All language subtitles for Do.I.Sound.Gay.2014.LIMITED.DVDRip.x264-RedBlade

Impact Partners presents...

A Think Thorpe/Little Punk
production.

A film by David Thorpe.

Do I Sound Gay?

Yes, I think you do sound gay.

Not as much as I do, but..

Yes.

Ah, no, en Frances no.

In English, I don't know.

Yes.

Not at all.

Really?

It's your tone,

which is, like, intellectual,

so people can read it as gay.

I would have just, maybe,
lumped you in the artsy-fartsy.

You sound creative.

You have, like, the "S"
in the front of the mouth,

which is part
of the gay-man stereotype.

There is something
slightly melodic.

I think it's the nasality.

I would definitely rate you
as a metrosexual.

- No.
- Not at all?

No.

You sound like
a human being, male.

It's, perhaps, more the fact
that I'm gay as well

so I kind of pick up on that.

You don't sound, like, gay

maybe because
I'm steeped in gay.

You could sound gay if you...

if you wanted to made...
make it a very, very...

cast a very wide net.

We enunciate.

And if that's gay...

Muah!

It's gonna be a beautiful day.

This is me, David.

I'm a writer, I live in
Brooklyn, and I live alone.

Well, not totally alone.

Recently, I split up
with my boyfriend,

and he moved out.

Okay.

I'm so excited about today.

I don't know,
it's exciting to think, like,

"Okay, I'm taking control
of this problem

that... that is really bugging me,"

and, um...

I don't know.

Like, I feel like it might
make me a different person...

Which would be cool,

because I'm not totally
satisfied

with the person that I am.

All right.

I'm not satisfied

because I'm in my 40s
and still single.

I'm not the most confident
person at the moment...

Which might be why
I've become obsessed

with sounding gay.

Right after the breakup,

I escaped to a gay beach town
on Fire Island

to drown my sorrows.

- So I had a friend come in...
- Oh, my God!

You will not believe what
happened to me the other night.

He was like, so where
we gonna go tonight?

It was a Friday night.

The train was packed
with loud, chattering gay men.

Get me to the front of the line.
I will kill you.

And there was this,
like, magical tutu

that popped out
from, like, nowhere.

Okay, so I'm stuck there
with this guy

at the end of the car...

The darkness amplified

the shrillness of the voices
around me.

He was like, "Hey, girl.
You look fierce."

And I was like, "Me?"

And he's like, "Yeah, you."

Wrap it up, I've got stuff
to say about my grandma.

They only have this place...

I started to feel repelled.

There was this girl there,

and she's,
like, a little tragic...

Why did
we all insist on sounding

like a pack of braying ninnies?

And I had to like rush
downtown..

She was walking and I was
like, "Oh, my God,

like, totally hurting
me with chai."

I didn't
choose this gay voice.

Why would I?

My mother is driving me
absolutely crazy.

I mean, she has had the same
dowdy haircut...

Who could respect,
much less fall in love with

an old braying ninny like me?

Stop!

I think it's that way.

Willem Dafoe,

Gregory Hines,

James Gandolfini,

the great Joey Mclntyre
from New Kids on the Block,

and, of course, Tony Danza.

Well, this room is definitely
very reassuring that...

that I couldn't be getting
better help.

Although, it does make me feel
like I'm learning how to act.

Hi, how are you?

Hi David, I'm Susan Sankin.

- Nice to meet you.
- Thanks so much.

- Yeah, you too.
- We're gonna go this way.

Okay, great.

So as you and I are speaking,
I'm going to be doing

a phonetic analysis
of your speech.

Just speak the way
you typically would,

as if you were speaking
to a friend.

Okay, uh, sorry
I'm a little nervous

so I hope I talk normally,
but, uh, I'm sure I will.

Um, so yeah, I mean,

as I've mentioned to you
on the phone,

um, I hate the way I talk.

I'm a little mystified
as to why I talk the way I talk.

It's almost like my voice
shuts down when I'm nervous,

particularly if I have fear

about just making myself
visible as a gay person.

Like, all of this
sort of stops moving and...

Okay.

People code-switch a lot.

So if you see a young...
perhaps a young little girl

who's three years old
playing with a doll,

well, when it's time
for that doll to go to bed,

they use their parent voice.

They lower their pitch.

They use the stern voice.

So what happens sometimes is,

when people do a lot
of code-switching,

they get bogged down in it

and they forget
what they used to sound like

or what the opposite side was.

I didn't... I've never really
thought about it that way

as just being a part...
we do so much code-switching,

and I feel like I'm
all over the map,

and sometimes my voice
comes out one way,

and sometimes it comes out
the other way.

- And I'm like...
- Mm-hmm.

- What's my real voice?
- Mm-hmm.

I will confess
I'd love to, like,

learn how to sound straight.

Like, I think that
just a normal,

unremarkable way of talking,
like, it...

I just... it would be nice
to be able to speak like that.

All right.

I have a great picture of what's
going on with your speech...

Okay. Good.

And also what you hope
to accomplish.

Okay.

So what I hear

is a little bit of nasality.

Mm-hmm.

I feel like I sound so nasal,

and so many other gay men
sound incredibly nasal,

and, like, I think
it's one reason

people find too many
gay voices at once

kind of grating
because of that nasality.

Yeah.

You do do a lot
of up-speak.

You end up...
you always end up up.

Even if you're
making a statement,

you're ending up up here.

Sometimes it's the
holding onto speech.

"Phone, so, alone, no."

Okay?

You just hang on that.

So we're going to keep it short.

So just try Oklahoma.

Oklahoma.

Ocean.

Ocean.

Au gratin.

- You threw me with that one.
- Au gratin. A little French.

- You threw me with that one.
- Okay.

Okay. Sorry.

Au gratin.

Um...

Uh, au gratin.

Good.

I see that your work really lies

in terms of your rhythm
and intonation,

the sing-song pattern,

and in finding the voice
that's comfortable for you,

that will work for you.

So that you can code-switch,
but volitionally.

So that you're not
getting stuck,

you have
a go-to voice.

- I would love a go-to voice.
- All right?

Excellent.
Thank you so much.

It was a pleasure, David.

You know, when she showed me
how I speak, um,

you know, when she showed me
how my "O" sounds, like "O-o-o."

You know... that's... I don't
think that's really particularly

how I want my Os to sound.

I don't know that anybody

really wants their Os
to sound that way.

Oakling.

Oakum.

Oatmeal.

Oaxacan.

Obang.

Nice.

The obese ogre owes
Mrs. O'Malley some oatmeal.

Harry married Kari

and committed hara-kiri.

I wonder, when all the gays
start to marry,

if they're gonna start
committing hara-kiri

after they marry.

Tilapia.

Tilapia.

Halibut.

Roberto was aglow
that the fish was local.

And a bargain, to boot.

My pants have a jam stain.

- Hi.
- Hello!

- How are you?
- Good.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Good.
- Hi.

Okay, tall drinks.

Yeah, they look beautiful.

- Cheers.
- Cheers, queers.

