1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:04,234
( funky theme playing )

2
00:00:04,234 --> 00:00:07,200
Got a little
something for you.

3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,434
Man, she is a fly.

4
00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:11,434
Not a fly, isfly.
She's fly.

5
00:00:11,434 --> 00:00:14,033
I just wish I knew what to do
to get a girl like her.

6
00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:15,834
Easy. Be a guy like him.

7
00:00:15,834 --> 00:00:18,467
CHRIS:
 In high school, you learned
 that the type of girl you are

8
00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:21,100
 determines the type of guy
 you go out with.

9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,534
 Nerdy girls hang out
 with nerdy guys,

10
00:00:24,534 --> 00:00:27,767
 smart girls hang out
 with smart guys

11
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:29,868
 and dumb girls hang out
 with jocks.

12
00:00:29,868 --> 00:00:31,300
Ladies.

13
00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:34,467
 And then there are the girls

14
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:35,801
 that didn't hang out
with anybody

15
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,701
 and the guys that made fun
 of them.

16
00:00:37,701 --> 00:00:41,200
 We were those guys,
 and she was that girl.

17
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,534
Man, look at that.

18
00:00:42,534 --> 00:00:43,934
She looks like
her family gave

19
00:00:43,934 --> 00:00:46,000
the baby back
and kept the stork.

20
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,767
Her name is Kelly,
but everybody

21
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:48,767
calls her "Big Bird."

22
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,501
Hey, Big Bird.
Yo, Big Bird.

23
00:00:50,501 --> 00:00:51,868
What's up, Big Bird?

24
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,634
( laughing )

25
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,968
What'd have to go wrong for you
to end up with a girl like that?

26
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,300
It's like being
on ThePlanet of The Apes,

27
00:00:58,300 --> 00:00:59,367
and all the apes said, "No."

28
00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:00,934
( laughs )

29
00:01:00,934 --> 00:01:04,133
 I didn't have anything
against Big Bird,

30
00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:06,100
 and unfortunately for me,

31
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,601
 she didn't have anything
 against me either.

32
00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:12,167
You're Chris, right?

33
00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:13,968
Yeah.

34
00:01:13,968 --> 00:01:16,400
I've seen you around,

35
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,968
and I really think
you're kinda cute.

36
00:01:18,968 --> 00:01:21,501
Do you want to hang out
sometime?

37
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:23,067
 No!

38
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:24,334
Sure.

39
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,367
 Where's an ape
 when you need one?

40
00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:29,300
( funky hip-hop theme playing )

41
00:01:39,901 --> 00:01:42,801
 * Oh, make it funky now *

42
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,167
 While Big Bird was trying
 to get with me,

43
00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:04,868
 Greg was trying
 to get the lowdown.

44
00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:07,400
Dude, did I see you talking
to Big Bird yesterday?

45
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,367
Shh! Yeah, she asked me out.

46
00:02:10,367 --> 00:02:11,934
She's, like, the goofiest girl

47
00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:14,267
this side of Roseanne
Roseannadanna. What'd you say?

48
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,100
I told her yeah.

49
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,033
Why?

50
00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:21,167
'Cause she asked.

51
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:22,834
Girls don't ask me out
all the time.

52
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,167
Yeah, that's the beauty
of the situation.

53
00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:27,167
You had a chance to boost
your low self-esteem

54
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:29,167
by turning someone else
down for a change.

55
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:31,901
Yeah, but when the girl asks,
you don't just say no.

56
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,033
Plus, my dad said never to hurt
a girl's feelings.

57
00:02:34,033 --> 00:02:35,868
Besides, they don't
take rejection well.

58
00:02:35,868 --> 00:02:38,100
How are they gonna learn
 if they don't get any practice?

59
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,133
Attractive girls don't
take rejection well.

60
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:41,701
Girls like Big Bird,
they're used to it.

61
00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:42,968
You know what?
Fine. It's done.

62
00:02:42,968 --> 00:02:44,267
I'm gonna go out
with her once.

63
00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:46,267
Trust me. I'm gonna
make sure we don't have fun,

64
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,100
so she doesn't want
to go out again.

65
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,000
 I usually did that
 without trying.

66
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,734
 While I was betting
 I could get rid of Big Bird,

67
00:02:52,734 --> 00:02:56,033
 Vanessa was betting big
 on the Jets.

68
00:02:56,033 --> 00:02:57,701
Here you go.
Sorry it took so long.

