,639
Sorry for setting the fire bell off.
182
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,079
Sorry I put a lot of talcum
on your floor and that.
183
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,359
Sorry for not saying sorry
when you ran me over.
184
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,580
And that time I chucked dirt on your head.
185
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:11,460
That's an awful lot of things
to be sorry for at such a young age.
186
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,340
Sorry.
187
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,260
Are you a magician?
188
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,180
- I gave it up.
- Why don't you start again?
189
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,540
Do me a favour.
190
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,740
When you...
191
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,180
Did...
192
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,719
Did you see any kind
of bright white light?
193
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,100
Or a tunnel with Jesus at the end?
194
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,039
As a matter of fact, I did.
195
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:52,820
This cross-eyed little herbert turned up
and yanked me back out.
196
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,780
That's what
you should be saying sorry for.
197
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,639
� That certain night
198
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,879
� The night we met
199
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:10,319
� There was magic abroad
200
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,479
� In the air
201
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:21,199
� There were angels dining at the Ritz
202
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:29,800
� And a nightingale sang
in Berkeley Square. �
203
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:50,799
Can someone inform me
what the hell you think you're playing at?
204
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:55,620
I'm stuck up here on my own
with nothing to keep my trousers up with!
205
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,780
Welcome home.
206
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,820
You know, if I want to top myself...
207
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,940
I can jump out the window!
208
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,559
There must be some way we can.
209
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,479
- They say love will find a way. Always.
- I don't deserve love from you.
210
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:08,199
What I deserve is these crippled legs.
And reflect on what I've done.
211
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,820
Forget it.
212
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,239
How much did that cost?
213
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,559
You can't put a price on looking good,
chucklebum.
214
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,340
How much is looking stupid?
215
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,460
Nice hairdo, Stevie.
216
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,460
You want to watch where you're going.
217
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,239
Is this your grand passion?
218
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,540
Yeah. But I'm not supposed to.
219
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,279
They're all pictures of ghosts.
220
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,799
When they took that,
there was no one there.
221
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,340
Apart from that bloke.
222
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,220
- Please, please!
- What?
223
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,639
- What's his problem?
- Who?
224
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,100
Flash Gordon.
225
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,740
He was in a war.
226
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,599
What about the others?
227
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,199
Lilian's miserable. She trumps a lot.
Reg gets drunk.
228
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,679
Elsie was a dancing teacher,
but now has a plastic leg.
229
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,879
Prudence tears up toilet paper.
230
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:02,599
Ena thinks she's still the King's
housemaid and can't stop stealing stuff.
231
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,039
Clive's had a stroke,
so all he can say is, "One out".
232
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,980
"Rage...
233
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,660
"Rage against the dying of the light".
234
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,119
� The wheels on the bus go
round and round
235
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:20,079
� Round and round, round and round
236
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,519
� The wheels on the bus go
round and round
237
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,839
� All day long. �
238
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,999
They do go round and round,
don't they? Sometimes.
239
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,439
� The dogs on the bus go
woof, woof, woof
240
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,079
� Woof, woof, woof
Woof, woof, woof
241
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,799
� The dogs on the bus go
woof, woof, woof. �
242
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,839
Jesus Christ Almighty!
243
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,239
� All day long
All day long
244
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,639
� The babies on the bus go waa-waa-waa
245
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:51,439
� Waa-waa-waa
Waa-waa-waa. �
246
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,780
I can't put the two things together.
247
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,479
Lived on my own.
248
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,559
Well, myself and the missus.
249
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:05,119
You live on your own all your life,
then they think it's a great idea
250
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:08,399
to shove you together
with a load of strangers.
251
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,599
And what do the mummies on the bus say?
Anyone?
252
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,879
"Screw this," if they've got any sense.
253
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,039
- Everybody all right?
- Yes, thank you.
254
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,199
Nice to see you, Clarence.
255
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,319
� The mummies on the bus say
hush-hush-hush, hush-hush-hush. �
256
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,279
Oh, God.
257
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,660
I know something that would cheer you up.
258
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,279
You've got to be bleeding kidding!
259
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,839
Have one of your beers.
I want to show you something.
260
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,719
- Are you interested in ghosts?
- No, not in the slightest.
261
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,759
- I am.
- So I gathered.
262
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,999
I'm trying to catch them on tape.
263
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,239
Where are you going?
There's nothing in it. It's all bollocks.
264
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,820
- No, it's not.
- It is.
265
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:55,239
"Samuel Peet - not dead, only sleeping".
266
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,540
He's gonna be pissed off
when he wakes up.
267
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,359
This is going to bring my piles down.
268
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,780
I need a coin.
269
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:18,319
Now you have to dance around it
a hundred times.
270
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,940
Their hand comes out
and you can ask it questions. Come on.
271
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,780
One.
272
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,940
Two.
273
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,020
98...
274
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,159
- What's happening?
- Nothing much.
275
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,380
99...
276
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,100
100.
277
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:59,279
There's lots of different ways to
contact them. S�ances and Ouija boards.
278
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,559
You can stand in front of a mirror
279
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:06,119
and say someone's name again
and again and again, then they'll appear.
280
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:10,140
- Does this apply to anyone?
- No, you have to be dead.
281
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,500
Is that your wife?
282
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,860
She looks like Dame Edna.
283
00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,780
Shut up.
284
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,359
Now it's good night from me.
