1 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:20,020 TEAL: I cannot stress how powerful this process is. 2 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,328 You will be making changes based off of what you see. 3 00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,158 Let's say that you've got a parent 4 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,899 who really ruined your life. 5 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,512 That's something that you need to see, 6 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,080 the dynamic with this horribly abusive person. 7 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:40,997 A family display is sometimes the hardest 8 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,651 because you have to see the reality of 9 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,479 what was actually happening in the home. 10 00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:48,613 I need you to trust that I've got you. 11 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,923 MAN: All right. 12 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,012 So what we're gonna do to begin with 13 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:57,579 is we are going to bring 14 00:00:57,666 --> 00:00:59,537 -your child self into the room. -Okay. 15 00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,148 Along with your parents at that time. 16 00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:02,627 Okay. 17 00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,238 Do you agree with your free will... 18 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,022 Do you agree with your free will... 19 00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:08,155 ...to assume the consciousness of the part of me... 20 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,157 ...to assume the consciousness of the part of me... 21 00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:12,289 -...that is a child? -...that is a child? 22 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:13,464 Yes. 23 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,642 Do you choose with your free will to assume 24 00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:20,428 the consciousness of the mother of Ellie at this time? 25 00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,169 I do. 26 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,996 To assume the consciousness of Ellie's father 27 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,086 at this time when she was a child? 28 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,565 [sighs] Yes. 29 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,394 WOMAN [as Young Ellie]: Okay. It is up. 30 00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,311 It's a castle. 31 00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:34,833 WOMAN [as Ellie's father]: I don't get her. 32 00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,098 Who taught her to play these weird-ass games? 33 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,229 Not me. 34 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,839 [clangs] 35 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,322 Are you relating to this? 36 00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:47,324 -ELLIE: I'm not recognizing. -MAN: Okay. 37 00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,457 ELLIE: I'm not conscious of it. 38 00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:51,154 WOMAN [as Ellie's father]: No, I know-- 39 00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:52,068 WOMAN [as Ellie's mother]: Just five minutes 40 00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,548 without you pestering me. 41 00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:54,549 WOMAN [as Ellie's father]: No, no, no, 42 00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,072 you're grounded today. 43 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,029 WOMAN [as Young Ellie]: Class is over. 44 00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,381 ELLIE: Did she just say he could take his aggression out on me? 45 00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:05,386 Wow. 46 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,170 I remember being mean to my brother 47 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:09,520 but then I heard Sylvia saying that 48 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,218 you suspected some abuse 49 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,524 from my brother towards me as a kid? 50 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:14,873 WOMAN: When I was in your father's role. 51 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,571 -Uh-huh. -WOMAN: I felt that 52 00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:20,531 maybe he had abused the son. 53 00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:21,880 -Okay. -WOMAN: And then 54 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,099 when I was in the mom role, 55 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:26,755 I felt like possibly like 56 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:31,847 some inappropriate... touches happened 57 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,284 between the son and the mom as well. 58 00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:38,201 Oh, wow, okay. 59 00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:44,033 [sighs] 60 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,167 [dramatic music playing] 61 00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:01,529 MAN: That's what you've had to hold on to until now. 62 00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:05,663 What you're learning is how to find it 63 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,056 and how to recognize it. 64 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:18,198 I don't want to see my parents as evil. 65 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,984 Those are all things that we can look at. 66 00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,947 [crying] 67 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,784 [dramatic music playing] 68 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,452 [cell phone ringing] 69 00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,370 JULIANA: Hi, mommy! 70 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:03,243 -JULIANA'S MOTHER: Hi, Juliana. -Hello! 71 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,289 -[speaking foreign language] -JULIANA: Yeah. 72 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:09,379 [speaking foreign language] 73 00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,083 [sighs] 74 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:20,695 [speaking foreign language] 75 00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:23,088 [speaking foreign language] 76 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,874 [speaking foreign language] 77 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:30,487 [speaking foreign language] 78 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:34,665 -[speaking foreign language] -JULIANA: Uh-hmm. 79 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,711 [speaking foreign language] 80 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,801 JULIANA'S MOTHER: [speaking foreign language] 81 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,373 [speaking foreign language] 82 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:47,461 Yeah. 83 00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,073 [speaking foreign language] 84 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,165 [speaking foreign language] 85 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:59,386 JULIANA'S MOTHER: [speaking foreign language] 86 00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,083 -[laughs] -JULIANA: Uh-hmm. [laughs] 87 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,606 -Yeah. -JULIANA'S MOTHER: Okay. 88 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:03,694 JULIANA: [speaking foreign language] 89 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:06,784 [piano music playing] 90 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:20,842 BLAKE: I got you something. 91 00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,411 Do you remember how you were saying 92 00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,890 you're wanting to do something? 