1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Edited at https://subtitletools.com 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:10,240 With strong language and scenes of a sexual nature. 3 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,240 I love you. 4 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,960 I felt nothing. 5 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,520 Me and Sketch were wondering if we could... 6 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,440 It won't take long. 7 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:23,560 It never takes long. 8 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:24,800 Sshh. 9 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,760 I'm going to surprise him. 10 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,280 She misses you, right? 11 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,760 'I think I dumped Cassie. 12 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:34,760 'She's...with some guy.' 13 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:36,960 Hi. 14 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,760 Hi. 15 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,440 Michelle had the funny tits and was like so boring. 16 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,920 I told you I loved you, didn't I? 17 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,480 Do you actually remember or is that a guess? 18 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:49,480 Do you remember what it was like to kiss him for the first time? 19 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:54,560 That magic moment when everything changed? 20 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,280 21 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,640 MOBILE BEEPS 22 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:02,560 23 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,960 Don't lose it 24 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,240 25 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:13,240 26 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:17,240 27 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,440 Hello, Anthea. 28 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:25,520 Is Tony here? 29 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,280 He is. 30 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,240 So...could I talk to him? 31 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,360 Haven't seen you for a while, Michelle. 32 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,080 You must have been very busy, yeah? 33 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,400 You must have been very busy, yeah? I... Anthea... 34 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,800 I'm sorry. It's been difficult. 35 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,800 Yeah, it has. It's been very, very difficult. 36 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,800 And he's starting to get better 37 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,040 and I don't want anyone screwing that up, 38 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,640 because they can't make their mind up, OK? 39 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,120 Mum? > 40 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:59,120 It's rude to keep people waiting on the doorstep. 41 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,600 How are you feeling? 42 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,160 Good. 43 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,680 I start doing whole days at college next week. 44 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,440 I can hold a pen for three pages now 45 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,000 and I can remember the words to a whole song. 46 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,480 and I can remember the words to a whole song. Go on then. 47 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,360 OK. Let me get this. OK. 48 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,360 Horny, horny, horny 49 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,760 Horny, horny, horny 50 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,760 I'm horny, horny, horny tonight. 51 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,760 That's just the chorus. 52 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:49,760 It's a start. 53 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:56,240 How much do you actually remember about us, Tony? 54 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,200 I remember. 55 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,800 So tell me something. 56 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,480 Sid loves you. 57 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,720 No. Sid loves Cassie, Tony. 58 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,560 He loves you. 59 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,560 That isn't about you and me. 60 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:17,680 I don't like to think about us. > 61 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,280 Why not? 62 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:24,280 They told me some things might never come back. 63 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,480 You used to say one tit was bigger than the other. 64 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,320 They're fine. 65 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,360 Tony. 66 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,360 What are we going to do? 67 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,520 You can do this, OK? 68 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,520 OK. 69 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:23,480 You want it. 70 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,480 You want it. Yeah. 71 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,440 Oh my God! 72 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:53,720 This is ridiculous! 73 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,720 I'm sorry. 74 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,360 SHE SNIFFS 75 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,320 Why can't you get better for me? 76 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:15,320 We had so much and it's all fucked up for ever. 77 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:22,200 It's just the way it is, Nips. 78 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,960 You bastard! What the fuck were you doing in the road! You idiot! 79 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,080 You fucking idiot! 80 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,360 DOOR OPENS 81 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,920 Don't you think? 82 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,640 Don't you think? I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it to happen. 83 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,480 No, but it did, didn't it? 84 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,640 I'll wait for you downstairs. 85 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,400 I don't think I can wait any more, Tony. 86 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,400 I got you a present. 87 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,920 It's a birthday present. 88 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,920 For the good times. 89 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,720 I'm going camping for my birthday. 90 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,520 OK, well, I don't want to come, so... 91 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:34,520 take it. 92 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,200 Those boxes over there. And this lot over there in the kitchen. 