1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,600
Now, that brings me neatly to point 16.

2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,760
There is still a great deal
of noise going on at night -

3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,760
laughing, giggling, horseplay.

4
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,600
Now, we all get bored -
that's inevitable in our circumstances -

5
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,760
but may I remind you, we are at war. I wo...

6
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,960
Ah. Lieutenant!

7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,480
Communique for you, sir, from HQ,
marked urgent. Ah. Finally!

8
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,640
This'll be my requisition
for a service revolver.

9
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,840
Good God! Sir?
France has surrendered. My God!

10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,720
ALL MURMUR

11
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:31,920
The Germans are coming!

12
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,920
I...don't think they'll be here just yet,
sir.

13
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,280
What? Right.

14
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,000
May I suggest we initiate the
emergency lockdown protocol, sir?

15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,480
Yes! Yes, jolly good.

16
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,040
No, it's vital that nothing
fall into enemy hands.

17
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,760
You heard the CO. Get to your duties.

18
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,480
Er...exciting times, Havers.

19
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,480
If they do invade,
we may get a proper pop at Jerry. Yes!

20
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,800
About that, sir...

21
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,600
..I know we do vital work here, sir...

22
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,320
...but I want to get
involved in the fighting.

23
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,880
I've put in for a transfer.

24
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,960
You're leaving?

25
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,120
There's talk of a North Africa front.

26
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,440
Yes.

27
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,280
Yes, well, I-I-I totally understand,
of course.

28
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,800
Carry on.

29
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:30,760
Thank you.

30
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,400
BIRDSONG

31
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,280
And seeing as nobody else has volunteered,

32
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,960
I thought that this evening,
before Film Club,

33
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,200
I would give you all a little
talk on...activity badges!

34
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,440
ALL GROAN

35
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,480
So...

36
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,720
There are 37 badges that you can collect.

37
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:17,040
Badge number one, bivouacking! All right!

38
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,560
Clever dicks!

39
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,120
But I'm sorry, I mean,

40
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,560
if anyone else has anything
new that they'd like to...

41
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,560
Ooh, ooh,
I could do my talk on how to skin a mammoth.

42
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,600
You start at the end...

43
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,720
That's not new!
That's not strictly new, is it?

44
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,920
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE

45
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,400
I'm ready to talk about the witch trial.

46
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,160
THEY ALL GO SILENT

47
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,000
Witch trial...

48
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,520
If...if it be of interest.

49
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,800
Oh! Oh, Mary!

50
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,600
I mean...if you're sure.
I mean, if you feel like you're ready.

51
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,240
Well,
I knows it's taken me a whiles to-to talk.

52
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,720
Only about 300 years.

53
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,600
But, yeah, I-I think I'm ready.

54
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,640
Brillo pads. You OK? Can't flipping wait!

55
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:12,240
And we'll do that before Film Club.
Before. OK.

56
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,880
And how many rooms do you have?
Well, I think there's, like...

57
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,720
Natural light! So that's a...

58
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,400
FLOORBOARD CREAKS

59
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,120
Ooh! Period stairs - clearly.

60
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,000
Interesting space.

61
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,720
Sort of...rustic.

62
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,200
Colonial!

63
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,480
Quite a niche market, wedding-wise.

64
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,480
I heard Isabelle from
Belle's Weddings passed

65
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,920
and you were sick on her.

66
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,600
Ah, no, I was sick near her. Mm.

67
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,160
Some went on her. A little bit.

68
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,000
Can I be honest with you?

69
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,240
I don't like it.

70
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,440
I love it!
It is a little shabby round the edges

71
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,640
but with a bit of zhooshing up,
this could really suit the right couple.

72
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,520
And do you happen to have any
clients who are interested, like...

73
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,440
Soon? There is one -

74
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,760
Clare,
I'm showing her some other places today.

75
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,880
She wants to book in ASAP.

76
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,880
Shotgun wedding! Ah...

77
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,920
I'm kidding.
I think this could work for them.

78
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,160
Piano - tick!

79
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,600
Open fireplace - tick!

80
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,920
Canape room - tick.

