1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.COM

﻿1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000
- Synced and corrected by <b>chamallow</b> -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -

2
00:00:11,254 --> 00:00:13,884
Patty had no idea what
was about to hit her.

3
00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:16,005
Patty, look out!

4
00:00:20,639 --> 00:00:23,389
And I had no idea that when
I bought my first dildo,

5
00:00:23,475 --> 00:00:24,845
I'd be using it on a man...

6
00:00:26,186 --> 00:00:27,306
to fight crime.

7
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,740
I thought I'd be using
that dildo to surprise Dee.

8
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,035
Oh, shit!

9
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,415
But instead,

10
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:49,830
I got surprised.

11
00:00:49,918 --> 00:00:51,538
Dee was lying to me.

12
00:00:51,628 --> 00:00:52,628
What the hell?

13
00:00:53,213 --> 00:00:55,173
She said she was staying home to study,

14
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,716
so I followed her to find
out what she was up to.

15
00:00:59,552 --> 00:01:01,642
It was weird enough she
was staying in a motel

16
00:01:01,721 --> 00:01:03,601
right across the street
from the State pageant.

17
00:01:05,976 --> 00:01:08,646
And then my worst
suspicions were confirmed.

18
00:01:15,110 --> 00:01:17,990
- Nonnie?
- This is you studying? Who was that?

19
00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:19,780
It's not what it looks like.

20
00:01:19,864 --> 00:01:21,784
What it looks like is you're lying!

21
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:22,866
She's...

22
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,451
my editor.

23
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,452
Editor?

24
00:01:27,122 --> 00:01:31,002
I'm working undercover as an
investigative journalist at a webzine.

25
00:01:31,084 --> 00:01:33,924
I got into pageants to write an
exposé about the pageant world.

26
00:01:34,004 --> 00:01:35,233
Are you telling me I'm living

27
00:01:35,234 --> 00:01:36,954
in a real-life version
of Never Been Kissed?

28
00:01:37,257 --> 00:01:38,257
I tried to tell you.

29
00:01:38,258 --> 00:01:39,628
Well, now that you have,

30
00:01:39,718 --> 00:01:40,718
we're done!

31
00:01:41,177 --> 00:01:43,007
I'm sick of all the lies.

32
00:01:43,096 --> 00:01:45,136
But in Never Been Kissed,
they forget about the lie!

33
00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:46,773
They live happily ever after!

34
00:01:50,437 --> 00:01:52,897
The bad news was my first
relationship was over.

35
00:01:54,733 --> 00:01:56,081
But the good news was my bestie

36
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,283
was right across the
street for some support.

37
00:02:08,872 --> 00:02:09,912
Patty, look out!

38
00:02:24,804 --> 00:02:27,394
- Get off me!
- Shut up, ass head! I'm calling 911!

39
00:02:30,143 --> 00:02:32,403
I thought I was in control of my life.

40
00:02:32,937 --> 00:02:34,767
And then someone tried to end it.

41
00:02:34,856 --> 00:02:36,146
Why had this happened?

42
00:02:36,649 --> 00:02:39,859
Was it some kind of sign that I
shouldn't be chasing the crown?

43
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:42,534
Do you remember anything
else about the attacker?

44
00:02:42,614 --> 00:02:45,334
- Did he say anything to you or...
- Patty, look out!

45
00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:49,579
No, I just remember the
sound of the tire iron.

46
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,883
Ms. Bladell, did you
remember something else?

47
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,300
I'm a good person! I'm a good person!

48
00:03:00,632 --> 00:03:02,222
Patty, are you okay?

49
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,335
You about finished here, Detective?

50
00:03:07,336 --> 00:03:08,856
You've been questioning her for hours.

51
00:03:09,599 --> 00:03:12,689
We'll let you know if we have
any more questions. Just be aware,

52
00:03:13,186 --> 00:03:15,056
acts of violence can often cause trauma

53
00:03:15,146 --> 00:03:17,566
or trigger other deep-rooted
fears or anxieties.

54
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:18,859
We'll keep an eye out.

55
00:03:19,359 --> 00:03:20,439
All right.

56
00:03:22,695 --> 00:03:23,905
I brought you some food.

57
00:03:26,282 --> 00:03:27,282
Patty?

58
00:03:27,826 --> 00:03:30,366
No, thanks. Too upset to eat.

59
00:03:30,453 --> 00:03:33,503
Patty, is this normal,
upset not-eating,

60
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,461
or is this disordered not-eating?

61
00:03:35,542 --> 00:03:37,252
Did you at least eat
at the meet and greet?

62
00:03:37,544 --> 00:03:40,264
Yes, that's the problem.
I had too much pizza.

63
00:03:40,839 --> 00:03:42,879
I was headed to the gym
when all of this happened.

64
00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:44,966
And now I can't eat
until after the pageant

65
00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:47,349
because if I do then I'll have
even more calories to burn,

66
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,584
and I only have a few hours left

67
00:03:48,585 --> 00:03:50,600
until I get on stage,
and I still haven't

68
00:03:50,682 --> 00:03:53,602
- been able to make it to the gym...
- Patty, you almost died!

69
00:03:53,977 --> 00:03:55,337
And all you care about is the gym?

70
00:03:55,395 --> 00:03:56,595
You don't understand!

71
00:03:56,688 --> 00:03:58,188
We are taking you home

72
00:03:58,273 --> 00:04:00,863
- and getting you to an OA meeting now.
- Or...

73
00:04:01,192 --> 00:04:03,032
Patty's old sponsor is
right across the street.

74
00:04:03,069 --> 00:04:05,319
- Dee? What is she doing here?
- Long story.

75
00:04:05,405 --> 00:04:07,195
- Tell me.
- You can catch up on the way.

76
00:04:07,282 --> 00:04:08,532
We're going to see Dee,

77
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,986
and I'm calling your mom.

78
00:04:10,076 --> 00:04:12,746
Why even bother? It's not
like she'll show up anyway.

79
00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:22,963
Oh!

80
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,631
Well...

81
00:04:25,383 --> 00:04:26,933
Ain't this my lucky day?

82
00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:29,510
We need to talk about your tits.

83
00:04:29,596 --> 00:04:30,596
These?

84
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,430
I know. They're amazing, right?

85
00:04:33,516 --> 00:04:34,846
But I'm on my way out...

86
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,270
- You have something that belongs to us!
- What the fuck?

87
00:04:38,771 --> 00:04:39,771
Hey!

88
00:04:41,608 --> 00:04:43,528
Can't believe you and
Dee broke up. You okay?

89
00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:45,280
I'm just more worried about you.

90
00:04:45,361 --> 00:04:46,361
Nonnie?

91
00:04:46,946 --> 00:04:48,236
Nonnie! Move!

92
00:04:50,033 --> 00:04:51,163
Oh!

93
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:52,792
Nonnie, thank you!

94
00:04:53,995 --> 00:04:55,865
- Thank you.
- For what?

95
00:04:56,122 --> 00:04:58,462
For catching the man
who killed my daughter.

96
00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:01,592
- What are you talking about?
- The pageant killer.