285
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:37,860
And it's good night from him.
Good night.
286
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,359
Good. night!
287
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,780
Good night, sweet ladies.
288
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,500
Thanks for the mystery tour.
I'm not that bothered in the future.
289
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,300
My name's Edward.
290
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,620
Mine's Clarence.
291
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,799
� Simply because you're near me
292
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:09,359
� Honey, but when you're near me
293
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,679
� I'm in the mood for love
294
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:17,799
� Heaven is in your eyes
295
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,999
� Bright as the stars we're under
296
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,159
� Oh, is it any wonder
297
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:30,519
� I'm in the mood for love?
298
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,799
� Why stop to think of whether
299
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:39,119
� This little dream might fade?
300
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,199
� We've put our hearts together
301
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,599
� Now we are one
302
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,999
� I'm not afraid
303
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,839
� If there's a cloud above
304
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:57,100
� If it should rain, we'll let it
But for--�
305
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,700
Annie...
306
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,900
Annie...
307
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,060
Annie?
308
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,700
Annie...
309
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,860
Annie!
310
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,500
Annie...
311
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,380
Annie...
312
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,140
Annie?
313
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,780
Annie...
314
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,599
- Right, I'm knocking off.
- That's a good idea.
315
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,599
I'm off down The Ship.
316
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,180
- Do you mind if I get changed in here?
- In...?
317
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,879
Did you see "Top of the Pops" last night?
318
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,479
No, I don't watch it.
319
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,900
Who was on?
320
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,260
- No, I...I don't watch it neither.
- No.
321
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,959
Are you still with Mike or...?
322
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,660
No, I packed him in.
323
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,999
- We're both going away soon, so...
- University?
324
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,279
- That's it.
- I wish I'd gone sometimes.
325
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:56,719
I failed my Geography "A" level. There was
another question on the back of the page.
326
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:02,660
I finished half an hour before everybody
else. I'm thinking, "They're bloody slow!"
327
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,380
Do you want a lift?
328
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,999
Yeah, if you like.
329
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,100
Great. I'll just get me jacket on.
330
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:46,799
You smell like a tart's window box,
Steve! What have you got on?
331
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:51,060
Just something I were bought
for Christmas, you know.
332
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,879
This is what I've got to look forward to,
is it?
333
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:07,319
Can't you find something more
constructive to do? Learn a skill?
334
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,100
I only want to know what happens.
335
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:16,159
What happens is...iis you think
the last thought you're ever gonna think
336
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:20,940
and then whatever it was
that used to be you...just goes.
337
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:26,100
Christ, it'd be lovely!
I've got lots of things I'd like to say.
338
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,999
But the curtain's come down,
unfortunately.
339
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,959
That's horrible!
340
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:37,100
It can't just be black! Don't take
the piss! It can't just be black!
341
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,159
Are you waiting for someone?
342
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,399
Yes, a little lad.
343
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,919
Your grandson, is he?
344
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,599
No.
345
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,879
Just a little lad.
346
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,460
Gaylord!
347
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,399
You don't have to come and get me.
348
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,599
Don't you want a game?
Nice weather for one.
349
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,980
I don't like football.
350
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:48,860
I was wondering if you might
accompany me on an expedition?
351
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:59,820
Two fat ladies, 88.
352
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,839
The bulb's broken.
353
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:07,100
Doesn't matter. The darker, the better.
354
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,900
Now, for those of you...
355
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,439
who have never before sat at a s�ance,
356
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:25,839
there is absolutely nothing
to be fearful of.
357
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,439
Ghosts are very friendly sorts.
358
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,919
They like a nice little chinwag.
359
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,839
But they're very scared of loud noises
360
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,159
and sudden movements
361
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:41,119
which is the reason
why they're very rarely to be sighted
362
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,279
in discos and wrestling matches,
for example.
363
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,919
You shouldn't joke.
It'll make 'em vengeful.
364
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:52,460
Spirits, please accept
my mortal apologies.
365
00:35:56,120 --> 00:36:01,500
Now, who are we hoping
to contact tonight?
366
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,940
- Anyone.
- OK, we'll try for anyone.
367
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:13,280
Is there anybody there?
368
00:36:13,281 --> 00:36:16,999
Is there anybody there?
369
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,279
Is someone in here?
370
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,719
- Who is it?
- Arnold?
371
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,479
Someone else?
372
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,599
Who?
373
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,100
It's "yes or no" questions only, I think.
374
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,719
Is there life after death?
375
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,300
- What's it like?
- Is it nice?
376
00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:48,879
Are there any ghosts in this house?
377
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,719
Oh!
378
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:55,599
Are there any nice ghosts in this house
that don't want to scare anyone
379
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,220
or cause any bother or nothing?
380
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,660
Yeah.
381
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,799
� Happy birthday to you
382
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:26,959
� Happy birthday, dear Edward
383
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:31,719
� Happy birthday to you! �
384
00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:34,999
- Eddie, good morning!
- Good morning.
385
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,220
- Do you like it?
- Yeah.
386
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,660
Thanks.
387
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,420
I'm going to have a shave.
388
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,380
Can I have a kiss, please...?
Thank you.
389
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:06,740
It's a special and glorious day today.
390
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,399
- Yeah.
- Canada is a country.
391
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:16,540
And my big God-bothering girl Mavis
is coming from there to see me today!
