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Memorandum to Paramount Pictures,

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Hollywood, California,

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from Alexander Meyerheim.
Subject - my latest production.

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Gentlemen, while you sit back safely
in your air-conditioned offices

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we here... in the trenches
are progressing brilliantly.

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As to your anxieties
about the script, dismiss them.

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I talked to the author in Paris.

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He assures me that he has
at this moment 138 glorious pages

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which are even now being typed. I
plan to join him in Paris on Sunday.

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Period. Paragraph.

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Gentlemen, success is inevitable.

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An Alexander Meyerheim production

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of an original story and screenplay
by Richard Benson.

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- Richard Benson?
- You know him, my angel?

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Know him?

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I hate him! Richard Benson, phooey!

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It seems there are facets of him
you know even better than I do.

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I cannot imagine
when he finds time to write.

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Unfortunately, he had time
to write a script for me.

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The last ten pages were found

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floating off Malibu,
in a vodka bottle.

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Send the usual telegram to Benson.

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Richard assures me that for all
practical purposes he's on the wagon.

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It's open. Come in.

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- Yes?
- Mr Benson?

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You are the young lady
from the typing bureau?

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I am.

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If we are to have a happy
and harmonious relationship,

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I beg you, never answer
a question with a question.

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- Is that clear?
- Did I?

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There you go again, answering
a question with a question.

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My yes when you opened the door
was a question,

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question mark implied, of course.

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You know the difference
between implied and inferred?

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Isn't that a question?

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Yes.

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Then you answered my question
with a question.

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To imply is to indicate
without saying openly or directly,

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to infer is to conclude
from something known or assumed.

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- My name is Gabrielle Simpson.
- Is that a bird?

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I was told the job would take several
days. I had nobody to leave him with.

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Well, this is it. The office there,

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I live up here,
the terrace is out there.

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That grotesque object so prominent
on the horizon is the Eiffel Tower.

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I had it moved there to remind me
what town I'm in.

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If it offends you,
I'll have it taken away again.

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You live through here.
It's an adjoining room

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which no doubt to your mind
has terribly sinister connotations.

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- Not at all...
- If so dismiss them.

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I would have got you a room
down the hall

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but the joint's filled up.
Bastille Day weekend, all that.

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It's quite alright. I once worked
for an American novelist

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who only wrote in the bathtub.
I'm used to anything.

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You can unpack. In the bathtub?

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Yes. I gave him a packet of
bubble bath and we got on swimmingly.

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I see.

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Does that imply that
the bird's name is Richelieu?

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It's inferred, I believe,
rather than implied.

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Swimmingly.
Interesting figure of speech.

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You call the canary Richelieu
because you wanted a cardinal?

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That's very funny.

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No, it isn't.
Just one of the hazards of being

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a famous international wit,
which I am. Have to keep trying.

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I can't tell you how delighted I am
by this assignment, Mr Benson.

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And to have the opportunity to work
with a screenwriter of your stature.

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I'm interested in cinema myself.
I'm sure I can learn a great deal.

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Thank you.

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Last month I worked for Roger Roussin
the New Wave director. You know him?

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I'm more of an Old Wave man.

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The picture's terribly interesting.
Very avant-garde.

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About people who go to this party
and decide not to play Scrabble.

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<i>It was called The Scrabble Game
Will Not Take Place.</i>

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His next one's about a girl
who won't have a birthday party -

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<i>Blow Out No Candles.</i>

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Roger believes what's important
on screen is what doesn't happen.

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Does your film have a title yet?

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Of course.

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<i>The Girl Who Stole
the Eiffel Tower.</i>

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<i>The Girl Who Stole the Eiffel
Tower. It sounds fascinating.</i>

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The title is symbolic?

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She doesn't really steal
the Eiffel Tower. Does she?

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What's the story about?

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It's an action-suspense, erm, ...

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..romantic melodrama.
With lots of comedy, of course.

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And deep down underneath
a substrata of social comment.

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Oh. Well, if I could see
the pages you've written

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I could estimate
the size of the typing job.

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The pages, my dear girl,
are right here.

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An Alexander Meyerheim production.

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<i>The Girl Who Stole
the Eiffel Tower.</i>

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Original story and screenplay by
Richard Benson.

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Here, with a page or two
of interestingly photographed

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establishing shots,
possibly from a helicopter,

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- a boy and a girl meet.
- But Mr Benson...

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Now, after some chitchat,

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getting-to-know-you stuff,
which I do so brilliantly,

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we feel an unconscious attraction
between the two.

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An indication to the audience
of the tremulous beginnings of love.

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And then, conflict!

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We can tell by the music
how deeply fraught with danger

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the whole situation is.

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And now, ... our first switch.

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The audience gasps when they realise
they've been fooled.

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Things are not what they seem.
Not at all.

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In fact, the whole situation
is completely reversed,

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involving
the magnificently ingenious

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switch... on the switch.

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Amazed by the sudden turn of events,

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the boy and girl realise how gravely
they've misjudged each other.

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At that moment,

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the music turns ominous once more.

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They become aware of the danger
that they're in and the chase is on!

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Spinning tyres, rooftops,

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long shots of tiny figures racing
through the fear-gripped city.

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When suddenly in a deserted alley
we see, seated on a garbage can,

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licking its wet rain-bedraggled fur,

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close shot, the cat!

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Now, as we build
step by step to the climax,

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the music soars.

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And there, totally oblivious

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of the torrential rain
pouring down upon them,

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the two fall happily and tenderly
into each other's arms.

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And as the audience drools
with sublimated sexual pleasure,

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the two enormous and highly paid
heads come together

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for that ultimate
and inevitable moment.

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The final, earth-moving,

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studio-rent-paying, theatre-filling,

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popcorn-selling...

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..kiss.

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Fade out. The end.

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That's it. 138 pages. Why make it
longer? We'd only have to cut later.

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- Mr Benson...
- Yes?

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This screenplay,
when does it have to be finished?

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Well, let's see, today is Friday.

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My friend and in this case patron
and producer Mr Alexander Meyerheim

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arrives in Paris from Cannes
at ten o'clock on...

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..Sunday morning.
Which happens to be Bastille Day.

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Perfect! 10:01 we hand him
the completed script

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and then you and I celebrate. Drink
champagne, dance in the streets,

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whatever they do on July 14th.

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You're very kind but I have a date.
You haven't written anything at all?

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You have a date?

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You mean this entire movie
has to be done in two days?

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Miss Simpson, if you aren't up to
your part of the job, tell me now.

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- I can find someone else.
- No, I didn't mean that.

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It's just that it's,
well, rather unusual, isn't it?

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Not for me.

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I imagine you've given it
a great deal of thought?

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No, I haven't.

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So what have you been doing?

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What any red-blooded
American screenwriter

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would or should have been doing

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for the first 19 and a fraction weeks
of his employment.

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Water-skiing in St Tropez,

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lying in the sun in Antibes,
studying Greek.

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Greek?

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There was this starlet
representing the Greek film industry

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at the Cannes festival.

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Then of course
a few weeks unlearning Greek,

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which involved
a considerable amount of vodka

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and an unpremeditated trip to Madrid
for the bullfights,

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which fortunately, since
I can't bear the sight of blood,

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had long since gone on to Seville.

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Weeks 17 and 18 were spent
in the casino at Monte Carlo,

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in a somewhat ill-advised attempt
to win enough money

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to buy back my $5,000-a-week,
plus expenses, contract

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from my friend, employer and patron,
Mr Alexander Meyerheim,

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thus not having to write the picture
at all. Take a note.

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For the textbook I will someday do
on the art of screenwriting,

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never play 13, 31
and the corners thereof

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for any serious length of time for
any serious money. It doesn't work.

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And now I have to. Shall we begin?

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An Alexander Meyerheim production.

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<i>Caps, quotes. The Girl Who Stole
the Eiffel Tower.</i>

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You do like the title?

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Oh, yes,
it certainly sounds intriguing.

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00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:16,605
It intrigued Meyerheim, too.
He bought the title, script unseen.

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00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:21,359
Original story and screenplay
by Richard Benson.

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Page one. Fade in. Exterior.
Paris, naturally.

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Let's see, night or day?

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Day.

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00:14:31,286 --> 00:14:35,290
Begin... with a shot of...
of the Eiffel Tower.

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00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:40,128
<i>The camera zooms in. Standing
windswept and alone on a platform</i>

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00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:43,798
<i>is a mysterious woman in black.
She glances at her watch.</i>

185
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,551
And we see...

186
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,393
How the hell do I know?
Mysterious woman in black.

187
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,896
Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

188
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:02,817
Mustn't be obvious. Don't give the
whole story too early. OK. Fade in.

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00:15:02,984 --> 00:15:06,988
Exterior, le Sacre Coeur. Day.

190
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:09,658
No...

191
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,494
Make that, erm, ...

192
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,747
..the Grand Palais.

193
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,085
Uh-uh.

194
00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:23,421
We've got to give the audience

195
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:27,425
the taste and smell
of the real Paris.

196
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,346
OK.

197
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:36,184
<i>Exterior. Christian Dior.
The camera pans</i>

198
00:15:36,351 --> 00:15:40,689
<i>"and now we see a white Rolls"-"Royce"
pull up and come to a stop.</i>

199
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:44,693
<i>No, wait a minute,
make that a white Bentley.</i>

200
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,611
<i>It's chicer.</i>

201
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:50,365
<i>A chauffeur in white livery
leaps out and opens the door.</i>

202
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:54,369
<i>From inside emerges
some classically glamorous star</i>

203
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:57,205
<i>like, erm, Marlene Dietrich.</i>

204
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:02,127
<i>And now she... Erm...</i>

205
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,545
<i>Dot, dot, dot.</i>

206
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,799
<i>She sweeps majestically
into the store and...</i>

207
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:14,055
That's all we see of her. Makes no
sense but Alex would have loved it.

208
00:16:14,222 --> 00:16:18,476
He could have stolen the Bentley and
afte"rw"ards charged it to the picture.

209
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:23,565
- What d'you say your name was?
- Gabrielle Simpson.

210
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,568
- How long have you lived in Paris?
- Two years.

211
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,321
And you came here to write.

212
00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:32,240
Well, that, too, but mostly to...

213
00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:35,243
I don't know how to say it exactly.
Live.

214
00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:36,995
Live?

215
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,663
Would you mind...?

216
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:46,338
You were saying
you came here to live.

217
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:51,092
Yes. For the first six months I made
a comprehensive study of depravity.

218
00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:53,762
No kidding?

219
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:56,431
Seriously. Never got to bed
before eight in the morning.

220
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,853
Who knows how many cups of
poisonous black coffee I consumed?

221
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:05,774
I didn't drink then, so it was hard
to get totally into the spirit.

222
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,611
Depravity can be terribly boring
if you don't smoke or drink.

223
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,113
But a person must try to grow.

224
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,618
And the guy you're dating on Bastille
Day, is he part of the process?

225
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,788
No, he's just a friend.
A struggling young actor.

226
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,290
An actor?!

227
00:17:22,457 --> 00:17:23,792
Ewww...

228
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:27,295
A tragic relationship to begin with.

229
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:32,300
I hope he's not a method actor, who
scratches and mumbles and pauses,

230
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:36,304
thereby destroying the impeccable
rhythm of the author's prose.

231
00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:39,641
No, he's a little intense
but lots of fun.

232
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:42,727
Uh-huh? Yeah, well...

233
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:48,817
And you and this... actor, what
do you plan to do on Bastille Day?

234
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:53,446
We'll spend the whole day together.
First, breakfast at a little caf,

235
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,241
then we'll dance
from one end of Paris to the other,

236
00:17:56,408 --> 00:18:00,412
opera at five, then the guards
and the singing of The Marseillaise,

237
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,997
off to Montmartre for the fireworks,

238
00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:05,584
then supper and champagne
and, you know, live.

239
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:09,212
- You really like it, don't you?
- What?

240
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,173
Life.

241
00:18:11,339 --> 00:18:13,842
Every morning when I wake up
and see a whole new other day,

242
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,928
I just go absolutely ape.

243
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:21,016
I've got an idea.

244
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,645
I got an idea!
The first good one in four months.

245
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:29,524
No, I had an idea to give up
drinking - it didn't photograph.

246
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,402
Now this could be good.
Very good indeed.

247
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:35,530
A simple story
of a simple Parisian working girl

248
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:39,618
and how she spends July 14th.
The whole picture plays in one day.

249
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,455
And I've got two days to write it.
Fade in. Exterior, Paris.

250
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:47,209
As our story begins
it's early Bastille Day morning.

251
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,796
And all the trumpets of Paris
are sounding reveille.

