1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,644 - Lemon-Chros family, let's not be late. 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,996 Janet, shoes and socks. Okay, let go of the comic book. 3 00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:06,757 I'm trying to get your jacket on. 4 00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:08,884 Criss, shoes and socks! 5 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:10,969 - [Sighs] Let's go, let's go. 6 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,114 - No, don't forget these just 'cause you hate 'em. 7 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,556 Mwah! 8 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,848 Mwah! - All right. 9 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:16,600 Bye. Mwah. 10 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,561 Have a good day. Have fun at home! 11 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,063 - [Sighs] 12 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:25,484 [Clock ticking] 13 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,322 "Any recommendations for the best place 14 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,950 "to buy a girl's bike on the upper West Side? 15 00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,410 She's eight." [Computer beeps] 16 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,096 - "I'm sorry... What's a girl's bike? 17 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,240 "Is that like a girl doctor? 18 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,332 Go back to Saudi Arabia, Hitler!" 19 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,101 - "You're buying a bike but not a helmet? 20 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,685 "The head is where the child's brain is. 21 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,557 Why don't you get educated, double Hitler?" 22 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,256 - I was gonna buy a helmet. 23 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,257 - "Helmets inhibit brain development. 24 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,589 "You might as well give your darling child vaccines, 25 00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,886 which studies show cause homosexuality." 26 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,347 - "So what? My two-year-old is super gay, 27 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,242 "and we love him more than a straight child 28 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,977 because he doesn't rape!" 29 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,729 - Gentlemen, yesterday I moved Kabletown's customer service 30 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,190 to a part of India that has no phones. 31 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,168 We're now providing the same level of service 32 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,611 to our subscribers at zero the cost. 33 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,322 The is a Six Sigma wheel of domination. 34 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,783 It's a motivational tool I used back at G.E., 35 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,201 and it will be replacing 36 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,704 Kabletown's kitten in spaghetti. 37 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,498 Once this circle is completely filled in, 38 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,167 we will be a perfect company. 39 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,396 - And then we'll be able to get even better trophy wives... 40 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,005 Half-Asian ones! - Ooh. 41 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:30,057 [Telephones ringing] - Jack Donaghy's office. 42 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,258 - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 43 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,718 You can't go in there. 44 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,362 - I never told you this, but I once came up 45 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,573 late at night looking for Jack, and you were in a wedding dress 46 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,140 dancing with one of his suits. 47 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:39,725 - Mr. Donaghy will see you now. 48 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,643 [Indistinct chatter and laughter] 49 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,104 - Stay-at-home Lemon. To what do I owe the pleasure? 50 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:46,523 Did you already run out of things to do today? 51 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,900 - Pfft! What? No. You are. 52 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,072 - It's understandable. For the past seven years, 53 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,030 you put out dozens of fires every day, 54 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,282 not including the real ones Tracy would set. 55 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,908 - To keep away frankensteins, 56 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,480 which, as far as we know, worked. 57 00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,454 - My point is, you need the outlet. 58 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,664 Without work... [Imitates explosion] 59 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,249 - I have plenty of new outlets. 60 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,293 I ran this morning for 30 minutes. 61 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,265 - Does that include dry heaving? - And wet. 62 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,295 And sure, okay, I thought I'd have a job right now, 63 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,716 but I don't need to work. 64 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,235 - What about money? You know TGS 65 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,761 is only syndicated in Greece. 66 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,056 - [Man speaking Greek] 67 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,348 [Sustained tone] 68 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,016 - We'll be fine. 69 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,684 Criss has gone back to work. 70 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,145 He has a degree in ethno-musicology from wesleyan, 71 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,105 so he's a receptionist in a dental office. 72 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,566 And I didn't come here looking for something to do. 73 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,127 I just thought I would check in on you, 74 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,695 because you're the emotionally fragile one. 75 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:34,987 - Hogcock! 76 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,133 Which is a combination of "hogwash" and "poppycock." 77 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,700 - I'm just saying, if my mother told me 78 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,112 that everything I had been raised to believe was a lie 79 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,038 and then died, I'd be like, "say what?" 80 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,831 - Lemon, all Colleen said 81 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,225 is that she wanted me to be happy, 82 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,459 and, obviously, I am. 83 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:48,831 Take a look at my new view. 84 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,879 From up here, I can see the whole island. 85 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,840 A city built on the religion of capitalism, 86 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,384 and I am its high priest, 87 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,761 looking down on the swinish multitude. 88 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,847 And even those who hate me, the unwashed socialist horde, 89 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:04,226 the occupy wall streeters and the beard-havers 90 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,686 and the bicycle riders, 91 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,772 even they must acknowledge me... 92 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,274 As a god. 93 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,194 - And this makes you happy? 94 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,570 - It should. 95 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,298 - You know, I'm reminded of something 96 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,657 Yoda once said. 97 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,617 [Imitating Yoda] Mmm! Ohh! 98 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,662 Dark times are these. 99 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,665 [Exciting jazz music] 100 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:34,798 ♪ ♪ 101 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,057 [Car horns honking] 102 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,767 - Nakamura-San, we at NBC 103 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,379 would love to adapt your game show 104 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,438 for American audiences. 105 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,773 But we thought maybe contestants could win money 106 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,109 instead of penis punches. 107 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,070 - Yo, Ken, I need you to do something for me! 108 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,362 Ken! 109 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,407 - Tray, Ken can't do stuff for you anymore. 110 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,659 He's president of the network now. 111 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,846 - So? He promised me he'd always be there for me, 112 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:05,912 no matter what! 113 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:06,788 - Sometimes things change. 114 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,167 - And yet you still say stupid stuff to me all the time 115 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,794 and suck at carrying boxes! 116 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,215 - Hey, Kenneth! 117 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,568 Just thought I'd come up and say hi 118 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,761 to the new president of NBC. 119 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,637 - Well, can I get you anything... 120 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,015 Chickpeas, moonshine, turtle meat? 121 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:25,891 - I'm good. 122 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,769 You know, I was with NBC for seven years. 123 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,063 And even though right now I'm concentrating on being a mom... 124 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,755 - you've always had the body for it. 125 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,317 - At some point down the road, 126 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,819 I do plan on getting back to work. 127 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,530 - Well, I hope it's with NBC, 128 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,199 because we have hiring quotas. 129 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,825 - Okay, well, I actually think 130 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,660 there might be a show in my life... 131 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,704 You know, a woman writer living in New York. 132 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,290 - Oh, sorry. Woman, writer, New York... 133 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:54,711 Those are all on my list of TV no-no words. 134 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,671 See, I think audiences just want to laugh 135 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,591 and forget about their problems when they watch TV. 136 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:03,011 They don't want to watch some angry New York crankypants 137 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,513 make that face... exactly. 138 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:08,016 I want to make shows that people actually want to watch... 139 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,686 Shows where a guy gets a drink thrown in his face, 140 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,458 and then he turns to his dog and says, 141 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,566 "don't even say it." 142 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,693 [Laughing] To his dog! 143 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,029 - Okay, well, I think TV can be successful 144 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,782 without sacrificing quality. 145 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:24,783 - Mm. [Clicking tongue] 146 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:25,534 - Ah, there it is. 147 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,661 Okay, well, if that's what you want, 148 00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:30,247 maybe I shouldn't bring my ideas to NBC. 149 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:31,891 I'll go to cable, where you can swear 150 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,959 and really take time to let moments land. 151 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,503 - You will never believe what just happened to me. 152 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,515 I was throwing a tantrum in the makeup room. 153 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,465 Where is my color? 154 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,051 I will have you queens fired! 155 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,720 I will tell the other gays your real ages! 156 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,640 I'll be... [Indistinct conversation] 157 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,308 Ignored by my friends? 158 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,061 No one paid any attention to... 159 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,647 Stop ignoring me! 160 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,357 This is an actor announcement. 161 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:58,942 - The show's over, 162 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,152 so you're not technically an actor anymore. 163 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,904 - How dare you, you rotting pear? 164 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,824 I will stop being an actress when the earth stops spinning 165 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,826 on Kabbalah monster's fingernail. 166 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,245 The only thing that's stopping is this show. 167 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,081 It's beneath me, and from now on, 168 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,251 Jenna Maroney only plays dramatic roles. 169 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:20,755 Good-bye forever, you factory reject dildos. 170 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,720 - Mr. Donaghy! 171 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,639 Inga, you have to warn me when we have an important guest. 172 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,691 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to spank you again. 173 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,269 - [Giggles] 174 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,146 - Stupid Jonathan. 175 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,023 Kenneth, I need your advice. 176 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,691 - Sir, I know this is my office, 177 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,423 but it would make me more comfortable 178 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,069 if we switched places. 179 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,654 - Oh. 180 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,177 Kenneth, I've been thinking about something a lot lately, 181 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,746 something that's never bothered me until now. 182 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:53,538 - Me too! 183 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,832 Where are all the baby pigeons? 184 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,124 - Happiness. 185 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,669 I've started to wonder if I'm happy. 186 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,630 - Well, sir, if you have to ask, 187 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,798 then you're not. 188 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,130 It's like when a pig says, 189 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,510 "if I can communicate with you telepathically, 190 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:08,802 do I have a soul?" 191 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,680 And then you're like, "no. Duh. 192 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,307 Into the slaughtering chute." 193 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,017 - If you're right, I have a problem. 194 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,727 And every problem can be solved. 195 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,259 As I was taught at Six Sigma... 196 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,689 Analyze, strategize, succeed. 197 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,775 "A.S.S." 198 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,694 I'm going to crush this problem... 199 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,655 With my ass. 200 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,827 - Tracy Jordan to see Ken-tucky derby. 201 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,579 - Mr. Parcell's in a meeting. 202 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,623 - I see. Very well. 203 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,626 Tell him Tracy came by from his promise. 204 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,462 That's Tracy... "t" as in the drink, 205 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,047 "r" as in the pirate noise, 206 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,216 "a" as in the Fonzie noise, 207 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,926 "c" as in sea monster, 208 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,445 "y" as in why do we even make friends 209 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,097 if they're gonna let you down when we need them the most? 210 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,015 Last name "Jordan." 211 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,850 "J" as in the birds I'm afraid of... 212 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,269 - [Sighs] 213 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,275 "I'm a stay-at-home mom who, until recently, 214 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,403 "had a high-pressure job. 215 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,822 Any advice on dealing with that transition?" 216 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,366 - "I put all my old work energy into parenting. 217 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,285 My kids hate me, which gives me more parenting to do." 218 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,371 - "Oh, my god, I am so sick of listening 219 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,206 "to you stay-at-home moms whine. 220 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,666 Try being a working parent." 221 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,877 - "I did, but I got fired... For stupidity." 222 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,609 - "I'd switch places with any of you. 223 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,506 And I have amazing cheekbones." 224 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,925 - "Original poster: For your information, 225 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,301 some people like work." 226 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,054 - "Really? You like having 40 emails from Jerry, 227 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,348 "all with a red exclamation point? 228 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,350 Oh, they're all urgent, Jerry?" 229 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,203 - "'Cause some people think that work can be 230 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,812 "fulfilling and validating. 231 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,897 "For example, the rapper T.I., 232 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,775 "who wrote, 'better get on yo job, tell 'em. 233 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,028 Haters get on yo job, nougats.'" 234 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,155 at least, I think he was saying "nougats." 235 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,072 - "Well, I don't know what to say. 236 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,074 I guess some people are idiots." 237 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,993 - "Bitch, you are on my last nerve." 238 00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,679 - "Then why don't you do something about it?" 239 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:57,954 - Gladly, friend-o... 240 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,081 Riverside park, hippo playground, 241 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,916 ten minutes. - "Perfect. 242 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,048 I take my darling children there all the time." 243 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,212 - "I'll be the one wearing a purple sweater 244 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:11,301 and wrapping a baby swing around some skank's neck." 245 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,311 - Time for an ass attack. 246 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,897 - Kabletown shares closing at a new high today. 247 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,567 CEO Jack Donaghy, who rang the opening bell last week, 248 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,459 has emphasized the growth potential in... 249 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:30,862 - Aah! 250 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,530 Agh! Ah! 251 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:33,364 - Now I am the sensei! 252 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,301 The parking space closest to the door is mine. 253 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,325 - Aah! 254 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,625 - What do we have here? 255 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:53,510 - Joining us this hour is my new co-host, the Colonel. 256 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,887 Looks like another cold one today in the midwest. 257 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,430 - Yeah, so bundle up, everyone. 258 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,516 And if you can, get hit by a car. 259 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,935 You get to spend a couple days in the hospital, 260 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,520 and they'll give you soup. 261 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,230 All: ♪ this little light of mine ♪ 262 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,857 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪ 263 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,735 ♪ this little light of mine ♪ 264 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,904 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪ 265 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,906 ♪ ♪ 266 00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,075 - Nancy, I know this is unconventional, 267 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,161 but I really think a group relationship could work. 268 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,413 - What you're proposing is a sin, Jack, 269 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,082 but she is wicked hot. 270 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,167 - Elisa, what do you say? 271 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,002 - It would have to be a conjugal visit, 272 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:32,048 because I am in a puerto rican jail. 273 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,847 - Jenna, thank you so much for doing this. 274 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,139 What a thrill. 