97
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:04,299
Wait, I was almost attacked
by the pageant killer?

98
00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:07,260
Detective Cruz had a theory
that he'd kill again at State.

99
00:05:07,342 --> 00:05:08,512
That's why we're here.

100
00:05:08,593 --> 00:05:12,263
I don't know. He didn't seem
like a serial killer to me.

101
00:05:12,347 --> 00:05:14,807
Let the professionals take
it from here, sweetheart.

102
00:05:14,891 --> 00:05:17,351
We're headed back to Masonville
now. We're gonna build a case.

103
00:05:17,936 --> 00:05:20,436
Sweetheart? Was he kidding?

104
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,691
If Patty's attacker
was the pageant killer,

105
00:05:22,774 --> 00:05:24,364
I had caught him when they couldn't.

106
00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:27,236
So maybe I could find a
clue to help build a case.

107
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,570
I needed to go back to
the scene of the crime.

108
00:05:30,365 --> 00:05:32,985
Do you guys mind if I just stay here?

109
00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:35,536
I just don't want things
to be weird with Dee.

110
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,040
Yeah. No, of course.

111
00:05:37,121 --> 00:05:39,291
Do whatever you need. We'll text you.

112
00:05:39,374 --> 00:05:40,384
- Love you.
- Love you.

113
00:05:46,506 --> 00:05:48,376
Hi, I don't know if you remember me.

114
00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:50,966
Yeah. You're Patty's pageant coach.

115
00:05:51,594 --> 00:05:53,474
And hi, Patty.

116
00:05:54,097 --> 00:05:57,227
I know you're not her sponsor
anymore, but she's in crisis.

117
00:05:57,308 --> 00:05:58,508
Dee, is everything okay?

118
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,480
Who's in there with you?

119
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:07,107
You?

120
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,105
Nosy guy from the gym!

121
00:06:09,362 --> 00:06:11,532
Hey, girl. And hey, girl.

122
00:06:12,282 --> 00:06:13,662
You guys know each other?

123
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,241
What are you doing here?

124
00:06:17,787 --> 00:06:19,707
He's my sponsor in OA.

125
00:06:19,789 --> 00:06:21,619
I called him when Nonnie dumped me.

126
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:22,788
Wait, you're in OA?

127
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,660
So that's why you were so
concerned about me at the gym!

128
00:06:27,714 --> 00:06:29,304
This is so weird!

129
00:06:29,382 --> 00:06:30,552
The day that I met you,

130
00:06:30,633 --> 00:06:33,303
I went to the gym instead
of going to an OA meeting.

131
00:06:33,386 --> 00:06:35,046
And then I met you.

132
00:06:35,138 --> 00:06:36,848
And now here you are.

133
00:06:37,682 --> 00:06:39,042
That sounds like a God shot to me.

134
00:06:40,226 --> 00:06:42,726
- What's a God shot?
- It's a program term.

135
00:06:42,812 --> 00:06:44,535
It's when the universe
gives you what you need

136
00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:45,862
at just the right moment.

137
00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:47,940
Sort of like you showing up here now.

138
00:06:48,651 --> 00:06:51,241
Jonathan was telling me to reach
out to you to make amends...

139
00:06:51,321 --> 00:06:52,321
Me?

140
00:06:52,405 --> 00:06:54,155
Why would you be making amends to me?

141
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,080
Nonnie's the one you lied to.

142
00:06:57,577 --> 00:06:59,257
Tell her, otherwise you'll eat.

143
00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:02,789
I was writing a pageant exposé.

144
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:04,384
You were my way in.

145
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:08,251
- Patty the Pageant Killer was my angle.
- Seriously?

146
00:07:08,338 --> 00:07:11,048
Come on. Let's go. We'll
find you help somewhere else.

147
00:07:11,132 --> 00:07:12,132
No, wait!

148
00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:13,756
I know I should've told you,

149
00:07:13,843 --> 00:07:16,053
but let Jonathan help you.

150
00:07:16,429 --> 00:07:18,849
Please. As a way for me to make amends.

151
00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:21,641
He's a great sponsor, and
you said you were in crisis.

152
00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:23,086
I mean, I am available.

153
00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:24,940
What's going on?

154
00:07:25,021 --> 00:07:27,361
I told you. I can't do this.

155
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,440
Patty, if you don't
eat, I'm taking you home.

156
00:07:29,525 --> 00:07:32,565
Maybe we need to take the
focus off the food for a second.

157
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:33,653
Look...

158
00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:36,002
There's a lot of
different ways to recover.

159
00:07:36,032 --> 00:07:37,162
Mine was spiritual.

160
00:07:37,617 --> 00:07:38,697
First things first,

161
00:07:39,035 --> 00:07:40,655
we need to get you a higher power.

162
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,120
You mean like God?

163
00:07:42,914 --> 00:07:45,044
It can be anything
more powerful than you.

164
00:07:45,124 --> 00:07:48,544
Like the universe, the ocean, nature.

165
00:07:48,878 --> 00:07:49,878
For me,

166
00:07:50,213 --> 00:07:51,593
it's my higher self.

167
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:55,640
- What's that?
- The me that hasn't bought into all the obsession

168
00:07:55,718 --> 00:07:59,178
and calorie counting and fat
shaming and self-loathing.

169
00:07:59,764 --> 00:08:00,764
I don't know.

170
00:08:01,057 --> 00:08:02,097
Close your eyes.

171
00:08:03,935 --> 00:08:07,105
Imagine the most loving,

172
00:08:08,022 --> 00:08:10,192
wise version of yourself you can.

173
00:08:17,532 --> 00:08:18,532
Got it?

174
00:08:20,827 --> 00:08:22,077
I think so, yeah.

175
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:26,423
So whenever you're trying to figure out

176
00:08:26,424 --> 00:08:27,997
your next right action,

177
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,594
just ask her for guidance.

178
00:08:33,756 --> 00:08:36,125
I need to stay, to
compete in the pageant.

179
00:08:36,217 --> 00:08:37,337
I'm afraid if I don't,

180
00:08:37,427 --> 00:08:40,807
if I just give up on myself,
I'm just gonna binge...

181
00:08:42,098 --> 00:08:43,218
or something worse.

182
00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:47,604
Jonathan may have known
recovery, but I knew Patty.

183
00:08:48,229 --> 00:08:50,019
And I knew what could
happen if she lost.

184
00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:51,896
If you are really gonna stay,

185
00:08:52,942 --> 00:08:54,782
I'm gonna make sure that you win.

186
00:08:56,362 --> 00:08:59,122
But you need to be in
the right head space,

187
00:08:59,198 --> 00:09:02,368
and if that means working with
young Richard Simmons here, fine.

188
00:09:03,244 --> 00:09:06,464
But none of us are going
anywhere until you eat.

189
00:09:06,539 --> 00:09:07,539
Got it?

190
00:09:17,341 --> 00:09:19,341
Bob was gone,

191
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:22,887
Brick had plans, and Barnard
was otherwise engaged.

