1
-1:59:59,332 --> 00:00:00,829
<i>It was the day of Barney
and Robin's wedding...</i>

2
00:00:01,070 --> 00:00:02,935
<i>...and a surprise guest had just arrived.</i>

3
00:00:03,139 --> 00:00:06,575
Mom, I can't believe... How did you get here?

4
00:00:06,776 --> 00:00:08,801
- On a plane.
- With your fear of flying?

5
00:00:09,045 --> 00:00:10,842
What, did the plane drive here?

6
00:00:11,047 --> 00:00:15,677
Ha, ha! I've made enormous strides
since you last saw me, dear.

7
00:00:16,152 --> 00:00:17,642
This is nice.

8
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,821
I don't love flying, I must admit.

9
00:00:20,056 --> 00:00:21,785
I haven't been on a plane in years...

10
00:00:22,025 --> 00:00:25,722
- ...but maybe this won't be such a bad...
<i>- We are cleared for takeoff.</i>

11
00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:28,561
We're all gonna die!

12
00:00:29,165 --> 00:00:31,656
We're all gonna die! Aah!

13
00:00:32,402 --> 00:00:34,893
During the flight, I'll admit...

14
00:00:35,171 --> 00:00:37,162
...I had a few difficult moments.

15
00:00:37,407 --> 00:00:39,705
But, you know, by the time we'd landed...

16
00:00:40,243 --> 00:00:42,711
Here already? Well, I have to say...

17
00:00:42,945 --> 00:00:45,641
...it wasn't so dreadful after all.

18
00:00:45,882 --> 00:00:49,010
Oh, I do apologize
if I caused any distress.

19
00:00:49,252 --> 00:00:52,517
And, oh, I'm terribly sorry about the door.

20
00:00:52,755 --> 00:00:55,781
I had no idea it would fly off like that.

21
00:00:56,025 --> 00:01:00,928
Please, please, send me a bill,
because I'd like to replace it.

22
00:01:01,397 --> 00:01:04,525
I'll be taking the train home.

23
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:15,000
<b><font color=

24
00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:23,816
Well, it's official.
I'm gonna be Judge Marshall Eriksen.

25
00:01:24,053 --> 00:01:25,611
That is great.

26
00:01:25,888 --> 00:01:27,856
Can you help me get a driver's license?

27
00:01:28,724 --> 00:01:29,884
Uh, what?

28
00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:33,095
Marshall, you, uh, don't sound too excited
to become a judge.

29
00:01:33,362 --> 00:01:37,059
I feel kind of guilty about it. I know
how badly Lily wanted to move to Italy.

30
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,860
Don't do this, bro. Classic mistake.

31
00:01:40,103 --> 00:01:41,570
You won. Enjoy it.

32
00:01:41,804 --> 00:01:44,773
Drink the blood of your vanquished enemy
and move on.

33
00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:48,602
- You're gonna be a great husband.
- No, no, no, wait. He has a point.

34
00:01:48,878 --> 00:01:50,743
You said yourself, it was her decision.

35
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:54,541
Lily chose to give up her job and not move
to Rome so you could be a judge.

36
00:01:54,784 --> 00:01:58,345
Yeah, but something seemed off.
We had this big fight, and she stormed out.

37
00:01:58,588 --> 00:02:01,386
When she came back,
she had totally, like, changed her mind.

38
00:02:01,624 --> 00:02:05,151
- Wait, what time was this?
- A little after 3 a.m., Billy Zabka. Why?

39
00:02:05,428 --> 00:02:07,919
Last night, I was doing
some late night dirt biking.

40
00:02:08,164 --> 00:02:09,495
Naturally. Continue.

41
00:02:09,765 --> 00:02:13,223
And I ended up at that EZ Pick
a few miles up the road. And, well...

42
00:02:21,043 --> 00:02:22,476
That's odd.

43
00:02:25,214 --> 00:02:27,478
You saw Lily getting into someone's car?