275 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:40,974 - Oh, I am just so glad 276 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,101 to finally return to my two loves... 277 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,937 Dramatic acting and sex crimes. 278 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:46,855 - Yeah. 279 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,232 Well, uh, this first scene is super simple. 280 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,359 Munch and fin find your body. 281 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,736 - Wait. What? I die? 282 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:54,737 - Didn't you get the rewrite? 283 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,310 - But if I'm dead, how can I become a recurring character? 284 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,930 And if I'm not a recurring character, 285 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:02,245 how will I get away with horrible stuff, like this? 286 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:03,204 - Let's do this. 287 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,165 - That's what I was about to say. 288 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,167 - Let's do it! 289 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,751 Slate it! 290 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,545 And... action! 291 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,463 [Ominous music] 292 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,215 - Word is, cleaning lady found her... 293 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,907 [Jenna groaning] Early this morning. 294 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,219 - [Weakly] Oh, still alive. 295 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,511 - Who else had access? 296 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:23,183 - Ow! My foot hurts, but I'm okay. 297 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:24,893 I think this injury has given me 298 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,895 crime-solving powers. 299 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,315 It's law and order: Mind beauty. 300 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,816 - I'm done. Who is this chick? 301 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,902 - All television is beneath me. 302 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,112 I will only do cinema. 303 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,404 - No one cares, Jenna. 304 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,657 - I am going to the city of angels, 305 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,118 a veterinary hospital where I get dog sedatives 306 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,078 that help me relax when I fly. 307 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,456 Then I'm flying to Los Angeles! 308 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,041 Good-bye forever, 309 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:52,003 you soup line at a gay homeless shelter. 310 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,844 - Crisstopher Rick Chros. Are you kidding me? 311 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,447 - Liz, you don't want to be here right now, 312 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,351 'cause I got to go smack that woman in the face. 313 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,140 - Criss... 314 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,017 You're here to fight me. 315 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,685 I'm the original poster. 316 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,705 - Oh, my god! Since when do you listen to T.I.? 317 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,009 - That message board is for moms. 318 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,106 I thought you were a lady. 319 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,900 You said you had amazing cheekbones. 320 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,526 - Mm. 321 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,098 - Chros, what are you doing here? 322 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,002 - I don't know. I just hate being at work. 323 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:19,697 Sitting at a desk makes me crazy, 324 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,549 so I keep getting up and getting coffee. 325 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,493 Now I'm all jittery and weird and... bird! 326 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,203 - So you hate work? 327 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,622 - And this mom came in with her kids to see Dr. Emily, 328 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:28,915 and I was jealous of her. 329 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,517 Her kids were so bored, I just wanted to jump 330 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,669 over that divider and play waiting games with them, 331 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:33,961 like carpet adventure. 332 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,606 - Or that one where your hands are spiders. 333 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:36,673 - Hand spiders. 334 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,049 Yeah, so... 335 00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,051 I hate work, and evidently you miss it. 336 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,886 - I know. I'm a terrible mother. 337 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,197 - Oh, my god, if you were a dude, 338 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,722 you would not even be thinking that. 339 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,054 It's okay to want to work. 340 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,476 One of us has to. We just got it backwards. 341 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,812 You're... the dad. 342 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,522 - I do like ignoring your questions 343 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607 while I try to watch TV. - Exactly! 344 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,043 I should be the one staying at home. 345 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,777 You should be in an office. 346 00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,669 That's how our family's supposed to work. 347 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,906 - Except I don't have an office to go back to. 348 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,700 - Well, so pitch something to Kenneth, 349 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:06,244 like, I don't know, a show about a dentist's office 350 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,788 where the sassy hygienist says things like, 351 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,748 "I'm turning 30... Again." 352 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,458 [Laughs] 353 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:13,750 I will miss Tyrell. 354 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,670 - You know, that's exactly the kind of garbage 355 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,082 that Kenneth is looking for. 356 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:22,051 And for the sake of my family, I'm gonna give it to him. 357 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:26,097 [Loud ticking] 358 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,310 - Damn it! Why did I get such a loud pacemaker? 359 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,801 - Tray, Kenneth is not coming. 360 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:32,562 - You think I don't know that? 361 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:35,064 When I went up to Ken's office earlier, 362 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,859 I saw his schedule on his assistant's pornography box! 363 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,391 - You mean computer? - Whatever. 364 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,696 He doesn't have meetings. He's avoiding me. 365 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,823 What am i... My son's piano recital? 366 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,742 - Put yourself in Kenneth's shoes. 367 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,368 - I can't! He's not here! 368 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,037 Stop torturing me! 369 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,409 - He's running the network. 370 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,290 He doesn't need you asking him for stuff. 371 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,208 Whatever it is you need, we can do it. 372 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,645 - Unless you need us to hate the new Taylor swift album. 373 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,047 That girl has feelings. - You're wrong, Dotcom! 374 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,174 What I need only Kenneth can do... 375 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,675 Only Kenneth! 376 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,762 - We were doing just fine before Kenneth ever got here... 377 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,054 Just fine! 378 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,432 - [Knocks] 379 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,726 You wanted to see me, sir? 380 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,562 - Kenneth, since we last spoke, I've been in a spiral... 381 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,022 An upward spiral. 382 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,648 - Oh, that's not a thing. 383 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,501 - Neither is talking two catholic beauties 384 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,653 into a delicious vanilla-caramel sex swirl, but I did it. 385 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,185 And I got rid of their accents. 386 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:25,549 - [British accent] Oh, Jack, porking 387 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,658 in that prison basement was wicked awesome. 388 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,511 - [American accent] Oh, thank you, you two, 389 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,412 for blowing my brains. 390 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:32,904 - So who's happy now, Parcell? 391 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,999 - Well, if you have to ask the question... 392 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,667 - And answer it. I am... 393 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,253 You string cheese with a tooth stuck in it. 394 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,215 Look at the wheel. - Well, then smile, Mr. Donaghy. 395 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,716 - I am. - Jack? 396 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,719 You are gonna love this, you magnificent bastard. 397 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,251 Someone leaked your new salary. 398 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,598 Occupy Wall Street is having a conniption. 399 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,517 - Really? - They burned you in effigy! 400 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,249 The hair went up like a Roman candle. 401 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,579 And the democrats... They don't even know 402 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,313 what to do with themselves. 403 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,314 Just look at this jackass. 404 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,400 - Jack Donaghy is an economic war criminal. 405 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,693 If the Democratic party controlled congress, 406 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,463 I would see to it that he was punished 407 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,613 in the worst way possible... 408 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:09,117 By having to come down here and listen to us. 409 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,830 - God, I feel like I have a "macropenis" right now. 410 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,679 - Ms. Lemon, how funny. 411 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:32,682 I was planning to call you, and now here you are. 412 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,642 Now, about our conversation earlier... 