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♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪
(Rockefeller)
WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.

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(Gary) NO. IT CANNOT BE.

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WE GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE
TO STEAL RAY ROMANO'S SAFE,

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AND THERE'S NO DIAMOND INSIDE.
THERE'S ONLY THIS JESUS BIBLE.

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IT'S NOT A JESUS BIBLE.
IT'S HIS DIARY. SEE?

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THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!

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WHAT KIND OF GROWN MAN
EVEN KEEPS A DIARY?

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WHO'D WE ROB? RAY ROMANO
OR DAKOTA FREAKIN' FANNING?

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LOOK, THERE'S TIME
TO MOAN AND GROAN LATER, OKAY?

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RIGHT NOW
WE GOT A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

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WHAT'S THAT, MR. GURKIN?
WHEN WE STOLE RAY'S SAFE,
WE REPLACED IT WITH AN IDENTICAL

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ONE OF OUR OWN, RIGHT?
BUT WE HAD A DIAMOND INSIDE.

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SO WHEN HE GOES IN THE SAFE
AND SEES A DIAMOND

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AND NOT HIS DIARY,
HE'S GONNA KNOW HE WAS ROBBED.
SO WHAT IF HE KNOWS?

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THEN HE'S GONNA BE
ON THE EXTRA-SPECIAL LOOKOUT

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FOR OUR NEXT ROBBERY ATTEMPT.
WAIT A MINUTE.

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YOU SERIOUSLY WANNA KEEP
TRYING TO ROB THIS BASTARD?

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YOU BET I DO. THIS MAKES ME
WANNA DO IT EVEN WORSE.

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BUT WE GOTTA GET BACK IN THERE,
GET IN THE SAFE,

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AND TAKE OUT THE DIAMOND
AND REPLACE IT WITH THIS DIARY

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BEFORE RAY CATCHES ON.
BUT, MR. GURKIN,
THE LAST TIME

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WE STOLE THIS SAFE,
WE HAD TO WAIT SIX DAYS

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FOR MR. ROMANO
TO EVEN LEAVE HIS APARTMENT.

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WE HAD TO TEAR APART
A WHOLE WALL

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WITH A CHAIN SAW
AND A BLOWTORCH.
AND WE HAD TO STALL
RAYMOND FOR HOURS

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WHILE WEARING
RIDICULOUS COSTUMES.

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LOOK, I'M SORRY,
BUT WE GOTTA DO IT AGAIN.

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AWESOME CRIME-DOING,
PEOPLE.

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IT WENT A LOT SMOOTHER
THIS TIME.

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I BARELY EVEN CAUGHT ON FIRE.

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I GOT RAY ROMANO
TO DONATE 50 BUCKS

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TO THE UNITED NEGRO
COLLEGE FUND.

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OKAY,
SO WHAT NOW, EUGENE?

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(sighs)
WHAT IS IT, MR. GURKIN?

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I HATE TO SAY THIS NOW,
BUT, UH...

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SPIT IT OUT, CHIEF.
GO AHEAD. WHAT?
WE SCREWED UP.

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WE SHOULD'VE MADE COPIES
OF THAT DIARY

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BEFORE WE PUT IT
BACK IN THE SAFE.

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OHH!
THINK ABOUT IT!

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THERE'S GOTTA BE
A LOT OF TOP SECRET STUFF

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IN THAT BOOK, HUH?

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STUFF THAT COULD
HELP US ROB RAY ROMANO.

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WE NEED THAT DIARY.
WE GOTTA GO BACK.

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OHH!

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ALL RIGHT, WE DID IT
ONCE AGAIN, MY FRIENDS.
BUT JUST BARELY.

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I DO NOT THINK
ANYONE REALLY BELIEVED

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WE WERE
DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS.
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE GOT WHAT WE NEEDED.

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NOW, LOUIS, HAND OUT
THOSE DIARY ENTRIES, OKAY?

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WE GOT SOME
HEAVY READING TO DO.

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(Squatch laughs)
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS NUT JOB?

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LOOK AT PAGE 37.

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"I HATE MYSELF. I WANT
TO BE TORN APART BY WOLVES.

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HOW DO YOU GET WOLVES?
DO THEY SELL WOLVES?"

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DADDY NEEDS HIS LITHIUM!
(Louis) LOOK AT PAGE 53.

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IT SAYS WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE DIAMOND.

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HE SENT IT
TO HIS WIFE IN CALIFORNIA.

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TRYING TO WIN HER BACK,
HUH?

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CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING MARRIED
TO THAT MENTAL CASE?

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FOR THAT DIAMOND,
I WOULD MARRY GARY.

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I'D MARRY GARY BUSEY.

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CHECK IT--
THE DUDE'S ADDICTED

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TO SHOPPING ONLINE
FOR CAMPING EQUIPMENT.

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LAST MONTH,
HE BOUGHT 85 CANTEENS.

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LISTEN TO THIS.
RAYMOND STARTED HIS OWN COMPANY.

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IT'S CALLED "ROMANOCORP."

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PAGE 63.
WHAT KIND OF COMPANY IS THAT?

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HE'S BUDGETED
$100 MILLION TO MAKE MOVIES

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WRITTEN BY, DIRECTED BY
AND STARRING RAY ROMANO.

