1
00:00:04,551 --> 00:00:08,510
- Where is the girl?
- Soon, she'll be facing ze firing squad.
2
00:00:08,689 --> 00:00:13,217
- Good. And the erstwhile protector?
- Festering in ze cargo hold.
3
00:00:13,393 --> 00:00:15,054
Excellent.
4
00:00:17,464 --> 00:00:21,901
Ah, Ace Rimmer.
Might one enquire how you escaped your bonds?
5
00:00:22,069 --> 00:00:25,766
Just dislocated both shoulders
and slipped between the ropes.
6
00:00:25,939 --> 00:00:28,931
It'll take major orthopaedic surgery
to put them back,
7
00:00:29,109 --> 00:00:33,409
but, rest assured, that won't stop me
from rescuing the Princess Bonjella.
8
00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:36,481
You're insane, Rimmer.
You're outmanned and outgunned.
9
00:00:36,650 --> 00:00:41,678
- You expect me to concede?
- No, Mr Rimmer, I expect you to die!
10
00:00:43,123 --> 00:00:46,684
Take him into ze hold,
explain all our plans to him,
11
00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:50,125
then... throw him out of the plane.
12
00:00:50,297 --> 00:00:51,696
Out!
13
00:00:56,837 --> 00:00:58,327
(ROARS)
14
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:12,041
Mr Rimmer, sorry I can't stick around
for a chat, but I've got to blow.
15
00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:14,779
Do me a favour and feed Snappy?
16
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:28,263
What I would give for a gun...
17
00:01:29,302 --> 00:01:32,100
...or a bottle of Listerine!
18
00:01:50,624 --> 00:01:55,220
Goodbye, Ace Rimmer!
You were a most worthy adversary!
19
00:01:58,698 --> 00:02:01,826
(STIRRING HEROIC MUSIC)
20
00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:07,267
(GROWLS)
21
00:02:11,878 --> 00:02:13,470
Aaah! Aaah!
22
00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:23,321
See you later, alligator!
23
00:02:36,002 --> 00:02:38,300
(SHOUTS ORDER IN GERMAN)
24
00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:39,803
Achtung!
25
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,308
Zielen!
26
00:02:46,646 --> 00:02:48,876
- (GUNSHOTS)
- F... Argh!
27
00:02:57,657 --> 00:02:59,750
This is my best top, damn it!
28
00:03:08,869 --> 00:03:11,064
(SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
29
00:03:14,107 --> 00:03:16,098
(SHOUTS IN GERMAN)
30
00:03:18,612 --> 00:03:20,842
(ENGINE STARTS)
31
00:03:31,858 --> 00:03:33,917
Princess Bonjella, Ace Rimmer.
32
00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:37,825
There'll be time for explanations later...
and hopefully some sex.
33
00:03:38,665 --> 00:03:40,656
What a guy!
34
00:03:53,547 --> 00:03:57,950
- Hold on, Princess!
- Oh, please, Ace, call me Beryl.
35
00:04:01,821 --> 00:04:03,755
(WHOOSH)
36
00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:14,224
Bet he's a sour Kraut.
37
00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:44,459
("RED DWARF" THEME)
38
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,894
I cannot believe you're going to do this.
39
00:05:23,069 --> 00:05:26,470
I'm a man, Kryten,
with a man's urges and desires.
40
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,234
Well, what about an ice-cold shower, sir?
41
00:05:30,110 --> 00:05:34,672
I've used up this year's water supply
with ice-cold showers, Kryten.
42
00:05:34,848 --> 00:05:38,113
I was looking
at the log this morning - 112 gallons!
43
00:05:38,284 --> 00:05:41,276
If I carry on,
my libido's gonna cause a drought.
44
00:05:41,454 --> 00:05:45,220
- You think this is the answer?
- I know how it looks.
45
00:05:45,392 --> 00:05:50,523
Going into an AR simulation with a book
of cheats and seducing the queen of Camelot?
46
00:05:50,697 --> 00:05:54,463
Words fail me. It's the most
unchivalrous thing I've ever heard.
47
00:05:54,634 --> 00:05:57,762
- Are you my faithful manservant or what?