252
00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:00,055
<i>Over a shot of the Arch of Triumph</i>

253
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:04,476
<i>superimpose
"An Alex ander Meyerheim production".</i>

254
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:08,730
<i>Cut to the Eiffel Tower.
The main title.</i>

255
00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:15,820
<i>The trumpets segue
into the inevitable title song.</i>

256
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:18,406
<i>Maybe we can get
Sinatra to sing it.</i>

257
00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:34,589
<i>There follows an interminable list
of other credits</i>

258
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:38,760
<i>acknowledging the efforts of
all the quote little people unquote,</i>

259
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,847
<i>whom I shall graciously thank
in my acceptance speech</i>

260
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:44,015
<i>at the Academy Awards.</i>

261
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,017
<i>As the cymbals crash,</i>

262
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:49,855
<i>"Original story and screenplay
by Richard Benson".</i>

263
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,942
<i>OK.</i>

264
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,278
<i>Fade out.</i>

265
00:19:56,444 --> 00:20:00,365
<i>And fade in.
A picturesque Parisian square</i>

266
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,285
<i>where the holiday festivities
are in progress.</i>

267
00:20:03,451 --> 00:20:04,953
<i>A simple Parisian working girl,</i>

268
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,289
<i>who looks remarkably like you,
Miss Simpson,</i>

269
00:20:07,455 --> 00:20:09,916
<i>emerges from
her simple Parisian dwelling</i>

270
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:13,962
<i>and makes her way through the crowd
and across the square.</i>

271
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:23,471
<i>She seats herself at a table
at this little caf she goes to.</i>

272
00:20:23,638 --> 00:20:27,726
<i>With breathless anticipation
she awaits the arrival of her date.</i>

273
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,061
<i>Some... actor.</i>

274
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,981
<i>Now I suppose
we'll have to describe him.</i>

275
00:20:33,648 --> 00:20:36,568
<i>I see him
as curiously unattractive.</i>

276
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,613
<i>Not at all. Philippe happens to be
very handsome.</i>

277
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:42,991
<i>In fact he looks rather like,
erm, Tony Curtis.</i>

278
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,827
<i>I see him as one of those
mumbling scratching actors</i>

279
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,622
<i>destined only for minor roles
and character parts.</i>

280
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,957
<i>And his name is not Philippe.
It's Maurice.</i>

281
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,584
Maurice!

282
00:20:58,256 --> 00:21:00,008
Like, er, bonjour, baby.

283
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:01,927
- Bonjour, Maurice!
- Hey.

284
00:21:02,093 --> 00:21:06,181
Oh, I'm so excited. I didn't sleep
a wink. Do you like my dress?

285
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,516
Yeah, very groovy.

286
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,352
Would it be too wicked
if instead of breakfast

287
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,689
we had a glass of champagne
right here?

288
00:21:14,814 --> 00:21:16,525
Thanks.

289
00:21:16,691 --> 00:21:18,109
Erm...

290
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:22,531
- Look, baby...
- Yes, Maurice?

291
00:21:22,697 --> 00:21:25,492
This Bastille Day gig?

292
00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:29,162
Like, erm,
we're gonna have to cool it.

293
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:31,206
But, Maurice, I don't understand.

294
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,876
Well, see, baby, I'm going to
have to cut. See, last night,

295
00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:38,672
while I was making the scene
at le drug store,

296
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,634
erm, I was tearing an expresso
with a couple of local citizens

297
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:47,013
when, erm, all of a sudden
this New Wave-looking stud comes in

298
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:49,975
and says his name is Roger Roussin

299
00:21:50,141 --> 00:21:53,937
and, like, he's making a film
about Bastille Day.

300
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,481
<i>No Dancing in the Streets.</i>

301
00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,651
<i>No Dancing in the Streets?</i>

302
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:04,155
In Roger's flick it like,
erm, ... rains.

303
00:22:04,322 --> 00:22:06,449
Anyway, he offers me the lead.

304
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,494
Oh, Maurice,
I'm, like, so happy for you.

305
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:15,083
See, I have to split. We're gonna be
shooting all day. In the sewers.

306
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,585
I see.

307
00:22:16,751 --> 00:22:19,921
Hey, baby, I got wheels,
can I drop you?

308
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,007
No, thanks, I prefer to walk.

309
00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:24,092
Crazy.

310
00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:30,682
<i>Erm, tout I'heure.</i>

311
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:36,605
<i>With the almost lunatic narcissism</i>

312
00:22:36,813 --> 00:22:39,274
<i>peculiar to his curious calling,</i>

313
00:22:39,399 --> 00:22:43,069
<i>Maurice rather preciously mounts
his motor scooter.</i>

314
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,614
<i>Our heroine is left grief stricken,</i>

315
00:22:45,780 --> 00:22:48,783
<i>not realising how much better off
she really is.</i>

316
00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,456
They were going to spend
the whole day together!

317
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:57,292
My dear, you just witnessed
the first switch.

318
00:22:57,459 --> 00:23:00,212
Maybe, but Maurice
would never behave that way.

319
00:23:00,378 --> 00:23:01,630
Besides, his name is not Maurice,
it's Philippe.

320
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:06,468
So having successfully disposed of
her date for Bastille Day

321
00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:09,554
we move on to important matters.
Conflict.

322
00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:11,056
Conflict?

323
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:13,058
The other man.

324
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,561
The third corner
of the obligatory triangle.

325
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,897
<i>Didn't Roger whatshisname,
the No Scrabble director,</i>

326
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,733
teach you anything
about writing movies?

327
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:25,487
No...

328
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:29,491
- For a moment, Gabby sits there...
- Gabby?

329
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,993
We've got to call her something.

330
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:36,081
For a moment, Gabby sits there.

331
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,167
A lonely and pathetic figure.

332
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:42,504
But unbeknownst to her,
this heart-breaking little scene

333
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,506
has been witnessed by...

334
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:46,925
..dot, dot, dot, ...

335
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:51,680
..a mysterious stranger.

336
00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:54,432
A mysterious stranger, how exciting.

337
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:57,936
Miss Simpson,
before you escape the confines

338
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,522
of this unpretentious hotel room,

339
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:01,857
it's my intention to show you

340
00:24:02,023 --> 00:24:04,776
just how exciting
a mysterious stranger can be.

341
00:24:06,361 --> 00:24:08,697
I suppose we'll have to describe him.

342
00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:10,282
Yes, I suppose so.

343
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:13,034
He's American, of course.

344
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,453
I can write him better that way.

345
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,372
Now let's see, what else?

346
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:22,210
I see him as rather tall,
rather suntanned,

347
00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:25,380
rather handsome, athletic looking,

348
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:30,886
with a rugged but...
curiously sensitive face.

349
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:58,914
<i>Poor sad creature.
Little does she realise</i>

350
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,749
<i>that in a moment
she and the audience</i>

351
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:03,585
<i>will have totally forgotten
that dull clod Maurice,</i>

352
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:06,254
<i>or Philippe
or whatever his name is.</i>

353
00:25:07,255 --> 00:25:11,343
<i>At this magic moment
her life has indeed begun.</i>

354
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:14,179
<i>Tenderly he folds her into his arms</i>

355
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:18,016
<i>and moving with the nimble grace
of a Fred Astaire</i>

356
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,603
<i>he dances her off into the crowd.</i>

357
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:35,116
In exactly ten seconds I want you
to slap me as hard as you can.

358
00:25:35,283 --> 00:25:37,118
What?

359
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:40,705
There is unfortunately
no time to explain.

360
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:44,292
And no reason to trust me.
But I trust you.

361
00:25:44,459 --> 00:25:48,880
There's something about
your big magic eyes and I am...

362
00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:52,133
Well, the name doesn't matter.

363
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:58,473
Just think of me as...
1331, American Intelligence.

364
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,226
This must be some kind of a joke.

365
00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:04,980
If you will look
slightly to your left...

366
00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:07,566
Without moving your head, please.

367
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:09,985
You will see in that window...

368
00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:47,105
In the bouquet I handed you
is a piece of microfilm.

369
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:51,943
I can't tell you what it is, but
should it fall into the wrong hands

370
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:55,864
it may mean the end of civilisation
as we know it.

371
00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:17,886
The time has come for you
to slap me as hard as you can.

372
00:27:45,914 --> 00:27:48,083
<i>Stop. Stop!</i>

373
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,585
"Spies in trench"-"coats?"

374
00:27:50,752 --> 00:27:54,589
<i>I'm afraid I got carried away.
We'll have to go back.</i>

375
00:28:06,518 --> 00:28:10,522
<i>OK. That brings us back
to where we were.</i>

376
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:13,859
<i>We're alright through getting rid
of her date for Bastille Day.</i>

377
00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:17,112
<i>The boy and the girl meet and...</i>

378
00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:23,285
<i>..and they dance, and they dance,
and they dance...</i>

379
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:25,954
And they dance, and they dance...

380
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:28,790
Mr... Benson?

381
00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:33,295
Now then. The mysterious stranger.
Who is he...?

382
00:28:33,461 --> 00:28:34,629
There's someone at the door.

383
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:38,133
What does he do?
What suffering, what torment

384
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:41,052
caused the sadness
that lurks behind his eyes?

385
00:28:41,219 --> 00:28:42,971
And why,
while we're asking questions,

386
00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:45,891
didn't I listen to my father
and learn a useful trade?

387
00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:47,142
Merci.

388
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,064
It's a telegram.

389
00:29:05,493 --> 00:29:08,246
Well, aren't you going to open it?

390
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:12,250
No, I'm not going to open it.
The reason I won't open it

391
00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,669
is I'm fully aware what it says.

392
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:19,758
The reason for that is because
in the last 19 and a fraction weeks

393
00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:24,262
I have received 134 telegrams
from Mr Alexander Meyerheim,

394
00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:29,434
all saying exactly the same thing.
When will the script be finished?

395
00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:32,020
When will the script be finished?

396
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:35,190
How can I write
with him badgering me this way?

397
00:29:35,357 --> 00:29:38,360
Day and night, wires, messages,
telephone calls.

398
00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:42,948
How was it today? Did you work well?
When will it be finished?

399
00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:46,284
Talk about men in trench-coats!
He spies on me constantly.

400
00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:49,871
His people are everywhere.
For all I know, you might be one.

401
00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:51,373
Mr Benson!

402
00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:55,877
<i>I'm sorry. Some days I just feel like
whatshisname in Les Miserables.</i>

403
00:29:56,044 --> 00:29:58,797
- Jean Valjean.
- I guess so.

404
00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:02,551
Only last night... Last night
I swore to him on the telephone

405
00:30:02,717 --> 00:30:05,554
that I had 138 pages in front of me.

406
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,473
I said, "Alex,
any man who takes your money

407
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:13,144
and tells you he's got 138 pages
in front of him and doesn't

408
00:30:13,311 --> 00:30:16,231
is nothing but a liar and a thief!"

409
00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,401
Sometimes I get the feeling
he doesn't trust me.

410
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:44,176
I know
who the mysterious stranger is.

411
00:30:44,342 --> 00:30:47,262
He's a liar and a thief.

412
00:30:47,429 --> 00:30:49,514
Sure. A latterday Francois Villon,

413
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,600
who lives by his wits
and what he steals.

414
00:30:51,766 --> 00:30:53,685
A jewel thief, maybe.

415
00:30:54,769 --> 00:30:56,438
Expert safe-cracker.

416
00:30:56,605 --> 00:30:57,689
There isn't a safe in the world

417
00:30:57,856 --> 00:31:02,611
he can't open with his bare hands.
I've got it!

418
00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:04,779
We have to start all over again

419
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:07,449
but that's not too serious.
We've only got eight pages.

420
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:11,536
Let's see. We're alright through
Alexander Meyerheim production,

421
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:15,457
<i>Girl Who Stole the Eiffel Tower,
story and screenplay, Richard Benson.</i>

422
00:31:15,624 --> 00:31:21,546
We keep the Bastille Day jazz, only
this time we don't start on Gabby,

423
00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:23,965
we start on... Rick.

424
00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:27,719
Rick. That's a wonderful name
for the mysterious stranger.

425
00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:31,640
Don't editorialise.
Just start typing.

426
00:31:31,806 --> 00:31:36,061
Exterior, day. A picturesque square.

427
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:38,730
Amidst the throng of merrymakers,

428
00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:44,069
the camera picks up a rather tall,
rather suntanned American...

429
00:31:45,153 --> 00:31:49,324
<i>We'd better change his wardrobe
for a liar and a thief suit.</i>

430
00:31:49,491 --> 00:31:51,910
<i>You know, various shades of black.</i>

431
00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:55,497
<i>Moving with the grace of a jungle
cat, Rick approaches the table</i>

432
00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:59,167
<i>where Gabby is getting
"the brush"-"off from her actor."</i>

433
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:03,672
<i>"His almost super"-"human intelligence"
takes in the situation at once.</i>

434
00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:08,009
<i>He hesitates. If there's
a single chink in Rick's armour,</i>

435
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:10,262
<i>it's a pretty face.</i>

436
00:32:10,428 --> 00:32:14,266
<i>He comes to a decision
and moves to another table</i>

437
00:32:14,432 --> 00:32:17,185
<i>where two denizens
of the underworld await him.</i>

438
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:19,604
<i>Call them first gangster
and second gangster.</i>

439
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:21,356
Well, Rick?

440
00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:27,445
- Have you thought it over?
- I'm considering the proposition.