69
00:02:57,701 --> 00:02:59,200
Five weeks,
you should be sorry.

70
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,801
You should have saved
your money.

71
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:02,901
I told you the Jets
were gonna win.

72
00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:06,501
Vanessa, you gonna get enough
of this gambling,

73
00:03:06,501 --> 00:03:08,100
I keep trying to tell you.

74
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,801
No, this is a sure thing.

75
00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:11,934
The New York Jets have been
on a winning streak

76
00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:13,834
like you've never seen.

77
00:03:13,834 --> 00:03:15,200
They just got lucky.

78
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,033
I'll bet you
they don't win next week.

79
00:03:17,033 --> 00:03:18,667
The Giants play the Jets?

80
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:21,100
No, they're just both
on winning streaks.

81
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:25,067
Wait a minute. This is
the dumbest thing I ever heard.

82
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:27,734
Your team is winning
and your team is winning,

83
00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:30,667
but you both figured out
a way to lose money on it.

84
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,868
Well, all I know is
the Giants are gonna lose

85
00:03:32,868 --> 00:03:34,267
before the Jets.

86
00:03:34,267 --> 00:03:36,767
I'll tell you what. If the
Giants lose before the Jets,

87
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:38,868
the barbershop will pay
for you ladies

88
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:40,200
to have a night out
on the town.

89
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,400
Oh-oh, well, start saving.

90
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,901
But what if we win?

91
00:03:43,901 --> 00:03:46,734
That-- That is not
going to happen.

92
00:03:46,734 --> 00:03:49,601
Since it's not gonna happen,
say anything.

93
00:03:49,601 --> 00:03:51,968
Buy everybody a new car.

94
00:03:51,968 --> 00:03:54,100
Cook dinner for all the men
for a month.

95
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,067
Better yet,
go out with Kill Moves.

96
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,734
All right,
little Miss Naysayer,

97
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,100
I'll do that.

98
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:04,934
If we lose, I'll go out
with Kill Moves.

99
00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:05,868
Ha!

100
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:11,567
 While Vanessa bet on the Jets,
 I had a date with a giant.

101
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:13,501
Hey, Chris.

102
00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:15,067
Is that what
you had on earlier?

103
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:18,534
No, I had an accident
and I needed to change.

104
00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:20,467
An accident? What happened?

105
00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:23,467
Oh, I didn't make it
to the bathroom in time,

106
00:04:23,467 --> 00:04:25,434
so I to get something
from lost-and-found.

107
00:04:25,434 --> 00:04:27,634
Wow, that's crazy.

108
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,133
It looks good on you,
though.

109
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,634
It makes you look edgy.

110
00:04:30,634 --> 00:04:33,601
Even though my bad clothes
 didn't seem to work,

111
00:04:33,601 --> 00:04:36,601
 there was more bad stuff
 to come: bad food.

112
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:37,901
I never heard
of this place.

113
00:04:37,901 --> 00:04:39,834
Yeah, everything they serve
is from stuff

114
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:42,367
that other people
didn't finish eating.

115
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,534
 After the bad food,
 there was a bad movie.

116
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:48,634
What's this called?

117
00:04:48,634 --> 00:04:50,567
 Leonard Part V.

118
00:04:50,567 --> 00:04:51,767
Nipsy Russell's best movie.

119
00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:53,767
They're doing a sequel
with Bill Cosby.

120
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:56,000
MAN ( on-screen ):
 Stop you guys
 from committing a crime.

121
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,200
CHRIS:
 After the bad movie,
 we took a bad walk.

122
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,901
Hey, little dude on a date,
let me hold all your money!

123
00:05:04,901 --> 00:05:07,100
Chris, come back!

124
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:08,033
 No!

125
00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:16,534
 The only date worse than me
 was Phil Spector.

126
00:05:16,534 --> 00:05:18,200
 While I was running
 for my life,

127
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,334
 Vanessa was running
 her game down.

128
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:21,734
Listen up now, everybody.

129
00:05:21,734 --> 00:05:23,300
Now, we all in this together.

130
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,901
So if we gonna win this thing,

131
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:26,601
then we got
to get our mojo working.

132
00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:28,634
Mojo?

133
00:05:28,634 --> 00:05:30,934
Is that what
we're depending on, mojo?

134
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,567
Well, what about the stats,
the line, the over, the under?

135
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:40,334
What about the odds? The spread,
the angle, the handicap?

136
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:42,234
What about the hook,
the hot game?

137
00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:44,167
You know, the rundown,
the system?

138
00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:46,901
What about a tout, the trends?

139
00:05:46,901 --> 00:05:50,234
What about a wiseguy? Everybody
needs a wiseguy.

140
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:51,801
Rochelle,

141
00:05:51,801 --> 00:05:53,267
I'll have you know

142
00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:56,601
I have a very precise system
that's worked for nine months.

143
00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:59,167
Really? What is it?

144
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:02,267
Every time the Jets win,
I use my green toothbrush.

145
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:04,667
 Four out of five dentists
 think she's crazy.

146
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:07,868
And I pluck three mole hairs
before every game.

147
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,033
And I been eating
two chicken-fried bananas

148
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:11,300
before every game.

149
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,667
 Just two?

150
00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:15,033
Well, I don't know
what you want me to do.

151
00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:19,133
What do you normally do
during the game?

152
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:22,834
Well, other than serving beer
and chips, I'm usually ironing.

153
00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,868
Did you do that week two
when the Jets lost?

154
00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:26,734
Now, how am I supposed to know
what week is what

155
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,901
in your mojo world?

156
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:30,234
Think, Rochelle,
this is important.

157
00:06:30,234 --> 00:06:31,801
Remember,
I lost all that money

158
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:33,901
and you gave me that lecture
on "gambling is evil."

159
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:36,434
That's when Julius burnt
my shirt.

160
00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:42,000
Giants win 20 to 7,
Jet's lose 20 to 6.

161
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,934
( sniffing )

162
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:47,133
Julius, my shirt!

163
00:06:47,133 --> 00:06:50,133
What do you mean, you lost $30?

164
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:52,801
And every week after that,
I've been ironing.

165
00:06:52,801 --> 00:06:55,167
And every week the Jets
have been winning,

166
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,968
so I don't care
what you do on Monday.

167
00:06:56,968 --> 00:06:59,667
You make sure you iron
those clothes.

168
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,200
Mm-hmm.

169
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,133
 Before ESPN, people had their
 own roundtable discussions

170
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:06,634
 by sitting around a table
 and discussing.

171
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,734
So the girls at the beauty shop
made a bet

172
00:07:08,734 --> 00:07:10,701
against the guys
at the barbershop.

173
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:13,267
It's silly, but the guys
are rooting for the Giants

174
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,267
and the girls are rooting
for the Jets.

175
00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:17,067
That is silly. There's no way

176
00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:19,601
the Jets are gonna continue
winning.

177
00:07:19,601 --> 00:07:22,067
Oh, really?
What makes you an expert?

178
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,334
 Because he's a man.

179
00:07:23,334 --> 00:07:25,033
I watch football every week.

180
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:26,234
That's why I'm an expert.

181
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:28,634
So you saying I'm stupid?

182
00:07:28,634 --> 00:07:30,334
 This was not the first time

183
00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,000
 my parents had
 this conversation.

184
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,701
It's too expensive.

185
00:07:33,701 --> 00:07:35,901
So you saying
I'm not a good mother?

186
00:07:35,901 --> 00:07:39,601
I just don't see what's funny
about a Volkswagen Beetle.

187
00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:42,167
So you saying you never
should have married me?

188
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:43,901
That's not what I said.

189
00:07:43,901 --> 00:07:44,934
That's what I said.

190
00:07:44,934 --> 00:07:46,834
The Giants are gonna win
the Superbowl,

191
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,434
and Phil Simms is gonna
lead them to the promised land.

192
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:51,133
Right, Daddy?
That's right, sweetie.

193
00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:52,467
You're crazy.

194
00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:54,801
Wesley Walker and Al Toon
are having record years.

195
00:07:54,801 --> 00:07:56,467
The Jets are going
to the Superbowl.

196
00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:57,534
Ain't that right, Mom?

197
00:07:57,534 --> 00:07:58,801
No doubt about it.

198
00:07:58,801 --> 00:08:00,834
Tonya's right.

199
00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:02,267
The Giants are unbeatable.

200
00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:04,133
All right, Julius,
I'll tell you what.

201
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:07,033
I hate betting, but since
you want to run your mouth,

202
00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:10,033
and call me names,
if the Giants lose

203
00:08:10,033 --> 00:08:13,167
before the Jets do, you and
little Miss That's What I Said

204
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:14,901
have to clean up
after everybody else

205
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,067
for a month.

206
00:08:16,067 --> 00:08:17,734
And if the Jets lose
before the Giants,

207
00:08:17,734 --> 00:08:19,167
you and Drew have to do it.

208
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,634
You have a bet.

209
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,701
All right.
You're gonna lose.

210
00:08:26,701 --> 00:08:28,901
 Since we had gotten off
 to a bad start,

211
00:08:28,901 --> 00:08:31,267
 I was praying for a bad finish.

212
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:34,300
That was so funny
when you ran away. You're fast.

213
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,334
You thought that was funny?

214
00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:37,801
You didn't see
what it looked like.

215
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,834
Besides,
that guy didn't scare me.

216
00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:41,033
He didn't?

217
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:42,434
No, I could see his thumb

218
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:44,200
sticking out of his gun pocket.

219
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,267
Didn't he take all your money?

220
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:49,434
No, he didn't.
I keep my money in my bra.

221
00:08:49,434 --> 00:08:52,200
All he got was some eye drops
and some rash cream.

222
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,167
Eye drops and rash cream? Damn!

223
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:01,734
Little dude owes me a dollar.

224
00:09:01,734 --> 00:09:04,033
 After all I did
 to make things go wrong,

225
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:06,234
 I never would have bet
 that things with Kelly

226
00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:07,634
 would be going so right.

227
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,067
( both sigh )

228
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,000
Well, that was great.

229
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,367
Yeah, that was cool.

230
00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:16,200
Well, I better get home.

231
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,734
Yeah, me, too.

232
00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:20,767
 Everyone called Kelly
 "Big Bird,"

233
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,367
 but call me cuckoo:

234
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:25,033
 I was actually
 starting to like her.

235
00:09:30,734 --> 00:09:33,734
 That kiss from Big Bird
 made me feel like Superfly.

236
00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:40,634
 While I was flying
 with Big Bird,

237
00:09:40,634 --> 00:09:42,334
 my father wanted
 the Jets to crash.

238
00:09:42,334 --> 00:09:44,067
I need the Jets to lose.

239
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,834
We're doing everything we can
to put the mojo on the Jets.

240
00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:48,234
I'm wearing my lucky socks.

241
00:09:48,234 --> 00:09:50,334
I ain't eating nothing
but bananas and peanut butter.

242
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:52,434
I'm gonna call 'em up
and I'm gonna threaten 'em.

243
00:09:52,434 --> 00:09:54,601
What about you, Julius?

244
00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:56,601
What did you do
the last time the Jets lost?

245
00:09:56,601 --> 00:10:00,100
It was weird
'cause I remember I was ironing

246
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,367
because the Giants won
20 to 7

247
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:04,200
and the Jets lost 20 to 6,

248
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,000
and I remember thinking, "That's
one extra point worth of loss."

249
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,334
Well, you know what that means.

250
00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:10,367
You need to iron on Monday.

251
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:11,834
ALL:
Yeah!

252
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,868
 Keeping my relationship
 with Big Bird a secret

253
00:10:13,868 --> 00:10:15,734
 was easy for the most part.

254
00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:17,267
 Turns out,

255
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:20,934
 the person I had the most
trouble hiding it from was her.

256
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:23,200
 I hid it during school.

257
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,033
 I hid it before school.

258
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:28,334
( Soft Cell's
 "Tainted Love" playing )

259
00:10:28,334 --> 00:10:30,501
 I even kept it hidden
 after school.

260
00:10:30,501 --> 00:10:31,901
 * Get away from the pain *

261
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:35,200
 * You're driving
 To the heart of me *

262
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,400
What are you looking for,
Tender Love?

263
00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:42,067
 The Giants had won
 their fifth game in a row,

264
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:44,767
 and Tonya was counting on the
 Jets' winning streak to end.

265
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:46,801
You better pick that up.

266
00:10:46,801 --> 00:10:49,534
I'm not picking it up.
You got to pick it up.

267
00:10:49,534 --> 00:10:51,734
And then you're gonna have to
clean the rest of the house.

268
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:55,000
We'll see about that.

269
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,467
 Kelly didn't realize that I was
 avoiding being seen with her.

270
00:11:00,467 --> 00:11:03,868
 She just thought I was the
 greatest phone boyfriend ever.

271
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:06,968
I guess my favorite rappers
are Run-DMC.

272
00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:08,534
I love Salt n' Pepa.

273
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:11,100
My favorite character from the
Rocky movies is Clubber Lang.

274
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,968
I love Captain Drago.

275
00:11:12,968 --> 00:11:14,834
And I jumped off the top stairs,
started flying

276
00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:16,868
and landed on
the Mary Jane Girls.

277
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:20,267
I had the exact same dream
except I landed on Rick James.

278
00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,467
About the only thing
 we didn't talk about

279
00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,400
 is when
 we'd get together again.

280
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,601
So when do you want
to do something again?

281
00:11:26,601 --> 00:11:27,834
 12th of never?

282
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:30,501
Um, there's a football game
on today.

283
00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,167
Maybe we could watch that.

284
00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:34,334
Oh, my place or yours?

285
00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:37,367
 I prefer a secluded town
 on the outskirts of nowhere.

286
00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:40,501
Um, I was thinking
somewhere different.

287
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:41,767
Uh, where?

288
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:45,133
Let it-- Let it be my surprise.

289
00:11:46,834 --> 00:11:48,901
Julius, did you see my...?

290
00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:50,968
Hey, Rochelle.

291
00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:52,434
You ready for the Jets game?

292
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:57,234
( grunting )

293
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,567
You no good, low-down--

294
00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:04,501
Those are words
 you can't say on TV.

295
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:06,501
--dirty, good-for-nothing.

296
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:08,267
T-t-to sneak down here and...

297
00:12:08,267 --> 00:12:09,501
What's wrong with you?

298
00:12:09,501 --> 00:12:11,100
I'm just doing the ironing.

299
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,467
( yells )

300
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:18,100
I can't
believe this!

301
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,334
 Good thing she wasn't
 near the toaster.

302
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:24,801
MAN ( on TV ):
 Jets lose to Miami, 45...

303
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:27,133
( cheering )

304
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:29,467
 While my mother was
 going to kill my father,

305
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:32,434
 Nessa was going
 on a date with Kill Moves.

306
00:12:34,501 --> 00:12:37,033
 I liked seeing Kelly,
 but I made sure to do it

307
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:39,033
 where no one
 I knew would see us.

308
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,634
That was a great game.

309
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,634
What made you think of coming
to the Port Authority?

310
00:12:42,634 --> 00:12:44,033
Just thought it'd be different.

311
00:12:44,033 --> 00:12:46,167
This is cool.

312
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,501
You want to watch
something else?

313
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,267
Sure.

314
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,868
 Meanwhile, my mother
 had a giant problem

315
00:12:51,868 --> 00:12:53,033
 with the Jets losing.

316
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:56,033
Start cleaning, Drew.

317
00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:57,400
You sit back down,
Drew.

318
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,334
You're not cleaning up anything.

319
00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:00,501
What are you
talking about?

320
00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:02,334
I'm not talking to you.

321
00:13:02,334 --> 00:13:05,300
You wanna play dirty,
stay dirty.

322
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:08,534
 My father won a bet,
 but he was about to lose a war.

323
00:13:10,334 --> 00:13:12,334
( laughing ):
We won!

324
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:17,067
Back at school, the early bird
 was about to get the worm.

325
00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:19,200
Surprise! I found you.

326
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,400
Kelly.

327
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,968
Yeah, you did find me.

328
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,000
Um...

329
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,334
what are you doing here?

330
00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:28,267
I wanted to see you.

331
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:30,934
It's like I never see you
around school anymore.

332
00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,000
It's like I have to
hunt you down.

333
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,100
I'm almost starting to think
that you're trying to avoid me.

334
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,534
Oh. What gave you that idea?

335
00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:38,801
 You.

336
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:40,501
I'm just kidding.

337
00:13:40,501 --> 00:13:43,334
Well, you know,
I'm kind of busy,

338
00:13:43,334 --> 00:13:44,501
so catch you later.

339
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:45,701
Okay.

340
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:48,100
I get it. No girls
in the locker room, right?

341
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:49,300
Yeah.

342
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,367
Well, I just wanted

343
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:52,300
to give you something
before I go.

344
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:53,734
What's that?

345
00:13:57,701 --> 00:14:00,634
Hey!
It's Big Bird.

346
00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:01,834
Hey, were's Bert
and Ernie?

347
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,501
I guess that makes you
Snuffleupagus?

348
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:06,133
No, it makes him
Roosevelt Franklin.

349
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,133
( laughing )

350
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:08,400
Cookie?

351
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,167
Cookie! Cookie!

352
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:11,534
( boys laughing )

353
00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:13,667
 Who are they making fun of?

354
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:15,968
 They obviously watch
 a lot of Sesame Street.

355
00:14:15,968 --> 00:14:19,534
Chris, aren't you gonna
say something?

356
00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:21,400
Or are you just gonna
stand there and watch?

357
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,934
 Stand here and watch.

358
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,267
Fine.

359
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:30,734
Now I know how you really feel.

360
00:14:33,934 --> 00:14:35,267
( boys jeering )

361
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:36,267
What's up?

362
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:37,534
Where you going?

363
00:14:37,534 --> 00:14:38,534
Don't fall over.

364
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,634
 While I was trying
 to figure out

365
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:50,667
 how to deal with Big Bird,

366
00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:53,901
 Vanessa was getting prepared
 to deal with Kill Moves.

367
00:14:54,968 --> 00:14:56,300
Good evening, ladies.

368
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:00,234
Kill Moves?
Where'd you get the car?

369
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,000
I don't know.

370
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,868
It belongs to his mother,
Mrs. Devereaux.

371
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:09,567
Wow. You learn something new
every day.

372
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,033
Where's Vanessa?

373
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:12,167
Uh, this is me.

374
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:15,334
Where's that woman
you was just with?

375
00:15:15,334 --> 00:15:16,334
Um...

376
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:18,267
Just explain
when you get in the car.

377
00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:19,534
Go, go, go.

378
00:15:19,534 --> 00:15:22,267
Have a good time.

379
00:15:22,267 --> 00:15:23,534
I think.

380
00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:25,534
 While Vanessa took care
 of her end of the bet,

381
00:15:25,534 --> 00:15:28,067
 at home, all bets were off.

382
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,601
Dinner is served.

383
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:33,467
Rochelle,
this has gotta stop.

384
00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:41,601
It never would have started
if you never cheated.

385
00:15:41,601 --> 00:15:43,467
Cheated? I never cheated.

386
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:45,534
Oh, really? So out of the blue,
you just decided

387
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,167
that you wanted to iron?

388
00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:48,667
Well, no.

389
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:50,501
You no-good, low-down,
dirty little--

390
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:51,667
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

391
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,934
What does me ironing
have to do with me cheating?

392
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:55,968
Because Ialways do the ironing

393
00:15:55,968 --> 00:15:58,100
and every time I iron,
the Jets win.

394
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,434
But no, you had to go
steal my mojo

395
00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:02,334
and ruin our nine-game
winning streak.

396
00:16:02,334 --> 00:16:03,567
What?!

397
00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:05,501
I didn't know ironing
was your thing, too.

398
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:08,133
The guys told me to iron again,
and I just did it.

399
00:16:11,234 --> 00:16:12,300
Really?

400
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,601
Yeah. I play fair.

401
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,901
Oh.

402
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:19,234
Well, me and Drew
will clean upstairs,

403
00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:22,033
and you and Tonya
will clean downstairs.

404
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:24,968
Don't touch me.

405
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:32,934
 My father made things right
 with my mother.

406
00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:35,534
 Now I needed to make things
 right with my Bird.

407
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:38,400
Hey, Dad,
I need to talk to you.

408
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:39,601
What's up?

409
00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:41,534
Well, there's this girl.

410
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,601
And she likes me.

411
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:43,934
That's good.

412
00:16:43,934 --> 00:16:45,033
And I really like her.

413
00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,167
That's better.

414
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:47,534
The only thing is,

415
00:16:47,534 --> 00:16:49,133
she's a little awkward-looking.

416
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,334
Awkward?

417
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:52,300
Like she has one leg
longer than the other?

418
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,300
No.

419
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,367
Like she dislocated her shoulder

420
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:56,767
and they put it back wrong?

421
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:57,834
No.

422
00:16:57,834 --> 00:16:59,667
Like her eyes are too far apart?

423
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:00,934
No.

424
00:17:00,934 --> 00:17:02,567
Like she's knock-kneed
and pigeon-toed,

425
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:04,667
and when she walks
she makes a clicking sound?

426
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,000
No.

427
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,501
It's just that these
football players

428
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:09,501
were calling her Big Bird
and stuff and...

429
00:17:09,501 --> 00:17:11,601
I didn't really do
anything about it.

430
00:17:11,601 --> 00:17:14,667
Chris, even if a girl's eyes
are too far apart,

431
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,200
I thought I told you never
to hurt a girl's feelings.

432
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,534
I know.

433
00:17:18,534 --> 00:17:21,501
No, obviously you don't.

434
00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:23,667
You think she'll forgive me?

435
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,133
I don't know. You'll have to
work that out with her.

436
00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:29,033
 Even if a girl's eyes
 are too far apart.

437
00:17:32,601 --> 00:17:34,567
 I realized my mistake,

438
00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:37,467
 and Vanessa realized
 that going out with Kill Moves

439
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:41,067
 wasn't a mistake at all.

440
00:17:41,067 --> 00:17:42,834
You were out all night?

441
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,667
Oh, girl,
that's just the start of it.

442
00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:49,067
We opened the champagne,
headed for the seaport.

443
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:52,100
There was a pinkhelicopter
waiting for me.

444
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:54,534
 You can hear about the rest
 of Vanessa's date

445
00:17:54,534 --> 00:17:59,968
 at www.vanessa'sbigdate
 withkillmoves.tv

446
00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:02,367
 After I gave Big Bird
 the cold shoulder,

447
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:03,734
 I thought she flew the coop.

448
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,734
You haven't seen her?
No, dude.

449
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:08,167
( Tears for Fears'
 "Head Over Heels" playing )

450
00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:17,667
 * I wanted to be
 With you alone *

451
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:21,567
 * And talk about the weather *

452
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:26,200
 * I'm lost in admiration,
Did I need you this much? *

453
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,434
 * Oh, you're wasting my time *

454
00:18:28,434 --> 00:18:32,100
 * You're just, just
 Just wasting time *

455
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:36,200
 * Something happens
 And I'm head over heels *

456
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:42,100
 * I never find out till
 I'm head over heels *

457
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:46,300
 * Something happens
 And I'm head over heels *

458
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:49,367
 * Ah, don't take my heart,
 Don't break my heart *

459
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:52,934
 * Don't, don't
 Don't throw it away *

460
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,834
 * Throw it away *

461
00:18:59,434 --> 00:19:01,267
 * Throw it away *

462
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:03,534
You look amazing.

463
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:06,067
I know. I decided
I wasn't going to let you

464
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,367
or anyone else crush me,

465
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,701
so my mom took me to the mall
for a makeover.

466
00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:11,133
BOY:
Big Bird,

467
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,167
is that you?

468
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,067
My name is not Big Bird.

469
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:16,000
It's Kelly.

470
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,634
I'm sorry about what happened.
It's just--

471
00:19:21,634 --> 00:19:23,167
It's just you were fine
going out with me

472
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:24,667
so long as nobody knew,

473
00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:26,667
because you didn't want to be
Big Bird's boyfriend?

474
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:27,934
 Exactly!

475
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,834
No...

476
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:32,667
Let me make it up to you.
Let me take you out again.

477
00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,501
No. Never. Het. Noya--

478
00:19:35,501 --> 00:19:38,834
 Unfortunately for me,
 Kelly spoke 15 languages.

479
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:41,133
 --Jo. Cuwa. Momo. Tla.

480
00:19:41,133 --> 00:19:42,133
 Was that Cherokee?

481
00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:44,701
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

482
00:19:44,701 --> 00:19:45,968
 What?!

483
00:19:45,968 --> 00:19:47,534
Kelly, I was a jerk.

484
00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:49,667
I know.
And as much as I'd like

485
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:52,534
to come here every day
and make you suffer,

486
00:19:52,534 --> 00:19:54,767
I'm going to Paris tomorrow.

487
00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:55,767
Paris?

488
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:57,634
That's right, Paris.

489
00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:59,934
I met a lady at the mall
named Cindy Crawford,

490
00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,767
and she said she's going
to turn me into a supermodel.

491
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:05,601
I'm sorry.

492
00:20:05,601 --> 00:20:06,934
I bet you are.

493
00:20:06,934 --> 00:20:08,767
But imagine how sorry
you're going to be

494
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:11,501
when I turn around
and walk away.

495
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,968
See you later, Kermit.

496
00:20:13,968 --> 00:20:15,801
( onlookers murmuring )

497
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:17,467
 Tonight's episode
was brought to you

498
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,834
 by the letters D-A-M and N!

499
00:20:20,834 --> 00:20:24,868
 * Everybody hates Chris *

500
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:31,000
( funky hip-hop theme playing )

501
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,801
 * Oh, make it funky now *

502
00:20:42,801 --> 00:20:52,767