93 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,112 What's good, huh? 94 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,767 [sewing machine whirring] 95 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,160 Thank you. [laughs] 96 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,735 I really like being around him. 97 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,694 It feels like coming home. 98 00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:49,958 It's not where I need to fight for that feeling. 99 00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,047 [indistinct chatter] 100 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,615 JULIANA: I think that's the best, 101 00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,922 finding that belonging. 102 00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:02,927 [wind chimes tinkling] 103 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:06,235 MAN: Because I didn't get that attention 104 00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:08,672 because my parents were also not... 105 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,154 BLAKE: [whispers] [indistinct] 106 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,809 [grunts] 107 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:17,725 [indistinct chatter] 108 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:18,943 I love you. 109 00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:22,425 -Something's weird. -[Juliana laughs] 110 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:25,036 My goodness. Look at the smile on your face. 111 00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:26,560 BLAKE: Hello. It's good to see you. 112 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:28,039 MOLLY: Hello. 113 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,606 BLAKE: How are you? 114 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,434 MOLLY: I have been viewing things 115 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:32,696 -from the periphery-- -Yeah. 116 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,350 MOLLY: --talking to the people 117 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,526 who are not part of the inner core. 118 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:41,009 But in order to complete my full analysis, 119 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,272 I have to understand the core a little better. 120 00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:46,362 -So you got married? -I did. 121 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:47,624 MOLLY: Lucky man. 122 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,192 -Hi, Juliana. -Hi. 123 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,323 MOLLY: Oh, my God. She's gorgeous. 124 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,455 Hi.[laughs] 125 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,065 Nice to meet you. 126 00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:55,676 MOLLY: So you're very brave, Juliana, 127 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,155 to walk into this. 128 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:58,853 When did you come over? 129 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,507 JULIANA: End of July. 130 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,334 BLAKE: Three months before we got married. 131 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,075 MOLLY: Okay. In the inner core, 132 00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:06,077 does anyone else have a relationship 133 00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:09,951 outside of that group that is-- 134 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:10,952 -Not-- -MOLLY: --this intimate? 135 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:12,344 Not really. 136 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,694 -MOLLY: Not really? -No. 137 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,610 MOLLY: Is that discouraged? 138 00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:18,873 BLAKE: No. 139 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,310 MOLLY: Any plans of having youngins? 140 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:25,053 I don't know. I'm not really-- 141 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:28,491 I feel like I've even done that with Winter, so but-- 142 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,884 MOLLY: I'm looking at her. 143 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,625 I know--I know. I see that. 144 00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:33,148 [Molly laughs] 145 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,279 Yeah. 146 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,849 Well, I'm not really thinking about that right now. 147 00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:40,895 MOLLY: Right. Okay, just checking. 148 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,897 JULIANA: But it's definitely a wish. 149 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,466 MOLLY: Cool. 150 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,684 You guys should talk about that sometime. 151 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,339 Yeah. 152 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,735 Yeah, the most terrible... 153 00:07:57,651 --> 00:08:00,305 -WOMAN: Expecting the worst? -MAN: I do. 154 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,307 I'm just--that's like all I've been doing. 155 00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:05,441 [dramatic music playing] 156 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,533 MAN : So this is--this is Teal's birthday, huh? 157 00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:14,581 WOMAN: He's here. Just smile. 158 00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,672 TEAL: We're all into this family and this community. 159 00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:24,329 In childhood most of us didn't fit in. 160 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:30,858 For my parents, it was this kid is not like me, 161 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,990 this kid is not what I wanted. This kid is too different. 162 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,122 I don't know what to do with this kid. 163 00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,427 This kid is mentally ill. 164 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,342 There's a problem with this child. 165 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,736 MAN: Goodnight to the old lady whispering... 166 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,433 TEAL: They did not see me at all. 167 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,395 Not even when I was being abused. 168 00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:49,267 WOMAN: Beautiful summer day. 169 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,445 What have you got for the horses, Teal? 170 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,448 TEAL: My parents are in a whole other reality 171 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,799 about what happened with my abuser. 172 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,325 You know, I'm telling them such horrific details 173 00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:04,979 that they can't-- they can't go there 174 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,937 and see themselves as good parents anymore. 175 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,246 That's why I think of why it's been so much easier 176 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,943 to forgive him than my parents. 177 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,602 And I watched this happen a lot. 178 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,432 Sometimes you have to accept the fact 179 00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:24,520 that my own family is my enemy. 180 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,700 A lot of people have a hard time with that. 181 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:33,790 [dramatic music playing] 182 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:47,717 GRACI: So these are the only pictures I have of me 183 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,284 from being a kid. 184 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,072 It's so interesting to say you can look so normal. 