441
00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:33,285
It is a plan of simplicity and beauty
yet highly original, very daring.

442
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,955
- "Voil, monsieur."
- "We need you for two things only."

443
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,875
To open the safe
and deliver the note.

444
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:41,877
A few hours' work.

445
00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:44,880
And for this, a million dollars.

446
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:50,051
Which we will of course split
three ways.

447
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:54,556
Half for me. The other half
to be divided between you two.

448
00:32:54,723 --> 00:32:56,141
But you already agreed.

449
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:57,809
Gentlemen, it's a well-known fact

450
00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:01,980
that I am not only a brilliant
safe-cracker, but a liar and a thief.

451
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:09,571
Half for me, the other half
divided between you two.

452
00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:14,409
Very well. I will pick you up
with a car at four.

453
00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:17,579
Until four, then.

454
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,501
And, Rick, resist at all costs

455
00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:27,506
your continuous and ove"rw"helming
impulse to perform the double-cross.

456
00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:32,427
We will not this time be so...
understanding

457
00:33:32,594 --> 00:33:35,764
as we were last year in Tangier.

458
00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:55,200
<i>Now, Miss Simpson, having
established a climate of suspense,</i>

459
00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:59,871
<i>intrigue and romance, we've arrived
once more at that magic moment.</i>

460
00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:04,459
<i>The boy and the girl meet.</i>

461
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,800
<i>OK. Now we need more conflict.</i>

462
00:34:11,967 --> 00:34:14,219
<i>A new character, maybe.</i>

463
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:17,973
<i>I've got it! Seated nearby
is Rick's deadly enemy,</i>

464
00:34:18,139 --> 00:34:22,310
<i>Inspector, erm, Gillette
of the international police force.</i>

465
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,901
<i>It is apparent he knows something
the audience does not know.</i>

466
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:35,657
And now, Miss Simpson, we have set
the wheels of our plot in motion

467
00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:38,910
and inflamed the audience
with a passionate desire

468
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,162
to find out what happens next.

469
00:34:41,329 --> 00:34:44,833
And I don't blame them.
I'm dying to find out myself.

470
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,003
We can pause
for a few pages of chitchat,

471
00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:51,423
getting-to-know-you stuff,
which I do so brilliantly.

472
00:34:51,590 --> 00:34:57,095
The question is, where should
this charming little scene be played?

473
00:35:02,184 --> 00:35:03,268
At lunch!

474
00:35:05,187 --> 00:35:09,191
Yes, he takes her to a beautiful
restaurant for lunch in the Bois.

475
00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:13,778
Ridiculous. She wouldn't go off with
a man who picked her up in a square.

476
00:35:13,945 --> 00:35:16,531
I mean, he's a perfect... stranger.

477
00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:19,117
Miss Simpson, nobody's perfect.

478
00:35:19,284 --> 00:35:22,787
Why, he asks, as they dance
and dance and dance,

479
00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:25,624
are you so sad
when everyone is so gay?

480
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:28,210
And then a suggestion
from the mysterious stranger.

481
00:35:28,376 --> 00:35:30,462
If you try raising your upper lip,

482
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:33,715
you might at least create
the illusion of a smile.

483
00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:39,679
That being somewhat of a disaster,
he really has to turn on the charm.

484
00:35:39,930 --> 00:35:43,725
Do you know the word serendipity,
he asks. She shakes her head.

485
00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:47,145
- What does it mean?
- Why, Miss Simpson, I'm surprised.

486
00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:49,814
It means opening your eyes
each morning

487
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:53,235
and looking at the bright new day
and going absolutely ape!

488
00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,987
- Serendipity?
- Right.

489
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:59,491
- Are you making it up?
- No, serendipity's a real word.

490
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:02,619
Actually, it means the ability
to find pleasure, excitement

491
00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:05,080
and happiness
in anything that occurs.

492
00:36:05,247 --> 00:36:07,040
No matter how unexpected.

493
00:36:07,249 --> 00:36:08,750
Serendipity!

494
00:36:08,917 --> 00:36:12,546
He explains the word, in a much more
fascinating way than I did,

495
00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:14,589
and at the right moment proposes

496
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:17,843
a glorious lunch in the Bois.
She's tempted.

497
00:36:18,009 --> 00:36:19,427
But don't you think...

498
00:36:19,553 --> 00:36:23,181
Miss Simpson, he's not asking her
for a weekend at a motel

499
00:36:23,348 --> 00:36:26,685
in Asbury Park, New Jersey.
He's inviting her to lunch!

500
00:36:26,852 --> 00:36:30,772
Now don't you think if he were
terribly terribly charming, she'd go?

501
00:36:30,939 --> 00:36:32,065
- Well...
- Serendipity.

502
00:36:32,274 --> 00:36:36,111
Alright, maybe. If he promises it's
just lunch and that's absolutely all.

503
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:40,156
He promises. Unless she can think of
something she'd like to do after.

504
00:36:40,282 --> 00:36:43,702
- Which she won't!
- Seren... Alright, then.

505
00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:48,623
He hails a horse and carriage and
they go off to the Bois. Settled?

506
00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:52,419
Settled. And now I suppose
we ought to write it.

507
00:36:52,544 --> 00:36:55,547
Not at all.
The audience is ahead of us.

508
00:36:55,797 --> 00:36:58,216
They've known she'll have lunch
with him for an hour.

509
00:36:58,425 --> 00:36:59,801
But how do we get from the square

510
00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:02,596
through the charm and serendipity
you do so brilliantly?

511
00:37:02,846 --> 00:37:04,890
In motion pictures
we have a simple device

512
00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:09,352
which takes care of
exactly this situation. The dissolve.

513
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:12,898
Over the years,
the audience has been conditioned

514
00:37:13,023 --> 00:37:15,901
to understand
that when a scene fades away,

515
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,737
like an old soldier,
before their very eyes,

516
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:22,115
and another scene gradually appears
to take its place,

517
00:37:22,324 --> 00:37:25,785
a certain amount of time has elapsed.
So, Miss Simpson,

518
00:37:25,994 --> 00:37:29,164
we dissolve...

519
00:37:29,331 --> 00:37:33,502
We dissolve slowly
and lingeringly...

520
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:35,086
..to the Bois.

521
00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:39,090
<i>A hansom cab
bearing our handsome couple</i>

522
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:42,177
<i>"clippety"-"clops its way"
past waterfalls and trees</i>

523
00:37:42,344 --> 00:37:44,179
<i>toward a magnificent restaurant.</i>

524
00:37:44,346 --> 00:37:46,515
<i>Notice, Miss Simpson,
how cleverly I play</i>

525
00:37:46,681 --> 00:37:49,684
<i>"our suspense"-"filled melodrama"
against a background</i>

526
00:37:49,851 --> 00:37:52,646
<i>of holiday serendipity
in "gay Paris".</i>

527
00:38:06,034 --> 00:38:10,372
<i>We will spare the audience
the pages of dreary small talk</i>

528
00:38:10,539 --> 00:38:12,874
<i>and get to the heart of the matter,</i>

529
00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:18,380
<i>by the simple use of the device
I've just explained, the dissolve.</i>

530
00:38:18,547 --> 00:38:20,131
Who are you? What do you do?

531
00:38:21,716 --> 00:38:24,803
Who am I and what do I do?
I'm nobody

532
00:38:24,970 --> 00:38:27,389
and I've done everything
and nothing.

533
00:38:27,556 --> 00:38:30,559
Driven racing cars,
white hunter for a while,

534
00:38:30,684 --> 00:38:34,354
piano player in a rather curious
establishment in Buenos Aires.

535
00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:37,190
This and that,
everything and nothing.

536
00:38:37,399 --> 00:38:39,818
The curse
of having been born too rich.

537
00:38:39,985 --> 00:38:44,573
Oh, I know what you mean. The curse
of having been born too rich.

538
00:38:44,781 --> 00:38:47,409
That's why I left the castle
for Paris.

539
00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:48,577
The castle?

540
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:51,913
We've got houses all over the world,
but my favourite

541
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:56,251
was our summer place in Deauville
with its own private zoo.

542
00:38:56,418 --> 00:39:02,257
As a little girl, on Sundays, if I'd
been good, I could feed the giraffes.

543
00:39:03,008 --> 00:39:07,429
Giraffes? Don't tell me
that you had giraffes, too?

544
00:39:07,596 --> 00:39:10,432
- You mean, you...?
- But of course.

545
00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:15,103
Oh, what fun! Both of us
having had giraffes as children.

546
00:39:15,270 --> 00:39:17,772
It's a small world, isn't it?

547
00:39:21,193 --> 00:39:24,362
<i>Voil! Madame. Monsieur.</i>

548
00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,700
- To Rick.
- To Gabby.

549
00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:30,368
If I may recommend...?

550
00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:32,370
I prefer to do it myself.

551
00:39:32,537 --> 00:39:37,042
To begin, we'll have paper-thin
slices of prosciutto ham

552
00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:41,463
wrapped carefully around well-ripened
sections of Persian melon.

553
00:39:42,631 --> 00:39:44,799
To follow, a touch of Dover sole

554
00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:48,094
sauted lightly
in champagne and butter.

555
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:50,180
With that, a bottle of...

556
00:39:50,305 --> 00:39:51,640
Pouilly-Fuiss?

557
00:39:51,765 --> 00:39:54,726
'59 will do. And after that...

558
00:39:56,311 --> 00:39:58,813
..we'll have a Chateaubriand for two.

559
00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:01,816
Erm, make that for four.
Charred and brown.

560
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:06,738
Nay, black on the outside
and gloriously rare on the in.

561
00:40:06,863 --> 00:40:10,158
With the beef
we'll have white asparagus

562
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:13,495
and a bottle of
Chateau Lafite-Rothschild '47.

563
00:40:14,496 --> 00:40:17,666
And for dessert an enormous order
of fraise du bois...

564
00:40:17,832 --> 00:40:20,335
Served, of course,
with globs of heavy cream

565
00:40:20,502 --> 00:40:24,756
<i>so thick you can put it on with
a shovel, s'il vous plat. Mwah!</i>

566
00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:29,177
You heard the lady.
And make it snappy, we're starving.

567
00:40:29,302 --> 00:40:33,598
Now, while awaiting
the paper-thin slices of prosciutto,

568
00:40:33,723 --> 00:40:35,433
so skilfully wrapped around

569
00:40:35,559 --> 00:40:38,270
perfect sections
of ripened Persian melon...

570
00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:41,106
Please, stop, I can't stand it.

571
00:40:42,190 --> 00:40:47,195
Do you think they'll really do
the sole in champagne and butter?

572
00:40:47,362 --> 00:40:49,614
Mm-hmm. In any case,
while we're waiting,

573
00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:52,242
I wonder if the lovely
Miss Gabrielle Simpson

574
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:55,453
would join the very talented
Mr Richard Benson

575
00:40:55,620 --> 00:41:00,125
for a small dry aperitif? I think
she's earned it. They both have.

576
00:41:00,292 --> 00:41:03,795
Alright, I think
that would be very nice.

577
00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:06,715
I didn't really like Rick at first

578
00:41:06,882 --> 00:41:09,551
but he's beginning to grow on me.

579
00:41:12,888 --> 00:41:14,389
Mmmm...

580
00:41:17,058 --> 00:41:19,561
So, you find Rick growing on you?

581
00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:22,063
Oh, yes,
I think he's very attractive.

582
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:25,567
Important. The reaction
of the female audience.

583
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:28,570
Alright. Lunch is over. The martinis,

584
00:41:28,737 --> 00:41:31,907
the two different wines and brandy
have had their effect

585
00:41:32,115 --> 00:41:35,785
and a glorious dream-like glow
is settling over them.

586
00:41:35,911 --> 00:41:37,662
The pages, Miss Simpson.

587
00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:42,000
Those that we have covered so far
with our fabulous prose.

588
00:41:50,008 --> 00:41:54,763
Here you will notice, as advertised
in our discussion earlier on today,

589
00:41:54,930 --> 00:41:58,266
the opening, a series of
interestingly photographed

590
00:41:58,433 --> 00:41:59,935
establishing shots.

591
00:42:00,101 --> 00:42:04,022
And here, the boy and the girl,

592
00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:09,152
if a middle-aged mysterious stranger
can indeed be called a boy, meet.

593
00:42:09,361 --> 00:42:11,363
You're not middle-aged, Mr Benson.

594
00:42:11,488 --> 00:42:15,116
In fact, I think you're remarkably
well preserved.

595
00:42:15,283 --> 00:42:19,120
As chilling a compliment as
I've ever received, Miss Simpson.

596
00:42:19,287 --> 00:42:23,542
However, to continue,
pages eight, nine,

597
00:42:23,750 --> 00:42:26,086
ten of romantic chitchat.

598
00:42:26,336 --> 00:42:29,214
- Which you do so brilliantly.
- Why, thank you.

599
00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:33,802
Now, you can feel the unconscious
attraction between the two,

600
00:42:33,969 --> 00:42:37,222
the tremulous beginnings of love.