93 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,520 Michelle! Come on. 94 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,560 Yeah. Why aren't you bringing furniture? 95 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:32,640 It's so weird. 96 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,040 We discussed this. 97 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,960 New start. Clean sheet. 98 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,760 You've known him for two months. 99 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,200 You didn't have to get married for Christ sakes - again! 100 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,760 Well, fuck it. I did marry him, Reader. And here we are. 101 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,840 Come on. You'll love it. 102 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:50,840 Careful with that, it's fragile! 103 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,800 Fuckin' bi... 104 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,360 Where is everything? 105 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,960 It's minimal. Functional. 106 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:58,760 Modern. 107 00:08:58,760 --> 00:08:59,240 Modern. Yes. 108 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,440 Modern. Yes. Bit wanky. 109 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:04,440 Yes... No! Christ! You don't have to be negative just for the sake of it. 110 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,880 It's totally state of the art. 111 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,400 Check this out. 112 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:14,400 Blinds up. 113 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,600 Lights on. 114 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,720 Music on. 115 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,680 AMBIENT MUSIC 116 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:31,680 Marvellous. We'll never have to use our hands again. 117 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,680 It's empty. 118 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,680 Ted hates mess. 119 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:47,760 No shit. 120 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:48,520 Chelle! 121 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,040 Well, this is exactly the kind of place you hate. 122 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,680 Totally up itself. Over designed, self conscious, anal... 123 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,120 Who designed this bollocks for him, anyway? 124 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,520 Some kind of knobby interior designer... 125 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,160 It was you, wasn't it? 126 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,320 You can be so judgmental. 127 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,040 Oh, my God. 128 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:10,040 It's a shag pad. You designed him a shag pad and shagged him in it. 129 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,600 It wasn't like that. Well, it was a bit like that. 130 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,360 Must have been the way he went through my swatches. 131 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,800 Ugh! 132 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,600 Look, love. 133 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,800 He's the one. 134 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,120 We've got a future and I'm gonna go for it. 135 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,800 Just wish your future started after I'd left home. 136 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,680 A few subtle changes here and there, 137 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,800 a touch of colour, and we'll be fine. 138 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,800 Door open. 139 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,440 Second bedroom, yeah? 140 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:42,440 Yeah. This one's mine. 141 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,440 Buggerin' hell! 142 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,880 This one's actually a lemon squeezer. 143 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,440 Thank Christ for that. 144 00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:00,440 Fuck me senseless. 145 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,640 DIALS NUMBER 146 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:32,720 Hi. 147 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,520 Hey. What's it like? 148 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,600 A fucking nightmare, of course! 149 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,480 All there is, is sheep, sheep shit and my mum. 150 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,840 I'm not having such a hot time myself. 151 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,160 Can't you come down and help? 152 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,240 I don't know how to get out of here. 153 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,680 It's fucking miles. What are you doing? 154 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,960 Babysitting. 155 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,240 We're still going camping for my birthday? 156 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,680 I'm not sure you wanna share a tent with these guys. 157 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:59,680 Anyway, stay cool, yeah? 158 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,280 Right. Where were we? 159 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,880 Michelle's annoyed with you. 160 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,640 Yeah, my willy's gone wonky and I'm a little bit mad. 161 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,360 OK. Anwar's acting weird... 162 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,560 Totally, man. 163 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,920 If I didn't know better I would say he was fucking someone secretly. 164 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,080 No way. 165 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,520 It's not possible. 166 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,560 OK. 167 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,600 And you went to Scotland to see Cassie and she wasn't there 168 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,600 and you think she's off shagging some Scottish guy named Lachlan. 169 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:29,800 And my dad's dead. 170 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,040 Bummer. 171 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,320 Sorry about that. 172 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,320 Chris - got anything to offer? 173 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,720 Bubbles. 174 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,320 They go up and up and up. 175 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:48,320 And then...they disappear. 176 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:53,160 Poof! 177 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:57,160 Chelle! > 178 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,920 Chelle! > 179 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,520 I need help with lunch! > 180 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,840 Chelle! 