1
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:38,390
. <i>[ Vocalizing ]</i>

2
00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:15,820
<i>[ Tires Screeching ]</i>

3
00:02:31,308 --> 00:02:33,868
<i>[ Chattering, Laughing ]</i>

4
00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:37,744
<i>[ Man On P.A. System ]</i>
<i>The seminar will begin in flve minutes.</i>

5
00:02:37,815 --> 00:02:40,613
<i>It will be in room "C".</i>

6
00:02:40,684 --> 00:02:44,415
<i>[ Man ]</i>
<i>So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat ?</i>

7
00:02:44,488 --> 00:02:47,855
I don't know.
I love Chow Yun Fat.

8
00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:50,120
- I just don't see him playing Madman.
- Awesome.

9
00:02:50,194 --> 00:02:52,594
Thank you.

10
00:02:52,663 --> 00:02:55,291
[ Chattering ]

11
00:02:57,968 --> 00:03:02,234
Could you sign it:
"To a really big fan" ?

12
00:03:04,074 --> 00:03:06,042
Uh, you bet.

13
00:03:06,110 --> 00:03:08,601
I love this book, man.
This shit is awesome !

14
00:03:08,679 --> 00:03:10,613
I wish I was like these guys.
Gettin' stoned,

15
00:03:10,681 --> 00:03:14,242
talkin' all raw about chicks
and flghtin' supervillains !

16
00:03:14,318 --> 00:03:18,254
I love these guys ! You know what.
They're like Bill and Ted...

17
00:03:18,322 --> 00:03:20,415
meet Cheech and Chong !

18
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,618
Yeah. I kind of
like to think of them...

19
00:03:22,693 --> 00:03:25,253
as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
meet Vladimir and Estragon.

20
00:03:25,329 --> 00:03:28,264
Yes ! Who ?

21
00:03:30,134 --> 00:03:32,762
So, do you, like,
draw this or something ?

22
00:03:32,836 --> 00:03:35,532
[ Sighs ]

23
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:38,234
I ink it, and I'm also the colorist.
The guy next to me draws it.

24
00:03:38,309 --> 00:03:40,777
But we both came up
with the characters. Next !

25
00:03:40,844 --> 00:03:42,277
What does that mean,
you "ink it" ?

26
00:03:42,346 --> 00:03:45,179
Well, it means that Holden
draws the pictures in pencil.

27
00:03:45,249 --> 00:03:48,150
And then he gives it to me
to go over in ink. Next !

28
00:03:48,218 --> 00:03:50,448
So, basically,
you just trace.

29
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:54,821
lt's, uh, it's not tracing,
all right ?

30
00:03:54,892 --> 00:03:57,793
I add depth and shading to give
the image more deflnition.

31
00:03:57,861 --> 00:04:00,694
Only then does the drawing
truly take shape.

32
00:04:00,764 --> 00:04:06,031
No, no, no. You go over what he draws
with a pen, all right ? That's tracing.

33
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:08,970
Not really. Next.

34
00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:13,908
Hey, man,
let me ask you somethin'.

35
00:04:13,978 --> 00:04:17,345
Somebody draws something
and then you draw the exact same thing,

36
00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:20,975
<i>like, right on top of it without going</i>
<i>outside the original designated art.</i>

37
00:04:21,051 --> 00:04:23,019
What do you call that ?

38
00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:25,681
- I don't know, man. Tracing ?
- See ?

39
00:04:25,756 --> 00:04:27,280
You want your book signed
or what ?

40
00:04:27,358 --> 00:04:29,485
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey !

41
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,826
Don't get all testy just because <i>you</i>
got a problem with your station in life.

42
00:04:33,897 --> 00:04:35,228
Oh, I'm secure
with what I do.

43
00:04:35,299 --> 00:04:38,393
Then just say it.
You're a tracer.

44
00:04:38,469 --> 00:04:39,697
How should I sign this ?

45
00:04:39,770 --> 00:04:41,704
I don't want you
to sign it, man.

46
00:04:41,772 --> 00:04:44,036
I want the guy who draws <i>Bluntman</i>
<i>and Chronic</i> to sign it.

47
00:04:44,108 --> 00:04:47,703
- You're just the tracer.
- Tell him, little shaver.

48
00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:51,680
- Who do I sign it to ?
- <i>[ Crashing ]</i>

49
00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:54,149
[ Shouting lndistinctly ]
You fuckin' tracer !

50
00:04:54,218 --> 00:04:58,018
l'll trace a chalk line around
your dead fuckin' body, you fuck !

51
00:04:58,088 --> 00:05:00,022
Would you get him
outta here ?

52
00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:04,789
Hey, wait a second ! He jumped me !
You fuckin' tracer !

53
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,126
Your mother's a tracer !

54
00:05:07,197 --> 00:05:09,165
Can I explain the audience
principle to you ?

55
00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:11,167
lf you assault and accost them,
then we have no audience.

56
00:05:11,235 --> 00:05:14,898
He started it,
fuckin' cock-knocker !

57
00:05:14,972 --> 00:05:19,033
He's lucky I didn't put
my pen through his thorax !

58
00:05:19,109 --> 00:05:23,045
Need I remind you ?
Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay ?

59
00:05:23,113 --> 00:05:26,378
<i>[ Man On P.A.] The Word</i>'<i>s Up.Minority</i>
<i>Voices in Comics panel discussion...</i>

60
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:29,613
- All right.
-<i>is about to begin in room "F. "</i>

61
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:33,553
For years in this industry...

62
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:36,718
<i>whenever an African-American</i>
<i>character</i>--<i>hero or villain</i>--

63
00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:41,060
<i>was introduced, usually,</i>
<i>by</i> white <i>artists and writers,</i>

64
00:05:41,131 --> 00:05:44,191
<i>they got slapped</i>
<i>with racist names...</i>

65
00:05:44,268 --> 00:05:46,702
that singled them out
as Negroes.

66
00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:52,074
<i>Now, my book</i>--

67
00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:55,077
<i>White Hatin</i>'<i>Coon</i>--

68
00:05:55,145 --> 00:05:57,238
don't have none
of that bullshit.

69
00:05:57,314 --> 00:06:00,340
The hero's name is Maleekwa,
a descendant from the black tribe...

70
00:06:00,417 --> 00:06:03,409
that established
the flrst society on the planet,

71
00:06:03,487 --> 00:06:06,547
while you European motherfuckers
were still hidin' in caves and shit,

72
00:06:06,623 --> 00:06:08,989
<i>all terrifled of the sun.</i>

73
00:06:09,059 --> 00:06:13,792
<i>He</i>'<i>s a strong role model that</i>
<i>a young black reader can look up to,</i>

74
00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:18,358
'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens
is comin' home to roost, y'all.

75
00:06:18,435 --> 00:06:22,599
The black man's no longer gonna play the
minstrel in comics and sci-fl fantasy.

76
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:27,576
We keepin' it real, and we gonna
get respect by any means necessary.

77
00:06:27,644 --> 00:06:31,011
Ah, come on !
That's a bunch of horseshit !

78
00:06:31,081 --> 00:06:33,811
Lando Calrissian
was a black guy, you know.

79
00:06:33,884 --> 00:06:36,318
He got to fy the <i>Millennium Falcon.</i>
What's the matter with you ?

80
00:06:36,386 --> 00:06:39,014
- Who said that ?
- <i>I did.</i>

81
00:06:39,089 --> 00:06:43,423
Lando Calrissian is a positive role
model in science-flction fantasy.

82
00:06:43,494 --> 00:06:46,520
Fuck Lando Calrissian !
Uncle Tom nigger !

83
00:06:46,597 --> 00:06:49,657
<i>Always some white boy</i>
<i>gotta invoke the holy trilogy.</i>

84
00:06:49,733 --> 00:06:55,069
Those movies are about how the
white man keeps the brother man down...

85
00:06:55,139 --> 00:06:58,165
even in a galaxy
far, far away.

86
00:06:58,242 --> 00:07:02,144
Check this shit. You got
cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker--

87
00:07:02,212 --> 00:07:04,203
Nazi poster boy--
blond hair, blue eyes--

88
00:07:04,281 --> 00:07:06,215
and then you got
Darth Vader.

89
00:07:06,283 --> 00:07:08,877
The blackest brother
in the galaxy-- Nubian guy.

90
00:07:08,952 --> 00:07:12,547
- What's a Nubian ?
- Shut the fuck up !

91
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:18,058
Now, Vader, he's a spiritual
brother, you know.

92
00:07:18,128 --> 00:07:20,358
Down with the force
and all that good shit.

93
00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:23,695
Then this cracker-- Skywalker--
gets his hands on a light saber,

94
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:26,099
and the boy decides he's gonna
run the fuckin' universe.

95
00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:29,071
Gets a whole Klan
of whites together.

96
00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:32,199
And they gonna bust up
Vader's hood, the Death Star.

97
00:07:32,276 --> 00:07:34,210
Now, what the fuck
do you call that ?

98
00:07:34,278 --> 00:07:37,577
- lntergalactic civil war ?
- Gentriflcation !

99
00:07:39,449 --> 00:07:43,078
<i>They gonna drive out</i>
<i>the black element...</i>

100
00:07:43,153 --> 00:07:46,247
to make the galaxy
"safe" for white folks.

101
00:07:46,323 --> 00:07:49,952
<i>And</i> Jedi's <i>the most</i>
<i>insulting installment!</i>

102
00:07:50,027 --> 00:07:53,622
Because Vader's beautiful
black visage is <i>sullied...</i>

103
00:07:53,697 --> 00:07:58,794
when he pulls off his mask to reveal
a feeble, crusty, old white man.

104
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:03,397
<i>They</i>'<i>re tryin</i>'<i>to tell us that deep</i>
<i>inside we all wants to be white!</i>

105
00:08:04,908 --> 00:08:07,069
Well, isn't that true ?

106
00:08:10,814 --> 00:08:12,748
- [ Audience Screaming ]
- <i>[ Microphone Whining ]</i>

107
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,714
- Black rage !
-<i>[ Gunshot ]</i>

108
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,915
Black rage !
l'll kill any white folks...

109
00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:24,586
<i>I lay my motherfuckin</i>'<i>eyes on!</i>

110
00:08:49,086 --> 00:08:52,783
"What's a Nubian ?"
Bitch, you almost made me laugh.

111
00:08:52,856 --> 00:08:55,586
Man, what about you ? You didn't tell
me you were gonna scream, " Black rage !"

112
00:08:55,659 --> 00:08:57,593
I nearly pissed myself.

113
00:08:57,661 --> 00:08:59,595
How do you manage to get away
with this all the time ?

114
00:08:59,663 --> 00:09:02,223
I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting
your head open right about now ?

115
00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:06,167
- Wrong coast.
- Well, this here, she full of blanks.

116
00:09:06,236 --> 00:09:11,674
And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts
of legal clearances before I go on.

117
00:09:11,742 --> 00:09:13,801
So your publisher actually
condones these theatrics ?

118
00:09:13,877 --> 00:09:18,314
Condones ? Honey, they insist. I need
to sell the image to sell the book.

119
00:09:18,382 --> 00:09:20,577
Would the audience still buy
the whole black rage angle...

120
00:09:20,651 --> 00:09:24,485
if they found out the book
was written by a, a--you know.

121
00:09:24,554 --> 00:09:27,079
- Faggot ?
- When you say it, it sounds so sexy.

122
00:09:27,157 --> 00:09:32,185
Hey, hey, hey ! I'll play your victim,
but not your catcher, all right ?

123
00:09:32,262 --> 00:09:35,789
<i>Hooper, how come you sound like Minister</i>
<i>Farrakhan when you</i>'<i>re onstage...</i>

124
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,858
and the king of pop
when you're not ?

125
00:09:38,936 --> 00:09:40,870
Look out, boys !
This kitten has a whip !

126
00:09:40,938 --> 00:09:42,872
[ Alyssa ] Always before
I get to speak, you dick.

127
00:09:42,940 --> 00:09:44,999
- [ Laughs ]
- I swear ! Jesus !

128
00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:47,942
The next con I attend, and they
ask me to be on the minority panel,

129
00:09:48,011 --> 00:09:51,845
if I see your name anywhere
near that list, I'm passing !

130
00:09:51,915 --> 00:09:56,011
<i>Holden, Banky, this pile</i>
<i>of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones.</i>

131
00:09:56,086 --> 00:09:58,054
She does that book,
/<i>diosyncratic Routine.</i>

132
00:09:58,121 --> 00:10:03,957
Oh, I've read your book. lt's cute.
Chick stuff, but cute. What ?

133
00:10:04,027 --> 00:10:06,429
Sorry about him. He's, uh,
he's dealing with being an inker.

134
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:09,053
Oh. You trace.

135
00:10:09,131 --> 00:10:14,501
I really like your book. I'm surprised
we never met at any other cons before.

136
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,095
Yeah, well, lose the dick
or change the skin tone,

137
00:10:17,173 --> 00:10:20,165
and we can get to know
each other on panel after panel.

138
00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:24,611
<i>These boys do</i> Bluntman and Chronic, <i>which</i>
<i>outsells both of our books put together.</i>

139
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:28,116
Hence, they're never on the panel
with the likes of us.

140
00:10:28,184 --> 00:10:29,879
They slummin' it right now.

141
00:10:31,153 --> 00:10:33,246
I promised Alyssa
l'd buy her a post-rave drink.

142
00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:35,620
Do the Garden Staters have
to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel,

143
00:10:35,691 --> 00:10:38,489
or can you stay for a round
in the big, scary city ?

144
00:10:38,561 --> 00:10:40,654
- We're gonna go--
- We'll take--

145
00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:45,927
[ Sighs ]
We'll go.

146
00:10:48,671 --> 00:10:50,605
<i>[ Banky ]</i>
<i>Archie. All right ?</i>

147
00:10:50,673 --> 00:10:54,234
Archie and the Riverdale gang were
a pure and fun-lovin' bunch.

148
00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:58,212
You can't flnd dysfunction in those
comics. They were fat-out wholesome.

149
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,113
- Archie and Jughead were lovers.
- Shut the fuck up !

150
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:05,483
/<i>t</i>'<i>s true. Archie was the bitch,</i>
<i>andJughead was the butch.</i>

151
00:11:05,554 --> 00:11:09,081
That's whyJughead wears
that crown-lookin' hat all the time.

152
00:11:09,158 --> 00:11:12,218
He the king of
Queen Archie's world.

153
00:11:12,294 --> 00:11:14,228
Man, I feel
a hate crime comin' on.

154
00:11:14,296 --> 00:11:16,628
Well, you know,
he does have a point.

155
00:11:16,699 --> 00:11:18,792
I mean, Archie never did quite
settle on Betty or Veronica.

156
00:11:18,868 --> 00:11:21,894
'Cause he wanted them both
at the same time, you assholes !

157
00:11:21,971 --> 00:11:25,338
He didn't choose one, because he was
trying to get them into a three-way.

158
00:11:25,407 --> 00:11:28,774
- Here.
- What ?

159
00:11:28,844 --> 00:11:32,803
I want you to go down to the corner
store and buy yourself a clue.

160
00:11:32,882 --> 00:11:35,282
- <i>Go on.</i>
- <i>Eat it, Urkel.</i>

161
00:11:35,351 --> 00:11:38,445
Uh ! I done told you to
watch it with that Urkel shit.

162
00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:41,581
Face it, girl.
Archie's a sister.

163
00:11:44,326 --> 00:11:48,456
- That's it. You !
- <i>Moi?</i>

164
00:11:48,531 --> 00:11:52,399
Yeah, you. You are marching
back across the street with me,

165
00:11:52,468 --> 00:11:55,164
and we're gonna pick up
a shitload of Archie books.

166
00:11:55,237 --> 00:11:58,138
And I'm going to prove to you
beyond the shadow of a doubt...

167
00:11:58,207 --> 00:12:00,732
that Archie
is all about pussy.

168
00:12:00,809 --> 00:12:02,709
- Come on !
- [ Laughs ]

169
00:12:02,778 --> 00:12:05,042
This boy is conficted.

170
00:12:06,515 --> 00:12:09,006
I shall play
mother therapist for him.

171
00:12:09,084 --> 00:12:12,315
You two sit tight.
We shall return promptly.

172
00:12:15,658 --> 00:12:18,058
ls he always like that ?

173
00:12:18,127 --> 00:12:21,392
Who, him ? Yeah.
Ever since the third grade.

174
00:12:21,463 --> 00:12:24,455
This, uh, this nun was teaching us
about the Blessed Trinity, you know ?

175
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:27,559
She was going on and on about
the three persons in one God thing.

176
00:12:27,636 --> 00:12:29,661
Father, Son,
the Holy Spirit.

177
00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:33,401
Banky just goes ballistic on her.
They got in this huge flght.

178
00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:37,070
An eight-year-old kid ?
How bad could it have been ?

179
00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:40,172
Well, have you ever seen a nun call
a small child a "fucking cunt-rag" ?

180
00:12:40,249 --> 00:12:43,241
lt wasn't pretty.
Shit like that's bound to happen...

181
00:12:43,319 --> 00:12:46,288
when you make a kid wear
a matching tie and slacks every day.

182
00:12:46,355 --> 00:12:50,724
Right. And your parochial
school misadventures ?

183
00:12:50,793 --> 00:12:54,559
Oh, mostly limited to
wine-tasting prior to mass.

184
00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:57,155
Turned me into a grade school
alcoholic altar boy though.

185
00:12:57,232 --> 00:12:59,359
Can't tell you how many mornings
after serious benders...

186
00:12:59,435 --> 00:13:01,801
l'd wake up next
to strange priests.

187
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:04,703
- Aren't you the sharp wit ?
- Sharp ? No.

188
00:13:04,773 --> 00:13:07,765
l'm just a fan of
clergy-molestation humor.

189
00:13:07,843 --> 00:13:12,871
Probably why the extended family quit
inviting me to flrst communion parties.

190
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:17,677
Tsk. You play darts ?

191
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:22,349
Uh, not professionally.
You know, only in bars.

192
00:13:22,424 --> 00:13:24,619
<i>[ Alyssa ]</i>
<i>I don</i>'<i>t know.</i>

193
00:13:24,693 --> 00:13:28,686
<i>Maybe</i> <i>I should just sign one of those</i>
<i>exclusive deals like you guys.</i>

194
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,698
Your new book seems
to be selling like mad.

195
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:35,499
Well, it all goes back to somethin'
my grandmother told me when I was a kid.

196
00:13:35,571 --> 00:13:39,871
" Holden," she said, "the big bucks
are in dick and fart jokes."

197
00:13:39,942 --> 00:13:42,274
- She was a churchgoer.
- Oh !

198
00:13:42,344 --> 00:13:46,337
The cry from the heart of a real artist
trapped in commercial hell,

199
00:13:46,415 --> 00:13:48,849
pitying his good fortune.

200
00:13:48,917 --> 00:13:52,284
l'm sure you can dry your eyes
on all those fat checks you rake in.

201
00:13:52,354 --> 00:13:56,450
Oh, I'm sorry. What was that ? Did l
detect a note of bitter envy in there ?

202
00:13:56,525 --> 00:13:59,392
No, I'm happy my stuff
gets read at all.

203
00:13:59,461 --> 00:14:01,656
There's very little market
for hearts and fowers...

204
00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:05,860
in this spandex-clad, big pecs,
big tits, big guns fleld.

205
00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:09,028
lf I sell two issues,
I feel likeJohn Grisham.

206
00:14:09,104 --> 00:14:11,072
Well, it's all
about marketing.

207
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:16,168
Over- or underweight guys that don't
get laid. They're our bread and butter.

208
00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:19,476
People like those two outside
should be yours.

209
00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:22,483
<i>And sadly, there are more</i>
<i>of our core audience.</i>

210
00:14:22,551 --> 00:14:26,146
Kind of gives you a charge though.
See two people like that in love.

211
00:14:26,221 --> 00:14:28,519
And all over
Banky's car, no less.

212
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:31,286
You know, that car's seeing more action
right now than it's seen in years.

213
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:36,024
- Bubbly guy. lt's hard to flgure out.
- Yeah.

214
00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:39,226
You gotta respect that kind of display
of affection. You know what I mean ?

215
00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:41,861
Sure, it's crazy.
lt's rude. lt's self-absorbed.

216
00:14:41,937 --> 00:14:45,168
But, uh, you know,
it's love.

217
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,209
- lt's not love.
- Oh, says you.

218
00:14:48,277 --> 00:14:51,269
That out there ?
That's feeting.

