1
00:00:09,125 --> 00:00:11,355
Ugh. Damn it.

2
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,559
Damn it.

3
00:00:21,237 --> 00:00:22,932
Damn it.

4
00:00:26,643 --> 00:00:28,474
That looks pretty good.

5
00:00:30,513 --> 00:00:33,710
- Hey, guys, how was the birthday party?
- Awesome.

6
00:00:33,883 --> 00:00:37,683
We got to Daniel's house, they had shuttles
waiting to take us to the Kings game.

7
00:00:37,854 --> 00:00:39,685
- We had seats right on the glass.
- Yeah.

8
00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:44,316
And after, we went into the locker room
and met the players. It was awesome!

9
00:00:45,195 --> 00:00:49,222
And the best part is, in the bathroom,
everyone pees in this giant sink.

10
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,360
Daniel's dad is a sports agent
for like half the team.

11
00:00:53,536 --> 00:00:56,403
Yeah, he's so cool.
I'm just a stupid contractor.

12
00:00:56,573 --> 00:01:00,839
The best I could do is go into Home Depot
and use the ladder without supervision.

13
00:01:02,345 --> 00:01:04,575
And even though
it was Daniel's birthday, I got presents.

14
00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:05,737
Huh.

15
00:01:05,915 --> 00:01:08,713
I got DVDs, passes to Magic Mountain,
signed jerseys.

16
00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:09,874
Wow.

17
00:01:10,053 --> 00:01:11,918
Mom, can we have a hockey party
for my birthday?

18
00:01:12,088 --> 00:01:13,749
Oh, can we? That would be awesome.

19
00:01:15,525 --> 00:01:17,322
Sorry, kids.

20
00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:21,026
Ritchie, your birthday is in less than two
weeks. We already planned your party.

21
00:01:21,197 --> 00:01:23,722
Besides, you don't wanna have
the same party as Daniel.

22
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:24,992
That would be boring.

23
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,763
- What's my party gonna be?
- You're gonna have a theme party.

24
00:01:28,938 --> 00:01:31,133
[IRISH ACCENT]
Luck of the Irish.

25
00:01:32,242 --> 00:01:35,109
Christine, you can't throw
that Luck of the Irish party again.

26
00:01:35,278 --> 00:01:38,042
Everyone knows you're just trying
to get rid of those shamrock plates.

27
00:01:38,214 --> 00:01:40,739
- How many of those did you buy?
- I don't know.

28
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:46,184
Every time I think they're almost gone,
I look and there's more of them.

29
00:01:46,589 --> 00:01:49,717
I swear, they multiply like the real Irish.

30
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,685
- Nice.
- What? I can say that, I'm Irish.

31
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,853
No, you're not. I'm Irish.

32
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,760
Eh, whatever.

33
00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:59,925
Anyway, Ritchie, your party's
gonna be just as good as Daniel's.

34
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:02,799
Can we pee in the sink at my party?

35
00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:06,203
I said it was an Irish party.
What do you think?

36
00:02:10,079 --> 00:02:11,137
Why are we doing this?

37
00:02:11,314 --> 00:02:14,044
Does a 9-year-old really need
a party planner for his birthday?

38
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:18,153
Well, Richard was right, you know.
They do things differently at this school.

39
00:02:18,321 --> 00:02:19,583
At his old public school...

40
00:02:19,756 --> 00:02:22,816
...I could buy a bunch of Costco cupcakes,
put a hat on the dog...

41
00:02:22,992 --> 00:02:25,825
...and people thought
they were invited to the royal wedding.

42
00:02:27,797 --> 00:02:31,289
My traditional green hot dogs
are not gonna cut it this year.

43
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:33,628
How did you get those hot dogs
to turn green?

44
00:02:34,337 --> 00:02:36,999
Let's just say it was a happy accident.

45
00:02:38,775 --> 00:02:40,834
Hello, welcome to Parties by Kit.

46
00:02:41,010 --> 00:02:43,274
I'm Kit.
Is there something I can help you with?

47
00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:45,772
I'm sorry. Kit?

48
00:02:45,949 --> 00:02:48,747
- Kit.
- Kit.

49
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,781
Uh, yeah, we need to plan a party.

50
00:02:52,956 --> 00:02:54,355
Which month are we looking at?