181 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,840 CHELLE! > 182 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,000 Blinds up. 183 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:35,000 Blinds up! 184 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,000 Music? 185 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,560 JAZZ PIANO MUSIC 186 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,640 Music, better? 187 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,920 ROCK MUSIC 188 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,920 OK... 189 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,920 Blinds, go fuck yourselves! 190 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,080 Aargh! 191 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,520 Oh, hi, Michelle! Everything OK? 192 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,880 Fuck! 193 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,880 Blinds! Blinds...close! 194 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,960 Blinds down! Close! Blinds! 195 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,960 Aaargh! Close blinds! 196 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:33,400 Help! 197 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,960 Mmm-mm. 198 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,280 Ah... 199 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,760 Mmm. 200 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,720 Oh, perfect! 201 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:58,560 Yum-yum! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 202 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,000 This is... 203 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,200 This is lovely, Ted. 204 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,720 Isn't it? 205 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,160 You know, that was a moment for me 206 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,080 when you said you loved yellow fin tuna. Oh, yeah. 207 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:13,080 I say to myself, any girl that loves Mies van der Rohe furniture, 208 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,320 Corbusier and tuna sashimi has got to be right for me. 209 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,320 Oh, Ted, you're so sweet. 210 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,880 You know - 211 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,360 Mum's last husband Malcolm said something very similar. 212 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,400 Oh? 213 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,720 Oh, yeah... 214 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,640 Actually, I'm getting that wrong. 215 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,480 Darling, there's no need to... 216 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,200 Darling, there's no need to... He just said he liked your big fat arse, didn't he? 217 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,360 Oh! Oh, fuck! 218 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:42,040 Oh, shit! 219 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,720 Darling, allow me. 220 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:45,960 Ah! 221 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,960 Lovely! Oh, nice and salty. 222 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,720 I thought we could go christen the er, the tub later. 223 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,840 The tub? 224 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,560 Mmm. New toy. Very social, fresh air, 225 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,560 couple of Creamy Dream cocktails, hot tub, what could be better? 226 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,920 Erm, I'm not sure. 227 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,760 You know, we're all gonna be so happy together. Right? 228 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,520 Right. 229 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,800 PHONE RINGS 230 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,040 Hello. Ted Rankles... 231 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,680 Oh, yes... 232 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,280 Hey, gorgeous plums! What? 233 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,960 What?! 234 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,080 A cheese omelette? 235 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,760 She made it with margarine? 236 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,200 Yeah, of course, trans-fats. 237 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,440 Yeah. Of course you can, come over. 238 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,680 Ted! 239 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,720 Yeah. OK, sweetheart. 240 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,280 Yeah, take her car. 241 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,920 I fucking pay for it after all. Yeah! 242 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,920 OK, yeah, see you soon. Mm-mmm. Mwah! 243 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:47,760 Who was that? 244 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,280 Scarlett, my daughter. 245 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,480 Your daughter? 246 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,240 Yes. Darling, I was going to tell you. 247 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,520 Scarlett lives with her mum in Henley and... 248 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,480 You know, Diane can be such a bitch. 249 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,920 Poor old Plums. 250 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,680 She'll be here in an hour. 251 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,360 Another cracked nipple, anyone? 252 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,400 Er, yes! 253 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,360 Haven't quite got the hang of this yet. 254 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:13,520 Ah... 255 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,160 You didn't tell me... 256 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,000 I'd forgotten. Anyway, I didn't think she'd... 257 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,720 Gorgeous Plums?! Oh, yeah. 258 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:23,720 Bugger. I keep doing that! 259 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,800 CAR PULLS UP 260 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,120 Ah. That must be her! 261 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,520 Here she is! 262 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,520 He-he-hey! Teddy Bear! My Teddy Bear! 263 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,600 She is such a titless, jealous bitch, that's what she is! 264 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,200 What did you ever see in that saggy old bint? 265 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,920 You can't talk about her like that. 266 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,760 That's what you always call her. 267 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,800 Not sure that I do. 268 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,800 You said that she was a menopausal old hag 269 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,800 and they'd have to stockpile HRT for like a decade and... 270 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:54,920 Oh, they're here. 271 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,640 Yes. Remember I told you, they're moving in today. 