1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,469 - Hey, ray. 2 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,270 - Shut the door! Shut it! - What? Why? 3 00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,306 - Shut the door and don't step-- don't walk anywhere! 4 00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:10,642 - You're freaking me out, man. What's going on? 5 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:14,413 - I lost the hamster, ally's hamster. 6 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,181 - Oh, no. He got out? 7 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:19,418 - Yes, he got out. What the hell? 8 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,624 Come on. 9 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,026 Look, debra and the kids 10 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,260 Are going to be home in an hour. 11 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,762 You got to help me look for him. 12 00:00:29,764 --> 00:00:32,031 - They leave you alone for one weekend, 13 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,766 And the only other living thing in the house 14 00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:37,136 Needs to run away. 15 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,639 - Yeah. Shut up, all right? 16 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,608 Just help me look. Pumpernickel! 17 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,410 - Pumpernickel! Pumpernickel! 18 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,611 Pumpernickel! - Here, boy. 19 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,779 Here, pumpernickel! 20 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:48,480 - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 21 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,382 You don't call him like that. He's a hamster. 22 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,483 He doesn't know his name. 23 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,485 - We should make hamster noises. 24 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:57,156 [lips squeaking] 25 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:05,064 - [lips squeaking] 26 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:19,244 [silence] 27 00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:26,151 You could use a mint. 28 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,328 - [gasps] you drew that yourself? 29 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,465 - They're coming! 30 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:43,168 [beethoven's "ode to joy"] 31 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,791 [music stops] 32 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,694 [heart beating] 33 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,167 ["ode to joy" resumes] 34 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:19,671 - Ma, what are you doing? 35 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,739 You're supposed to help me. 36 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,207 - Would you look at these crumbs? 37 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,209 The way debra keeps this kitchen, 38 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:27,679 It's a miracle this place isn't infested with hamsters. 39 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:34,153 - He's not in the basement. 40 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,721 - Dad, just so you know-- 41 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,624 We want the hamster brought back alive. 42 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:42,327 - That's up to him. 43 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,396 - All right, I checked out the entire top floor-- 44 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,597 No sign of pumpernickel. 45 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,366 By the way, 46 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,501 You shouldn't hide valuables in your top drawer, 47 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:53,739 And you could use some new underwear, raymond. 48 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,341 - I'll put it on the list, dear. 49 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,343 - All right, look, they're going to be back in an hour. 50 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,611 I'm just going to go to the pet store 51 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,879 And get a new hamster-- that's all. 52 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,414 - Whoa, whoa, you can't do that. 53 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,649 - Why not? Why not? They all look alike. 54 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,350 She'll never know the difference. 55 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,452 - You would lie to your daughter like that? 56 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,321 - I'm not going to lie. 57 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,324 I'm just going to say, "here's your hamster, honey." 58 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,693 - I'm telling ally. 59 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,461 - Will you just mind your business? 60 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,597 - Look, you're not going to find one that looks the same. 61 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:22,201 - Oh, yeah, where am I going to find a brown hamster? 62 00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,871 - I cannot be a party to that lie. 63 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:29,274 - You just keep your mouth shut, copper. 64 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,712 - Don't tell me to shut up. 65 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,980 - Yeah, how about I make you, huh? 66 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,715 - Huh? How about I'm right over here? 67 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,418 [overlapping shouting] 68 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,586 - Stop it! 69 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,689 Be nice boys. 70 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,457 All right, now we all need a break. 71 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,259 Let's have a snack, 72 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:50,395 And maybe if pumpernickel hears us enjoying our food, 73 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,699 He'll join us. 74 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:56,735 - He can have some of yours. He's not getting any of mine. 75 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,842 - Dad. - What? 76 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,777 - I'm trying to move it. Could you get up? 77 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:10,249 - Give me a ride. 78 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,984 - Aah! 79 00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:15,354 - What is it, ma? What? 80 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:21,493 - Oh, boy. There he is. 81 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,628 - Where? 82 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,862 - Right there. 83 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,697 - What? All I see is fudge pops. 84 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,800 - Look at the hairy one on the left. 85 00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:42,814 - What? 86 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,450 Holy crap. 87 00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:51,790 - What did you do? 88 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,659 - What did I do? 89 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,926 What, you think I put him in there? 