1 00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:03,029 Well, it's come to this. 2 00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:05,401 We're drinking with our baby in a bar. 3 00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:10,034 It is not a bar. It's a restaurant that happens to have a bar. 4 00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:12,271 Ergo, we are good parents. 5 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:15,473 Unrelated, I'm getting faced right now. Papa needs a grease coat. 6 00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:19,075 While it is heartwarming to watch your firstborn teethe on a jalapeño popper... 7 00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:20,813 wasn't Mickey gonna watch him today? 8 00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:23,082 My dad's out all week. He's got the sniffles. 9 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:26,091 For someone who survived numerous beatings from loan sharks... 10 00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:29,458 he has a surprisingly delicate constitution. 11 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:32,623 Well, my semester's over, and the GNB building is finally done. 12 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,633 If you guys want, I'm free to watch Marvin. 13 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,465 I'm meeting with a headhunter next week, uh, to line up my next project. 14 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,129 But until then, what the hell? 15 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,730 Ted, although a "what the hell" attitude... 16 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,743 is incredibly sought after in a babysitter... 17 00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:47,905 - I think that Lily and Marshall probably... - You're hired. 18 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,573 Now that we've been parents for a while... 19 00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,277 we realize that pretty much any moron can take care of a baby. 20 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,013 Thank you. 21 00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:56,678 Mine! 22 00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,815 - Ow. - Delicious and mine. 23 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:03,924 But they do look yummy-yum-yum, mister. 24 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:11,003 No. No! What have I done? 25 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,096 Oh, I'm so sorry, Cornelius. 26 00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:16,438 You deserve a better end than this! 27 00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:19,808 What? You got ketchup on a red tie. You can't even see it. 28 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,475 Come on. Come on. 29 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,485 Clear. 30 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,783 I'm going in. 31 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,694 Oh, my God. Damn it, guys. We lost him. 32 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,958 And he was so close to retirement. 33 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,863 Just this morning he said to me... 34 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,562 "I'm getting too old for this shirt." 35 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:46,264 I know, dude. 36 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:56,973 Oh, my God. 37 00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,144 You are such a good folder. 38 00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:04,088 That's, like, The Gap-good. 39 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,818 Robin. 40 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:10,719 Let's go hit the bar... a-at this restaurant. 41 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,594 L-I think they have a bar here. 42 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:18,660 - Okay, what was that? - What was what? 43 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:21,229 The "dumb cheerleader flirting with the quarterback" thing? 44 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:25,437 You looked like you were gonna chase Barney down with a sixer of watermelon wine coolers. 45 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:28,174 Okay, first of all, those bad girls come in fourskis. 46 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:33,242 And second, why would I be flirting with Barney? I'm not interested in him. 47 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,617 And I made that very clear... 48 00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:38,418 with something that I did... recently. 49 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,220 Just spill it. 50 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:44,593 The other week, Barney made a move, but I turned him down. 51 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:48,532 I felt awful for closing the door in his face, but he realized I was right. 52 00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,126 I'm done trying to get you. 53 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:52,694 I can't do it anymore. 54 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,706 - And now I get it. - Get what? 55 00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:57,208 You may have closed the door on Barney, but he locked it. 56 00:02:57,277 --> 00:03:00,246 - What? No, he didn't. - Yeah, he got the last word. 57 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:03,043 And now you want what you can't have, like you always do. 58 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,710 It's the classic lobster situation. 59 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,753 I'm afraid you're allergic to lobster. 60 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:11,449 You can never, ever, ever have it. 61 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:22,395 Oh, this is delicious! 62 00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:26,063 Once you learned you couldn't have lobster, you became obsessed. 63 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:29,233 Barney's the same thing, and this is gonna blow up in your face... 64 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,402 just like the lobster blew up your face. 65 00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,911 Wrong. This is nothing like lobster. 66 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:37,108 Okay. Just remember, you can never hook up with Barney again. 67 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:38,411 Never... 68 00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:44,013 Ever, ever, ever, ever. 69 00:03:58,171 --> 00:03:59,604 Oh, no. 70 00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:02,197 Marshall, Lily and Ted can't make it for viable reasons... 71 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,867 I just learned via this text message... 72 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,706 I accidentally deleted. 73 00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,939 Guess it's just gonna be you and me. 74 00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:09,606 - Fine by me. - Me too. 75 00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:14,278 Totally, super fine. 76 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:17,380 Hey, there, Scherbats, your voice of reason here. What ya doin'? 