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2 MILLION BUCKS TO START
HIS OWN RESTAURANT CHAIN--

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RAY'S CHICKEN ATTACK.

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$400 FOR CANTEENS!

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WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA--
PAGE 72.

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AS OF YESTERDAY,

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THERE'S AN ENTRY-LEVEL
POSITION OPENING

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IN THE ROMANOCORP
FILM DEPARTMENT! (laughs)

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THIS IS PERFECT! LOUIS,
YOU HAVE TO GET THAT JOB!

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WHY?
WHY? CAN'T YOU SEE?

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RAYMOND'S THROWING MONEY AROUND
LIKE CONFETTI AT A RODEO--

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HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS
OF DOLLARS, ALL RIGHT?

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WE GET YOU THAT JOB
IN THE ROMANOCORP,

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OKAY, WE CAN START
EMBEZZLING THE CRAP

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OUT OF THE PLACE
FROM THE INSIDE.

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GOOD-BYE, BLUE-COLLAR CRIME,
HELLO, WHITE-COLLAR CRIME.

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BUT WHY ME?
BECAUSE IT'S
IN THE FILM DEPARTMENT,

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AND YOU'RE A BUDDING
YOUNG FILMMAKER.

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MR. GURKIN,
I'M HARDLY QUALIFIED TO--

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I MEAN, I--
I'M NOT READY TO PUT--

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IT--IT'S MORE OF A FANTASY,
REALLY, AND BESIDES,

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THEY WOULD NEVER EVEN
GRANT ME AN INTERVIEW.

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THESE THINGS ARE
ALL ABOUT WHO YOU KNOW.

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WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU,
YOU KNOW ME.

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WHO THE HELL
NEED 85 CANTEENS?

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ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE ARE--ROMANOCORP.

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YOU GET THIS JOB,

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WE'RE GONNA BE FARTING
THROUGH SILK.
MR. GURKIN,

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THEY'RE NOT GONNA
GRANT AN INTERVIEW

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TO SOME GUY OFF THE STREET.
WATCH.

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(clears throat)

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EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
HI, I'M HERE TO INQUIRE

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ABOUT THE, UH,
ENTRY-LEVEL FILM JOB

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ON BEHALF
OF MY YOUNG FRIEND HERE.
I'M SORRY.

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WE'RE REALLY NOT ACCEPTING
ANY MORE APPLICANTS.

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DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
WHO?

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I'M, UH, MIKEY--THAT KID
FROM THE CEREAL COMMERCIALS.

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REMEMBER THE "HEY, MIKEY!
HE LIKES IT! HEY, MIKEY!"

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I CAN EVEN GIVE YOU
SOME COOL INSIDE SCOOP.

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THE KID SITTING NEXT TO ME,
CLOSEST TO ME AT THE TABLE,

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WHEN WE WERE DOING
THE COMMERCIAL--

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GAY AS A FRENCH HORN.
(imitates horn playing)

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AND HE WAS AN AGENT FOR
THE MOSSAD THE WHOLE TIME--

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THE ISRAELI
INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

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SIR, YOU'RE NOT MIKEY,
AND EVEN IF YOU WERE MIKEY,

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I CAN'T IMAGINE
HOW THAT COULD POSSIBLY

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HAVE AN IMPACT
ON THE SITUATION.

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THANK YOU.
UH, OKAY. WE'LL GO NOW.
OKAY, I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

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I'M--I'M NOT MIKEY.
IT'S JUST THIS KID

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HAS WANTED TO BE A FILMMAKER
HIS WHOLE LIFE,

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AND I PROMISED HIM
I COULD GET HIM IN HERE.

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AND IF YOU COULD JUST SEE IT
IN YOUR HEART TO LET HIM

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SLIDE IN, HAVE AN INTERVIEW,
IT WOULD BE SO NICE OF YOU.

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AND, I MEAN,
THAT MIKEY THING

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MIGHT BE THE MOST FUN
YOU HAD ALL DAY.

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(chuckles) ALL RIGHT.
TAKE A SEAT OVER THERE.

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THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

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(lowered voice)
GOURISHANKAR,

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WHAT THE HECK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT AN INTERVIEW, TOO.

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SAID I WAS
GEORGE LUCAS' NEPHEW.

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I'M WALTER FLOYD,

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RAY ROMANO'S
BUSINESS MANAGER.

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TELL ME,
WHY SHOULD WE HIRE YOU?

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UH, WELL, UH,

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LET ME START BY SAYING
THAT, UH, I LOVE MOVIES.

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WHEN I WAS,
UH, 10 YEARS OLD,

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I TOOK
MY DAD'S VIDEO CAMERA,

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AND I MADE WHAT
YOU MIGHT CALL A SHORT FILM,

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UH, ABOUT A VENTRILOQUIST
WHO BECOMES PRESIDENT

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AND THEN GETS IMPEACHED
BY HIS OWN DUMMY.

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I WAS A BIG FILM PRODUCER
IN, UH, BOLLYWOOD.

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UH, EVER HEAR OF
"MUJHE KUCCH KEHNA HAI"?

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THAT WAS MINE.

141
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BUT THEN, HERE'S THE--
HERE'S THE KICKER.

