1 00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,605 ( pop rock music playing ) 2 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,562 - MOM. - WHAT? 3 00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:26,161 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 4 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,564 SQUEEZING IN MY CARDIO, WORKING UP A SWEAT. 5 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:32,796 EWW. OKAY. WELL, CAN YOU SWEAT ON P.J.'S SANDWICH? 6 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,303 GOTTA FEEL THE BURN. 7 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:38,506 GOTTA BUY MY LUNCH. 8 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,509 HEY, HONEY. HONEY! 9 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,382 - WHAT? - I'M LEAVING FOR WORK. 10 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,812 - GIVE ME A KISS. - CATCH ME IF YOU CAN. 11 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,147 I'VE KISSED YOU ENOUGH ALREADY. 12 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,193 WOW, I GUESS IT'S TRUE: 13 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,419 BREAKFAST IS THE MOST DISTURBING MEAL OF THE DAY. 14 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,189 WAIT. WHOA WHOA WHOA. BOB, WAIT. 15 00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,825 I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 16 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,629 IT'S ABOUT YOUR UNCLE MEL-- HE CALLED. 17 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,561 I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. 18 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,166 OH, COME ON. HE BEGGED ME TO PASS ON THE MESSAGE. 19 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:08,369 THANK YOU, AND NOW I'M GOING TO PASS ON THE MESSAGE. 20 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,442 - WHO'S UNCLE MEL? - SOMEBODY YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. 21 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,212 HE'S YOUR FATHER'S UNCLE. 22 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:16,211 OKAY, SO YOU TOLD ME ABOUT UNCLE STANLEY 23 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,654 WHO KNITS SWEATERS FOR HIS CATS, 24 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,609 BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT UNCLE MEL? 25 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,448 BECAUSE, TEDDY, IF YOU DON'T HAVE 26 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,253 ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT SOMEONE, 27 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,115 THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. 28 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,564 AND MEL'S AN IDIOT. 29 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,333 - ( door opens, closes ) - OKAY, MOM, TELL ME ABOUT UNCLE MEL. 30 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,260 WELL, HE AND YOUR FATHER HAD 31 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,125 SOME KIND OF FALLING OUT. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. 32 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,904 ISN'T THERE SOME WAY WE CAN FIND OUT MORE? 33 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,901 THIS IS THE FIRST INTERESTING THING ABOUT DAD SINCE-- 34 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,444 WELL, THIS IS THE FIRST INTERESTING THING ABOUT DAD. 35 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,608 HONEY, TRUST ME. I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY: 36 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,640 WHEN IT COMES TO DUNCAN FAMILY DRAMA, 37 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,346 - STAY OUT. - ARE THERE ANY OTHER 38 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,149 SURPRISE RELATIVES YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT? 39 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,381 NO. 40 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,675 NO. 41 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,647 ( theme music playing ) 42 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,357 * DAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST 43 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:02,689 * RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS * 44 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:06,333 * "HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" * 45 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,160 * I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE * 46 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,696 * GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD * 47 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,630 * THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF * 48 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:16,201 * I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED * 49 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:19,507 * SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE * 50 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:23,180 * HANG IN THERE, BABY, THINGS ARE CRAZY * 51 00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:25,911 * BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT * 52 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,716 * HANG IN THERE, BABY 53 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,718 * THERE'S NO MAYBE 54 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,250 * EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT * 55 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,586 * YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN * 56 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:38,532 * BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND * 57 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,759 * YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE * 58 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,727 * HANG IN THERE, BABY. 59 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,213 ( laughs ) 60 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,345 GREAT NEWS, MOM. I LIKE CHARLIE NOW. 61 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,450 WELL, FINALLY. WHAT HAPPENED? 