1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:06,538 ♪ Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,140 ♪ Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:12,044 ♪ Your heart is true 4 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:16,214 ♪ You're a pal and a confidante 5 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:20,284 ♪ And if you threw a party 6 00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,822 ♪ Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:27,292 ♪ You would see 8 00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:30,028 ♪ The biggest gift would be from me 9 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,830 ♪ And the card attached would say 10 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:37,435 ♪ "Thank you for being a friend" ♪ 11 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,728 This was a lovely afternoon. 12 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,131 Oh, I'll say. I just love the legitimate theater. 13 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,968 You know, I missed Mr. Lee J. Cobb in Death of a Salesman. 14 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,938 I missed Mr. Marlon Brando in Streetcar Named Desire. 15 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:17,942 Well, I was damned if I was gonna miss Mr. Dick Butkus in Pal Joey. 16 00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:20,511 And there's a brand-new water heater in the garage 17 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:23,215 and wall-to-wall carpeting in all the bedrooms. 18 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,784 Ma, what the hell are you doing? Selling the house. 19 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:30,822 And that's a working fireplace, and with these cathedral ceilings, 20 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,391 you could stack 50 VCRs if you wanted to. 21 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,460 So, you think it over, 22 00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,795 and if you're interested, give us a call. 23 00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:40,465 I make offer now. 24 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,901 If you like, you call me. 25 00:01:45,737 --> 00:01:49,207 Sophia, honey, you can't just sell my house. 26 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:52,744 Is this in dollars? No, it's in cucumber rolls. 27 00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,646 Of course it's in dollars. 28 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,548 Sophia, what's this all about? 29 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,885 You tell me. I'm not the one who put the for-sale sign on our front lawn. 30 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,519 What? 31 00:02:03,021 --> 00:02:04,955 Oh, damn! 32 00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:07,825 Those Donaldson boys must have moved that sign 33 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,762 from the MacKenzies' front lawn and stuck it on ours. 34 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,597 Then this is all a mistake. 35 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:16,101 Yeah, but this sure isn't. 36 00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,269 Oh. 37 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,740 Blanche, what do you mean? 38 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:26,311 Would you seriously consider selling the house? 39 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,814 Well, no. I mean, I don't think so. 40 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:33,184 You have to admit this is an awful lot of money. 41 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,720 Frankly, more than I think the house is worth. 42 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:39,057 And as your agent, three percent of it is mine. 43 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:42,026 What do you say, Blanchey? Do we close the deal? 44 00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:44,629 Oh, I just don't know. This is all so sudden. 45 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,698 There's so many things to consider. 46 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,868 Oh, look, Blanche, if you're worried about us, don't be. 47 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,903 I mean, just because you're selling the house 48 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,373 doesn't mean that we can't all find another place together. 49 00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:56,874 Oh, I wasn't worried about you. 50 00:02:56,876 --> 00:03:00,511 I was worried about the tax consequences of all this extra income. 51 00:03:03,281 --> 00:03:06,818 I'm kidding. Oh, I love you. You're my family. 52 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,554 Listen, we're sticking together no matter what happens. 53 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,522 I don't know. It might be hard to find a place 54 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,925 as perfect as this was for the four of us. 55 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,227 Oh, hell, if we did it once, we can do it again. 56 00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,895 All we need is a little luck. 57 00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:21,700 It was luck that brought us together the first time. 58 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,603 I will never forget when I first put up that notice 59 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,939 at the supermarket. Remember? 60 00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:37,349 Are you OK? Oh, I'm fine. 61 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,784 Oh, I know exactly what you're going through. 62 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,987 I can read it in your face. You can? 63 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,189 Oh, sure. Your husband or your boyfriend dumped you. 64 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:46,924 Honey, don't let it get you down. 65 00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:48,727 It's just the nature of the beast. 66 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:52,163 They'd do it in the mud if they had to. 67 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,065 You just go sleep with his best friend. 68 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,535 That'll even up the score. 69 00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:02,673 Am I on Candid Camera? 70 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,511 You mean, you didn't get dumped? 71 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,213 Well, actually, I did. By my landlord. 72 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,115 He threw me out of my apartment, 73 00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,585 but I couldn't sleep with his best friend. 74 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,487 He's over 80 years old 75 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,923 and thinks he's the Archduke Ferdinand. 76 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,724 Why did he throw you out? 77 00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,961 Well, the new owners of the building don't allow cats 78 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,862 and I'm not about to part with Mr. Peepers. 79 00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:28,433 Oh, I guess you two have been through a lot together, huh? 80 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,369 Yes. I found him last week. 81 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:34,538 But I wouldn't feel right having a home if he didn't. 82 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,608 We've become very attached. 83 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,676 You know what I think? That shows great strength of character. 84 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:42,080 I like you and I like cats. I also happen to have a room for rent, 85 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,882 and the name is Blanche Devereaux. 86 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,419 Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux? 87 00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:51,922 Oh, it's been such a lovely day. 88 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:56,895 Mr. Sunshine really gave us one of his biggest and brightest smiles. 89 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,764 Oh, I feel like putting my arms around Mother Nature 90 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:03,468 and giving her a big kiss. Hi, you must be Dorothy. 