392
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,479
With her husband
who's got a plate in his head.
393
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:24,879
Of course, she's not a girl now,
little man. She's 66 years old.
394
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,879
I'm 11!
395
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,799
Well, she's six times better than you are,
isn't she?
396
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,759
Steve!
397
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,460
- What?
- Come here!
398
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,079
Oh, fantastic
399
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:08,460
Someone answer the door!
400
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,319
Who do you think you are?
Lord and Lady Aggleshite?
401
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,359
Tradesman's entrance!
402
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,639
Well, shake a leg!
403
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,399
- Oh!
- Got her.
404
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,959
- Mum!
- Happy birthday, mate.
405
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,919
- Back to your room! Quick sharp!
- Is she dead?
406
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,239
No, she's fine, she's fine.
407
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,439
What's all the fuss about?
408
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,879
She's had it. She's only just died!
409
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,940
Now stop that. Stop what you're doing!
410
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,220
She's just in her room with her things.
411
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,700
It's hard to know what to say.
412
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,679
Eddie, I'm worried
this is how the Yorkshire Ripper started.
413
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,679
He won't end up
like the Yorkshire Ripper!
414
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,959
Why are you so bloody morbid?
415
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:31,399
- Cos I live here!
- We are doing our best!
416
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,159
We used to go away for the day
on my birthday.
417
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:37,620
It doesn't entitle you
to do what you like!
418
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,140
Oh!
419
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,140
I heard Lilian's ghost.
420
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:58,919
It went "uuuuhhhh".
And I was too thick to turn the tape on.
421
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:04,399
That's the sound of the air passing over
the vocal cords as it comes out the lungs.
422
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,020
No, it's not.
423
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,439
Can we do another s�ance?
424
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:13,639
The proper reaction is to mourn
and celebrate their achievements
425
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,159
as human beings, then try to move on,
426
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,959
not stick a microphone up their nose!
427
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:22,879
I used to have a room
with Paddington Bear wallpaper.
428
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:27,159
Yeah, well, I used to have
a beautiful wife and all my own teeth.
429
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:31,679
Your life changes, buster.
And not always for the better.
430
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:36,740
You accumulate regrets
and they stick to you like old bruises.
431
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,980
Sorry.
432
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,980
Many happy returns of the day.
433
00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:59,140
I'll teach you a few tricks.
434
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,479
I'll do you a magic show.
435
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,359
And you can rub out all of today.
436
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,860
And you can ask your pals.
437
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,799
I don't want a party.
438
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:15,300
Join hands and make contact
with the living, son!
439
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,159
You've got to keep it hidden, see?
440
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,020
Keep it in the knuckles. Go on.
441
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:26,599
You're lucky. You're still flexible.
442
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,820
Go on.
443
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:31,700
Now make it disappear.
444
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,140
Go on!
445
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,599
Pick it up.
446
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:41,980
Start again.
447
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,740
It doesn't start until September, does it?
448
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,340
Tanya!
449
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,700
God Almighty! Poor bunch of pricks!
450
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,959
Go on, ask him.
451
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,380
Ask him about your party.
452
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,879
Good afternoon, Bob.
453
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,999
I don't understand.
It doesn't take five months to pack!
454
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,980
Tragic, isn't it?
455
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:14,060
What were her achievements, then?
What was she like?
456
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:19,100
She was a manipulative,
passive aggressive...
457
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,900
unkind old asshole.
458
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:39,399
� Wish me luck
as you wave me goodbye
459
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,319
� Cheerio, here I go
460
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,839
� On my way. �
461
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:48,599
Tanya's resigned!
Can you believe that?
462
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:52,439
- She's what?
- Can I have a party? I was a prick.
463
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:56,719
- Where did you pick up that?
- Did she give any details?
464
00:43:56,720 --> 00:43:59,039
- I want a magic show.
- You were naughty.
465
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,239
- Go on.
- Details?
466
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:03,479
- Mum!
- Eddie, get off our backs!
467
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,959
We've got this bloomin' wake.
468
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:10,479
� 'Til we meet once again,
you and I
469
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:15,319
� Wish me luck
as you wave me goodbye! �
470
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,540
Maybe we should have a wee dance?
471
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:22,599
The dancers have all gone under the hill,
my dear.
472
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:28,079
� With a cheer, not a tear
Make it gay. �
473
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:33,359
Ohhh, go on, then. It'll do you good
to have some other kids around.
474
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:38,599
- She must have said why.
- I don't know why you're so upset.
475
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,399
It's me who'll cop for the extra work.
476
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,159
Cos I do sod all around here, don't I?
477
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:48,940
You know, sometimes I wish
we did go bloody bankrupt!
478
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,860
� 'Til we meet once again, you and I
479
00:44:55,600 --> 00:45:00,620
� Wish me luck
as you wave me goodbye! �
480
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:11,180
Find the Lady. 5 will get you 10,
10 will get you 20. Money in.
481
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,260
Where is it?
482
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:17,599
No. There she is.
483
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,279
- Not so bad here, is it?
- No.
484
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,959
And the vicar says,
485
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:29,260
"Madam, this is a ladies bike.
It doesn't have a crossbar".
486
00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:35,660
You see...
487
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:41,780
she thought she was sitting on
the crossbar all the way from Keighley.
488
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,580
- But it was his stiffy.
- Yep.