44
00:02:27,717 --> 00:02:30,686
- I wonder who it was.
- What did the license plate say?

45
00:02:30,953 --> 00:02:33,888
It said "Ahoy."

46
00:02:34,457 --> 00:02:35,651
The Captain.

47
00:02:35,925 --> 00:02:38,189
Lily's boss. He has a house out here.

48
00:02:38,461 --> 00:02:41,487
Why was Lily getting into the Captain's car
at 3 in the morning?

49
00:02:42,465 --> 00:02:43,489
Guys...

50
00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:46,998
...I hate to even say this...

51
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:49,701
...but do you think it's possible...

52
00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:54,507
...that I could eat six of these saltines
in under a minute?

53
00:02:54,744 --> 00:02:57,212
Challenge accepted.

54
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,446
Well, I can't wait to meet this Barney.

55
00:03:00,683 --> 00:03:02,708
I haven't met him already, have I?

56
00:03:03,719 --> 00:03:07,485
They said after getting Tasered
I might suffer from short-term memory loss.

57
00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:09,850
Oh, you'd remember if you'd met Barney.

58
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:13,358
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Why don't I see what he's doing right now.

59
00:03:14,764 --> 00:03:16,561
- Barney's phone.
- Ted, where's Barney?

60
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:19,191
He's trying to eat six saltines
in a minute.

61
00:03:19,468 --> 00:03:23,165
- Well, his future mother-in-law is here.
- Robin's mom is here.

62
00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:25,806
- Really? That's great.
- And she wants to meet him.

63
00:03:26,042 --> 00:03:29,569
- She wants to meet you.
- I'm in the middle of the saltine challenge.

64
00:03:29,845 --> 00:03:31,938
He's in the middle
of the saltine challenge.

65
00:03:32,181 --> 00:03:33,978
As soon as I'm done, I'll pop on over.

66
00:03:34,217 --> 00:03:36,481
As soon as he's done,
he'll just pop right over.

67
00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:38,346
All right. Goodbye.

68
00:03:38,588 --> 00:03:40,681
- The saltine challenge? Now?
- Heh.

69
00:03:40,923 --> 00:03:43,949
It's his wedding day.
Guys do weird things on their wedding day.

70
00:03:44,193 --> 00:03:45,387
Well, on my wedding day...

71
00:03:45,628 --> 00:03:48,961
...Robin's father completely disappeared
for about three hours.

72
00:03:49,532 --> 00:03:53,093
He just said, "I've gotta go teach
somebody some manners," and off he went.

73
00:03:53,369 --> 00:03:55,200
And then three hours later...

74
00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:56,996
...he emerged from the woods...

75
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,765
...with a dead elk slung
across his shoulder.

76
00:04:00,576 --> 00:04:04,103
And I didn't even know
that there were elk in Bermuda.

77
00:04:04,747 --> 00:04:05,839
But this Barney.

78
00:04:06,082 --> 00:04:08,983
- He sounds like a fine young man.
- Yes, he is.

79
00:04:09,185 --> 00:04:10,880
Agh! We're going again.

80
00:04:12,388 --> 00:04:14,481
- You okay?
- Why did she get into the car?

81
00:04:14,724 --> 00:04:17,124
- Why didn't she tell me?
- Maybe it was a work thing.

82
00:04:17,393 --> 00:04:21,489
No. She has a fight with me, goes to an
EZ Pick, gets into the Captain's Mercedes...

83
00:04:21,731 --> 00:04:24,427
...and three hours later,
she doesn't want to go to Italy?

84
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:25,759
Think this means...?

85
00:04:26,035 --> 00:04:28,902
The Captain moored his dinghy
in Lily's lagoon? Definitely.

86
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:31,902
That's crazy.
You'd never moor a dinghy in a lagoon.

87
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:35,269
In certain tidal conditions,
if you had a protected inlet...

