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00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,003
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, big
stuff, friends, so buckle in.
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00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,038
As you know, Jane and Michael
had a fairy tale wedding,
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00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,440
but it turned into a nightmare,
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00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,443
but thankfully,
Michael survived and thrived.
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00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,178
So, it was a huge shock when...
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00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,446
I didn't pass my physical.
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00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,981
I can't go back
to the force.
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00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:17,515
Which meant he needed
a new career.
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00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,019
How about a lawyer?
Exciting, right?
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00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:22,354
Now all he had to do
was pass the LSAT.
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00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,456
And speaking
of big career moves,
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Rogelio wanted to cross over
from telenovelas,
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00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:30,062
so he shot a revealing part
in an indie film.
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00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,297
Yup. Really revealing.
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00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:33,699
And as for Jane's mom, Xo...
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00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,301
well, she was back
with her old flame, Bruce.
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00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:39,371
The only problem?
His daughter, Tess.
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00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,440
Barf. Sorry,
I shouldn't say that,
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00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,375
but trust me, she's tough.
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Also tough, Petra.
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Or she was before
her sister, Anezka,
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00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,965
paralyzed her
and took her place.
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And ever since
Petra woke up, well...
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00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,319
she's been having a hard time
connecting with her kids.
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Also having a hard time,
poor Rafael.
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See, he had covered up
his late father's crimes,
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but then he found out
his parents
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weren't really his parents,
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and he found an addendum
to his father's will,
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which would make him,
well, broke. Then again...
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If you're looking for the will,
it's over. I destroyed it.
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Or at least
she thought she did.
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I know. Straight out
of a telenovela, right?
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Which, of course, it is,
after all.
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Looking back, you could say
it felt different right away,
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which might be true,
or might just be memory.
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In any case,
when Michael Cordero Jr.
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was seven years old,
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he had the worst day
of his life.
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Honey, I'm sorry, you're sick,
so no trick-or-treating.
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But I feel totally fine.
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Of course, young Michael
was an unreliable narrator...
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You have a fever.
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...which I'm not.
Come on.
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Smile for me in your costume,
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and then we'll get
you into your pj's.
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MICHAEL:
Oh, man.
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I remember this
moment exactly.
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00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:01,553
Well, not exactly.
Oh.
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You were seven.
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Plus, the act of remembering
changes things.
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I read this article
in The New Yorker.
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Show off.
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It was about flashbulb memories.
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Oh, yeah, I read that one.
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(flash pops)
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Apparently, memories around
big events seem clearer,
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but the periphery disappears.
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You remember the feeling,
not the details.
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No. I remember it exactly.
He doesn't.
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'Cause it was so traumatizing.
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You can trust me.
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Okay, okay, I believe you.
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(laughs)
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(knock on door)
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(cell phone rings)
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Hello?
Hey, Alice.
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I have huge news!
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Wait, wait, what?
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Uh, yes, of course.
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Tell me about the job.
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ALICE:
Chloe Leland
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is in the market
for a new assistant.
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You know who she is, right?
Total wunderkind. And it's...
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$40,000 a year,
plus benefits?
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00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,638
And you know why her
current assistant is leaving?
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Because he's getting
his book published.
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By Chloe?
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Oh, my God, yes.
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Please, give her my résumé. Yes.
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Thank you.
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Okay, bye.
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This job sounds amazing.
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$40,000 a year.
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Plus benefits.
That would be huge.
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Right?
Hey, what's wrong, sweet boy?
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Well, if you must
know, I had some
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big news myself,
that I was excited to share.
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Oh. Sorry about that.
What is it?
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Never mind,
you stole my thunder.
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Dad.
Okay, here it is.
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JANE:
Oh, no, Mateo.
(Mateo vomits)
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Ugh. Uh.
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I hope he's not coming down
with a stomach bug.
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MICHAEL: Maybe it was
the chicken last night.
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I woke up feeling a little off.
Thought it was pretest jitters.
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Well, how do you feel now?
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Totally fine.
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Rogelio, you were
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about to tell us something.
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Oh, since you asked, they are
screening a-a rough cut
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of my film, uh, tomorrow night
for friends and family.
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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes. His full-frontal
Fassbender moment.
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MICHAEL:
Oh, I'm sorry.
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I have my last LSAT prep class.
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00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,973
I'll have to see it
at Sundance.
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00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:03,675
From your lips
to Robert Redford's ears.
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But, Jane,
you're coming, right?
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I, uh...
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I mean, it's...
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it's just so soon.
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I thought I'd have more time
to prepare.
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Oh, come on. I told you
I'll give you a heads up
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before the naked shot
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so you can look away.
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Promise?
Yes.
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And look,
stills for my fan club.
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Oh! Dad, put that back.
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But I signed my name
over my goodies.
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Fine.
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But you are coming, right?
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I thought you were
in just the one scene.
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Yeah, but I made up
the invitations.
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You're not going
to that, are you?
RAFAEL: No.
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He just invited me because
I helped him get the part.
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Good... because it was your idea
to dismiss the nannies
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for this whole
family bonding thing,
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so you can't leave me
alone with them.
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(baby jabbering)
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You know I have to meet my
lawyers, about the plea deal.
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Ah, yes. You'll recall
Rafael cooked some books
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to cover his father's
art theft.
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O-Only an hour, you said.
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Only it turns out his dad
wasn't really his dad.
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And also, my sister's coming,
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so I'll need
some time with her.
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To drop the bomb that
she's not really his sister.
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You done?
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00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,749
Yes, I-I think so.
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Yes.
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The rest of the time,
I will be here.
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MICHAEL:
Are you nervous?
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No, because I'm not gonna
make the same mistake
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that I made last time.
You mean when Cat told you
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not to prepare for
the interview and just,
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(falsetto):
"Fake it till you make it."
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Yeah, and this time I'm gonna
prep it till I crush it.
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My girl.
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(laughs)
So, I've been doing
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00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,603
a deep-dive Internet
search on Chloe Leland.
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Mm-hmm?
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She's incredible.
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00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,941
She published her first book
when she was 19
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00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,843
by tweeting one sentence
at a time.
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00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:45,911
Yeah, she's basically...
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00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,379
pioneered a whole new form.
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You're like the Mark Zuckerberg
of publishing.
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(laughing):
Oh, no, stop.
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But feel free to
tweet that about me.
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I like it.
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And she published,
Around The World
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In Eighty Leis:
A Hawaiian Girl Abroad,
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which was my favorite book
last summer.
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When I read that proposal,
I died.
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I had to snap
the minute after.
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00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,098
And she commissioned
a series of books called
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00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,733
Written To the Nines,
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which are all written
by kids under ten.
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Age ain't nothing but a number.
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Says the woman who's
accomplished more before 20
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than most people do
in their lifetime.
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Ugh, and yet, still single
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as my mother reminds me.
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Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
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How'd she become
a VP so young?
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Well, the woman she
replaced found herself
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on the wrong side of
a James Frey situation.