62 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,622 WE WERE IN THE PARK AND THIS PHOTOGRAPHER 63 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,691 THOUGHT THAT CHARLIE WAS THE CUTEST BABY EVER. 64 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,959 - WOW. TO USE HER AS A MODEL. $100 65 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,759 WHO KNEW? FOR SOMETHINGY GOOD 66 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,391 BESIDES DROOLING AND POOPING. 67 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,962 "WALTER LOUPER PHOTOGRAPHY. 68 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:20,367 SPECIALIZING IN DOGS, CATS AND BABIES." 69 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,571 FORGET IT. I'M NOT EXPLOITING MY BABY. 70 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,973 BUT WE DON'T HAVE A DOG OR A CAT. 71 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,376 MOM, COME ON. 72 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,779 THIS COULD BE A BIG BREAK FOR CHARLIE. 73 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,780 P.J., CHARLIE IS NOT GETTING A JOB BEFORE YOU DO. 74 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:37,453 WELL, THE PHOTOGRAPHER DIDN'T OFFER TO SHOOT ME. 75 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:40,515 HA. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A MODELING JOB. 76 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,794 ANY JOB WILL DO. COME HERE. 77 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,793 MAN, THIS CONVERSATION SURE TOOK AN UGLY TURN. 78 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,296 ANYWAY, WE WILL NOT BE NEEDING THIS. 79 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:53,574 - I KNEW WE - WHAT WAS YOUR WAY?Y WAY. 80 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,571 WE DON'T TELL MOM WE'RE DOING THE PHOTO SHOOT, 81 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,813 WE GO AHEAD AND DO IT ANYWAY AND SPLIT THE MONEY. 82 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,008 WHEN DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT? 83 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,280 AT THE PARK. I TOLD YOU WHEN 84 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,810 THE GIRLS' CROSS-COUNTRY TEAM RAN BY. 85 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,614 OH YEAH. 86 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,677 ( chuckles ) 87 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,576 WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN? 88 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,523 Hi, Charlie. Teddy here. 89 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,786 So it turns out there's a Duncan family mystery. 90 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,525 Yeah, yesterday I found out we have an Uncle Mel. 91 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:24,401 Does this look good on me? 92 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:28,342 Well, only if you pull your pants over your face, because that is a belt. 93 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,365 WE NEED TO GO TO THE MALL TODAY. 94 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:36,307 YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NEW FOR ME TO WEAR. 95 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:39,854 OKAY, IVY, I'M THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT MORE IMPORTANT THAN CLOTHES. 96 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,050 - SHOES? - FAMILY. 97 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,753 YOU'RE FUNNY, T. 98 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,316 OKAY, LISTEN. SOMETHING WENT DOWN BETWEEN MY DAD AND HIS UNCLE MEL 99 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:50,587 AND I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 100 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,494 WHAT IS THIS? 101 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,426 OH, THAT'S A CREDIT CARD MY DAD GAVE ME A WHILE AGO. 102 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,333 AND I'M JUST NOW HEARING ABOUT THIS? 103 00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,066 WELL, IT'S FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY. 104 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,670 HONEY, I'VE SEEN YOUR CLOSET. 105 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,813 IT IS AN EMERGENCY. 106 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,578 OKAY. WELL, IF YOU GO TO THE REST HOME WITH ME, 107 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,478 I WILL GO TO THE MALL WITH YOU. 108 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,350 OKAY, BUT I HAVE TO WARN YOU: 109 00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:13,750 MY GRANDPA WAS IN A REST HOME 110 00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,621 AND IT WAS DEPRESSING. HE'D JUST SIT THERE 111 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,890 AND COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW NOBODY EVER CAME TO VISIT. 112 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,759 FINALLY, I JUST STOPPED GOING. 113 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:33,371 WE HAVE SEVERAL OPTIONS AT SHADY HILLS: 114 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,901 THERE'S THE ONE-YEAR PLAN, THE THREE-YEAR PLAN AND THE FI-- 115 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,506 HOW OLD IS YOUR FATHER? 116 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:42,379 OH. YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO MONTH TO MONTH. 117 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,680 OKAY. BYE-BYE. 118 00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:48,622 WELCOME TO SHADY HILLS. HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 119 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,679 WE'RE HERE TO SEE MEL DUNCAN. 120 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,488 - HAVE YOU SIGNED IN? - NO. 121 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,790 ARE YOU WAITING FOR A FORMAL INVITATION? 122 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:58,432 NO, WE JUST GOT HERE. WE'RE HAPPY TO SIGN IN. 123 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,389 I'D BE MOST HONORED. 124 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,162 LET ME PAGE MEL FOR YOU. 125 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,596 MEL, YOU HAVE A VISITOR! 126 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:08,695 SOMEBODY HERE TO SEE ME? 127 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,836 HI, UNCLE MEL. 128 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,141 I'M YOUR GREAT-NIECE TEDDY. I'M BOB'S DAUGHTER. 