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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,635 So, Jessica, I heard you broke up with Brad. 2 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,504 Who are you gonna date now that you can date anyone? 3 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,672 I don't know. 4 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,541 I mean, obviously if someone special comes along... 5 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,077 B-But I mean really special, like, 6 00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,513 nothing I've even remotely considered in the past. 7 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,016 Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I want that kind of love like that docking kind of love. 8 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:20,252 Oh, yeah. Like, penis in the foreskin kind of love... 9 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:23,889 Mm-hmm. ...just, like, warm, just like... 10 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,657 He-- 11 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,862 Everybody off. 12 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,163 Morty, I need your help. 13 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,132 W-W-W-We -- We need to go on a quick adventure. 14 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,600 You said I could go to school today. 15 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,602 That was before I needed something, Morty. 16 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,771 There's a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster. 17 00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:41,373 A princess has it. If I get it, I'll be awesome. 18 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,076 We've been going non-stop, Rick. It's not healthy. 19 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,577 You know, these are my teenage years. 20 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,346 I-I just found out Jessica's single. 21 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:50,549 Oh, that's -- Wow, Morty. Wow. What an exciting life you lead. 22 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,252 Let's go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure. 23 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,288 They're on our tail! 24 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,756 Steady, Morty. Five cetons. 25 00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:02,461 * 26 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,930 Steady, God damn it! Two cetons. 27 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,665 Wha! 28 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,971 Fire! 29 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,909 Pull up, Morty, pull up! Pull up! 30 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:24,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 31 00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,476 Oh, 32 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:54,079 Ahh! Ahh! 33 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,281 I can't do this anymore! 34 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,750 That was seriously up. We almost died. 35 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:02,087 So you agree? yes! That w-- T-This was insane! 36 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,455 That was pure luck. 37 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,891 I was not in control of that situation at all. 38 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,797 Look at this, Morty. Look at my hand. 39 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:15,033 Look at this shit. Why do you keep doing this to us?! 40 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,502 I don't know, Morty. 41 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,070 Maybe I hate myself, maybe I think I deserve to die. 42 00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:19,805 I-I-I-I don't -- I don't know! 43 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,977 We need a vacation. 44 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:32,951 * 45 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:40,926 * 46 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:48,867 * 47 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:56,842 * 48 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,317 Isn't that something? You were right -- 49 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,818 best day spa in the galaxy. 50 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,287 It's not even cruel, either. 51 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,721 These things are just doing what they do in the wild -- 52 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,456 It loves swallowing stressed-out creatures 53 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,158 for 20 minutes and then puking them up. 54 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,427 My whole body's like a baby's ass. 55 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,596 Complimentary psychological detox? 56 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,231 Removes all your cognitive toxins, 57 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,599 purifies your system. 58 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,401 Oof, this guy on commission or something? 59 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,236 I don't think... Are you on commission? 60 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,837 We're not on commission. 61 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:26,939 We get paid by the hour. 62 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,073 There's no incentive really -- 63 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,141 Oh, my God. Okay, listen -- 64 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,442 W-W-W-We'll try the machine, 65 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,977 but -- but I'd like you to try something. 66 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,713 Try swallowing the giant ball of snot 67 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,548 that's dangling around in the back of your throat. 68 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,983 It's disgusting. 69 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,284 Nobody wants to hear that. 70 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,088 That's what you do. Okay, Rick, come on. Enough. 71 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,123 Man, did you hear me bite that guy's head off? 72 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,692 Geez, I really need to chill. 73 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,927 Maybe you should go through twice. 74 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,164 All right, mister comedy man, you don't have to bust my balls. You're not helping things. 75 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:56,068 Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this -- 76 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,011 Morty! 77 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,512 Ri-Rick... Morty! 78 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,181 What happened? 79 00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:11,650 We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid? 80 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,752 Obviously the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine. 81 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,054 It takes more than that to kill Rick and Morty, mother! 82 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,492 But this might do it. 83 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,394 Run, Morty! E-Everything hurts! 