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Someone had
to take the fall.
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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
The cost of being
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an unreliable narrator,
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which as I've said, I'm not.
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Then again,
I'd say that if I were.
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I hated getting my big break
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at the expense
of another woman's failure,
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00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,669
but this isn't summer camp.
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No participation
trophies. Anyway...
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I like you enough for phase two,
Jane V.
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Sample coverage.
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00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,816
It's a new memoir.
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00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,818
One-page synopsis,
two-page analysis.
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I'll give you extra points
if you can do it
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00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,554
without using the letter "E".
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00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,823
Kidding.
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00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,824
(laughs nervously)
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00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,125
XIOMARA:
Jane V?
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00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,860
I think it's cute.
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00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,595
Thanks for watching
little man.
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00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,797
Hey, I'm your mom.
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00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,598
If you can't leave
your sick kid here,
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00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,700
and I can't ask for a
really big favor in return,
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00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,169
what do we have?
202
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:18,904
What's the really
big favor?
203
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:22,040
Lunch with me, Bruce
and scary Tess.
204
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,875
Mom, you're an adult.
205
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,243
Teenagers are mean,
206
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,610
and I think that
if you were there,
207
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,914
she would be a little
more self-conscious
208
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,749
about being a
bitch. Please?
209
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,185
Mateo puked on me twice.
210
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,554
Yeah, okay fine.
He did?
211
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,656
Yeah, but then
he seemed okay.
212
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:39,925
Oh, shoot, can I have a tampon?
213
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,593
I forgot to go to the store.
214
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,895
Sorry, I don't have my period.
You don't?
215
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,163
Mm-mm.
Aw.
216
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,932
We used to always have
the same cycle.
217
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,733
You aren't gonna cry
because we are not
218
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,202
on our periods
at the same time, are you?
219
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,937
No.
220
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,906
Oh, I think I'm due soon.
221
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,007
Hmm.
222
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,044
Oh, my God.
223
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,812
What?
224
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,814
You're right.
I'm late.
225
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,549
How late?
226
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,984
Like... five days late.
227
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,686
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, baby!
228
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,088
Jane V could be due soon,
all right.
229
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,995
(stammers)
Aren't you on the pill?
230
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,830
Ugh, I skipped
when we were camping,
231
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:19,998
but that was one day.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Damn.
232
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,533
These Villanueva women
are fertile.
233
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,101
Mom, I can't have
another baby right now.
234
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,604
Michael's trying to go back
to school; I have to work;
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00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,106
Mateo's so little;
we have a timeline.
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00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,609
Slow down, you haven't
even taken a test.
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00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,812
I've been late once before.
His name... is Mateo.
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00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:34,946
(Mateo crying)
239
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,982
I'll get him.
240
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,284
Do you have a pregnancy test
laying around by chance?
241
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,153
I think so.
242
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,021
Also having severe
baby anxiety...
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00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,160
What the hell are
you doing here?!
244
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,695
You're supposed to be
in the Czech Republic.
245
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:54,199
And you, I am done with you.
You are fired.
246
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,567
You can't fire me.
247
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,701
Oh, really?
248
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,803
Well, watch me,
you little piece of...
249
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:02,007
Oh, beautiful sister
with the ugly heart,
250
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:04,009
you don't have the
upper hand anymore.
251
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,677
What the hell is that?
252
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,546
That's the amendment
to Emilio Solano's will.
253
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,247
It's my wedding gift
for my wife,
254
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,783
Mrs. Anezka Archuletta.
255
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,285
(bells ringing)
256
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:15,053
You two are m-married?
257
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,655
Yeah, we sure are.
258
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,089
Which means I can
stay in this country.
259
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,626
Oh. Knock yourself out.
260
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:22,861
The real one's in a safe,
261
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,229
and scanned,
262
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,597
and hovering above you
263
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,966
all the time in a cloud.
264
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,235
Checkmate, Petra.
265
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,571
You burn me, I burn you.
266
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,673
The cycle of life.
267
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,741
I can play this game forever.
268
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,777
ANEZKA:
But we don't want to...
269
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,779
do we, my rooster?
270
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:41,913
(imitates rooster crowing)
271
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,914
(giggles)
272
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,783
What do you want?
273
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:45,784
DARCI:
Commitment.
274
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,686
I want commitment.
275
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,654
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes,
Rogelio's new girlfriend.
276
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:52,757
I'm a matchmaker. I know what
it is, what it looks like.
277
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,760
Wait, where's Rogelio?
278
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,762
Aren't you gonna say something?
279
00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,731
Should I be, like,
280
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,834
real mad right now or not yet?
281
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:04,769
Cut!
282
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,071
Ah, there he is.
283
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,672
(laughs)
284
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,674
Ryan, we've been over this.
285
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,343
She's trying to sell
a reality show, no?
286
00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,378
The more drama, the better.
287
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,850
DARCI:
It would be so much easier
288
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,019
if you would play the part
of my boyfriend.
289
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,921
You know I can't do that.
290
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,190
Not even for the sizzle?
291
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,831
Come on, can't you see it?
292
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:36,334
You and me, shrink-wrapped
on the side of a bus.
293
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:39,838
The De La Vega-Factor Factor.
294
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,707
"This matchmaker
has finally met her match!"
295
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,709
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I'd watch it.
296
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,711
Look, I have
to limit my exposure
297
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,813
to serious acting roles.
298
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,981
Perhaps I'll embrace reality
299
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,883
on the other side
of my career comet,
300
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,819
with a comeback
on Dancing with the Stars.
301
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,888
♪ ♪
302
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,791
(applause, cheering)
303
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:03,028
But would you come
to my screening with me, Darci?
304
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:06,731
I would love to walk the
red carpet with you on my arm.
305
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,067
There's a red carpet for
a friends and family screening?
306
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,703
The metaphorical red carpet.
307
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,873
I wouldn't miss it.
308
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,943
JANE: That is the cutest thing
I've ever seen.
309
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,445
Look, it's little Michael!
310
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,946
Almost as cute as you.
311
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,848
But not quite.
312
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,917
Someone's feeling better,
aren't you?
313
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,787
We are gonna put
all these photos on the wall,
314
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,423
so we can look around
and see our family.
315
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,791
Would you like that?
316
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,959
Yeah? Yeah?
317
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,929
Oh, oh!
318
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,432
Oh, yes. That's a good one.
319
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,801
We went to the carnival,
320
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:43,868
and Michael
was so nervous that night
321
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,769
he gave himself a tummy ache.
322
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,172
Like you, Mr. Sweetface.
323
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,406
(gasps)
324
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,909
Someone's in the copying phase.
325
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,344
You want to do
everything Mommy does now?
326
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,480
What do you think?
327
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,083
Are you ready for a sibling?
328
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,852
Hmm?
329
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,722
(inhales, exhales)
330
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,356
(door closes)
331
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,025
Guess who just destroyed
332
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,361
two multiple choice
practice sections in a row.