81
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,200
Mood painting of creepy old lady - tick.

82
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,200
Kitchen - tick. Perfectly placed

83
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,400
to allow you to flow right
through this corridor,

84
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,400
straight into your garden at the back

85
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,160
where you can set up your
main marquee right...here!?

86
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,440
Oh, no! Er, yeah.

87
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,600
We can't show people this!

88
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,360
There's rough around the edges,
and then there's a bombsite.

89
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,720
We haven't quite got round to
clearing it yet. But we will.

90
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,960
By this afternoon? When? What?

91
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,640
I was going to bring Claire round
after showing her the other venues

92
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,240
but I can't show her this!

93
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,200
You have to make space
for this sort of marquee

94
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,680
if you want to host weddings here.

95
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,760
Without it, you've no catering flow.

96
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,240
No flow, no go. Yeah...

97
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,960
Guys, you've got to get it wedding ready.

98
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
We'll clear it. We will?

99
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,080
Is what I wanted to hear!

100
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,880
THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY

101
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,480
Let's make this happen.

102
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,640
I'll delay Clare as long as I can.
Say...four o'clock?

103
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,080
Ciao-ciao!

104
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,320
Five hours?

105
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,400
Loads of time!?

106
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,360
So, Film Club!
Now, I know it's not my turn to choose, but

107
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,160
I would like to lobby hard... for Top Gun.

108
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,000
Not again!

109
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,840
I don't know about you, Mary, but,
er, I quite like the look, of, er,

110
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,720
ooh, Chariots Of Fire?

111
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,600
No. Actually, er, how about...
Mississippi Burning?

112
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,600
Towering Inferno?

113
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,320
Hmm! Huh! Maybe she is ready.
Could be the case.

114
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,960
Anyway, it's my turn to choose this week,
so tish-tish-tish...

115
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,760
I don't think so, mate! It's mine.

116
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,760
Faradiddle, sir! You had your turn
two weeks ago. You swapped with me.

117
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,680
No, no, I don't recall to that.

118
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,360
Even if I did, it would have been a verbal,
non-binding agreement.

119
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,560
You show me your thumb, sir?

120
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,360
I would show you my glove, sir!
If I had one.

121
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,360
I would give you a bunch of fives, mate.

122
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,360
I used to box for Cambridge, y'know!
Go! Let's go, pal!

123
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,520
Guys, guys, guys, guys! S'il vous plait!

124
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,480
French. Ooh!

125
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:14,920
Why don't we put it to the vote?

126
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,600
Oh, yeah, put it to the people,
like they know what they're doing!

127
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,640
SCOFFS

128
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,280
Hands up who thinks it's Thomas's turn.

129
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,840
I've got my hand up. Probably. Somewhere.

130
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:28,400
Ra-da-da-da-da!
Hang on, not everyone's here.

131
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,720
Well, where are they?

132
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,120
GIGGLES

133
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,880
Ahhh!

134
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,120
HUMS CHEERFULLY

135
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,680
Oh!

136
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,280
Hmm! Ooh!

137
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,440
Oh...my...God.

138
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,280
Oh, Martin's right.
We're never going to be wedding ready.

139
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,720
Well, let's get redding-wea... redding-ready.
Er, wed...

140
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,080
COMMOTION

141
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,240
Oh, no. Ready...

142
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,520
Alison, if you please,

143
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,720
Julian says that it's his
turn to choose Film Club,

144
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,040
and it isn't, it's mine.

145
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,640
Please, everyone,
we're having a bit of a crisis here.

146
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,320
This is a crisis. You know?
I mean, it might not be the Suez Crisis,

147
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,360
but it's a very... Guys, guys, guys, guys,

148
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,400
shut up! Good! Let her speak.

149
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,840
It's all right, you can speak.

150
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,560
We're trying to get this wedding booking.

151
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,600
Oh, there's going to be a wedding?
How wonderful!

152
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,760
The dresses, the men, the kissing...

153
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,800
But we need to clear this
whole garden by four!

154
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,000
We're never going to do it!

155
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,080
Hang on a minute. Ooh, jinx.