272 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:58,280 Do they have to? 273 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,160 Yes, love. We discussed this. Now you know Anna... 274 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,600 Nice to see you again, Scarlett. Hi. 275 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,080 And this is Michelle. 276 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,160 Mee-chelle? 277 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,160 It's Michelle, actually. 278 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,720 Whatever. Daddy, you can't make me live with her any more. 279 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,720 Oh, Munchkin! 280 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:17,720 Erm, perhaps we should talk about it? I'm sure your Mum... 281 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:18,640 She doesn't want me here! 282 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,600 I do! I do. It's just that... 283 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,160 Anyway. I've decided to take another year out before going to uni. 284 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,200 Right... 285 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,120 I won't waste it. I'm gonna do stuff. 286 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,400 I thought I might take an evening class in Chinese or something. 287 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,360 I mean they're all Chinese now, aren't they? 288 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,720 And you always said that tu casa was my casa. 289 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,800 Well, of course you can stay here, sweetheart. 290 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,160 It's not like you'd put me out on the streets. 291 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,400 No, Bunny. 292 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,560 Thank you, Daddykins, I love you. 293 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,560 I love you, too, Possum Poo. 294 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,560 I'm going to my room. 295 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:06,320 Dad! Someone's put their stuff in my fucking room! 296 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,000 She won't be here long. Well, not that long. 297 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,680 A few weeks. 298 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,840 We're not entirely sure, but... 299 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,040 Mum... 300 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,040 I'm sorry. 301 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,320 I promise we'll do something great for your birthday, yeah? 302 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:34,320 It's OK. Jal says we can go camping, maybe. 303 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,000 Least I'll be out of the way. 304 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,120 Oh, darling, you're not in the way. 305 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,360 It's hard to be out of the way of those tits. 306 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,480 (Stop it.) 307 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:46,480 Some pair of bazookas, eh? 308 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,600 I love you, Bunnyflaps! 309 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,600 I love you too, lardy buns! 310 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,680 Hi. 311 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,880 Tub anyone? 312 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,320 It's totally heated by solar power. 313 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,600 12,000 litres of heaven, 15 settings. 314 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,880 Whirlpool, 315 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,480 uprush, 316 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,240 and Vesuvio... 317 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:15,240 Whoo! Let's give it a go! 318 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,160 No need to be shy, darling. 319 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,160 I mean, we're all family now! 320 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,600 Wonderful. 321 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,440 Hey, Cheeky! 322 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,440 Chelle! 323 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,520 Wonderful! 324 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,120 Come on in, it's lovely! 325 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:45,040 Hey, where's Michelle? 326 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,320 Poor old Plum's stuck here with us oldies, 327 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,480 why don't you get her to take her to meet some of her friends? 328 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,480 They'll love Scarlett. Everybody loves Scarlett. 329 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,360 I've been doing some courses. 330 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:04,360 Er, dog walking, Cordon Bleu barbecue, intermediate eroticism... 331 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,920 And the rest of the time I just sewed. 332 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,920 I made this, erm, this pair of shorts, actually. 333 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,480 They're a lovely pair. 334 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,760 Really lovely pair. 335 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,320 Lovely. 336 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:22,320 Anyway, we still going camping? 337 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,200 Sid!? 338 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,440 Yeah? 339 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,560 Jal wants us all to go camping. For my birthday? 340 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,240 It was only a suggestion. 341 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,840 I can't. 342 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,560 I'm going to be... What? 343 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,080 Nothing, erm. Hey, Max! 344 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,000 You all right, mate? 345 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,000 Fine. Fine. I'm really fine as in, whoa! 346 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,880 Fine. 347 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,280 OK. 348 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,560 Max, this is Scarlett. 349 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,360 Whoah! 350 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:54,120 Hi! 351 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,400 What do you think about camping, Max? 352 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,680 Well, if guys wanna do it, it's their business. 353 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,680 Personally, I like a more butch look. 354 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,920 Thing is, you know, erm, coursework... 355 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,080 Skint. 356 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,360 Chris? 357 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,240 Nipples. What? 358 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,160 Thanks for the enthusiasm, everyone. 359 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,880 Camping's wicked! 