77 00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,049 I hope you don't mind, but I was hungry... 78 00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,150 so I ordered MacLaren's new special. 79 00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,991 I couldn't eat lunch at work because they ordered... 80 00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,655 Thai food. 81 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,723 I miss you, Cornelius! 82 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,825 Oh, my God. 83 00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:33,167 You're so sensitive and deep. 84 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,264 No, you're better than this. 85 00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:37,901 Barney is not like lobster. 86 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:41,743 Okay, that's unfortunate, but it doesn't mean you have to hook up with Barney. 87 00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:44,282 - Whoa! - God, you said that out loud! 88 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,784 - No, I didn't. - How would you know? You're out of control. 89 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:49,981 Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you, bitch? 90 00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:53,992 Um, billion-dollar idea alert. 91 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,961 Why should bibs only be socially acceptable when you're eating lobster? 92 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,396 If we could wear them all the time, then Corny... 93 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,956 Would still be with us right now. 94 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,502 I miss. 95 00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:07,937 Picture a bib that looks like your suit. 96 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,805 - A collar, a tie, a jacket. - Mm-hmm. 97 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,936 Attagir!. Keep it cool. 98 00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:15,913 I could call them bro bibs. 99 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,506 That's interesting. 100 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:21,849 Yeah, you got this. I'm sorry I called you a bitch. 101 00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:26,881 - What do you think? - Oh, that idea is amaze-balls! 102 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,951 That's it. I'm outta here. 103 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:36,135 I'm out of control. I came this close to telling Barney that I wanted him. 104 00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:39,467 Robin, as your friend, I gotta be honest. 105 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,440 I think this bro-bibs thing is a frickin' gold mine. 106 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,238 What? No, Lily, I really need advice. 107 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:48,109 Okay. Invest now, seriously. 108 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,445 It's like Apple at $10.00 a share. 109 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,246 - Lily, please. - Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just... 110 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,310 I'm-I'm a little distracted. 111 00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,948 I... I gotta get upstairs and check on Ted and Marvin. 112 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,687 Can we please just talk about this bro-bib thing another time? 113 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,827 How was your day? 114 00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:09,800 Good, although I think I just saw a woman with a full beard outside. 115 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,996 - Marvin crawled! - What? 116 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:14,801 - He-He's never done that before! - I know! 117 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,866 I think I just saw a guy with breasts outside. 118 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:21,141 - Marvin crawled. I can't believe it. - Believe it. 119 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,842 - I took a video for ya. - Oh. 120 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:27,181 You're doing it, Marvin. Go! Go! Go, go, go! 121 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:31,280 Oh. Your Uncle Ted is so proud. 122 00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:34,758 Whoops. Guess I had the camera flipped. 123 00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,421 I... I use it to check my teeth for debris. 124 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:42,457 Ooh, sounds like somebody's "crawling" me. 125 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,271 Oh, sweetie. 126 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:51,140 Oh, come on. Lil, listen. So we missed the first time he crawled. 127 00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:54,270 So what? We'll see it the next time. I promise. 128 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:55,867 Oh, my God! He just did it again! 129 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,715 Guys, get in here. Marvin can't stop crawling. 130 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,988 He's Holden Crawl-field! Get in here right now! 131 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,891 No, nope. It's over. 132 00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:15,532 Okay, hey, I know. Baby, I know. I know. But listen. 133 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:18,399 There will be plenty of other Marvin firsts. 134 00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:21,634 His first day at school. His first trip to meet Santa. 135 00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:25,404 His first touchdown pass for the 2032 Super Bowl Champion Vikings. 136 00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:28,504 No pressure. I'll love him even if he runs the ball into the end zone. 137 00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,709 - Okay. - So can we please just let this crawling thing go? 138 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,844 Yeah, okay. You're right. I mean, I... I'm being nuts. 139 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,515 - We'll-We'll-We'll see it when we see it. - Yeah. 140 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,057 Do it. 141 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:43,061 If you ever wanna see these boobs again, crawl, you son of a me. 142 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,687 Come on, Lil. 143 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:48,598 You know what they say. A watched tot never crawls. 144 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:54,333 Or calls you later in life after it sees this disturbing footage. 145 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,602 Hey, Lily, Marshall. 146 00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:58,871 Uh, Lily, we-we need to talk. 147 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,742 Oh, that sounds serious! 148 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,941 Oh, you guys should talk about it down at the bar until after Marvin's asleep. 149 00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:06,883 And if you wanna stay there until after SportsCenter is over, that's fine too. 150 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,443 Ooh. 151 00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:13,285 Keep shooting. If you miss it, I'm leaving you. 152 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,059 Yeah, that seems about right. 