192
00:09:22,972 --> 00:09:26,432
I hated being alone, so
I decided to order in.

193
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:27,934
Hi.

194
00:09:29,437 --> 00:09:30,437
Okay.

195
00:09:41,449 --> 00:09:42,449
Ooh!

196
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:46,789
These are some serious knots. What's
going on with you, Mrs. Armstrong?

197
00:09:48,039 --> 00:09:51,709
Well, for starters, I'm
not Mrs. Armstrong anymore.

198
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,542
Oh! Cool.

199
00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:55,918
My sister transitioned last year, so...

200
00:09:56,422 --> 00:09:58,512
No, that's not what I meant.

201
00:09:58,591 --> 00:10:00,551
Bob and I are getting a divorce.

202
00:10:00,635 --> 00:10:03,465
Oh! That explains why you called.

203
00:10:03,554 --> 00:10:05,684
I haven't heard from
you since you and I...

204
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:08,994
You know. Now that Bob's out
of the picture, maybe we can...

205
00:10:09,018 --> 00:10:12,858
No, no, no, Shane.
That's not why I called.

206
00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:15,899
I didn't call you for sex.
I just... I needed a massage.

207
00:10:16,692 --> 00:10:17,822
Massage it is, then.

208
00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:22,526
Hmm!

209
00:10:24,909 --> 00:10:27,789
I swear I didn't call you for sex.

210
00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:29,710
It's just you were always
such a good listener,

211
00:10:29,747 --> 00:10:30,997
and now that Bob's gone,

212
00:10:31,415 --> 00:10:34,375
and my son's never home, and
my bestie has a new boy crush...

213
00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:35,710
Are you open to some feedback?

214
00:10:36,462 --> 00:10:39,472
- Too much teeth?
- I mean, yes.

215
00:10:39,549 --> 00:10:43,339
But no. I'm only a semester away
from being certified as a life coach,

216
00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:45,187
and I think it's pretty
important that you...

217
00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,141
Okay. What is it, Shane?

218
00:10:47,223 --> 00:10:49,233
Maybe stop avoiding being alone.

219
00:10:50,393 --> 00:10:51,393
If I were you,

220
00:10:51,435 --> 00:10:53,435
I'd look at this time as an opportunity.

221
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,021
Look inward.

222
00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:56,940
Get to know yourself.

223
00:11:01,654 --> 00:11:04,784
Wow! You two should really get a room.

224
00:11:05,449 --> 00:11:07,949
Uh, it's not... It's
not what it looks like.

225
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:11,245
I'm reenacting a crime
scene. Seeing what I missed.

226
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,500
My friend was the girl who got attacked.

227
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,133
Uh, I saved her.

228
00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:18,459
Oh! You're Detective Dildo?

229
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,206
No, I'm Nonnie.

230
00:11:20,298 --> 00:11:23,218
Hm. You should stick
with Detective Dildo.

231
00:11:23,301 --> 00:11:26,601
I'm Fiona, and this is Heather
Kristina Pamela Kendall.

232
00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,309
Jackson Johnson.

233
00:11:28,389 --> 00:11:30,769
Really? And you're gonna
make fun of my name?

234
00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:34,186
Can we help with the
reenacting and stuff?

235
00:11:35,521 --> 00:11:40,069
What? I love all that
CSI, SVU, HPV stuff.

236
00:11:40,151 --> 00:11:43,151
It would be helpful to have
someone play the attacker,

237
00:11:43,237 --> 00:11:45,157
and you could be Patty.

238
00:11:45,239 --> 00:11:48,489
- Ew!
- Fine. I'll be Patty. You be the killer.

239
00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:51,616
No! Patty'll have more
lines. I'll be her.

240
00:11:51,704 --> 00:11:53,214
Just tell us what to do.

241
00:11:53,289 --> 00:11:58,589
Okay, so the attacker was
behind Patty, about to hit her...

242
00:12:00,504 --> 00:12:05,384
Um, no, not like that.
It was more like this.

243
00:12:05,468 --> 00:12:08,297
- Like this?
- Um, no.

244
00:12:08,387 --> 00:12:10,007
It was like this...

245
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,562
Like he was aiming for her knee?

246
00:12:13,643 --> 00:12:14,943
Yes, exactly!

247
00:12:15,645 --> 00:12:16,645
But wait!

248
00:12:16,687 --> 00:12:19,107
If he was gonna kill her, why
bother to kneecap her first?

249
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:21,566
- It just doesn't make sense.
- Right!

250
00:12:21,651 --> 00:12:23,361
None of this makes sense.

251
00:12:23,444 --> 00:12:25,244
Come on, Fiona. Let's go.

252
00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:27,661
Unless he wasn't trying to kill her.

253
00:12:28,324 --> 00:12:30,636
Maybe he was just trying to
make sure she couldn't compete!

254
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:33,620
Like that movie with the
girl who plays Harley Quinn.

255
00:12:33,704 --> 00:12:36,674
You know, the one who tries to
take out that Olympic skater?

256
00:12:36,999 --> 00:12:39,714
- Yes! I love that movie.
- I'm bored.

257
00:12:39,794 --> 00:12:43,264
Can we go? We still have to finish
getting ready for the pageant.

258
00:12:44,590 --> 00:12:45,590
See you around.

259
00:13:00,314 --> 00:13:01,944
Whose keys were these?

260
00:13:02,525 --> 00:13:04,775
Could they have belonged
to Patty's attacker?

261
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,280
Was this a clue?

262
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:12,485
God damn it!

263
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:16,412
Oh!

264
00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:26,342
Where the hell is everybody?

265
00:13:26,632 --> 00:13:28,222
Surprise!

266
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:30,635
Happy birthday!

267
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,350
My birthday's in July.

268
00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:33,600
No, honey.

269
00:13:33,681 --> 00:13:36,064
- Your birthday's today.
- What?

270
00:13:36,142 --> 00:13:39,232
We didn't want to tell you because
it would have ruined the surprise.

271
00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:40,975
We're gonna make up
for all the birthdays

272
00:13:40,976 --> 00:13:42,523
we missed during your childhood.

273
00:13:42,773 --> 00:13:44,783
There's gonna be
clowns, a bouncy house...

274
00:13:44,859 --> 00:13:45,859
A bouncy house?

275
00:13:45,901 --> 00:13:47,241
A cotton candy machine!

276
00:13:47,319 --> 00:13:50,409
- And a magician?
- The magician just canceled.

277
00:13:50,489 --> 00:13:52,159
- He has the flu.
- Oh, man!

278
00:13:52,241 --> 00:13:54,741
Growing up, I always wanted
a magician at my parties,

279
00:13:54,827 --> 00:13:56,972
but my mom always said
never to trust a man

280
00:13:56,973 --> 00:13:58,617
who pulls rodents out of a hole.

281
00:13:58,706 --> 00:13:59,786
You mean out of a hat.

282
00:13:59,874 --> 00:14:01,424
Well, it depends on the trick.

283
00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:03,754
I know some magic.

284
00:14:04,628 --> 00:14:06,338
Maybe I could do a show.

285
00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:07,632
You know magic?

