1
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,434
( upbeat theme playing )

2
00:00:03,434 --> 00:00:05,601
CHRIS:
 When I became
 football team manager,

3
00:00:05,601 --> 00:00:07,501
 I learned
 the first rule of sports:

4
00:00:07,501 --> 00:00:08,868
 When they're not playing,

5
00:00:08,868 --> 00:00:11,701
 athletes expect other people
 to do things for them.

6
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:13,667
 They expected you
 to do easy things.

7
00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:16,501
Hey, Chris.

8
00:00:16,501 --> 00:00:18,868
Hit that pedal for me.

9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,334
Ah, thanks, man.

10
00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:26,167
I got any water
on my face?

11
00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:28,634
 They expected you
 to do hard things.

12
00:00:28,634 --> 00:00:31,334
Hey, Chris, put this back
in the weight room for me.

13
00:00:31,334 --> 00:00:32,634
( grunts )

14
00:00:32,634 --> 00:00:35,200
 They expected you
 to do ridiculous things.

15
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,667
Hey, Chris, could you
eat this for me?

16
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,934
I don't like it.

17
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:41,601
 But mostly, they expected you
 to do things they couldn'tdo.

18
00:00:41,601 --> 00:00:43,868
Hey, Chris, I need
to talk to you, man.

19
00:00:43,868 --> 00:00:45,234
What's up?

20
00:00:45,234 --> 00:00:48,367
What's up is
Coach Thurman's gonna fail me.

21
00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:51,067
Fail you?You're, like,
the best guy on the team.

22
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All you have to do is show up
and it's automatic "A."

23
00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:55,434
Why would he fail you?

24
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Something about me
never showing up to class.

25
00:00:57,367 --> 00:00:58,667
Look, he's trippin'.

26
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:02,000
I don't know why we need
to learn about history anyway.

27
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,334
What difference does it make
who won World War III?

28
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It's over.

29
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The Japanese won,

30
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,300
and now we
have Walkmans.

31
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,300
 Thank God Italy
 won World War IV

32
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:12,701
 and we got pizza.

33
00:01:12,701 --> 00:01:14,267
So, what you gonna
do about it?

34
00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:16,234
It's not what I'm
gonna do about it,

35
00:01:16,234 --> 00:01:18,000
it's what you're
gonna do about it.

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00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,234
I need you to do
my history assignments for me.

37
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Man, this is a lot of work.

38
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Come on, man,
I thought we were cool.

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00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:24,901
What am I gonna get out of it?

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00:01:24,901 --> 00:01:26,434
I'll owe you one.

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You will?
Yeah.

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00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:29,968
 Even though
doing Dickerson's work

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00:01:29,968 --> 00:01:31,267
 was like taking an extra class,

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00:01:31,267 --> 00:01:33,734
 I knew him owing me one
 would be worth it.

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All right, I'll do it.

46
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* Pump up the volume
Pump up the volume *

47
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My man.

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* Dance, dance... *

49
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( funky hip-hop theme playing )

50
00:01:51,367 --> 00:01:53,467
 * Oh, make it funky now *

51
00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:13,901
 When Dickerson said "my man,"

52
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:16,067
 it was like making me
 vice president.

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00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:18,868
 It was the next best thing
 to being him.

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What's this?
It's your homework.

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GIRL: Hi, Dickerson.
I summarized chapter three.

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BOY: Dickerson!
It starts with the Magna Carta

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00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,300
and how it affected
the serfs in rural England.

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GIRL: Hey.
My man!

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00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:30,133
That's it?

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00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:31,801
That's what?

61
00:02:31,801 --> 00:02:33,234
 I had expected a little more.

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00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:35,067
 I thought by being cool
 with Dickerson,

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 a whole new world
 would open up...

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 in school...
That'll be a dollar.

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Whoa, whoa.
His lunch is free.

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00:02:42,968 --> 00:02:45,901
That's my man.

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00:02:45,901 --> 00:02:47,067
 ...after class...

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Give him your number.

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00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:50,701
That's my man.

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00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:52,267
( Dickerson laughs )

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 ...even in the streets.

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What do we have here?

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Aw, look at that.

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Hey, hey, don't arrest him.

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That's my man.

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00:03:01,801 --> 00:03:03,334
Oh, my bad.