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THEN THE DUMMY
BECOMES PRESIDENT

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AND GETS IMPEACHED
BY HIS DUMMY.

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MY FAVORITE MOVIE?
NO BRAINER--

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"PATCH ADAMS."

146
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ROBIN WILLIAMS IS
A DOCTOR WHO CURES PEOPLE

147
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AND BRINGS THEM
BACK FROM THE DEAD

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BY MAKING THEM LAUGH!
PURE GOLD!

149
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THAT'S NOT
WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT.

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ALL DUE RESPECT, MY FRIEND,
WATCH IT AGAIN.

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FAVORITE MOVIES?
UM... "CASABLANCA."

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UH, "DEER HUNTER."
"THE GRADUATE."

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UH, "CITIZEN KANE."
THE--THE USUAL SUSPECTS.

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N-NOT THE MOVIE,
"THE USUAL SUSPECTS"--

155
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I MEAN, I-I-I MEAN

156
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THE--THE USUAL MOVIES
THAT PEOPLE LIKE.

157
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NOT "THE USUAL SUSPECTS"...

158
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WHICH HAPPENS TO BE
ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES.

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ANOTHER FAVORITE--
"MANNEQUIN." ANDREW McCARTHY.

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EH, YOU KNOW, IT'S CRAZY,
BUT AT ONE POINT,

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I FOUND MYSELF
SITTING THERE, THINKING,

162
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"I WOULD REALLY LIKE
TO NAIL THAT MANNEQUIN."

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I MEAN, THAT'S GREAT FILMMAKING.
AM I RIGHT?

164
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IT'S A PIECE OF PLASTIC,
AND YET... (grunts)

165
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WHAT IN GOD'S NAME
IS WRONG WITH YOU?

166
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THIS IS A JOB INTERVIEW,
AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

167
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HOW YOU WANT TO HAVE SEXUAL
INTERCOURSE WITH A MANNEQUIN?

168
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I WOULD REALLY
LOVE THIS JOB,

169
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AND, UH, IF YOU HIRE ME,

170
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I-I WILL WORK HARDER FOR YOU

171
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THAN ANYBODY ELSE
YOU'LL EVER HIRE.

172
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GET OUT OF HERE,
YOU BALD-HEADED JACKASS!

173
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YOU ARE ALSO BALD.

174
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SO WHAT IF LOUIS
DOESN'T GET THIS JOB?

175
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HE WILL.
I BELIEVE IN THE KID.

176
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WHAT ABOUT ME?
DON'T COUNT ME OUT.
UH, YEAH, RIGHT, GERONIMO.

177
00:07:28,989 --> 00:07:31,949
USUALLY THEY HIRE YOU
RIGHT AFTER THEY SCREAM AT YOU.
OH, WAIT. HERE HE IS. (laughs)

178
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THE MAN OF THE HOUR HIMSELF.

179
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COME ON, KID.
TELL US ALL ABOUT IT.

180
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UH, I MADE IT
THROUGH THE FIRST ROUND...
WHOO!

181
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WAY TO GO, KID.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FIRST ROUND?

182
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UH, WELL, HE SAID THAT,
UM, IT'S DOWN BETWEEN

183
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,434
ME AND ANOTHER GUY
ABOUT MY AGE,

184
00:07:45,425 --> 00:07:47,465
AND WE HAVE
TO COME IN TOMORROW

185
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AND DO A SECOND INTERVIEW.
KIND OF NERVOUS ABOUT IT.
NONSENSE. NOTHING
TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.

186
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WE'RE SO CLOSE,
I CAN TASTE IT.

187
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ONCE LOUIS GETS
THE JOB AT ROMANOCORP,

188
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WE'VE PRACTICALLY
GOT OURSELVES

189
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A LICENSE TO PRINT MONEY.
(cackles)

190
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(all cackling)

191
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CAN I HAVE A REUBEN?

192
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SURE.

193
00:08:09,199 --> 00:08:12,369
(Walter) YOU'VE BOTH TOLD ME
HOW CREATIVE YOU ARE

194
00:08:12,372 --> 00:08:13,992
AND HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE MOVIES.

195
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:17,084
NOW TAKE THESE VIDEO CAMERAS
AND PROVE IT.

196
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COME BACK HERE IN ONE WEEK
WITH SOMETHING GREAT.

197
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WHOEVER DOES BEST
GETS THE JOB.

198
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,042
IT CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT--
THREE MINUTES TOPS.

199
00:08:24,044 --> 00:08:28,094
PEOPLE MY AGE DON'T DO ANYTHING
FOR MORE THAN THREE MINUTES.

200
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OKAY, ESPERANZA'S OUT
SPYING ON THE COMPETITION.

201
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AS FOR US,
OUR BRAINS MOST STORM AGAIN.

202
00:08:37,187 --> 00:08:40,637
WE HAVE TO COME UP WITH, UH,
MOVIE IDEAS FOR LOUIS' MOVIE.

203
00:08:40,641 --> 00:08:43,061
LOUIS, YOU WANNA COME UP
AND RUN THE MEETING?

204
00:08:43,063 --> 00:08:46,113
ME? NO, NO,
I-I DON'T--NO, I COULDN'T.

205
00:08:46,106 --> 00:08:48,106
ANYONE GOT ANY, UH, IDEAS?