333
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,063
Oh, yeah?
334
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,735
Are you cooking?
(chuckles)
335
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,169
What'd you do with my wife?
336
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,438
It's just pasta.
337
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,174
(laughs) I wanted to do
something nice for you.
338
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,876
But instead you cooked?
339
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,879
Are you trying
to take advantage of me?
340
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,048
Please let
the answer be yes.
341
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,916
Oh, is this the manuscript
you have to read? How is it?
342
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,352
Oh, it's good.
Yeah, it's all about
343
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,920
this girl's crazy childhood
344
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,922
in Fort Pierce.
Oh, yeah?
345
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,891
As crazy as the drug bust
I worked there last year
346
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:40,992
with the Coast Guard?
347
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,360
Maybe I should write a memoir.
348
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,466
Okay, I have a practice
question for you.
349
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:51,136
If an 18-month-old
child's mother
350
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:53,204
is five days late
for her period...
351
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,240
Uh-huh.
and she and her husband
352
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,109
have a timeline
that include...
353
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,011
(sighs)
354
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,214
I don't know what comes next
in this question.
355
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,918
I'm trying to tell you
that we might be pregnant.
356
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,887
What?
357
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,856
I'm late. My mom gave me a test,
I-I haven't taken it yet,
358
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,224
I wanted to wait for you.
359
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,292
Really?
360
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,994
You're excited?
361
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,162
You're not?
362
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,530
I-I went straight
to stress.
363
00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:20,899
With school, and money.
364
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,333
Okay.
365
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,936
Okay, first,
l-let's take the test.
366
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,039
Is this a... a plus,
or a lightning bolt?
367
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,174
It's nothing.
368
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,508
My mom's test was expired.
369
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,010
I'll have to buy one tomorrow.
370
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,380
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh. Kind of a letdown.
371
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,916
So, you'd be excited?
372
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,384
I mean, it's sooner
than we thought,
373
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:43,021
but our family already started
earlier than we planned.
374
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,557
That's true.
375
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,325
What?
376
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,330
I'm just thinking
about a little baby Michael.
377
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,998
Or a little baby Jane.
(laughs)
378
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,569
And only two and a half
years younger than Mateo,
379
00:13:57,571 --> 00:14:00,238
which is kind of ideal
distance for siblings.
380
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,006
Mm-hmm.
381
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,175
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And speaking of siblings...
382
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,078
So I'm not actually
your brother, biologically.
383
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,882
Ah yes, look who's back.
384
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,155
And I understand
if this changes things for you.
385
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,457
Raf, stop.
386
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:22,527
You're my brother.
387
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,029
A blood test
doesn't change that.
388
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,898
I love you.
389
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,467
And I will
always have your back.
390
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,903
Just like
you've always had mine.
391
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,638
Aw, see?
392
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,541
This is the kind of sibling
love Jane was talking about.
393
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,543
Thank you.
394
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,613
I think this is the perfect time
for you to come.
395
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:43,114
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, no.
396
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,515
Who is she talking to?
397
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:48,119
No one. I'm telling you,
no one is here.
398
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,154
Not even the paps
know who I am.
399
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,023
It's humiliating.
400
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,092
And I'm the one
who called them with the hot tip
401
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,060
that celebs would be here.
402
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:59,931
You are a brilliant
actor, Rogelio.
403
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:04,602
Trust me, everyone in America
will know your name very soon.
404
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:06,104
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And actually, friends,
405
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,573
this would turn out to be true.
406
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,142
WOMAN (on screen): Then I upped
his meds, doubled the dose.
407
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,912
(harsh whisper):
Now! Now!
408
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,946
ROGELIO'S CHARACTER:
I can't do this anymore.
409
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:18,549
I don't want to feel anymore.
410
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,152
WOMAN: Several patients
have had side effects.
411
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,253
We could have class action suit
412
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,321
on our hands...
Wait, what?
413
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,555
Shh.
414
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,124
Where's the rest
of the scene?
415
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,392
I mean, they cut my penis.
416
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,493
Oh, my God,
417
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:32,096
they cut my penis!
418
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,331
Why would
you do that?
419
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,632
You can't just cut away
420
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,167
right in the middle of my...
421
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,207
Calm down, please.
I will not calm down!
422
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:46,377
They never would have
done that to Brad Pitt.
423
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,380
And I never would have taken a
role in this indie hack movie
424
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,183
if I'd known they were
going to humiliate me
425
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,218
by not showing my penis.
426
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,187
DARCI: Would you
stop saying that?
427
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,288
Why should I?
428
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,523
The movie's boring, and slow
429
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,225
and it had one
thing going for it:
430
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,494
my provocative penis.
431
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,464
Penis! Penis,
penis, penis!
432
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,367
I might as well say it, because
no one's ever gonna see it!
433
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,536
I get you're upset.
434
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,438
But you're still in the movie.
435
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,440
In a forgettable part.
436
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,442
It'll be okay.
No, it won't!
437
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,444
And you wouldn't understand
because you just want
438
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,312
to be Bethenny Frankel.
439
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,615
But I want to be
taken seriously.
440
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,418
Well.
441
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,687
I didn't get a glimpse
of your penis tonight,
442
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,190
but I did see a big dick.
443
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,562
MICHAEL: At least
you didn't have to see it.
444
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,330
Yeah, I know.
445
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,568
What's wrong?
446
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,603
I got my period.
447
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,406
Oh.
448
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,475
So. No baby.
449
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,476
Gotcha.
450
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:54,512
Okay.
451
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,248
Well, maybe it was for the best,
452
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,417
with me in school...
453
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,519
Yeah. And my work stuff
in the air.
454
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,222
I guess I just started to
get excited about the idea.
455
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:07,025
It's okay.
456
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,060
We have plenty of time.
457
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,095
Okay?
458
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,097
ANEZKA:
Give us a smile.
459
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,699
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Aw, look.
460
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,068
Petra's babies
are warming up...
461
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,369
(crying)
to Anezka.
462
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,570
Oh, dear.
463
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,040
Oh, I just missed them
so much.
464
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,442
And they missed
their Auntie Anezka. Hmm?
465
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,077
(chuckles)
466
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,179
Thank you for letting me
see them.
467
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,449
I didn't have much of a choice,
once you blackmailed me.
468
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,184
That is something I'd be wanting
to be moving on
469
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:34,752
from talking about.
(crying continues)
470
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,421
(whispers):
Here.
471
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,824
Come. Let me try.
472
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,594
Please. She's hungry.
473
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,636
(crying stops)
474
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,704
(crying)
475
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,641
Don't worry.
476
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,176
I'm sure they will be warming up
to you eventually.
477
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,512
(gasps)
No?
478
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,381
Mm...
479
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,284
RAFAEL:
I just passed Anezka
480
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,653
in the hallway. What the hell
is she doing here?
481
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:12,523
(sighs) She just wants to spend
some time with the twins.
482
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,626
Look, she's blackmailing us,
what was I supposed to do?