601
00:42:39,057 --> 00:42:41,560
You see how easy it is
with professional know-how

602
00:42:41,810 --> 00:42:44,479
and experience on your side?

603
00:42:46,690 --> 00:42:50,318
Miss Simpson,
I don't think you realise this,

604
00:42:50,485 --> 00:42:54,322
but a writer's life
is a terribly lonely one.

605
00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:59,160
- Mr Benson.
- Hmm?

606
00:42:59,327 --> 00:43:02,497
Have you any idea at all
what happens next?

607
00:43:04,499 --> 00:43:08,920
Do you, Miss Simpson,
have any idea what will happen?

608
00:43:09,171 --> 00:43:10,422
Well...

609
00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:18,013
We've got to remember
that no matter how charming he seems

610
00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:22,184
he is a liar and a thief.
It says so right here.

611
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,686
Mr Benson...

612
00:43:33,195 --> 00:43:35,530
I do know what happens next.

613
00:43:36,615 --> 00:43:39,534
What happens next
is the second switch.

614
00:43:39,701 --> 00:43:43,455
The audience gasps as they realise
they have been fooled.

615
00:43:43,622 --> 00:43:47,167
He has plied her with martinis,
white wine, red wine, brandy,

616
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:51,546
for only one reason.
To make her drunk!

617
00:43:53,423 --> 00:43:57,552
Which incidentally she is not.
Not at all, whatever he thinks.

618
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:01,389
Now, as he forces one last brandy

619
00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:03,558
to her unwilling lips...

620
00:44:07,229 --> 00:44:11,316
<i>Poor ingenuous girl. Charmed
and serendipitied into believing</i>

621
00:44:11,483 --> 00:44:15,487
<i>she was safe in the hands of
this suntanned handsome American.</i>

622
00:44:17,656 --> 00:44:21,034
<i>Alas, things are not
what they seem. Not at all.</i>

623
00:44:21,243 --> 00:44:23,662
<i>The music turns ominous.</i>

624
00:44:33,922 --> 00:44:37,217
<i>And she becomes aware
of the danger that she is in.</i>

625
00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:43,265
<i>The mysterious stranger. Who is he?
What is he really like?</i>

626
00:44:43,473 --> 00:44:46,685
<i>And why does he keep
nibbling on her neck?</i>

627
00:44:55,694 --> 00:45:00,115
Don't be frightened, my dear.
It's only a bat.

628
00:45:00,657 --> 00:45:03,785
The creatures of the night
are my friends.

629
00:45:14,129 --> 00:45:18,216
I know why you nibble on my neck.
You're some kind of werewolf.

630
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:22,637
No, no, my dear.

631
00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:25,056
I'm a vampire.

632
00:45:47,746 --> 00:45:49,664
The inner reaches of these caverns

633
00:45:49,831 --> 00:45:53,668
make an ideal setting
for my laboratory.

634
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,279
<i>And yet,
there's something about his eyes.</i>

635
00:46:21,446 --> 00:46:23,865
<i>Even though they are
rather bloodshot.</i>

636
00:46:24,032 --> 00:46:29,037
<i>A vampire's life must be
a terribly Ionely one. But no!</i>

637
00:46:29,204 --> 00:46:32,290
<i>Not for nothing has she made
a comprehensive study of depravity.</i>

638
00:46:33,375 --> 00:46:37,295
<i>Some girls may let vampires
nibble their necks on the first date,</i>

639
00:46:37,462 --> 00:46:41,216
<i>but not our Gabby. She tears free
from his evil grasp</i>

640
00:46:41,383 --> 00:46:43,552
<i>and the chase is on!</i>

641
00:47:39,024 --> 00:47:40,692
- "Vous tes Peau"-"Rouge?"
- "Oui."

642
00:47:40,859 --> 00:47:42,360
<i>Moi aussi.</i>

643
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:13,141
<i>He's caught her, he's caught her.
No, Gabby, you can't give in now.</i>

644
00:48:13,308 --> 00:48:15,977
<i>You fought him in the cave,
on the beaches,</i>

645
00:48:16,144 --> 00:48:19,814
<i>you fought him on the plains.
"That's it" - "planes!"</i>

646
00:48:52,764 --> 00:48:55,267
Her face registers terror.

647
00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:59,104
Mr Benson, Mr Benson,
she's killed him!

648
00:49:02,190 --> 00:49:06,528
There, there, Miss Simpson,
it's perfectly alright.

649
00:49:06,695 --> 00:49:09,531
In your defence, it's been a hard day

650
00:49:09,698 --> 00:49:12,033
and you've had a good deal to drink.

651
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,452
Anyway, he had it coming to him.

652
00:49:14,619 --> 00:49:18,623
Plying her with all that booze,
making her drunk.

653
00:49:18,874 --> 00:49:22,294
Which incidentally she is not.
Not in the least.

654
00:49:22,544 --> 00:49:25,881
- Of course not.
- Not only did she kill him,

655
00:49:26,047 --> 00:49:29,384
but when I think of
that poor horse...

656
00:49:29,551 --> 00:49:32,304
The way she beat him
with that terrible whip.

657
00:49:33,138 --> 00:49:36,141
Anyway, I think
she had it coming to her.

658
00:49:36,892 --> 00:49:38,143
That was what?

659
00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:43,481
Whatever he planned to do to her. Why
did she make such a fuss, anyway?

660
00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:46,651
It's not as if he was
some kind of vampire or something.

661
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:50,655
Actually, I think
he's very attractive.

662
00:49:56,077 --> 00:49:59,998
Miss Simpson, I think you should
go to bed and get some sleep.

663
00:50:00,165 --> 00:50:03,084
You do? What about you?

664
00:50:03,251 --> 00:50:05,170
I wish to think. Now, Miss Simpson,

665
00:50:05,337 --> 00:50:08,590
if you'll please go in there
and lie down.

666
00:50:08,757 --> 00:50:12,511
Maybe for a few hours.
But if you do get an idea,

667
00:50:12,677 --> 00:50:16,348
and I know you will,
you must promise to wake me.

668
00:50:16,515 --> 00:50:17,599
Sure.

669
00:50:17,766 --> 00:50:19,434
Promise?

670
00:50:22,771 --> 00:50:24,356
I promise.

671
00:50:25,607 --> 00:50:27,609
Alright, then.

672
00:50:27,776 --> 00:50:29,444
Good night, Mr Benson.

673
00:50:29,611 --> 00:50:31,446
Good night, Miss Simpson.

674
00:50:34,616 --> 00:50:36,451
Good night.

675
00:50:36,618 --> 00:50:38,453
Good night.

676
00:51:08,567 --> 00:51:11,570
Operator, I'd like to place a call

677
00:51:11,736 --> 00:51:14,739
to Mr Alexander Meyerheim in Cannes.

678
00:51:17,075 --> 00:51:20,745
It's one-thirty. You can probably
find him at the casino.

679
00:51:23,582 --> 00:51:29,087
Erm... Ah, Benson.
Mr Richard Benson calling.

680
00:51:29,254 --> 00:51:31,173
Person to person.

681
00:51:31,339 --> 00:51:33,008
I'll hold on.

682
00:51:42,100 --> 00:51:44,019
Dear Alex.

683
00:51:51,026 --> 00:51:52,027
Dear Alex, ...

684
00:51:53,028 --> 00:51:55,530
..it is my unpleasant duty
to inform you

685
00:51:55,697 --> 00:51:59,534
<i>that The Girl Who Stole the Eiffel
Tower will not take place.</i>

686
00:51:59,701 --> 00:52:01,286
You see, my friend,

687
00:52:01,870 --> 00:52:06,041
that there's no point for you
to come to Paris on Sunday

688
00:52:06,208 --> 00:52:10,045
to read the script,
because there is no script.

689
00:52:11,463 --> 00:52:13,882
As I see it, there will be no...

690
00:52:15,550 --> 00:52:18,220
<i>Yeah? Comment?</i>

691
00:52:21,973 --> 00:52:25,810
Try him at the chemin de fer game.
The big table.

692
00:52:56,591 --> 00:52:59,678
Excuse me,
I forgot to cover Richelieu.

693
00:53:06,768 --> 00:53:08,103
Good night.

694
00:53:15,193 --> 00:53:19,281
Oh, Mr Benson. Please don't think
I'm quitting on you.

695
00:53:19,447 --> 00:53:23,285
I'll be right here when you need me.
Good night.

696
00:53:33,628 --> 00:53:34,963
Operator.

697
00:53:36,298 --> 00:53:38,383
Cancel that call.

698
00:57:10,095 --> 00:57:12,264
Unfortunately, Miss Simpson, ...

699
00:57:13,765 --> 00:57:16,351
..we are not writing a musical.

700
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:27,696
Mr Benson, you did all these pages
last night? All by yourself?

701
00:57:27,863 --> 00:57:30,866
While some of us
were snug in our bed,

702
00:57:31,032 --> 00:57:33,034
other more productive citizens
were up

703
00:57:33,201 --> 00:57:35,787
toiling in the vineyards
of beautiful letters.

704
00:57:35,954 --> 00:57:39,040
I'm only sorry that you
as a fledgling writer

705
00:57:39,207 --> 00:57:42,711
weren't present to observe
with your own big magic eyes

706
00:57:42,878 --> 00:57:45,213
a seasoned professional in action.

707
00:57:45,380 --> 00:57:47,549
I was, in those few short hours,

708
00:57:47,716 --> 00:57:51,887
the great DiMaggio going back,
back, back for the high-fly ball.

709
00:57:52,053 --> 00:57:56,474
I was Manolete in Seville,
going over the horns for the kill.

710
00:57:56,725 --> 00:58:00,729
And missing, fortunately, because
I can't stand the sight of blood.

711
00:58:00,896 --> 00:58:03,815
I was Pablo Picasso, deftly...

712
00:58:05,233 --> 00:58:09,654
..adding the third eye
to a portrait of his lady love.

713
00:58:10,322 --> 00:58:11,823
I was...

714
00:58:13,158 --> 00:58:15,660
How do you spell ingenuous?

715
00:58:15,911 --> 00:58:18,330
l-N-G-E-N-U-O-U-S.

716
00:58:18,580 --> 00:58:20,749
I was afraid of that.

717
00:58:20,916 --> 00:58:25,504
In addition to the nine and a half
yards of pages I wrote,

718
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:28,673
I discovered some errors
in the earlier pages,

719
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:32,928
which I corrected, dealing basically
with the character of Rick.

720
00:58:33,762 --> 00:58:36,932
I found I had,
in a moment of insecurity, ...

721
00:58:38,517 --> 00:58:40,519
..underestimated
the brilliance of the man.

722
00:58:40,685 --> 00:58:44,105
No simple safe-cracker he
but a master criminal,

723
00:58:44,272 --> 00:58:47,108
wanted by the police
of three continents.

724
00:58:47,275 --> 00:58:49,611
The dazzling scheme
has been worked out,

725
00:58:49,778 --> 00:58:53,949
step by painful step,
for over a year by Rick himself.

726
00:58:54,115 --> 00:58:56,618
The two other characters
are just employees.

727
00:58:56,785 --> 00:58:59,454
That brings us back
to where we were.

728
00:58:59,621 --> 00:59:02,791
Rick and Gabby have demolished
a glorious lunch

729
00:59:02,958 --> 00:59:05,460
and it's almost four o'clock,
time for the car to arrive.

730
00:59:05,627 --> 00:59:07,462
Page 14.

731
00:59:08,630 --> 00:59:10,465
Sit down and brace yourself.

732
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:14,135
Here comes the switch on the switch.

733
00:59:14,302 --> 00:59:17,806
In a minute and a half
you and the audience will gasp

734
00:59:17,973 --> 00:59:19,975
as you realise you've been fooled.

735
00:59:20,141 --> 00:59:22,811
Things are not as they seem.
Not at all. In fact,

736
00:59:24,396 --> 00:59:28,400
- the whole situation is reversed.
- Mr Benson...

737
00:59:28,567 --> 00:59:30,986
Miss Simpson, please don't sit there

738
00:59:31,152 --> 00:59:33,738
gazing at me in mute adoration.

739
00:59:33,905 --> 00:59:35,824
Read the script.

740
00:59:37,158 --> 00:59:40,161
Rick and Gabby are sitting with
brandy glasses before them.

741
00:59:40,328 --> 00:59:42,664
Her big magic eyes are shiny...

742
00:59:44,332 --> 00:59:47,169
I can't imagine
a more marvellous lunch.

743
00:59:47,335 --> 00:59:49,254
- I don't know how to thank you.
- Please.

744
00:59:51,506 --> 00:59:55,594
And now I'll tell you the plans
for the rest of the afternoon.

745
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,012
The rest of the afternoon?

746
00:59:57,179 --> 01:00:01,183
Exactly. My car and chauffeur
will pick us up here at four,

747
01:00:01,349 --> 01:00:04,686
for a tour of Paris to see how
the celebration's progressing,

748
01:00:04,853 --> 01:00:08,273
a brief stop at my office
to pick something up,

749
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,859
and then on to a party in my honour

750
01:00:11,026 --> 01:00:13,528
at the restaurant
in the Eiffel Tower.

751
01:00:17,199 --> 01:00:19,367
- Pardon, you are Monsieur Rick?
- Oui.

752
01:00:19,534 --> 01:00:24,456
Your chauffeur is here, sir.
He has an important message for you.

753
01:00:24,623 --> 01:00:25,707
Merci.

754
01:00:27,125 --> 01:00:29,127
Pardon me for a moment.

755
01:00:37,385 --> 01:00:39,054
It's almost four o'clock.

756
01:00:39,221 --> 01:00:41,056
I know, I know.

757
01:00:41,223 --> 01:00:46,228
What's the matter? Are you mad?
Bringing a girl on a job like this!

758
01:00:46,394 --> 01:00:51,066
Our arrangement, Francois. You do
the driving and I do the planning.

759
01:00:51,233 --> 01:00:55,570
But... but the plan does not
call for the presence of a girl.

760
01:00:56,571 --> 01:01:00,659
The ability to improvise brilliantly
in a moment of crisis

761
01:01:00,825 --> 01:01:05,247
is one of the reasons
I am a highly paid successful thief.

762
01:01:05,413 --> 01:01:09,334
If you will look to the left,
just behind you,

763
01:01:09,501 --> 01:01:12,003
as casually as possible,

764
01:01:12,254 --> 01:01:16,424
you will see, stupidly trying to
hide behind yesterday's newspaper,

765
01:01:16,591 --> 01:01:19,177
our old friend Inspector Gillette.

766
01:01:24,015 --> 01:01:26,184
What is he doing in Paris?

767
01:01:26,351 --> 01:01:28,770
Do you think he...
suspects something?

768
01:01:28,937 --> 01:01:32,274
Of course not.
If so, I'm one step ahead.

769
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:34,025
Why do you think
I picked up the girl?

770
01:01:34,192 --> 01:01:36,611
Because she has big magic eyes.

771
01:01:36,778 --> 01:01:38,697
That, too,
but actually I picked her up

772
01:01:38,864 --> 01:01:42,200
to throw our inspector friend
off the scent.

773
01:01:42,367 --> 01:01:44,786
Never in his wildest imagination
would he think

774
01:01:44,953 --> 01:01:47,289
that the highly paid
and successful Rick

775
01:01:47,455 --> 01:01:51,042
would be so foolish
as to take a girl along on a job.

776
01:01:51,209 --> 01:01:55,463
Therefore, that's exactly what I'm
going to do. She's a perfect cover.

777
01:01:57,215 --> 01:01:59,801
Meet you at the car in one minute.

778
01:02:11,646 --> 01:02:13,148
Shall we?

779
01:02:21,656 --> 01:02:24,075
My dear Gillette,
our paths cross again.

780
01:02:24,242 --> 01:02:27,829
My dear Rick,
what an extraordinary coincidence.

781
01:02:27,996 --> 01:02:32,334
Monsieur Gillette is in a curious
way a business associate of mine.

782
01:02:32,501 --> 01:02:35,170
Enchanted. Any friend of Rick's
is a friend of mine.

783
01:02:35,337 --> 01:02:40,342
Please, enjoy your lunch. And I beg
of you, watch the calories.

784
01:02:59,861 --> 01:03:01,947
This, my friend,
is a moment to savour.

785
01:03:02,113 --> 01:03:05,116
For three years I've waited
and at last my brilliant,

786
01:03:05,367 --> 01:03:09,287
highly paid professional friend
has risen to the bait.

787
01:03:09,454 --> 01:03:13,625
What he doesn't know, poor Rick,
is that the girl is ours.

788
01:03:13,792 --> 01:03:16,711
You're sure he suspected nothing?

789
01:03:18,213 --> 01:03:21,716
Inspector, my imitation
of a method actor was impeccable.

790
01:03:21,883 --> 01:03:23,802
I played the role internally,
of course,

791
01:03:23,969 --> 01:03:27,722
indicating all the basic elements
of this curious calling.

792
01:03:27,889 --> 01:03:31,893
The deep almost lunatic narcissism.

793
01:03:32,060 --> 01:03:34,312
The lack of personal daintiness.

794
01:03:34,479 --> 01:03:36,398
The appalling grammar.

795
01:03:36,565 --> 01:03:39,651
Pops, it was...
Sir, it was flawless, brilliant.

796
01:03:39,901 --> 01:03:42,070
I came in on a motorbike
in wheat-coloured...

797
01:03:42,237 --> 01:03:44,739
Now, please, don't get carried away.

798
01:03:44,906 --> 01:03:47,826
I remind you,
you are not the star of this drama

799
01:03:47,993 --> 01:03:52,080
but merely a supporting player.
A very minor one, at that.

800
01:03:52,247 --> 01:03:55,083
If life, like the theatre,
came equipped with programmes,

801
01:03:55,250 --> 01:03:59,504
your billing, way down on the page
and in tiny letters,

802
01:03:59,671 --> 01:04:02,090
would simply be second policeman.

803
01:04:03,008 --> 01:04:06,928
As I was saying,
what he doesn't know, poor Rick,

804
01:04:07,095 --> 01:04:09,097
is that the girl is ours.

805
01:04:11,099 --> 01:04:13,852
Can we trust
a creature of the streets,

806
01:04:14,019 --> 01:04:15,854
with a police record
as long as your arm?

807
01:04:16,021 --> 01:04:18,607
Nothing will go wrong,
my dear Philippe.

808
01:04:18,773 --> 01:04:22,110
There's a tiny chink
in Rick's armour. A pretty face.

809
01:04:22,277 --> 01:04:25,113
One way or another,
using such talent as she has,

810
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:28,617
the girl will extract from him
the details of the plan.

811
01:04:29,701 --> 01:04:34,706
The plan. But should they not
be followed? I have the car.

812
01:04:34,956 --> 01:04:37,292
There would be no point.
Rick is a master.

813
01:04:37,459 --> 01:04:41,213
No policeman alive can stay on
his trail if he wishes to elude him.

814
01:04:41,379 --> 01:04:42,464
- Yes...
- No.

815
01:04:42,631 --> 01:04:44,049
No.

816
01:04:44,216 --> 01:04:48,637
I shall have a glorious lunch,
everything to be cooked, of course,

817
01:04:48,803 --> 01:04:52,140
in this remarkable
non-fattening sunflower oil,

818
01:04:52,307 --> 01:04:54,226
and eventually
having followed my luncheon

819
01:04:54,392 --> 01:04:56,645
with several digestifs
and a short walk,

820
01:04:56,811 --> 01:05:01,900
rejoin my friend tonight for
the climax of his adventures at...

821
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:08,490
The Eiffel Tower?
Brilliant, Inspector. Brilliant.

822
01:05:16,581 --> 01:05:18,416
To the studio, Francois, please.

823
01:05:18,583 --> 01:05:20,168
Studio?

824
01:05:20,335 --> 01:05:25,257
I said, I have to stop at my office
and pick something up there.

825
01:05:25,841 --> 01:05:28,176
Have you been inside
a motion-picture studio?

826
01:05:28,343 --> 01:05:30,345
No. Are you in the movie business?

827
01:05:31,429 --> 01:05:33,181
In a way.

828
01:05:33,348 --> 01:05:37,352
The studio is particularly marvellous
on a holiday like this.

829
01:05:37,519 --> 01:05:39,938
Silent. Empty.

830
01:05:40,105 --> 01:05:42,858
The vast sound stages
completely deserted.

831
01:05:44,693 --> 01:05:48,613
Like the night before Christmas,
not a creature is stirring.

832
01:06:14,890 --> 01:06:16,808
Wait here, I won't be long.

833
01:06:24,399 --> 01:06:26,401
Hmm, nice-ish.

834
01:06:26,568 --> 01:06:28,653
Isn't it?

835
01:06:28,904 --> 01:06:31,239
I don't understand. Are you an actor,

836
01:06:31,406 --> 01:06:33,992
a writer, producer, director?

837
01:06:34,159 --> 01:06:35,827
Nothing so creative, I'm afraid.

838
01:06:35,994 --> 01:06:38,830
My interest in movies
is purely financial.

839
01:06:41,416 --> 01:06:42,667
Gracious.

840
01:06:43,168 --> 01:06:45,170
I can't tell you
how exciting this is...

841
01:06:45,670 --> 01:06:48,173
This is for me. I just love movies.

842
01:06:48,340 --> 01:06:51,593
Not those terrible New Wave pictures,
where nothing happens.

843
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:53,345
But I like, ...

844
01:06:53,512 --> 01:06:56,598
..erm, Westerns.

845
01:06:56,765 --> 01:06:59,100
Good old-fashioned pictures
with switches

846
01:06:59,267 --> 01:07:04,606
and switches on switches.
Things like that.

847
01:07:10,779 --> 01:07:14,699
Do you have an emery board on you?
One of those things

848
01:07:14,866 --> 01:07:17,369
- to file the nails?
- I think so.

849
01:07:18,453 --> 01:07:20,205
Thank you.

850
01:07:20,372 --> 01:07:25,210
I particularly like movies with
complicated robberies in, don't you?

851
01:07:25,377 --> 01:07:27,045
Absolutely.

852
01:07:29,631 --> 01:07:32,884
I know this sounds childish
but next to pictures about robberies

853
01:07:33,051 --> 01:07:36,888
I think I like horror pictures best.
I always have.

854
01:07:37,055 --> 01:07:40,559
As a little girl
I was madly in love with Dracula.

855
01:07:40,809 --> 01:07:42,477
My mother was very upset.

856
01:07:42,644 --> 01:07:45,313
She thought it was somehow...
unhealthy.

857
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:49,818
She used to say, that vampire's
old enough to be your father!

858
01:07:49,985 --> 01:07:52,404
Whom, she would add,
he in many ways resembles.

859
01:07:53,405 --> 01:07:55,490
I'm glad.

860
01:07:55,657 --> 01:07:57,909
Not that your father
resembled Dracula.

861
01:07:58,076 --> 01:08:01,496
Which he didn't.
Not after he had his teeth fixed.

862
01:08:03,331 --> 01:08:05,750
But that you are interested
in pictures.

863
01:08:05,917 --> 01:08:08,587
That makes two things
we have in common.

864
01:08:08,753 --> 01:08:11,673
Movies... and giraffes.

865
01:08:15,427 --> 01:08:19,347
Here are the keys. Meet you
at the gate in half an hour.

866
01:08:39,451 --> 01:08:43,371
Giraffes and movies...
It's a small world, isn't it?

867
01:08:44,873 --> 01:08:46,291
Let me see that!

868
01:08:46,458 --> 01:08:48,877
No, no. Please, Rick,
you're hurting me.

869
01:08:49,044 --> 01:08:51,546
The lipstick. It's been written with.

870
01:08:52,631 --> 01:08:56,885
The napkin! The napkin
you gave Gillette. What was on it?

871
01:08:59,554 --> 01:09:01,556
What was on it?

872
01:09:04,643 --> 01:09:06,394
You...

873
01:10:57,339 --> 01:11:00,592
Stop, Rick, stop.
Or I'll shoot, I swear I will.

874
01:11:05,514 --> 01:11:07,182
Mr Benson, what happens next?

875
01:11:08,517 --> 01:11:10,852
I don't know. I don't know.

876
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:12,521
That's as far as I got.

877
01:11:14,189 --> 01:11:15,607
- Mr Benson.
- Yes?

878
01:11:15,815 --> 01:11:19,611
You know what I think?
I think we need another...

879
01:11:19,778 --> 01:11:22,447
What would that be?
A switch on a switch

880
01:11:22,572 --> 01:11:25,659
on a switch on a switch. On a switch.

881
01:11:25,784 --> 01:11:30,539
I thought I knew movies but Roger
Roussin was never like this.

882
01:11:30,705 --> 01:11:34,376
I wonder if he knows about switches.
And switches on switches.

883
01:11:34,543 --> 01:11:37,712
And switches on switches
on switches. I don't think so.

884
01:11:37,879 --> 01:11:39,881
It would change his whole life.

885
01:11:40,048 --> 01:11:44,511
Not only would they not play Scrabble
they would also not play Parcheesi.

886
01:11:47,055 --> 01:11:49,474
I must say, the mind reels.

887
01:11:50,642 --> 01:11:52,811
Anyway, you know what I think?

888
01:11:52,978 --> 01:11:57,899
Yes. You think she is not a creature
of the streets with a police record.

889
01:11:58,066 --> 01:12:00,652
You think she's an American
intelligence agent.

890
01:12:00,902 --> 01:12:02,821
Well, Miss Simpson,

891
01:12:02,988 --> 01:12:04,990
you happen to be wrong.

892
01:12:05,156 --> 01:12:09,035
Our Gabby happens to be
that most reliable, steadfast,

893
01:12:09,244 --> 01:12:13,498
and you-cannot-miss-with-no-matter-
how-badly-you-write-it character

894
01:12:13,665 --> 01:12:16,168
in all popular literature.

895
01:12:16,293 --> 01:12:19,087
The prostitute with a heart of gold.