360 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,800 Camp fires, a few spliffs, booze, alfresco sex. 361 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,280 What could be better? We should go! 362 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,240 Hang on, "we"? 363 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,880 Spliffs, booze and alfresco sex! 364 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,920 What is that? 365 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,920 Shagging under the stars. There's nothing like it. 366 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,000 I'm in. Erm... 367 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,400 We haven't got a car and... 368 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,400 I have an enormous Volvo. 369 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,840 I think that swings it. 370 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,280 So that's Monday everyone. Monday! 371 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,640 Final coursework deadline and if you miss it, 372 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,160 you're gonna be fucked. Got that, Chris? 373 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,400 Fucked. Got it, Sal. 374 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,200 No, I mean it everybody! Don't let me down. 375 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,760 Are you listening to...? 376 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,400 PHONE RINGS 377 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,120 Barrie? Yeah. I'm ovulating. 378 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,040 Meet me in the stationery cupboard? 379 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,240 What's up? We're going camping, OK? 380 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,320 I didn't invite Scarlett Bitch and you're all gagging over her. 381 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,280 She... She seems really nice. 382 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,960 She's a cow. I don't want her coming. 383 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,040 She's just... Just... 384 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:33,040 Michelle, we're gonna go camping and we're going to be nice. OK? 385 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,880 386 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,800 but I know I can't stay... 387 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,960 Wow. 388 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,080 Me and my friends always come here. 389 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,000 That's wicked, man! 390 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,320 What do you think, Meesh? 391 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,320 It's fucking Michelle, all right? 392 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,800 OK. 393 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,320 People usually like my nicknames. Don't they, Spunky? 394 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,640 People usually like my nicknames. Don't they, Spunky? Spunky...love it. 395 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:18,960 Oh, for fuck's sake! 396 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,920 Just like Baywatch. 397 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,160 Skinny dipping. 398 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,080 Skinny dipping? 399 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,600 Yeah! 400 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,840 Come on there's only us here. What are you guys, a bunch of pussies? 401 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,080 Come on there's only us here. What are you guys, a bunch of pussies? I'm not. 402 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,160 Coolio. 403 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:46,120 I! Ha! 404 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:51,960 Ha ha! 405 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,760 Never seen one like that before (!) 406 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,080 LAUGHTER 407 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,120 You really did it. 408 00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,160 What? 409 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,800 Wearing all my clothes. 410 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,360 It's compact. Saves on the luggage. I got ya! 411 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:08,360 Anwar, have you been shaving stuff? 412 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:14,360 Allahu Akba-a-a-a-ar! 413 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,840 Wo-o-o-o-oh! 414 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:16,880 Let's go! > 415 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,480 WHOOPING AND LAUGHING 416 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,480 Allahu Akbar! 417 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,000 418 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,720 419 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,800 420 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,040 421 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:46,040 422 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,640 423 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,640 424 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,640 425 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:59,040 426 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,240 427 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,600 428 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,080 429 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:12,080 430 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,560 All right? 431 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,080 Jal says you went to see Tony. 432 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,800 It's over, Sid. 433 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,400 I tried... 434 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,360 I can't... 435 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,920 It just doesn't work any more. 436 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,280 I'm not a good enough person. That's all there is to it. 437 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:01,280 Hey. You're good enough. 438 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,440 Ugh... she does my head in. 439 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,800 Just got to get to know her a bit. 440 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,280 She's fun. 441 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,080 And I'm not? 442 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:15,080 Always. 443 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,600 You OK, Sid? 444 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,120 Sometimes. 445 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:25,120 I keep forgetting Dad's... 446 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,800 Anyways. We should get the tents up. 447 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,280 Gimme a hand getting them off the... 448 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,560 Roof... 449 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,560 It's not my fault! 450 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,600 I told you to tie the tents to the roof! 451 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,080 You said to put the stuff on the roof. Nobody said anything about tying. 452 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,360 You meader, Chris! 