88
00:04:35,544 --> 00:04:38,308
You know what? It doesn't matter.
Today is Barney's wedding.

89
00:04:38,581 --> 00:04:40,276
Let's just forget it.

90
00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:44,614
Marshall, do you want to go over
to the Captain's house right now...

91
00:04:44,854 --> 00:04:48,119
...punch him in the face really fast,
come back and do this wedding?

92
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,384
Would that be okay?

93
00:04:52,628 --> 00:04:55,597
- Ranjit, get the car.
- Getting the car.

94
00:04:55,831 --> 00:05:00,598
Baby, I can't wait to meet your mom, but I
gotta go on a little excursion with the boys.

95
00:05:00,836 --> 00:05:02,667
What? Where are you going?

96
00:05:02,938 --> 00:05:05,839
Me and the boys have to go
teach someone some manners.

97
00:05:09,378 --> 00:05:11,346
Are there any elk on Long Island?

98
00:05:16,085 --> 00:05:18,815
<i>My gallant housekeeping crew, good morning</i>

99
00:05:19,088 --> 00:05:20,919
<i>Sir, good morning</i>

100
00:05:21,157 --> 00:05:22,920
<i>I hope you are quite well</i>

101
00:05:23,159 --> 00:05:25,252
<i>Quite well, and you, sir?</i>

102
00:05:25,494 --> 00:05:28,054
<i>I am in reasonable health,
and happy to meet you all once...</i>

103
00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:32,298
Oh, bother it. I'll get it.

104
00:05:37,406 --> 00:05:38,964
Ahoy, Marshall.

105
00:05:43,979 --> 00:05:45,003
Are you okay, Robin?

106
00:05:45,247 --> 00:05:46,578
No, I'm not okay...

107
00:05:46,816 --> 00:05:50,377
...because apparently
I am marrying my dad in a few hours.

108
00:05:50,653 --> 00:05:53,451
Oh, sweetie, no, I'm sure that's not true.

109
00:05:53,689 --> 00:05:56,852
I mean, there's so much you don't know
about your father.

110
00:05:57,126 --> 00:06:00,493
There were so many other red flags
in our marriage.

111
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:04,962
I mean, for instance, do you know
that before he was engaged to me...

112
00:06:05,401 --> 00:06:09,167
<i>...he was engaged
to marry an exotic dancer? Hello.</i>

113
00:06:09,705 --> 00:06:12,970
- Red flag.
- Oh, Genevieve. Not good.

114
00:06:13,209 --> 00:06:15,302
And, did you know that one time...

115
00:06:15,778 --> 00:06:19,236
<i>...to impress women, he dressed up
like a Prussian aristocrat...</i>

116
00:06:19,515 --> 00:06:23,542
<i>...had a painting of himself made,
and posed next to it in an art gallery?</i>

117
00:06:24,019 --> 00:06:25,179
Can you imagine?

118
00:06:26,422 --> 00:06:30,153
- That's a rough one.
- Darling, darling, the list goes on.

119
00:06:30,593 --> 00:06:33,323
<i>He would always take
his mother's side in arguments.</i>

120
00:06:33,562 --> 00:06:37,623
<i>He never checked with me before making
plans. And our rehearsal dinner? Oh, boy...</i>

121
00:06:37,867 --> 00:06:41,200
<i>...did we have it out
right before our rehearsal dinner.</i>

122
00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:46,336
Thank you, Linus.

123
00:06:46,942 --> 00:06:49,274
For the first 10 years I knew him...

124
00:06:49,545 --> 00:06:52,241
...I didn't even know
what your father did for a living.

125
00:06:52,481 --> 00:06:55,041
- Every time I used to ask him, he'd say...
- Please.

126
00:06:55,284 --> 00:06:58,185
Yes, that's exactly what he used to say.
How'd you know that?

127
00:07:00,122 --> 00:07:03,148
- Heck of a jab, Marshall. Well placed.
- Captain...