51
00:02:54,524 --> 00:02:56,185
Uh, this one. It's in 10 days.

52
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,851
I'm sorry, I don't understand.

53
00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:03,696
Um, it's for my son's ninth birthday.
It's a week from Saturday.

54
00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:05,960
Um, I know, it's kind of last minute.

55
00:03:06,135 --> 00:03:09,298
Did you not know it was his birthday?

56
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,334
No, no, l... I did know.

57
00:03:11,507 --> 00:03:15,375
I had a party planned, but then I was talked
into doing something more extravagant.

58
00:03:15,545 --> 00:03:18,309
So, what do you have
in the way of extravagant?

59
00:03:18,481 --> 00:03:19,812
- We have different packages.
- Oh.

60
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:24,579
Uh, the platinum package includes
personalized video invitations, gift bags...

61
00:03:24,754 --> 00:03:29,987
...catering, bartender, and an appearance
by one of the Desperate Housewives.

62
00:03:30,159 --> 00:03:32,059
I'm not able to say which one.

63
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,023
Teri Hatcher?

64
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:35,658
What do you think?

65
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:39,925
Wow. And how much is that?

66
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,071
Four hundred a head.

67
00:03:43,239 --> 00:03:45,935
- And how much without Teri Hatcher?
- Six hundred.

68
00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:47,838
[LAUGHING]

69
00:03:48,711 --> 00:03:50,372
[LAUGHING]
Oh, you're so bad.

70
00:03:53,349 --> 00:03:57,513
But, um... But seriously, do you have
anything a little... A little less extravagant?

71
00:03:57,687 --> 00:03:59,780
- Well, we can do your basic package...
- Okay.

72
00:03:59,956 --> 00:04:01,116
...which is no celebrities.

73
00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:05,523
Uh, e-mailed invitations, a buffet,
DJ and a choice of theme.

74
00:04:05,695 --> 00:04:08,528
- And how much is this?
- One hundred to 150 a head.

75
00:04:08,698 --> 00:04:13,692
And, uh, what do you have
for 100 to 150 total?

76
00:04:14,971 --> 00:04:16,529
This consultation.

77
00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:19,698
Oh, great, we'll take that. Yeah.

78
00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,401
Check and...
Yeah, put those in there.

79
00:04:22,578 --> 00:04:24,205
Yeah, that's great.

80
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:30,117
Four hundred dollars a head
for a children's birthday party?

81
00:04:30,286 --> 00:04:31,583
What are they, insane?

82
00:04:31,754 --> 00:04:34,746
God, those parents don't throw
those parties for their kids...

83
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:36,516
...they throw them for themselves.

84
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,593
You know, all kids wanna do is have fun.

85
00:04:38,761 --> 00:04:40,922
I'm putting an end
to this craziness right now.

86
00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:42,997
Next week, for Ritchie's birthday...

87
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:45,828
...l'm gonna throw a party
where the focus is on the kids.

88
00:04:46,002 --> 00:04:48,527
Those parents can learn
what a real children's birthday party...

89
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:49,797
...is supposed to look like.

90
00:04:49,973 --> 00:04:54,171
Yeah, nothing 9-year-olds enjoy more
than a good old-fashioned lesson party.

91
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:56,812
Maybe you could give out spankings
in the gift bags.

92
00:04:58,114 --> 00:05:00,947
It's not a lesson party. It's a party.

93
00:05:01,117 --> 00:05:03,677
With a lesson. It'll be fun.

94
00:05:03,853 --> 00:05:05,718
Come on,
remember when we were younger?

95
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,220
We didn't need a lot of stuff
to make a good party.

96
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:11,622
Mom would make that Duncan Hines cake,
Daddy would turn on the sprinkler.

97
00:05:11,794 --> 00:05:13,853
Mom would scream at Dad
for the sprinklers...

98
00:05:14,030 --> 00:05:17,727
...Dad would get an apartment,
Mom would make me sleep in her bed.

99
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:20,629
All for under a hundred bucks.

100
00:05:26,442 --> 00:05:28,535
Okay, yeah, good.

101
00:05:28,711 --> 00:05:33,842
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That looks nice, huh? Oh.

102
00:05:34,017 --> 00:05:36,713
Like a good old-fashioned
children's birthday party.