219
00:14:51,346 --> 00:14:54,474
- <i>Fleeting ?</i>
- <i>Mm-hmm. Well,</i> <i>I gotta split.</i>

220
00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:58,179
lt was really nice meeting you.
Good luck with your book.

221
00:14:58,253 --> 00:15:03,088
Tell Hooper I'll call him later.
And... tell your friend to calm down.

222
00:15:08,764 --> 00:15:11,198
<i>[ Hooper ]</i>
<i>Shut up already.</i>

223
00:15:11,266 --> 00:15:13,996
<i>You shut up!</i>
<i>You</i>'<i>re insane.</i>

224
00:15:14,069 --> 00:15:16,833
Archie is not fucking
Mr. Weatherbee !

225
00:15:16,905 --> 00:15:20,363
Deny, deny, deny.

226
00:15:20,442 --> 00:15:24,435
- Where's Alyssa ?
- She left, said she'd call you later.

227
00:15:24,513 --> 00:15:27,175
Look, he's just offering to help Archie
with his fuckin' homework !

228
00:15:27,249 --> 00:15:29,547
Read between
the lines, bitch.

229
00:15:29,618 --> 00:15:32,917
Fuck this. Let's go.
Trafflc.

230
00:15:32,988 --> 00:15:35,548
- Holden !
- What ?

231
00:15:35,624 --> 00:15:39,720
- Let's go !
- See that dent in the hood of your car?

232
00:15:39,795 --> 00:15:41,592
Son of a bitch !

233
00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:49,094
Let me guess.
You like her.

234
00:15:49,171 --> 00:15:51,571
- Who ?
- Miss Alyssa Jones.

235
00:15:54,443 --> 00:15:58,140
- She's all right.
- As long as that's all.

236
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,578
.<i>[ Rap,</i> /<i>ndistinct ]</i>

237
00:16:22,638 --> 00:16:25,573
This is one of the best streetlights
you've ever drawn.

238
00:16:25,641 --> 00:16:27,768
lt's the one from across the street
from the post offlce.

239
00:16:27,843 --> 00:16:30,607
- Looks just like it.
- Thanks.

240
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:34,115
So, uh, what do you want
to do tonight ?

241
00:16:34,183 --> 00:16:37,584
I don't know. Get a pizza.
Watch <i>DegrassiJunior High.</i>

242
00:16:37,653 --> 00:16:40,383
You got a weird thing
for Canadian melodrama.

243
00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:43,083
I got a weird thing
for girls who say "aboot."

244
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:47,390
- [ Phone Rings, Beeps ]
- Bank Holdup.

245
00:16:47,462 --> 00:16:52,661
Hooper here. Listen, I know how
you 'burb flends hate the city,

246
00:16:52,734 --> 00:16:56,135
but there's a club shindig goin' down
tonight I think you'd really get into.

247
00:16:56,205 --> 00:17:00,039
- Where is it ?
- Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep.

248
00:17:00,108 --> 00:17:03,271
Oh, I don't know, Hoop.

249
00:17:03,345 --> 00:17:06,178
We're prepping the next issue. We got
that stupid meeting in the morning.

250
00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:09,183
- I told her you wouldn't be interested.
- Told who ?

251
00:17:10,485 --> 00:17:12,214
Alyssa.

252
00:17:12,287 --> 00:17:14,255
Alyssa from last night Alyssa ?

253
00:17:14,323 --> 00:17:16,655
How do you begin and end a question
with the same word like that ?

254
00:17:16,725 --> 00:17:19,660
You got skill.
Yes, that one !

255
00:17:19,728 --> 00:17:22,162
She asked me to invite you.
Now, here's the part where you say--

256
00:17:22,231 --> 00:17:27,601
- I'll be there.
- Thought so. 1 0:00. Later.

257
00:17:27,669 --> 00:17:32,902
- Who was that ?
- Hooper. He invited me to a club.

258
00:17:32,975 --> 00:17:36,604
Man, when's that faggot gonna learn ?
You like chicks.

259
00:17:36,678 --> 00:17:39,738
- Not that kind of club.
- So when we leavin' ?

260
00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:43,945
We ? You can't go.
He's hookin' me up with Alyssa.

261
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:47,420
- And ?
- And I don't want you messing it up.

262
00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:50,856
I care about your shit.
Maybe I'll hook up myself.

263
00:17:50,926 --> 00:17:53,224
I told you. lt's not
that kind of club.

264
00:17:54,329 --> 00:17:57,389
How does one man
get to be so funny ?

265
00:17:57,466 --> 00:18:01,869
<i>Look, how you gonna get</i>
<i>home when</i> <i>I hook up, huh ?</i>

266
00:18:01,937 --> 00:18:06,340
- Like that'll happen.
- Let me explain, my witless chum.

267
00:18:06,408 --> 00:18:08,740
The other night, we two,
Alyssa and l,

268
00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:11,244
we, uh, well,
we shared a moment.

269
00:18:11,313 --> 00:18:14,578
- Oh, you had a moment.
- No.

270
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:17,380
We <i>shared</i> a moment,
all right ?

271
00:18:17,452 --> 00:18:22,890
And in that moment, one thing
was made abundantly clear.

272
00:18:22,958 --> 00:18:26,394
This girl loves me,
my friend.

273
00:18:26,461 --> 00:18:30,192
Loves me. You know
what I'm sayin' ?

274
00:18:30,265 --> 00:18:32,756
[ Humming ]
Ah, who's your daddy now

275
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:35,098
Come on. Mmm.
[ Humming ]

276
00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:37,104
-  Ah
- Shut up !

277
00:18:37,172 --> 00:18:40,972
lt's your birthday
lt's your birthday

278
00:18:41,109 --> 00:18:45,478
. <i>Go, Sheila, it</i>'<i>s your birthday</i>
<i>Go, Sheila,</i> /<i>t</i>'<i>s your birthday</i>

279
00:18:45,547 --> 00:18:48,812
All right.
Bring on the free hootch.

280
00:18:48,884 --> 00:18:52,479
<i>Free ?</i> <i>I didn</i>'<i>t invite your tired ass.</i>
<i>So, where</i>'<i>s your better half?</i>

281
00:18:52,554 --> 00:18:55,648
Takin' a piss. The guy's got
a bladder like an infant.

282
00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:58,522
That's funny. He says
you're hung like an infant.

283
00:18:58,593 --> 00:19:01,289
Does his mother
tell him everything ?

284
00:19:01,363 --> 00:19:04,093
- Hey !
- What'd you do, fall in love ?

285
00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:06,197
- Where is she ?
- Over there.

286
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:11,358
<i>Look at her in her net shirt. Been</i>
<i>dancin</i>'<i>for an hour. Hasn</i>'<i>t stopped yet.</i>

287
00:19:11,435 --> 00:19:14,427
She ain't no Deney Terrio,
l'll say that.

288
00:19:14,505 --> 00:19:18,441
Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday,
call my mother. All right ?

289
00:19:18,509 --> 00:19:22,172
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's somethin' you should know.

290
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,908
- She got a boyfriend ?
- Well, no.

291
00:19:24,982 --> 00:19:29,282
Then what's to know, my friend ?
[ Grunts ] What's to know ?

292
00:19:29,353 --> 00:19:32,083
.<i>[ Rap,</i> /<i>ndistinct ]</i>

293
00:19:38,662 --> 00:19:41,529
Hey, lady ! You fucked up
my cabbage patch !

294
00:19:41,599 --> 00:19:46,127
Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman
himself, or should I call you Chronic ?

295
00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:50,333
Call me fattered. I heard you sent me
the invite to this little soiree.

296
00:19:50,407 --> 00:19:54,070
From a former hometown girl
to Mr. Hometown himself.

297
00:19:54,144 --> 00:19:56,772
- You're saying you're from the 'burbs ?
-  Middletown, New Jersey

298
00:19:56,847 --> 00:20:00,146
- Get outta here ! I'm from Highlands !
- I know. Hooper told me.

299
00:20:00,217 --> 00:20:02,151
How is it that we never
ran into one another ?

300
00:20:02,219 --> 00:20:04,153
- Did you graduate from Hudson ?
- Yeah, '88.

301
00:20:04,221 --> 00:20:07,281
- I went to North.
- What a small fuckin' world.

302
00:20:07,358 --> 00:20:09,656
- So you know the tri-town area ?
- Quiz me.

303
00:20:09,727 --> 00:20:11,718
- Miller Hill ?
- I wrote my name on the wall.

304
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:14,457
- Sandy Hook ?
- Lost my virginity there.

305
00:20:14,531 --> 00:20:17,864
- This is so cool. The mall ?
- Eton preppy or Menlo Park ?

306
00:20:17,935 --> 00:20:21,200
Oh, no. Here's the big test.
Quick Stop ?

307
00:20:21,272 --> 00:20:24,173
My best friend fucked
a dead guy in the bathroom.

308
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:27,335
- You know that girl ?
- I did, before she was committed.

309
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,379
There's a lot of chicks
in this place.

310
00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:37,511
Chicks ? You're such a man.

311
00:20:37,588 --> 00:20:40,557
You know what this is ?
This is fate.

312
00:20:40,624 --> 00:20:44,788
No, this is "The Rog."
[ Laughs ]

313
00:20:44,862 --> 00:20:47,422
l'm talking about us meeting.
What are the chances ?

314
00:20:47,498 --> 00:20:51,195
Pretty slim. I haven't been back
to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral.

315
00:20:51,268 --> 00:20:54,169
- The Quick Stop girl died ?
- Uh-uh. Another girl.

316
00:20:54,238 --> 00:20:56,798
-Julie Dwyer. She died in the--
- The YMCA pool ! Damn !

317
00:20:56,874 --> 00:20:59,138
- You knew her too ?
- So well.

318
00:20:59,209 --> 00:21:02,610
Wow ! One friend in the asylum,
the other friend in the grave.

319
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,615
- You're a dangerous person to know.
- Ah, but I can tap.

320
00:21:05,683 --> 00:21:07,674
<i>[ Shoes Tapping ]</i>

321
00:21:07,751 --> 00:21:10,618
- That's the Buffalo two-step.
- Yeah, well, it's very solid.

322
00:21:10,688 --> 00:21:13,555
That's what six years
of tap lessons yields.

323
00:21:13,624 --> 00:21:16,957
Two towns away from each other
for years, we had to meet in New York.

324
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:20,554
Could have been worse.
Could have not met at all.

325
00:21:20,631 --> 00:21:22,826
<i>[ Cheering, Applause ]</i>

326
00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:29,037
Okay, we're back.

327
00:21:29,106 --> 00:21:31,199
<i>Thank you. Thank you.</i>

328
00:21:31,275 --> 00:21:34,301
So, a long time ago, we used
to have this bass player,

329
00:21:34,378 --> 00:21:37,711
who took off one day to draw
funny books or something.

330
00:21:37,781 --> 00:21:40,875
Maybe you've heard of her stuff?
/<i>diosyncratic Routine</i> ?

331
00:21:44,355 --> 00:21:46,619
<i>But what a lot of people</i>
<i>don</i>'<i>t know...</i>

332
00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:49,625
is that she used to harbor
these delusions that she could sing,

333
00:21:49,693 --> 00:21:53,720
and she used to subject us to throaty
renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes.

334
00:21:53,797 --> 00:21:56,095
[ Crowd Laughing ]

335
00:21:56,166 --> 00:21:59,693
So, she's here tonight,
and I think if we all beg her...

336
00:21:59,770 --> 00:22:02,432
or maybe offer her
some "X,"

337
00:22:02,506 --> 00:22:05,066
she'll come up here and treat us
to some of her vocal stylings.

338
00:22:05,142 --> 00:22:07,076
What do ya say, Alyssa ?

339
00:22:07,144 --> 00:22:10,113
- Yeah !
- [ Crowd Cheering ]

340
00:22:10,180 --> 00:22:13,809
Oh, she's shy !

341
00:22:13,884 --> 00:22:16,751
Get up here and sing, bitch !

342
00:22:16,820 --> 00:22:20,620
All right !
Go. Go up there.

343
00:22:20,691 --> 00:22:22,625
Whoo !

344
00:22:22,693 --> 00:22:26,993
Whoo ! Yea !
[ Laughs ]

345
00:22:27,064 --> 00:22:31,592
What am I doing here ?
This is so fucking gay.

346
00:22:35,305 --> 00:22:39,173
She is such a cunt.

347
00:22:39,243 --> 00:22:43,179
You guys know the one
I wanna do, right ?

348
00:22:43,247 --> 00:22:46,375
All right. I should
dedicate this, right ?

349
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:52,452
This is for that
someone special out there.

350
00:22:52,523 --> 00:22:54,957
<i>Ready?</i>

351
00:22:55,025 --> 00:22:59,655
l'm feelin' awful

352
00:22:59,730 --> 00:23:03,097
But all alone

353
00:23:03,167 --> 00:23:07,661
Just missin' someone

354
00:23:07,738 --> 00:23:11,469
.<i>I don</i>'<i>t even know</i>

355
00:23:11,542 --> 00:23:15,171
.<i>But until</i> <i>I filnd him</i>

356
00:23:15,245 --> 00:23:19,147
l'll wait patiently

357
00:23:19,216 --> 00:23:23,983
Just feelin' nothin'

358
00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:26,852
lnside of me

359
00:23:26,924 --> 00:23:30,826
And where are you, baby

360
00:23:30,894 --> 00:23:33,829
. <i>Where can you be</i>

361
00:23:33,897 --> 00:23:38,630
Why aren't you here

362
00:23:38,702 --> 00:23:41,728
Lovin' me

363
00:23:41,805 --> 00:23:45,502
'Cause I want to kiss you

364
00:23:45,576 --> 00:23:49,603
.<i>And make you feel right</i>

365
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,207
.<i>I want to lay with you</i>

366
00:23:53,283 --> 00:23:56,548
.<i>All through the night</i>

367
00:23:56,620 --> 00:24:00,386
And I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain

368
00:24:00,457 --> 00:24:04,018
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name

369
00:24:04,094 --> 00:24:07,586
Come make me laugh
or come make me cry

370
00:24:07,664 --> 00:24:14,570
Just make me feel alive

371
00:24:14,638 --> 00:24:18,335
.<i>And so</i> <i>I'll wait</i>

372
00:24:18,408 --> 00:24:21,969
For that glorious day

373
00:24:22,045 --> 00:24:25,208
When the one I dream of

374
00:24:25,282 --> 00:24:29,776
. <i>Comes my way</i>

375
00:24:29,853 --> 00:24:33,345
.<i>And when our lips touch</i>

376
00:24:33,423 --> 00:24:37,189
.<i>So tenderly</i>

377
00:24:37,261 --> 00:24:41,527
I know I'll feel
somethin'

378
00:24:41,598 --> 00:24:47,366
./<i>nside of me</i>

379
00:24:47,437 --> 00:24:51,703
I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain

380
00:24:51,775 --> 00:24:55,302
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name

381
00:24:55,379 --> 00:24:58,746
. <i>Come make me laugh</i>
<i>or come make me cry</i>

382
00:24:58,815 --> 00:25:03,047
.<i>Just make me feel</i>

383
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:06,419
Alive

384
00:25:09,126 --> 00:25:12,118
Yeah ! Whoo !

385
00:25:15,465 --> 00:25:18,434
Whoo !

386
00:25:23,707 --> 00:25:27,234
.<i>[ Band Resumes ]</i>

387
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,814
Hot !

388
00:26:09,953 --> 00:26:14,754
Now, that, my friend,
is a shared moment.

389
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:32,602
- What ?
- lt's rude.

390
00:26:32,674 --> 00:26:36,371
When are we gonna get a chance to see
this shit live without payin' for it ?

391
00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:42,879
- Sorry. lt's just new to him.
- Oh, and you're an old hand at this ?

392
00:26:42,951 --> 00:26:48,014
No, no, I should apologize. I don't
normally get all mushy in public,

393
00:26:48,090 --> 00:26:51,116
but it's been a while
since I've seen Kim here.

394
00:26:51,193 --> 00:26:53,559
You know what ?
I wanna dance.

395
00:26:53,629 --> 00:26:55,961
Go ahead.
l'll watch from here.

396
00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:58,693
No !
I wanna dance with you !

397
00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:03,227
<i>Don</i>'<i>t be a rag.</i> <i>I have to sit here and</i>
<i>work up the desire to fuck you later.</i>

398
00:27:04,973 --> 00:27:07,737
Please !

399
00:27:12,648 --> 00:27:13,580
Yes ?

400
00:27:13,649 --> 00:27:15,981
You said "fuck."
She said "fuck."

401
00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:18,383
You said "fuck" to that girl.
You said that you'd fuck her.

402
00:27:18,453 --> 00:27:21,183
- And ?
- How can a girl fuck another girl ?

403
00:27:21,256 --> 00:27:23,190
Were you talking about
strap-ons or something ?

404
00:27:23,258 --> 00:27:25,192
- Oh,Jesus. Would you shut up ?
- What ?

405
00:27:25,260 --> 00:27:26,659
lt's okay.

406
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:29,526
I don't know how many times
I can apologize for him.

407
00:27:29,598 --> 00:27:33,159
No, Banky, I've never
used a strap-on.

408
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,169
Then what's with
saying "fuck" ?

409
00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:39,867
Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or
modify the term "fuck" with "flst" ?

410
00:27:39,941 --> 00:27:44,105
Let me ask you a question.
Can men fuck each other ?

411
00:27:44,179 --> 00:27:48,172
- You asking for my permission ?
- ln your estimation.

412
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,275
Sure.

413
00:27:50,352 --> 00:27:53,810
So, for you,
to fuck is to penetrate.

414
00:27:53,889 --> 00:27:56,790
You're used to the more
traditional deflnition.

415
00:27:56,858 --> 00:28:00,555
You, inside some girl you've
duped,jackhammerin' away,

416
00:28:00,629 --> 00:28:02,597
not noticing that
bored look in her eyes.

417
00:28:02,664 --> 00:28:07,260
Hey, I always notice that bored look
in their eyes, all right ?

418
00:28:07,335 --> 00:28:10,793
Fucking is not limited
to penetration, Banky.

419
00:28:10,872 --> 00:28:15,309
For me, it describes any sex
when it's not totally about love.

420
00:28:15,377 --> 00:28:18,278
I don't love Kim,
but I'll fuck her.

421
00:28:18,346 --> 00:28:20,280
l'm sure you don't love
every girl you sleep with.

422
00:28:20,348 --> 00:28:22,441
Some of them
I downright loathe.

423
00:28:22,517 --> 00:28:25,918
Aha, but I'll bet it's different
with the ones you do love.

424
00:28:25,987 --> 00:28:27,921
<i>Like,you</i>'<i>ll go down</i>
<i>on</i> '<i>em longer.</i>

425
00:28:27,989 --> 00:28:29,581
- Here we go.
- I don't do that.

426
00:28:29,658 --> 00:28:32,855
- What ?
- I stopped. lt got to be frustrating.

427
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:36,557
As stupid as you usually come off
during this little diatribe of yours,

428
00:28:36,631 --> 00:28:38,724
you're gonna come off ten times
as stupid on this occasion.

429
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,769
I lost my tolerance for the baggage
that comes with eating girls out.

430
00:28:41,837 --> 00:28:43,771
What's the big deal ?

431
00:28:43,839 --> 00:28:46,603
lf you say the smell,
so help me, I will slug you.

432
00:28:46,675 --> 00:28:48,700
Not the smell.
The smell is good.

433
00:28:48,777 --> 00:28:51,439
l'm talkin' about not being
able to do it properly.

434
00:28:51,513 --> 00:28:53,447
My mother
brought me up to believe...

435
00:28:53,515 --> 00:28:56,245
if I can't do something right,
I shouldn't do it at all.

436
00:28:56,318 --> 00:28:59,845
Of course, my father told me she gave
lousy head, but that's beside the point.

437
00:28:59,921 --> 00:29:03,357
Well, at least you blame yourself
for your sexual inadequacies.

438
00:29:03,425 --> 00:29:05,655
No. I blame them.

439
00:29:05,727 --> 00:29:10,460
Chicks never help you out.
They never tell you what to do, right ?

440
00:29:10,532 --> 00:29:14,161
And most of them are all self-conscious
about the smell factor.

441
00:29:14,236 --> 00:29:18,696
<i>And, so, most of the time, they just lay</i>
<i>there frozen like a deer in headlights.</i>

442
00:29:18,774 --> 00:29:21,402
I mean, not for nothin',
but when a chick goes down on me,

443
00:29:21,476 --> 00:29:24,570
I let her know where to go
and what the status is.

444
00:29:24,646 --> 00:29:28,673
You gotta handle it like
CNN and the Weather Channel.

445
00:29:28,750 --> 00:29:30,877
Constant updates.