286
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,005
Yeah. Well, a little.

287
00:14:09,091 --> 00:14:11,171
It's been years. I haven't
done it since I was a kid,

288
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:15,388
but if you could get a deck of cards,
a cocktail napkin, some quarters,

289
00:14:15,473 --> 00:14:17,143
and a salt shaker, I can try.

290
00:14:21,604 --> 00:14:23,572
Jonathan could save Patty from the food,

291
00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:25,864
but I could save her from herself.

292
00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:28,090
I still believed if I
could get her that crown,

293
00:14:28,091 --> 00:14:29,781
it would heal all her wounds.

294
00:14:29,862 --> 00:14:31,282
- Argh!
- Okay,

295
00:14:31,363 --> 00:14:33,175
so the sooner we get through
the steps, the better.

296
00:14:33,199 --> 00:14:35,579
But we're kind of in a triage situation,

297
00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:37,789
so I'm thinking I'll
just talk you through it.

298
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:39,473
Can we do it while
she tries on her dress?

299
00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:40,827
Can we just wait?

300
00:14:40,915 --> 00:14:43,325
Not if you don't want her
naked on stage in an hour.

301
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:44,417
Okay, man wig.

302
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:46,128
It's a hair system.

303
00:14:46,212 --> 00:14:47,212
You can tell?

304
00:14:47,296 --> 00:14:49,256
You can't?

305
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:50,380
Hmm.

306
00:14:50,466 --> 00:14:52,046
I'm assuming that's for you.

307
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,310
Hey! Are you on your way?

308
00:14:56,388 --> 00:14:59,728
Patty! Thank God you're okay.
I've been trying to call your cell!

309
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:01,229
Yeah, it got smashed.

310
00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:03,600
I don't know what to do.
I want to be there for you,

311
00:15:03,687 --> 00:15:06,317
but it's the first time we're
having a birthday party for Dixie,

312
00:15:06,398 --> 00:15:08,188
and my mom's giving me a hard time.

313
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,565
Look, I get it, but I miss you.
Can you get here after the party?

314
00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:12,744
I'll see what I can do.

315
00:15:13,447 --> 00:15:16,737
Okay. Tell Dixie I said happy
birthday. I've gotta go. Bye.

316
00:15:17,535 --> 00:15:20,445
The pageant is in an hour.
I'm gonna try your mom again.

317
00:15:20,538 --> 00:15:22,538
What's the point? She doesn't care.

318
00:15:22,623 --> 00:15:25,173
Her daughter got attacked and
she still hasn't called back.

319
00:15:25,251 --> 00:15:26,921
Wonder what she's up to this time.

320
00:15:27,002 --> 00:15:29,962
Did she skip town, or on a bender,
or face down in a pile of dicks?

321
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:32,467
Okay! Now I want to meet your mom.

322
00:15:48,607 --> 00:15:49,937
Make yourself comfortable.

323
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:52,608
We're waiting for the surgeon.

324
00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:01,914
How in the world did you
go through all that gum?

325
00:16:02,663 --> 00:16:05,043
You know, it's a thing
since I quit smoking.

326
00:16:05,124 --> 00:16:08,754
You know, when I'm piecing a
case together in my head, I...

327
00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,206
Yeah, I chew a lot of gum.

328
00:16:11,297 --> 00:16:12,417
You okay?

329
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:15,933
Yeah. I mean...

330
00:16:16,677 --> 00:16:19,137
Yeah, I'm glad Roxy's
killer was caught. I just...

331
00:16:19,597 --> 00:16:20,847
wish I was the one.

332
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,518
Yeah, it's stupid, I know.

333
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,350
No, it's not stupid. I
wish I'd caught him too.

334
00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:26,853
I just...

335
00:16:27,438 --> 00:16:29,268
I wanted to be a hero.

336
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,436
Well,

337
00:16:30,524 --> 00:16:32,944
it's a big relief to know
he's behind bars, huh?

338
00:16:38,824 --> 00:16:40,784
I wanted to be a hero to you.

339
00:16:41,702 --> 00:16:42,702
Oh!

340
00:16:43,621 --> 00:16:44,911
Well...

341
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:46,786
Well, that's sweet.

342
00:16:49,168 --> 00:16:50,168
You're blushing.

343
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,090
I'm just confused.

344
00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:54,881
We had a hotel room, and
you didn't make a move.

345
00:16:54,965 --> 00:16:57,215
I didn't want to mix
business with pleasure.

346
00:16:57,301 --> 00:16:59,011
But now that the killer's been caught...

347
00:17:10,147 --> 00:17:11,647
Ladies and gentlemen,

348
00:17:11,732 --> 00:17:15,112
welcome to this year's
Miss Georgia American Lady.

349
00:17:15,986 --> 00:17:18,446
I know there was a lot of drama earlier,

350
00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:22,870
but I want to assure everyone
that there is nothing to fear.

351
00:17:22,952 --> 00:17:26,292
They've caught the pageant
killer, and he's behind bars.

352
00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:28,832
So it's time to rejoice.

353
00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:32,286
Think about everything
that pageants have overcome.

354
00:17:32,878 --> 00:17:33,998
Feminism,

355
00:17:34,088 --> 00:17:35,878
the no-makeup challenge,

356
00:17:35,965 --> 00:17:37,835
and now murder.

357
00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:40,385
So let's celebrate...

358
00:17:41,845 --> 00:17:44,005
... by welcoming our contestants!

359
00:17:44,807 --> 00:17:46,097
First off,

360
00:17:46,183 --> 00:17:49,563
from Alpharetta, Miss
Western Georgia Bounty.

361
00:17:49,645 --> 00:17:51,475
She's a twin who loves pink

362
00:17:51,563 --> 00:17:53,943
and thinks 9/11 was a hoax.

363
00:17:54,024 --> 00:17:57,864
Heather Kristina Pamela
Kendall Jackson Johnson.

364
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,740
This is so exciting!

365
00:18:01,824 --> 00:18:03,584
I'm so proud of you for pushing through.

366
00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:07,249
It reminds me of that time
Enrique Iglesias cut his hand

367
00:18:07,329 --> 00:18:09,669
on that camera drone in
the middle of a concert,

368
00:18:09,748 --> 00:18:11,828
and he just kept on performing.

369
00:18:11,917 --> 00:18:13,228
... underneath the walnut,

370
00:18:13,252 --> 00:18:14,634
and that's when I realized

371
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:18,592
I could crack a walnut
without using my hands!

372
00:18:18,674 --> 00:18:22,894
Thank you, Heather Kristina
Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson.

373
00:18:23,262 --> 00:18:25,812
And now for our next contestant.

374
00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:28,059
She speaks three languages,

375
00:18:28,142 --> 00:18:30,562
hopes to someday become a vet

376
00:18:30,644 --> 00:18:33,524
and says she can move
furniture with her mind!

377
00:18:33,605 --> 00:18:34,605
Please welcome

378
00:18:34,648 --> 00:18:39,028
Miss Historic Georgia
Abundance, Fiona Karen Jeffries.