- I'm ashamed, sir!
48
00:05:57,937 --> 00:06:01,236
I haven't been this embarrassed
since I was loosening my screws,
49
00:06:01,408 --> 00:06:05,037
and my entire groinal box
dropped into Mr Rimmer's soup.
50
00:06:08,982 --> 00:06:11,041
(FANFARE)
51
00:06:13,086 --> 00:06:18,786
Is there any man in our great land
that dare challenge the king's best knight?
52
00:06:18,958 --> 00:06:21,017
(CHEERING)
53
00:06:21,961 --> 00:06:24,020
- I do, sir!
- And you are, sir?
54
00:06:24,197 --> 00:06:26,358
Lister of Smeg.
55
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:33,836
Good knight, do you accept this challenge
from... Lister of Smeg?
56
00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:37,909
- I do, my king.
- What do you claim if victory be yours?
57
00:06:38,078 --> 00:06:41,844
I claim nothing, sire.
Serving the king is reward enough.
58
00:06:42,015 --> 00:06:44,245
(CHEERING)
59
00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:46,977
And you... Lister of Smeg,
60
00:06:48,555 --> 00:06:52,457
what prize do you claim
if you should defeat my best knight?
61
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:57,858
I claim, my lord, a night and a day
in the bed of your good lady.
62
00:06:58,031 --> 00:06:59,623
(BOOING)
63
00:06:59,799 --> 00:07:03,360
A night and a day in the bed of my good lady?
64
00:07:05,939 --> 00:07:08,339
(FRENCH ACCENT) We accept ze challenge.
65
00:07:09,442 --> 00:07:11,239
Do we?
66
00:07:11,411 --> 00:07:13,402
We do.
67
00:07:15,381 --> 00:07:19,181
My lady, I think
we should discuss this matter in private.
68
00:07:19,352 --> 00:07:24,153
Do you not have faith
in your good knight to cut this dog down?
69
00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:27,191
I do... sort of.
70
00:07:28,294 --> 00:07:30,285
Then we accept.
71
00:07:30,997 --> 00:07:34,694
Good knight, bring me
this knave's manhood on a silver platter...
72
00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:37,496
Hey, steady!
73
00:07:37,670 --> 00:07:41,572
Then disembowel him
and feed his innards to the crows!
74
00:07:41,741 --> 00:07:43,971
(CHEERING)
75
00:07:45,645 --> 00:07:48,045
This is worse than playing away at Leeds.
76
00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:52,845
(FANFARE)
77
00:07:54,988 --> 00:07:59,357
When my lace 'ankerchief
flutters onto ze ground,
78
00:07:59,526 --> 00:08:01,460
ze challenge shall commence!
79
00:08:01,628 --> 00:08:05,621
I just luuurve that accent. Rrrrarrr!
80
00:08:05,799 --> 00:08:10,236
If I were you, Mr Galahad, I'd concentrate
on memorising your cheats book.
81
00:08:17,877 --> 00:08:19,742
(CHEERING)
82
00:08:26,186 --> 00:08:28,484
Cheat one - codeword "steedcheat".
83
00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:32,287
Ha!
84
00:08:34,994 --> 00:08:36,586
Heh-heh-heh!
85
00:08:45,972 --> 00:08:48,031
I claim my prize, my lord.
86
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:52,837
(JEERING AND BOOING)
87
00:09:01,688 --> 00:09:04,680
You are the scurviest knave in Christendom!
88
00:09:04,858 --> 00:09:10,387
And I swear to you, your scheme
to seduce my fair lady will not succeed!
89
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:17,033
Cheat two - codeword "chastitycheat".
90
00:09:18,037 --> 00:09:19,402
(CLUNK)
91
00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:29,538
Scum. Absolute scum!
92
00:09:30,583 --> 00:09:34,713
If he that calls himself Lister of Smeg
has any honour in his soul,
93
00:09:34,888 --> 00:09:38,984
that tent will part this instant,
and he will return to me my lady
94
00:09:39,158 --> 00:09:41,251
and beg the king's forgiveness!
95
00:09:42,362 --> 00:09:46,696
- Has anybody got any whipped cream?
