Original subtitles

Based on the semi-autobiographical novel by

THE WONDERFUL YEARS

THAT SUCKED

Written by

- Hello, Milena. - Hi.

- It's better if you wait here. - Okay.

Ma'am, I got bologna or I ain't got nothing!

Oh, Mr. engineer! Come on in and check the blueprints!

Director of Photography

Straight from Milano...

Straight from Mělník...

Produced by

Directed by

And are you free tonight?

I have two great tickets for "Waiting for Godot".

- Tonight is bad... - Well, that's all right.

- Here you go... - Thank you.

No way. If Aleš hadn't written that graduation paper for me...

Please! That amounts to a pound of meat for every word by now!

Would you make us some coffee, Janička?

You are impossible. I have never known anyone to be so shy...

I'm a case for a psychiatrist, I know.

- I will die in that delivery room. - No, you won't.

On August 5th, there won't be a single man on duty.

Oh, Zita, you're so wonderful!

But you have to go into labor precisely on that day.

That's fine! That's just a matter of autosuggestion!

What did Zita say?

Everything is on track, provided I go into labor on August 5th...

- We are going to the theater. - What sort of bunk is this?

I couldn't unload those tickets. Anyway, here is that pork roast.

And don't run anybody over.

Hello, there.

- Checking the oil? - No, I was opening the trunk.

- The trunk is in the back. - Right! Forgive me...

You just keep calm, comrade.

You are standing on our tracks! The machine's coming!

- Give more gas! Gas, comrade! - Shit, let's push!

You got her in gear, you idiot!

We will just end it right here.

I'm not getting run over by a train for a few lousy pork chops!

So what! So I'll make us a great dinner...

We'll have somebody over and I'll make you the Havana roast.

I'm never going to learn it...

Do you know how many drooling idiots drive a car? With ease?!

I nearly killed five people in twenty minutes.

That would be a decent stat even for Eichmann.

Jesus Christ! Get away!

Scram!

Take it easy, its okay...

- This is nuts, let's go home. - It's all right.

Oh, hello there, Milan!

Oh my sweet bundle of good cheer!

What is the timing on that miracle?

I need a pink babe for this little masterpiece

I will premiere in October.

We ought to make that easily! We're due on August 5th!

So we are here for an audition! That's what I call productivity.

We artist don't pussyfoot around like you economists!

I see: you hurry up, so that you could more productively

- wait for Godot, right? - You said it!

- What do we do now? - Wait.

- Yes, but while waiting. - What about hanging ourselves?

- It would give us an erection. - Let's go to the hospital.

I know you detest theater but you could bear with me for once!

- Oh, my God! - What?!

I think I'm having the baby!

Jesus Christ, excuse me... My wife is having a baby!

This is a delicious persiflage!

Please, isn't there a doctor here?!

Wait! This is some sort of a set-up...

The bag...

Isn't there a doctor in the house tonight?

Jiří Vondráček, gynecologist...

Get me some hot water! And towels! First aid kit!

- Dad, you stay right here! - But that's my wife in there!

- Then adieu. - Adieu.

Adieu.

Adieu...

It's a boy, Dad! Congratulations!

They're both doing fine. Do you have a name for him?

Kvido...

Doctor, we're so grateful.

This is just a little token, if you don't mind...

I don't mind, but tell me this: wasn't the baby a bit premature?

Well, they said August 5th...

Yet you're lugging that meat with you everywhere already...

Oh, don't worry! The meat is fresh! It's today's!

They'd all look swell hanging off a lamppost!

How could you think of hanging little Kvido's other grandpa?!

- Fucking Commies! - Keep it down, will you!

Or somebody is going to hear you! Oh, they're here!

- Hi. - Hello.

So let me see that little preemie darling!

What a handsome baby! Doesn't he look just like his Dad?

Yes, he's a carbon copy of Aleš!

Isn't he a carbon copy of Milena?!

Don't we look just like our mom?