90 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,628 I don't know how he got in there. 91 00:04:56,630 --> 00:05:00,699 - Oh, he climbed into an airtight freezer by himself? 92 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,000 - I don't know how this could've happened. 93 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:05,070 I-I cleaned out the hamster cage, 94 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,838 And I must not have snapped 95 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,040 The cage back together tight enough. 96 00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,541 And wait a minute. Wait a minute. 97 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,310 Then I went grocery shopping. 98 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:14,646 - Did you have the groceries on the table? 99 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,348 - He must have climbed into the bag 100 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,650 That had the fudge pops. 101 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,687 Look--look at his whiskers. They're all fudge-y. 102 00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:30,629 - His last meal. 103 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,831 - Poor pumpernickel. 104 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,066 - Ally is going to hate me. 105 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,067 - Hey, give me one of those. 106 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,835 - Will you get out of here? 107 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,537 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 108 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,005 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He may not be dead. 109 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,840 - What, are you kidding? 110 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,643 You could crack a walnut with that thing. 111 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:45,844 - No, I'm serious. 112 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,679 He may be cryogenically preserved 113 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,416 In a state of suspended animation. 114 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,485 - He's dead! All right? I have to buy another one now. 115 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,120 - Okay, look, not necessarily, ray. 116 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,755 We may be able to resuscitate him. 117 00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:01,693 - Hey, let's toss him in the microwave. 118 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,497 - All right, all right, that's it. 119 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,965 I'm taking over this operation. 120 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,834 Ma, get me some towels. Dad, I need some ice. 121 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,469 Raymond, a cooler. 122 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,003 We're evacuating pumpernickel to the vet. 123 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,740 Let's go. Move, move, move, move, move. 124 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:18,510 - Robert, the vet is not going to revive a hamster, okay? 125 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,946 These are disposable pets. 126 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,848 - What about your daughter's feelings, ray, huh? 127 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,449 Are those disposable? 128 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,885 - All right. - No, it's not all right! 129 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,587 I happen to care about a little girl 130 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,889 Whose heart is going to break if she finds out 131 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,691 That her daddy didn't do everything he could 132 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,627 To save the life of her precious hamster. 133 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:39,431 Now, damn it, raymond, get me that cooler! 134 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,503 - Hey, ray, you forgot to fill the ice trays. 135 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,438 - Well, then we'll just pack him with fudge pops. 136 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,140 - What about this box of fish sticks? 137 00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:49,141 - Oh, throw them in too. 138 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,642 When debra comes home, 139 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:54,880 I'll show her how to cook a real fish. 140 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:12,731 Debra. 141 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,834 Frank, get up. 142 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,569 - Huh? - Come on. 143 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:21,173 This place is a mess. You haven't done a thing. 144 00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:25,076 - Hey, leave me alone. I'm taking a break. 145 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,947 What have you been doing? 146 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,882 - I not only straightened out the kitchen, 147 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,517 I scrubbed the countertops 148 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,186 And I cleaned out the freezer. 149 00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:39,658 - And you celebrate with a bottle of hooch? 150 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,759 - Hey, we're home. 151 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,160 - Hi, grandma. Hi, grandpa. 152 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,562 - Hey, sweetheart. 153 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,163 - Frank? 154 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,866 - Hi, sweetheart. Oh, this isn't mine. 155 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,836 This is mommy's. 156 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,003 - Marie, where's ray? 157 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,605 - Oh, raymond had to rush out, 158 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,240 But he should be back soon. 159 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:58,643 - Why does my living room look like a frat house? 160 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,948 - I, uh, didn't notice any difference, really. 161 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,516 - Hi, daddy. 162 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:07,552 - Oh, hey. Hey, everybody, you're home. 163 00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:08,787 Hi. Hey. 164 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:09,888 Hi. How was your visit? 165 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,723 Oh, boy, I missed you. 166 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,191 How's your father? How's his thing? 