206
00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:49,408
YES.

207
00:08:49,409 --> 00:08:52,029
"CHARIOTS OF FIRE,"
EXCEPT NAKED AND WITH WOMEN.

208
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,792
THINK ABOUT IT.
THEY'LL BE RUNNING TOPLESS,

209
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:57,455
ON THE BEACH,
IN SLOW MOTION.

210
00:08:57,457 --> 00:08:59,497
HMM... LOUIS,
YOU'RE KIND OF IN CHARGE HERE.

211
00:08:59,499 --> 00:09:01,709
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

212
00:09:01,712 --> 00:09:04,972
UH, GEE, I DON'T KNOW IF...
WHAT DON'T--WHAT--
WHAT--DON'T--

213
00:09:04,965 --> 00:09:07,715
I MEAN, YOU GOT SOME IDEAS
FOR MOVIES, RIGHT?

214
00:09:07,718 --> 00:09:10,168
UH, YEAH. (laughs)
I'VE GOT A LOT OF IDEAS.

215
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:12,300
YOU KNOW, HAD THEM
IN THE PAST... I THINK,

216
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,312
RIGHT NOW, UM, I'M--YOU KNOW,
IN THE COLD, HARD LIGHT OF DAY,

217
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:18,305
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE REALLY,
YOU KNOW, GOOD ENOUGH.

218
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,178
(woman) HI?

219
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,180
AH, YES, YES, YES, YES,
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.

220
00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:24,823
EVERYBODY, THIS IS MELANIE.

221
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,525
I MET HER YESTERDAY
IN MY CAB,

222
00:09:26,526 --> 00:09:29,236
AND I GAVE HER
A PART IN OUR MOVIE.

223
00:09:29,239 --> 00:09:31,859
WE DON'T EVEN HAVE
A MOVIE! WHAT ARE YOU--
ARE YOU CRAZY?

224
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:36,082
(yipping in high-pitched voice)

225
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,696
MELANIE IS
A FANTASTIC ACTRESS,

226
00:09:37,698 --> 00:09:40,698
AND SHE WILL DO GREAT IN
WHATEVER PART WE GIVE HER.

227
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:43,161
I WORK AT HOOTERS.
I'M A WAITRESS-PERFORMER.
EH?

228
00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:44,673
(telephone rings)

229
00:09:44,665 --> 00:09:47,875
(Rockefeller) HOOTERS--
THEY'VE GOT GOOD WINGS.

230
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,258
YEAH?

231
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:51,469
EUGENE,
THINGS ARE NOT GOOD.

232
00:09:51,471 --> 00:09:54,981
WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON?
THE KID'S FAMILY'S
IN THE MOVIE BUSINESS,

233
00:09:54,975 --> 00:09:57,215
AND THEY HAVE, LIKE,
A WHOLE CREW DOWN HERE.

234
00:09:57,217 --> 00:10:00,177
THEY EVEN HAVE SOMEBODY
PASSING OUT PIGS IN A BLANKET.

235
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,180
OH, NO.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

236
00:10:02,182 --> 00:10:04,022
NO, IT GETS WORSE.

237
00:10:04,024 --> 00:10:06,234
THE STAR OF THE MOVIE
IS ED BURNS,

238
00:10:06,226 --> 00:10:08,776
FROM
"LOS HERMANOS McMULLEN."

239
00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:10,569
THAT GUY?!

240
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:13,690
(all speaking at once)

241
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,374
(Gary) I AM TELLING YOU,

242
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:18,075
SHE IS THE NEXT
MARCIA GAY HARDEN.

243
00:10:18,078 --> 00:10:20,038
WAS SHE IN "SOUL PLANE"?
(Gary) SHE WAS NOT
IN "SOUL PLANE."

244
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,080
WHY IS EVERYTHING BLACK
WITH YOU?
OH, GOD, WE'RE SCREWED.

245
00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:36,144
LOUIS, HEY.

246
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,136
HEY, MR. GURKIN.
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

247
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,718
YEAH, I DID.
OKAY?

248
00:10:40,721 --> 00:10:42,311
YOU'RE BLOWING IT.

249
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:45,482
WH-WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THERE COMES A TIME
IN A MAN'S LIFE

250
00:10:45,475 --> 00:10:48,185
WHEN HE HAS TO REACH UP
AND GRAB FOR THE BRASS RING.

251
00:10:48,188 --> 00:10:51,188
YEAH, I-I-I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT
WE WERE DOING BY ROBBING...

252
00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:53,481
UH, WHO--WHO ARE WE ROBBING
RIGHT NOW? UH...

253
00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:55,123
UH, RAY ROMANO.

254
00:10:55,115 --> 00:10:56,445
IT IS, IT IS.

255
00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:59,076
BUT YOUR LIFE DREAM
IS TO BE A FILMMAKER,

256
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:02,739
AND RIGHT NOW
YOU JUST AIN'T BEING ONE.

257
00:11:02,743 --> 00:11:05,133
LOOK, LOUIS, YOU KNOW
EVERYTHING ABOUT MAKING MOVIES.

258
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:07,205
WE DON'T KNOW NOTHING. HUH?

259
00:11:07,207 --> 00:11:10,207
NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STEP UP
LIKE THAT OTHER KID OUT THERE.

260
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:11,840
ALTHOUGH RIGHT NOW

261
00:11:11,842 --> 00:11:14,462
HE MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING
SOME "TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES."

262
00:11:14,464 --> 00:11:15,684
(laughs)

263
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,255
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

264
00:11:17,257 --> 00:11:20,137
OKAY, PEOPLE, HERE WE GO.

265
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:22,640
AND... ACTION.

266
00:11:22,642 --> 00:11:25,312
♪♪♪

267
00:11:25,305 --> 00:11:27,145
WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

268
00:11:27,147 --> 00:11:30,187
YOU WANNA DO THIS
THE EASY WAY OR THE HARD WAY?

269
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,610
(man) CUT! CUT!

270
00:11:32,612 --> 00:11:34,822
WHO IS THAT?
TAKE TWO, AND ACTION.

271
00:11:34,815 --> 00:11:36,575
♪♪♪

272
00:11:36,576 --> 00:11:39,526
HOW'S IT GONNA BE? DO THIS
THE EASY WAY OR THE HARD WAY?

273
00:11:39,529 --> 00:11:41,119
I'M COOL EITHER WAY.

274
00:11:41,121 --> 00:11:43,531
OH, COME ON!
YOU NEED EXTRAS?

275
00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:46,543
I CAN ACT! "OH, YOU TALKIN'
TO ME? YOU TALKIN' TO ME?

276
00:11:46,536 --> 00:11:49,536
I DON'T SEE NOBODY ELSE HERE.
YOU MUST BE TALKIN' TO ME."

277
00:11:49,539 --> 00:11:52,209
TERRIFIC.
(man) OH, WILL SOMEBODY
GET HIM OUT OF HERE?

278
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,792
WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

279
00:11:53,794 --> 00:11:56,434
YOU WANNA DO THIS THE EASY WAY
OR THE HARD WAY?
(Squatch) WHEE!

280
00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:59,006
OH, COME ON!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
COME ON.

281
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:01,929
(grunts)
HOW YOU WANNA DO THIS--
THE EASY WAY OR THE HARD--

282
00:12:01,932 --> 00:12:03,932
DON'T GIVE US NO TROUBLE!
YOU DON'T GIVE US NO--

283
00:12:03,934 --> 00:12:06,314
GET HIM. SHAKE HIM DOWN.
DUDE, YOU--YOU GOTTA
BE KIDDING ME.

284
00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:09,306
OH, LET ME BE YOUR PARTNER.
I WANNA BE HIS PARTNER.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE--
WE'RE TRYING TO WORK HERE.

285
00:12:09,309 --> 00:12:11,309
CAN I BE A--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
(groans)

286
00:12:11,311 --> 00:12:14,111
(grunts)
HOW YOU WANNA DO THIS--
THE EASY WAY OR THE HARD WAY?

287
00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:16,574
(scatting)
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, FUNNYMAN?
COME HERE.

288
00:12:16,566 --> 00:12:19,566
FUNNYMAN, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, IT'S COOL, IT'S COOL,
IT'S COOL. IT'S COOL.

289
00:12:19,569 --> 00:12:22,489
(grunts)
HOW YOU WANNA DO THIS--
THE HARD WAY OR THE EASY WAY?

290
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,082
I'M DONE. I'M DONE.

291
00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:27,455
ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S FUNNY.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY?

292
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,079
MR. GURKIN, NO.

293
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:32,671
"NO" WHAT?

294
00:12:32,672 --> 00:12:34,672
THIS IS NOT THE WAY
I WANT TO WIN.

295
00:12:34,674 --> 00:12:36,054
TELL MR. SQUACIERI TO STOP.

296
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:38,046
YOU--YOU WERE RIGHT.
I CAN DO THIS.

297
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,218
BUT I WANT TO WIN
FAIR AND SQUARE.

298
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,260
THAT'S JUST WHAT
I WANTED TO HEAR.

299
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,052
HMM?

300
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,104
SQUATCH? EUGENE.

301
00:12:46,096 --> 00:12:48,096
MM-HMM, CALL THE DOGS OFF.

302
00:12:48,098 --> 00:12:51,098
(laughs) OH, YEAH,
NO NEED FOR SABOTAGE.

303
00:12:51,101 --> 00:12:52,691
WHY?

304
00:12:52,692 --> 00:12:55,032
BECAUSE WE GOT
LOUIS WILLIAM PLUNK, FILMMAKER,

305
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,445
THAT'S WHY.

306
00:12:56,446 --> 00:12:58,276
MY MIDDLE NAME'S
ACTUALLY WALTER.

307
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,818
ALL RIGHT, WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.
OKAY, THIS IS ALL WELL AND GOOD,

308
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:05,332
BUT WE STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THE MOVIE'S ABOUT.
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG,
MR. SQUACIERI.

309
00:13:05,325 --> 00:13:08,325
I WROTE THE SCRIPT LAST NIGHT.
(Eugene) WAIT A SECOND.

310
00:13:08,328 --> 00:13:11,998
YOU CAME UP WITH THIS WHOLE
STORY BY YOURSELF IN ONE NIGHT?

311
00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:15,922
NOT BY MYSELF, MR. GURKIN.
I HAD A LITTLE HELP. (chuckles)

312
00:13:15,916 --> 00:13:20,126
RAY'S DIARY--THE ANSWER KEY.
WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT RAY WANTS.

313
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:22,630
IT'S LIKE READING A GIRL'S DIARY
BEFORE YOU ASK HER OUT.

314
00:13:22,632 --> 00:13:25,192
I'VE DONE THAT SEVERAL TIMES
WITH SUPERB RESULTS.

315
00:13:25,185 --> 00:13:26,805
EXACTLY. UH, LOOK, GUYS,

316
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,556
RAY SPECIFICALLY TALKS ABOUT
THE KINDS OF ROLES HE WANTS,

317
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,559
THE KINDS OF MOVIE
HE WANTS TO MAKE.

318
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,991
UH, RIGHT HERE, HE TRIED
TO GET CAST AS THE NEXT BATMAN.

319
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:37,985
"I WANT TO PLAY A CHARACTER
WHO'S DARK AND TROUBLED.

320
00:13:37,988 --> 00:13:40,358
WHY I CAN'T I BE
A ROMANTIC LEAD?" AND ON AND ON.

321
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,360
IT JUST...
WELL, GUESS WHAT, GUYS?

322
00:13:42,362 --> 00:13:44,362
WE ARE GONNA GIVE RAY ROMANO
A MOVIE

323
00:13:44,364 --> 00:13:47,874
THAT IS LIKE A VERITABLE BUFFET
OF HIS OWN CREATIVE DESIRES--

324
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:52,078
A BUFFET SERVED TO PERFECTION...
BY MR. LOUIS PLUNK.

325
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,162
YES!
(Rockefeller laughing)

326
00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:57,304
LADY AND GENTLEMEN,
WE'RE MAKING OURSELVES A MOVIE!

327
00:13:57,297 --> 00:13:58,757
(cheering)
CONGRATULATIONS.

328
00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,218
(Gary) VERY GOOD.

329
00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:05,020
(Tina Turner)
♪ YOU'RE SIMPLY THE BEST ♪

330
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:08,725
♪ BETTER THAN ALL THE REST ♪

331
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:14,098
♪ BETTER THAN ANYONE ♪

332
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:18,154
♪ ANYONE I EVER MET ♪

333
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:23,108
♪ OOH,
I'M STUCK ON YOUR HEART... ♪

334
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:26,413
LOOK, IT'S MIDNIGHT JUSTICE.

335
00:14:26,406 --> 00:14:27,986
SEXIER.

336
00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:32,038
♪ OH, TEAR US APART, NO, NO ♪

337
00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:38,672
♪ BABY, I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD ♪

338
00:14:38,668 --> 00:14:42,958
♪ EACH TIME YOU LEAVE ME,
I START LOSING CONTROL ♪

339
00:14:42,963 --> 00:14:48,103
♪ YOU'RE WALKING AWAY
WITH MY HEART AND MY SOUL ♪

340
00:14:48,098 --> 00:14:52,178
♪ I CAN FEEL YOU
EVEN WHEN I'M ALONE... ♪

341
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:56,072
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,
MIDNIGHT JUSTICE.

342
00:14:56,066 --> 00:14:58,066
AND I, YOU.

343
00:14:58,068 --> 00:15:01,068
OKAY, NOW MOVE IN
FOR THE, UH, BIG KISS, PLEASE.

344
00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:02,901
SUPER SLOW.

345
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,402
SLOWLY...

346
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,624
SLOWER.

347
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,735
SLOWER...

348
00:15:07,737 --> 00:15:08,827
CUT!

349
00:15:08,828 --> 00:15:11,368
OH! OH, WE GOT THAT.

350
00:15:11,371 --> 00:15:14,661
(mouths words)

351
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,804
YAY TO LOUIS PLUNK,
THE MOVIE GENIUS!

352
00:15:16,796 --> 00:15:18,796
YEAH! SPEECH! SPEECH!
(Squatch) SPEECH! SPEECH!

353
00:15:18,798 --> 00:15:20,798
COME ON! SPEECH! SPEECH!
GET UP! COME ON!

354
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,090
OKAY, OKAY. UH, I-I JUST WANNA
SAY THANK YOU ALL, UH, SO MUCH

355
00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:26,724
BECAUSE, UH,
IF I ACTUALLY GET THIS JOB,

356
00:15:26,716 --> 00:15:29,096
I'M GONNA BE THRILLED
BEYOND BELIEF.
(cheering)

357
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:32,549
(laughter)

358
00:15:32,552 --> 00:15:34,602
(laughs) HEY, LOUIS!

359
00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:36,614
LOUIS, WHEN YOU'RE DONE
WITH YOUR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH,

360
00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:38,896
GO GET US
SOME MORE MANISCHEWITZ!

361
00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:42,018
♪ YOU'RE SIMPLY THE BEST ♪

362
00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:51,159
(door opens)

363
00:15:51,161 --> 00:15:53,741
OKAY, OKAY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

364
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:55,083
(door closes)
YES!

365
00:15:55,075 --> 00:15:58,075
GOOD LUCK IN THERE, BRO.

366
00:15:58,078 --> 00:16:00,918
THANKS...

367
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,580
HOMESLICE.

368
00:16:06,756 --> 00:16:09,216
GOOD MORNING, MR. FLOYD.

369
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,089
(clears throat)

370
00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:12,180
IN THE WORDS
OF STANLEY KUBRICK,

371
00:16:12,182 --> 00:16:14,182
WHO WE MISS
EVERY SINGLE DAY,

372
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:15,904
"FILM IS LIKE--"

373
00:16:15,895 --> 00:16:19,185
JUST PLAY THE THING, DAMN IT.
I GOTTA TAKE A LEAK.

374
00:16:19,189 --> 00:16:21,099
(chuckles nervously)

375
00:16:25,605 --> 00:16:31,065
♪♪♪

376
00:16:31,071 --> 00:16:34,871
(Rockefeller) IN A WORLD
OF GOOD AND EVIL...

377
00:16:34,874 --> 00:16:38,794
♪♪♪

378
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,830
GREETINGS, MR. MAYOR.

379
00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:46,052
I AM THE SWAMI,
AND I HATE YOUR FREEDOM.

380
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:49,626
NOW YOU WILL DIE
FROM TOO MUCH ELECTRICITY.

381
00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:52,759
THERE IS ONE MAN
WHOSE POWER REIGNS SUPREME--

382
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,192
MIDNIGHT JUSTICE.

383
00:16:56,976 --> 00:16:58,766
OH!
(shouts)

384
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,768
NOT IN MY HOUSE, BITCH!

385
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,771
(screams)

386
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,743
THANKS, KID.

387
00:17:05,735 --> 00:17:08,065
NO PROBLEM... DAD.

388
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,108
HE HAS POWER OVER EVERYTHING...

389
00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:14,071
EXCEPT FOR THE WOMAN
WHO OWNED HIS HEART...

390
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:17,164
YOU MISSED
EMILY'S DANCE RECITAL AGAIN.

391
00:17:17,157 --> 00:17:19,117
I CAN EXPLAIN.
NO MORE EXCUSES.

392
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,829
AND THE ADDICTION
THAT OWNED HIS SOUL.

393
00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,041
(heart beating)

394
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,872
(Gary Wright's "Dream Weaver"
playing)

395
00:17:24,874 --> 00:17:28,014
♪ I HAVE JUST CLOSED MY EYES ♪

396
00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:31,297
♪ AGAIN ♪

397
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,971
♪ CLIMBED ABOARD
THE DREAM WEAVER TRAIN ♪

398
00:17:34,974 --> 00:17:36,314
(retching)

399
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:39,096
MY GOD, SON...

400
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,139
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?

401
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:44,181
I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE!

402
00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:49,817
YO, MIDNIGHT JUSTICE.

403
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,109
CHOCOLATE THUNDER?

404
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:53,241
THIS IS
AN INTERVENTION, Y'ALL.

405
00:17:53,243 --> 00:17:55,913
I CAN QUIT ANYTIME I LIKE!

406
00:17:55,905 --> 00:17:59,405
IF YOU WON'T LISTEN TO HIM,
THEN MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME.

407
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:00,909
SWAMI?

408
00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:03,580
WHY WOULD YOU
WANNA HELP ME?

409
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,213
BECAUSE YOU ARE GOOD
AND I AM EVIL.

410
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:08,416
WE DEFINE EACH OTHER.
I NEED YOU, MAN.

411
00:18:08,418 --> 00:18:11,008
(Coldplay's "Clocks" playing)

412
00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:12,420
THIS SUMMER...

413
00:18:12,422 --> 00:18:17,182
HI. MY NAME IS
MIDNIGHT JUSTICE, AND, UH...

414
00:18:17,177 --> 00:18:18,767
I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.

415
00:18:18,768 --> 00:18:21,218
(all) HI, MIDNIGHT JUSTICE.

416
00:18:21,221 --> 00:18:25,731
THE MOST POWERFUL MAN
IN THE WORLD...

417
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:29,145
WILL LEARN THE TRUE POWER...

418
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,529
OF LOVE.

419
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:35,030
♪ YOU ♪

420
00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:37,954
♪ ARE ♪

421
00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:40,577
SHOULD I PLAY IT AGAIN
WITH THE DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY?

422
00:18:44,204 --> 00:18:46,094
IT PLAYED WELL.

423
00:18:46,085 --> 00:18:48,165
UM, I-I THINK IT PLAYED WELL.
I GOTTA CONFESS.

424
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,958
I'M HAVING CONCERNS ABOUT
THE NAME "CHOCOLATE THUNDER."

425
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,460
IT JUST--IT SOUNDS LIKE
A EUPHEMISM FOR, UH, DIARRHEA.

426
00:18:53,463 --> 00:18:56,473
I THINK IT SOUND DOPE.
UH, WE'RE DONE
WITH THE MOVIE NOW.

427
00:18:56,466 --> 00:18:59,216
YOU CAN
TAKE OFF THE COSTUME.
I KNOW.

428
00:18:59,219 --> 00:19:01,309
YOU GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT, KID.

429
00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:04,431
YOUR MOVIE WAS COOL AS BALLS.
I GOT A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

430
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,944
(cell phone ringing)

431
00:19:06,936 --> 00:19:09,106
IS THAT HIM?

432
00:19:09,108 --> 00:19:11,858
YEAH.
OH, BOY. UH, HERE GOES.