413 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,185 - Yes, about that. 414 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,122 You know, I've been thinking, and you were right. 415 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,439 America doesn't want to see me. 416 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,692 America wants to see... John hardly. 417 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,445 He loves his family, but he hates the rat race. 418 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,321 He's "hardly working." 419 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,157 - I'm so sorry. Pass. 420 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,077 But I do have something you'd be perfect for. 421 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,705 One last chance for TGS to make america say, 422 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,790 "what? Why?" - What are you talking about? 423 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:01,294 - Well, it turns out Mr. Jordan's TGS contract 424 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,921 contains some rather unusual clauses, 425 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,493 and I don't mean those two santas 426 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,091 I saw kissing on the subway. 427 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:11,179 "If fewer than 150 episodes of TGS are produced in total, 428 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,807 Mr. Jordan shall be paid a penalty of $30 million." 429 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,099 - So? 430 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,310 - Ms. Lemon, 431 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,605 TGS has done 149 shows. 432 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,274 So we're gonna need you to go ahead and do one more. 433 00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,986 - I need a job, Kenneth, not one more episode of TGS. 434 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,363 - You are contractually required to write and produce 435 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,491 all episodes of TGS, so... 436 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:32,782 See you tomorrow? 437 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,785 - Wow. You've really changed, Kenneth. 438 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,787 - I don't think so. You look nice today. 439 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,539 - Shut your chin slit. 440 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,500 - [Chuckles] Yes, ma'am. 441 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:44,128 - Welcome to Los Angeles international airport. 442 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,838 Follow yellow signs to baggage claim 443 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,674 and ground transportation. 444 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,353 - Excuse me, ma'am. 445 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:04,232 Do you need a wheelchair to baggage claim? 446 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,485 - Shut it down. 447 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:11,405 - I will return to my first love... Broadway! 448 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:16,285 You eastern European knockoff Mr. Potato heads. 449 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,371 - Why haven't you come to see me? 450 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,623 Why didn't you return any of my calls? 451 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,833 - I tried, sir, but no one answered. 452 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,086 - I'm Tracy Jordan. I don't answer phones. 453 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,129 Kenneth, you once made a promise... 454 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,090 That you would always be there for me. 455 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,383 - I know. I'm sorry. 456 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:31,968 I would never break a promise. 457 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,180 - Good, 'cause I need you to do something for me. 458 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,930 - Of course. Just name it. 459 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,432 - Kenneth, I need you to take back your promise. 460 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,267 - Sir? 461 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,477 - I know what it is to blow up overnight. 462 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,089 And I'm not talking about my gout. 463 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,398 When I got big, a lot of people from my past 464 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:48,526 wanted stuff from me, and, well, 465 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,987 I don't want to be that person for you. 466 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:54,115 So, like the snakes I kept in my dressing room, 467 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,326 I release you. 468 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,953 - Mr. Jordan... 469 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,374 Thank you, sir. 470 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,461 I think I'm gonna need a tissue. 471 00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:11,673 [Sniffles] 472 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:15,052 Am I supposed to drop this on the floor? 473 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,679 And while we're naming things, 474 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,932 my car ran out of gas on the long island expressway. 475 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,642 - Yes, sir. 476 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:23,978 - [Sniffles] 477 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,230 [Car horns honking] 478 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,232 - Okay, Jack, I need a job. 479 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,884 I'm looking for six figures, eight if you're counting cents, 480 00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,362 which I fell for once before... Not cool, the gap. 481 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,814 - I'd love to help you, Lemon, but I don't think I can. 482 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,743 I resigned as CEO of Kabletown an hour ago. 483 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:39,744 - What? Why? 484 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,912 - Because I felt nothing. 485 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,956 I got the job. I pissed off my enemies... 486 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,709 Pelosi, Maddow, Baldwin. 487 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:50,087 It should have been the greatest moment of my life. 488 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,857 - No, no, no. No, no. Eyes off the window. 489 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,050 Focus on Lemon. What am I gonna do now? 490 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,469 - I could try and help you make some calls 491 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,138 and see what Bridges I haven't burned. 492 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,431 But I'm not going to, 493 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:01,265 for your own good. 494 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,018 Work is never going to make you happy, Lemon, 495 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,228 and anyone who tells you differently is a fool. 496 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,063 - Are you kidding me? 497 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,899 What have we been talking about for the last seven years? 498 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,317 - I don't know anymore. 499 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,903 For the first time in my life, I don't know what I need. 500 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,697 Maybe I'll buy a boat. 501 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,157 - Oh, my god. 502 00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:20,636 This whole time you've been telling me how to run my life, 503 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,380 you didn't know what you were talking about. 504 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,997 You're just an alcoholic with a great voice. 505 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,969 - Careful, Lemon. You're playing with fire. 506 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,085 - You made me buy into this whole life. 507 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:32,088 When I met you, I was perfectly happy with what I had... 508 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,260 Eating night cheese and transitioning my pajamas 509 00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:35,465 into daywear. 510 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,010 You're the one who told me to want more. 511 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,680 And now, when I need you most, you're bailing on me? 512 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,252 - You're an adult, Lemon. You didn't have to listen to me. 513 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,017 - Really? When was that an option? 514 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,478 - Look, if you want someone to blame, blame yourself. 515 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,897 You're the one who wormed your way into my brain 516 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,358 with your endless handwringing and feelings. 517 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,361 I used to be a shark, and then you "unsharkulated" me. 518 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,114 I called you up here for one meeting seven years ago, 519 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,408 and you kept coming up. 520 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,243 [Sighs] 521 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,575 - So we ruined each other? 522 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,121 Good to know. 523 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,623 You know, it's for the best that my show is over 524 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:08,541 and you've quit 525 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,376 and we're all going our separate ways. 526 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:13,045 I guess you and I were just a boss and his employee. 527 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,463 And now we're not anymore. 528 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,007 - Yes, that pretty much sums it up. 529 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,801 - There! 530 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,373 You're no longer special to him. 531 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:23,180 Get out! Get out of our lives! 532 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,516 Yes! [Laughing wildly] 533 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,981 [Continues laughing] 534 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,151 - Put your helmet on, Pete. 535 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,403 This last episode is gonna be a hot mess. 536 00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:38,863 - How so? - If TGS doesn't do 537 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,699 one more show, Tracy gets $30 million. 538 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,635 - Oh, NBC... the same company that suggested 539 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,019 we get flush buddies to save water. 540 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,203 - Liz, Tracy has landed. 541 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,098 - Of course he has, because if he didn't... 542 00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:50,183 - He'd be in breach of contract and wouldn't get the money. 543 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,126 - Which means he's gonna try to find another way 544 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,003 to ruin the show. 545 00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:57,256 Seven years, and Tracy never changed. 546 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:58,988 - Well, people are who they are, Liz. 547 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,593 [Cell phone vibrating] 548 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,154 [Southern accent] This is Dan silversmith 549 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,387 with Carolina mutual. 