91 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,903 And you must be Mrs. Rogers. 92 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,976 I didn't catch your name. 93 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,579 I'm Rose Nylund, your new roomie. 94 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,481 Blanche has told me all about you. 95 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:20,452 Sorry your husband dumped you. 96 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,521 You can borrow my bubble bath any time you want. 97 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,523 That'll help ease the lonely nights. 98 00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,258 Thank you very much. 99 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,361 I see you two are getting acquainted. 100 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,462 Yes, I'm just gonna take my stuff to my room. 101 00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:34,199 It's the second on the left down the hall there? 102 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,201 Dorothy, the second on the left is mine. 103 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,203 Blanche had promised it to me. 104 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,005 Blanche promised it to me too. Didn't you? 105 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,108 Whoops. 106 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,777 Oh, great. Great. 107 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,145 What are we supposed to do now? 108 00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:50,981 Back in Minnesota, we'd settle this kind of a dispute 109 00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,884 with some good-natured logrolling. 110 00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:56,521 Sorry, Rose. My log is in the shop. 111 00:05:57,889 --> 00:06:00,125 What do we do now? Toss a coin? 112 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,659 OK. All right. 113 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,228 I'll take tails. OK. 114 00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,433 Tails. You win. 115 00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:10,402 I'll make it up to you, Dorothy, I promise. 116 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,837 Listen, if there's ever a night where you can't sleep, 117 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,274 I'll come to your room and sing "Kum Ba Ya." 118 00:06:17,309 --> 00:06:20,211 Rose, I don't know what to say. 119 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,913 Yes, I do. 120 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:25,116 Don't ever do that. 121 00:06:27,185 --> 00:06:30,387 It just doesn't seem possible that five years has gone by 122 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:32,456 since we moved in together. 123 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:36,293 It's gonna be rough if we have to go our separate ways. 124 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:39,898 We've all learned to depend on each other so much. 125 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,801 Especially Rose. What's that supposed to mean? 126 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,869 Oh, honey, it just means that sometimes you tend 127 00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,739 to be a bit naive, simple, childlike. 128 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,741 She's calling you a moron. You don't want to live with a woman like that. 129 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:53,178 Tell her to sell the house. Ma. 130 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,146 Oh, yeah? Well, it just so happens 131 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,949 that there are a lot of things I can do better than you guys. 132 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,985 Name one. Can you tighten a horn on a helmet? 133 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,054 Smoke a herring in a pine log? 134 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:06,324 Check a bull for a hernia? 135 00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,325 I guess the really rough part is getting him 136 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:11,929 to turn his head and cough. 137 00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:16,434 Come on, Rose. Pick a category we can compete in. 138 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,970 All right. What about that dance marathon? 139 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,939 Whose butt got whopped that night? 140 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,208 How did you know that Wally... 141 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,043 Oh, you mean at the actual dance marathon? 142 00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,479 That's right. 143 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,548 Seems to me I showed you two guys a thing or two that night. 144 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:33,851 (♪ jazz) 145 00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,754 Ladies and gentlemen, our charity dance marathon 146 00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:39,690 is now entering its seventh hour. 147 00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:43,495 Let's give our contestants a great big hand. 148 00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,563 (applause) 149 00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,501 Hi, girls. How are you holding up? 150 00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,104 Oh, fine. Just doing fine. Terrific. 151 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,040 You know, this reminds me of the big dance back in St. Olaf 152 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,808 to kick off Pretzel Week. 153 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,279 My Uncle Gunther, after the great Beer Nut shortage of '29... 154 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,114 Foul! Foul! Send the judge over here. 155 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:06,317 This woman is trying to put us to sleep. 156 00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:12,924 You're just exhausted and you're trying to blame it on me. 157 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,727 Exhausted? I'll show you who's exhausted. 158 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:21,165 Maestro, how about something with a little octane? 159 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,368 OK, little lady. All right, boys, take it away. 160 00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:27,138 A one, two, a one, two, three, four. 161 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,340 (♪ "In The Mood") 162 00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:52,697 Out of my way, amateurs. 163 00:09:07,112 --> 00:09:09,614 Blanche, do you mind if I give it a try? (music stops) 164 00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,216 Oh, for heaven's sake, go on. 165 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,318 No, Dave, I better do this by myself. 166 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,721 You might get hurt. 167 00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:22,093 Three, four. 168 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,695 (♪ "Sing, Sing, Sing") 169 00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,504 Girls, I'm really worried. 170 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,473 Usually, by the time I've finished a cheesecake, 171 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,475 I can solve any problem I'm trying to beat, 172 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,410 This time I'm coming up empty. 173 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:15,646 Then why is the top button on your skirt open? 174 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:19,050 I'm talking about selling the house. 175 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,452 I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. 176 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,222 Well, honey, you don't have to decide tonight. 177 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,624 You should take all the time you need. 178 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,525 The point is, 179 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:31,395 if you turn a nice buck on this place today, 180 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:34,465 you can buy a bigger and better place tomorrow. 181 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,001 But I'm not sure I want to go right out and buy a new house. 