1 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,720 2 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,200 They're ready for you now. 3 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,800 Gwendolyn Harris. We've met. 4 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:51,840 Bournemouth. 5 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:52,920 But you don't know the others. 6 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,480 No, but I'm familiar with you. 7 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,080 Why do you want to be an MP? 8 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,120 Because I'm not satisfied with the way things are. 9 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,280 And rather than sit back and moan, 10 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,880 I'd prefer to do something about it. 11 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,440 Go again from the start. 12 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,520 Ok. I don't know why anyone's surprised the world's 13 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,240 number one teen idol's become a Scientologist. 14 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,600 Speed up the autocue please. 15 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,360 Popstars do believe in weird things. 16 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,440 Abba believed in angels. R Kelly believed he could fly. 17 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,320 They said show you this. 18 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,520 - This happen just now? - Mm-hm. 19 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,040 Gladwell? 20 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,960 "Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell resigns capitals - 21 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,040 over Twitter porn pic scandal." 22 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,560 Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all. 23 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,800 "Originally claimed his account had been hacked. 24 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,560 Resignation statement admits 'inappropriate correspondence' 25 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,280 with a 15-year-old girl. 26 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,720 What's he tweeting dick photos as "correspondence" now is it? 27 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,400 "Departure triggers a by-election in his Stentonford 28 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,760 and Hersham constituency." 29 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,640 Well you get to use the Gladwell stuff. 30 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:45,960 Mm-hm. 31 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,400 Bump it all to the top of the monologue. 32 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,720 Anyone seen Jamie? 33 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,440 Rach- 34 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,240 Oh. You shouldn't be calling me any more. 35 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,560 You need to sort yourself out. 36 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,080 I am. 37 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,320 Focus on Waldo. That's going well for you. 38 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,160 But it's not... 39 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,720 He's a hit, Jamie. 40 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,760 "He", not me, "he". 41 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,440 Oh, just do your show. 42 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,080 I will... 43 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,440 I mean, hon, if you'd just... 44 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,680 Jamie. 45 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,960 Jamie, hurry up. 46 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,760 What do you know about Stentonford and Hersham? 47 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,440 Safe Tory seat, 48 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:28,040 so realistically I know there's not much of a chance but... 49 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,720 So it's a stepping stone for you? 50 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,240 Yes. 51 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,760 Obviously I wouldn't say that outside of this room but... 52 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:40,680 You want me to be honest, there's no point in pretending. 53 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,880 Is there anything in your past that 54 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,080 might conceivably cause problems? 55 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,160 No. 56 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,560 Except... 57 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,720 I did commit a series of murders in Huddersfield 58 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:58,480 between '99 and 2003 but that, apart from that... 59 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,200 Well. Thank you, Gwendolyn. 60 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,720 If you could leave via that door. 61 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,160 Oh. That door? 62 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,280 We like to keep the candidates separate. 63 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,840 Right. Yes. 64 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,360 Idiot, idiot. 65 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,000 Shamed supergroomer and all round pillock of the 66 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:34,120 community Jason Gladwell has resigned as an MP, saying 67 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,960 he could "no longer maintain his position": that position 68 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,560 presumably being "hunched over, wanking madly at schoolkids". 69 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,760 - You ready? - Uh-huh. 70 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,600 ...how old the girl wasn't. 71 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,560 That's the sort of feeble excuse 72 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,560 only a naive schoolkid could swallow. 73 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,320 Which presumably was the idea. 74 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:58,000 Anyway the bad news is he's resigned in disgrace. 75 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,800 The good news is he's now free to pursue a full-time 76 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,240 career in the disgraced paedophile industry. 77 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,560 Personally I don't understand why anyone's surprised the... 78 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,400 Um, small change to the intro. 79 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,920 - What? - Nothing huge. 80 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,440 Conor wanted the Jacko gag for the monologue... 81 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:14,960 That was my bit. 82 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,480 There's the Chancellor stuff, you could use that. 83 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,120 - Bit "politics". - You can do politics. 84 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,240 I do piss taking. 85 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,760 Go be Waldo. 86 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,040 Yes, commander. 87 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,480 R Kelly believed he could fly. 88 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,160 And Michael Jackson believed that his doctor was qualified. 89 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,040 Big. Bold. Blue. Bear. Bollocks. 90 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,720 And now it's time for our final visit to the world of 91 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,800 educational children's programming courtesy of 92 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,920 everyone's favourite and only occasionally inappropriate 93 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,600 cool kids TV character, Waldo. 94 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,400 Whose mum's in tonight, apparently. 95 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,960 Waldo, who have you had in your cave this week? 96 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,320 Well, Conor. In my big pink cave this week 97 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,360 I had former minister for culture Liam Monroe. 98 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,160 He's quite handsome isn't he? 99 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,480 I was hoping he'd nosh me off. 100 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,280 Wanna see how it panned out? 101 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,040 I think we should. 102 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,320 Run VT! 103 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:21,320 Hey, everybody. It's Waldo time. Yaaayy! 104 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:27,000 Cool! Cool! Waldoriffic! 105 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,600 Hey, kids. My guest this week is Mister Monroe. 106 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,440 Hello, Mister Monroe. 107 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,040 Hello, Waldo. 108 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,040 Mister Monroe is a "politician." 109 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,920 Po-li-ti-shann. 110 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,760 So what is a politician, Mr Monroe? 111 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,280 Well a politician is someone who tries to make 112 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,000 the world a fairer place. 113 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,360 Like Batman? 114 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,880 Not exactly like Batman. 115 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,240 Do you beat people up? 116 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:54,760 No, I don't beat people up. 117 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,400 Are you a pussy then? 118 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,400 Well, I'm not sure I know exactly what you... 119 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,320 You don't know what pussy is? 120 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,880 Okay, clearly this is some kind of joke. 121 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,360 No joke, sorry, let's move on. Friends again? 122 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,400 Hello, mate. Great show. 123 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,160 Good. Yeah. 124 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,760 Well done, really good. So uhm, we'll bring him over. 125 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,480 You go and get him, I'll explain about... 126 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,120 Jamie. 127 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,040 What you want, Miss Tamsin? 128 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,600 Behind me, man in glasses, talking to Jack Napier. 129 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:36,760 Jack freaks me out. 130 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,600 Yeah, ditto, but he owns the company, 131 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,880 and the man he's with is important 132 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,560 and wants to talk to you. 133 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,600 He's from the channel. 134 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,120 Go on. 135 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,440 Honestly what, all I'm saying is - 136 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:47,960 Is he shy? 137 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,160 No all's I'm saying is he's a terrific guy - 138 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,360 Jim, Jamie. Jamie, Jim. 139 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,240 How do you do? 140 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:53,360 Jim, Jack James - 141 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,920 Jamie. 142 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,720 Jim was just talking about Waldo. 143 00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:00,000 Yeah. Liam Monroe has lodged a complaint. 144 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,120 Toys out of the pram. 145 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,360 And that's... 146 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,960 Good press. 147 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,600 So tough to get a breakthrough these days, 148 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,760 but when it does, well, it's just fantastic. 149 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,480 It's fantastic the way Waldo puts the piss up Monroe, 150 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,000 you know all those twats, its punk, it's-it's... 151 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,400 Jack. 152 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,120 Excuse me. 153 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,040 Well, Twitter can't get enough of Waldo. 154 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,040 Loves him. 155 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,360 Look, I know this show is coming back again next year 156 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,200 but we want to see more of Waldo. 157 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,640 They want to do a pilot. 158 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:34,760 A Waldo pilot? 159 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,320 Yeah. I mean how does that sound? 160 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,800 Yeah, that sounds good. 161 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,240 Sounds Storming Norman, Fucking Storming. 162 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,080 Gonna give it to 'em! 163 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,920 Yeah but look, we can't do sketches without Waldo, 164 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,080 it's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, 165 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,040 it's gotta be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo. 166 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,120 Realistically there isn't the budget for other animations. 167 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,360 I mean live action, other characters I can do. 168 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,600 What about The Brown Knight? 169 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,400 What, the "Crap Crusader"? 170 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,120 We can look into the Brown Knight. 171 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,960 But right now, let's, let's find more Waldo ideas. 172 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,480 The problem is any guests we book will be in on it. 173 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,840 They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise has gone. 174 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,200 Yeah, So we think round that. 175 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,800 Hey, boys and girls, it's Waldo Time! 176 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,840 Yeahhhhh! 177 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,560 He's awesome, isn't he? 178 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,080 I mean, look. 179 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,720 Sod "name in lights", you're an app now my brother. 180 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,440 Alright, Sara. How's the think tanking going? Good shit? 181 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,640 Yeah, yeah. We're making headway. 182 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,440 Good. I see our friend Monroe is in the news again. 183 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,160 Running in the Stentonford by-election. 184 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,400 We should get Waldo down there. 185 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,440 Hey. That's not a bad idea, actually. 186 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,080 We get a van... 187 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,880 right, with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side. 188 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,320 Like it. 189 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,000 And then when Monroe's doing a meet-and-greet, 190 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,680 we just turn up and just get under his skin. 191 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,520 I love that. I love it. 192 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,520 - I've done Monroe. - But, It was a great bit. 193 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,520 I'm dumb or clever enough to be political. I just... 194 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,000 Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? 195 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:21,200 Get people to vote for him? 196 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,840 He's not real. 197 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,760 But people have stood as fictional characters before? 198 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,160 Do you think Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? 199 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,440 We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot. 200 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,400 No one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point. 201 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,040 The point is we get to hang around. 202 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,640 We're there for the count. 203 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,240 Well, go on then, Sara. Whack it up there. 204 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,920 205 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,400 He's with a mum and baby group. 206 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:01,000 Okay. Going live in five, four, three, two. 207 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,760 Thank you so much for joining me this morning. 208 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,040 It's been incredibly informative and I think we should 209 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,320 have a little round of applause for the children. 210 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,880 Who were fantastic. Thank you, Naomi. 211 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,960 Thank you for your time. 212 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,320 Hey! Hey, it's me Waldo. 213 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,080 Oh, I like your trainers, man. 214 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,680 I'd wear trainers myself 215 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,600 but I can't 'cause I haven't got feet. I've got stumps. 216 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,560 He's out. 217 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,640 Hey, Mister Monroe! Mister Monroe. Hey! 218 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,800 Did you get off with any of the mums? 219 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,280 Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? 220 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,160 They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe. 221 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:42,000 He said it! Mister Monroe, don't walk away from me. 222 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,600 I'm sorry about this, Liam. 223 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,480 Hey, I'm being snubbed. Hey, don't ignore me. 224 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,040 Don't just get in your car. 225 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,160 It's a death trap anyway, look at it. 226 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,280 Let's find out what we can about the idiot inside that thing. 227 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,440 Sure. 228 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,680 Mr Monroe. Oi! 229 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,480 Stentonford labour party. 230 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,920 Right, you've got a choice of styles, 231 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:06,680 so just choose one from there, then you put your name in there. 232 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,800 This is like bloody Moonpig. 233 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,520 Don't knock the free mail-out. 234 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,400 Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher Price leaflet app. 235 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,280 He doesn't have to. 236 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,160 Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham. 237 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,280 And Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running. 238 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,320 The licence fee is something that's very close to my 239 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,920 heart and I suspect... 240 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,240 Mister Monroe! Look at me Mister Monroe! 241 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,480 Hey, over here! Hey, over here. Look over here, Mister Monroe. 242 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,240 The conservative party have been er... have 243 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,920 been arguing for a reduction of the licence fee for... 244 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,280 Good morning, everybody. Why you ignoring me, Mister Monroe? 245 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,360 Why you ignoring me? Mister Monroe? 246 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,280 Mister Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 247 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,360 Mum with a pushchair, drag her into it. 248 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,160 Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair. Yeah, you. 249 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,160 Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me. 250 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,080 Why are you ignoring Waldo? 251 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,920 Mr. Monroe, what's Waldo done to you? 252 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,520 We should probably just shift before this turns stupid. 253 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,720 I'm not walking away from a cartoon. 254 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:18,800 I'm not ignoring you. 255 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:23,320 Yeah, you were, you upset me. You made Waldo sad. 256 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,920 Wah. 257 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:32,280 Well, obviously I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset! 258 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,520 Wah! 259 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,320 Let him get a word in. 260 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,600 I'm not ignoring "you" because there is no "you." 261 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,760 You are an image voiced by a comedian, 262 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,840 an alleged comedian more accurately. 263 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,240 If I'm not real, why you talking to him? 264 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,960 And by him I mean me. Nobber. 265 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,760 Right. 266 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,440 There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon. 267 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,560 Oooh, "converse", your lordship; thy flowery language 268 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,200 doth give me a right throbbing bone-on. 269 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,600 Uhhh. Uhhh. Uhhh. 270 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,000 Finished. 271 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,560 Drink? 272 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,320 I've got emails. 273 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,480 You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? 274 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,480 The Labour candidate. 275 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,360 Did you read my background doc? 276 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,120 Yes. 277 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,080 Why don't you read it tonight? Alone. 278 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,520 I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first. 279 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,640 Are you my dad? 280 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,680 Apparently not. 281 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,320 See you tomorrow. 282 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,240 Today in the Stentonford by-election. 283 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,240 Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence. 284 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,840 The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign in 285 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,320 typically loud and crowd-pleasing style. 286 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,440 Someone's bold? Do I know you? 287 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,840 Nice way to greet a voter. 288 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,760 Sorry, I thought... 289 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,400 Actually, I'm more of a rival. 290 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,880 "Hey Mister Monroe, Mister Monroe. 291 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,400 Why are you ignoring me, Mister Monroe". 292 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,400 You're good at that. 293 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:33,480 Because I am "that". 294 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,680 What? You're that thing? 295 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,960 Waldo's not a "thing". He's a bear. 296 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,640 Liam Monroe calls him worse. 297 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,360 Nice work there, by the way. 298 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,880 Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically. 299 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:46,840 Another one? 300 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,160 Okay. One. 301 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:53,920 The way you describe it, 302 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,840 it's like you're doing this for a showreel. 303 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,840 No, but... 304 00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,560 Like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show. 305 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,400 Shhh! 306 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,600 But your party leader has to show up because it's a mid-thing- 307 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:04,480 Midterm by-election. 308 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:05,760 Terminology tits. 309 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,320 You are twelve. 310 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,240 So because leaderballs is there, suddenly it's walk-on 311 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,800 in a Ricky Gervais sketch show so it's good exposure. 312 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,600 You're not gonna win, you know you're not gonna win. 313 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:15,760 Come on, shhh. 314 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,600 You're not gonna win though. 315 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,160 Of course not. 316 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,640 So why not be honest? Say "You arseholes aren't going 317 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,360 to vote for me, so here's what I think anyway." 318 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,920 It doesn't work like that. 319 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,680 Nothing does, that's why everything's bollocksed. 320 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,680 You're angry for someone who's doing well. 321 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,840 I'm the voice of a blue bear. 322 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,760 If that's doing well, then we are doomed. 323 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,160 I can't see. 324 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,280 Hang on, there's a thing. 325 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,520 Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old? 326 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,880 Don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it. 327 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,520 Shit, really? 328 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,640 You're amazing. 329 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,800 Sorry? 330 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,160 You're amazing? 331 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,800 Ha! Thank you. 332 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,880 What's up? 333 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,440 Nothing. 334 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,480 Are you sure? 335 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,920 It's just... 336 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:04,520 I haven't been happy in a while 337 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,120 and this is good, you know. 338 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,920 Mm. 339 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,200 Can I have your number? 340 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,760 Yes. 341 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,720 342 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,440 Where's our mark this morning? 343 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,520 We're out on the road. 344 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,960 Ooh. Bien sur. 345 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:57,000 Hello. I'm Mister Monroe. 346 00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,560 Vote for me and keep things shitty. 347 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,960 Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo. 348 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,920 Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo. 349 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,480 You're right. Strong Tory. 350 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,240 I warned you. 351 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,760 You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart. 352 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,440 I'm voting Waldo! 353 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,440 I met Waldo last night. 354 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,200 Jamie, the guy who plays him. He's fun. 355 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,440 Fun? 356 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,680 Mmm-hmm. 357 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,480 Did you tell him anything about our campaign? 358 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:00,640 Not really. 359 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,320 Not really or no? 360 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,440 Not really. 361 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:07,760 Look, he's okay. 362 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,200 He's a comedian. 363 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,120 He's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next. 364 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,880 His act is all f-this and penis jokes. 365 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,720 - But... - Don't see him again. 366 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:30,560 Okay. Job done till the husting tomorrow. 367 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,320 Some media students doing a Question Time type thing; 368 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,360 they've asked Waldo to join the panel. 369 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,480 Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time. 370 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,720 It's students, you'll walk it. 371 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,240 I can't answer serious questions! 372 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,600 No one wants you to! 373 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,840 You're the comic relief, lighten up. 374 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,080 Just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there. 375 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,720 Are there any issues you're concerned about at all? 376 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,600 Hey. 377 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,680 Oh, hi. 378 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,840 I thought we were going to... 379 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,960 Sorry I've had a tough day. 380 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,360 Right. Not even one? 381 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,880 Sorry. 382 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,520 Well, what about tomorrow? 383 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,560 Look, I can't. When this is happening, I can't see you. 384 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,520 - What do you mean? - I'm sorry. 385 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,960 Do they think that looks like Question Time? 386 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,240 Yeah. It looks politicsy. 387 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,720 Check the host. Jailbait Dembleby. 388 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,240 When it comes to addiction and addicts 389 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,160 we should sympathise, but we shouldn't patronise. 390 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,400 You know serious drug use is a criminal offence, 391 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,520 that is committed voluntarily and for pleasure. 392 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,280 Look, I'm sorry, these are the facts. 393 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,840 Waldo, what do you think? 394 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,880 Mister Monroe, are you addicted? 395 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,080 No. 396 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,800 Sorry I mean "Are you a dickhead?" 397 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,160 I think we have to ask ourselves... 398 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,960 I think we have to ask ourselves 399 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,960 "What is this for"? And "Why do we waste our time 400 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:43,120 with animated trivialities like him? I mean why? 401 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,960 Why? 402 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,600 I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? 403 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,280 This is just the kind of thing, rather than see you laugh... 404 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,280 They laugh at you, Limbo. 405 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,440 You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage. 406 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,040 Who is scared to engage, 407 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,760 who hides behind a children's cartoon. 408 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,440 Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool? 409 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:07,360 I'm, I'm, I'm speaking about James Salter. 410 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,120 - That's your name, isn't it? - Don't worry about it. 411 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,160 James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. 412 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,480 He's 33 years old, a man whose career can be summed up 413 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,240 surprisingly quickly: you were in a sketch troupe that enjoyed 414 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,120 minor success about six years ago and the, the others moved 415 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,800 on to better things, but your main achievement seems to have 416 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:35,040 been playing the, the part of a corn-on-the-cob in a high 417 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,520 interest personal loan commercial. 418 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,760 I notice you're, you keep that pretty quiet. 419 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,000 And now of course operating this, 420 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,960 this sort of teddy bear thing. 421 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,880 Which by the way is easier than it looks. 422 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,040 Anyone could do it. See this is, this is the thing. 423 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,880 It's easy, what he does. 424 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,560 He mocks. 425 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,400 And when he can't think of an authentic joke, which is 426 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,360 actually quite often, he just swears. 427 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,720 I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel debases 428 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,960 the process of debate, and smothers any meaningful 429 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,360 discussion of the issues. 430 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,760 So I return to my original question, 431 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,920 is that really what this is for? 432 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,440 He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. 433 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:22,000 Prove me wrong. Huh? Speak, Waldo. 434 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,800 Please. 435 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,200 Come on. Speak up. 436 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,560 There you see, nothing. 437 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,000 Aw, go fuck yourself. 438 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,520 There. More swearing. 439 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,240 You're a joke. You look less human than I do 440 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,280 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock. 441 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:48,160 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 442 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,240 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? 443 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,640 No one takes you seriously, that's why no one votes. 444 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,440 - The vast majority do vote. - Bullshit. 445 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:57,480 Surely this is enough? 446 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:58,720 You think you deserve respect? 447 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,200 Well, just common courtesy. 448 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,080 Because you went to public school and 449 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,320 grew up believing you're entitled to everything? 450 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,680 Ad hominem nonsense. 451 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,360 Gwendolyn Harris we... 452 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:08,760 Something's got to change. 453 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,680 No one trusts you lot 'cause they know 454 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,640 you don't give a shit about anything outside your bubble. 455 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,800 What about your mate Gladwell, the kiddy-flasher, you knew 456 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,400 him for 20 years, did you not know what he was like? 457 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,920 No, of course not. 458 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,920 Yeah, 'cause you're all just front, like him, 459 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,560 sly and pretending, and in that way you're all the same. 460 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,040 Gwendolyn Harris, is all of politics a waste of time? 461 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,960 Well, of course I think no. 462 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,120 Oh, shut up. You're worse. 463 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,360 Seriously, she's faker than him. 464 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,040 For once I find myself agreeing with Liam Monroe in 465 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,920 that this really doesn't get us anywhere, and there's 466 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,480 not much point in us continuing to... 467 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,560 Why are you here? Tell them why you're here. 468 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,520 Tell them why you're here. Tell them why you're here. 469 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,880 She's here to build a showreel. I'm not kidding, 470 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,720 that's literally it. Knows she's not going to win, 471 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,280 this is all experience, to get herself on telly. 472 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,840 She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here 473 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,480 than he does because he'll actually have to represent you. 474 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,080 Am I wrong? 475 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,640 A career politician, someone else less real than me, 476 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,400 and I can do this. 477 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,080 Can I just make a couple of points... 478 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,040 Oh, shut up, you pebble. 479 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,720 What is this for? Is that what you wanted to know? 480 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,680 And the truth is, none of us know any more thanks to you. 481 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,520 What are you for? What are you for? 482 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,200 Thank you and goodnight. 483 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,880 484 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,800 Jamie. 485 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,560 Jamie? 486 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,320 Jack says he wants to see us. 487 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,920 You can't avoid it. 488 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,920 Get dressed. He'll meet us outside. 489 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,200 And yet accusations of vapidity aside, it's clearly 490 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,720 tapped a nerve: in just three days, Waldo has gone viral. 491 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,840 The video of his clash has already been viewed over a 492 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,880 million times on YouTube. 493 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,880 There are Facebook groups calling on 494 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,800 Waldo to form a national party. 495 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,240 You're a joke. You look less human than I do 496 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,200 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise... 497 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,640 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 498 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,480 Assuming you're my superior because I'm 499 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,320 not taking you seriously? No one takes you seriously. 500 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,880 Oh, look here he is, the man of the moment! 501 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,640 How does it feel to be a phenomenon? 502 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,320 Shitifying. 503 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,120 You are everywhere, my son. 504 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,560 Twitter, the news, have you seen the poll? 505 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,560 You're in third place, mate. You overtook that Lib Dem prick. 506 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,160 Yeah, well, he's a glass of water. 507 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,360 This is an opportunity, Jamie. 508 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:55,840 He knows my name now. 509 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,840 We could really do something here. 510 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,480 You know everyone's pissed with the 511 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,040 status quo, and Waldo gives that a voice. 512 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,160 Waldo's a bear, a blue bear. 513 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:06,400 Tell him, Tams. 514 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,120 We've been asked on Consensus. 515 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,200 It's a ten minute one-to-one interview 516 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,240 - with Phillip Crane. - "Pitbull Crane"? 517 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,440 Big guns for big guns. 518 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,480 Hello? I'm not a politician, okay? 519 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:17,840 I don't want to be a politician. 520 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,800 We know that you hate politics. 521 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,400 I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them. 522 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,040 You don't need to be interested in them. 523 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,760 You just need to be Waldo. 524 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,600 And when Crane asks something tricky and 525 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,360 I look stupid because I don't know how to answer? 526 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,200 You'll know the answer. Because you have a producer. 527 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,560 Look, I can tell you what to say. 528 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,440 I can live-google any facts, 529 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,640 give you stats, quotes, whatever else you need. 530 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,200 So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff 531 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,320 and the rest is Waldo and you can do that in your sleep. 532 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,240 You'll piss all over Crane. 533 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,320 He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it. 534 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,760 Yeah, good. I hope he does. I hope he points a camera at it. 535 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:53,960 All the other MPs have got teams, we're just 536 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:58,160 more honest about it. Now come on. What d'you say? Ey? 537 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:02,600 Jamie. Jamie! 538 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,560 Why would I want to do this? 539 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,000 Look the world is knackered and you can do something about it. 540 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,600 I don't know what you're on about. 541 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,640 Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young 542 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,120 don't give a shit about anything except trainers and pirating films. 543 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,960 Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? 544 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,640 Yeah, yeah, I do actually. Look, they care about Waldo, 545 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,240 they'll vote for Waldo. The video was a hit for a reason... 546 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,400 The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. 547 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,040 I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate - 548 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:29,280 It doesn't matter- 549 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,400 Or funny which is almost worse. 550 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,400 We can build on that. 551 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,120 Waldo's not real. 552 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,160 Exactly! That's what you said that really hit home, 553 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,720 he's not real, but he's realer than all the others. 554 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,480 He doesn't stand for anything. 555 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,840 Yeah well at least he doesn't pretend to. Look we, we don't 556 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,720 need politicians, we've all got iPhones and computers right? 557 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,000 So any decision that has to be made, any policy we just 558 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,520 put it online. Let the people vote thumbs up, 559 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,400 thumbs down, the majority wins. That's a democracy. 560 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,280 That's a, that's an actual democracy. 561 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,240 So's YouTube and I don't know if you've seen it but the most 562 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,800 popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days. 563 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,560 Well, today it's Waldo. 564 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280 No. It's still the dog. 565 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,760 Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change 566 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,680 if we fucked the politicians out the equation. 567 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,800 I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door. 568 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:27,480 Do you know who owns Waldo? I do, I own the rights. 569 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:30,920 He's my character. 570 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,760 Yeah, written for my show. 571 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,680 You're too frightened to take to the next level. 572 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:39,920 Fine. I understand. But also: fuck off. 573 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,280 And watch me fly. 574 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,960 You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo. 575 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,880 Eh Jamie, Jamie. What's happening? 576 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,640 Pretty close I'd say. 577 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:05,200 What's happening? Ahh, Waldorific yeahh, yeahhh. 578 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,080 Why's it going of left a bit? 579 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:08,040 Because the... 580 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:09,400 I know I've got my... 581 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:10,600 Put your thumb in the white thing - 582 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:11,920 I got that in there. Okay. 583 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,840 That's not how that works. 584 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,440 First tonight, a figure, or more accurately 585 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,040 a character who's been causing an upset in the 586 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,000 Stentonford by-election. Unlike the other candidates 587 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:35,200 he has no party affiliation. He doesn't even have a surname. 588 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:39,120 He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just a cult character in a 589 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:43,680 comedy show, today, an official mascot for protest voters. 590 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,560 Vote Waldo. 591 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,920 Cartoons don't play by the rules and Waldo's open disdain 592 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:51,520 for his opponents has clearly struck a chord. 593 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,920 Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised aren't you 594 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,600 ultimately neutralizing seriously effective dissent? 595 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,440 Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane, please? 596 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,480 By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous. 597 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,440 Dangerous, you think the public can't be trusted? 598 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,920 No. 599 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:11,240 Isn't that basically you calling them twats? 600 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:12,200 No, I... 601 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,760 Bellends, then? 602 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,600 Did you actually come here for a discussion or... 603 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,520 You're snooty for a glorified Punch and Judy man, Phil. 604 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,360 You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months 605 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:20,680 'cause I'm here. 606 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,320 To even get close to the figures, 607 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,320 I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, 608 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:25,840 you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air. 609 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,520 Make a nice prawn cocktail. 610 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,200 Yeah could we make a serious political point that is. 611 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,040 I've got one big blue point to make, fool. 612 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,200 Would you like to have a look at it? 613 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,680 Great work tonight. Look at, Look at this, look at this. 614 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,480 It's The Waldo polling app. Now this can pinpoint you 615 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,800 with GPS so that when you're at a polling station 616 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,640 it unlocks loads of free shit, look. 617 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,160 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 618 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,000 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 619 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,000 It's good isn't it? 620 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,520 Who's this guy we're meeting? 621 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,360 I dunno. But he's from Washington 622 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,840 and he's got my restricted number. 623 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,400 Jeff Carter, from the agency. 624 00:32:58,520 --> 00:32:59,560 Hey. 625 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,280 Hey. And I'll leap right in. 626 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,800 I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating. 627 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:05,680 From "the agency"? 628 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,840 Yeah, listen, Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead. 629 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,480 Waldo the bear. 630 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,400 The bear people like. The fact he's a bear's an assist. 631 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,280 - "An assist"? - It helps. 632 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,160 Right. You look at human politicians; 633 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,560 you're instinctively like brrrr - uncanny, right? 634 00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:22,200 Like the girls in porn you just know something's wrong, 635 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,800 'cause why else are they doing it? 636 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:25,120 It's usually Daddy issues, ey. 637 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,280 Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. 638 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,160 You already know he's not real. So no personal flaws. 639 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:31,440 I'm a person. 640 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,480 With respect, Waldo's more than you. 641 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,280 He's a team, and you're open about that, which is fantastic. 642 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:38,960 The honesty thing works. 643 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:43,560 Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace. 644 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,440 At the moment he's anti-politics, 645 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,040 which is a political stance in itself, right? 646 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,280 But he could deliver any brand of political 647 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,560 content, minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. 648 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:57,160 In a debate, your team could google every word the other guy 649 00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,280 says, then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats and spit a 650 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,200 Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. 651 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,520 He's the perfect assassin. 652 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,760 We won't win though. 653 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,120 You guys are so British. 654 00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:16,560 No, of course he won't win, you started out too coarse off the 655 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,480 bat, there's no substantial basis to what you offer, and the 656 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,320 whole nihilist "democracy sucks" thing yeah is kind of wack-a-doo 657 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,400 but with a targeted, hopeful message which we of course can 658 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,320 provide. Energising the disenfranchised without spooking 659 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,400 the middle via your new platform: you got a global 660 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:39,760 political-entertainment product people actually want. 661 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,200 You could roll this out worldwide. 662 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,680 - Like Pringles. - Absolutely. 663 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:54,080 It's... It's interesting stuff though. 664 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,600 When you're done with Stentonford, 665 00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,640 there may be an opportunity in South America. 666 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,360 Se puede hablar español? 667 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,360 Vivi en Madrid tres años. 668 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,520 Excelente. 669 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,600 What? 670 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:27,960 He's not coming. 671 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,840 But he's the party leader. 672 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,800 It's too toxic. 673 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,880 Meanwhile as support for Gwendolyn Harris appears to 674 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,400 be dwindling, Labour denies the party is losing faith 675 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,080 in their young candidate but Miss Harris spent most of the 676 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,480 day locked in crisis talks at party head... 677 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,280 In the Stentonford by-election, 678 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,360 Waldo the cartoon bear continues to... 679 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,400 Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? 680 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,680 She looks like she's been poisoned. 681 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,360 Because he's gonna overtake her. 682 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:06,000 If that thing is the main opposition, then the 683 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,640 whole system looks absurd. 684 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,680 Which it may well be. 685 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,400 But it built these roads. 686 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,440 Just come in, Roy. 687 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,480 I'm sorry, okay? 688 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,440 It was wrong to speak to you like that... 689 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,600 After the campaign, I would've called you. 690 00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:42,000 After the campaign. 691 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,040 All you've done is strengthen Monroe. 692 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:46,800 You won't win either, but I was at least attempting 693 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,960 to represent... 694 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,840 Well, I don't know, not just bollocks to everything. 695 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,440 If you were preaching revolution, that'd be something. 696 00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,800 But you're not because that'd require courage and a mindset. 697 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,720 And what have you got? 698 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,800 Who are you? 699 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,840 What are you for? 700 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,840 Morning. 701 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,920 So final push. 702 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,920 You remind everyone that's got the app, that if they 703 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,840 recommend it to friends it unlocks a little fez for Waldo. 704 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:33,760 We're here. 705 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,480 Attention shoppers. 706 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:41,280 I'm here to ask you an important favour. Gather round. 707 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,800 Come over here and listen. 708 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,960 Don't vote for me, I'm an insult. Seriously. 709 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,160 Vote for Monroe or Harris or I dunno, 710 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,440 UKIP or even that Lib Dem guy. 711 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,280 He's a prick! 712 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,520 Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me. 713 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:01,680 What Is this, irony? 714 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,840 I'm worse than a wasted vote. 715 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,240 He's from the Harris campaign. 716 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,360 I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! 717 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,680 Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! 718 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,600 Don't vote for... 719 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,960 Booo! 720 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,360 Shut up. 721 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,080 No. Don't boo him, he's right! He's right. 722 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:20,720 - What are you doing? - Resigning. 723 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,040 Jamie. 724 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,280 Look! It's me, I'm Waldo. 725 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,040 This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero. 726 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:30,720 You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news. 727 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,160 - He's funny. - He's not. 728 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,560 Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian. Ah! 729 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,280 So remember, 730 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,480 the polls are open, and if you've got my app, 731 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,640 you can unlock new stuff like catchphrases and a little 732 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:44,360 hat n' that. Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me. 733 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,240 So question the status quo! 734 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,480 Kill it! 735 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:48,920 Kick them where it hurts! 736 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,280 The first man to hit him gets five hundred quid! 737 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,760 Yeah, that's right. Knock him down. Knock him down. 738 00:38:54,880 --> 00:39:00,280 Smash it. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. 739 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,040 Yeah. 740 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,200 741 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,680 I the undersigned, being the returning officer for the 742 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,960 Stentonford and Hersham constituency, hereby give 743 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,240 notice that the total number of votes recorded for each 744 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,720 candidate at the election is as follows. 745 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,280 Finch, Simon Arthur. Liberal Democrats. 746 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,400 Two thousand four hundred and forty-nine. 747 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:36,280 Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour. 748 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,760 Eleven thousand, two hundred and thirty-seven. 749 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,560 Monroe, Liam George Tennyson. Conservative. 750 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,240 Nineteen thousand, one hundred and sixty one. 751 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:57,360 Waldo, Independent. 752 00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:06,120 Sixteen thousand seven hundred and eighty four. 753 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,240 Ladies, Ladies and gentlemen, please, I declare that Liam Monroe 754 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:15,240 is duly elected member of Parliament for the constituency. 755 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:18,880 Hey, hey everyone. 756 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,400 Five hundred quid to anyone who can lob a shoe! 757 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,520 Up you get, come on. 758 00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,000 Come on! 759 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,920 Come on, out you go. 760 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,280 Come on. 761 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,040 Oi! 762 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,920 763 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,840