379
00:18:40,863 --> 00:18:44,493
Just remember, the results
are up to God. So let go.

380
00:18:44,575 --> 00:18:45,655
Hey!

381
00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:47,793
No! She can't just let go.

382
00:18:47,870 --> 00:18:49,870
Whatever happens, you'll be fine.

383
00:18:50,247 --> 00:18:51,497
As long as you win.

384
00:18:51,582 --> 00:18:53,002
Remember to smile.

385
00:18:54,293 --> 00:18:57,093
... so the backup plan was Buttercups!

386
00:18:57,463 --> 00:18:58,500
And that horse

387
00:18:58,501 --> 00:19:02,383
made for the most delicious
Thanksgiving dinner we ever had.

388
00:19:02,468 --> 00:19:03,468
Thank you, Fiona.

389
00:19:04,678 --> 00:19:07,558
And now for our next contestant.

390
00:19:07,639 --> 00:19:11,139
Miss Northeastern Georgia
Dreams, Patty Bladell.

391
00:19:11,226 --> 00:19:13,266
- Wish me luck!
- Luck!

392
00:19:15,314 --> 00:19:18,654
She's a Scorpio who loves
Drew Barrymore movies

393
00:19:18,734 --> 00:19:21,284
and just survived a vicious attack.

394
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:25,531
Miss Bladell,

395
00:19:26,158 --> 00:19:30,038
I'd like to commend you on
continuing to compete in the pageant,

396
00:19:30,621 --> 00:19:33,791
in light of the recent
attempt on your life.

397
00:19:34,291 --> 00:19:36,211
You've set a shining example

398
00:19:36,293 --> 00:19:40,173
for the young women here on this
stage of what it means to show up

399
00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:42,125
in the face of adversity.

400
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:47,680
They loved me.

401
00:19:47,763 --> 00:19:50,933
Maybe getting attacked was the
best thing that ever happened to me.

402
00:19:51,016 --> 00:19:52,556
Maybe it was all a God shot.

403
00:19:52,643 --> 00:19:55,563
The question I have for you is:

404
00:19:55,938 --> 00:19:58,518
how does it feel to be a hero?

405
00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:01,903
You're not a hero! You're the villain!

406
00:20:02,653 --> 00:20:03,863
Miss Bladell.

407
00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:08,276
I...

408
00:20:08,784 --> 00:20:13,584
personally believe that US
Americans are heroes because...

409
00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:22,008
diversity, education, and GPS.

410
00:20:24,967 --> 00:20:26,007
Such as...

411
00:20:27,928 --> 00:20:30,638
Julio Iglesias for...

412
00:20:32,349 --> 00:20:36,099
singing onstage when a flying
robot tried to kill him.

413
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:41,111
Also Iglesias means churches in Spanish.

414
00:20:41,859 --> 00:20:42,859
Thank you.

415
00:20:46,488 --> 00:20:47,988
Patty, what happened?

416
00:20:49,074 --> 00:20:50,074
I...

417
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,827
I am not a hero. Nonnie is.

418
00:20:52,911 --> 00:20:54,102
I mean, she hit that guy one time,

419
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:55,751
and then she called the cops, not me.

420
00:20:55,831 --> 00:20:57,581
Patty! Stop talking now!

421
00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,172
I don't deserve to be here.

422
00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:01,839
I have done horrible things.

423
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,090
Honey, we all have.

424
00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:04,672
But we're gonna get you through this.

425
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:07,052
- Yes.
- You're going to write a list

426
00:21:07,134 --> 00:21:09,195
of anything bad you're
holding onto and read it to me.

427
00:21:09,219 --> 00:21:12,139
- No!
- In program, we call it an inventory.

428
00:21:12,222 --> 00:21:13,722
It's a way to get out your secrets

429
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:15,227
so you can let go and move on.

430
00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:19,563
Wait here. I have a note pad in my bag.

431
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,766
Patty could not write that inventory.

432
00:21:21,857 --> 00:21:24,147
It was as good as a written confession.

433
00:21:25,944 --> 00:21:28,114
I was missing Patty's big moment,

434
00:21:28,197 --> 00:21:29,697
but I hoped she'd understand.

435
00:21:29,781 --> 00:21:32,451
After all, I was trying to find
out why she was under attack.

436
00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:57,851
He wasn't the pageant
killer! He was a hired hit!

437
00:21:57,935 --> 00:21:58,975
Somebody paid him

438
00:21:59,061 --> 00:22:00,731
to take Patty out of the running.

439
00:22:00,812 --> 00:22:01,812
But who?

440
00:22:05,484 --> 00:22:06,654
Now that I had some leverage,

441
00:22:06,735 --> 00:22:09,445
maybe I could pay him a
visit and ask him myself.

442
00:22:16,370 --> 00:22:17,700
Oh, my God! Brick!

443
00:22:17,788 --> 00:22:19,708
- You really are magic!
- I can do another trick.

444
00:22:19,790 --> 00:22:22,710
I just need some straws
and a plastic cup.

445
00:22:23,794 --> 00:22:25,134
Oh, no.

446
00:22:25,212 --> 00:22:26,262
What's wrong?

447
00:22:26,338 --> 00:22:29,218
Well, you're being trolled
on your YouTube videos.

448
00:22:30,676 --> 00:22:31,676
Look.

449
00:22:33,679 --> 00:22:35,349
"Quit mansplaining

450
00:22:35,430 --> 00:22:37,390
how to mansplain." What
does that even mean?

451
00:22:37,891 --> 00:22:40,811
It means instead of all this
good guys do and don't bullshit,

452
00:22:40,894 --> 00:22:42,354
you should do magic videos.

453
00:22:42,437 --> 00:22:43,637
Teach people how to do tricks.

454
00:22:43,689 --> 00:22:46,569
No, a good magician
never reveals his secrets.

455
00:22:46,650 --> 00:22:48,650
Come on, Brick! You're
really good at this!

456
00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:49,855
Plus,

457
00:22:49,945 --> 00:22:52,235
I could be your hot assistant.

458
00:22:52,322 --> 00:22:55,122
And you could make my clothes disappear.

459
00:22:58,287 --> 00:22:59,867
What are you still doing here?

460
00:22:59,955 --> 00:23:01,665
You should be at the pageant with Patty.

461
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:03,038
- You sure?
- Yes!

462
00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:04,125
I mean...

463
00:23:04,710 --> 00:23:06,170
thank you for staying,

464
00:23:06,253 --> 00:23:08,093
but please go!

465
00:23:09,339 --> 00:23:11,129
Okay. Well, before I leave,

466
00:23:11,216 --> 00:23:13,506
I wanted to give you...

467
00:23:14,177 --> 00:23:15,967
your birthday present.

468
00:23:20,267 --> 00:23:21,887
It's a plane ticket to Minnesota.

469
00:23:21,977 --> 00:23:23,397
You're sending me away?

470
00:23:23,478 --> 00:23:26,058
No. We would love for you
to come back home with us.

471
00:23:26,148 --> 00:23:27,518
Make up for lost time.

472
00:23:28,942 --> 00:23:29,942
Wow.

