1
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,442
Congratulations.
Holy shit.
You're pregnant.

2
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,943
Previously on "You Me Her"...

3
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,445
I'm keeping it.

4
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,947
Jack, Izzy, I'm in love
with the two of you.

5
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,515
I could never trust her,

6
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,217
and I would be beyond
disappointed if you could.

7
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,686
For the record, I'm also
Mr. Right There in Front of You.

8
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,188
I'm gonna be putting more time
into the magazine,

9
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,990
and we need to come up
with a plan.

10
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,959
You wanted to stay at home.
This was a-a mutual decision.

11
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,394
I spoke to your grandmother's
counselor.

12
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,862
She asked if you'd want
to go for coffee.

13
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,064
Fine, but you seriously
have to be there.

14
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,733
I will. I promise.

15
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,201
I don't know.
Maybe Andy was right,

16
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,669
what he said to me
when we broke up.

17
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,672
"It's not me. It's you."

18
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,207
-Fuck.
-Yeah.

19
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,675
Favorite part of the job.
There you go.

20
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,577
Oh. We have to celebrate.

21
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,246
You, me, Emma. Who else?
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

22
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:47,714
What's that look?

23
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,250
-Hey! There they are.
-Hi.

24
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,185
My, God.
What is Emma doing --

25
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,988
-You were in on this.
-Yeah.

26
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,423
-Iz.
-What?

27
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:59,159
I'm pregnant
and I'm keeping it.

28
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,594
Six weeks, so...

29
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,496
He knows, doesn't he?

30
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,899
Jack!

31
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:11,405
Young Summer: ♪ While the world
is stretched, we go ♪

32
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,573
♪ But this time ♪

33
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:17,077
That day in the loft,
what'd you call it?

34
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,845
Oh, yeah,
it was a "mistake."

35
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,781
No, it turns out that was
the only completely real thing

36
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,349
I've done in the last
six months.

37
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,918
And yet, you left again.

38
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,421
Yeah, I ran away 'cause
I was fucking terrified.

39
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,156
Of what?

40
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:32,092
Of the day you and Jack
realized I was unnecessary.

41
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,495
Jack loves you, Izzy.
He is deeply in love with you.

42
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,030
And you think that
that would...
Stop.

43
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,433
...that would pissed me off
or make me jealous,

44
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,602
but it doesn't,
because this just feels right.

45
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:47,374
And I don't wanna fuck it up.
I cannot fuck this up again.

46
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:50,477
This happened when
we were together.

47
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,679
We made this baby together.

48
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,349
♪ Well, I never could say,
I never... ♪

49
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:58,118
I love you so fucking much.

50
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,853
♪ What I wanted ♪

51
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:03,023
♪ I never could say,
I never could see the waves ♪

52
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,392
Say it again.

53
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:08,295
I love you.

54
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,763
All of it.

55
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,765
♪♪

56
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,801
I love you so fucking much.

57
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:24,811
♪♪

58
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,580
♪♪

59
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,082
♪♪

60
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,318
Yipes.

61
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:34,955
This is so much better than
I expected after that scream.

62
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,723
♪♪

63
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,158
Is this what it was like
the last time

64
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,993
you two made out
in a bathroom?

65
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,963
It was a little more
like this.

66
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,898
[ Laughs ]
[ Thud ]

67
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:47,634
And then I went like this.
[ Thud ]

68
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:50,103
And like this.

69
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,972
-Emma: Remember?
-Izzy: Yeah.

70
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,507
Come here.

71
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,675
♪ Over deeper waters ♪

72
00:02:55,675 --> 00:03:01,948
♪ Fools from far away
close enough to fall in ♪

73
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:06,887
♪ Well, I never could say,
I never could say again ♪

74
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,523
♪ What I wanted,
I never could see ♪

75
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:13,160
♪ I never could see the waves ♪

76
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,196
♪ That rolled you under ♪

77
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,564
Fuck this.
[ Cellphone clatters ]

78
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:19,199
Troubles?

79
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,501
♪♪

80
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:22,936
Yeah. I'm pretty sure
I just got stood up

81
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:26,773
by a catsitter/Instagram
consultant.

82
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,675
Oh. Wow, okay.

83
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,610
Well, that knocks off

84
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:34,514
the bicycle detailer/
fraternity party planner

85
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:36,183
off the top, doesn't it?
-Yeah.