185 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,642 But underneath there was so much going on. 186 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:06,780 When I started this whole thing with Teal, 187 00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:09,260 I feel like my childhood just started to come up. 188 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:13,264 [water pouring] 189 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,272 GRACI: I'm bringing you into my safe place. 190 00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:25,320 I don't really feel like I can have walls in a bath, 191 00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,498 so it gives the opportunity 192 00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,631 to really get like deep in there. 193 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:39,160 The first time I actually got raped. 194 00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:41,075 I was four. 195 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:45,688 I was telling my mom I was hungry. 196 00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,603 And she was preparing for a party. 197 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,561 I don't know whose party, 198 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,824 but there was a cake 199 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,739 and I grabbed the cake. 200 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,133 And she got really mad at me and she said, 201 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,787 "I'm gonna tell your father." 202 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,443 And so my dad came in, grabbed me 203 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:06,361 and raping me was his form of punishment. 204 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:10,713 My mom actually walked in the first time. 205 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,323 I was screaming my head off. 206 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,719 She walked in and walked out. 207 00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,287 Yeah. 208 00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:23,160 I think the worst memory I have is... 209 00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:29,210 these family gathering parties 210 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:32,300 and, um, they actually built-- 211 00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:34,606 uh, it was like a barbecue pit. 212 00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:39,655 They lit it on fire. 213 00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:41,657 And then they put the kids on top of it. 214 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,182 So they would put every kid on top of it. 215 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:48,185 That's I think one of the worst memories I have. 216 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:52,842 MAN: Why were they putting the kids on top of it? 217 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,106 Just a form of punishment. 218 00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,542 I don't know. 219 00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,196 It--it's more so... 220 00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:02,460 Here's the thing, 221 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,245 I did start uncovering 222 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,247 some of the stuff when I was with Teal. 223 00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:12,122 But I had stuff I didn't need to uncover. 224 00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,910 [water rippling] 225 00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,702 TEAL: Kambo is a shamanic medicine, 226 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,660 technically it's frog poison. 227 00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:33,274 [scratching noise] 228 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,458 TEAL: What's your intention for this medicine? 229 00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:44,589 [sniffs] 230 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:49,377 For it to help me move forward. 231 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,903 It just feels like the trauma is stuck. [sniffs] 232 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:58,865 My parents think I've gone nuts. 233 00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:04,740 We live in two different worlds. 234 00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,047 And so they don't think Teal 235 00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,831 is a great influence for me. 236 00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:16,317 There was a moment 237 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:21,583 where my mom came to Utah 238 00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,280 and called the cops. 239 00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:29,896 She said, "My daughter, I haven't heard from her. 240 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,375 She's being abused." 241 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,816 Eventually, I actually confronted my mom 242 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,992 on the abuse. 243 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:44,171 [whispers] See if you can let it help you, 244 00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,434 the medicine, 245 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,131 instead of fighting. 246 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,092 GRACI: And she denied everything. 247 00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:56,487 And so I was like I can't--I can't do this. 248 00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,751 That was the last time I saw her. 249 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:07,455 It literally feels like I'm paralyzed. 250 00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:10,850 TEAL: [whispers] Let go. 251 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:14,070 Let go. 252 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,333 Let go. 253 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:24,385 [sniffs] 254 00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,223 TEAL: Graci's family blames me 255 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,094 for why they aren't around Graci. 256 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,791 Thinks I've ruined their family. 257 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,663 Blake's family thinks the same thing. 258 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,273 And I'm probably gonna have 259 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,319 the same experience with Juliana. 260 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,235 I cannot own the conditions, 261 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,846 painful conditions that created a daughter 262 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,370 who doesn't wanna be around them. 263 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,198 She left, why did she leave? 264 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,765 It can't have anything to do with us, right? 265 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,288 So they, of course, they're gonna-- 266 00:14:58,375 --> 00:14:59,811 they're gonna come up with a story 267 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,378 that saves their self-esteem, 268 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,728 which is that she's been seduced into a cult. 269 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:06,862 [dramatic music playing] 270 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,916 MOLLY: I have these various checklists 271 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,093 that I'm using to try to figure out 272 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,965 the whole accusation of cult behavior. 273 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:25,881 Those two sets of ethics in a cult, 274 00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:29,058 one for the leadership, and one for the followers. 