No, we are no preemie!

But you will have to keep stuffing this baby, so he fills in!

Do we need to change a diaper? What's the matter?

He just can't stand that infantile cooing. Watch this...

What has Thou in Thine hand?

I know, a glass of poison. How? Has Thou drunk all the venom?

Hasn't Thine frugality spared a drop for me?

He likes it!

Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't conceived a genius...

He's born during Beckett and stuffed with Shakespeare!

- What's he going to become? - He'll grow up to be a poet!

- I don't know about that... - But I do!

A poet with a beret and a long scarf!

A blue-eyed blond like Yesenin!

But first we have to stuff our poor little preemie to the gills!

ANIMALS OF THE WORLD

Let's go and look at the tigers, Kvido.

Is this normal? He would rather read about the animals...

What is he going to be when he grows up?

- An author, I firmly hope! - Oh, an author...

I've yet to hear of a four-year old who taught himself to read.

He was only three and a half!

Couldn't we go and sort this out in a candy store?

Get out of here! Get away!

I will show you bird seed, you goddamn bitches! Oh, no!

I'm not talking about you, girls! No, no, you come here...

This fucking life!

What is that?

It aren't the garbage men, I know that.

- Where are the parakeets? - Our sweethearts are gone!

They're not gone! They are in a tree somewhere!

The Soviet tanks have entered our street...

They are slowly drawing near.

The people are trying to erect barricades.

The occupying armies haven't managed to enter our building...

I knew it! Goddamn Commies!

We can hear the sharp cracks of shots being fired.

People are fleeing toward our building

screaming: "Dubček! Dubček!" And we second that sentiment...

This was always bound to happen!

Hundreds are trying to stop the Soviets

advance with their own bodies...

The building next door is pockmarked by bullets.

Our people try to reason with the Soviet soldiers.

Huge transport planes are flying overhead...

Our ministry of exterior has been surrounded...

Kvido, get dressed.

You and grandpa will go and put up some fliers.

LOST: BLUE PARAKEETS

Stay right there.

How can you even think about some damn parakeets?

- What sort of a Czech are you? - You can kiss my ass, comrade!

I always saw right through the sons of bitches!

Dear friends, despite all the shots, despite all the emotion,

let's keep our heads.

The loss of even a single life is totally unnecessary.

We do want socialism, but a humane one!

We believe that we will still secure our socialism...

Let's believe in that! We have no other choice.

Let's not allow them to provoke us.

Let's believe that the truth shall prevail!

- Christ, where have you been?! - They were boozing it up!

We've been worried sick about you for three hours!

Are you crazy?!

The Soviets are playing this for keeps.

That economic reform of yours has really gotten their goat!

The thing to do now is to disappear from that ministry job.

I would recommend some industry with an export potential,

where you will sell your German and your English.

So, there's the beer industry or the arms industry or glass...

- Zvára! He's in glass! - But he's somewhere in Sázava.

- I have a role here in Prague. - How many lines do you have?

- Can't be more than five... - Eleven lines!

Is this what you slaved through the law school for?

I'm sure they need lawyers there!

And by car it's only an hour away!

This is true: by car!

Get a load of this air! So pure!

- Sure. I'm getting dizzy here. - You have to watch out for that!

Go, go...

Go and fetch, Timur!

This isn't like Prague, Kvido! This is clean water!

You can swim here all summer long!

Hello there.

Hello...

All right, this is it.

Our new place, a gorgeous house overlooking the river.

Finally, a dignified place to live.

In the heart of nature...

Gentlemen! Why here? This goes into the kitchen...

Why don't you ask your husband about that, young lady...

Tell me this isn't true!

We are getting that apartment they promised us, don't worry.

This is only temporary!

Yeah, the Russian occupation is only temporary too!

It looks like pneumonia at best.

Shouldn't you make her some tea?

That's a great idea, Kvido! Thanks!

Do you want some tea?

Will you take some lemon, or is your life sour enough as it is?

Sugar?

You are them folks from Prague, right? Come on this way!

Good morning, children.

This is Kvido Vítek. He has moved here from Prague,

so I hope you'll all give him a nice welcome.

You can take the seat next to Jaruška for now, Kvido.

So now the attendance...

I hope the sweetbreads in the lunchroom

aren't as provincial as everything else around here.

Aleš is quite a linguist.

He can do our business correspondence.

That calls for a toast!

- Onward into our collective! - I didn't have breakfast yet.

So we will call this breakfast!

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Ema... has...

has...

a Mom...

Good. So how about you now, Kvido?

Can you try and read us something?

Ema grinds meat. Ema grinds meat?

What sort of bunk is this?

- Good morning. - Step right in, comrade!

Good morning, comrade director.

Look, I want to make something perfectly clear:

we want no economic reforms here. And secondly:

that dissident playwright Holub has a cottage here.

- Your wife acted in his skits. - Yes, but that was ages ago...

He's a rightist element like nobody else's business!

So look, I'm going to give you an opportunity here,

but I want you to be politically visible, got that?

- Are you in the Communist party? - No, I'm not.

See...

So how about signing up for a Marx-Leninism course?

I would love to, but I've got so many balls in the air right now.

I mean what with the new job, the move...

So how do you intend to make yourself politically visible?

You tell me!

As I was saying... once I get my bearings, then...

- Do you own a dog? - Oh, no...

My wife went into labor prematurely on account of a dog.

How about soccer? Do you play soccer?

Our reserves have moved up... Did you know that?

Didn't know that.

So with you everything is going to be difficult, huh?

- How do you like your apartment? - I'm glad you're bringing it up!

It's sort of like living in a glass house in January.

They said that as soon as that first-floor apartment opens up...

That won't be for a while. Because right now,

we have a politically visible family living there, got that?

I do, loud and clear.

Watch out for comrade Šperk, he's the big shot around here.

Not only in the factory, but in the city hall and so on...

If I stop drinking now, I will get a splitting headache...

So why the hell would you stop?

Go home, Ivan, Natasha's lonely for you...

- Better cut that out, Jirka. - We don't know our neighbors yet.

All right, so now I'm going to fix us a real drink!

This is what you call a Molotov cocktail!

Wait, don't hog it all. This is what you use to blow up tanks!

- I joined the Communist party. - What?

- I'm moving into a new apartment. - That's all he ever talks about.

- No... - I sure did.

Are you plastered?

I'm through with the Beau Geste.

With this opponent, you need some strategy...

For me, the red color is just camouflage...

And if you have any instinct for survival,

then you'll do the same thing.

Do it for Kvido, for Christ's sake,

or else Šperk will never let you out of this freezer.

We should go to bed. We're all getting up early tomorrow.

Mrs. Vítek!

Can I have a word with your spouse?

- Well, he's at work again. - On Sunday?

That's just what I said, too.

You first.

A doctor undressing before a patient?

- What a notion! - Then I'm not playing.

Okay, all right...

Even if this is blackmail...

Sin entered the world through a woman. Woman is sin.

- Hello, parents. - Where have you been, Kvido?

- This movie is for adults only. - This is true! Off to bed, buddy!

Calm down, parents. I'm going to read.

The womb is the gate of hell, everything is driven

by the lust of the body, which is insatiable in women.

SEXUAL TECHNIQUES

I need my scribe. He is versed in observing the accused.

They have to be watched day and night.

Thank you kindly.

The devil is unusually crafty.

I am aware of that, Mr. Selbstein.

The judge's life is always in peril...

Suppose you reproduce! Where would that leave me?

Are you going to stick me out in the hallway, or what?

- Kvido? - Springtime is awful.

I didn't sleep a wink and I still don't know

whether I've kept my sex-crazed parents in check...

What's the matter with you, Kvido?

I wondered, could I take a little nap somewhere?

Like where?

The principal's chaise longue wouldn't be inappropriate.

No, I'm sure that comrade principal...

Comrade Šperková?

I've got an orator for your speech group...

No, no, this is not your normal first-grader.

This you have to see...

Comrade, do you know when a man enters the menopause?

No, I don't.

When he thinks a woman smells bad while work smells great!

What were you poking around in the office Sunday?

I'm working out a complex analysis of the German market.

I happen to have a wonderful sociological map...

Look, I will level with you:

even a divine analysis ain't worth a rat's ass,

if you don't have flags!

You aren't politically visible! So what did you figure out?!

Well, to be honest, nothing.

All right. You go and flush that analysis down the drain

and then you finally take your head out of your ass!

Aleš, how do you say "are you married" in German?

And "take your clothes off?"

And do you know, what this means:

No, what?

I have a rash doctor, and it itches.

Oh, don't worry, I can take care of myself.

Look, I know you're better.

But do you know why I am going to Frankfurt instead of you?

- Let's just drop it. - Because you are dumb!

And I thought it was because I'm not in the Communist party.

And you were right, too! And that's why you are dumb!

Forgive me. I know you don't deserve this from me, but...

Oh, fuck it!

I'd really like to help you, but...

Private Zvára!

Aye, aye, sir!

Don't do anything I wouldn't do while abroad!

- I will, sir! - Dismissed!

Good morning, comrade Šperková.

Sit down, class.

I came to hear you read.

So Kvido, start on page 11.

Jano is Slovak. He speaks another language.

Jirka and Alenka like the Slovak saying:

"Mama has cooked oodles of yummy yummy noodles."

That's enough. You are a fine reader, Kvido.

How would you like to recite lovely poems with other children?

I don't know, to be honest. It's only an interpretive art...

I would much rather attempt to write something original.

But you can do that, too. After our shows, for example.

- I will consider it. - Well, fine...

You could be reciting with Jaruška...

How would you like to recite nice poems, Jaruška?

- František, it's Tuesday. - You bet, Mrs. Zita.

The parade demonstrated the Polish Army's readiness

to defend socialism.

This was the launch of the Soviet intergalactic probe...

This reel will be over in ten minutes.

- So take it off. - After extensive probes of Venus,

the Soviet science concluded that man will never fly there.

The Venus environment is unsuitable for human life.

It's clear as day: you're expecting.

- Have you ever worn a real mink? - What?

- What's... - It looks great on you...

Like on all the slim women.

That comrade who wore it here is like a butterball...

This isn't yours? I don't want to cause you even more problems.

They can't do anything to me anymore.

So what do all those pregnant ladies do who used to say:

- If you want a painless baby... - Doctor Zita is your lady...

Quiet!

Are you really delivering this baby out there in the sticks?

- I have no choice. - How is it over there?

- Don't even ask... - What about Kvido?

He's the only one who likes it there.

Lenin lived! Lenin lives! Lenin shall live!

Lenin beacon, Lenin bell.

At last, comrade! Somebody in your family is visible!

- My God, what happened to him? - Nothing!

Don't be so bug-eyed about everything! Let's go sledding!

Hurry up, Kvido!

- Come on, let's go! - Easy, will you. Wait!

Shush and come on!

Perilous, but breathtaking...

As smart as you are you have no sense at all!

How could you get so wet when it's so cold out there?!

Hurry up and hit the sack!

Bedtime right now.

And lights out.

Good night.

We are all going to die here.

His temperature is up to 38.9°C. What really scares me, though,

is how irregularly he's breathing...

It could be pneumonia.

We are taking him to the hospital in any case.

I'd like to ride to the hospital with you.

I'm supposed to check in there soon anyway...

Of course! This place is a health hazard!

Would you like to come with us, too?

Thank you, but I can't. Come on...

I'll have a talk with Šperk, this can't go on like this.

Better you go to his wife and say that her top orator is dying.

Timur!

Mr. Vítek, come on in!

So you knew about this all that time?

All I asked of him was that he be politically visible!

This is why my best orator is risking his larynx in that igloo!

What about me, damn it?!

- Who's got Pitora's old house? - Deputy Burda is moving there.

- He is not in there yet? - He's moving this week!

No, he's not! That's where Kvido is going to live and that's that!

They don't even put up any flags!

And Pitora's house is right on our parade route!

Well, as far as the flags, I don't see any problem...

- They will be there. - You'd better shut up!

That would amount to a provocation!

You're going to give him the keys tomorrow.

- Oh, come on, Nina, wait... - Don't "come on" me!

He gets them and that's it!

Okay. Yeah.

So come by tomorrow morning, you...

- You economist... - Thank you.

So here they are.

That apartment's on the third floor, with a view of the river.

Forgive me but yesterday your wife promised me a house...

You would better grab while I'm giving!

I must be stupid, I completely misunderstood her...

I will have to go and get it squared away with your wife.

So fine...

For a house, you need a dog!

I will sell you a puppy for twenty grand.

But that's impossible, dogs drive my wife insane!

What dogs?

I said a pup. One more thing!

You are about to get so goddam visible, you'll shit bricks!

I have a fairy tale of a house

Its roof reaches to the skies

And no one knows How it suits you

To dwell so near the clouds, So near the stars...

Did you join the Communist party?

No, not that bad. It wasn't for free, though...

Come here, come on... Good dog.

Put that beast away!

You lock up that stinking cur, or it will stop my lactation!

This is a nice little pup! Missy! She's incredibly gentle.

She only wants to lick your hand!

Not on your life! Put that monster away!

Oh, come on. Without her, we'd never have this house.

Look, Kvido's not scared of her!

So what else should I prepare myself for?

Nothing too horrible: some soccer,

some Leninism courses...

Won't you try and pet her, please?

Please...

- Well? So how was it? - It was like stroking a dead rat.

5000 GOALS

I was supposed to hit that with the outside of the instep...

You can forget about soccer, Jack!

Missy stop!

Missy!

Damn, the soccer shoes are history!

All the ideological, educational and propagandist work

has to be raised to the level of those great,

complex tasks that the party solves

in the course of the process of improving socialism.

The party committees at all levels...

- Now can I pull him out?! - I clearly said: ten minutes.

At least throw it in, you fucking engineer!

Come here, Missy!

It's been ten minutes already!

Hurry up, before I strangle him! Substitution!

Well, you saw it yourself...

What're you talking about?! You were visible!

Don't take it so hard. I wasn't an ace orator right away, either.

Thanks, Kvido, you are a nice kid.

I will go and practice with you every night, if you want me to.

You are sweet, but this is hopeless.

What if they kick us out of the house again?

That would be the end of your marriage, too...

You may have a point there.

Dad, I am dying!

'Et tu, Brutus!' (Even you, Brutus!)

Pass the ball, Dad!

- Hi, Paco! How's my outdoorsman? - Like always...

Come on, play!

Watch out, Missy!

Paco, hold it!

You still planning on going anywhere today, chief?

Did you lose your mind? What are you doing?

The town's crawling with cops

and you're driving on the wrong side!

What's the big idea here?

The force of habit! I'm just back from London!

Do they allow personal vehicles on the premises over there?

No, but I have got samples in the trunk that I have to return.

It's all fucked up royal! Pardon me, ma'am!

We saw all sorts of things over in Albion, comrades!

Even saw those poor folks living in paper boxes under that bridge.

- What's the name of that bridge? - Charring Cross.

You know, capitalism really ain't no picnic.

This is for real, this isn't some propaganda.

I don't want to distort anything:

they did have some beautiful dogs there...

Anyway, I think we did a pretty good job over there.

I will let comrade deputy give you the details.

Thank you, comrade Šperk.

It's somewhat of a paradox that the biggest deal we were able

to close in London is with Balkan Import Of Yugoslavia.

Their delegation is flying in to iron out

the final details of a large order.

You got the dorm ready for them Yugos?

They're changing the sheets there even as we speak.

Good.

Hello. Welcome...

Comrade Mlčoch, comrade Kelbl,

comrade Reimont,

comrade Jírová...

comrade Vítek.

What is this?! You can't be serious!

Forget it!

Mirjana has made an interesting observation.

What excites her about the export/import business

is the opportunity to meet new and interesting people.

Yes.

- So what do you say to that? - Well, I don't say anything.

- What do you mean?! - Well, I say "nothing".

Mirjana senses great wisdom and serenity in you.

Tell her that, in reality, it's old age and total resignation.

So say something about what do, or did... Talk to her!

I'm speechless with amazement, that's what I'm doing.

And what I've done in life? The kids. I didn't do languages.

Or else I wouldn't be sitting here like an ass right now.

- He's lying. - Watch your mouth!

Let her learn Czech, if she wants to understand us so much.

- And what do you like? - Kiss off!

You cannot tell Mirjana what excites you in life?

Christ! I like cherry marmalade, warm wind, Charles Bridge...

Taste, intelligence and tolerance...

And I like you, sometimes.

Make sure you translate that you coward, I'm going to bed.

Good night.

So what are you staring at, boys?! It's your bedtime too!

- You leave them alone there? - You think they'll be scared?

Your Dad's a little too brave, if anything...

Go to bed.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

- I'll take Paco with us. - Out of the question.

He could fall overboard and you'd never notice.

- Then Kvido can come with us. - Are you out of your mind?!

What am I, Jack London?

- Go on, Kvido. - Or maybe I will go, after all.

Home before dark!

What a crock of banalities!

Oh, get off it, you moralist! You're a man, too, now!

You look like an idiot with your tongue hanging out!

Kvido! What do say to that?!

Dig in!

- Carpe diem! We only live once! - You're going to tip us over!

Kvido! Paco! Your hot dogs will burst!

- Here you have a clean plate. - That's all right, Dad.

- I washed a plate for you! - That's all right, Dad.

Kvido, Jaruška!

I'm very fond of Jaruška,

but I don't think it's smart to focus on a single girl so soon.

Am I supposed to chase skirts

just because my old man has public polygamist tendencies?

Kvido, how about we go for a walk, you and I?

I can't. I'm writing a short story.

Our Kvido in the fearsome grip of puberty!

BEEF MART

Do you have any tanned, muscular ones?

The tanned ones are all gone.

- What about that one? - This? That's sold already.

Why don't you buy that four-eyed shorty, Jaruška?

You buy him yourself! You're still sleeping with your dolls!

- What do think? - It's odd.

- It's odd and it's obscene. - That's exactly how you pick us!

Not me! And I don't want you to write about me again!

Our local dissident. Mom once played bit roles in his plays.

Now she's scared she might run into him in a store.

- Why don't you write about that? - Christ, that's so banal!

I like you a lot, but don't tell me what to write about.

It's just that I wouldn't mind reading about that...

But there's nothing there! There's no story.

No subtext, no significance. Just a flat nothing. The end.

Milk...

- Oh, hi there, Milan! - Hello...

- Excuse me. - Pardon me.

So how's everything with you?

Well, that would make for a long talk. Good morning.

Good morning.

If you feel like it, why don't you stop by sometime?

Well, how about tonight?

- Sounds good to me! - So all right, tonight it is.

Then I should get a chicken, or maybe a couple of them...

Out of the question. I'm buying one of the chickens.

We can still call it off.

But they don't have people tailing him on weekends, do they?

No, they don't.

Maybe we should take the boys with us anyway, though.

- Kvido can read his story there. - That's a good idea.

"The end."

Well, I'll tell you, it's not bad, not bad at all.

Maybe the ending struck me as a little too dark...

But that may be because those boys can't talk, right?

Whereas we are able to talk and, in the end,

nearly every woman can finally be talked into it.

You think so?

That must be our surveillance!

No, these are the local cops.

You'll have to go around the back, they might know you.

Let's go, hurry up!

Paco, come here! Let's go! Quietly!

- How around the back? - There's a hole in the fence!

Here!

Here's the hole!

Good evening! Your identity cards, please!

Visiting friends? Sit down, Timur!

That's all right.

Go, go, go on!

Good morning, Mr. engineer.

Oh, comrade director's expecting you.

I'm not keeping a political adventurer in a position

of such responsibility! Here is a list of five jobs.

You are reporting to one of them tomorrow morning!

Christ, something like this can only happen in our country.

Take it easy... Good morning, comrade director!

The young lady will soon get used to it, you'll see.

- Should I go and card them? - Go for it, Mr. engineer!

So here I go...

Do you have a permission to drive onto these premises?

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Engineer Vítek, am I right? - Yes, what's this about?

I've got something for you, comrade Vítek.

We're looking forward to it...

- Good morning. - Hail to labor.

Zbyňa!

So did you sign up to snitch for the secret police, Father?

Hi, Dad.

- What're you doing, Aleš? - Why are you all looking at me?

I'm not letting them charge me with common theft.

What happened to you there?

I swore I won't divulge anything.

So don't ask me to compromise myself right away.

Jesus, Dad! Maybe it was a dumb joke, but...

Drop it!

Aleš...

THE WONDERFUL YEARS

- You're not sleeping yet? - No, but I was fading fast.

- Mom... - That's all right, Kvido.

Should I try and have a talk with him?

No, just go to bed...

And be so kind and turn off that light.

Let's bust our butts! So we can fry lots of potato pancakes!

What're you, catching a cold?

No, but I guess I'm allergic even to the potato stalks.

Man, I'd have a cure for that!

A little snack for you, boys and girls!

- What's the matter with you? - Nothing. Why?

I don't know, but something's the matter.

- You didn't even eat. - I'm not hungry.

What's wrong with you, Kvido?

Nothing. Just because I'm not lugging your buckets

doesn't mean anything's wrong.

Won't you tell me?

They demoted my old man to a security guard

and he's not handling it very well, he pretty much fell apart.

- Why didn't you tell me? - Why should I tell you?

Well, who else?

- Where's Paco? - What?

I said, where's Paco?

He's off camping somewhere. My God...

- Why are you whispering, father? - I'm not whispering.

- You are. -I'm not. - Would you tell him that he is?

Aleš, you are. And it's not normal.

So I'm whispering, so...

Why? And why are you breaking our glasses,

and hiding our books and pictures?

Or did you burn them already, like a true agent?!

I'm worried about certain things...

- Like losing that guard job? - I'm worried about us!

Don't you get it?! They can do anything! Anything at all!

THE WONDERFUL YEARS

THAT SUCKED

Come and look for yourselves, if you don't trust me!

Look at what? That trailer?

That's some construction... Water management, or something.

Construction, huh?

What do you think it is? A KGB stake-out?

What about that antenna?

I've been watching them. There are six of them.

They keep switching regularly, yet they always keep one man in.

Father, they're building some concrete trough there!

Why would they bother with some stupid trough?!

Now watch.

If they don't have a dog, then you're going to see something!

If you throw up again, you are cleaning it up yourself.

So?

I'm going there. It's been 40 minutes.

No way! I'm not losing my son too!

Take some tranquilizers and calm down!

What do you know about all those horrors?

The assassinations, the deportations?!

- You are nuts! - Kvido!

So hold it!

Take it easy...

Attention! Now everybody to our house...

My husband's going to be real happy about that...

Attention...

I took a ride on a Tatra 148!

Sergeant Miga, army corps of engineers, Prague.

If you still suspect us, sir, then I'll gladly swear

that the party chairman is an old prick!

Not here, no way...

- Jaruška! - I warned you about this!

Now you are off to the university

where you'll find yourself some Prague girl...

- With glasses and tons of books. - Come on...

It sure doesn't seem as if you cared about me either way.

How come?

- You know... - That's not true.

You just can't rush me so much!

Haven't I been the very picture of patience? But now

that I'm going away to school, it calls for extreme measures!

- Let's put our clothes back on. - Not yet!

I'm sorry.

That's normal. I saw it in this movie with Neckář.

Oh, yeah? Premature ejaculation.

Am I glad you're back!

I have to show you something.

Look at,

your father is making a coffin.

That's the piano teacher, which may be more appropriate.

Do you see that pipe? Mr. Dvořák was going to take it away...

So now what?

František, would you make us some coffee, please?

Well, our very best psychiatrist is Dr. Liehr.

They even gave him some scholarship in the States.

- Do you know him well? - I delivered his children.

So where is he working now?

Your husband has drawn some pictures for me...

Do you think there's anything that could help him, doctor?

Sure: a successful counterrevolution.

But until then, we'll just have to keep him preoccupied...

Well, you know, my husband has, or rather he had,

but maybe in a way he still does have...

A lover in Yugoslavia.

So unfortunately, Mirjana is extremely busy.

So she's not interested in security guards.

She's only into leading cadres. Well, so that's that.

I'm washing my hands of this, this was your idea.

We only have one last shot at getting him out of this.

- A baby. - What?!

Yes, I am convinced that a baby would distract him.

Mother, please, keep in mind that you're over forty!

No, not my baby. Your baby!

What? My baby? What sort of bunk is this?!

It's the only solution there is. You'll have to do it for him.

It's like this: If you want to have my baby anyway,

then why not do it now? While it might help my Dad.

- Okay. - What do you mean, "okay?"

- I said okay. - Wait!

- Milena? The ficus too? - I think so, Dad.

Ficuses don't release anything. She can't be allergic to a ficus.

- Why take a chance? - All right...

So grandpa, grandma, it's high time now! Let's go!

There's still time. You can still change your mind!

But I want to.

Okay, but I don't want you to blame me one day and say

I manipulated you into it!

Don't worry.

Oh, this is so lovely! Your Mom's so nice!

Now I know what they mean when they say

"the responsibility of the penalty shooter."

If we can pull it off this month,

your Dad can get the baby for his birthday!

So why do you want to give a baby to a paranoid security guard!?

You still haven't noticed that I love you?

Take it off!

A black horse showed up and lay across our whole yard:

- What was it? - I don't know.

Sex...

Do you have to ponder everything so deeply?

Do you remember how long it took you to ride a bike?

What does a bicycle have to do with my erection?

Well, this is much harder than riding a bicycle!

You think so?

All right, so let's get this straight.

We're not making love, we're performing a task...

What are you doing?

Who has assigned us this task? Not we!

If I think, I don't make love.

I would like to say something...

- On the subject of babies. - We're all ears.

Jaruška and I happen to be expecting one.

No? Really?! Is that certain?

Well, isn't that wonderful! Won't it be fabulous

when that little person looks into your eyes...

Well, what do you say to that?

That he's completely irresponsible!

But why? He's an adult now. Maybe he's still in school,

but he's publishing short stories already.

Only an absolute madman would bring a baby into this world!

We are getting ready for the thing

that we had been looking forward to for many years,

and that is free elections, our first in forty four years.

Would you like me to rock you some more?

Sure, grandpa, let me just see if this is iambic or not...

When you rock me, it's hard to take notes.

All right. I'll wait.

These election will truly be free

and a broad spectrum of political forces will participate in them.

Mr. Vítek!

BAUDELAIRE - POEMS

Big changes around here, huh?

The whole town's giddy with the election,

but you still don't care!

Hasn't this democracy been a long time coming though?

Special thanks for translation to: "Jacouba&Radek"