128
00:07:03,392 --> 00:07:06,452
...I know something happened
between you and Lily last night.

129
00:07:06,729 --> 00:07:10,028
What? No. Nothing happened.
Captain's honor.

130
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,732
You can ask my fianc�e.

131
00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:13,594
Fianc�e? What fianc�e?

132
00:07:13,836 --> 00:07:16,270
- Captain, permission to clear things up?
- Granted.

133
00:07:16,505 --> 00:07:18,666
Me. We're engaged.

134
00:07:18,908 --> 00:07:22,309
- It's "Boats! Boats! Boats!" Ted, look.
- Yeah.

135
00:07:22,578 --> 00:07:24,671
I mean, yeah,
I know her from that commercial.

136
00:07:24,914 --> 00:07:27,883
- Boats! Boats! Boats!
- And only from that commercial.

137
00:07:28,117 --> 00:07:30,449
No, you banged her. Remember?

138
00:07:30,719 --> 00:07:31,879
Like a bunch of times.

139
00:07:32,121 --> 00:07:34,055
You knocked boots, boots, boots.

140
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:36,724
Captain, what the hell
happened here last night?

141
00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:38,426
Well, it was just after four bells...

142
00:07:39,995 --> 00:07:41,986
- Ahoy?
- Hi. I know it's late...

143
00:07:42,264 --> 00:07:45,893
- ...but I've gotta get out of here.
<i>- I sent the car. When she got here...</i>

144
00:07:46,135 --> 00:07:48,695
- Lily, what a lovely...
- Can I use your powder room?

145
00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:52,271
And then she went to the powder room.
She was in there quite a while.

146
00:07:52,508 --> 00:07:54,271
Probably a deuce. Go on.

147
00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:57,938
And when she came out,
she had to leave right away. It was odd.

148
00:07:58,180 --> 00:08:01,707
But I assure you, nothing inappropriate
happened between me and your wife.

149
00:08:01,951 --> 00:08:05,409
Captain, I understand what you're saying,
but what you don't understand...

150
00:08:05,654 --> 00:08:06,985
...is that Lily is my wife...

151
00:08:07,256 --> 00:08:09,884
...and I love her way too much
to behave rationally now.

152
00:08:10,092 --> 00:08:11,684
<i>En garde!</i>

153
00:08:12,194 --> 00:08:14,424
This is the best day of my life.

154
00:08:14,630 --> 00:08:19,966
Oh, darling. Come on. No, no,
you're not marrying your father.

155
00:08:20,202 --> 00:08:23,228
Your father...
I mean, let's just put it this way.

156
00:08:23,472 --> 00:08:25,030
Your father was a sociopath.

157
00:08:25,307 --> 00:08:27,832
He slept with over 20 women.

158
00:08:28,077 --> 00:08:30,841
And sure, you know,
we were friends for years first...

159
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,174
...and it was entertaining
watching him lie to those poor girls...

160
00:08:34,416 --> 00:08:36,111
...to get inside their snow pants.

161
00:08:36,352 --> 00:08:40,880
But I should've known back then
this was not husband material.

162
00:08:41,156 --> 00:08:44,125
I mean, even your Uncle Jim,
you know, his gay black brother...

163
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,191
Will you shut up?

164
00:08:47,963 --> 00:08:49,157
Go for Barney.

165
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:52,799
Your bride is freaking the crap out
right now. Where the hell are you?

166
00:08:53,035 --> 00:08:54,559
I warn you, Captain.

167
00:08:54,837 --> 00:08:58,204
I've pretended to have a duel
with actual swords.

168
00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,566
Twice.

169
00:08:59,842 --> 00:09:02,504
I warn you, Marshall.
I was on the Olympic fencing team.

170
00:09:02,745 --> 00:09:04,576
Won three gold medals.

171
00:09:04,847 --> 00:09:06,041
I warn you, Captain.

172
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:08,681
I'm starting to feel like this was a mistake.

173
00:09:08,918 --> 00:09:11,148
I think I'd better not say where I am.

174
00:09:11,387 --> 00:09:14,185
I am not kidding around here.
Tell me where you are.

175
00:09:15,591 --> 00:09:17,218
We're at the Captain's house.

176
00:09:21,564 --> 00:09:23,293
What is it? What's wrong?

177
00:09:23,532 --> 00:09:27,491
I am so busted.

178
00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:32,096
Thank you, Linus.

179
00:09:36,845 --> 00:09:38,403
You have another piece of gum?

180
00:09:42,885 --> 00:09:44,648
<i>I can keep a secret.</i>

181
00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:46,753
I can keep a secret real good.

182
00:09:46,989 --> 00:09:50,550
- Are you chewing gum?
- I can keep a secret like nobody's business.

183
00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:53,353
Because it is nobody's business.

184
00:09:53,596 --> 00:09:55,757
You never chew gum.
You shouldn't chew gum.

185
00:09:55,998 --> 00:09:58,728
Because it's a secret. And I'm keeping it.

186
00:09:59,969 --> 00:10:02,437
- Wait. Stop the duel.
- Oh, thank God.

187
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:04,901
- I mean, why?
- Why?

188
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:07,438
Because I just solved the mystery,
that's why.

189
00:10:07,676 --> 00:10:10,770
Mosby Boys.

190
00:10:11,747 --> 00:10:14,272
We agreed you wouldn't do that anymore.

191
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:16,384
Mystery? What mystery?

192
00:10:16,952 --> 00:10:18,351
Lily has a secret.

193
00:10:19,688 --> 00:10:21,622
She's hiding something...

194
00:10:22,191 --> 00:10:24,659
...and I know what it is.

195
00:10:33,836 --> 00:10:35,463
Okay. What is she hiding?

196
00:10:36,038 --> 00:10:37,869
I'll tell you in a minute.

197
00:10:38,173 --> 00:10:41,472
I want to enjoy the suspense
a little bit first.

198
00:10:42,678 --> 00:10:44,111
Ooh.

199
00:10:53,555 --> 00:10:55,887
Oh, my God, will you just tell us?

200
00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,026
Very well.

201
00:11:00,295 --> 00:11:02,695
Now, we can all agree
that this is the first time...

202
00:11:02,965 --> 00:11:05,433
...I've ever set foot in this house, correct?

203
00:11:05,668 --> 00:11:07,533
Oh, this is going to be unbearable.

204
00:11:07,803 --> 00:11:09,532
Captain, your powder room.

205
00:11:10,305 --> 00:11:12,136
Does it face out on the ocean?

206
00:11:12,374 --> 00:11:15,343
- Of course. Right over the cliff.
- Just as I suspected.

207
00:11:16,145 --> 00:11:18,943
And if I were to walk
into this powder room right now...

208
00:11:19,181 --> 00:11:21,672
...I believe I'd see
a potted plant of some sort.

209
00:11:21,950 --> 00:11:24,418
- Is that correct?
- Yes. There's a daisy.

210
00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:25,813
A daisy.

211
00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:27,181
Interesting.

212
00:11:27,456 --> 00:11:29,151
Not traditionally an indoor plant...

213
00:11:29,391 --> 00:11:34,192
...but I suppose it gets plenty of light
with the southern exposure.

214
00:11:34,463 --> 00:11:35,930
That's right. It does.

215
00:11:36,165 --> 00:11:39,293
- Will you please fetch the daisy?
- Aye-aye.

216
00:11:42,037 --> 00:11:43,163
I totally solved it.

217
00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:45,305
You didn't solve it.

218
00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:47,236
You didn't solve it.

219
00:11:47,509 --> 00:11:51,946
You didn't solve it. You didn't solve it.
Did you solve...? No. You didn't solve it.

220
00:11:52,181 --> 00:11:53,705
I solved it.

221
00:11:55,384 --> 00:11:56,976
Thank you, Captain.

222
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,144
Now...

223
00:11:59,621 --> 00:12:01,145
...a simple question.

224
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:04,826
When Lily and Marshall are apart
for an extended period of time...

225
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:08,257
...what is the one thing Lily always does?

226
00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,521
- Cry?
- Masturbate?

227
00:12:10,766 --> 00:12:12,461
- Karate?
- Go sailing?

228
00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:14,168
No.

229
00:12:14,703 --> 00:12:17,194
When Lily and Marshall are apart...

230
00:12:17,439 --> 00:12:20,169
...for a long period of time...

231
00:12:20,442 --> 00:12:22,103
...Lily...

232
00:12:22,578 --> 00:12:23,670
...always...

233
00:12:31,887 --> 00:12:33,878
...starts smoking again.

234
00:12:35,457 --> 00:12:36,754
That's true. She does.

235
00:12:37,025 --> 00:12:39,186
Happened when she went
to Paris in college.

236
00:12:39,428 --> 00:12:43,489
It happened when she moved to San
Francisco and last week, it happened again.

237
00:12:43,732 --> 00:12:45,859
<i>From the moment Marshall left
for Minnesota...</i>

238
00:12:46,101 --> 00:12:48,069
<i>...Lily's been secretly puffing ciggies...</i>

239
00:12:48,303 --> 00:12:51,204
<i>...like a 46-year-old grandma
at a Reno slot machine.</i>

240
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,499
<i>Problem was, come Friday morning...</i>

241
00:12:53,742 --> 00:12:56,643
<i>...she knew she'd have to quit again.
Cold turkey.</i>

242
00:12:56,912 --> 00:12:58,311
<i>And it wouldn't be easy.</i>

243
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:01,447
<i>She tried to make it a whole car ride,
but couldn't.</i>

244
00:13:01,683 --> 00:13:04,618
<i>She pretended to be annoyed
by perfectly reasonable things...</i>

245
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:06,218
<i>...like my driving gloves...</i>

246
00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:09,891
<i>...and my appreciation
of the historic Van Otterloop manse.</i>

247
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:15,392
<i>All so she could have
one last smoke on the train.</i>

248
00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:18,099
<i>But afterwards, her breath told the tale.</i>

249
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,893
<i>And that's why, when she got to the hotel...</i>

250
00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:22,433
<i>...Lily...</i>

251
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,434
<i>...was chewing...</i>

252
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:25,901
<i>...gum.</i>

253
00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:27,972
- Lily never chews gum.
- What, never?

254
00:13:28,210 --> 00:13:30,303
- Well, hardly ever.
- Great job, Ted.

255
00:13:30,579 --> 00:13:33,377
That's some pretty solid evidence. Gum.

256
00:13:33,582 --> 00:13:36,449
Ha-ha-ha. Oh, Barney, my dear boy...

257
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,312
...I'm just getting started.

258
00:13:38,587 --> 00:13:40,077
Getting started?

259
00:13:40,322 --> 00:13:42,654
<i>Lily knew that cigarette
was her last for a while.</i>

260
00:13:42,891 --> 00:13:45,917
<i>She needed something to keep her calm,
so she headed to the bar.</i>

261
00:13:46,161 --> 00:13:48,652
Any time you see me
without a drink in my hand...

262
00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:51,195
...you put a drink in my hand.

263
00:13:51,466 --> 00:13:53,696
Are you my guy, Linus?