550 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,848 I can't talk right now. I'm with a customer. 551 00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,516 [Cell phone beeps] 552 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,128 - Well, whatever sideways nonsense 553 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,937 Tracy tries to pull, I'm gonna hold him down. 554 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:13,856 I'm gonna hold him down like that machine 555 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,941 Kathy Geiss invented that hugs old people. 556 00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,235 - My god, this will change elder care forever. 557 00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:19,737 - Hmm. 558 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,614 [Gasps] - Whoops. Nope. 559 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,574 - Hello, Tracy. 560 00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,910 So one last show... 561 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,286 Pretty crazy, huh? 562 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:28,788 - Indeed, Elizabeth. 563 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,206 I hope nothing goes wrong. 564 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:31,707 - Why would it? 565 00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,268 I mean, you're here, fulfilling your contract. 566 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,502 - Sure am, L.L. 567 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,004 The only thing that can stop this show is an act of god 568 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,715 or if some genius figured out a way to stall 569 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:44,595 [speaking slowly] Just long enough... 570 00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:47,264 - No! Nice try. Get that out of here. 571 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:48,766 It's the final showdown, tray. 572 00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:50,658 You're gonna have to do better than that. 573 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:54,188 - The night is young. And neither are you. 574 00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,984 [Exhales sharply] 575 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,486 - [Exhales sharply] 576 00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,196 Okay, thank you, everybody, 577 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,848 for coming in on such short notice. 578 00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,950 I know some of you have already gotten other jobs. 579 00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,284 - Not me. 580 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,412 - Anyway, we have been given a second chance 581 00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,706 to end this right, on our terms. 582 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:13,499 So... 583 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:16,502 What are we gonna order for our last free lunch? 584 00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,234 - Momofuku! - Guy Fieri's restaurant, 585 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:19,356 ironically. - Nothing, thank you. 586 00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:21,298 - Cerie, whose turn is it to choose lunch today? 587 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,467 Who is the picker? 588 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:24,879 - You picked last time, Liz, 589 00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:28,013 so alphabetically after Lemon comes... 590 00:22:28,305 --> 00:22:29,515 Oh, no. 591 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:31,183 [Ominous music] 592 00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,726 - [Gasps] 593 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,481 - Blimpie's. [All groan] 594 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,400 - No! - Come on, Lutz! 595 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:42,236 - Let's solve this, Frank! 596 00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:44,613 - Hello, Lemon. 597 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:46,740 - What are you doing here? I thought you quit. 598 00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,659 - In the cushions of my couch, 599 00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:50,828 I found this customer-loyalty card 600 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,581 to a place called blazer bar, and I assume it's yours. 601 00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:56,000 - Thank you. It's Manhattan's largest 602 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:58,919 out-of-business women's blazer dump. 603 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,839 - Look, I didn't like the way we ended things yesterday. 604 00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,571 - Yeah, I've got a lot of work to do. 605 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,552 - I'm sorry we argued, but I'm not myself lately. 606 00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,095 I-I quit the job I worked my entire life to get, 607 00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,681 and now I feel adrift. 608 00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:12,182 - No! We're not doing this. 609 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:13,767 Today is the last TGS ever. 610 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:16,770 - The point is, I'm going away, probably for a long time. 611 00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:17,730 - I assume that's code 612 00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:19,773 for a billionaire's soul-searching trip 613 00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:21,065 to tan penis island. 614 00:23:21,275 --> 00:23:22,651 Have fun. 615 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:28,198 - We're at the end here, Lemon. We shouldn't hold grudges. 616 00:23:28,490 --> 00:23:30,826 [Keys clacking] 617 00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:31,660 For your information, 618 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,079 most of tan penis island was destroyed 619 00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:36,498 in Sting's house fire. 620 00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:37,833 [Door closes] 621 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:41,712 - Are urged to take this storm severely seriously. 622 00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,464 - Hey, where are you guys going? 623 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,109 - Sorry, Liz, we got to get out of here before the roads close. 624 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,235 There's a "snowicane" coming. 625 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,845 - All of New York state, especially midtown Manhattan 626 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,681 between saks fifth Avenue and the variety deli. 627 00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:55,142 - Aw, no. That's right where we are. 628 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:56,912 - According to the national weather service, 629 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:58,312 you should, and I quote, 630 00:23:58,604 --> 00:24:01,148 "leave work, get in your purple Bentley, 631 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,192 "and be home with your sharks 632 00:24:03,484 --> 00:24:04,961 "before the tristate area gets slammed 633 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,695 "by what is being called 634 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:10,616 'snowicane' white lady name like Dorva or something." 635 00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:13,452 - Everybody back to work. 636 00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:15,704 - Aw, jeez. 637 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:19,601 - What did you do to Al Roker to make him do that? 638 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:21,225 - Let's just say his wife is on the board 639 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,377 of a children's hospital, 640 00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:24,755 and they need a celebrity to host their annual gala, 641 00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:26,066 and I threatened to do it. 642 00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:27,967 - Do you understand how selfish you're being? 643 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,552 Our crew has been together for seven years, 644 00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:32,447 and tonight is everyone's chance to say good-bye! 645 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:35,516 So get up on that Stage and cut the B.S.! 646 00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:37,267 - But I promised Barbra Streisand 647 00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:38,936 I'd never stab her again! 648 00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:40,228 [Door slams] 649 00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:42,731 - [Knocks] Jenna... 650 00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:44,900 You've been friends with Lemon for a long time. 651 00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:46,652 She and I had an argument yesterday. 652 00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:48,821 - Really? Did Liz scream in your face? 653 00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,513 Did you pin her up against the wall? 654 00:24:50,698 --> 00:24:52,199 Were your shirts wet with rain? 655 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,219 - I mean, obviously we've had disagreements before, 656 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:55,995 but this... Feels different. 657 00:24:56,286 --> 00:24:59,164 After tonight, I feel like Lemon and I 658 00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,917 could go our separate ways and never see each other again. 659 00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:03,289 Is that crazy? - Not really. 660 00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:05,587 You know Liz. She can hold a grudge. 661 00:25:05,879 --> 00:25:07,339 - She did want me to cancel top chef 662 00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:09,883 because Colicchio's lunch place changed the toppings 663 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:10,718 on her favorite salad. 664 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,370 - And with people, forget about it. 665 00:25:12,553 --> 00:25:14,033 She's never stayed friends with an ex. 666 00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:16,682 When Conan dumped her, she dropped him forever. 667 00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:18,892 [Elevator bell dings] 668 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:20,184 - Hey, Liz. 669 00:25:20,394 --> 00:25:21,979 [Elevator bell dings] 670 00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:24,356 - Come on, you can't pretend I don't exist. 671 00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:26,859 We dated for a year! 672 00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:29,945 We were gonna lose our virginity to each other! 673 00:25:30,237 --> 00:25:32,281 Now I'll never lose it! 674 00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:35,951 - And her friends... 675 00:25:36,243 --> 00:25:37,762 She'll cut people off for doing nothing. 676 00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:39,246 I'm afraid to even tell her 677 00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:40,890 that I frenched her dad on new year's. 678 00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,374 - [Crying] I don't know what to do. 679 00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:43,917 I've lost so much already. 680 00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:45,961 The past few months have been really hard. 681 00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:47,253 And now Lemon! 682 00:25:47,296 --> 00:25:49,376 - Did the doctor that prescribes your antidepressants 683 00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:50,591 go to jail too? 684 00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,302 - You see, I don't have that many people in my life. 685 00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:56,055 I spent Christmas alone in the Hamptons, 686 00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:58,265 drinking scotch and throwing firecrackers 687 00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,017 at Billy Joel's dog! 688 00:26:00,309 --> 00:26:02,436 [Sobbing] 689 00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:04,188 I'm just in a really bad place, 690 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,231 and I don't know how much more I can take! 691 00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:07,733 Aah! [Sobbing] 692 00:26:08,025 --> 00:26:10,694 - Daddy, please stop crying. 693 00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:13,155 - [Sobbing loudly] 694 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:18,911 - I printed out the Blimpie's menu. 695 00:26:19,203 --> 00:26:20,203 - Okay, how about this? 696 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,830 Yesterday a bunch of us came in 697 00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,882 to clean out our desks, more than half of us. 698 00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:25,041 - Yes, a quorum. 699 00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:27,252 - And you weren't here, Lutz. 700 00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:28,584 - And lunch rule precedent 701 00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:30,229 stipulates that disputes will be resolved 702 00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:31,507 by picking a new name. 703 00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:33,550 Toofer, the can! 704 00:26:33,842 --> 00:26:36,095 - Gladly. 705 00:26:37,387 --> 00:26:39,890 - What the hell? It's stuck to me. 706 00:26:40,182 --> 00:26:41,391 Oh, god, and it's Lutz! 707 00:26:41,683 --> 00:26:43,268 [All groan] Why's it so sticky? 708 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,770 - I wrote it on flypaper. 709 00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:48,816 I'm five steps ahead of you, you sons of bitches! 710 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,108 Blimpie's. 711 00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,194 - Liz, have you seen Jack today? 712 00:26:52,486 --> 00:26:53,487 - No. - He just came 713 00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:55,572 into my dressing room and started crying. 714 00:26:55,864 --> 00:26:57,282 He's in a really bad place, 715 00:26:57,574 --> 00:26:58,700 like when Mickey Rourke... 716 00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:00,192 Okay, I can't do this anymore. 717 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:02,996 I've never met Mickey Rourke. 718 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:04,728 - What do you want me to do, Jenna... 719 00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:06,553 Shut down the show to make Jack feel better 720 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:07,167 about bailing on me? 721 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,499 - I'm just really worried, 722 00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:10,025 and if you won't do anything, I will. 723 00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:10,963 - On behalf of the network, Ms. Maroney, 724 00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:13,465 I think you should sing at the end of the show tonight. 725 00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:15,968 - Wonderful! I'll need ten pianos. 726 00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:17,553 Good luck with, uh, Jake. 727 00:27:17,845 --> 00:27:19,471 - Does everybody have to be crazy today? 728 00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:22,141 - Beloved coworkers! 729 00:27:22,432 --> 00:27:23,934 Oh, life... it goes by so fast. 730 00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:25,386 We barely look at each other. 731 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:28,438 I didn't realize all this was going on. 732 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:30,566 Good-bye. Good-bye, world. 733 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:33,902 Good-bye, long-hair guy. Good-bye, Richard Esposito. 734 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:37,156 Go home to your wife and eight beautiful children. 735 00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:38,824 You're all so beautiful. 736 00:27:39,116 --> 00:27:41,493 - What the what?...? 737 00:27:41,785 --> 00:27:42,870 - [Sighs] 738 00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:45,789 - Um, guys, I know I don't normally say much, but... 739 00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:47,541 - what, woman? Speak! 740 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,210 - Well, officially, the show was canceled two weeks ago. 741 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,213 So isn't this technically season eight? 742 00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,924 - Which means we start over at the beginning 743 00:27:56,216 --> 00:27:57,216 of the alphabet. 744 00:27:57,301 --> 00:27:58,802 - So the new picker is... - Me! 745 00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:00,387 - What? No! 746 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,472 Lutz isn't first! 747 00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:07,311 You changed your name to "aardvark"? 748 00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:08,603 That's insane! 749 00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:10,189 - Shh. 750 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:14,318 - [Whimpering] - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 751 00:28:14,610 --> 00:28:15,611 [Whispering] Blimpie's. 752 00:28:15,903 --> 00:28:17,070 - Ugh. 753 00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:17,988 - [Sighs happily] [Knock at door] 754 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,366 - So have you picked out a song for tonight, Ms. Maroney? 755 00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:22,658 - A perfect song. 756 00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:23,869 As I'm sure you know, 757 00:28:24,161 --> 00:28:26,538 I have returned to my first love, 758 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:30,125 Broadway, in a musical adaptation 759 00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:32,502 of the film of the novel the rural juror. 760 00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:34,105 - I'm sorry... the what? - At the end of act two, 761 00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,672 my character, constance justice, 762 00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:36,506 sings the title song. 763 00:28:36,798 --> 00:28:39,384 It's a tearful good-bye to her true love, 764 00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:41,511 Norman Blurder, the rural juror. 765 00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:42,888 - It sounds emotional. 766 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:44,181 - Listen to this. 767 00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:48,393 ♪ I will never forget you ♪ 768 00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:50,395 ♪ rural juror ♪ 769 00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:51,855 What? What is that face? 770 00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:53,267 - I don't know, Ms. Maroney. 771 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,400 It just seems like you're faking it. 772 00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:56,944 - Well, of course I am. 773 00:28:57,236 --> 00:28:57,903 I'm an actor. 774 00:28:58,195 --> 00:28:59,446 And acting is all cheap tricks 775 00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,323 that any child or monkey could do. 776 00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:04,284 To act drunk, you just wear two different-sized heels. 777 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:07,955 And to cry, you just clutch a shard of broken glass. 778 00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:10,749 - Ms. Maroney, this is the end of TGS. 779 00:29:11,041 --> 00:29:13,168 You need to show real emotion. 780 00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:14,795 - Hmm. 781 00:29:15,087 --> 00:29:16,171 Real emotion? 782 00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:17,839 It's not really my thing. 783 00:29:18,131 --> 00:29:19,925 Maybe if I had something to be sad about. 784 00:29:20,217 --> 00:29:21,217 - Are you kidding? 785 00:29:21,385 --> 00:29:23,387 After tonight, you may not see any of us 786 00:29:23,679 --> 00:29:24,679 ever again. 787 00:29:24,805 --> 00:29:26,223 - Stop trying to cheer me up. 788 00:29:26,515 --> 00:29:27,557 I need to feel sad. 789 00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,809 - Then I guess you'll have to figure out something 790 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,520 that you'll miss about this place. 791 00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:35,524 But maybe it's not a thing so much as a person. 792 00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:37,456 - Well, that's not gonna be easy, Kenneth, 793 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:41,905 considering I'm the only person who works here. 794 00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:44,884 - Why are you wearing that weird necklace? 795 00:29:44,908 --> 00:29:47,828 - [Scoffs] I always wear this. I want to be buried in it. 796 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:48,453 So, if anything ever happens to me 797 00:29:48,745 --> 00:29:49,788 and you can't find my body 798 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,291 but you can find this, don't overthink it. 799 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:54,251 Just Bury the necklace and move on. 800 00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:56,143 - Okay, why are you wearing Jack's watch? 801 00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:58,314 - Oh, that's not part of it. Jack just gave this to me. 802 00:29:58,338 --> 00:29:59,898 He's been giving his stuff away all day. 803 00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:01,567 - I want you to have this bag of my hair. 804 00:30:01,591 --> 00:30:02,711 - Why is he acting so crazy? 805 00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:04,363 He's crying one minute, happy the next, 806 00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:05,634 giving away all his stuff. 807 00:30:05,887 --> 00:30:08,724 - Sounds like someone's got a case of the old kablooeys. 808 00:30:09,016 --> 00:30:10,576 [Imitates gunshot] We've all been there. 809 00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,609 - You think Jack Donaghy's gonna kill himself? 810 00:30:12,769 --> 00:30:14,730 No way. Jack has never quit anything in his life. 811 00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:17,441 - That's for you. - Except his dream job... 812 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:18,150 Yesterday. 813 00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:20,360 [Imitates gun cocking and gunshot] 814 00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:22,529 Thing is, any fool can kill himself. 815 00:30:22,821 --> 00:30:24,821 You know what a real man does? Fakes his own death. 816 00:30:25,032 --> 00:30:25,741 But you got to be smart. 817 00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:28,243 Plan it slowly over eight or nine years. 818 00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:29,615 And then when it's go time, 819 00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:31,496 no big withdrawals from your bank account. 820 00:30:31,788 --> 00:30:33,228 Instead, the day before it goes down, 821 00:30:33,332 --> 00:30:34,958 you deposit $70. 822 00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:35,917 Why would a guy planning to fake his death 823 00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:38,211 deposit $70? He wouldn't! 824 00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:39,983 - What the hell are you talking about? 825 00:30:40,047 --> 00:30:42,466 [Cell phone vibrating, beeps] - Oops, sorry. Work. 826 00:30:42,758 --> 00:30:44,278 [Southern accent] Did y'all get my fax? 827 00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:45,509 - Elizabeth... 828 00:30:45,594 --> 00:30:47,304 Sweet, funny Elizabeth, 829 00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:51,183 your light always shown the brightest, baby. 830 00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:54,061 - You're coming to the show tonight, right? 831 00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:55,353 - I'll be watching. 832 00:30:55,437 --> 00:30:57,564 Not sure from where, but I'll be with you... 833 00:30:57,856 --> 00:31:00,025 In spirit. - [Groans] 834 00:31:00,317 --> 00:31:02,694 Weird. 835 00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:09,201 Come on, tray, leave the dancers alone. 