0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800
English Subtitles. 
Two and a Half Men S03E21 - And the Plot Moistens - Web-DL [KoTuWa]

1
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,881
Alan, do you ever fantasize
when we're making love?

2
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:12,053
Well, occasionally I pretend
that I'm better looking.

3
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:14,972
What about you?

4
00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:19,769
Sometimes I imagine we're
in the middle of a big department store.

5
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:21,896
Having sex?

6
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:24,690
No, shopping.

7
00:00:25,441 --> 00:00:28,903
Why would I fantasize about having sex
while I'm having sex?

8
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:33,699
Do you think about ham and cheese
when you're eating a sandwich?

9
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,577
Can't argue with that.

10
00:00:39,163 --> 00:00:41,958
What you thinking?

11
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:48,256
Nothing really. I just...
I got a call from Jake's school today.

12
00:00:48,422 --> 00:00:51,133
You know who called me?
Jessica Murray.

13
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,343
Oh, who's that?

14
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,804
A friend of mine.

15
00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:59,100
Yeah, well...

16
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:03,521
Anyway, Jake's mom and I have to go to
a parent-teacher conference tomorrow...

17
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,856
...and I don't really know
what it's about.

18
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:12,113
Hey, do you ever pretend
your toes are little people?

19
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,031
What? No.

20
00:01:14,198 --> 00:01:19,245
Sometimes I make believe they're
different families playing Family Feud.

21
00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,664
All right, let's meet our champions.

22
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:28,170
He goes to market, she stays home,
please welcome the Piggy family.

23
00:01:28,337 --> 00:01:29,714
Hi, everybody.

24
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:35,469
You' re going down Piggy family.
You're going down.

25
00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:43,519
- Hey.
- Hey.

26
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:48,983
He's shooting 51 percent
from beyond the arc. That's pretty good.

27
00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:58,534
How's it going?

28
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,161
Forget it, Alan.

29
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:05,332
I only do the apr�s-sex chat
with people I've just had sex with.

30
00:02:05,499 --> 00:02:09,003
Come on. She's playing
Family Feud with her toes.

31
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:13,382
I don't care if she's playing banjo
with her nipples.

32
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:17,219
I need to communicate
after lovemaking. I need to share.

33
00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:20,014
You should have thought of that
before boinking a girl...

34
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,807
...with the IQ of Tickle Me Elmo.

35
00:02:25,269 --> 00:02:27,313
Fine.

36
00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:29,774
Hey, Berta. How's it going?

37
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,066
Back off, zippy.

38
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:34,862
You want pillow talk,
you gotta spoon me first.

39
00:02:51,628 --> 00:02:54,715
I suppose I could talk about
his grades again...

40
00:02:54,881 --> 00:02:58,719
...but I think we all agree
that ship has pretty much sailed.

41
00:03:00,303 --> 00:03:02,764
So why did you wanna see us?

42
00:03:02,931 --> 00:03:07,894
Well, I'm concerned
that even outside of the classroom...

43
00:03:08,061 --> 00:03:11,690
...Jake has no interest in anything
that goes on around here.

44
00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:16,611
Now, hang on. He speaks very highly
of your hot lunch program.

45
00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:22,659
Well, I was talking more about hobbies
or extracurricular activities.

46
00:03:22,826 --> 00:03:24,786
Well, I don't know about his father...

47
00:03:24,953 --> 00:03:27,873
...but I've tried to share
some of my interests with him.

48
00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:32,335
Unfortunately, he's a little young
to drink in the dark and bitch about men.

49
00:03:37,257 --> 00:03:39,468
You know...

50
00:03:39,634 --> 00:03:44,723
...I was kind of lacking in focus
when I was his age too...

51
00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:47,058
...till I got bit by the old theater bug.

52
00:03:47,225 --> 00:03:49,895
Too bad you didn't get bit
by the old rabid squirrel.

53
00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:55,901
You know, I'm organizing
a drama club.

54
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:58,904
Would that be something
Jake would have any interest in...

55
00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:01,448
...or do you think he gets
enough drama at home?

56
00:04:03,825 --> 00:04:05,660
All the world's a stage.

57
00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,287
And we are merely players.

58
00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:14,711
Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.