167 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,759 He's got a knee-- what did he have, a knee? 168 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:15,894 Oh, he got a new car-- he got a new car. 169 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:19,564 - Ray. Ray. 170 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,169 W-what happened here? 171 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,606 - Oh, nothing. Uh-uh. Why? 172 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,840 - What's that? 173 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,208 - Oh. 174 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,611 Oh, we, uh-- we gave pumpernickel a ride 175 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,145 In robert's police car. 176 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,749 Yeah, yeah. He liked it too. 177 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:41,720 Rode the whole way with his, uh, head out the window. 178 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,093 - This isn't pumpernickel. 179 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,228 Daddy, where's pumpernickel? 180 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:56,968 - Um... 181 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,674 Um... 182 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:06,177 - Pumpernickel sleeps with the fish sticks. 183 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:22,127 You know, ally, it's my understanding 184 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:25,697 That freezing is a virtually painless way to go. 185 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,202 - Unlike marriage where the pain is-- 186 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:34,673 - Frank. 187 00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,244 - Can I see pumpernickel? 188 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,845 - No, no, ally. 189 00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,814 - Yeah, sure, honey, you can go see him. 190 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:43,915 - What? 191 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,784 - It's important for closure. 192 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,587 - Closure. 193 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:52,891 Reading books again? 194 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:55,860 - Why is he covered in chocolate? 195 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,900 - Some of the fudge pops must have melted. 196 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,234 - Fudge pops? - Give me, give me! 197 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,869 - No, no, no! Get out of there! 198 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,004 - No, guys. Stop that. - Don't touch those. 199 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,238 No, that's not fudge in there. 200 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,840 - There's cookies in the kitchen. 201 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,275 Go on, honey. Go, go, go. - Go get a cookie. 202 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,910 - Come here, sweetheart. 203 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,346 You know, the important thing to know, ally, 204 00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:17,282 Is that pumpernickel is in heaven. 205 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,283 - Not really. 206 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,852 - Frank. 207 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,787 - Not real heaven, not people heaven. 208 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,322 - There's only one heaven. 209 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,924 - For your information, 210 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,792 There's a whole separate heaven for animals. 211 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,294 - Just where did you learn that? 212 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,396 - It's in the bible. 213 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,031 - Like you read the bible. 214 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:36,034 - I've read plenty of damn bibles. 215 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,244 - Do all animals go to heaven or just pets? 216 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,979 - All animals go to people heaven 217 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,014 With us, dear. 218 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,815 - People heaven is for people. 219 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,985 Your grandma's been hitting the sauce. 220 00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,890 - All right, thank you. 221 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,393 Thanks for clearing that up. 222 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,294 - Do some animals go to hell? 223 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,864 - We don't use those words, ally. 224 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:09,834 - Bad animals go to hell, kid. 225 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,370 Believe you me, I know. 226 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,305 When I was your age, 227 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,375 There was this mean old german shepherd named ilsa. 228 00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,944 I was walking to school one day, 229 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:22,347 And I must have crossed too close to her territory. 230 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,049 In those days, 231 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:27,986 The germans were very sensitive about their territory. 232 00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:36,227 Well, that's all it took for fraulein ilsa, 233 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,163 The nazi she-wolf, to jump out 234 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:42,300 And take a hunk out of my all-american hide. 235 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,403 I still have the scar. 236 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,871 You want to see it? I'll show you. 237 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,239 - Frank! - No! 238 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,442 What are you doing? Sit down. 239 00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:53,211 - Oh, all right. 240 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,046 The point is, 241 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,815 Fraulein ilsa is probably in hell right now 242 00:11:56,817 --> 00:12:00,318 Dragging her nazi butt across the devil's carpet. 243 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:12,864 - Thank you for that heartwarming story. 244 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,165 Look, ally, 245 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,201 I'm very sorry that this happened, 246 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,902 But... 247 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,106 Now it's time to meet your brand-new hamster. 248 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,407 - No, thanks. 249 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,942 - Oh, come on. Look, look. 250 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,243 He looks just like the old pumpernickel, 251 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,846 And the guy at the store 252 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,315 Told me that in a couple years he might... 253 00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:32,217 Fly. 254 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,953 - Ray. 255 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:38,423 Ray, don't tell her that. 256 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,792 - All right, all right, so he won't. 257 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,193 H-he's not going to fly, 258 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:45,830 But he did say that-- that he's magical. 