264
00:13:53,969 --> 00:13:56,802
<i>What followed
was a long day-and-a-half for Lily.</i>

265
00:13:57,039 --> 00:13:58,666
<i>A really long day-and-a-half.</i>

266
00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:02,502
<i>It's kind of insane how much happened
in just a day-and-a-half.</i>

267
00:14:02,744 --> 00:14:04,371
<i>Anyway, Marshall returned...</i>

268
00:14:04,646 --> 00:14:07,774
<i>...they had a big fight, Lily stormed out.</i>

269
00:14:07,983 --> 00:14:09,382
<i>And that's when she realized...</i>

270
00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:12,142
<i>...if she was gonna sneak one,
this was her chance.</i>

271
00:14:12,387 --> 00:14:14,981
<i>And after that fight, boy did she need one.</i>

272
00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:16,782
<i>Only problem?</i>

273
00:14:17,025 --> 00:14:18,583
<i>She was all out.</i>

274
00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:20,488
Now, it's 3 a.m.

275
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:24,358
You need a cigarette. The only place
is an EZ Pick five miles down the road.

276
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,602
You have no car. What do you do? Go.

277
00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:29,633
- Dirt bike it.
- I can walk that far.

278
00:14:29,872 --> 00:14:31,601
- Masturbate.
- Take a boat.

279
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,967
What? A boat?

280
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:36,370
Dude, she got a ride in your car, remember?

281
00:14:38,213 --> 00:14:40,238
- Ahoy?
- Hi. I know it's late...

282
00:14:40,515 --> 00:14:43,484
...but I've gotta get out of here.
I wanna make one stop first.

283
00:14:46,588 --> 00:14:49,989
<i>The problem was, Lily didn't want
to smoke in front of her new employer.</i>

284
00:14:50,225 --> 00:14:54,389
<i>So when she arrived at the Captain's house,
there was one possible course of action.</i>

285
00:14:54,663 --> 00:14:57,154
Can I use your powder room?

286
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:03,661
Now, you're Lily. You've just had a cigarette
in your boss's powder room.

287
00:15:03,906 --> 00:15:06,773
What do you do with the cigarette butt?
The window? Flush it?

288
00:15:07,042 --> 00:15:09,670
No, she wouldn't do either.
She's an environmentalist.

289
00:15:09,912 --> 00:15:11,777
- Your purse?
- Marshall could find it.

290
00:15:12,047 --> 00:15:14,572
- Throw it in the trash can?
- The Captain would find it.

291
00:15:14,816 --> 00:15:16,408
Hide it in a boat.

292
00:15:16,685 --> 00:15:18,277
A boat? How would that even...?

293
00:15:18,553 --> 00:15:21,750
I don't know. I just... I like boats.

294
00:15:23,392 --> 00:15:24,757
No.

295
00:15:25,093 --> 00:15:27,561
There's only one place
that she would put it.

296
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,560
The place where, eventually,
it would decompose...

297
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:33,461
...and serve as a natural mulch.

298
00:15:34,136 --> 00:15:35,603
It's in the daisy.

299
00:15:36,772 --> 00:15:38,262
And sure enough...

300
00:15:38,507 --> 00:15:39,906
...if I dig around...

301
00:15:40,142 --> 00:15:43,441
...I am all but guaranteed to find...

302
00:15:45,714 --> 00:15:46,942
...a pregnancy test.

303
00:15:49,651 --> 00:15:50,948
You could smoke those?

304
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:06,897
Oh, no.

305
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,501
- So, you want the Kennedy Package?
- Bingo.

306
00:16:12,341 --> 00:16:13,968
One other little thing.

307
00:16:14,242 --> 00:16:18,303
When you do put a drink in my hand,
let's make it non-alcoholic.

308
00:16:18,547 --> 00:16:20,412
There's a chance I might be pregnant.

309
00:16:20,649 --> 00:16:24,415
Okay, Linus, don't start popping
the sparkling ciderjust yet.

310
00:16:24,653 --> 00:16:26,086
I'm just being cautious.

311
00:16:26,955 --> 00:16:29,617
I'll take a test when I get home. It can wait.

312
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:31,621
Are Marvin, and I...

313
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,761
...and any other future children
we may have...