836 00:31:09,493 --> 00:31:10,535 What's going on? 837 00:31:10,827 --> 00:31:11,453 Why aren't you smiling bravely 838 00:31:11,745 --> 00:31:14,331 while Tracy tells you your butt looks like two slippery hams? 839 00:31:14,623 --> 00:31:16,083 [Gasps] 840 00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:17,876 Where's Tracy? 841 00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:19,336 - We have no idea, Liz. 842 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,338 - I've been so distracted lately. 843 00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:23,230 - Grizz just found out his uncle left him 844 00:31:23,423 --> 00:31:25,258 a bed-and-breakfast outside Santa fe. 845 00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:26,652 - I'm gonna be a real fish out of water. 846 00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:27,344 - What are you talking about? 847 00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:31,306 What... what is that? Does everyone see that? 848 00:31:31,598 --> 00:31:32,598 - Okay, whatever. 849 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:34,184 I know you know where Tracy is. 850 00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:36,353 Did he promise you some of the $30 million? 851 00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:37,725 Both: Yes, he promised me... 852 00:31:37,896 --> 00:31:38,897 - $1 million. - $20,000. 853 00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:40,190 Wait. What? 854 00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:41,775 Okay, that's it. 855 00:31:42,067 --> 00:31:43,747 Tray is exactly where you think he is, Liz. 856 00:31:43,819 --> 00:31:46,279 It's the closest thing he has to hiding out in a church. 857 00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:48,532 - [Gasps] 858 00:31:49,991 --> 00:31:52,911 It's 5:00. Where the frak is our lunch? 859 00:31:53,203 --> 00:31:55,330 - We can't break him, Liz. He's not human. 860 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,208 - Why are you doing this to us? 861 00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,167 - I'll tell you why! 862 00:31:59,459 --> 00:32:02,045 Because for seven years, you have yelled at me 863 00:32:02,337 --> 00:32:04,565 and turned the lights out on me when I was in the bathroom 864 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,258 and written on me while I was sleeping, 865 00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:07,592 'cause I was Lutz... 866 00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:10,554 Dumb, old, uncool, part-inuit, bisexual, 867 00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:11,888 51 -year-old Lutz! 868 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,015 Well, today I am the picker! 869 00:32:14,307 --> 00:32:15,627 And I want you to feel what I felt 870 00:32:15,892 --> 00:32:17,227 for the last seven years... 871 00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:20,981 Anger and disappointment and regret! 872 00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:23,273 And when that sandwich slides out of you in a week, 873 00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:24,609 look at it, 874 00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:28,363 because that is Lutz's revenge! 875 00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:31,241 Cerie, for lunch today, I would like to pick Blimpie's. 876 00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:32,909 Oh! - Argh! 877 00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:34,286 - No! 878 00:32:34,578 --> 00:32:36,621 [Clang] 879 00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:39,124 - Cerie, Sushi from Nobu 57, 880 00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:40,816 dessert from make my cake in Harlem. 881 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,461 I'll be back. I hope. 882 00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:44,337 [All cheering] 883 00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,339 - [Sobbing] 884 00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:50,427 [Pat benatar's we are young] 885 00:32:50,719 --> 00:32:52,596 - ♪ We are young ♪ 886 00:32:52,888 --> 00:32:54,073 - Yeah, you're not that young either. 887 00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,097 Get down, please. 888 00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:56,742 - Give it up for Liz Lemon, everybody! 889 00:32:56,766 --> 00:32:58,768 The least molested person in here. 890 00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:00,937 [Applause] ♪ ♪ 891 00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:02,998 - I don't even get your play here, tray. 892 00:33:03,273 --> 00:33:04,649 You're in breach now. 893 00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:05,960 You stay here, you don't get the money. 894 00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,384 - If you think it's about the money, 895 00:33:07,444 --> 00:33:09,154 you're even dumber than I look. 896 00:33:09,446 --> 00:33:11,048 - So you're just doing this for no reason at all... 897 00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:12,632 For the fun of ruining everyone's chance 898 00:33:12,866 --> 00:33:14,117 to say good-bye? 899 00:33:14,409 --> 00:33:16,137 - I'm doing this because I don't want to say good-bye 900 00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,287 to everyone. 901 00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:20,749 Anybody who's ever left me in my life just left... 902 00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:22,792 My dad going to get a pack of smokes 903 00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,127 and never coming back, 904 00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:26,379 all those foster parents talking about adopting me 905 00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,673 and never did. 906 00:33:28,965 --> 00:33:31,218 I don't want tonight's show to happen because... 907 00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:33,261 I don't know how to say good-bye, Liz Lemon. 908 00:33:33,553 --> 00:33:35,472 - Now onstage, 909 00:33:35,764 --> 00:33:37,891 feast your eyes on the skank train! 910 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:39,183 - Oh, boy. Okay. 911 00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:42,062 Look, tray, it's not good-bye forever. 912 00:33:42,354 --> 00:33:43,498 I've enjoyed working with you, 913 00:33:43,522 --> 00:33:45,362 and I'm sure we'll get to do it again sometime, 914 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,900 and we're all gonna stay friends. 915 00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:48,377 - Sorry. Is that the white lady's way 916 00:33:48,401 --> 00:33:50,362 of saying, "I'm going out to get cigarettes"? 917 00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:52,014 'Cause that good-bye was atrocious. 918 00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:53,593 - Fine. Well, I guess there's a reason 919 00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:55,283 people don't say honest good-byes... 920 00:33:55,575 --> 00:33:56,802 Because when stuff is coming to an end, 921 00:33:56,826 --> 00:33:59,037 people freak out and they act crazy. 922 00:33:59,329 --> 00:34:00,969 They pick fights, and they pick Blimpie's. 923 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,582 And I don't know what Pete's doing. 924 00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:04,167 So you lie to them. 925 00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:06,419 But if you want a hard-core truth good-bye... 926 00:34:06,711 --> 00:34:07,711 - Lay it on me. 927 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:09,881 - [Sighs] Okay. 928 00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,759 We were forced to be friends because of work. 929 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:15,411 And we're probably not gonna hang out after this, all right? 930 00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:17,490 You'll say that you're gonna invite me to your house, 931 00:34:17,514 --> 00:34:18,682 and it's never gonna happen. 932 00:34:18,974 --> 00:34:21,059 And I'll see on TV that it's your birthday, 933 00:34:21,351 --> 00:34:22,602 and I'll forget to call. 934 00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:24,479 And working with you is hard. 935 00:34:24,771 --> 00:34:26,082 [Crying] Tracy, you frustrated me, 936 00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:27,983 and you wore me out. 937 00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:30,777 But because the human heart is not properly connected 938 00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:32,737 to the human brain, I love you, 939 00:34:33,029 --> 00:34:35,448 and I'm gonna miss you. 940 00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:37,909 But tonight might be it. 941 00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:39,703 - Brutally honest... 942 00:34:39,995 --> 00:34:41,079 I like that. 943 00:34:43,456 --> 00:34:45,750 - So you'll come do the show? 944 00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:47,836 - I'll come back, L.L. 945 00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:50,213 But we're gonna watch this first. 946 00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:51,923 [Pumping techno music] 947 00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:53,675 - Ride the train, ladies. 948 00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:55,385 Ride the train. 949 00:34:55,677 --> 00:34:58,388 [Drill whirring] 950 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,265 - Kenneth, what are you doing? 951 00:35:00,557 --> 00:35:01,891 - Brian Williams needs a mirror 952 00:35:02,183 --> 00:35:03,727 on the floor of his bathroom. 953 00:35:04,019 --> 00:35:05,939 I guess you want that if you have a glass toilet. 954 00:35:05,979 --> 00:35:07,814 But the show's over after tonight, 955 00:35:08,106 --> 00:35:09,190 so what do you care? 956 00:35:09,482 --> 00:35:11,985 - But... my mirror. 957 00:35:12,277 --> 00:35:14,779 [Wistful music] 958 00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:22,746 ♪ ♪ 959 00:35:23,038 --> 00:35:25,123 [Crying] Oh, my god. 960 00:35:25,415 --> 00:35:27,334 It's all over. 961 00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:30,128 Am I crying? 962 00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:33,632 I have no way to see if I'm crying. 963 00:35:35,842 --> 00:35:36,926 - Oh, thank god! 964 00:35:37,218 --> 00:35:39,304 - Last lunch... 965 00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:39,929 All: No Lutz! 966 00:35:40,221 --> 00:35:42,057 Last lunch, no Lutz! 967 00:35:42,349 --> 00:35:44,100 Cupcake sandwich! 968 00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,269 Cupcake sandwich. 969 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:47,937 - [Sighs] Oh, crap. 970 00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:49,522 Motherhood has made me go soft. 971 00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:50,440 [Door unlocking] 972 00:35:50,732 --> 00:35:52,651 Lutz, the food is here. Come eat... 973 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:55,612 All: Cupcake sandwich! Cupcake sandwich! 974 00:35:55,904 --> 00:35:56,904 - [Gasps] 975 00:35:57,113 --> 00:35:58,239 Oh, god! 976 00:35:58,531 --> 00:36:00,241 Cover the food! 977 00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:04,871 - Blimpie's! 978 00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:07,957 - Cerie, you heard the man... 979 00:36:08,249 --> 00:36:09,959 Blimpie's. 980 00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:11,378 - [Laughs breathlessly] 981 00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:12,712 [Car horns honking] 982 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,844 - I was thinking about what you said earlier... 983 00:36:15,131 --> 00:36:17,509 How people get sloppy when they fake their own deaths. 984 00:36:17,801 --> 00:36:18,986 - You said that. - The trick is 985 00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:20,112 to wait for the right moment... 986 00:36:20,136 --> 00:36:22,180 A day when it makes sense to have a drink or two. 987 00:36:22,472 --> 00:36:24,474 I don't know... Maybe a sad occasion 988 00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:26,267 when something's coming to an end. 989 00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,204 You let people see you with the glass in your hand. 990 00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:31,147 That way, after the crash, they'll be like, 991 00:36:31,439 --> 00:36:32,482 "I did see him drinking." 992 00:36:32,774 --> 00:36:34,943 - Oh, god, that idiot. What did he do? 993 00:36:35,235 --> 00:36:38,363 - Yeah. That's what they'll say. 994 00:36:41,324 --> 00:36:42,324 - [Gasps] 995 00:36:42,575 --> 00:36:45,704 Oh, no, no. No, no, no. 996 00:36:45,995 --> 00:36:48,248 - Don't worry, Lemon. 997 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:50,267 There is no cause for alarm. - [Sighs with relief] 998 00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:52,127 - You are watching my video suicide note. 999 00:36:52,419 --> 00:36:53,128 - [Gasps] Oh, my god. 1000 00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:55,088 - Try not to blame yourself. 1001 00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:57,424 How were you to know that I was in such a dark place 1002 00:36:57,716 --> 00:36:58,758 that the smallest thing... 1003 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:02,220 For example, a close friend's refusal to reconcile... 1004 00:37:02,512 --> 00:37:03,512 Would be the final straw. 1005 00:37:03,763 --> 00:37:05,083 - He killed himself because of me. 1006 00:37:05,181 --> 00:37:07,142 This is like what happened with my gynecologist 1007 00:37:07,434 --> 00:37:07,851 all over again! 1008 00:37:08,143 --> 00:37:09,894 - I do have a parting gift for you, Lemon. 1009 00:37:10,186 --> 00:37:11,938 - His phone. I can track his phone. 1010 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:13,270 - Go to YouTube and search 1011 00:37:13,523 --> 00:37:17,068 "Hamlet the mini pig goes downstairs." 1012 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,946 - "Hamlet the mini pig"... No! Phone first! 1013 00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:21,507 I'll watch the pig video in the cab. 1014 00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:23,491 - One minute. One minute to air. 1015 00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:24,844 - Guys, to be honest, you are nerds, 1016 00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,203 and one of you is very funny. 1017 00:37:27,495 --> 00:37:28,955 Good-bye forever. 1018 00:37:33,126 --> 00:37:35,670 Good-bye, Petey Pete. I will forget you. 1019 00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,881 - I sure hope so, tray. 1020 00:37:38,173 --> 00:37:39,883 I sure hope so. 1021 00:37:43,178 --> 00:37:47,098 - Tracy and Jenna, please set yourselves. 1022 00:37:47,390 --> 00:37:52,437 [Cheers and applause] 1023 00:37:52,729 --> 00:37:56,274 - [Sighs] Tracy... 1024 00:37:56,566 --> 00:37:58,109 [Crying] I'm really gonna miss you. 1025 00:37:58,401 --> 00:38:02,071 - My Bologna, in all honesty... 1026 00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,699 I'm going out for cigarettes now. 1027 00:38:04,991 --> 00:38:06,618 And I'll be home in 15 minutes. 1028 00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:08,036 - [Sighs] 1029 00:38:08,328 --> 00:38:09,621 - Tracy and Jenna, 1030 00:38:09,913 --> 00:38:11,474 please set yourselves for "the hitlersons." 1031 00:38:11,498 --> 00:38:13,833 - [Sniffles] My good side for camera. 1032 00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:16,211 - Take your places, please. 1033 00:38:16,503 --> 00:38:18,004 [Cheers and applause] 1034 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:20,423 [Upbeat music] 1035 00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:23,009 - [Panting] Jack! Wait! 1036 00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:24,636 There's so much to live for! 1037 00:38:24,928 --> 00:38:28,640 Don't you want to know how mad men ends? 1038 00:38:28,932 --> 00:38:31,392 Oh, Don goes to work for Peggy! 1039 00:38:31,684 --> 00:38:33,645 [Gasping] 1040 00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:34,937 [Zipper closes] 1041 00:38:35,104 --> 00:38:36,189 - Hello, Lemon. - What? 1042 00:38:36,481 --> 00:38:38,441 I thought you were gonna kill yourself. 1043 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:38,942 - That was the idea. 1044 00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:41,694 It was extreme, but necessary. 1045 00:38:41,986 --> 00:38:43,297 I didn't want to be just another person 1046 00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:45,201 on your grudge list. - Yeah, which reminds me... 1047 00:38:45,448 --> 00:38:46,717 Why am I still seeing new top chefs 1048 00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,451 with that bald salad-ruiner? 1049 00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:50,383 - I had ten hours to force you to confront 1050 00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:53,039 the soul-crushing horror of a life without me. 1051 00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,625 I didn't lie when I said I was going away. 1052 00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:58,211 I'm off to discover what makes me happy. 1053 00:38:58,503 --> 00:38:59,838 I have to find my bliss, 1054 00:39:00,129 --> 00:39:01,840 which, for once, is not an acronym 1055 00:39:02,131 --> 00:39:03,925 for "beautiful ladies in short shorts." 1056 00:39:04,217 --> 00:39:06,135 - How long will you be gone? 1057 00:39:06,427 --> 00:39:08,307 - As long as it takes to figure out what's next. 1058 00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:09,782 Although I've only been on this boat a minute, 1059 00:39:09,806 --> 00:39:12,350 I've already realized two things about myself. 1060 00:39:12,642 --> 00:39:13,768 One... 1061 00:39:14,060 --> 00:39:16,020 I could totally be a professional boat model. 1062 00:39:16,312 --> 00:39:19,107 And, two, I do know one thing that has made my happy 1063 00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:20,525 these last seven years. 1064 00:39:20,817 --> 00:39:24,863 Lemon, there is a word, a once special word, 1065 00:39:25,154 --> 00:39:26,394 that's been tragically co-opted 1066 00:39:26,489 --> 00:39:28,074 by the romance industrial complex. 1067 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:29,701 And I would hate to use it here 1068 00:39:29,993 --> 00:39:31,744 and have you think that I am suggesting 1069 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,746 any kind of romantic sentiment, 1070 00:39:34,038 --> 00:39:37,041 let alone an invitation to scale bone mountain. 1071 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,085 It's a word that comes to us 1072 00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:41,671 by way of the old high German luba, 1073 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,381 from the Latin lubere, 1074 00:39:43,673 --> 00:39:45,675 meaning "to be pleasing." 1075 00:39:45,967 --> 00:39:48,344 So I am going to use this word to describe 1076 00:39:48,636 --> 00:39:50,096 how I feel about you 1077 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:52,724 in the way that our anglo-Saxon forefathers 1078 00:39:53,016 --> 00:39:56,185 would have used it in reference to, say, uh... 1079 00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:58,021 A hot bowl of bear meat 1080 00:39:58,313 --> 00:40:01,399 or your enemy's skull... Split. 1081 00:40:01,691 --> 00:40:04,360 - I love you too, Jack. 1082 00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:07,447 - Thank you, america. That's our show. 1083 00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:08,990 Not a lot of people watched it. 1084 00:40:09,282 --> 00:40:12,118 But the joke's on you, 'cause we got paid anyway. 1085 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:15,038 Ladies and gentlemen, Jenna Maroney. 1086 00:40:15,330 --> 00:40:20,126 ♪ ♪ 1087 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:23,129 - ♪ the Irma luhrmer-merman murder ♪ 1088 00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,173 ♪ turned the bird's word lurid ♪ 1089 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,717 ♪ the whir and the purr of a twirler girl ♪ 1090 00:40:28,009 --> 00:40:30,136 ♪ she would the world were demurer ♪ 1091 00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:31,471 ♪ the insurer's allure ♪ 1092 00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:35,266 ♪ for valor were pure khari wuhrer ♪ 1093 00:40:35,558 --> 00:40:38,269 ♪ one fervid whirl over her turgid error ♪ 1094 00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:40,980 ♪ rural juror ♪ 1095 00:40:41,272 --> 00:40:43,232 ♪ rural juror ♪ 1096 00:40:43,524 --> 00:40:46,694 ♪ I will never forget you ♪ 1097 00:40:46,986 --> 00:40:48,029 ♪ rural juror ♪ 1098 00:40:48,321 --> 00:40:50,365 ♪ I'll always be glad ♪ 1099 00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:52,867 ♪ I met you, rural juror ♪ 1100 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:55,328 - This is just the start, Lemon. 1101 00:40:55,620 --> 00:40:57,956 Imagine the insights 1102 00:40:58,247 --> 00:41:02,085 months on this boat will yield. 1103 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,420 The next time you see me, 1104 00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:09,050 I'll be a new man. 1105 00:41:09,342 --> 00:41:11,970 - Good-bye, Jack Donaghy. 1106 00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:21,904 - Good god, Lemon. I just figured it all out. 1107 00:41:22,146 --> 00:41:23,146 I'm turning around! 1108 00:41:23,356 --> 00:41:25,858 Clear dishwashers! - What? 1109 00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:27,652 - Clear dishwashers, so you can see 1110 00:41:27,944 --> 00:41:29,570 what's going on inside it. 1111 00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:32,657 - Oh, my god, yes! Do that! 1112 00:41:32,949 --> 00:41:35,243 - It's the best idea I've ever had. 1113 00:41:35,535 --> 00:41:37,537 Thank god I took that boat trip. 1114 00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:41,374 - ♪ I will never forget you ♪ 1115 00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:42,667 [Crying] ♪ rural juror ♪ 1116 00:41:42,959 --> 00:41:46,212 ♪ I'll always be glad I met you ♪ 1117 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:47,588 ♪ rural juror ♪ 1118 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,426 [Normal voice] ♪ I will never forget you ♪ 1119 00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:52,718 ♪ rural juror ♪ 1120 00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:57,015 ♪ I'll always be glad I met you ♪ 1121 00:41:57,306 --> 00:41:58,349 ♪ rural juror ♪ 1122 00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:01,185 ♪ these were ♪ 1123 00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:05,023 ♪ the best days of my ♪ 1124 00:42:05,314 --> 00:42:08,568 ♪ flurm ♪ 1125 00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:12,030 ♪ ♪ 1126 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,663 [Tires screech] 1127 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:22,195 - Get in the car, Pete. - Paula! 1128 00:42:22,331 --> 00:42:24,167 I mean, who's Pete? 1129 00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:25,939 [Southern accent] I have amnesia! I... 1130 00:42:26,127 --> 00:42:30,298 [normal voice] Oh, damn it! I practiced this! 1131 00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:32,091 - Hi, buddies. 1132 00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:33,676 - Wait. You're Sam? 1133 00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:35,136 [Audience laughing] 1134 00:42:35,428 --> 00:42:38,097 Don't even say it. 1135 00:42:38,389 --> 00:42:39,389 [Dog barks] 1136 00:42:39,432 --> 00:42:42,018 - I want to thank the brilliant Kevin Grisham, 1137 00:42:42,310 --> 00:42:43,436 the amazing John Stamos, 1138 00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:46,147 the incomparable judge Judy Scheindlin. 1139 00:42:46,439 --> 00:42:48,691 - Hey, what are you doing? They called my name. 1140 00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,151 - See ya later, suckers! 1141 00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:52,820 Meep-meep! Pyung! 1142 00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:57,784 - She'll be like, "what?" 1143 00:42:58,076 --> 00:43:00,787 [Indistinct chatter] 1144 00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:05,041 [Cell phone ringing] 1145 00:43:06,793 --> 00:43:08,544 [Chuckles] 1146 00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:10,546 - Hey, Lemon ice, could I call you back? 1147 00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:15,384 My dad finally came back from getting cigarettes. 1148 00:43:15,843 --> 00:43:17,553 - [Gasps] - Lemon, it's Jack. 1149 00:43:17,845 --> 00:43:19,722 Don't forget Tracy's birthday. 1150 00:43:20,014 --> 00:43:21,891 - Good morning, Mr. Donaghy. 1151 00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:23,285 I'm your new second assistant. 1152 00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:25,228 - Wait, you're Sam? 1153 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,520 - Mm-hmm. 1154 00:43:26,646 --> 00:43:30,566 [Audience laughing] 1155 00:43:30,858 --> 00:43:32,693 [Car horns honking] 1156 00:43:32,985 --> 00:43:35,696 [Music box playing] 1157 00:43:35,988 --> 00:43:37,740 - So the whole show just takes place 1158 00:43:38,032 --> 00:43:39,826 here at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. 1159 00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:41,786 Is that right, Ms. Lemon? - Yes, sir. 1160 00:43:42,078 --> 00:43:44,056 It's based on stories my great-grandmother told me. 1161 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,456 - I know. 1162 00:43:45,748 --> 00:43:48,584 [Whispering] And I love it.