103
00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:39,354
At the hockey party
they put our pictures on the scoreboard...

104
00:05:39,522 --> 00:05:43,185
...and Kelly Clarkson sang "Happy Birthday"
to Daniel. It was awesome.

105
00:05:43,359 --> 00:05:48,262
We are gonna have plenty of fun,
all right? We've got food, we got music.

106
00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:53,234
Games. Lookie here, the craft center.

107
00:05:53,403 --> 00:05:55,234
Glitter glue and a pile of macaroni?

108
00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:57,669
Yeah, kids are gonna decorate
their own frames...

109
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,673
...and I'm gonna take a Polaroid
so they have a permanent memento...

110
00:06:00,843 --> 00:06:02,174
...of the good time that they had.

111
00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:03,778
Are you gonna get them stoned first?

112
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:07,109
Because that's really the only way
they're gonna have any fun at all.

113
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:10,810
Okay, you are this close
to being uninvited to this party.

114
00:06:10,987 --> 00:06:12,477
[DOORBELL RINGS]

115
00:06:12,655 --> 00:06:14,088
Oh, God, the party's starting.

116
00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:17,988
Uh, Ritchie, Ritchie, the party's starting.
Honey, your friends are here.

117
00:06:18,161 --> 00:06:22,097
Your friends are here.
Come on, come on, come on.

118
00:06:22,265 --> 00:06:24,233
Oh, wow, a craft table.

119
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,664
See? Drug-free fun.

120
00:06:28,938 --> 00:06:30,337
- Hi, guys.
MARLY and LINDSAY: Hello.

121
00:06:30,506 --> 00:06:31,768
- Welcome. Come in.
- Hi.

122
00:06:31,941 --> 00:06:34,102
- Thanks for inviting us.
- Absolutely.

123
00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:37,508
It's a sweet neighborhood.
It's like the land that time forgot.

124
00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:42,074
I love these old cottages. So rustic.

125
00:06:42,251 --> 00:06:44,776
Reminds me of our place on the lake.

126
00:06:44,954 --> 00:06:47,514
- Where's the party?
- Here.

127
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:51,387
Is there a bus coming
to take us to the party?

128
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:53,426
No, no, this is the party.

129
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,460
It smells funny in here.

130
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,790
Um, well, you know,
that's probably the potato salad.

131
00:06:59,969 --> 00:07:02,028
Like we have at the lake.

132
00:07:02,538 --> 00:07:05,473
Hey, Kelsey. Hey, Ashley.
You guys wanna go see my room?

133
00:07:05,641 --> 00:07:09,099
Oh, uh, no, no, Ritchie.
We only cleaned this part of the house.

134
00:07:09,278 --> 00:07:11,678
Tell you what. Why don't you take them
to the crafts table...

135
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,475
...and show them
how to decorate a frame?

136
00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:15,241
Okay. Come on, guys.

137
00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:16,783
We have to do homework?

138
00:07:17,453 --> 00:07:20,889
Oh, not homework, party work.

139
00:07:21,057 --> 00:07:22,547
You will be graded though.

140
00:07:23,759 --> 00:07:27,024
That's just a funny joke.

141
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:29,858
Yeah, come on in.
Oh, hi, guys. Come, come.

142
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:32,091
Thanks for coming. Oh, hi, Jack.

143
00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:33,995
It stinks in here.

144
00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:36,769
I'm sorry, he's going through a thing...

145
00:07:36,939 --> 00:07:40,340
...where he feels it's necessary
to tell the truth all the time.

146
00:07:42,178 --> 00:07:43,202
[SCOFFS]

147
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:46,439
I'm not the first person
to ever make potato salad.

148
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,277
Can I have something to drink?

149
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:49,941
I'm gonna have to see some ID.

150
00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:51,643
I don't have an ID.

151
00:07:51,821 --> 00:07:54,790
All right. But you didn't get it from me.

152
00:07:54,957 --> 00:07:55,946
[LAUGHING]

153
00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:59,988
Wow, you got a laugh out of him.

154
00:08:00,163 --> 00:08:03,826
He usually doesn't laugh this much
unless something's on fire.

155
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,797
- I take it you're Jack's mom.
- Guilty.

156
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:07,697
So, uh, where's Jack's dad?

157
00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:10,839
- Probably with his new girlfriend.
- Ouch.