- Whipped cream?
96
00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:52,801
- Ace, we need to find a dimension close by.
- Understood, Computer. Prepare to jump.
97
00:09:57,844 --> 00:10:00,335
- Hey! What's happening?
- Power failure, sir!
98
00:10:00,513 --> 00:10:02,572
Electrics are going down.
99
00:10:02,749 --> 00:10:05,115
(ALARM SOUNDS)
100
00:10:05,285 --> 00:10:09,551
The red, green and blue alert signs
are all flashing! What does that mean?
101
00:10:09,722 --> 00:10:13,556
Either we're under attack, sir,
or we're having a disco.
102
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:16,593
(ALARM BUZZES)
103
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,234
I'm locked out! Everything's dead!
104
00:10:22,402 --> 00:10:24,563
Steering's down, thrusters are down
105
00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:28,104
and we're heading
for that ion storm in sector 12!
106
00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:31,471
- Morning!
- What the smeee is going on?
107
00:10:31,644 --> 00:10:34,442
- A power drain's knocked out the generators!
- Cause?
108
00:10:34,614 --> 00:10:38,914
An object of such awesome power
and charisma, it's flattened all the grids!
109
00:10:39,085 --> 00:10:42,748
I thought it was me,
but it's a craft dimension jumping.
110
00:10:42,922 --> 00:10:46,653
- Any ident details?
- The last time we came across this,
111
00:10:46,826 --> 00:10:49,886
it was Captain Smug Git himself Ace Rimmer.
112
00:10:50,063 --> 00:10:52,623
Dear God, don't make it be him.
113
00:10:52,799 --> 00:10:56,826
This is the JMC transport ship Starbug
opening channels. Identify yourselves.
114
00:10:57,937 --> 00:11:01,998
Well, I said I'd be back for breakfast.
How are those kippers doing?
115
00:11:04,344 --> 00:11:07,313
Ace, buddy! How are you doing?
116
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,280
All the better for seeing you, Cat.
Is that a new suit?
117
00:11:11,451 --> 00:11:15,251
It's sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde
witticisms rolled into a point,
118
00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:17,912
sprinkled with lemon and jabbed into an eye.
119
00:11:18,858 --> 00:11:21,827
Wow, that's sharp! Thanks, buddy!
120
00:11:21,995 --> 00:11:27,592
According to the log, we're down to our last
3,000 vomit bags. It'll never be enough.
121
00:11:31,137 --> 00:11:35,506
- Ace, how you doing?
- Never better. Sorry to DJ so close.
122
00:11:35,675 --> 00:11:40,669
Ship's computer made a calculation error.
Got a bit of a crush on me.
123
00:11:40,847 --> 00:11:45,511
- What have you been up to, sir?
- Nothing special. Saved a few universes,
124
00:11:45,685 --> 00:11:49,052
turned down heaps of marriage proposals
and had my highlights done.
125
00:11:49,222 --> 00:11:51,122
What a guy!
126
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:52,882
Off!
127
00:11:56,462 --> 00:11:58,760
So, what's new with you chaps? Arnie?
128
00:11:58,931 --> 00:12:01,491
I've been pretty damn busy myself, actually.
129
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:05,694
Let me see - I've begun researching
the definitive history of pockets
130
00:12:05,872 --> 00:12:08,807
and I've alphabetised
our entire stock of alphabet soup,
131
00:12:08,975 --> 00:12:12,001
grouping each individual letter
together with its fellows.
132
00:12:13,046 --> 00:12:18,245
I'll take you to the guest quarters, bud.
You can tell me the name of your stylist!
133
00:12:18,418 --> 00:12:21,444
Thanks, Cat, but you should be at the helm.
134
00:12:21,621 --> 00:12:27,560
Incidentally, it's Astro Cuts in the Theta
Sector, Dimension 24. Ask for Alphonse.
135
00:12:27,727 --> 00:12:30,287
Oowwww! Yeah!
136
00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:34,066
- Arnie, up for a stroll?
- Thanks for the offer,
137
00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:38,863
but I'd rather dangle my genitalia
in a pool of piranhas.
138
00:12:39,906 --> 00:12:42,033
I'll take that as a no, then.
139
00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:45,136
- Go with him.
- I don't want to.
140
00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:50,544
- But he wants you to.
- I want him to choke on his own gittyness.
141
00:12:50,716 --> 00:12:53,184
We don't always get what we want.
142
00:12:53,352 --> 00:12:55,980
He obviously feels some sort of bond.
143
00:12:56,155 --> 00:13:01,957
The only bonding I want to do with him
involves superglue and a rabid hamster.
144
00:13:04,664 --> 00:13:06,791
Oh, all right. I'm going.
145
00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:09,996
God!
146
00:13:13,005 --> 00:13:17,806
OK, your sleeping quarters are about 50 yards
down there on the right. Bye!
147
00:13:17,977 --> 00:13:20,070
(GROANS)
148
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:24,716
I think... I may need some help here, Arn.
149
00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:35,185
I knew it! You act the big shot
when they're around,
150
00:13:35,361 --> 00:13:38,888
but when no one's watching,
you're as butch as an ice-skater.
151
00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:43,399
What's the problem? Travel sickness?
The strap on your padded codpiece too tight?
152
00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:49,965
Sorry to sound so damn melodramatic
but... I'm afraid I'm... on the way out.
153
00:13:50,143 --> 00:13:52,976
- What?
- Heading for the great airfield in the sky,
154
00:13:53,146 --> 00:13:55,478
losing all my breathing privileges.
155
00:13:56,549 --> 00:13:58,642
- You're dying?
- You've got it, Arn.
156
00:13:58,818 --> 00:14:02,310
Your brain moves quicker
than a nun's first curry.
157
00:14:02,488 --> 00:14:04,752
You're really dying?
158
00:14:06,159 --> 00:14:07,683
Arnie...
159
00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:12,626
I want you to become the next Ace Rimmer.
160
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:15,665
(LAUGHS)
161
00:14:15,835 --> 00:14:18,668
- I mean it, Arn!
- Are fevered rantings a symptom?
162
00:14:19,672 --> 00:14:23,836
The universe needs a chap to look up to,
someone to right wrongs,
163
00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:26,501
and just generally
be brave, handsome and magnificent.
164
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:29,978
- And you think I'm your man?
- It's your destiny, Arnie.
165
00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:34,347
What? To wind up looking
like a reject from a Gay Pride disco?
166
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,114
You're just afraid
that you're not good enough.
167
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:40,418
- You've always wanted to play the hero.
- I'm not you.
168
00:14:40,593 --> 00:14:43,084
We established that in your last visit.
169
00:14:43,262 --> 00:14:46,425
I'm not the Ace you met last time.
170
00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:52,101
He caught the business end
of a neutron tank in Dimension 165.
171
00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:56,469
- I'm a hard-light hologram just like you.
- Ace is dead?
172
00:14:56,642 --> 00:15:00,442
I took over from him,
and you must take over from me.
173
00:15:04,217 --> 00:15:06,447
My God! What is that stuff?
174
00:15:07,286 --> 00:15:10,744
Light bee's been hit pretty bad.
It's a power leakage.
175
00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:13,892
Electro-magnetic radiation.
I haven't got long.
176
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:18,463
About the time I usually spend making love -
12 hours, maybe less.
177
00:15:19,632 --> 00:15:21,896
After that, I'll be too weak to train you.
178
00:15:24,337 --> 00:15:25,770
What do you say?
179
00:15:33,813 --> 00:15:38,750
It's part of the legend.
I'm not the first Ace, not even the second.
180
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:41,512
There have been... well, more than a couple.
181
00:15:41,687 --> 00:15:45,919
As one Ace dies, he recruits his replacement
from a parallel dimension.
182
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:49,152
We all start off as caterpillars
and turn into butterflies.
183
00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:53,856
We're talking about a man who cowers
under tables with a colander on his head.
184
00:15:54,033 --> 00:15:58,265
- You can't judge a book by its cover.
- You can't confuse Rimmer with a book.
185
00:15:58,437 --> 00:16:00,302
A book's got a spine.
186
00:16:00,473 --> 00:16:03,670
Let me train him, that's all I ask. Persuade him.