182 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,537 Maybe I want to take some time to travel first. 183 00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,806 I have relatives scattered all over this country 184 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,741 I don't get to see very much. 185 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:47,512 If it's relatives you want, you should stay right here in Miami. 186 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,514 Howard Johnson's does less business 187 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,549 than this house has over the years. 188 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,284 That is true. 189 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,854 We've all had our share of family showing up. 190 00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,989 I think things are going very nicely. 191 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,926 Save it, Ma. I am going to tell Uncle Angelo the truth. 192 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:05,529 It's only for a couple of hours more. Ma, I can't do it. 193 00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,130 I mean, pretending we're married, 194 00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:09,467 acting as though nothing happened, it's making me crazy. 195 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,069 It's time to take my heart medicine. 196 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,138 You need a glass of water to take your pill? 197 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,140 Not pills. I'll take a shot of Scotch, 198 00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:19,243 12 years old, if you got it. 199 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,979 Uncle Angelo, I have a confession to make. 200 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:26,650 Good. I get my Scotch, we go in the closet. 201 00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:28,920 No, it's about Stan and me. 202 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,189 You know something, Dorothy? 203 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,158 On your wedding day, Sophia told me 204 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,960 she said your marriage was never gonna last. 205 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,129 That made me very sad. 206 00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:41,965 And now to see you and Stan so happy 207 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,101 after all of these years, 208 00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:47,538 it does an old man's heart good. 209 00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,043 And so does that. 210 00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,346 Uncle Angelo... 211 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:58,849 I'm so glad I disobeyed the doctor's orders 212 00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:04,021 and risked this long trip to see the both of you so much in love. 213 00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,557 Now, what were you saying? 214 00:12:08,059 --> 00:12:10,828 Uncle Angelo, I wanted to say... 215 00:12:12,997 --> 00:12:15,566 Well, don't just stand there, Papa Bear. 216 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:19,136 Come give Mama Bear a big bear hug. 217 00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:24,575 Can I get you another slice of cake, Uncle Angelo? No, thank you. 218 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,212 I'll take a slice... darling. No problem, sweetheart. 219 00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,981 Hurry back, dumpling. 220 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:33,016 My feet have wings, barf bag. 221 00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:41,658 Dorothy, please hang in there a little while longer, 222 00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:44,362 and Angelo will be on a plane headed for Brooklyn. 223 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,098 Wish I'd taken my raincoat. 224 00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:54,172 Why are you two dressed like that? 225 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:57,074 Well, these are our costumes for the play, Dorothy. 226 00:12:57,076 --> 00:13:00,477 We were in the middle of dress rehearsal when they told us all to go home right away. 227 00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:02,980 There's a hurricane heading for Miami. 228 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:06,417 You know, I think I will take a slice of cake... Hello. 229 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:09,920 Uh, Uncle Angelo, I'd like you to meet... 230 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,522 um... uh... 231 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:15,025 I'm Sister Rose. Piacere. Nice to meet you. 232 00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,895 I'm Sister Blanche. Nice to meet you, Sister Blanche. 233 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,998 We're here, uh, collecting... 234 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,001 lingerie... 235 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:27,838 for needy sexy people. 236 00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:33,344 I just heard on TV the airports are closed. 237 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:36,314 There's a big hurricane headed this way. They want everyone to stay just where they are. 238 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,916 That means that we could be trapped together for days! 239 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:41,051 Oh, Jesus! 240 00:13:44,389 --> 00:13:48,893 Please protect us and watch over us in this, our hour of need. 241 00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,328 Amen. 242 00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:55,332 Ah, Lucy. Hi. Aunt Blanche. 243 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,468 Get in here. I want you to meet my friends. 244 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,370 This is Sophia and Dorothy and Rose. 245 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,940 Nice to meet you, Lucy. Let me get a look at you, girl. 246 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:07,478 Mmm, terrific little figure, gorgeous hair, perfect skin. 247 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,748 Just like looking in a mirror. 248 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,583 Get some Windex. 249 00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:17,255 How was your trip? Oh, it was wonderful. 250 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:21,692 I met a gorgeous, single doctor on the plane. 251 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,729 At 30,000 feet, she picks up a doctor. 252 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,698 Now I see the family resemblance. 253 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,001 In fact, I'm supposed to meet him in a half-hour, if that's OK. 254 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,637 But, darling, you just got here. Aunt Blanche, you always said: 255 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:36,173 "If you've a stallion eating oats outta your hand, 256 00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:39,911 best close the gate before you give him the sugar." 257 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:43,047 You said that, Blanche? 258 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,015 I won't go if you don't want me to, 259 00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:46,851 but I do want to go, so can I? 260 00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,653 Would your mother let you go? No. 261 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:52,089 Then go. Thank you. 262 00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:55,559 You're the best. I'll see y'all later. 263 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:59,129 Oh, isn't she something? I'm really proud of her. 264 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:02,399 Now, if I could just manage to rope myself a doctor that easily. 265 00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:06,403 Honey, I don't think there's enough sugar left in the bowl. 266 00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:10,507 Angela, that was the best meal I've ever had in my life. 267 00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:13,044 Well, how good could it have been? You left half of it. 268 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,578 I ate every bite. 269 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,814 Well, there's some sauce left. If you really liked it, 270 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,283 you'd take a hunk of that bread and sop it all up. 271 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,819 You can afford it. Oh, no, I can't. 272 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,322 I've put on a few pounds. You just haven't noticed. 273 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:27,391 What am I? Blind? 274 00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:30,327 I can see that. I meant the bread. 275 00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:33,497 You can afford the bread. It's only 89 cents a loaf. 276 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,966 Angela, why don't you sit down? I'll serve dessert. 277 00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:38,268 Gosh, you two made such a fantastic meal, 278 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,705 I can't imagine what you came up with for dessert. 279 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:43,273 I made dessert. Damn! 280 00:15:46,444 --> 00:15:49,179 What'd you say, Blanche? Yum. I said yum. 281 00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:55,252 Rose, is this another one of those Scandinavian Viking concoctions? 282 00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:57,154 Yes. 283 00:15:57,156 --> 00:16:00,524 It's called genurkenflurken cake. 284 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:06,030 It's an ancient recipe, but I Americanized it. 285 00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:11,035 So one might say you brought geflurkenurken into the '80s? 286 00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:15,573 Yes, but I'm not one to blow my own vertubenflugen. 287 00:16:18,042 --> 00:16:20,410 I can't even reach mine. 288 00:16:25,383 --> 00:16:30,354 So, Sophia, have you all had a chance to catch up on old times? 289 00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:34,091 Yeah, Angela filled me in on how all my friends and family back home are doing. 290 00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,328 How is everybody, Angela? Dead. 291 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:41,498 Angela and I are the only two left of the original family. 292 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,069 That's terrible, Angela. Does that mean you're all alone back in Sicily? 293 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,139 Oh, no. I have a goat. 294 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:51,942 It's really a shame you and Ma don't live closer to each other. 295 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,878 Dorothy is right. How many years do we have left? 296 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,949 20, 30? We should live in the same town. 297 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,385 You wanna come back to that little village in Sicily? 298 00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:05,422 Please, do I look like a woman who beats her laundry on a rock? 299 00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,658 I meant you should move here to Miami. 300 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,194 Oh, that's a great idea. Angela, you would love Miami. 301 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,395 Aunt Angela, what do you say? Oh, I don't know. 302 00:17:12,397 --> 00:17:16,066 I'm too old to pick up and move to a strange country. 303 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,068 What are you talking about? Before your husband died, 304 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:21,204 you lived here for 30 years. I don't know. 305 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,506 Oh, come on, honey. Now, just think about it. 306 00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:26,844 Who would you rather live with? Your sister or a goat? 307 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,246 Give me a minute. 308 00:17:32,984 --> 00:17:34,985 Cousin Rose? Cousin Sven! 309 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,487 Oh! 310 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:40,958 Oh, let me look at you! Boy, have you grown! 311 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,294 We've never met. 312 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:47,131 But admit it, you have grown. 313 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:51,435 Uh, Rose, could you introduce Blanche and me? 314 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,671 Of course. Dorothy, this is Blanche. 315 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:56,707 Blanche, this is Dorothy. 316 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,944 We have jokes like that around here all the time. 317 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:03,147 It's like living in a house full of Howie Mandels. 318 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,515 Sven, I'm Dorothy. Hello. 319 00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:08,052 And I'm Blanche. Welcome. Thank you. 320 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,421 Rose tells us you're getting married. 321 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,089 Yes, and I hope I'm good at it. 322 00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:15,559 I don't have that much experience with women. 323 00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:18,295 A big, strong, handsome thing like you? 324 00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:20,230 Get out of here. 325 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:23,267 Well, it was nice meeting all of you. 326 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,503 No! That was an expression, Sven. 327 00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:31,408 You know, I never thought I'd say this, 328 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:34,678 but I think Rose got the brains in that family. 329 00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:40,384 Listen, let's make a pact. If we decide to keep this house, 330 00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:43,653 we're gonna limit the number of relatives that get to come to visit. 331 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,456 (knock at door) 332 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,692 I wonder who that could be. I'm sure it's no one. 333 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:52,062 Hi, it's me, Stan. See? What did I tell you? 334 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,765 Stanley, what do you want? I need to borrow a car. 335 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:55,966 No. 336 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,334 Doesn't anybody want to know why I need to borrow a car? 337 00:18:58,336 --> 00:19:00,771 (all) No. Fine, fine. 338 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,908 I know when I'm not wanted. Is anybody eating that? 339 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,677 All right, Stanley. Why do you want to borrow the car? 340 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:10,380 Ah! I am involved in a new business venture. 341 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:12,616 Stan's Pizzas. 342 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:16,587 The gimmick is I can deliver a pizza faster to your house than Domino's. 343 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,622 There's only one problem. What? 344 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:22,426 It's impossible. I cracked up my car trying. 345 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:26,764 So the reason you want to use our car is so you can deliver pizzas? 346 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:30,367 No. Actually, what I would really like for you girls to do is be my drivers. 347 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:34,204 I belong in the front office - supervising, franchising, 348 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:37,041 teasing the high-school girls that work for me. 349 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:41,011 I sense I may have just lost you. 350 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,314 Ah, what the hell. I'm out of the pizza business. 351 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,082 Is there anything else to eat? 352 00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:48,886 Stanley, why do you always end up here when you have a problem? 353 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:52,389 You're my best friends. But we don't like you. 354 00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,658 I know, but you're still my best friends. 