158
00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:12,941
- Liz.
- Matthew.

159
00:08:13,109 --> 00:08:16,408
- Single?
- Oh, and then some.

160
00:08:17,547 --> 00:08:20,641
Okay, kids,
now I get to take your picture...

161
00:08:20,816 --> 00:08:23,808
...and then you get to put it
in your hand-decorated picture frame.

162
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:26,181
- Christine, this is such a darling party.
- Oh.

163
00:08:26,355 --> 00:08:28,823
So homey and comfy-cozy.

164
00:08:28,991 --> 00:08:32,825
- Decorated this place yourself, didn't you?
- Yeah, I did. Heh.

165
00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:34,485
Oh.

166
00:08:39,168 --> 00:08:41,659
Um, okay, guys, listen up.
This is the fun part.

167
00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:44,670
So I'm gonna take your picture
and then you get to put it...

168
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,206
...in your homemade picture frame
and then boom.

169
00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:52,643
You've got yourself a nice little party favor.
Okay, so let's see whose is whose.

170
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:55,807
Which one of you is?

171
00:08:57,486 --> 00:09:01,183
All right, who wrote "This blows"?

172
00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:04,489
All right,
say goodbye to your party favor.

173
00:09:05,561 --> 00:09:10,658
And same goes for "I'm bored,"
and "Help me."

174
00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,596
I'm sorry. That was mine.

175
00:09:13,869 --> 00:09:16,599
When's Teri Hatcher going to be here?

176
00:09:16,772 --> 00:09:19,263
No, there's... There's no Teri Hatcher.

177
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:25,041
But who likes Carole King?
Uh, Richard, go get my guitar.

178
00:09:26,182 --> 00:09:28,412
Yeah, just get it, Richard.

179
00:09:29,785 --> 00:09:32,219
- So singing, huh?
- Yeah.

180
00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:34,948
- I bet the kids are gonna love that.
- Yeah.

181
00:09:36,359 --> 00:09:38,259
- Oh.
MARLY: Okay.

182
00:09:40,963 --> 00:09:42,362
Do you like being a nanny?

183
00:09:42,531 --> 00:09:45,295
I do. Although I prefer the term "manny."

184
00:09:45,468 --> 00:09:48,699
It emphasizes my manness
and nanny-ness together.

185
00:09:49,071 --> 00:09:52,199
- So is that your car I saw in the driveway?
- Yes, it is.

186
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:55,742
- Do you have a clean driving record?
- I wash it myself.

187
00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:58,471
You free on the weekends?

188
00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:02,083
I'm available 24/2.

189
00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:03,650
Good.

190
00:10:08,591 --> 00:10:11,560
- Did you see that?
- Yeah, I saw it.

191
00:10:11,727 --> 00:10:14,389
Is Christine gonna be okay
with you taking a second job?

192
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,292
What? She was hitting on me.

193
00:10:16,465 --> 00:10:18,160
She was interviewing her new nanny.

194
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:21,098
She was fondling my leg.
People don't fondle their nannies.

195
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:23,636
Yeah, that never happens.

196
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:31,941
Where did you get wine?

197
00:10:32,114 --> 00:10:36,210
That's the beauty of this neighborhood.
You're so close to the liquor stores.

198
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:41,914
Well, I'm just gonna get the cake started
and then we can wrap things up here.

199
00:10:42,091 --> 00:10:44,616
Oh, a cake. You really went all out.

200
00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:47,428
Yeah, look, I get it.

201
00:10:47,596 --> 00:10:48,824
It's not a good party.

202
00:10:48,998 --> 00:10:51,831
I mean, I tried to do something
and obviously it failed.

203
00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:55,630
But would I do it again? No, I would not.

204
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:02,868
Kelsey, look,
I found a dollar in the couch.

205
00:11:03,045 --> 00:11:06,537
Oh, Ashley, honey, put that back.
The Campbells need that money.

206
00:11:06,716 --> 00:11:09,549
No, no, no, that's okay.
Go ahead and keep it.

207
00:11:09,719 --> 00:11:12,347
Look, I found batteries. Can I keep them?

208
00:11:12,521 --> 00:11:13,783
Yeah, they're all yours.

209
00:11:13,956 --> 00:11:15,355
What about this glove?