314
00:16:34,997 --> 00:16:36,988
...just some consolation prize?

315
00:16:37,566 --> 00:16:39,625
I have to get out of here.

316
00:16:45,474 --> 00:16:46,498
It can't wait.

317
00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:56,248
- Lily, what a lovely...
- Can I use your powder room?

318
00:17:00,355 --> 00:17:03,347
Two minutes. Here we go.

319
00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:14,829
Guys, we need to go back to the hotel.

320
00:17:16,538 --> 00:17:18,631
Lily peed on that, and you touched it.

321
00:17:20,609 --> 00:17:22,167
Lily?

322
00:17:24,179 --> 00:17:25,874
You're gonna have a baby?

323
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,784
I told you guys I could keep a secret.

324
00:17:34,623 --> 00:17:36,989
Uh... Uh, Barney, this is my mom.

325
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,893
- Hi.
- Hello.

326
00:17:40,128 --> 00:17:42,289
Oh, he's a hugger. Nothing like your dad.

327
00:17:44,199 --> 00:17:46,064
I'm sorry, I was gonna tell you tonight.

328
00:17:46,334 --> 00:17:49,497
No. Oh, my God, no, it's fine.
There's so much we have to do.

329
00:17:49,738 --> 00:17:52,036
You know, we have...
We have to do research on...

330
00:17:52,274 --> 00:17:56,040
...hospitals in Italy, and we have to...
- But we're not going to Italy.

331
00:17:56,278 --> 00:17:57,711
Of course we are.

332
00:17:58,914 --> 00:18:01,007
We have to do this.
You're gonna live in Rome.

333
00:18:01,249 --> 00:18:03,911
And you're gonna get your dream,
because...

334
00:18:04,152 --> 00:18:05,585
Because you're giving me mine.

335
00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:08,220
Again.

336
00:18:08,457 --> 00:18:10,550
But there's gonna be
all sorts of paperwork...

337
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:14,455
...and if she's born outside of the U.S.
She can never become president...

338
00:18:14,996 --> 00:18:16,054
It's a girl?

339
00:18:16,298 --> 00:18:19,062
Oh, I don't know.

340
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,462
But in my mind, I kind of think she is.

341
00:18:22,804 --> 00:18:25,329
I love you so much.

342
00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:29,109
We're gonna give you some privacy.

343
00:18:31,813 --> 00:18:34,646
- It's my room. Why do I have to...?
- Just come on.

344
00:18:37,285 --> 00:18:40,618
- I thought this was an exit.
- Nope. Balcony.

345
00:18:41,323 --> 00:18:45,487
Well, we'll just give them a few minutes,
and then we'll go back in and...

346
00:18:45,727 --> 00:18:46,887
Oh!

347
00:18:47,429 --> 00:18:49,226
They are both naked.

348
00:18:49,464 --> 00:18:51,864
- Yeah, they work fast.
- Yes.

349
00:18:52,601 --> 00:18:53,966
Oh, darling.

350
00:18:54,202 --> 00:18:56,136
Oh, you're going to be fine.

351
00:18:56,404 --> 00:18:59,931
You know, for every marriage
in the world like I had with your dad...

352
00:19:00,175 --> 00:19:04,441
...you know, there's a marriage
like those two in there.

353
00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:08,980
Marriage, it's... Oh, it's terrifying.
It's like flying.

354
00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:11,777
You know, you're filled
with this mortal dread.

355
00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:17,614
But if you find someone you feel safe with,
it's like flying.

356
00:19:17,859 --> 00:19:21,488
But if you've got someone
that you feel is really there for you...

357
00:19:21,730 --> 00:19:23,755
...someone you can depend on...

358
00:19:23,999 --> 00:19:26,126
...you're gonna be fine.

359
00:19:26,835 --> 00:19:29,030
Do you have someone like that?

360
00:19:34,176 --> 00:19:35,905
I do.

361
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:57,500
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