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Excuse me.
Sorry.

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00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:06,868
There you go.

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00:03:06,868 --> 00:03:08,367
You got it.
No problem.

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00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:09,334
Good to
see you.

81
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,234
Yo. You're just gonna
knock my man's stuff

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out of his hand
and not pick it up?

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00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:16,767
Sorry.

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00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:19,400
 Caruso knows how
 to say "sorry"?

85
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:26,167
Anyway, what'd you want?

86
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:27,667
Nothing.

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00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:28,767
My man.

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00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,334
 Back at home,
 I wasn't the only one

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00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:34,300
 who needed
 a new man on the job.

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Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Julius.

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Exactly the man
I was looking for.

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Is everything all right?

93
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,834
Actually, I got
a bit of a situation.

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You wouldn't know anyone
looking for a job, would you?

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00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,901
Me! Me!

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00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:48,367
I want a job! Me!

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( laughs ):
Whoo!

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I want a... Me!

99
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What kind of job?

100
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,033
I mean,
I might be interested.

101
00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,767
 If my father had been a rapper,

102
00:03:56,767 --> 00:03:58,701
 his name would've been
 Snoop Jobby-Job.

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00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,334
Don't you already have two jobs?

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00:04:00,334 --> 00:04:01,767
( chuckling ):
You want another one?

105
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:03,200
 That's like
 asking Amy Winehouse

106
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,667
 if she wants another drink.

107
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Well, what's the job?

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00:04:05,901 --> 00:04:08,067
Well, my assistant died today.

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00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,667
Oh, no. What happened?

110
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,701
Well, he went
to a dollar theater

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00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:14,067
to watch the movie Airplane,
when ironically,

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00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:17,200
a chemical toilet
fell out of an airplane,

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crashed through the roof
and crushed him.

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Tragic.

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Tragic!

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Anyway, I need a replacement.

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What would I have to do?

118
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,968
Well, you know,
pickups, deliveries.

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That's what I already do.

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00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:33,000
Well, all right, then,
you're hired!

121
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,467
( both laugh )

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Uh, here you go.

123
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,334
Now, the van's out front.

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What's this?

125
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Oh, the address to the theater.

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I need you to pick up
my dead assistant,

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row J, seat 15.

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And I believe

129
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,534
he's entitled to a refund,

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00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:49,501
so you keep that
as a signing bonus.

131
00:04:49,501 --> 00:04:50,601
( laughing )

132
00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:53,234
 With a new job
 and a signing bonus,

133
00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:55,801
 my father thought he had
 been hit by a chemical toilet

134
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 and gone to Heaven.

135
00:04:57,501 --> 00:04:59,767
 Meanwhile, doing Dickerson's
 work was killing me.

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00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,501
Yo, Chris.

137
00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:04,701
You didn't finish that homework?

138
00:05:04,701 --> 00:05:07,067
Oh, yeah. This is my homework.

139
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:09,000
I did yours last night.

140
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,267
There.

141
00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:12,934
It's a complete time line
of the significant events

142
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that led up
to World War I.

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00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:16,467
My man!

144
00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:20,133
Hey, get me a sandwich.
Turkey with, uh,

145
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cheese and mayo on it.

146
00:05:21,634 --> 00:05:23,334
They don't have that today.

147
00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:25,501
They got it across the street.

148
00:05:25,501 --> 00:05:27,067
Cool.

149
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:29,033
( chuckling ):
My man!

150
00:05:29,033 --> 00:05:31,634
Hey, Walter.
Hey, Carol. You hungry?

151
00:05:31,634 --> 00:05:33,634
My man was just about
to get me a sandwich.

152
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,634
I'll take one.

153
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,534
Make that two.

154
00:05:36,534 --> 00:05:37,634
Cool.

155
00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:39,501
( chuckling ):
My man!

156
00:05:39,501 --> 00:05:42,267
Dude,
just then, am I crazy,

157
00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:45,000
or when Dickerson said "my man"
was he talking to you?

158
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,467
Yeah, he was talking to me.

159
00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:47,567
That's awesome!

160
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:49,067
You're, like,
his number-two guy now.

161
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,133
It's like Chico and the Man,

162
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:52,634
 My Man Godfrey,
 Our Man Flint.