473
00:23:30,444 --> 00:23:31,444
Really?

474
00:23:31,486 --> 00:23:33,286
I mean, it doesn't have
to be forever. Just...

475
00:23:33,947 --> 00:23:35,067
Think about it, Dixie.

476
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:37,696
Go!

477
00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:39,584
I'll cover for you with Mom.

478
00:23:39,661 --> 00:23:40,661
Oh, my God!

479
00:23:40,704 --> 00:23:43,084
That was like our first real
brother/sister moment ever!

480
00:23:43,165 --> 00:23:45,535
Okay. Well, it won't be our last.

481
00:23:48,962 --> 00:23:52,262
I had spent 18 years
not knowing my bio-fam,

482
00:23:52,341 --> 00:23:55,261
but getting them back was
the best birthday gift of all.

483
00:23:55,344 --> 00:23:59,394
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

484
00:24:00,015 --> 00:24:04,185
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

485
00:24:04,644 --> 00:24:05,484
♪ Happy birthday... ♪*

486
00:24:05,562 --> 00:24:06,562
What?

487
00:24:07,397 --> 00:24:08,937
I'm 20?

488
00:24:32,255 --> 00:24:35,175
I couldn't write a list of
all the bad things I had done.

489
00:24:35,258 --> 00:24:37,838
It was the most incriminating
thing I could ever do.

490
00:24:37,928 --> 00:24:40,598
Well, other than killing
two, maybe three people.

491
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,138
- What've you got?
- I got nothing.

492
00:24:44,101 --> 00:24:47,691
Patty, the big book says the
only people who can't recover

493
00:24:47,771 --> 00:24:50,611
are those who are constitutionally
incapable of being honest.

494
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,690
Then maybe the 12 steps aren't for me.

495
00:24:52,776 --> 00:24:55,026
You said there are many
ways for someone to recover.

496
00:24:55,112 --> 00:24:57,242
Yeah, but they all
require you to dig deep.

497
00:24:57,322 --> 00:24:58,412
Tell the truth.

498
00:24:58,490 --> 00:24:59,910
Then I was definitely screwed.

499
00:24:59,991 --> 00:25:03,331
Please welcome Miss
Northeastern Georgia Dreams,

500
00:25:03,412 --> 00:25:04,752
Miss Patty Bladell.

501
00:25:15,215 --> 00:25:17,215
Maybe I didn't need an inventory.

502
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,930
If I won, my list of
sins would be erased.

503
00:25:27,936 --> 00:25:31,516
Unless my sins erased any
chance I had of winning.

504
00:25:36,027 --> 00:25:39,527
And just like that, I watched
the crown slip through my fingers.

505
00:25:50,292 --> 00:25:52,252
What is happening?

506
00:25:52,335 --> 00:25:54,125
- I ruined everything.
- No, you didn't.

507
00:25:54,212 --> 00:25:56,262
Look, I'll ask the judges for a redo.

508
00:25:56,339 --> 00:25:58,539
I'm sure they'll be forgiving
under these circumstances.

509
00:25:58,592 --> 00:25:59,972
No, I don't deserve forgiveness.

510
00:26:01,803 --> 00:26:03,973
- What are you doing?
- I can't.

511
00:26:04,639 --> 00:26:06,349
I can't be honest...

512
00:26:06,433 --> 00:26:07,433
with anyone.

513
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,480
Which means recovery is not for me.

514
00:26:14,232 --> 00:26:16,232
- Don't.
- What do you mean? She needs me.

515
00:26:16,318 --> 00:26:18,898
She has to choose recovery.
You can't choose it for her.

516
00:26:19,529 --> 00:26:20,699
Screw that.

517
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:28,750
Patty! Wait!

518
00:26:30,332 --> 00:26:31,542
- Wait!
- Why?

519
00:26:32,292 --> 00:26:35,502
It's over, Bob! No Miss
Georgia! No Miss American Lady!

520
00:26:35,587 --> 00:26:38,377
Whatever is going on,
you can be honest with me.

521
00:26:38,465 --> 00:26:40,472
Except... I couldn't.

522
00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:42,090
Even Bob didn't know about Gordy.

523
00:26:42,177 --> 00:26:43,177
I can't.

524
00:26:43,845 --> 00:26:45,490
There are some things
I still can't tell you.

525
00:26:45,514 --> 00:26:47,024
What are you talking about?

526
00:26:47,098 --> 00:26:49,678
You can tell me anything.

527
00:26:49,768 --> 00:26:52,018
I helped you bury a body!

528
00:26:52,103 --> 00:26:53,103
Yeah, exactly!

529
00:26:53,688 --> 00:26:57,068
And now neither one of us can ever
be honest with anyone ever again!

530
00:26:57,609 --> 00:26:58,859
Look, I get it.

531
00:26:58,944 --> 00:27:00,904
All you ever wanted to do was help me.

532
00:27:01,613 --> 00:27:02,613
But you can't.

533
00:27:03,114 --> 00:27:04,244
Too much has happened.

534
00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:06,164
You can't save me, Bob.

535
00:27:07,118 --> 00:27:08,118
Nobody can.

536
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,040
I thought Patty was my destiny.

537
00:27:14,709 --> 00:27:16,799
I thought I was doing the right thing.

538
00:27:17,170 --> 00:27:18,630
But maybe I was wrong.

539
00:27:19,381 --> 00:27:23,181
She wanted to turn herself in
for Christian and Stella Rose,

540
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,430
but I stopped her,

541
00:27:25,512 --> 00:27:28,432
and now she couldn't get
recovery because of me.

542
00:27:30,183 --> 00:27:31,943
How could I have let this happen?

543
00:27:32,519 --> 00:27:34,189
Was I broken just like her?

544
00:27:34,729 --> 00:27:36,189
What was wrong with me?

545
00:27:37,649 --> 00:27:39,779
I've been doing it my entire life.

546
00:27:41,194 --> 00:27:42,904
With my mom, with...

547
00:27:43,780 --> 00:27:44,860
Stella Rose,

548
00:27:45,532 --> 00:27:47,872
Coralee, all those pageant girls.

549
00:27:48,952 --> 00:27:49,952
Patty.

550
00:27:52,163 --> 00:27:53,673
I try and fix 'em.

551
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,540
But when I'm done, they
just end up more broken.

552
00:27:57,127 --> 00:27:58,337
My mom died.

553
00:27:59,796 --> 00:28:01,456
Stella Rose went insane.

554
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,720
Coralee is better off alone,
and I ruined Patty's life.

555
00:28:06,845 --> 00:28:07,845
I...

556
00:28:09,347 --> 00:28:12,847
Every time I try and help,
I just end up hurting them.

557
00:28:13,351 --> 00:28:14,731
Dude, for the third time,

558
00:28:14,811 --> 00:28:17,521
I'm not the bartender. I was
just looking for some ice.

559
00:28:18,106 --> 00:28:20,476
But good luck with the
savior complex stuff.

560
00:28:20,567 --> 00:28:21,567
Sounds rough.

561
00:28:22,736 --> 00:28:25,566
A savior complex? Is that what it was?

562
00:28:25,655 --> 00:28:28,025
How do you get recovery from that?

563
00:28:28,116 --> 00:28:29,866
Could I just stop, cold turkey?

564
00:28:30,619 --> 00:28:31,619
Then what?

565
00:28:31,661 --> 00:28:33,791
Maybe I needed a God shot of my own.

566
00:28:33,872 --> 00:28:36,292
... the winner of Miss
Georgia American Lady.

567
00:28:36,374 --> 00:28:38,594
- Whoop-de-friggin'-doo.
- But first,

568
00:28:38,668 --> 00:28:40,708
I'd like to make a special announcement.

569
00:28:40,795 --> 00:28:45,375
This year, for the first time ever,
we're crowning a third runner-up

570
00:28:45,467 --> 00:28:47,337
to honor an exceptional young lady.

571
00:28:47,844 --> 00:28:51,224
Miss Northeastern Georgia
Dreams, Patty Bladell.

572
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,307
Patty?

573
00:28:58,772 --> 00:28:59,812
Patty?

574
00:29:00,857 --> 00:29:02,027
Patty Bladell?

575
00:29:03,234 --> 00:29:04,744
She's indisposed!

576
00:29:06,029 --> 00:29:07,029
Uh...

577
00:29:07,906 --> 00:29:10,866
I'm Bob Armstrong. I'm her coach.

578
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:13,500
Would you like to accept
this on her behalf?

579
00:29:35,350 --> 00:29:36,430
Bob,

580
00:29:36,518 --> 00:29:38,593
you're the one who encouraged Patty

581
00:29:38,594 --> 00:29:41,438
to stay and compete, despite her trauma.

582
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,480
Well, yes, but, um...

583
00:29:44,567 --> 00:29:46,397
Because of your guidance,

584
00:29:46,486 --> 00:29:50,816
Patty displayed courage,
perseverance, determination...

585
00:29:50,907 --> 00:29:54,487
Qualities that we look for in
a Miss Georgia American Lady.

586
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,750
Which is why we created this
special prize just for her.

587
00:29:59,124 --> 00:30:00,504
Since she's not here,

588
00:30:01,084 --> 00:30:03,924
ladies and gentlemen, Bob Armstrong.

589
00:30:09,926 --> 00:30:11,136
I didn't deserve this.

590
00:30:11,678 --> 00:30:14,718
I hadn't helped Patty.
I'd hurt her, so...

591
00:30:15,515 --> 00:30:17,265
what did this all mean?

592
00:30:17,350 --> 00:30:21,020
I had asked for a God shot,
and I ended up on stage?

593
00:30:21,104 --> 00:30:24,774
... Capital Georgia Hope,
Penelope Ann Penelope.

594
00:30:24,858 --> 00:30:27,988
What was the universe trying to tell me?

595
00:30:28,069 --> 00:30:29,829
This year's Miss Georgia American Lady

596
00:30:29,863 --> 00:30:32,703
is Miss Western Georgia Bounty,

597
00:30:32,782 --> 00:30:35,372
Heather Kristina Pamela
Kendall Jackson Johnson!

598
00:30:35,910 --> 00:30:37,290
If this was a sign,

599
00:30:37,662 --> 00:30:39,752
I needed a clearer message.

600
00:30:42,959 --> 00:30:44,039
Oh, my God!

601
00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:46,044
Dad?

602
00:30:49,174 --> 00:30:51,184
Dad, what are you doing here?

603
00:30:51,259 --> 00:30:52,549
You invited me!

604
00:30:55,513 --> 00:30:58,183
Besides, I wanted to see
what all the fuss was about.

605
00:30:58,266 --> 00:31:00,636
Yeah, well, you picked the
wrong pageant. Patty lost.

606
00:31:00,727 --> 00:31:01,727
Yeah.

607
00:31:02,479 --> 00:31:03,809
But look at you.

608
00:31:03,897 --> 00:31:06,607
Okay, I really... I don't
need you to mock me right now

609
00:31:06,691 --> 00:31:09,991
for being on stage with the
flowers and the sash like a pansy.

610
00:31:10,403 --> 00:31:11,963
I've never been more proud of you, son.

611
00:31:14,073 --> 00:31:15,163
Standing up there,

612
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:16,831
everybody clapping for you.

613
00:31:16,910 --> 00:31:18,240
You looked like a winner.

614
00:31:18,745 --> 00:31:20,575
That's all I've ever wanted for you.

615
00:31:21,456 --> 00:31:23,576
And I'm gonna give you a
chance to get it for real.

616
00:31:24,209 --> 00:31:26,459
It's time for you to be
in the spotlight for once.

617
00:31:26,544 --> 00:31:29,884
I'm pulling my money from Barnard,
and I'm backing you for mayor.

618
00:31:30,715 --> 00:31:32,255
Was this my God shot?

619
00:31:32,884 --> 00:31:35,974
Was it finally time
for me to focus on me?

620
00:31:36,805 --> 00:31:38,845
There is just one small problem.

621
00:31:39,599 --> 00:31:42,639
If you're gonna win, you're gonna
have to get out of that motel.

622
00:31:42,727 --> 00:31:44,491
It's outside of Masonville city limits,

623
00:31:44,492 --> 00:31:47,067
and you've gotta be a resident to run.

624
00:31:49,192 --> 00:31:50,652
What happened? Did I miss it?

625
00:31:50,735 --> 00:31:52,985
Yeah, it's over. Patty
got third runner-up.

626
00:31:53,071 --> 00:31:54,111
What do you mean?

627
00:31:54,197 --> 00:31:55,567
It means she lost.

628
00:31:55,657 --> 00:31:59,537
But she gets to be on a float in
the parade. Here. Take those to her.

629
00:31:59,619 --> 00:32:01,119
Shouldn't you do it?

630
00:32:01,746 --> 00:32:03,866
I mean, you got her to this
point. You're the coach.

631
00:32:04,582 --> 00:32:06,502
I've got something else I've gotta do.

632
00:32:09,587 --> 00:32:13,967
I took Shane's advice, and
I spent the day with myself.

633
00:32:18,638 --> 00:32:20,598
I'd avoided being alone for so long

634
00:32:20,682 --> 00:32:24,892
I'd forgotten how much
I enjoyed my own company.

635
00:32:24,978 --> 00:32:26,898
Maybe being alone wasn't so bad.

636
00:32:27,522 --> 00:32:30,402
I could do what I
wanted whenever I wanted.

637
00:32:31,484 --> 00:32:33,494
I could make a lot of noise.

638
00:32:33,570 --> 00:32:36,360
I could sleep in the middle of the bed.

639
00:32:36,447 --> 00:32:39,697
And if I wanted to dance around
the house with no pants on,

640
00:32:39,784 --> 00:32:41,084
I could do that too.

641
00:32:42,287 --> 00:32:43,287
Ooh!

642
00:32:43,371 --> 00:32:45,961
- What the hell are you doing here?
- My name is on the deed.

643
00:32:46,291 --> 00:32:48,961
I own this house, and
I am moving back in.

644
00:32:50,628 --> 00:32:52,458
So much for being alone.

645
00:32:58,419 --> 00:32:59,419
Recognize me?

646
00:32:59,429 --> 00:33:03,139
- I'm the one who caught you.
- Oh, right. Detective Dildo.

647
00:33:03,224 --> 00:33:04,774
Here's the thing, asshole.

648
00:33:05,226 --> 00:33:08,606
You got caught red-handed
trying to attack Patty Bladell,

649
00:33:08,688 --> 00:33:11,188
which means you're going
to prison for a few years.

650
00:33:11,900 --> 00:33:14,530
And I have something you
might want once you're free.

651
00:33:17,113 --> 00:33:19,493
- How the hell did you get that?
- Not important.

652
00:33:19,782 --> 00:33:21,032
But I'll make you an offer.

653
00:33:21,117 --> 00:33:24,447
I put it in a safety deposit
box, and I'll give you the number,

654
00:33:24,537 --> 00:33:28,247
but you have to tell me who
wanted Patty out of the running.

655
00:33:28,333 --> 00:33:29,333
Okay, fine.

656
00:33:31,252 --> 00:33:32,552
You go first.

657
00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:53,570
Kentucky Fried...

658
00:33:54,150 --> 00:33:56,740
California Pizza Kitchen?

659
00:33:59,864 --> 00:34:03,704
Heather Kristina Pamela
Kendall Jackson Johnson!

660
00:34:08,873 --> 00:34:12,843
There was no higher power,
no God shot, no crown.

661
00:34:12,919 --> 00:34:14,459
It was all bullshit.

662
00:34:14,545 --> 00:34:16,505
Fuck recovery. Fuck Bob.

663
00:34:17,048 --> 00:34:18,628
And fuck my mom.

664
00:34:18,716 --> 00:34:21,216
Her car was just sitting
here in the driveway.

665
00:34:21,302 --> 00:34:25,352
I couldn't believe she was home the
whole time, ignoring Bob's calls.

666
00:34:25,431 --> 00:34:27,391
Didn't she care that I was in trouble?

667
00:34:31,145 --> 00:34:33,395
Unless she was in trouble too.

668
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:48,120
Shit!

669
00:35:00,675 --> 00:35:02,505
Fuck Southwest!

670
00:35:02,593 --> 00:35:04,353
The flight delayed 4,000 times!

671
00:35:04,846 --> 00:35:06,176
And then the Super Shuttle

672
00:35:06,264 --> 00:35:07,774
- dropped me off dead last!
- Sh!

673
00:35:08,433 --> 00:35:10,313
Enter.

674
00:35:15,565 --> 00:35:17,935
I assume these are the sweater
melons I'm cutting open.

675
00:35:18,401 --> 00:35:19,441
Fantastic.

676
00:35:19,527 --> 00:35:20,927
Whatever was happening wasn't good.

677
00:35:20,987 --> 00:35:23,777
You're going to behave yourself, right?

678
00:35:24,490 --> 00:35:27,870
Otherwise, we'll have to kill you.

679
00:35:27,952 --> 00:35:29,832
Since I couldn't trust
a higher power anymore,

680
00:35:30,121 --> 00:35:32,081
I had to save her myself.

681
00:35:32,165 --> 00:35:34,825
What side shall we start with, huh?

682
00:35:40,339 --> 00:35:41,339
Is that your phone?

683
00:35:44,260 --> 00:35:45,800
- There!
- Oh!

684
00:35:47,597 --> 00:35:49,307
- What the...
- Shoot her!

685
00:35:49,390 --> 00:35:52,310
Shit! I didn't bring the
gun. I brought the machete!

686
00:35:52,393 --> 00:35:53,693
Grab it!

687
00:36:08,576 --> 00:36:09,736
Not bad!

688
00:36:09,827 --> 00:36:11,497
For a cultural appropriator.

689
00:36:11,829 --> 00:36:14,079
It's not appropriation. It's inclusion.

690
00:36:14,165 --> 00:36:17,665
Well, I happen to be a
Brazilian capoeira master.

691
00:36:17,752 --> 00:36:18,802
What are the odds?

692
00:36:18,878 --> 00:36:21,168
He was right. What were the odds?

693
00:36:21,255 --> 00:36:23,255
Just bring it, asshole.

694
00:36:23,674 --> 00:36:26,554
Huh? Let's dance. To the death.

695
00:36:29,347 --> 00:36:31,267
What were the odds I knew capoeira,

696
00:36:32,892 --> 00:36:35,442
and that I was fighting Brazilians,

697
00:36:36,229 --> 00:36:39,569
and that I left the pageant
just in time to save my mom?

698
00:36:43,611 --> 00:36:45,611
Could this be a God shot?

699
00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:52,410
Maybe I was exactly where
I was supposed to be.

700
00:37:23,901 --> 00:37:27,411
Maybe there was a higher power
out there guiding me after all.

701
00:37:33,119 --> 00:37:34,449
And it was all leading me here,

702
00:37:34,871 --> 00:37:36,121
back to my mom.

703
00:37:38,624 --> 00:37:41,384
Hold on one sec. I'm coming to you, Mom.

704
00:37:42,211 --> 00:37:44,381
Holy shit! I got cocaine in my tits,

705
00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:45,930
and I was a drug mule
and didn't know it,

706
00:37:45,931 --> 00:37:47,803
and you just killed
all those drug dealers

707
00:37:47,884 --> 00:37:49,344
and saved my life!

708
00:37:50,511 --> 00:37:54,061
- My God!
- Okay. It's okay.

709
00:37:54,724 --> 00:37:55,814
Okay.

710
00:37:55,892 --> 00:37:57,982
I'm so sorry that I
wasn't there for you.

711
00:37:58,060 --> 00:38:01,400
I quit my job, and I
was coming to see you.

712
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:02,610
You were?

713
00:38:02,690 --> 00:38:04,900
I thought you just bailed on me again.

714
00:38:04,984 --> 00:38:06,614
No! Okay!

715
00:38:08,279 --> 00:38:12,199
Unless I get duct-taped and
threatened by more drug dealers,

716
00:38:12,283 --> 00:38:13,993
I'm never gonna bail on you ever again.

717
00:38:14,827 --> 00:38:16,867
Thank you for saving me!

718
00:38:17,455 --> 00:38:19,455
I swear to God, I'm gonna
spend the rest of my life

719
00:38:19,540 --> 00:38:21,460
trying to prove to
you that I deserved it.

720
00:38:31,469 --> 00:38:34,219
Oh, Patty! Look out! Get the gun!

721
00:38:34,305 --> 00:38:36,135
What gun? These are machete people!

722
00:38:36,224 --> 00:38:37,644
Bob's gun. It's in that drawer!

723
00:38:37,725 --> 00:38:40,265
- Why do you have Bob's gun?
- Just do it, Patty!

724
00:38:55,076 --> 00:38:56,656
How's that for a God shot?

725
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:05,000
- Synced and corrected by <b>chamallow</b> -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -


