1
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,975
And you just make your own?

2
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,902
Seriously, James?

3
00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:15,349
You've never done DIY tacos?

4
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,683
It's just...
it's just like a buffet.

5
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,318
I don't do buffets.

6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:23,172
You leave food out in the open
for livestock, not people.

7
00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,257
Wow.

8
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,526
Married one month,
and every day,

9
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:29,011
it's like waking up
with a stranger.

10
00:00:29,012 --> 00:00:30,179
And?

11
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:33,499
I like waking up
with a stranger.

12
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,602
Is there any special order?

13
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,994
Complete democracy.

14
00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,905
Make it your own way.

15
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,339
Not that way!

16
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,602
- Yeah, good one.
- Yeah.

17
00:00:44,603 --> 00:00:46,213
Um...

18
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,383
Okay.

19
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:53,445
So a lot of... many people
start with the tortilla,

20
00:00:53,545 --> 00:00:55,521
and then you...

21
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,683
I'm just excited
to see your next move.

22
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,929
No, no, don't do it.

23
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,454
Or what?

24
00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:07,433
- I am a science teacher.
I will mess you up.

25
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:11,704
{\an8}- Hey!
- Oh, hey, Pops.

26
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,674
{\an8}- Hey, Jimbo!
- Hey, Lolo.

27
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:16,075
{\an8}I didn't think you guys were
gonna make it for dinner.

28
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,244
{\an8}Yeah, Lolo drove me
to pick up the study guide

29
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,612
{\an8}for that substitute
teacher test,

30
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:21,581
{\an8}and I thought,
hell yeah, free food.

31
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,349
{\an8}And she said
she wanted to come here

32
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,568
{\an8}after picking up the study guide
for that substitute test.

33
00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:29,314
{\an8}And I also thought,
hell yeah, free food.

34
00:01:29,414 --> 00:01:32,592
{\an8}Oh, white people tacos.

35
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:37,063
{\an8}You just touched my dinner.

36
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:40,533
{\an8}How am I supposed to eat it
if I don't touch it first?

37
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,501
{\an8}We always eat each other's food.

38
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,086
{\an8}It's cute.
You'll get used to it.

39
00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:46,665
{\an8}Or you'll starve.

40
00:01:46,765 --> 00:01:48,007
{\an8}It would be okay if...

41
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,643
{\an8}maybe if I knew where
your hands had been.

42
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,428
{\an8}- Oh, I can tell you.
Inside a toddler's mouth.

43
00:01:52,429 --> 00:01:53,947
{\an8}Ugh.

44
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,108
{\an8}Okay, chill, it wasn't
just some rando toddler.

45
00:01:57,109 --> 00:01:58,918
{\an8}I'm coming from my nannying job.

46
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,586
{\an8}When did you become a nanny?

47
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,556
{\an8}One of the parents of the kids
I'm teaching to skateboard

48
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,157
{\an8}said they needed a nanny,

49
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,193
{\an8}and I was like, oh,
I know the perfect person.

50
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,961
{\an8}Then I recommended her instead.

51
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,596
{\an8}It's one of the gigs
I'm trying out

52
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,023
{\an8}to figure out what I wanna do.

53
00:02:12,024 --> 00:02:13,532
{\an8}Cross nannying off
the list, though.

54
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,901
{\an8}Just got fired by the kid.

55
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,135
{\an8}Hey!

56
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,361
{\an8}Do you wanna go to
the beach tomorrow?

57
00:02:17,362 --> 00:02:18,604
{\an8}Yeah.

58
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,974
{\an8}Maybe I should be a lifeguard.

59
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,343
{\an8}Hey! Hi!

60
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,979
{\an8}Listen, did you change
the lock on the front door?

61
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,041
{\an8}'Cause, you know,
I'd like to be able to barge in

62
00:02:29,141 --> 00:02:31,234
{\an8}and go, booya, bitches!

63
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,121
{\an8}You just have to
jiggle the key sometimes.

64
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:36,715
{\an8}Why would you tell her that?

65
00:02:36,815 --> 00:02:39,191
{\an8}Claudia, we had a deal.

66
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:43,288
{\an8}The ex has to text
before she comes next.

67
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,500
{\an8}Did it!

68
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,001
{\an8}Oh, listen,

69
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,803
{\an8}do you remember when I told you

70
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:53,564
{\an8}that I was gonna go to therapy,
and you laughed?