156
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,760
You go first, Michael. We can do it.

157
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,000
If we clear that... Hmm...

158
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,680
..and then we move this...
And I'll help, too.

159
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,680
How, Pat? I could be your wingman!
You know, like in Top Gun.

160
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,960
I can be Goose to your Maverick. Yeah.

161
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,480
I'll keep this lot occupied
while you do what you have to do.

162
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,560
And Goose dies in the film so,
y'know...it works out, doesn't it?

163
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,920
Thanks, Pat. Yeah.
Of course we can fit a marquee in.

164
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,240
I mean, how hard can it be?
They put a man on the moon.

165
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,480
What? What? What did he say?

166
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,880
Er... Man on moonah?

167
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,080
OK, I'll go get the tools.
You check the measurements.

168
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,920
Let's get redding red... Wedding ready.
Redding... Wedding ready.

169
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,240
Let's get wedderi... It's wedding ready.
Let's do this!

170
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,800
Yesss!

171
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,760
Alison,
what was the man doing up there on the moon?

172
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,280
They went to explore. Oh!

173
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,320
And how did he get there?
Climb up a beanstalk, did he?

174
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040
You're dicked in the knob. Wha...?

175
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320
I don't believe it. No. No!

176
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,280
There's no way it could happen!

177
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,120
Pat, now would be a really
good moment to be a wingman.

178
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,680
Great! OK, everyone, let's turn and burn.

179
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,400
Oh, sorry, Mary. MARY WHIMPERS

180
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,880
It's a quote from Top Gun.

181
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,080
Let's grab the computer that folds.

182
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,000
Oh, goodness me!

183
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,400
Ooh! Ohhh!

184
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,400
But he's such a...a ruffian!

185
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,480
CLANKING AND SCRAPING

186
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,840
Oh!

187
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,480
Think about it, Robin.
Man has always looked up at the moon

188
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,920
and thought... "Can you eat it?"

189
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,840
No, "Can you walk on it?"

190
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,320
Press play.

191
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,280
In 1969, the world watched in wonder

192
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,960
as three brave astronauts
took off from Cape Canaveral.

193
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,880
Their destination - the moon.

194
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,440
Ooh! It was an amazing moment.

195
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:39,000
Everyone remembers where they were.
I was with Carole, at her parents'.

196
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,080
Fish and chips for tea.

197
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,880
It was the first time I ever
tried a battered jumbo sausage.

198
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,520
Never looked back!

199
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,520
I missed the whole thing.
I was still a student at Cambridge

200
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:53,240
busy having my own "moon landing"
if you know what I mean!

201
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,720
My first threeso...

202
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,080
Moonah!

203
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,560
Ah, there you are. What's going on here?

204
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,680
Oh! I'm, er, helping Alison.

205
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,280
Yes, keeping this lot busy while
she and Mike dig up the garden.

206
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,000
Which garden?

207
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,280
How are you getting on?

208
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,600
It's going to be a squeeze.
First, we have to clear all of this.

209
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,080
No! No.

210
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,800
Belay that order, Michael.
You can't dig there. That's a negative.

211
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,480
Wait. Sorry, one second, Mike.

212
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,840
Didn't you tell them we're busy?

213
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,640
Most of them are watching YouTube. Jel.

214
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,840
Why can't we dig there?

215
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,680
Because that's a very
special part of the garden.

216
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,760
Er, that was where our allotment was,
the regimental allotment.

217
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,280
It's fine, Mike, just keep digging.

218
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,160
But, no, it's where we buried our pets.

219
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,840
Er, my dog is buried there, right there,

220
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,520
and he was very special to me. Barry.

221
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,960
Barry? Barry.

222
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,480
Wait, Mike.

223
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,120
So, sorry, you had a dog called Barry?

224
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,680
Mm.

225
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,400
OK. Mike, you can just carry on.
No, thank you, Michael!

226
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,480
Ohhh! Oh, that was a deep one. Ohhh!

227
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,640
Call him off! Call him off, I tell you.

228
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,520
OK, just one second, Mike.

229
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,480
When I was at Button House,
there was a war on.

230
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,280
I don't think that's ever come up before.

231
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,160
There is something buried down
there that is very sensitive.

232
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,120
Captain, the war is over.

233
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,160
Is it, Alison? Is it?

234
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,440
Yes, it is.

235
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,560
Please...don't dig.

236
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,560
There is something down there

237
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,400
that is potentially
explosive if it gets out.

238
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,880
Er...Mike,
do you think we could clear the other side?

239
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,280
Just the other side, Michael.

240
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,840
Looks like a lot of work.

241
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,280
Sorry. It's a ghost thing. Well...

242
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,200
OFFICER SHOUTING ORDERS OUTSIDE

243
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,240
KNOCK ON DOOR Come!

244
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,360
Ah! Havers.

245
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:56,280
At ease, at ease.
I was just thinking about you, actually.

246
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,760
How's the emergency lockdown coming?
Very good, sir.

247
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,840
Most items have been squared away,
as per the order. Excellent!

248
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,560
I see... I've come to tell you that...

249
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,840
Sorry, you first, Lieutenant.
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

250
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,720
I'm afraid I'm leaving you, sir...

251
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,400
..at 1800 hours this evening.

252
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,480
So soon?

253
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,400
That would explain your
new service revolver.

254
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,080
CAPTAIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

255
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,160
I don't suppose they sent one for me,
did they?

256
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,600
Only for front-line personnel at this stage,
sir.

257
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,240
Of course. Yes.

258
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,840
It's North Africa, sir.

259
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,120
I'll be able to have a
proper swing at Fritz!

260
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,240
You make sure you give them a bloody nose!

261
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:38,880
I shall miss you, Havers.

262
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:45,560
By which I mean, of course,
that we shall miss you.

263
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,760
And I know the Button House XI will
certainly miss your cover drive.

264
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,840
Thank you, sir. Well...if that's all?

265
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,160
Yes.

266
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,040
I say, Havers?

267
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,440
It's a bally shame we won't get
to finish the operation together.

268
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,000
DOOR CLOSES

269
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,280
..which leads to the question - where next?

270
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,040
Mars,
or even the outer edge of our solar system?

271
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,440
Only time will tell.

272
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,120
Well, I never.

273
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,760
Anyway, Film Club. Yes! Now,

274
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,360
I was thinking 9 1/2 Weeks.

275
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,560
Over my already dead body, sir! Fine by me!

276
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,120
Guys, guys, look,
why don't we settle this properly, OK?

277
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,640
Quite right. Let's settle this like men.

278
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,680
Would you care to step outside, sir?
Yes, I would, sir. Indeed, sir.

279
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,000
Guys, you don't have to do...

280
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,200
Where are you going?
I promised Alison that you would... Ohhh!

281
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,640
GROWLS IN FRUSTRATION

282
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,760
OK, the moon landings.
Everybody says it's real,

283
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,040
but what if that's just what
they wanted you to believe?

284
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,360
Oh!

285
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,000
Right, you both know the rules,
so we're agreed.

286
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,920
To solve this once and for all -

287
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,600
on three...

288
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,600
One, two,

289
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,680
three...

290
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,400
What's that supposed to be? Pistol.

291
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,120
Thomas... I always choose pistol.

292
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,280
Yeah, it really worked out for you last time,
didn't it?

293
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,800
There were circumstances around my death,
I'll have you know, sir.

294
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,360
It's rock, paper, scissors, Thomas.
I thought I told you.

295
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,320
No, it's all right, let's play it his way.

296
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,080
One, two, three...

297
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,440
IMITATES MACHINEGUN

298
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,920
What's this now? AK-47 assault rifle.

299
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,960
Sold 50 crates of these bad
boys to the Libyans in '83.

300
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,200
Paid for my orangery!

301
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,560
You can have one of these as well.

302
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,400
CLICKS HIS TONGUE You don't get two weapons!

303
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,280
IMITATES GRENADE EXPLODING Julian, come on!

304
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,560
And this. Pshhhhh!

305
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,720
You're on fire, mate. Argh!

