1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,088 3 00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:28,787 la-la-la-la 4 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,524 5 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,066 la-la-la-la 6 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,796 7 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,464 la-la-la 8 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,201 9 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:45,301 la-la-la-la 10 00:00:46,946 --> 00:00:49,210 11 00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,716 12 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,912 13 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,046 14 00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,556 15 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,150 16 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,819 17 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,388 18 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:10,698 a happy new year 19 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,666 of this house 20 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,232 21 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,574 22 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,739 23 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,283 24 00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:26,978 25 00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:28,611 26 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:32,124 a happy new year 27 00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:37,357 a happy new year 28 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:43,133 29 00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:47,037 30 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:51,439 31 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:55,607 32 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:59,618 33 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:03,554 far and wide 34 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:07,990 35 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:13,795 36 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,165 - First time in Orlando? - Oh, no. 37 00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,797 I fly in once a year. 38 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,034 Of course, I usually come in a different way. 39 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,133 - Where are you from? - Up north. 40 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,734 Me, too. Toronto. 41 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,211 Really? 42 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,544 - What line of work are you in? - Toys, mostly. 43 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,413 No fooling? You been in it long? 44 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,044 - Longer than you can imagine. - I hear that. 45 00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,782 Priscilla, come back here. 46 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,558 You here on business? 47 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,690 I'm here to appoint a replacement; 48 00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:49,064 someone to take over my duties. 49 00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,569 Unfortunately, a person with the right qualifications... 50 00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:54,072 is difficult to find. 51 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:57,075 Well, it's a smart cookie... 52 00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:59,168 that knows when to hang up the old cleats. 53 00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,076 Oh, it's time. 54 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:04,674 I'm afraid I really should have done this last year. 55 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,742 I don't think I've quite... 56 00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:09,014 got the magic for another trip. 57 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:11,955 That's how I feel every time they send me to Pittsburgh. 58 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,920 You know, there was a time when I could remember... 59 00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,123 every name on my list. 60 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,191 - A lot of contacts? - Oh, all over the world. 61 00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,862 Now I have trouble recalling... 62 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,031 who was naughty and who was nice; 63 00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:28,869 who asked for a toy truck, 64 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,807 and who wanted a bicycle. 65 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,742 Sounds like a database problem. 66 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:41,383 67 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:52,053 Oh, Christmas tree 68 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:53,928 69 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,935 Hey, buddy, hurry up.! I gotta get to the airport. 70 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,801 Don't worry, mister. We'll make that plane. 71 00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:02,204 I have lived my life in the fast lane. 72 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,368 I have an almost supernatural feel... 73 00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,378 for the road beneath my tires. 74 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,778 Ha, ha! Thrill driver! 75 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,214 Reminds me of my old days... 76 00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:12,911 on the "figure-8"track. 77 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,080 "In car 9, it's Ernest P. Worrell, the screamin' demon.! 78 00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:19,386 He's going for his second track record tonight.!" 79 00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,017 Whoa! 80 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,955 Whoa! 81 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,396 Whoaaaa.! 82 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,024 Hey, mister.! Mister.! 83 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:32,432 I told him about that seat belt. 84 00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:39,209 Hey mister, you can't get out here! 85 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:43,010 Fun is fun, but you've got a plane to catch! 86 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:00,428 Nice bag. Gucci? 87 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,365 Gunny! Get it? 88 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,403 Next in line. 89 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,712 I hate this job. 90 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,188 Is something wrong? 91 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,952 Is this your real name? 92 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:29,119 It's the name I'm known by, yes. 93 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,663 Sure. 94 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:33,164 Why not? 95 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:36,099 Thanks, Skippy. 96 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,729 We'll catch that plane, mister. 97 00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,471 We'll make it. Don't worry. 98 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,413 We'll be airborne before you know it. 99 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,243 Ahhhh! 100 00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:57,981 Hey, you.! 101 00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:01,382 Touch down.! 102 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,827 It's not my fault! 103 00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:06,421 Well sir, I think we made it. 104 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:09,400 You're gonna make that flight after all. 105 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,096 Come on, mister, 106 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:13,161 this is no time to take a nap. 107 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,139 You're gonna miss your flight. 108 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,914 Yes, sir, when it comes to driving skills, 109 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:25,542 nobody can beat Ernest P. Worrell. 110 00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,111 Uh-oh. 111 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:32,624 Here. Fold this up. Kick some of these in here. 112 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:34,683 Yes, sir, curb to counter. 113 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,626 It's him! 114 00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:41,126 Just a little extra service us independents have to do... 115 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,462 to keep up with the big guys. 116 00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,696 - Whoa! - You forgot your carry-on. 117 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,100 Here, you'll need a jacket. 118 00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:53,543 You'd better take this other suitcase. 119 00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:55,046 Have a nice day! 120 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:00,975 What a place. 121 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,078 Christmastime, and it's 80 degrees. 122 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:06,819 Yes, I'm used to a colder climate myself. 123 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,327 You know what I'd really like for Christmas? 124 00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:12,125 - Snow. - Snow? 125 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:15,258 I could have sworn you wanted a CD player. 126 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,302 I'd better make a note of that. 127 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,270 There's my wife. I've got to go. 128 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,636 Are you going to be okay? It was nice meeting you. 129 00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:24,005 I've made a note about that snow. 130 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:27,577 Taxi! 131 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,342 Mister, I'm a taxi. 132 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:30,575 Here, you got one. 133 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:31,844 I'll take those. 134 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:39,456 Where to? 135 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,755 Orlando Children's Museum. 136 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,689 Hey, come back here! 137 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,666 Ha! Ha! 138 00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:56,770 Bobby, we've got 9 crates on hold, 139 00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:59,209 and they've got to be picked up on the 24th. 140 00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,644 I can't believe it! 141 00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,011 Who in their right mind... 142 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,947 would be working on the 24th? 143 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:06,848 That's Christmas eve. 144 00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:08,682 I'll tell you who. 145 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,745 "We" who, that's who. 146 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,292 Rain, sleet, hail, the Super Bowl, 147 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,452 the 4th of July. 148 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,189 Bobby, if it weren't for us, 149 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,561 this airline would never get off the ground. 150 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,758 Ain't that right, Bobby? 151 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,730 I guess if you want things done right, 152 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:31,140 you gotta do it yourself. 153 00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,740 Yo, Bob! 154 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:35,974 Break's over. 155 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,745 Sun gettin' to you? 156 00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:46,656 Yes, it's not as bright at night. 157 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:49,354 I'm usually here at night. 158 00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,453 Here you go. I always keep an extra pair. 159 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,998 Oh, thank you, Ernest. 160 00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:56,091 You know, I don't want to insult you or nothin', 161 00:08:56,168 --> 00:09:00,036 - but do you know who you remind me of? - Santa Claus? 162 00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,664 I guess you hear that a lot. 163 00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,902 Oh, yes. But then, it's to be expected. 164 00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:05,000 Because you look like him? 165 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,704 Because I am him. 166 00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,440 Because you "am" him. 167 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,905 Well, how about that? 168 00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,280 Yeah. 169 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:36,603 Ahhh. Smell those Christmas trees. 170 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,769 You can keep your "Channel Number 5. 