129 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:17,143 YOU'RE KIDDING. BOB MADE YOU? 130 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,777 YEAH, WELL, MY MOM'S PRETTY HOT. 131 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:24,423 - OH, THIS IS MY FRIEND IVY. - HI. MY MOM'S HOT TOO. 132 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,422 ( chuckles ) OKAY. 133 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,594 HEY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS MY NIECE-- 134 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,922 - WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS AGAIN? - TEDDY. 135 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,928 - --HEDY. - NO NO, TEDDY. TEDDY. 136 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,961 THAT'S A WEIRD NAME. 137 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,166 WEIRDER THAN HEDY? 138 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,728 THIS IS MY NIECE TEDDY 139 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,538 - AND-- DO YOU LIKE MUSIC? - I LOVE MUSIC. 140 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:46,171 HEY, EVERYBODY, MY NIECE IS GONNA SING US SOME SONGS. 141 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,976 - I AM? - YEAH. 142 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,538 - ( clapping ) - IVY, HELP. 143 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:54,178 ( clears throat ) HI, EVERYBODY. 144 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,984 AND WELCOME TO... 145 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,516 THE ROOM THAT WE'RE IN. 146 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:02,192 ( CHUCKLES ) WE'RE GONNA START OFF WITH A LITTLE-- 147 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,232 - MAESTRO? - I THINK I REMEMBER "SWANEE RIVER." 148 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,758 --"SWANEE RIVER." 149 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:14,997 * WAY DOWN UPON THE SWANEE RIVER * 150 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:19,005 * FAR FAR AWAY... 151 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,869 I DON'T REMEMBER THE WORDS. 152 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,608 I ONLY KNOW THE DIRTY ONES FROM THIRD GRADE. 153 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,684 OH. 154 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:30,723 * IT'S SUCH A FUNNY NAME FOR A RIVER * 155 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:35,621 * AND THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY, HEY. * 156 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,030 ( snores ) 157 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:42,729 OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT. LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE. 158 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,603 - ANY REQUESTS? - "SWANEE RIVER." 159 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:47,072 OH, BOY. 160 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,035 IT'S ALMOST READY TO GO. YOU'VE GOT A REAL CUTE BABY THERE, 161 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,784 ONE OF THE BEST I'VE EVER SEEN. 162 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,649 YEAH YEAH, DID YOU BRING THE CASH? 163 00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:01,778 I DID, BUT FIRST I NEED A PARENT TO SIGN THIS RELEASE FORM. 164 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,645 ( chuckles nervously ) NO PROBLEMO. 165 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,016 PROBLEMO. 166 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,688 SURE. MOM IS RIGHT IN THE KITCHEN. 167 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,564 - SHE IS? - SHE IS. 168 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,603 GABE, WHY DON'T YOU GO INTO THE KITCHEN 169 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,768 AND HAVE MOM SIGN THIS FOR US? 170 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,541 SO YOU'RE A PHOTOGRAPHER, HUH? 171 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:26,906 YUP. 172 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,738 OH, I GOT A CAMERA FOR MY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY... 173 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,948 - THEN I LOST IT. - CUTE STORY. 174 00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:37,281 - ( door opens ) - WELL, HERE YOU GO. 175 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,087 ( Charlie coos ) 176 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:42,859 YOUR MOM HAS VERY NICE... PRINTING. 177 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,830 YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE START THE SESSION 178 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,088 I PROBABLY BETTER GO TALK TO HER. 179 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,596 - VERY BAD IDEA. - AND WHY IS THAT? 180 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,899 BECAUSE SHE'S IN ONE OF HER MOODS 181 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,631 AND NOW SHE WANTS MORE MONEY. 182 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,096 SHE DOES? HOW MUCH? 183 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:58,335 - $125. - WHAT? 184 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,111 - BUT WE AGREED ON $100. - WALTER, I'VE BEEN RIDING 185 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,611 THIS ROLLERCOASTER FOR THE PAST 17 YEARS. 186 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,684 LET ME HANDLE IT. 187 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,117 THIS IS A STRANGE SITUATION. 188 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,348 THE MOMS ALMOST ALWAYS WANT TO MEET ME. 189 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,053 THIS ONE JUST WANTS HER MONEY. 190 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,316 PACK IT UP. THE SHOW'S OVER. 191 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,055 - WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? - SHE WANTS YOU OUT. 192 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,790 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A DEADLINE TO MEET. 193 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,627 WE HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK. 194 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,602 WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT TO OFFER HER $150. 195 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,139 FINE. $150, BUT THAT'S IT. 196 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,668 LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 197 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,640 LET'S MAKE SOME MAGIC. 198 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,819 AND MY BABY SISTER'S NAME IS CHARLIE. 199 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,089 CHARLIE, TEDDY-- DIDN'T YOUR DAD KNOW ANY GIRL NAMES? 200 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,618 SPEAKING OF MY DAD, 201 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,915 WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU GUYS? 202 00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,157 - AH. YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT. - ACTUALLY, I DO. 203 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,762 WELL, LOOK. WE JUST MET 204 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,825 AND I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE 205 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,004 BEFORE I START SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT THEIR FATHER. 206 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,641 OKAY. WELL, LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 207 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:07,011 - TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. - WELL, I LOVE BASEBALL. 208 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,980 HEY, THERE'S A GAME TODAY. WILL YOU TAKE ME? 209 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,180 TELL ME OTHER THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF. 210 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:16,152 OH, COME ON. I HAVEN'T BEEN TO A BALLGAME IN FOREVER. 211 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:19,023 - I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO GO TO ONE. - WELL, TODAY? 212 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:22,692 - I DON'T KNOW. I PROMISED MY FRIEND-- - YEAH YEAH, FINE, THANKS. 213 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,193 THANKS FOR DROPPING BY. 214 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:28,864 SEE YOU IN 20 YEARS. I'LL BE SITTING RIGHT HERE. 215 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:32,666 T. YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS. 216 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,670 - WHAT IS IT? - STEAK AND POTATOES. 217 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,442 THEY CAN BLEND ANYTHING IN THIS PLACE. 218 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,209 OKAY, IVY. HEY. 219 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,768 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A LITTLE CHANGE IN PLANS? 220 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:43,678 - AM I GONNA LIKE THIS CHANGE? - IT INVOLVES US GETTING OUT OF HERE. 221 00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,411 - I'M IN. - WE'RE GOING TO A BALLGAME. 222 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,175 - I'M OUT. - FINE, THEN STAY HERE. 223 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,054 - BACK IN. - MEL, COME ON, LET'S GO. 224 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,053 - WE'RE GOING TO THE BALLGAME - HOT DOG! SOUNDS GREAT, 225 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,686 BUT FIRST WE'VE GOT TO GET PAST THE WARDEN. 226 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:58,663 ( clears throat ) I'LL HANDLE HER. 227 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,457 EXCUSE ME. I'D LIKE TO TAKE 228 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,155 - MEL OUT FOR THE AFTERNOON. - ARE YOU OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE? 229 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,827 - NO. - IS HE DEAD? 230 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,836 - NO. - REQUEST DENIED. 231 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,998 STEP AWAY FROM THE DESK. 232 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,944 - THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. - MM-HMM. 233 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,444 PLAN B. ( whispers ) 234 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:19,006 - RIGHT. - BREAK. 235 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,821 - ( snoring ) - I'M SORRY, DUDE. 236 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,250 IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE. 237 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,256 ( alarm blaring ) 238 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,728 - WE'VE GOT A ROLLER! - NOT ON MY WATCH WE DON'T. 239 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,141 ( organ plays "Charge" ) 240 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,975 - ( bat cracks ) - YEAH! 241 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,915 - YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME, UNCLE MEL? - THE BEST. 242 00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,151 OH, THIS IS TERRIFIC, KID. 243 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,887 - THANKS FOR BRINGING ME. - YEAH. 244 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,163 SO LISTEN. YOU SAID WHEN WE GOT TO THE GAME 245 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,062 YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME THE STORY ABOUT-- WHOO! 246 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,525 --WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND DAD. 247 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,003 AFTER THIS INNING. 248 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,173 HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH. 249 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:19,212 IVY! IVY, WHAT IS ALL THIS? 250 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,239 IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR GIVING ME A CREDIT CARD. 251 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,944 RIGHT. THE EMERGENCY CREDIT CARD. 252 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,307 SOME OF THIS STUFF COULD BE USED IN AN EMERGENCY. 253 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:30,876 RIGHT, LIKE IF WE RUN INTO A GIANT FOAM NOSE. 254 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,222 - IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAVING FUN. - YEAH. 255 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,964 SUCH A SWEET OLD GUY. 256 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,789 WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM? 257 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,185 OH, BOO! 258 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,857 YOU STINK! 259 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,525 ARE YOU A BALLPLAYER OR A BALLERINA?! 260 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,334 YOU MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE! 261 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,196 UH-OH. 262 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:53,006 - ( rock music playing ) - * SU-SU-SUPERSTAR 263 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,140 * SHE'S A STAR, GOING FAR * 264 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:58,175 * THERE YOU ARE, SU-SU-SUPERSTAR * 265 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,851 * SU-SU-SUPERSTAR, YEAH, COME ON * 266 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,251 * LOOKS ALL RIGHT, LADYLIKE, DAY AND NIGHT * 267 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,323 * COME ON, SU-SU-SUPERSTAR * 268 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,892 * SU-SU-SUPERSTAR 269 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:12,061 * GROOVING THE RUNWAY FROM MONDAY THROUGH SUNDAY * 270 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:15,962 * SHE WROTE THE BOOK, GOT THE LOOK, ON EVERY MAGAZINE, LOVE HER * 271 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:20,896 - * SUPERSTAR, SUPERSTAR, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE * - ( laughs ) 272 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,304 * SU-SU-SUPERSTAR, YEAH, A SUPERSTAR * 273 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:28,237 * YEAH, A SUPERSTAR, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE * 274 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,105 * SU-SU-SUPERSTAR. 275 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,853 CAREFUL, CUPCAKE! IF YOU SLIDE, YOU MIGHT DIRTY YOUR SKIRT! 276 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,851 HEY, UNCLE MEL, CALM DOWN. WE'RE WINNING. 277 00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:38,353 YEAH, FOR NOW, BUT IT AIN'T GONNA LAST. 278 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,855 BECAUSE THEY STINK! LIKE A SEWER, THEY STINK! 279 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,929 HEY, CONTROL YOUR GRANDPA! HE'S SCARING MY KIDS. 280 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:48,258 - HEY, YOUR KIDS STINK. - SORRY. HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT. 281 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,395 I'M SURE YOUR KIDS SMELL AWESOME. 282 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,300 OKAY, UNCLE MEL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN 283 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,943 AND ENJOY A NICE, QUIET HOT DOG? 284 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:58,939 I'D LOVE A HOT DOG. HEY, WEINER, HAVE A WEINER! 285 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,272 - NO! - ARE YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIM OR SHOULD I? 286 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,408 YEAH, I SAID I'D HANDLE IT AND IT WOULD BE 287 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,283 A LOT EASIER WITHOUT YOUR HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS. 288 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,382 OH, WELL, HERE'S A HELPFUL SUGGESTION: 289 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,284 TAKE HIM OUT OF HERE OR I TAKE YOU OUT OF HERE. 290 00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,287 OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT, 291 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,419 'CAUSE NOW IVY'S ABOUT TO GET OUT OF HER CHAIR. 292 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,964 T, HOLD MY RING. 293 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,160 OKAY, CAN WE ALL JUST CHILL? 294 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,462 HEY, LOSERS! GET A LOAD OF THIS! 295 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,433 NO! 296 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,866 EWW! 297 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,450 OH NO, WE'RE ON THE JUMBO SCREEN. 298 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,350 ( silent ) 299 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,222 ( organ plays "Charge" ) 300 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:57,461 - ( camera clicking ) - ARE WE ALMOST DONE? 301 00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,097 'CAUSE IF NOT, WE'RE KINDA GETTING INTO OVERTIME. 302 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,473 - ( sighs ) IS THAT A PROBLEM? - NOT FOR US. 303 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,972 BUT FOR MOM. I THINK IT'S GONNA COST YOU. 304 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,136 EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING, LITTLE BROTHER. 305 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,105 I'M GONNA RUN THIS BY THE BOSS 306 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,245 MOM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 307 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:19,492 - I LIVE HERE. - BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE BACK YET. 308 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:22,489 WELL, I FINISHED EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO DO-- GOT THE CAR WASHED, 309 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,462 DID THE GROCERY SHOPPING, WENT TO THE BANK. 310 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,391 WHAT IS THAT FLASHING COMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM? 311 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,396 OH, IT'S PROBABLY A FUSE. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK 312 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,928 THE FUSE BOX OUT IN THE GARAGE. 