446
00:29:30,952 --> 00:29:33,113
- You are such an idiot.
- [ Growls ]

447
00:29:33,188 --> 00:29:36,646
No, no, he's got a point.
I mean, that's how I was in high school.

448
00:29:36,725 --> 00:29:40,354
You know, all nervous and
inhibited about being eaten out.

449
00:29:40,428 --> 00:29:43,886
But by the time I got
to college, that all changed.

450
00:29:43,965 --> 00:29:46,058
<i>I've loosened up.</i>

451
00:29:46,134 --> 00:29:48,659
I was like one of those guys at
the airport with those big fashlights,

452
00:29:48,737 --> 00:29:52,673
wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em
that way, tellin' 'em when to stop.

453
00:29:52,741 --> 00:29:56,199
And that's all I'm sayin'. lt would
be different if chicks helped out.

454
00:29:56,278 --> 00:29:58,712
You know, pointed a guy
in the right direction.

455
00:29:58,780 --> 00:30:04,218
There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time
and no chance for permanent injuries.

456
00:30:04,286 --> 00:30:06,220
Permanent injuries ?

457
00:30:06,288 --> 00:30:09,883
Sure. You wanna see
somethin' permanent ?

458
00:30:09,958 --> 00:30:12,085
- See that ?
- Uh-huh.

459
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,924
I got that from Nina Rollins,
sophomore year.

460
00:30:14,996 --> 00:30:16,930
l'm goin' down on her,
right ?

461
00:30:16,998 --> 00:30:19,228
- [ Moaning ]
- <i>Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her.</i>

462
00:30:19,301 --> 00:30:24,705
She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks
my tooth and sends it down my throat.

463
00:30:24,773 --> 00:30:27,742
I had to get a crown
for the stub.

464
00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:32,205
I got that beat.
I got that beat.

465
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:37,149
<i>Junior year,</i> <i>I'm goin</i>'<i>down</i>
<i>on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room.</i>

466
00:30:37,219 --> 00:30:42,418
l'm totally drunk, and in the middle
of it, I fall asleep right in her lap.

467
00:30:42,490 --> 00:30:44,424
<i>She got so mad,</i>
<i>she digs her heel into my back.</i>

468
00:30:44,492 --> 00:30:48,792
-Ow !
-Right there. That's permanent.

469
00:30:48,864 --> 00:30:52,561
<i>All right. All right.</i>
<i>See this ?</i>

470
00:30:54,636 --> 00:30:57,104
That's the farthest I can
move my neck to the right.

471
00:30:57,172 --> 00:31:01,302
Again, sophomore year,
l'm goin' out with Brandy Svining.

472
00:31:01,376 --> 00:31:05,176
And for six months, I'm goin' down
on her. Not a damn thing's happening.

473
00:31:05,247 --> 00:31:08,944
So, one night, I change a position
or vary my lapping speed,

474
00:31:09,017 --> 00:31:13,215
and suddenly it's
a whole new world.

475
00:31:13,288 --> 00:31:16,257
She's movin' around,
convulsing, breathing heavy,

476
00:31:16,324 --> 00:31:18,952
and her legs are pressed up
against my ears so tightly...

477
00:31:19,027 --> 00:31:22,929
<i>that</i> <i>I don</i>'<i>t hear her father</i>
<i>come into the room.</i>

478
00:31:22,998 --> 00:31:26,092
He grabs my hair and
pulls me way back, hard.

479
00:31:30,872 --> 00:31:34,000
Senior year,
spring formal.

480
00:31:34,075 --> 00:31:37,010
l'm eatin' out Missy Kurt
in her brother's car.

481
00:31:37,078 --> 00:31:41,538
She's layin' across the backseat. I'm
half hangin' out, knees on the ground.

482
00:31:41,616 --> 00:31:46,485
She's failin' around, and she--
she knocks the parking brake off.

483
00:31:46,554 --> 00:31:50,957
The car starts
rolling down the hill.

484
00:31:51,026 --> 00:31:54,189
And my left knee
is cut up to shit...

485
00:31:54,262 --> 00:31:59,859
like a kiddy's scissors class
cut it up for paper dolls !

486
00:32:03,071 --> 00:32:07,337
<i>[ Laughing Continues ]</i>

487
00:32:15,083 --> 00:32:17,051
Whoa ! Hey !
Look at the time.

488
00:32:17,118 --> 00:32:19,052
We gotta-- We gotta
beat that trafflc, huh ?

489
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,350
What trafflc ?
lt's 1 :30 in the morning.

490
00:32:21,423 --> 00:32:24,950
<i>And rush hour</i>
<i>starts in six hours. Let</i>'<i>s go.</i>

491
00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:29,326
Uh, thanks for inviting us out.
lt was educational.

492
00:32:29,397 --> 00:32:31,331
Come on.

493
00:32:36,504 --> 00:32:38,438
Since you like
chicks, right,

494
00:32:38,506 --> 00:32:41,168
you just look at yourself naked
in the mirror all the time ?

495
00:32:50,452 --> 00:32:52,386
<i>[ Holden ]</i>
<i>Look, here</i>'<i>s the deal.</i>

496
00:32:52,454 --> 00:32:54,854
<i>When we get in there, don</i>'<i>t be a</i>
<i>complete Potzer, like last night.</i>

497
00:32:54,923 --> 00:32:56,891
<i>This is business now, okay?</i>

498
00:32:56,958 --> 00:33:01,292
Oh, why are you in such a bad mood ?
Still dwelling on that dyke ?

499
00:33:01,363 --> 00:33:03,490
- Hey, knock it off, will you ?
- What'd I tell you ?

500
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:06,090
She just needs
the right guy.

501
00:33:06,167 --> 00:33:11,002
All every woman really wants
is some serious deep-dicking.

502
00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:14,599
- <i>[ Phone Ringing ]</i>
- Sorry.

503
00:33:16,177 --> 00:33:19,112
See, that's why
I can't buy lesbians.

504
00:33:19,180 --> 00:33:21,375
Everyone needs dick.

505
00:33:21,449 --> 00:33:24,077
See, I can buy fags,
a bunch of guys that need dick.

506
00:33:24,152 --> 00:33:27,019
You know,just plain need it.
That I get.

507
00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:30,922
Dykes ?
Bullshit posturing.

508
00:33:30,992 --> 00:33:33,358
But, live and let live,
I guess.

509
00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:36,261
l'm sure the gay community
appreciates your support.

510
00:33:36,331 --> 00:33:40,267
We'd like to start off by saying that it
is a real pleasure to flnally meet you.

511
00:33:40,335 --> 00:33:42,599
Absolute pleasure.

512
00:33:42,670 --> 00:33:45,537
<i>One of the reasons we started this whole</i>
<i>thing was to filnally meet the guys...</i>

513
00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,973
that do <i>Bluntman and Chronic.</i>

514
00:33:48,043 --> 00:33:49,977
- [ Together] Snootchie bootchies !
- Huh ?

515
00:33:50,045 --> 00:33:53,412
<i>Which now brings us</i>
<i>to our proposal.</i>

516
00:33:53,481 --> 00:33:56,177
Look, fellas, the days
of <i>Butt-Head</i> are over.

517
00:33:56,251 --> 00:34:00,915
We're interested in doing 1 2 half-hour
<i>Bluntman and Chronic</i> cartoons.

518
00:34:00,989 --> 00:34:03,557
<i>What do you say?</i>

519
00:34:03,690 --> 00:34:06,158
Are we in business ?

520
00:34:09,729 --> 00:34:11,856
-<i>[ Knocking Gently ]</i>
-<i>[ TV] The boy wonder.</i>

521
00:34:11,932 --> 00:34:16,665
<i>[ TV] Batman and Robin, the dynamic</i>
<i>duo against crime and corruption.</i>

522
00:34:16,736 --> 00:34:19,637
Yeah, hi. Somebody told me
they make comic books here,

523
00:34:19,706 --> 00:34:23,335
<i>which is so weird, because</i> <i>I have</i>
<i>this great idea for a story.</i>

524
00:34:23,410 --> 00:34:26,607
lt's about a guy who comes
to this club and-- [ Whistles ]

525
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:28,773
hightails it
when he flnds out--

526
00:34:28,848 --> 00:34:30,440
Ready for this ?

527
00:34:32,686 --> 00:34:35,484
This girl is gay.

528
00:34:37,624 --> 00:34:41,685
Any interest
in a story like that ?

529
00:34:41,761 --> 00:34:43,888
- An animated series ?
- Twelve episodes.

530
00:34:43,964 --> 00:34:47,365
- Well, that's great, isn't it ?
- Banky seems to think so.

531
00:34:47,434 --> 00:34:49,959
- But you don't.
- Well, l--

532
00:34:50,036 --> 00:34:53,028
I don't know if that's the perception
I want people to have of our work.

533
00:34:53,106 --> 00:34:55,199
I know this sounds pretentious
as hell, but...

534
00:34:55,275 --> 00:34:57,402
l'd like to think of us
as artists, you know ?

535
00:34:57,477 --> 00:35:00,503
l'd like to get back to doing something
more personal, like our flrst book.

536
00:35:00,580 --> 00:35:04,016
Well, when are you
gonna do that ?

537
00:35:04,084 --> 00:35:07,485
When we have something
personal to say.

538
00:35:07,554 --> 00:35:10,045
I weirded you out
the other night.

539
00:35:10,123 --> 00:35:12,887
Uh, no, not really.

540
00:35:12,959 --> 00:35:15,951
- Oh, come on !
- Well, it's just--

541
00:35:16,029 --> 00:35:18,259
l'd never seen that kind of thing
up close and personal before.

542
00:35:18,331 --> 00:35:20,299
lt just took a while
to process.

543
00:35:20,367 --> 00:35:22,392
You wanna talk about it ?

544
00:35:22,469 --> 00:35:24,562
lf you want to.

545
00:35:24,638 --> 00:35:27,436
I like you, Holden.

546
00:35:27,507 --> 00:35:29,805
I haven't liked a man
in a long time.

547
00:35:29,876 --> 00:35:34,540
And it's not because I'm a man-hater
or something like that.

548
00:35:34,614 --> 00:35:38,243
/<i>t</i>'<i>s just been some time since</i> <i>I've</i>
<i>been exposed to a man that didn</i>'<i>t...</i>

549
00:35:38,318 --> 00:35:41,845
immediately live into
a stereotype of some sort.

550
00:35:41,921 --> 00:35:44,549
And I want you to feel
comfortable with me,

551
00:35:44,624 --> 00:35:47,616
because I'd really like us
to be friends.

552
00:35:47,694 --> 00:35:51,095
So if there's anything you
wanna know, it's okay to ask me.

553
00:35:51,164 --> 00:35:54,395
- Okay.
- Okay.

554
00:35:54,467 --> 00:35:57,766
Okay. Why girls ?

555
00:35:59,472 --> 00:36:02,669
- Why men ?
- Well, because that's the standard.

556
00:36:02,742 --> 00:36:05,768
lf that's the only reason
you're attracted to women--

557
00:36:05,845 --> 00:36:07,904
No, it's more than that.

558
00:36:07,981 --> 00:36:10,108
So you've never been
curious about men ?

559
00:36:10,183 --> 00:36:14,620
Curious ? Well, I always wondered
why my father watched <i>Hee Haw,</i> but--

560
00:36:14,688 --> 00:36:16,918
- [ Laughs ] You know what I mean.
- No.

561
00:36:16,990 --> 00:36:18,924
- Why not ?
- No interest.

562
00:36:18,992 --> 00:36:21,756
- Because ?
- Girls feel right.

563
00:36:21,828 --> 00:36:26,128
Well, that's how I feel. You know,
l've never really been attracted to men.

564
00:36:26,199 --> 00:36:29,760
- Well, so, you're still a virgin then ?
- No.

565
00:36:29,836 --> 00:36:31,770
But you've only
been with girls.

566
00:36:31,838 --> 00:36:33,772
So you're saying
a person is a virgin...

567
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,809
until they've had intercourse
with a member of the opposite sex.

568
00:36:36,876 --> 00:36:39,208
lsn't that
the standard deflnition ?

569
00:36:39,279 --> 00:36:41,406
Again with your standards.

570
00:36:41,481 --> 00:36:44,882
I think virginity is lost
when you make love for the flrst time.

571
00:36:44,951 --> 00:36:47,749
- With a member of the opposite sex.
- Why ? Why only then ?

572
00:36:47,821 --> 00:36:50,756
Because that's the standard.
What do you want me to tell ya ?

573
00:36:50,824 --> 00:36:55,090
So if a virgin is raped,
then she's still a virgin ?

574
00:36:55,161 --> 00:36:57,652
- No, of course not.
- But rape is not the standard.

575
00:36:57,731 --> 00:37:00,996
So she's had sex, but not
the standard idea of sex.

576
00:37:01,067 --> 00:37:03,900
Hence, according to your deflnition,
she'd still be a virgin.

577
00:37:03,970 --> 00:37:06,768
- Okay, flne, I'll revise.
- Uh-huh.

578
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,934
[ Clears Throat ] Virginity is
lost when the hymen is broken.

579
00:37:10,009 --> 00:37:13,240
- Then I lost my virginity at ten.
- <i>Really?</i>

580
00:37:13,313 --> 00:37:16,908
'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post
when I was ten, and it broke my hymen.

581
00:37:16,983 --> 00:37:20,043
Okay. Second revision.

582
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,748
Virginity is lost
through penetration.

583
00:37:22,822 --> 00:37:25,188
Physical penetration
or emotional.

584
00:37:25,258 --> 00:37:27,192
- Emotional penetration ?
- Mmm.

585
00:37:27,260 --> 00:37:30,354
I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree
when we were in high school.

586
00:37:30,430 --> 00:37:31,522
Physical penetration.

587
00:37:31,598 --> 00:37:34,260
- We had sex.
- Yeah, but not real sex.

588
00:37:36,269 --> 00:37:39,363
I move to have that remark
stricken from the record,

589
00:37:39,439 --> 00:37:43,535
on account of it makes you come off
as completely naive and infantile.

590
00:37:43,610 --> 00:37:46,807
Well, where's the penetration
in lesbian sex ? l--

591
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:51,442
A flnger ? I've had my flnger up my
ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.

592
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,454
Observe.

593
00:37:58,525 --> 00:38:03,292
You're kidding me !
How ?

594
00:38:03,363 --> 00:38:06,059
Our bodies are built to pass
a child, for Christ's sake.

595
00:38:06,132 --> 00:38:08,623
<i>Yeah, but</i> <i>I mean</i>--<i>Jesus!</i>
<i>Doesn</i>'<i>t that hurt ?</i>

596
00:38:08,701 --> 00:38:12,000
- Sure, but in that good way.
- <i>Oh.</i>

597
00:38:12,071 --> 00:38:16,132
And it's only a once-in-a-while thing
reserved for really special occasions.

598
00:38:16,209 --> 00:38:20,305
- How about not-so-special occasions ?
- Tongue only.

599
00:38:20,380 --> 00:38:23,645
Well, but see-- Come on.
That's what I'm sayin'.

600
00:38:23,716 --> 00:38:26,981
lt's like, how can that be enough ?
How big can a tongue really get ?

601
00:38:30,957 --> 00:38:32,891
My God.

602
00:38:32,959 --> 00:38:37,726
[ Laughs ]
Let's go.

603
00:38:40,133 --> 00:38:42,431
Come on. Come on.

604
00:38:42,502 --> 00:38:44,993
You're really gonna have
to give me a minute, I think.

605
00:38:45,138 --> 00:38:47,936
<i>[ Holden ] Would you stop futzing with</i>
<i>your fuckin</i>'<i>bag ? We</i>'<i>re late already.</i>

606
00:38:48,007 --> 00:38:50,168
-<i>[ Banky ]</i> <i> I have to get something.</i>
- <i>Look, man, we miss this train,</i>

607
00:38:50,243 --> 00:38:53,804
<i>I'm gonna shitcan you</i>
<i>and just hire Charles Schulz.</i>

608
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:57,179
<i>Oh, my God. Who are you ?</i>
<i>Larry Fucking Flynt ?</i>

609
00:38:57,250 --> 00:38:59,878
- What are you gonna do with all those ?
- Read the articles.

610
00:38:59,953 --> 00:39:03,821
What do you think I'm gonna do
with 'em ? They're stroke books, stupid.

611
00:39:03,890 --> 00:39:06,882
You got, like, 30 books in there.
We're only gonna be gone for two days.

612
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,793
Variety is the spice of life.
I like a wide selection.

613
00:39:09,863 --> 00:39:12,127
Sometimes I'm in the mood
for nasty close-ups.

614
00:39:12,198 --> 00:39:14,496
Sometimes I like 'em
arty and airbrushed.

615
00:39:14,567 --> 00:39:16,831
Sometimes it's a spread
brown-eye kind of night.

616
00:39:16,903 --> 00:39:19,303
- Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time.
-<i>[ Beeping ]</i>

617
00:39:19,372 --> 00:39:21,306
Sometimes
a steamy letter will do.

618
00:39:21,374 --> 00:39:24,309
Sometimes, not often,
but sometimes...

619
00:39:24,377 --> 00:39:28,643
I like the idea
of a chick with a horse.

620
00:39:28,715 --> 00:39:31,206
Go get our tickets.
I gotta call Alyssa.

621
00:39:31,284 --> 00:39:34,048
- His master's voice.
- Put that stuff away !

622
00:39:43,363 --> 00:39:45,297
Hi.

623
00:39:52,338 --> 00:39:57,173
<i>[ Coins Clattering ]</i>

624
00:40:02,548 --> 00:40:06,985
[ Alyssa ] One minute, flve seconds.
Ah, you are such my bitch.

625
00:40:07,053 --> 00:40:08,987
What's up ?
l'm about to get on a train.

626
00:40:09,055 --> 00:40:12,252
- Oh ! Why ?
- Last-minute invite to the Boston Con.

627
00:40:12,325 --> 00:40:16,159
- Shit.
- What ?

628
00:40:16,229 --> 00:40:18,891
Well, my sister's at my parents',
and I was gonna go see her.

629
00:40:18,965 --> 00:40:20,899
- The one that wrote the book ?
- Yeah.

630
00:40:20,967 --> 00:40:25,529
But I was stayin' all weekend. l
wanted to hang out with you. This sucks.

631
00:40:25,605 --> 00:40:29,837
You know, um, both of us
don't have to go.

632
00:40:29,909 --> 00:40:31,877
- Really ?
- Yeah. Banky can do this by himself.

633
00:40:31,945 --> 00:40:35,142
I mean, you know, it's not like we're on
a panel. lt's just a signing appearance.

634
00:40:35,214 --> 00:40:37,978
lf you come pick me up,
l'll be your best friend.

635
00:40:38,051 --> 00:40:40,281
Where's your apartment ?

636
00:40:40,353 --> 00:40:44,289
And then Black Beauty
couldn't take it any longer,

637
00:40:44,357 --> 00:40:49,818
and he flnally did
some of his own mounting.

638
00:40:49,896 --> 00:40:51,864
What are you doing ?

639
00:40:51,931 --> 00:40:54,092
I think I want kids of my own
one day. They're fun.

640
00:40:54,167 --> 00:40:57,534
Listen to me. I'm not going. You're
gonna have to do this one by yourself.

641
00:40:57,603 --> 00:40:59,594
- What ? Why ?
- Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend.

642
00:40:59,672 --> 00:41:02,106
l'm gonna hang out with her.
You don't need me for this.

643
00:41:02,175 --> 00:41:05,167
Look, I'll take the bags.
You can, uh, keep the fllth.

644
00:41:05,244 --> 00:41:07,178
l'll pick you up
at 9:00 Sunday night.

645
00:41:07,246 --> 00:41:10,113
Don't forget to plug the annual,
and don't mention the TV show, okay ?

646
00:41:10,183 --> 00:41:12,674
Call me if you get bored.

647
00:41:12,752 --> 00:41:14,720
<i>[ Man ]</i>
<i>All aboard!</i>

648
00:41:17,323 --> 00:41:19,587
Explain this again.

649
00:41:19,659 --> 00:41:22,127
How could you have grown up
on the shore and never played skee-ball ?

650
00:41:22,195 --> 00:41:24,186
What did you do
with your youth ?

651
00:41:24,263 --> 00:41:26,697
Stayed out late,
smoked pot, screwed around.

652
00:41:26,766 --> 00:41:28,859
Not your grade school years,
your high school years.

653
00:41:28,935 --> 00:41:32,462
- This looks complicated.
-Jesus. Potzer, uh--

654
00:41:32,538 --> 00:41:35,166
- The premise is very basic, okay ?
- Uh-huh.