171 00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:41,745 Just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine,; 172 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,714 that symbol of brotherly love, 173 00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:46,581 that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around... 174 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:50,349 to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can. 175 00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,548 Ahhh! 176 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,116 Whoa, little tree! 177 00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:57,719 Stay calm, Tannenbaum, I'll get you out of this. 178 00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,162 Whoa! 179 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,668 Even in emergency situations, 180 00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:04,726 always follow safe driving rules. 181 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,398 You'll notice that I am using my emergency signal indicators, 182 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,236 When in reverse. 183 00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:09,865 Ha! Ha! 184 00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,345 Whoa! 185 00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:20,580 Open up! 186 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,348 Here, hold this a minute. 187 00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:27,454 They really bunch up at this exit. 188 00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,050 Know what I mean? 189 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,766 I take it you really needed a tree? 190 00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,530 No, I've already got one, 191 00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,696 but I've got a friend who could use it. 192 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,639 Besides, it'd be a shame for it to be alone on Christmas. 193 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,608 It's nice to find somebody... 194 00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,804 with such devotion to Christmas. 195 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:48,813 You know, I don't tell many people this, 196 00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:51,145 but Christmas is just about my favorite time. 197 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,650 Ever since I was a little kid, 198 00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:55,482 I always felt like it was my own personal holiday. 199 00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,988 I'm at one with the yuletide. Know what I mean? 200 00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:00,048 I know exactly what you mean. 201 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,991 I even memorized the names of all the reindeer, 202 00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,722 like "Donder" and "Blister. " 203 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,855 That's "Blitzen. " 204 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:10,463 It says, "Hold for pickup by... " 205 00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:11,798 Is that an "M"? 206 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:12,963 "V." 207 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:15,200 - Right here. That's an "M." - "V." 208 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,765 - "M." - "V." 209 00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:22,039 - "M, M, M." - "V, V, V." 210 00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:27,847 That is an "M." 211 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,718 "Hold for Helper Elmes. " 212 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,917 This is probably Amish. 213 00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,653 It could even be Quaker. 214 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:36,718 Only thing I know is that it's French. 215 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,354 "V." 216 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,525 Okay, Bobby, I need you to go on back to work. 217 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,830 See you. Talk to you later. 218 00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:49,907 Did you ever hear of a man... 219 00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,102 named Joe Carruthers? 220 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,544 It don't ring a bell. Should I have? 221 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,945 "Uncle Joey�s Tree House?" 222 00:11:57,016 --> 00:12:00,008 Uncle Joey? Are you kidding? 223 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,179 224 00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:03,949 225 00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,719 "please" and "thank you" 226 00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,851 - Hey. - Hey! 227 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:11,556 I haven't seen that show in years. 228 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,222 Is he still on the air? 229 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,233 Well, he was until 3 weeks ago, 230 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:17,360 and then it was canceled. 231 00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:21,600 Well, by now he must be rolling in a lot of money. 232 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,040 Well, you don't get rich by doing... 233 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:27,568 a once-a-week children's program on local TV. 234 00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:30,672 You've got to do it for other reasons. 235 00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,242 And that's why I'm here. 236 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,221 Hey, hey! 237 00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:39,621 Hey, hold it! 238 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,819 - You forgot something. - Take it easy, mister. 239 00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,725 It's not me. It's my brother. 240 00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,423 He does this all the time. 241 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,262 We go out. He says he has the money, and then we eat. 242 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,427 Then he goes to the bathroom and sneaks out. 243 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,097 When the check comes, I'm left with no money... 244 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,969 and this stupid look on my face. 245 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,940 Please, mister, just let me go this time. 246 00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,067 You expect me to believe that? 247 00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,805 I swear it's true. Look! 248 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,642 There's my brother now. There he is! 249 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,079 Hey, Tommy! 250 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,309 Hey! 251 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,254 Whoa! 252 00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:13,550 Aaah! 253 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,962 Please, mister, go, go, go! 254 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,695 Aaah! 255 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,572 Ding! 256 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:32,000 That was my mean uncle. 257 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:34,511 He makes me work in that restaurant like a slave. 258 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,140 He keeps me locked up in the basement... 259 00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:39,411 with rats and filth, and I just escaped. 260 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,749 Please don't let him get me, okay? 261 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,984 Well, not to worry, little lady. 262 00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,957 You're safe with us. 263 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,422 Thanks. 264 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,989 I'm Harmony Starr. 265 00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,831 Remember that name, because I'll be famous someday. 266 00:13:57,903 --> 00:14:00,463 This is Ernest, and I'm Santa Claus. 267 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,006 Surprised? 268 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:10,372 No, no. 269 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:11,916 Not really. 270 00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,559 That'll be $32.50. 271 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:31,694 There you go. 272 00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:36,399 - Hey, this ain't real. - What? 273 00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:38,875 This bill carries the likeness of one... 274 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,639 "Mr. Funtime. " 275 00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:42,944 Hmmm. 276 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:46,109 Really, I don't have much use for currency, 277 00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,983 but I do like to have a little around. 278 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,955 Just, you know, in case. 279 00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:55,221 Oh, my. Oh, my goodness. 280 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:57,453 Last year, 281 00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,827 a 5-year-old wanted... 282 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,265 a "Mr. Funtime" Grocery Store. 283 00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:05,701 I included a large amount of... 284 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:08,295 play money. 285 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:11,741 I suppose I must have mixed it up. 286 00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,402 Dum-da-dum-dum. 287 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,572 What we've got here... 288 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,515 is a failure to "accumulate. " 289 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:25,848 What the heck. It's on the house. 290 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,918 - Merry Christmas, old buddy. - Thank you, too, old buddy! 291 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,245 Oh, right through there, dear. 292 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,618 Ahem. Excuse me. 293 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,558 I'm looking for a man named Joseph Carruthers. 294 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:05,529 I'm the greatest. 295 00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:06,621 Roar. 296 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,395 Me too, me too! 297 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:10,628 Roar! 298 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,400 For millions of years, 299 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,338 dinosaurs ruled the Earth. 300 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,638 - Roar. - Roar. 301 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,076 Hey, don't do that! 302 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:23,979 Then, something really strange happened. 303 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:27,246 Uh-oh, it's the ice age! 304 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,220 Oh, no, I don't feel too good. 305 00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:32,280 Ah-ah-ah-choo! 306 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,392 He's a wonderful man. 307 00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,088 We're so lucky to have him with us. 308 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:40,222 You don't need to tell me. I've watched him for years. 309 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:42,597 Yes, well, he's been such a help here, 310 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,898 and the children just love him. 311 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,598 I hope he gets something going for himself soon. 312 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:51,336 Oh, I imagine he'll have his hands full very shortly. 313 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:55,005 That's why we don't see dinosaurs around anymore. 314 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,604 Hey, listen. 315 00:16:56,682 --> 00:17:00,277 I want to thank all you kids for coming to see me today. 316 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,219 Why do I say "thank you"? 317 00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,688 Because they never seem old, 318 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,350 they always seem new, 319 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:08,950 those 3 little words, 320 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,996 "please" and "thank you. " 321 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,745 322 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:30,281 323 00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:34,115 Hey, babe, park it in the shade. What do you say? All right. 324 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,313 Come along, children. 325 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,980 Be careful now. 326 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,217 Come on boys, quickly. 327 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:40,553 Bye-bye. 328 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,094 You can go in now. 329 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,629 Hello, Joe! 330 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,561 This is indeed a pleasure. 