59
00:04:18,381 --> 00:04:20,133
She say what I'm in trouble for?

60
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,135
Nope.

61
00:04:22,302 --> 00:04:24,721
Boy, it's the not knowing
that drives you crazy.

62
00:04:24,888 --> 00:04:28,225
Yeah, like a pregnancy test.

63
00:04:28,391 --> 00:04:30,060
Yeah.

64
00:04:30,227 --> 00:04:32,395
I don't get it.

65
00:04:35,982 --> 00:04:39,110
Yes. In your face, Opie.

66
00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:40,946
This game stinks.

67
00:04:41,112 --> 00:04:42,781
No, you stink at it.

68
00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:44,741
That was my lunch money.

69
00:04:44,908 --> 00:04:47,702
Oh, your lunch money,
why didn't you tell me?

70
00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:51,248
Boo-freaking-hoo. Pack a sandwich.

71
00:04:52,457 --> 00:04:55,418
Okay, Jake, well, we talked
to Miss Sheffield.

72
00:04:55,585 --> 00:04:57,045
I'm sorry.

73
00:04:57,212 --> 00:05:00,924
- What are you sorry about?
- I'm...

74
00:05:01,424 --> 00:05:04,052
I'm sorry I interrupted you. Go ahead.

75
00:05:04,678 --> 00:05:08,848
It would be a good idea if you got
involved in extracurricular activities.

76
00:05:09,015 --> 00:05:10,392
Oh, okay.

77
00:05:10,558 --> 00:05:13,270
Great, great.
We'll talk about it at home.

78
00:05:16,731 --> 00:05:19,109
Do you know
what an "extracurricular activity" is?

79
00:05:19,276 --> 00:05:22,237
Who cares? I'm off the hook.

80
00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:42,424
- What do you think?
- What was this all about?

81
00:05:42,590 --> 00:05:45,343
- It's choreography.
- It's gay.

82
00:05:45,969 --> 00:05:47,512
Okay.
Forget about the movements.

83
00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:49,180
- Just try singing the song.
- No.

84
00:05:49,347 --> 00:05:52,225
- Why not?
- Because it's gay.

85
00:05:53,852 --> 00:05:54,894
Don't encourage him.

86
00:05:55,061 --> 00:05:57,480
Don't make him sing
Gilbert and Sullivan.

87
00:05:58,023 --> 00:06:01,776
He needs something to audition for the
school musical. You teach him a song.

88
00:06:01,943 --> 00:06:03,695
- Why don't you let him choose?
- Jake.

89
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:08,408
- Tell you uncle what you wanted to sing.
- It's called "Whup That Stanky Ho."

90
00:06:13,663 --> 00:06:16,499
All right. There's gotta be
some middle ground here.

91
00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:19,461
- You like classic rock, right?
- Yeah.

92
00:06:19,627 --> 00:06:21,129
Okay, well, pick a band.

93
00:06:21,963 --> 00:06:23,298
How about Queen?

94
00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:26,384
Oh, good. I was afraid
he was gonna pick something gay.

95
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:57,081
Doesn't sound right.

96
00:06:57,248 --> 00:06:59,793
You heard it too, huh?

97
00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:03,505
- You sure you played all the right notes?
- Yes, I'm sure.

98
00:07:03,671 --> 00:07:06,132
It doesn't sound anything like
Queen's version.

99
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,802
No, it doesn't.

100
00:07:08,968 --> 00:07:12,347
Why don't you work on it.
We'll try again tomorrow.

101
00:07:13,139 --> 00:07:16,142
Yeah, why don't I do that.

102
00:07:17,352 --> 00:07:19,020
The kid's a double threat:

103
00:07:19,187 --> 00:07:21,523
tone-deaf and arrogant.

104
00:07:23,274 --> 00:07:24,818
- Hey.
- Where have you been?

105
00:07:24,984 --> 00:07:26,277
Kandi called for you.

106
00:07:26,444 --> 00:07:28,154
Oh, I had to work late.

107
00:07:29,239 --> 00:07:32,075
Yeah, one of my regular patients
had a crisis.

108
00:07:32,242 --> 00:07:36,120
His name is Roger, he had
a couple of vertebrae pinching a nerve.

109
00:07:36,287 --> 00:07:38,289
- T oo bad.
- Nice guy, you'd like him.

110
00:07:39,332 --> 00:07:42,710
He restores old cars. Well, it's
actually more a hobby than a job.

111
00:07:42,877 --> 00:07:45,505
He works at Staples.
His name is Roger.

112
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:47,507
- Alan.
- Yeah?

113
00:07:47,674 --> 00:07:49,425
Why are you lying to me?

114
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,053
I don't know. I really suck at it.

115
00:07:52,595 --> 00:07:53,763
You do indeed.

116
00:07:55,473 --> 00:07:57,016
Don't you care where I was?

117
00:07:57,725 --> 00:07:59,727
Why would I start now?

118
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,356
Oh, come on, I really need to get this
off my chest.

119
00:08:03,523 --> 00:08:05,191
All right, go ahead.

120
00:08:06,901 --> 00:08:10,863
- I was with another woman.
- Okay, okay, see, that's a good lie.

121
00:08:11,698 --> 00:08:14,617
No, no. I really was
with another woman.

122
00:08:15,326 --> 00:08:17,579
Seriously?

123
00:08:17,745 --> 00:08:21,207
You're already doing a hot 22-year-old
and you're cheating on her?

124
00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:24,002
Yes.

125
00:08:25,378 --> 00:08:27,630
I am so proud of you.

126
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:33,303
- What?
- Who's the dog? My brother's the dog.

127
00:08:36,597 --> 00:08:39,726
Come on, dog. Come on, dog.
Howl with me.

128
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,278
No, stop howling and let me explain.

129
00:08:50,445 --> 00:08:52,196
There's nothing to explain.

130
00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:55,992
You're sleeping with two women
at the same time. You're a big old dog.

131
00:08:56,159 --> 00:08:58,619
No, I haven't been sleeping
with the other woman.

132
00:09:01,622 --> 00:09:03,166
I've been seeing Jake's teacher.

133
00:09:06,711 --> 00:09:07,795
All we do is talk.

134
00:09:11,799 --> 00:09:14,635
I don't know how to explain it.
We have so much in common.

135
00:09:14,802 --> 00:09:17,388
I mean, she's divorced.
She has a kid Jake's age.

136
00:09:17,555 --> 00:09:19,182
She reads. She likes the theater.

137
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,559
Yeah, yeah. But you're not
sleeping with her?

138
00:09:21,726 --> 00:09:25,855
- Why would I when I've got Kandi?
- I don't know. Because you can?

139
00:09:26,814 --> 00:09:29,525
It's not that kind of a relationship.
It's intellectual.

140
00:09:29,942 --> 00:09:34,113
So take her to a museum, enjoy
the exhibits and do her in the restroom.

141
00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:37,575
- You're missing the point.
- No, you're missing the point.

142
00:09:37,742 --> 00:09:39,577
Not getting laid, it's not cheating.

143
00:09:39,744 --> 00:09:43,748
- Then why do I feel so guilty?
- That's easy. Because you're an idiot.

144
00:09:44,207 --> 00:09:48,336
I guess I always thought that one woman
was supposed to fulfill all my needs.

145
00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:50,338
Oh, that's an old wives' tale.

146
00:09:50,505 --> 00:09:54,717
Started to protect the interests of,
you guessed it, old wives.

147
00:09:55,176 --> 00:09:58,012
So you're saying the whole concept
of monogamy is a fraud.

148
00:09:58,179 --> 00:10:01,224
- The institution of marriage is a sham?
- No, no, no.

149
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:04,769
I'm just saying, bang the teacher.

150
00:10:06,813 --> 00:10:10,191
Why does he make everything
so complicated?

151
00:10:16,613 --> 00:10:19,199
Here we go.

152
00:10:19,366 --> 00:10:22,077
"Blunderbuss."

153
00:10:22,244 --> 00:10:24,663
Very elegant use of my "under."

154
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:25,956
Thank you.

155
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:30,711
Boy. I have more vowels
than a Honolulu phone book.

156
00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:33,380
You're so clever, Alan.

157
00:10:33,547 --> 00:10:36,925
Thank you. You am smart too.

158
00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:42,139
- Hey, Alan, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Sure. Excuse me.

159
00:10:42,306 --> 00:10:43,932
Hurry back.

160
00:10:46,268 --> 00:10:47,478
What's up?

161
00:10:47,644 --> 00:10:51,190
- You tell me.
- Nothing, we're just playing Scrabble.

162
00:10:51,357 --> 00:10:52,524
And you're right.

163
00:10:52,691 --> 00:10:56,487
- There's nothing to feel guilty about.
- Good to know. Because Kandi's here.

164
00:10:59,448 --> 00:11:01,450
Oh, okay.

165
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:05,120
It's not a problem.
Here's what we do.

166
00:11:05,287 --> 00:11:08,165
- We?
- Come on, work with me.

167
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:13,003
You go cover for me with Kandi
and I'll get Francine the hell out of here.

168
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:15,255
But there was nothing
to feel guilty about.

169
00:11:15,422 --> 00:11:18,300
You know that and I know that,
now go lie to Kandi about it.

170
00:11:19,384 --> 00:11:22,638
Fine, I'll tell her you went to Staples
to see Roger.

171
00:11:22,805 --> 00:11:24,681
Who?

172
00:11:27,059 --> 00:11:31,188
- Hey, why don't we walk on the beach.
- What about the game?

173
00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:33,732
Screw the game, I concede.
You win, well-played.

174
00:11:34,691 --> 00:11:36,819
All right.

175
00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:38,570
It is a beautiful night.

176
00:11:38,737 --> 00:11:41,615
Yeah, yeah. Let's go enjoy it
on the beach. Chop-chop.

177
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:50,332
- Kandi?
- What?

178
00:11:50,499 --> 00:11:52,209
Alan must have slipped out.

179
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:55,212
- You're lying to me, Charlie.
- No, I'm not.

180
00:11:55,379 --> 00:11:57,005
Oh, okay.

181
00:11:57,172 --> 00:11:59,383
Wait, wait. Don't you wanna know
where he is?

182
00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:02,511
- Where who is?
- Alan.

183
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:05,222
Sure, why not.

184
00:12:05,931 --> 00:12:09,101
All right. The truth is...

185
00:12:09,268 --> 00:12:11,895
...Alan is out trying to find
the perfect gift for you.

186
00:12:12,062 --> 00:12:13,564
- Really?
- Yes.

187
00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:18,193
He wants to surprise you
with something extremely expensive.

188
00:12:20,028 --> 00:12:21,280
Can you give me a hint?

189
00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,031
Well, let's see.

190
00:12:23,198 --> 00:12:25,367
It's something
that's a girl's best friend...

191
00:12:25,534 --> 00:12:28,370
...and looks good
wrapped around their neck.

192
00:12:28,912 --> 00:12:32,082
I'm getting a monkey?

193
00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:37,838
No, no. Sweet Lord.

194
00:12:38,005 --> 00:12:39,673
A diamond necklace.

195
00:12:41,174 --> 00:12:42,342
That's nice too.

196
00:12:42,926 --> 00:12:45,262
Just remember,
you didn't hear it from me.

197
00:12:45,429 --> 00:12:47,347
Then who did I hear it from?

198
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:52,352
Nobody.

199
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,730
When he gives it to you,
act surprised.

200
00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:57,232
Don't worry, I'll be really surprised.

201
00:12:57,399 --> 00:12:59,860
Good. Good. Good.

202
00:13:00,027 --> 00:13:02,696
So will he.

203
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:39,316
That's... That's... That's terrific.

204
00:13:39,483 --> 00:13:41,985
- Do you wanna hear it again?
- No.

205
00:13:42,152 --> 00:13:44,196
We don't want you
to strain your voice.

206
00:13:44,363 --> 00:13:46,615
Do you think I'm gonna do okay
at the audition?

207
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:49,534
- You never know how these things go.
- Yeah.

208
00:13:50,035 --> 00:13:52,829
Just hope I have
a decent piano player.

209
00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:59,503
I thought you were working with him.
What's the problem?

210
00:13:59,669 --> 00:14:02,089
Okay, there's a technical term
we musicians use.

211
00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:06,551
Jake stinks.

212
00:14:07,052 --> 00:14:08,720
Well, is there anything we can do?

213
00:14:08,887 --> 00:14:11,973
We can hope "stinks"
suddenly becomes popular.