71
00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:54,940
I wasn't laughing at you.

72
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,902
I was laughing at how rich
your therapist is gonna get.

73
00:02:57,903 --> 00:03:00,337
Well, I followed through.

74
00:03:00,338 --> 00:03:03,282
And he said that I
"lack any boundaries"

75
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:07,586
and I might have
a wittle depwession.

76
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,839
No mention of your narcissism?

77
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,058
No.

78
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,993
That's for other people
to deal with, not me.

79
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:16,588
Listen, he actually
said he thought

80
00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:18,531
it might be a good idea
if the two of you

81
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,866
came in for a session.

82
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:22,268
You know, it would
help me move on

83
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,336
if we could clear the air
a little.

84
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,705
Move on.

85
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,774
To Arizona?

86
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:31,944
It would actually mean a lot
to me if you would come.

87
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,529
After you cheated on me,
Claudia,

88
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,082
I went to couples therapy
with you.

89
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:39,919
And when you left the room,
the therapist said, run!

90
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,320
And you did.

91
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,622
And look how happy you are.

92
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,156
So it works.

93
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,357
Jeanie?

94
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,994
- I do love me some therapy.
- Mm-hmm.

95
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:51,288
Digging around, getting into
those deeper feelings.

96
00:03:51,289 --> 00:03:52,599
Hello, melancholy.

97
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,867
I didn't know
you would be here today.

98
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,769
Who are you hiding?

99
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,964
Anger, I knew it was you!

100
00:03:59,965 --> 00:04:01,967
Is it possible
that your therapist

101
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:06,146
is a sock puppet
on your own hand?

102
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,647
Okay, look.

103
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,233
Guys, I acknowledge that
my behavior may have been,

104
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,086
you know, a tad unhealthy.

105
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:16,840
But this would actually help us,
you know, solve all that.

106
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,319
I'm not crazy
about the idea either,

107
00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:23,562
but a lot has happened,

108
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,965
and she's dealing with
some pretty big feelings.

109
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,352
You heard her.
She is a wittle depwessed.

110
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,338
Uh, fine.

111
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:35,692
But I'm pwetty sure
we're being manipuwated.

112
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:41,764
Oh, my gosh.

113
00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:45,017
This orchid looks so real.

114
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,620
Uh-oh.

115
00:04:54,219 --> 00:04:55,561
Listen...

116
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,129
I wanna thank you both
for coming.

117
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,898
I think this is gonna be

118
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,102
really good
for our relationship.

119
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:06,130
For an example, I would like to
comment on your homely outfit,

120
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,058
but we're here to heal.

121
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,678
Oh, hello, everyone.

122
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:14,581
Hi, I'm Leon.

123
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,465
- Hi.
- Thank you for coming.

124
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:19,652
I know this is a bit unusual,
having the three of you,

125
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:25,116
but I want you to know that
I don't charge by the person.

126
00:05:25,217 --> 00:05:27,918
I don't get
any funnier than that.

127
00:05:27,919 --> 00:05:30,262
Claudia, where would you
like to start?

128
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:31,497
Okay.

129
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,500
Well, I've been doing
the homework you suggested

130
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,168
on my accountability.

131
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,336
- Oh, good.
- Yes.

132
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,004
And here's where I'm at.

133
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,332
I'm not getting
the divorce I wanted,

134
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:43,509
and it's all their fault.

135
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,744
Claudia, the quality
of your divorce

136
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:49,048
is not in direct correlation
to our connubial bliss.

137
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,250
Okay, nerd.

138
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,943
And you're wrong.

139
00:05:52,944 --> 00:05:55,488
I mean, look,
I had it all worked out.

140
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,124
James was supposed to be
alone and miserable,

141
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,684
and I was supposed to be
the one winning the divorce.

142
00:06:00,685 --> 00:06:02,696
But now, they're happy!

143
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:06,015
And I'm miserable.

144
00:06:06,016 --> 00:06:08,526
Claudia, what you're
feeling is natural.

145
00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:12,197
When someone is experiencing
the loneliness of a breakup,

146
00:06:12,297 --> 00:06:15,307
it seems like everyone
around them is in love.

147
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:19,879
Yeah, and you're
at the house all the time.

148
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:24,650
So you're seeing us
and that bothers you.

149
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,419
Yeah, I think the solution
here is simple.