275 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:30,755 JARED: I feel like the inner circle 276 00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:31,931 is very cultish. 277 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,323 I feel like the outer circle 278 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,325 -is very self-help. -Right. 279 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:36,805 JARED: Because I wanted to be healed so much, 280 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,460 I let myself be had by her. 281 00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,592 I mean, this tattoo 282 00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,073 is one that she recommended I get, 283 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,510 because I was lying to her. 284 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:49,557 She said like I-- she could read my thoughts. 285 00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:51,951 -And I was lying to her. -MOLLY: Wow. 286 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,127 JARED: That's when I began to 287 00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:58,783 question my childhood, my family. 288 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,220 You know, I thought my grandparents 289 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,743 sexually abused me and my parents. 290 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,527 I thought I-- because you would go 291 00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,225 and just create all these stories 292 00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:06,704 and then you like start to, like, freak out. 293 00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,184 Like if that really happened, 294 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:10,143 if this is my mind showing me this. 295 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,666 And all these things are, like, 296 00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,711 just started getting worse and worse. 297 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:18,368 Teal made me question like 298 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,066 all of my childhood experiences 299 00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:21,415 and everything that I've gone through 300 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:25,419 and just, you know, 301 00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,334 made me like cut ties with family 302 00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:30,076 and think this and accuse my dad of sexual abuse 303 00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:31,642 like awful stuff. 304 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:37,257 I told my ex-wife that wasn't gonna pay a child support. 305 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:40,347 And she thought it's because I didn't have the money. 306 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,870 But I was literally not paying that money 307 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,785 because I was giving it all to Teal. 308 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,658 She's mentioned and said this so many times 309 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:48,920 when I was living there, 310 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,010 "We have to be willing to do 311 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,794 whatever it takes for this cause. 312 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:55,710 This cause is more important than our own lives." 313 00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,714 When you have the mindset 314 00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,629 of this is someone who's got 315 00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,718 the most important work in the world 316 00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:06,634 who's been through the most terrible torture 317 00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,288 in all of humanity? 318 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,203 When you have that mindset, 319 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,904 anything she does is, like, 320 00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:18,254 outweighed, like, it's either-- it's either, like, 321 00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:20,256 her mission is too important 322 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,258 or her pain is too great. 323 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,217 Anything else is like off the limit, 324 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:27,481 like, she can-- she can do whatever she wants. 325 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,578 MAN: We watched the thingy 326 00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,971 with Oprah and Prince Harry and Meghan. 327 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,277 JULIANA: Oh, yeah? 328 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,626 MAN: And Meghan did not feel 329 00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,411 prepared for the Royal Family. 330 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:45,803 Nobody told her anything. 331 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,503 To prevent a crash, 332 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,896 we wanted to go through all the things 333 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,420 which we signed up for 334 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,422 and then see where it is compatible 335 00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,163 and when it's not compatible, 336 00:17:57,250 --> 00:18:00,340 for example, what do you feel is yours? 337 00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:05,301 And what do you feel is not aligning with you, your needs? 338 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:10,001 JULIANA: I feel like whenever we're on a workshop, 339 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,047 I feel like I'm, 340 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,614 like, in the right place 341 00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,746 and it doesn't cost me any energy. 342 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,444 MAN: So the workshop, for example, 343 00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:19,054 we've been working 14 hours 344 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,969 and then somebody has a crisis. 345 00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:22,492 It's okay for you 346 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,799 to work another six hours with that person? 347 00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:27,062 I do not have any problem with that. 348 00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:30,196 MAN: Right, so that we basically 24/7 available? 349 00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:31,371 -BLAKE: Yeah. -JULIANA: Uh-hmm. Yeah. 350 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,024 BLAKE: Same. 351 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,591 MAN: But how does it look at home, 352 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,550 so to say when we're not on the tour? 353 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,901 There is no leisure travel like you and Blake-- 354 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,729 -I-- ---cannot travel to Germany 355 00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,687 without being related to the company. 356 00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,254 TEAL: There's no leisure travel. 357 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,864 -Teal and me... -JULIANA: I would like 358 00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:47,865 to find a way where we can-- where I can-- 359 00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,258 where I can see my family 360 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:50,651 and friends in Germany. 361 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,435 Like it's a need you have 362 00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:54,089 is still a relationship with my parents, 363 00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,873 my family, and my friends. 