214
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:14,309
But I wouldn't count on it.

215
00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:18,105
Oh, by the way, you need
to buy Kandi a diamond necklace.

216
00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:19,815
What?

217
00:14:19,981 --> 00:14:23,026
You told me to cover.
I said you were out buying her jewelry.

218
00:14:23,193 --> 00:14:24,820
That's all you could think of?

219
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:29,699
Well, I could think of a lot of things
but only one made me laugh.

220
00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:33,537
I can't afford to buy her jewelry.

221
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:35,997
I know.

222
00:14:36,373 --> 00:14:39,501
That's what makes it funny.

223
00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:46,842
Must have been so expensive.

224
00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:49,344
Yeah.

225
00:14:49,511 --> 00:14:53,849
You do realize this entitles you
to extra-special bonus sex.

226
00:14:54,558 --> 00:14:56,935
What is extra-special bonus sex?

227
00:14:57,477 --> 00:15:00,147
It's whatever you want it to be.

228
00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:03,608
That sounds like fun.

229
00:15:05,443 --> 00:15:06,945
Go away.

230
00:15:07,654 --> 00:15:11,449
Okay, I'll just play Scrabble
till you're ready.

231
00:15:13,076 --> 00:15:14,703
Give me a sec.

232
00:15:19,624 --> 00:15:21,543
Please don't tell me Francine is here.

233
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:23,837
Okay.

234
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:25,755
Wait, wait, wait.

235
00:15:25,922 --> 00:15:26,965
Francine is here?

236
00:15:27,132 --> 00:15:29,301
- Yeah, you want me to cover for you?
- Yes.

237
00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:30,760
I'm on it.

238
00:15:30,927 --> 00:15:33,930
Wait. Charlie, I'm begging you.

239
00:15:34,097 --> 00:15:35,390
No more jewelry.

240
00:15:35,557 --> 00:15:38,560
Don't worry. It's not funny twice.

241
00:15:43,982 --> 00:15:45,609
Sorry, he must have gone out.

242
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:49,070
Oh, okay. Tell him I stopped by.

243
00:15:51,364 --> 00:15:53,700
Francine, wait.

244
00:15:53,867 --> 00:15:54,951
I can't do this.

245
00:15:55,619 --> 00:15:56,661
Do what?

246
00:15:57,245 --> 00:15:59,080
I'm not a good liar.

247
00:16:00,665 --> 00:16:03,251
I know where he is,
I'm just not supposed to tell you.

248
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:07,547
The thing is, Alan does
a lot of charity work.

249
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:09,966
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

250
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,762
Right now he's down
at the nursing home...

251
00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:16,139
...giving sponge baths to old people.

252
00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:21,561
They don't go out a lot
so they tend to get dusty.

253
00:16:22,228 --> 00:16:23,271
I had no idea.

254
00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:27,233
In fact, just the other night
he was down on skid row...

255
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,612
...teaching salsa dancing
to crack addicts.

256
00:16:31,529 --> 00:16:32,906
Oh, my goodness.

257
00:16:33,073 --> 00:16:35,950
They have the energy,
they just lack the focus.

258
00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:41,581
But I think... I think what he's
proudest of is his work with the kids.

259
00:16:42,874 --> 00:16:45,502
He takes runaways forced to live
on the streets...

260
00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:47,962
...and teaches them how to live
in the woods.

261
00:16:49,839 --> 00:16:55,345
I don't really see the point but those
little urchins seem to thrive in the wild.

262
00:16:55,512 --> 00:16:57,680
It's like he's a saint.

263
00:16:57,847 --> 00:17:00,809
You must be so proud to have him
as your brother.

264
00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:04,312
Well, truth be told,
he does bring me a lot of joy.

265
00:17:06,272 --> 00:17:08,274
Thank you for telling me this, Charlie.

266
00:17:08,441 --> 00:17:10,610
You're welcome.

267
00:17:10,777 --> 00:17:13,279
Just promise you won't
embarrass him bringing it up.

268
00:17:13,446 --> 00:17:17,742
Not a word.
I just hope I can be worthy of him.

269
00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:23,456
And the plot moistens.

270
00:17:27,127 --> 00:17:31,548
Oh, that's terrific, buddy.
I am so proud of you.