306
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,440
Sorry, Mary.
Well, no, actually, because... Sorry!

307
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,600
Argh! I'm melting!
Can't feel it. Nothing happened.

308
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,440
What should we do with all this?

309
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,400
Maybe just pile it up over there
and then we'll deal with it later.

310
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,480
I think we might just do this.
See? Told you!

311
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,400
Redding red... Redditch...

312
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,960
We got this. Mm.

313
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,120
Oh, great...

314
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,400
How are we going to move that?

315
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,200
I think we might have to break it
up with a big hammer or something.

316
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,800
What? We can't do that! Can we?

317
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,280
Yeah, why not? Florence!

318
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:03,520
Oh...wait.
I can already tell this isn't good news.

319
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,800
Who's Florence, Kitty?
She was one of my best friends.

320
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,960
I used to play hide-and-seek
in the garden with my sister

321
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,040
and I was so good at hiding
that often she couldn't find me

322
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,480
for a whole day and night!

323
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,600
I once got so hungry,
I had to eat a bit of my purse.

324
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,960
Florence kept me company.

325
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,760
Oh, so you made a statue of her?

326
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,560
No, she is a statue. Eh?

327
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,760
That's enough.
We'll sort this out right now.

328
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,080
Guys! Oh, I'd forgotten all about you.

329
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,800
Zoinks! Where've you been hiding?

330
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,440
Guys, she's a statue!

331
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,400
Pat, you were supposed to be
keeping everyone occupied. Yeah...

332
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,680
It's like herding cats!

333
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,760
I'm sorry, Alison, I'm a terrible wingman.

334
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,440
Well, can you at least sort out these two?

335
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,160
SIGHS Yes.

336
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,800
Oh! Hang on! Guys? I think I've had an idea.

337
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,600
Follow me. Let's turn and burn...again.

338
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,920
So, are we smashing this up or what? Aaargh!

339
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,120
All right, one sec, Mike. No, Kitty, please.

340
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,400
Oh, please stop, please.

341
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,440
We won't...we won't destroy Florence.

342
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,960
We're just going to, er...
we could move her.

343
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,600
It's a deal...as long as you
play hide-and-seek with me. Ah.

344
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,440
So we're moving her? Yeah. Sorry.

345
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,720
I think you might be an expert at this game.
I'm very good at it, yes.

346
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:17,360
OK. Well, you hide first. Ooh! Ooh-hoo...

347
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,240
One...two... You'll never find me, Alison!

348
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,920
..three... OK!

349
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,560
Sorry.

350
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,960
..that's why we need to look seriously

351
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,120
at the grassy knoll.
I mean, look at those angles.

352
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:36,640
..because Elvis Presley did
not die that day on the toilet.

353
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,840
That's how we know the British
monarchy was replaced by weasels.

354
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,800
GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT

355
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,040
No, it's fine.
I have to say, it's lovely to be included.

356
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,760
Game on!

357
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,920
See what you've got.

358
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,840
HUMPHREY WAILS

359
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,960
Julian, serve! Bring it!

360
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,400
Adrenaline

361
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,640
Fie!

362
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,160
Whoaaaaa!

363
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,080
Yeah!

364
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,840
SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC

365
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,440
♪ She said I'm ready to go again

366
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,080
♪ She loves the adrenaline

367
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,840
♪ Until she feels that sweet sensation

368
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,080
♪ She loves the adrenaline! ♪

369
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,440
Whoa!

370
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,880
Hello, Alison.

371
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,040
KITTY CHUCKLING

372
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,920
Oh! Ohhh! You found me!

373
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,440
Oh, I found... Oh, you're playing, too!

374
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,480
I don't know... Yes!

375
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,440
No-one has ever found me before, ever!

376
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,440
You're so good at this. Thank you.

377
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:58,040
Right, your turn to hide.
I'll count, you hide, and I'll seek.

378
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,640
OK... One...! Oh, it's numbers! Two...

379
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,600
Oh, no, it's numbers! Three...

380
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:07,760
GRUNTS

381
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,400
Ohhh! Ooh! Oh!

382
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,160
Fanny! Fanny!

383
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,760
Oh! Oh, Captain!
Fanny, are you quite all right?

384
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,040
No. No, I find myself having a, er...

385
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000
..a conniption fit. Good Lord!

386
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,040
Er, er, I have become...
attracted to someone.

387
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,720
Well, Fanny, I, er...I'm very flattered, er,

388
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,920
but I've got a lot of problems
of my own at the moment...

389
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,760
Oh, good heavens, no!

390
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,480
No? Not you!

391
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,920
No, no, no. Never you! Yeah...

392
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,120
No, I-I...cannot say who.

393
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,120
But I know not what to do.

394
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,880
Now, steady, Fanny, steady the buffs.

395
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,600
Now, look here,
nothing good will come of it.

396
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,520
You must take that emotion
and you must bury it.

397
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,080
Never let it out.

398
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,840
No more, Fanny, no more. Wha...?!

399
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,560
Ooh! Oh!

400
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,320
Any luck? Just can't move...

401
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,600
BOTH STRAIN

402
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,440
THUD Argh!

403
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,000
It's pointless!

404
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,000
HE GRUNTS

405
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,400
That was my favourite toe!
You have a favourite toe?

406
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,080
Don't you have a favourite toe?
I've not really thought about it, Mike.

407
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,760
No, no, not fair.
The head was out. By a nose!

408
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,560
What?! Tell them, Humphrey.

409
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,000
Oh, don't ask me.
I'm just happy to be part of the game.

410
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000
I feel so alive! LAUGHS

411
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,640
Right, well, as the judge here...

412
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,200
Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's listen to the judge.

413
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,720
Let's listen to the man.

414
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,360
What? Lone gunman? Do me favour!

415
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,960
And Paul McCartney died in 1966.

416
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,720
I know it. Don't even get me started
on the so-called "moonah landings".

417
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,520
GROANS IN FRUSTRATION

418
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,320
Whooo! Sorry!

419
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,120
Don't worry. It's quite a nice view.

420
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,160
THUD

421
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,280
GASPS

422
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,520
KITTY LAUGHS

423
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,480
Ha, ha, found you! Ohhh!

424
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,080
How wonderful!

425
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,480
Now, erm, you hide and I'll counting.

426
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,240
Yes. No peeking! No, no peeking.

427
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,520
KITTY LAUGHS

428
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,640
One...two...

429
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,720
..three...four...

430
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,160
Oh, I'm so done with this. No. No.

431
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,440
You know what? ..14...

432
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,040
We've cleared loads.
I'll get rid of the garden waste

433
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,600
and we'll make the best of it. Huh?

434
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,640
Yeah. Alison!

435
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,000
GASPS

436
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,600
There is something I must confess.

437
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,560
It is a matter of moral rectitude,
and I can hold it in no longer.

438
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:08,920
Open your eyes!

439
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,000
Next,
you'll be telling me gravity doesn't exist!

440
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,880
Well, you can't see it. How do you know?

441
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,320
Alison, could you explain to Robin
that the moon landings were real?

442
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,440
The moon landings! You cannot be serious.

443
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,440
..97...98...

444
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,400
..99...100!

445
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,840
Oh. Ah...

446
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,480
SCREAMS

447
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,160
What the bally hell do you
think you're playing at?

448
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,400
Alison! Get away from there!

449
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,560
Get down! Get right out of the way.
It's going to blow!

450
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,800
It's a bomb!

451
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,600
Mike, Mike, get back! Just get back!

452
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,720
Go!

453
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,640
Get d-o-o-own!

454
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,600
ROBIN GASPS

455
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,760
Captain?

456
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,080
Oh.

457
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,880
CLEARS HIS THROAT

458
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,240
KITTY GIGGLES

459
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,000
Yeah, maybe you right about gravity.

460
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,760
Now,
I realise that was an utterly futile gesture,

461
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,640
but I was very much caught up in the moment.

462
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,360
Wh...what the hell was that?

463
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,480
Er, I was very clear, Alison.

464
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,200
What?
I didn't think you meant literally explosive!

465
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,800
I thought you meant, like, it was scandalous.
No!