364 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,094 TEAL: I just-- I feel like what's been-- 365 00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,356 not being talked about is the fact 366 00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:02,750 that this is not--a normal life 367 00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:05,622 is not compatible with the life that we are leading. 368 00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,583 That's where there's a disparity between us. 369 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:12,673 MAN: The reality of our life 370 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,154 is different than you think it is. 371 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:18,244 [dramatic music playing] 372 00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:29,907 [applause] 373 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,130 WOMAN: So I got to a point 374 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,524 where I had to completely cut contact 375 00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,090 with my parents. 376 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,485 Um, it was really hard, but I did it. 377 00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:46,620 And then I would get all these thoughts of like, 378 00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:48,752 "This is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. 379 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:50,232 I should make this work." 380 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,842 And what's the resistance of that? 381 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:57,239 WOMAN: A part of me still, like, wants the connection. 382 00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:59,981 Here's little me, like all alone. 383 00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,114 And, like, how am I gonna-- how am I gonna make it? 384 00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:11,949 TEAL: So I want you to close your eyes. 385 00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:13,429 Oh, God, okay. 386 00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:20,044 TEAL: Do you hear these footsteps 387 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,132 that are walking towards you? 388 00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,094 WOMAN: Yes. 389 00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,403 TEAL: This is somebody who's coming to spend time with you. 390 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,015 You're not just by yourself anymore. 391 00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:38,585 I want you to feel us, like, we're in there with you. 392 00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,500 So, like we're on the surface of things 393 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,893 just watching you there, we're in that chaos. 394 00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:46,680 -It's very peaceful here. -TEAL: Yeah. 395 00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:50,249 That's more of what you really need. 396 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,688 You've been gaslit your whole life. 397 00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:58,387 What you feel is accurate. 398 00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:03,174 There's nothing wrong with this. This is what you're needing. 399 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,437 [gasps] 400 00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:08,484 [cheers and applause] 401 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,328 Hey. 402 00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:31,986 She likes to try to eat the words. 403 00:21:38,253 --> 00:21:40,647 Okay. I said I'm sorry. I just wanna kiss you. 404 00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:42,953 [dramatic music playing] 405 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,043 [keyboard clicking] 406 00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:55,270 TEAL: What is the point of me taking action? 407 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,968 One of the main reasons that people don't take action 408 00:21:58,055 --> 00:22:00,797 is because they're terrified of making a change. 409 00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:05,236 SABRINA: Back in 2015, I was searching for help. 410 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:11,068 Just super depressed, out of reality. 411 00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:15,072 I had a therapist before when I was younger, didn't work. 412 00:22:15,159 --> 00:22:16,770 And I found Teal. 413 00:22:17,945 --> 00:22:20,251 I was doing that, like, kind of. 414 00:22:21,992 --> 00:22:25,561 I went to a retreat and Teal told me 415 00:22:25,648 --> 00:22:27,650 that my parents don't love me. 416 00:22:27,737 --> 00:22:30,436 Um, and that was huge. 417 00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,307 And that was hard for me to grasp because I was, 418 00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:33,874 like, "I don't agree with you. 419 00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:35,528 I feel like my parents do love me." 420 00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:37,660 But Teal is psychic, so she knows. 421 00:22:38,879 --> 00:22:42,273 Shortly after, I did move out of my parent's house. 422 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,583 That was kind of the last thing to fall for me 423 00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:51,326 in terms of support that I had. 424 00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:56,113 So I fell into a depression and then I attempted suicide. 425 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,898 [sighs] 426 00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:02,729 I'm in a tough spot. 427 00:23:04,557 --> 00:23:07,037 I'm in a tough spot. 428 00:23:07,124 --> 00:23:09,910 [airplane zooming out noise] 429 00:23:09,997 --> 00:23:13,653 [dramatic music playing] 430 00:23:17,352 --> 00:23:18,875 SABRINA: I need to feel better. 431 00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:20,529 Not in an abstract way. 432 00:23:20,616 --> 00:23:22,879 TEAL: Gently turning your attention inward. 433 00:23:22,966 --> 00:23:25,926 Focus inside yourself. 434 00:23:26,013 --> 00:23:27,797 Now think of an image that perfectly 435 00:23:27,884 --> 00:23:30,539 represents what you want. 436 00:23:30,626 --> 00:23:33,020 SABRINA: I can't have this hope. 437 00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:34,369 Like it's gonna get better in the future 438 00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:35,457 or something like that. 439 00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:36,980 TEAL: With each breath, 440 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:40,201 your legs now expand, and contract. 441 00:23:40,288 --> 00:23:43,944 SABRINA: This whole thing is a leap of faith for me. 442 00:23:44,031 --> 00:23:46,599 But honestly, life is [bleep] painful, 443 00:23:46,686 --> 00:23:49,210 so you really don't have-- it--that's the thing, 444 00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:50,864 I think Teal says that she's, like, 445 00:23:50,951 --> 00:23:52,213 "You know how much pain somebody has to be in 446 00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:53,562 to finally come to me?" 447 00:23:53,649 --> 00:23:54,868 That's the [bleep] truth, man. 448 00:23:56,130 --> 00:23:57,784 You have nothing else to lose. 449 00:23:57,871 --> 00:24:01,440 [dramatic music playing] 450 00:24:11,754 --> 00:24:13,016 Hi, everyone. 451 00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:14,496 MAN: Hi. 452 00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:16,629 TEAL: You guys look panicked. 453 00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:18,544 I'm not gonna bite, I promise. 454 00:24:20,110 --> 00:24:22,112 So how are we doing this morning besides afraid? 455 00:24:22,199 --> 00:24:24,375 [laughter] 456 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,160 TEAL: Okay. Before they start, the first thing 457 00:24:26,247 --> 00:24:28,249 I'm gonna tell you is I held a very high standard 458 00:24:28,336 --> 00:24:30,033 for my team members. 459 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,905 Like very, very high, like, a lot of people 460 00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,515 can't hack it level high. 461 00:24:33,602 --> 00:24:35,909 So you can trust them. 462 00:24:35,996 --> 00:24:37,954 Okay. Are we ready for our first exercise? 463 00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,390 -WOMAN: Yeah. -MAN: Yes. 464 00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,480 I have resistance to you now. 465 00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:43,133 TEAL: To--you have resistance to me now? 466 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:45,440 -I'm a little mad at you. -For what? 467 00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,137 Because my life did not get better. 468 00:24:47,224 --> 00:24:48,661 Everything got worse. 469 00:24:50,010 --> 00:24:52,316 I'm sure you already know that I attempted suicide 470 00:24:52,403 --> 00:24:54,449 in January. I don't know if you know that. 471 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:57,191 And I can't do this anymore. 472 00:24:57,278 --> 00:25:01,282 It's like I've never been, like, the last six years--yeah. 473 00:25:01,369 --> 00:25:03,937 TEAL: Oh, look, I know it sucks, but here's the thing, 474 00:25:04,024 --> 00:25:05,852 it's my intention that you feel better, right? 475 00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:07,549 I want you to feel better. 476 00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:09,246 I want you to walk out this door feeling better. 477 00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:11,205 But the reality is, is that most adults today, 478 00:25:11,292 --> 00:25:12,685 yourself included, 479 00:25:12,772 --> 00:25:14,382 are living an inauthentic life. 480 00:25:15,601 --> 00:25:18,995 Things fall apart because they were not true to you. 481 00:25:19,082 --> 00:25:20,693 SABRINA: Is my life better now? 482 00:25:20,780 --> 00:25:22,085 -I don't feel that it is. -I--that's the thing. 483 00:25:22,172 --> 00:25:23,086 SABRINA: But I'm gonna ask you-- 484 00:25:23,173 --> 00:25:24,566 That's the thing. Yeah. 485 00:25:24,653 --> 00:25:25,654 SABRINA: It is better? 486 00:25:25,741 --> 00:25:26,742 TEAL: Actually, yes. 487 00:25:26,829 --> 00:25:28,396 That's bullshit. 488 00:25:28,483 --> 00:25:30,920 -WOMAN: [gasps] -[laughter] 489 00:25:39,363 --> 00:25:40,539 MAN: Where's Sabrina? 490 00:25:40,626 --> 00:25:42,584 She's upstairs, right? 491 00:25:42,671 --> 00:25:45,326 I'm trying to see--yeah, they're not there. 492 00:25:54,509 --> 00:25:56,467 I think the door's closed for a reason. 493 00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,078 Hello? 494 00:26:01,037 --> 00:26:02,169 Hello? 495 00:26:03,823 --> 00:26:06,086 Somebody in there? 496 00:26:14,790 --> 00:26:16,531 Do you want to check? 497 00:26:17,924 --> 00:26:20,927 SABRINA: [loudly crying] 498 00:26:35,028 --> 00:26:37,987 JULIANA: She said literally, if I'm going home 499 00:26:38,074 --> 00:26:39,946 and I don't feel better, 500 00:26:40,033 --> 00:26:41,338 I wanna kill myself, 501 00:26:41,425 --> 00:26:43,079 like she said that. 502 00:26:43,166 --> 00:26:45,255 TEAL: [bleep]. 503 00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:50,347 I don't understand how to work with a person like that 504 00:26:50,434 --> 00:26:53,699 without the worst case scenario happening, like, 505 00:26:53,786 --> 00:26:56,615 she decides to commit suicide after she gets back in New York. 506 00:26:56,702 --> 00:26:58,486 And they're like, "Oh, last week she was 507 00:26:58,573 --> 00:27:01,576 at a Teal Swan workshop," and it's all over the place, 508 00:27:01,663 --> 00:27:02,969 which is where they're taking me. 509 00:27:03,056 --> 00:27:04,448 MAN: Yeah. 510 00:27:04,535 --> 00:27:05,928 So at the moment it's, kind of, uh, 511 00:27:06,015 --> 00:27:07,277 almost blackmailing victim control-- 512 00:27:07,364 --> 00:27:08,757 -WOMAN: Yes. ---with them, all right? 513 00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:10,193 -TEAL: Yes. -MAN: Yeah, for sure. 514 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,325 It--uh, you choose either you help her 515 00:27:11,412 --> 00:27:13,240 or help them or your career. 516 00:27:13,327 --> 00:27:14,981 TEAL: Exactly. 517 00:27:15,068 --> 00:27:18,245 My problem is I want to work with them. 518 00:27:18,332 --> 00:27:20,900 Not like, "Oh, just don't." 519 00:27:20,987 --> 00:27:22,249 The second someone says they're suicidal 520 00:27:22,336 --> 00:27:24,077 go the other [bleep] way. 521 00:27:24,164 --> 00:27:24,947 Which is what I feel like the message is right now. 522 00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:26,383 I refuse to do that. 523 00:27:26,470 --> 00:27:27,602 I need you to find a way that I can do this. 524 00:27:32,912 --> 00:27:34,609 JULIANA: I just can't talk for myself. 525 00:27:34,696 --> 00:27:36,437 I don't know how you guys feel about that. 526 00:27:36,524 --> 00:27:39,658 But she is in a lot of resistance and a lot of pain. 527 00:27:39,745 --> 00:27:42,312 And basically, like, it scares her right now 528 00:27:42,399 --> 00:27:44,010 because there's no plan B, 529 00:27:44,097 --> 00:27:45,881 -so she doesn't feel safe-- -Fuck. 530 00:27:45,968 --> 00:27:47,361 JULIANA: --and secure which makes it more difficult. 531 00:27:47,448 --> 00:27:48,971 MAN: I get all that. 532 00:27:49,058 --> 00:27:50,886 But we're-- also dropping the ball here. 533 00:27:52,018 --> 00:27:53,889 WOMAN: Teal needs everyone together 534 00:27:53,976 --> 00:27:56,805 and on the same page right now. 535 00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:02,115 [dramatic music playing] 536 00:28:20,133 --> 00:28:21,787 WOMAN: [speaking foreign language] 537 00:28:21,874 --> 00:28:23,832 JULIANA: [speaking foreign language] 538 00:28:23,919 --> 00:28:25,225 WOMAN: [speaking foreign language] 539 00:28:25,312 --> 00:28:27,706 Hmm, hmm. 540 00:28:27,793 --> 00:28:30,143 WOMAN: [speaking foreign language] 541 00:28:30,230 --> 00:28:33,799 [speaking foreign language] 542 00:28:33,886 --> 00:28:36,889 [speaking foreign language] 543 00:28:36,976 --> 00:28:39,456 JULIANA: [speaking foreign language] 544 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,332 WOMAN: Okay. 545 00:28:45,419 --> 00:28:48,291 [speaking foreign language] 546 00:28:59,999 --> 00:29:01,870 [speaking foreign language] 547 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,963 [wind gushing] 548 00:29:15,101 --> 00:29:18,017 We are dancing around this, every time you come. 549 00:29:18,104 --> 00:29:19,583 SABRINA: [sighs] 550 00:29:19,670 --> 00:29:20,628 TEAL: I want you to start talking about 551 00:29:20,715 --> 00:29:21,803 why you don't wanna be here. 552 00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:26,155 SABRINA: I don't know. 553 00:29:26,242 --> 00:29:27,635 I guess I just can't appreciate things. 554 00:29:27,722 --> 00:29:28,897 My mom used to tell me that, she said, 555 00:29:28,984 --> 00:29:30,029 "Nothing ever satisfies you." 556 00:29:30,116 --> 00:29:31,595 She used to tell me. 557 00:29:31,682 --> 00:29:32,771 I don't wanna align with your mother. 558 00:29:32,858 --> 00:29:34,598 Your mother's not right. 559 00:29:34,685 --> 00:29:36,209 What it is is that in your childhood, 560 00:29:36,296 --> 00:29:38,298 nothing was safe to take in. 561 00:29:38,385 --> 00:29:40,126 We're working with a split within you 562 00:29:40,213 --> 00:29:42,215 that has to do with childhood trauma 563 00:29:42,302 --> 00:29:44,217 and your worth issues. 564 00:29:45,218 --> 00:29:48,047 Do you understand how frustrating it is for a child 565 00:29:48,134 --> 00:29:49,570 to be treated like shit but-- 566 00:29:49,657 --> 00:29:51,050 -Yes, I know. -TEAL: --to literally 567 00:29:51,137 --> 00:29:52,921 -have there be nothing? -Yes, I know. 568 00:29:53,008 --> 00:29:54,531 TEAL: Why aren't you letting yourself get mad about that? 569 00:29:54,618 --> 00:29:55,663 I'm not allowed to get mad. 570 00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:56,969 TEAL: I just told you were. 571 00:29:57,056 --> 00:29:58,318 -No. -TEAL: I'm trying to know 572 00:29:58,405 --> 00:29:59,798 what's real about you. 573 00:29:59,885 --> 00:30:02,061 SABRINA: No. No, bitch. 574 00:30:02,148 --> 00:30:04,890 We're not going through my pain. I'm not going through my pain. 575 00:30:04,977 --> 00:30:06,326 TEAL: You're a confusing person. 576 00:30:06,413 --> 00:30:08,763 Because you come to these workshops 577 00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:11,505 and then you play this game with me. 578 00:30:11,592 --> 00:30:13,812 What is it gonna take you to stop fighting? 579 00:30:16,466 --> 00:30:17,859 I want you to start talking about 580 00:30:17,946 --> 00:30:19,208 why you don't wanna be doing this? 581 00:30:19,295 --> 00:30:20,862 -I wanna know. -Because it's-- 582 00:30:22,255 --> 00:30:23,822 I don't think it's gonna get better, 583 00:30:23,909 --> 00:30:25,127 -for one. -TEAL: All right. 584 00:30:25,214 --> 00:30:29,175 Two, it hurts, like, physically 585 00:30:29,262 --> 00:30:32,613 I'm hurting and it [bleep] sucks. 586 00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:34,658 And I come here to keep learning, and learning, 587 00:30:34,745 --> 00:30:36,269 and learning, and learning and going on this 588 00:30:36,356 --> 00:30:39,576 [bleep] carousel over and over and over again. 589 00:30:41,622 --> 00:30:43,406 My life's retreats? 590 00:30:45,365 --> 00:30:47,671 And in between, we're in agony and talking 591 00:30:47,758 --> 00:30:49,108 about the next retreat? 592 00:30:49,195 --> 00:30:51,806 Holy [bleep]. 593 00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:54,809 I'm not signing up for a life of this shit. 594 00:30:54,896 --> 00:30:56,419 Like, I'm not doing this shit. 595 00:30:56,506 --> 00:30:57,812 I'm not signing up-- I'm not doing that. 596 00:30:57,899 --> 00:30:59,031 I'm not doing this. 597 00:31:05,733 --> 00:31:08,779 [dramatic music playing] 598 00:31:32,281 --> 00:31:34,501 TEAL: What the [bleep] is going on with this? 599 00:31:34,588 --> 00:31:36,503 What has to happen for the people to realize 600 00:31:36,590 --> 00:31:37,852 I have the information that's gonna make it 601 00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:40,333 so that your life changes? 602 00:31:40,420 --> 00:31:44,685 Because of this last week, I don't know what the answer is. 603 00:31:44,772 --> 00:31:46,165 And it's like people they don't [bleep] 604 00:31:46,252 --> 00:31:48,254 actually see. They don't see the truth. 605 00:31:48,341 --> 00:31:49,864 I can tell you what your issue is. 606 00:31:49,951 --> 00:31:51,997 I--like, they need to know that. 607 00:31:52,084 --> 00:31:53,607 MAN: There are two things we wanted to do in general, 608 00:31:53,694 --> 00:31:55,087 it's like, okay, what do we do-- 609 00:31:55,174 --> 00:31:56,871 TEAL: People, like, [bleep] hate. 610 00:31:56,958 --> 00:31:57,393 I need you to realize this. Like, people like [bleep] 611 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:58,917 hate me. 612 00:31:59,004 --> 00:32:00,614 MAN: Why do you feel you have haters? 613 00:32:00,701 --> 00:32:02,311 TEAL: I have haters because I wear high heels. 614 00:32:02,398 --> 00:32:04,705 I have haters because I charge $5,000 for people 615 00:32:04,792 --> 00:32:06,315 to come to a private event when they think I should do it 616 00:32:06,402 --> 00:32:08,100 for free. 617 00:32:08,187 --> 00:32:09,579 I have haters because I'm a female 618 00:32:09,666 --> 00:32:11,277 with [bleep] opinion and I have power 619 00:32:11,364 --> 00:32:14,541 and a vagina at the same time. 620 00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:16,151 Just feels like my childhood all over again. 621 00:32:16,238 --> 00:32:17,674 -It's, like, I don't know-- -MAN: Okay. 622 00:32:17,761 --> 00:32:19,372 -No, this has-- -TEAL: --what's happening. 623 00:32:19,459 --> 00:32:20,286 MAN: --been done, this is--Teal, we're still-- 624 00:32:20,373 --> 00:32:21,026 we're still in the dark. 625 00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:23,506 Oh, my God. My daughter never had an issue 626 00:32:23,593 --> 00:32:24,812 with suicide until she talked to Teal Swan. 627 00:32:24,899 --> 00:32:27,380 Oh, yeah? Read a [bleep]. 628 00:32:27,467 --> 00:32:29,295 I'm so tired of families who are like, 629 00:32:29,382 --> 00:32:31,471 "I don't know what happened." I'm like, "You [bleep] happened. 630 00:32:31,558 --> 00:32:33,386 Of course, your daughter killed herself." 631 00:32:33,473 --> 00:32:36,563 Jesus [bleep] Christ. 632 00:32:36,650 --> 00:32:39,087 If people don't start doing this kind of work on themselves, 633 00:32:39,174 --> 00:32:40,784 they're running off a [bleep] cliff. 634 00:32:40,871 --> 00:32:42,569 I can see that, but people aren't--some people 635 00:32:42,656 --> 00:32:44,440 are not ready to do that. Doing that-- 636 00:32:44,527 --> 00:32:46,138 -do--what do you want? -TEAL: Then they're gonna die. 637 00:32:46,225 --> 00:32:47,095 -That's the thing. -Do you want to force them? 638 00:32:47,182 --> 00:32:48,792 TEAL: Oh, [bleep], yeah. 639 00:32:48,879 --> 00:32:50,881 JULIANA: I don't feel like we can force them. 640 00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:52,709 It doesn't work that way. 641 00:32:52,796 --> 00:32:54,494 TEAL: That's bullshit. 642 00:32:54,581 --> 00:32:56,061 That's bullshit. 643 00:32:56,148 --> 00:32:58,933 You literally just crossed the line. 644 00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:00,587 Now we have problems. 645 00:33:00,674 --> 00:33:03,677 [dramatic music playing] 646 00:33:18,605 --> 00:33:21,782 [birds chirping] 647 00:33:21,869 --> 00:33:24,654 MAN: As outsiders, we see the damage 648 00:33:24,741 --> 00:33:26,874 that's being done, but if you go on the inside, 649 00:33:26,961 --> 00:33:29,007 they're conditioned not to see it. 650 00:33:29,094 --> 00:33:31,661 Every month I would have these massive depressive episodes. 651 00:33:31,748 --> 00:33:33,968 I've never had that before or since really. 652 00:33:34,055 --> 00:33:36,188 I've definitely--you know, I still--I still struggle 653 00:33:36,275 --> 00:33:38,016 with depression and stuff. 654 00:33:38,103 --> 00:33:40,888 But it was never as bad as it was when I was doing 655 00:33:40,975 --> 00:33:43,064 charity work and when I was listening to what Teal 656 00:33:43,151 --> 00:33:45,893 had to say and taking it and applying it in my life. 657 00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:48,678 WOMAN: In a conflict, put me in a position 658 00:33:48,765 --> 00:33:51,203 and then here I was [indistinct] ultimately 659 00:33:51,290 --> 00:33:53,335 of planning suicide myself. 660 00:33:53,422 --> 00:33:57,252 Yet, I had just--I had to get away from it all. 661 00:33:57,339 --> 00:33:58,645 [keyboard clicking] 662 00:33:58,732 --> 00:34:00,560 MOLLY: From what I have learned 663 00:34:00,647 --> 00:34:02,910 from the people who have left the organization 664 00:34:02,997 --> 00:34:07,828 we appear to be running into some big red flags. 665 00:34:07,915 --> 00:34:09,699 And I've gotta pull myself back together, 666 00:34:09,786 --> 00:34:12,485 try to refocus and try to find the truth in this mess, 667 00:34:12,572 --> 00:34:14,052 it's a mess. 668 00:34:16,141 --> 00:34:18,360 And then I was given a document 669 00:34:18,447 --> 00:34:22,582 that I was shocked that they shared with me, 670 00:34:22,669 --> 00:34:27,413 which is called "The Non-Negotiables." 671 00:34:27,500 --> 00:34:32,592 And this is a list of the things that people have to agree to 672 00:34:32,679 --> 00:34:37,597 if they're going to be part of this inner circle. 673 00:34:37,684 --> 00:34:41,035 And it does not read well. 674 00:34:41,122 --> 00:34:43,559 [cell phone ringing] 675 00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:47,215 -[cell phone beeps] -Blake. 676 00:34:47,302 --> 00:34:48,912 -BLAKE: Hello. -Hey, thanks for calling. 677 00:34:48,999 --> 00:34:50,175 You got a minute? 678 00:34:50,262 --> 00:34:52,090 I wanted to follow up with you. 679 00:34:52,177 --> 00:34:53,917 -BLAKE: Sure, yeah. -Good. 680 00:34:54,004 --> 00:34:58,313 I'm not sure if you're aware but Matia shared with me 681 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:02,752 the document called The Non-Negotiables. 682 00:35:02,839 --> 00:35:04,580 -And-- -BLAKE: Oh, yeah? 683 00:35:04,667 --> 00:35:07,017 Can you answer some questions about that? 684 00:35:08,236 --> 00:35:09,759 BLAKE: I don't know. I don't have them 685 00:35:09,846 --> 00:35:11,370 in front of me, 686 00:35:11,457 --> 00:35:15,635 but I haven't read them in a while. 687 00:35:15,722 --> 00:35:17,332 MOLLY: Okay. 688 00:35:17,419 --> 00:35:21,336 Well, it's--you can't put your own family first, 689 00:35:21,423 --> 00:35:24,034 the--Teal has to come first. 690 00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:26,733 If she wants you there, she gets you. 691 00:35:26,820 --> 00:35:29,997 The priority of the entire community 692 00:35:30,084 --> 00:35:32,304 is whatever is in the best interest of Teal, 693 00:35:32,391 --> 00:35:34,784 everything else is second to that. 694 00:35:34,871 --> 00:35:37,570 You can't have personal boundaries 695 00:35:37,657 --> 00:35:41,313 that have, in any way, an effect on Teal. 696 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,532 So here's how this one's written. 697 00:35:43,619 --> 00:35:45,752 "You will now be in the world of fame. 698 00:35:45,839 --> 00:35:47,362 This makes relationships very, 699 00:35:47,449 --> 00:35:49,973 very complicated and often painful. 700 00:35:50,060 --> 00:35:52,367 Your associations are in fact your potential 701 00:35:52,454 --> 00:35:54,195 biggest liability. 702 00:35:54,282 --> 00:35:56,545 Anyone you introduce to the community could turn 703 00:35:56,632 --> 00:36:00,462 on Teal, blackmail her, rip the community apart, 704 00:36:00,549 --> 00:36:02,377 put extra pressure on Teal 705 00:36:02,464 --> 00:36:04,945 or other members of the community. 706 00:36:05,032 --> 00:36:06,947 Uh, when fame and money is involved, 707 00:36:07,034 --> 00:36:08,949 people simply cannot be trusted. 708 00:36:09,036 --> 00:36:12,213 Your life is not going to even remotely 709 00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:15,564 -resemble normal." -BLAKE: Uh-huh. 710 00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:18,872 "If you want to have a normal life, do not choose 711 00:36:18,959 --> 00:36:21,222 to be part of the inner circle." 712 00:36:21,309 --> 00:36:22,658 And it goes on. 713 00:36:22,745 --> 00:36:24,182 BLAKE: Uh-hmm. 714 00:36:24,269 --> 00:36:25,705 MOLLY: Did you ever have any issues 715 00:36:25,792 --> 00:36:29,274 or feelings about the Non-Negotiables? 716 00:36:29,361 --> 00:36:33,974 BLAKE: Um, I mean, I was fine with stuff 717 00:36:34,061 --> 00:36:36,629 pretty much, but Teal always refers it to, 718 00:36:36,716 --> 00:36:40,502 like, joining the military or something. 719 00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:43,244 What did you think when you first read all that? 720 00:36:43,331 --> 00:36:46,073 That most of it is illegal. 721 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,728 That was my first reaction. 722 00:36:48,815 --> 00:36:51,557 Part of my job here is to try to figure out 723 00:36:51,644 --> 00:36:54,255 if this is a cult or not. 724 00:36:54,342 --> 00:36:56,344 And then I get this document, 725 00:36:56,431 --> 00:36:59,608 and it's--I have a checklist 726 00:36:59,695 --> 00:37:01,480 that I'm going through, saying, 727 00:37:01,567 --> 00:37:03,395 "Yup, cult, cult." 728 00:37:03,482 --> 00:37:05,919 I mean, it's all on the list of things 729 00:37:06,006 --> 00:37:09,966 that I'm having to use to define what a cult is. 730 00:37:10,053 --> 00:37:13,622 And I know this doesn't apply to the outer circles 731 00:37:13,709 --> 00:37:15,668 of participants. 732 00:37:15,755 --> 00:37:19,280 But there's enough people on this list that this is supposed 733 00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:23,284 to apply to, that it's put me 734 00:37:23,371 --> 00:37:25,373 in an uncomfortable position. 735 00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:28,985 BLAKE: Right. 736 00:37:29,072 --> 00:37:30,552 There's, like, some truth in it and I see 737 00:37:30,639 --> 00:37:32,902 how [bleep] up it sounds. 738 00:37:32,989 --> 00:37:35,644 You always have Teal there going, like, 739 00:37:35,731 --> 00:37:37,516 "Do you want this?" 740 00:37:37,603 --> 00:37:39,648 You know. "Are you in alignment with this? 741 00:37:39,735 --> 00:37:41,389 Tell me." You know. "Be honest." 742 00:37:41,476 --> 00:37:44,740 And she is like, incredibly empathetic. 743 00:37:44,827 --> 00:37:47,961 And so, she's always checking with people 744 00:37:48,048 --> 00:37:50,355 whether it's working with them or not. 745 00:37:50,442 --> 00:37:52,574 And do you think-- do you honestly, Blake, 746 00:37:52,661 --> 00:37:55,055 feel that it would be comfortable to say 747 00:37:55,142 --> 00:37:58,014 I'm not in alignment with this, 748 00:37:58,101 --> 00:37:59,929 because to say that would 749 00:38:00,016 --> 00:38:01,888 be to be kicked out, wouldn't it? 750 00:38:05,021 --> 00:38:06,588 BLAKE: Yeah, no. 751 00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:10,984 -Right. -BLAKE: I think so. 752 00:38:11,071 --> 00:38:13,160 [dramatic music playing] 753 00:38:22,909 --> 00:38:26,956 JULIANA: Before I came here, I perceived Teal as caring. 754 00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:31,004 She was, like, committed to finding out 755 00:38:31,091 --> 00:38:34,399 the truth and wanted to do the right thing. 756 00:38:36,792 --> 00:38:39,752 So and then, like, I'm-- 757 00:38:42,929 --> 00:38:45,366 yeah, I gave up a whole life over there in Germany. 758 00:38:45,453 --> 00:38:49,196 So then I'm like, "Oh, yeah, you know." 759 00:38:49,283 --> 00:38:50,850 When I'm committing, I'm committing. 760 00:38:50,937 --> 00:38:54,723 And my experience was a little bit like 761 00:38:54,810 --> 00:38:57,770 falling into a hole, like, after that. 762 00:38:59,554 --> 00:39:00,860 It's like, "Oh, wow, it's not 763 00:39:00,947 --> 00:39:02,818 what I thought it would be." 764 00:39:10,304 --> 00:39:13,394 She's not in the space anymore where she's just 765 00:39:13,481 --> 00:39:15,309 a spiritual teacher. 766 00:39:17,224 --> 00:39:20,314 There's definitely another level to it. 767 00:39:23,665 --> 00:39:26,494 I don't know how long I can take it. 768 00:39:27,887 --> 00:39:29,541 -MAN: Yeah. -WOMAN: Yeah. 769 00:39:29,628 --> 00:39:31,847 Okay. So I'm gonna put something to you first. 770 00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:33,806 Some of you guys in this group, 771 00:39:33,893 --> 00:39:37,157 you're fighting against whatever is in front of you. 772 00:39:37,244 --> 00:39:40,160 And unless we deal with that you're [bleep]. 773 00:39:40,247 --> 00:39:42,292 So with that in mind, we're going to be doing 774 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:44,599 something called water breaths. 775 00:39:44,686 --> 00:39:47,472 It is a terrifying feeling, it is like a hair raising 776 00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:49,169 on the back of your neck feeling, 777 00:39:49,256 --> 00:39:52,085 but I also cannot stress how powerful this is. 778 00:39:52,172 --> 00:39:55,436 You're using your body to hack into the subconscious mind. 779 00:39:55,523 --> 00:39:57,743 And down there, it's not gonna be fun. 780 00:39:59,614 --> 00:40:02,922 [dramatic music playing] 781 00:40:06,491 --> 00:40:09,972 TEAL: I know first-hand that this is incredibly painful. 782 00:40:17,980 --> 00:40:20,983 But this is a purge. 783 00:40:21,070 --> 00:40:23,029 [soft drum beating] 784 00:40:28,774 --> 00:40:30,210 TEAL: Self-awareness does not come naturally 785 00:40:30,297 --> 00:40:31,994 to those who avoid pain. 786 00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:37,304 Imagine your breath embracing the emotion. 787 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,874 This is what I want for you. 788 00:40:41,961 --> 00:40:44,964 [soft drum beats] 789 00:40:58,151 --> 00:41:01,371 [screams] 790 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,417 [gasps] 791 00:42:02,824 --> 00:42:04,783 SABRINA: I love you. 792 00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:09,135 [cries] 793 00:42:11,703 --> 00:42:14,749 [dramatic music playing] 794 00:42:16,359 --> 00:42:17,883 SINGER: ♪ The past♪ 795 00:42:19,406 --> 00:42:22,191 ♪ So you're not supposed to visit♪ 796 00:42:23,802 --> 00:42:27,240 ♪ Then I can hang around♪ 797 00:42:27,327 --> 00:42:32,158 ♪ Down, down, down, down♪ 798 00:42:35,378 --> 00:42:37,816 MOLLY: I'm concerned about her followers 799 00:42:37,903 --> 00:42:39,382 because these are fragile people. 800 00:42:39,469 --> 00:42:41,210 TEAL: You feel like an adversary to me 801 00:42:41,297 --> 00:42:43,430 and I need that to change. 802 00:42:43,517 --> 00:42:45,693 I'm afraid, actually. 803 00:42:47,956 --> 00:42:50,829 BLAKE: I am posting in the Teal Tribe 804 00:42:50,916 --> 00:42:53,396 everything that's happening. 805 00:42:53,483 --> 00:42:55,268 This is like a nightmare. 806 00:42:55,355 --> 00:42:56,574 It feels like the person closest to you 807 00:42:56,661 --> 00:42:58,314 has completely fucked your life. 808 00:43:00,926 --> 00:43:03,102 He's the one that talked me out of trust. 809 00:43:03,189 --> 00:43:05,365 He just ruined it all. 810 00:43:11,545 --> 00:43:14,592 SINGER: ♪ Down, down♪ 811 00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:19,858 ♪ [indistinct]♪ 812 00:43:29,302 --> 00:43:32,261 ♪ You know you've got [indistinct]♪ 813 00:43:34,437 --> 00:43:39,486 ♪ Don't let it get you down, down, down♪