655
00:41:35,241 --> 00:41:38,369
<i>You roll the ball up the rampart in an</i>
<i>effort to pop it into the score circle.</i>

656
00:41:38,444 --> 00:41:40,002
<i>The higher the score,</i>
<i>the more prize tickets you get.</i>

657
00:41:40,079 --> 00:41:42,047
Well, what do you do
with the prize tickets ?

658
00:41:42,115 --> 00:41:44,549
You trade them in
for prizes,

659
00:41:44,617 --> 00:41:47,711
which are not worth nearly as much
as you've paid to play the game.

660
00:41:47,787 --> 00:41:51,086
- Well, what's the point ?
- lt's fun.

661
00:41:51,157 --> 00:41:53,990
And you question
my lifestyle.

662
00:41:54,060 --> 00:41:57,257
-<i>[ Coat Clatters On Floor ]</i>
- Observe.

663
00:42:02,968 --> 00:42:04,765
See ? lt's just that simple.

664
00:42:04,837 --> 00:42:07,499
Well, why not just walk up there
and put it in the 50 every time--

665
00:42:07,573 --> 00:42:11,737
- Well, where's the skill in that ?
- Oh, this is a skill.

666
00:42:11,810 --> 00:42:14,142
l'm sorry.
I had no idea.

667
00:42:14,213 --> 00:42:16,147
Just toss one.

668
00:42:19,051 --> 00:42:20,985
<i>[ Ball Thuds,</i>
<i>Man Groans ]</i>

669
00:42:21,053 --> 00:42:25,786
Uh, I'm sorry there, man.
She's a little new at this.

670
00:42:25,858 --> 00:42:28,326
Thanks. Thanks a lot.

671
00:42:28,393 --> 00:42:31,021
Underhand, okay ?
Throw it underhand.

672
00:42:31,096 --> 00:42:33,621
And this is where you take
straight chicks on dates.

673
00:42:33,699 --> 00:42:35,633
This place is like Spanish fy.

674
00:42:35,701 --> 00:42:38,067
This will probably be the flrst time
I don't score afterward.

675
00:42:38,136 --> 00:42:41,071
I don't know. I'm starting to get
a tingle in my bottom.

676
00:42:44,409 --> 00:42:46,240
- Ten.
- Very nice.

677
00:42:46,311 --> 00:42:48,245
- So, what'd you do last night ?
- Got laid.

678
00:42:48,313 --> 00:42:51,043
[ Machine Clattering ]

679
00:42:52,651 --> 00:42:56,018
Some more of that, uh, skill
you were tellin' me about ?

680
00:42:56,088 --> 00:42:59,683
.<i>I never will regret this</i>

681
00:42:59,758 --> 00:43:02,283
.<i>I never will, never will</i>
<i>Never will regret this</i>

682
00:43:02,361 --> 00:43:04,295
.<i>Never will regret this</i>

683
00:43:04,363 --> 00:43:08,891
.<i>I never will, never will</i>
<i>Never will regret this</i>

684
00:43:17,542 --> 00:43:21,911
. <i>Well, give us today</i>
<i>and</i> <i>I'm not scared to say</i>

685
00:43:21,980 --> 00:43:24,847
.<i>I'm afraid</i>

686
00:43:24,917 --> 00:43:27,579
. <i>Yes,</i> <i>I have</i>
<i>a couple of hesitations</i>

687
00:43:27,653 --> 00:43:29,951
.<i>And</i> <i>I'll open the door</i>

688
00:43:30,022 --> 00:43:34,356
.<i>And</i> <i>I wonder</i>
<i>if she might come in</i>

689
00:43:34,426 --> 00:43:39,728
.<i>And do you really need</i>
<i>an invitation now</i>

690
00:43:39,798 --> 00:43:43,894
. '<i>Cause</i> <i>I think</i> <i>I'm feeling</i>
<i>really something today</i>

691
00:43:43,969 --> 00:43:48,201
. <i>Yes,</i> <i>I think</i> <i>I feel</i>
<i>a little spark, hey</i>

692
00:43:48,273 --> 00:43:51,242
<i>[ Alyssa ] Are you sure that</i>
<i>control is working, Banky?</i>

693
00:43:51,310 --> 00:43:54,746
I thought you lived
in the city.

694
00:43:54,813 --> 00:43:56,747
lt's like the umpteenth time
l've seen ya here.

695
00:43:56,815 --> 00:44:00,148
lsn't that grounds for the little pink
mafla to throw you outta their club ?

696
00:44:00,218 --> 00:44:02,083
Hey ! That's
the last time.

697
00:44:02,154 --> 00:44:05,920
.<i>I think</i> <i>I feel</i>
<i>a little spark, hey</i>

698
00:44:05,991 --> 00:44:09,358
.<i>A little jump start</i>
<i>Never will forget this</i>

699
00:44:09,428 --> 00:44:12,363
.<i>I never will, never will</i>
<i>Never will forget this</i>

700
00:44:12,431 --> 00:44:14,763
.<i>Never will forget this</i>

701
00:44:14,833 --> 00:44:17,563
.<i>I never will, never will</i>
<i>Never will forget this</i>

702
00:44:17,636 --> 00:44:19,831
.<i>Never will forget this</i>

703
00:44:19,905 --> 00:44:22,635
.<i>I never will, never will</i>
<i>Never will forget this</i>

704
00:44:22,708 --> 00:44:24,903
.<i>Never will forget this</i>

705
00:44:24,977 --> 00:44:27,241
.<i>I never will, never will</i>
<i>Never will forget this</i>

706
00:44:30,816 --> 00:44:33,216
[ Sighs ]

707
00:44:33,285 --> 00:44:36,652
-<i>[ Video Game Beeps ]</i>
- Wow. How bad do you suck ?

708
00:44:36,722 --> 00:44:40,749
-<i>[ Video Game Beeps ]</i>
- How was your pseudo date ?

709
00:44:40,826 --> 00:44:42,919
- Leave it alone.
- That chick bugs me.

710
00:44:42,995 --> 00:44:46,556
- No, everyone bugs you.
- Get off!

711
00:44:46,631 --> 00:44:50,192
-<i>[ Video Game Whirring ]</i>
- Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that ?

712
00:44:50,268 --> 00:44:54,762
Your dyke-courting ass
just got me scored on.

713
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,673
You know, you should
watch that, man.

714
00:44:57,743 --> 00:45:00,541
lf you're gonna get so bent
outta shape while playing the game--

715
00:45:00,612 --> 00:45:03,638
so much so that you feel
the need to curse the TV--

716
00:45:03,715 --> 00:45:06,013
try not to gay bash it,
all right ?

717
00:45:06,084 --> 00:45:08,279
You're not
that kind of guy.

718
00:45:08,353 --> 00:45:13,154
And don't call her a dyke.
She's a lesbian. Okay ?

719
00:45:19,998 --> 00:45:23,092
What the fuck
is goin' on here ?

720
00:45:23,168 --> 00:45:25,466
- I'm starting a new page ?
- Not with this shit ! With you !

721
00:45:25,537 --> 00:45:27,505
What the fuck is goin' on
with you and that girl ?

722
00:45:27,572 --> 00:45:30,735
- We're just friends !
- She's programming you !

723
00:45:30,809 --> 00:45:32,743
I beg your pardon ?
Programming ?

724
00:45:32,811 --> 00:45:35,302
Yeah, and apparently you don't
even fuckin' realize it.

725
00:45:35,380 --> 00:45:38,110
What does it matter
if I refer to her as a dyke ?

726
00:45:38,183 --> 00:45:41,846
Or if I call the Whalers faggots
in the privacy of my own offlce...

727
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,787
far from the sensitive ears
of the rest of the world ?

728
00:45:44,856 --> 00:45:48,485
Look, man, it's
passive-aggressive gay bashing.

729
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,585
And I know you're not really
prejudiced at heart.

730
00:45:50,662 --> 00:45:56,567
I think you should flnd some other way
to express your anger is all I'm saying.

731
00:45:58,437 --> 00:46:00,371
[ Sighs ]

732
00:46:08,980 --> 00:46:11,540
[ Sighs ]
What are you doing ?

733
00:46:11,616 --> 00:46:17,350
Just bear with me here. I want to
put you through this little exercise.

734
00:46:24,863 --> 00:46:28,959
All right, now, see this ?
This is a four-way road, okay ?

735
00:46:29,034 --> 00:46:33,528
And dead in the center is a crisp,
new hundred-dollar bill.

736
00:46:33,605 --> 00:46:37,632
Now, at the end of each of these streets
are four people. Okay ? You following ?

737
00:46:37,709 --> 00:46:39,643
- Yeah.
- Good.

738
00:46:39,711 --> 00:46:42,874
Over here we have a male-affectionate,
easy-to-get-along-with,

739
00:46:42,948 --> 00:46:45,746
nonpolitical-agenda
lesbian.

740
00:46:45,817 --> 00:46:49,776
Down here we have
a man-hating, angry-as-fuck,

741
00:46:49,855 --> 00:46:53,313
agenda-of-rage,
bitter dyke.

742
00:46:53,391 --> 00:46:58,226
Over here we got Santa Claus,
and up here, the Easter Bunny.

743
00:46:58,296 --> 00:47:02,892
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill flrst ?

744
00:47:02,968 --> 00:47:04,902
- What is this supposed to prove ?
- No, I'm serious.

745
00:47:04,970 --> 00:47:07,996
This is a serious exercise.
lt's like an S.A.T. question.

746
00:47:08,073 --> 00:47:11,167
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill flrst ?

747
00:47:11,243 --> 00:47:14,110
<i>The male-friendly lesbian ?</i>
<i>The man-hating dyke ?</i>

748
00:47:14,179 --> 00:47:16,113
<i>Santa Claus</i>
<i>or the Easter Bunny?</i>

749
00:47:16,181 --> 00:47:18,911
- The man-hating dyke.
- Good.

750
00:47:18,984 --> 00:47:20,918
- Why ?
- I don't know.

751
00:47:20,986 --> 00:47:24,922
Because the other three are flgments
of your fucking imagination !

752
00:47:24,990 --> 00:47:28,050
I don't need this. I'll be hiding
from your fuckin' shit in my room.

753
00:47:28,126 --> 00:47:30,788
- What ?
- What is it about this girl, man ?

754
00:47:30,862 --> 00:47:33,626
You know you have no shot
at getting her into bed !

755
00:47:33,698 --> 00:47:36,132
Why do you bother
wasting time with her ?

756
00:47:36,201 --> 00:47:39,170
- Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil.
- <i>Right.</i>

757
00:47:39,237 --> 00:47:43,799
Most persistent traveler on the road.
That's <i>not</i> the path of least resistance.

758
00:47:43,875 --> 00:47:46,309
Everything's gotta be
a fuckin' challenge for you.

759
00:47:46,378 --> 00:47:48,744
And this little relationship
with that <i>bitch...</i>

760
00:47:48,813 --> 00:47:51,839
is a prime example
of your fucking condition.

761
00:47:51,917 --> 00:47:54,215
Well, I don't need a magic eight ball
to look into your future.

762
00:47:54,286 --> 00:47:59,087
You want a forecast ? Here.
Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa ?

763
00:47:59,157 --> 00:48:02,126
Oh, what a shock.
Not fucking likely.

764
00:48:02,194 --> 00:48:06,221
This relationship is affecting you,
our work and our friendship.

765
00:48:06,298 --> 00:48:09,825
The time's gonna come when I throw down
the gauntlet and say, "lt's me or her."

766
00:48:09,901 --> 00:48:11,869
- Then what are you gonna say ?
- I say you should let this one go !

767
00:48:11,937 --> 00:48:15,805
No. What would you say ? Would you
trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship...

768
00:48:15,874 --> 00:48:18,138
because you've got
some idiotic notion...

769
00:48:18,210 --> 00:48:21,646
that this chick would even let you
sniff her panties, let alone fuck her ?

770
00:48:21,713 --> 00:48:24,910
Look, fuckin' asshole,
l'm telling you, okay ? Let it go !

771
00:48:24,983 --> 00:48:26,917
What the fuck, man ?

772
00:48:26,985 --> 00:48:28,976
What the fuck makes this bitch
all that important ?

773
00:48:29,054 --> 00:48:32,251
'Cause I'm fuckin' in love
with her, man, okay ?

774
00:48:38,563 --> 00:48:40,497
[ Whispers ]
Fuck.

775
00:48:46,071 --> 00:48:50,474
- <i>Well,</i> <i>I thought it was love</i>
- <i>Thought it was love</i>

776
00:48:50,542 --> 00:48:52,703
. '<i>Cause my heart</i>--

777
00:48:52,777 --> 00:48:56,907
.<i>[ Continues,</i> /<i>ndistinct ]</i>

778
00:48:56,982 --> 00:48:59,712
Wish you were the one being
pursued for the cartoon.

779
00:48:59,784 --> 00:49:01,376
Oh, really ?

780
00:49:01,453 --> 00:49:05,583
Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and
pick up a check every once in a while.

781
00:49:05,657 --> 00:49:07,591
We're leaving ?

782
00:49:07,659 --> 00:49:10,594
Well, it's not like
this is a bed and breakfast.

783
00:49:10,662 --> 00:49:13,495
l've got a little business
to conduct.

784
00:49:19,104 --> 00:49:23,336
Hello there.
Let me ask you a question.

785
00:49:23,408 --> 00:49:27,811
Are you an authorized deal maker
in this establishment ?

786
00:49:27,879 --> 00:49:30,848
Do you have the power
to negotiate ?

787
00:49:30,915 --> 00:49:33,850
You wanna haggle over the price
of your French dip ?

788
00:49:33,918 --> 00:49:39,254
No, I wanna haggle
over the price of flne art.

789
00:49:39,324 --> 00:49:42,418
- What do you mean ?
- There. By the kitchen.

790
00:49:42,494 --> 00:49:45,759
<i>See ? That painting.</i>

791
00:49:45,830 --> 00:49:50,233
- What about it ?
- The price tag says 7 5.

792
00:49:50,302 --> 00:49:53,465
- So ?
- Tell me you're kidding.

793
00:49:53,538 --> 00:49:58,032
- I'll give you 50.
- [ Scoffs ]

794
00:50:02,013 --> 00:50:07,351
Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski
down off the wall, please ?

795
00:50:07,484 --> 00:50:10,146
My new Dyksiezski.

796
00:50:10,220 --> 00:50:14,088
- Where are you gonna hang it ?
- I'm not. You are.

797
00:50:14,157 --> 00:50:16,091
Oh ? You want me
to hang it for you ?

798
00:50:16,159 --> 00:50:18,093
You better hope it doesn't
get out to the girl nation...

799
00:50:18,161 --> 00:50:20,095
you needed a man
to help you hang a picture.

800
00:50:20,163 --> 00:50:23,997
No, no, no. You're going
to hang it in your house.

801
00:50:24,067 --> 00:50:27,503
- Yeah, right.
- I'm serious.

802
00:50:32,142 --> 00:50:35,771
- Why ?
- Because it's captured the moment.

803
00:50:35,846 --> 00:50:38,679
lt'll be a constant reminder,
not just of tonight,

804
00:50:38,749 --> 00:50:43,413
but of our introduction, of the building
of our friendship, everything.

805
00:50:43,487 --> 00:50:47,981
Make no mistake about it, my friend,
it is a gift from me to you,

806
00:50:48,058 --> 00:50:51,323
so you'll always
remember us.

807
00:50:59,369 --> 00:51:02,497
<i>[ Keys Jingle,</i>
<i>Engine Off ]</i>

808
00:51:04,074 --> 00:51:06,008
Why are we stopping ?

809
00:51:06,076 --> 00:51:09,307
- Because I can't take this.
- Can't take what ?

810
00:51:09,379 --> 00:51:12,007
I love you.

811
00:51:12,082 --> 00:51:14,676
<i>[ Thunderclap ]</i>

812
00:51:19,156 --> 00:51:21,317
You love me ?

813
00:51:21,391 --> 00:51:25,157
I love you and not,
not in a friendly way.

814
00:51:25,228 --> 00:51:27,389
Although, I think
we're great friends.

815
00:51:27,464 --> 00:51:30,831
And not in a misplaced
affection, puppy dog way.

816
00:51:30,901 --> 00:51:32,994
Although, I'm sure
that's what you'll call it.

817
00:51:33,069 --> 00:51:36,527
<i>I love you. Very</i>--

818
00:51:36,606 --> 00:51:39,939
Very simple.
Very truly.

819
00:51:40,010 --> 00:51:44,811
You are the epitome of everything I have
ever looked for in another human being.

820
00:51:44,881 --> 00:51:46,872
And I know that you think of me
as just a friend,

821
00:51:46,950 --> 00:51:49,418
and crossing that line is the furthest
thing from an option...

822
00:51:49,486 --> 00:51:51,351
you would ever consider,

823
00:51:51,421 --> 00:51:56,324
but-- [ Sighs ]
I had to say it.

824
00:51:56,393 --> 00:51:58,384
I just--
I can't take this anymore.

825
00:51:58,462 --> 00:52:01,488
<i>I can</i>'<i>t stand next to you</i>
<i>without wanting to hold you.</i>

826
00:52:01,565 --> 00:52:03,931
<i>I can</i>'<i>t</i>-- <i>I can</i>'<i>t look into</i>
<i>your eyes without feeling that</i>--

827
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:07,060
<i>that longing you only read about</i>
<i>in trashy romance novels.</i>

828
00:52:07,137 --> 00:52:12,837
I can't talk to you without wanting to
express my love for everything you are.

829
00:52:12,909 --> 00:52:18,370
And I know this will probably queer
our friendship-- no pun intended--

830
00:52:18,448 --> 00:52:24,080
<i>[ Sighs ]</i>
<i>but</i> <i>I had to say it.</i>

831
00:52:24,154 --> 00:52:27,590
'Cause I've never
felt this way before.

832
00:52:27,657 --> 00:52:33,061
And I don't care.
I like who I am because of it.

833
00:52:33,129 --> 00:52:36,530
And if bringing this to light
means we can't hang out anymore,

834
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,763
then that hurts me.

835
00:52:39,836 --> 00:52:42,304
But, God, I just-- I couldn't
allow another day to go by...

836
00:52:42,372 --> 00:52:46,274
<i>without just getting it out there,</i>
<i>regardless of the outcome,</i>

837
00:52:46,343 --> 00:52:51,872
which, by the look on your face,
is to be the inevitable....

838
00:52:51,948 --> 00:52:54,678
shoot down.

839
00:52:54,751 --> 00:53:00,018
And, you know,
l'll accept that.

840
00:53:00,090 --> 00:53:03,924
But I know-- I know that some part
of you is hesitating for a moment.

841
00:53:03,994 --> 00:53:07,657
<i>And if there</i>'<i>s a moment of hesitation,</i>
<i>then that means you feel something too.</i>

842
00:53:07,731 --> 00:53:09,665
And all I ask, please,
is that you just--

843
00:53:09,733 --> 00:53:15,171
you just not dismiss that and try
to dwell in it for just ten seconds.

844
00:53:16,540 --> 00:53:18,474
Ah.

845
00:53:19,776 --> 00:53:22,074
<i>[ Sighs ]</i>
<i>Alyssa.</i>

846
00:53:22,145 --> 00:53:27,674
There isn't another soul
on this fucking planet...

847
00:53:27,751 --> 00:53:32,120
who has ever made me half the person
I am when I'm with you.

848
00:53:32,188 --> 00:53:36,284
And I would risk this friendship for the
chance to take it to the next plateau,

849
00:53:36,359 --> 00:53:38,418
because it is there
between you and me.

850
00:53:38,495 --> 00:53:42,295
<i>You can</i>'<i>t deny that.</i>

851
00:53:50,740 --> 00:53:53,868
Even if, you know--

852
00:53:57,447 --> 00:54:01,406
Even if we never talk again
after tonight,

853
00:54:01,484 --> 00:54:05,944
please know that
I am forever changed...

854
00:54:06,022 --> 00:54:10,425
because of who you are
and what you've meant to me,

855
00:54:10,493 --> 00:54:14,589
which, while I do
appreciate it,

856
00:54:14,664 --> 00:54:20,193
l'd never need a painting of birds
bought at a diner to remind me of.

857
00:54:35,051 --> 00:54:38,111
[ Whispers ]
Oh, God.

858
00:54:38,188 --> 00:54:41,624
Was it something I said ?

859
00:54:41,691 --> 00:54:44,592
[ Whispers ]
Fuck.

860
00:54:46,563 --> 00:54:49,464
<i>[ Thunder Rumbling ]</i>

861
00:54:49,532 --> 00:54:52,228
- What are you doing ?
- Get in the car and get outta here !