313 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,436 - GET OUT! SHUT IT DOWN! - WHAT'S GOING ON? 314 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,311 MOM'S HOME. SHE'S REALLY HOME. 315 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,410 GET OUT! 316 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:48,047 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? - P.J, YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT ONE? 317 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,421 NO, I'LL TAKE THE NEXT ONE. 318 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,120 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO DISOBEYED ME. 319 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,223 OH, MY POOR LITTLE BABY. 320 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,230 I LOVE IT-- MOM AND BABY. 321 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,300 LOOK. PLEASE STOP. JUST GET OUT. 322 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,499 - BUT YOU LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER. - NO, SERIOUSLY-- GET OUT. 323 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,531 - PERFECT. JUST LIKE THAT. - LIKE THAT? 324 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,036 - Walter: YES. - AND HOW ABOUT A LITTLE OF THIS? 325 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,039 - GREAT. - WAIT. GET MY BETTER SIDE. 326 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,440 WOW. MOM, YOU'RE A NATURAL. 327 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:20,005 - YEAH, THE CAMERA LOVES YOU. - YOU TWO ARE SO GROUNDED. 328 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:29,516 THEN THE POLICE POLITELY ASKED US TO LEAVE, 329 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:32,426 AT WHICH POINT UNCLE MEL INVITED THEM TO KISS SOMETHING 330 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:34,529 THAT HAD BEEN ON THE JUMBO SCREEN. 331 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,431 OH, GOOD. ALL RIGHT. 332 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,474 NOW YOU KNOW WHY I WANTED YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR UNCLE MEL. 333 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,040 THE GUY'S A MANIAC, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO BASEBALL. 334 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:46,571 YEAH, THAT WOULD'VE BEEN USEFUL INFORMATION. 335 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,275 YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST GO TO BED. 336 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,580 I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. 337 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,311 WELL, THERE IS ONE MORE THING 338 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,447 I SHOULD TELL YOU ABOUT UNCLE MEL. 339 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,423 - YEAH? WHAT'S THAT? - HE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM. 340 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,451 - WHAT?! - YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM. 341 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:05,327 NO, I DON'T. I DON'T. I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY TO HIM. 342 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:08,458 WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY? WHY WON'T ANYBODY TELL ME? 343 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,355 BECAUSE IT'S ANCIENT HISTORY. 344 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,468 ALL RIGHT? IT'S DONE. IT'S FORGOTTEN ABOUT. 345 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,500 I'VE MOVED ON. NOW GET THAT OLD FART OUT OF MY HOUSE! 346 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,105 BE RIGHT BACK. 347 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,508 SO DAD SAYS WELCOME. 348 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:27,553 HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME, DOES HE? 349 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,350 WELL, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM EITHER! 350 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,852 AND YOU CAN TELL HIM I SAID THAT. 351 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,193 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 352 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,515 UNCLE MEL SAYS HE LOVES YOU. 353 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,557 REALLY? 354 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,832 UNCLE MEL SAID THAT? 355 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,561 YEAH, HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 356 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,597 IT'S SO LONG SINCE I'VE BEEN IN THE LIVING ROOM. 357 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,271 WELL, WHEN IS HE GONNA LEAVE THE LIVING ROOM? 358 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,313 OKAY, UNCLE MEL WANTS TO SORT THIS THING OUT. 359 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,839 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD START. - I THINK HE SHOULD START. 360 00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,614 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 361 00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,512 ( sighs ) DAD SAYS HE LOVES YOU. 362 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,518 ( laughs ) HOGWASH! 363 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,621 AND HE THINKS IT WOULD HELP 364 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,624 IF YOU TOLD ME WHAT THIS FEUD WAS ABOUT. 365 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,356 ( groans ) 366 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:15,602 WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS 10 YEARS OLD, I WAS HIS BASEBALL COACH. 367 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,628 OH. NOW I GET IT. 368 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,669 WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 369 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:25,411 WELL, YOU GET A LITTLE BIT TOO EXCITED ABOUT BASEBALL. 370 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,408 I SHARE MY OPINIONS! 371 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,911 ANYWAY, I GAVE HIM SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM-- 372 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:35,554 YOU SAID I SWUNG LIKE A GIRL! 373 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,652 I WAS SUGAR-COATING IT! YOU SWUNG LIKE A BABY GIRL! 374 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,615 HEY, WE'RE TALKING. THIS IS A START. 375 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,524 YOU HUMILIATED ME IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE TEAM. 376 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,627 I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU BETTER. 377 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,559 WELL, YOU DIDN'T YELL AT ANY OF THE OTHER KIDS. 378 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:52,195 BECAUSE I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER KIDS, FATHEAD! 379 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,266 WHOA. DID YOU HEAR THAT? 380 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,602 BEFORE THE FATHEAD PART. 381 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,607 HE SAID HE CARED ABOUT YOU. 382 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,377 I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU TOUGH 383 00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:05,680 AND I GUESS 384 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,722 SOMETIMES I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 385 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:14,619 - I'M SORRY. - WE HAVE AN APOLOGY. HEY, DAD. 386 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:22,734 WELL, MAYBE SOMETIMES I WAS A LITTLE OVERSENSITIVE... 387 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,932 ( mumbles ) AND I'M SORRY. 388 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,234 AND A RETURN APOLOGY. 389 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,667 NOW YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO IN THIS FAMILY AFTER WE FIGHT? 390 00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,542 I'M HOPING EAT. 391 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,613 WE HUG. 392 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,552 - HUGGING'S FOR GIRLS. - BABY GIRLS. 393 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,748 - THAT'S-- - ( both laugh ) 394 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,392 I GOTTA TINKLE. 395 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,618 BE BACK IN 20 MINUTES. 396 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,794 RIGHT OVER THERE. 397 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,688 - COME HERE. - ( sighs ) 398 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:56,626 YOU DID GOOD, KID. THANK YOU. 399 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,733 YEAH, WELL, YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS SAYING 400 00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:01,965 - HOW IMPORTANT FAMILY IS. - YES. YES, IT IS. 401 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,671 - ( door closes ) - HE JUST WALKED INTO THE CLOSET, DIDN'T HE? 402 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:09,405 - I'M AFRAID SO. - HEY, MEL, 403 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,712 - THAT'S NOT A BATHROOM. - Mel: IT IS NOW! 404 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,792 Well, Charlie, here I am waiting for you and Mom, 405 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:23,389 'cause Mom said I have to see this, whatever this is. 406 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,733 - Mom: Here we come. - ( Charlie coos ) 407 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,799 Charlie: Whoa. Look at you two. 408 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,528 Why are you dressed like that? 409 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,633 Well, we had a casting. 410 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,673 In the professional modeling business, 411 00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,813 that's what an audition is called-- 412 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,808 a casting. 413 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:44,681 So you're a professional model now? 414 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,681 Oh, don't act surprised, Teddy. 415 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,824 I think we all knew this day was coming. 416 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,349 - ( babbling ) - Yeah. 417 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,745 Ciao, bella. 418 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,590 She's a model now. 419 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,461 If I knew raising parents was gonna be this hard, 420 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,426 never would've done it. 421 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,465 But soon enough it'll be your turn 422 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,600 so good luck, Charlie. 423 00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:22,883 P.J. DUNCAN, HERE TO SEE MY PARENTS. 424 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:28,315 - ( snoring ) - HEY, MOM. 425 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,355 I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, P.J. 426 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,090 I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS. WE'RE REALLY GONNA PUSH IT. 427 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,625 WE'RE GONNA TOUCH OUR TOES. 428 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:36,661 AND TOUCH YOUR TOES. 429 00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:40,328 OR YOUR KNEES. 430 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,467 YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN. 431 00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:45,372 OKAY, NOW WE'RE GONNA SQUAT. 432 00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:48,405 OOH, TAKE IT DOWN. GOTTA FEEL THE BURN. 433 00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:49,481 - HERE WE GO. - ( bones crack ) 434 00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:51,739 ( high-pitched ) OH, NO. 435 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:54,608 BOB, I'M LOCKED AGAIN. 436 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,377 - ( snores ) - BOB! 437 00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,417 "SWANEE RIVER"! 438 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:04,415 - HERE, MOM. I GOTCHA. - ( bones crack ) 439 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:07,557 OH, THANK YOU, P.J. 440 00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:10,604 OH, SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS. 441 00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:11,900 THAT WAS A LONG WALK IN FROM THE PARKING LOT. 442 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,701 OH. 443 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:24,784 THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T DO THE SQUATS.