453 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:45,160 What do you think was holding them up there, you muppet? 454 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,360 Where the fuck are we gonna sleep? 455 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,240 I'm sorry! 456 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:50,760 Fuck it. I'm inadequate. What can you do? 457 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,760 This. 458 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,840 That has gotta hurt! 459 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,840 It's OK. I put mine in the boot. 460 00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,320 Might be a bit of a squeeze, but we can probably manage. 461 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,320 All you have to do is peg it down. 462 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,720 Yo, Scarlett! 463 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,000 I got it when I went travelling, my dad bought it for me. 464 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:22,000 We love your Dad! 465 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,840 Pull yourself together, girl, for fuck's sakes. 466 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,160 What you got? 467 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,640 I don't know. 468 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,640 I'll save it for later. 469 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:19,040 What's wrong with me? 470 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,720 How long you got? 471 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,920 You think we're all gonna fit in? 472 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,840 We're gonna have to squeeze up. 473 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,800 Real close. Eh, Scarlett? 474 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:37,640 It's going to be warm. 475 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,720 Get off! 476 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:40,960 Hang on. 477 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:41,880 What is it? 478 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,200 Does the sea sound louder? 479 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,400 Huh? 480 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,400 Oh, my God! 481 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,360 CAR ALARM 482 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,960 Oh my God, my car! 483 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,280 Wher are the keys! Oh, my God, where's the keys! 484 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,680 Nice. 485 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,120 Who the fuck's that? 486 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,960 That's your stalker, Maxxie. 487 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,960 Hello, Maxxie. 488 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,200 What... What are you doing? 489 00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,360 Listen... 490 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:00,520 She broke into my flat! 491 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,760 Then she tried to poison me! 492 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,080 I can probably explain. 493 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:07,080 You'll just need to give me a minute. 494 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,680 What else can I say? I like her. > 495 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:10,640 She's a fucking bunny boiler! 496 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:11,360 She's all right, man. 497 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,920 She's a freak. And you call yourself a friend? 498 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:14,360 I am! 499 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,280 How could you do this? 500 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,960 I was going to tell you. 501 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,680 Max, if only you could see how much she's changed. 502 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,320 I've changed. 503 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:24,720 I've transferred my affections... 504 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,440 She's transferred her affections, man. 505 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,080 Now she's fixated on me. 506 00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:31,960 Isn't that great? 507 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,000 You lied to me, An! 508 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:39,000 I know... Look, will somebody help me out here? Make him see... 509 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,560 You shouldn't lie, Anwar. Not to Max. 510 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,880 I'm sorry, Maxxie. 511 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,040 I was going through some stuff. 512 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,400 I know that's not an excuse. 513 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,720 You too, Michelle. 514 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:56,320 I was a bit ga-ga. And I'm sorry, I really am. 515 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,800 I know that now. 516 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,600 Please. Everyone... 517 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,600 Please forgive me. 518 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,400 Whatever. 519 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,200 Well, I don't know about any of this, but I think 520 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,600 we got to lift this mood yeah? Chris, did you get that guitar out of the car 521 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,360 before it got so fucked up my Dad will string me up? 522 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,360 Yeah... It's OK, I think. 523 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:35,920 Let's give it a go. 524 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,920 Oh, please, no... 525 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:45,200 does my soul feel glad today? 526 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,840 does my hand fit yours, this way? 527 00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,240 can't take it, I don't understand 528 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,240 does my heart tell me that I am? 529 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:12,200 that I can stay 530 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,280 531 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,280 Yeah! Brilliant! And again! Again! 532 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,720 I love a bit of Bedingfield! 533 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,680 Ignore him, Anwar. 534 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,680 He's just jealous of our burning love. 535 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,320 There's something about your eyes. > 536 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,680 Yeah, the right one's always been lazy. 537 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,000 No, I mean they're lovely. 538 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,320 Oh! > 539 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,000 I thought that the moment I met you. 540 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,520 Surprising, really, given that they were burning a hole in my bra. 541 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,960 Sorry... I didn't mean to... Sorry. 