862
00:54:52,302 --> 00:54:54,532
- You're gonna hitch to New York ?
- Yep !

863
00:54:54,604 --> 00:54:57,801
- Aren't you at least gonna comment ?
- Here's my comment: Fuck you !

864
00:54:57,874 --> 00:54:59,842
- Why ?
- That was so unfair.

865
00:54:59,909 --> 00:55:01,274
You know how unfair that was.

866
00:55:01,344 --> 00:55:03,278
What ? lt's unfair
that I'm in love with you ?

867
00:55:03,346 --> 00:55:05,814
No, it's unfortunate
that you're in love with me.

868
00:55:05,882 --> 00:55:09,318
lt's unfair you felt the fuckin' need
to unburden your soul about it.

869
00:55:09,386 --> 00:55:12,651
Do you remember for
one fucking second who I am ?

870
00:55:12,722 --> 00:55:15,054
So ? I mean, you know,
people change.

871
00:55:15,125 --> 00:55:17,059
Oh ! Oh !
lt's that simple !

872
00:55:17,127 --> 00:55:19,925
You fall in love with me and
want a romantic relationship.

873
00:55:19,996 --> 00:55:21,930
Nothing changes for you...

874
00:55:21,998 --> 00:55:24,489
with the exception of feeling
hunky-dory all the time.

875
00:55:24,567 --> 00:55:28,503
But what about me, Holden ?
lt's not that simple !

876
00:55:28,571 --> 00:55:30,971
I just can't get into
a relationship with you...

877
00:55:31,041 --> 00:55:34,169
without throwing my whole
fucking world into upheaval.

878
00:55:34,244 --> 00:55:38,476
That's every relationship. There's
always gonna be a period of adjustment.

879
00:55:38,548 --> 00:55:41,108
Period of adjustment ?

880
00:55:41,184 --> 00:55:45,518
There's no period of adjustment,
Holden ! I am fucking gay !

881
00:55:45,588 --> 00:55:47,613
That's who I am !

882
00:55:47,691 --> 00:55:53,596
You assume I can turn all that around
because you've got a fucking crush ?

883
00:55:55,665 --> 00:55:57,599
lf this is a crush,

884
00:55:57,667 --> 00:56:01,364
I don't think I could take it
if the real thing ever happened.

885
00:56:01,438 --> 00:56:03,906
Go home, Holden.

886
00:56:03,973 --> 00:56:06,703
<i>[ Thunder Rumbling ]</i>

887
00:56:36,406 --> 00:56:38,340
[ Cries ]

888
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:52,279
<i>[ Thunder Rumbling ]</i>

889
00:57:28,725 --> 00:57:32,923
<i>[ Radio Announcer ] You</i>'<i>re back with</i>
<i>Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review.</i>

890
00:57:32,996 --> 00:57:36,932
<i>As always behind us we got wacky</i>--
<i>[ Radio Continues,</i> /<i>ndistinct ]</i>

891
00:57:53,583 --> 00:57:55,551
<i>[ Door Slams ]</i>

892
00:57:55,618 --> 00:57:58,348
I take it
that's not good.

893
00:57:58,421 --> 00:58:01,948
[ Sighs ]
Stay here.

894
00:58:02,025 --> 00:58:05,620
Be right back.
[ Groans ]

895
00:58:24,781 --> 00:58:27,909
Catholic schoolgirls.

896
00:58:27,984 --> 00:58:33,047
<i>The uniform</i>'<i>s</i>
<i>what does it for me.</i>

897
00:58:33,123 --> 00:58:36,957
<i>I wish</i> <i>I'd went with more</i>
<i>Catholic schoolgirls when</i> <i>I was a kid.</i>

898
00:58:37,026 --> 00:58:42,555
As it stands, I have no "And then she
unzipped her jumper" stories.

899
00:58:43,633 --> 00:58:46,932
You seemed
weirded-out back there.

900
00:58:47,003 --> 00:58:51,565
- That's my couch you were fucking on.
- Sorry.

901
00:58:51,641 --> 00:58:54,940
I wanted to watch some TV.
Hard to do when your best friend is...

902
00:58:55,011 --> 00:58:59,107
wrapped around a naked
rug-muncher on your couch.

903
00:58:59,182 --> 00:59:01,707
She had boxers on.

904
00:59:05,255 --> 00:59:09,692
- [ Sighs ] This is all gonna end badly.
- You don't know that.

905
00:59:09,759 --> 00:59:13,422
I know you. You're way
too conservative for that girl.

906
00:59:13,496 --> 00:59:18,024
She's been around and seen things
we've only read about in books.

907
00:59:18,101 --> 00:59:21,867
We have read about them,
so we're prepared.

908
00:59:21,938 --> 00:59:25,203
There's no "we" here.

909
00:59:26,943 --> 00:59:29,468
You're gonna have to
go through this alone.

910
00:59:29,546 --> 00:59:31,514
lt's one thing
to read about shit,

911
00:59:31,581 --> 00:59:35,711
something different when you're forced
to deal with it on a regular basis.

912
00:59:35,785 --> 00:59:39,585
When you are walking in a mall and your
heads turn at a nice-looking chick,

913
00:59:39,656 --> 00:59:42,716
it's gonna eat you up
inside.

914
00:59:42,792 --> 00:59:47,354
You'll spend most of your time wondering
when the other shoe's gonna drop.

915
00:59:47,430 --> 00:59:51,457
'Cause for you this isn't
about cool, weird sex stuff.

916
00:59:51,534 --> 00:59:53,798
lt's about love.

917
00:59:53,870 --> 00:59:56,998
Maybe it is
for her as well.

918
00:59:57,073 --> 01:00:00,304
Somehow I doubt it.

919
01:00:00,376 --> 01:00:03,209
Everybody's not out
to get someone in life, Bank.

920
01:00:03,279 --> 01:00:07,147
Everybody has an agenda,
all right ? Everyone.

921
01:00:07,217 --> 01:00:08,844
Yourself?

922
01:00:08,918 --> 01:00:11,853
- My agenda is to watch your back.
- To what end ?

923
01:00:11,921 --> 01:00:14,856
To insure that all this time we've
spent together, building something,

924
01:00:14,924 --> 01:00:16,016
wasn't wasted.

925
01:00:16,092 --> 01:00:20,153
Oh, she's not gonna
ruin the comic.

926
01:00:22,632 --> 01:00:25,260
I wasn't talkin'
about the comic.

927
01:00:27,270 --> 01:00:30,068
[ Sighing ]
l'm gonna go get a bagel.

928
01:00:30,139 --> 01:00:33,836
Clean off my fucking couch
so I can watch TV.

929
01:00:36,913 --> 01:00:38,881
[ Sighs ]

930
01:00:44,754 --> 01:00:46,915
From what I understand,
when you sign with a publisher...

931
01:00:46,990 --> 01:00:49,788
someone else does all this work for you,
and you just sit back and collect.

932
01:00:49,859 --> 01:00:53,226
And miss these late-night cram sessions
with my nearest and dearest ?

933
01:00:53,296 --> 01:00:55,696
-Never.
-<i>I don</i>'<i>t know what she</i>'<i>s bitching about.</i>

934
01:00:55,765 --> 01:00:58,359
All she's done since
we got here is pound Merlot.

935
01:00:58,434 --> 01:00:59,526
Yeah, you're a real help.

936
01:00:59,602 --> 01:01:02,264
l'd like to know
why we're here at all...

937
01:01:02,338 --> 01:01:04,272
when we haven't seen
Princess Funny Book in a month.

938
01:01:04,340 --> 01:01:09,277
- Yeah. Who you shackin' up with ?
- "Shacking up with" ? Please.

939
01:01:11,014 --> 01:01:13,244
[ Giggling ]
l'm so in love !

940
01:01:13,316 --> 01:01:15,546
[ All ]
Ohh !

941
01:01:15,618 --> 01:01:19,987
<i>I know,</i> <i>I know.</i> <i>I feel like such a goon,</i>
<i>but</i> <i>I can</i>'<i>t help it.</i>

942
01:01:20,056 --> 01:01:22,991
- We have such a great time together.
- Who is it ?

943
01:01:23,059 --> 01:01:24,993
Someone you guys don't know.

944
01:01:25,061 --> 01:01:27,052
That chick you left
the restaurant with that night.

945
01:01:27,130 --> 01:01:29,064
They're not from around here.

946
01:01:29,132 --> 01:01:31,066
Don't even tell me
you met her down the shore.

947
01:01:31,134 --> 01:01:33,796
Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel
Jersey dyke.

948
01:01:33,870 --> 01:01:36,395
- With huge hair and acid-washed jeans.
- [ Laughs ]

949
01:01:36,472 --> 01:01:40,499
For your information, they don't have
big hair or wear acid-wash.

950
01:01:40,576 --> 01:01:42,567
They're from my hometown.

951
01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:49,511
Why are you playing
the pronoun game ?

952
01:01:49,585 --> 01:01:53,316
- What are you talking about ? I'm not.
- <i>You are.</i>

953
01:01:53,389 --> 01:01:58,759
I met "someone." "We" have a great
time. "They're" from my hometown.

954
01:01:58,828 --> 01:02:01,023
Doesn't this tube
of wonderful have a name ?

955
01:02:08,237 --> 01:02:10,467
Holden.

956
01:02:25,054 --> 01:02:27,147
[ Sighs ]
Well...

957
01:02:29,993 --> 01:02:31,961
here's to the both of you.

958
01:02:35,631 --> 01:02:38,156
Another one bites the dust.

959
01:02:46,909 --> 01:02:49,343
Can I ask you a question ?

960
01:02:49,412 --> 01:02:53,143
Don't even tell me
you want to do it again.

961
01:02:55,418 --> 01:02:59,855
Why me ?
You know ? Why now ?

962
01:02:59,922 --> 01:03:03,414
Well, because you were givin' me
that look and I got all wet.

963
01:03:03,493 --> 01:03:05,688
You know what I mean.

964
01:03:05,762 --> 01:03:08,253
Why <i>not</i> you ?

965
01:03:08,331 --> 01:03:13,462
Well, I'm a guy. I mean...
you're attracted to girls.

966
01:03:13,536 --> 01:03:16,061
I see you've been
taking notes.

967
01:03:16,139 --> 01:03:19,336
Historically, yes.
That's true.

968
01:03:19,409 --> 01:03:22,207
Then why this ?

969
01:03:26,749 --> 01:03:30,082
Well, I've given that
a lot of thought, you know.

970
01:03:30,153 --> 01:03:33,122
Now that I'm being ostracized
by my friends,

971
01:03:33,189 --> 01:03:35,123
l've had plenty of time
to think about it.

972
01:03:35,191 --> 01:03:38,592
<i>And what</i> <i>I've come up with</i>
<i>is really simple.</i>

973
01:03:39,996 --> 01:03:43,329
I came to this
on my own terms.

974
01:03:43,399 --> 01:03:46,300
You know, I didn't just
heed what I was taught:

975
01:03:46,369 --> 01:03:50,237
Men and women should be
together, it's the natural way,

976
01:03:50,306 --> 01:03:52,240
that kind of thing.

977
01:03:52,308 --> 01:03:56,540
l'm not with you because of
what family, society, <i>life...</i>

978
01:03:56,612 --> 01:04:00,104
<i>tried to instill in me</i>
<i>from day one.</i>

979
01:04:02,118 --> 01:04:04,416
The way the world is,

980
01:04:04,487 --> 01:04:09,515
how seldom it is that you meet
that one person who...

981
01:04:09,592 --> 01:04:12,152
just <i>gets</i> you.

982
01:04:12,228 --> 01:04:14,628
lt's so rare.

983
01:04:14,697 --> 01:04:17,791
My parents didn't
really have it.

984
01:04:17,867 --> 01:04:23,328
There were no examples set for me in
the world of male-female relationships.

985
01:04:23,406 --> 01:04:27,570
And to cut oneself off
from flnding that person--

986
01:04:27,643 --> 01:04:31,977
to immediately halve your options
by eliminating the possibility...

987
01:04:32,048 --> 01:04:35,745
of flnding that one person
within your own gender--

988
01:04:35,818 --> 01:04:37,945
that just seemed stupid
to me.

989
01:04:38,020 --> 01:04:40,853
<i>So</i> <i>I didn</i>'<i>t.</i>

990
01:04:40,923 --> 01:04:44,154
But then you came along.

991
01:04:44,227 --> 01:04:48,186
You, the one least likely.
I mean, you were a guy.

992
01:04:48,264 --> 01:04:50,698
[ Chuckling ]
Still am.

993
01:04:50,766 --> 01:04:55,863
And while I was falling for you
I put a ceiling on that,

994
01:04:55,938 --> 01:04:58,736
because you <i>were</i> a guy.

995
01:04:58,808 --> 01:05:03,643
Until I remembered why I opened the door
to women in the flrst place:

996
01:05:03,713 --> 01:05:08,013
To not limit the likelihood
of flnding that one person who'd...

997
01:05:08,084 --> 01:05:10,450
complement me so completely.

998
01:05:14,757 --> 01:05:17,851
So, here we are.

999
01:05:17,927 --> 01:05:20,293
I was thorough
when I looked for you.

1000
01:05:22,430 --> 01:05:26,059
And I feel justifled
lying in your arms...

1001
01:05:26,134 --> 01:05:29,831
'cause I got here
on my own terms,

1002
01:05:29,904 --> 01:05:34,671
and I have no question there was
someplace I didn't look.

1003
01:05:34,742 --> 01:05:37,472
For me that makes
all the difference.

1004
01:05:53,695 --> 01:05:56,789
Can I at least tell people all you
needed was some serious deep-dicking ?

1005
01:05:56,864 --> 01:06:00,960
[ Laughing ]

1006
01:06:03,671 --> 01:06:06,265
- Move !
- Stop !

1007
01:06:19,153 --> 01:06:22,054
- What ?
- Check out page 48.

1008
01:06:34,235 --> 01:06:37,170
- So ?
- Did you see the nickname ?

1009
01:06:39,574 --> 01:06:42,304
- " Finger Cuffs."
- And ?

1010
01:06:42,377 --> 01:06:46,814
- Weird nickname. What's your point ?
- Do you know <i>why</i> it's " Finger Cuffs" ?

1011
01:06:46,881 --> 01:06:50,146
- No. I suppose you do.
- I do.

1012
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:57,316
Remember Cohee Lundin ? Left Hudson
and went to North our senior year ?

1013
01:06:57,392 --> 01:06:59,326
Yeah.

1014
01:06:59,394 --> 01:07:02,557
Well, asshole, I ran into him
at the stores the other day.

1015
01:07:02,630 --> 01:07:05,098
God, it's been ages
since I've seen him.

1016
01:07:05,166 --> 01:07:08,658
- Mentioned you were dating Alyssa.
- Did you ?

1017
01:07:08,736 --> 01:07:10,966
Yeah. Funny thing is,
you know what he said ?

1018
01:07:11,038 --> 01:07:15,805
Shit, I know Alyssa Jones.
I mean, I <i>know</i> Alyssa Jones.

1019
01:07:15,877 --> 01:07:19,973
Me and Rick Derris used to hang
around her house after school...

1020
01:07:20,047 --> 01:07:22,675
and shit, 'cause her parents were,
like, never home and shit, right ?

1021
01:07:22,750 --> 01:07:25,480
But one day Rick whips it out and
starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit,

1022
01:07:25,553 --> 01:07:27,714
chasin' her around the living room;
I was dyin'.

1023
01:07:27,789 --> 01:07:30,485
You know what the crazy bitch did ?
She fuckin' drops to her knees...

1024
01:07:30,558 --> 01:07:33,425
and starts suckin' him off right in
front of me, like I wasn't even there.

1025
01:07:33,494 --> 01:07:35,792
I almost died.
But that's not the fucked-up part.

1026
01:07:35,863 --> 01:07:39,822
The fucked-up part was Rick, right
in the middle of it, pointin' at her,

1027
01:07:39,901 --> 01:07:42,233
and he says "Cohee,"
just like that, "Cohee."

1028
01:07:42,303 --> 01:07:44,237
So I'm like, "Yo,
l'll give it a shot."

1029
01:07:44,305 --> 01:07:47,103
I start pullin' her pants down and shit,
all slow 'cause I flgure any second...

1030
01:07:47,175 --> 01:07:49,302
she's gonna turn around
and belt me in the mouth, right ?

1031
01:07:49,377 --> 01:07:52,869
But she's all into it, man !
She don't try to stop me or nothin' !

1032
01:07:52,947 --> 01:07:55,780
She's all wet and I just start goin'
to work, you know what I'm sayin' ?

1033
01:07:55,850 --> 01:07:58,683
Me and Rick are goin' to town on
this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it,

1034
01:07:58,753 --> 01:08:00,687
all moaning and shit.

1035
01:08:00,755 --> 01:08:02,620
lt was fucked-up. So Rick
came up with the nickname.

1036
01:08:02,690 --> 01:08:07,286
That day she had us locked in from
both sides like Chinese flnger cuffs.

1037
01:08:07,361 --> 01:08:08,623
He's full of shit.

1038
01:08:08,696 --> 01:08:11,631
Cohee's a lot of things,
but an exaggerator he's not.

1039
01:08:11,699 --> 01:08:13,758
- The dude's Catholic.
- She's never even been with a guy.

1040
01:08:13,835 --> 01:08:17,032
That's what she <i>says.</i>
But I say her on her hands and knees...

1041
01:08:17,104 --> 01:08:20,369
getting fllled out like an application
constitutes "being with a guy."

1042
01:08:20,441 --> 01:08:23,433
Look, man. Cohee Lundin is
pulling your chain, okay ?

1043
01:08:23,511 --> 01:08:26,605
The fact you even believe him makes you
look like a complete fuckin' idiot.

1044
01:08:26,681 --> 01:08:28,945
l'm getting your back,
asshole !

1045
01:08:29,016 --> 01:08:31,610
People don't forget shit
like " Finger Cuffs."

1046
01:08:31,686 --> 01:08:35,247
What if it got out that she's queer as
well ? How's that gonna make you look ?

1047
01:08:35,323 --> 01:08:38,656
- Well, I give a shit what people think.
- Fuck !

1048
01:08:38,726 --> 01:08:41,854
All right.
What if she's carrying a disease ?

1049
01:08:41,929 --> 01:08:43,897
- Fuck you !
- What ?

1050
01:08:43,965 --> 01:08:47,128
Oh, it's not possible
that she's all crudded-up ?

1051
01:08:47,201 --> 01:08:50,728
Cohee I can vouch for is clean.
The dude never got laid in high school.

1052
01:08:50,805 --> 01:08:53,638
But Derris ?
He's an arch-fucking-bushman !

1053
01:08:53,708 --> 01:08:57,439
Name me one chick in our senior class
that he <i>didn</i>'<i>t</i> nail, for Christ's sake !

1054
01:08:57,512 --> 01:09:00,743
Let it go, okay ? I'm telling you,
she's never even been with a guy,

1055
01:09:00,815 --> 01:09:02,840
much less these two
fuckin' zeroes.

1056
01:09:02,917 --> 01:09:06,546
And the bitch could be a bigger germ
farm than that monkey in <i>Outbreak</i> !

1057
01:09:06,621 --> 01:09:10,557
Would you let it go, okay ?
l'm fuckin' tired of this shit !

1058
01:09:10,625 --> 01:09:15,619
She's my goddamn girlfriend !
Show a little fuckin' respect !

1059
01:09:15,696 --> 01:09:18,893
And I swear to God, if I ever hear you
so much as fucking mention...

1060
01:09:18,966 --> 01:09:23,994
Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put
your fucking teeth down your throat !

1061
01:09:26,974 --> 01:09:29,807
Maybe I'll put your fuckin'
teeth down <i>your</i> throat.

1062
01:09:29,877 --> 01:09:32,437
Yeah, maybe.

1063
01:09:33,514 --> 01:09:36,278
<i>[ Footsteps Down Stairs ]</i>

1064
01:09:37,351 --> 01:09:40,047
l've been workin' out,
ya know !

1065
01:09:41,122 --> 01:09:44,250
You better be ready
to make that deal.

1066
01:09:46,494 --> 01:09:49,429
So, where's that bitch partner
of yours been ?

1067
01:09:49,497 --> 01:09:50,725
Sulking.

1068
01:09:50,798 --> 01:09:52,823
He's having a real problem
with this Alyssa thing.

1069
01:09:52,900 --> 01:09:57,166
I think it's more like Banky's having a
real problem with all things not hetero,

1070
01:09:57,238 --> 01:10:00,105
and I'm just another paradigm
of said aberration.