466
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,440
It was a prototype limpet mine.

467
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,480
It was so secret that only I knew about it

468
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,360
and my second-in-command Lieutenant Havers,
but...he left me.

469
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,080
I mean, he left for the front.

470
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,640
So, er, I had to bury it on my own,
along with the blueprints.

471
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,760
Operation William, it was called.

472
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,520
CAR HORN HONKS Oh, that's Martin.

473
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,920
That was a ghost thing? Yeah.

474
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,840
Maybe next time tell me if it's a bomb!

475
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,280
I didn't know!

476
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,960
OK, I'll stall Clare and Martin
in the house and you just...

477
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,720
Oh, you just do what you can.

478
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,480
Yeah. Actually, a very clever little device,

479
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,480
a cunning timing mechanism in the housing

480
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,520
allowed the frogmen to exfiltrate safely.

481
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,640
Anyway...

482
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,640
They've gone, haven't they? Good!

483
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:10,440
Go on. Ah, Robin.
Now, so, they had four suckers... Suckers.

484
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,000
..and they attached the limpet mine
underneath the waterline... Oh!

485
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,080
..blew a hole in the boat and,
then, of course, the boat sank.

486
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,800
..and this is the main common room. Again.

487
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,920
Erm, we thought...
It is really nice, but can we...?

488
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,240
Did...did you want to see the library?
Again?

489
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,000
I'd really love to see the garden.

490
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,520
Now...Claire,
I...I need you to keep an open mind.

491
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,080
We know that the rest of the
house can be dressed, um,

492
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,200
and we are working on the garden, believe me.
Erm...

493
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,520
ALISON GASPS

494
00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,720
Redding weddy!

495
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,280
I love it!

496
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,280
CHUCKLES Great!

497
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,160
OWL HOOTS

498
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,440
OK, so,
really exciting presentation tonight, guys.

499
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,360
As promised,
Mary is going to be giving a talk

500
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,240
about her witch trial.

501
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:28,480
No, sorry, no!
I've had, erm, a...a bit of a setback.

502
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,280
OK. OK, yeah, that's understandable,
isn't it, given the, erm...?

503
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,680
Sorry. Yes.

504
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,800
So, now, seeing as we technically
didn't finish the match,

505
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,240
I'm calling the volleyball game a draw.

506
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,520
What? Are you on drugs? No! I was ahead!

507
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,400
That's enough. That's absolutely enough.
I've had a bellyful!

508
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,000
Now, since we can't resolve this,

509
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,720
I've decided that I'm going
to choose the film tonight.

510
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,520
Is it Love Actually?
I love Love Actually, actually.

511
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,560
9 1/2 Weeks. The Notebook.

512
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:55,920
Please don't shout out, OK?

513
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,040
The film I've chosen has
something for everyone -

514
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,560
drama, visual poetry...

515
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,600
It's got some of your lot in it, Robin.

516
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,640
Ooh! And...some pretty ladies for Julian.
Yeah!

517
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:15,200
It is, of course, 2001: A Space Odyssey.

518
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,760
Thanks, Pat. You can be my wingman any time.

519
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,360
Bullshit, you can be mine.

520
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,720
It's from Top Gun.

521
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,440
Just here.

522
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,480
THEME FROM 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

523
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,440
Ooh, that's got a kick to it, that.

524
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,720
OK. Mm. Mm!

525
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,840
What was it you wanted to talk to me about?

526
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,120
Oh! No, just a passing fancy is all, Alison.

527
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,360
Please don't trouble yourself.

528
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,280
Kitty, I'm sorry about Florence. CORK POPS

529
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,080
Oh, that's all right.
I wasn't really that fond of her, anyway.

530
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,120
You're a much better
best friend than she was.

531
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,720
Thanks, Kitty.

532
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,480
Wait. No, that not right.

533
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,160
What? Earth not round. It flat.

534
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,280
You what? It flat.

535
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,280
To our first wedding booking! Cheers.

536
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,240
Here's to buried secrets.

537
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:23,040
MUSIC BUILDS TO A CLIMAX