542 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,600 I don't mind. You can look. 543 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,240 You can do more than look if you want. 544 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,640 Oh. Right. 545 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,000 Um... Are you...? 546 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,520 Yes, I am. 547 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:22,520 OK, erm. 548 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,880 I'm not really after, you know... 549 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,440 Thanks. > 550 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:31,160 Um...actually, I'm in a weird place and, um... 551 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:35,160 Well, I've got to, er... I was just playing with you. 552 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,320 Everyone loves my tits. 553 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,160 I was just having a laugh. 554 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,520 Yeah, whatever. Seemed like he fancied me. 555 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,520 Or he would with a little push. 556 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,080 Sid's not like most guys. 557 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,760 Yeah, I know, that's why I've... 558 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,440 Maybe he doesn't like you. 559 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:11,440 Oh, not possible. 560 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,760 He was telling me about his dad. 561 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,280 He's so cute. 562 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,320 His dad is dead. 563 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:23,320 He's probably a bit vulnerable, you know. I know. Shit! 564 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,400 He says that you're the only one that knows how to talk to him. 565 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,400 He said that? Because you've known each other forever. 566 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,520 And sometimes he thinks that he knows you better than you do. 567 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,680 And that's when I decided to show him my tits. 568 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,680 I'm a bitch. 569 00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:53,120 Go on. You can probably catch him. 570 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,840 Even I can tell he needs a hug, and I'm the insensitive cow. 571 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:03,160 OK. Thanks. 572 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:10,840 You're not a bitch. 573 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:12,360 Are you? 574 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:16,360 Just pretending. 575 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,880 Sid! 576 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:18,480 Chelle. 577 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,480 I'm so lonely. 578 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,800 I know. I know. 579 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,880 Oh, Christ. 580 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:31,600 Happy Birthday, Chelle. 581 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,680 582 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,680 583 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:39,200 584 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:43,080 585 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,800 586 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,800 587 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:55,280 588 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:59,280 589 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,320 590 00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:07,040 591 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:11,040 592 00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:15,160 593 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,320 Can we go home now, Sid? 594 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,320 Yes, Chelle. Let's go home. 595 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,120 Yeah, cheers. Bye. 596 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,520 Dunno what I'm supposed to say. 597 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,000 You just... 598 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,000 I suppose we didn't... 599 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,680 I dunno. 600 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,080 Pretend like we didn't... 601 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,120 Um... Help me out here, Chelle. 602 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,720 Ask me inside, Sid. 603 00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:07,960 What? 604 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,000 Wasn't that the best night ever? 605 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,000 I'm not drawing on a wealth of experience here, Chelle. 606 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,640 You made me come, Sid. Nobody's ever done that before. 607 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,680 Nah! Let's go inside. 608 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,240 Happy birthday. 609 00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:40,240 Thanks. 610 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,160 We have to ring Tony. 611 00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,520 We have to tell him. Yeah, but not now, yeah? 612 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,640 We can wait a couple of hours maybe? 613 00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:57,640 I can't believe this. 614 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:01,880 Go up. 615 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:08,320 I'm back, Mum. 616 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:11,160 I'm going to bed. 617 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,120 OK. With Michelle! Right-o. 618 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,080 To sleep with her. Yep. 619 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:19,080 Again! 620 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:26,120 I want you to do it again, just like you did. Come on. 621 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:40,200 that they're your friend... 622 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,600 Hello, Sid. Hello, Michelle. 623 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,320 Are you saying I'm being expelled? 624 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,520 I prefer the term "no longer permanently affiliated". 625 00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,080 That's right. 626 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:15,080 For the first time in my life it felt like someone gave a shit! Have you ever been in love? 627 00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,600 So this place is great for doing LSD. 628 00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,600 Hello. 629 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:28,120 I fucked up big time. 630 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:32,280 to look than to leave 631 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:43,320 for the skin deep. 632 00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:53,040 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd