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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Max:
No, no, no, no no!
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Oh, boy, I've heard that before. What
did you do? Ask him to marry you?
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No, I just asked him if I could go
to Atlantic City with some guys.
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Oh, you know, honey,
he's probably relating
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to when he was your age
and wild and crazy...
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Oh, no, that can't be.
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You don't know how
to work your father like I do.
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No, I don't look as good
in a halter top as you do.
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Fran looked absolutely breathtaking
in her wedding gown, didn't she?
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Yeah.
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Are you guys busy?
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Nanny Fine, I am preparing
Maxwell for a live TV interview.
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He doesn't have any time
for your mindless drivel.
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Don't you look
radiant this morning.
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Well, maybe because you were
so electrifying last night.
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( Coughs ) When did you
start smoking again?
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Somewhere between
"I" and "do."
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Maxwell, I want to talk
to you about Brighton
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going to Atlantic
City this weekend.
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Now, darling, Brighton and I
have discussed this at length.
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He knows exactly how I feel
about it, and I'd adamant.
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Well, I think that... is
adamant good or bad?
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Bad.
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Well, I think that we should
reopen the discussion.
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There is nothing left to discuss.
I have made up my mind.
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He's not going. Case closed.
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I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause
a problem between you and dad.
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But I don't know if you saw the
way he blew you off like that.
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It seems to me he doesn't
respect you or your opinion.
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Look, I know what you're doing
and it's not going to work.
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Playing one parent against the other
is the oldest trick in the book.
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How could you not
respect me or my opinion?
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What are you talking about? Of course
I respect your opinion, don't I?
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Absolutely, sir.
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Maybe, when I happen
to agree with you, right, Niles?
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Absolutely, madam.
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And when does her opinion
agree with mine?
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Never, sir?
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And when has he ever
even asked me my opinion?
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Never, ma'am?
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Niles, would you just stop
being so wishy-washy?
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Yeah, would you say
what you really think?
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I can't. You sign my checks,
you keep my secrets.
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You hired me first, but
you'll probably live longer.
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How can I pick an answer that
will be most beneficial to Niles?
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I knew a little girl
when I was growing up
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and her parents didn't let
her go away with her friends.
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And do you know what she
ended up doing? Shoplifting.
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- What happened to her?
- She married you.
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Well, you see how marvelously
it turned out for her.
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I'm his father.
I know what's best for him.
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- And what am I?
- You're the nanny.
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( Gasps )
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You called me the N word.
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Did you hear that, Niles?
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Niles: Do you get the
house in the settlement?
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- Uh-huh.
- Every word of it.
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♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪
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♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪
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♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪
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♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪
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♪ She was there to sell makeup
but the father saw more ♪
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♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪
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♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪
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♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪
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♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪
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♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
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♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪
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♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪
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♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran ♪
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I hate Theme Day at the home,
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and why do they always
have to pick Hawaii?
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Well, maybe it's so everybody
can wear their regular clothes.
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Yetta, I wanted to talk to you.
Me and Max had a fight and...
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Oh, you better start
drinking some more milk.
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You're getting
a real humpback here.
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No, I put my brassiere
on backwards.
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It's easier to hook
it in the front.
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So I'm thinking maybe I came
to the wrong place for advice.
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So why are you here?
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Well, I wanted to talk to you, because I
knew ma would have a conniption if she knew
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that me and Maxwell
already had a fight.
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Oh, my God!
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What did you do to my son?
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Ma, what are you doing here?
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I've never been to Hawaii.
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You should go back
and beg forgiveness.
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Why do you always take his side?
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You're right. At your age,
with your background,
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there are plenty
of millionaire producers.
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All right, I get the point.
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Meanwhile, I want him
to start thinking of me
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as his equal, not as his nanny.
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Whatever turns him on.
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Your father used to like me to
dress up like a French maid.
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With grandpa, it was Heidi.
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He'd put his hair
in little braids.