433
00:19:11,861 --> 00:19:13,271
(ring)

434
00:19:13,273 --> 00:19:15,873
(clears throat) HELLO?

435
00:19:15,865 --> 00:19:18,115
YEAH, HI--HI, MR. FLOYD.

436
00:19:18,117 --> 00:19:19,487
OH.

437
00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,239
OKAY.

438
00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:23,081
UH... REALLY?

439
00:19:23,082 --> 00:19:25,042
UH...

440
00:19:25,044 --> 00:19:27,384
OF COURSE. YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

441
00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:30,627
OH, NO--NO,
THANK--THANK YOU, MR. FLOYD.

442
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:32,000
THANKS.

443
00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:34,591
WELL?

444
00:19:34,594 --> 00:19:36,854
UH, I DIDN'T GET IT.

445
00:19:36,846 --> 00:19:38,676
OH.

446
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,138
MAARE GAYE!

447
00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:42,179
BUT HE SAID HE APPRECIATED
MY ENTHUSIASM,

448
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,511
OFFERED ME AN INTERNSHIP--

449
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:46,313
MAKING COFFEE,
UH, GETTING HIS DRY CLEANING...

450
00:19:46,306 --> 00:19:48,896
WORKING FOR FREE,
THAT SORT OF THING.

451
00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:50,938
LIKE YOU DO FOR ME?
YEAH.

452
00:19:52,652 --> 00:19:54,272
LOUIS, THAT'S FANTASTIC.

453
00:19:54,274 --> 00:19:56,454
NO, NO, NOT--NOT
IN THE FILM DEPARTMENT.

454
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,116
NO, IT'S TEN TIMES BETTER.

455
00:19:58,117 --> 00:20:01,027
YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE RIGHT-HAND MAN

456
00:20:01,030 --> 00:20:03,080
TO THE DUDE
WHO RUNS THE ENTIRE COMPANY.

457
00:20:03,082 --> 00:20:05,832
IT'S WHITE-COLLAR CRIME TIME,
BABY.

458
00:20:05,825 --> 00:20:07,495
YEAH! WHOO!

459
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:10,587
(Eugene) GOOD JOB, BOY!
(Rockefeller) YEAH!

460
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:13,000
LET'S EAT.
COME ON. COME ON.
(Eugene) HERE WE GO.

461
00:20:13,002 --> 00:20:15,212
(Gary) OKAY.
(Eugene) AH!

462
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,304
OVER HERE.
LOUIS.

463
00:20:17,297 --> 00:20:19,927
HEY, LOUIS. HEY.

464
00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:23,391
YOU OKAY, BIG GUY?

465
00:20:23,393 --> 00:20:24,973
YEAH. YEAH.

466
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:28,524
UM, I'M--I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT
TO BE A FILMMAKER, THAT'S ALL.

467
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:32,848
"NOT CUT OUT TO BE A FILMMAKER"?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

468
00:20:32,852 --> 00:20:34,232
LOOK WHAT YOU PUT TOGETHER

469
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,863
WITH--WITH ME
AND THESE MEATBALLS

470
00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:37,235
AS YOUR CAST AND CREW.

471
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,236
I MEAN,
THAT WAS OSCAR-WORTHY. HUH?

472
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,618
SO WHAT IF THIS, UH, HIPSTER
WITH HOLLYWOOD CONNECTIONS

473
00:20:41,621 --> 00:20:44,531
GETS THE JOB?
LOUIS, HERE'S THE DEAL, OKAY?

474
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:47,504
THE WORLD JUST DOESN'T HAND
STUFF TO GUYS LIKE YOU AND ME.

475
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,247
WE GOTTA TAKE IT.
WE GOTTA WORK FOR IT.

476
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,249
YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE, HUH?

477
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,251
SOMEDAY I'M GONNA
HAVE MY OWN BAR,

478
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,263
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE NEXT ROWDY HERRINGTON.

479
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,375
WHO?

480
00:20:58,378 --> 00:21:02,138
ROWDY HERRINGTON...
DIRECTED "ROAD HOUSE."

481
00:21:02,141 --> 00:21:05,181
(chuckles) OH. COOL.
THANKS, MR. GURKIN.

482
00:21:05,184 --> 00:21:08,194
HEY, I GOT YOU SOMETHING.

483
00:21:08,187 --> 00:21:11,057
WHAT IS THAT?

484
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:13,600
IT'S THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE
AWARD... KIND OF.

485
00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,193
BEST YOUNG FILMMAKER.

486
00:21:15,194 --> 00:21:17,784
I MADE IT OUT OF MARZIPAN.

487
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,527
(chuckles)

488
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,319
(Rockefeller)
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

489
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:23,531
(women) ♪ BLUE-COLLAR GUYS
WITH THEIR EYES ON THE PRIZE ♪

490
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,203
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

491
00:21:25,204 --> 00:21:27,504
♪ WALKIN' IN THEIR T-SHIRTS
SIDE BY SIDE ♪

492
00:21:27,497 --> 00:21:29,247
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

493
00:21:29,248 --> 00:21:31,288
♪ ONE MORE TIME
IN CASE YOU DIDN'T HEAR ♪

494
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,910
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

495
00:21:33,913 --> 00:21:35,923
WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.