489
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,660
- Everyone all right?
- Yeah.
490
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,700
Fucking Christians.
491
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:03,919
You use two panes of very polished glass
for Pepper's Ghost.
492
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,159
At an angle like that.
493
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,799
Annie lies there. Well, your assistant.
494
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,559
- You've had this.
- What?
495
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:16,839
- You've already had this week's money.
- I do not believe I have had this week's.
496
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,940
- Don't you?
- No, sunshine, I don't.
497
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:25,300
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Bugger off!
498
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:33,359
It can just be very small-scale.
It could just be me and you.
499
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:36,399
- What could?
- My birthday party.
500
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:41,279
I have been trying to draw you out of
yourself, in case you hadn't twigged.
501
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,079
God, what's the worst that could happen?
502
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,119
Kids eat some cake
503
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:51,980
and we lift the grim bloody pallor of
mortality for a few glorious moments.
504
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,340
OK, this one.
505
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,319
Got. Got. Need.
506
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,380
- Oi.
- What?
507
00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:07,020
- Have we got PE?
- Of course. Spastic.
508
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,100
Hey.
509
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,220
Shit!
510
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:23,759
Wow!
511
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:26,919
- Do it again.
- The light is on!
512
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:29,839
The light is on!
513
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:34,599
You've got to flex it
between your knuckles. Don't drop it.
514
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:38,719
Flex it in your what-nots.
Bleedin' hell.
515
00:47:38,720 --> 00:47:41,740
You've got to practise, you know.
516
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:47,820
Have you been prac...
Give us your whatsit's doo-dah there.
517
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,540
You're not going to leave, are you?
518
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,660
Why do you write so much on your arms?
519
00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:01,319
Shall we go and get some magical items
for your party?
520
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:06,559
� Don't jump off the roof, Dad
You'll make a big hole in the yard
521
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:10,159
� Mother's just planted petunias
522
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,599
� The weeding and seeding was hard
523
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,879
� If you must end it all, Dad
524
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,919
� Why don't you give us a break?
525
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:23,759
� Take a walk in the park, Dad
526
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:27,439
� And there you can jump in the lake! �
527
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,740
Oops-a-daisy!
528
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,039
This is where we are, then.
529
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:42,020
Find some items
to make your party go with a swing.
530
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,119
It's funny.
531
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,679
You spend your life accumulating stuff
532
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:57,700
and then you can't find anywhere
to put it.
533
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,420
Imagine that.
534
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,900
Imagine all the money I've spent.
535
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:09,300
All the bloody work I've done.
536
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,399
There.
537
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,959
I had a fine woman, you know.
538
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,700
She was very artistic.
539
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:32,460
Very gentle.
540
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:35,999
We were very happy.
541
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,479
- What does this do?
- Tells the time.
542
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:43,319
- Is it magic?
- No. It's a grandfather clock.
543
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:47,919
You've got to give them the patter,
otherwise they'll latch on to you.
544
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:51,879
- What's patter?
- She was very good at that as well.
545
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,980
She helped me write my funny lines.
546
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,180
I met her at Euston Station.
547
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:01,999
Well, I saw her.
548
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,820
She passed me by.
549
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,279
I went after her.
550
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:12,079
I had a ten-bob note in my pocket.
You don't see them any more.
551
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,039
They were red.
552
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,999
So I took it out and I said,
"Excuse my intrusion, Miss,
553
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,679
"but I think you might have dropped this".
554
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:25,340
And she said,
"Oh, gosh! I did. Thank you".
555
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,660
Yeah.
556
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:31,100
So I took her to Lyons Corner House.
557
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:35,460
We had a long bun, as it were.
558
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:40,460
And that, as they say, was that.
559
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,340
Oh, God.
560
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:56,559
I haven't the faintest idea
why they scrapped 'em.
561
00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:00,460
Tanners and florins and shillings.
562
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:05,599
You don't know what change
you're getting nowadays. And...
563
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:07,820
And...
564
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,180
Where is this?
565
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,780
Clarence?
566
00:51:21,720 --> 00:51:23,719
- Patter.
- What?!
567
00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:28,140
- Misdirection.
- Clarence, you're...! Clarence!
568
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,199
Sorry, I...
569
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:47,879
� Don't jump off the roof, Dad
570
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:52,020
� You'll make a hole in the yard. �
571
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,420
You OK?
572
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,839
When I was a nipper,
573
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,919
I used to...
574
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:24,279
I remember looking up,
lying on my back,
575
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:27,980
and looking up at the stars
576
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:32,279
and thinking
what a great, big university it is.
577
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:34,159
Universe.
578
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:40,100
And all them stars, well, you know,
now they're very, very small.
579
00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:45,199
It's all...shut up shop
580
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:48,759
and the stars, you know,
they don't...
581
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:51,060
what-not.
582
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,820
And the whole...bloody thing
583
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,879
has ended up...
584
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,340
on little...
585
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,820
me.
586
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:13,460
You can take it to a garage.
587
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,740
What? Oh!
588
00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:28,039
You see, when you die...
589
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:31,220
then you come back to life.
590
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:35,599
You know, actually,
you're born again.
591
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,039
Then you die again
592
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:41,420
and, afterwards, you come back to life.
593
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,340
Sounds exhausting.
594
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:53,580
I want to come back as an animal.
595
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:57,639
A rabbit or a badger.
Or something.
596
00:53:57,640 --> 00:54:01,559
- I like badgers.
- What's so good about badgers?
597
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:06,319
I like badgers because they're
bad-tempered and they look good.
598
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:10,660
And...
you can make sporrans out of badgers.
599
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:16,079
But if you came back as a person,
you get a chance to put it right again.
600
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,319
Let me tell you a secret.
601
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:21,359
Being a person is a pain in the arse.
602
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:25,100
- No, it's not!
- Yes, it is!
603
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:32,820
- Clarence?
- What?
604
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:37,239
If you die,
will you come back and see me?
605
00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:40,479
Jesus wept! Chuck that thing away!
606
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:45,020
Chuck it away!
Chuck my bloody tricks away!
607
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,559
What did you do that for?!
608
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:07,119
I'm pissing against the wind.
I'm drenching my mackintosh.
609
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:10,180
You don't come back, son!
610
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,940
Once they've gone, you can't talk to them!
611
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:19,919
If I could just say to her, "I'm sorry".
If I could tell her I was bloody sorry,
612
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,860
what a difference that would make.
613
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:28,239
- She's dead, son! She divorced me.
- Who?
614
00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:30,839
Annie. I wouldn't settle down.
615
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:36,540
I couldn't keep it in my trousers.
I was a good-looking fella.
616
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:42,740
Then one day I came back home
and she'd...
617
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:51,980
Many years later,
I got a letter saying that she'd...
618
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,460
I was too late for her bloody funeral!
619
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,820
I've never even seen her grave!
620
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,039
It's hard...
621
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:12,079
to get this far and realise
there's absolutely bloody nothing!
622
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,879
- You said you were happy.
- Who's happy?
623
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:20,719
- We could do another s�ance.
- Don't be retarded. I made it up.
624
00:56:20,720 --> 00:56:24,039
- What?
- Sod off! I want to be by myself.
625
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:27,879
- Clear your own stuff up!
- I will!
626
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:30,700
Badgers are stupid!
627
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:46,639
- Sorry, love!
- Coo-ee!
628
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:51,980
- You getting your rabbit in your hat?
- No, I'm shoving it up your bum!
629
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,559
Makes you think, doesn't it?
630
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:15,119
No.
631
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:19,279
I wasn't really thinking
about anything very much.
632
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:22,260
I was thinking about having my dinner.
633
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:30,380
No, I mean about life being too short.
All that balls.
634
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:35,340
What's the matter, Stevie?
635
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:42,319
Kath and I used to have
an awful lot of fun.
636
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:44,759
It just seems to escape you.
637
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:46,919
Oh, Christ, Tanya.
638
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:50,719
Don't go to university.
Stay here. We could date.
639
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:53,279
- What?!
- Do you think I'm attractive?
640
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:56,559
- Hold your horses! I'm 18.
- It's fantastic.
641
00:57:56,560 --> 00:58:00,239
- What are you? Like 45?
- No, I'm 39!
642
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:03,180
Going on bloody geriatric!
643
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:10,479
Kidder? I'm thinking
of doing the Card-Finding Duck.
644
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:12,399
Go away!
645
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:16,159
- It takes two people.
- Tough titty!
646
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:19,180
I don't want any bloody magic!
647
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:32,199
Ranjit, who in the previous book
was called John, has got six marbles.
648
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,719
Zulema, who used to be Samantha,
has got 12.
649
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:38,559
And Keith, thank goodness,
650
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:40,599
has got four.
651
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:45,420
What percentage of the bag
does each one have?
652
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:48,780
Five minutes.
653
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:53,559
- I don't want to go!
- Pack it in, the both of you! Manners!
654
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:56,199
But it's an old folks' homo!
655
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:59,079
Oh, God, what's that smell?
656
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:03,940
- Eew! It's wee!
- No wonder he's a complete weirdo.
657
00:59:05,160 --> 00:59:11,799
� Happy birthday to you
658
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:16,719
� Happy birthday, dear Edward
659
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:21,740
� Happy birthday to you! �
660
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:29,260
- Go on, make a wish.
- Quick, before that senile old bat!
661
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:40,300
Did you make that smell?
662
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:45,199
Carry on! Carry on!
663
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:49,039
- Let me do it.
- No. I am perfectly capable.
664
00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:54,399
- Him, he's out! He moved!
- I've been moving since 1917!
665
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:57,020
I can't do anything else.
666
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:12,980
Get up, you. Reg the Hair.
667
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:16,359
Get up. Get up!
668
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:17,839
Oh!
669
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,140
Now move.
670
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:09,319
Can you do your magic show?
671
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:11,540
What?
672
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,460
You sure?
673
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:39,460
Have you got any kids?
674
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:48,559
Now then,
ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
675
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:53,820
please put your hands together
for The Amazing Clarence!
676
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,620
Thank you.
677
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:05,879
I'm not the sort of magician who drags you
through endless mysteries.
678
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:08,740
I'm pretty straightforward.
679
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:16,660
- And I don't do card tricks.
- Awww!
680
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:23,180
Well, maybe one or two.
681
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:28,719
Would you take a card for me, please?
Any card, any card.
682
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:32,559
Thank you. Look at it.
Don't tell me what it is. No, no.
683
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:34,599
Don't tell me.
684
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:38,199
Put it back.
I have a friend who will do that for me.
685
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:40,479
Ronald, the Card-Finding Duck.
686
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:43,500
He is going to find your card for you.
687
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,879
Oh! Oh!
688
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:49,919
Quack, quack!
689
01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:54,239
Can I have another brave volunteer,
please?
690
01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:57,039
You? Another volunteer?
691
01:02:57,040 --> 01:03:00,399
Come on, come on. Who? Who?
692
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:04,919
- You, sir?
- No, no, absolutely not! No, no, no.
693
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:09,279
- They'd sit knitting and eating frogs.
- Eugh!
694
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:14,220
And watching people
having their heads cut off.
695
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,780
A carrot!
696
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:31,799
Unfortunately,
they found that the guillotine
697
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:36,780
was susceptible
to the power of raspberries.
698
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:41,399
They found
that if you got enough people...
699
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:45,359
to blow raspberries,
the blade would be diverted
700
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:48,140
from its fatal course.
701
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:52,879
Which is why I need your help.
OK?
702
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:56,140
Let's have a dry run.
703
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:15,199
OK.
704
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:17,439
I think we're ready.
705
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,420
Blow!
706
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:24,220
Aiiiee!
707
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:27,380
Aaaargh!
708
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:45,319
- I've wrapped it in a bag of peas.
- Thank you.
709
01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:47,439
- No, no, son!
- Let me go!
710
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:52,140
- Any other medication?
- Yes. I'm on pills for my...
711
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:56,980
Well, I'll be buggered.
712
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:08,660
Don't put your finger in it!
713
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,700
One out.
714
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:40,959
Did you have any?
715
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:43,039
It's gone crusty.
716
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:45,980
Go on. Why don't you have some, eh?
717
01:05:46,640 --> 01:05:50,399
- Let's get the candle lit.
- I don't want any!
718
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:52,740
Have some cake.
719
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:03,599
- What's the matter?
- I live in an old people's home!
720
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,159
So do I! It's not easy for anybody!
721
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:10,719
This'll be the place you send your elderly
loved ones to have bits chopped off!
722
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:15,119
- It was an accident!
- He's not your grandad, Eddie!
723
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:18,020
I wish he was my dad!
724
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:22,959
Well, he's going senile.
Haven't you noticed?
725
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:27,759
So you'll just have to settle
for Mr Knobhead here.
726
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:30,719
- Why did you say that?!
- He'll find out.
727
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:36,559
Eddie, some people don't die
just like that, you know, not like Lilian.
728
01:06:36,560 --> 01:06:40,079
Some people, they take a bit longer.
They fade.
729
01:06:40,080 --> 01:06:43,279
- I know what senile is!
- There's Daddy and me.
730
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:47,599
- We are NOT going to fade away.
- Yes, you are! You are!
731
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:50,479
You shouldn't get so involved.
732
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:53,180
What about you? Getting involved!
733
01:06:57,120 --> 01:07:02,399
Oh, Christ, Tanya.
Don't go to university. We could date.
734
01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:06,919
- Do you think I'm attractive?
- Hold your horses! I'm 18.
735
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:09,879
- It's fantastic!
- What are you? 45?
736
01:07:09,880 --> 01:07:13,919
No, I'm 39!
Going on bloody geriatric!
737
01:07:13,920 --> 01:07:18,839
- Don't have an affair with me, Stevie.
- I can't support my family.
738
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:23,039
I'm a rotten bloody father, a terrible
husband and nobody but you
739
01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:25,919
has a single bloody second for me.
740
01:07:25,920 --> 01:07:29,180
You're like a breath of fresh air, Tanya.
741
01:07:30,720 --> 01:07:33,300
I think I love you.
742
01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:36,380
I do.
743
01:07:52,720 --> 01:07:57,199
Maybe if you paid me
a bit of attention every now and again!
744
01:07:57,200 --> 01:08:01,159
What's the bloody problem
with getting your head down?
745
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:04,319
Can you not see beyond a pair of tits?
746
01:08:04,320 --> 01:08:07,599
I have never been unfaithful to you.
Not in 15 years!
747
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:10,159
You just undermine me, Steve.
748
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:14,559
All the time, you never do anything
other than complain!
749
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:17,039
It's exhausting!
750
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:20,239
- Why don't you just go?
- Oh, come on!
751
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:23,180
I'm sick of it! Go!
752
01:08:53,440 --> 01:08:56,079
- There.
- Oh...
753
01:08:56,080 --> 01:09:01,039
- You look nice in that tie, Reggie.
- Thank you.
754
01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:04,799
But you never have it quite straight,
do you?
755
01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:05,999
No?
756
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:09,799
We've got to straighten you out a bit
in general.
757
01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:12,279
Oh, yes. I suppose so, yes.
758
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:14,820
Come along.
759
01:09:20,320 --> 01:09:22,740
It's half eight, love.
760
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:26,399
Come on, get up.
761
01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:28,820
I want a talk.
762
01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:46,380
Edward?
763
01:09:48,480 --> 01:09:50,700
Eddie?
764
01:09:57,080 --> 01:10:01,039
On Sunday,
we went to Edward's birthday party.
765
01:10:01,040 --> 01:10:06,740
There was a wizard who cut an old man's
finger off. It were extremely wicked.
766
01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:16,879
An old person and a young person, please.
767
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:19,340
One eighty.