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I'd put on the long beard.
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Well, I'm beginning to see
the future and it ain't pretty.
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Oh, Ma, what am I
going to do? I mean,
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I want Maxwell to stop thinking
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of me as his nanny and start
thinking of me as his wife.
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Well, act like his wife.
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If you don't get what
you want, deny him his...
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Woo-wee.
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Ma, I'm a grown woman.
You can say the real word.
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And I'm not going to
deny him the bing-bing.
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Your mother's right.
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I've been holding out on your
grandfather for the past 25 years.
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But he's been dead for 26.
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Don't judge me.
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( Thinking ) All right, I'm going to
give this holding out thing a shot.
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I figure in 20 minutes, he'll say, "I'm
sorry, and be begging for bing-bing."
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The man is going to want
me so much when I deny him
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he's going to go crazy.
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Hello, darling. I've been
thinking about this afternoon,
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and I... I really do think I made the right
decision about not letting Brighton go.
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( Thinking )
Oh, you do, do you?
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Well, you haven't
seen this pose.
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Well, honey, if that's the way you
feel, that's the way you feel.
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( Thinking ) Oh, here he comes.
No, no, no.
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Oy, does he smell delicious.
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Well, I'm glad you understand
how I feel, sweetheart.
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Isn't it wonderful how we're
communicating as a married couple?
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( Thinking )
What did he say?
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Oh, who cares.
Oh, is that a tushy.
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- Don't you think so?
- Yeah.
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So, how was your day at Yetta's?
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How much can a woman take?
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Max: I know those homes can
be a little depressing,
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but, you know, Yetta forgets
she's there,
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so every day is
like a new adventure for her.
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Well, I got an early
start tomorrow.
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( Thinking )
And here comes the robe.
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Good night, sweetheart.
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( Thinking ) Oh, God, I
can't take it anymore.
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Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
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Oh, Harry Winston earrings.
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I see denying your husband
worked out beautifully.
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Oh, Ma, of all the times that I
ignored your advice,
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this was
the best time I ever had.
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What do you mean you didn't
take my advice?
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Why couldn't
you hold out like I do?
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Because my husband looks like
James Bond
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and your husband
looks like James Coco.
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James Coco? I wish.
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I've got to go now.
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I've got a very important thing
to take care of before dinner.
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- What?
- Lunch.
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I thought you were gonna go with
Maxwell to "Entertainment Tonight."
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Oh, you know how he gets. He said,
"Darling, you know I want you by my side",
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but I'd just be so nervous knowing someone
I loved was watching me so closely."
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I know, I was standing next to you.
He was talking to me.
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"Where the heck are my manila
envelopes?" That was to you.
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Oh, look, he's on, he's on. He
really wanted me to be by his side,
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but he said he'd be too nervous
having me watching him so closely.
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- He was talking to me.
- He was talking to me.
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Now, let's get this straight. Wife.
Butler. Manila envelope getter.
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Shh! He's on.
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Oh, he looks good! In control,
no nervous laughter...
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( nervous laughter )
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It's great to have you here,
Maxwell.
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Oh, thanks, Bob.
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We're going to get to
your new show in just a second,
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but I understand that
congratulations are in order.
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( nervous laughter )
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You're laughing. What?
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Oh, am I?
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Well, yeah.
Anyway, congratulations
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to you and the new
Mrs. Sheffield. It's great.
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Uh, who? Oh, oh, my nanny.
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What, you married your nanny?
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No, no, no, she's not my nanny.
She used to be my nanny.
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Well, what does she do now?
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Same thing she did when
she was my nanny. Nothing.
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Oh, no, I mean, not my wife.
My nanny did nothing.
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My wife is hopefully
not seeing this.
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Oh, you poor woman.
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For a husband to treat
his wife that way...
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You see that is why
I never got married.
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Yeah, that's why.
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00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:34,399
- Hi, Val.
- Oh, Fran.
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I saw "ET" last night.
I am so sorry, but don't worry.
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I got the perfect solution.
185
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Oh, no, it's okay. We made up last
night, and he was just nervous.
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- It was a slip of the tongue.
- Is that a new necklace?
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00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:49,313
Yeah. Matches the earrings.
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00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:51,416
( Gasps )
189
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,550
I think Maxwell is beginning
to realize
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00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:57,021
that he cannot afford
to keep making these mistakes.
191
00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:01,292
Well, what was your solution?
192
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:03,094
Well, I've been thinking
about it,
193
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:06,764
and he's always going to see
you as the nanny until...
194
00:11:06,765 --> 00:11:08,399
Until what?
195
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,503
Well, that's as far
as I thought it out.
196
00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:17,141
How about until I
hire another nanny?
197
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:20,111
Sure. Easy after I gave
you the first part.
198
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,947
Now, I've already hired
one for your information,
199
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:27,284
and it wasn't easy either finding a woman
that's great with the kids like I am
200
00:11:27,285 --> 00:11:29,319
and gets along with Maxwell.
201
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,440
'Cause, while he's working at the
house, he's gonna see a lot of her.
202
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,827
Good morning, Mrs. Sheffield.
203
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:40,597
Good morning, Nanny Bower.
Would you like a biscuit?
204
00:11:40,598 --> 00:11:42,399
Oh, no. That would not
be proper etiquette,
205
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,970
for the nanny to sit down
and eat with her employers.
206
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:50,173
Guess I cut nanny
college that day.
207
00:11:50,174 --> 00:11:54,512
If you don't mind I think that I will
just go and pick up Grace from ballet
208
00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:56,513
and take Brighton
to the dentist.
209
00:11:56,514 --> 00:12:00,184
When are you going to do your nails and
your hair and go shopping at Loehmann's?
210
00:12:00,185 --> 00:12:03,120
I do all that
on my day off, ma'am.
211
00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:05,489
- Day off? Oh, that's novel.
- I never thought of that.
212
00:12:08,326 --> 00:12:12,496
Well, I guess I am
a lady of leisure, Val.
213
00:12:12,497 --> 00:12:15,733
Now I've just got to figure out
what a lady of leisure does.
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00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:16,968
Yeah.
215
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:20,471
Oh, Niles, tell me, what did
the first Mrs. Sheffield
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00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:22,940
do with all of her free time?
217
00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:27,111
Well, she loved to do her own
dusting, cleaning, and vacuuming.
218
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,581
All right, she spent a lot
of time at a country club.
219
00:12:31,582 --> 00:12:35,352
Oh, that sounds lovely.
220
00:12:35,353 --> 00:12:38,389
Say, I wonder if they've
got a water slide.
221
00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:53,904
Gee, I'm beginning to think that
I'm the first brunette
222
00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:57,241
that's ever been allowed
in this club.
223
00:12:57,242 --> 00:12:59,176
So you're not enjoying
your first day here?
224
00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:02,112
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm a little turned off.
225
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:04,815
I mean, no one's playing
Marco Polo in the pool.
226
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:07,918
Went to the clubhouse,
no comedian.
227
00:13:07,919 --> 00:13:09,820
You'd think at a place like this
228
00:13:09,821 --> 00:13:14,358
they'd have at least one
Pac-Man machine in the lobby.
229
00:13:14,359 --> 00:13:16,660
What do people do around here?
230
00:13:20,765 --> 00:13:25,736
Well, when in Rome, can I have a
mochaccino blended with Equal, please?
231
00:13:25,737 --> 00:13:28,172
Make it a venti.
232
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,542
( classical music playing )
233
00:14:35,039 --> 00:14:38,675
Fran! Dad, have you seen Fran?
234
00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:41,711
Oh, now, Grace. You
can't go on running off
235
00:14:41,712 --> 00:14:44,715
to Fran for every little thing.
236
00:14:44,716 --> 00:14:47,784
She's no longer the nanny,
you know? She's my wife now.
237
00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:52,389
Wow. One night on the couch
sure whipped you into shape.
238
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:56,727
I did not spend the night on the couch.
Fran and I made up.
239
00:14:56,728 --> 00:15:00,964
Now, why don't you let me help
you with your problem, hmm?
240
00:15:00,965 --> 00:15:03,233
Well, Dad, um,
241
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:06,070
all my friends
are already on their cycles.
242
00:15:09,841 --> 00:15:12,643
Why aren't I?
243
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:17,114
You see? We didn't have
to bother Fran with that.
244
00:15:17,115 --> 00:15:18,815
I'll buy you a bicycle.
245
00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:25,723
Dad,
I'm talking about my period.
246
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:33,330
Fran, darling? Fran?
247
00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:37,301
Mrs. Sheffield is at the club, sir.
Is there something I can do for you?
248
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:38,902
Oh, no. No, thank you.
249
00:15:38,903 --> 00:15:42,173
You know, sir, nobody seems to
need me for anything around here.
250
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:45,375
I mean, if you don't mind my asking,
what did the last nanny do?
251
00:15:47,378 --> 00:15:50,080
Well, she... she would, ah...
252
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:56,086
Niles...
253
00:15:56,087 --> 00:15:59,156
Well, in addition
to tending to the children,
254
00:15:59,157 --> 00:16:03,761
her duties were dusting,
cleaning, vacuuming...
255
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,963
Oh, no, I am onto you.
256
00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:08,999
Your daughter, C.C., warned
me about your shenanigans.
257
00:16:15,006 --> 00:16:17,774
Well, actually, besides
taking care of the children,
258
00:16:17,775 --> 00:16:22,179
I suppose the nanny would make sure
the tie that she picked out for me
259
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:25,315
matched the shoes she
had picked out for me.
260
00:16:25,316 --> 00:16:27,418
Then she'd make
reservations for dinner
261
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:32,022
for myself and... her.
262
00:16:32,023 --> 00:16:35,058
And then sometimes, when
I was working late at night,
263
00:16:35,059 --> 00:16:38,896
she'd come in here to the
office, jump up on my desk,
264
00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:41,932
cross her legs
in a most enticing manner.
265
00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:48,772
Well, I...
266
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:51,842
Wait, No, no, no!
No! Not necessary!
267
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:59,583
Hated that,
didn't care for it at all. No.
268
00:16:59,584 --> 00:17:01,952
You know, it's really
none of my business,
269
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:05,656
but it sounds to me like she was
more of a wife than a nanny.
270
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:07,991
Well, that's why I married her.
271
00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:12,029
Oh? I was under the impression
that your nanny was a nightmare.
272
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:15,666
- Who the heck told you that?
- Your first wife, C.C.
273
00:17:26,177 --> 00:17:28,178
- Oh, hi, honey.
- Thank God you're home.
274
00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:31,081
I went up to dad and I was
completely honest with him
275
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:34,618
and told him I wanted to spend the
night over at my boyfriend's house,
276
00:17:34,619 --> 00:17:36,019
and he said no.
277
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:39,356
You were completely honest?
With your father?
278
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:43,927
Oh, honey, one day I'm gone and already
this whole place is falling apart.
279
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,531
Fran, I mean, I'm 20 years old.
280
00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:50,968
I mean, doesn't dad
know that... you know.
281
00:17:52,804 --> 00:17:56,273
I'm active?
282
00:17:56,274 --> 00:17:59,376
You're doing the bing-bing?
283
00:17:59,377 --> 00:18:03,647
Honey, you know, I love
that you feel so comfortable
284
00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:05,415
that you want to be totally
honest with me,
285
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:09,319
so let me be totally
honest with you.
286
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,789
Get upstairs!
What, are you crazy?
287
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,958
And you're never
leaving the house again!
288
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:17,328
- Oh, darling, you're back.
- Sweetie!
289
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,696
How was your day
as a lady of leisure?
290
00:18:19,697 --> 00:18:21,798
You know. No good.
291
00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:24,668
Oh, I'm sorry. If you didn't enjoy
yourself, you don't have to go back there.
292
00:18:24,669 --> 00:18:28,004
Oh, good. 'Cause we're
not allowed there anymore.
293
00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:30,374
Darling, as a matter of
fact, I was going to
294
00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:32,609
come down to the club
and bring you home.
295
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,812
- Grace has a little problem.
- Oh?
296
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:38,815
It seems that she's the only
one of her classmates whose
297
00:18:38,816 --> 00:18:43,154
"friend" hasn't visited her.
298
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,589
Oh, honey, you're so archaic.
299
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,124
I learned that at the club.
300
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:51,262
Anyway, don't worry.
301
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,133
I'll talk to her and I'll
simply explain to her
302
00:18:53,145 --> 00:18:54,831
that the longer her
friend takes to visit,
303
00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:57,400
the happier we'll all be.
304
00:18:57,401 --> 00:19:01,071
Who ate the last Nutter Butter?
And why don't we have any backup?
305
00:19:03,374 --> 00:19:05,375
Oh.
306
00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:07,945
Well, welcome to hell, honey.
307
00:19:10,314 --> 00:19:12,049
I'm glad you're home.
308
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,317
Oh, you and me both,
sweetie. You know,
309
00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:17,321
I'm not cut out to be
one of those fancy wives
310
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,891
whose nanny knows their
kids better than they do.
311
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:22,726
I want to be the nanny.
312
00:19:22,727 --> 00:19:27,731
Well, I want you to be the nanny.
That's who I fell in love with.
313
00:19:27,732 --> 00:19:30,334
That's who's raised
my kids so beautifully.
314
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,136
And that's who I
wanted to marry me.
315
00:19:33,137 --> 00:19:36,607
Oh, what a sweet thing to say.
I love you.
316
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:39,142
I love you, my darling.
317
00:19:39,143 --> 00:19:42,146
Oh, good, you guys made up.
318
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,648
I got to tell you,
I was torturing myself.
319
00:19:44,649 --> 00:19:48,619
I mean, I'm upstairs, I'm beginning to
think this entire thing was all my fault,
320
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:51,654
but yet, here you are, trying
to raise me as a very mature...
321
00:19:51,655 --> 00:19:54,390
You're still not going
to Atlantic City.
322
00:19:54,391 --> 00:19:57,328
Yeah, well. Okay. Yeah.
323
00:20:01,365 --> 00:20:05,368
See, darling? We are both
equals. He hates us both.
324
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:12,042
I think that I could be very happy
being the nanny and your wife.
325
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:14,711
What do you say I take
the two of you upstairs?
326
00:20:14,712 --> 00:20:19,049
Oh, Mr. Sheffield!
327
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:22,219
You're embarrassing me.
328
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:24,421
Which one do you want
to be wearing this?
329
00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:37,567
Could you just excuse me
for one moment, please?
330
00:20:37,568 --> 00:20:40,036
The agency sent
another nanny over.
331
00:20:40,037 --> 00:20:42,373
Well, just tell her that we're
not replacing Nanny Bowers.
332
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:44,641
Please, couldn't we
just hire her for the day?
333
00:20:44,642 --> 00:20:48,011
The cast of "All my Children" is
signing pictures at the Paramus Mall.
334
00:20:48,012 --> 00:20:50,380
Niles. Erica Kane coming?
335
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:51,748
Mm-hmm.
336
00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:54,852
I guess we're
hiring a new nanny.
337
00:20:58,456 --> 00:21:00,324
Hi.
338
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,795
I'm sorry, but the position
has already been filled.
339
00:21:05,796 --> 00:21:08,665
Thank you very much.
340
00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:11,402
Are you out of your mind?
341
00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:17,107
( Jazz music playing )