259 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:48,800 - Ray. 260 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:52,237 - His personality! 261 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,838 - No, dad. 262 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,373 - Oh, come on, ally, just take a look. 263 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,208 He's a cute little replacement. 264 00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,779 - I don't want a replacement, daddy! 265 00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,015 [door closes] 266 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,950 - I think that's exactly what she needs-- 267 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,087 A replacement daddy. 268 00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:19,330 - Could you go home, please? 269 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,001 And take these two theologians with you. 270 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,141 - Look-it... 271 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,376 You don't understand, sweetie. 272 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,478 When a child's pet dies, 273 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,948 She has to go through a grieving process 274 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,583 Before she can take on a new pet. 275 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:42,153 - All right, you can read. We get it. 276 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,559 Isn't it a little morbid to make such a big deal out of this? 277 00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:49,294 - No, it's not morbid. It's reality. 278 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,429 - Oh, come on. It's a hamster. 279 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,098 Just--just leave it alone, and she'll get over it. 280 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,134 - You know what I think would be healthy for all the kids? 281 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,303 If we have sort of a formal good-bye ceremony 282 00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,470 For pumpernickel. 283 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,939 - Good idea, deb. - Yeah. 284 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,507 Ray can dig a hole in the back yard. 285 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,943 - I'm not digging a hole. - You're digging a hole. 286 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,477 And I will get a shoebox. 287 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,547 - Okay, I'll put out the cold cuts. 288 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:13,384 - I'll get some beer. 289 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:16,354 - All right, let's put on a funeral. 290 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:24,229 - [grunting] 291 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,534 - Hey. 292 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,003 How's it going? 293 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,272 - I'm digging through solid rock in a rainstorm. 294 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,207 How do you think it's going? 295 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:39,878 - What, are you made of sugar? It's barely drizzling. 296 00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,917 - Ow! 297 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:49,988 - Careful, honey. 298 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,322 - Why don't you dig this hole? 299 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,091 This is all your fault anyway, you know? 300 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,192 You should've told me about that broken piece 301 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,526 On the hamster cage. 302 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,929 - Hey, hey, if you were a little more involved, 303 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,631 You'd pick up on these details. 304 00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,165 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 305 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:05,436 - Maybe I can make this hole a little bigger. 306 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,939 [grunts] 307 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:17,215 Oh, come on, dad. 308 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:20,018 Again with the metal detector? What are you doing? 309 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,923 - Your mother's birthday is coming up. 310 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,357 - Yeah, well, 311 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,192 There's nothing here but dirt and rocks. 312 00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:32,597 - That's better than what he got me last year. 313 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,099 - All right, ally, why don't you--we'll put the box in, 314 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,634 And then I'll put the dirt on it. 315 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:37,702 - Wait. 316 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,037 I want everybody to say something 317 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,471 About pumpernickel first. 318 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,040 - Oh, that's good. Yeah. 319 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,408 And then we'll all take a handful of dirt 320 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,409 And toss it in. 321 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,543 - What are you doing? 322 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,544 - That's what she wants. 323 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,513 - It's raining, honey. 324 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,415 - Look, I think we should do this ally's way. 325 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,649 You want to get under my umbrella? 326 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,017 - I'm wonderful right where I am, 327 00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:56,220 Thank you very much. 328 00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,656 - Daddy, would you like to start? 329 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,125 - Oh, I don't know, honey. 330 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,994 Why don't we let grandpa start? Go ahead. 331 00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,229 - Grandpa? 332 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,099 - Uh, dad, could you power down for a second? 333 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:11,536 - Huh? Oh, oh, oh, oh. 334 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,670 All right, all right. 335 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:16,741 Uh, pumpernickel... 336 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:21,145 Liked the hamster, love the bread. 337 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,147 Next! 338 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,482 - Grandma? 339 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,118 - Okay, dear. 340 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,254 Even though pumpernickel has gone from this earth, 341 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,156 I know he'll always be 342 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:36,627 Looking down at us from heaven--people heaven. 343 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,496 - All right, go ahead, uncle robert. 344 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:42,166 - [clears throat loudly] 345 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:47,238 Death... 346 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:54,512 The final good-bye... 347 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,782 The ultimate toodle-oo. 348 00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:01,452 Or maybe-- maybe death is not the end. 349 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,554 Maybe it's a beginning. 350 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:07,525 Perhaps it's the ultimate howdy-do. 351 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,360 - Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? 352 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:13,197 - What's the matter, ray-- too deep for you? 353 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,465 - Oh, god. 354 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,402 - Go ahead, robert. 355 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:18,770 - You know, I have come to the conclusion 356 00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:20,405 That when I die, 357 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,807 I would like to die like pumpernickel-- 358 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,510 Quietly, painlessly, 359 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,744 Chocolate fudge pop 360 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:30,481 Stuck to the corner of my mouth... 361 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:35,053 For that, my friends, must be a happy death. 362 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,556 [dirt thuds] 363 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,458 Aloha... 364 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,694 Which means good-bye and hello. 365 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:44,829 - All right. 366 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:48,332 - Same with shalom. 367 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,068 - Shut up. One meaning. 368 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,770 - All right, ray. 369 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,841 - Your turn, mommy. 370 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,444 - Okay, well, 371 00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,846 I've always felt very close to pumpernickel, 372 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,849 Especially since I did a lot of the feeding 373 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,317 And cleaning 374 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:11,155 And, you know, most of the work. 375 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,723 So pumpernickel's passing 376 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,760 Is going to leave a big hole in my life. 377 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:20,498 Can't imagine what I'll do with the time. 378 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,168 So long, pumpernickel. 379 00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,339 - Michael? 380 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,741 - Ally, why don't we do the twins as a set, okay? 381 00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,343 'cause it's raining. - Ray, ray. 382 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,445 You know what? Come under my umbrella. Just-- 383 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:39,150 - Hey, no talking. Hamster funeral. 384 00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:42,653 - I'll miss you, pumpernickel. 385 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,290 - Geoffrey. 386 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,727 - I'll miss you too, pumpernickel. 387 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,533 - Now my turn. 388 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,369 I'll miss you too, pumpernickel. 389 00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:02,773 You were my best friend, and you still are. 390 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,775 Don't worry, pumpernickel. 391 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:08,746 You'll always be with me, 'cause I'll never forget you. 392 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:15,753 [dirt thuds] 393 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,424 Your turn, daddy. 394 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,898 - Uh... 395 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,735 Um... 396 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:35,873 I didn't, uh, have much contact with... 397 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,909 I didn't know pumpernickel very well. 398 00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:40,711 Uh, the only thing I remember 399 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,481 Is when we brought him back from the pet store 400 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,350 And ally wanted me to hold him, 401 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,885 So I reached out to grab him, 402 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:52,623 And he bit me on the finger, and it hurt. 403 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:56,294 So daddy said a bad word. 404 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,535 But ally picked up, uh... 405 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,271 Pumpernickel, and--and she showed me-- 406 00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,874 Showed me how to hold him... 407 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,642 Like this... 408 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,679 Right? 409 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:23,721 I never noticed until just now how grown up you are. 410 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,557 The way you were with your friend 411 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,993 And what you said just now-- 412 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:32,863 You really... 413 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,967 You really seem grown up. 414 00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:40,705 I'm proud of you. 415 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,014 - Damn hamster. 416 00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:01,492 - Daddy... 417 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:06,030 Can we get a rabbit tomorrow? 418 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,266 - Yeah, guys, whatever you want. 419 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,900 - Cool. A rabbit! 420 00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,636 - Yeah! Whoo! 421 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,839 - Yeah, cool. - Yeah. 422 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,642 [door closes] 423 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:21,812 - Rabbit-- that's a bigger hole. 424 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,723 [door opens] 425 00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:38,296 - You all laughed at me, huh? 426 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:40,831 Big waste of time, huh? 427 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,634 [coins jingling] 428 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:44,935 Huh? 429 00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:49,774 [chuckles] 430 00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:52,710 I think I'll buy myself a yoo-hoo. 431 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:59,350 - There goes my birthday present.