768
01:10:20,240 --> 01:10:23,759
- That's a lot of ready cash.
- He's my grandad.
769
01:10:23,760 --> 01:10:28,900
- Are you?
- Possibly. There have been many women.
770
01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:36,620
When are we going home, then?
Come on.
771
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:40,780
I wanna be where my stuff is.
772
01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:48,759
Come 'ere! Oi!
773
01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:53,340
Come 'ere!
774
01:10:54,440 --> 01:10:57,919
That was a cheap bloody trick!
Pull the red thing.
775
01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:01,479
- Too late. We're going.
- Pull the whatchamacallit!
776
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:04,460
I will if you tell me what it's called.
777
01:11:05,360 --> 01:11:07,900
Well, I know it's red.
778
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:12,719
What's a divorce like?
779
01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:14,919
- What?
- A divorce.
780
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:17,719
A bit tricky, I should think.
781
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:19,759
Come on!
782
01:11:19,760 --> 01:11:22,759
- Is it still there?
- What?
783
01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:26,319
- Is it?
- What's the matter?
784
01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:29,879
Is the...
Is the ground still there?
785
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:33,220
Look - ground! Sky! Ground!
786
01:11:33,520 --> 01:11:35,079
Ow!
787
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:38,220
- Oi!
- Concentrate!
788
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:45,220
Any danger of a cup of tea
and a pork pie?
789
01:11:46,440 --> 01:11:49,260
Did I already ask that?
790
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:54,260
- Thank you.
- Stay here.
791
01:11:56,440 --> 01:12:00,580
My name...
is Clarence Parkinson.
792
01:12:01,440 --> 01:12:04,540
And England is my nation.
793
01:12:05,640 --> 01:12:09,140
My teacher's name is...Mr Scott.
794
01:12:09,680 --> 01:12:13,079
And Christ is my...
795
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:14,919
salvation.
796
01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:18,420
Clarence! Come here!
797
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:32,180
- That's the same name as my missus.
- I know.
798
01:12:38,880 --> 01:12:40,119
Oh.
799
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:41,980
No...
800
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,380
Oh. God.
801
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:52,820
Sod off.
802
01:12:54,800 --> 01:13:01,500
Sod off!
803
01:13:01,501 --> 01:13:05,101
Sod off!
804
01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:14,639
- Sod off...
- Put them down, then. Put them down.
805
01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:16,719
Get it off your...Don't!
806
01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:19,060
Don't. You...
807
01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,719
You've spoilt them.
808
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:23,639
Yeah.
809
01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:27,879
I've spoilt...
all these nice flowers, ain't I?
810
01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:30,420
It's all right.
811
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:43,599
Know what they're gonna say
on my gravestone?
812
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:47,700
"Here lies Clarence B Parkinson.
813
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:50,999
"He was born, he effed it up
814
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:54,060
"and then he died."
815
01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:57,319
What's your name?
816
01:13:57,320 --> 01:13:59,919
- Eh?
- Edward.
817
01:13:59,920 --> 01:14:02,220
Edward...
818
01:14:02,680 --> 01:14:05,559
Things aren't exactly
819
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:08,340
as they ought to be.
820
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:13,260
Have you any idea what it is?
821
01:14:15,080 --> 01:14:17,900
There's something the matter.
822
01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:31,060
The name on that gravestone
is the same name as my wife.
823
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:43,500
Leave it.
I'm gonna go call my mum.
824
01:14:49,840 --> 01:14:54,239
Today's the first time we've spent
more than half an hour with each other
825
01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:59,439
without a bloody fogey or shitty arse
or liquidised bloody carrots in the way
826
01:14:59,440 --> 01:15:04,559
for a year. Because our kid's run off
because he hates us so much
827
01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:06,959
because of what we do.
828
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:10,500
That isn't why. What we do is good.
829
01:15:11,120 --> 01:15:14,079
We didn't go to university, Steve.
830
01:15:14,080 --> 01:15:18,039
You asked me to marry you.
We had a baby.
831
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:21,420
Do you remember how much...
832
01:15:22,640 --> 01:15:26,399
Do you remember
how hard we tried for him?
833
01:15:26,400 --> 01:15:28,540
Yeah.
834
01:15:30,120 --> 01:15:32,919
That was the journey we decided to make.
835
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:35,759
And there might be a few less "dates"
836
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:39,679
and I might end up looking
like my mother, but...
837
01:15:39,680 --> 01:15:41,980
Sorry.
838
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:49,999
It's not that way, love. Just over here.
839
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:54,220
- I thought it was outside.
- You come with me. That's it.
840
01:15:57,000 --> 01:16:00,599
You argue with your mates sometimes,
right?
841
01:16:00,600 --> 01:16:04,940
And obviously your mum and me...
sometimes...
842
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:09,620
I can be a grumpy bum.
843
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:14,580
It's no fault of yours, love. It's just...
844
01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:22,660
Are you not going to live at home?
845
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:25,900
I don't know.
846
01:16:27,560 --> 01:16:30,719
Hey, but you must never think, ever,
847
01:16:30,720 --> 01:16:35,279
that you're not absolutely the most
important thing in the world
848
01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:37,660
to your mum and me.
849
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:42,900
Do you understand?
850
01:16:49,320 --> 01:16:52,580
When's he going to die?
851
01:16:55,560 --> 01:17:00,660
We'll look after him.