150
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,724
Stop coming to the house.

151
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,050
It was my house!

152
00:06:33,051 --> 00:06:36,363
I mean, why can't I find someone

153
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:39,732
and... and get married
a ridiculous week later,

154
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:43,169
like these two idiots?

155
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:46,005
James, say something nice
to Claudia.

156
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,033
After that? Why?

157
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,201
She's a human being.

158
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,547
Have you got proof?

159
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,548
Claudia, if it helps, yes.

160
00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:58,575
We got married
extraordinarily fast,

161
00:06:58,576 --> 00:06:59,902
but you only saw one side of it.

162
00:06:59,903 --> 00:07:00,912
There were bumps.

163
00:07:01,012 --> 00:07:03,572
Yeah, there's always bumps.

164
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:07,084
Wait, bumps?
I... I don't remember any bumps.

165
00:07:07,085 --> 00:07:09,361
You know,
let's deal with this later.

166
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,889
I don't think
a therapist's office

167
00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:14,800
is the place to talk about
anything personal.

168
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,736
Yeah, it is.

169
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:20,089
You had to go to Norway.
You came back.

170
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:21,999
We broke up because
we were too different.

171
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,275
One bump.

172
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,777
And then we got married!

173
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,746
And that's...

174
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:32,042
Where's them bumps?

175
00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:35,789
Well, I didn't have
to go to Norway.

176
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,950
I really don't wanna leave.

177
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,660
Is there a chance
we could pick up

178
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,422
where we left off
when I get home?

179
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,129
I'll think about it.

180
00:07:51,229 --> 00:07:54,307
Did anyone ever tell you
you give very misleading kisses?

181
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:02,806
<i>- Hello?</i>
- Dan?

182
00:08:02,807 --> 00:08:05,242
She's amazing!

183
00:08:05,243 --> 00:08:08,120
I told her I was going to
Norway, but now I'm not.

184
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,222
I am postponing my fellowship.

185
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,790
I thought you had to go.

186
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,486
- No, it's an open offer.
I can go at any time.

187
00:08:14,586 --> 00:08:16,821
Our lives are so different.

188
00:08:16,921 --> 00:08:18,957
Your open offer
is to go to Norway.

189
00:08:19,057 --> 00:08:21,634
Mine is to move in
with my Aunt Rita

190
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,796
when things go really bad.

191
00:08:24,896 --> 00:08:28,508
I don't wanna be away from
Jeanie for another minute!

192
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,644
I think I'm in love, dude.

193
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:35,180
I'm panicking, dude.

194
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,807
Why are you packing?

195
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,217
I'm going to Norway.

196
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,153
I cancelled my trip,
then uncancelled it.

197
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,455
- I don't understand.
What changed your mind?

198
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,341
I spent one night with
this incredible woman,

199
00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:49,995
and then I totally lost control
of all my emotions.

200
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,023
I packed my underwear
before my socks.

201
00:08:52,123 --> 00:08:55,502
That's U before S.

202
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,862
Okay, you're spinning out, man.

203
00:08:57,962 --> 00:09:00,365
You don't have
to leave the country.

204
00:09:00,465 --> 00:09:02,800
She's not gonna know.
- But I'll know!

205
00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:04,978
I can't lie to her.

206
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,197
I watched my parents,
two Freudian psychologists,

207
00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:10,699
torture each other for 50 years.

208
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,018
And because of that, I didn't
get married till my 40s.

209
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,046
And look how that turned out.

210
00:09:15,146 --> 00:09:18,550
I just need to
slow this thing down,

211
00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:21,660
and going away will help that.

212
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:22,886
Yeah.

213
00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:25,197
I mean, my dad left
my mom for 20 years.

214
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,001
Really slowed
their relationship down.

215
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,127
This is really tough.

216
00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:32,296
She is perfect in every way.

217
00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:33,997
How could you do this to me?

218
00:09:33,998 --> 00:09:36,876
I only did it because
she's my kid's science teacher,

219
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:39,846
and I needed to boost his grade.

220
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,582
I can't keep explaining
what polymers are

221
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:48,078
when I have no idea
what polymers are!

222
00:09:48,079 --> 00:09:52,591
So you actually went to Norway
to get away from me?

223
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,085
And Dan knew about this?

224
00:09:55,086 --> 00:09:56,428
Gah!