163
00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:54,767
I can't even imagine.
The perks gotta be great.

164
00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:56,367
Well, so far the only perk is

165
00:05:56,367 --> 00:05:58,934
Caruso saw me earlier
and didn't punch me in the face.

166
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:00,901
What's up, Parish?
Hey, Bird.

167
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,834
So, what's up
with you and Dickerson?

168
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:03,934
You guys hanging out?

169
00:06:03,934 --> 00:06:05,200
That's your man?
You're cool?

170
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,467
Basically, yeah.

171
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,868
Huh. What about you,

172
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,667
are you cool
with Dickerson, too?

173
00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:11,000
Nah, just him.

174
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,667
Cool.
( blow lands )

175
00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:15,033
 Greg did a nice job
of waiting ten seconds

176
00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:16,734
 before crying.

177
00:06:16,734 --> 00:06:18,868
 After a full day
 of hanging with Dickerson,

178
00:06:18,868 --> 00:06:21,400
 I was hung up at home, too.
Boy, put that away.

179
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,033
You got that much work,
you have to do it during dinner?

180
00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:26,634
I have a lot this week.
I was up late last night.

181
00:06:26,634 --> 00:06:28,167
I'm just trying
to get it done.

182
00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:30,901
( singing conga rhythm )

183
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:37,000
( laughs, claps )

184
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:37,968
Hey, baby!

185
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,267
What's up, Chris?

186
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:42,968
Drew.

187
00:06:42,968 --> 00:06:44,367
Pssh!

188
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:45,767
Baby girl.

189
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:47,000
Hey.

190
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,367
( groans ):
This smells good!

191
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,968
Whew!

192
00:06:52,367 --> 00:06:55,601
Rochelle, did you do
something new with your hair?

193
00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:57,734
I combed it.

194
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:59,367
It looks great.

195
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,200
Doesn't your mother's hair
look great?

196
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:04,033
KIDS:
I don't know.

197
00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:06,100
Well, I think it looks great.

198
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,033
TONYA:
Can I get finger waves
in my hair?

199
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:09,567
You got finger wave money?

200
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:10,968
Uh, I could give
her finger waves.

201
00:07:10,968 --> 00:07:12,667
All you need is
a perm kit, holding gel,

202
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:13,901
some gloves
and your fingers.

203
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,534
I don't think so, baby.

204
00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:17,067
I'll give you ten dollars
if you need it.

205
00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:18,601
You been drinking?

206
00:07:18,601 --> 00:07:20,200
No. I just feel good today.

207
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,100
Dad, you said you'd
just pay for finger waves.

208
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,534
Did you get knocked

209
00:07:24,534 --> 00:07:26,334
over your head
and forget you were broke?

210
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:27,634
( chuckles ):
No.

211
00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:30,434
Did aliens kidnap you
and replace you with a rich guy?

212
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:32,067
No.
Can I get new earrings?

213
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:33,200
Sure.

214
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,601
What's going on with you?

215
00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:36,801
What are you talking about?

216
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:37,968
You're singing
and dancing

217
00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:39,200
and willing to pay

218
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,968
for finger waves
and earrings?

219
00:07:40,968 --> 00:07:42,567
Are you leaving us
for a white woman?

220
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:45,200
No. It's just being
at this new job,

221
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,567
I'm with dead people
everywhere I go.

222
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,334
It just makes me feel like

223
00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:51,167
I need to appreciate life
a little more.

224
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,834
Oh, this is good!

225
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:54,100
What is this, baby?

226
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:56,267
Vegetables.

227
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,467
You kids try this?

228
00:07:57,467 --> 00:07:59,901
Chris, pass me
the big piece of carrot.

229
00:07:59,901 --> 00:08:01,000
I don't know how you can stand

230
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,234
being around
all those dead people.

231
00:08:03,234 --> 00:08:04,567
I love it.

232
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,167
It makes you realize
that life is short.

233
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,701
Anything can happen
at any time.

234
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,567
A toilet could fall
out of the sky and crush you.

235
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:11,868
A bus door

236
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,067
could clamp on your neck
and choke you.

237
00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:17,534
A poisonous lizard could escape
from the zoo and bite you.

238
00:08:17,534 --> 00:08:19,734
 You could fall off a bridge
 and drown.