1071
01:10:00,174 --> 01:10:05,407
- Banky does not hate gays.
- But he <i>is</i> a bit homophobic.

1072
01:10:05,479 --> 01:10:09,040
This latest episode between you
and Miss Thing has tapped into that.

1073
01:10:09,116 --> 01:10:13,610
ln his warped perception, he lost you
to the "dark side," which is she.

1074
01:10:13,688 --> 01:10:15,622
You make it sound like
me and him were dating.

1075
01:10:15,690 --> 01:10:17,021
Don't kid yourself.

1076
01:10:17,091 --> 01:10:20,060
That boy loves you in a way
that he ain't ready to deal with.

1077
01:10:22,063 --> 01:10:23,997
[ Clears Throat ]

1078
01:10:24,065 --> 01:10:29,298
- He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa.
- Uh-uh, honey !

1079
01:10:29,370 --> 01:10:35,275
And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury
uncovered about your lady fair ?

1080
01:10:35,343 --> 01:10:38,073
[ Whispering ] He heard some bullshit
story that she took on two guys.

1081
01:10:38,145 --> 01:10:40,204
Really ?

1082
01:10:40,281 --> 01:10:44,240
Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree
if he wants to split you up, isn't he ?

1083
01:10:44,318 --> 01:10:46,752
He's not gonna make you see
the error of your ways...

1084
01:10:46,821 --> 01:10:48,914
by pointing out
how truly gay she's not.

1085
01:10:48,990 --> 01:10:51,823
- This one ?
- I have it.

1086
01:10:51,892 --> 01:10:56,955
- Actually, it has kinda gotten to me.
- How so ?

1087
01:10:57,031 --> 01:10:59,522
Well, Banky's got
a pretty good bullshit detector.

1088
01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:01,932
- He's not known for misinformation.
- So what if it is true ?

1089
01:11:02,003 --> 01:11:04,563
- Would that bother you ?
- Sex with multiple partners ?

1090
01:11:04,639 --> 01:11:06,573
- [ Gasps ]
- At the same time ?

1091
01:11:06,641 --> 01:11:08,575
Ah ! Ooh !

1092
01:11:08,643 --> 01:11:11,271
Thanks for being so comforting.
I appreciate it.

1093
01:11:11,345 --> 01:11:13,279
So, what do you care ?

1094
01:11:13,347 --> 01:11:15,542
That's just it, you know ?
I shouldn't care.

1095
01:11:15,616 --> 01:11:17,550
- But it just-- lt gets to me.
- Look,

1096
01:11:17,618 --> 01:11:20,416
the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't
think she's been in the middle...

1097
01:11:20,488 --> 01:11:22,888
of an all-girl group grope ?

1098
01:11:25,626 --> 01:11:29,118
You see, that <i>doesn</i>'<i>t</i> bother me, right ?
But just the thought of her with guys--

1099
01:11:29,196 --> 01:11:32,825
Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't
drop 50 stories in my opinion of you...

1100
01:11:32,900 --> 01:11:35,960
by falling prey
to that latest of trendy beasts.

1101
01:11:36,037 --> 01:11:38,096
- Which is ?
- Lesbian chic.

1102
01:11:38,172 --> 01:11:42,506
lt's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl
nowadays. People think it's cute.

1103
01:11:42,576 --> 01:11:45,977
Got this fool picture of lipstick
lesbians in their heads,

1104
01:11:46,047 --> 01:11:50,108
like they all resemble Alyssa,
while most of'em look more like you.

1105
01:11:50,184 --> 01:11:53,085
Do I detect a little
intersubculture cattiness here ?

1106
01:11:53,154 --> 01:11:55,486
Gay or straight,
ugly's still ugly.

1107
01:11:55,556 --> 01:11:58,184
- And most of those boys are scary.
- [ Laughs ]

1108
01:11:58,259 --> 01:12:00,193
I thought you fags were all
supersupportive of one another.

1109
01:12:00,261 --> 01:12:02,126
Screw that all-for-one shit.

1110
01:12:02,196 --> 01:12:04,824
I gotta deal with bein' a minority
in the minority of the minority,

1111
01:12:04,899 --> 01:12:07,060
and nobody's supportin'
my ass.

1112
01:12:07,134 --> 01:12:10,467
While the whole of society's
fawning over girls-on-girls,

1113
01:12:10,538 --> 01:12:12,472
here I sit, a reviled gay man.

1114
01:12:12,540 --> 01:12:14,974
And to top that off,
l'm a gay black man,

1115
01:12:15,042 --> 01:12:16,976
notoriously, the most
swishy of the bunch.

1116
01:12:17,044 --> 01:12:19,035
- Three strikes--
- Hey, hey ! There's a line.

1117
01:12:19,113 --> 01:12:22,048
-<i>[ Boy ] Are you Hooper X?</i>
-<i>[ Rap Over Stereo ]</i>

1118
01:12:25,286 --> 01:12:29,416
-<i>Salaam alaykem,</i> little brother.
- Could you sign my comic ?

1119
01:12:33,961 --> 01:12:36,054
Hey. You see
that man right there ?

1120
01:12:37,398 --> 01:12:41,129
He the devil.
Understand ?

1121
01:12:41,202 --> 01:12:44,137
<i>Never</i> take your eye
off the Man.

1122
01:12:50,544 --> 01:12:53,877
- Fight the power, little G.
- Word is bond.

1123
01:12:53,948 --> 01:12:56,212
Word is bond.

1124
01:13:00,488 --> 01:13:02,957
Look at what I have to resort to
for professional respect.

1125
01:13:02,957 --> 01:13:03,787
Look at what I have to resort to
for professional respect.

1126
01:13:03,857 --> 01:13:07,190
What is it about gay men
that terrifles the rest of the world ?

1127
01:13:07,261 --> 01:13:09,195
[ Sighs ]

1128
01:13:09,263 --> 01:13:13,029
-As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past,
-<i>Um-hm.</i>

1129
01:13:13,100 --> 01:13:17,036
maybe what's troubling you is that
your fragile fantasy might not be true.

1130
01:13:17,104 --> 01:13:20,369
- What does that mean ?
- Holden, don't even try to come off...

1131
01:13:20,441 --> 01:13:22,534
like you don't know
what I'm sayin'.

1132
01:13:22,609 --> 01:13:27,308
Men need to believe that they're
Marco-fuckin'-Polo when it comes to sex.

1133
01:13:27,381 --> 01:13:30,043
Like they're the only ones
who've ever explored new territory.

1134
01:13:30,117 --> 01:13:32,711
And it's hard
not to let 'em believe it.

1135
01:13:32,786 --> 01:13:35,152
- I let my boys run with it for a while.
- [ Scoffs ]

1136
01:13:35,222 --> 01:13:37,918
Feed 'em some of that "l've never
done this before" bullshit...

1137
01:13:37,992 --> 01:13:40,426
and let them labor under the delusion
that they're rockin' my world...

1138
01:13:40,494 --> 01:13:43,361
until I can't stand 'em no more,
then I hit 'em with the truth.

1139
01:13:43,430 --> 01:13:45,364
lt's a sick game.

1140
01:13:45,432 --> 01:13:47,366
The world would be
a better place...

1141
01:13:47,434 --> 01:13:49,459
if people would just accept
there's nothin' new under the sun,

1142
01:13:49,536 --> 01:13:51,470
and anything you can do
with a person...

1143
01:13:51,538 --> 01:13:54,439
has probably been done
long before you got there.

1144
01:13:54,508 --> 01:13:57,944
- Hey, I can accept that.
- Honey, that <i>almost</i> sounded convincing.

1145
01:13:58,012 --> 01:14:02,745
Do yourself a favor:Just ask the girl
about her past point-blank.

1146
01:14:02,816 --> 01:14:05,751
Get it out of the way before it gets
too big for both of y'all to move.

1147
01:14:05,819 --> 01:14:07,753
Ooh ! Yanni !

1148
01:14:11,158 --> 01:14:15,720
-<i>[ Spectators Cheering ]</i>
-<i>[ Organ Playing ]</i>

1149
01:14:20,601 --> 01:14:24,162
- [ Crowd Shouts and Cheers ]
- [ Alyssa ] Boo ! Boo !

1150
01:14:27,174 --> 01:14:29,642
Since most of these people
are rooting for the home team,

1151
01:14:29,710 --> 01:14:31,644
l'm going to cheer
for the visitors.

1152
01:14:31,712 --> 01:14:33,976
l'm a big visitors fan.

1153
01:14:34,048 --> 01:14:37,609
Especially the kind that make coffee
for you in the morning before they go.

1154
01:14:39,620 --> 01:14:42,783
That was a joke.
Bah-dum-bah.

1155
01:14:42,856 --> 01:14:45,916
A little wacky wordplay.
[ Giggles ]

1156
01:14:45,993 --> 01:14:48,723
Wha-What do you mean,
"visitors" ?

1157
01:14:48,796 --> 01:14:50,787
Was I being
too obscure ?

1158
01:14:50,864 --> 01:14:56,029
The kind that, until recently,
had no dicks and would stay the night.

1159
01:14:57,304 --> 01:15:01,263
So, uh, that was
until recently, right ?

1160
01:15:01,341 --> 01:15:03,400
Uh, yeah.

1161
01:15:09,316 --> 01:15:13,412
Hey ! Foul ! Foul !
He was traveling or something.

1162
01:15:13,487 --> 01:15:17,787
So, nobody but me has spent the night
at your place since we got together ?

1163
01:15:17,858 --> 01:15:19,792
Somethin' on your mind,
Holden ?

1164
01:15:19,860 --> 01:15:24,263
-Just wondering.
- lf I've been faithful or something ?

1165
01:15:24,331 --> 01:15:27,767
I was just asking.

1166
01:15:27,835 --> 01:15:31,134
Oh, sweetie.

1167
01:15:31,205 --> 01:15:34,606
I only have eyes for you.

1168
01:15:39,179 --> 01:15:43,946
lf you don't start usin' that whistle,
l'm gonna jam it straight up your ass !

1169
01:15:44,017 --> 01:15:45,951
Right ?

1170
01:15:47,454 --> 01:15:50,446
What's uh--
What's with " Finger Cuffs" ?

1171
01:16:04,071 --> 01:16:06,005
" Finger Cuffs" ?

1172
01:16:06,073 --> 01:16:10,942
ln your senior yearbook your nickname
was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean ?

1173
01:16:11,011 --> 01:16:13,707
- lt was ?
- Yeah.

1174
01:16:13,780 --> 01:16:17,477
Shit.
Damned if I can remember.

1175
01:16:17,551 --> 01:16:20,748
l'd look it up, but I threw
all that shit out years ago.

1176
01:16:20,821 --> 01:16:23,688
- Where'd you see a North yearbook ?
- Do you know a Rick Derris ?

1177
01:16:25,859 --> 01:16:28,760
- Rick Derris ?
- Yeah.

1178
01:16:28,829 --> 01:16:30,956
<i>[ Pulse Beating ]</i>

1179
01:16:31,031 --> 01:16:34,057
Sure. We used to
hang out in high school.

1180
01:16:34,134 --> 01:16:36,500
Punch him in the fuckin' neck,
number 1 2 !

1181
01:16:36,570 --> 01:16:39,801
Come on. Come on !

1182
01:16:39,873 --> 01:16:42,307
Did you guys, like,
date or something ?

1183
01:16:42,376 --> 01:16:46,642
Date Rick Derris ?
No, no. We just hung out a lot.

1184
01:16:46,713 --> 01:16:49,147
Just-Just you and Rick.

1185
01:16:49,216 --> 01:16:53,243
No. Me, Rick and, um--

1186
01:16:53,320 --> 01:16:55,515
God, what was his name ?

1187
01:16:55,589 --> 01:16:57,887
Um-- What was his name ?

1188
01:16:57,958 --> 01:17:00,426
- <i>What was his name ?</i>
- Cohee.

1189
01:17:00,494 --> 01:17:02,758
- Yes ! Cohee ! Cohee Lundin !
-<i>[ Pulse Continues ]</i>

1190
01:17:02,829 --> 01:17:05,059
God, I haven't thought
about that name in years.

1191
01:17:08,302 --> 01:17:11,794
Those guys used to come over to my house
almost every day after school.

1192
01:17:11,872 --> 01:17:16,002
They'd bug my sisters, look through
my dad's closet for porno tapes,

1193
01:17:16,076 --> 01:17:18,169
raid the fridge.

1194
01:17:18,245 --> 01:17:21,339
They really took advantage
of my parents' never being home.

1195
01:17:24,818 --> 01:17:26,752
This one day,

1196
01:17:26,820 --> 01:17:30,779
Rick pulled his dick out and started
chasing me around the house with it.

1197
01:17:30,857 --> 01:17:33,018
Right in front of Cohee, man.
I couldn't believe it.

1198
01:17:36,463 --> 01:17:39,432
Rick pulled his dick out ?
Really ?

1199
01:17:39,499 --> 01:17:42,059
- [ Laughing ]
- What did <i>you</i> do ?

1200
01:17:42,135 --> 01:17:44,763
[ Loudly ] I blew him
while Cohee fucked me !

1201
01:17:46,206 --> 01:17:49,767
<i>[ Pulse Stops,</i>
<i>Crowd Cheering ]</i>

1202
01:17:49,843 --> 01:17:52,971
- Excuse me ?
- That's what you wanted to hear.

1203
01:17:53,046 --> 01:17:58,074
That's what this little
cross-examination of your is all about ?

1204
01:17:58,151 --> 01:18:00,619
Well, next time try not to
make it so obvious, all right ?

1205
01:18:00,687 --> 01:18:05,090
There's subtler ways
of badgering a witness. Am I right ?

1206
01:18:05,158 --> 01:18:08,423
Geez, man. Even / knew
what you were gettin' at.

1207
01:18:08,495 --> 01:18:11,931
lf you wanted background information
on me, all you had to do was ask.

1208
01:18:11,999 --> 01:18:13,967
<i>I would have gladly</i>
<i>volunteered it.</i>

1209
01:18:14,034 --> 01:18:16,559
You didn't have to go playing
Hercule-fucking-Poirot.

1210
01:18:22,709 --> 01:18:24,643
Told ya these were
good seats.

1211
01:18:34,421 --> 01:18:37,322
Hey. Hey !

1212
01:18:39,359 --> 01:18:41,657
- Hey, would you wait a minute ?
- Get the fuck off me !

1213
01:18:41,728 --> 01:18:45,824
- So it's true, right ?
- ls that what you wanna hear ?

1214
01:18:45,899 --> 01:18:47,833
Yeah, Holden, it's true.

1215
01:18:47,901 --> 01:18:51,860
ln fact, everything you heard
or dug up on me is probably true.

1216
01:18:51,938 --> 01:18:54,338
Yeah, I took on
two guys at once !

1217
01:18:54,408 --> 01:18:57,866
[ Sobbing ] You wanna hear some gems
you might not have unearthed ?

1218
01:18:57,944 --> 01:19:01,004
I took a 26-year-old guy
to my senior prom...

1219
01:19:01,081 --> 01:19:05,484
and left to have sex with him
and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo.

1220
01:19:05,552 --> 01:19:10,615
<i>How about in college when</i> <i>I let Shannon</i>
<i>Hamilton videotape us having sex,</i>

1221
01:19:10,691 --> 01:19:15,321
only to flnd out he broadcast it
on the campus cable station.

1222
01:19:15,395 --> 01:19:20,355
<i>They</i>'<i>re all true. Didn</i>'<i>t you know?</i>
<i>I am the</i> queen <i>of suburban legend!</i>

1223
01:19:20,434 --> 01:19:22,664
Did you somehow fuckin' fail
to mention this to me ?

1224
01:19:22,736 --> 01:19:25,000
What the fuck's wrong with you ?
How could you do all those things ?

1225
01:19:25,072 --> 01:19:26,596
Easily !

1226
01:19:26,673 --> 01:19:31,542
Some I did out of stupidity, some
I did out of what I thought was love.

1227
01:19:31,611 --> 01:19:34,637
But good or bad,
they are <i>my</i> choices,

1228
01:19:34,715 --> 01:19:37,775
and I am <i>not</i> making
apologies for them now !

1229
01:19:37,851 --> 01:19:41,218
Not to you,
or not to anyone !

1230
01:19:41,288 --> 01:19:46,157
And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me
about it, in public, no less ?

1231
01:19:46,226 --> 01:19:49,787
Who the <i>fuck</i> do you think
you are, you judgmental prick ?

1232
01:19:49,863 --> 01:19:52,127
How the fuck am I supposed
to feel about all this ?

1233
01:19:52,199 --> 01:19:54,360
How are you supposed to
feel about it ?

1234
01:19:54,434 --> 01:19:58,268
Feel whatever the fuck you want
to about it, all right ?

1235
01:19:58,338 --> 01:20:02,672
The only thing that matters
is how you feel about <i>me.</i>

1236
01:20:04,578 --> 01:20:06,808
- I don't know how I feel about you now.
- Why ? Why ?

1237
01:20:06,880 --> 01:20:09,576
- Because I had some sex ?
-<i>Some</i> sex ?

1238
01:20:09,649 --> 01:20:14,177
Yes, Holden.
That's all it was, some sex.

1239
01:20:14,254 --> 01:20:16,586
Most of it
stupid high school sex.

1240
01:20:16,656 --> 01:20:19,124
Like you never had sex
in high school.

1241
01:20:19,192 --> 01:20:23,492
There is a world of fucking difference
between typical high school sex...

1242
01:20:23,563 --> 01:20:27,431
and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys
at the same time !

1243
01:20:27,501 --> 01:20:31,801
- They fuckin' used you.
- No ! I used them !

1244
01:20:31,872 --> 01:20:36,206
You don't think I would have let it
happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you ?

1245
01:20:36,276 --> 01:20:40,372
I was an experimental girl,
for Christ's sake !

1246
01:20:40,447 --> 01:20:44,747
Maybe you knew early on
that your track was from point A to B,

1247
01:20:44,818 --> 01:20:48,652
but, unlike you, I was not given
a fucking map at birth.

1248
01:20:48,722 --> 01:20:50,917
So I tried it all.

1249
01:20:50,991 --> 01:20:56,190
That is until <i>we</i>--
that's you and l-- got together.

1250
01:20:56,263 --> 01:20:59,255
And suddenly I was sated.

1251
01:20:59,332 --> 01:21:02,893
Can't you take
some fucking comfort in that ?

1252
01:21:02,969 --> 01:21:06,962
[ Sobbing ] You turned out to be
all I was looking for,

1253
01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:11,409
the missing piece
in the big fucking puzzle.

1254
01:21:11,478 --> 01:21:13,912
<i>[ Sobbing ]</i>

1255
01:21:16,016 --> 01:21:20,612
Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you
were the only guy I'd ever been with.

1256
01:21:20,687 --> 01:21:23,747
I should have been
more honest.

1257
01:21:23,824 --> 01:21:28,022
But it just didn't-- lt seemed
to make you feel special in a way...

1258
01:21:28,094 --> 01:21:33,999
that me telling you over and over how
incredible you are wouldn't get across.

1259
01:21:35,068 --> 01:21:38,094
Holden, I'm sorry.

1260
01:21:38,171 --> 01:21:40,162
Just don't do that.

1261
01:21:43,443 --> 01:21:48,471
Do you mean to tell me that,
while you have zero problem...

1262
01:21:48,548 --> 01:21:51,517
with me sleeping with
half the women in New York City,

1263
01:21:51,585 --> 01:21:55,043
you have some sort of half-assed,
mealy-mouthed objection...

1264
01:21:55,121 --> 01:21:58,818
to pubescent antics that took place
almost ten years ago ?

1265
01:21:58,892 --> 01:22:02,157
What the fuck
is your problem ?

1266
01:22:03,663 --> 01:22:06,223
I want us to be something
that we can't be.

1267
01:22:06,299 --> 01:22:08,233
And what's that ?

1268
01:22:08,301 --> 01:22:10,735
A normal couple.