896
01:12:20,463 --> 01:12:21,756
No, actually,

897
01:12:21,923 --> 01:12:27,220
the P with the H of G is secondmost.
The most is Frankenstein.

898
01:12:27,429 --> 01:12:30,891
Sure, someone who creates
or remakes another human being

899
01:12:31,016 --> 01:12:35,562
and either falls in love with it
or it destroys him.

900
01:12:35,770 --> 01:12:37,439
It can go either way.

901
01:12:37,606 --> 01:12:40,442
That's what gives it
such flexibility.

902
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:45,488
Miss Simpson, did you ever realise

903
01:12:45,614 --> 01:12:49,868
<i>that Frankenstein and
My Fair Lady are the same story?</i>

904
01:12:51,703 --> 01:12:53,622
One ends happily

905
01:12:53,788 --> 01:12:56,124
and the other one doesn't.

906
01:12:56,291 --> 01:12:58,710
Think about that for a while.

907
01:13:01,963 --> 01:13:04,132
You smell wonderful.

908
01:13:04,257 --> 01:13:09,721
That's the bath oil. When I took
my bath earlier I put bath oil in.

909
01:13:11,389 --> 01:13:13,808
Only a few drops, of course.

910
01:13:13,975 --> 01:13:17,812
For which I am most grateful.
For both our sakes.

911
01:13:19,231 --> 01:13:21,399
Ahem. And now, erm, where were we?

912
01:13:22,651 --> 01:13:24,986
Bang, bang, bang!
That's where we were.

913
01:13:25,111 --> 01:13:27,197
Or rather, where you were.

914
01:13:27,405 --> 01:13:30,242
She was by the bed with a gun,
he was moving toward her.

915
01:13:30,367 --> 01:13:33,662
<i>I don't see how Frankenstein
and My Fair Lady are the same.</i>

916
01:13:34,996 --> 01:13:36,998
Oh, yes, I do.

917
01:13:37,123 --> 01:13:40,752
Professor Higgins created Eliza and
Dr Frankenstein created the monster.

918
01:13:40,919 --> 01:13:42,838
Oh, yes, of course.

919
01:13:44,756 --> 01:13:47,926
But don't tell anybody.
I'm saving it for the textbook

920
01:13:48,051 --> 01:13:50,428
on the art of screenplay writing.

921
01:13:52,222 --> 01:13:54,683
Ah-ha, yeah, well...

922
01:13:54,808 --> 01:13:58,478
He's chased her through the jungle,
all that. Blah, blah, blah.

923
01:13:58,687 --> 01:14:02,190
Passed the bathtub.
If you want a Richard Benson movie

924
01:14:02,357 --> 01:14:07,362
without a bathtub you're out of
your head. And into the bedroom.

925
01:14:07,529 --> 01:14:11,491
She pulls out a gun,
blah, blah, blah, blah, and...

926
01:14:12,617 --> 01:14:15,871
My dear big magic-eyed

927
01:14:16,538 --> 01:14:19,040
bath-oil scented Miss Simpson,

928
01:14:19,207 --> 01:14:21,293
is where we are.

929
01:14:23,295 --> 01:14:24,546
Slowly,

930
01:14:25,714 --> 01:14:27,883
Rick continues toward her.

931
01:14:30,844 --> 01:14:33,430
Go ahead. Pull the trigger.

932
01:14:33,638 --> 01:14:36,016
Don't reach for your gun,
I'm warning you.

933
01:14:43,815 --> 01:14:47,152
- Cigarette?
- Thanks. Light?

934
01:14:56,870 --> 01:14:58,747
Well, Rick, ...

935
01:15:00,999 --> 01:15:04,336
..d'you mind
if I get out of these wet shoes?

936
01:15:06,254 --> 01:15:09,341
And so my big magic-eyed Gabby,

937
01:15:11,092 --> 01:15:14,930
who came to Paris to... live, ...

938
01:15:18,850 --> 01:15:23,688
..turns out to be a spy
for the police. An informer.

939
01:15:24,481 --> 01:15:25,941
A common stool pigeon.

940
01:15:26,107 --> 01:15:29,027
No, Rick, don't say it!
It's that devil Gillette.

941
01:15:29,194 --> 01:15:32,531
Oh, how I hate him. He is relentless!

942
01:15:32,697 --> 01:15:36,034
He'll stop at nothing
until he tracks you down.

943
01:15:36,201 --> 01:15:39,079
He'll never forgive himself
for last year in Tangier

944
01:15:39,287 --> 01:15:43,250
or the year before in Hong Kong.
You are his obsession.

945
01:15:43,375 --> 01:15:46,336
He is a mad ove"rw"eight Captain Ahab,

946
01:15:46,461 --> 01:15:50,382
searching down you, his Moby Dick.
His white whale.

947
01:15:50,549 --> 01:15:53,385
- And you?
- Me?

948
01:15:53,552 --> 01:15:58,431
I'm nothing. A creature of the
streets with a long police record.

949
01:15:58,640 --> 01:16:01,726
He had me paroled to be
the luscious and irresistible bait

950
01:16:01,893 --> 01:16:04,813
squirming on the hook
he has prepared.

951
01:16:04,980 --> 01:16:07,816
If I do not extract
the plan you have been building

952
01:16:07,983 --> 01:16:11,403
step by painful step
for the last year,

953
01:16:11,570 --> 01:16:14,239
my life, well, it's over.

954
01:16:14,406 --> 01:16:17,659
Back I go behind the bars,
matron in uniform once more,

955
01:16:17,826 --> 01:16:22,080
no longer Gabrielle or Gabby
but simply... a number.

956
01:16:22,247 --> 01:16:24,082
lf, however, I succeed...

957
01:16:24,249 --> 01:16:25,750
And if you succeed?

958
01:16:25,959 --> 01:16:27,627
Freedom!

959
01:16:28,628 --> 01:16:32,007
What exactly do you have to do
to extract this plan?

960
01:16:33,884 --> 01:16:35,844
Anything.

961
01:16:35,969 --> 01:16:38,763
- Anything?
- Anything. It's not so hard.

962
01:16:38,930 --> 01:16:42,601
I too in my own way
am a highly paid professional.

963
01:16:42,726 --> 01:16:47,772
Not so highly paid as you, perhaps,
but still... a professional.

964
01:16:47,939 --> 01:16:50,025
We're two of a kind, you and I.

965
01:16:50,192 --> 01:16:53,945
There's no reason for us
to be enemies. We can perhaps be...

966
01:16:55,113 --> 01:16:57,324
..friends.

967
01:16:57,532 --> 01:16:59,117
Perhaps...

968
01:17:05,123 --> 01:17:07,959
<i>Their two bodies now moving as one</i>

969
01:17:08,126 --> 01:17:12,797
<i>roll like turbulent breakers
crashing on an undiscovered shore.</i>

970
01:17:12,923 --> 01:17:15,509
<i>And now, now,...</i>

971
01:17:16,551 --> 01:17:18,303
<i>..we slowly...</i>

972
01:17:18,470 --> 01:17:20,805
<i>..and lingeringly...</i>

973
01:17:20,972 --> 01:17:22,724
<i>..dissolve...</i>

974
01:17:24,726 --> 01:17:26,144
Gracious.

975
01:17:27,896 --> 01:17:30,315
Exactly, Miss Simpson. Well said.

976
01:17:30,482 --> 01:17:33,568
You might even add heavens to Betsy.

977
01:17:35,487 --> 01:17:37,405
What's wrong, don't you like it?

978
01:17:37,572 --> 01:17:41,993
Oh, I like it,
but can you get away with it?

979
01:17:42,118 --> 01:17:45,080
Get away with it? Get away with what?

980
01:17:46,331 --> 01:17:51,044
Well, that scene with them
on the bed is rather suggestive.

981
01:17:51,253 --> 01:17:53,505
Don't you think
the censors will object?

982
01:17:53,630 --> 01:17:55,423
How can they possibly object?

983
01:17:55,590 --> 01:17:57,259
We dissolved, didn't we?

984
01:17:57,425 --> 01:18:01,096
- Yes, but...
- Miss Simpson, as I said before,

985
01:18:01,263 --> 01:18:04,057
a dissolve is a most useful device.

986
01:18:04,266 --> 01:18:06,935
Not only can it take you
from one place to another,

987
01:18:07,143 --> 01:18:10,438
but it also leaves
what's happening on the screen

988
01:18:10,605 --> 01:18:12,274
to your imagination.

989
01:18:13,942 --> 01:18:16,194
Now if I were you, Miss Simpson,

990
01:18:16,361 --> 01:18:20,115
I would stop going to
those sinful art theatres,

991
01:18:20,240 --> 01:18:24,828
and start seeing more good wholesome
American family-type pictures.

992
01:18:26,121 --> 01:18:30,125
I don't know what you and the censors
think they're doing on that bed,

993
01:18:30,292 --> 01:18:35,797
but I take the position
that they're playing... Parcheesi.

994
01:18:51,479 --> 01:18:56,151
As much as I've enjoyed our little
game, it's almost eight-thirty.

995
01:18:57,319 --> 01:19:01,656
Time for the climax of
our glorious day. We must be off.

996
01:19:01,823 --> 01:19:03,575
Off? Where to?

997
01:19:03,742 --> 01:19:05,744
You know perfectly well where.

998
01:19:05,994 --> 01:19:09,414
The costume party at
the Eiffel Tower to finish the job.

999
01:19:09,664 --> 01:19:13,585
You mustn't. You can't go through
with the plan, whatever it is.

1000
01:19:13,752 --> 01:19:16,671
Gillette will be there and the place
will be surrounded by police.

1001
01:19:16,838 --> 01:19:18,423
Gillette was in Tangier last year.

1002
01:19:18,632 --> 01:19:23,220
The entire city was surrounded by
police. Now if you'll excuse me...

1003
01:19:23,929 --> 01:19:24,930
Where are you going?

1004
01:19:26,848 --> 01:19:30,852
To the wardrobe department,
to find something for us to wear.

1005
01:20:00,340 --> 01:20:02,634
Quite alright. I always carry

1006
01:20:02,843 --> 01:20:08,139
a packet of bubble bath in my purse
and I'm getting on swimmingly.

1007
01:20:12,269 --> 01:20:14,062
Howdy, ...

1008
01:20:15,146 --> 01:20:17,023
..stranger.

1009
01:20:20,110 --> 01:20:22,696
You must be the new schoolma'am.

1010
01:20:28,743 --> 01:20:33,331
I hate to rush you, ma'am,
but it's getting late.

1011
01:20:33,582 --> 01:20:36,585
How long will it take
to get out of that tub,

1012
01:20:36,751 --> 01:20:39,921
into this costume
and out to the car?

1013
01:20:40,088 --> 01:20:44,759
Absolutely no time at all...

1014
01:20:54,436 --> 01:20:56,271
And now according to my master plan

1015
01:20:56,438 --> 01:21:00,233
the time has come to take
the most dangerous step of all.

1016
01:21:00,358 --> 01:21:01,776
Yes, Rick?

1017
01:21:03,028 --> 01:21:05,447
I must trust you
and tell you the details.

1018
01:21:05,614 --> 01:21:07,949
I can trust you, can't l, Gabby?

1019
01:21:08,116 --> 01:21:11,870
How can you ask, Rick? After our
Parcheesi game this afternoon,

1020
01:21:12,037 --> 01:21:15,290
I am yours for ever
and ever and ever.

1021
01:21:15,415 --> 01:21:17,626
Can I trust you, Gabby?

1022
01:21:17,792 --> 01:21:20,378
Can I really trust you?

1023
01:21:31,890 --> 01:21:35,560
In the back of this car are
28 cans of motion-picture film.

1024
01:21:35,685 --> 01:21:38,730
The Eiffel Tower party is being
given by the picture's producer.

1025
01:21:38,855 --> 01:21:45,237
Tell me the plan in a minute, Rick.
It's a long drive to the Eiffel Tower

1026
01:21:45,403 --> 01:21:48,323
and the traffic is heavy.

1027
01:22:24,693 --> 01:22:26,278
Mr Benson...

1028
01:22:27,946 --> 01:22:28,947
Rick.

1029
01:22:31,491 --> 01:22:33,869
Gabby, maybe, but I'm not...

1030
01:22:35,120 --> 01:22:38,039
Well, I'm not that kind of a girl.

1031
01:22:44,004 --> 01:22:48,466
Oh, I can't stand girls
who say things like that.

1032
01:22:52,387 --> 01:22:53,930
Oh, dear...

1033
01:22:55,056 --> 01:22:58,643
I guess maybe
we are that kind of a girl.