271
00:17:31,714 --> 00:17:33,800
Yeah, sure, I'll tell him.

272
00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:37,053
Oh, all right. Love you. Bye-bye.

273
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:38,388
Guess what.

274
00:17:38,555 --> 00:17:41,599
Jake just got the lead
in the school musical.

275
00:17:41,766 --> 00:17:43,351
The lead?

276
00:17:43,518 --> 00:17:46,604
What happened, did every other kid
in school get mono?

277
00:17:47,272 --> 00:17:49,023
No, I think it was Francine.

278
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:52,068
I think she cast Jake
because of our relationship.

279
00:17:52,235 --> 00:17:56,406
You mean it's gotten physical?
You're sleeping his way to the top?

280
00:17:56,906 --> 00:18:00,076
No, no.
Nothing happened between us.

281
00:18:00,243 --> 00:18:03,621
- But I think she's fallen for me.
- Really?

282
00:18:03,788 --> 00:18:05,290
What makes you think that?

283
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,460
Well, I had lunch with her today
and she was looking at me with...

284
00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:11,337
...I don't know...

285
00:18:11,504 --> 00:18:13,923
...worship in her eyes.

286
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,842
Like I was some kind of...

287
00:18:16,301 --> 00:18:18,261
- Saint?
- Yes, yes.

288
00:18:19,262 --> 00:18:20,305
How did you know?

289
00:18:21,264 --> 00:18:23,141
That's how I think of you.

290
00:18:23,308 --> 00:18:26,060
Very funny. I've been
doing my best not to lead her on...

291
00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:30,690
...but I guess I just underestimated
my allure.

292
00:18:31,691 --> 00:18:32,734
Say that again.

293
00:18:33,651 --> 00:18:35,528
- What?
- That last part.

294
00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:37,864
You mean,
I underestimated my allure?

295
00:18:40,658 --> 00:18:42,660
Yeah, that's it.

296
00:18:43,661 --> 00:18:45,580
I'm sorry, am I missing something?

297
00:18:46,331 --> 00:18:47,999
No, not a thing.

298
00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:51,419
Well, good.

299
00:18:51,586 --> 00:18:54,088
You see, Alan. That's how you lie.

300
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:06,392
Pretty exciting, huh? Opening night.

301
00:19:06,851 --> 00:19:10,480
Well, having seen the previews,
I'm betting closing night too.

302
00:19:11,105 --> 00:19:13,107
Boy, this brings back memories.

303
00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:16,653
Sixth grade was the happiest
two years of my life.

304
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:23,952
It's the finger.

305
00:19:24,577 --> 00:19:26,704
Excuse me.

306
00:19:29,207 --> 00:19:31,501
So, Kandi, what's your
favorite musical?

307
00:19:31,668 --> 00:19:33,461
The trombone.

308
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:39,092
I can't believe you brought her here.

309
00:19:39,258 --> 00:19:41,052
I had to, Jake invited her.

310
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:45,473
Is that a diamond necklace?
You never gave me a diamond necklace.

311
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:49,435
Yeah, well, you never gave me
extra-special bonus sex.

312
00:19:49,602 --> 00:19:50,978
- Hi, Charlie.
- Hi.

313
00:19:51,145 --> 00:19:53,356
- Who's this?
- This? Oh, this is Kandi.

314
00:19:53,523 --> 00:19:55,024
Hi, I'm with Alan.

315
00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:59,612
Are you one of those young people
he takes care of?

316
00:19:59,779 --> 00:20:03,991
Yep, yep, yep. Good old Saint Alan.
Just can't do enough for the kids.

317
00:20:04,158 --> 00:20:06,369
Look at this diamond necklace
he gave me.

318
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:09,288
He gave you a diamond necklace?

319
00:20:09,455 --> 00:20:13,668
Don't get the wrong idea,
it wasn't to get me to have sex.

320
00:20:14,127 --> 00:20:17,213
I was already doing
everything he wanted.

321
00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:22,343
I am as shocked as you are.

322
00:21:03,801 --> 00:21:05,303
What was that about?

323
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:08,514
Funny story. I'll tell you later.

324
00:21:43,007 --> 00:21:45,092
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

325
00:21:45,259 --> 00:21:47,345
[ENGLISH]