331 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,725 Hello. Do I know you? 332 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,666 - Yes, you do. - I do? 333 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,500 What I'm going to tell you may sound fantastic, 334 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,097 but please suspend disbelief... 335 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,075 until I've gotten through it. 336 00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,737 Your name was originally on a list... 337 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,747 with several hundred others. 338 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,113 Slowly, for one reason or another, 339 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,584 the other names were eliminated. 340 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,848 The process took longer than I thought. 341 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,083 But now, I'm sure... 342 00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,126 I have the right man for the job. 343 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,627 Job? What job? 344 00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,925 I mean, what is this all about? 345 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:22,694 Joe, you are going to be the new... 346 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,133 Excuse me, pop. This is it, Joey. 347 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,831 The hand of fate is reaching out to you. 348 00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:29,772 I know how broken up you are about your show being bounced, 349 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,276 but you've got a shot for the lead in a movie. 350 00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,278 What's the movie about? 351 00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,246 A holiday flick called "Christmas Sleigh. " 352 00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:38,974 Blake Farrell had the lead. 353 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,451 At the last minute, he goes skiing, falls on his puss, 354 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,454 and wrecks up a $5,000 nose job. 355 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,285 Do you love it? I love it, yes. 356 00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:47,154 Talk about luck, right? 357 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,023 The interview is in a couple of hours. 358 00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,790 I want you to tint your hair and lose the beard. 359 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,456 No, Joe, no! 360 00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,228 Don't go looking like him. You're set with my hairstylist. 361 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:59,065 Derek can make a hair blower do everything except sit up and bark. 362 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,696 But your beard is wonderful! 363 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,831 Thanks. I think so too, Marty. 364 00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:05,240 Who is this guy? Already, I don't like him. 365 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,175 - My name is Sant... - Excuse me, Mr. Santos. 366 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,646 We're having a conversation. May we continue, please? 367 00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,649 S'il vous plait. Thank you so much. 368 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,207 My goodness, my sack! 369 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:22,125 I can't believe I left it. 370 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,389 I must really be slipping. 371 00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:29,161 You're always pulling this stuff, Ernest,; 372 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,599 knocking down the meters, 373 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:33,160 giving free rides to every hobo you come across. 374 00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,502 But Mr. Dillis, this wasn�t just a hobo. 375 00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,405 This guy was different. 376 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:38,704 Call it clairvoyance, 377 00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:41,075 call it "extra-sensitory perspiration. " 378 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,511 I just had this hunch. 379 00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:44,674 I am not running a charity operation here. 380 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,514 This is a business, and we're supposed to make money, 381 00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:50,077 and good Samaritans like you don't make money! 382 00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,918 I've had it with you, Ernest. 383 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,252 You're fired! 384 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:02,066 Ernest, it was a dead-end job, anyway. 385 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:05,035 I mean, it's nowhere working for a guy like that. 386 00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:07,071 If there hadn't been children present, 387 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,369 it would have been a very ugly scene indeed. 388 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:10,465 Know what I mean? 389 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,942 Hey, take this with you! 390 00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,042 Why didn't you just tell him you were robbed? 391 00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:22,780 This could have all been avoided if you'd just lied. 392 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:23,980 Merry Christmas.! 393 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,320 Ooh! 394 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,883 Ernest, you are in serious need of help. 395 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,623 Ooh. 396 00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:34,996 Wait a minute. Stand fast, Bobby. 397 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,558 I think I hear something. 398 00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:39,562 Ahhhh! 399 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:46,769 Do you remember anything about the cab, 400 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:49,405 beside the fact that it was yellow? 401 00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,745 No "Worrell" at City Cab. 402 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,682 I can try Metro. 403 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:57,620 I kept track of him until he was 11 or so; 404 00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:59,418 Ernest, I mean. 405 00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:01,425 What a good boy. 406 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:04,360 Not very bright. 407 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,659 He grew up with this guy. 408 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,599 I think his name was Vern. 409 00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:12,330 What is with you and this rummy? 410 00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:14,599 You've already blown your appointment with Derek. 411 00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:17,301 He's a nice old man. He seems a little confused. 412 00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:20,038 I think we can take a little time to help him out. 413 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,340 All right, all right. 414 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,108 Head on over there. 415 00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,046 I'll help Mr. Whiskers find his whatever-it-is, 416 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,608 and meet you at the studio. 417 00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:30,484 Mr. Santos, listen, I'm sorry, 418 00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:32,819 but I have an appointment I really have to keep. 419 00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:34,188 Marty will take care of you. 420 00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:36,784 But, Joe, really need to talk to you. 421 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,330 Yes, yes, yes, whatever it is, Mr. Santos, 422 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:42,390 you can tell me. I'm Marty Brock, Joe's agent. 423 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:45,163 So, Mr. Santos, do you live around here? 424 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:47,865 No. I have to go and find Joe. Excuse me. 425 00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:51,739 Do you have any family, any friends, any money? 426 00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:57,314 I had some U.S. Currency; rather a large amount. 427 00:21:57,382 --> 00:22:00,579 I gave it away last year... 428 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:04,213 to a 5-year-old named Bobby Bidderman. 429 00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,883 What about now, Mr. Santos? 430 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:09,085 The name is Santa Claus. 431 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,822 Ooh. 432 00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:19,336 Why don't you just stay right here... 433 00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:20,564 and I'll take care of everything. 434 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:22,072 Okie-dokie? 435 00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:23,670 Good. 436 00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:25,175 Yes. 437 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,379 Such a nice man. 438 00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:34,749 Vern, what a guy. 439 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,879 Yeah, me and Vern go back a long way. 440 00:22:36,955 --> 00:22:39,185 We spend the holidays together. 441 00:22:39,257 --> 00:22:42,192 I help him work on his house and stuff like that. 442 00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:44,922 Me and old Vern are tighter than stretched duct tape. 443 00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,726 I guess you could say we're cut from the same bark. 444 00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:50,063 Old Vern's done pretty good for himself, though. 445 00:22:50,135 --> 00:22:52,365 If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be where he is today. 446 00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:55,201 I taught him all he knows about nuclear physics. 447 00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:56,706 Know what I mean? 448 00:22:56,775 --> 00:22:58,572 Yeah, Vern's always happy to see me. 449 00:22:58,643 --> 00:23:01,942 He's my best buddy, and he throws the greatest parties. 450 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:04,709 Course, we're a little early, so we can help him decorate, 451 00:23:04,783 --> 00:23:06,808 and maybe put out the food. 452 00:23:06,885 --> 00:23:08,079 Those little finger sandwiches, 453 00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:10,713 and cheeseballs, and bean dip! 454 00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:12,416 I hope he's got something I can eat, 455 00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:15,289 not just lots of things made of white sugar and red meat. 456 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,761 I think eating red meat makes people overly aggressive. 457 00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:21,298 They kill people and stuff. 458 00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:22,458 Know what I mean? 459 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:24,627 You're as right as rain, puddin'. 460 00:23:25,804 --> 00:23:27,465 Pork's my meat. 461 00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:32,207 Ho, ho, ho, Vern! Merry Christm... 462 00:23:33,845 --> 00:23:36,143 I thought you said this Vern was a friend of yours. 463 00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:37,681 Vern's just like that. 464 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:39,478 He'll do anything for a laugh. 465 00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:40,813 Come on. 466 00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:44,117 - It's Santa's little party helper! - Hi! 467 00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:46,157 This is Harmony. 468 00:23:46,224 --> 00:23:49,125 She's been having a tough time, so I'm helping her out. 469 00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:51,424 You know, kind of a "father image" thing. 470 00:23:51,496 --> 00:23:53,657 "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree. " 471 00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:55,256 Know what I mean? 472 00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:57,961 It'll look good right over here. 473 00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:00,334 Nice place. It's really you. 474 00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:02,134 Yep, I'll just set it right in there. 475 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:04,867 Umph! 476 00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:06,171 Ugh! 477 00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:08,712 Don't worry, Vern, I'll make it fit. 478 00:24:11,183 --> 00:24:12,775 Ugh! 479 00:24:12,851 --> 00:24:16,514 Just hang some tinsel and lights on this puppy... 480 00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:18,351 Aaooh! 481 00:24:19,558 --> 00:24:21,219 Party punch. 482 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,022 Yeah, that ought to hold. 483 00:24:26,865 --> 00:24:28,799 Ahh! 484 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:30,459 Superb. 485 00:24:31,870 --> 00:24:33,963 I've got to find Joe. 486 00:24:34,039 --> 00:24:35,631 If I don't find him, 487 00:24:35,707 --> 00:24:37,675 so many children will be disappointed. 488 00:24:37,742 --> 00:24:39,710 Officer, you've got to let me go. 489 00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:44,014 Do you really think that was necessary? 490 00:24:44,082 --> 00:24:46,073 He seemed so harmless, 491 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:47,982 and in a strange way, sincere. 492 00:24:48,053 --> 00:24:50,146 Come on. He's obviously disoriented. 493 00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:52,656 A transient, walking around with play money in his pocket, 494 00:24:52,724 --> 00:24:54,487 pretending to be Santa Claus. 495 00:24:54,559 --> 00:24:56,322 Is that who he thinks he is? 496 00:24:56,394 --> 00:24:58,294 His real name is Santos. 497 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,673 He got fired. 498 00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:12,608 Some crazy old guy stiffed him for a $30 cab ride, 499 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,076 and instead of calling the cops, 500 00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:16,670 Bobo here knocked down the meter. 501 00:25:16,748 --> 00:25:19,080 Are those bacon cheeseburgers? 502 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:21,584 Vern, it ain't like the cab company can't afford... 503 00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:24,884 to give somebody a free ride every now and then. 504 00:25:24,956 --> 00:25:27,186 And after all, Vern, it's Christmastime. 505 00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:28,453 It's a time for giving. 506 00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:33,230 A time for chestnuts opening on a roasted fire. 507 00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:38,401 A time for sleigh bells tinkling in the snow. 508 00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:39,937 Ugh! 509 00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:42,473 Vern, that puppy's really stuck. Know what I mean? 510 00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:46,602 You know, Vern, 511 00:25:46,678 --> 00:25:49,545 it looks like a transmutation of your 110 and your 220. 512 00:25:49,614 --> 00:25:50,706 Know what I mean? 513 00:25:56,655 --> 00:25:59,385 I arrived here just today. 514 00:25:59,457 --> 00:26:01,425 I had a simple job to do, 515 00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:05,395 and then, everything started to get unraveled. 516 00:26:05,463 --> 00:26:07,897 First, I lost my sack, 517 00:26:07,966 --> 00:26:09,934 and now this. 518 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:12,401 If you'd only take a moment and just try to understand... 519 00:26:12,470 --> 00:26:13,562 Come on, pops, 520 00:26:13,638 --> 00:26:15,606 we got some paperwork to do. 521 00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:17,869 You're making a very big mistake. 522 00:26:20,145 --> 00:26:22,136 Hey, look at this. 523 00:26:22,213 --> 00:26:25,307 I never saw anything like this before. 524 00:26:26,518 --> 00:26:28,042 "I'm frightened. " 525 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,020 "Don't worry. It's only thunder. 526 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,523 "We'll all be safe here... 527 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:34,923 together. " 528 00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:37,326 Oh, great. 529 00:26:37,395 --> 00:26:39,955 You kids are terrific actors. You really are. 530 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:42,795 I want to thank you because you helped me a lot. 531 00:26:42,867 --> 00:26:44,767 I was a little nervous. 532 00:26:46,137 --> 00:26:47,968 He's a natural with the kids. 533 00:26:48,039 --> 00:26:50,507 He's already got them saying "please" and "thank you. " 534 00:26:50,575 --> 00:26:52,372 You're the director, Carl, 535 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:55,504 but personally, I think there's chemistry here. 536 00:26:55,580 --> 00:26:57,673 Chemistry is very important. 537 00:26:57,749 --> 00:26:58,977 Chemistry. 538 00:26:59,050 --> 00:27:01,143 - You've got it, they want it. - Really? 539 00:27:01,219 --> 00:27:02,811 Yeah, yeah. 540 00:27:02,887 --> 00:27:04,252 They want to shoot some tests tomorrow, 541 00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:06,017 - but don't worry about that. - Great! 542 00:27:06,091 --> 00:27:08,150 By the way, what happened to the old guy? 543 00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:11,491 Forget him. You've got a new career about to fire up. 544 00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:14,396 Good, but did he ever find his sack or whatever it was? 545 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:15,933 Yeah, yeah. Taken care of. 546 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,732 I know what we need, Vern. Bolt cutters! 547 00:28:06,618 --> 00:28:08,381 He's him. 548 00:28:11,389 --> 00:28:14,324 There's no such thing. Think about it,; 549 00:28:14,392 --> 00:28:16,724 a guy who flies around the whole world... 550 00:28:16,795 --> 00:28:18,319 in one night. 551 00:28:18,396 --> 00:28:20,489 It just doesn't quite correspond... 552 00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:22,760 with the laws of time and travel. 553 00:28:22,834 --> 00:28:24,631 Now, now, now, it's possible. 554 00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:27,433 Take the international date line, multiply it by the time zones, 555 00:28:27,505 --> 00:28:29,803 divide it by the accelerated rotation of the Earth. 556 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:32,240 Now, carry the one. 557 00:28:32,310 --> 00:28:35,074 Allowing for the vernal equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, 558 00:28:35,146 --> 00:28:36,841 he might just pull it off. 559 00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:38,314 All right, all right. 560 00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:41,477 Let's just say this guy really is Santa Claus, okay? 561 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,111 Why is he riding around... 562 00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:45,679 in airplanes and taxicabs? 563 00:28:45,757 --> 00:28:47,418 Where's his sleigh? 564 00:28:47,492 --> 00:28:50,052 Where are his reindeer? 565 00:29:08,513 --> 00:29:10,071 You know what I think that is? 566 00:29:11,516 --> 00:29:12,448 I think those are... 567 00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:14,314 Latvian goats. 568 00:29:16,821 --> 00:29:18,083 Wait a minute. 569 00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:19,589 It... It could be aliens. 570 00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:28,422 Is anybody in there? 571 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:31,765 Santa, are you in there? 572 00:29:34,072 --> 00:29:36,870 I've got your sack. It's safe. 573 00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:39,409 I told you, they're all gone. 574 00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:42,977 What is this about, anyway? 575 00:29:43,047 --> 00:29:44,605 I don't know. 576 00:29:44,682 --> 00:29:46,616 Well, I think I know, but... 577 00:29:46,684 --> 00:29:48,049 Come over here a second. 578 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:49,950 I want to show you something. 579 00:29:51,089 --> 00:29:52,147 Watch this. 580 00:29:59,030 --> 00:30:03,057 Whoa, groovy Tuesday! 581 00:30:03,134 --> 00:30:06,297 I am going to slowly and carefully... 582 00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:08,737 reach into this glowing bag... 583 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:11,970 and see if my finely honed instincts... 584 00:30:12,043 --> 00:30:13,476 are correct. 585 00:30:13,545 --> 00:30:14,807 No, no. Don't do it. 586 00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:17,143 I mean, you don't know what's in that bag. 587 00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:18,910 You don't know where that bag's been. 588 00:30:18,983 --> 00:30:20,507 It could be some kind of... 589 00:30:20,585 --> 00:30:23,179 portable core-meltdown or something. 590 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:24,482 No problem. 591 00:30:26,558 --> 00:30:29,254 Oh, ahh, oh. 592 00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:32,421 Careful, careful.! 593 00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,089 Ooh-ooh. 594 00:30:37,569 --> 00:30:39,730 I told you. Now you're nuked, man. 595 00:30:39,804 --> 00:30:43,171 Unless I'm wrong, and I hardly ever am, 596 00:30:43,241 --> 00:30:44,606 this is for you. 597 00:30:46,411 --> 00:30:49,107 Now ain't that just exactly what you wanted for Christmas? 598 00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:51,671 Are you crazy? Totally un-awesome. 599 00:30:51,749 --> 00:30:54,183 No, man, get with it. I need something major. 600 00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:56,618 Okay, that was just for practice. 601 00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:58,679 Now, I'm in the groove. 602 00:30:58,756 --> 00:31:02,248 Now, I am at one with the magic. 603 00:31:02,327 --> 00:31:04,625 How about this? 604 00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,630 Like it? 605 00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:08,097 That's you. 606 00:31:08,166 --> 00:31:10,691 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 607 00:31:10,768 --> 00:31:11,792 Ah-ha! 608 00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:21,035 Come on, Ernest. It doesn't work for you. 609 00:31:22,113 --> 00:31:23,307 Nah! 610 00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:27,943 Right through here. Come on! 611 00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:29,919 Look, guy, if your nose is clean, 612 00:31:29,988 --> 00:31:32,650 you'll get a hot meal and be out on the street... 613 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:34,817 before you can say, "Frosty the Snowman. " 614 00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:38,385 But it would be a lot better if you'd give me your real name. 615 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:39,395 I've told you. 616 00:31:39,464 --> 00:31:41,159 I've told everybody. 617 00:31:41,232 --> 00:31:43,223 My name is Santa Claus. 618 00:31:43,301 --> 00:31:46,134 Okay, we'll just go with "John Doe. " 619 00:31:46,204 --> 00:31:48,331 Now, see here. 620 00:31:48,406 --> 00:31:51,466 This is a really horrible misunderstanding. 621 00:31:51,542 --> 00:31:54,978 I need to find a man named Joe Carruthers. 622 00:31:55,046 --> 00:31:56,707 You have one phone call. 623 00:31:58,383 --> 00:32:01,978 I can't explain something like this on the telephone. 624 00:32:02,053 --> 00:32:04,453 Well, unless you have some magical powers, 625 00:32:04,522 --> 00:32:06,956 that's the only way you'll talk to him tonight. 626 00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:09,653 Age? 627 00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:11,718 One hundred and fifty-one. 628 00:32:13,898 --> 00:32:15,627 We've got to find him. 629 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:17,861 We've got to get this sack back into the right hands. 630 00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:19,597 You saw how it was. 631 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:21,696 Even me, noted "philanthropic" that I am, 632 00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:24,003 couldn't get the right stuff out of this sack. 633 00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:25,508 Do you know what this means? 634 00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:27,567 It really works! 635 00:32:27,645 --> 00:32:30,580 It means the end of Christmas on this planet... 636 00:32:30,648 --> 00:32:32,513 as we know it. 637 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:35,518 There's only one person authorized to operate this sack:; 638 00:32:35,586 --> 00:32:38,953 his big red oneness, "The Claus. " 639 00:32:45,830 --> 00:32:48,298 Open "D" cell. 640 00:32:53,504 --> 00:32:56,371 Close "D." 641 00:32:56,441 --> 00:32:58,636 This ain't no flophouse, buddy. 642 00:33:00,745 --> 00:33:02,576 I don't believe it. 643 00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:04,808 This place is full already. 644 00:33:42,086 --> 00:33:43,280 Rise and shine! 645 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:45,015 It's time to put fuel in the tank... 646 00:33:45,089 --> 00:33:46,954 and rubber on the road; 647 00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,822 and reunite old Father Christmas, 648 00:33:48,893 --> 00:33:50,918 a close, personal friend of mine, 649 00:33:50,995 --> 00:33:52,053 with his magic sack. 650 00:33:52,130 --> 00:33:55,258 Ernest, I'm not much of a morning person. 651 00:33:55,333 --> 00:33:58,200 Do you think we could just keep it down to a dull roar? 652 00:33:58,269 --> 00:34:01,898 When I see His Frostiness, I'm going to ask him... 653 00:34:01,973 --> 00:34:04,999 how he got in my house when I was a kid, 654 00:34:05,076 --> 00:34:07,408 because we didn't even have a chimney. 655 00:34:07,478 --> 00:34:09,412 I suppose you have a theory on this. 656 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:10,845 My theory is... 657 00:34:10,915 --> 00:34:13,076 he got in through the forced-air heating system. 658 00:34:14,519 --> 00:34:16,578 You kill me. 659 00:34:16,654 --> 00:34:20,181 You talk like you believe all this stuff; 660 00:34:20,258 --> 00:34:22,954 all this Christmas, Santa Claus, 661 00:34:23,027 --> 00:34:25,086 fa-la-la-la-la stuff. 662 00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:27,097 Of course, I believe. 663 00:34:27,165 --> 00:34:28,689 Christmas is a known fact. 664 00:34:28,766 --> 00:34:30,597 Millions of people, all over the world, 665 00:34:30,668 --> 00:34:33,262 celebrate Christmas every single year; 666 00:34:33,337 --> 00:34:34,668 with colorful cards, 667 00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:37,936 and festively wrapped packages with big bows. 668 00:34:38,009 --> 00:34:41,206 One Christmas eve, I was lying in bed. 669 00:34:41,279 --> 00:34:44,442 I thought I heard a noise in the heat ducts. 670 00:34:44,515 --> 00:34:46,574 And you thought it was reindeer on the roof? 671 00:34:46,651 --> 00:34:49,085 No, I thought it was Santa Claus... 672 00:34:49,153 --> 00:34:51,018 trapped in the heating system. 673 00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:53,148 I pictured him wandering around in there... 674 00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:54,987 trying to find a way out, 675 00:34:55,059 --> 00:34:58,688 and finally turning himself into sort of this big blob, 676 00:34:58,763 --> 00:35:02,392 and oozing through the vent covers. 677 00:35:05,369 --> 00:35:07,428 You're a sick man, Ernest. 678 00:35:07,505 --> 00:35:09,939 We've got to eat and find "The Claus. " 679 00:35:10,007 --> 00:35:13,670 With my tracking skills, that should be no problemo. 680 00:35:13,744 --> 00:35:15,507 Comprendo? 681 00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:20,774 Ahhh. 682 00:35:20,852 --> 00:35:24,151 I like lots and lots of butter with mine, don't you? 683 00:35:24,222 --> 00:35:26,053 Lots of butter. 684 00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,284 Oooh. 685 00:35:31,596 --> 00:35:33,291 Oh, yeah. 686 00:35:33,364 --> 00:35:35,628 Alien goats, all right. 687 00:35:35,700 --> 00:35:37,964 I read about this in The Enquirer. 688 00:35:47,612 --> 00:35:49,842 Reindeer? But I knew that! 689 00:35:49,914 --> 00:35:51,973 It's part of the same species. 690 00:35:53,751 --> 00:35:55,946 That's six out of eight. 691 00:35:58,389 --> 00:36:02,223 Bobby, there is something real significant going on here. 692 00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:09,896 693 00:36:09,967 --> 00:36:12,663 Three French hens 694 00:36:12,737 --> 00:36:14,170 695 00:36:16,073 --> 00:36:18,541 696 00:36:18,609 --> 00:36:23,444 697 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,080 This one was made in Mrs. Thompson's room. 698 00:36:32,156 --> 00:36:33,350 Isn't that nice? 699 00:36:33,424 --> 00:36:34,857 You have to be very careful when... 700 00:36:36,661 --> 00:36:38,754 I need to find the man who was here yesterday. 701 00:36:38,829 --> 00:36:39,921 What's his name? 702 00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:43,298 Santa Claus. 703 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:44,095 Who? 704 00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:47,028 Santa Claus. 705 00:36:47,104 --> 00:36:48,128 What'd you say? 706 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:50,538 His name is Santa Claus. 707 00:36:52,777 --> 00:36:55,803 That's it, yuck it up. 708 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,111 He happens to be a close, personal friend of mine. 709 00:36:59,183 --> 00:37:01,048 Na-na, na-na-na. 710 00:37:02,486 --> 00:37:05,148 Fifth-graders think they know everything. 711 00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,885 I know who you're talking about. 712 00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:11,224 He's that poor old man the police took away yesterday. 713 00:37:11,295 --> 00:37:13,889 Uh-uh-uh. 714 00:37:13,965 --> 00:37:16,058 Santa Claus got busted? 715 00:37:17,501 --> 00:37:18,900 I gotta go. 716 00:37:18,970 --> 00:37:21,029 What I really wanted for Christmas... 717 00:37:23,874 --> 00:37:27,537 was a million dollars in small, unmarked bills. 718 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:33,740 Guess what.! 719 00:37:33,818 --> 00:37:37,185 I wasn't doing anything. I was guarding it. 720 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,416 Santa's in the slammer. 721 00:37:39,490 --> 00:37:41,424 We've got to get him out. 722 00:37:41,492 --> 00:37:43,221 Is vagrancy a capital crime? 723 00:37:53,838 --> 00:37:55,430 No, lady, you can't have that. 724 00:37:55,506 --> 00:37:56,996 Put that back. 725 00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:01,105 I hate to interrupt, Chief Spenks, 726 00:38:01,178 --> 00:38:03,009 but he's from the governor's office. 727 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,105 Great, that's just what I need today; 728 00:38:05,182 --> 00:38:07,275 some know-nothing from the capital coming down here... 729 00:38:07,351 --> 00:38:09,012 and telling me how to run my... 730 00:38:09,086 --> 00:38:12,385 Hello, I'm Chief Spenks. How can I help you? 731 00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:14,617 Clementh, here. Oscar Clementh. 732 00:38:14,692 --> 00:38:16,489 I'm with the governor's State Correctional... 733 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,996 Institutional Prisoner Fair Treatment Task Force. 734 00:38:20,064 --> 00:38:21,554 And this is the governor's niece, 735 00:38:21,632 --> 00:38:22,929 Mindy. 736 00:38:24,201 --> 00:38:26,533 Mindy's writing a school paper... 737 00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:29,004 on "How government really works. " 738 00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:30,233 How nice. 739 00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:33,744 This is a surprise inspection, Chief. 740 00:38:34,812 --> 00:38:36,643 Now, wait just a minute. 741 00:38:36,714 --> 00:38:39,979 Do you need an education to be chief, or can anybody do it? 742 00:38:40,051 --> 00:38:41,916 We had to fight through... 743 00:38:41,986 --> 00:38:44,682 an army of TV cameramen just to get in here. 744 00:38:44,755 --> 00:38:45,983 Now, look here... 745 00:38:46,057 --> 00:38:49,788 Is that "Spinks" or "Spenks"? 746 00:38:49,860 --> 00:38:52,158 - Now, look... - I can't tell you what a... 747 00:38:52,229 --> 00:38:55,027 pet project this is of Governor Ellington's. 748 00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:59,135 TV cameramen. Are we communicating here? 749 00:39:00,304 --> 00:39:01,999 Were you elected into office, 750 00:39:02,073 --> 00:39:04,041 or did you just buy your way in? 751 00:39:04,108 --> 00:39:05,973 Isn't she a doll? 752 00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:10,175 The goal of this facility... 753 00:39:10,247 --> 00:39:13,739 is to rehabilitate and retrain the whole man; 754 00:39:13,818 --> 00:39:18,187 and to make possible his smooth re-entry into society, 755 00:39:18,255 --> 00:39:21,247 once he's paid for the crimes he's committed. 756 00:39:21,325 --> 00:39:24,522 These are our most recent offenders. 757 00:39:26,764 --> 00:39:29,130 Open "D" cell. 758 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,361 Be sure to take copious notes, Mindy, 759 00:39:31,435 --> 00:39:32,925 and watch that penmanship. 760 00:39:47,284 --> 00:39:49,047 Who's the old man? 761 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:50,382 Um, Mr. Santos. 762 00:39:52,123 --> 00:39:53,920 Mr. Santos, 763 00:39:53,991 --> 00:39:56,459 how have you been treated since you've been here? 764 00:39:56,527 --> 00:39:59,428 My name is Santa Claus. 765 00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:00,794 Excuse me? 766 00:40:00,865 --> 00:40:01,832 Santa Claus. 767 00:40:03,033 --> 00:40:04,830 Did he say "Santa Claus"? 768 00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:06,927 I think so. 769 00:40:07,004 --> 00:40:09,564 My good man, you are not Santa Claus. 770 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:10,504 I am! 771 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:12,967 - Are not. - Am too! 772 00:40:13,043 --> 00:40:14,067 Are not! 773 00:40:14,145 --> 00:40:16,705 I am too, and you know it! 774 00:40:18,482 --> 00:40:20,780 This man thinks he is Santa Claus, 775 00:40:20,851 --> 00:40:23,581 and you keep him in a cell with regular, 776 00:40:23,654 --> 00:40:26,282 ordinary, everyday, harmless criminals? 777 00:40:26,357 --> 00:40:28,086 Excuse me, 778 00:40:28,159 --> 00:40:30,093 but he really is Santa Claus. 779 00:40:32,163 --> 00:40:34,597 You see that? Infectious insanity. 780 00:40:34,665 --> 00:40:37,133 This man needs to be isolated. 781 00:40:37,201 --> 00:40:39,795 - Are you getting this? - Uncle Herbert will be shocked. 782 00:40:39,870 --> 00:40:43,306 Maybe it's a mistake; a clerical error. 783 00:40:43,374 --> 00:40:47,174 Is this the way government really works? 784 00:40:47,244 --> 00:40:49,712 Look at those beady twinkling eyes, 785 00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:51,372 those merry cheeks. 786 00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:55,112 I bet when he laughs he shakes like a bowl full of jelly. 787 00:40:55,186 --> 00:40:57,654 Call my office and tell them I'm taking... 788 00:40:57,721 --> 00:41:01,213 this menace to society to the padded party room. 789 00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:03,385 I hate for you to have to see this, my dear. 790 00:41:03,461 --> 00:41:06,021 I'd hate for Uncle Herbert to have to see this. 791 00:41:06,096 --> 00:41:08,189 Oh, don't tell him. 792 00:41:08,265 --> 00:41:09,960 The governor would make a throw rug... 793 00:41:10,034 --> 00:41:12,195 out of this man's chest hair. 794 00:41:13,370 --> 00:41:14,962 Move it, pops! 795 00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:16,734 See you, Santa. 796 00:41:16,807 --> 00:41:19,002 Take it easy, Santa. 797 00:41:19,076 --> 00:41:21,237 Can we still get ice cream? 798 00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:24,645 Of course we can, but none for him. 799 00:41:24,715 --> 00:41:26,478 We'll be good.! 800 00:41:26,550 --> 00:41:29,815 All right! Was that cool or what? 801 00:41:29,887 --> 00:41:31,582 "Is this the way government really works?" 802 00:41:31,655 --> 00:41:34,249 They bought it! Oh, what a team. 803 00:41:34,325 --> 00:41:36,657 That was close. Thank you, Ernest. 804 00:41:36,727 --> 00:41:38,092 Time is running out. 805 00:41:38,162 --> 00:41:39,652 This is great. 806 00:41:39,730 --> 00:41:41,823 You are the most famous person I've ever met. 807 00:41:41,899 --> 00:41:44,231 You're him: "Mr. Twinkle in the Eye," 808 00:41:44,301 --> 00:41:45,893 "Mr. Rosy Cheeks," 809 00:41:45,970 --> 00:41:47,801 "Mr. Ho-Ho.!" 810 00:41:47,872 --> 00:41:51,000 I've got sugarplums dancing in my head as we speak. 811 00:41:51,075 --> 00:41:52,872 Ernest, chill out, will you? 812 00:41:52,943 --> 00:41:54,843 She still doesn't believe in you. 813 00:41:54,912 --> 00:41:57,278 Get real. 814 00:41:57,348 --> 00:41:59,612 Nobody believes in Santa Claus. 815 00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:02,550 Oh, she's been this way since that Christmas... 816 00:42:02,620 --> 00:42:06,283 when I brought her a doll instead of a baseball mitt. 817 00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:08,154 Haven't you, Pamela? 818 00:42:14,832 --> 00:42:16,697 You see, I took over... 819 00:42:16,767 --> 00:42:19,702 the position of Santa Claus in 1889, 820 00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:21,203 from a German chap. 821 00:42:21,272 --> 00:42:23,706 I enjoyed every second of it. 822 00:42:23,774 --> 00:42:27,540 Then how come you don't want to be Santa Claus anymore? 823 00:42:27,611 --> 00:42:30,205 No, no, it isn't that. 824 00:42:30,281 --> 00:42:32,545 You see, with the passing of time, 825 00:42:32,616 --> 00:42:34,379 the magic fades. 826 00:42:34,451 --> 00:42:36,612 I've got some jumper cables in the back... 827 00:42:36,687 --> 00:42:38,245 if you need recharging. 828 00:42:38,322 --> 00:42:39,880 No, Ernest. 829 00:42:39,957 --> 00:42:41,788 It's recharged through the passing... 830 00:42:41,859 --> 00:42:43,656 from one person to the next. 831 00:42:43,727 --> 00:42:46,890 That's why Joe Carruthers is so important. 832 00:42:46,964 --> 00:42:50,092 I've got to make him the next Santa Claus... 833 00:42:50,167 --> 00:42:52,533 before 7:00 tonight. 834 00:42:53,871 --> 00:42:56,897 Or I'm afraid... 835 00:42:56,974 --> 00:42:59,272 the magic of Christmas, 836 00:42:59,343 --> 00:43:03,177 the joys and feelings, 837 00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:04,976 will be gone forever. 838 00:43:06,417 --> 00:43:09,511 That's why we've got to find Joe. 839 00:43:11,188 --> 00:43:13,452 Marty's office is on the 2nd floor. 840 00:43:13,524 --> 00:43:16,721 These steps might as well be Mount Everest. 841 00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:20,757 Hold on a second, hon. 842 00:43:20,831 --> 00:43:22,958 Superior Talent, Inc. Marty Brock's... 843 00:43:23,033 --> 00:43:26,696 Is my second-born son without a sliver of gratitude? 844 00:43:26,770 --> 00:43:30,467 He wouldn't even pick up his own mother at the airport. 845 00:43:30,541 --> 00:43:33,772 I'm only glad his father never lived to see the day... 846 00:43:33,844 --> 00:43:36,836 when his son would treat his own mother this way. 847 00:43:36,914 --> 00:43:38,882 Me, a lonely old woman... 848 00:43:38,949 --> 00:43:42,043 forced to cope in a world of indifference. 849 00:43:42,119 --> 00:43:43,552 Hold on just a minute. 850 00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:46,556 Where is he? Where is Martin? 851 00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:48,854 I need him to help me with my will. 852 00:43:48,926 --> 00:43:52,885 Having walked from the airport, I'll be dead soon. 853 00:43:52,963 --> 00:43:54,555 I don't know what to do. He's with a client. 854 00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:56,361 That's life for you. 855 00:43:56,433 --> 00:44:00,199 You have two sons; one good, one bad. 856 00:44:00,270 --> 00:44:02,135 And wouldn't you know it, 857 00:44:02,206 --> 00:44:05,141 with my luck, the good one dies! 858 00:44:05,209 --> 00:44:07,803 But, Mrs. Brock, I'm sure he didn't know you were coming. 859 00:44:07,878 --> 00:44:10,904 Don't side with him, honey. There's no future in it. 860 00:44:10,981 --> 00:44:14,007 Just tell me where he is. 861 00:44:14,084 --> 00:44:18,521 I hope Ernest has success finding Joe. 862 00:44:18,589 --> 00:44:20,853 He's been in there a long time. 863 00:44:20,924 --> 00:44:23,392 At least they didn't kick him out right away. 864 00:44:26,230 --> 00:44:28,562 Your mother must be worried about you. 865 00:44:28,632 --> 00:44:31,430 - What? - Well, you've been gone a month now. 866 00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:34,471 That's a long time for a girl your age to be on her own. 867 00:44:37,941 --> 00:44:39,875 You know, that is so funny. 868 00:44:39,943 --> 00:44:42,503 People do this to me all the time. 869 00:44:42,579 --> 00:44:44,672 Everybody thinks I'm really young, you know, 870 00:44:44,748 --> 00:44:46,682 but I'm not. 871 00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:47,774 I'm 22. 872 00:44:47,851 --> 00:44:49,580 My mistake. 873 00:44:49,653 --> 00:44:51,621 I mixed you up with someone... 874 00:44:51,689 --> 00:44:54,749 whose parents had some problems last year. 875 00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:56,918 They got so wrapped up in themselves... 876 00:44:56,994 --> 00:44:58,791 that they forgot that she... 877 00:44:58,862 --> 00:45:00,830 needed a little attention, too. 878 00:45:03,767 --> 00:45:05,064 No. 879 00:45:05,135 --> 00:45:06,193 L... 880 00:45:06,270 --> 00:45:08,704 I don't know anybody like that. 881 00:45:11,175 --> 00:45:14,770 Sounds to me like she ought to wise up to the way things are, 882 00:45:14,845 --> 00:45:17,507 and just start looking out for herself. 883 00:45:20,884 --> 00:45:22,044 Hey, Ernest! 884 00:45:22,119 --> 00:45:25,885 - How'd it go? - It worked great! 885 00:45:25,956 --> 00:45:27,924 Victory is at hand. 886 00:45:27,991 --> 00:45:29,549 Now, we have to move on... 887 00:45:29,626 --> 00:45:31,560 to what I like to call "Plan B." 888 00:45:31,628 --> 00:45:32,925 Let's get moving. 889 00:45:32,996 --> 00:45:35,829 All right, another scam! 890 00:45:37,301 --> 00:45:39,235 I can't tell you how pleased they were... 891 00:45:39,303 --> 00:45:41,737 with your performance yesterday. 892 00:45:41,805 --> 00:45:44,672 It's just fantastic how well Blake's costumes fit you. 893 00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:48,473 - I was reading the script, and I'm a bit concerned... - About what? 894 00:45:48,545 --> 00:45:51,241 That fate dropped a lead right into your lap? 895 00:45:51,315 --> 00:45:53,408 What should we do about the beard? 896 00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:55,418 - Leave it. - Lose it. 897 00:45:55,486 --> 00:45:57,477 Until I know if I want to do this. 898 00:45:57,554 --> 00:45:59,146 What? 899 00:45:59,223 --> 00:46:01,248 What a kidder! 900 00:46:01,325 --> 00:46:03,657 Don't you just love this guy? 901 00:46:05,362 --> 00:46:07,694 Chemistry. I can feel it. 902 00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:08,959 Can you feel it? 903 00:46:09,032 --> 00:46:10,431 Can you? 904 00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:11,593 Yes, you can. 905 00:46:11,668 --> 00:46:12,828 Here you go. 906 00:46:12,903 --> 00:46:14,461 Take real good care of this. 907 00:46:14,538 --> 00:46:15,937 Me and Father Christmas... 908 00:46:16,006 --> 00:46:18,338 are going to Diamond World Pictures, 909 00:46:18,408 --> 00:46:21,605 where we will successfully complete our mission. 910 00:46:21,678 --> 00:46:25,444 - You gonna be okay? - I'll be fine. 911 00:46:25,516 --> 00:46:28,076 We're gonna go find Joe at the studio. 912 00:46:31,588 --> 00:46:34,853 Okay, call me cautious if you want to, 913 00:46:34,925 --> 00:46:37,519 but better safe than sorry. 914 00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,400 Okay, what's in the truck? 915 00:46:51,041 --> 00:46:54,477 Is this where the horror movie folk be? 916 00:46:54,545 --> 00:46:55,569 What? 917 00:46:55,646 --> 00:46:58,137 I got a truckload of snakes... 918 00:46:58,215 --> 00:47:00,342 for them horror movie folk. 919 00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:03,045 Well, I'd better take a look. 920 00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,556 Careful now, they be poison. 921 00:47:06,623 --> 00:47:09,148 Poison snakes. 922 00:47:09,226 --> 00:47:11,854 One minute, you're a big... 923 00:47:11,929 --> 00:47:14,989 strappin' healthy man, and the next... 924 00:47:15,065 --> 00:47:18,398 ssssnap! 925 00:47:18,468 --> 00:47:20,868 You're dead meat! Deep six. 926 00:47:22,439 --> 00:47:24,270 Careful, now. 927 00:47:24,341 --> 00:47:26,434 They'll knot up on ya. 928 00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:28,944 Them poison snakes will do that. 929 00:47:30,147 --> 00:47:32,547 Gonna get 'em all riled up. 930 00:47:37,087 --> 00:47:39,749 When they get knotted up on you like that, 931 00:47:39,823 --> 00:47:42,121 they get real crazy. 932 00:47:42,192 --> 00:47:44,251 Especially on a day like today... 933 00:47:44,328 --> 00:47:46,228 when it's real hot. 934 00:47:46,296 --> 00:47:47,263 Huh! 935 00:47:47,331 --> 00:47:49,856 You want one for your boy? 936 00:47:51,435 --> 00:47:53,995 I gave one to my boy last year. 937 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,534 - - No, that's all right. 938 00:47:57,608 --> 00:47:59,701 Just take the truck over to stage 5. 939 00:47:59,776 --> 00:48:03,303 940 00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:05,940 941 00:48:06,016 --> 00:48:08,348 942 00:48:10,153 --> 00:48:13,213 That's all these movie people want. 943 00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:14,689 Poison! 944 00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:18,828 Okay. 945 00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:19,885 No. 946 00:48:19,963 --> 00:48:21,157 She said "no. " 947 00:49:01,438 --> 00:49:02,962 Quiet.! 948 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:06,373 Okay, everybody, ready? 949 00:49:08,111 --> 00:49:09,738 Roll playback. 950 00:49:12,683 --> 00:49:14,776 Okay, roll, please. 951 00:49:14,851 --> 00:49:17,649 Christmas Sleigh test. Scene 94. Take one. 952 00:49:17,721 --> 00:49:19,712 And mark. 953 00:49:19,790 --> 00:49:22,953 Ready and action. 954 00:49:23,026 --> 00:49:25,290 Can we sleep with the light on tonight? 955 00:49:25,362 --> 00:49:28,354 I think we can spare the electricity. 956 00:49:28,432 --> 00:49:31,492 Now off to bed with both of you.! 957 00:49:31,568 --> 00:49:34,036 You don't want to be awake when Santa arrives. 958 00:49:34,104 --> 00:49:35,935 Come on, off you go. 959 00:49:40,043 --> 00:49:41,806 Okay, the kids are gone. 960 00:49:41,878 --> 00:49:43,311 It's time to set out the toys. 961 00:49:45,549 --> 00:49:47,414 You're bubbling over with the, uh... 962 00:49:47,484 --> 00:49:50,715 - Christmas spirit. - Christmas spirit. 963 00:49:52,055 --> 00:49:54,489 Then you hear something. 964 00:49:54,558 --> 00:49:57,755 What is it? You don't know. 965 00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:01,161 It's outside the door. 966 00:50:01,231 --> 00:50:02,664 Yeah, okay. 967 00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:05,600 Now, it might be... 968 00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:08,137 - Old Saint Nick. - Old Saint Nick. 969 00:50:11,942 --> 00:50:15,070 Should you open the door? 970 00:50:15,145 --> 00:50:16,271 Or not? 971 00:50:17,247 --> 00:50:19,112 Roarrr! 972 00:50:21,918 --> 00:50:23,613 - Roarrr! - Die, you son of a... 973 00:50:23,687 --> 00:50:26,247 Son of a... 974 00:50:38,101 --> 00:50:39,466 Cut. 975 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:42,164 Cut.! Cut.! 976 00:50:47,611 --> 00:50:49,704 Is there a problem, Joe? 977 00:50:49,780 --> 00:50:52,374 Well, I sort of can't say that. 978 00:50:52,449 --> 00:50:54,815 The kids are right over there. 979 00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:57,046 It's nothing they haven't heard before. 980 00:50:58,455 --> 00:50:59,387 Not from me. 981 00:50:59,456 --> 00:51:01,321 Listen, Joey. 982 00:51:01,391 --> 00:51:03,951 We're not into gratuitous bad language here. 983 00:51:04,027 --> 00:51:06,052 It's important you show your anger. 984 00:51:06,129 --> 00:51:08,256 Otherwise, it's totally unmotivated... 985 00:51:08,331 --> 00:51:10,993 when you pick up the ax and hack him to pieces. 986 00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:12,000 Good heavens! 987 00:51:12,069 --> 00:51:13,661 - Who's this? - Oh, no. 988 00:51:13,737 --> 00:51:15,864 Joe, I thought this motion picture... 989 00:51:15,939 --> 00:51:17,702 was called "Christmas Sleigh. " 990 00:51:17,774 --> 00:51:19,935 I can handle this. What are you doing here? 991 00:51:20,010 --> 00:51:21,568 I own a sleigh. 992 00:51:21,645 --> 00:51:23,408 I don't see what this has to do with... 993 00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:24,276 No, no. 994 00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:25,871 "Slay, slay. " 995 00:51:25,949 --> 00:51:28,440 Not "sleigh," but "slay. " 996 00:51:28,518 --> 00:51:30,952 S-L-A-Y. 997 00:51:31,021 --> 00:51:32,454 What? 998 00:51:32,522 --> 00:51:35,616 It's about an alien from outer space. 999 00:51:35,692 --> 00:51:39,025 He comes and terrorizes a bunch of kids over Christmas vacation. 1000 00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:41,724 Terrorizes children, did you say? 1001 00:51:41,798 --> 00:51:42,856 At Christmastime? 1002 00:51:44,301 --> 00:51:46,098 Where did he come from? 1003 00:51:52,642 --> 00:51:54,906 We never saw him before, guys. 1004 00:51:54,978 --> 00:51:56,036 Honest. 1005 00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,637 Listen, Marty, 1006 00:51:57,714 --> 00:52:01,480 the guy seems bound and determined... 1007 00:52:01,551 --> 00:52:03,178 to talk to me. 1008 00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,153 Let me sit down with him for a few minutes, 1009 00:52:05,222 --> 00:52:07,816 let him get whatever he has to say off his chest, 1010 00:52:07,891 --> 00:52:09,984 and then I'll send him on his way. 1011 00:52:10,060 --> 00:52:11,550 I promise. 1012 00:52:16,633 --> 00:52:19,033 What are you going to talk to him about? 1013 00:52:19,102 --> 00:52:20,569 Flying reindeer? 1014 00:52:39,022 --> 00:52:41,286 We're with the Animal Control Agency. 1015 00:52:41,358 --> 00:52:43,849 You guys say you have a problem with reindeer? 1016 00:52:54,671 --> 00:52:56,696 Come on, guys, we haven't got all day. 1017 00:52:56,773 --> 00:52:58,172 What's the problem, huh? 1018 00:53:14,291 --> 00:53:17,988 - What the... - Oh, flying... 1019 00:53:18,061 --> 00:53:18,993 reindeer. 1020 00:53:20,664 --> 00:53:23,132 - Um, that's not us. - No. 1021 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,430 You need Air Traffic Control. 1022 00:53:25,502 --> 00:53:27,402 Yeah, Air Traffic Control. 1023 00:53:31,641 --> 00:53:35,236 From this longitude, you must leave by 7:00. 1024 00:53:35,312 --> 00:53:37,280 Any later, and you'll run into daylight... 1025 00:53:37,347 --> 00:53:39,281 before you get to the end of the trip. 1026 00:53:39,349 --> 00:53:41,579 - So, I've arranged... - Hold it. 1027 00:53:41,651 --> 00:53:45,519 You're talking about every child in the whole world... 1028 00:53:45,589 --> 00:53:46,988 in one night. 1029 00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:50,026 No, you see, many of them... 1030 00:53:50,093 --> 00:53:52,823 hold cultural beliefs that don't include Santa Claus. 1031 00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:55,763 Have you any idea how many children are in the world? 1032 00:53:55,832 --> 00:54:02,101 1,789,635,142. 1033 00:54:02,172 --> 00:54:04,265 Well, that's a ballpark figure. 1034 00:54:04,341 --> 00:54:07,435 If I'm going too quick, just say so. 1035 00:54:29,399 --> 00:54:31,094 Ma-ma, Ma-ma. 1036 00:54:35,605 --> 00:54:37,004 Come on. 1037 00:54:37,073 --> 00:54:39,371 Somebody must have asked for something good; 1038 00:54:39,442 --> 00:54:42,411 a stereo, some jewelry. 1039 00:54:44,748 --> 00:54:46,682 - Hey, you! - Yeah? 1040 00:54:46,750 --> 00:54:48,547 - Is this your truck? - Yup. 1041 00:54:48,618 --> 00:54:50,643 - Are you the snake guy? - Yeah. 1042 00:54:50,720 --> 00:54:52,210 Okay, boys, 1043 00:54:52,289 --> 00:54:53,779 bring 'em on over here. 1044 00:55:00,897 --> 00:55:02,330 Yeah, thanks. 1045 00:55:02,399 --> 00:55:03,991 I'll count 'em later. 1046 00:55:06,002 --> 00:55:07,936 Eww-heww. 1047 00:55:08,004 --> 00:55:11,337 Listen, you seem to be very much into this. 1048 00:55:11,408 --> 00:55:15,174 Why don't you just continue being Santa Claus yourself? 1049 00:55:15,245 --> 00:55:18,237 Nothing would give me more pleasure. 1050 00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,909 But Joe, what I'm talking about is a torch; 1051 00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:24,181 a bright, shining torch, that is carried for awhile... 1052 00:55:24,254 --> 00:55:26,586 and then passed on to another. 1053 00:55:26,656 --> 00:55:29,216 If it's not passed on, 1054 00:55:29,292 --> 00:55:33,456 the flame flickers and dies. 1055 00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:37,432 You know, I've carried this torch for more seasons... 1056 00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:39,365 than I should have done. 1057 00:55:40,970 --> 00:55:43,131 Because I loved it so much. 1058 00:55:44,607 --> 00:55:50,045 But now, I've taken to making notes. 1059 00:55:50,113 --> 00:55:52,047 Well, you can't do it that way. 1060 00:55:52,115 --> 00:55:53,980 It shouldn't be done that way. 1061 00:55:54,050 --> 00:55:56,780 It can't be done that way. 1062 00:55:58,188 --> 00:56:01,453 It's time for someone new. 1063 00:56:01,524 --> 00:56:03,992 It's time for you, Joe. 1064 00:56:11,067 --> 00:56:13,365 Ahh, more kid stuff. 1065 00:56:20,577 --> 00:56:23,546 I need more time. 1066 00:56:35,725 --> 00:56:37,659 How'd it go? 1067 00:56:37,727 --> 00:56:40,195 I don't think I'd ride back there if I were you. 1068 00:56:40,263 --> 00:56:42,925 Why don't you ride up here with me, okay? 1069 00:56:45,668 --> 00:56:47,602 Ohhh. 1070 00:56:49,739 --> 00:56:51,707 Did you get rid of him? 1071 00:56:51,775 --> 00:56:54,608 Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did. 1072 00:56:58,715 --> 00:57:00,683 I feel as light as a bubble, my boy. 1073 00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:02,980 You have no idea what a relief this is. 1074 00:57:03,052 --> 00:57:04,986 Now, I must pick up the sack, 1075 00:57:05,054 --> 00:57:07,454 then go to the Children's Museum... 1076 00:57:07,524 --> 00:57:10,186 where I've arranged to meet Joe. 1077 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:12,956 He must leave by 7:00 at the latest. 1078 00:57:13,029 --> 00:57:15,156 What about the sleigh and the 8 tiny reindeer? 1079 00:57:15,231 --> 00:57:18,166 They're at the airport waiting for my helpers to pick them up. 1080 00:57:18,234 --> 00:57:20,225 You want to go from the airport... 1081 00:57:20,303 --> 00:57:23,363 to downtown at rush-hour? 1082 00:57:25,475 --> 00:57:27,966 Yes. Is there a problem? 1083 00:57:28,044 --> 00:57:30,342 They'll be bunched in there like caterpillars... 1084 00:57:30,413 --> 00:57:32,244 or snakes! Ahhh! 1085 00:57:47,030 --> 00:57:48,691 - Oh, hi. - Better get moving. 1086 00:57:48,765 --> 00:57:50,790 It's time for the 3 Musketeers to saddle up... 1087 00:57:50,867 --> 00:57:52,767 and ride to glory. Know what I mean? 1088 00:57:52,836 --> 00:57:55,304 L-I-I don't know. I think, um... 1089 00:57:55,371 --> 00:57:57,839 I think I've got something else to do. 1090 00:57:57,907 --> 00:57:59,841 I'm just gonna get my stuff. 1091 00:58:03,446 --> 00:58:05,778 You better check it out. 1092 00:58:05,849 --> 00:58:07,214 Why? 1093 00:58:07,283 --> 00:58:09,274 Well, call it... 1094 00:58:09,352 --> 00:58:11,479 a fifth sense. Call it... 1095 00:58:11,554 --> 00:58:13,215 a flash of intermission, 1096 00:58:13,289 --> 00:58:18,056 but I've got this feeling deep down in the heart of my bottom. 1097 00:58:19,762 --> 00:58:21,389 Oh, I see. 1098 00:58:21,464 --> 00:58:24,729 She couldn't do anything like that. 1099 00:58:24,801 --> 00:58:27,531 Still, I'd feel a whole lot better... 1100 00:58:27,604 --> 00:58:29,731 if we looked in the sack. 1101 00:58:34,143 --> 00:58:36,202 Ah, would you put this in the pickup? 1102 00:58:36,279 --> 00:58:37,211 Sure. 1103 00:58:42,252 --> 00:58:44,049 Trust people. 1104 00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,112 It pays off more often than you think. 1105 00:58:54,664 --> 00:58:57,360 Are you ready to go? 1106 00:58:57,433 --> 00:58:58,525 Me? 1107 00:58:58,601 --> 00:59:00,535 Um, no. 1108 00:59:00,603 --> 00:59:02,434 I've got to meet my cousin, you know. 1109 00:59:02,505 --> 00:59:04,370 She's here in town, and she called me. 1110 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:07,068 She said she had some clothes for me. 1111 00:59:07,143 --> 00:59:09,077 So I'm going to go and try 'em on, you know? 1112 00:59:09,145 --> 00:59:11,443 See if they fit and stuff. 1113 00:59:11,514 --> 00:59:12,606 I'll see you later. 1114 00:59:12,682 --> 00:59:14,081 Bye. 1115 00:59:14,150 --> 00:59:15,117 Wish us luck. 1116 00:59:15,184 --> 00:59:17,345 Oh, yeah. Luck. 1117 00:59:17,420 --> 00:59:18,409 Bye. 1118 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:58,894 There you go. Door to door service. 1119 00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:01,726 This looks like the right place over here. 1120 01:00:05,401 --> 01:00:07,266 Santa, I've got to get going. 1121 01:00:07,337 --> 01:00:09,396 Your boys are facing rush-hour traffic. 1122 01:00:09,472 --> 01:00:11,804 I've got to make sure they get you-know-what... 1123 01:00:11,874 --> 01:00:14,604 over to you-know-where by you-know-when. 1124 01:00:14,677 --> 01:00:16,736 Yeah. 1125 01:00:35,832 --> 01:00:37,197 Joe? 1126 01:00:42,171 --> 01:00:43,695 Joe, are you home? 1127 01:00:43,773 --> 01:00:45,707 Yeah. Just a second. 1128 01:00:50,179 --> 01:00:52,272 How did you find my house? 1129 01:00:52,348 --> 01:00:54,248 Well, it comes with the job. 1130 01:00:55,451 --> 01:00:56,884 What? 1131 01:00:56,953 --> 01:00:59,217 What did you do to yourself? 1132 01:00:59,288 --> 01:01:01,017 If you must know, 1133 01:01:01,090 --> 01:01:02,489 I needed to turn the clock back. 1134 01:01:02,558 --> 01:01:04,458 Well, I shall have to figure out... 1135 01:01:04,527 --> 01:01:05,892 how to deal with this. 1136 01:01:05,962 --> 01:01:08,863 We can talk on our way to the Children's Museum. 1137 01:01:08,931 --> 01:01:11,991 Look, you know, 1138 01:01:12,068 --> 01:01:14,229 I really don't know how to... 1139 01:01:14,303 --> 01:01:17,238 deal with something like this. 1140 01:01:17,306 --> 01:01:19,536 Come with me. I will prove to you... 1141 01:01:19,609 --> 01:01:22,237 Why me? Why not pick on somebody else? 1142 01:01:22,311 --> 01:01:24,905 Because you have the qualities; 1143 01:01:24,981 --> 01:01:28,075 the understanding of children. 1144 01:01:28,151 --> 01:01:29,846 You have the magic... 1145 01:01:29,919 --> 01:01:31,682 inside you. 1146 01:01:31,754 --> 01:01:33,585 What's this supposed to be? 1147 01:01:33,656 --> 01:01:35,248 My magic sack of toys? 1148 01:01:35,324 --> 01:01:37,918 Look, it's just feathers.! 1149 01:01:37,994 --> 01:01:40,053 I know it's feathers! 1150 01:01:40,129 --> 01:01:43,098 The real sack was taken. 1151 01:01:43,166 --> 01:01:47,865 I have absolute faith that it will be returned. 1152 01:01:47,937 --> 01:01:50,132 At the Children's Museum, right? 1153 01:01:52,575 --> 01:01:54,099 Thanks. 1154 01:01:56,079 --> 01:01:57,842 No, thanks. 1155 01:02:01,484 --> 01:02:02,576 Look, 1156 01:02:02,652 --> 01:02:05,553 I have an appointment to keep... 1157 01:02:05,621 --> 01:02:09,079 with people who want to give me more than just, 1158 01:02:09,158 --> 01:02:11,786 you know, feathers. 1159 01:02:18,301 --> 01:02:19,893 Joe, 1160 01:02:19,969 --> 01:02:22,631 search your heart. 1161 01:02:22,705 --> 01:02:25,970 There must be something that can convince you... 1162 01:02:26,042 --> 01:02:28,033 of the truth. 1163 01:02:30,379 --> 01:02:32,540 In a way, I wish there was, 1164 01:02:32,615 --> 01:02:34,947 but I haven't seen it yet. 1165 01:03:10,753 --> 01:03:12,516 How far will this get me? 1166 01:03:12,588 --> 01:03:13,782 Where do you want to go? 1167 01:03:13,856 --> 01:03:16,017 Doesn't matter. 1168 01:03:16,092 --> 01:03:17,286 Anywhere... 1169 01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:19,828 away from here. 1170 01:03:19,896 --> 01:03:21,625 Probably get you to Miami,; 1171 01:03:21,697 --> 01:03:23,858 leaves about 6:;40. 1172 01:03:23,933 --> 01:03:25,798 There's nothing sooner? 1173 01:03:25,868 --> 01:03:27,529 Not on Christmas eve. 1174 01:03:30,206 --> 01:03:31,366 All right. 1175 01:03:46,756 --> 01:03:48,485 Are we gonna miss Santa? 1176 01:03:48,558 --> 01:03:49,991 No, honey. 1177 01:03:50,059 --> 01:03:52,687 He only brings you presents if you're good. 1178 01:03:52,762 --> 01:03:54,787 Bobby, sit down here.! 1179 01:04:13,816 --> 01:04:17,308 Excuse me, can you tell me if this bus goes downtown? 1180 01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:19,581 All the way to the train station. 1181 01:04:19,655 --> 01:04:21,247 Thank you. 1182 01:04:25,661 --> 01:04:29,597 Hey, you look like something's awfully wrong. 1183 01:04:29,665 --> 01:04:32,259 Misjudged somebody, that's all. 1184 01:04:32,335 --> 01:04:36,533 Well, you can't judge a book by its cover. 1185 01:04:36,606 --> 01:04:38,233 No way. 1186 01:04:38,307 --> 01:04:39,740 Oh, well, 1187 01:04:39,809 --> 01:04:41,936 if I could be wrong about one person, 1188 01:04:42,011 --> 01:04:44,343 I guess I could be wrong about another. 1189 01:05:05,368 --> 01:05:07,802 Bobby, see that one right there? 1190 01:05:07,870 --> 01:05:09,303 Right there! Fifty laps! 1191 01:05:09,372 --> 01:05:12,136 Now, the way I've got it figured, 1192 01:05:12,208 --> 01:05:13,732 These rascals... 1193 01:05:13,809 --> 01:05:16,801 are warming up for something real big. 1194 01:05:16,879 --> 01:05:19,473 Your attention, please. Announcing the arrival... 1195 01:05:19,548 --> 01:05:25,111 of Eastern Airlines flight 835 from Toronto at gate 21-A. 1196 01:05:38,701 --> 01:05:41,568 Hey, fellas, the sleigh's down here. 1197 01:05:48,411 --> 01:05:50,174 Look now, fellas, 1198 01:05:51,580 --> 01:05:53,514 I've got to have those reindeer... 1199 01:05:53,582 --> 01:05:55,743 at the Children's Museum, like 5 minutes ago. 1200 01:05:55,818 --> 01:05:56,944 Know what I mean? 1201 01:05:57,019 --> 01:05:58,008 Your name Elmes? 1202 01:05:58,087 --> 01:05:58,985 Ernest. 1203 01:06:00,656 --> 01:06:02,283 Your name ain't Elmes? 1204 01:06:02,358 --> 01:06:03,518 No, Ernest. 1205 01:06:03,592 --> 01:06:05,184 Ernest. 1206 01:06:10,266 --> 01:06:13,497 Well, eh, Ernest, we've been holding... 1207 01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,197 these fleabags for a fellow named Elmes. 1208 01:06:16,272 --> 01:06:20,470 Now, we got some real good questions, 1209 01:06:20,543 --> 01:06:23,535 and he better have some real good answers. 1210 01:06:25,181 --> 01:06:28,548 Look, fellas, you got to help me out here. 1211 01:06:28,617 --> 01:06:31,609 First, let me ask you one question. 1212 01:06:31,687 --> 01:06:33,712 Do you believe in Santa Claus? 1213 01:06:37,426 --> 01:06:40,395 For some reason, I knew that this question... 1214 01:06:40,463 --> 01:06:42,397 was going to come up. 1215 01:06:43,799 --> 01:06:45,130 Welcome to Orlando. 1216 01:06:45,201 --> 01:06:47,226 Next, please. 1217 01:06:47,303 --> 01:06:51,197 Next in line, please. 1218 01:07:01,884 --> 01:07:03,249 Why not? 1219 01:07:03,319 --> 01:07:04,980 It's Christmas, ain't it? 1220 01:07:06,322 --> 01:07:07,289 Thanks, Skippy. 1221 01:07:09,291 --> 01:07:10,918 No, no, no. 1222 01:07:10,993 --> 01:07:12,984 I got no waybill. I got no... 1223 01:07:13,062 --> 01:07:15,394 second party pick up release. 1224 01:07:15,464 --> 01:07:18,194 I got no customs quarantine waiver. 1225 01:07:18,267 --> 01:07:20,599 Well, then, you ain't got no reindeer, 1226 01:07:20,669 --> 01:07:24,332 'cause we're saving them for a fellow named Helper Elmes. 1227 01:07:24,407 --> 01:07:25,931 Helper elves. 1228 01:07:28,177 --> 01:07:29,041 You got an I.D.? 1229 01:07:29,111 --> 01:07:30,772 Ta da! 1230 01:07:32,481 --> 01:07:35,075 Well, that ought to do it. 1231 01:07:36,352 --> 01:07:38,616 We don't have time to lose. 1232 01:07:38,687 --> 01:07:40,951 Okay, fellas, move 'em out! 1233 01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:43,956 Oh! 1234 01:07:44,026 --> 01:07:46,460 Okay, everybody on board! 1235 01:07:47,496 --> 01:07:48,690 I will not allow us... 1236 01:07:48,764 --> 01:07:50,732 to miss our r-r-rendezvous... 1237 01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:51,960 with destiny. 1238 01:07:52,034 --> 01:07:54,161 - Front seat! - Shotgun! 1239 01:07:56,372 --> 01:07:57,600 Ow! 1240 01:08:04,780 --> 01:08:06,372 We'll never make it on the freeway, 1241 01:08:06,449 --> 01:08:07,643 but fortunately, 1242 01:08:07,716 --> 01:08:10,651 I know a shortcut. 1243 01:08:10,719 --> 01:08:12,277 I've been this way before. 1244 01:08:12,354 --> 01:08:14,322 Oh, no. The gate's closed. 1245 01:08:14,390 --> 01:08:16,324 It's not who you know, 1246 01:08:16,392 --> 01:08:17,757 it's what you know. 1247 01:08:17,827 --> 01:08:18,987 Know what I mean? 1248 01:08:21,063 --> 01:08:22,496 Don't blow it, Elrod. 1249 01:08:22,565 --> 01:08:23,896 We got lots at stake here. 1250 01:08:23,966 --> 01:08:25,957 Trust me. 1251 01:09:00,536 --> 01:09:02,060 Good night. Merry Christmas. 1252 01:09:03,372 --> 01:09:04,771 Ah, you're the last one out. 1253 01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:07,604 Well, everyone else has families to go home to. 1254 01:09:07,676 --> 01:09:09,337 I volunteered to stay late. 1255 01:09:09,411 --> 01:09:12,039 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 1256 01:09:17,686 --> 01:09:21,213 The 6:;40 to Miami, arriving on time. 1257 01:09:26,729 --> 01:09:30,460 Momma, how does Santa carry all his presents? 1258 01:09:30,533 --> 01:09:33,297 - In his sack. - How do they all fit? 1259 01:09:33,369 --> 01:09:36,702 I don't know. Maybe it's some sort of magic. 1260 01:09:36,772 --> 01:09:39,935 You don't still believe in that stuff, do you? 1261 01:09:49,652 --> 01:09:53,452 Well, there you go. I messed things up, like always. 1262 01:09:54,957 --> 01:09:59,223 Only now, I messed up Christmas for everybody. 1263 01:09:59,295 --> 01:10:01,593 My favorite time of year, 1264 01:10:01,664 --> 01:10:03,393 and I blew it! 1265 01:10:03,465 --> 01:10:04,932 If Santa were here, 1266 01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:06,433 he'd know what to do. 1267 01:10:06,502 --> 01:10:08,595 Yeah? What would he do? 1268 01:10:14,777 --> 01:10:16,438 I've got it! 1269 01:10:18,948 --> 01:10:22,349 Uh-oh, Big Red ain't going to like this. 1270 01:10:24,086 --> 01:10:26,554 I see no need to beat around the bush. We know why we're here. 1271 01:10:26,622 --> 01:10:28,283 Joe, we want you to do the picture. 1272 01:10:28,357 --> 01:10:29,517 We all do. 1273 01:10:29,592 --> 01:10:31,184 Right guys? 1274 01:10:31,260 --> 01:10:33,854 These reflect the figures that we discussed. 1275 01:10:33,929 --> 01:10:36,921 Keep in mind, this kind of film usually generates sequels. 1276 01:10:36,999 --> 01:10:39,263 "Christmas Slay 2, 3, 4." 1277 01:10:40,169 --> 01:10:42,262 Great. It's great. 1278 01:10:42,338 --> 01:10:45,705 Look, before we sign, 1279 01:10:45,774 --> 01:10:48,140 I need to go over a few problems... 1280 01:10:48,210 --> 01:10:49,939 I have with the script. 1281 01:10:50,012 --> 01:10:51,479 Problems? 1282 01:10:53,449 --> 01:10:57,044 Can't we do something about the violence and bad language? 1283 01:10:57,119 --> 01:10:58,313 Who do you think you are? 1284 01:10:58,387 --> 01:11:00,412 You can't dictate changes to me. 1285 01:11:00,489 --> 01:11:01,979 You're not some big star. 1286 01:11:02,057 --> 01:11:04,150 You've done a chump kid show all your life. 1287 01:11:04,226 --> 01:11:05,659 It got canceled. 1288 01:11:05,728 --> 01:11:09,596 All you know is "please and "thank you. " 1289 01:11:09,665 --> 01:11:11,690 Get with it. This is the real world! 1290 01:11:31,620 --> 01:11:33,918 Okay, fasten your seat belts. 1291 01:11:33,989 --> 01:11:35,980 Put your tray tables and seat backs in their... 1292 01:11:36,058 --> 01:11:38,686 full, upright and locked positions. 1293 01:11:38,761 --> 01:11:41,821 It's time to slip the surly bonds of Earth... 1294 01:11:41,897 --> 01:11:45,094 and dance the skies on laughter's silvered wings. 1295 01:11:45,167 --> 01:11:46,361 Oh, brother. 1296 01:11:48,337 --> 01:11:50,305 Okay, giddy up. 1297 01:11:52,107 --> 01:11:55,508 American 2-6-5, you are clear to taxi. 1298 01:11:57,012 --> 01:12:00,243 I got an Eastern L-10-11 holding on ramp four. 1299 01:12:03,452 --> 01:12:04,976 What? 1300 01:12:05,054 --> 01:12:06,612 Airport Security, 1301 01:12:06,689 --> 01:12:09,385 I have an unauthorized vehicle on runway 2-7 left. 1302 01:12:09,458 --> 01:12:11,949 Anchors aweigh? 1303 01:12:12,027 --> 01:12:14,461 Ah, may the force be with you. 1304 01:12:17,399 --> 01:12:18,195 Now, Dasher! 1305 01:12:18,267 --> 01:12:19,461 Now, Dancer.! 1306 01:12:19,535 --> 01:12:21,059 Now, Prancer! Now, Vixen! 1307 01:12:22,104 --> 01:12:23,537 On, Comet! On, Cupid! 1308 01:12:23,605 --> 01:12:24,572 On, Donder.! 1309 01:12:24,640 --> 01:12:27,336 Uh, Squeaky. Uh, Squish. 1310 01:12:27,409 --> 01:12:28,740 Dopey, Grumpy... 1311 01:12:29,778 --> 01:12:30,301 Blister. 1312 01:12:30,379 --> 01:12:31,346 Blitzen.! 1313 01:12:31,413 --> 01:12:33,313 That's good. Blitzen! 1314 01:12:33,382 --> 01:12:35,077 Oh-h-h! 1315 01:12:49,064 --> 01:12:50,793 He's going to kill us! 1316 01:12:50,866 --> 01:12:53,164 Don't you worry, my little gherkin buddies. 1317 01:12:53,235 --> 01:12:55,567 The vehicle ain't been made that I can't drive. 1318 01:12:55,637 --> 01:12:57,332 Ah-h-h! 1319 01:13:05,748 --> 01:13:07,477 I need oxygen. 1320 01:13:10,919 --> 01:13:11,977 Ah-h-h! 1321 01:13:12,821 --> 01:13:13,879 It's going west! 1322 01:13:13,956 --> 01:13:15,218 No, south. 1323 01:13:15,290 --> 01:13:16,814 He's all over the screen. 1324 01:13:20,996 --> 01:13:23,556 Hit the altitude limiter switch, bozo! 1325 01:13:23,632 --> 01:13:25,099 Altitude limiter switch. 1326 01:13:25,167 --> 01:13:26,600 Is that it? 1327 01:13:26,668 --> 01:13:28,693 The brake, bozo! The brake! 1328 01:13:28,771 --> 01:13:29,760 Yeah, the brake. 1329 01:13:29,838 --> 01:13:32,102 Oh! Oh! 1330 01:13:32,174 --> 01:13:34,734 Ah-h-h! Ah-h-h! 1331 01:13:34,810 --> 01:13:36,334 Ah-h-h! 1332 01:13:40,015 --> 01:13:41,380 We're all gonna die! 1333 01:13:44,286 --> 01:13:46,754 So, did you ever find your sack? 1334 01:13:47,456 --> 01:13:48,889 Yes. 1335 01:13:48,957 --> 01:13:50,948 It was taken again. 1336 01:13:51,026 --> 01:13:53,085 By whom? 1337 01:13:53,162 --> 01:13:55,460 A little girl called Pamela Trenton. 1338 01:13:55,531 --> 01:13:57,089 Shy, 1339 01:13:57,166 --> 01:14:00,863 always afraid to sit on Santa's knee, 1340 01:14:00,936 --> 01:14:03,803 always wondering if his beard were real. 1341 01:14:05,441 --> 01:14:06,465 Smart, though. 1342 01:14:06,542 --> 01:14:08,339 Quick-witted. 1343 01:14:10,712 --> 01:14:14,113 I wonder what happened... 1344 01:14:14,183 --> 01:14:16,117 to that girl, anyway. 1345 01:14:16,185 --> 01:14:21,987 I wonder if there's any of that little girl left. 1346 01:14:26,028 --> 01:14:28,462 Unless, at age 51, you have any better offers, 1347 01:14:28,530 --> 01:14:30,725 and I'm sure you don't, I suggest you sign this, 1348 01:14:30,799 --> 01:14:33,393 and we get back to making movies. 1349 01:14:35,871 --> 01:14:37,896 Now, have we got a deal? 1350 01:14:37,973 --> 01:14:40,464 We're family here, right, Marty? 1351 01:14:40,542 --> 01:14:42,874 - We're making things work, right? - Right. 1352 01:14:45,180 --> 01:14:47,114 Joe, what is with you? 1353 01:14:51,553 --> 01:14:53,578 It's him. 1354 01:14:55,924 --> 01:14:58,188 I'm him. 1355 01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:02,422 Who's him? 1356 01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:05,934 Merry Christmas, everybody! 1357 01:15:06,001 --> 01:15:07,662 Joe, where are you going? 1358 01:15:07,736 --> 01:15:11,001 I told you I could fly this thing. Piece of cake. 1359 01:15:11,073 --> 01:15:13,041 Level it out, bubble-head! 1360 01:15:13,108 --> 01:15:14,973 That can't be one of our boys, can it? 1361 01:15:15,043 --> 01:15:16,704 No, sir. 1362 01:15:16,778 --> 01:15:18,746 I don't know what it is. 1363 01:15:19,915 --> 01:15:22,008 Guess we better scramble 'em. 1364 01:15:28,590 --> 01:15:31,150 Bogey at 9:00! 1365 01:15:31,226 --> 01:15:33,319 Uh-oh, hard ball! 1366 01:15:33,395 --> 01:15:35,363 Target entering red zone. 1367 01:15:35,430 --> 01:15:38,058 If they enter Cape Canaveral airspace, 1368 01:15:38,133 --> 01:15:40,033 terminate with extreme prejudice. 1369 01:15:40,102 --> 01:15:41,899 They're getting closer. 1370 01:15:41,970 --> 01:15:44,063 All passengers return to your seats. 1371 01:15:44,139 --> 01:15:45,902 Incoming.! Incoming.! 1372 01:15:45,974 --> 01:15:50,411 Well, hang onto your lederhosen, razor ears. 1373 01:15:50,479 --> 01:15:52,470 We're going to drop under their radar. 1374 01:15:53,749 --> 01:15:55,307 Let me at him.! 1375 01:15:55,384 --> 01:15:58,319 - I'm going to kill him! - Not yet, we're going down! 1376 01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:07,488 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! 1377 01:16:12,067 --> 01:16:13,432 Ha! Ha! Ha! 1378 01:16:13,502 --> 01:16:15,436 I've lost him, sir. 1379 01:16:15,504 --> 01:16:17,199 Check your equipment. 1380 01:16:17,272 --> 01:16:18,534 They couldn't vanish! 1381 01:16:23,145 --> 01:16:25,113 But if Santa goes to our old house... 1382 01:16:25,180 --> 01:16:27,705 I forgot something. I'll be right back. 1383 01:16:27,783 --> 01:16:32,743 Stop talking about it. There's no Santa Claus. 1384 01:16:32,821 --> 01:16:35,619 Where do you get off? Don't say that to her. 1385 01:16:35,691 --> 01:16:38,353 There is a Santa and this is his magic sack. 1386 01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,957 If that's Santa's sack, why do you have it? 1387 01:16:43,031 --> 01:16:46,967 Announcing the arrival of the 6:;40 Christmas Express... 1388 01:16:51,807 --> 01:16:54,970 This is your pilot. We're experiencing turbulence. 1389 01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:58,637 What's this? 1390 01:17:22,004 --> 01:17:24,871 Come on! 1391 01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:34,506 You know, 1392 01:17:34,583 --> 01:17:36,847 I haven't believed in Santa Claus since... 1393 01:17:36,918 --> 01:17:41,287 January 17, 1931. 1394 01:17:41,356 --> 01:17:43,620 Your smart-aleck sister thought it was time... 1395 01:17:43,692 --> 01:17:47,184 you learned the quote unquote truth. 1396 01:17:49,765 --> 01:17:52,928 I'm so sorry you got busted. 1397 01:17:53,001 --> 01:17:54,866 Oh! 1398 01:18:23,799 --> 01:18:25,164 Welcome back, 1399 01:18:25,233 --> 01:18:27,565 Pamela. 1400 01:18:31,740 --> 01:18:34,573 I'm sorry. 1401 01:18:34,643 --> 01:18:38,079 I never doubted you'd do the right thing. 1402 01:18:38,146 --> 01:18:39,340 Really? 1403 01:18:39,414 --> 01:18:41,541 Heh. 1404 01:18:41,616 --> 01:18:43,083 Just a little bit of doubt. 1405 01:18:47,456 --> 01:18:50,584 I just got to thinking about you... 1406 01:18:50,659 --> 01:18:53,787 and Ernest, 1407 01:18:55,630 --> 01:18:58,622 and just a whole bunch of things. 1408 01:19:00,102 --> 01:19:02,969 I think I really got things figured out. 1409 01:19:04,172 --> 01:19:07,505 I even called my mom, 1410 01:19:07,576 --> 01:19:09,510 and I'm going home. 1411 01:19:09,578 --> 01:19:13,070 I'm sure she was worried about you. 1412 01:19:13,148 --> 01:19:16,879 Yeah, especially when I told her who I was with. 1413 01:19:16,952 --> 01:19:19,352 Ha! Ha! 1414 01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:24,187 I told you I could handle this baby. 1415 01:19:24,259 --> 01:19:26,227 We're not going to make it! 1416 01:19:26,294 --> 01:19:27,886 Don't worry, we'll make it. 1417 01:19:27,963 --> 01:19:30,397 I have lived my life in the fast lane. 1418 01:19:30,465 --> 01:19:31,523 Know what I mean? 1419 01:19:32,534 --> 01:19:33,694 Don't touch that! 1420 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,669 What's the problem? 1421 01:19:36,538 --> 01:19:37,197 Ah-h-h! 1422 01:19:45,046 --> 01:19:46,809 It's Joe. 1423 01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,963 You came. 1424 01:20:06,034 --> 01:20:10,232 Yeah. The job still open? 1425 01:20:10,305 --> 01:20:12,569 For the right man, it is. 1426 01:20:30,158 --> 01:20:31,648 Nice threads.! 1427 01:20:34,763 --> 01:20:35,855 How do I look? 1428 01:20:35,931 --> 01:20:37,262 Like the real thing. 1429 01:20:37,332 --> 01:20:39,197 You look wonderful, Joe. 1430 01:20:39,267 --> 01:20:41,258 Oh, Santa. 1431 01:20:41,336 --> 01:20:43,668 Well, 1432 01:20:43,738 --> 01:20:45,000 I guess I better get going. 1433 01:20:45,073 --> 01:20:46,597 You probably need this. 1434 01:20:46,675 --> 01:20:49,200 I hope you know how it works, 'cause nobody else does. 1435 01:20:49,277 --> 01:20:51,643 By the way, my name's Harmony Starr. 1436 01:20:51,713 --> 01:20:53,374 No it's not. It's Pamela Trenton; 1437 01:20:53,448 --> 01:20:56,349 1724 Hampton Avenue, Bloomington, Indiana. 1438 01:20:56,418 --> 01:20:58,113 How did I know that? 1439 01:20:58,186 --> 01:21:00,711 You'll find you know a lot of things. 1440 01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:03,986 Oh, my goodness, 3 minutes to 7:00. 1441 01:21:04,059 --> 01:21:05,424 Where's the sleigh? 1442 01:21:07,128 --> 01:21:08,959 The sleigh? 1443 01:21:09,030 --> 01:21:10,861 I thought you had it. 1444 01:21:20,542 --> 01:21:23,235 Whoa! 1445 01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:27,075 Pull the stick.! 1446 01:21:28,316 --> 01:21:30,011 Ah-h-h! 1447 01:21:30,085 --> 01:21:32,883 You told me if I became Santa, 1448 01:21:32,954 --> 01:21:34,717 I could perform miracles. 1449 01:21:34,789 --> 01:21:36,347 Were you kidding or was that real? 1450 01:21:36,424 --> 01:21:38,756 Oh, no. It's real, all right, 1451 01:21:38,827 --> 01:21:41,660 but I'm not sure what you can do about this; 1452 01:21:41,730 --> 01:21:44,062 Ernest, the sleigh, and all that. 1453 01:21:44,132 --> 01:21:45,827 And yet, 1454 01:21:45,901 --> 01:21:49,268 maybe there is something you can do. 1455 01:21:49,337 --> 01:21:51,567 I met a very nice fellow at the airport... 1456 01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:55,076 who said he wanted snow for Christmas. 1457 01:22:01,149 --> 01:22:02,514 Let's give it a try. 1458 01:22:05,186 --> 01:22:06,676 Can he really do that? 1459 01:22:06,755 --> 01:22:08,814 If anybody can. 1460 01:22:24,706 --> 01:22:25,900 What's going on? 1461 01:22:25,974 --> 01:22:28,169 Christmas is going on. 1462 01:22:34,582 --> 01:22:37,142 It really feels like Christmas. 1463 01:22:37,218 --> 01:22:38,583 This is great! 1464 01:22:40,388 --> 01:22:43,653 It's snowing in Orlando. I can't believe it. 1465 01:22:43,725 --> 01:22:46,159 I don't care if it's Christmas eve. 1466 01:22:46,227 --> 01:22:49,458 We close the deal tonight or not at all. 1467 01:22:56,738 --> 01:22:59,468 It's snowing; 1468 01:22:59,541 --> 01:23:01,668 just like home. 1469 01:23:02,811 --> 01:23:05,006 Ha! Ha! Ha! 1470 01:23:06,715 --> 01:23:10,014 Look, it's Christmas eve. 1471 01:23:10,085 --> 01:23:13,452 Why don't you go home and stay with your family? 1472 01:23:13,521 --> 01:23:16,115 We'll settle the deal later, 1473 01:23:16,191 --> 01:23:18,523 and merry Christmas. 1474 01:23:37,512 --> 01:23:41,778 Nobody moves, nobody dies. 1475 01:23:45,687 --> 01:23:48,212 Ah-ah-ah-choo! 1476 01:23:48,289 --> 01:23:49,779 Ah-h-h-h! 1477 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:52,292 I don't think Ernest is going to make it. 1478 01:23:53,628 --> 01:23:56,426 This is the 2nd job I've lost tonight. 1479 01:24:01,269 --> 01:24:04,568 Slow down-n-n-n! 1480 01:24:12,881 --> 01:24:15,645 Air brakes! Ha! Ha! Ha! 1481 01:24:16,618 --> 01:24:18,813 Ernest, well done! 1482 01:24:18,887 --> 01:24:21,321 Bravo, Ernest! 1483 01:24:22,557 --> 01:24:23,546 Whoa! Whoa! 1484 01:24:24,459 --> 01:24:25,824 Hiya, folks! 1485 01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:29,830 Ernest P. Worrell, Aerial Taxi, at your service. 1486 01:24:29,898 --> 01:24:31,798 Ernest, you flew the sleigh? 1487 01:24:31,866 --> 01:24:33,060 We told him not to. 1488 01:24:33,134 --> 01:24:34,260 That's terrific! 1489 01:24:34,335 --> 01:24:36,530 But we thought it was a great idea. 1490 01:24:37,539 --> 01:24:39,404 It's all yours, Joe. 1491 01:24:40,842 --> 01:24:43,208 You better get going. 1492 01:24:50,018 --> 01:24:53,044 Well, I'm going to go home, 1493 01:24:53,121 --> 01:24:55,555 so I guess I'm not going to see you again. 1494 01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:02,124 Keep your nose clean, little lady. 1495 01:25:03,431 --> 01:25:05,558 I'm going to miss you, too, Ernest. 1496 01:25:13,475 --> 01:25:16,239 Well, Joe, I guess these are yours now. 1497 01:25:16,311 --> 01:25:20,247 Watch it on the curves. It veers a little to the left. 1498 01:25:21,316 --> 01:25:22,908 To the left. 1499 01:25:33,161 --> 01:25:34,025 Bye, fellas. 1500 01:25:34,095 --> 01:25:35,562 See ya. 1501 01:25:37,999 --> 01:25:40,092 Is there anywhere in the book... 1502 01:25:40,168 --> 01:25:42,363 that says I can't have a driver for 1 night? 1503 01:25:42,437 --> 01:25:43,870 Nowhere at all. 1504 01:25:43,938 --> 01:25:45,496 I think it's a fine idea. 1505 01:25:48,076 --> 01:25:49,839 How 'bout it, Ernest? 1506 01:25:49,911 --> 01:25:52,072 You've had a lot more seat time than I have. 1507 01:25:53,815 --> 01:25:56,409 I knew they'd come to their senses. 1508 01:25:56,484 --> 01:25:59,009 I am probably the best man for the job. 1509 01:25:59,087 --> 01:26:02,545 After all, I am Ernest P. Worrell, 1510 01:26:02,624 --> 01:26:04,353 thrill driver! 1511 01:26:05,994 --> 01:26:09,054 Do you think we could use an honorary elf? 1512 01:26:09,130 --> 01:26:10,358 Sure. 1513 01:26:10,431 --> 01:26:12,661 - Why not? - All right! 1514 01:26:14,035 --> 01:26:16,469 Let's get these puppies pumping, 1515 01:26:16,538 --> 01:26:18,438 and start spreading that Christmas cheer. 1516 01:26:18,506 --> 01:26:21,805 Now, Dasher; now, Dancer; now, Prancer; now, Vixen; 1517 01:26:21,876 --> 01:26:23,537 on, Comet,; on, Cupid,; 1518 01:26:23,611 --> 01:26:25,806 on Donder; and... 1519 01:26:26,814 --> 01:26:28,304 Blitzen! 1520 01:26:28,383 --> 01:26:29,645 Oh, yeah. Blitzen. 1521 01:26:29,717 --> 01:26:30,445 Ah-h-h-h! 1522 01:26:39,394 --> 01:26:43,831 Oh, by the way, we haven't been formally introduced. 1523 01:26:43,898 --> 01:26:45,832 My name is Mary Morrissey. 1524 01:26:45,900 --> 01:26:49,063 Well, once upon a time I was called, 1525 01:26:49,137 --> 01:26:50,798 Seth Applegate. 1526 01:26:50,872 --> 01:26:52,499 I guess I am, again. 1527 01:26:54,409 --> 01:26:58,209 So, are you doing anything tonight? 1528 01:27:00,548 --> 01:27:02,914 Not a thing. 1529 01:27:02,984 --> 01:27:04,576 We'll think of something. 1530 01:27:16,497 --> 01:27:19,830 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. 1531 01:27:22,103 --> 01:27:23,866 All right.! 1532 01:27:26,374 --> 01:27:28,706 See that? I don't want any trouble from you this time. 1533 01:27:28,776 --> 01:27:31,711 - That is a "E." - "F." 1534 01:27:31,779 --> 01:27:36,116 - "E." - "F." 1535 01:27:38,786 --> 01:27:41,619 Look, that is, "E. Bunny. " 1536 01:27:41,689 --> 01:27:42,883 "F." 1537 01:27:43,305 --> 01:28:43,302 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org