239
00:08:19,734 --> 00:08:22,701
And you could trip and fall
in front of a power mower

240
00:08:22,701 --> 00:08:24,534
and be decapitated.

241
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,934
 You could be smoking
 a cigarette

242
00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:27,200
 and blow up while siphoning

243
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,868
( over phone ):
 65 cents' worth of gas.

244
00:08:28,868 --> 00:08:31,534
 And you could eat some
 bad coleslaw and get diarrhea

245
00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:33,133
 and die of dehydration.

246
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,534
You could step in a puddle

247
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:36,167
and be electrocuted
by a downed wire.

248
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,767
You could blow your nose
and startle a cat with rabies...

249
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:41,200
Okay, okay, we get it!

250
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,300
We can die at any time,

251
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,033
and you're happy!
That's right.

252
00:08:45,033 --> 00:08:46,300
Ma, can I go?

253
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:47,601
I got to get to school.

254
00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:49,133
Hold on.

255
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:51,734
Since I'm happy,
I want you all to be happy.

256
00:08:51,734 --> 00:08:53,567
I bought you all
some presents.

257
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,767
You did what?

258
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,467
Drew, I got you a Kangol hat.

259
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:58,567
Ah, cool.

260
00:08:58,567 --> 00:08:59,701
ROCHELLE:
Wait, wait, wait.

261
00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:01,868
That thing is expensive.
Tonya,

262
00:09:01,868 --> 00:09:04,667
I got you a Danny Glover
 Witness Action Play Set.

263
00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:07,868
You bought
your daughter

264
00:09:07,868 --> 00:09:09,934
a gun?
It's just like the one

265
00:09:09,934 --> 00:09:12,000
he wounded Harrison Ford with.
Thanks, Daddy!

266
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,434
They were out of
 The Color Purple Play Set.

267
00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:16,834
Chris, I got you

268
00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:19,000
the heavy-duty garbage bag
with the quick ties

269
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,868
so they won't break
when you carry a heavy load.

270
00:09:21,868 --> 00:09:23,400
Ah, 13-gallon.

271
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,467
I was wondering
how you were gonna top

272
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,234
the Danny Glover thing.
Julius, we have

273
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,167
bills to pay,
and you're giving out gifts?

274
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,133
What about the present
to the gas company,

275
00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:32,234
the electric company,

276
00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:33,901
the water company?

277
00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:35,000
This is...

278
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,267
$47.92 that you just spent
on the kids!

279
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:42,234
 Should my garbage bags
 really count in that total?

280
00:09:42,234 --> 00:09:43,534
Not just for the kids.

281
00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:46,267
This is for you!

282
00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:49,167
Oh! That's Armando Vermani!

283
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:51,167
I love
Armando Vermani!

284
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:52,400
It's all leather!

285
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,000
Oh, baby, this is beautiful!

286
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,234
I thought you were mad
because he was spendingmoney.

287
00:09:58,234 --> 00:10:00,267
Girl, shut up
and go play with your gun.

288
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,901
Oh, I got to put this
in plastic!

289
00:10:02,901 --> 00:10:05,300
 I wasn't happy about
 what I was getting at home...

290
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,934
( bell rings )
...and I was even less happy

291
00:10:06,934 --> 00:10:08,901
 about what was happening
 at school.

292
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,901
What?!
I knew this was gonna happen.

293
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,167
Did you hear what she said?
Who? What?

294
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:14,400
We have a test tomorrow.

295
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,033
She went over all the stuff
today in class.

296
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,267
We do?

297
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,067
Dude, you're burning
the candle at both ends.

298
00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,267
You can't do another guy's work

299
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:21,767
and still have time
for your own stuff.

300
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,300
It's like cheating
on a girlfriend.

301
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,634
 If you've never had
 a girlfriend.

302
00:10:24,634 --> 00:10:26,133
I'm fine.
Dude, you're not fine.

303
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:27,667
Unless you want to
fail your classes,

304
00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:30,200
you better tell Dickerson you're
not doing any more of his work.

305
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,634
Just calm down.
I-I can handle this.

306
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:34,868
Yeah, right after you finish
your nap?

307
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,901
 I miss being able to nap
 in the middle of the day.