1034
01:23:08,069 --> 01:23:11,615
<i>Exterior. Eiffel Tower. Night.</i>

1035
01:23:11,740 --> 01:23:15,160
<i>Rick and Gabby have been driving
and driving and driving.</i>

1036
01:23:15,285 --> 01:23:18,413
<i>Through all that
marvellous traffic.</i>

1037
01:23:22,000 --> 01:23:23,251
<i>The tower is ablaze.</i>

1038
01:23:23,418 --> 01:23:26,671
<i>Richard, how can I type
if you're going to... ?</i>

1039
01:23:26,796 --> 01:23:29,341
<i>Alright, alright...</i>

1040
01:23:29,591 --> 01:23:30,926
<i>The tower is ablaze</i>

1041
01:23:31,092 --> 01:23:33,762
<i>"and chauffeur"-"driven limousines"
are pulling up.</i>

1042
01:23:33,929 --> 01:23:38,850
<i>Miss Simpson, how can I dictate
if you're going to... ? Hmm...</i>

1043
01:23:46,441 --> 01:23:48,610
Trust me, darling.

1044
01:23:48,777 --> 01:23:51,738
I do. Here we go.

1045
01:23:56,284 --> 01:24:00,288
<i>And now, darling, Rick and Gabby
make their way to the elevator</i>

1046
01:24:00,455 --> 01:24:04,960
<i>which will carry them and us
to the inevitable party scene,</i>

1047
01:24:05,126 --> 01:24:08,213
<i>so dear to the hearts
of movie directors everywhere.</i>

1048
01:24:08,463 --> 01:24:10,966
<i>It's summer time
and the vita is dolce.</i>

1049
01:24:11,091 --> 01:24:14,636
<i>Breakfast is at Tiffany's
and everybody is high.</i>

1050
01:24:41,997 --> 01:24:44,457
<i>And now that the director
has distracted the audience</i>

1051
01:24:44,666 --> 01:24:46,918
<i>with these
totally extraneous vignettes,</i>

1052
01:24:47,043 --> 01:24:51,339
<i>he reluctantly returns to the plot
and another new character.</i>

1053
01:24:51,506 --> 01:24:53,800
<i>The producer. Host and victim.</i>

1054
01:24:53,925 --> 01:24:56,928
<i>Who looks remarkably like
my producer and victim,</i>

1055
01:24:57,095 --> 01:24:58,847
<i>Mr Alex ander Meyerheim.</i>

1056
01:25:12,861 --> 01:25:16,781
If you look left, just behind you,
as casually as possible,

1057
01:25:16,948 --> 01:25:18,825
you will see that idiot Gillette

1058
01:25:18,950 --> 01:25:22,370
dressed appropriately enough
as an executioner.

1059
01:25:34,549 --> 01:25:36,718
- Ready, darling?
- Ready, darling.

1060
01:25:44,809 --> 01:25:47,020
Excuse me for a moment, darling.

1061
01:25:51,233 --> 01:25:52,317
You're late.

1062
01:25:52,484 --> 01:25:56,738
Untrue, Gillette. Everything
is going precisely according to plan.

1063
01:25:56,905 --> 01:25:59,241
- And the plan, you have it?
- Of course.

1064
01:25:59,407 --> 01:26:03,703
While not exactly highly paid
I'm at least... a professional.

1065
01:26:32,107 --> 01:26:33,191
Well?

1066
01:26:33,400 --> 01:26:36,486
If you will kindly read this,
I believe the entire situation

1067
01:26:36,611 --> 01:26:39,281
will become clear immediately.

1068
01:26:44,953 --> 01:26:49,291
At this very moment,
he's delivering the ransom note.

1069
01:26:49,457 --> 01:26:51,585
- The ransom note?
- Exactly.

1070
01:26:51,710 --> 01:26:55,338
He has in the trunk of his car
28 reels of film.

1071
01:26:55,547 --> 01:26:57,632
They are the negative
and only existing work print

1072
01:26:57,841 --> 01:27:01,136
of the producer's just-completed
six-million-dollar spectacle,

1073
01:27:01,303 --> 01:27:03,597
<i>The Girl Who Stole
the Eiffel Tower.</i>

1074
01:27:04,222 --> 01:27:07,851
You are certain you have both
the negative and the only work print?

1075
01:27:08,059 --> 01:27:09,477
Absolutely.

1076
01:27:09,644 --> 01:27:12,731
And it is your serious intention
to destroy them?

1077
01:27:13,982 --> 01:27:16,151
Unless you turn over the key

1078
01:27:16,318 --> 01:27:19,279
to your safe-deposit box
in your bank in Casablanca.

1079
01:27:20,488 --> 01:27:23,325
My dear boy,
I haven't the faintest idea

1080
01:27:23,450 --> 01:27:26,328
who you are.
But you are beautiful. Whoo!

1081
01:27:28,079 --> 01:27:31,583
Absolutely beautiful.

1082
01:27:32,834 --> 01:27:35,587
Not only that, you've saved my life.

1083
01:27:35,754 --> 01:27:40,425
<i>The Girl Who Stole the Eiffel Tower
is frankly a disaster.</i>

1084
01:27:40,634 --> 01:27:43,595
The title is symbolic.
She doesn't actually steal it.

1085
01:27:43,762 --> 01:27:45,388
Or I don't think she does.

1086
01:27:45,597 --> 01:27:47,682
The end's so confusing
it's hard to tell.

1087
01:27:47,891 --> 01:27:52,938
Anyway, the script is so ghastly
it could never possibly be released.

1088
01:27:53,146 --> 01:27:55,690
I was finished. Done for.
This party tonight

1089
01:27:55,815 --> 01:28:00,779
was planned as a final farewell
gesture. A sort of swan song.

1090
01:28:00,946 --> 01:28:04,658
At midnight, when the cheque
was presented, I planned to sign it,

1091
01:28:04,866 --> 01:28:07,702
add a lavish if purely imaginary tip,

1092
01:28:07,869 --> 01:28:12,791
and then as the fireworks were
exploding in the black velvet sky,

1093
01:28:12,958 --> 01:28:16,670
to hurl myself from the top
of this grotesque edifice.

1094
01:28:16,878 --> 01:28:19,881
And now, suddenly at the last minute,

1095
01:28:20,048 --> 01:28:22,634
in the nick of time - don't tell me
there isn't someone up there

1096
01:28:22,884 --> 01:28:26,721
who watches over whimsical
movie producers - you appear!

1097
01:28:26,888 --> 01:28:28,723
I can't believe it.

1098
01:28:30,183 --> 01:28:33,854
If you swear to me
that you will destroy this film,

1099
01:28:34,062 --> 01:28:36,231
hook, line and sinker,

1100
01:28:36,439 --> 01:28:42,237
not only will I give you the key to
my safe-deposit box in Casablanca,

1101
01:28:43,655 --> 01:28:46,074
but we will split the insurance,

1102
01:28:46,283 --> 01:28:47,659
60-40.

1103
01:28:48,743 --> 01:28:50,328
50-50.

1104
01:28:50,495 --> 01:28:55,208
Oh, my darling, darling boy.
If ever you consider going into

1105
01:28:55,417 --> 01:28:58,170
the motion-picture business,
do not hesitate to call me.

1106
01:28:58,336 --> 01:29:00,881
I've searched for
a partner like you all my life.

1107
01:29:01,089 --> 01:29:04,509
We understand each other perfectly.

1108
01:29:04,634 --> 01:29:06,761
You are so beautiful...!

1109
01:29:06,928 --> 01:29:10,182
It's a rugged
but curiously sensitive face.

1110
01:29:10,348 --> 01:29:12,517
It's so beautiful...!

1111
01:29:16,271 --> 01:29:19,357
His plane is waiting for him
at Le Bourget Airport.

1112
01:29:19,524 --> 01:29:22,777
His chauffeur's even now
warming up the engines.

1113
01:29:22,944 --> 01:29:27,032
Good girl. Tomorrow, your entire
police record will disappear

1114
01:29:27,282 --> 01:29:30,535
oh-so-mysteriously from my files
and you will be free.

1115
01:29:30,702 --> 01:29:32,162
Thank you, my dear Gillette.

1116
01:29:43,965 --> 01:29:46,885
And now, Gillette,
if you could quite casually

1117
01:29:47,135 --> 01:29:50,472
dance me across the floor
and over to the gentlemen's lounge.

1118
01:29:50,639 --> 01:29:53,725
You fool. You little fool.
He's using you

1119
01:29:53,975 --> 01:29:56,978
like he did that poor unfortunate
girl last year in Tangier.

1120
01:29:57,145 --> 01:29:59,648
Keep dancing, Gillette.

1121
01:29:59,814 --> 01:30:03,818
I should have known! I should.
That man is irresistible to women.

1122
01:30:04,027 --> 01:30:05,987
He is, my dear Gillette.

1123
01:30:06,112 --> 01:30:07,822
Keep dancing.

1124
01:30:07,989 --> 01:30:10,575
You fool. You little fool.

1125
01:30:29,344 --> 01:30:32,681
I've worked the whole thing out
with my analyst.

1126
01:30:34,599 --> 01:30:37,018
I don't really hate
Inspector Gillette,

1127
01:30:37,185 --> 01:30:39,688
I just feel sorry for him.

1128
01:30:40,856 --> 01:30:44,025
He insists on projecting himself
into the starring role

1129
01:30:44,150 --> 01:30:47,112
and relegating me
to some minor character.

1130
01:30:48,780 --> 01:30:52,284
Got me waiting for him
outside the Eiffel Tower? OK.

1131
01:30:52,492 --> 01:30:55,871
Got me saying lines like,
"Brilliant, Inspector, brilliant,"

1132
01:30:56,037 --> 01:30:58,874
or, erm, "I have the car here, sir."

1133
01:31:01,793 --> 01:31:02,794
Maurice!

1134
01:31:03,044 --> 01:31:05,964
Inspector, I am Philippe!

1135
01:31:07,090 --> 01:31:11,052
It doesn't matter. Rick is making
his escape at Bourget Airport.

1136
01:31:11,219 --> 01:31:13,054
Where is my car?

1137
01:31:14,139 --> 01:31:17,058
Erm, I have the car right here, sir.

1138
01:31:17,225 --> 01:31:19,227
You read that line beautifully,
Maurice.

1139
01:31:19,394 --> 01:31:21,897
Inspector, please. I...

1140
01:31:22,063 --> 01:31:24,566
I am not Maurice. I am Philippe.

1141
01:31:25,567 --> 01:31:30,238
Dear boy, you are a minor character
and your name is of no importance.

1142
01:31:30,405 --> 01:31:33,408
Now you were saying something
about the car?

1143
01:31:35,076 --> 01:31:38,163
I have the car right here, sir.
Aiii...

1144
01:31:57,766 --> 01:32:01,019
- Faster, Maurice, faster!
- Faster, Philippe, faster.

1145
01:32:01,186 --> 01:32:05,357
I keep forgetting.
My God, you are a dull character.

1146
01:32:05,524 --> 01:32:08,944
Even in the non-taxing role
of second policeman.

1147
01:32:11,613 --> 01:32:13,698
Bourget Airport, quickly!

1148
01:32:21,706 --> 01:32:23,458
But if you are the inspector
who was...?

1149
01:32:23,625 --> 01:32:27,796
You are third policeman and should
have no lines. Shut up and drive.

1150
01:32:35,887 --> 01:32:38,890
- Do you know what this is?
- The key!

1151
01:32:39,140 --> 01:32:41,726
The key to our future.
One million dollars

1152
01:32:41,977 --> 01:32:46,314
in small unmarked bills' worth
of happiness for the two of us.

1153
01:32:50,819 --> 01:32:53,655
Inspector Gillette of Interpol here.
Calling all patrols.

1154
01:33:09,337 --> 01:33:11,339
Faster! Faster!

1155
01:33:28,690 --> 01:33:31,443
Erm, the gate, sir, it is closed.

1156
01:33:31,610 --> 01:33:33,445
Go through it, you fool.

1157
01:33:48,376 --> 01:33:52,130
- Wait here, I'll take him alone.
- Inspector, can I speak to you?

1158
01:33:56,301 --> 01:33:58,220
You're Rick.

1159
01:33:59,721 --> 01:34:02,724
- I don't understand...
- No, you're not supposed to.

1160
01:34:02,891 --> 01:34:04,476
Can't you get it through your mind?

1161
01:34:04,643 --> 01:34:07,812
You're only a bit part.
Nobody cares about you.

1162
01:34:08,730 --> 01:34:11,399
You're a mere literary convenience.

1163
01:34:11,566 --> 01:34:15,487
Someone for the hero to punch
in the jaw at the correct moment.

1164
01:34:15,654 --> 01:34:17,489
And that moment, I'm happy to state,

1165
01:34:17,656 --> 01:34:19,491
has finally arrived.

1166
01:34:32,754 --> 01:34:34,923
Stop, Rick!

1167
01:34:35,423 --> 01:34:36,675
Stop or I'll shoot!

1168
01:34:38,593 --> 01:34:39,678
Philippe.

1169
01:34:40,762 --> 01:34:42,347
Philippe!

1170
01:34:45,767 --> 01:34:47,686
Mauri... Philippe.

1171
01:35:03,118 --> 01:35:05,370
Darling.

1172
01:35:05,537 --> 01:35:09,291
It's alright.
Perhaps it's better this way.

1173
01:35:11,293 --> 01:35:15,630
No, no, no, my darling,
we'll make it to Casablanca.