Just like we look after everybody.
852
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:07,479
I'm a little bit bored with you men
and your problems at the moment, Edward.
853
01:17:07,480 --> 01:17:11,759
Sometimes you just have to learn
to let things go.
854
01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:14,060
I know.
855
01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:19,820
Eh?
856
01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:26,959
- There you are. Where have you been?
- Go back to sleep.
857
01:17:26,960 --> 01:17:30,479
- I've been looking for you!
- Oh, God help us.
858
01:17:30,480 --> 01:17:33,279
Another woolly one who can't cope.
859
01:17:33,280 --> 01:17:35,519
Annie...
860
01:17:35,520 --> 01:17:38,260
I'm sorry, pigeon.
861
01:17:40,440 --> 01:17:44,399
That's all I wanted to say.
Just to tell you...that I'm sorry.
862
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:48,799
I got distracted, love.
If I had my time over again...
863
01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:51,199
If I had it again...
864
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:53,279
Annie...
865
01:17:53,280 --> 01:18:00,220
I forgive you.
866
01:18:38,280 --> 01:18:40,919
Marty, I'll be very sad to see you go.
867
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:44,559
You've really made a difference
in my life.
868
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:48,519
Just knowing I'm going to be around
to see 1985,
869
01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:52,420
that I'm going to succeed in this
and travel through time!
870
01:18:57,680 --> 01:19:02,399
It's going to be really hard to wait
30 years to talk to you about this.
871
01:19:02,400 --> 01:19:05,700
I'm really going to miss you, Marty.
872
01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:09,100
I'm really gonna miss you.
873
01:19:11,640 --> 01:19:14,439
Ace one, wasn't it? That one was magic.
874
01:19:14,440 --> 01:19:18,319
- Like the bit with the skateboard?
- I was there, too.
875
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:22,319
- Oh, no. You sure?
- Yeah. You coming in?
876
01:19:22,320 --> 01:19:24,959
A couple of minutes can't hurt.
877
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:29,319
- But you did like it, though?
- It was good, Dad!
878
01:19:29,320 --> 01:19:33,740
- Can I have a word?
- Most assuredly.
879
01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:40,060
With him.
880
01:20:50,960 --> 01:20:53,559
Getting to be spring again.
881
01:20:53,560 --> 01:20:56,239
It's October.
882
01:20:56,240 --> 01:21:00,119
The leaves are looking
very nice on the, er...
883
01:21:00,120 --> 01:21:02,639
large plants you get in the garden.
884
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:06,439
- Trees.
- You're not doing that trick right.
885
01:21:06,440 --> 01:21:10,679
You've got to give it some patter. Words.
Why don't you...
886
01:21:10,680 --> 01:21:14,479
What do you call a man with a paper bag
on his head? Russell.
887
01:21:14,480 --> 01:21:16,839
Or a licence plate on his head? Reg.
888
01:21:16,840 --> 01:21:19,820
- A man with a car on his head?
- Seatbelt?
889
01:21:22,080 --> 01:21:24,039
Good lad!
890
01:21:24,040 --> 01:21:27,359
- Can I have my fiver now?
- Your what?
891
01:21:27,360 --> 01:21:31,559
- You said you'd give me a fiver.
- What a load of bollocks.
892
01:21:31,560 --> 01:21:34,580
Come in.
893
01:21:36,640 --> 01:21:38,879
- Ready for the off?
- Where to?
894
01:21:38,880 --> 01:21:40,940
Pictures?
895
01:21:41,840 --> 01:21:44,980
Ta-ta for now.
896
01:22:18,720 --> 01:22:23,599
I was wondering whether you wanted
to move back into your old room.
897
01:22:23,600 --> 01:22:26,220
I'm OK where I am.
898
01:22:27,920 --> 01:22:30,900
He was some magician, wasn't he?
899
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:34,940
Oh, come here.
900
01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:10,180
Oh, yeah? He shoots, he scores!
901
01:23:12,360 --> 01:23:15,380
Come on, then! Pass it!
902
01:23:23,960 --> 01:23:26,220
One out!
903
01:23:38,960 --> 01:23:42,060
Go on, then.
904
01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:45,340
Nice one, old man
905
01:24:03,560 --> 01:24:06,039
Come on!
906
01:24:06,040 --> 01:24:08,340
One out!
907
01:24:21,240 --> 01:24:23,660
Oh, look!
908
01:24:24,240 --> 01:24:26,540
Abracadabra!
909
01:24:27,920 --> 01:24:30,140
Oh...
910
01:24:36,120 --> 01:24:39,140
Where are you going?
911
01:24:44,440 --> 01:24:46,079
Out.
912
01:24:46,080 --> 01:24:49,839
- That's all.
- You never go out.
913
01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:53,799
Well, things are different now,
aren't they?
914
01:24:53,800 --> 01:24:56,980
Why do you have to put make-up on?
915
01:24:57,440 --> 01:24:59,660
Because...
916
01:25:00,120 --> 01:25:04,860
Oh, I don't know.
Makes you feel a bit more human.
917
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:08,759
You look like a vampire.
918
01:25:13,040 --> 01:25:15,660
Cheers, big ears
919
01:25:24,560 --> 01:25:26,980
You look nice!
920
01:25:38,080 --> 01:25:39,679
Hi.
921
01:25:39,680 --> 01:25:42,700
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
68587
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