1269
01:22:12,606 --> 01:22:16,565
.<i>So why don</i>'<i>t you give</i>
<i>your little voice a rest</i>

1270
01:22:16,643 --> 01:22:19,737
- [ Screaming ] Fuck !
- <i>Come on up inside my bed</i>

1271
01:22:19,813 --> 01:22:23,510
.<i>And just pretend you need me</i>

1272
01:22:25,252 --> 01:22:29,855
. <i>You don</i>'<i>t have to lie</i>
<i>about what you know</i>

1273
01:22:29,988 --> 01:22:35,585
.<i>Even though</i>
<i>I've been sufferin</i>'

1274
01:22:37,295 --> 01:22:41,254
.<i>And</i> <i>I don</i>'<i>t need to be</i>
<i>your only one</i>

1275
01:22:41,333 --> 01:22:44,325
.<i>I don</i>'<i>t need your comforting</i>

1276
01:22:44,402 --> 01:22:48,600
.<i>I just need you with me</i>

1277
01:22:50,108 --> 01:22:54,568
.<i>Stay, stay, stay with me</i>

1278
01:22:54,646 --> 01:22:59,106
.<i>Stay, stay with me</i>

1279
01:23:00,685 --> 01:23:02,585
.<i>Stay and don</i>'<i>t you ever</i>
<i>roll away from me</i>

1280
01:23:02,654 --> 01:23:04,121
The girl ?

1281
01:23:06,524 --> 01:23:08,458
.<i>Stay</i>

1282
01:23:08,526 --> 01:23:12,826
.<i>Stay with me</i>

1283
01:23:12,898 --> 01:23:14,866
. <i>Oh, and did she ever</i>

1284
01:23:21,673 --> 01:23:25,109
<i>Well, look at this</i>
<i>morose motherfucker right here.</i>

1285
01:23:28,246 --> 01:23:31,738
Smells like someone shit
in his cereal. Nooch.

1286
01:23:31,816 --> 01:23:34,216
What took you guys so long ?
What are you, at the mall again ?

1287
01:23:34,286 --> 01:23:38,746
Bitch, don't even start, all right ?
We stopped that shit years ago.

1288
01:23:38,823 --> 01:23:40,757
Toss the salad.

1289
01:23:40,825 --> 01:23:43,259
[ Groans ]

1290
01:23:46,698 --> 01:23:49,758
Damn, this likeness rights shit
is more profltable than sellin' smoke.

1291
01:23:51,369 --> 01:23:53,837
How did a dirt merchant like you
ever learn about likeness rights ?

1292
01:23:53,905 --> 01:23:57,397
We deal to a lot of lawyers.
You know what I'm sayin' ?

1293
01:23:57,475 --> 01:24:01,138
Speaking of which--
A little signin' bonus and shit ?

1294
01:24:01,212 --> 01:24:07,014
No, I'll pass.
Did you guys take a look at the issue ?

1295
01:24:07,085 --> 01:24:09,645
Yeah.

1296
01:24:09,721 --> 01:24:13,953
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1297
01:24:14,025 --> 01:24:16,152
You need to throw some pussy
in that book, man.

1298
01:24:16,227 --> 01:24:19,060
Like, throw some supervillain
with big fuckin' tits...

1299
01:24:19,130 --> 01:24:21,997
that shoot milk or somethin',
and I'll just, like, suck her dry...

1300
01:24:22,067 --> 01:24:24,695
and bust some moves
on her.

1301
01:24:28,640 --> 01:24:32,007
Then she has to fuck me.
I mean, fuck us.

1302
01:24:32,077 --> 01:24:34,637
l'll see what I can do.

1303
01:24:36,614 --> 01:24:40,550
- All right, boys. What'll it be ?
- <i>I'm all set, thanks.</i>

1304
01:24:40,618 --> 01:24:44,782
Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up
a toasted bagel with cream cheese.

1305
01:24:44,856 --> 01:24:49,919
You want one too ? Make that two,
and kiss my grits. Nooch.

1306
01:24:51,663 --> 01:24:55,326
Did you ever watch that show, <i>Alice</i> ?
That show was funny as hell, man.

1307
01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:59,894
<i>So why the long face, horse ?</i>
<i>Banky on the rag ?</i>

1308
01:24:59,971 --> 01:25:03,202
l'm just, uh-- I'm just havin'
a little girl trouble.

1309
01:25:03,274 --> 01:25:05,834
Bitch pressin' charges ?
I get that a lot.

1310
01:25:05,910 --> 01:25:09,539
No. I'm just, uh--

1311
01:25:10,982 --> 01:25:13,177
l'm just at a point where
I don't really know what to do.

1312
01:25:13,251 --> 01:25:16,982
Kick her to the fuckin' curb.
Girls get to be too much trouble.

1313
01:25:17,055 --> 01:25:20,218
There's always the band... of the hand.

1314
01:25:21,760 --> 01:25:24,593
Can't do it, G.
l'm in love.

1315
01:25:24,662 --> 01:25:28,723
Nah, there ain't no such thing. You
got to boil it down to the essentials.

1316
01:25:28,800 --> 01:25:33,567
lt's like Cube says:  Life ain't
nothin' but bitches and money

1317
01:25:35,240 --> 01:25:38,698
Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed.
Advice from the 'hood.

1318
01:25:38,777 --> 01:25:43,441
- So who is this girl ?
- Oh, I don't think you know her.

1319
01:25:44,682 --> 01:25:47,515
Come on, man.
l'm people who <i>know</i> people.

1320
01:25:47,585 --> 01:25:49,519
You sound
like Barbra Streisand.

1321
01:25:49,587 --> 01:25:52,351
Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch
playin' her greatest hits tape...

1322
01:25:52,424 --> 01:25:54,358
in my ear all the time.

1323
01:25:54,426 --> 01:25:58,658
You gotta see it. When she starts
singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers,"

1324
01:25:58,730 --> 01:26:01,858
this faggot starts cryin' like a little
girl with a skinned knee and shit.

1325
01:26:01,933 --> 01:26:05,801
Big fuckin' softie.
So what's the skirt's name ?

1326
01:26:05,870 --> 01:26:08,270
l'm tellin' ya, man.
You don't know the girl.

1327
01:26:08,339 --> 01:26:12,639
I ain't playin', man.
Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio.

1328
01:26:14,345 --> 01:26:16,279
Alyssa Jones.

1329
01:26:18,550 --> 01:26:21,451
Holy fuckin' shit.
Finger Cuffs ?

1330
01:26:21,519 --> 01:26:26,183
<i>You</i>'<i>re dating Finger Cuffs,</i>
<i>you silly son of a bitch ?</i>

1331
01:26:26,257 --> 01:26:28,452
Wait a second.
I thought she was all gay and shit.

1332
01:26:28,526 --> 01:26:31,427
She was, or she is.
I don't know.

1333
01:26:31,496 --> 01:26:34,590
And you're dating her.
Man, you're a lucky fuck.

1334
01:26:34,666 --> 01:26:36,600
She ever bring bitches to bed
with you ?

1335
01:26:36,668 --> 01:26:38,863
Get a little of that
Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on ?

1336
01:26:38,937 --> 01:26:41,462
Yeah, you know what
l'm talkin' about, baby. Right ?

1337
01:26:41,539 --> 01:26:45,407
What's up ? Yeah.
So four tits and what ?

1338
01:26:45,477 --> 01:26:49,174
- No, man. lt's not like that.
- What's it like, then ?

1339
01:26:49,247 --> 01:26:53,115
Right now ?
I don't know.

1340
01:26:53,184 --> 01:26:56,176
I love her, you know ?
But, uh, she has a past.

1341
01:26:56,254 --> 01:27:00,156
l'll say. Stuffln' two guys,
eatin' chicks out and shit.

1342
01:27:00,225 --> 01:27:02,523
You know, I heard
one time she had this dog--

1343
01:27:02,594 --> 01:27:05,791
Eat your fuckin' bagel already
and shut up.

1344
01:27:05,864 --> 01:27:09,800
Look at this touchy
motherfucker right here.

1345
01:27:09,868 --> 01:27:12,336
So if you're all in love and shit,
what's the problem ?

1346
01:27:12,403 --> 01:27:16,066
The problem is
stupid shit like that.

1347
01:27:16,141 --> 01:27:17,972
lt was bad enough when it was
just girls, you know ?

1348
01:27:18,042 --> 01:27:21,978
You throw guys into the mix--
two guys at once, no less--

1349
01:27:22,046 --> 01:27:25,140
All that experience, you know ?
What am I supposed to think ?

1350
01:27:25,216 --> 01:27:30,153
Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead,
'cause now she'll be all true and blue.

1351
01:27:30,221 --> 01:27:35,056
Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin'
for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass.

1352
01:27:35,126 --> 01:27:38,323
Settling for my boring ass.
That's comforting. Thanks,Jay.

1353
01:27:38,396 --> 01:27:43,390
- That's what I'm here for.
- I'm just havin' a problem with it.

1354
01:27:43,468 --> 01:27:47,666
lt's like I can't get these visuals out
of my head of her doing all this shit.

1355
01:27:47,739 --> 01:27:52,142
And I don't know why I can't let
it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl.

1356
01:27:52,210 --> 01:27:56,237
- I look at her, I see kids, grandkids--
- You're scarin' me.

1357
01:27:56,314 --> 01:27:58,942
Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself
'cause I think so much of this girl...

1358
01:27:59,017 --> 01:28:02,043
that I can't get stupid shit
like " Finger Cuffs" out of my head.

1359
01:28:03,688 --> 01:28:07,419
[ Sighs ] I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doin'.

1360
01:28:10,962 --> 01:28:12,896
Chasin' Amy.

1361
01:28:14,732 --> 01:28:17,895
What ?
What did you say ?

1362
01:28:17,969 --> 01:28:20,028
[ Spits ]

1363
01:28:20,104 --> 01:28:23,267
- You're chasing Amy.
- What do you look so shocked for, man ?

1364
01:28:23,341 --> 01:28:27,300
<i>Fat bastard does this all the time. He</i>
<i>thinks</i> '<i>cause he don</i>'<i>t say anything...</i>

1365
01:28:27,378 --> 01:28:30,040
it'll have some huge impact
when he does open his fuckin' mouth.

1366
01:28:30,114 --> 01:28:32,048
Jesus Christ,
why don't you shut up ?

1367
01:28:32,116 --> 01:28:36,553
Always yap-yap-yapping all the time.
Give me a fuckin' headache.

1368
01:28:36,621 --> 01:28:39,454
I went through somethin' like what
you're talkin' about a couple years ago.

1369
01:28:39,524 --> 01:28:41,822
- This chick named Amy.
- When ?

1370
01:28:43,228 --> 01:28:45,458
A couple of years ago.

1371
01:28:45,530 --> 01:28:47,725
What, she live in Canada or something ?
Why don't I remember this ?

1372
01:28:47,799 --> 01:28:49,767
Bitch, what you <i>don</i>'<i>t</i>
know about me...

1373
01:28:49,834 --> 01:28:51,768
I could just about squeeze
in the Grand-fucking-Canyon.

1374
01:28:51,836 --> 01:28:56,239
Did you know I always wanted to be
a dancer in Vegas ? Huh ?

1375
01:28:56,307 --> 01:29:00,038
Bet you didn't even know
that shit, did you ?

1376
01:29:00,111 --> 01:29:02,944
Just tell your fuckin' story so
we can get out of here and smoke this.

1377
01:29:04,716 --> 01:29:09,585
So there's me and Amy. And we're
inseparable.Just big-time in love.

1378
01:29:09,654 --> 01:29:12,589
Then four months down the road
the idiot gear kicks in,

1379
01:29:12,657 --> 01:29:16,115
and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which,
as we all know, is a really dumb move.

1380
01:29:16,194 --> 01:29:19,595
But you know how it is: You don't <i>want</i>
to know, but you just <i>have</i> to know.

1381
01:29:19,664 --> 01:29:21,598
Stupid guy bullshit.

1382
01:29:21,666 --> 01:29:24,157
So, anyway, she starts
tellin' me about him.

1383
01:29:24,235 --> 01:29:28,535
They fell in love, went out for
a couple of years, lived together.

1384
01:29:28,606 --> 01:29:32,508
Her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay.

1385
01:29:32,577 --> 01:29:35,603
<i>But then she drops the bomb on me,</i>
<i>and the bomb is this.</i>

1386
01:29:35,680 --> 01:29:38,979
lt seems that a couple of times,
while they were goin' out,

1387
01:29:39,050 --> 01:29:41,348
he brought some people
to bed with them.

1388
01:29:41,419 --> 01:29:43,785
Menage a trois,
I believe it's called.

1389
01:29:43,855 --> 01:29:47,347
Now this just blows my mind, right ?
l'm not used to this sort of thing.

1390
01:29:47,425 --> 01:29:51,794
-I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes.
-Saint Shithead.

1391
01:29:51,863 --> 01:29:53,797
Do somethin'.

1392
01:29:53,865 --> 01:29:57,130
So I'm totally weirded out by this,
right ? And I just start blastin' her.

1393
01:29:57,201 --> 01:29:59,965
I don't know how to deal with what I'm
feelin', so I flgure the best way is...

1394
01:30:00,038 --> 01:30:03,030
if call her "slut," right,
and tell her she was used.

1395
01:30:03,107 --> 01:30:06,167
l'm out for blood.
I really want to hurt this girl.

1396
01:30:06,244 --> 01:30:10,112
"What the fuck is your problem ?"
And she's just calmly trying to tell me,

1397
01:30:10,181 --> 01:30:14,117
"lt was that time, that place," and she
doesn't think she should apologize...

1398
01:30:14,185 --> 01:30:16,278
because she doesn't feel
that she's done anything wrong.

1399
01:30:16,354 --> 01:30:21,155
l'm like, "Oh, really ?" I look her in
the eye and tell her it's over. I walk.

1400
01:30:22,959 --> 01:30:25,052
Fuckin' A.

1401
01:30:25,128 --> 01:30:27,858
No, idiot.
lt was a mistake.

1402
01:30:27,931 --> 01:30:29,990
I wasn't disgusted with her,
I was afraid.

1403
01:30:30,066 --> 01:30:33,832
<i>You know, at that moment</i> <i>I felt small,</i>
<i>like</i> <i>I'd lacked experience,</i>

1404
01:30:33,903 --> 01:30:38,431
like I'd never be on her level, never be
enough for her or something like that.

1405
01:30:38,508 --> 01:30:41,944
But what I did not get,
she didn't care.

1406
01:30:42,011 --> 01:30:46,573
She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore,
she was lookin' for me, for the Bob.

1407
01:30:46,649 --> 01:30:51,848
But by the time I flgured this all
out, it's too late, man. She moved on.

1408
01:30:51,921 --> 01:30:55,755
<i>All</i> <i>I had to show for it was foolish</i>
<i>pride which then gave way to regret.</i>

1409
01:30:57,360 --> 01:31:01,694
She was the girl.
I know that now.

1410
01:31:01,764 --> 01:31:04,562
But...

1411
01:31:06,135 --> 01:31:08,660
I pushed her away.

1412
01:31:14,677 --> 01:31:18,977
So I've spent every day
since then chasing Amy.

1413
01:31:21,050 --> 01:31:23,018
So to speak.

1414
01:31:23,086 --> 01:31:27,853
Enough of this fuckin' melodrama.
My advice ? Forget her, dude.

1415
01:31:27,924 --> 01:31:32,327
There's one bitch in the world,
one bitch with many faces.

1416
01:31:32,395 --> 01:31:36,923
Get up, tons of fun.
We gotta book.

1417
01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:40,731
- <i>Catchin</i>'<i>a bus to Chi-town.</i>
- Why ? What's there ?

1418
01:31:40,803 --> 01:31:44,534
Business, yo. How many more of those
fat envelopes we get comin' to us ?

1419
01:31:44,607 --> 01:31:47,440
Uh, I don't know.

1420
01:31:47,510 --> 01:31:49,978
I don't know how much longer
the book's gonna be around.

1421
01:31:50,046 --> 01:31:53,140
Yeah, good.
l'll be glad as shit when it's gone.

1422
01:31:53,216 --> 01:31:57,380
There's a million people who'd love
to see themself in a comic book.

1423
01:31:57,453 --> 01:32:00,183
But that ain't like us at all,
all slapsticky and shit,

1424
01:32:00,256 --> 01:32:01,917
runnin' around like
a couple of dickheads.

1425
01:32:01,991 --> 01:32:04,892
Sayin'-- What's that shit
he got us sayin' ?

1426
01:32:04,961 --> 01:32:08,294
Oh, um...
"snootchie-bootchies."

1427
01:32:08,364 --> 01:32:13,768
"Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck
talks like that ? That is baby talk.

1428
01:32:15,505 --> 01:32:18,702
lt's a big world, G.
We're bound to run into you again.

1429
01:32:18,775 --> 01:32:22,643
- Till then, keep your unit on ya.
- I'll try.

1430
01:32:22,712 --> 01:32:26,170
No, no, no, no, no.
Do or do not. There is no try--

1431
01:32:26,249 --> 01:32:30,549
Knock that shit off!
We got a bus to catch.

1432
01:32:30,620 --> 01:32:34,579
Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin' gay story for ?

1433
01:32:34,657 --> 01:32:36,557
- <i>Man, shut up.</i>
- You shut up, you fat fuck.

1434
01:33:25,842 --> 01:33:27,810
Okay.

1435
01:33:27,877 --> 01:33:32,439
You guys are probably wondering
why I asked you here at the same time...

1436
01:33:32,515 --> 01:33:36,246
knowing that we have shit
to settle between us separately.

1437
01:33:36,319 --> 01:33:39,584
I just flgured you wanted
to kill two birds with one stone.

1438
01:33:39,655 --> 01:33:42,488
You know, by telling her
to fuck off with me here...

1439
01:33:42,558 --> 01:33:45,026
so you wouldn't have to
go through the story again later on.

1440
01:33:45,094 --> 01:33:48,495
- Fuck you.
- Not even if you let me videotape it.

1441
01:33:48,564 --> 01:33:51,556
Okay, enough.
All right ?

1442
01:33:52,969 --> 01:33:55,995
Enough.
[ Sighs ]

1443
01:33:56,072 --> 01:34:00,031
Now, I've been going over and
over and over this whole thing,

1444
01:34:00,109 --> 01:34:02,737
and I've dissected it
a thousand different ways.

1445
01:34:02,812 --> 01:34:06,509
Banky, there's tension between you and l
for the flrst time in our lives.

1446
01:34:06,582 --> 01:34:11,349
You hate me dating Alyssa and you want
me to sign off on this cartoon thing.

1447
01:34:11,421 --> 01:34:13,582
How perceptive.

1448
01:34:13,656 --> 01:34:17,888
Alyssa,

1449
01:34:17,960 --> 01:34:20,019
you and I have hit a wall...

1450
01:34:20,096 --> 01:34:24,556
'cause I don't know how to deal
with your, uh, your past, I guess.

1451
01:34:24,634 --> 01:34:26,568
That's a nice way
of putting it.

1452
01:34:26,636 --> 01:34:28,627
l'd have said
"the whole double stuff' thing.

1453
01:34:35,211 --> 01:34:38,806
l'm only gonna
tell you this once: Shut up.

1454
01:34:41,217 --> 01:34:43,151
<i>Now,</i>
<i>[ Sighs ]</i>

1455
01:34:43,219 --> 01:34:47,280
I know I'm to blame one way
or another on both accounts.

1456
01:34:47,356 --> 01:34:51,315
Alyssa, with you
because... I feel inadequate,

1457
01:34:51,394 --> 01:34:54,625
<i>because you</i>'<i>ve had such a big life</i>
<i>and so much experience,</i>

1458
01:34:54,697 --> 01:34:57,427
and my life's been
pretty small in comparison.

1459
01:34:57,500 --> 01:35:00,697
- That doesn't matter to me.
- Please.

1460
01:35:00,770 --> 01:35:04,069
I have to get
through this, okay ?

1461
01:35:04,140 --> 01:35:08,907
Banky, I know why you're having such
a hard time with me and Alyssa.

1462
01:35:08,978 --> 01:35:11,913
/<i>t</i>'<i>s something that</i>'<i>s been</i>
<i>obvious forever and</i> <i>I guess</i>--

1463
01:35:11,981 --> 01:35:15,144
I guess I just didn't
acknowledge it.

1464
01:35:16,719 --> 01:35:18,653
You're in love with me.

1465
01:35:20,923 --> 01:35:22,857
What ?

1466
01:35:22,925 --> 01:35:27,726
You're attracted to me.Just as, in
a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you.

1467
01:35:27,797 --> 01:35:30,493
lt makes sense. We've been together
so long, we have so much in common.

1468
01:35:30,566 --> 01:35:33,501
Well, I gotta get goin'.

1469
01:35:33,569 --> 01:35:36,129
I gotta catch the last few minutes
of <i>Little House.</i>

1470
01:35:44,714 --> 01:35:47,376
lt's somethin' you're
gonna have to deal with, Bank.

1471
01:35:48,851 --> 01:35:51,081
And that would explain
your jealousy of Alyssa,

1472
01:35:51,154 --> 01:35:53,816
your homophobia,
your sense of humor--

1473
01:35:53,890 --> 01:35:56,654
Jesus,just 'cause a guy's
got a predilection toward dick jokes--

1474
01:35:56,726 --> 01:35:59,422
Bank. Stop.

1475
01:35:59,495 --> 01:36:02,521
Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.

1476
01:36:04,901 --> 01:36:07,131
<i>[ Holden ]</i>
<i>Okay.</i>

1477
01:36:12,175 --> 01:36:16,077
Now, you guys are probably
asking yourselves the same question...

1478
01:36:16,145 --> 01:36:20,104
that I've been going over and over
in my head the past few weeks:

1479
01:36:20,183 --> 01:36:22,117
What does one have
to do with the other ?

1480
01:36:22,185 --> 01:36:23,413
Don't.

1481
01:36:23,486 --> 01:36:27,047
And when I did some
serious soul-searching,

1482
01:36:27,123 --> 01:36:29,387
it came to me
from outta nowhere.

1483
01:36:29,458 --> 01:36:34,555
And it all made sense.
And a calm came over me.

1484
01:36:34,630 --> 01:36:37,690
I know what we have to do.

1485
01:36:37,767 --> 01:36:42,033
And then you, Banky,
you, Alyssa, and l--

1486
01:36:42,104 --> 01:36:47,041
all of us--
can flnally be... all right.

1487
01:36:47,109 --> 01:36:49,339
Please don't say it.

1488
01:36:51,948 --> 01:36:54,883
We've all gotta
have sex together.

1489
01:37:04,193 --> 01:37:06,127
I mean, look,
don't you see ?

1490
01:37:06,195 --> 01:37:09,926
That would take care
of everything.

1491
01:37:09,999 --> 01:37:13,025
Alyssa, with you, I won't feel
too inadequate or conservative anymore,

1492
01:37:13,102 --> 01:37:16,299
because I'll have done something
on a par with all your experience.

1493
01:37:16,372 --> 01:37:21,071
And it will be with you, which will
make it that much more powerful.

1494
01:37:21,143 --> 01:37:23,077
Banky, you can take that leap...

1495
01:37:23,145 --> 01:37:25,477
that everyone else but you
sees you should take.

1496
01:37:25,548 --> 01:37:28,915
And it'll be with me,
your best friend for years.

1497
01:37:28,985 --> 01:37:30,953
We've been everything to each other
but intimates,

1498
01:37:31,020 --> 01:37:33,614
and now we'll have been
through that together too.

1499
01:37:33,689 --> 01:37:36,453
And it won't be a total leap for you
because a woman will be involved.

1500
01:37:36,525 --> 01:37:40,621
And when it's over, all that hostility
you feel toward Alyssa will be gone...

1501
01:37:40,696 --> 01:37:43,494
because you'll have shared in something
beautiful with the woman I love.

1502
01:37:43,566 --> 01:37:46,296
/<i>t</i>'<i>ll be cathartic.</i>

1503
01:37:46,369 --> 01:37:49,270
This will keep us together.

1504
01:37:52,742 --> 01:37:54,676
[ Exhales ]

1505
01:37:58,914 --> 01:38:01,348
What do ya say ?

1506
01:38:07,288 --> 01:38:09,222
[ Exhales ]

1507
01:38:15,863 --> 01:38:17,797
Sure.

1508
01:38:33,681 --> 01:38:36,650
You know I need this.

1509
01:38:36,717 --> 01:38:39,311
You know it'll help.

1510
01:38:39,387 --> 01:38:41,719
No.

1511
01:38:41,789 --> 01:38:43,950
[ Sighs ]
Thank Christ.

1512
01:38:46,560 --> 01:38:48,858
Sorry.

1513
01:38:54,769 --> 01:38:58,728
No ? I thought
you'd be into this.

1514
01:38:58,806 --> 01:39:03,209
You did ?
What does that say about me ?

1515
01:39:03,277 --> 01:39:06,371
Sweetheart, you've done stuff
like this before.

1516
01:39:06,447 --> 01:39:08,381
This should be
no big deal for you.

1517
01:39:08,449 --> 01:39:12,818
You don't want this.
You really don't want this.

1518
01:39:12,887 --> 01:39:18,587
No, I <i>do</i> want this. This has
to happen. Can't you see that ?

1519
01:39:18,659 --> 01:39:23,255
I mean, how can you not ? No ?
What does that say about <i>me</i> ?

1520
01:39:23,331 --> 01:39:25,663
You can take it from two guys
whose names you can hardly remember,

1521
01:39:25,733 --> 01:39:29,931
but I ask you to share an experience
about intimacy, and you say no ?

1522
01:39:30,004 --> 01:39:34,498
- I can't.
- Baby, yes, you can.

1523
01:39:34,575 --> 01:39:38,807
l'll be there. And when it's over we'll
be the strongest we've ever been...

1524
01:39:38,879 --> 01:39:40,813
'cause we'll have been
through this together.

1525
01:39:40,881 --> 01:39:44,874
Then we'll be on the same level and
there'll be nothing we can't accomplish.

1526
01:39:44,952 --> 01:39:48,080
[ Crying ]
Oh, Holden.

1527
01:39:50,424 --> 01:39:52,585
That time is over for me.

1528
01:39:52,660 --> 01:39:54,594
l've been there
and I've done it...

1529
01:39:54,662 --> 01:39:58,564
and I didn't flnd
what I was looking for in any of it.

1530
01:39:58,632 --> 01:40:02,568
I found that it you.
ln us.

1531
01:40:02,636 --> 01:40:06,299
Doing this won't help you forget
about the things you're hung up on.

1532
01:40:06,374 --> 01:40:10,777
- lt'll create more.
- No. I've thought about all that.

1533
01:40:10,845 --> 01:40:13,814
Yes, it will !

1534
01:40:16,650 --> 01:40:20,848
[ Sobs ] Maybe you'll see me
differently from then on.

1535
01:40:20,921 --> 01:40:26,120
Maybe you'll despise me for going along
with it once you're in the moment.

1536
01:40:26,193 --> 01:40:28,127
Maybe I'll moan differently,

1537
01:40:28,195 --> 01:40:32,097
and then you'll resent Banky
and become suspicious of us.

1538
01:40:32,166 --> 01:40:35,158
Or you'll alienate him
because of it.

1539
01:40:35,236 --> 01:40:40,902
You'll grow to blame and hate me for
the deterioration of your friendship.

1540
01:40:40,975 --> 01:40:44,206
Or what if-- and God,
I sincerely doubt it--

1541
01:40:44,278 --> 01:40:48,442
but what if I saw something
in Banky that I've never seen before,

1542
01:40:48,516 --> 01:40:52,646
<i>you know, and</i> <i>I fell in love</i>
<i>with him and left you ?</i>

1543
01:40:53,721 --> 01:40:57,851
l've been down roads
like this before.

1544
01:40:57,925 --> 01:40:59,859
Many times.

1545
01:41:02,897 --> 01:41:07,459
I know you feel doing this
will broaden your horizons...

1546
01:41:07,535 --> 01:41:10,834
and give you experience.

1547
01:41:10,905 --> 01:41:15,740
But I've had
those experiences, on my own.

1548
01:41:15,810 --> 01:41:19,371
And I can't accompany you
on yours.

1549
01:41:19,447 --> 01:41:22,007
l'm past that now.

1550
01:41:25,186 --> 01:41:27,620
[ Sighing ]

1551
01:41:27,688 --> 01:41:31,215
Or maybe I just love you
too much.

1552
01:41:31,292 --> 01:41:36,753
And I feel hurt and let down that you
would want to share me with anyone.

1553
01:41:37,865 --> 01:41:41,232
Because I would never
want to share you.

1554
01:41:47,174 --> 01:41:49,142
[ Sniffing ]

1555
01:41:53,347 --> 01:41:56,111
Regardless,

1556
01:41:56,183 --> 01:41:59,016
I can't be
a part of this.

1557
01:41:59,086 --> 01:42:03,580
Or you.
Not anymore.

1558
01:42:05,726 --> 01:42:09,822
[ Sighs ]
I love you.

1559
01:42:09,897 --> 01:42:12,365
I always will.

1560
01:42:12,433 --> 01:42:15,368
Know that.

1561
01:42:21,909 --> 01:42:25,072
But I'm not
your fucking whore.

1562
01:42:30,117 --> 01:42:32,051
He's yours again.

1563
01:42:35,589 --> 01:42:37,955
<i>[ Footsteps Retreating ]</i>

1564
01:43:11,292 --> 01:43:13,226
[ Sighs ]

1565
01:43:18,866 --> 01:43:21,892
<i>[ Woman</i>'<i>s Voice Over P.A.,</i>
<i>Crowd Chattering ]</i>

1566
01:43:30,678 --> 01:43:32,612
A blast from the past.

1567
01:43:32,680 --> 01:43:35,444
Do you know how much it's
going for these days ? $1 1 0.

1568
01:43:35,516 --> 01:43:37,507
You sign it, it'll
push that up even higher.

1569
01:43:37,585 --> 01:43:40,315
You sell it
I want a kickback.

1570
01:43:40,387 --> 01:43:41,820
I don't know if it's true,

1571
01:43:41,889 --> 01:43:44,016
but I heard once there was
going to be an animated series ?

1572
01:43:44,091 --> 01:43:46,355
- There was going to be.
- <i>What happened?</i>

1573
01:43:46,427 --> 01:43:49,453
You're lookin' at it.
No Chronic, no cartoon.

1574
01:43:49,530 --> 01:43:52,863
- That would have been awesome !
- Tell me about it.

1575
01:43:52,933 --> 01:43:55,697
So is that what happened
with you and Holden McNeil ?

1576
01:43:55,769 --> 01:43:58,294
You got into a flght over
the rights or something ?

1577
01:43:58,372 --> 01:44:01,671
- lt was more complicated than that.
- Whatever happened to that guy ?

1578
01:44:01,742 --> 01:44:04,540
I don't know.
Quit the biz, I guess.

1579
01:44:04,612 --> 01:44:06,603
So, you guys don't
talk anymore ?

1580
01:44:06,680 --> 01:44:10,639
No. Not really.

1581
01:44:10,718 --> 01:44:15,052
<i>Yeah. That happened to me once.</i>
<i>Me and this guy started a comic club.</i>

1582
01:44:15,122 --> 01:44:20,150
<i>And we got into a flght over who looked</i>
<i>better in bare legs, Electra or Robin.</i>

1583
01:44:20,227 --> 01:44:25,961
<i>Anyway,</i> <i>I disbanded the club and struck</i>
<i>out on my own, kinda like Nomad.</i>

1584
01:44:26,033 --> 01:44:29,696
<i>I'm rambling on now.</i>
<i>What</i> <i>I meant to say is...</i>

1585
01:44:29,770 --> 01:44:32,466
that you probably shouldn't
have killed off Chronic.

1586
01:44:32,539 --> 01:44:36,942
Guess not. Some doors just
shouldn't be opened.

1587
01:44:37,011 --> 01:44:39,707
<i>Oh, like the door to death</i>
<i>in</i> Baby Dave's Winter Special,

1588
01:44:39,780 --> 01:44:41,714
<i>which you did on your own.</i>

1589
01:44:41,782 --> 01:44:46,014
<i>See ? You don</i>'<i>t need that McNeil guy,</i>
<i>anyway. You do great work on your own.</i>

1590
01:44:46,086 --> 01:44:50,182
<i>Look at your line work. Look at all the</i>
<i>detail in this douche bag on page 1 8.</i>

1591
01:44:50,257 --> 01:44:52,020
Look at how you draw a fart.

1592
01:44:52,092 --> 01:44:55,425
<i>And tell me you</i>'<i>re not better off</i>
<i>without Holden McNeil.</i>

1593
01:44:55,496 --> 01:44:58,090
<i>I mean,you were just carrying</i>
<i>that guy like a brown-bag lunch,</i>

1594
01:44:58,165 --> 01:45:00,099
<i>you know what</i> <i>I'm saying ?</i>

1595
01:45:00,167 --> 01:45:03,933
- You're so right.
- <i>Yeah, well, the true fans always are.</i>

1596
01:45:04,004 --> 01:45:08,998
<i>Well, keep up the good work, man.</i>
<i>Love those dick jokes. Love</i> '<i>em.</i>

1597
01:45:11,345 --> 01:45:13,279
<i>See ya.</i>

1598
01:45:15,783 --> 01:45:17,717
Yeah.

1599
01:45:20,020 --> 01:45:21,954
Bye.

1600
01:45:33,701 --> 01:45:35,896
Okay. Who's next ?

1601
01:45:37,671 --> 01:45:39,605
<i>Hi.</i>

1602
01:45:45,813 --> 01:45:48,714
Thanks for readin' it.

1603
01:45:48,782 --> 01:45:51,774
I can't believe this place.
These people are so weird.

1604
01:45:51,852 --> 01:45:53,786
You wanted to come.

1605
01:45:53,854 --> 01:45:56,186
God, I can't believe you call
these people contemporaries.

1606
01:45:56,256 --> 01:45:58,816
Look at this guy over here
with the pointy ears ? What's that ?

1607
01:45:58,892 --> 01:46:00,826
- He's a Vulcan.
- A what ?

1608
01:46:00,894 --> 01:46:03,260
- A Vulcan.Jesus, potzer.
- [ Laughs ]

1609
01:46:03,330 --> 01:46:05,821
Why don't you take a walk
and get us something to drink ?

1610
01:46:05,899 --> 01:46:07,332
Okay, I will.

1611
01:46:26,218 --> 01:46:28,243
Um, this isn't
one of mine.

1612
01:46:28,320 --> 01:46:30,254
/<i>t</i>'<i>s mine.</i>

1613
01:46:31,891 --> 01:46:34,086
I saved you a copy.

1614
01:46:37,363 --> 01:46:39,297
Hi.

1615
01:46:39,365 --> 01:46:41,299
Hi.

1616
01:46:41,367 --> 01:46:43,699
How've you been ?

1617
01:46:43,769 --> 01:46:48,206
Uh, good. Really good.
Yourself?

1618
01:46:48,274 --> 01:46:50,208
Good.

1619
01:46:56,916 --> 01:47:00,511
The new issue's selling
like crazy, for some reason.

1620
01:47:00,586 --> 01:47:04,317
Yeah, well, it's because it's
really good. I liked it a lot.

1621
01:47:04,390 --> 01:47:06,324
Thank you.

1622
01:47:08,928 --> 01:47:11,624
I haven't even seen this yet.
Did it just come out ?

1623
01:47:11,697 --> 01:47:15,224
Uh, oh, about a month ago.
I did a really small run.

1624
01:47:15,301 --> 01:47:17,394
Self-flnanced,
only about 500 issues.

1625
01:47:17,470 --> 01:47:20,132
Will I enjoy it ?

1626
01:47:21,340 --> 01:47:23,831
You might.
lt's familiar subject matter.

1627
01:47:41,360 --> 01:47:45,160
Looks like
a very personal story.

1628
01:47:48,300 --> 01:47:52,396
[ Sighs ] I flnally had
something personal to say.

1629
01:47:57,409 --> 01:48:00,936
Well, I'm gonna go.
I don't wanna hold up your line here.

1630
01:48:01,013 --> 01:48:03,573
Yeah.

1631
01:48:03,649 --> 01:48:07,585
I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw
this nun call a small child a cunt-rag.

1632
01:48:07,653 --> 01:48:09,587
[ Chuckles ]

1633
01:48:16,028 --> 01:48:18,428
You know, read that,
if you have a minute.

1634
01:48:18,497 --> 01:48:20,965
I will.

1635
01:48:24,703 --> 01:48:29,606
lf you get the chance, call me. I'd like
to hear your thoughts, or... whatever.

1636
01:48:29,675 --> 01:48:32,439
Okay.

1637
01:48:34,013 --> 01:48:35,947
Okay.

1638
01:48:38,284 --> 01:48:40,411
lt was really nice
seeing you again.

1639
01:48:40,486 --> 01:48:43,717
lt was really nice
to see you too.

1640
01:48:57,236 --> 01:49:00,535
- Who was that ?
- Huh ?

1641
01:49:00,606 --> 01:49:02,471
<i>Who was that ?</i>

1642
01:49:12,384 --> 01:49:16,480
Oh,just some guy I knew.

1643
01:49:29,802 --> 01:49:33,602
Next. So, what do you want
to do tonight ?

1644
01:49:34,907 --> 01:49:40,402
.<i>I was tappin</i>'<i>my foot</i>
<i>on a Friday night</i>

1645
01:49:40,479 --> 01:49:45,439
. <i>To my favorite band</i>
<i>I was pushed aside</i>

1646
01:49:45,517 --> 01:49:50,454
.<i>I said hey, don</i>'<i>t push me</i>
<i>No, no, no one pushes me</i>

1647
01:49:50,522 --> 01:49:55,459
. <i>When</i> <i>I was face to face</i>
<i>with a woman</i> <i>I admired</i>

1648
01:49:55,527 --> 01:49:57,996
.<i>And she gave me this look</i>

1649
01:49:58,129 --> 01:50:00,461
<i>I could not believe</i>

1650
01:50:00,531 --> 01:50:05,662
.<i>And the cold stare remained</i>
<i>I wanted to leave</i>

1651
01:50:08,072 --> 01:50:13,339
. <i>Yeah,</i> <i>I do believe anger</i>
<i>is offset by sorrow</i>

1652
01:50:13,411 --> 01:50:18,212
.<i>But you destroy today</i>
<i>you might regret tomorrow</i>

1653
01:50:18,282 --> 01:50:20,910
. <i>When you</i>'<i>re young</i>
<i>and defensive</i>

1654
01:50:20,985 --> 01:50:23,317
./<i>t comes off offensive</i>

1655
01:50:23,388 --> 01:50:28,291
.<i>And it</i>'<i>s hard to repay the</i>
<i>tolerance that you borrowed</i>

1656
01:50:28,359 --> 01:50:33,524
. <i>The lasting relationship</i>
<i>sinks right off the pier</i>

1657
01:50:33,598 --> 01:50:38,194
. <i>Who wears the pants</i>
/<i>t</i>'<i>s faded but clear</i>

1658
01:50:40,705 --> 01:50:45,142
.<i>She</i>'<i>s your girlfriend</i>
<i>and she ain</i>'<i>t too fond of me</i>

1659
01:50:45,209 --> 01:50:50,909
.<i>I guess if that</i>'<i>s the way</i>
<i>it was meant to be</i>

1660
01:50:50,982 --> 01:50:55,885
. <i>There we were</i>
<i>just we three</i>

1661
01:50:55,953 --> 01:50:59,616
. <i>You,your girlfriend and me</i>

1662
01:51:22,713 --> 01:51:27,650
.<i>I've known you forever</i>
<i>You two just met</i>

1663
01:51:27,718 --> 01:51:32,280
.<i>So easily amused</i>
<i>how fast we forget</i>

1664
01:51:32,356 --> 01:51:37,487
.<i>Ain</i>'<i>t my jealousy</i>
<i>my self-righteous greed</i>

1665
01:51:37,562 --> 01:51:42,329
.<i>She</i>'<i>s a bit like a book</i>
<i>I'm too farsighted to read</i>

1666
01:51:42,400 --> 01:51:47,394
.<i>And</i> <i>I wish you the best</i>
<i>but sometimes feel the need</i>

1667
01:51:47,472 --> 01:51:51,670
. <i>To say</i>
<i>Remember me</i>

1668
01:51:54,178 --> 01:51:59,582
. <i>Yeah, she</i>'<i>s your girlfriend</i>
<i>as far as we can see</i>

1669
01:51:59,650 --> 01:52:04,553
.<i>Does she look at you</i>
<i>the way she looks at me</i>

1670
01:52:04,622 --> 01:52:09,719
.<i>And here we are</i>
<i>just we three</i>

1671
01:52:09,794 --> 01:52:14,288
. <i>You,your girlfriend and me</i>

1672
01:52:16,601 --> 01:52:21,436
.<i>She</i>'<i>s your girlfriend</i>
<i>it</i>'<i>s gettin</i>'<i>harder to see</i>

1673
01:52:21,506 --> 01:52:26,307
.<i>Betterjust take her home</i>
<i>Betterjust let her be</i>

1674
01:52:26,377 --> 01:52:31,576
. <i>When she walks out that door</i>
<i>you come looking for me</i>

1675
01:52:45,696 --> 01:52:48,221
<i>[Jay ] Man, what do you always have</i>
<i>to tell that fuckin</i>'<i>gay story for?</i>

1676
01:52:48,299 --> 01:52:50,893
-<i>[ Silent Bob ] Man, shut up.</i>
- <i>You shut up,you fat fuck.</i>