1174
01:35:15,797 --> 01:35:19,801
And when we get there,
we'll buy a darling little castle...

1175
01:35:19,968 --> 01:35:21,553
With its own...

1176
01:35:22,637 --> 01:35:24,806
..private zoo.

1177
01:35:24,973 --> 01:35:27,309
And will there be giraffes?

1178
01:35:28,226 --> 01:35:30,395
Of course...

1179
01:35:30,645 --> 01:35:32,230
Giraffes.

1180
01:35:39,321 --> 01:35:42,407
If this is what it means
to be a cop...

1181
01:35:44,326 --> 01:35:46,077
You're...

1182
01:35:46,244 --> 01:35:48,747
..first policeman now.

1183
01:36:05,931 --> 01:36:10,018
<i>Thus having proved once again
that crime does not pay,</i>

1184
01:36:10,185 --> 01:36:12,604
<i>unless you happen to be me.</i>

1185
01:36:15,190 --> 01:36:17,526
Fade out.

1186
01:36:17,692 --> 01:36:19,110
The end.

1187
01:36:27,536 --> 01:36:29,621
Well, there it is.

1188
01:36:29,871 --> 01:36:32,707
All 130-odd pages of it.

1189
01:36:34,209 --> 01:36:35,877
Finished with...

1190
01:36:36,962 --> 01:36:39,214
..hours to spare.

1191
01:36:42,217 --> 01:36:44,219
It's wonderful, Richard.

1192
01:36:44,386 --> 01:36:47,222
Only does it have to end that way?

1193
01:36:47,389 --> 01:36:51,309
I mean, Philippe could miss
when he shoots

1194
01:36:51,476 --> 01:36:54,062
and then
Rick could tell the inspector

1195
01:36:54,229 --> 01:36:57,816
where the stolen film cans are
and give him back the key.

1196
01:36:58,984 --> 01:37:02,153
He could explain
that now that he's met Gabby

1197
01:37:02,320 --> 01:37:05,407
he's retiring from
the liar and a thief business

1198
01:37:05,574 --> 01:37:09,661
and then the inspector might...
let them go away together.

1199
01:37:09,828 --> 01:37:13,665
It could be
the last big switch on the switch.

1200
01:37:13,832 --> 01:37:15,333
Couldn't it?

1201
01:37:16,501 --> 01:37:18,503
It won't work.

1202
01:37:18,670 --> 01:37:21,840
You see, he is a liar and a thief.

1203
01:37:22,007 --> 01:37:25,844
And he's been one for too long.
He can't retire now.

1204
01:37:26,011 --> 01:37:29,347
In addition to which,
he has become, I'm afraid, ...

1205
01:37:30,515 --> 01:37:32,017
..a hack.

1206
01:37:34,519 --> 01:37:38,440
He may think he's all those things
but she knows he's not.

1207
01:37:40,775 --> 01:37:43,445
What gives her that curious idea?

1208
01:37:43,612 --> 01:37:46,531
She's been with him constantly
for the last few days.

1209
01:37:46,698 --> 01:37:51,620
She's seen him shaking with terror,
exhausted, ready to quit.

1210
01:37:51,786 --> 01:37:54,956
She's watched him
pull himself together again and...

1211
01:37:57,125 --> 01:37:59,961
..she's also seen him be warm...

1212
01:38:00,128 --> 01:38:01,713
..and tender.

1213
01:38:02,714 --> 01:38:04,716
And funny.

1214
01:38:04,883 --> 01:38:08,720
Not famous international wit funny
but really funny.

1215
01:38:10,639 --> 01:38:12,557
Do you think she's an idiot?

1216
01:38:12,724 --> 01:38:16,478
Do you think she doesn't know
what kind of man he is?

1217
01:38:17,479 --> 01:38:19,147
Or what he needs?

1218
01:38:23,985 --> 01:38:27,155
And what he needs is L-O-V-E?

1219
01:38:33,995 --> 01:38:35,580
Uh-uh.

1220
01:38:36,665 --> 01:38:39,000
It's too late.

1221
01:38:39,167 --> 01:38:41,503
He's 43 years old.

1222
01:38:41,670 --> 01:38:44,339
Or will be this October.

1223
01:38:44,506 --> 01:38:46,591
He's been married twice,

1224
01:38:46,842 --> 01:38:49,761
both times disastrously,

1225
01:38:49,928 --> 01:38:56,017
and there have been too many years
of... too much dough,

1226
01:38:56,184 --> 01:38:58,687
too much bad writing

1227
01:38:58,854 --> 01:39:00,355
and too much whisky.

1228
01:39:03,859 --> 01:39:06,862
He's got nothing left inside to give.

1229
01:39:09,698 --> 01:39:12,951
Even if he could, which he can't.

1230
01:39:13,118 --> 01:39:17,873
But that's not true, Richard,
you can, you have. I just love it.

1231
01:39:18,039 --> 01:39:19,291
No, you don't.

1232
01:39:19,541 --> 01:39:21,376
It's lousy.

1233
01:39:24,045 --> 01:39:26,381
In any case, the problem is, ...

1234
01:39:29,384 --> 01:39:32,470
..you're not in love with the script.

1235
01:39:32,637 --> 01:39:35,473
You're in love with me.

1236
01:39:36,558 --> 01:39:38,226
And why shouldn't you be?

1237
01:39:38,393 --> 01:39:41,229
Suddenly, waltzing into your life

1238
01:39:41,396 --> 01:39:43,315
comes this charming,

1239
01:39:43,481 --> 01:39:45,567
relatively handsome stranger.

1240
01:39:46,651 --> 01:39:48,486
Me.

1241
01:39:48,653 --> 01:39:53,992
Smooth as silk with
a highly practised line of chatter,

1242
01:39:54,159 --> 01:39:59,414
specifically designed to knock
relatively unsophisticated chicks

1243
01:39:59,581 --> 01:40:03,835
like you, Miss Simpson,
right on their ears.

1244
01:40:04,753 --> 01:40:07,589
Which I'm terribly afraid
I have done.

1245
01:40:10,008 --> 01:40:15,514
Well, ... if it's the last
decent thing I do in this world,

1246
01:40:15,680 --> 01:40:18,433
and it very well may be,

1247
01:40:19,017 --> 01:40:20,852
I'm going to fix that.

1248
01:40:22,687 --> 01:40:24,689
I'm going to send you packing,

1249
01:40:24,856 --> 01:40:26,691
Miss Simpson.

1250
01:40:28,193 --> 01:40:30,779
Before I cause you serious...

1251
01:40:32,864 --> 01:40:35,784
..and irrevocable harm.

1252
01:40:37,285 --> 01:40:39,287
You want the truth?

1253
01:40:40,622 --> 01:40:42,624
Of course you don't.

1254
01:40:45,043 --> 01:40:47,462
I'll give it to you anyway.

1255
01:40:48,797 --> 01:40:52,551
I do not give one damn
about anything,

1256
01:40:52,717 --> 01:40:55,804
certainly not my work,
as you so touchingly

1257
01:40:55,971 --> 01:40:58,473
and ingenuously call it.

1258
01:41:01,476 --> 01:41:03,979
Well, that's not true.

1259
01:41:04,145 --> 01:41:08,233
There is something I care about.
Money.

1260
01:41:08,817 --> 01:41:11,486
And good whisky.

1261
01:41:12,320 --> 01:41:14,739
I am, as you've probably noticed,

1262
01:41:14,906 --> 01:41:16,741
rather fond of that.

1263
01:41:21,746 --> 01:41:23,665
But my work?

1264
01:41:25,083 --> 01:41:26,751
That's a hideous little something

1265
01:41:26,918 --> 01:41:29,754
that must occur
five days out of the year

1266
01:41:29,921 --> 01:41:32,924
so I can spend the other 360

1267
01:41:33,091 --> 01:41:36,011
in the manner
to which I have become -

1268
01:41:36,178 --> 01:41:40,265
and fully intend to remain -
accustomed.

1269
01:41:42,184 --> 01:41:44,269
To you, Richard Benson.

1270
01:41:45,687 --> 01:41:50,859
To you and your glorious
professional know-how.

1271
01:42:00,285 --> 01:42:03,371
Long may you wave.

1272
01:42:04,789 --> 01:42:08,460
And may you... go on...

1273
01:42:13,298 --> 01:42:14,716
..fooling...

1274
01:42:16,468 --> 01:42:18,220
..the people.

1275
01:43:15,443 --> 01:43:16,778
Miss Simpson?

1276
01:43:24,619 --> 01:43:26,037
Miss Simpson!

1277
01:43:39,968 --> 01:43:41,303
Gabrielle?

1278
01:46:02,027 --> 01:46:06,448
- Pardon, Maurice.
- Maurice? No, no. Philippe, sir.

1279
01:46:06,615 --> 01:46:09,034
Oh, you don't even know
when a joke is over.

1280
01:46:09,284 --> 01:46:10,702
<i>Qui cet homme?</i>

1281
01:46:10,952 --> 01:46:14,122
<i>C'est mon patron.
Ne t'en fais pas.</i>

1282
01:46:14,289 --> 01:46:17,876
Why, Mr Benson,
what are you doing here?

1283
01:46:18,043 --> 01:46:22,214
Miss Simpson, stop overacting, you
know very well what I'm doing here.

1284
01:46:22,464 --> 01:46:26,051
Of all the hokey cornball
grade-B picture devices.

1285
01:46:26,218 --> 01:46:28,720
She forgot the bird,
she forgot the bird...

1286
01:46:28,887 --> 01:46:31,473
- I don't know what you mean.
- Yes, you do.

1287
01:46:31,640 --> 01:46:34,392
Girl leaves bird.
Boy has to come looking for girl.

1288
01:46:34,559 --> 01:46:37,562
I've written that scene
a thousand times myself.

1289
01:46:37,729 --> 01:46:41,149
Always works, of course.
That's point one.

1290
01:46:41,316 --> 01:46:45,237
Point two. How dare you quit me
when we haven't even started?

1291
01:46:45,987 --> 01:46:47,572
Point three...

1292
01:46:47,822 --> 01:46:50,158
I love you. Miss Simpson,

1293
01:46:50,325 --> 01:46:54,663
if you don't feel up to the job,
tell me now. I'll get someone else.

1294
01:46:55,413 --> 01:46:58,416
Oh, no, I'm perfectly capable.

1295
01:46:58,583 --> 01:47:02,003
Very well, then,
I hold here in my hand

1296
01:47:02,170 --> 01:47:05,507
130-some-odd pages of contrived

1297
01:47:05,674 --> 01:47:08,593
and utterly preposterous,
totally unmotivated...

1298
01:47:08,760 --> 01:47:11,179
Oh, if you could only say it
in pictures.

1299
01:47:11,346 --> 01:47:13,598
Come on,
we've got a screenplay to write.

1300
01:47:13,765 --> 01:47:16,935
Not starting from scratch, of course.
We've got two great characters.

1301
01:47:17,102 --> 01:47:21,273
She's sweet and bright and very very
beautiful and he, well, ...

1302
01:47:22,357 --> 01:47:26,278
..he's gone straight, rather dull.
We need something to jazz him up.

1303
01:47:26,444 --> 01:47:29,281
Find something for him to do,
some physical action.

1304
01:47:29,447 --> 01:47:31,032
<i>Madame est avec moi...</i>

1305
01:47:31,199 --> 01:47:33,618
To accentuate the masculine image.

1306
01:47:33,785 --> 01:47:36,288
There's something in American movies,
a terrible clich,

1307
01:47:36,538 --> 01:47:39,791
but you did use it in the script.

1308
01:47:39,958 --> 01:47:41,459
Oh, yes...

1309
01:47:45,630 --> 01:47:48,216
I think maybe we should, ...
like, split.

1310
01:49:21,977 --> 01:49:24,980
Richard, this new movie you're
going to write, what is it about?

1311
01:49:25,146 --> 01:49:26,731
It's a love story, naturally.

1312
01:49:26,898 --> 01:49:31,236
It will have a happy ending?
He won't be shot running for a plane?

1313
01:49:31,403 --> 01:49:33,738
On the contrary, Miss Simpson.

1314
01:49:33,905 --> 01:49:35,824
The music soars and there,

1315
01:49:35,991 --> 01:49:38,827
totally oblivious of the fireworks,
the fountains

1316
01:49:38,994 --> 01:49:41,663
and the holiday-mad throngs,

1317
01:49:41,830 --> 01:49:46,168
they fall happily and tenderly
into each other's arms.

1318
01:49:46,334 --> 01:49:49,171
- I know what happens next.
- You do?

1319
01:49:49,337 --> 01:49:53,258
The two enormous
and highly paid heads come together

1320
01:49:53,425 --> 01:49:56,011
for that ultimate
and inevitable moment.

1321
01:49:56,178 --> 01:49:59,014
The final, earth-moving,

1322
01:49:59,181 --> 01:50:03,018
studio-rent-paying, theatre-filling,

1323
01:50:03,185 --> 01:50:05,353
popcorn-selling...

1324
01:50:06,438 --> 01:50:11,610
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