355 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:57,294 Well, you can't depend on coming around here forever. 356 00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,364 Blanche is thinking about selling the house. 357 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,933 Selling our house? 358 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,469 You can't be serious. We've had great times here. 359 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:09,506 We have had great times here. You've just had free food. 360 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:10,774 That is not true. 361 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:14,178 We've had a million laughs under this roof. 362 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:18,782 Do you... Do you remember the time I came over? 363 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,851 Dorothy, I know it's been a while, but try to control yourself. 364 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,853 I need some rest. 365 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:28,259 What the hell is that for? You're not getting into this bed, Stanley. 366 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:31,027 Then where am I supposed to sleep? On the floor, like any dog. 367 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:34,231 Fine. Just fine. 368 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,300 Stan Zbornak doesn't have to beg a woman to get into bed. 369 00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,068 Women come to me. 370 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,271 Yeah, right after they get the approval number on your MasterCard. 371 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:46,810 Good night. Oh, shut up. 372 00:20:55,686 --> 00:20:57,854 (Stanley laughs) 373 00:21:02,226 --> 00:21:04,561 Stanley, if you're doing what I think you're doing, 374 00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,164 you're in big trouble. 375 00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:13,837 I was just remembering 376 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,772 the first time you ever kicked me out of bed 377 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:17,341 and I had to sleep on the floor. 378 00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:21,678 Emile Zundt's Hidden Honeymoon Hideaway in the Poconos. 379 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,948 "Where every cottage is April in Paris." 380 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,284 And every bathroom, Calcutta in July. 381 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,786 (Stanley chuckles) 382 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:32,522 Do you remember how I convinced you to let me back into bed? 383 00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,557 No. 384 00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:39,329 ♪ I've got a crush on you 385 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,631 ♪ Sweetie pie 386 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:44,767 ♪ All the day and nighttime 387 00:21:44,769 --> 00:21:47,371 ♪ Hear me sigh 388 00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:50,507 Oh, Stanley Zbornak, I don't believe that you're trying to charm me. 389 00:21:50,509 --> 00:21:54,110 Is it working? I don't think so. 390 00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:56,379 Then you leave me no choice. I'll have to pull out the big gun. 391 00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:58,281 You're wasting your time, Stanley. 392 00:21:58,283 --> 00:22:00,951 I'm familiar with the big gun. 393 00:22:05,523 --> 00:22:07,558 Here goes. 394 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,927 ♪ Embrace me 395 00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:15,265 ♪ My sweet, embraceable you 396 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:17,868 ♪ Embrace me 397 00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:21,071 ♪ You irreplaceable you 398 00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:25,442 Dorothy! Dorothy, I just had a terrible nightmare. 399 00:22:25,444 --> 00:22:26,744 Ma, what was it? 400 00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,412 This. 401 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,915 Break it up. 402 00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:35,519 Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall. 403 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:37,454 Try to climb over me, 404 00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:42,058 and you'll know what barbed wire between your legs feels like. 405 00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:44,527 Gotcha. 406 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,964 Dorothy, how did this start? Cole Porter? 407 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,965 Gershwin. 408 00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:51,902 Thank God I came in time. 409 00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:57,974 We've certainly had some good times, haven't we, girls? 410 00:22:57,976 --> 00:23:00,343 Yes, we have, and we'd like to have more, 411 00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:02,979 so would you please leave, Stanley? 412 00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:06,517 Girls, I've made a decision. 413 00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:08,618 What is it, Blanche? (phone rings) 414 00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:11,154 There are just too many precious memories in this house. 415 00:23:11,156 --> 00:23:14,892 I'm not about to trade them in for a few lousy dollars. 416 00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,194 It's Yakamora. He's doubled his offer. 417 00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:19,596 Tell him we'll be out by the first of the month. 418 00:24:12,449 --> 00:24:16,585 ♪ Thank you for being a friend 419 00:24:16,587 --> 00:24:19,187 ♪ Traveled down the road and back again 420 00:24:20,657 --> 00:24:22,091 ♪ Your heart is true 421 00:24:22,093 --> 00:24:26,995 ♪ You're a pal and a confidante 422 00:24:26,997 --> 00:24:30,331 ♪ And if you threw a party 423 00:24:30,333 --> 00:24:33,869 ♪ Invited everyone you knew 424 00:24:35,605 --> 00:24:37,339 ♪ You would see 425 00:24:37,341 --> 00:24:40,075 ♪ The biggest gift would be from me 426 00:24:40,077 --> 00:24:41,877 ♪ And the card attached would say 427 00:24:41,879 --> 00:24:47,482 ♪ "Thank you for being a friend" ♪ 428 00:25:11,206 --> 00:25:13,975 Couldn't sleep either, Dorothy? No, Rose. 429 00:25:13,977 --> 00:25:17,613 Are you upset because Blanche is gonna sell the house and we can't live together? 430 00:25:17,615 --> 00:25:21,883 No, I'm upset because Joe Piscopo didn't get the lead role in Rain Man. 431 00:25:23,219 --> 00:25:25,821 Oh, of course I'm upset about the house. 432 00:25:27,657 --> 00:25:30,559 Ma, it's 2am. Where have you been? 433 00:25:30,561 --> 00:25:32,460 I stuffed pillows under the sheets 434 00:25:32,462 --> 00:25:34,462 so I could fool you during bed check. 435 00:25:34,464 --> 00:25:37,065 What is this, Stalag 17? 436 00:25:37,067 --> 00:25:39,902 I went for a walk. I couldn't sleep. I had a nightmare. 437 00:25:39,904 --> 00:25:43,205 Tell me about it, Sophia. Sometimes I can interpret dreams. 438 00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:46,942 Blanche sold the house and I wound up back at Shady Pines. 439 00:25:46,944 --> 00:25:48,243 Hmm. 440 00:25:48,245 --> 00:25:50,445 This is a tough one. 441 00:25:50,447 --> 00:25:53,181 Dorothy, please don't send me back. Ma, I am not sending you 442 00:25:53,183 --> 00:25:55,183 back to Shady Pines. 443 00:25:55,185 --> 00:25:58,720 Oh, my God! She found a cheaper home. 444 00:25:58,722 --> 00:26:02,991 Blanche, please, please don't sell the house. 445 00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:06,528 What the hell is that holding up your stockings? 446 00:26:06,530 --> 00:26:09,464 Get out of there. Girls, listen. 447 00:26:09,466 --> 00:26:12,200 I know I told Mr. Yakamora that I'd sell him the house, 448 00:26:12,202 --> 00:26:15,303 but I just don't think it's fair to make that decision by myself now. 449 00:26:15,305 --> 00:26:18,040 Give me some advice. Just tell me what to do. 450 00:26:18,042 --> 00:26:19,707 Well, it's your house, Blanche. 451 00:26:19,709 --> 00:26:21,777 You have to make your own decision. 452 00:26:21,779 --> 00:26:23,979 Since when have you all been so shy? 453 00:26:23,981 --> 00:26:26,481 We always tell each other what to do. 454 00:26:28,050 --> 00:26:30,085 Honey, are you all right? I'll be fine. 455 00:26:30,087 --> 00:26:32,687 Is this about Arnie? No, Blanche. 456 00:26:32,689 --> 00:26:35,924 She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke. 457 00:26:42,665 --> 00:26:44,833 Arnie wants me to go away with him 458 00:26:44,835 --> 00:26:46,835 on a cruise to the Bahamas. 459 00:26:46,837 --> 00:26:48,637 Oh. 460 00:26:48,639 --> 00:26:51,873 Oh, and you're upset because he wants you to pay your own way? 461 00:26:53,843 --> 00:26:57,112 I'm upset because we'll be all alone. 462 00:26:57,114 --> 00:26:59,781 In the middle of the ocean. On a ship. 463 00:26:59,783 --> 00:27:02,917 In a stateroom. With a bed. 464 00:27:04,420 --> 00:27:05,954 Oh. 465 00:27:05,956 --> 00:27:08,357 I don't know what to do. 466 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,392 I haven't... 467 00:27:10,394 --> 00:27:12,461 been with a man 468 00:27:12,463 --> 00:27:15,631 in that special way since Charlie died. 469 00:27:15,633 --> 00:27:18,066 Get out of here! 470 00:27:20,403 --> 00:27:23,972 It's true. Charlie was the only lover I ever had. 471 00:27:23,974 --> 00:27:26,508 And my first time was on our wedding night. 472 00:27:26,510 --> 00:27:29,444 Get out of here! 473 00:27:29,446 --> 00:27:31,413 Oh, back off, Blanche. 474 00:27:31,415 --> 00:27:35,283 Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port. 475 00:27:38,655 --> 00:27:42,657 Maybe it sounds strange but, without Charlie, 476 00:27:42,659 --> 00:27:44,859 I thought that part of my life was over. 477 00:27:44,861 --> 00:27:46,627 I never gave it a second thought. 478 00:27:46,629 --> 00:27:48,930 Until now? 479 00:27:48,932 --> 00:27:50,999 Then I think you should go on the cruise. 480 00:27:51,001 --> 00:27:53,702 Honey, if the situation is right, you'll know it. 481 00:27:53,704 --> 00:27:55,437 But I'm not sure I'm ready. 482 00:27:55,439 --> 00:27:58,105 Oh, honey, I know what you're going through. 483 00:27:58,107 --> 00:28:01,042 The bottom line is, if you take a chance in life, 484 00:28:01,044 --> 00:28:04,312 sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. 485 00:28:04,314 --> 00:28:07,682 But, honey, if you don't take a chance, nothing happens. 486 00:28:09,751 --> 00:28:11,386 I'm gonna take a chance. 487 00:28:11,388 --> 00:28:13,922 Oh, that's wonderful! Oh, great, Rose! 488 00:28:13,924 --> 00:28:15,556 Oh, I have to look in my closet. 489 00:28:15,558 --> 00:28:18,326 I don't even know what to wear for the first night on the ship. 490 00:28:18,328 --> 00:28:21,162 A life jacket and a great big smile. 491 00:28:24,366 --> 00:28:26,768 Gee, I wonder what Rose is doing right now. 492 00:28:26,770 --> 00:28:30,639 You mean, you wonder if she's doing it right now. 493 00:28:30,641 --> 00:28:34,509 No, I just wonder if maybe we didn't push her into something too fast. 494 00:28:34,511 --> 00:28:36,544 What I can't understand is how in the world 495 00:28:36,546 --> 00:28:39,947 she managed to wait 15 years. 496 00:28:39,949 --> 00:28:42,684 How long did you wait after George died? 497 00:28:42,686 --> 00:28:45,586 Till the paramedics came. Ma! 498 00:28:53,563 --> 00:28:56,965 What about you, Dorothy? Who was the first after Stan, hm? 499 00:28:56,967 --> 00:28:58,499 Blanche. 500 00:28:58,501 --> 00:29:01,870 Her divorce lawyer. How did you know? 501 00:29:01,872 --> 00:29:05,039 It's always the divorce lawyer. 502 00:29:05,041 --> 00:29:07,041 Oh, it was a terrible time for me. 503 00:29:07,043 --> 00:29:09,677 You know, I'd gone on an eating binge when Stan left 504 00:29:09,679 --> 00:29:11,345 and I put on quite a bit of weight. 505 00:29:11,347 --> 00:29:13,648 Plus, I was not a 20-year-old. 506 00:29:13,650 --> 00:29:16,017 You know, when you're 20, no matter what you do, 507 00:29:16,019 --> 00:29:19,687 everything stays where it's supposed to. 508 00:29:19,689 --> 00:29:21,355 Now when you lean over, 509 00:29:21,357 --> 00:29:25,527 it looks like somebody's let the air out of your face. 510 00:29:27,230 --> 00:29:28,964 What? 511 00:29:28,966 --> 00:29:32,334 Honey, lean over a mirror some time and take a look at yourself. 512 00:29:32,336 --> 00:29:34,869 Where's a mirror? There's one in the tool drawer. 513 00:29:34,871 --> 00:29:38,507 I think you'd better take a sedative before you look. 514 00:29:38,509 --> 00:29:41,343 Don't be silly. I look at my face all the time. 515 00:29:41,345 --> 00:29:43,645 How different could it be leaning over? 516 00:29:43,647 --> 00:29:46,481 Oh, my God! 517 00:29:46,483 --> 00:29:48,250 Oh, my God, Dorothy, 518 00:29:48,252 --> 00:29:51,453 why didn't you tell me about this before? 519 00:29:51,455 --> 00:29:54,122 Only on your back, Blanche. 520 00:29:54,124 --> 00:29:56,124 That way everything slides back 521 00:29:56,126 --> 00:30:00,295 and you look like you just had a face lift. 522 00:30:00,297 --> 00:30:03,731 Oh, you're right. I'm gorgeous. 523 00:30:03,733 --> 00:30:07,436 I'm gonna have to meet men lying down. 524 00:30:07,438 --> 00:30:10,071 I thought you did. 525 00:30:12,108 --> 00:30:15,710 Of course, that way, not only does your face fall back 526 00:30:15,712 --> 00:30:19,213 but your chest does too. 527 00:30:19,215 --> 00:30:23,819 Unfortunately, it falls back and off to the side. 528 00:30:28,157 --> 00:30:31,426 Well, it's too late to do anything until morning. We might as well get some sleep. 529 00:30:31,428 --> 00:30:33,895 I can't sleep. I'm wound up tighter 530 00:30:33,897 --> 00:30:36,131 than the girdle on a Baptist minister's wife 531 00:30:36,133 --> 00:30:39,634 at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. 532 00:30:39,636 --> 00:30:42,236 Wow, that's tight. 533 00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:45,307 Back in St. Olaf, when I couldn't sleep, 534 00:30:45,309 --> 00:30:49,578 I'd get into my pajamas and have a nice glass of warm milk 535 00:30:49,580 --> 00:30:51,479 and slip under the covers 536 00:30:51,481 --> 00:30:54,549 and count cows jumping over my bed. 537 00:30:54,551 --> 00:30:56,751 It'd usually work like a charm, 538 00:30:56,753 --> 00:30:58,820 except every once in a while there'd be a cow 539 00:30:58,822 --> 00:31:00,589 with a particularly low udder 540 00:31:00,591 --> 00:31:05,026 and it would brush across my forehead and wake me up. 541 00:31:05,028 --> 00:31:07,395 I just don't know what I'm gonna do. 542 00:31:07,397 --> 00:31:09,964 I'm just torn and confused. 543 00:31:09,966 --> 00:31:12,400 Guess I'll have to think about it all tomorrow. 544 00:31:12,402 --> 00:31:14,769 After all, tomorrow is another day. 545 00:31:14,771 --> 00:31:18,106 Calm down, Scarlett. There's no need to be so dramatic. 546 00:31:18,108 --> 00:31:21,676 Please. She can't help it. Everyone around here acts like a ham. 547 00:31:21,678 --> 00:31:23,678 There's been more bad acting, 548 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,913 bad dancing and bad singing under this roof 549 00:31:25,915 --> 00:31:27,915 than a Suzanne Somers Special. 550 00:31:27,917 --> 00:31:30,318 (♪ jaunty piano music) 551 00:31:37,726 --> 00:31:39,561 Rose! 552 00:31:43,899 --> 00:31:45,733 Blanche! 553 00:31:49,238 --> 00:31:50,638 Dorothy! 554 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,074 Go, Dorothy, go! 555 00:32:02,785 --> 00:32:06,520 Gosh, I didn't realize how long Dorothy's solo is. 556 00:32:08,123 --> 00:32:11,860 I sure hope the doctor says she's gonna be all right. 557 00:32:21,136 --> 00:32:24,038 I won't dance. Don't ask me. 558 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,441 Pay attention. You're in for a treat. 559 00:32:26,443 --> 00:32:28,710 Oh, Ma, not another act! 560 00:32:28,712 --> 00:32:30,979 No, Dorothy, not just another act - the act. 561 00:32:30,981 --> 00:32:35,417 I've taken a classic and reworked it Sophia style. 562 00:32:36,919 --> 00:32:39,654 (♪ "Thanks for the Memories") 563 00:32:39,656 --> 00:32:42,691 ♪ Thanks for the medicare 564 00:32:45,027 --> 00:32:47,928 ♪ For Blue Cross and Blue Shield 565 00:32:47,930 --> 00:32:51,299 ♪ For a hip that finally healed 566 00:32:51,301 --> 00:32:53,635 ♪ Remember on prescriptions 567 00:32:53,637 --> 00:32:55,903 ♪ Generic is a steal 568 00:32:55,905 --> 00:33:00,441 ♪ We thank you so much 569 00:33:06,282 --> 00:33:08,549 OK, what do you think? Now, don't hold back. 570 00:33:08,551 --> 00:33:11,086 I can take the criticism. 571 00:33:14,223 --> 00:33:16,625 Depressing. 572 00:33:16,627 --> 00:33:19,693 Awful. 573 00:33:19,695 --> 00:33:23,230 Stinky. 574 00:33:23,232 --> 00:33:25,934 Go to hell, all of you! 575 00:33:29,104 --> 00:33:31,706 I will not have that filthy beast in my house. 576 00:33:31,708 --> 00:33:33,507 It belongs in a barnyard. 577 00:33:33,509 --> 00:33:35,743 This is not a farm chicken. 578 00:33:35,745 --> 00:33:39,814 Count Bessie is a show-biz chicken. Wait till you see this. 579 00:33:39,816 --> 00:33:43,618 A show-biz chicken. What does she do? Play the piano? 580 00:33:43,620 --> 00:33:46,354 She plays the piano. 581 00:33:49,759 --> 00:33:52,493 You just wait till you see this. 582 00:33:52,495 --> 00:33:55,163 OK, honey, come on. It's showtime. 583 00:33:55,165 --> 00:33:58,232 Yeah, come on, sweetheart. Oh, I know. 584 00:33:58,234 --> 00:34:00,168 I know. Here we go. 585 00:34:00,170 --> 00:34:02,504 OK, Count, hit it! 586 00:34:02,506 --> 00:34:05,106 (♪ "Old MacDonald Had a Farm") 587 00:34:09,044 --> 00:34:10,678 Isn't she incredible? 588 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,881 What do you say, girls? Can she stay? 589 00:34:12,883 --> 00:34:15,816 I guess so. All right. Oh, thank you. 590 00:34:15,818 --> 00:34:19,087 Just be sure to keep her in her cage. Oh. 591 00:34:19,089 --> 00:34:21,089 Maybe I can convince the count 592 00:34:21,091 --> 00:34:24,125 to give us some live entertainment with dessert. 593 00:34:24,127 --> 00:34:25,893 Have you any requests? 594 00:34:25,895 --> 00:34:28,463 How about "Bye Bye Birdie"? 595 00:34:29,931 --> 00:34:33,334 Girls! Girls, Count Bessie is missing. 596 00:34:35,204 --> 00:34:38,573 I went out to the garage to feed her and her cage was empty. 597 00:34:38,575 --> 00:34:41,008 Where could she be? 598 00:34:57,659 --> 00:35:00,228 Aunt Angela... 599 00:35:02,197 --> 00:35:04,432 Where did you get this chicken? 600 00:35:04,434 --> 00:35:06,800 (Aunt Angela) The garage. 601 00:35:08,437 --> 00:35:13,141 I guess this means no live entertainment with dessert. 602 00:35:18,547 --> 00:35:21,315 (Blanche) Oh, hello, there. How'd you do? We came in second. 603 00:35:21,317 --> 00:35:23,585 Oh, that's terrific. What'd you get? 604 00:35:23,587 --> 00:35:26,153 Treated badly. 605 00:35:26,155 --> 00:35:27,922 They told us to get out of the way 606 00:35:27,924 --> 00:35:29,991 when they took the winner's picture with Anita Bryant. 607 00:35:29,993 --> 00:35:33,661 Oh, what do those old judges know? I'd love to hear your song. 608 00:35:33,663 --> 00:35:35,797 Oh, forget it, Blanche. Please. 609 00:35:35,799 --> 00:35:38,733 Oh, no. The whole experience was too painful. Please. 610 00:35:38,735 --> 00:35:40,535 We want to put it out of our minds. Please. 611 00:35:40,537 --> 00:35:42,637 Hit it, Rose. 612 00:35:49,011 --> 00:35:52,112 ♪ I have to say what I feel 613 00:35:52,114 --> 00:35:55,650 ♪ Miami has so much appeal 614 00:35:55,652 --> 00:36:00,588 ♪ A great place to get a seafood meal 615 00:36:00,590 --> 00:36:05,059 ♪ Miami 616 00:36:06,996 --> 00:36:09,998 ♪ Miami, Miami 617 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,333 ♪ You've got style 618 00:36:12,335 --> 00:36:16,537 ♪ Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile 619 00:36:16,539 --> 00:36:18,873 ♪ When you live in this town 620 00:36:18,875 --> 00:36:21,242 ♪ Each day is sublime 621 00:36:21,244 --> 00:36:23,444 ♪ The coldest of winters 622 00:36:23,446 --> 00:36:25,646 ♪ Are warm and divine 623 00:36:25,648 --> 00:36:28,516 ♪ Miami, Miami 624 00:36:28,518 --> 00:36:30,885 ♪ You've got style 625 00:36:30,887 --> 00:36:34,656 ♪ Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile 626 00:36:34,658 --> 00:36:37,191 Hit it! ♪ There's ball clubs and nightclubs 627 00:36:37,193 --> 00:36:38,693 ♪ All within reach 628 00:36:38,695 --> 00:36:41,395 ♪ Dance the samba till morning 629 00:36:41,397 --> 00:36:43,498 ♪ Then lie on the beach 630 00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:45,767 ♪ Each view is a postcard 631 00:36:45,769 --> 00:36:47,968 ♪ Each day a great time Going home! 632 00:36:47,970 --> 00:36:52,206 ♪ The cream of the crop, it's the top of the line 633 00:36:52,208 --> 00:36:54,909 ♪ Miami, Miami 634 00:36:54,911 --> 00:36:57,044 ♪ You've got style 635 00:36:57,046 --> 00:37:00,848 ♪ Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile 636 00:37:00,850 --> 00:37:03,050 ♪ Miami 637 00:37:03,052 --> 00:37:08,823 ♪ You've got style ♪ 638 00:37:21,103 --> 00:37:24,639 Look, you're all confused and upset about this house business. 639 00:37:24,641 --> 00:37:27,408 There's only one thing you can do. What is that, Sophia? 640 00:37:27,410 --> 00:37:30,245 Take the advice of a wise old Sicilian. 641 00:37:30,247 --> 00:37:33,514 You, Sophia? No. Charlie Callas. 642 00:37:33,516 --> 00:37:35,749 Many years ago, my father had a similar problem 643 00:37:35,751 --> 00:37:37,318 when he was selling real estate. 644 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,555 I didn't know that Grandpa ever owned any real estate. 645 00:37:40,557 --> 00:37:42,290 He didn't. That was the problem. 646 00:37:42,292 --> 00:37:46,561 You see, it turned out he really didn't own the Vatican. 647 00:37:46,563 --> 00:37:49,264 Although he did have a very close friend 648 00:37:49,266 --> 00:37:51,132 who swore he was there 649 00:37:51,134 --> 00:37:53,534 the night Pop won the deed in a card game 650 00:37:53,536 --> 00:37:56,237 from Pope Ronnie the Magnificent. 651 00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,873 Sophia, you're not making any sense. 652 00:37:58,875 --> 00:38:02,644 Excuse me, Mrs. Kierkegaard, it's 4am. 653 00:38:02,646 --> 00:38:05,146 Ma, is there a point to this? 654 00:38:05,148 --> 00:38:06,980 And if there wasn't, what are you gonna do? 655 00:38:06,982 --> 00:38:10,451 Put decorative bars on my window? Yes, there is a point. 656 00:38:10,453 --> 00:38:13,721 If you're gonna sell real estate, make sure you own it. 657 00:38:13,723 --> 00:38:17,424 Sophia, I do own this house. Oh. 658 00:38:17,426 --> 00:38:19,394 Is anybody else hungry? 659 00:38:19,396 --> 00:38:21,829 Now that you mention it, I could really go for a pizza. 660 00:38:21,831 --> 00:38:23,564 I've been thinking about Chinese. 661 00:38:23,566 --> 00:38:25,566 I could go for a burger and fries. 662 00:38:25,568 --> 00:38:29,470 Why don't we order it all? Oh, Sophia, that'd be crazy. 663 00:38:29,472 --> 00:38:31,538 So, this would be the first time we did something 664 00:38:31,540 --> 00:38:34,375 a little out of the ordinary around here? 665 00:38:37,312 --> 00:38:39,713 Ma, thank God you're here. 666 00:38:39,715 --> 00:38:44,485 Arrested for prostitution. I can't believe it. 667 00:38:44,487 --> 00:38:47,154 Sophia, we're innocent. I know that. 668 00:38:47,156 --> 00:38:48,622 I can't believe these dumb cops would think 669 00:38:48,624 --> 00:38:51,291 anyone would pay money to sleep with you. 670 00:38:55,197 --> 00:38:57,765 Sophia, did you come to bail us out? 671 00:38:57,767 --> 00:39:02,537 No, Rose, she's dropping off a manicotti with a file in it. 672 00:39:02,539 --> 00:39:04,605 Well, girls, we're gonna get to see Mr. Burt Reynolds after all. 673 00:39:04,607 --> 00:39:07,842 I thought these beautiful tickets were all gonna go to waste. 674 00:39:07,844 --> 00:39:10,878 So which one of you isn't going? 675 00:39:13,114 --> 00:39:16,183 Well, I'm the one who won the tickets. 676 00:39:16,185 --> 00:39:18,318 Yeah, well, my mom's the one who's bailing us out. 677 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:22,723 I lost Butter Queen. Haven't I suffered enough? 678 00:39:22,725 --> 00:39:24,992 We'll draw straws. No. 679 00:39:24,994 --> 00:39:26,594 We'll flip a coin. No! 680 00:39:26,596 --> 00:39:29,263 Sophia, we had this all settled. Now, try and be understanding. 681 00:39:29,265 --> 00:39:31,832 Understanding? I came down here to bail you out 682 00:39:31,834 --> 00:39:33,501 and you're still not letting me go? 683 00:39:33,503 --> 00:39:36,771 Ma, will you stop complaining and get us out of here? 684 00:39:36,773 --> 00:39:39,040 Where are your roommates, Mrs. Petrillo? 685 00:39:39,042 --> 00:39:41,042 They're not here. Ma! 686 00:39:41,044 --> 00:39:43,911 Don't "Ma" me, you cheap floozie. 687 00:39:45,581 --> 00:39:48,783 Ma, Ma, you would do this to your own flesh and blood? 688 00:39:48,785 --> 00:39:52,052 You'll get over it, Dorothy. And if you don't, who cares? 689 00:39:52,054 --> 00:39:55,122 I'm on my way to see Burt Reynolds. 690 00:39:58,360 --> 00:39:59,994 And then - you're gonna love this - 691 00:39:59,996 --> 00:40:03,264 Dom DeLuise takes me by the arm and insists I tell Burt the story. 692 00:40:03,266 --> 00:40:05,700 Sophia, I don't want to hear any more about it. 693 00:40:05,702 --> 00:40:07,668 Not even the part when Burt and Dom 694 00:40:07,670 --> 00:40:10,538 insisted I repeat the story to Loni Anderson? 695 00:40:10,540 --> 00:40:13,408 That's it. I don't want to hear another word. 696 00:40:13,410 --> 00:40:15,543 Oh, Cinderella's back from the ball 697 00:40:15,545 --> 00:40:18,913 and her three wicked roommates are jealous. 698 00:40:21,282 --> 00:40:23,884 We are not jealous, Ma. We are angry. 699 00:40:23,886 --> 00:40:26,054 You left us sitting in jail. 700 00:40:26,056 --> 00:40:28,989 Hey, I sent over the bail money. You were out an hour later. 701 00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:30,924 I think that was just about the time 702 00:40:30,926 --> 00:40:34,762 I was nibbling a giant shrimp out of Jerry Reed's hand. 703 00:40:34,764 --> 00:40:37,698 You're making this whole thing up just to rub it in. 704 00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:41,402 You have never met these people. 705 00:40:41,404 --> 00:40:44,605 Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy. 706 00:40:44,607 --> 00:40:47,174 And so are you in anything backless. 707 00:40:50,445 --> 00:40:52,613 (doorbell) 708 00:40:55,917 --> 00:40:58,185 Hello. 709 00:41:14,202 --> 00:41:16,770 Is Sophia around? Oh, hi, Burt. 710 00:41:20,476 --> 00:41:22,943 How about a little lunch? Listen, if you're buying, how about a big lunch? 711 00:41:22,945 --> 00:41:24,946 Great. 712 00:41:24,948 --> 00:41:28,316 My God, you're Mr. Burt Reynolds. 713 00:41:28,318 --> 00:41:32,019 I hope so, otherwise I got the wrong underwear on. 714 00:41:32,021 --> 00:41:34,255 These the roommates you told me about? Yeah. 715 00:41:34,257 --> 00:41:38,292 Which one's the slut? (all) I am. 716 00:41:43,331 --> 00:41:47,234 Rose, it is not here! Look again. It has to be. 717 00:41:47,236 --> 00:41:51,238 Rose, I have read every want ad in the paper. Mine is not here. 718 00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:54,008 Are you sure you dropped it off at the newspaper office? 719 00:41:54,010 --> 00:41:57,511 Dorothy, you told me exactly what you wanted me to do a dozen times. 720 00:41:57,513 --> 00:41:59,180 Any idiot could have done it. 721 00:41:59,182 --> 00:42:03,351 I know, honey, but you were the only one going downtown. 722 00:42:03,353 --> 00:42:06,019 Are you sure that you dropped it off at the newspaper office? 723 00:42:06,021 --> 00:42:09,357 Yes! Six people already called while you were out. 724 00:42:09,359 --> 00:42:12,627 Give that to me. I'll try and find it for you. 725 00:42:12,629 --> 00:42:14,094 (doorbell) 726 00:42:18,366 --> 00:42:20,534 Dorothy? Have we met? 727 00:42:20,536 --> 00:42:23,471 Not yet. I'm here because of your ad in the paper: 728 00:42:23,473 --> 00:42:26,841 "Willing to do anything, $8 an hour, no job too big or small." 729 00:42:26,843 --> 00:42:28,843 Yes, yes, of course. Please come in. 730 00:42:28,845 --> 00:42:31,411 I'm sorry. I didn't expect people to actually come here. 731 00:42:31,413 --> 00:42:34,415 I just figured, you know, that I would be going to them. 732 00:42:34,417 --> 00:42:36,350 That's the way it'll work in the future, 733 00:42:36,352 --> 00:42:39,220 when my video camera gets back from the shop. 734 00:42:39,222 --> 00:42:43,457 So tell me, what type of work is it that you need done, Mr... 735 00:42:43,459 --> 00:42:44,458 Toto. Mr. Toto. 736 00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:47,194 Oh, no "Mr." Just "Toto." 737 00:42:47,196 --> 00:42:50,497 You're Dorothy, and I'm Toto. 738 00:42:53,902 --> 00:42:57,004 At least for the next $8. 739 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:02,276 Dorothy, you owe me an apology. Your ad's right here. 740 00:43:02,278 --> 00:43:05,579 Oh, Rose, this is the personals column. 741 00:43:05,581 --> 00:43:07,148 So what? So what? 742 00:43:07,150 --> 00:43:08,916 You put an ad in the personals column 743 00:43:08,918 --> 00:43:12,619 that said I will do anything for $8 an hour? 744 00:43:12,621 --> 00:43:15,723 Oh, look, it's right under an ad that reads: 745 00:43:15,725 --> 00:43:19,193 "History professor seeking nonsmoking Oriental woman 746 00:43:19,195 --> 00:43:21,028 who is into Wesson oil 747 00:43:21,030 --> 00:43:25,700 and bears a resemblance to Florence Henderson." 748 00:43:25,702 --> 00:43:27,868 Is that signed "Doug"? Yes. 749 00:43:27,870 --> 00:43:31,305 I know him. He's a sick man. 750 00:43:31,307 --> 00:43:35,075 I'm terribly sorry for this mix-up. Goodbye. 751 00:43:37,346 --> 00:43:41,048 Oh, my God, I don't believe this! 752 00:43:41,050 --> 00:43:45,253 I'm gonna call the cops if you don't get out of here right away, you pervert! 753 00:43:45,255 --> 00:43:47,187 Hi, Father Rossi. 754 00:43:47,189 --> 00:43:50,524 Here's the canned goods for the needy. 755 00:43:50,526 --> 00:43:53,360 Oh, no. 756 00:43:53,362 --> 00:43:55,463 Oh, I'm... I'm terribly sorry. 757 00:43:55,465 --> 00:43:57,265 I promise that I will say Hail Marys 758 00:43:57,267 --> 00:44:00,333 until Madonna has a hit movie. 759 00:44:02,804 --> 00:44:05,806 Hi. Here's my $8. Let's get started, Dorothy. 760 00:44:05,808 --> 00:44:08,742 Oh, I'm not Dorothy. She is. 761 00:44:08,744 --> 00:44:11,478 I'll give you $4. Let's get started. 762 00:44:13,347 --> 00:44:16,384 How would you like your rear end kicked across the street? 763 00:44:16,386 --> 00:44:19,152 Oh, great. Here's the other $4. 764 00:44:20,655 --> 00:44:22,056 Girls. 765 00:44:22,058 --> 00:44:27,628 Girls, there is a busload of Greek sailors out front. 766 00:44:27,630 --> 00:44:31,999 They wanna know how many drachma there are in $8. 767 00:44:33,301 --> 00:44:36,236 Girls, guess what I found. 768 00:44:36,238 --> 00:44:40,441 Fernando! That's not Fernando. 769 00:44:40,443 --> 00:44:43,244 What do you mean, that's not Fernando? How could you tell? 770 00:44:43,246 --> 00:44:46,614 All you have to do is look in his eyes. 771 00:44:46,616 --> 00:44:51,018 Or at the price tag stuck to his back. 772 00:44:51,020 --> 00:44:54,488 Oops! Thanks for trying, Blanche. 773 00:44:54,490 --> 00:44:58,325 It's nice to know I have a friend like you... who cares. 774 00:45:00,262 --> 00:45:03,698 Dorothy, I have a confession to make. 775 00:45:03,700 --> 00:45:05,765 Rose didn't lose Fernando. 776 00:45:05,767 --> 00:45:09,470 I gave him to Daisy when she was helping out with the rummage sale. 777 00:45:09,472 --> 00:45:11,371 Well, then there's no problem, honey. 778 00:45:11,373 --> 00:45:13,908 Just call Daisy and get Fernando back. 779 00:45:13,910 --> 00:45:16,210 She's a very sweet kid. She'll understand. 780 00:45:16,212 --> 00:45:19,013 I tried that. She said no. 781 00:45:19,015 --> 00:45:22,148 What do you mean? She's not a sweet kid anymore. 782 00:45:22,150 --> 00:45:25,452 She's holding Fernando for ransom. 783 00:45:25,454 --> 00:45:27,088 Come on! 784 00:45:27,090 --> 00:45:30,423 Dorothy, she sent me one of his ears. 785 00:45:36,998 --> 00:45:38,466 You! Good morning. 786 00:45:38,468 --> 00:45:41,402 Well, kid, what do you want? I changed my mind. 787 00:45:41,404 --> 00:45:43,471 I was wrong to ask for all those gifts. 788 00:45:43,473 --> 00:45:45,806 Dorothy, you see? I knew she'd come to her senses. 789 00:45:45,808 --> 00:45:48,909 I decided cash is better. 790 00:45:48,911 --> 00:45:51,545 That way I can buy exactly what I want. 791 00:45:51,547 --> 00:45:53,547 I'll get my purse. 792 00:45:53,549 --> 00:45:56,917 No. Blanche, I'm not gonna let you do that. 793 00:45:56,919 --> 00:45:59,353 I've been doing a lot of thinking. 794 00:45:59,355 --> 00:46:02,723 If, after all the years of love and companionship, 795 00:46:02,725 --> 00:46:06,293 Fernando and I are meant to part company, I'll just have to accept that. 796 00:46:06,295 --> 00:46:10,463 Time to time, life deals you an unfriendly hand. 797 00:46:10,465 --> 00:46:13,099 There's nothing you can do about it. 798 00:46:13,101 --> 00:46:15,936 I guess there's a lesson to be learned here. 799 00:46:15,938 --> 00:46:18,605 Sometimes life just isn't fair, kiddo. 800 00:46:29,717 --> 00:46:32,152 I cannot talk about this anymore. 801 00:46:32,154 --> 00:46:35,055 I'm just gonna call Yakamora and give him my decision. 802 00:46:35,057 --> 00:46:37,691 Go ahead. Make your call. We'll give you some privacy. 803 00:46:37,693 --> 00:46:41,095 We'll go in the other room. Come on, Ma. Let's go. 804 00:46:43,130 --> 00:46:45,131 What do you think she's gonna do? 805 00:46:45,133 --> 00:46:47,400 I think she's gonna sell. It's just too much money. 806 00:46:47,402 --> 00:46:50,837 Oh, no. Blanche is too sentimental. I think she's gonna stay. 807 00:46:50,839 --> 00:46:54,175 What do you think, Ma? Ma! Quiet. 808 00:46:54,177 --> 00:47:00,114 Oh, this is just the operator. Your phone is working fine. 809 00:47:00,116 --> 00:47:04,118 Ma, what did you hear? You're never gonna believe what happened. 810 00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:05,919 You are never gonna believe what happened. 811 00:47:05,921 --> 00:47:08,589 Yakamora decided not to buy the house. 812 00:47:08,591 --> 00:47:10,223 What happened? 813 00:47:10,225 --> 00:47:13,861 Well, he went on a shopping spree and he spent all his money. 814 00:47:13,863 --> 00:47:16,930 He bought a department store in Fort Lauderdale 815 00:47:16,932 --> 00:47:20,667 and a condominium in Orlando, a baseball team in Tampa, 816 00:47:20,669 --> 00:47:23,571 and I think one of the Landers sisters. 817 00:47:23,573 --> 00:47:26,707 But what were you gonna tell him? What if he hadn't backed out? 818 00:47:26,709 --> 00:47:28,476 What difference does that make now? 819 00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:31,445 The important thing is we're staying together. 820 00:47:31,447 --> 00:47:35,216 You were gonna sell, weren't you? Damn straight. 821 00:47:35,218 --> 00:47:37,451 But I was not gonna let it break us up. 822 00:47:37,453 --> 00:47:39,586 We are staying together. I don't care what happens. 823 00:47:39,588 --> 00:47:43,757 We are family. We are a team. 824 00:47:43,759 --> 00:47:46,827 Come on, everybody, group hug.