210
00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:19,060
Yeah, if you find the other one,
both can be yours.

211
00:11:19,228 --> 00:11:20,957
Hey, Mom, is this a treasure hunt?

212
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,524
Would you like for it
to be a treasure hunt?

213
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,429
Hey, guys, it's a treasure hunt.

214
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,229
ALL:
Yay!

215
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,797
Look, there's a lot of junk over there.

216
00:11:31,974 --> 00:11:33,839
Yeah, there is. Use the whole house.

217
00:11:34,009 --> 00:11:36,341
There's crap hidden everywhere.

218
00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:38,571
ALL:
Yay!

219
00:11:38,748 --> 00:11:44,311
Ha-ha-ha. A treasure hunt.
Maybe you should try that at the lake.

220
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,519
I'd better go.

221
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:55,027
Jack's all amped up on sugar so it's
a good time to drop him off at his dad's.

222
00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:57,327
But I'll see you tomorrow, right?

223
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,730
Well, yeah,
you're picking Jack up from school.

224
00:11:59,902 --> 00:12:01,699
- Oh.
- And then you and I will have dinner.

225
00:12:01,871 --> 00:12:03,395
- Oh.
- Just pick something up...

226
00:12:03,572 --> 00:12:05,437
...when you're at the market.
- Oh.

227
00:12:05,608 --> 00:12:07,098
I'll see you tomorrow then.

228
00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:13,608
Oh.

229
00:12:16,886 --> 00:12:18,353
What?

230
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,222
Bye-bye, thanks for coming.

231
00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:25,383
Bye, guys. That was fun. Bye. Heh.

232
00:12:25,895 --> 00:12:28,056
- Thanks for all the stuff.
- Oh, sure.

233
00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:30,289
The was a brilliant treasure hunt,
Christine.

234
00:12:30,466 --> 00:12:33,401
And I'll get your bra back to you
after Jack goes to sleep.

235
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:38,269
Well, you keep it as long as he...
He needs it.

236
00:12:38,441 --> 00:12:40,204
Bye-bye. Thanks for coming.

237
00:12:40,376 --> 00:12:41,843
MARLY: Thank you, Christine.
- Sure.

238
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,911
- Come on, sweetie.
- I don't want to leave.

239
00:12:44,079 --> 00:12:47,378
We're going. I don't wanna be
in this neighborhood after dark.

240
00:12:48,784 --> 00:12:51,947
- What do you say to Mrs. Campbell?
- I wish I lived here.

241
00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:56,151
That really hurts my feelings.

242
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:09,129
That lasted for six hours.
I believe that is a birthday-party record.

243
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:11,705
- You know what I smell?
- I know, I smell it too.

244
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,206
Should we light a candle or something?

245
00:13:15,244 --> 00:13:17,576
No, that's the smell of success.

246
00:13:17,746 --> 00:13:20,180
I mean,
those kids were really having fun.

247
00:13:20,816 --> 00:13:22,078
I'm really proud of us.

248
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,618
Us? Us?

249
00:13:24,787 --> 00:13:28,279
No way, that was all me, baby.

250
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,625
Mom, that was an awesome party.

251
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:33,159
Yeah, did you like it?

252
00:13:33,329 --> 00:13:35,297
Yeah, all my friends had so much fun.

253
00:13:35,464 --> 00:13:37,364
Oh. Well, it was so my pleasure, Ritchie.

254
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:40,696
You know, it just goes to show you,
you don't need a lot of money...

255
00:13:40,870 --> 00:13:42,462
...to have a whole lot of fun, you know.

256
00:13:42,638 --> 00:13:45,300
I think everybody learned
a very valuable lesson today.

257
00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:48,375
Look at this.
Kelsey got me a weekend in Catalina...

258
00:13:48,544 --> 00:13:50,944
...and a helicopter ride around the island.

259
00:13:51,113 --> 00:13:52,774
CHRISTINE:
Oh.

260
00:13:52,948 --> 00:13:57,476
The best part is they bought their gift
before they learned their lesson.

261
00:14:15,905 --> 00:14:17,566
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, honey.

262
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:21,005
Gosh, how was school?
Was everybody talking about your party?

263
00:14:21,176 --> 00:14:22,336
- Yeah.
- Ah!

264
00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:24,342
I knew it. What'd they say?

265
00:14:24,513 --> 00:14:27,482
Tell her, Ritchie. Tell her what they said.

266
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:29,573
I have a nickname.

267
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:30,741
[GASPS]

268
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,616
They gave you a nickname.
How great is that?

269
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,416
- What is it?
- Tell her, Ritchie.

270
00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:37,718
Tell her what your nickname is.

271
00:14:39,495 --> 00:14:41,053
Poor Kid.

272
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,031
What?

273
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,896
Poor Kid. Everyone calls me that now.

274
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:50,538
- Can I go play with my presents?
- Sure.

275
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,503
Thanks.

276
00:14:55,044 --> 00:14:56,375
"Poor Kid"?

277
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,570
That's right. Poor Kid.

278
00:14:58,747 --> 00:15:02,410
Hey, maybe he can write it in macaroni
on his picture frame.

279
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:04,883
And then sell it for food.

280
00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:09,713
Well, l... Those kids had fun.
That was a good party.

281
00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:11,291
Only by accident.

282
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:14,918
If you didn't have such a filthy house
it would've been a disaster.

283
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:20,266
Face it. You sacrificed your son
to teach them a lesson.

284
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:26,602
I didn't. I honestly thought it was possible
to have a good party without celebrities.

285
00:15:26,775 --> 00:15:28,436
- What are we gonna do?
- We?

286
00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:31,944
Oh, no. It's all you, baby.

287
00:15:33,649 --> 00:15:34,707
[SIGHS]

288
00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:36,817
- How am I gonna fix this?
- You're not.

289
00:15:36,986 --> 00:15:39,250
You're gonna leave it alone
and hopefully those kids...

290
00:15:39,421 --> 00:15:43,255
...will find some other outcast
and refocus their attention on him.

291
00:15:43,425 --> 00:15:47,725
And, of course, the kid with the big shoe
had to transfer out last week.

292
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,289
What was his nickname again?

293
00:15:49,465 --> 00:15:51,399
Big Shoe.

294
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,601
Okay, I'll see you later, Mom.

295
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:00,833
Uh, you know what, sweetie?
Wait a second. Um...

296
00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:02,500
- Yeah.
- Ahem.

297
00:16:02,911 --> 00:16:06,574
Listen, Ritchie, uh, I owe you an apology.

298
00:16:07,916 --> 00:16:10,282
Uh... The truth is, um...

299
00:16:10,452 --> 00:16:14,183
...that I couldn't really afford
to throw you one of those fancy parties...

300
00:16:14,356 --> 00:16:15,345
RITCHIE:
Mm-hm.

301
00:16:15,524 --> 00:16:21,190
...and so I decided to make a statement.
And that wasn't very fair to you.

302
00:16:22,031 --> 00:16:24,522
Um, so... Heh.

303
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,931
It's... It's really my fault
that you got that nickname...

304
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:31,197
...and I feel terrible about it.

305
00:16:31,373 --> 00:16:33,466
That's okay, Mom. I liked my party.

306
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:34,973
Yeah, but what about the nickname?

307
00:16:35,144 --> 00:16:36,543
It doesn't really bother me.

308
00:16:36,712 --> 00:16:39,840
- Hey, Poor Kid.
- Hey, Kelsey.

309
00:16:40,015 --> 00:16:43,280
- Hey, Poor Kid.
- Hey, Jack.

310
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,815
I'll see you later, Mom.

311
00:16:51,226 --> 00:16:52,659
Okay, so on Friday...

312
00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:56,229
...I told you we'd be starting our chapter
on the California Missions.

313
00:16:56,398 --> 00:16:59,697
How many of you
have ever been to a mission? Ashley.

314
00:16:59,868 --> 00:17:03,634
I've been to the Four Seasons on Maui.

315
00:17:04,206 --> 00:17:05,503
Yes, yes, Ashley.

316
00:17:05,674 --> 00:17:09,269
I remember you brought that up
when we were studying fractions.

317
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,814
Mrs. Campbell, is everything okay?

318
00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:19,753
Uh, actually, I was wondering if I could just
get a minute with the kids, Mrs. Belt?

319
00:17:19,922 --> 00:17:22,857
- Hi, sweetie.
- Uh, sure. Ha, ha.

320
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:24,720
Thank you. Ahem.

321
00:17:24,893 --> 00:17:28,693
Um, hi, guys. Uh, this won't take long.

322
00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:31,458
Heh. I just wanted to talk to you
for a minute...

323
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,761
...about the nickname
that you gave to Ritchie.

324
00:17:34,937 --> 00:17:36,495
Who?

325
00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:39,404
Uh...

326
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,499
Uh, Poor Kid.

327
00:17:44,379 --> 00:17:45,778
Sorry, sweetie.

328
00:17:49,084 --> 00:17:53,646
Anyway, I know that Ritchie says
that his nickname doesn't bother him...

329
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:58,521
...but I'm here because I've had a nickname
and it certainly did bother me.

330
00:17:58,694 --> 00:18:01,891
- What was it?
- That's not important.

331
00:18:02,898 --> 00:18:06,061
Now, I know that you're just kids
and you're just having fun...

332
00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:10,069
...but you need to know
that sometimes words can hurt.

333
00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:11,228
[SIGHS]

334
00:18:11,406 --> 00:18:13,135
My nickname stuck with me
from third grade...

335
00:18:13,308 --> 00:18:15,538
...all the way through my freshman year
of college.

336
00:18:15,711 --> 00:18:19,044
- What was it?
- Again, not the point.

337
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:23,810
The point is that I pretended
it didn't bother me too.

338
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:25,684
But it did.

339
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,584
And I was hoping
that it would go away, but it didn't.

340
00:18:28,757 --> 00:18:30,918
- What was it?
- Ritchie.

341
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:34,654
Come on, Mrs. Campbell, you know, I think
your story would have more impact...

342
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:36,730
...if you told us what the nickname was.

343
00:18:43,138 --> 00:18:46,073
Okay. Fine.

344
00:18:46,942 --> 00:18:48,739
It was...

345
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:52,669
...Pooter.

346
00:18:52,848 --> 00:18:54,645
[LAUGHING]

347
00:18:55,117 --> 00:18:57,745
It's not quite funny. It isn't funny.

348
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,855
Because I'd had the stomach flu
the whole week before...

349
00:19:01,023 --> 00:19:03,548
...and then I came back to school
a little bit too early...

350
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:06,694
...and I shifted wrong in my seat
and one just flew out.

351
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:07,851
[LAUGHING]

352
00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:11,488
All right, children.
Children, that's bad manners.

353
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:13,294
Thank you, Mrs. Belt.

354
00:19:13,468 --> 00:19:19,634
Mrs. Campbell is trying to tell us
a very painful story from her childhood...

355
00:19:19,808 --> 00:19:24,905
...and you have to imagine
how difficult it must have been...

356
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,672
[LAUGHING]

357
00:19:26,849 --> 00:19:29,875
...to carry that nickname, Pooter.

358
00:19:30,052 --> 00:19:31,952
[LAUGHING]

359
00:19:32,654 --> 00:19:35,054
Well, I think I've made my point.

360
00:19:35,224 --> 00:19:38,057
And the point is nicknames hurt.

361
00:19:48,303 --> 00:19:49,565
God...

362
00:19:49,738 --> 00:19:54,698
I can't believe that nickname is back.
And I'm the one that brought it back.

363
00:19:54,877 --> 00:19:56,105
Hey, you are a good mom.

364
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,873
And that was a great birthday present,
taking a bullet for your kid.

365
00:20:00,749 --> 00:20:02,808
Why couldn't it have been
an actual bullet?

366
00:20:02,985 --> 00:20:03,974
[MATTHEW LAUGHS]

367
00:20:04,152 --> 00:20:07,087
Hey, what's the deal with you?
Did you ever find out if you're dating Liz?

368
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:08,723
Well, we slept together.

369
00:20:08,891 --> 00:20:11,257
Oh, that clears it up.

370
00:20:12,227 --> 00:20:16,527
Then she paid me and asked me
if I needed a ride to the bus stop.

371
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,799
Sorry. Guess you won't
be seeing her again, huh?

372
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,369
Did you not hear me?
She slept with me, then paid me.

373
00:20:23,538 --> 00:20:26,132
It's the best relationship I've ever had.

374
00:20:28,277 --> 00:20:29,972
You are disgusting.

375
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,807
Yeah, you should talk, Pooter.

376
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:01,399
[ENGLISH SDH]