86
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,285
Yeah.
Yeah. A bunch of the guys
I was messaging

87
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,020
went radio silent.

88
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:44,191
I haven't hooked anything
for almost 24 hours.

89
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,759
Uh-oh.

90
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,961
Uh-oh, what?
[ Glass thuds ]

91
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:52,599
Well, it seems like the boys
of Portland are talkin'.

92
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:56,303
Seriously? Like I'm on
some kind of Tinder shit list?

93
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,771
I don't know.

94
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,439
Ugh!

95
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,708
Fuck! How am I supposed
to finish my fucking thesis

96
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,376
if everybody's scared of me?!

97
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,112
[ Chuckles ]
I know, right? Hmm.

98
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,347
Mm.

99
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,715
So I was gonna sneak out

100
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,684
and catch "Pillow Talk"
at the Paramount.

101
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:14,621
And you're welcome to tag along
if you want, or whatever.

102
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:18,859
I mean, it's a light crowd
and, uh, he can handle it, so...

103
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,561
Are you serious? Are you
asking me on a date right now?

104
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,396
Absolutely not.
I'm just proposing

105
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:24,998
that we grab a bite,
and then we go see

106
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:29,302
one of the 10 essential romcoms
of the 20th century.

107
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,071
Okay, so -- so now it's

108
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,406
the proverbial
dinner and a movie?

109
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:34,908
Oh, right.
But it --
it's still not a date?

110
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,309
You're just -- you're --
you're turning this

111
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:37,811
into something
that it clearly isn't.

112
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,480
And quite frankly,
I don't, you know,

113
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,748
I don't feel comfortable.

114
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,351
-[ Whispers ] Oh.
-So...

115
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,753
But you don't think
I see how you look at me?

116
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:50,924
You know, I can feel
your searing eyes on my ass,

117
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,592
making my ass even hotter.

118
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:55,595
It's true.

119
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:58,398
[ Scoffs ] Say yes.

120
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,367
-Yes.
-What was that?

121
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,502
Yes. Yes. Yes!

122
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,905
Oh. See?

123
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,473
Huh?
[ Women laugh ]

124
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,675
Yeah.
You know where to find me.

125
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,810
Okay.

126
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,979
♪♪

127
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,583
Do you really think
they're getting it on

128
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,018
in our master bathroom
right now?

129
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,320
Fighting, fucking?
Fighting while fucking?

130
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,289
Carmen: It's all
[ Dave groans ]
on the table right now.

131
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:24,157
Or the vanity,
in this case.

132
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,326
Okay, I'm gonna think about that
every time I brush my teeth now.

133
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,794
Thank you.

134
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:31,198
I'm so glad we didn't
do this at my house.

135
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,266
You know, if you examine
what we're doing right now,

136
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,801
just standing here,
[ Door opens ]
looking up at the stairs...

137
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,970
I don't think you'd like
what it says about us.

138
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,205
[ Footsteps approach ]

139
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:43,310
Um, congratulations...
on the magazine.

140
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,845
-Bye.
-See ya.

141
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,981
[ Departing footsteps ]

142
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,117
[ Front door opens, closes ]

143
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,887
Well, you did it.
You rethroupled them.

144
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,790
Yeah, I did.
[ Clinks ]

145
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,626
-Welcome to the neighborhood.
-Thank you.

146
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,629
[ The Cave Singers' "Black Leaf"
playing ]

147
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:11,238
♪♪

148
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:16,910
♪♪

149
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,913
♪ Round and round and round
and here we go ♪

150
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:27,254
♪♪

151
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,422
♪ Take me to the river ♪

152
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,958
♪ Let me wash my hand ♪

153
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:36,162
♪♪

154
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:39,899
♪ He may wanna kill me,
then he'll take my soul ♪

155
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:44,471
♪♪

156
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,273
♪ He may wanna kill me ♪

157
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,440
[ Thud ]

158
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,609
Oh, no.
Are you okay?

159
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,412
-[ Laughs ]
-Emma: Oh, my God.

160
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,615
Nina: One of the best
romantic comedies of our time?

161
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:58,451
Shaun: Yeah. It's my mom's
favorite movie.

162
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,521
It was...kinda rape-y.

163
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,657
Sorry.

164
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,525
Yeah, I don't remember it
being that rape-y,

165
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,395
but Ivy League there got
a little -- little handsy.

166
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,563
True.
I mean, the whole thing
was just weird.

167
00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,700
The fact that the guy is
a pathological liar?

168
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,402
He's -- he's one person...
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

169
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:19,005
and then he's Rex Stetson,
and then he still gets the girl.

170
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,607
I thought that movie
was bullshit.

171
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,275
Have you ever listened to
Doris Day's Christmas album?

172
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,710
How did we get there?

173
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:32,719
♪♪

174
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,755
Nina: From the time
I could run,

175
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,357
I chased my Dad's car down
the street

176
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,225
until my Mom caught me.

177
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,928
The older I got, the further
I got. It was impressive.

178
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,230
-Shaun: Did he ever stop?
-Nina: No.

179
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,700
My Mom said if he stopped,
I'd never learn.

180
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,868
Ouch. That sucks.

181
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,704
Did I tell you I paint?

182
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,873
-Definitely not.
-It's highly therapeutic.

183
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:56,476
I suck at it, though, so I call
it "abstract expressionism"

184
00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:00,814
because, I mean...
who's gonna know?

185
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,816
So...

186
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,451
I just -- Handfuls.

187
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,919
Just a bunch of that?

188
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,721
I'm going through
a Pollock phase right now.

189
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,989
My grandma thinks
I'm a genius.

190
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,791
[ Laughs ]

191
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:13,793
-[ Shaun laughs ]
-What?

192
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:16,129
Nina: Oh, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.

193
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,897
We're sharing.
There's no holding back.

194
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,999
Well, I kinda...

195
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:23,670
I kinda sorta want
my own bar.

196
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,572
I mean,
I've been saving up,

197
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:29,743
and I've got a couple investors
that are interested.

198
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:33,079
That is
extremely cool, Shaun.

199
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,348
♪♪

200
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,985
-Okay, say it for real.
-Shaun: Say what?

201
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,553
Well, leave out
the "kinda sorta"

202
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,255
and tell the universe
what you want.

203
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,324
I want my own bar.

204
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,359
Lame.

205
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,529
Is that so hard?
Yell it.

206
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:53,533
[ Clears throat ]
[ Clears throat ]

207
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,335
-I'm holding on.
-[ Laughs ]

208
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,438
-I want my own bar!
-He wants his own bar!

209
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:01,508
-I want my own fucking bar!
-Whoo!

210
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,243
Man:
Said every drunk ever!

211
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,412
-Shaun: Thank you!
-Nina: Move along.

212
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,313
Nice.

213
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:10,617
Hey, thanks for never judging me
about the escort thing.

214
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:13,920
I think
it just made me feel...

215
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,022
I don't know, in control?

216
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,324
Well, paddling a dude
who's wearing a dog collar

217
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,126
and nipple clamps,
that would do it.

218
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,429
None of us are in control,
really.

219
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:26,099
If you can accept that,
it's actually all very exciting.

220
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:30,970
♪♪

221
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:34,974
I-I didn't realize how badly
I needed a night like this.

222
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,376
Thank you.

223
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,977
[ Horn honks in distance ]

224
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:41,448
Go on.
Get it over with.

225
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,050
Jerk the rug out
from underneath me.

226
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,054
No.

227
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,722
Not this time.

228
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:59,732
♪♪

229
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:10,477
♪♪

230
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,179
All right, I, um...

231
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:16,082
I got -- just need
to walk away now.

232
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,550
Yep.

233
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:21,988
♪♪

234
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:27,927
♪♪

235
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,596
You know,
if it's a girl...

236
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,265
[ Singsongy ] we should
totally name her Eji.

237
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,667
-[ Laughs ]
-How awesome would that be?

238
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,669
Yeah, then we can go straight
from cutting the cord

239
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,204
to giving her
a belly button ring.

240
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:41,407
Yeah. Buy her a little
training stripper pole.

241
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:42,876
[ Laughs ]

242
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,878
Foster an addiction
to infant cough medicine.

243
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,180
"More sizzurp, Mommy."

244
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,748
-Izzy: Aw.
-Don't you mean Mommies?

245
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:50,717
Ah, I forgot.

246
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:54,254
Oh, I will respond to "Mamacita"
and "Mamacita" only.

247
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,190
[ Inhales deeply ]
So we're really doing it?

248
00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,760
Yeah. Just a guy, his ex,
and their girlfriend

249
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,295
raising a baby together.

250
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:05,131
So if it's a girl,
and we don't call her Rita,

251
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,500
my mother will never speak to
any of us ever again, so...

252
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,202
Oh, seriously,
if you do name her Rita

253
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,837
and you can't make it 1957,

254
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,772
your daughter will never
speak to you again.

255
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,941
As long as we avoid
plants or herbs.

256
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,010
I have four patients
named Sage,

257
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,678
three Willows, and a Fern.

258
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,147
-All in therapy?
-Yeah, that's exactly my point.

259
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,682
I love Matilda.

260
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,384
[ Gasps ] I like Matilda.

261
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,286
Yeah, 'cause it can be Maddy,
it can be Tilda.

262
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,687
It's like three names
in one.

263
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,322
-That's pretty good.
-Emma: Right?

264
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,790
-We should write these down.
-Izzy: Oh, yeah, yeah.

265
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,158
Hey, what about Riley?

266
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:33,826
He was my first crush
when we were 9.

267
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,328
Every time he smiled at me,

268
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,063
I heard that
"Breakfast Club" song.

269
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,631
-Everyone freeze-framed.
-Izzy: I like it.

270
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,501
Here, here, here.
Matilda.

271
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:44,304
-And Riley. I like Riley.
-It tickles.

272
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,472
-Jack: What about Parker?
-Izzy: Hmm.

273
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,042
Sounds kinda douchey, but every
Parker I know has been a winner.

274
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,512
-I like Parker.
-Eh, let's keep going.

275
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,847
-Olivia.
-Too popular.

276
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,916
Jack Jr.
Should've put that first.

277
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,685
-Jack?
-No.

278
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,720
Gotta put that in
J.J.?
giant capital letters.

279
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,424
Uh, fair warning --
I don't change diapers.

280
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:08,294
Well, I did once, but I was
getting paid double.

281
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,463
-[ Emma laughs ]
-Oh, that is fucking disgusting.

282
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,065
I know. I'm sorry.

283
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,667
Okay, well, I already divvied up
the baby duties.

284
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,237
And spoiler alert,
but your lists are super long.

285
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,939
I already work insane hours
at Pinnacle.

286
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:23,009
And if I make partner,
it's gonna be even worse, so...

287
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,981
Shit. [ Sighs ]

288
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,849
Sorry, I didn't...

289
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,951
I didn't mean
to make assumptions.

290
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,853
Oh, we haven't really
talked about it, so...

291
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,593
I was assuming
you were coming home,

292
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,195
not coming to get us.

293
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,133
[ Lily laughs ]

294
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,302
Ohh, it's a war zone.

295
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,037
[ TV playing indistinctly ]

296
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:54,707
Mm. It's Hannah's ring.
[ Cellphone ringing, vibrating ]

297
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,342
Can you just say
you're dead?

298
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,177
Is there a response that says
"I'm dead"? Can you do that?

299
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,446
I think she's actually
really lonely.

300
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,815
Well, that's what happens
when you fabricate a husband.

301
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,984
I'm kidding. Please.
Go ahead. Feel free.

302
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:08,121
-[ Lily fusses, cries ]
-Hannah: Fuck, yeah!

303
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,056
-Callie: Fuck yeah!
-[ Lily giggles ]

304
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:12,225
Never getting that genie
back in the bottle.

305
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,394
Hello? Carmen?
The counselor meetings
roll out before us.

306
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,262
Carmen,
hold on to your ovaries.

307
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,298
-Um, not a saying.
-Give it time.

308
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,135
Turns out, hunky printer rep's
dad owns the company,

309
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,603
and they want in.

310
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,471
Offices, staff, the whole nine.

311
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,140
How amazing!

312
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,209
Uh, so ama--
Are you kidding me?

313
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:32,912
Get your skinny ass over here
so we can celebrate! Whoo!

314
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:36,482
Oh, my God.
[ Beep ]

315
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,951
Oh, my God. [ Laughs ]

316
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:42,088
Oh, my God.

317
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,323
Well, uh...

318
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,392
I guess
shit just got real, huh?

319
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,994
It's okay.
We'll figure it out.

320
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,134
-Congratulations.
-[ Whispers ] Thank you.

321
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:56,602
-[ Chuckles ]
-Mm.

322
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,071
-Mmm.
-Mmm.

323
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,006
[ Callie speaks indistinctly ]

324
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,575
I maybe have five minutes.

325
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,644
Well, I only need four,
so you can just have
a whole minute

326
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,112
for the walk of shame
over there.

327
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,747
That's perfect.

328
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,650
Callie:
Lily shit on my book.

329
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,752
[ Whispers ] She what?

330
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,154
I got it.
No, wait. No, no, no.
Hold on.

331
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:18,324
You get -- you get over there
and you go celebrate.

332
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,893
I got this. I'll take care
of it. Go on.

333
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,329
[ Whispers ] So hard to me.
So hard to me.

334
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:26,065
[ TV continues playing ]

335
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:27,366
-[ Scoffs ]
-Callie: [ Laughs ] Daddy!

336
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,169
Okay! Yes, shit on a book.
Coming!

337
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:33,072
-Can't wait to see.
-[ Lily babbles ]

338
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,775
Well, if you get the promotion,
you're gonna be making, like,

339
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,276
a shit ton of money, right?

340
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:39,746
Like, twice
what Jackie makes.

341
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,615
[ Laughs ] If you're trying to
No?
bruise my ego, it's not working.

342
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:45,752
I'm fully comfortable with
however much she's making.

343
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,087
-Is it more than twice as much?
-Yeah, a little bit.

344
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,623
Three times as much?
Four times? [ Laughs ]

345
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,226
-Seriously?
-Fuck.

346
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,129
-Testing the limits of my ego.
-[ Emma laughs ]

347
00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:00,133
And as long
as we're being honest,

348
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,734
I miss Hawthorne Heights.

349
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,804
What? You never told me that.

350
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,239
I do.

351
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,977
-It's interesting.
-In what way?

352
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:15,314
In the way that I'd rather
sleep under a fucking bridge.

353
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,949
Come on. How do you not
love this place?

354
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:18,618
It's in the middle
of fucking everything.

355
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,186
There's tacos downstairs.

356
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,723
Yeah, except for parking
and grass and trees

357
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,058
and grocery stores
or other children.

358
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,694
Uh, well,
bonus point for Seattle --

359
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,463
we could pick out a place
together.

360
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,799
Well, this is fucking great,
isn't it?

361
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,233
2-person couples have
a hard time

362
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:36,235
staying on the same page
about stuff like this,

363
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:37,804
like where to live,
how to live.

364
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:41,340
Yeah, but we are a democracy,
so we can vote.

365
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,209
-Oh.
-That's true.

366
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:46,412
We could, like, make
presentations, each of us.

367
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:47,880
-Give it the pluses and minuses.
-[ Emma groans ]

368
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,649
-[ Izzy snores ]
-What?

369
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,318
How about we explore
the more tactile aspects

370
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,187
of an odd-number relationship?
-Mmm.

371
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,422
-I second that motion.
-Third!

372
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:58,357
Enough with the talking.

373
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:00,259
In the shrink world, we call
this "avoidance sex."

374
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,662
Works for me!

375
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,664
[ Laughter ]

376
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:13,005
♪♪

377
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:16,576
♪♪

378
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:19,846
-Hey.
-What's up?

379
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,080
[ Purse thuds ]

380
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:25,151
♪♪

381
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,653
[ Spraying ]

382
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:31,958
♪♪

383
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,993
My mind is blown.

384
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,461
The world has turned
upside-down.

385
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,363
Nothing makes sense anymore.

386
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,831
-Neen.
-What?

387
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,766
Nina!

388
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,168
You're cleaning the bar.

389
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,970
[ Gasps ]
[ Whispers ] Oh, my God.

390
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,839
[ Normal voice ] What the fuck?
Should I go home?

391
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,374
Do you have a fever?
I don't know.
Um...

392
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,877
[ Sighs ] I don't know.
I don't think so.

393
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,045
I'm a little shaky, though.

394
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:54,780
-Goddamn it.
-What?

395
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,983
Well, I'm highly suggestible
to panic.

396
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,051
Oh. Well, maybe you should've
thought of that...

397
00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:02,021
[ Whispers ]
before you kissed me.

398
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,490
Yeah, no, you're right. That
makes total fucking sense.

399
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:10,696
♪♪

400
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,732
You know what?

401
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,268
For both of our sakes,
I think I'm just gonna
take my break now.

402
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:18,571
Yeah, that's -- that's
more like you.
Yeah.

403
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,072
-You deserve it.
-Mm-hmm.

404
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:22,642
I mean, look at this.
It's...

405
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:23,910
half done.

406
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,444
I'm glad this didn't get weird.

407
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:28,581
[ Door creaks ]

408
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:29,715
[ Door closes ]

409
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,918
[ Door closes ]

410
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,720
-Mmm.
-Mm. Squeeze in.

411
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,389
[ Both sigh ]

412
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,758
[ Sighs ] Mm.

413
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,426
Whatcha working on?

414
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,562
Everything all at once,
as usual. Never stops.

415
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,097
Kind of running out of excuses.
[ Taps keyboard ]

416
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:48,067
I'm pretty sure I'm in...Hawaii?

417
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,403
Fiji? I don't know.
Definitely an island.

418
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,904
[ Chuckles ] You're not
[ Cellphone ringing ]
in the hospital.

419
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,173
Oh, shit, I'm in the hospital.
That's right.

420
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,641
Who's that?
[ Cellphone buzzing ]

421
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,109
My dad.

422
00:17:57,109 --> 00:18:01,580
So he's not really crazy
about this...business.

423
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,350
-You told him already?
-Yeah. I-I've... [ Sighs ]

424
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:07,053
I thought I was telling him
about something I did,

425
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,521
not something I'm doing.

426
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:11,891
Sorry, Dad.
[ Laptop chimes ]

427
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:14,527
Ugh!
[ Chiming continues ]

428
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,396
Go away.
[ Types ]

429
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:20,266
Seems that the world
has found us.

430
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,068
[ Cellphone chimes ]

431
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:24,570
Okay, enough. Another text,
call, or e-mail, and I'm gonna

432
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,073
have to fake a Code Red
Wellness Center emergency

433
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:30,042
so I can just be as cool
and indispensable as you two.

434
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:33,179
-Fuck!
-What?

435
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:36,682
[ Sighs ] I forgot my meeting
with Sasha and her grandma.

436
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:40,252
-I'm sure she'll be fine, Iz.
-No, she's been let down enough.

437
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:43,889
She was counting on me,
and I...I... [ Sighs ]

438
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,192
Fuck. I got distracted.

439
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:49,695
-Hey, Iz. Izzy.
-What?

440
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,564
It'll be okay.
You'll figure it out.

441
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,867
-You want a ride?
-I-I gotta go.

442
00:18:54,867 --> 00:19:00,773
♪♪

443
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:05,077
[ Indistinct conversations ]

444
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:15,154
♪♪

445
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,190
♪♪

446
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,860
[ Billiard balls clacking ]

447
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:30,503
♪♪

448
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,505
No polish for you.

449
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,407
♪♪

450
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,575
Sasha, look at me, please.

451
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,511
Hey, can we just skip
this part

452
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,579
and go straight to
you fucking off?

453
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:42,648
I'm so sorry.
I lost track of time --

454
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,550
Is that really the best
you can do?

455
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,319
You're right.

456
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,588
All that matters
is that I fucked up.

457
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:52,825
And I swear to God,
it'll never happen again.

458
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,827
You got that right.

459
00:19:54,827 --> 00:20:01,867
♪♪

460
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,037
What happened
with your grandma?

461
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,373
Nothing good.

462
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:12,178
Same selfish, crazy cow
she always was.

463
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,612
Well, maybe we could make
another appointment --

464
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:17,216
No. It's done. Over.

465
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:21,353
You don't know her like I do,
so just let it go.

466
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:24,523
You can't fix me.

467
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:28,694
♪♪

468
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,596
Well, what can I do?

469
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,065
You can go away.

470
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,935
♪♪

471
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,603
[ Exhales slowly ]

472
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:46,879
♪♪

473
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,881
[ Sighs ]

474
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,884
[ Birds chirping ]

475
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:58,124
♪♪

476
00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,592
[ Screen unlocks ]

477
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,661
[ Touchscreen beeping ]

478
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:05,397
[ Line rings ]

479
00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:09,034
[ Cellphone rings, beep ]

480
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,469
Hey.

481
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:12,404
I had a revelation.

482
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:15,441
And you wanna talk about it?

483
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,011
Yeah. I do.

484
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,082
I'm glad you could
swing this in.

485
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:25,351
Izzy's at Directions,
and Emma's buried in work.

486
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,253
Ah. Don't worry about it.

487
00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:29,021
I got the kids sleeping
right here.

488
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:30,489
-It's a nice touch.
-Plus, you saved me

489
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:34,093
from a reddit wormhole
of fluppy mythology.

490
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:36,328
Aren't they all just facets
of the human soul?

491
00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:39,198
Okay, so I'm the only one that
hasn't made that connection?

492
00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:41,734
Wait a minute.
Emma's buried at work?

493
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:43,335
I thought she was quitting.

494
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,571
Apparently that's TBD.

495
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,506
I beg your pardon?

496
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:49,175
Yeah. You know, there's
a version of this

497
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:50,709
where we all end up
moving to Seattle.

498
00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:53,546
Why in God's name
would you move to Seattle?

499
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,114
If Emma makes managing partner,

500
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:59,018
she's gonna make, like,
a billion dollars.

501
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:00,853
Okay, but what about you?
You okay with that?

502
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:02,354
You're just gonna leave
If it was up to me,
everything?

503
00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:04,256
I'd move back to
Hawthorne Heights tomorrow.

504
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:06,892
You know that.
What about Izzy? She wants
to move to Seattle?

505
00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:11,030
No clue. We had sex just so
we could stop talking about it.

506
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,533
I thought the whole move here
was Emma gets pregnant,

507
00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:17,136
snaps the fuck out of it,
and comes home.

508
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:21,173
I guess that was the plan
originally, but...

509
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:25,945
I don't know, man.

510
00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:28,480
I mean, I...I guess...

511
00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:31,016
[ Ball bouncing ]

512
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,721
Don't move.

513
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:37,456
I will not. I will stay
perfectly still.

514
00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:38,891
-I won't even breathe.
-Okay.

515
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:41,527
I mean, don't leave
Portland, Jack.

516
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,529
[ Scoffs ]

517
00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:46,031
I lost Emma once just
because I was too fixated

518
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:50,970
on my version of our life.
I can't do that again.

519
00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:53,872
What if I cry?
Will that change anything?

520
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:56,408
It would make me immediately
lose all respect for you.

521
00:22:56,408 --> 00:22:59,144
Mm-hmm. You wanna go back
to playing basketball?

522
00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:01,013
-I would love that, yeah.
-Dave: Okay.

523
00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:09,154
[ Pronto's "I Think So"
playing ]

524
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:11,056
[ Clears throat ]

525
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:12,491
Hey, you're back so soon.

526
00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:15,327
Yeah. I somehow
I ended up at the zoo.

527
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:17,096
-I'm drunk.
-Oh.

528
00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:20,132
Yeah.
Who squeezes more of
a 5-hour break than you, huh?

529
00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:23,435
[ Chuckles ] Uh...

530
00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:25,638
Look, I've, uh, been
giving it a lot of thought,

531
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:30,109
and what if you really are
Mr. Right There in Front of Me?

532
00:23:30,109 --> 00:23:32,945
♪♪

533
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:34,513
Well, how do we find out?

534
00:23:34,513 --> 00:23:37,283
Well, we need to kiss again.

535
00:23:37,283 --> 00:23:38,917
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

536
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,853
I mean, it could've
been a fluke,

537
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:45,124
like you closed your eyes
and accidentally hit a home run.

538
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,525
I'm so happy
to hear you say that,

539
00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,093
'cause I felt like
I made solid contact.

540
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:50,663
-Mm-hmm.
-Andy: Hey.

541
00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:53,098
♪♪

542
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:56,702
What's a big, dumb,
regretful asshole gotta do

543
00:23:56,702 --> 00:23:58,437
to get a drink around here?

544
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:01,607
♪♪

545
00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:06,545
♪ It's hard to say it's over ♪

546
00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:12,685
with you ♪
♪ After being so in love

547
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,586
♪ Even though ♪

548
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:18,090
♪ I can't get over you ♪

549
00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:21,060
♪ 'Cause I'm always sure ♪

550
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:31,070
♪♪

551
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,639
♪♪