All language subtitles for Hot Fuzz Netflix

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Alarm Blaring ]

[ Siren Blaring ]

[ Multiple Sirens Blaring ]

[ Vehicles Passing ]

[ Sirens Continue ]
[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Man Narrating ]
Police constable Nicholas Angel.

Born and schooled in London.

Graduated Canterbury University
in 1993 with a double first
in politics and sociology.

Attended Hendon College
of Police Training.

Displayed great aptitude
in field exercises,

notably urban pacification
and riot control.

Academically excelled
in theoretical course work
and final year examinations.

Received the Baton of Honour.

Graduated with distinction
into the Metropolitan
Police Service.

Quickly established
an effectiveness and popularity
within the community.

- Use your brain.
- Proceeded to improve
skill base...

with courses
in advanced driving...

and advanced cycling.

Became heavily
involved in a number of
extra-vocational activities.

To this day,
holds the Met record
for the 100-meter dash.

In 2001 began active duty
with the renowned SO-19
armed response unit.

Received a bravery award
for efforts in the resolution
of Operation Crackdown.

In the last 12 months,
has received nine
special commendations,

achieved
the highest arrest record
for any officer in the Met,

and sustained three injuries
in the line of duty,
most recently in December,

when wounded by a man
dressed as Father Christmas.

[ Screams ]

Hello, Nicholas.

Hello, Sergeant.

How’s the hand?

Still a bit stiff.

[ Inhales ]
It can get awfully hairy
out there.

I’m surprised you weren’t
snapped up sooner for a nice
desk job. That’s what I did.

I prefer to think my office
is out on the street.

Indeed you do.

Your arrest record
is 400% higher than
any other officer.

Which is why
it’s high time
that such skills...

were put to better use.

- We’re making you sergeant.
- I see.

- [ Whispers ]
In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
- In where? Sorry?

In Sandford,
Gloucestershire.

- That’s... in the country.
- Yes! It’s lovely.

- Isn’t there a sergeant’s
position here in London?
- [ Chuckles ] No.

- Can I remain here
as a P.C.?
- No.

- Do I have any
choice in this?
- No.

Sergeant,
I kind of like it here.

Well, you’ve always wanted
to transfer to the country.

- In 20 years or so, yes.
- Well done, you.

Hang on.
I don’t remember
telling you that.

Yes, you did. You said,

"I’d love to settle down
in the country sometime,
Janine."

I’d like to talk
to the inspector.

You can speak
to the inspector,
but I can promise you...

he will tell you exactly
the same thing as I am.

Hello, Nicholas.
How’s the hand?

It’s still a bit stiff.

And how are
things at home?

I’m sorry, sir?

How’s Janine?
[ Clears Throat ]

We’re no longer
together, sir.

Right, well, then
where are you living?

- He’s staying at
the section house, sir.
- With the recruits?

Yes, he’s living out
of cardboard boxes.

Well, then,
you’re packed already.

Nicholas, we’re offering you
a smashing position with
a delightful cottage...

in a lovely little place
that I think has won
Village of the Year...

I don’t know
how many times.

It’ll be good for you.

I... don’t really know
what to say.

"Yes."

"Yes, thank you."

No, I’m sorry.
I’m gonna have to–

- You want to
take this higher?
- Yes. Yes, I do.

- You want me to bother
the chief inspector with this?
- Yes.

You want me to get
the chief inspector to come
all the way down here?

Yes, I do.

Okay.

Kenneth.

Hello, Nicholas.
How’s the hand?
Still a bit stiff.

Chief Inspector–

Keep your seat.

Now, I know what
you’re going to say,

but the fact is, you’ve been
making us all look bad.

I’m sorry?

Of course, we all
appreciate your efforts,

but you’ve been rather
letting the side down.

It’s all about being
a team player,
Nicholas.

You can’t be
the Sheriff of London.

If we let you carry on
running round town,

you’ll continue
to be exceptional,
and we can’t have that.

You’ll put us all
out of a job.

With respect, sir,

you can’t just
make people disappear.

Yes, I can.
I’m the chief inspector.

Well, however you spin this,

there’s one thing
you haven’t taken into account–

and that’s what the team
is gonna make of this.

[ Cell Phone Vibrating ]

[ Sighs ]

Hello?
[ Nicholas ]
Janine, it’s me.

I know.
I’m at work.

I know.
I’m outside.

- What’s the situation?
- You know the situation.
We’ve been over this.

No, I-I meant here.

Two people involved,
distinct signs of a struggle,
a complete mess.

You are talking about here?

Nicholas,
what do you want?

I have something important
to tell you and I didn’t want
to do it over the... phone.

Janine,
I’ve been transferred.
I’m moving away for a while.

[ Man ]
I’m not Janine.

[ Janine Clears Throat ]

Janine, I’ve been transferred.
I’m moving away for a while.

I know. Rob told me.
[ Man ]
Hello there.

Well, I wanted to
tell you in person.

There’s no reason
we can’t be civil
with each other.

It’s not that long ago
we were talking about
getting married.

Yes, but you were already
married to the force,
weren’t you?

We’re actually
supposed to call it
the "service" now.

Official vocab guidelines
state that "force"
is too aggressive.

See? It’s only ever
about the job.
It’s all you care about.

That’s not’s true.

No, you’re right.
You do have that rubber plant.

It’s a Japanese peace lily.

You just can’t
switch off, Nicholas!

And until you find
a person you care about
more than your job,

you never will.

Besides, you were the one
who suggested we take a break.

Yes, well...

guilty people often
make the first move.

Actually, there’s something
I need to tell you.

You’re seeing
someone else.

- Yes. How did you–
- Is it Bob?

No. Does Bob look like
the kind of person
I’d go out with?

It’s Dave.

Hello there.

I see.

Oh, Nicholas.

You do realize that window
was broken from the inside?

Hmm?

Huh?

[ Helicopter Whirring ]

[ Beep ]
[ Man On Recording ]
Hello there, Nicholas.

Frank Butterman here,
your new inspector.

I’m just calling with details
of your accommodation.

We’ve got you
a lovely little cottage
on Spencer Hill.

Look forward
to meeting you anon. Cheerio!

[ Beep ]
Nicholas, Frank again.

Uh, one other thing
about your cottage–
it’s not ready.

[ Beep ]

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Beep ]

[ Snoring ]

Well, it would appear
the heavens have opened.

I was hoping
to, uh, check in.

Check in?

But you’ve
always been here.

Excuse me?

Oh, I’m sorry.
I thought you were
my husband.

- You must be Sergeant Angel.
- Yes, I am.

I’m Joyce Cooper.
I trust you had
a pleasant trip. Fascist.

I beg your pardon?

"System of government
characterized by
extreme dictatorship."

Seven Across.

Oh, I see.
It’s, uh, fascism.

Fascism.
Wonderful.

Now, we’ve put you
in the Castle Suite.

Bernard will escort you
up there.

[ Snoring ]

Well, actually,
I could probably
make my own way up.

Hag.

I beg your pardon?

"Evil old woman
considered frightful or ugly."

- It’s Twelve Down.
- Oh! Bless you.

[ Sighs ]

[ Rainfall ]

Pint of lager please, Mary.

[ Woman ]
Right you are, my love.

Yes, sir.
What can I get you?

Could I have
a glass of the...

- cranberry juice, please?
- Certainly.

Now, you wouldn’t
by any chance be
the new policeman?

Police officer, yes.
I’m Nicholas Angel.

I’m Roy Porter.
This is my wife Mary.

Mary.
Welcome to Sandford.

- If there’s anything you need,
just let us know.
- Thank you.

- Could I borrow your newspaper?
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]

It’s not ours, love.

Not big fans of the local
fish wrapper, are we, Mary?

They listed her age as 55.

When I’m actually 53!

Fifty-three.

[ Belches ]
Pint of lager please, Mary.

Right you are,
my love.

[ Chattering, Laughter ]

[ Slurping ]

[ Chattering, Laughter ]

[ Nicholas ]
Excuse me.

What?

When’s your birthday?

22nd of February.

- What year?
- Every year.

Get out.

Hey. When’s your birthday?

Uh, eighth of May... 1969.

- You’re 37?
- Yeah.

Get out!

- When’s your birthday?
- [ Stammering ]

Out!

Is there a problem,
Officer?

Yes, there is, Mr. Porter.
It would appear a number
of your patrons are underage.

Well, a few of them
may be a month or two
south of proper,

but if they’re in here
it stops ’em getting
into trouble out there.

- The way we see it,
it’s all for the greater good.
- The greater good.

Well, that’s as may be,
but the law is the law,
and they’ll have to go.

Oh.

Oh.

[ All Clamoring ]

Another cranberry juice?

I’m fine, thank you.

[ Mutters ]

[ Man Mutters ]

[ Muttering Continues ]

[ Clears Throat ]

I hope you’re not planning
on driving that.

No.

[ Engine Starts ]

Right!
I’m taking you
to the station.

Where is it?

[ Urinating ]

[ Clears Throat ]

What?

[ Splashing ]

[ Door Opens ]

[ Nicholas ]
Here. Out of the way.

Move.
All right.

Nicholas Angel.

- Oh! When did you start?
- Tomorrow.

Oh. Well, I see
you’ve already arrested
the whole village.

Not exactly.

[ Chuckles ]

You in for the night?
Go on. Four is free.

Hey, now,
I need to speak to him.

- Aw, he’ll be no use
till the morning.
- I see.

You really want to, uh,
process all this lot?

- My pen’s running out.
- Not a problem.

- ♪♪ [ Rock ]
- ♪ Yeah, oh, come on, baby ♪

♪ You gotta line up
and get down ♪

♪ ’Cause I’m takin’
every one last one
of you punks downtown ♪♪

♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

♪♪ [ Pop ]

- ♪ We are the Village Green
Preservation Society ♪♪
- Morning, Sergeant.

Morning.

- Morning, Sergeant.
- Morning.

Morning, Sergeant.

Morning.

Lock me up.

I’m sorry?

I’m a slasher
and I must be stopped.

You’re a what?

A slasher...

of prices.

[ Laughing ]
Just kidding!

I’m Simon Skinner.
I run the local supermarché.

Drop in and see me sometime.
My discounts are criminal.

Catch me later!

Morning, Sergeant.

Morning, Sergeant?

Could you tell the inspector
I’ve arrived, please?

No.

Why?

He’s not in yet.

- Well, how’s our guest?
- Guest?

The inebriate in Cell Four.

I don’t know.

Nobody tells me nothin’.

Can I get Cell Four opened,
please?

Danny,
can you open Four?

He’s gone.

Oh, my God!
Who’s gone?

The–

Why are you dressed
like a police officer?

Because I am one.

Ah, Sergeant Angel, at last.
Frank Butterman.

I see you’ve already
met my boy.

Yes.

[ Frank ] Do forgive me, I’m
something of a wild west nut.

Speaking of which,
that was a fair few outlaws
you rounded up last night.

Thank you, sir.

I admire your enthusiasm,
and far be it from me
to stifle your flair,

but this isn’t London.

Oh, yes, please,
Danny.

With respect, sir,

geographical location
shouldn’t factor in
the application of the law.

No, thanks.

Statistically,
Sandford is the safest
village in the country.

But that doesn’t mean
it requires anything less...

than a careful and
considered approach.

There’s a reason
we accommodate a few of
the younglings at the pub.

- The greater good?
- The greater good. Precisely.

Your predecessor assumed
that rural policing was easy.

Ended up having
a nervous breakdown.

And Sergeant Popwell
was an exceptional officer,
truly exceptional.

- And he had one thing
you haven’t got.
- What’s that, sir?

A great, big, bushy beard!

Come on.
Let’s have a mosey around.

Locker room.

Riot room.

Evidence room.

[ Buzzing ]

Now, how about
a trip to the Andes?

Detective Sergeant
Wainwright...

and Detective Constable
Cartwright.

[ Phone Ringing ]

Don’t get up.

[ Ringing Continues ]

I expect you’re wondering
why we call them "The Andes."

They’re both
called Andrew?

They said you were good!

A-Also because talkin’ to them’s
an uphill struggle, innit, Dad?

Fuck off!

Thank you, Danny.

[ Frank ]
The swear box.

All proceeds to
the church roof.

And this is where
it all happens!

That is
Sergeant Tony Fisher...

Huh?

P.C. Bob Walker...

[ Mutters, Indistinct ]

and that is Saxon.

[ Barks ]

And this...

is one Doris Thatcher.

She’s our only
policewoman.

She’s not a policewoman.

Yes, she is.
I’ve seen her bra.

She’s a police officer.
Being a woman has
nothing to do with it.

Oh, I dunno.
Comes in handy
every so often.

- [ Danny Chuckles ]
- I coulda given you the tour.

I’ve been ’round the station
a few times.

And what’s upstairs?

Well, well, well.
I see we have visitors.

Nicholas,
this is Tom Weaver.

Civilian liaison with
the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.

You’ll find that we run
a very tight ship here.

From this command center...

I can see what
the whole village is up to.

I must say,
I was rather admiring
your handiwork last night.

It’s a pity
you didn’t do the same
to those bloody hoodies.

Hangin’ around.
Loitering. Sitting.

Actually, I did notice
some minor graffiti
on the fountain.

Graffiti?
They’ve gotta be
dealt with, Frank.

[ Chuckling ]
They’re nippers, Tom.
They’ll come round.

Which reminds me.

Our friend The Living Statue
was here Saturday.

11:00, 12:00, 1:00, 2:00.

If we don’t come down hard
on these clowns,

we are gonna be
up to our balls
in jugglers!

We’ll get
right onto it, Tom.

[ Chuckling ]
We like to let them think
they run the place.

Well, that’s that,
unless there’s anything
you’re unclear about.

Uh, yes, sir.
Why is everybody
eating chocolate cake?

The Black Forest gâteaux
is on Danny as punishment
for his little indiscretion.

His– Sir, I don’t think
driving under the influence...

can be called
a "little indiscretion."

No, the gâteaux is for
misplacing his helmet
the other week.

Last night’s incident
will require something
rather more serious.

- Good.
- Do you like ice cream?

I’m sorry, sir,
I don’t follow.

Let’s just say that we won’t
be short of Chunky Monkey
for the next month!

[ Doris ]
Hey, hey!

Dad!

Now, since it’s your first day
and it’s half past 11:00,
I’d say that’s lunch.

[ All Cheering ]

So...

what made you
choose Sandford,
then, Sergeant Angel?

It wasn’t actually my choice.

Oh, right, right.
Wasn’t your choice
to come down here...

and tell me how
to do my job–
our jobs.

You city boys
think you know better, eh?

[ All Assenting ]

Look, I can assure you,
it wasn’t my intention
to upset the apple cart.

Yeah, ’cause we all
sell apples ’round here,
don’t we?

- Your dad sells apples, Andy.
- And raspberries.

Bet you can’t wait to jump into
Sergeant Popwell’s grave.

I’m not jumping
into anyone’s grave.

You got a mustache.

I know.

Why have you got
your stab vest on?

- It’s a requirement.
- In the city, maybe.

Nobody’s gonna stab you
in here, Sergeant.

- Not a member
of the public, anyhow.
- [ All Laugh ]

- Have you been stabbed,
Sergeant Fisher?
- No.

Well, I have.
And I can assure you it is
not in the least bit amusing.

Have you seen a lot
of action, Sergeant Angel?

I’ve experienced
my fair share, yes.

Did you cook any fools?

Excuse me?

Did you shoot anybody?

He shot a crackhead
with a Kalashnikov.

Whoa!
Where’d you get that?

The offender had
the Kalashnikov.

Whoa!
Where did he get that?

You do know there are
more guns in the country
than there are in the city.

Everybody and their mums
is packing round here.

Like who?

- Farmers.
- Who else?

Farmer’s mums.

What is it like
being stabbed?

It was the single most
painful experience of my life.

What was the second
most painful?

You ever fired two guns
whilst jumping through the air?

No.

You ever fired one gun
whilst jumping through the air?

No.

You ever been in
high speed pursuit?

Yes, I have.

You ever fired a gun whilst
in a high speed pursuit?

No!

[ Woman On Walkie-talkie ]
Annette, that Sergeant Angel
is coming into your shop.

Get a look at his arse!

What about
Lethal Weapon?

No.

You’ve seen
Die Hard, though?

No.

Bad Boys II?

No.

You ain’t seen
Bad Boys II?

Whoo!
Hell of a day, huh?

Yep.

Same again tomorrow?

Yep.

[ Laughter, Chattering ]

[ Woman ]
You were in my shop earlier.

Amanda Paver, headmistress
of Sandford Primary.

How do you do, Sergeant?

Simon Skinner
I believe you’ve met.

Oh, we’re already
firm friends.

Oh, please come with me,
will you?

This is Leslie Tiller,

whose horticultural expertise
has helped put Sandford
on the map.

She’s ever so good.

Oh, go on.

This is James Reaper,
who owns Brannigan Farm.

I hear you’re
quite the marksman.

Perhaps you might
like to join us
for a shoot one day.

Well, I haven’t
held a firearm
for over two years.

I’d kind of like
to keep it that way.

- You will be popular
with the local birds.
- [ All Laughing ]

Birds.
[ Laughing ]

Nicholas, hello.
Reverend Shooter.

I want to ask you,
would you read a homily
at Sunday service?

That might be a little
hypocritical of me, Reverend.

Oh, you’re an atheist?

[ Gasps ]
I’m– I’m open
to the concept of religion,

I’m just not entirely
convinced by it.

- You’re an agnostic.
- I think I have
a cream for that.

[ Laughter ]

Robin Hatcher,
our resident sawbones.

Hopefully we won’t see
too much of each other
over the coming months.

Well, all that remains
is to welcome you...

to the weekly meeting
of the Neighborhood
Watch Alliance.

[ Chattering ]

Now, a quick announcement
before we begin.

Janet Barker has just
given birth to twins.

- [ All ] Aw.
- So congratulations to her.

- Tom?
- Thanks, Joyce.

Now...

I am sure that all of you
will have noticed a return
of a blight to our streets.

It’s made all the more
disturbing as the Village
of the Year contest looms.

I refer, of course,
to the extremely irritating
Living Statue.

[ All Murmuring ]

[ Nicholas ]
Police work is as much
about preventing crime...

as it is about fighting crime.

Most importantly,
it is about procedural
correctness...

in the execution
of unquestionable
moral authority.

Any questions?

[ Snapping Fingers ]
Hey, hey.

Yes?

Is it true
that there is a place
in a man’s head...

that if you shoot it,
it will blow up?

[ Bell Ringing ]

Hi, hi. Tim Messenger.
Can I get a quick shot
for the Sandford Citizen?

Yeah.

Okay.

How about
you put the teacher
in handcuffs?

I don’t think that gives off
the right signals.

Too cheesy-pie.
Okay, gotcha.

- Uh, give the little
blond kid your hat.
- I’d rather not.

- Wave your hittin’
stick about.
- No.

Righty-ho-ho.

[ Joyce Laughing ]

Oh, can I have
your autograph,
please?

Oh, it’s– it’s–

For the breakfast.

Oh, sorry.

[ Sighs ]

Hey, that weren’t me.

Morning, Angle.

Morning, Angle.

Morning, Angle.

Morning, Angle.

[ Rings ]

Sergeant Angel.

[ Man ] Morning.
The swan’s escaped.

The swan’s escaped?

Yeah.

And where’s the swan
escaped from, exactly?

The castle.

Oh, yeah?
And who might you be?

Mr. Staker.
Mr. Peter Ian Staker.

P.I. Staker?
Yeah.

Right, piss taker!
Come on!

Yes, Mr. Staker, uh,
we’ll do everything we can.

Can you describe it to me?

It’s about
two foot tall,

um, long,
slender neck.

Yeah.

Kinda orange
and black bill.

Anything else?

Well, it’s a swan.

[ Honking ]

[ Honks ]

[ Honks ]

That’s just gonna
scare it.

No luck catching
them swans, then?

Uh, it’s just
the one swan, actually.

[ Danny ]
You want anything
from the shop?

You’ve just been
to the shop.

I was thinking of
a different shop.

Constable Butterman,
this is not the time
for personal errands.

Well, there’s nothing
going on, is there?

There is always
something going on.

You have to look closer.

All right,
what about this guy?

Mr. Treacher?

Yeah. Why has he got
that big coat on?

He can’t be cold.
Why the extra layer?

Maybe he’s trying
to hide something.

Mr. Treacher?

Okay,
what about this guy?

Ask yourself,
why has he got his hat
pulled down like that?

He’s fuck-ugly.

Or he doesn’t want you
to see his face.

Because he’s fuck-ugly.

Okay, what’s his story?

- Oh, it’s Lurch.
- Go on.

- He’s a trolley boy
at the local supermarket.
- Good.

- Real name Michael Armstrong.
- Uh-huh.

- Dad says he’s got
a child’s mind.
- Okay.

Lives up Summer Street
with his mum and his sister.

And are they
as big as he is?

Who?

The mum and the sister.

Same person.

What shop were you
thinking of?

"Silent Rage.

Martial arts master...

versus superhuman...
killing machine."

[ Walkie-talkie
Chatter, Indistinct ]

[ Woman On P.A. ]
Sergeant Angel
to the manager’s office.

Manager’s office,
Sergeant Angel.

Ah, Sergeant Angel.

Or is it Angle?
[ Laughing ]

Mr. Skinner,
a baby’s sicked up
in Aisle Six.

Please excuse me.

Michael!

Yarp?

Child vomit, Aisle Six.
Mop it up.

Yarp.

Mr. Skinner,
is there a problem?

No. No, no, no.
I simply wanted to say
how lovely it is...

to see you supporting
your local store.

Well,
that’s quite all right.

All too many have defected
to the big mega-mart
in Buford Abbey.

May their heads be struck
from their shoulders
for such disloyalty.

Yes, well, I am on duty,
so if you’ll excuse me.

Of course. I simply
spied you loitering
in organic produce...

and assumed you had
time on your hands.

Well, maybe I’m not the one
you should be keeping an eye on.

That’s the fridge magnate.
His name’s George Merchant.
Made a fortune in kitchen goods.

Built that monstrosity
on Norris Avenue.

Actually,
I wasn’t talking about him.

Oh?

I was talking about him.

Ah.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

[ Danny ]
"Supercop.

Meet the cop...
that can’t be stopped."

- [ Horn Honks ]
- Toffter!

Trouble in the High Street.

Sergeant Angel’s
having a spot of bother.

Roger that.

Morning, Sergeant.

You mothers.

Let’s cut through here!

Come on.
Through the gardens?

What’s the matter, Danny?
You never taken
a shortcut before?

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans ]

[ Panting ]

[ Swan Honking ]

Hey, give me that!

You do not have to
say anything, however,
it may harm your defense...

if you fail to mention
when questioned something
you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say
can be given in evidence.

All right, Danny.

All right, Pete.

Do you know this man?

Yeah, he’s Auntie Jackie’s
sister’s brother’s boy.

And it didn’t occur to you
to mention this before?

Couldn’t see his face, could I?
I’m not made of eyes.

♪ Come on ♪

♪♪ [ Rock ]

Impressive collar.

Shame Mr. Skinner doesn’t
want to press charges.

What do you mean he doesn’t
want to press charges?

I’m simply suggesting
that, uh, young Peter
be given a second chance...

before he becomes
just another crime statistic.

I’m sure he’s going
to learn a valuable lesson.

Stealing biscuits
is... wrong?

Correct.

Ooh, thanks.

And yet we respond
by not taking a single
punitive measure.

Well, that’s the way
the cookie crumbles.

[ Chuckling ]

Like the biscuits,
isn’t it?

Mr. Skinner.

[ Frank ]
Is everything all right?

Well, sir,

Mr. Skinner feels
it will be better not
to prosecute an individual...

that has committed
a blatant offense.

Leave this with me.

I’ll make sure everyone
gets their just desserts.

[ Man ]
♪ Oh, no! ♪♪

[ Beeping ]
Twenty-seven.

[ Danny ]
Have you ever seen
Point Break?

[ Sighs ]
No.

An amazing bit in Point Break
where they jump over fences.
[ Beeping ]

Is there now?
Twenty-nine.

Patrick Swayze’s
just robbed this bank,

and Keanu Reeves
is chasing him through
people’s gardens.

He goes to shoot
Swayze but he can’t,
’cause he loves him so much,

and he’s firing his gun
in the air and he’s like, "Ahh!"
[ Beeping ]

Thirty.

You ever fired your gun
in the air and gone, "Ahh"?

No, I have not ever fired my gun
in the air and gone, "Ahh."

[ Beeping ]

Thirty.

Sorry, um, I just–

I just feel like
I’m missing out sometimes.
I wanna do what you do.

You do do what I do.
What on earth do you think
you’re missing out on?

Gun fights, car chases,
proper action and shit.

Police work is not
about "proper action."

Or shit.

[ Beeping ]

Twenty-nine.

If you’d have paid attention
to me in school,

you’d understand
that it’s not all about
gun fights and car chases.

[ Car Accelerating ]
[ Beeping, Chimes ]

Fire up the roof.

[ Siren Wails ]

That was brilliant.

Was I going
a tad fast, Officer?

Yes, you were,
Mr. Blower.

Well, now, you see,
we are staging a homage...

to William Shakespeare’s
Romeo and Juliet...

and I’m a little late
for the dress rehearsal.

I’m playing
the eponymous hero, you see.

Romeo, not Juliet.

[ Both Chuckling ]

What are you writing?

Everything you’re saying.

I might need
to refer to it later.

Now, Officer,
I am a respected solicitor,
so there’s no need to–

Just stop writing, will you?

I– Look, I am merely
trying to explain why...

I might have exceeded
the speed limit.

You’re playing the male lead
in a homage to William
Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet,

and you’re late
for the dress rehearsal.

You think this is
sufficient reason to
travel at 48 in a 30 zone?

Well, I–

To flout speed limits...

specifically put in place
to save lives?

This– Look,
this is preposterous.

Preposterous.

Look! Stop writing!

Stop writing.

[ Clears Throat ]
Look.

You’re right. I apologize.

See what I did there?

You hypnotized him.

No, I used this.
This is the most important piece
of equipment you will ever own.

This notebook
has saved my skin more times
than I care to mention.

You should think about
using yours more often.

I do use mine.

Show me.

That’s just extraordinary.

You should see the one
on the other side.

What are you
up to tonight?

I have to water my peace lily.

Thought you might
wanna do something.

What exactly
were you thinking?

Don’t know. Pub?

I don’t think
that’s a good idea.

Do you?

Oi, you two.

A Mr. Blower left you tickets
for Romeo and Juliet tonight.

Said it was by way
of an apology.

Yeah?

Mmm.

Well, we can’t
accept gifts...

from somebody we’ve
officially rebuked, so–

Yeah.

[ Mutters ]

Ah, Nicholas!
Glad I caught you.

Wondered if you wouldn’t
mind representing us
at the am-drams tonight.

Yes, sir.
Of course.

- And there’s a spare
for Danny too.
- Yeah!

Hey, come on.
It might be fun.

A dateless bargain
to engrossing death.

Here’s to my love.

[ Groaning ]

Uh. Now.

[ Sighs ]

[ Gasps ]

Poison!

I’ll kiss thy lips.

’Appily some poison
doth yet ’ang on ’em.

Mmm. Mmm.

[ Clicks ]

Bang!

♪♪ [ Piano Intro ]

♪ Love me, love me
Say that you love me ♪

♪ Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me ♪

♪ I can’t care
about anything but you ♪♪

Sergeant Angel.
Hi, hi. Uh, quick word
for the Sandford Citizen?

[ Clears throat ]
Uh, it was very enjoyable.

"Cop Enjoys Watching
Young Lovers."

I don’t think so.

"Local Bobby Gives Thumbs-Up
to Teen Suicide"?

That’s just grossly
inappropriate.

You will try and spell
his name correctly this time,
won’t you, Timothy?

Absolute tosh,
wasn’t it?

And annoyingly,
the understudies are actually
professional actors.

Greg over there was
an extra in Straw Dogs,

and Sheree portrayed
a cadaver in Prime Suspect.

[ Blower ]
Sergeant Angel, you came!

I’m so thrilled you
accepted my invitation.

Well, uh, Inspector
requested we attend, so–

Yeah, we can’t accept gifts
from someone we’ve
officially rebuked,

so, uh–
[ Blows Raspberry ]

Jog on.

Uh, congratulations to you
and, uh, to Mrs. Blower.

[ Giggling ]

Uh, er,
this is not my wife.

This is Miss Draper,
my leading lady.

Eve works in
the local council,
Sergeant.

Quite the lady
in the know.

- I am not!
- Nonsense.

I’m sure if we
bashed your head in,

all sorts of secrets
would come tumbling out.

[ Giggling ]

Romeo, Romeo,
a pint of bitter for Romeo!

- Thank you very much
for coming, George. Excuse us.
- A pleasure, my liege.

Eve’s nice, ain’t she?

She certainly has
a distinctive laugh.

[ Eve Cackles ]

She was in my year at school.
Always had a thing for her.

She clearly has a thing
for older men.

What? With Martin Blower?
No way.

We just sat through three hours
of so-called acting, Constable.

Their kiss was the only
convincing moment in it.

Hey, now you come
to mention it,

I, too, have reason to believe
she favors the older gent.

Really? How so?

Marcus Carter’s big brother
said he’d fingered her
up the duck pond.

Oh, Officers.

Again, let me extend my
sincere apologies for earlier.

That’s quite all right,
Mr. Blower.

Drive safe.

[ Exhales ]

Oh, "Drive safe."

Oh, my God.

You know that’s
the bloke we done
for speeding earlier?

Yeah. Hopefully,
that’s the last
we’ll see of him.

[ Knocking ]

Who is it?

Mmm.

[ Giggles ]

We haven’t got long.

To us.

[ Knocking ]

Who is it?

- [ Gasps ]
- [ Screaming ]

[ Beeping ]

Yeah.

[ Man On Phone, Indistinct ]

Decaffeinated?

[ Exhales ]
Little Brian Libby found ’em.
Out on his paper round.

Oh, ho. He’ll be having
nightmares for a while.

Must have hit
the sign at some speed.
Took the whole top off.

I’ve had my top off
in this lay-by.
[ Chuckles ]

Tits.

Most likely
he lost control,

left the road there...

and then ended up here.

So...

what do we reckon?

Sergeant Angel?

Well, we should get
a proper cordon off,

screen the remains
from public view,

close down the road
until the ambulance
crew arrives...

whereupon, we should open
a single lane of traffic
and ease congestion.

Very good.
What he said.

- What happened, Danny?
- A car accident.

Nasty way to go.

Constable,
official vocab
guidelines state...

we no longer refer
to these incidents
as "accidents."

They’re now
"collisions."

Right.

There never was
a story of more woe,

than this of Juliet
and her Romeo.

Excuse me?

Martin and Eve.
Such a tragedy.

Mr. Skinner, do you mind telling
me how you know the identity
of the persons involved?

You know how it is.
News travels fast.

[ Man On Radio ]
♪ A love-struck Romeo ♪

♪ Sings the streets
a serenade ♪♪

What happened, Danny?

Traffic collision.

Oh.

Hey, why can’t we
say "accident," again?

Because "accident" implies
there’s nobody to blame.

Put a sock in it,
town mouse.

Yeah, you wanna be
a big cop in a small town?
Fuck off up the model village.

I’m just saying things aren’t
always as simple as they look.

Most times they are.
Let’s just wait till Dr. Hatcher
comes back with something,

before you go
jumping the Kalashnikov.
[ Imitates Machine-Gun ]

- [ Blows Raspberry ]
- All right. In the meantime,

why don’t you check out
Martin Blower’s clients?

Martin Blower
represents damn near
most of the village.

Do you want us to go through
the phone book?

Yeah, we’ll put a call in
to Aaron A. Aaronson, shall we?

Please, don’t be childish.

At least consider
interviewing the widow.

Martin Blower was clearly having
an affair with Eve Draper.

Oh, and how did you
establish that?

’Cause we sat through
three hours of so-called
acting last night...

and the kiss was the only
convincing moment in it.

All right.
Pipe down, big ’un.

- Here, what else you got,
Crockett and Tubby?
- Skid marks.

[ Snickers ]
Now who’s being childish?

There were no skid marks
at the scene.

Doesn’t it seem a little strange
that Martin Blower would
lose control of his car...

and not think
to apply the brakes?

If there were no skid marks,
it follows that for 300 yards
both driver and passenger...

did nothing
to prevent their fate.

- You don’t have to be
a detective to work that out!
- Yeah.

- Are you causing trouble?
- [ Both ]
Yes, they are.

Well, a spot of bother
up at Ellroy Farm.

Old Arthur Webley’s
been clipping hedgerows
that don’t belong to him.

- Yes, sir?
- That’s it.

Yes, sir.

[ Panting ]

Why do we need the dog?

It’s not the dog
we need.

[ Muttering, Indistinct ]

Right. What did he say?

He said...
[ Muttering, Indistinct ]

What did he say?

He said,
"An ’edge is an ’edge."

He only chopped it down
’cause it spoilt his view.
What’s Reaper moaning about?

Right. Look, I appreciate
your position, Mr. Webley,

but you can’t go around chopping
down other people’s hedges
without permission.

[ Mutters ]

I s’pose.

Yes, I suppose.

- Thank you.
- [ Mutters ]

S’right.

All right.

Mr. Webley, I trust
you have a license
for that firearm.

- I does for this’un.
- Does for this’un.

He does for this one.

What do you mean
by "this one"?

By the power
of Greyskull!

Where on earth
did you get these?

Found’um.

He found ’em.

And what is this?

Sea mine.

Seemoine.

Well, Mr. Webley,
this is an extremely
dangerous collection.

It’s a wonder nobody’s
been hurt before.

Nah, jus’ a load o’ junk!

[ Clanging, Clunking ]

[ Continues ]

[ Ticking ]

[ Nicholas ]
Move, move, move!

[ Panting ]

[ Turner On Radio ] You what?
No, apparently,
it’s been deactivated. Over.

That’s right.
Deactivated.

It’s not live.

It looks live.

All right.

[ Buzzing ]

That was quite
an impressive haul today,
Constable Butterman.

Well, you know,
I mean, maybe we should
do something to celebrate,

unless you’ve gotta
water your peace lily.

What exactly did you
have in mind?

I don’t know. Pub?

[ Mary ]
Right you are, my love.

Yes, sirs,
what can I get you?

Pint of lager, please, Roy,
and, uh, what can I get you
that isn’t a cranberry juice?

I don’t really
wanna get drunk.

You can get a little drunk.

Okay, I’ll have one.

Yeah, that’s what
I’m talkin’ about.

Mr. Porter, what’s
your wine selection?

Oh, we got red...

or... white.

I’ll have a pint
of lager, please.

[ Laughing ]
Yeah, Roy!

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

Any news from earlier?

Yeah. C.S.I. found nothin’,

Dr. Hatcher reported
no misadventure,

and Mrs. Blower
has four alibis.

[ Fisher ]
Now, come on, Sergeant.

It’s not your job
to investigate
this incident, is it?

Is it?

[ Both ]
No. It isn’t.

You don’t switch off, do you?

You sound like my ex.

- Well, you are
always thinkin’ away.
- It’s what I do.

Don’t get me wrong–
I think it’s amazing.

- Really?
- I mean, you know, what
made you wanna be a policeman?

- Officer.
- What made you wanna be
a policeman-officer?

[ Chuckles ]

I don’t remember a time
when I didn’t want to be
a police officer,

apart from the summer of 1979
when I wanted to be
Kermit the Frog.

[ Chuckles ]

It all started
with my Uncle Derek.

He was a sergeant
in the Met.

He bought me
a police pedal car
when I was five.

I rode ’round in it
every second I was awake,

arresting kids twice my size
for littering and spitting.

I got beaten up a lot
when I was young,
but it didn’t stop me.

I wanted to be
like Uncle Derek.

He sounds like a good bloke.

Actually, he was arrested
for selling drugs to students.
What a cunt.

Probably bought
the pedal car
with the proceeds.

Needless to say,
I never went near it again.
I just let it rust.

But I never forgot
the clear sense of
right and wrong...

that I felt at the wheel
of that pedal car.

I had to prove to myself
that the law could be
proper and righteous,

and for the good
of humankind.

It was from that moment
I was destined to be
a police officer.

- Shame.
- How so?

I think you would have made
a great Muppet.

[ Both Laugh ]

What about you?
What made you want to
become a police officer?

I don’t know.
Dad does it.

I think after my mum died,
it’s what he wanted,
you know, keep me close by.

Do you mind if I ask
how she died?

Traffic collision.

I’m sorry.

Never mind.
Hey, watch this!

[ Screaming ]

Jesus Christ!

Oh, my eye!

[ Laughing ]
♪ Ta-da ♪♪

- [ Laughing ]
- Hey, come on, silly bollocks.
Get ’em in.

- ♪♪ [ Rock ]
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Life is the same
and it always will be ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Easy as picking foxes
from a tree ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪♪

- Oh, 777.
- Mr. Skinner.

- You know George Merchant,
don’t you?
- Evening, Officer.

Yes, we were just
discussing the accident.

I’d come to know Martin
and Eve very well of late.

Such a loss.

What say we drink
to their demise?

Shouldn’t that be
drink to their memories?

Of course. Cheers.

I must go
to the little boys’ room.

- I’m all right!
- "Little" being
the operative word.

[ Quietly ]
Oh, he’ll be in bits tomorrow.

I think somebody
needs to go home.

I’m not that drunk, sir.

Not you. Him.

What?

Hey, we did get
a little drunk.

[ Chuckles ]
D’you get it?

’Cause he’s-he’s little,
and he’s drunk.

[ Buzzing ]

Oh, good grief.

It’s hardly in keeping
with the village’s
rustic aesthetic, is it?

[ Groans ]
How much do I owe you?

- 20 quid.
- There you go.

Heh.

And there’s your change.

God bless you.
Bye-bye.

Oh!

[ Both Chuckle ]

I’m all right!
[ Chuckling ]

Oh, dear.

I would not want
to be him in the morning.

Well, this is me.

Well, I shall see you
in the morning.

Uh, unless...
you want to come in
for a cup of coffee.

I don’t drink coffee.

Tea.

I– No caffeine after midday.

How ’bout another beer?

Um...

Oh, dear.

When did you move in?

About five years ago.

Hmm.

Hmm.

You should get
some house plants.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I’ve been
tending my peace lily
for about three years now.

[ Opens Can ]

It oxygenates the room,
helps you think,
relieves stress.

Its needs are simple.

Janine used to say
I loved my lily more
than I loved her.

Is that why
you split up?

What?

’Cause you did it
with a plant?

No, no. No.

It was more about
me being obsessed
with the job.

That’s good,
though, right?

Is it, though?

I did miss
a few dinners, you know,

parties,
a birthday or two.

Listen, mate, I–

[ Belches ]
Her dad’s funeral.

[ Chuckles ]

I just want to be
good at what I do.

You are good
at what you do.

You just gotta learn
to switch off that
big old melon of yours.

[ Sighs ]
That’s the whole
problem, Danny.

I don’t think I know how.

I can show you how.

By the power of Greyskull.

Point Break or Bad Boys II?

Which one do you think
I’ll prefer?

No, I mean, which one
do you wanna watch first?

You are pulling my leg.

[ Panting ]

[ Gunfire ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screams ]

Ah...

[ Gas Hissing ]

What did you think
of that?

Well, I won’t argue that
it was a no-holds-barred,
adrenaline-fueled thrill ride,

but there’s no way
you could perpetrate that
amount of carnage and mayhem...

and not incur a considerable
amount of paperwork.

[ Whistles ]
That is nothing, man.
This is about to go off.

[ Phone Ringing ]

This shit just got real.

[ Phone Ringing ]

Nasty way to go.

Seems our Mr. Merchant
tried to have a little fry-up
and left the gas on.

Spends his whole life
devoted to the refrigerator,
then gets killed by an oven.

[ Chuckles ]

Told him several times,
"You shouldn’t eat
late at night."

I dunno, I quite like
a little midnight gobble.
[ Laughs ]

Cocks.

So... what do we reckon?

Angel.

Huh?

Help me.

Uh, okay, we get
a proper cordon up,

we let the fire crews
finish their stuff,

and then we get Forensics in
to do a thorough sweep
of the house.

Very good.
What he said.

Sergeant Angel, hi, hi.
A quick word.

Mr. Messenger,
a statement will
be issued shortly.

Actually,
I just wanted to ask
what’s your perfect Sunday?

I’ll deal with
the press, Sergeant.

Now, my perfect Sunday
is a lovely, long–

[ Man On Radio ]
♪ Fire, to destroy
all you’ve done ♪♪

[ Man ]
Yeah, big explosion.

[ Man ]
Like in the films.

Something like
something out of Backdraft.

What are you thinkin’?
Foul play?

Maybe.

We’re just hoping
to talk to the last people
to see Mr. Merchant alive–

namely a Sergeant
Knickerless Asswipe...

and Constable
Fanny Batterbum.

Hey, that’s us.

Why is this such
a big joke to you?

Three people
have died in a week.

Come on, Dr. Sherlock.
They were accidents.

- People have
accidents every day.
- The victims knew each other.

- Uh, everyone knows
everyone around here.
- Yeah.

If you didn’t see
anything suspicious,
then who did?

It’s a bit of a blind spot,
I’m afraid.

We just catch the very edge
of the explosion.

Nasty way to go.

- There was something
that took my eye.
- Really? What’s that?

Sandford’s Most Wanted.

[ Applauding ]

There you go.
It was the swan all along.

This is not funny,
Detective.

Oh, give over,
Miss Marples.

Yeah. You do your job
and we’ll do ours, eh?

Yeah. Haven’t you got
a church fete to look after?

No, I have not!

Actually...

[ Rev. Shooter On P.A. ]
Testing, testing.

Someone’s in for a surprise
at 3:00, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s the raffle with
a very special guest presenter.

♪ Out in the country ♪

♪ Far from all the soot
and noise of the city ♪

♪ There’s a village green ♪

♪ It’s been a long time ♪

♪ Since I last set eyes
on the church
with the steeple ♪♪

That’s me after
a couple of pints.

[ Laughing ]

Splat the rat!

Splat the rat!

- Splat the rat!
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]

Shark!

Seen any murderings,
Nicholarse?

Come on, boys,
leave Sergeant Angel alone.
He’s working.

Sorry, Chief.

Won’t waste
any more police time.

Have a nice time.

Actually, Nicholas,
you might as well take a break.

Hey, great.
I’ve got something to show you.

This is a rifle range.

You’ll be really
good at it.

Feeling lucky, Sergeant?

Three cans wins you
the squeaky bunny.

Five cans gets you
the floppy lion.

Take out all
the little people,

you get to waltz off
with the cuddly monkey.

I thought I made it
clear to you how I feel
about firearms.

- It’s only an air rifle.
- [ Chuckling ]

Sergeant.

[ Chuckles ]

Dear Lord!

Oh, that was amazing!

- [ Gunshot ]
- [ Screams ]

[ Siren Wailing ]

[ Hatcher ]
Thank you, Danny.

I can’t believe I shot someone.
He’s a doctor.
He can deal with it.

I never shot
anyone before.

Danny, believe me,
it’s not something
you ever get used to.

No. Maybe we should go
on the bouncy castle.
Take our minds off of it.

Sergeant Angel, hi, hi.

Mr. Messenger.

I need to talk to you
about George Merchant, alone.

Churchyard. 3:00.

What you think he wants?

Would Sergeant Angel
come to the stage, please?

[ Squeaks ]

Here to announce the winners...

is the newest addition
to the Sandford police force–

Service.

- Sergeant Nicholas Angel.
- [ Cheering ]

Prick.

Wanker.

Hello.

[ Feedback ]

Hello.

[ Thunderclap ]

The first name is...

Simon Skinner.

He’s in the loo.

Too much of Joyce’s
lemonade, perhaps.

[ Laughing ]

[ Thunderclap ]

And, uh, the next name is...

Tim Messenger.

Tim? Your number’s up.

[ Laughing ]

[ Bell Tolling ]

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hi, hi.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, no!

Stand back, stand back.
There’s been
a terrible accident.

Accident?

Just an accident.

It’s all right.
It’s all right.

There’s nothing to see.
Come on, everybody.

It’s all right.
Just an accident.

[ Frank ]
Nicholas, what is it?

Sir, I think all these
deaths are linked. I think
Tim Messenger was murdered.

[ Sighing ]

Who could do
something like this?

- Maybe it was the swan.
- Apparently, they can
break a man’s arm.

Or blow up a man’s house.

- Listen, you pair of–
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nicholas.

Now, let me get this straight.

Are you saying that
this is a crime scene?

Yes, sir, I am.

Very well.

- Detectives.
- Sir.

- Start interviewing everyone
who was at the fete.
- He’s got shorts on.

Sergeant Fisher.

What?

- Secure the area.
- What?

- P.C. Thatcher?
- Yes, love.

- Get the C.S.I. here.
- Eh.

P.C. Walker.

[ Mumbles ]

Patrol the churchyard
with Saxon.

[ Mumbles ]

Nicholas, Danny,
you know what to do.

You really think this is murder?
I just don’t think we should
rule it out, that’s all.

Yeah, I think
you’re right.

I think you’re
talkin’ a load of shit.

He thinks you’re talkin’
a load of shit.

Swings and roundabouts,
isn’t it?

[ Cartwright ] Pain in the ass.

Did you find anything?

Yeah.
I was extremely shocked
when I looked at my watch...

and discovered that
I should be in the pub.

Did you go to his house?
Did you read his articles?

If you wanna wade through
every copy of the Sandford
bloody Citizen, be our guest.

It’s your job,
isn’t it? Detect!

This ain’t the city,
Mr. Angel.

Not everyone’s
a murderin’ psychopath.

It’s high time
you realized that,
you and your monkey.

Did he mean me or that?

[ Squeaks ]

Oh, maybe
we should go home.

What do you mean?

Well, nothin’ goin’ on,
is there?

Have you listened
to anything that I’ve said?

What you mean?

Has anything I’ve told you
in the last two weeks...

sunk into that
thick skull of yours?

Yeah.

Has it? Like what?

You said I could be
an amazing policeman-officer.

There’s always something
going on, Danny,

and you won’t be
an amazing police officer
until you understand that.

Well, I remembered
something else
you said and all.

Oh, did you now?

Yeah. You don’t know
how to switch off!

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Cartwright ]
Well, if you wanna wade
through every copy...

of the Sandford bloody
Citizen, be our guest.

Morning, Constable.

All right.

Thanks for the monkey.

Yours, isn’t it?

I won it for you.

Danny, I think
I’m on to something.

Are you?

Yes, and I think
with a little deliberation,

we can figure out
what links these deaths.

We?

Come on, partner.
Let’s go to work.

Ooh, ooh, eh,
Sergeant Angel,

eh, someone from
London called for you.

Tell ’em
I’ll call ’em back.

Tim Messenger.

Go.

Editor and journalist
at the Sandford Citizen.

Fondness for puns.

Go on.

Terrible speller.

Oh, yeah?

Nevertheless, had
uncovered important
information about–

George Merchant.

Self-made millionaire.

Cha-ching!
Fancied himself
as a property developer.

Uh-huh.
Said he had big plans
for Sandford.

Pissed on the floor
in the Crown.

But more importantly,
was a good friend
and client of–

Martin Blower.

Respected solicitor.

"Affirmatron."

Leading light of
the local drama society.

Bad actor.

Undoubtedly.

Bad driver.

Not necessarily.

Cheatin’ on his missus.

Most certainly,
and we both know who with.

Eve Draper.
Blower’s leading lady.

[ Wolf Whistle ]

Distinctive laugh.

True.

Favored older men.

Fingered.

Worked at?

Council.

More specifically.

Department of Planning
and Development.

Where George Merchant
secured permission...

to build his dubious
mansion on Norris Avenue.

So–

Maybe they were
all accidents.

Oh!

People have accidents
every day.

[ Hooting ]

- What are you two up to?
- [ Both ] Nothing.

Well, look sharp.
There’s been reports
of a fire in the station.

What?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪

Danny, why didn’t
you say something?

We were workin’,
weren’t we?

♪ Dear Danny ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday ♪♪
- Where you going?

Personal errand.

[ Siren Blaring ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

Hello, Miss Tiller.

I was wondering, do you have
any Japanese peace lilies?

Of course.

I was just about
to pop off, actually.

I can never
find my scissors.

Is this for
someone special?

Yes. Yes, it is.

You going somewhere,
Miss Tiller?

Uh, yes.

I’m moving away.

And, uh, why the move,
if you don’t mind me asking?

Well... just
between you and I–

Yes.

You know that fella
who blew up?

George Merchant.

Well, George Merchant,
God rest him, wanted to
buy this land,

so he sent round his
legal fellow Martin Blower,
God rest him.

I thought I might
take them up on it.

I haven’t really got
that much family
round here,

save my cousin Sissy.

So I thought I might
take them up on the offer
and move to Buford Abbey.

Would you like
a card with this?

[ Stammers ]
No. Sorry. You were
talking about the offer.

Well, it turns out
that Martin Blower,
God rest him,

knew where the new
bypass road is going,

’cause he was knockin’ off
Eve Draper from the Council,
God rest her.

And then that reporter,
God rest him,

finds out about the route
and tells me this land
is very valuable,

ten times what
George Merchant
and Martin Blower,

God rest them,
offered me.

So with them
up and passed on,

I decided to sell it myself
to some folks from the city...

that Martin, George and Eve,
God rest the lot of ’em,
had been talking to.

Apparently, they want to build
a big shopping center
or something.

Cousin Sissy won’t be
too happy about that.

As far as I’m concerned,
Cousin Sissy can go and fu–

Would you just excuse me
for just one second?

[ Screaming ]

Stop...

in the name of the law.

[ Mouths Word ]

[ Siren Blaring ]
[ Fisher ]
Hang about. Hang about.

You’re saying
this wasn’t an accident?

Leslie Tiller
was fucking murdered!

- Just like Tim Messenger?
- Yes.

- George Merchant?
- Yes.

And Eve Draper?

Yes.

- Martin Blower?
- No, actually.

- [ Both ] Really?
- Course he fucking was!

- Thank you, Danny.
- Oh, murder, murder, murder.

Change the fucking record.
Thank you, Andy.

Come on, Sergeant.

You gotta accept it was
just another nasty accident.

What are you suggesting?
That Leslie Tiller tripped
and fell on her own shears?

Ben Fletcher fell on
his pitchfork the other week.

Yeah. Accidents happen
all the time.

What makes you think
it was murder?

Because I was there!

There’s a point.
Why were you there?

I was buying Constable Butterman
a Japanese peace lily
for his birthday.

What absolute horse shit.

I chased a suspect
from the scene.

Innocent people don’t run.

Here. Maybe it was our
old friend the cactus thief.

Ooh, yeah, he was
a prickly customer, wasn’t he?

Am I goin’ completely mad?

Maybe you are.

Maybe you did it.

Yeah, seein’ as how you’re
such a big fan of murder.

What the–

Sergeant Angel?

Yes? Sir.

Nicholas, Nicholas,
Nicholas.

What am I going
to do with you?

Sir, you have
to understand–

No, you have
to understand.

The boys here aren’t
used to the concepts
you’re bandying about.

The "M" word,
Nicholas.

There hasn’t
been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.

But, sir, I’m certain.

And what’s more,
I know who did it.

Can I see the manager,
please?

Mr. Skinner
to the manager’s office.

Manager’s office,
Mr. Skinner.

Sergeant Angel, and to what
do I owe this pleasure?

Simon Skinner,
I’m arresting you...

on suspicion of the murder
of Leslie Tiller.

Leslie Tiller’s dead?

- How?
- She tripped and fell
on her own shears.

Ow!

I’m also arresting you
on suspicion of the murder...

of Tim Messenger
on May the 1st,

of George Merchant
on April the 29th,

and of Eve Draper
and Martin Blower
on April the 28th.

Why on earth would
I do that, Sergeant?

I’m glad you asked.

My suspicions were first aroused
when you appeared on the scene
of the Blower-Draper death...

on the outskirts of Sandford,
despite the fact...

you live and work
in the center of the village.

I couldn’t help but recall
your comments at the theater
on the previous evening...

when you not only indicated
an awareness of the couple’s
affair,

but also inferred that Eve’s
connection to the Council...

might make her privy
to important information.

You even spoke of
bashing her head in,

perhaps hoping
you might discover the route
of the proposed Sandford bypass.

You were already suspicious
that George Merchant...

was buying up a large area
of land on the outskirts
of Sandford...

after an article Tim Messenger
wrote in the Sandford Citizen.

You see,
the land Merchant was buying
had little value in of itself,

but if it became
accessible by road,

it would be a prime location
for, say, a retail park.

Consumed with concern
for your business...

and potential disloyalty
from fickle customers,

you yourself expressed
a wish to behead.

You killed the competition
in cold blood,

staging the murders
as accidents.

You used a vehicle
removal truck to stage
the Blower-Draper death,

and incinerated an old man
in his own house,

covering your tracks
with a judicial application
of bacon and beans.

However, there
was a loose end.

Tim Messenger...

splattered before he could
share with me...

what he told Leslie Tiller
that very afternoon–

the true value of her land.

Upon discovering
she was about to sell up
to the developers,

you brutally murdered her
with her own shears...

and made good your escape
utilizing your
impressive skills...

as a fun runner.

Very entertaining,
but I rather think...

you’ve been watching
too many films.

[ Clears Throat ]
Uh, he hasn’t.

Why would I kill Leslie?

You clearly aren’t aware
that we’re related.

Oh, but I am,
Cousin Sissy.

I’m afraid my nickname of
Sissy is only a revelation
to yourself.

My teenage years studying
ballet are well known.

Yeah, Sissy Skinner.

What, gaylord?

Thank you, Andrews.

Now, despite my comments
about beheading customers,

I personally relish
the competition
of another store–

anything to energize
my workforce.

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

And anyway,
what makes you think...

that I could dislodge
part of the church roof,

or for that matter,
stage a car crash?

It’s a well-known fact
that the church roof
is in dire need of repair,

and isn’t it true that
two of your own employees...

operate the vehicle remover
service for the Council?

Sergeant, this is
the 21st century.

Many people hold
down several jobs.

I myself host
a life-drawing class
at the Village Hall.

Tina here is
a table dancer
at Flappers.

Nevertheless,
you could’ve utilized
the vehicle removal truck...

for your own ends.

These accusations are
quite meaningless, Sergeant,

unless you can back them up
with hard evidence.

Well, you’ve got me there.

I’d need
something conclusive,

something that placed you
at the scene of the crime–

perhaps a wound you sustained
on a piece of broken glass
this very evening.

This very evening.

Sergeant, this is beginning
to get embarrassing.

How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

I’m sure the store’s
security footage
will absolve me.

Do feel free
to spool through.

I can handle this, Danny.
You might as well go back
and just enjoy your birthday.

Did you really
get me that plant?

Yes, I did. But, uh,
it’s been impounded
as evidence.

Well, I mean...

maybe Dad will still
let me water it, eh?

Yeah.

Sergeant, I wanted you to know
that if I do indeed...

now own the land
belonging to–

belonging to Leslie,

that I intend to turn it
into a memorial garden
in her honor.

Mr. Skinner,
what you do with your land
is of no concern of mine, so...

[ Blows Raspberry ]
Jog on.

Michael, will you escort
the sergeant off the premises
when he’s quite finished?

Yarp.

I just can’t believe
Leslie’s dead.

How did it happen?

She tripped and fell
on her own shears.

Hey, that weren’t me.

[ Danny ]
Hey, look.

Look, Mr. Treacher’s
got his big coat on again.

[ Sighs, Chuckles ]

You want anything
from the shop?

Cornetto.

No luck catchin’
them killers, then?

It’s just
the one killer,
actually.

No luck catchin’
them killers, then?

It’s just the one
killer, actually.

No luck catchin’
them killers, then?

It’s just the one
killer, actually.

No luck catchin’
them killers, then?

It’s just the one
killer, actually.

What’s the matter?
You got brain freeze?

No, I got brain wave.

Get us back to
the station now!

[ Moaning ]

- It’s more than one person.
- Come again?

- It’s more than one killer.
- It was Skinner a minute ago.

Maybe it still is.
Maybe he’s not alone.
Maybe there are others.

Nicholas, you’re
an exceptional officer,

but I’ve seen this before.

Sir?

Sergeant Popwell.

It was exactly the same thing.

You’ve come from a city
where’s there’s danger
round every corner,

and it’s driven you
round the bend.

Yes, sir.

Do yourself a favor.

Sleep on it,
and if you still feel
the same in the morning,

I give you my word,
I’ll get right onto it.

Hey. Hey, what’s happening?
What’s going on?

Nothing. Nothing.
I’m just gonna go
back to the hotel.

I mean,
do you want a lift?

No, no.

I could do
with a walk.

♪♪ [ Music Box ]

[ Chuckles ]

- [ Squeaks ]
- Hey, big ’un.

Playtime’s over.

[ Skinner ]
Michael?

Michael.

Are you there?

Michael.

Is everything okay?

[ Static ]

Yarp.

Sergeant Angel’s
been taken care of?

Yarp.

He’s not gonna get
back up again?

Narp.

Good.

Proceed to the castle.

-[ Beep On Phone ]
-Frank, this shit just got real.

Skinner just sent
someone to kill me,

and, uh, now–
now he’s gone somewhere,
uh, up to the castle, I think.

I’m gonna go after him, okay?

It’s Nicholas, by the way.

Oh, my God!

What happened
to your peace lily?

Danny.

Danny, just
stay here, okay,

and watch him
and call your dad.

Tell him I was right.

What you gonna do?

I’m gonna bust
this thing wide open.

Nicholas, wait.

You might need this.

Thanks, partner.

[ Chanting In Latin ]

[ Chanting In Latin
Continues ]

[ Skinner ]
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

How could I possibly be
in several places–

How could I possibly be
in several places–

[ Joyce ]
I just can’t believe
Leslie’s dead.

How did it happen?

[ Weaver ]
You’ll find that we run
a very tight ship here.

[ Rev. Shooter ]
Who could do
something like this?

[ Hatcher ]
Seems like Mr. Merchant tried
to have a little fry-up...

and left the gas on.

- Nasty way to go.
- [ Paver ]
What happened, Danny?

[ Annette ]
No luck catching
them killers, then?

No luck catching
them killers, then?

[ Chanting Continues ]

Now, a quick announcement
before we begin.

Janet Barker has decided
to call her boys
Roger and Martin,

and the christening will
be a week on Saturday,

and we’re all invited.

Tom.

Thanks, Joyce.

Now, you’ll all
be delighted to hear...

that the tenacious
Sergeant Angel has
been taken care of.

Joyce will discover
the sergeant...

lying on the wet floor
of his bathroom,

having slipped...

and tragically
broken his neck.

So, with the dispatch
of the sergeant,

we will now be able
to concentrate...

on the eradication
of our hoodie infestation.

- [ Hatcher ] Quite right.
- After which, nothing
will stand in our way.

[ Nicholas ] Oh, I beg
to differ, Mr. Weaver.

Well, well, well.

I see we have visitors.

Sergeant Nicholas Angel,
Sandford Police Service.

My, he is tenacious,
isn’t he?

I’m arresting you under
suspicion of conspiracy
to commit murder.

- [ All Laughing ]
- Come, come, Sergeant.

You should be ashamed,
calling yourself
the community that cares.

Oh, but we
do care, Nicholas.

- It’s all about
the greater good.
- [ All ] The greater good.

- How can this be
for the greater good?
- [ All ] The greater good.

You see, as much
I enjoyed your wild
theories, Sergeant,

the truth is
far less complex.

Blower’s fate was simply
the result of his being
an appalling actor.

[ Choking ]

[ All ]
Quite appalling.

You murdered him
for that?

Well, he murdered
Bill Shakespeare.

- What? Oh.
- The dramatic society is an
important feather in our cap.

We couldn’t let Blower
jeopardize that,

not when we had
two semi-professionals
waiting in the wings.

Let’s not forget that Greg
was an extra in Straw Dogs,

- and Sheree portrayed
a cadaver in Prime–
- Yes, I know!

Martin was less concerned
with the reputation
of the village...

than he was with
his sordid affair
with Eve Draper.

And so Eve deserved
to die too?

Well, she did have
a very annoying laugh.

- [ Giggles ]
- [ All ] Annoying.

- And George Merchant?
- He had an awful house.

- [ All ] Awful.
- We begged him in vain...

to make his residence
more in keeping with
the village’s rustic aesthetic.

Wait. And what about
Tim Messenger?
What was his crime?

Tim Messenger’s tenure as editor
of the Sandford Citizen
has been unbearable.

Our once great paper
had become riddled
with tabloid journalism,

not to mention
persistent errors.

He listed her age as 55.

When actually I’m 53!

Fifty-three.

What about Leslie Tiller,
one of your own?

Her horticultural expertise
helped put Sandford on the map!

Oh, she was ever so good.

Cousin Leslie
was a terrible shame,

but it seems she
was set on moving away.

We couldn’t have her
sharing her green fingers
with anybody else.

Not least those heathens
at Buford Abbey.

If we can’t have her,
no one can.

How can this be
for the greater good?

- [ All ]
The greater good.
- Shut it!

These people died for no reason,
no reason whatsoever.

[ Frank ]
Oh, I wouldn’t say that.

Hello, Nicholas.

I was like you, once.

I believed in the immutable
word of the law–

that is, until the night
Mrs. Butterman
was taken from me.

You see, no one loved
Sandford more than her.

She was head
of the Women’s Institute,
chair of the Floral Committee.

When they started
the Village of the Year contest,

she worked round the clock.

I’d never seen
such dedication.

On the eve of
the adjudicator’s arrival,

some travelers
moved into Callahan Park.

Before you could say
"gypsy scum," we were
knee-deep in dog muck,

thieving kids
and crusty jugglers.

[ All ]
Crusty jugglers.

We lost the title,

and Irene lost her mind.

She drove her Datsun Cherry
into Sandford Gorge.

From that moment on,

I swore that
I would do her proud,

and whatever the cost,

we would make
Sandford great again.

Sir, this doesn’t
make any sense.

The adjudicators
arrive tomorrow.

We had to get
everything ready.

Are you saying this
is all about winning
the best village award?

This is the best village,
Nicholas.

You’ve seen the people.

They’re happy.
Contented.

They’re living
in a dream world.

Sergeant Popwell thought
much the same as you.

I’m disappointed you
can’t see the bigger picture.

Well, I’m happy to
disappoint you, sir,

and I’m afraid
you’re gonna have
to come with me.

You are all gonna have
to come with me.

No, Nicholas.

I’m afraid it is you
who is going to have
to come with us.

Danny, no.

[ Grunts ]

Back off! Back off!

Or I swear to God
you’ll be explaining
how Danny tripped over...

and accidentally
cut off his own head!

Come on, Nicholas.
You haven’t got it in you.

I mean it!

Shit!

[ Frank ]
Gypsy scum, travelers,

thieving kids, dog muck!

Crusty jugglers.
Crusty jugglers.

There hasn’t been
a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.

There’s a reason
we accommodate a few
of the younglings at the pub.

Spot of bother
up at Ellroy farm.

I’ll make sure everyone
gets their just desserts.

A great, big bushy beard.

[ Echoing ]

[ Weaver ]
If we don’t come down
hard on these clowns–

[ Frank ]
We’ll get around to it.

Danny! Ah!

♪ Ta-da ♪♪

What are you doing?

Saving your skin.

This is murder!

It’s not. It’s ketchup.

I’m not talking about that!
I’m talking about the others!
What others?

The others
the N.W.A. have murdered.

- That’s not true.
- It is!

Dad just said it
was his special club–

I thought it was about
rapping people on the knuckles
and sending them on their way.

There are skeletons
back there!

I don’t know nothing
about no skeletons.

What did you think
was happening?

Not this!

It’s Frank!
He’s appointed himself
judge, jury and executioner!

He’s not Judge Judy
and executioner!

He is!
You’ve got to help me
take him down!

I can’t!

He’s my dad.

Take my car.

Go back to London.
There’s nothing you can do.

I can come back.

I can come back
and bring the blue fury...

of the Metropolitan
Police Service with me!

They’ll make it disappear.
Who are they gonna believe?

My dad or a loony
London police officer?

But it won’t be
just me, will it?

We can do it together,
you and me. Partners!

Forget it, Nicholas.

It’s Sandford.

[ Engine Starts ]

Is that everything, sir?

Sir?

Sir?

Is there anything
I can do for you?

No.

This is something
I have to do myself.

Another beautiful day
in God’s country.

[ Engine Revving ]

Danny?

It’s–

[ Tires Screeching ]

Mum!

[ Gunshot ]

What you gonna do,

just walk in and arrest
the whole village?

Not exactly.

Oh, Sergeant Angel?

Someone from London
called for you.

I’ll tell him
you’ll ring him back.

[ Horse Whinnies ]

That’s funny.

- What’s that?
- I didn’t know
we had a mounted division.

Nobody tells me
nothin’.

[ Chuckles ]

Want to do something useful?

[ Joyce ] Annette,
that Sergeant Angel’s back.

Check out his horse!

Roger that!

It’s–

Angel.

[ Hoofbeats Approaching ]

[ Sighs ]

Morning.

[ Whistles ]

[ Alarm Blaring ]

[ Screams ]

[ Chuckles ]

That’s what
I’m talkin’ about.

Still feel like
you’re missing out?

[ Shouts ]

[ Screams ]

Fascist!

Hag.

[ Screaming ]

[ Mutters ]

Oh, bloody–

Stop!

Stop this, please!

Let us stop this
mindless violence!

Nicholas, my son.

You may not be a man of God,
but surely you’re
a man of peace.

I may not be
a man of God, Reverend,

but I know right,
and I know wrong,

and I have the good grace
to know which is which.

Oh, fuck off, grasshopper!

No!

Jesus Christ!

Nicholas? Nicholas?

[ Coughing ]

I thought you was a goner.

Drop your weapons!

- Dr. Hatcher, no!
- Shut up, Danny.

I brought you
into this world.

I think it’s rather fitting
I should be the one
to take you out of it,

you and your interfering
little friend.

Now...

drop ’em.

[ Screaming ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Groaning ]

You’re a doctor.
Deal with it.

- Yeah, motherfucker.
- Oh!

Danny, let’s roll.

What you thinkin’?

Pub.

♪♪ [ Video Game ]

[ Screaming ]

Roy!

Somebody call the police!

Freeze!

[ Sirens Blaring ]

Officers,
arrest that man.

Danny, step away
from the sergeant.

No, Dad.

Danny, you do as you’re told.

I’m not taking orders
from you anymore.

Officers, arrest these men!

Wait! Wait!
You can arrest us if you like,

you can throw us in prison
and go back to being blind,
submissive slaves,

or you can be real police
officers and help us bring
an end to this absurd story.

What the fuck
is he on about?

What the fuck
are you on about?

Have you ever wondered
why-why the crime rate
in Sandford is so low,

and yet the accident rate,
it’s so high?

No. Yeah. What?

You’ve been
brainwashed, Tony,

brainwashed
into naïveté by an old man
with a murderous obsession.

- This is ridiculous!
- No, it’s not, Dad.

It’s very unridiculous.

It’s only now that
I’m starting to realize
how unridiculous it all is.

Silence, Danny!
Think of your mother.

Mum is dead, Dad.

For the first time in my life,
you know, I’m glad.

If she could see
what you’ve become,

I’d think she’d probably
kill herself all over again.

Sorry, I am completely lost.

Sandford is a lie, Doris.
For the last 20 years,

the village
has been controlled
by Frank and the N.W.A.

They’ve lulled
everyone into thinking
this is a perfect village...

and killed anyone who’s
threatened to change that.

[ Squeaking ]

[ Muttering ]

- He says he reckons
you’ve got something there.
- I know.

You’re not seriously gonna
believe this man, are you?

Are you? He isn’t
even from round here!

Maybe... it’s time
to give it up, sir.

Oh, you incompetent flatfoots!

Officer Walker,
stay here with Saxon
and hold everything down.

- [ Mutters ]
- Officers, let’s go.

[ Danny ]
What about Dad?

He’ll come round again.

Want anything from the shop?

What are you thinking?

We should strike now
while we’ve got the element
of surprise.

Longer we wait, more time
they got to mobilize.

I say we go in
through the front entrance,

take the place aisle by aisle–
they won’t be expecting that.

Very good.
What he said.

My, my.
Here come the fuzz.

Maybe they’re not in.

Wait here.

Don’t go in on your own!

Don’t worry.
He knows what he’s doing.

Okay. They’re in.

You deal with the store,
I’ll deal with the trolley boy.

- Eh?
- Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Listen.
W-W-Wait, wait, wait!
Michael, wait.

Listen to me. Listen.

Is this what you
really, really want?

Yarp.

Suit yourself.

Go, go, go!

Oh, come on!

- [ Screams ]
- Andy!

[ Screaming ]

It’s all right, Andy!

It’s just Bolognese!

[ Doris Shouting ]

[ Wailing ]

- [ Doris ]
Die, you bastards!
- [ Gunshots ]

[ Doris ]
You bastards!

Where’s Lurch?

He’s in the freezer.

Did you say "cool off"?

No, I didn’t
say anything, actually.

Shame.

There was a bit earlier on that
you missed when I distracted him
with the cuddly monkey.

And then I said,
"Playtime’s over."

And I hit him
with the peace lily.

You’re off the fucking chain!

- What’s the situation?
- Two blokes and
a fuckload of cutlery.

What do you reckon?

Idea.

[ All Yelling ]

Yeah!

Yeah!

Good work, everyone!

[ Shrieking ]

- Nice one, Doris.
- Nothing like a bit
of girl on girl.

[ Laughing ]

- Attack!
- Incoming!

Can you handle this, Fisher?
We’re gonna go after
the big boss.

We’re on it, Sergeant!

- Danny, let’s rock.
- Angel!

Don’t go being a twat now!

I wouldn’t give you
the satisfaction!

We should
get down there.

How?

Skip.

Head ’em off?

Fuck, yeah!

[ Tires Screeching ]

- I’ll drive!
- Shotgun! Punch that shit!

[ Siren Blaring ]

Bang! Bang!

Swan!

Swan!

[ Honks ]

[ Honking ]

Stay back!
Or the ginger nut gets it!

- [ Crunching ]
- [ Screaming ]

You little... fucker!

[ Screams ]

Get out of my village!

It’s not your village
anymore!

[ Siren Blaring, Distant ]

You did good, kid.

Ta.

What’s your name?

Aaron Aaronson.

Sorry?

[ Screaming ]
Angel!

[ Gasps ]

[ Gurgling ]

It’s over, Danny.

It’s over.

Ow!

This really...

hurts!

I’m going to need
some ice cream.

Yeah, well, don’t worry.
There’s plenty of ice cream
at the station.

Isn’t that right, Danny?

- [ Gun Cocks ]
- Stay back!

Pack it in, Frank,
you silly bastard!

Now, now!
W-We don’t want
any more bloodshed!

Frank, this whole thing
started because you lost
somebody you loved!

Don’t expect me to believe
you’d let it end the same way!

I’ll tell you how
this is gonna end!

[ Screaming ]

[ Hissing ]

I feel like I should
say something smart.

You don’t have to
say anything at all.

[ Sirens Blaring ]

[ Helicopter Whirring ]

[ Fisher ]
...satisfactory conclusion
to the whole operation.

Now, my perfect Sunday
would begin with–

[ Whimpering ]
Ow, ow, ow!

[ Chief Inspector ]
What do you say, Nicholas?

We have been trying
to reach you for days.

Yeah, well,
I’ve been kind of busy.

We need you back.

The figures have gone a little
"squiffy" in your absence,
it has to be said.

Come back to London.

Sandford’s hardly
a fitting place for
such an exceptional officer.

Yeah, well,
the thing is, sir,

I kind of like it here.

Besides, we have to do
a considerable amount
of paperwork.

♪♪ [ Rock ]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Line up ♪

♪ That’s right
Everybody’s going to jail ♪

♪ Come on, punk ♪

♪ Get with it right now ♪
♪ Hot fuzz ♪

♪ Here come the fuzz ♪

♪ Here come the motherfuckin’
fuzz ♪♪

For fuck’s sake, Nick.
This is gonna take ages.

Yeah. It’s gonna
take all night.

Well, good job we’ve
got the manpower, eh, Andy?

Official vocab guidelines
state that we say "staffing,"
not "manpower"...

’cause, uh, "manpower’s"
a bit sexist.

[ All ]
Ooh!

- You don’t mind a bit
of manpower, do ya, Doris?
- Oh, dirty bastard!

[ Laughing ]

You cheeky fucker!

[ Laughing ]

You know what you are?

A bloody busybody!

No!

- [ Ticking ]
- Oh, God, no.

Danny?

Danny!

Oh, God! Hold on, Danny.
Just hold on!

Hold on.
It’s gonna be fine.

It’s gonna be fine.

Just hang on.

Hang on!

Everything’s gonna be fine.

Everything’s gonna be fine.

Everything’s gonna be fine.

Everything’s
gonna be just fine.

[ Alarm Chirps ]

Hope these are okay.

Yeah.

They’re lovely.

[ Doris ]
Any officers near the church?

Go ahead, Doris.

Chief, we’ve had a report
of some hippie-types...

messing with the recycling bins
at the supermarket.

Leave it with us.

Righto.

Sergeant Butterman,

little hand says
it’s time to rock and roll.

Bring the noise.

[ Siren Blaring ]

[ Man ]
♪ Caught by the fuzz ♪

♪ Well, I was still on a buzz ♪

♪ In the back of the van ♪

♪ With my head in my hands ♪

♪ Just like a bad dream ♪

♪ I was only 15 ♪

♪ If only my brother
could be here now ♪

♪ He’d get me out
He’d sort me out all right ♪

♪ I knew I should have
stayed at home tonight ♪

♪ Locked in the cell ♪

♪ Feeling unwell ♪

♪ I talked to a man ♪

♪ He said it’s better to tell ♪

♪ Who sold you the blow ♪

♪ Well, it was no one I know ♪

♪ If only you’d tell us
we’d let you go ♪

♪ We’ll make it up
for you, my son ♪

♪ So tell us what you know ♪

♪ I never should have
let you out tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ Tonight ♪♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Life is the same
and it always will be ♪

♪ Easy as picking the foxes
from a tree ♪

♪ But I can’t get
no satisfaction ♪

♪ All I want is easy action ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Well, a stud is a lamb
with the thoughts of a tiger ♪

♪ Moves like a cat
and knows how to ride her ♪

♪ But I can’t get
no satisfaction ♪

♪ All I want
is easy action, baby ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ I can’t get no satisfaction ♪

♪ All I want
is easy action, baby ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, whoo ♪
♪ I know you’re shrewd
and she’s a dude ♪

♪ But all I want
is easy action ♪

♪ I know you’re shrewd
and she’s a dude ♪

♪ But all I want
is easy action ♪

♪ I know you’re shrewd
and she’s a dude ♪

♪ But all I want
is easy action, baby ♪♪

Ow!

♪♪ [ Fades Out ]

♪ Straight out of Sandford ♪

♪ Oh, come on ♪

♪ Nicholas Angel ♪

♪ Cleanin’ up the streets ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ That’s right ♪

♪ Oh, you’re getting
picked up tonight ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ You got your hot fuzz ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Here come
the motherfuckin’ fuzz ♪

♪ I’m goin’
undercover, mama ♪

♪ For hot fuzz ♪

♪ Hot fuzz ♪

♪ Hot fuzz ♪

♪ Hot fuzz ♪

♪ That’s right ♪
♪ Cleanin’ up the streets ♪

♪ Lookin’ so good ♪

♪ Everybody said, Damn ♪

♪ That Nicholas Angel ♪

♪ Driving a 360 ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ The guy’s tough ♪

♪ But he mean, so clean ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ With that sweet
Dan Butterman ♪

♪ Butterman, Butterman ♪

♪ Butterman, Butterman ♪

♪ Butterman, Butterman ♪

♪ Butterman ♪

♪ ’Cause you see
that’s how they do it
down in the west country ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby, you got
your hot fuzz, baby ♪

♪ You got your hot fuzz,
baby ♪

♪ You got your hot fuzz,
baby ♪

♪ You got your hot fuzz,
baby ♪

♪ Here comes the fuzz ♪
♪ Hot fuzz ♪

♪ Here come
the motherfuckin’ fuzz ♪

♪ Here come the fuzz ♪

♪ Here come
the motherfuckin’ fuzz ♪♪