225
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,831
I gave his kid an A,
and the kid thinks

226
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:02,769
a polymer is when three people
are in a relationship.

227
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,757
You have no idea how bad I felt

228
00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:10,610
when you called Dan
and you were so happy.

229
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,712
You were in the room
when I called?

230
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,448
You heard everything I said?

231
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,884
After Dan turned 50,

232
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:22,087
he started taking
all his calls on speaker.

233
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:26,125
Look, when I heard your voice,
I wanted to stay,

234
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,394
but we slept together
on the first date

235
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,129
and I was scared
that if I stayed,

236
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,698
we'd do something
even more impulsive...

237
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:35,434
matching tattoos,
location sharing,

238
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,296
caffeine after 4:00.

239
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,306
What are you hearing
from all of this, Claudia?

240
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:45,961
I'm hearing that
Jeanie is very easy.

241
00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:50,115
Claudia, let's not slut-shame.

242
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,301
James was easy too.

243
00:10:52,302 --> 00:10:55,754
Okay, well, I'm also hearing
that James had doubts.

244
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,981
He never had doubts with me.

245
00:10:57,982 --> 00:10:59,725
Jeanie and I were
love at first sight.

246
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:00,984
You and I only got married

247
00:11:00,985 --> 00:11:02,328
because you told me
your dad was dying.

248
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,596
And right now, he's playing golf
at St. Andrews.

249
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,465
Well, I'll tell him you said hi

250
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,651
and that you're sorry
he's not dead.

251
00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:11,303
You wanna jump in here, Leon?

252
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,273
You're just sitting there.
We're doing all the hard work.

253
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:17,510
And how do you feel about that?

254
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,812
Okay, so what I'm hearing

255
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,182
is that you were
going through something.

256
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,883
Yeah.

257
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:28,679
I guess I was just in
a totally different space.

258
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,422
You were so on my mind,

259
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:34,493
I... I couldn't even
focus at school.

260
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,854
Do you know how many
Carl Sagan videos

261
00:11:36,955 --> 00:11:38,865
those kids had to sit through?

262
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:42,835
We made it to
the end of the universe.

263
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,469
I couldn't focus at work either.

264
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,688
It freaked me out.

265
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,537
Good news, Professor.

266
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,714
I have gotten rid of the mice
in your apartment,

267
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,218
but you may have
a snake problem.

268
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,053
Arvid, you and I have been
working together

269
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,721
for a while now.
Can I ask you a question?

270
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,890
Yes, I will come
to America with you.

271
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,391
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

272
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,728
No, no, no, no,
a different question.

273
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:12,315
How do you know if you found
a woman who's your soulmate?

274
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,227
Does Jeanie know
about this woman?

275
00:12:17,228 --> 00:12:19,554
Jeanie <i>is</i> the woman.

276
00:12:19,555 --> 00:12:22,407
After I got divorced,
I was so devastated.

277
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:26,178
I promised myself I would
never fall in love again.

278
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,313
Then I met Jeanie.

279
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,383
I don't trust my emotions.

280
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:31,751
How do you...
how do you know that

281
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:34,853
something like this is real?

282
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:38,023
There is one way to test.

283
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,751
And I am hesitations
to propose it

284
00:12:40,752 --> 00:12:44,254
because I have already written
Jeanie into my will.

285
00:12:44,255 --> 00:12:48,760
But I know a woman
who no man can resist.

286
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:52,438
They call her
Astrid the Irresistible.

287
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:55,265
This is not her birth name.

288
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:58,910
Many men have traveled
across the ends of the Earth

289
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,579
to test their love.

290
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,775
Does Astrid charge
for this service?

291
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:07,786
- No.
But she has a gift shop.

292
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,590
If you resist her,
then you have found

293
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,059
the true love that
no one can come between

294
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,794
and will last a lifetime.

295
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:18,230
If not, you have to buy
a shot glass

296
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,400
and a pen that was once
an antler.

297
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,236
- No, no.
No way in hell.

298
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,939
Is what I should have said.

299
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,307
I'm afraid we are out of time.

300
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,944
- Oh!
No, no, no.

301
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,846
No, no, no, no, no.
We are not out of time.

302
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:37,808
Run a tab, Leon.

303
00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:39,452
I'm doing this for you.

304
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,753
You must feel awful.

305
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,122
Then why are you smiling?

306
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:47,160
- I don't know.
I'm not a therapist.

307
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,330
Look, I had Astrid's number.

308
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,298
I could have called her,
but I called you instead.

309
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,334
And...

310
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,469
We talked about
which Spice Girl we would be,

311
00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,497
and I said Paprika.

312
00:14:00,498 --> 00:14:02,141
And you laughed.

313
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,178
And that's when I knew I needed
to hear that laugh in America.

314
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:10,215
I think that's a pretty
positive affirmation of love.

315
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:14,336
Yeah, I think that's a pretty
positive pile of horse crap.

316
00:14:14,337 --> 00:14:16,822
Whose therapy is it, Leon?

317
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,516
Happy people or injured party?

318
00:14:19,517 --> 00:14:21,193
Claudia, even though
you're not hearing

319
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,528
what you want to hear,

320
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,797
they did take the time
to come here,

321
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,833
and they're opening up,
even to the point

322
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:30,027
of finding out that they have
some of their own issues.

323
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:33,196
Jeanie, did you ever have
any doubts on your end?

324
00:14:33,197 --> 00:14:36,376
Stay out of my business, Leon.

325
00:14:37,869 --> 00:14:39,679
Wait, did you?

326
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:40,838
Hmm?

327
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:49,721
This part's on me.

328
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:53,184
Yeah, it's a Costco card,
but it works.

329
00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,397
It's not what you think.

330
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,866
I wasn't doubting me.

331
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,101
I was doubting you.

332
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:07,965
- Oh, yeah!
Let's go!

333
00:15:08,065 --> 00:15:11,143
Okay, so we'll FaceTime
tomorrow morning,

334
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,211
my time.

335
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,348
Oh, I miss you too.

336
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,684
Okay, good night...
I mean, good morning.

337
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,687
What are you doing, Mom?

338
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:24,356
You've had one date
with this guy,

339
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,859
and now you're talking to him,
like, 10, 20 times a day?

340
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,320
You are moving way too fast.

341
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:34,658
Well, sometimes I go fast.

342
00:15:34,659 --> 00:15:36,201
Yeah.

343
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:39,004
And sometimes slow is good.

344
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:42,174
Do you remember when
I taught you how to play

345
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,476
"Super Mario Kart,"
and instead of racing,

346
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,711
you just drove real, real slow

347
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,848
to enjoy all
the beautiful scenery?

348
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,684
I couldn't leave the ice caves.

349
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:55,021
They were so gorgeous.

350
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:59,424
You know, I seem to remember
another time I went really fast,

351
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:02,861
when I was adopting this
really cool eighth grader

352
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:07,032
who was in foster care
looking for a home?

353
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:10,203
You are not gonna find
this kind of gold everywhere.

354
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:18,293
Oh, did I mention he suffers
from high self-esteem?

355
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,271
Listen, you're my family, okay?

356
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,882
I'm just trying to protect you.

357
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:27,019
Are you ever gonna be okay
with me falling in love

358
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,045
with anyone other than George?

359
00:16:29,046 --> 00:16:30,255
Yeah.

360
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,824
I'll be my 40s,
you'll be in a nursing home.

361
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,785
Should be ready by then.

362
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:39,631
Oh, my God.

363
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,651
You think you're
in love with this guy!

364
00:16:42,652 --> 00:16:45,503
I think my barista days
are over.

365
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,398
You forget to put out
a wet floor sign,

366
00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:50,842
and "the man" gets angry.

367
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,678
Dude, Mom thinks
she's in love with Norway Guy.

368
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,881
You've only known the guy
for like, two days.

369
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:58,241
I love that you met someone,
but rein it in, girl.

370
00:16:58,242 --> 00:17:00,411
I don't wanna rein it in.

371
00:17:00,511 --> 00:17:03,855
It feels kind of magical.

372
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,859
He's so funny.
And he's cute.

373
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,327
He smells so good.

374
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,531
And he's married!

375
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,924
I just found his wife,

376
00:17:13,925 --> 00:17:15,701
and her Facebook says
they're still married.

377
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:19,704
Yo, not even "It's complicated"?

378
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,765
- Well, that...
that must be a mistake.

379
00:17:21,766 --> 00:17:24,043
There's only one way
to find out.

380
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,645
I found her
interior design company.

381
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,647
You should call her.
- No. And say what?

382
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:29,782
Oh, my God, it's ringing!

383
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,533
Here!
- Oh... Poppy!

384
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:32,867
Hello?

385
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:34,085
Ooh.

386
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,188
Hello!

387
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:41,860
Uh, is this Claudia "Fur-jis"?

388
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,529
Yeah, it's Fourgis, but hey.

389
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:47,565
Listen, I'm in the middle
of stealing some wine,

390
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,670
so is this important?

391
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:53,105
Ooh, yes, dear.

392
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:56,676
- Are you kidding me?
That was you?

393
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,343
Oh, yes, dear.

394
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,748
- I'm Abigail...
- Turdbutt.

395
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,786
Turdbury, from, uh,

396
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:10,388
"Divorced Interior Designers"...

397
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,482
- Magazine.
- "Magazine."

398
00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:16,294
- Of course.
I'm familiar with you.

399
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:20,198
We would love
to do a profile on you,

400
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:24,936
but just to confirm,
you are divorced, yeah?

401
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:29,874
'Cause your Facebook page
says otherwise, dearie.

402
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:31,242
Oh, no.

403
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,445
I'm as divorced as they come.

404
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,080
I just leave it that way

405
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,549
because I find
it gets me more dates.

406
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,018
Oh-ho-ho, great.

407
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,688
That will definitely be a quote.

408
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,490
You thought I was playing you?

409
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:46,825
That's terrible.

410
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,894
- Well, I didn't know.
The kids got all in my head.

411
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:54,299
And her Facebook page
says that she's married.

412
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:58,904
Of course, it also says
she was in Fleetwood Mac.

413
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,533
Listen, I think we're missing
an important point here.

414
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:05,935
I actually showed up
for my interview

415
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,647
with Abigail Turdbury

416
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,401
at the American Girl Café,
and no one was there.

417
00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:16,088
This is all so crazy.

418
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:19,491
I'm sure this sort of situation
comes up for you all the time.

419
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,118
Nope.

420
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,229
So what happened after

421
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:27,157
the offensive impression
of a Scottish woman?

422
00:19:27,158 --> 00:19:29,501
Well, I realized that...

423
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,404
that I was just so scared that
this wasn't gonna work out.

424
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:37,492
And then I... I called James
and told him to come home.

425
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:38,678
And?

426
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,980
And he said yes.

427
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,982
Read the room, Leon!

428
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,751
- Claudia.
- Yes?

429
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,086
Did this give you
what you were searching for?

430
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,246
Meh.

431
00:19:49,346 --> 00:19:53,425
I mean, I got that
Jeanie owes me 225 bucks

432
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:57,495
for a Samantha doll who I was
forced to have tea with.

433
00:19:57,496 --> 00:20:00,633
And I got that James was
devastated when I left,

434
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,525
and that is on the record.

435
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:05,937
And I got that therapy really is
just a waste of time and money

436
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:08,040
and I don't know why
I come here.

437
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:11,543
You realize you say that
at the end of every session.

438
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,046
- Yeah.
We'll talk about it next week.

439
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,985
Ugh.

440
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:24,614
I know you both revealed
a lot of inner doubts,

441
00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:28,618
but you do realize
what happened here, right?

442
00:20:28,619 --> 00:20:30,796
The fact that James left
allowed you

443
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,064
to have much more time
to communicate.

444
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:37,368
And that made your romantic
connection that much stronger.

445
00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:40,672
And you used that space
to explore your doubts

446
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:44,410
and realize that
you are meant to be.

447
00:20:46,403 --> 00:20:48,571
Congratulations.

448
00:20:48,572 --> 00:20:51,549
A therapist just told us
that we were meant to be.

449
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,686
- And we won the divorce!
- Well, I...

450
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,154
yeah, I didn't
actually say that.

451
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:58,156
And we won therapy!

452
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:04,496
{\an8}This is her,
Astrid the Irresistible.

453
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:08,583
{\an8}In Norway,
she has her own stamp.

454
00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:09,835
{\an8}Wow.

455
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:14,664
{\an8}I have this intense urge
to Venmo her all my money.

456
00:21:14,665 --> 00:21:16,666
{\an8}- See, babe?
Turned her down for you.

457
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:18,943
{\an8}Oh, that's a shame because

458
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,947
{\an8}you guys could have had
a polymer relationship.

459
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:27,620
{\an8}I'm gonna fail your kid.