483
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:19,163
If I probate the will, they
won't be able to blackmail us.
484
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,499
No. No, you promised
you wouldn't do that.
485
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,767
Raf, please.
486
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,702
Let me give my kids
what I never had--
487
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:27,638
financial stability.
488
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,875
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, the things we do
for our kids.
489
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,446
And... our moms.
490
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,250
So, Tess.
491
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,185
What do you like
to do for fun?
492
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,588
(phone chimes)
493
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,523
Hey. No, um, phones
at the table.
494
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,226
Of course. Sorry,
I didn't mean to be rude.
495
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,861
Ah, yes. Teenspeak.
496
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:52,697
Sorry, allow me to translate.
497
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,399
Of course, sorry,
I didn't mean to be rude.
498
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:01,205
Let's just zip through
the highlights, shall we?
499
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,174
Pass the salt, please?
500
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,512
And the pepper.
501
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,251
Cute wallpaper.
502
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,190
It's nice you're so loyal
to your family.
503
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:22,360
Yeah, we're really close,
504
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,529
but I don't live
at home anymore.
505
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,198
Huh. I guess Jane still has
a rudimentary fluency.
506
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,833
Oh, my dad said
you lived at home.
507
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,836
I used to, but my husband
and I live in Wynwood now.
508
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,605
I told you, she moved...
I don't listen that much to you.
509
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,707
That's actually
a really cool area.
510
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,509
Yeah. We love it.
511
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,546
Uh, the apartment's small,
but we live, like, three blocks
512
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,581
from the Panther coffee shop
on the corner of Sycamore.
513
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,450
Seriously? I go there
with my friends all the time.
514
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:47,785
Their mocha lattes
are legit.
515
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,654
Totally legit.
516
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:53,724
Aw, looks like Tess and Jane
are actually bonding a little.
517
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,862
Also bonding?
518
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,531
So sorry I'm late,
I had to put the twins down.
519
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,233
Oh, no problem.
520
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:04,368
No, no, no. I am under
strict instructions
521
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,705
not to let you touch anything
that might be contagious.
522
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,874
Uh, I have the big
test tomorrow, so...
523
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,209
Yeah.
524
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,643
So cool, man.
525
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,412
What you're doing.
526
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,214
It's really impressive.
527
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,715
Oh, thank you.
I appreciate that.
528
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,950
JANE:
Hey.
529
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:20,718
Found Mr. Monkey.
(gasps)
530
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,520
Good-bye, Mr. Sweetface.
531
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,489
I love you.
(kissing noises, laughing)
532
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:26,857
(phone beeps)
533
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,726
You're copying Daddy,
aren't you?
534
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,662
He's copying everything
these days. Everything.
535
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,265
You want to be just
like Daddy, don't you?
536
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,567
(laughing):
Yeah!
537
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,805
Okay. Back to the books for me.
538
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,907
Uh, speaking of books,
do you think it's weird
539
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,409
that Chloe never responded
about my coverage?
540
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,978
Probably just hasn't
read it yet.
541
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,512
Yeah.
(knocking on door)
542
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,781
Oh. They must have
forgotten something.
543
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,516
(sighs)
544
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:55,253
Jane!
545
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,721
I found your house!
(laughs)
546
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:57,989
What are you doing here?
547
00:20:57,991 --> 00:21:00,691
It took me a couple of tries,
but whoo-hoo!
548
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,893
P.S., your neighbors are mean.
549
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,695
Are you drunk?
550
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,364
I'm just a little bit
completely trashed.
551
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,366
Don't tell my dad. Shh.
552
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,734
I can crash here, right?
553
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,969
Um...
554
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:19,844
She won't let me take
her to Bruce's.
555
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,412
You can't tell my dad.
Please!
Okay.
556
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:23,814
I'll be nice to you,
I swear.
Just sit down.
557
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,783
You can have sex
with him all the time.
558
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,351
We'll get you some water.
559
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:29,620
And maybe some pizza?
560
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,790
I have to call
Bruce, right?
561
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,892
Definitely. Just give her
a little time to sober up.
562
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:36,060
Okay, I don't want
to mess this up.
563
00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:38,062
This feels like
some kind of test.
564
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:50,341
Ma, she's gone.
565
00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:51,876
What?
566
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,379
She can't get far
on foot-- she's wasted.
567
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:56,881
My bike is missing.
568
00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:05,656
How do you know?
(bike bell rings)
569
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:06,857
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
A bike bell.
570
00:22:11,898 --> 00:22:13,531
JANE:
I've got eyes on her!
571
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:16,067
Riding northwest on Parker.
572
00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:18,869
Oh, oh... I can't keep up!
573
00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:21,706
She's making a right on 26th.
574
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:23,641
Copy.
(bike bell rings)
575
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:26,377
I've got eyes on her.
I've got eyes on her!
576
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:28,913
I lost eyes.
577
00:22:28,915 --> 00:22:30,881
XIOMARA (over phone speaker):
She turning down Evans. Evans!
578
00:22:40,093 --> 00:22:42,360
(horn honks)
579
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:50,468
Enough, I get it, Barry.
580
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:52,737
I screwed up.
It's everywhere.
581
00:22:52,739 --> 00:22:55,639
TMZ, Perez, Lenny Letter.
582
00:22:55,641 --> 00:22:57,541
It's gone viral.
583
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,377
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I did say
America would know his name.
584
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:01,412
Well, you're my agent,
can you fix it?
585
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:02,680
ROGELIO (on iPad):
You will never understand me
586
00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:04,749
because you just want
to be Bethenny Frankel
587
00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:06,784
and I want to be
taken seriously.
588
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:08,452
BRUCE:
This behavior...
589
00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:11,021
I'm just so angry.
590
00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:12,890
I'm taking away her cell,
she is not leaving the house.
591
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:16,894
Or... maybe go
the talk route?
592
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,864
I'm sorry, it's not my place.
No,
593
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:20,965
I want to know
what you think.
594
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:26,604
I think she's a good kid
who went somewhere safe.
595
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:28,139
Which is kind of responsible.
596
00:23:28,141 --> 00:23:31,475
I mean, much more
responsible than I was.
597
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:34,979
And this stuff
is gonna happen.
598
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:36,847
So you want to be someone
she can talk to,
599
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:38,816
not run away from.
600
00:23:38,818 --> 00:23:42,153
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: It should
be noted that Tess was awake,
601
00:23:42,155 --> 00:23:44,822
which Xo knew.
602
00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:52,430
I left my pictures here.
603
00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:53,964
Oh, okay.
604
00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:56,967
Dad, are you all right?
605
00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:58,903
Did you see the Internet?
606
00:23:58,905 --> 00:24:01,172
ROGELIO (on computer):
Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!
607
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:04,508
No, we haven't.
What's going on?
608
00:24:04,510 --> 00:24:07,578
It was awful,
the way I yelled...
609
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:08,979
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
"Penis" a hundred times?
610
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,514
...at Darci.
611
00:24:10,516 --> 00:24:12,583
I just blew up at her
612
00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:14,018
and said hurtful things.
613
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:16,787
And-and I'm calling
to apologize,
614
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,124
but she won't answer,
and I don't blame her.
615
00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:23,093
What you need, my friend,
616
00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:25,095
is a big gesture
to win her back.
617
00:24:25,097 --> 00:24:26,897
When I was winning over Jane,
618
00:24:26,899 --> 00:24:30,100
I karaoked, I whittled
her a giraffe.
619
00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:32,002
Oh, remember when you helped
me build that awesome
620
00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:34,171
honeymoon suite
in the hospital bed?
621
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:36,240
Yeah, that all feels small
and low-impact.
622
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:38,242
Okay.
623
00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:40,110
Well, I'm sure you'll
think of something
624
00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:41,979
that's just the right size.
625
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:44,014
Now what I'm going to do
626
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:45,950
with these 250
627
00:24:45,952 --> 00:24:48,486
8x10 glossies?
628
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:49,787
Where are my pictures?
629
00:24:49,789 --> 00:24:52,256
Oh, my God!
630
00:24:52,258 --> 00:24:54,258
This is my manuscript
and my coverage to Chloe.
631
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:55,593
I thought you already
dropped that off.
632
00:24:55,595 --> 00:24:56,594
I did.
633
00:24:56,596 --> 00:24:58,095
(gasps)
Oh, no.
634
00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:00,731
Alice! Hi,
i-it's Jane Villanueva.
635
00:25:00,733 --> 00:25:02,099
Jane, what happened?
636
00:25:02,101 --> 00:25:03,734
Why'd you flake
on the coverage?
637
00:25:03,736 --> 00:25:05,035
That's why I'm calling--
I didn't.
638
00:25:05,037 --> 00:25:08,138
I actually dropped off
the wrong envelope,
639
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:12,076
which may have contained some...
other pictures.
640
00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:14,712
Oh, my God,
the weird naked guy?
641
00:25:14,714 --> 00:25:16,914
I can bring the coverage over
in, like, 20 minutes.
642
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:18,983
Sorry, Chloe's not big
into second chances.
643
00:25:18,985 --> 00:25:20,985
She's interviewing
other candidates.
644
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:23,687
PETRA: What's wrong?
645
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,222
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Looks like isn't the only one
646
00:25:25,224 --> 00:25:26,857
getting bad news.
647
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:27,892
Rafael, what happened?
648
00:25:27,894 --> 00:25:31,028
That was my lawyer.
649
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,131
The plea deal is off the table.
650
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:37,301
Apparently there's
a lot of scrutiny--
651
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:40,104
rich guys being
treated differently.
652
00:25:40,106 --> 00:25:42,306
And my family is
high-profile,
653
00:25:42,308 --> 00:25:45,743
so the mayor wants to show he's
tough on white-collar crime.
654
00:25:45,745 --> 00:25:48,846
Okay, so you fight back.
655
00:25:48,848 --> 00:25:51,749
If I do that, everyone
in my life will be subpoenaed,
656
00:25:51,751 --> 00:25:54,084
interrogated and dragged
through the mud.
657
00:25:54,086 --> 00:25:56,620
What's the alternative?
I don't know.
658
00:25:56,622 --> 00:25:58,088
I could plead guilty.
659
00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,257
And what?
You pay a fine?
660
00:26:00,259 --> 00:26:02,026
No.
661
00:26:02,028 --> 00:26:04,161
I'd go to jail.
662
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:12,202
With good behavior,
I could be out in...
663
00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,172
I don't know,
nine months?
664
00:26:15,174 --> 00:26:17,741
Wait, stop, no.
665
00:26:17,743 --> 00:26:20,744
Rafael, you're not
going to jail.
666
00:26:20,746 --> 00:26:22,846
Okay? You're gonna
get a great lawyer.
667
00:26:22,848 --> 00:26:25,849
I mean, I-I was framed for
murder, and we figured it out.
668
00:26:25,851 --> 00:26:27,885
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
There's a sentence you don't
hear every day.
669
00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:29,353
But I did it.
670
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,589
I lied.
No.
671
00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:33,791
I reject your defeat.
672
00:26:33,793 --> 00:26:35,159
Look, no, what you need
to do now is you need
673
00:26:35,161 --> 00:26:36,894
to go upstairs,
collect all your files,
674
00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:38,729
calendars, uh, relevant e-mails.
675
00:26:38,731 --> 00:26:40,264
Anything that can help and-and
we'll come up with something.
676
00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:41,632
Petra, Petra...
677
00:26:41,634 --> 00:26:43,200
No, I need you!
678
00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:44,768
Rafael, there are two little
girls who need you.
679
00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,203
They need role models!
680
00:26:46,205 --> 00:26:48,706
Mateo is copying everything
that I'm doing.
681
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:50,240
Everything.
682
00:26:50,242 --> 00:26:51,208
And I have to look at that.
683
00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:52,776
What am I teaching my kids?
684
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,211
They don't know.
They will.
685
00:26:54,213 --> 00:26:56,280
At some point, they will.
686
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,348
Just like I knew
everything that my dad
687
00:26:58,351 --> 00:27:00,284
or Emilio
688
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,252
was doing,
and I just,
689
00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:06,357
I want to be someone
that they are proud of.
690
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,626
I can't do it alone.
691
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:09,660
You'll have help.
692
00:27:09,662 --> 00:27:10,761
I can't!
693
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:13,163
(baby crying)
694
00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:15,032
PETRA:
Great, now I've upset her.
695
00:27:15,034 --> 00:27:16,166
RAFAEL:
Turn on the mobile.
696
00:27:16,168 --> 00:27:19,169
She likes it.
697
00:27:19,171 --> 00:27:20,371
(melody playing)
698
00:27:20,373 --> 00:27:23,273
(baby quiets)
699
00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:25,943
(carnival music playing)
700
00:27:28,247 --> 00:27:29,279
JANE:
You feeling okay?
701
00:27:29,281 --> 00:27:30,981
MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah,
it just...
702
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:34,284
it feels weird to be out,
not studying.
703
00:27:34,286 --> 00:27:36,320
The night before a big test,
704
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,088
you know everything
you're gonna know.
705
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:40,224
And you need to relax, hmm?
706
00:27:40,226 --> 00:27:42,359
And this place is good
for your nerves, right?
707
00:27:42,361 --> 00:27:44,228
It definitely was.
708
00:27:44,230 --> 00:27:46,664
You know, that night
is the last time
709
00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:49,066
I had seen you this nervous.
710
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:58,075
So, um, do you like
roller coasters?
711
00:27:58,077 --> 00:27:59,209
Yep, still do.
712
00:27:59,211 --> 00:28:01,245
You asked me that
in the car.
713
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:05,916
Wristbands or tickets?
714
00:28:05,918 --> 00:28:07,184
Uh...
I wonder...
715
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:10,120
Let's go over there first.