Eyes.

Mmm. Mmm.

I asked one of our
mutual friends...

Yeah.

Who sounded the gayest
of all of us that she knows...

- And I won the award?
- And you won.

I think that Sam is
a more performative person.

- No, I do.
- Yeah.

I just think
that's... that you are.

So when she says
that Sam is... you know,

sounds gayer
than most of our friends,

I mean, I think we have other
friends that I'm not gonna name

that also sound pretty gay.

So... and I don't think
that they sound less gay

than Sam, honestly, so...

Where do you rank yourself?

I mean, I... I would say

I'm just one...
one shade lighter than you.

Probably around 3, but maybe I...

maybe I'm delusional.

So do I sound gay?

When you say it
like that, you do.

Okay, let me rephrase
the question.

"Do I sound gay?"

Do you guys think I sound gay?

- Yes, I do.
- Yes.

But I don't think it sounds

as bad as you think it sounds.

So, um...

It's interesting
that you chose the word bad.

- It's true.
- What do you mean bad?

- No, I don't mean it like that.
- You said bad.

Sorry, I don't mean
it like that.

He said it.
He said it.

- No, he said the word bad.
- I know.

I'm saying
you challenged him.

I didn't challenge you.

I have the impression
that you think it sounds bad.

- That's why I said that.
- Right.

Um, but yeah, I don't
think it's, like,

this off-the-charts thing

that you have the impression
that it is, you know.

But when you say bad,

you mean something
negative, obviously.

Yes, but I mean I...

I interpret David's
feelings about this

and the feelings around
this whole project as bad.

You know, like... I mean,

he has negative feelings
about his voice,

about the perception
that it creates, so I just...

And you don't feel that
at all, yourself?

I have, you know, sort of
a generic self-loathing

that is created around
my gayness, you know.

But... if my voice is part
of it, then it might be,

but I don't think
I could sort of say

it's the only thing, you know,
or the main thing.

Is your voice part of it?

Sure, it's part of it.

I think I feel out-of-sync
with my voice

and uh, uh...

And, at least, it seems to me

like that it's anxiety
about sounding too gay.

So, okay, let's see what
it's like to not sound gay,

and maybe I'll feel
more in-sync

or maybe I'll have some idea

of what my voice should
sound like, so...

But you could also argue, like,

why don't you just accept
how you sound?

What's wrong with you?

I mean, 'cause
I think, you know,

for myself, or you,
for other people, it's like,

when I think about it
on a rational level,

it's like, there's
nothing wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong
with my voice.

This is my voice.

This is who I am.

It's a beautiful thing.

We have never talked
about this idea

until you brought it up.

I don't know anybody else that
I've talked to about it, either.

You know what I mean?

So I think there is this thing,

obviously, that we all
are aware of

that hasn't been spoken of.

I mean, this is a thing...

maybe this is, like,
the elephant in the room

that you've been talking about.

I've been uncomfortable
with the way that I've sounded

for years, but it's like,

there's nothing
I can do about it.

Do you think you sound gay?

Mm, no.

I hope not.

I'm used to hearing
my voice now.

When I would first hear it,

I, quite frankly,
would be appalled.

A lot of times when I hear
myself, like, in a video,

I'm very self-conscious,

and I think, "Oh, my God,
I sound so gay."

Did you ever listen to yourself

and think, "God, I sound gay"?

Um...

I'd have to...

I'd have to say...
if I told you no, I'd be lying.

It's an incredibly stunning,
rude awakening.

Please leave a message,
okay?

You see I... I don't
sound like that.

No, that's how you sound.

In our society, men belong
to a certain status,

and the women, they
belong to a certain status,

and the men's status
is the highest status.

If I'm in a hotel
and I call the front desk,

they always say,

"We'll have that
right up to you, ma'am."

And I think, "Really?

Do I really sound
like a woman?"

I don't... I just... I don't
think I sound like... a woman.

I think I sound
like a very small man.

You know, like... like, this high.

It took me three years
to find a boyfriend.

People don't want to date
a feminine guy that sounds gay.

I don't like when
somebody sounds gay,

like, sounds very feminine.

I don't like it.
It's just a turn-off.

Why don't you like it?

I don't know, because I
feel mens are mens

and womens are womens.

He totally started
pouring chai down my throat,

but it went, like, everywhere;
it went from, like...

Literally, okay?
This one guy's complaining...

We don't talk about it,

but some gay men are afraid

that their voices sound
too effeminate.

When I don't have confidence
in myself,

I'm no different.

I'm afraid that my voice
repels other gay men...

Not to mention the world.

We know exactly what you're about,
Mr. Limbaugh.

What am I about,
sir?

Tell me, Mr. New Castrati.

Just exactly
what am I about, sir?

Morgan said, quote,
"If his son was gay,

"he better come home
and talk to him like a man

"and not... he mimicked gay
in a high-pitched voice...

"or he would pull out a knife

and stab that little
N-word to death."

A Ross County student

who says he was bullied
and beaten for being gay

is speaking out
for the first time

since this videotaped
beating went public.

Why do you talk like a girl?

Why do you walk like that?
You're so weird.

If I saw two guys
blowing each other...

and I don't know why
I'm watching them do it...

but if I just happened...

I would be respectful to them.

I would... you know,

"Hello, gentleman."

Whatever, you know.

But if one of 'em
took the dick out of his mouth

and started acting all faggy

and saying annoying
faggy things...

"You know, people from Phoenix
are Phoenicians,"

or something like that..

I'd be like,
"Hey shut up, faggot."

Faggot!

I know that gay voice.

"You're not supposed
to use those for that."

Shut up, faggot.

I talk like that sometimes.

Like, I would never call
a gay guy a faggot

unless he's bein' a faggot.

But...

You know,
"People from Phoenix are Phoenicians."

Or somethin' like that.

I'd be like, "Hey..."

"Shut up, faggot."

Faggot!

I fought for
decades to embrace being a faggot.

I know I should just accept
myself as I am.

But, even now, this voice thing
still plagues me.

I'm embarrassed to say this,
but, you know, sometimes

somebody will say,
"I didn't know you were gay."

And it's like, why does that
make me feel good, you know?

And I hate myself for thinking
that, and I think...

Um...

Yeah, It's very disturbing.

I thought I was beyond that.

What's the problem if somebody
assumes that I'm gay

when I open my mouth?

Like, why do I have
a problem with that?

Is it any wonder

I can't shake the idea
of changing my voice?

Let's see.

Oh, cat, cat, cat.

What are the
advantages of sounding gay?

At the moment,
all I can think of

are the disadvantages.

"At the top of a hill
in Laurel Canyon...

"At the top of a hill..."

- Good morning, David.
- Hey.

- How are you today?
- Good.

- Great to see you.
- You too.

- Come on in.
- Thanks.

Mind.

Riot.

Dying.

Ide.

Was that too long?

No, you were good.

Ide.

Arise.

Dynasty.

Just as I'm
struggling to sound less gay...

New York legalizes gay marriage.

Gay Pride takes place
just days later.

The grand marshal happens
to be Dan Savage,

one of my heroes.

Dan!

Dan!

Dan!

Why do you
think so many gay men

are so self-conscious
about sounding gay?

A lot of gay men

are self-conscious
about sounding gay

because we were persecuted
for that when we were young.

You know, when you're young
and closeted and trying to pass,

you police yourself for evidence
that might betray you,

and it's how you walk
and how you talk.

Those two things...

and so a lot of gay men
carry that into adulthood.

When I was in high school, I...

when I first started going
through puberty,

I had a really, really
effeminate personality.

Like, I watch old family movies

and it's actually really,
really painful for me to watch

because I was
really, really effeminate.

And that's the first time
that I got attacked

for being gay
because of how I sounded.

Your teenage years,

especially your early
teenage years,

are all about survival,

and so I remember changing
my voice

or trying to sound less gay
just to survive high school,

and it's kind of sad
that it happened that way.

That's my grandma's angel.

It used to be in the hallway
of our house all the time,

right in front of the door.

When did other kids
start making fun of you

for the way you talk?

Well, when I was in third grade,
people started making fun

of the way I talked, and that's
when the bullying started.

Why do you talk like a girl?

Why do you walk like that?

My voice was high.

I had, like, the little girl
whatever accent.

I would be sitting there
talking to my friends.

People would just walk by:

"Faggot."

The video is difficult to watch.

A Unioto High School freshman
pummeled by a classmate,

while others stand by
and do nothing.

Mr. Goff, there's a fight!

Do you think
you get picked on more

'cause you're more effeminate?

'Cause I'm different,
and I'm not afraid to be.

I'm comfortable in my own skin.

I'm a diva.

They, like...
they don't like that.

Zachary, why don't you
step out for a minute?

Why?

'Cause I want
to tell him something.

I don't get to hear nothing.

He has his moments where...

The diva is just his thing.

In front of people, he's always
so happy and giddy and...

But he can't hide from me.

I see the pain.

I know it's there.

Many gay adolescents
are absolutely right

to be very worried
about how they sound

because it draws violence.

It's nice to see that you're,
like, a survivor.

Yeah, Destiny's Child

And, uh... wait.

Which... doesn't Christina...
what's the Survivor song?

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

That's Destiny's Child.

That's Destiny's Child.

- Fighter.
- Fighter.

♪ Thank you for making me ♪

♪ A fighter ♪

- Yeah.
- I love that song.

Me too.

I don't remember
what I sounded like growing up.

I've sort of blocked
out my childhood.

I grew up in the Bible Belt
in the 1980s.

- Wow, look at all these.
- Ha!

Okay, what am I looking at here?

Wait, wait.

You don't know
who this adorable child is?

No.

I should look at these
more often.

Back then,
homosexuality was evil

and the cause of a new plague
called AIDS.

Homosexuals practice sodomy.

You do admit homosexuals
practice sodomy, don't you?

Yes sir.

And that's against the
laws of many states, isn't it?

Sir, I... I don't know...

And against the court of...

There's nothing
gay about these people.

Engaging in incredibly
offensive and revolting conduct

that has led to the
proliferation of AIDS.

Nobody was openly gay.

I mean, nobody was... adults
weren't openly gay

in... in at that time period.

Um, I mean, probably more
particularly where we lived.

In middle school,
I started to get called a faggot.

That was a particularly
vicious insult at the time.

"Faggot" was always delivered
with, like, an extra oomph.

Like, no, I really mean
you're a faggot.

You know what I mean?

I knew what he meant,

and I knew what
a faggot sounded like

because gay people
did exist on TV.

Who's generally better-looking?

A fairy or a pixie?

Looks aren't everything.

I, uh...

I'll go for the fairy.

I hope I didn't leave
anybody out.

How did I know they were gay?

Just listen to how they talk.

I'm gonna play
that part again...

So you can all shout "Hey,"
okay?

Hey!

The only way I can get
my wife interested in romance

is if I dress up like a...

Blank.

Look at Liberace.

"Oh, Jesus," you know.

"Oh, I swear."

And Truman Capote, you know.

They all have that voice.

You know what I mean?

What is the nearest thing,

in physical sensation,
to an orgasm?

And I came up with the
idea that it was sneezing.

Like the rest of America,

I was spellbound
by these queer celebrities...

Gee,
you should have your own show.

I have.

But I knew it was
taboo to resemble them in any way.

I cleaned up my act,

and I stopped getting
called a faggot.

So I was really shy as a kid,

uh, and I... partly
because I was gay,

and I was like,
"I'll just be quiet,

and no one will know
that I'm here,"

and, you know, I knew
I wanted to fit in.

When you were a kid
or an adolescent,

I had no idea you were gay.

Never... it never occurred to me
that you were gay.

Like, I never even thought
in those terms.

And I never thought of you
sounding like that.

We've had this
conversation off-camera before,

but no, you did not
sound gay then.

Yeah. Do I sound gay now?

Yes, you do.

Were you surprised
when I came out of the closet?

I was flabbergasted.

You always seemed
very normal to me.

We never dealt
with anything like that.

I'll never know for sure

what I sounded like growing up.

There's no hard evidence.

I don't have
any recordings of my voice.

Just these Super-8 films
my grandfather shot.

How and when did I learn
to sound gay?

Where does my gay voice
come from?

Every one of us is presented
with lots and lots of models

of what language
should sound like.

So we hear men, we hear women,
we hear kids our own age,

we hear adults,
we hear older adults,

and in all of these
interactions,

we have, uh, you know,
different opportunities

to emulate different aspects
of those people's speech.

My father worked
on the railroad,

and he and my brother got along,

and my brother always
wanted to talk to my dad

or go to the workshop,

and I loved
staying inside reading,

helping my mother bake,

and secretly listening
to her phone calls

with her girlfriends,

and that, to me, was... was fun,

and so guess who sounds gayer?

Four score and seven years ago,

our fathers brought forth,
on this continent,

a new nation,
conceived in Liberty,

and dedicated
to the proposition...

I'm interested in
how sexual orientation

affects the way people make
little differences

in the way they pronounce
speech sounds.

Four score and seven years ago,

our fathers brought forth,
on this continent...

T... T... T.

So, normally, we'll say...
someone will say "continen."

"Continen."

N...n... with no release.

And you said con... continent.

"T."

Did everyone get that?
I said "continent-uh."

The clearest, most ladylike
gay one.

Micro-variations are tiny
differences in pronunciations,

like the difference between,
"ss" and "ss."

Two different versions
of exactly the same sound,

but different people pronounce
them different ways.

Gay-sounding men
are using clearer vowels.

Vowel durations are longer.

Ss longer.

Ls clearer.

Overarticulating
the Ps, Ts, and Ks.

These things all add up
to the same phenomenon

that's been observed with women
versus men, on average.

So I'm subtly making
my... my gay choices?

Yes.

Yeah, it's fascinating.

Perhaps you picked this up
when you were young

by listening more
to women than to men,

by giving more weight
to the cues

you were getting
from female speakers

than from male speakers.

Mm-hmm.

- For some reason.
- Mm-hmm.

People make fun of me
because I lisp.

Really?

Such a lot of fuss
over a few extra Ss.

What about that
whole lisp, sibilant S thing?

I have such a problem
with pronouns.

How many Ss are there
in the word pronoun?

How'd you like to kiss my ass?

That's got two more Ss in in it.

How'd you like to blow me?

What's the matter,
your wife got lockjaw?

Faggot!

Have you got it?

Yesss...

Sounds like steam escaping.

His name is James.

Not Jim.

Not Jimmy.

"Jamesss."

I get it.

I had speech
therapy for a lisp as a kid.

So did lots of other
gay men I know.

When I think back about...
you know, as a kid,

while I say that I didn't
necessarily sound gay,

I actually had a lisp.

I had a speech teacher,

a Mr. Horischka,

um, who, through school,
who helped me.

I had a little lisp.

He was a big queen

helping many a little
Long-Island faggot

to sound less gay.

I had a lisp, and so...

it would be "bessst"
if I talked like "thisss."

And I was so young at the time.

It was only later
that I realized, wait a minute.

Like, everybody in speech class
was gay.

Like, everybody that they
brought into that room.

It was like
"future homosexuals of America."

I've
always thought that my lisp

had something to do
with being gay.

But Ben thinks
I'm grasping at straws.

There is absolutely no evidence
that gay men lisp.

I think we're going after these

frontal and lateral
misarticulations,

and it happens that, you know,
a subset of gay men...

gay men that are very aware
of their sexuality

and very interested in, kind of,

the trajectory
of their development...

sort of remember these
and attach

a kind of social significance
to them.

Ron
thinks that back in the day,

some gay men
who allegedly lisped

just had
a feminine-sounding S.

I think that, maybe, it was
true in my generation

that there was a lot of, uh,

confusion between
fronting a T-H sound...

an S into a T-H sound...
and just sounding too feminine.

Mom asked me to ask you

if you there's any mail for us
here by mistake.

What?

Mom asked me to ask you
if you there's

any mail for us here by mistake.

Nope, not a clue.

She wants the Brady's
mail, Larry!

They say things
like "Girl," and "Sister,"

and, "What's her problem?"

Makes you think.

Hmm.

So the "th"
is a phonological delay.

The "sss" might be identified
by a speech language pathologist

or by the parents
as gender-inappropriate.

- Oh, that's fine.
- Say "sense" now.

Listeners perceive
a gay-sounding voice

as a feminine-sounding voice.

This is indicative
of a stereotype,

a cultural stereotype.

People want gay men
to be like women,

and maybe they picked up
on the fact

that many characteristics
of gay-sounding voices

are feminine characteristics.

But they've got it all wrong,

because a lot of those
gay-sounding voices

are from straight guys.

Danny, they're just coming
in with the first pallet.

Uh, and we need two of these,
that I'll take...

People think my
straight friend Chris sounds gay.

We need a chard, a red
cabbage, and two strawberries.

As one friend put it, my voice
is all treble, no bass...

I guess.

Did you hear that S?

All treble no bass... I guess.

I probably modeled my speech

after the women
I was close to growing up.

Chris probably did
the same thing.

Most of my life,

before I was 12,

I lived on an ashram,

so I grew up, largely,
around lots of women.

Hey, come on.

My gay friend Matt grew up

close to his four jock brothers.

He's the straightest-sounding
guy I know.

- Right.
- Hut!

See how butch I was?

My family, I feel like... you know,

I, pretty much, was formed

like every one
of my other brothers.

I did everything that they did.

I admit I
would love to sound like him.

The whole family was sports.

It was about...

Um, watching sports.

Uh, Thanksgiving was planned
around halftime.

All right.

You ready?

In our study with 25 men
and 46 listeners,

the average accuracy in guessing

the man's sexual orientation
correctly

was only about 60%.

Whoo!

So 40% of the men

were misclassified
by the listeners.

Either gay men
who sound straight

or straight men who sound gay.

What is sounding straight?

It's a great question.

I don't think there is such
a thing as sounding straight.

Because, uh... well,

people have said
I sound straight,

and I'm not.

Some of the gayest people
I know are straight,

and some of the butchest men
I've ever met are gay.

So, in some ways, never assume.

If I was
using these typically-female

micro-variations as a kid,

how had my family
not picked up on it?

Why didn't they think
I sounded gay?

So, first of all,
in considering your own story,

I'd bounce the question
back to you and say:

are we talking about
the difference between

Columbia, South Carolina,
and New York City?

If so, then we could
just as easily be

talking about a community
in which it's simply taboo

to allow the mind to associate
a particular voice

with a particular sexuality.

Or it could be something
as simple as,

we are talking about
groups of people

who didn't have a big store
in their memory of, you know,

this is what
a gay man sounds like.

Whereas, in New York City,
someone could say

"Oh, yes, definitely you are..."

and, never having
lived in New York City,

I don't know this to be true,

but someone could say,
"Oh, yes, you are definitely

part of the urban gay
intelligentsia."

Stretch.

Stretches.

Zzz.

Calm down.

Too much... too much partying
happening here.

Got to be more "ssstraight."

Straight.

Not hardest, hardest.

On the other hand, I do think,

what the fuck difference
does it make

if I... If I say "say"
or if I say "say"?

Um, you know, it's what
I have to say that matters.

They
say old habits die hard.

I'm starting to think
they might be right.

And thus ends

the first exhausting

"S" practice-uh.

I'm struggling
a bit with my speech.

- Um...
- Okay.

But, I think, for... I think
there's good reasons.

Um, speaking in this standard,

confident way
requires confidence

and requires the feeling
that I'm telling you something.

- I'm not asking you.
- Right.

And just the last month
has just been, like,

a difficult month
in my life, and...

Mm-hmm.
In what?

Uh, in my... in my life.

- Go down.
- In my life.

- Thank you.
- Right.

And so I've found myself,

in my mind, kind of reaching

for the speech, uh, tools,

but not able to use them.

The Life and Times
of Porgy and Bess.

The four-time Tony-winning...

she's won four Tonys?

Let's try again.

One of the guys... guys...

wants to know how
to tell the driver to go fast.

Another suggests he...

Ever since gay marriage passed,

I keep getting ambushed
by wedding announcements

for freshly scrubbed, perfect,

happy gay couples
in the Sunday paper.

I really shouldn't
read "Sunday Styles."

Those two guys
are probably miserable.

I'm sure they're
cheating on each other...

Will do so, and...

All right, but they
really didn't seem like it.

Sigh.

I decide it's
time to bring out the big guns.

There's Leonard Bernstein about
to punch me in the stomach.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

This is Bob Corff.

He's a former Broadway
leading man

and well-known voice coach,

famous for helping
people sound less gay.

I'm on my way to meet a man

who helps actors hide

the telltale signs
of a gay sexuality.

- Hello.
- Hello. How are you?

I do have people who come
to me, uh,

to ask to sound less gay.

I would say it's probably
between 20 and 50, a... a year.

Yeah. Oh.

That's a healthy number.

Yeah.

Mostly, the men,

whether they're gay or not,

have to sound straight.

Whoo-whee!

Yeah!

I'm getting tired of your
dumb-ass missions.

It's an interesting view because,
in this business,

a lot of the casting people,
a lot of the producers are gay,

and even they won't
hire somebody

because the people
in middle America

will not be able to accept that.

Ugh, look at sweatpants guy.

This is a $90-million
aircraft.

Steward, 21-18 that guy.

Excuse me, Mr. Sweatpants.

We're gonna need
to check that bag.

I can only play a very
specific type of gay guy

because if it's a gay guy

that's actually,
like, a meaty role,

like, a straight actor
will play that,

and if it's a gay guy that's
"great, awesome body,"

well, I can't play that.

So I just play the sad,

self-hating, bitter queens.

And how do you...

how do you feel about
being cast in that role?

You know, Ruth Buzzi
used to say,

"I'll take those
ugly girl roles,

'cause I get to work."

So I'm going to give you
an exercise right here...

That I think will be helpful.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I want to teach you
the standard American melody.

The good speakers,
the people who are leaders

that get people to do
what they want them to do...

Mm-hmm.

Have a pattern, which is this:

- I'm right.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm always right.

And what I want you to do
is go like this:

up, down.

Okay.
Up, down.

No you went,
"Up, down."

One, two.

What's the first number?

One.

And what's underneath it?

Two.

- Are you sure?
- Hello.

You're going,
"Hello!"

Hello.

You're going,
"Hello!"

Up, down.

U-P spells what?

Up.

Are you sure?

- Stop it.
- Mm-hmm.

Stop it.

You're going,
"Stop it."

Okay.

- Stop it.
- Stop it.

Right.

I was never trained
to be aggressive.

I was never trained
to be authoritative.

It's hard for me to be like,
"It's over there."

But... but... no, that
was actually pretty good.

- Was that good?
- It was.

So... but that's if you
want to have that power.

Mm-hmm.

When you hear it,
you'll go, "Oh, gee,

it's not as aggressive
as it felt to me."

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I would recommend my
Speakers Voice Method,

which is the blue CD.

Okay.

That is going to give you
more of a chest resonance

instead of being,
"Mm-hmm,"

up here like that,

you get down into your body.

Mm-hmm.

It's gonna really strengthen
and lower your voice.

When I'm in LA,
I always stay with my pal Kayla.

All right,
so what should we talk about?

Okay, I'm gonna sit like a...
more like a straight guy.

Okay.

Yeah, that's good.
That's good.

I'm gonna try to put some of my

straight lessons to work here.

Have you been taking
straight lessons?

Yes; I've been going
to a speech therapist.

Where do you want
to go out to eat?

Well, I love this restaurant.

Some fabulous French food.

It's like, if I have
to express an opinion,

it's so...

Do you like Italian?

I do like Italian.

'Cause there's a great
Italian place,

like, two blocks from my house.

Okay, the "likes," gots to go.

Shit.

That's very
"teenage girl."

It's true.
Okay.

I know, 'cause it doesn't
sound like me, right?

No, it sounds like you.

It sounds too much like you.

Get your money back.

Your voice can change

and I'm gonna
show you how right now.

Say to an imaginary someone
on the other side of the room,

"My name is..."

Give your name.

My name is David Thorpe,

and I'm going to have
a powerful, authentic,

and dependable voice.

Here's a wonderful tool,

something to give your voice
power, strength, and authority.

In this country, men use
the standard American melody

more than women do because
it gives them a completion.

But it's great for everyone,
men and women.

Now try it with me.

Hi, how are you?

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

Which is weird
because it sounds more like

I'm telling you I've arrived

rather than asking you
how you are.

Hi, how are you?

I don't care.

Good. Try it again.

This, this, this...

This is an embroidered pillow.

This is a trivet.

Those are my Birkenstocks.

This is a cat's ear.

This is a cat's...

As it turns out,

I'm not the only one
who's thought about

being a standard American.

Hi, how are you?

When I'm speaking
with my family,

who is a southern black family,

I'm like, "Hey, how y'all doin'?

"Oh, mom, I miss you.
I'm so hungry.

When are you gonna feed me?"

That's the way
I grew up speaking.

My accent went away when
I started working in television

and I started
listening to my voice,

and I realized that, you know,

I didn't necessarily like the
way it sounds when it's on tape.

It sounds a little bit lazy,
and maybe that's a stereotype.

Maybe that's part
code-switching,

and maybe that's
part of fitting in.

Like, my father went
to very great lengths

to rid himself
of an Asian accent.

He had a deep sense of shame
after being deported

and then always felt
like he was trying

to catch up and be American
and be truly American.

It really made me feel
the same way, like,

really determined to not
be considered Korean

and not... not have
the imprint of homeland,

and... and so, um, you know,
it... it really goes underneath.

You know, all of that... that
kind of self-hatred and anxiety

really gets shoved under,
and it can last for generations.

Covering is a phenomenon
where individuals who belong

to stigmatized groups
still make an enormous effort

to keep that stigma
from looming large.

This is Lady Gaga.

Gays have to
cover in a myriad of ways

because sexual orientation
is not a visible attribute.

The voice is,
you know, the tell is...

The voice is what might actually
give away to somebody

who otherwise would not know

the fact that
an individual is gay.

You know, I work
in a very conservative,

pretty straight-laced
kind of place.

At times at work,
do you try to, sort of,

talk less gay than you might?

I think I try to just
be as neutral as possible.

I try not to crack
too many funnies.

I try not to camp it up at all.

You know, I think
I try to be as straight...

not straight, meaning...

I can't pretend
that I'm straight,

but meaning I try to just
sort of say what I need to say

and say it in a very neutral way

and try to make it
very clear and concise

and then move on.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

So have you ever felt
that kind of pressure to cover?

That's really a tough question

because I'm sure
that I have, subconsciously...

But I don't feel that I have
to speak a certain way

around white people,

I don't think I have to speak
a certain way

around black people,

I don't think I have to speak
a certain way around gay people,

and it gets me in trouble a lot,
because I don't do it.

But now that the jury
has reached its verdict,

one that everyone must accept,

it's time now
for some tough love...

I will... I have friends from home.

Quite honestly,
some of my relatives will go,

"My gosh!
You sound like a white guy."

Of everyone I know,

I think my choreographer
friend Miguel

covers the least.

One of the things I'm doing
is working with a speech coach

to learn how, essentially,
to sound straight.

What do you think about
the fact that I'm doing that?

Here you are, you've come out
of the fucking closet,

you've, like, done the therapy,
you've done all the things,

and then you're still, you know,
changing the way you are.

You're still changing
how you sound

or your... how you look,

to satisfy some fucking
invisible value

that is so stupid in a way,
really.

I mean this thing
of hyper masculinity

is such a conscious performance
in gay male culture

all the time, everywhere you go,

you know, and... and it just feels

so oppressive, at times,
actually, to me.

It feels so ungenerous
and so unloving.

Why do you think gay men

sometimes reject other
gay men for sounding gay?

Misogyny.

They want to prove
to the culture

that they're, you know,
not not men,

that they're good because
they're not women.

Not like women,
they don't want women,

they don't want
to sleep with women,

they don't want
to act like women,

and then they'll punish
gay men who they perceive

as being feminine in any way.

Why do you think...

why do you think,
when we get in bed,

that we like to hear
that super-masculine voice?

Because we like
what was awful to us.

No, you know what I mean?
It's kind of like...

Stockholm syndrome?

Yeah, it's kind of like...

I don't know, you like what...
it's wrong.

It's, like, sick.

We're gay, and we're
attracted to men,

and we're attracted
to masculinity,

and we don't want to hear
a woman's voice in bed.

And so if something
sounds similar to that,

it's not gonna be
as much of a turn on.

Dude, that was fuckin' awesome.

You just ate their inside
center for breakfast.

I mean, come on, man,

get your ass up here
on the table.

Let me rub that out for you.

Oh, yeah.

Gay men like hypermasculinity,

uh, because a masculine voice,

like a construction-worker
helmet,

is the lingerie of gay-land.

"Yeah, take it."

Yeah! Yeah!

It's always funny
when you watch like, uh,

pornography, you know.

And, you know, there will
be these two guys

and then one of them will...
one of them will say,

you know, "Take it, bitch."

Oh, we need a sun roof.

And I think, well, that just
ruined everything, you know.

That just ruined everything
because you sound like me.

My grandmother's
95th birthday celebration

is a welcome relief
from everything.

Are you ready, grandma?

Grandma, happy birthday!

Yeah, Gil,
can you wave with your hand there?

"Hi, Grandma."

Happy birthday, Grandma.

- Carmen, look at me.
- Happy birthday!

Will you give me a wave,
Grandma?

Thank you.

To my surprise,
both Gaby and Gil

identify exactly when I started
to sound undeniably gay.

I was privileged
to really get to know you

my freshmen year in college,

which was when
you were coming out,

and I actually noticed
this transformation.

I mean, September of 1993,

you sounded like a straight boy,

uh, from an academic family
in South Carolina,

and by May, you were
sounding pretty gay.

Interesting. Okay.

I didn't know this happened
to me incrementally.

You were consciously
or unconsciously

exaggerating it for a while

as you were
sort of coming to terms

with your identity,
et cetera, that's for sure.

Right when you first came out,
you were sounding super-queen,

and it reminded me
of when I first came out.

I went and bought
a black leather jacket.

It was a signal, and, uh,
it reminded me of that.

That, like, you had put
on this voice, kind of.

My voice was my
black leather jacket?

Yes.

Later,
I found out that my childhood pal Michelle

also noticed
my college transformation.

I remember
talking to you and going,

"God, his voice has changed."

To me, it actually
felt like you were

trying to advertise
that you were gay.

And it... I was, like,
a little annoyed

'cause I was like, "Well,
you didn't speak that way

three years ago."

It bothered me that
your voice had changed.

I didn't' give a shit
that you were gay,

but it bothered me
that you changed your voice.

Yeah.

I mean, I guess
I'm getting used to it.

Like, if I had known you
and you always spoke this way,

I wouldn't think about it.

It would just be you.

Yeah.

But the fact is,
you know, for 17 years...

It was a different you.

Yeah.

And so, for me, this
was, like, an imposter's voice

when I first started
speaking to you.

I didn't... I didn't feel
comfortable with your voice.

In college,
I finally found the courage to come out.

I don't remember consciously
trying to sound more gay.

I do remember aspiring

to the role of the witty,
aristocratic homosexual.

I had spent so long
feeling scorned.

It was time to scorn back.

There is a kind of idea

that when you talk
in a gay voice,

you're talking down
to somebody too.

That you... there is this theory

that gay men
have to hold themselves

in higher regard.

I remember people telling me
that I talked like a sissy.

Well, what I was doing was,
I was trying to talk

like the little rich boys
on television shows.

Would you care for
a martini, Mr. Babcock?

Well...

Dry or extra dry?

And so, yes, I was a young,
working-class boy,

but I was trying to talk
above my demographic status.

Stir, never shake.

Bruises the gin.

I was too naive to know

that by embracing
an upper-class voice,

I was embracing
a well-worn stereotype.

Well, for goodness sake.

I'm all atwitter.

I just can't wait
to tell everyone

that Alex didn't
give him the air.

Well, what do you think of her?

Simply divine, my dear.

Simply divine.

The pansy was always sort of
a shorthand for gay men

without having to spell it out.

The visual shorthand
was the first thing,

but the voice almost
always followed it up.

Well, I don't know
anything about that...

But you don't
get it into your dancing.

That's what I said the other day

to the dear Countess
of Twickenham...

The pansy was a very, kind of,
wise, knowing character.

You could see it, I... or hear it
as something to emulate

because he did seem to kind of
be on top of most situations.

I grew up in
your typical middle-class suburb,

but my voice
tells a different story.

You sound educated
and cosmopolitan and refined.

So if you think about that
in the context of our culture...

you're a man who sounds educated
and cosmopolitan and refined...

that's gonna equal gay
for most listeners.

Well,
I get told that I'm kind of languorous.

Like, I draw out my vowels.

Oh, yeah, because then...
because you have the time to

because you are, um,
in the class of society

which allows you to linger
over things like vowels and...

I mean, I never just ask why.

It's, "Why?"

Exactly.

But... but it's to give it
more emphasis too.

Why?

Like, your way of speaking
to me connotes, like, the subtext

of, like, the learned
gay character.

And so do you feel..

So I'm still the learned gay
character that I always was.

Yes. Yes.

You're still nailing
the learned gay character.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'm... I'm trapped in that role.

I mean, there are worse
roles to fill

than a learned gay character.

You're not, like, the... you're
not the evil gay character.

But, see, sometimes I worry

that I sound
like the evil gay character.

Well, I mean,
we all have our moments.

It's the same obvious
pattern, Laura.

If McPherson weren't
muscular and handsome

in a cheap sort of way,

you'd see through him
in a second.

Whereas, in the '30s,
gay characters were seen,

maybe, a little more peripheral
and harmless.

Uh, starting with Clifton Webb
and Laura,

you can see where they really
start becoming more dangerous.

Murder is my favorite crime.

I write about it regularly.

Snide,
supercilious, superior.

He's so clearly gay,

it's sort of this torturous
jealousy.

Is he jealous
of the male character

or of the woman character?

But he does it all
kind of through his voice

as much as anything else.

And he played a killer, correct?

From the 1940s on,

a lot of gay characters

either get killed
or are killers,

and a lot of that
begins with Laura.

Good-bye, Laura.

Peter Pan will be blasted

out of never land...

forever.

Captain Hook was sort of
a Clifton-Webb-type character,

and so there was this
and Peter Pan,

and it kind of
got carried across,

uh, the next decade
to The Jungle Book.

I thought perhaps,
you were entertaining

someone up there in your coils.

Coils?

And, of course,
Shere Khan is evil.

After Shere Khan,
you get a few more of...

of the male characters.

Oh, my dear Bartholomew,

I'm afraid that you have
gone and upset me.

You know what happens
when someone upsets me.

Perhaps I can divine a solution

to this thorny problem?

Oh, I shall practice my curtsy.

These voices
of the Disney villains,

uh, which sort of have gay
or proto-gay qualities to them,

if you think of very,
very young children,

you know, they could
be growing up with the idea

that, uh, real evil or villainy,

uh, can be connoted
by a gay man's voice.

Well, as far as brains go,

I got the lion's share

but when it comes
to brute strength...

I'm afraid I'm at the shallow
end of the gene pool.

There's one
in every family, sire.

Just really quickly,
I want to say

I had a breathing breakthrough
this morning,

and I think I'm starting to feel

how to raise and lower
my diaphragm.

Ah, 1, 2, 3, 4.

No.

Uh.

Shh!

Susan and Bob's exercises

are supposed
to make me sound more standard,

but I just find myself
in awe of how my voice works.

Vah, vah, vah.

♪ Resonation ♪

♪ Throat, larynx,
the middle of the throat ♪

I'm gonna be moving that larynx
up and down

and all around.

Apparently, my stomach has
decided to get in on the action

and, um, develop a strong,

powerful authentic voice
of its own.

So maybe a breakthrough.

"Breakthrough-ooh-ah."

Yoo-who-aa-o.

Yu-whao-o-o!

Whoo-waa-ha!

I am a speaker.

So, um, have you guys noticed

that my voice
has changed at all?

Uh, is that a trick question?

No, I haven't.

I don't know.
Not really.

Maybe when you were practicing
your exercises with us.

When were you practicing...

when was he practicing
his exercises with us?

After he went
to the speech therapist.

Oh, I mean he...
I thought you were just

sort of demonstrating
how it worked.

I never... I didn't
think that was practice.

Right.

You didn't
think it was real?

I just thought you were
telling us how...

how it worked,

but I didn't know
that that was...

So you didn't notice,
like, any change at all?

No change in pitch, no...

I noticed a change
in your spirit.

Sam and Alberto know
me as the person in these pictures.

After college, like thousands
of gay men before me,

I ended up in New York,
where the three of us met.

Come on. Come on, crabbies.

Come on, you crabbies.

We forged
our gay identities together.

Let me see some crab!

Sam and I
once had a public access show

about our obsession
with women's tennis.

Alberto shot the show,
which also featured Miguel.

You're just making me crazy!

I can't work like this.

I can't work like this!

If there is a bunch of
people who hang out together,

they tend to, sort of,
sim... similar language,

similar tone of voice,
similar phrases.

Men can learn how to sound gay

from being with gay men.

One, two.

Whoo!

When people are really
putting on a show,

when they're acting
very gay on purpose for fun,

"camp speech"
is what we call it.

This may not be the person's
natural voice,

but I can say,
"Well, why don't we go there?"

Dinner is served.

I'd make somebody a good wife.

I could entertain.

Kiss me quick.

I'm Carmen.

Very exaggerated performance.

Conscious performance
of acting like a drag queen

or acting like a famous
movie star who's a woman.

That kind of thing.

Oh, the man had arrived,
but it was so crowded

I had to sit
on Pinocchio's nose.

Then he proceeded to tell me
the weirdest story.

I said, "Pinoch, you know,
that's not the truth,

but lie, you little
devil, lie."

Wayland and Madame
along with Paul Lynde

and someone like Rip Taylor,

who used to come
on The Tonight Show a lot,

uh, they kind of mainstreamed
the whole idea of camp.

What's this?

This, my dear boy,

is Beethoven's fifth.

I call them the ambiguous
queens of prime-time TV.

Who are you?

You, with eyes that burn
like the desert sun.

The greatest sheikh
in all Arabia.

Why are you wearing
that earring?

Because I'm a very chic sheik.

That's why the call me
Florence of Arabia.

Paul Lynde, in 1976,
was on television

almost 200 prime-time hours
in the season.

He was bigger than,
uh, John Wayne.

When a man falls out of
your boat and into the water,

you should yell,
"Man overboard!"

Now, what should you yell
if a woman falls overboard?

Full speed ahead!

It was never said

nor it would have ever
been said that he was gay,

but between the way
he said his lines

and the quality, the content
of his lines, you knew.

And you know, for years,
he was considered

the funniest person
on television.

When I was a kid,
I was terrified

that I might sound like any
of these flamboyant queens.

Mom, I could have been
a huge tennis star

if you'd only pushed me
a little harder.

What do you mean
I didn't like the sun?

I love the sun.

Those shoes were hideous!

As a freshly minted gay man,

I learned how camping it up
could be liberating.

When I started doing
The Howard Stern Show

and I used the simple... you know,

he does some outrageous things

or makes some
outrageous statement,

and sometimes,
the only retort to that is,

"Oh, my!"

George, it's simple and easy,
and you can do it

in your pajamas

from the comfort
of your own home.

Oh, my!

Consciously or not,
we still, uh,

use parts of these voices
and these images

in our everyday lives
in our persona,

uh, without knowing.

Cheers.

Eyes.

So you feel like
you perform your gayness

more than I do.

And your voice is part of that?

I don't think about it as,
"I'm performing my gayness."

I think about... I'm being, like,
fucking hilarious with my voice.

And it sounds really gay!

General hilarity.

And it sounds really gay.

- I mean, I don't know.
- Yeah.

I mean, yeah, sometimes I think,

like, "I'm gonna
camp it up, and..."

Sam is more
comfortable with himself than I am

with "performing being gay."

But he's also been married
for years to a great guy.

Ditto Alberto.

Hugh... Hugh, my boyfriend,

we've been together
for 22 years.

Now, Hugh does not sound
anything like

I wanted my fantasy boyfriend
to sound like.

You know?

But I love him, and I wouldn't...

that's all part of the package.

I could identify sounding gay.

I think, from...
I think the first time

I heard my voice recorded.

I was shocked.
I was a little kid.

I sounded like Shirley Temple.

But he can also fix everything.

You know, he could redo
the wiring in this house.

He can solder
the pipes together.

He can...

You know, so really,

on the masculinity
scale, he wins.

You know, even the...

even with that voice,
he still wins.

One of the things
that I loved about George

is he loves me for who I am,

and my voice comes as...
comes as part of my package.

And, at times,
I've thought it's...

It... it's not a good thing
to have this kind of voice.

But George has reinforced,

over the decades
that we've been together,

that, you know, who...
who the hell am I...

who are... who the hell are they

to critique me for my voice?

So I've gotten used to it.

Hugh could beat me.

He could set me on fire
while I was asleep.

I will never, ever leave him.

You know what I mean?

Because I do not ever
want to be single again.

Like, I don't ever want
to have to go on a date again.

I don't ever want to have to set
foot in a gay bar ever again.

None of it.

Putting aside
the terror of being single,

I can see that the men
in these happy couples

didn't ask each other to change.

Instead, they became
more themselves.

It's that insecurity
that you have in yourself

that makes you conscious
of the way you sound.

This is an issue
that should be discussed.

People should become aware
of the fact that we are pioneers

in... in our time
in changing societal perception

of what it means to be gay.

Gay, straight, black, white!

Marriage is a civil right!

Gay, straight, black, white!

Marriage is a civil right!

In 2005, Arnold Schwarzenegger

vetoed marriage equality.

I was still closeted.

But on... on...
on the 11 o'clock news,

I saw young, gay kids,

men and women, marching
on Santa Monica Boulevard...

And I felt I needed
to speak out,

and my voice needed
to be authentic.

And so that's when I spoke
to the press

for the first time as a gay man.

So the fearlessness
of those young...

of those young people
inspired you...

Exactly.

To speak out.

Whoo!

George is right.

It is inspiring to see
that some young people

are able to be and sound
like themselves.

And the world is listening.

Hey everyone;
my name is Tyler,

and if you don't know me by now...

spoiler alert...

I'm gay.

Shocker, I know.

If you could be any
Disney character,

boy, girl or animal,
who would it be?

I would probably be Jasmine
from Aladdin

so that I could sleep
with Jafar.

If two people love each other

and want to prove it
by putting a ring on it,

let those bitches do it.

Does it matter, like,
if they're the same gender?

Hi, how are you?

Damn.

I'm like a didgeridoo...

Oh-o-o-o...

Finally,
after months of training my voice,

everything falls into place.

My name is David Thorpe,

and I'm going to have
a powerful, authentic,

and dependable voice.

So I have to say

I just listened
to my empowerment sentence,

and I feel like it sounded
kind of awesome.

Um, I was pretty far
from the camera,

and I sounded loud.

I mean, not loud.

But I sounded full
and round and clear.

I felt so emotionally
disconnected from my voice...

from myself.

I wasn't sure who to be
or what to sound like.

There's one in every family,
sire.

It never occurred to me

that I was physically
disconnected from my voice...

from myself.

Maybe I didn't go
to Susan and Bob

to sound less gay.

Maybe I was just trying
to reconnect.

Do you notice any
difference in my voice,

uh, since I saw you in LA?

Yes; it's lower and deeper
and more confident.

Yes, definitely.

You know I was trying
to sleep and I, and...

and, you guys... you...
all three of you were talking...

Sounding masculine.

No, but your voice
was sort of, like,

coming through the ear plugs.

- It was, like, this very...
- Yeah.

It was like...

I mean, it still sounded
like a lady talking.

- A handsome lady.
- Uh-huh.

A lady with a beard.

People with AIDS under attack!

What do we do?

Fight back!

People with AIDS under attack!

What do we do?

Fight back!

That was pretty good, right?

I definitely couldn't
have done that before.

I found a stronger voice...

- Cheers, thanks for coming.
- Cheers.

To you.

But eventually,
I stopped doing my exercises.

Wow, this looks really,
really good, though.

Yeah.

Bon appétit, bitches.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

So your voice didn't change,
but you did.

You know, my voice did change.

Like, I... my voice
definitely got stronger.

But the gay did not
change, and...

That ain't changing.

That ain't changing.

Are you still doing it?

- No, I stopped doing them.
- Right.

Because... I don't know.

For some reason,
I'm able, now, to...

to, like, hear my voice

and hear how distinctive it is.

Mm-hmm.

Literally, like,
the sound of your voice

is shaped by the shape
of your body.

So no... you know,

that's why people... we all
sound different, you know?

Like you were saying,
it's the specificity of you.

It's, like, who you are.

Your voice is who you are.

It's from your body,

it's from your personality,

and we love that.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I still feel
self-conscious sometimes

about sounding gay.

I would imagine you do too.

- Sure.
- Yes, of course.

I don't know if that
will ever change.

- Right.
- Yeah.

I don't think it's possible for
that to ever go away, though.

- Yeah.
- Right.

And that's both sad,

and also I... but I feel like

I know how, now, to...
to push that away

to get back into that
head space of, like...

rah, rah, rah!

Like, sound gayer,
be gayer, go gay!

You know, like...

You want to raise
your fists in the air

and... and march down the street.

You also want to
feel like you can be...

Normal.

I don't think,
every single day,

I want to be with my fists
in the air with that.

And we, so we negotiate that,

like, every day.

- Right.
- Right.

In every circumstance.

Right. Every minute.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

You know, I think
that one of the reasons

why we're so concerned
with what our voices sound like

is that we're taught
that your voice

is who you really are.

My voice
was such a mystery to me.

But I've pretty much answered
all my questions.

For many gay men...

That's the last vestige.

That's the last chunk
of internalized homophobia

is this hatred
of how they sound.

What's wrong with sounding like
you are who you are?

Sounding like a gay man?

Having a gay voice?

I want to find some of...
some kindred spirits.

We all have
insecurities that are hard to put aside...

But I've come a long way,

and I'm not the only one.

If I do sound gay,
you know, bring it on.

I would feel self-conscious

about sounding straight,
since I'm not.

I love my gay voice.

Like, I don't have to come out
to anyone.

I say hello,
and it's a done deal.

If people hear my voice
and identify me as gay today,

I'll say...

"Thank you."

I'm proud of it.

Thank you.

There is nothing wrong
with sounding gay.

There's nothing wrong
with being effeminate.

There's nothing wrong
with being butch.

There's nothing wrong
with sounding straight.

Just do it with confidence.

I would like to sound more gay.

Yeah, well, over time
you just come to accept...

You know, or hopefully you do...

come to accept it.

So I...

And I wouldn't think
about it at all

except when I call the dentist
and they ask if David

is a man's name
or a woman's name.

Do you have just two minutes
for a quick interview?

- Uh, sure.
- Okay, awesome.

They say if
you can't handle the answer,

don't ask the question.

Do you have two quick
minutes to talk?

- Yeah.
- Okay, cool. Awesome.

Well, I say

if you can't handle the answer,

that's a question
you've got to ask.

Charles Nelson Reilly,
I adore you.

- We love him.
- Is he gay?

Well, he's dead, but, um...

Women are sort of privileged

to dress up in high heels

and tight skirts all the time,

but straight men
don't really have that.

But gay men have found leather,

and they do it that way.

You look amazing.

Oh, thank you.

I don't think

being an annoying, you know,

screaming, obnoxious
bitch, uh, is hot.

But, you know, you take a...

You take a man-cake,
and you put, sort of,

a little female-frosting
glaze on it.

I think it's pretty sexy.

Are there times when
straight men sound more gay?

Usually when they're
sucking my.

22 years, we've been together.

22 years!

It's that "ugh-ugh" sound.

A uvular.

Do I sound gay?

Hell, yeah!

Do I sound gay?

Hell, yeah!

Do I sound gay?

Hell, yeah!

Up here!
Yes.