308
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,868
CHRIS:
So far, all I had gotten
 from doing Dickerson's work

309
00:10:44,868 --> 00:10:46,300
 was drool on my shirt.

310
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:48,234
 I didn't know if things
 would get any better,

311
00:10:48,234 --> 00:10:50,801
 so I decided to get out
 before things got worse.

312
00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:52,234
Dickerson, I need
to talk to you.

313
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,667
( scoffs ):
Yo, I need to talk to you.

314
00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:56,067
Thurman pulled out
the big guns.

315
00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,801
He said I need
to turn in an essay

316
00:10:57,801 --> 00:10:59,033
on the aftermath of World War I.

317
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,968
And if I don't pull
at least a "B,"

318
00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:03,067
yo, I won't play
in the next game.

319
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:04,501
An essay?

320
00:11:04,501 --> 00:11:06,767
Yeah.
You know, like, 20-25 pages.

321
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,200
You can do that, right?

322
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,133
Yeah. That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

323
00:11:10,133 --> 00:11:12,567
Dickerson, listen. Look, I...

324
00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:14,968
Hi, Walter.
Hey, Chris.

325
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:17,133
Hey...Carol.

326
00:11:17,133 --> 00:11:20,367
Uh, she's Carol.
I'm Carole with an "e."

327
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:22,000
A lot of people
make that mistake.

328
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,734
Oh. You didn't tell me
you had a sister.

329
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:24,801
I don't.

330
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,534
You're not twins?

331
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:28,267
No.
Why?

332
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:29,634
You're joking.

333
00:11:29,634 --> 00:11:31,234
Now, why would they joke
about that?

334
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:32,734
They look exactly alike.

335
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:33,868
Hmm. You think so?

336
00:11:33,868 --> 00:11:35,167
Man, you need glasses.

337
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,300
CAROL:
We were wondering

338
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,501
if you could
do us a favor.

339
00:11:37,501 --> 00:11:39,234
( chuckling ):
Of course he can do you a favor.

340
00:11:39,234 --> 00:11:40,601
Look, this is my man.

341
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,767
Chris, you wouldn't leave
my girls hanging, would you?

342
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,200
No.

343
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,234
Great. Here.

344
00:11:45,234 --> 00:11:46,968
What's this?
Just some math.

345
00:11:46,968 --> 00:11:47,968
It's easy.

346
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,167
 Then why don't you do it?

347
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,901
Hey, well, look,
we're getting ready to go

348
00:11:50,901 --> 00:11:51,901
eat lunch, my man.

349
00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:52,968
You want to come?

350
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:54,234
 Finally!
Yeah.

351
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,267
( laughing ):
Psyche!

352
00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:57,701
Man, you ain't
got time to eat,

353
00:11:57,701 --> 00:11:59,501
'cause you got to work,
but that was funny.

354
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:00,834
We'll catch you later,
all right?

355
00:12:00,834 --> 00:12:01,834
Yeah.

356
00:12:01,834 --> 00:12:03,234
My man.

357
00:12:03,234 --> 00:12:05,234
 At school,
things were getting ugly,

358
00:12:05,234 --> 00:12:07,367
 but to my father,
 life was beautiful.

359
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:08,801
I don't know
what's got into you,

360
00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:10,300
but I hope
it don't get out.

361
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,901
You know, James,
life is short.

362
00:12:12,901 --> 00:12:15,300
I mean, one day, you could
pick your toenail and...

363
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,334
End up with a bad
viral infection

364
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:18,801
and have to get
your foot amputated.

365
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:22,100
We got it. Look, before you get
to the next scenario,

366
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,868
can I get that cash?
Oh.

367
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:28,434
Let's see. $175 right there.

368
00:12:28,434 --> 00:12:29,434
Yeah.

369
00:12:29,434 --> 00:12:31,033
$175?

370
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:33,000
What you gonna do
with all that?

371
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,400
I'm starting
an answering service.

372
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,767
All I have to do is
buy a couple of phones,

373
00:12:36,767 --> 00:12:38,901
get some extra phone lines,
then I can make money

374
00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:40,601
just by taking other people's
phone calls.

375
00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:42,801
So it's like a human
answering machine.

376
00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:45,033
Exactly.

377
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:47,367
You know, Julius,
I've been kind of depressed

378
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,767
since my father left us.

379
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,200
Can I get $20?

380
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,067
Sure. Here you go.

381
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,501
My man.

382
00:12:54,501 --> 00:12:57,000
All right. Mmm.

383
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,601
 Back at school, I went from
 running around for Dickerson,

384
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:01,234
 to running around
 for everybody.

385
00:13:01,234 --> 00:13:02,634
Hey, Chris.
Hey.

386
00:13:02,634 --> 00:13:05,100
Dickerson said you could
do my algebra homework.

387
00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:10,701
Hey, Chris!

388
00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:13,934
Dickerson said
you'd wash my car for me.

389
00:13:15,934 --> 00:13:17,634
Are you Christopher?

390
00:13:17,634 --> 00:13:19,234
Yeah.

391
00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:22,400
Dickerson said you can get the
devil out of this little girl.

392
00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:25,167
( snarls )

393
00:13:26,234 --> 00:13:27,767
 While I had it hard,

394
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:30,167
 my father became a soft touch.

395
00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,467
Hey, I need $10 for gas.

396
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:32,734
Regular or premium?

397
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:33,868
Premium.

398
00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:35,434
There you go.

399
00:13:35,434 --> 00:13:37,434
( laughing ):
My man.

400
00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:39,467
I need to get
my hair dryer fixed.

401
00:13:39,467 --> 00:13:42,033
Just buy yourself a new one.

402
00:13:42,033 --> 00:13:43,267
Ooh!

403
00:13:43,267 --> 00:13:45,601
( grunts happily )

404
00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:48,033
I need some ammo for my bazooka.

405
00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:49,701
Anti-tank or anti-personnel?

406
00:13:49,701 --> 00:13:51,767
( scoffs ):
Anti-tank, of course.

407
00:13:51,767 --> 00:13:53,334
Oh, here you go.

408
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,200
Thank you.

409
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,167
Can you let me hold
some bail money?

410
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:59,701
Get yourself a lawyer, too.

411
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:01,934
Come on.
I didn't do nothing.

412
00:14:01,934 --> 00:14:04,767
You're throwing money away.

413
00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:06,434
No, I'm not, baby.

414
00:14:06,434 --> 00:14:08,033
I'm spreading happiness.

415
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:10,534
That's the only real thing
you can do with life.

416
00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:12,400
Who knows how much time
we have left?

417
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,934
I do!

418
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:17,167
We've got 18 years left
to pay off this house.

419
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,534
Three kids left
to put through school.

420
00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:22,567
14 days left to pay off
last month's gas bill.

421
00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:23,968
And you got one more bounce

422
00:14:23,968 --> 00:14:25,667
before I shove that
ball down your throat.

423
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:27,634
That's my point, Rochelle.

424
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,200
I could be dead
before my threesies.

425
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,834
Julius, you have got
to quit this job.

426
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:34,234
I don't want to quit this job.

427
00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:35,367
I want to be happy.

428
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:37,834
You want to be happy.

429
00:14:37,834 --> 00:14:39,667
Okay, one question:
Do you want to be happy

430
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:40,901
or do you want to be married?

431
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,667
 Why can't you have both?

432
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:44,868
 Just kidding.

433
00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:50,968
 My dad wasn't the only one
 who had to pay the piper.

434
00:14:52,133 --> 00:14:54,701
I got an "A."
What did you get?

435
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:56,133
Wow an "F."

436
00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:57,701
You think that stands
for "fantastic?"

437
00:14:57,701 --> 00:14:59,868
You could've just said,
"I hate to say I told you so."

438
00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:01,400
I told you so.

439
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,968
 If smacking Greg is wrong,
 I don't want to be right.

440
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,634
CHRIS:
 After getting an "F,"

441
00:15:10,634 --> 00:15:12,734
 no matter what Dickerson said,

442
00:15:12,734 --> 00:15:15,300
 I knew it was time
 to be my own man.

443
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,400
My man.

444
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,067
Hey, look,
I need you to do me

445
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:22,067
one of those summaries
again for my English class.

446
00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:23,701
Dickerson,
I can't do this anymore.

447
00:15:23,701 --> 00:15:25,934
I'm sorry.
What are you talking about?

448
00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:27,901
I've been spending so much time
on your work,

449
00:15:27,901 --> 00:15:29,100
I don't have time to do my work.

450
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,968
What are you trying to say?

451
00:15:30,968 --> 00:15:32,734
I've been spending
so much time on your work,

452
00:15:32,734 --> 00:15:34,000
I don't have time to do my work.

453
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,567
But I thought you was my man.

454
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:36,767
I was.

455
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:39,734
Hey, Dickerson,
he's not your man anymore?

456
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:40,701
No. I guess not.

457
00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:50,534
( whistling )

458
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:53,667
I can't believe you came down
here after our conversation.

459
00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:56,701
Rochelle, I know
you're concerned right now,

460
00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:57,934
but if you knew how I felt,

461
00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,467
you'd want me to keep
feeling this way.

462
00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,033
OMAR:
Oh, hey, Ms. Rochelle.

463
00:16:01,033 --> 00:16:03,968
Here's the address,
Mr. Julius.

464
00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:06,834
Oh, by the say is it possible
to borrow $40?

465
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,334
Sure.

466
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,400
( money rustling )

467
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,801
I'll pay you back
next week.

468
00:16:10,801 --> 00:16:12,000
Don't worry about it.

469
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,667
My man.

470
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,234
Bye, baby.
Bye, baby.

471
00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:16,567
Have a good day.

472
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:18,033
Good man.

473
00:16:18,033 --> 00:16:19,501
You got to fire him,

474
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:20,834
and you have to fire him today.

475
00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:22,367
Why would I want to do that?

476
00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:25,067
I've never seen a man
be so happy with his work.

477
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,834
He is throwing money away
like there's no tomorrow.

478
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:29,667
Well, there might not be
a tomorrow.

479
00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:32,300
Well, if there is, you ain't
gonna have no place to live.

480
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,334
What you talking about?
Let me remind you

481
00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:35,701
you're a tenant in our house.

482
00:16:35,701 --> 00:16:37,467
If we lose our home,
you lose your--

483
00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:38,467
He's fired.

484
00:16:38,467 --> 00:16:39,968
( snatches money )
Thank you.

485
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:41,968
 If you're keeping score,
 that's happy: zero,

486
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,167
 my mother: one.

487
00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:47,000
 Helping out Dickerson
 was a bad idea,

488
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,400
 and when I stopped,
 it got even worse.

489
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,801
You wanted to see me?

490
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,834
Oh, yes. Yeah.

491
00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:56,701
I have here Mr. Dickerson's
essay, in which he received

492
00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:59,000
a grade of "B."

493
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,868
But I'm not so sure
he actually wrote this paper.

494
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:03,801
Why not?

495
00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:09,400
Walter, who was in
World War I?

496
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:14,000
Um, Earth and Jupiter.

497
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,167
Now you see
why I'm not sure?

498
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:17,534
( laughs )

499
00:17:17,534 --> 00:17:18,968
Maybe he forgot.

500
00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:21,033
Forgot? Really? Forgot what?

501
00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:23,000
Forgot who was in World War I,

502
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,934
or forgot to not sign
your name on his paper, hmm?

503
00:17:27,934 --> 00:17:32,234
Or not do the whole thing
in your handwriting?

504
00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:34,434
The two of you, huh?

505
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:36,334
You insult
my intelligence.

506
00:17:36,334 --> 00:17:39,167
Maybe if I was blind,
you could turn this paper in

507
00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:40,734
and say that he wrote it,

508
00:17:40,734 --> 00:17:43,100
but I'm not blind. Hmm?

509
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,267
Do I look blind? Hmm?

510
00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:48,534
Do I have black sunglasses
and a piano?!

511
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,100
 Actually, he did.

512
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,033
* Whop ba ba lo bop
A lop bam boom *

513
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:55,234
* Tutti fruiti, oh, Rudy *

514
00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:57,534
* Tutti fruiti
Oh, Rudy *

515
00:17:57,534 --> 00:18:00,267
* Tutti fruiti, oh, Rudy *

516
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:03,300
* Whop ba ba lo bop
A lop bam boom *

517
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:07,701
You. You're suspended
from tomorrow's game.

518
00:18:07,701 --> 00:18:09,100
Coach,
I'm not suiting up?

519
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,501
Oh, sure, you can suit up.

520
00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:12,701
But do it at home.

521
00:18:12,701 --> 00:18:14,133
And after you suit up,

522
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,534
I want you to write me an essay

523
00:18:15,534 --> 00:18:18,133
on the events leading up
to World War II.

524
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:20,000
And you.

525
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,067
I know, detention.

526
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,434
Oh, no.
Detention is way too easy.

527
00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,200
You turned your back on easy

528
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,634
when you did his paper,
Cool Breeze.

529
00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:30,234
So, Lincoln goes through
all this trouble

530
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,300
to issue
the Emancipation Proclamation,

531
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,701
frees your people from slavery,
and what do you do?

532
00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:37,667
you run around doing
other people's work for them.

533
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:39,000
You're killing me.

534
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,667
 Et tu Kunta Kinte?

535
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:42,634
I'm sorry.
No. I'm sorry.

536
00:18:42,634 --> 00:18:44,267
But I'm going to help you out.

537
00:18:44,267 --> 00:18:47,467
Maybe Lincoln couldn't get
to you, but I can.

538
00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:48,634
What are you going to do?

539
00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:50,400
( laughing )

540
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,901
Wouldn't you like to know?

541
00:18:52,901 --> 00:18:55,501
( laughs )

542
00:18:58,634 --> 00:19:00,968
Oh, how was your day
with the dead people?

543
00:19:00,968 --> 00:19:02,334
I got fired today.

544
00:19:02,334 --> 00:19:03,334
( gasps ):
Fired?!

545
00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:05,968
Yes, fired.
Fired? Are you kidding?

546
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:08,133
You've never been fired
a day in your life. Fired?

547
00:19:08,133 --> 00:19:10,567
Yes, fired.
Fired. That is ridiculous.

548
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,133
Why would he do such a thing?

549
00:19:12,133 --> 00:19:13,968
He said he wanted
a full-time person.

550
00:19:13,968 --> 00:19:16,033
He said crack
was making his business boom.

551
00:19:16,033 --> 00:19:18,501
Fired.
Oh, baby, and you were so happy.

552
00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:19,801
That's true.

553
00:19:19,801 --> 00:19:21,834
Seeing those bodies every day
was an epiphany for me.

554
00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:24,634
Mm. Well, that epiphany
cost $867.42.

555
00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:26,234
What?

556
00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:29,000
That's when my father realized
 epiphanies are expensive.

557
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,067
Man. Epiphanies are expensive.

558
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,334
 Then he had another epiphany.

559
00:19:32,334 --> 00:19:33,834
I'm never going to get
that money back.

560
00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:35,767
Yes, you will.
I will?

561
00:19:35,767 --> 00:19:39,367
I took all that stuff back.
And here.

562
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:41,200
No, baby, you can keep that.

563
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,467
Okay.
Hey, Dad.

564
00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:45,234
Do you think Drew can borrow
one of your hats?

565
00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:46,434
Hat?

566
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:48,300
Drew, get in here.

567
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:54,567
What the hell happened
to your head?

568
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:56,934
Before I gave Tonya
a finger wave,

569
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,901
I decided I'd try it on myself.

570
00:19:58,901 --> 00:20:00,901
But I think I left the perm
in too long.

571
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:03,033
That's $10 worth of perm.

572
00:20:03,033 --> 00:20:04,667
( indistinct announcement
over PA )

573
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,033
Do I really
have to do this?

574
00:20:06,033 --> 00:20:07,367
Chris, you wanna work
for people?

575
00:20:07,367 --> 00:20:08,601
You want to do what he does?

576
00:20:08,601 --> 00:20:09,868
You do everything he does.

577
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,501
I want you to get out
on that field, and...

578
00:20:12,634 --> 00:20:14,133
( widespread groaning )

579
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:16,701
( over PA ):
 Rock broken up by number 72.

580
00:20:16,701 --> 00:20:18,400
Where'd you go?
I wasn't done talking yet.

581
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,968
What I was saying was, I want
you do get out on that field...

582
00:20:20,968 --> 00:20:23,400
 * Everybody hates Chris *

583
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:31,000
( funky hip-hop theme playing )

584
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,634
* Oh, make it funky now *

585
00:20:42,634 --> 00:20:52,601