Okay.
716
00:28:10,122 --> 00:28:11,922
I dragged you here first.
717
00:28:11,924 --> 00:28:15,025
Oh, I remember.
718
00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:16,293
Here, grab the handle.
719
00:28:16,295 --> 00:28:18,829
We can see how
compatible we are.
720
00:28:18,831 --> 00:28:19,863
(machine chiming)
721
00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:22,132
Ah! We made the heart glow.
722
00:28:22,134 --> 00:28:23,300
Wow. Cool.
723
00:28:24,437 --> 00:28:26,103
We should do
the wristbands then,
724
00:28:26,105 --> 00:28:28,138
so we can ride as many
times as we want.
725
00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:30,374
Okay.
726
00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:36,113
Go.
727
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:39,116
And it's not working.
728
00:28:39,118 --> 00:28:41,118
Who cares? We don't need
some creepy old machine
729
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,420
to tell us that we're in love.
730
00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:49,226
Hey, do you have
any more singles?
731
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,361
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, the photo booth.
732
00:28:51,363 --> 00:28:54,398
A time-honored make-out zone.
733
00:28:56,035 --> 00:28:57,935
Smile.
734
00:29:06,212 --> 00:29:08,378
Wait, I think
it's over now.
735
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:09,446
I know, but I'm not done.
736
00:29:09,448 --> 00:29:11,181
(laughing)
737
00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,420
They're...
738
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,222
cute.
739
00:29:18,224 --> 00:29:19,389
They're porn!
740
00:29:19,391 --> 00:29:21,358
Who needs a busted
love tester
741
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,127
when you have
visual proof?
742
00:29:23,129 --> 00:29:24,795
I give you exhibit A.
743
00:29:24,797 --> 00:29:26,930
Yes, preach, lawyer.
744
00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:28,432
Feeling better about your test?
745
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:31,001
I was until you
reminded me about it.
746
00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:32,469
So let's go.
747
00:29:32,471 --> 00:29:34,538
You remember.
748
00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:37,975
Everything, exactly.
749
00:29:45,851 --> 00:29:49,386
Okay, what's going on
with you?
750
00:29:49,388 --> 00:29:52,022
I'm nervous.
751
00:29:56,095 --> 00:29:58,262
You've got nothing
to be nervous about.
752
00:29:58,264 --> 00:30:00,030
You crushed those
practice tests.
753
00:30:00,032 --> 00:30:01,165
You've got this.
754
00:30:01,167 --> 00:30:02,866
I do feel prepared.
755
00:30:02,868 --> 00:30:04,802
I just want to do well.
756
00:30:04,804 --> 00:30:06,870
For us.
757
00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:15,579
I... I want...
758
00:30:15,581 --> 00:30:17,581
What?
759
00:30:17,583 --> 00:30:19,483
Well, these last last,
these last few weeks
760
00:30:19,485 --> 00:30:21,385
have been great.
I agree.
761
00:30:21,387 --> 00:30:24,421
And I just want you
to know that I'm not...
762
00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:27,825
...dating anyone else.
763
00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:29,860
And I know you're
still seeing Sam...
764
00:30:29,862 --> 00:30:32,062
Michael.
No, it-it's fine,
it's totally fine.
765
00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:33,597
I just want you to know
that, for me,
766
00:30:33,599 --> 00:30:35,499
that's not, uh...
that's not where I'm at.
767
00:30:35,501 --> 00:30:37,601
And I just want
to be with you,
768
00:30:37,603 --> 00:30:40,437
and I just want you
to be aware.
769
00:30:40,439 --> 00:30:41,538
Are you done?
770
00:30:43,475 --> 00:30:45,609
I haven't seen Sam since
you kissed me two weeks ago.
771
00:30:45,611 --> 00:30:47,344
Ah, thank God!
772
00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:50,414
I only want to be
with you, too.
773
00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:04,027
It'd be fun to
take Mateo here.
774
00:31:04,029 --> 00:31:05,429
Yeah.
775
00:31:05,431 --> 00:31:08,432
And it was fun thinking
about baby number two.
776
00:31:08,434 --> 00:31:11,235
Yeah, it was.
777
00:31:11,237 --> 00:31:12,369
I was actually thinking
778
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:14,171
maybe we should
move up our time line.
779
00:31:14,173 --> 00:31:15,472
To what?
780
00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:17,307
I don't know.
781
00:31:17,309 --> 00:31:20,577
I just want to be open
to things changing.
782
00:31:33,125 --> 00:31:35,125
I just want to
stay up here with you.
783
00:31:35,127 --> 00:31:37,361
I don't want
to go back down.
784
00:31:37,363 --> 00:31:39,496
Me, too.
785
00:31:39,498 --> 00:31:41,498
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Me three.
786
00:31:47,473 --> 00:31:50,274
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All right.
What comes up must come down.
787
00:31:50,276 --> 00:31:55,445
Oh! Over there is where part of
that amazing memoir took place.
788
00:31:55,447 --> 00:31:57,114
When the author
was 14 years old,
789
00:31:57,116 --> 00:31:58,916
she would swim
from island to island
790
00:31:58,918 --> 00:32:01,551
to escape her crazy home life.
791
00:32:01,553 --> 00:32:04,221
Well, not island to
island, but-but, hmm.
792
00:32:04,223 --> 00:32:05,555
No, she did.
793
00:32:05,557 --> 00:32:07,357
No, that's impossible.
There are jetties
794
00:32:07,359 --> 00:32:09,326
just under the water
that you can't see.
795
00:32:09,328 --> 00:32:11,028
I remember, during
our drug bust,
796
00:32:11,030 --> 00:32:12,496
our boats had to go around.
797
00:32:12,498 --> 00:32:14,264
What?
798
00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:16,500
I guess the author just
embellished a little,
799
00:32:16,502 --> 00:32:17,968
for artistic effect.
800
00:32:17,970 --> 00:32:20,003
No, you can't embellish
a non-fiction memoir.
801
00:32:20,005 --> 00:32:21,471
It has to be true.
802
00:32:21,473 --> 00:32:23,974
Well, it's not.
803
00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:25,309
(chuckles softly)
804
00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:26,643
Then the girl's...
805
00:32:26,645 --> 00:32:28,412
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
An unreliable narrator.
806
00:32:28,414 --> 00:32:31,682
...a fraud!
807
00:32:31,684 --> 00:32:33,483
And you're a genius.
808
00:32:33,485 --> 00:32:35,218
Ha!
809
00:32:47,199 --> 00:32:49,466
(baby crying over monitor)
810
00:32:57,443 --> 00:32:59,242
Rafael.
811
00:32:59,244 --> 00:33:01,311
Hmm?
812
00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:02,579
(crying intensifies)
813
00:33:07,186 --> 00:33:09,052
Elsa, come on, I'm your mommy!
814
00:33:09,054 --> 00:33:11,121
Come on...
815
00:33:13,158 --> 00:33:15,158
(crying)
816
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,060
MICHAEL:
It's nerves.
817
00:33:17,062 --> 00:33:18,428
Fine, but if you're not
feeling better after the test,
818
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:20,564
I'm taking you to the
doctor, end of story.
819
00:33:20,566 --> 00:33:22,466
Got it.
(exhales)
820
00:33:24,169 --> 00:33:26,236
No way.
821
00:33:26,238 --> 00:33:27,637
Where did you find this?
822
00:33:27,639 --> 00:33:29,306
eBay.
823
00:33:29,308 --> 00:33:32,409
Inside is crackers,
an apple, antacid.
824
00:33:32,411 --> 00:33:34,177
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
825
00:33:34,179 --> 00:33:35,846
And good luck with Chloe.
826
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,514
Thank you for helping me
do the research last night.
827
00:33:37,516 --> 00:33:39,249
And thank you
for what happened after.
828
00:33:39,251 --> 00:33:40,350
(laughs)
829
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,418
I love you.
830
00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:43,086
I love you, too. Mwah.
831
00:33:43,088 --> 00:33:44,154
You got this.
832
00:33:44,156 --> 00:33:45,188
Okay.
833
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:46,456
Michael!
834
00:33:46,458 --> 00:33:49,593
I am so proud of you.
835
00:33:49,595 --> 00:33:51,461
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And friends, it should be noted
836
00:33:51,463 --> 00:33:55,098
that Jane would play
this moment over and over,
837
00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:58,602
until it became a memory.
838
00:33:58,604 --> 00:34:00,037
Yeah.
Okay.
839
00:34:00,039 --> 00:34:03,173
And therefore, unreliable.
840
00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:05,108
It's filled with gross
exaggerations and flat-out lies,
841
00:34:05,110 --> 00:34:07,811
and I know you don't want
to hire me, and that's fine,
842
00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:10,280
but you can't publish this book.
843
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,753
Bravo. You passed the test.
844
00:34:18,090 --> 00:34:19,589
I'm here to take the test.
845
00:34:19,591 --> 00:34:21,758
Sign in here, put your
cell phone in the bin.
846
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,660
CHLOE:
People cheat. Lie.
847
00:34:23,662 --> 00:34:25,595
So I have to be vigilant.
848
00:34:25,597 --> 00:34:29,199
Make sure the people
I hire are vigilant.
849
00:34:29,201 --> 00:34:31,068
I'd written you off,
but you're the only applicant
850
00:34:31,070 --> 00:34:32,469
that figured it out.
851
00:34:32,471 --> 00:34:35,138
So the job's yours
if you want it.
852
00:34:35,140 --> 00:34:36,306
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Do you
really want to work for someone
853
00:34:36,308 --> 00:34:37,374
who tests you like that?
854
00:34:37,376 --> 00:34:38,608
Of course I want the job!
855
00:34:38,610 --> 00:34:41,645
Then again,
Jane does love tests.
856
00:34:41,647 --> 00:34:44,281
Michael, on the other hand...
857
00:34:49,588 --> 00:34:50,654
(chuckles softly)
858
00:34:53,225 --> 00:34:54,558
Oh, sorry! Sorry.
859
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,727
I just got a new job
and it feels like a dream!
860
00:34:57,729 --> 00:34:59,429
Mm!
861
00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:00,530
Want to try?
862
00:35:00,532 --> 00:35:02,566
You want to try?
863
00:35:02,568 --> 00:35:04,501
(Rafael exhales)
864
00:35:04,503 --> 00:35:06,536
I let you sleep.
(chuckles)
865
00:35:06,538 --> 00:35:07,871
You had so much on your mind.
866
00:35:07,873 --> 00:35:09,606
Oh, Mateo's still
sleeping, too.
867
00:35:09,608 --> 00:35:12,342
Thank you.
868
00:35:12,344 --> 00:35:14,211
Are the nannies here?
869
00:35:14,213 --> 00:35:15,345
No. I did it.
870
00:35:15,347 --> 00:35:16,847
I-I got them back
to sleep last night,
871
00:35:16,849 --> 00:35:18,515
and then up this morning,
and I changed
872
00:35:18,517 --> 00:35:20,484
their disgusting diapers,
873
00:35:20,486 --> 00:35:22,185
and I dressed them
and you're right.
874
00:35:22,187 --> 00:35:23,753
I can do it.
875
00:35:25,157 --> 00:35:27,324
So...
876
00:35:27,326 --> 00:35:29,526
whatever you want to do,
877
00:35:29,528 --> 00:35:31,394
you do.
878
00:35:32,564 --> 00:35:34,598
I want a clean slate.
879
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,901
I don't want this hanging
over my head anymore.
880
00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:44,274
So, jail?
881
00:35:44,276 --> 00:35:46,276
It's only
nine months.
882
00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:49,346
And then I get to start over.
883
00:35:49,348 --> 00:35:52,549
Well, I can handle things here.
884
00:35:52,551 --> 00:35:53,884
(doorbell rings)
885
00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:55,719
Which would prove to be true,
886
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:57,387
for the record.
887
00:35:57,389 --> 00:35:58,722
But we're not there yet.
888
00:35:58,724 --> 00:35:59,923
Raf.
889
00:35:59,925 --> 00:36:02,225
Good morning.
890
00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:03,760
I... I just wanted
you to meet Eileen.
891
00:36:03,762 --> 00:36:05,729
We've been dating for the
last three months, so I thought
892
00:36:05,731 --> 00:36:06,930
you two should meet each other.
893
00:36:06,932 --> 00:36:09,199
Uh-oh. Eileen. Who's Eileen?
894
00:36:09,201 --> 00:36:12,869
I have heard so many wonderful
things about you, Rafael.
895
00:36:19,311 --> 00:36:22,612
What's going on, can't...
can't we come in?
896
00:36:22,614 --> 00:36:23,580
Right. Uh, no.
897
00:36:23,582 --> 00:36:24,814
EILEEN: Oh,
I'm sensing
898
00:36:24,816 --> 00:36:27,551
some negative energy.
899
00:36:27,553 --> 00:36:29,219
I'm an empath.
Oh.
900
00:36:29,221 --> 00:36:30,620
A guru.
Oh, honey.
901
00:36:30,622 --> 00:36:32,322
You know I don't like that word.
902
00:36:32,324 --> 00:36:33,690
I'm more of a guide.
903
00:36:33,692 --> 00:36:37,294
Eileen, it is really nice
to meet you,
904
00:36:37,296 --> 00:36:38,828
but here's
the thing.
905
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:41,631
If you want to be
in my sister's life, or mine,
906
00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:44,534
we need to do
some medical tests.
907
00:36:44,536 --> 00:36:45,735
Are you freaking kidding me?
Your last girlfriend
908
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:47,671
was a criminal with a fake face.
Oh, my God.
909
00:36:47,673 --> 00:36:49,372
Oh, my God, oh, my...
Hon, hon, it's okay.
We have nothing to hide.
910
00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:50,407
What kind of tests?
911
00:36:50,409 --> 00:36:51,474
Blood test,
912
00:36:51,476 --> 00:36:53,476
uh, X ray, DNA, MRI
913
00:36:53,478 --> 00:36:55,712
and whatever else the doctor
recommends to rule out
914
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:57,747
any plastic surgery.
915
00:36:57,749 --> 00:36:58,848
You got it, friend.
916
00:36:58,850 --> 00:37:01,318
Thanks.
917
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:03,820
Look, it-it's just that, um...
918
00:37:03,822 --> 00:37:07,257
her ex killed my dad.
919
00:37:07,259 --> 00:37:11,561
I know. But that's only if you
believe that death is finite.
920
00:37:11,563 --> 00:37:12,896
Yeah.
921
00:37:12,898 --> 00:37:15,665
I do, so...
922
00:37:15,667 --> 00:37:17,901
Well, that went well.
923
00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:20,403
Yeah.
924
00:37:26,478 --> 00:37:27,911
(raspberry)
925
00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:29,479
You do realize,
926
00:37:29,481 --> 00:37:30,714
when you pass
this medical exam,
927
00:37:30,716 --> 00:37:33,650
you leave the country. For good.
928
00:37:33,652 --> 00:37:35,885
Yep. For ten million bucks,
I can do that.
929
00:37:35,887 --> 00:37:37,754
You'd better.
930
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:41,791
Or I will have you killed,
931
00:37:41,793 --> 00:37:43,460
make no mistake.
932
00:37:43,462 --> 00:37:46,529
(laughs)
Excuse me.
933
00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:50,500
Let me talk to you for a second.
934
00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:51,935
What?
What are you doing?
935
00:37:51,937 --> 00:37:53,737
I can't even
make threats anymore?
936
00:37:53,739 --> 00:37:55,438
We talked about this.
937
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,439
It's just words.
938
00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:58,275
She has to be scared. Relax.
939
00:37:58,277 --> 00:37:59,776
Okay, ladies.
I'm gonna go hit the shower.
940
00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:02,012
I got some medical exams
to pass.
941
00:38:03,749 --> 00:38:06,650
Oh, baby. We are so close.
942
00:38:06,652 --> 00:38:09,452
We're gonna get back to normal.
Go to family functions.
943
00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:10,787
We can take walks along
the beach, it's gonna be...
944
00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:11,988
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
But again,
945
00:38:11,990 --> 00:38:13,590
we're not there yet.
946
00:38:13,592 --> 00:38:15,525
Where the hell are we?
947
00:38:15,527 --> 00:38:17,794
Here. You can open
your eyes now.
948
00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:18,928
(sighs)
949
00:38:18,930 --> 00:38:21,698
DARCI:
You're doing it?
950
00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:23,800
Brad Pitt started out
dressed as a chicken
951
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:25,735
handing out coupons
on Hollywood Boulevard.
952
00:38:25,737 --> 00:38:27,871
Who says I can't make
a pit stop in reality TV
953
00:38:27,873 --> 00:38:30,640
on my way to super stardom?
954
00:38:37,382 --> 00:38:39,749
So we're gonna have to do this
for the cameras again.
955
00:38:39,751 --> 00:38:40,917
Okay?
956
00:38:40,919 --> 00:38:42,786
I can't wait...
957
00:38:42,788 --> 00:38:44,721
To actually stop waitressing.
958
00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:47,590
Move on to the next phase,
you know?
959
00:38:47,592 --> 00:38:48,792
Publishing.
960
00:38:48,794 --> 00:38:51,428
And then hopefully, published.
961
00:38:51,430 --> 00:38:52,696
(chuckles)
962
00:38:55,634 --> 00:38:58,034
Speaking of the
next phases,
963
00:38:58,036 --> 00:39:00,770
Tess and I had, kind of, like
a breakthrough this morning.
964
00:39:00,772 --> 00:39:02,038
Oh!
Ah.
965
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,810
And Bruce and I
were talking and...
966
00:39:06,812 --> 00:39:08,878
well, we might move in
at some point.
967
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,480
Really?
968
00:39:10,482 --> 00:39:11,948
I mean, not,
like, right away,
969
00:39:11,950 --> 00:39:13,983
but in, like, in six months?
970
00:39:13,985 --> 00:39:15,485
That's what we'd
be looking to do.
971
00:39:15,487 --> 00:39:18,355
And then there was one.
972
00:39:18,357 --> 00:39:21,491
I know, it's a lot
to think about, Ma.
973
00:39:21,493 --> 00:39:22,926
T-That's why
I'm mentioning it now,
974
00:39:24,596 --> 00:39:26,930
while it's still far away.
975
00:39:33,772 --> 00:39:35,071
JANE:
They lived happily ever after.
976
00:39:35,073 --> 00:39:37,140
The end.
977
00:39:37,142 --> 00:39:39,142
What do you think?
978
00:39:39,144 --> 00:39:41,010
Is Michael almost done
with his test, Mateo? Hmm?
979
00:39:41,012 --> 00:39:43,646
(growling, laughs)
980
00:39:54,593 --> 00:39:57,026
(gasping)
981
00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:58,461
(students murmuring)
982
00:39:58,463 --> 00:39:59,896
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And friends,
983
00:39:59,898 --> 00:40:02,932
I did say Michael
would love Jane
984
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:04,834
until his dying breath.
985
00:40:04,836 --> 00:40:06,035
FEMALE STUDENT:
He's not breathing!
986
00:40:06,037 --> 00:40:07,470
MALE STUDENT:
Call 911.
987
00:40:14,179 --> 00:40:15,879
MAN: Your husband's death
was ultimately the result
988
00:40:15,881 --> 00:40:17,480
of his gunshot wound.
989
00:40:17,482 --> 00:40:19,716
His blood pressure spiked...
990
00:40:19,718 --> 00:40:21,418
...aortic dissection...
991
00:40:21,420 --> 00:40:23,887
We're so sorry.
992
00:40:27,092 --> 00:40:29,893
(crying, screaming)
993
00:40:29,895 --> 00:40:30,927
Jane, Jane, Jane. Hey.
994
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:32,128
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
995
00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:36,866
What happened? Shh...
996
00:40:36,868 --> 00:40:38,468
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which unfortunately,
997
00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:43,006
brings us to the end
of Part Two.
998
00:40:43,030 --> 00:40:48,030
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com
999
00:40:53,051 --> 00:40:55,685
(exhales)
1000
00:41:09,501 --> 00:41:11,034
Mateo, hurry up!
1001
00:41:11,036 --> 00:41:12,936
I'm ready, Mom.
1002
00:41:12,938 --> 00:41:14,771
Shoes.
1003
00:41:14,773 --> 00:41:17,240
Come on, sweetie. We don't want
to be late for the wedding.
1004
00:41:17,242 --> 00:41:19,542
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
So... yeah.
1005
00:41:19,544 --> 00:41:21,611
We've got a lot to catch up on.