153 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,193 Sorry if I'm bad company. 154 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:28,366 I'm not sure anything's gonna take my mind off of missing Marvin's first crawl. 155 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,773 Lily, I've had a revelation. 156 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:33,641 Bro bibs for women. Bitch bibs! 157 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,546 You know Barney's gonna sue us, but, damn it, let's just go for it. 158 00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:40,211 No, Lily, this is serious. When that doctor told me I couldn't eat lobster... 159 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,481 and I did it anyway, it almost killed me. 160 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:46,150 But here's the thing. I never wanted lobster again. 161 00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:49,888 So, the solution is obvious. The only way to get Barney out of my system... 162 00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:54,262 is to get him into my system... one last time. 163 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:56,733 - It's brilliant, right? - Not brilliant at all. 164 00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:58,667 - Thanks for being on board. - Not on board. 165 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,228 - It means a lot. - Big mistake. 166 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,103 You're my girl. 167 00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:06,235 Now it's just a question of how to get him. 168 00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:12,106 Hey, Robin, I just got your text! What's the big emergency? 169 00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:14,744 Hi, Barney. You seem like you run fast. 170 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,180 - Do you want me to fan you with my Us magazine? - He's fine. 171 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:20,317 Thanks, Patrice. 172 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,258 Oh, thank goodness you're here. 173 00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,193 I just got this new printer... 174 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,255 and I need somebody big and strong to take it to my office for me. 175 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,358 I promise to repay you. 176 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,528 We'll do it for you, Robin! 177 00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,596 Don't you have a late-breaking weather story to cover, Brandi? 178 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:37,370 Oh, I did it already. It rained. 179 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:41,573 Well, I gotta jump on a big bro-bibs conference call. 180 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:46,175 The lawyer from Dude Aprons is really busting my balls. See ya. 181 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:50,552 Nobody asked for your help, Patrice! 182 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:53,820 You either, Brandi! 183 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,788 Hey, hey! 184 00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:01,492 What are you guys doing slobbering all over my friend? 185 00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,728 Oh, Barney, don't be jealous. 186 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:07,239 If you're gonna drool, do it in style! 187 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,639 ♪♪ Just go to brobibs. Com. 188 00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:13,076 We've got every look in the book. 189 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:15,136 The Business Casual. 190 00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,306 The Preppy. 191 00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:22,319 The Robin Williams. 192 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:27,052 Bib up! 193 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:30,653 Bro Bibs is in no way affiliated with, inspired by or derivative of Dude Aprons. 194 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,335 Hey there. 195 00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,564 Hey! 196 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,866 It is so good to see you. 197 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,937 Thanks, Robin! This game affects my league score. 198 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,978 Look, I don't agree with your lobster quest... 199 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,147 but I can't stand watching you make a fool of yourself. 200 00:10:57,223 --> 00:11:00,090 You want the fix? I got the fix. 201 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,490 Back in college... 202 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,755 it was love at first sight for me and Marshall. 203 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:06,855 But when it came to making the first move, well... 204 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,923 he needed help. 205 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:12,869 So I took matters into my own hands. 206 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,635 - Let's get out of here. - Mmm. 207 00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:23,142 You just need a girl who, I don't know, gets a few drinks in her... 208 00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,809 and wants to have fun and put on a show. 209 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:29,787 And it drives guys crazy 'cause you both don't even care. 210 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,050 It's just stupid and fun. 211 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:35,093 Oh, Lily, that sounds perfect. Thank you. 212 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:39,291 Mmm. Just stupid, stupid and fun. 213 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,061 Hmm. 214 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,396 Who the hell is that? 215 00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:50,970 Hey, guys, Barney. 216 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:54,809 This is Brandi, my fun friend from work who just doesn't even care. 217 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,110 Hello, Brandi. 218 00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:59,242 Congratulations on the gig. 219 00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:02,515 Aw, thank you! World Wide News is an amazing place to work. 220 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:05,614 Not that gig, sweetheart. 221 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,456 - Marshall! - What? 222 00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:16,125 Ow! 223 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:20,366 It's late. I'm so tipsy. 224 00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:22,839 It is late. We should get out of here. 225 00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:27,609 So, Brandi... 226 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:31,047 you ever sneak into the studio and do it in front of the weather map? 227 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:32,812 No. Why do you ask? 228 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,284 No reason. 229 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:39,184 Someone's about to get unseasonably banged. 230 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:43,388 Damn it! 231 00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:44,861 What did I do wrong? 232 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,524 - Nothing. It was awesome. - Oh, Marshall, let it go! 233 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,035 - Hey. - Hey, Lily Pad. 234 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:58,543 So don't be upset. Ted took Marvin shopping... 235 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:03,241 and sort of bought him all his winter clothes. 236 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,844 Get ready for our star runway model. 237 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,649 Or should I say our star crawl-way model? 238 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,747 He's doing it again, guys! Get in here! 239 00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:13,485 No, nope. It's over. 240 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,925 - That's it. Ted's fired. - What? Fired? 241 00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:18,555 No, come on. Lily, he's helping us out. 242 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,397 Plus, next week, your dad will be back, and Ted has the meeting with that headhunter. 243 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,060 Let's just stay cool. 244 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:28,266 Starting at quarterback, the pride of Cleveland... 245 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:31,434 Marvin Eriksen. Right? 246 00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,172 Right, guys? He's gonna be a little Browns fan. 247 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:38,745 Oh, by the way, I canceled that meeting with the headhunter... 248 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,445 so I can take care of Marvin next week. 249 00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:42,714 What? No, no. My dad will be better by then. 250 00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,882 Oh, I gave Mickey the month off. It's supposed to snow, and, uh... 251 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,893 Uncle Ted doesn't want to miss Marvin's first sleigh ride. 252 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,223 You're fired. 253 00:13:57,903 --> 00:14:02,237 Marvin has a bib with little... little dinosaurs on it. Maybe you should make one like that. 254 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,106 Bro bibs are for grown men wearing bibs, Ted. 255 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,577 I don't want them looking like idiots. 256 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,176 Lily, Marshall, you know you can't keep him away from me. 257 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,845 - He's gonna start asking questions. - Calm down, Ted. 258 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,718 We-We just wanted to apologize. We overreacted before. 259 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,781 Mm-hmm. 260 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,226 Meet us at the swim class you apparently signed Marvin up for. 261 00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,786 Bubble Buddies? I'd love to... 262 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,231 I mean, I'll have to check my "skedge." 263 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,666 Sorry. When I'm excited, I abbreviate words I shouldn't. 264 00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,966 Come on, Ted. What do you say? 265 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:35,131 Fab. Perf. Sorry. 266 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:38,074 See you at B-Buds. Bubble Buddies. Sorry. 267 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:45,415 Augie. Jayden. Dylan. Girl Dylan. 268 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,582 - Hey, Ted. - Hey. Where's Marvin? 269 00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:52,522 Does Coach Amber have him warming up in the Jacuzz? Sorry again. Okay. 270 00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,718 Oh, hey, buddy, listen. 271 00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:58,991 We wanted to talk to you about how you've kind of been overdoing it with Marvin. 272 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,531 I haven't been overdoing it. 273 00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:03,067 Ted, we're in a baby swim class... 274 00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:05,000 and clearly you've done something extreme... 275 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,368 to get the naming rights to that lollipop bin. 276 00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,170 Look, I-I think that we've figured out what's going on with you. 277 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,939 You see, a-after we let you go... 278 00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,674 What is this? 279 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,477 "Marvin's Book of Firsts"? 280 00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:31,852 Ted took Marvin to see Santa? 281 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,628 Oh, I am gonna take this book, and I'm gonna shove it so far up his... 282 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:39,034 The point is it made us remember another scrapbook you made. 283 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,180 That project really was your baby... 284 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:55,345 and now it's over, and you're scared to move on. 285 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:58,686 I poured my blood, sweat and tears into that building. 286 00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:00,622 Though to be fair, a lot of that happened... 287 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,719 the day I accidentally fell down the elevator shaft. 288 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,060 The point is it's-it's just really hard to let go... 289 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,451 especially when that building is my biggest accomplishment. 290 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,095 I mean, maybe if I was where you guys are at in life... 291 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,105 with all you have to be proud of. 292 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,304 We get it, okay? 293 00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:21,437 You're-You're always gonna be Uncle Ted. 294 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,815 But if Marvin can't be your next project... 295 00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,714 you need one of your own. 296 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:29,413 And so we rescheduled your meeting with that headhunter. 297 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,888 He's-He's over there. 298 00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:36,553 Which one is he? 299 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,186 - Thanks, guys. - Mm-hmm. 300 00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:39,943 Marvin and I are lucky you're our parents. 301 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,398 Aw. 302 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,367 Oh, hey, Ted. 303 00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:45,027 Kind of a big professional meeting. 304 00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:48,972 - You might wanna trade out that lollipop for a shirt. - Yeah. 305 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,532 - I'll just give it to one of these kids. - Oh, buddy. 306 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,510 - What? - You're half-naked. 307 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:57,640 You're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer 'em candy. 308 00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,546 I can't believe Barney went home with Brandi. 309 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,952 I should've asked you to do that play with me. 310 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,423 Well, it's too late now, isn't it? 311 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:09,290 There he is. Straddle me. Start grinding. Nothing's off-limits. 312 00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:15,129 So, last night, Brandi and I got to the WWN studios... 313 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:20,228 and my high-pressure system was ready to slam into her warm front. 314 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:23,138 The studio's unlocked. The weather map's up. 315 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,700 Ready to do it in 17 different states at once? 316 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:30,977 Um, actually, I don't think I want that. 317 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:36,316 I'm sorry. I'm-I'm... I'm gonna go. 318 00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:40,690 - Wait, you didn't sleep with her? - Nope. 319 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:45,719 I spent the night thinking about how everything I've done since Quinn and I broke up... 320 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,096 has been a cry for help. 321 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:51,364 Dressing a dog up like me, hooking up with all those nannies. 322 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,496 - Bro bibs? - No, those are solid. 323 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,504 I still want in. 324 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:58,270 And I realized that I'm searching... 325 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:00,937 searching for what I really want in life. 326 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:05,882 And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is. 327 00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:09,182 Wow. Barney... 328 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,815 But I'm going to figure it out. 329 00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:14,381 I have to. 330 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,287 Good night, guys. 331 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:21,658 God, I feel awful. 332 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,826 Barney is going through something big... 333 00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:28,999 and I've been obsessing about one stupid, final hookup to get him out of my system. 334 00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:34,102 He needs space and time to figure things out. 335 00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:37,045 And I have to give it to him. 336 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,517 Robin? What are you doing... 337 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,248 It's okay if you don't know what you want in life... 338 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:48,221 as long as you know what you want... 339 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,284 tonight. 340 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:55,529 Well, I do know what I want. 341 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,668 Hi, Robin! 342 00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,832 Nobody asked you here, Patrice! 343 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,504 Actually, I did, last night. 344 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:12,277 - Let me go see if the studio's open. - Hmm. All right. 345 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,344 Oh, hi, Barney. 346 00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,448 I'm working late. What are you doing here? 347 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:24,321 I'm... 348 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,762 I don't know what I'm doing... here. 349 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:32,432 Barney, I don't know you that well, but are you okay? 350 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,699 Yeah. What do you mean? 351 00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:38,140 Well, whenever I see someone unhappy, I get the urge to give them cookies. 352 00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,371 And I really wanna give you cookies right now. 353 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:46,707 - Cookie? - You're lame. No, thanks. 354 00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:49,117 You sure? They're heart-shaped. 355 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,917 Sorry, a couple of them are broken. 356 00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:54,550 I know how they feel. I'd love one. 357 00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:58,619 After that, I sent Brandi packing, and Patrice and I talked all night. 358 00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:02,758 We're... kind of on a date right now. 359 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:06,395 But... if you'd like to throw on some clothes and join us for crazy eights... 360 00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:10,931 I can deal you in! My deck has puppies on it! Arf, arf! 361 00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:15,135 Um... 362 00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:19,944 I gotta go. 363 00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:28,789 Look, I still feel bad I went too far with all the Marvin firsts... 364 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,691 the Santa thing, especially. 365 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,286 I mean, I should have known. 366 00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:33,797 Are you sure you guys forgive me? 367 00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,992 - Don't worry. No grudges. - Absolutely. 368 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,865 Great. Next round's on me. 369 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,426 Mm-hmm. 370 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,200 Coming, honey. 371 00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:44,765 Okay, you guys have all the numbers... my cell... 372 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,004 the restaurant, Center for Disease Control. 373 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:51,516 - She's with her Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall. - Nothing's gonna happen. 374 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,483 You're right. You're totally right. 375 00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:56,453 - Okay. - Bye, sweetie. 376 00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:59,388 - Here, you... Oh. - Mmm. 377 00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:03,459 - Get outta here, ya crazy. - Would you get out of here already? 378 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:11,202 Who's ready to meet Santa? Yeah.