1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,333 2 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:31,063 3 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,726 Girls! Girls, guess what. 4 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,728 Wait a minute. Wait a minute! 5 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:07,859 Why do you always say, "Girls, girls"? Do you see Molly Ringwald sitting here? 6 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,594 You're awfully cranky today. 7 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:16,234 Well, forgive me. My arthritis is bothering me, my social security check was late, 8 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:21,145 and I realized today I haven't showered with a man in 22 years. 9 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,112 Ma, Pop's been dead 27 years. 10 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:27,483 What's your point? 11 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:31,253 - What are you saying? - Isn't it obvious, Dorothy? 12 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:35,853 She showered with a dead man for five years. 13 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,658 Rose, what did you want? 14 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:41,223 I got two tickets to the hottest Norwegian musical in town. 15 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,293 Rose, you've really tempted me, but I have other plans. 16 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,670 - You have a date? - (splutters) 17 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,673 Never say that while I'm eating. 18 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:55,514 I'm teaching history for an adult-education program. 19 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:58,380 It's for people who never got high school diplomas. 20 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,478 - What else do they teach? - The usual high school subjects. 21 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:07,016 You mean like the three Rs - reading, writing and rooster inseminating? 22 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:11,094 No, we just teach the first two Rs. 23 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:14,100 Fine. But you'll be sending people out into the world 24 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:20,004 who don't know you can get a nasty rooster bite if you don't warm your hands up first. 25 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,209 Girls, is this dress me? 26 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:28,977 It's too tight, it's too short and it shows too much cleavage for a woman your age. 27 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,880 Yes, Blanche, it's you. 28 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,981 - Another date with your mystery man? - Oh, he's no mystery man. 29 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:41,517 Then how come you've been out with him four times, we know nothing about him? 30 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,723 - Well, there is one little thing... - (doorbell 31 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:48,791 That must be him. Rose, would you get the door, please? 32 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,294 - (Latin American accent Hello. - Hello. 33 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:56,638 We thought you were Blanche's date, but you're way too old. 34 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,371 Hola. Blanche! 35 00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,107 Hello, sweetheart. Come here! 36 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,342 I want you to meet all my friends. 37 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:04,907 Please forgive me. 38 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:10,821 It wasn't my fault - my cousins have been marrying each other for generations. 39 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,854 Everybody, this is Fidel Santiago. 40 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,987 How do you do? Very nice to meet you. 41 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:21,296 It is always a pleasure to meet beautiful ladies such as yourselves. 42 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,665 With that accent, you could almost buy it. 43 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,636 And you must be Sophia. 44 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:32,736 Your face looks awfully familiar. Was your picture ever on a cigar box? 45 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:33,837 Ma! 46 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,712 No, no, she's right. That was my father. 47 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:40,116 May we continue, Kommandant? 48 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,418 My family once owned the largest tobacco plantation in all of Cuba. 49 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:50,225 Do you know that at one time I was the most famous Fidel in the entire country? 50 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:53,596 Until you-know-who showed up. 51 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,294 Who? 52 00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,662 Rex the Wonder Horse, Rose. 53 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,436 How did you know about Santiago cigars? 54 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:06,070 My husband was a fan - not of the cigars, the boxes. 55 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,944 We used to keep all our fine cutlery in one. 56 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:13,078 Blanche was right. She said you were incorrigible. 57 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:17,317 I guess I deserve it - I always say she's a cheap slut. 58 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,955 - Maybe we'd better be going. - Yes. 59 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:24,259 It was a pleasure meeting you all. 60 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,196 Good night. 61 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,859 Well, I guess that solves the mystery. 62 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:33,338 Who'd have thought Blanche would date somebody that long in the tooth? 63 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:38,276 I thought his teeth were nice. What I couldn't believe was how old he was. 64 00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:41,803 You know, sometimes I really cannot believe my ears. 65 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:46,319 I know. I should've taped them back when you were seven. 66 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:56,758 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Please take your seats. 67 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,631 Uh, Jorge Vega? 68 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,164 Michael Fachik? 69 00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,034 Jim Shu? 70 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,667 Jim Shu?! 71 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,141 Oh, I get it - gym shoe. Very funny. 72 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,139 Excuse me. I am Jim Shu. 73 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:24,789 I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were pulling my leg. 74 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,055 I don't think I could drink that much sake. 75 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,460 Sit down, Shu. 76 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:35,493 Maria Gianelli? 77 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,469 Rose Nylund? 78 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:40,404 Rose Ny... Rose Ny... 79 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:45,311 - Rose, what are you doing here? - Dorothy, I have a confession to make. 80 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:48,974 I slipped through the cracks of the St. Olaf school system. 81 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:54,544 That's very hard to believe. I've seen you almost complete a TV Guide crossword. 82 00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:57,681 It's true. You're looking at a woman without a sheepskin. 83 00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:01,626 I've got an extra in my wallet I could give you. 84 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,794 No, thanks. I'd rather earn it. 85 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,973 Meet you at Benihana after class? 86 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,868 Rose. Rose. 87 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,839 You never graduated from high school? 88 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:25,146 Not officially. Three weeks before graduation, 89 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,949 I was asked to be in the kissing booth at the founders' day fair. 90 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:33,288 Unfortunately, the first boy I kissed had a nasty case of mono. 91 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:37,820 That afternoon, I passed it along to 50 young men. 92 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:44,469 And one very confused female P.E. teacher who smelled of Old Spice. 93 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:49,200 I slept day and night for the next six months and when I finally woke up 94 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:54,543 I had missed my graduation and the integration of major-league baseball. 95 00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:59,017 Rose, I'm very sorry, but, honey, you cannot stay in this class. 96 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:03,921 Oh, please, Dorothy! I've secretly dreamt of getting a high school diploma for years, 97 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,981 but I never had the courage to do it. 98 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:11,588 Now, with you teaching, I finally feel comfortable enough to give it a try. 99 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:14,998 Oh, all right, all right, you can stay. 100 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,968 Thank you. 101 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:24,234 All right, everybody, if you will turn to page five... Yes, Rose? 102 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,779 - Aren't you forgetting something? - What? 103 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:32,218 I pledge allegiance to the flag... 104 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,981 (all... of the United States of America, 105 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,547 and to the republic for which it stands... 106 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:47,197 - Hi, Dorothy. What are you doing? - I'm grading the history test. 107 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,565 - How did I do? - You'll find out tomorrow. 108 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,036 - Can you give me a hint? - No. 109 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,373 - Did I do better than Boris Yushenko? - Oh, Rose! 110 00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,345 Boris Yushenko doesn't speak a word of English 111 00:08:00,414 --> 00:08:05,374 and he was hit in the forehead with a mortar during World War II. 112 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:08,148 - Did I do better than him? - No. 113 00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,321 - I'm a failure. - Rose, you are not. 114 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:15,418 Now, come on, you are doing very well in every subject except history. 115 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,190 Well, I'm not surprised. 116 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:21,496 It's all because of my high school history teacher, Mr. Stickelmeyer. 117 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,264 - He was a Nazi. - Oh, come on. 118 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,828 A lot of students don't like their teachers... 119 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,772 No, I mean it. 120 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:32,903 He was part of a nefarious plot by the Germans to teach misinformation 121 00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:38,417 so America's youth would be really stupid when the Germans invaded. 122 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:43,483 St. Olaf was the first town chosen for their experiment. 123 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:46,993 I guess they figured they had a leg-up there. 124 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,654 His orders came right from the top. 125 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,960 - You mean Hitler? - Who's Hitler? 126 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,569 You are bad at history. 127 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:03,342 Girls, I am just beside myself. Fidel's seein' another woman. 128 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,139 - Are you sure? - Yes. 129 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:09,046 We used to see each other constantly. Now I'm lucky to see him twice a week. 130 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:12,141 If he's not seeing another woman, what else could he be doing? 131 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,154 Maybe he paints, like Red Skelton. 132 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,353 Rose, would you hand me my grade book? 133 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,416 - Sure. - Thank you. 134 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,931 - You were saying, Blanche? - Well, it's just breaking my heart. 135 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:34,371 I've never cared for a man as much as Fidel Santa Domingo. 136 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:37,001 - Santiago. - Oh, whatever. 137 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:42,939 The point is, he's rich, he's handsome and we were made for each other. 138 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,484 - Even if I don't speak Mexican. - Spanish. 139 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,782 Whatever. 140 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:51,381 - I just don't know what I'm gonna do. - Oh, now calm down, Blanche. 141 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:55,019 There's probably a very logical explanation. 142 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,461 You know, you're probably right. 143 00:09:57,531 --> 00:10:00,500 Oh, why would Fidel want another woman? 144 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:06,062 After all, he's dipped his toes in the lake known as Blanche. 145 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,706 That wasn't stupid enough to deserve a hit? 146 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,681 Do you know what I'm gonna do? 147 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,723 Put your hands down, Rose. 148 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:29,194 Since we all had such a bad day, let's all go out for dinner. It's on me. 149 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,856 - That sounds great. - I'll go get my purse. 150 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,526 Wow! Dinner out with the girls! 151 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:39,163 Oh, let's really get crazy. We'll eat Chinese and use forks. 152 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:45,836 I know, I know! We'll pretend it's one of our birthdays and screw 'em out of a cake. 153 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,972 Boy, if I wasn't going, I'd really be jealous of me. 154 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,609 But I am going, so it's all irrelevant. 155 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:55,052 Rose, did I hit you too hard before? 156 00:10:55,121 --> 00:11:00,991 No, not at all. I'm trying a new hairspray and it absorbs most of the impact. 157 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,531 - Thanks for dinner. It was delicious. - My pleasure. 158 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:15,166 I really enjoyed it too. I had such a good time, I forgot all about old what's-his-name. 159 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,937 - Fidel. - Oh, honey, I know what his name is. 160 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,138 No, I mean there he is. 161 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,182 And he has his arms around another woman. 162 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:26,946 - Fidel Santiago! - My papers are in order! 163 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,544 Oh... Hello, Blanche. 164 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:30,647 What in hell is goin' on here? 165 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:33,056 - Blanche... - How could you be so deceitful? 166 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:36,527 What is it? Is she younger, more attractive, more desirable? 167 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,463 You got two out of three, Blanche. 168 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,732 Sophia, what in hell is goin' on here? 169 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:54,508 He's a man, I'm a woman, I've got what it takes and he knows how to use it. 170 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,072 I think I'm gonna lose my lunch. 171 00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:00,483 - Blanche, listen... - Fidel, don't sugar-coat it for her. 172 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:05,388 Look, we happen to be an item. I'm wearing his MedicAlert bracelet. 173 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:09,451 - When did this start? - Well, I have been allergic to penicillin... 174 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:13,966 Oh, not that! I mean this sick relationship. 175 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,628 Por favor. let me explain. 176 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:21,697 I still care for you deeply. I did not mean for this to happen, it just did. 177 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:26,803 When I would go to pick you up, I would always talk to Sophia while I was waiting. 178 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,747 And to my delight, I found her to be very... 179 00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,977 Hot. 180 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,952 ...interesting. 181 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:38,889 Look, ladies, I am so glad that this is all out in the open. 182 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:44,157 You are both wonderful women, and I want to continue seeing both of you. 183 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,529 But of course that is a decision that you will have to make. 184 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,329 Now, if you will excuse me, 185 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:53,532 it's time for me to change into my third linen suit of the day. 186 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,474 In this heat I go through them like Kleenex. 187 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:03,906 Of all the nerve! How could he possibly think I'd continue seeing him? 188 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,508 Blanche Devereaux has never shared a man! 189 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,679 Or a pizza. 190 00:13:09,723 --> 00:13:13,420 And what does that mean, you wrinkled old crow? 191 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:17,827 It means Fidel is interested in more than just a cheap thrill. He also wants a mind. 192 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,457 Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see about that! 193 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,728 You're on, baby! 194 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:33,441 Fidel, stop! Even surgical stockings only have so much elastic! 195 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:40,377 Hello. I thought you two would be asleep by now. 196 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:47,016 Girls, this nightgown is so sheer I believe you can see right through it. 197 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,152 Oh, hello, Fidel. 198 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,322 Hello, Blanche. How are you? 199 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,457 You don't have cataracts - you tell me. 200 00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,903 Beat it, you 50-year-old mattress. 201 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,676 Why, you... you miserable old... 202 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,339 Blanche, Blanche, Blanche. You know the rules. 203 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:12,214 When one of you is out with Fidel, the other one does not interfere. 204 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,185 My apologies. 205 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:19,851 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a long, hot, steamy bath, 206 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:25,525 with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms. 207 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,034 You're only gonna sit in an inch of water? 208 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:36,435 Oh, that does it! That does it! 209 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,103 No, no, no, no, ladies! 210 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:44,446 Ladies, let us behave in a more civilized manner. 211 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,479 You're right. I apologize, Fidel. 212 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,749 So do I. 213 00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,485 - Well, good night. - Good night. 214 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,027 - See you at noon for lunch? - And six for dinner. 215 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:58,325 - Ten for dancing? - Midnight for dessert. 216 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,358 Dessert at midnight? 217 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,467 There's always room for Jell-O. 218 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,013 I just hate you. 219 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,276 I regret the day you ever moved in here. 220 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,410 And I regret the day I gave birth to you. 221 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,478 Ma! Ma, I'm your daughter. 222 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,757 (disappointed Oh, yeah. 223 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,629 I need a Bromo Seltzer. 224 00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:33,461 I need a cheesecake. 225 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:42,102 Blanche, I hate to see you and Sophia fighting like that. 226 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:45,770 She's trying to steal my man, and no one ever... 227 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:48,075 (all... steals a man from Blanche Devereaux. 228 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,138 Right. 229 00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:54,181 Blanche, this is all about your ego, isn't it? 230 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:59,254 Ego? Dorothy, I have no ego. 231 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,623 And you can ask the hundreds of men 232 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:05,721 who would gladly cut off their right arm to sleep with me. 233 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:11,031 I don't think you'd even still be dating Fidel if another woman wasn't interested in him. 234 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:16,235 Girls, look, I know it seems strange, but I happen to have strong feelings for Fidel. 235 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:21,303 I can't explain it. Some things in life defy explanation. 236 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,282 Yeah - like Bruce Willis's hair. 237 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:31,380 - Blanche, I wanna talk to you. - I'm in no mood to fight. 238 00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,823 Neither am I. That's what I wanna talk about. 239 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,418 We've been at each other's throats for weeks. 240 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:40,432 We've been running ourselves ragged trying to outdo each other. It has to stop. 241 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,593 I'm not giving Fidel up, Sophia. 242 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,695 I am. I'm fighting a losing battle. 243 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:50,266 You're younger, prettier... In the end he'll choose you and it'll break my heart. 244 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,676 He's yours, Blanche. No hard feelings. 245 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:57,011 Oh, Sophia, wait. 246 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,617 Why don't you take Fidel? I have all those other boyfriends. 247 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,713 OK. Good night. 248 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,229 Sophia! 249 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,665 Sophia! 250 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:23,606 Rose, I have a little surprise for you! 251 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,042 Cookies and milk! 252 00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:28,580 - Oh, my God, what's wrong? - Nothing's wrong. 253 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,981 You only do nice things for me when something terrible has happened. 254 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,383 Rose, you failed the history test. 255 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:38,356 - What does that mean? - It means you got more wrong than right. 256 00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:42,121 I know that - I didn't fail math. I was talking about the bigger picture. 257 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,096 It means you won't get your diploma. 258 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,930 Yeah? 259 00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:50,469 Well, you have a big behind. 260 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:56,633 Oh, Rose, Rose... Please, let's try to keep this on an adult level. 261 00:17:56,709 --> 00:18:01,703 And if you wanna talk behinds, they could show How the West Was Won on yours. 262 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,339 I can't believe this. 263 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:08,911 I'm sorry, Rose, but I have to grade you like everybody else. 264 00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:12,947 Well, look, Dorothy, you made a mistake. I got that question right. 265 00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:16,962 Rose, the question was "Who was the leader of the Third Reich?" 266 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:21,091 You wrote "Fritz Stickelmeyer," your high school history teacher. 267 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:24,227 The correct answer is Adolf Hitler. 268 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,604 Where's my history book? 269 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,272 - Is this the man we're talking about? - Yes, that is Adolf Hitler. 270 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:40,513 You can call him whatever you want, but that's Fritz Stickelmeyer. 271 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:46,320 I'm as sure of that as I am that's Eva Braun standing next to him. 272 00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,860 You recognize Eva Braun? 273 00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:53,622 Well, sure. She was our high school P.E. teacher. 274 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,032 It was rumored she used to date Mr. Stickelmeyer. 275 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:03,240 Rose, that's it. I just can't take any more. 276 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:07,575 With this question right, you have a D minus. 277 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,275 Rose, you're a high school graduate. 278 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,942 Oh, boy! 279 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:18,452 Sophia! Sophia, I'm a high school graduate! 280 00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:23,655 Congratulations. Now you can get any job involving a cardboard hat. 281 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:26,289 Well, how do I look? 282 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:29,857 Hey, terrific! Where are you going tonight? 283 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:35,602 Fidel is taking me to the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater to see Ruth Buzzi in Evita. 284 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,508 Dorothy, how do I... Where are you going? 285 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,773 To the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater with Fidel. 286 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:44,476 But that's impossible. He invited me yesterday after the movies. 287 00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,917 - He invited me yesterday after dinner. - This was bound to happen. 288 00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:52,720 The two of you have run that man ragged for weeks. It's no wonder he got confused. 289 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,726 (phone rings) 290 00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:57,028 - Hello? - (Blanche) Confused? 291 00:19:57,096 --> 00:20:03,262 How could he possibly confuse this young, nubile body with that raisin in sneakers? 292 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,368 Well, there's only one way to settle this. I'm going. 293 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,068 The hell you are! I'm going. 294 00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:13,772 Neither one of you is going. Fidel isn't coming. 295 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,108 Where is he? 296 00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:18,550 - We killed him. - I know. 297 00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:21,678 We might as well have put a gun to poor Fidel's head. 298 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,382 We were too much woman for him. 299 00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:28,926 His spirit was willing, but his poor heart couldn't take it. 300 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:32,396 It's all our fault. Our silly competitiveness did this. 301 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:37,198 Oh, come on, you two. The man was in his seventies. These things just happen. 302 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,239 You had nothing to do with his heart giving out. 303 00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:44,742 Dorothy, everyone here is a woman. 304 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,709 We are gathered here today 305 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:52,240 to honor the memory of a man who has suddenly been taken from us. 306 00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:55,879 What are you looking at me for? Just keep talking. 307 00:20:56,455 --> 00:21:02,223 Fidel Santiago was a very special man. He was kind, caring and loving. 308 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:06,493 He was a man who brought joy into the lives of all he touched. 309 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,898 (mass sobbing) 310 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:15,836 I have the feeling he touched every behind in the room. 311 00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:18,843 Fidel Santiago lived life... 312 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:22,210 Excuse me, Father. Hold that thought. 313 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,079 Which of you was Fidel's girlfriend? 314 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,709 (Blanche) Oh! 315 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:32,453 My God, he had his burro hitched to every bedpost in town! 316 00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:35,818 But that's good news, girls. 317 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:41,595 That means your cheap, animal-like lust didn't have anything to do with killing Fidel. 318 00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:46,900 I'm leaving. I'm not about to mourn a man who's been with every woman in this room. 319 00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:49,066 He was never with me. 320 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:52,110 I guess even he had his standards. 321 00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:58,277 Hold it. Stay where you are. 322 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:03,516 Father, if you don't mind my saying so, I think you lost control of the room. 323 00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:05,216 Excuse me. 324 00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:07,555 The man in that box was a bum. 325 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,552 A scoundrel, a cheat and a liar. 326 00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:14,464 - You got that right. - Quiet. I work alone. 327 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:20,469 But there was another side to him, and it was beautiful. 328 00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:25,806 He awakened feelings in me I haven't felt in 35 years. 329 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:30,872 We used to hug and kiss and hold hands, and it was nice. 330 00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:35,278 He made me feel attractive and desirable again. 331 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:39,051 He probably made the rest of you feel that way too. 332 00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:43,619 And looking out at this kennel club, that was no small accomplishment. 333 00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:48,961 You may all hate Fidel right now, 334 00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:54,803 but I know the next time I'm sitting in the park on a warm sunny day, 335 00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:58,173 and I smell the aroma of a cheap cigar... 336 00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:01,538 I'll think of Fidel Santiago... 337 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,148 and I'll smile. 338 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,748 - Oh, Ma, that was very sweet. - Just lovely, Sophia. 339 00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:14,884 Sophia, can you ever forgive me for all those ugly things I said? 340 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,087 Of course. It was said in the heat of battle. 341 00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:20,530 You know, if I had it all to do over again, I'd let you have Fidel. 342 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:26,037 You're so generous! The man's packing material, now you're letting me have him? 343 00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,630 I have coat racks livelier than him! 344 00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:30,369 She's giving him to me. 345 00:23:30,443 --> 00:23:34,072 The man's face has more powder on it than Ann Miller's and she's giving him to me. 346 00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:36,944 A piece of lumber would make a better dancing partner! 347 00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:39,883 Thanks for niente!