187
00:16:07,313 --> 00:16:09,338
(SNIGGERS)
188
00:16:12,418 --> 00:16:16,718
- What is it? What's the joke?
- Nothing, nothing. (LAUGHS)
189
00:16:16,889 --> 00:16:18,880
Well, clearly, it's not nothing.
190
00:16:19,058 --> 00:16:23,119
Clearly, you've just heard something
terribly amusing, clearly.
191
00:16:23,296 --> 00:16:28,632
It's just that Ace told me about
trying to get you to be the next Ace Rimmer.
192
00:16:28,801 --> 00:16:32,897
Yes, sadly, I'm sorting out my shoes
or I'd have jumped at it.
193
00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:38,237
It's just you, y'know?
The next Ace. The very idea! (LAUGHS)
194
00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:42,814
It's not so ridiculous, Lister!
Other versions of me have turned into him.
195
00:16:42,982 --> 00:16:47,248
If I wasn't needed here so badly,
I'd take him up on it.
196
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:50,355
Rimmer, how could you be the next Ace?
197
00:16:50,523 --> 00:16:53,822
I mean, you're a gutless,
spineless, gormless, directionless,
198
00:16:53,993 --> 00:16:57,292
neurotic, underachieving,
snivelling, cowardly pile of smeg.
199
00:16:58,064 --> 00:16:59,895
No offence...
200
00:17:00,066 --> 00:17:03,797
But get real, man.
Most eunuchs have got more balls than you.
201
00:17:03,969 --> 00:17:07,700
Well, that, my fine, madras-guzzling friend,
is where you are wrong,
202
00:17:07,873 --> 00:17:11,866
because I've taken Ace up on his offer,
and training begins...
203
00:17:12,978 --> 00:17:14,969
right now.
204
00:17:27,626 --> 00:17:29,685
Er, why have you brought me here?
205
00:17:29,862 --> 00:17:32,695
Look around, Arnie. The plateau, the summit.
206
00:17:32,865 --> 00:17:35,834
This is where you must be
to become Ace Rimmer.
207
00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:39,835
No, this where you must be
to become Maria Von Trapp.
208
00:17:40,639 --> 00:17:45,303
Just concentrate. Feel the wind
on your face. Be the wind, Arnie.
209
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:48,936
Unleash the wild power
you know lurks inside you.
210
00:17:49,115 --> 00:17:52,551
Be the cougar running free
and unfettered through the mountains.
211
00:17:52,718 --> 00:17:56,814
- Be the what?
- Come on, man. You can do it. Concentrate!
212
00:17:57,790 --> 00:18:01,351
See the cougar, Arnie?
It's you. Can you see it?
213
00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:07,396
Er... sort of.
214
00:18:13,406 --> 00:18:17,672
Oh, I'll never be Ace.
We tried. We failed. I give up!
215
00:18:18,844 --> 00:18:21,244
All your life you've given up.
216
00:18:21,414 --> 00:18:23,905
Well, maybe after more training!
217
00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:29,350
I can't keep up the dog and pony show
any longer. It's now or never.
218
00:18:29,522 --> 00:18:32,457
- What's that?
- Light bee remote.
219
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,995
If you can fool your crewmates
into thinking you're me...
220
00:18:47,273 --> 00:18:49,264
...we'll know you're ready.
221
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:05,413
- But I'm not ready!
- Try it the other way round.
222
00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:23,372
(SUAVE VOICE) The name's Rimmer...
This is ridiculous!
223
00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:29,478
Ah, Mr Ace, sir. Everything OK?
224
00:19:29,648 --> 00:19:32,082
What? Er, yes, Kryten... Krytie.
225
00:19:32,251 --> 00:19:34,242
(SUAVE VOICE) Yeah, everything's fine.
226
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:38,857
- Are you sure, sir? You sound different.
- Er... could you be more specific?
227
00:19:39,024 --> 00:19:41,925
67% more weasely.
228
00:19:42,094 --> 00:19:43,891
Errrrrrr...
229
00:19:44,063 --> 00:19:46,054
Ah, sore throat. Uh, sore throat.
230
00:19:46,232 --> 00:19:49,531
Bug going around, a holographic virus.
But it affects humans too.
231
00:19:49,702 --> 00:19:53,399
Arnie's got it.
I've quarantined him for 24 hours.
232
00:19:53,572 --> 00:19:58,032
I was wondering, sir,
we ran out of Bacofoil about six months ago.
233
00:19:58,210 --> 00:20:02,442
I don't suppose you have a spare jacket
I might roast a chicken in?
234
00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,742
Listen, you stupid,
jumped-up little son-of-a...
235
00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:08,182
Ohhh! Sorry, old friend.
Afraid not. Catch you later.
236
00:20:19,298 --> 00:20:24,133
Good day, my lord. I come
in search of the knave called Lister of Smeg.
237
00:20:25,104 --> 00:20:27,698
Wait a minute, old friend. Let's stay calm.
238
00:20:27,873 --> 00:20:31,707
- Are you one of his household?
- Er... in a manner of speaking.
239
00:20:31,877 --> 00:20:34,141
Then prepare to die!
240
00:20:35,714 --> 00:20:37,875
Ha! Yah!
241
00:20:58,737 --> 00:21:01,262
Let's talk about this over tea and muffins.
242
00:21:08,213 --> 00:21:11,876
OK, how about some scones and clotted cream?
Dundee cake? Battenburg?
243
00:21:34,039 --> 00:21:36,803
My God! I did it!
244
00:21:57,763 --> 00:22:00,197
(KNIGHT'S VOICE) So far...
245
00:22:00,366 --> 00:22:02,300
(OWN VOICE)... so good.
246
00:22:05,437 --> 00:22:10,500
That's the most heroic thing I've done since
setting fire to Stinky Bateman's turn-ups!
247
00:22:11,777 --> 00:22:16,077
Well done, Arnie.
You've done us proud. (GASPS)
248
00:22:18,717 --> 00:22:21,709
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for...
249
00:22:22,855 --> 00:22:25,449
(SCREECH OF FEEDBACK)
250
00:22:29,194 --> 00:22:33,255
What's happening, bro?
What's happened to goalpost head?
251
00:22:33,432 --> 00:22:36,299
No, you don't understand.
252
00:22:36,468 --> 00:22:38,459
It's not me, it's him.
253
00:22:38,637 --> 00:22:41,629
Sir, you're in shock.
You sound like Mr Rimmer.
254
00:22:41,807 --> 00:22:43,604
What happened?
255
00:22:47,713 --> 00:22:49,203
Ah.
256
00:22:52,818 --> 00:22:56,049
One of them knights
has escaped from the AR machine.
257
00:22:56,221 --> 00:22:58,849
It's killed Rimmer. Isn't that right, Ace?
258
00:23:07,232 --> 00:23:10,030
We should give Rimmer
a decent send-off, you know.
259
00:23:10,202 --> 00:23:13,262
- It's the least he deserves.
- I just can't believe it.
260
00:23:13,439 --> 00:23:16,806
Neither can I.
I was only insulting him this morning.
261
00:23:16,975 --> 00:23:21,605
I haven't felt this wretched since
Spare Head 3 told me they'd held a poll
262
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,305
and voted me the big-eared ugly one.
263
00:23:33,859 --> 00:23:35,656
Hey.
264
00:23:35,828 --> 00:23:39,924
- Decided what you're gonna do?
- I thought I'd stick around for a bit,
265
00:23:40,099 --> 00:23:42,932
(AS ACE)
Get the hang of the character, as it were.
266
00:23:44,603 --> 00:23:47,572
- What's that?
- Ace asked me to fit it.
267
00:23:47,740 --> 00:23:52,507
Said it would take his coffin to its final
resting place, alongside the other Aces.
268
00:23:52,678 --> 00:23:56,341
He's left some more beacons behind
for the Aces that follow you.
269
00:23:56,515 --> 00:23:58,506
I'm getting cold feet, Listy.
270
00:23:58,684 --> 00:24:02,051
I'm not sure I can go through with it, be Ace.
271
00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:04,985
You heard what he said. It's your destiny.
272
00:24:05,157 --> 00:24:08,354
It's my destiny
to be a smug, self-satisfied git?
273
00:24:09,394 --> 00:24:15,333
OK, he was a bit full of himself,
but you can be different. It's up to you.
274
00:24:15,501 --> 00:24:21,599
He said if you got cold feet we should follow
the coffin. You might change your mind.
275
00:24:24,676 --> 00:24:27,873
We are gathered here today
to say our final farewells to Mr Rimmer.
276
00:24:28,046 --> 00:24:31,277
On occasion,
he was a small-minded, bureaucratic,
277
00:24:31,450 --> 00:24:34,112
incompetent, cowardly little... person,
278
00:24:34,286 --> 00:24:36,413
but he also had his good qualities.
279
00:24:36,588 --> 00:24:38,818
Those WERE his good qualities!
280
00:24:38,991 --> 00:24:44,520
To say something about the finer side
of his nature, I'd like to turn to Mr Lister.
281
00:24:54,873 --> 00:24:59,037
Alexander the Great's chief eunuch
has finally joined his master.
282
00:24:59,211 --> 00:25:01,975
The man who kept his underpants
on coat-hangers
283
00:25:02,147 --> 00:25:05,810
and sewed name labels
into his ship-issue condoms has passed on.
284
00:25:07,486 --> 00:25:11,047
Life will never be the same.
We have lost the finest,
285
00:25:11,223 --> 00:25:13,987
most dedicated vending machine
repairman the Space Corps -
286
00:25:14,159 --> 00:25:18,118
no, the universe - has ever known.
287
00:25:18,297 --> 00:25:23,701
No one ever pressed for a Coke and got
oxtail soup and orange juice on his shift.
288
00:25:23,869 --> 00:25:27,737
Well, actually, we all did,
but what the smeg - this is his eulogy.
289
00:25:27,906 --> 00:25:33,208
He didn't have many friends, but those
that he did have were with him at the end.
290
00:25:33,378 --> 00:25:37,815
Even Rachel,
who I suppose in many ways is his widow.
291
00:25:43,455 --> 00:25:45,548
- See you, smeg-head.
- Later, bud.
292
00:25:45,724 --> 00:25:49,285
Goodbye, Mr Smeeee-Heeee.
293
00:25:49,461 --> 00:25:51,929
Bye... Ironballs.
294
00:25:53,465 --> 00:25:55,558
Finally, this...
295
00:25:55,734 --> 00:25:58,134
When Rimmer
originally died aboard Red Dwarf,
296
00:25:58,303 --> 00:26:03,002
Holly brought him back as a hologram
to keep me sane - never an easy task.
297
00:26:03,175 --> 00:26:08,613
He succeeded spectacularly, and for this
accomplishment, we award him this.
298
00:26:08,780 --> 00:26:13,808
Kryten, place First Officer Rimmer's
decoration into the coffin.
299
00:26:13,986 --> 00:26:15,977
Right away, sir.
300
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:25,594
Gentlemen... First Officer Rimmer.
301
00:26:26,899 --> 00:26:29,094
First Officer Rimmer.
302
00:26:57,629 --> 00:26:59,995
(BLEEPING)
303
00:27:25,190 --> 00:27:26,782
All those Rimmers...
304
00:27:28,093 --> 00:27:32,928
They all did it.
They all became Ace and passed on the flame.
305
00:27:33,098 --> 00:27:35,430
Are you really gonna break the chain?
306
00:27:39,671 --> 00:27:41,662
It's been a blast, fellas.
307
00:27:42,607 --> 00:27:44,507
- Bye, man.
- Bye, dude.
308
00:27:44,676 --> 00:27:47,338
Au revoir, Mr Ace, sir.
309
00:27:47,512 --> 00:27:52,245
Stoke me a clipper,
I'll be back for Christmas... Whatever.
310
00:28:00,926 --> 00:28:03,554
Just had to say one last goodbye!
311
00:28:10,235 --> 00:28:13,170
- See you, Davey boy.
- Yeah, good luck, man.
312
00:28:19,611 --> 00:28:22,808
(STIRRING HEROIC MUSIC)