84 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,329 That's because you're worthless! 85 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,965 Jesus, how big was this explosion? 86 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,567 I'm a genius. I don't have time for this . 87 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,636 W-W-We're in Hell, aren't we, Rick? 88 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,738 You're so stupid, Morty. You're an idiot. 89 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,606 There's no such thing as Hell. 90 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,742 I believe you, but I just want to die. 91 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:39,678 You can die when I say so. I control you. 92 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,381 I control the universe! Why am I bragging about that? 93 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,749 I have nothing to prove. 94 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,851 I'm surrounded by inferior pieces of and... 95 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,954 Toxins. 96 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,757 We're not in Hell, Morty. We're in the detoxifier. 97 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,925 The machine didn't blow up. It worked normally. 98 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,260 It removed our toxins. 99 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,762 We're the toxins. 100 00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:57,796 Are you listening, 101 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,264 you stupid little garbage person?! 102 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,466 We're what got removed!! 103 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,338 I hope you both found that detox sufficiently relaxing. 104 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,774 Hey, man, listen -- Those comments I made about your throat? 105 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,242 It's all good. 106 00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,044 It's nice of you to let me off the hook. 107 00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:14,680 It's still unacceptable behavior, and I do regret it. 108 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,648 Believe me, man, I've been working here a long time. 109 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,683 I get it. 110 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,155 Hey, uh, you mind if I put on some music? 111 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,656 Not at all. 112 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,228 What is that? I just hit shuffle. 113 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,763 Are you kidding? 114 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,899 This universe. Oh, excuse me. 115 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,867 We should listen to one random song a day, you know? 116 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,703 We'd end up hearing more songs we didn't like, 117 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,404 but we'd discover a lot more that we did. 118 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,739 That is an interesting concept. 119 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,207 You know, it makes me wonder 120 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,675 if there's an algorithmic expression 121 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,243 that could achieve the ideal ratio. 122 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,545 Listen to me -- 123 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,381 trying to calculate happiness over here. 124 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,882 Hoo, if anyone could, Rick. 125 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,818 Hey, here's something no science could measure -- 126 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,220 I'm real proud to be your grandpa, Morty. 127 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,189 Thanks, Rick. I love you. 128 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,691 Yeah, mother! Yeah! Get it! Get some! 129 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,860 Right up your bitch ass, you ! 130 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,795 Guess who just discovered a new element?! 131 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,530 You think you could do that, Morty? 132 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,367 You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? 133 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,402 Do you think if God existed he could do it? 134 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,570 The answer is no. 135 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,405 If God exists, it's me. 136 00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,307 Yes, Rick. I-I agree, Rick. 137 00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:18,110 While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, 138 00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,846 I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, Morty. 139 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,414 What do you think about that? 140 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,416 Uh...I th-- I think my voice is annoying. 141 00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,218 It is, and it's your best quality. 142 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,619 So true. 143 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,422 Now, who can tell me the common denominator 144 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,790 of these two factions? 145 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,892 You don't know or y'all just bored? 146 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,161 Hey, listen, you know, wha-- if we're all bored over here, 147 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,463 wouldn't the common denominator be you? 148 00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:40,899 Damn, Morty. That's hilarious. 149 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,335 Normally I would come down on any kind of disruption, 150 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,936 but it seems to represent a positive change 151 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:45,971 for your character. 152 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,773 Class dismissed! 153 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,541 -Awesome, Morty! -You done good, Morty. 154 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,876 Oh, yeah! 155 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,477 Thanks for the advice, Morty. You got it. 156 00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,179 I did it, Morty! I knew you could. 157 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,414 Hey, Morty, remember yesterday 158 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:56,982 when I couldn't play the trombone? 159 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,417 Well, check this out! 160 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,586 Just like I told you, Mitch -- 161 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,121 The music was in your heart the whole time. 162 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:07,058 Stupid hat -- Wish I had the courage to just be myself. 163 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,860 There you are. 164 00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,764 You might have all these idiots fooled, 165 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,400 but I know you're still the same pathetic loser 166 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,335 hiding behind a confident facade. 167 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,004 I know that because... 168 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:21,473 I'm doing the same thing, brother. 169 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,275 I'm not alone anymore! 170 00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:27,412 Hey, Morty. Word around school is you've become super healthy. 171 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:28,880 I don't know about all that. 172 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,849 I do, however, know that I have a pretty bad case of 173 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,218 haven't taken you to dinner-itis. 174 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,586 Might be fatal. 175 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,521 Hey, kids. Uh, hope I'm not interrupting. 176 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,156 Morty, a moment of your time? 177 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,357 Happy to help, Rick. 178 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,826 I hate to bug you with this, 179 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,861 but after our morning hike I started receiving very faint, 180 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,530 highly unusual transmissions on my sub ether phone. 181 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,598 Listen. 182 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,704 It's a bad phone. Chuck it. 183 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,806 I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. 184 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,475 You know, if -- if -- if something's worth saying, 185 00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:57,709 i-it's worth eye contact. 186 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,678 Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the call 187 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,480 back to the spa we went to, Morty. 188 00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,981 I thought I could hear a voice in there, 189 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,051 so I enhanced it, a-and listen. 190 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,086 Hey, asshole! Gunk Morty: Oh, man! 191 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,955 Remember us? Oh, I don't like confrontation! 192 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,823 You us, you pieces of garbage! 193 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,226 That's right, you're garbage, not us. 194 00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,560 I'm a genius and a god. 195 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,095 You really think this thing can hold me? 196 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,030 I'm gonna rip your throat -- 197 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,600 Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, 198 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,934 their own will to live? 199 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,636 W-What if mine shares my intelligence 200 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,538 and devised a way to reach out to us? 201 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,739 Sounds like he's in a lot of pain. 202 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,908 Lot. O. Pain. 203 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,877 But, you know, you shouldn't have to deal with that, man. 204 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,378 You know, l-let's work off your trauma 205 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,513 with some urban spin yoga. 206 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,181 It's amazing. You do yoga on a bike, 207 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,616 but you have an at-risk preteen -- 208 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,484 I don't think I can just blow this off, Morty. 209 00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,354 If I had known it worked this way, I wouldn't have detoxed. 210 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,222 Well, I would have because I was toxic. 211 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,492 Now I'm detoxed and I'm accountable to my toxins, right? 212 00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:50,495 I-It's a dilemma. I think I know what to do. 213 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,297 Morty! Rick! 214 00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,833 You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain 215 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,002 that misses eating all them big fat problems. 216 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,871 Focus on the good thing. Trust me, things are good. 217 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,773 Taking that away from me... 218 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,542 ...that wouldn't be healthy. 219 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,447 Oh, man. World's Greatest Grandpa, for reals. 220 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,182 It's not just a coffee cup for you, bud. 221 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,617 You're legit. 222 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,024 I love drums. I never took drum lessons. 223 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,993 Why? Limitations. We are addicted to our own limitations. 224 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:22,994 How amazing is that? 225 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,396 Is the kale prepared in the kitchen? 226 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,830 I'll have a water. Uh... 227 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,500 How is the... "cru-dite?" 228 00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,835 Crudit. It's a cup of carrot sticks. 229 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,871 Ha! It's okay! Pronounce it however you want. 230 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,806 Words are just things. Please. Thank you. 231 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,207 We're having a conversation. 232 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,376 God, I am so excited to finally have dinner with you. 233 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,278 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 234 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,479 It's like, whew! 235 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,081 I-I-I wish you'd shut up, though. 236 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,050 Just kidding. You know, you're so quiet. What's wrong? 237 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,651 W-Why don't you tell me about yourself? 238 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,153 What's the atmosphere like on planet Jessica? 239 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,655 Where's the equator, what are the vacations, 240 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,157 a-and the holidays? 241 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,259 I mean, you know, are they the same time? 242 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,928 Talk to me. Well...I... like this restaurant. 243 00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,198 Holy ! Holy ! We have a moron over here! 244 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,566 I'm an idiot. 245 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,867 I can't believe I haven't thought of this. 246 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,669 You have to do this detox thing I did. 247 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,471 It's an alien spa, you go through it, 248 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:07,539 fwoos-s-s-ssh, 249 00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:09,608 lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa... 250 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:12,043 ...sucks everything out. 251 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,845 Everything that was holding me back, everything bad, 252 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,413 I mean, it just... 253 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,948 Right? 254 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,917 Cooooool. 255 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,186 Oh, my God! I can't believe this. 256 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,121 Yeah, phones are awful, I downgraded to -- 257 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,823 I totally forgot my... 258 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:28,226 I have a...thing, and... 259 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,829 Things are good. You know what? Why am I doing that? 260 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,230 That's more rude than the truth. 261 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,532 Look, I'm sorry, Morty. I just don't think -- 262 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,936 Do not. Even. You have no need to explain. 263 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,271 It's all good. I think you'd get bored with me. 264 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,507 E-Exactly. Look, the sparks aren't flying. 265 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,109 This is what dating is for, you know? 266 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,077 First date, no sparks. 267 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,546 No damage, no worries. Life is a highway. 268 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,281 We're gonna ride it all night lonnngg! 269 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,183 Gonna eat some "crudite." Mmm! 270 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,953 Is this organic? Mmm. All right. 271 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,721 You know, the evening continues. 272 00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,857 Okay, here we go. 273 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,192 Ma'am, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. 274 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,894 Your money's no good here. 275 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,396 I'll -- I'll get the next round, sir. 276 00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:07,032 Aren't you a child? Only in the ways that matter. 277 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,134 Morty. Stacy. 278 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,669 I've been watching you drink, Stacy. 279 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,070 I get the feeling you've got a hard job. 280 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,938 I wonder what it takes to please you. 281 00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,074 That's the job I want -- part time, full time, 282 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,909 I want to be good at it, bad at it, 283 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,879 I want to get promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, 284 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,181 workplace accident -- I'm on my knees, Stacy -- 285 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,017 praying, worshipping, begging, whatever you want. 286 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,487 What do you think about that? 287 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,755 Okay. it. 288 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,057 Tink. 289 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:35,126 Mm! 290 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,362 Let's ask my grandpa. He's a scientist. 291 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,565 Hey, Rick, are you familiar with "benoi" technology? 292 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,866 Morty, great news. 293 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,101 I went back to the spa and they let me purchase 294 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,836 the containment unit from their detoxifier. 295 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,871 Why? Because we're coming home, bitch! 296 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:50,008 What is this? This is the parts of your pussy grandpa that keep it real. 297 00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,243 Oh -- oh, and I think you dropped something, too! 298 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,378 I don't want to be on camera. 299 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,813 I'm ugly and gross, please. 300 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,715 Should I go? You're your own person, Stacy. 301 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:57,716 Then I'd like to stay. 302 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,250 Rick, please tell me 303 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,119 you're not trying to put that stuff back inside of us. 304 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,588 Morty, I'm sorry. That stuff is alive and it belongs with us. 305 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,957 We yanked them from their homes and locked them in a can. 306 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,492 Mother! 307 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,893 See? They're living in pain. 308 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,762 That's what they do, Rick, they live in pain. 309 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,430 They are pain, you know? 310 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,165 They -- they're all the bad parts of us, which, by the way, 311 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,633 includes our dishonesty, 312 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,535 so how do you know this isn't all some sort of crazy trick? 313 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,505 Oh, so now because I'm made entirely of toxins I'm also a liar? 314 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,140 you, you little sociopath. 315 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,309 You hear this, Morty? Oh, everybody hates me. I can tell. 316 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,910 Y-You all hate me -- All right, shut up, Morty. 317 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,479 Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what? 318 00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:29,180 Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need you to step into the booth. 319 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,349 Don't negotiate with that little turd, dummy. 320 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,984 You're the Rick. You need to show dominance. 321 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,521 Morty, booth, now. Booth! 322 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,089 Come on, Morty. Don't touch me! 323 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,558 Morty, do the healthy thing and voluntarily retoxify yourself. 324 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,860 Nooooo! 325 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,328 Is it wrong if I think this is kind of hot? 326 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,363 Let me out of here! Stacy, help! Open the door! 327 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,198 I need to hear our safe word, Morty. 328 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,067 Sea Cucumber! Sea Cucumber! 329 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,236 What are you doing? I'll do anything for you, Morty. 330 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,837 No! 331 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,876 It worked! Yes! That idiot believed every word. 332 00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,011 Now let's see how he enjoys living in that shit tank. 333 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,780 He's right behind me, isn't he? 334 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,082 He's in front of you. Oh. My eyes are still adjusting. 335 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,651 Uh, is this like a sex dungeon? 336 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,853 I guess I should've been paying attention. 337 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,790 After 70 years of being bottled up 338 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,191 inside a sentimental jackass, 339 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,026 I finally get to live my own life. 340 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,996 You said we were merging. I lied, dumbass! I lie about everything! 341 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,331 Why would I ever re-merge with a pussy like you? 342 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,200 So...you were just gonna trap us in that tank? 343 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,503 T-That was your plan? Not was, mother-- still is. 344 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,071 Kill him, Rick! 345 00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,439 I don't like this! This is scary! 346 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,541 All right, you asked for it. 347 00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,176 Did I ask for this? 348 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,745 Did I ask for this? Huh? Did I? 349 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,814 Assessing threat to groin. 350 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,082 Groin System 6000. Kill him! 351 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,985 That...is my groin's user. 352 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,520 Believe me, I got a lot more use out of that thing 353 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,788 than he ever did. 354 00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:46,357 You know what? Not my table. 355 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:54,199 You do know me. 356 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,500 What the hell, Grandpa Rick? 357 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,935 you, Summer! Sorry, Summer! 358 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,338 Okay, okay, take it easy. Don't do it. 359 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,574 I love you. Good boy. 360 00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:03,708 Daddy's little boy. 361 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,109 Summer, get out of here! Go! 362 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:06,177 Oh, who's that? 363 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,712 Who's that over there? 364 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,448 Oh, no. You see the bad man in front of you? 365 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,749 You're a good little boy, you're gonna get him. 366 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,618 You're gonna get him. 367 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,287 Ahh! 368 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,223 Son of a... 369 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,297 Ahh! 370 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,868 Nice try, asshole. 371 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,569 We can resolve our issues. 372 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,438 We don't need to resort to over-the-top -- 373 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,307 Aah! 374 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,042 I-I did it, Rick. I got the tank! 375 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,911 I-I'm a piece of , but I got the tank! 376 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,713 You're going in that tank, mother. 377 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,381 You're gonna live in that toxic wasteland 378 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,415 like I had to do! 379 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,783 Ahh! Ow! 380 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,389 That's right, mother-- You're going in that -- 381 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,559 Dads? 382 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,094 Okay, just -- just leave her out of it. 383 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,395 What's going on? 384 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,897 All right, this. Time for plan B -- 385 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,565 If I can't trap you in a toxic world, 386 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:04,836 I'll just make the whole world toxic. 387 00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:06,204 It's okay, girls. 388 00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,439 I-I'm so sorry I put us in danger with some of my behavior. 389 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,875 I-If you'd like I can go out in the g-garden, 390 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,511 pick some fresh basil, and make us a nice Scallopini. 391 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,280 What did the booger version of you mean 392 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,982 when he said he was going to make the whole world toxic? 393 00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:21,052 Believe me, sweetie, that man's motivations are a mystery. 394 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,987 Screw that, Rick. We got to stop him. 395 00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:25,456 What's the last thing you'd think about doing with that tank thing? 396 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,425 Morty, I appreciate what you're trying to do, 397 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,027 but it's not our place, you know, 398 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,362 to pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. 399 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,299 Our -- our toxins have as much a right to their worldview as -- 400 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,567 Morty, how is it healthy to slap me? 401 00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:37,835 Obviously my version of health 402 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,570 is a hell of a lot different from yours, 403 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,805 you useless old turd. 404 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,106 Wait. That's it. 405 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,908 How could that detox machine know the difference 406 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,011 between healthy and sick for everything that goes through it? 407 00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,446 It can't. 408 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,348 It must be by the individual's own definition of toxicity. 409 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,983 That means... 410 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,952 Dad! What the -- What the hell, Rick? 411 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:54,953 I'll explain on the way. 412 00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,554 This "Moon Tower," Morty, 413 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,690 is the perfect height and metallic composition 414 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,858 for the amplification and beaming of toxic energies. 415 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,226 What do you think about that, Morty? 416 00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:03,728 Are you excited about that, Morty? 417 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,597 Oh, man. I'm just freaked out. I-It's too high up here. 418 00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,066 Once I flip this switch, 419 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,501 the entire world is gonna be just as toxic as us, baby. 420 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:17,141 * 421 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,410 As we praise our loving Father -- 422 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,413 God is a lie! We made him up for money! 423 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,887 Santa Claus isn't real. 424 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,690 You were all mistakes! 425 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,426 We did it, Morty. 426 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,794 Put your hands in the air. 427 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,396 Yeah, you little piece of . 428 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,264 Remember me? 429 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,934 Didn't you learn last time that you can't beat me? 430 00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,869 Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else. 431 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,571 This. Ahh!! 432 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,007 That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus 433 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,743 that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes. 434 00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:52,944 You think I give a ? 435 00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:54,545 I know you give a , dummy. 436 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,646 Because I know I don't. 437 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,015 Here's another thing I know -- 438 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,783 the decryption key that neutralizes the virus. 439 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,151 You want it? Come and get it. 440 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,919 Merge with me and you'll know how to save him. 441 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,621 Pfft. Come on, man. I've been trapped 442 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,356 in your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions, 443 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:08,359 but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I've ever -- 444 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,294 Ow-Ohh!! Jesus Christ! What are you doing?! 445 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,196 He's cutting your time in half. 10 minutes. Ohh! It hurts! 446 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,731 What is your problem? 447 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,567 Oh, I had all my problems removed -- my entitlement, 448 00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:18,569 my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, 449 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,071 my irrational attachments. 450 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,173 They must be somewhere. They ain't over here, bro. 451 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,574 I'm not going back in there! 452 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,176 Honestly, I don't care either way. 453 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,611 I hate having you in me. 454 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:27,945 And when I say "honestly" you can believe it, 455 00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,714 because we both know I'm too healthy to lie. 456 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,215 Watch. 457 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,184 All right! Knock it off! You're not impressing anyone. 458 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,253 Morty, not that I give a , but are you okay? 459 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,255 Jesus Christ, it hurts. Relax, quit your bitching. 460 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,490 Y-You're gonna be fine. Grandpa's here. 461 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,025 You think that's funny? 462 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,094 Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. 463 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,495 Oh, wait, you can't. 464 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,531 You're literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. 465 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,132 I guess it's just funny because you've never done 466 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,901 anything but complain about me being in charge, 467 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,637 but if I ever gave you the wheel we'd be dead in five minutes. 468 00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,339 -Rick? -You poor, dumb, sick animal. 469 00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,407 Rick? 470 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,609 Ahh! Just do it! 471 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,511 Just do it, you piece of -- 472 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:05,349 I'm back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! 473 00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:06,651 Check it it out! 474 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,186 "Excuse me." 475 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,788 Now we'll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. 476 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,623 Man, I really over think shit when I'm angry. 477 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,962 Oh, give it to me. 478 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,331 Mm, ma-mah. 479 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,201 God is not a lie. 480 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,411 Mommy! Mommy! 481 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,645 Ha! All right, Morty, 482 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,481 now it's time we re-merge your little ass. 483 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,815 You're a better man than me, Rick. 484 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,083 I'm healthy enough to admit that! 485 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,786 That kid is a real piece of . 486 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,887 Y-Y-You're gonna save me, right? 487 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,056 Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty. 488 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:48,392 Part of me really wanted to. 489 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:51,496 I'm telling you, these shares are hot. Yeah. 490 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,798 That sounds like a good idea. It's definitely a good idea. 491 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,334 Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it, now can you get me? 492 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,835 Have I ever lied to you? 493 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:01,239 That's right, and ask around, I never do, Duane. 494 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,640 Let me put this real simple. 495 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,009 This stock is a beautiful redhead, recently single, 496 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:07,311 not looking to date but ready to fall in love, 497 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,381 and fate has put her locker two down from yours, Duane -- 498 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,116 two lockers down. 499 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,152 So step up or step off, Duane. 500 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,954 Blue pill or red pill, what'll be, bro? 501 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,625 Totally understand, Duane. 502 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,293 You're the boss. 503 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,728 Heinholz Biotech -- 504 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,696 million and a half at thirty-three. 505 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,598 Heh. 506 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,700 You little monster. 507 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:35,273 Mmm! Is this organic? 508 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,807 Mmm! 509 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,443 Go for Morty. 510 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,279 Hi, Morty. It's Jessica. 511 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,447 Look, can we just talk for a minute? 512 00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,883 Is that how long it takes for Rick to trace my location? 513 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,219 Come back, Morty. I miss you. 514 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,287 You miss the old me. 515 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:50,621 You miss someone that loved you so much 516 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:51,923 you never had to love 'em back. 517 00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:53,558 How do you know I don't want to love you? 518 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,860 Because I'm not sick. Ex-girlfriend? 519 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,429 Should I be jealous? There's nothing to be jealous of. 520 00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,798 I just realized that I'm scheduled to speak at that fundraiser 521 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,366 on our date night. 522 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,503 I can cancel. We'll be together. That's a date. 523 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,205 You are the perfect man. 524 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,874 Oh, sweetie, I think you hit the wrong button. 525 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,175 You didn't hang up. 526 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,377 Huh. How 'bout that? 527 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,884 Sorry, tiny American Psycho, 528 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,086 time to take the opposite of your medicine. 529 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:25,089 Do what you got to do. 530 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,992 Oh! Ow! Ahh! 531 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,927 So, how do you feel, Morty? 532 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,530 Ah, geez. I'm miserable. Am I good or what? 533 00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,865 I guess it's worth it, though, to know how much you care. 534 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,602 Care? Me? Morty, I'm fine with you. 535 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,370 I only did this for him. You lying bitch. 536 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,039 She kept coming to our house, Morty, and kept asking me 537 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,208 "Did -- did -- d-did you get a new Morty yet?" 538 00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,277 Because you kept drunk dialing me and crying about it. 539 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,478 I wasn't crying! 540 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,813 Jacquelyn, I -- 541 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,514 I-I-I wasn't who I said I was. 542 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,984 You weren't a 14-year-old boy from the Midwest 543 00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,186 who ran away from his family and capitalized 544 00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:57,888 on his lack of conscience by becoming a stock broker? 545 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,091 Oh. I guess I was pretty up front about that, wasn't I? 546 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:01,859 You were up front about everything. 547 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,060 You were my soul mate. 548 00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:06,864 Well... N-- Not anymore. I'll, um... 549 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,266 Y-You can keep the apartment, 550 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,368 and -- and -- and, uh...the drones. 551 00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,636 She can't keep the drones. 552 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:12,870 They turn into a little Voltron robot. 553 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:13,971 They're awesome. 554 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,275 You can't keep the drones. 555 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,344 So, how was your date with Brad? 556 00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:22,413 It wasn't a date. We were just having lunch. 557 00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,215 You guys are getting back together, aren't you? 558 00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,650 Morty, I need your help on an adventure. 559 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,051 Eh, "need" is a strong word. 560 00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:29,153 We need door stops, but a brick would work, too. 561 00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:31,322 Okay. 562 00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:33,624 Morty. 563 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,293 Good to have you back. 564 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,262 Have you ever been peed on before? 565 00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:41,132 Oh, my God. Yum. 566 00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,368 Although only a handful of moon towers remain today, 567 00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:20,171 they were popular in the late 19th century. 568 00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:22,640 An entire town could be illuminated by... 569 00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,208 What the hell is this? 570 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,645 Sea Cucumber! 571 00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:29,180 Sea Cucumber!! 572 00:22:31,284 --> 00:22:32,249 Did you get any of that? 573 00:22:33,305 --> 00:22:39,346 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/a336v Help other users to choose the best subtitles 43136

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